Whenever You Call
by Blueking141
Summary: Bella was always curious of the green-eyed man and outcast in the corner table of the coffee shop. When they finally meet, she is amazed by him, but she doesn't know what she got herself into. Will the dark side of Edward cause Bella to give up on him?
1. Prologue

BPOV

I answered the phone and heard the heavy panting of the scared little girl on the other end of the line. As I registered who it was, it was then that her broken voice called out to me. "Bella!"

"Alice? What's wrong, honey?"

I could hear a big bang in the background that was followed by some yelling. I would know that yell anywhere. I was already putting my homework down on the coffee table and going to find my shoes. "They came over, Bella." Alice whispered in a shaky voice.

_Oh for fucks sake, shit!_ As soon as my shoes were on, I was out the door. "Do you know what they wanted?" I was already in my car at this point. He lived about five minutes away and I hoped I would be able to get there before he hurts himself. I hated when he did that, even though I knew he couldn't really control it.

"They wanted me back, but I don't want to go Bella!" She said frantically and I could already tell she was crying.

"You don't have to go, Alice. I promise. Where are you?"

"I am in my room with the door locked like you said."

"Okay, good girl." I panted out as I breathed a sigh of relief. It's not that I think Edward would hurt her intentionally. He would never, ever do that! However he isn't himself when this happens. I mentally prepared myself on the way there for seeing the man I love so deeply, act so destructive. He wasn't normally like that. Sure he could get on my nerves every once in a while, and he can get in some seriously pissy moods, but he was a good man and he was my everything.

"I am right outside; I will be up in a second okay?" Hurriedly I made my way out of the car.

"Okay." She said. I opened the front door of the apartment building with the key I had. I ran up the stairs to the third floor and went to open the front door. It was locked, so I just used my key. I took a steadying breath when I saw the condition of the apartment. _Oh God. _Vases, picture frames, glasses, and lamps were broken on the floor. The couch and the coffee table were flipped over and I saw a speck of blood on the hardwood floors. He wasn't in the living room, so I ran to go find him, since I knew Alice would be safe, albeit a little scared, for the time being. I went to his room, and found him there. The standup mirror that was in there was now shattered all over the floor.

Edward was standing in front of it. His hands were bloody…his shoulders moving up and down with the deep breaths his was taking. He didn't know I was there; he was just looking at himself in what was left of the mirror. He pulled his fist back to strike it again, but I intervened.

"Edward, stop!" I yelled as I ran over to him. He flinched away from me as soon as I put my hand on his shoulder. He flinched away so fast he lost his balance and fell against the wall.

After he looked at me his eyes filled with pain and embarrassment and of course the anger.

"Bella." He said, like I was a ghost.

I took a step towards him. "Baby…what did you do?" My voice cracked because I wish he never had to feel like this. He started to panic as I got closer to him, and he avoided my grasp and walked past me to the other side of the room. "Edward…please."

"Just fucking leave, Bella." He yelled and my chest burned.

"I am not going anywhere."

"Then you must be pretty fucking stupid then." You would think him saying something like that would hurt me. Well it does, but it also comforted me in a sick and twisted way. It comforted me because I knew that when he said stuff like that, it wasn't _my_ Edward. He was in there. But that's when he needs me most, because he has no control. Maybe I have been doing too much research, but it comforted me to know there was hope for him.

"Come on, we need to clean up your hands." I said as I walked toward him again. I wasn't ever afraid of him even in this state…I love him.

"Just let me bleed." He said and moved away from me once again.

"Edward…stop." I said with more force and grabbed onto his arms. He tried pushing me away, but I wasn't having it. I had him cornered against the wall, and I knew that I had won because even in this condition, I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I put my hands up to either side of his face to get him to pay full attention to me. As my hands pressed against his sweating face I thanked God that I was able to touch him like this now. I remember a time when he would flinch away at my touch and get so uncomfortable because he didn't know what affection was and how to accept it. My poor Edward.

I saw his anger slowly fade away as he stared into my eyes and I was glad I could have that effect on him. "They can't take her, Bella." His voice was laced with desperation.

"They won't, baby. They won't." I said and ran my hands down his face.

"I don't want her to turn out like me." His voice cracked at the last word and a tear fell from his eye. "She has to be better than me." I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me as he cried. He wrapped his arms around me, and leaned on me for support. He was probably getting blood all over my shirt, but I didn't care.

"Shh..." I said into his ear while rubbing his back. "There is nothing wrong with you, baby. There is absolutely nothing wrong."

* * *

_I won't ever be too far away to feel you_  
_And I won't hesitate at all_  
_Whenever you call_  
_And I'll always remember_  
_The part of you so tender_  
_I'll be the one to catch your fall_  
_Whenever you call_  
_And I will breathe for you each day_  
_Comfort you through all the pain_  
_Gently kiss your fears away_  
_You can turn to me and cry_  
_Always understand that I_  
_Give you all I have inside_

_****__Whenever You Call, by Brian McKnight ft_. Mariah Carey 

* * *

**So maybe I am crazy, but as you can see I have started another fic. I couldn't help it though because this story just hit me two nights ago and I just had to write it. So now I have three stories I am juggling (Mockingbird, my joint project with AlexaET, and this one), so I am going to have to ask everyone to be patient with me. Anyone who has read my other stuff knows I update often, so just know that I will always try to update AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. But I am only human! Lol **

**Big huge thanks to my pre-reader and FFBFF Alexa (AlexaET or AlexaUrce on Twitter). Alexa is freaking awesome and she has a story that I think everyone should read called 'The Beauty of His Eyes'. We are also working on a project together that will be out soon! **

**And also a thank you to my betas Emily (theladyreads on Twitter) and VRon (VronniePantz on Twitter). You both are amazing and thanks so much for doing this! **

**I hope you all like it so far! I have a lot of plans for this one! So if you have something to say…say it! (preferably something nice lol) I will update ASAP! **

**Review please! **


	2. Chapter 1: New Soul

**Chapter 1: New Soul **

**BPOV **

"I wish you didn't have to go so far away, honey!" My mom whined into the phone. _I_ wish she didn't call me all the time crying about how I moved away and how much it upsets her I wish she didn't call me all the time crying about how I moved away and how much it upsets her. She always made me feel like shit and I hated it.

How about a _'Hello daughter, how is the real-world? How are you? How is school?'_ Nope it's always got to be about _her_. It is my first year in college and my mom calls me crying saying how much she wishes I was home. _Just give me some space please! _

"Mom, please," I said and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I am 19 years old; I am fine on my own." I was going to get a headache and it wasn't even seven in the morning yet.

"Are you sure? You have been eating properly and your house is clean right? I know how rowdy college girls can be."

"Mom, I have been here for a month and I am still alive, so I would have to say I have been eating. And I know Tanya and Angela, and so do you…they aren't that rowdy." That last part was a lie, but they weren't that bad.

I grew up with Tanya and Angela. They were twins, and total opposites, but they were the same at the same time, it was weird. They both looked alike, except Tanya's hair was lighter than Angela's. They both had the same interests when it came to the basic stuff like food and music, but they both had different presences. Tanya was more outgoing and loud and Angela was more reserved I guess. Well she was reserved in high school, it seems like she had changed and was becoming more outgoing.

Anyways, they were also both what you would call 'party girls'. So I have had to lock myself in my room a number of nights, or just go escape to the library when there were parties at the apartment we rented together . My escape plan was also needed and also when they brought guys over…ugh…that was always awkward. _Headphones, remember to buy headphones Bella._

"Okay well if you say so. I just miss you, baby." And now bring on cue the tears. I used to feel bad the first few days, but now it didn't really phase me. She just cried all the time! _I wonder if I can make money off of her tears? _

"I will be home for Christmas, Mom."

"I know, but that is two months away! It is so lonely over here…it is just me and your father and…" She started talking some more but I just moved the phone away from my ear so I didn't have to hear all of it. I wasn't being rude, because I know I have heard it all before…_so_ many times before.

I loved my mom and my dad a whole lot, I mean who doesn't love their parents? But sometimes they were a little overbearing and they drove me insane.

"Bella come on already!" Tanya called from outside my door.

"Mom." I said to stop her talking and pay attention to me. "Mom, I have to go."

"What? Why?"

"The girls and I are going for breakfast and then I have class. I've got to go." I said as I was getting my black and white plaid pea coat on.

I usually don't dress up for class, but I had a job interview right after school. I was applying to be a teacher's aide for a fifth grade class at the local elementary school. I was hoping and praying I would get the job because it would be a good great experience for me. Teaching was my passion, and has been for a while now so this was a good start for me.

She sighed. "Alright, well I will call back later. I love you, Bella. I love you so much, baby girl."

"Love you too, Mom. I will talk to you later." We said goodbye, and I was finally able to leave before the girls were going to kill me.

I jumped into the back of Tanya's car and she started driving towards_ Bassanio's. _I don't care what anyone said; _Bassanio's _had the best coffee in the world, and the best chocolate chip muffins. Going there two times a week I am sure is a little bad for my health but death by _Bassanio's _muffins seemed like a good way to go.

"So what do you both have planned today?" I asked both girls from the back seat.

Angela was applying some lip gloss and fixing her hair using the mirror. She smacked her lips before answering. "We are having a party that I think you should come to."

"I don't know, maybe." I said. It's not that I didn't like to party, because I did, but lately since I started college I just felt like I didn't have the time. All of my classes left me doing a lot of work that most of the time takes me hours every day. By the time it was time to party, I was ready to sleep.

"Oh my God, Bella. Since when did you turn into an old lady?"

I gasped. "I am not like an old lady!"

"Yes you are!" Angela said and turned in her seat. "In high school you were so much fun! We went to parties every weekend Bella! Now we throw parties nearly every night, and nearly every night you are absent."

I knew they were right, and I felt bad about it, I wish I could go back to being like my old self, but being on my own really changed me. I don't know how to explain it, but when I first stepped into my apartment, I realized that I was advancing, I was moving on in life. I knew what I wanted, and I wanted to get it. I graduated high school, and looked back at that time and I realized I never really accomplished anything of any value. I figured I could change that and start fresh with college. I want to be a teacher with a real future, and that just seems more important to me than going to parties. "I will try to make it tonight."

"Mhm…sure you will." Tanya said. I just sighed because I didn't need them making me feel bad. This was my future we were talking about. I was never really the best in school, but I wanted to change that. I wanted to do something more. I wanted to _be_ more.

We drove up to _Bassanio's _and I felt like an addict when I walked fast to the door to get some of that wonderful coffee. The girls must have felt the same way because they were right beside me. We headed straight for the cash register, and thankfully there weren't a lot of people here. I looked quickly to the corner booth to see if he was there. Of course he was; he always was.

After we placed our orders and waited, Tanya nudged me on the arm. "Looks like 'Untitled' is here." She whispered into my ear. I just nodded my head.

Angela leaned over from my other side. "Oh I forgot to tell you! I know his name now!"

"What?" Tanya said, so excited by this little piece of news.

It seemed so insignificant to me. Actually that is not true. It is very significant to me to find out that guy's name, but it was for different reasons than the girls. They want to know his name because it was a like a game for everyone in town to crack the code of what his name was. He always used different names whenever anyone asked him, so it was a big mystery. I on the other hand would like to know his name because the man was the most beautiful creature I have ever laid my eyes upon. It always baffled me how the first thing someone could say about him when they saw him was 'oh that guy is s freak!' and not 'wow, he is dreamy.' I had a crush on the town freak and it drove me crazy. The stories about him were none to pleasant, but there was just something about him that I couldn't put my finger on.

I didn't tell this to the girls though, and nor will I ever. _Hell-to-the-no_. I don't need the harassing.

"I will tell you when we sit down." Angela said. Tanya nodded, and I did nothing. I don't really care…well I do…I just think this game was asinine. We finally got our stuff and went to sit down. We ended up sitting at a table where I would have him in my view. Only my eyes at the moment were trained on the muffin in front of me.

"Okay so spill. What did you hear?" Tanya asked Angela who was sitting beside her.

I was by myself on the other side, I peaked a glance at him. He had his beanie covering his head and with his hand he swirled his spoon in his coffee. He looked deep in thought, and actually looked harmless at that moment. Although I knew that man was not harmless at all, at least that's what I thought.

"Well apparently his name was Winston." Angela said proudly and took a bite of her blueberry muffin.

Tanya coughed on her coffee. "Winston? That crazy dude's name is Winston?"

"_Was."_ Angela emphasized. "His name was Winston and he changed it right before he came into town like six or seven years ago I guess."

"Well what did he change it to?" Tanya asked anxiously.

"Manson." Angela said with a look of pride in her face. "You know? Like that serial killer, Charles Manson."

Tanya gasped. "He changed his name to have the same name as a serial killer?" She was getting excited with the news and I began to get agitated for some reason. Maybe it was because I could see his eyes lift up to look in our direction for a second and he sighed. This story really was a bunch of bull shit. Well at least it seemed like it to me. I really don't think this guy would change his name to Manson.

"Where did you hear this?" I asked and took a sip of my coffee.

"Oh some guy at Jamie's last night who knows a guy who knows the judge that changed it for him." Right after that I decided I didn't want to listen anymore. The guy obviously didn't want people to know his name for some strange, odd reason. But it was his business; I don't get what the fascination was. I have heard so many of them that he supposedly used; Michael Jackson, Shrek, Bubba, Batman, River, Mikey, Chuckie, Homer…you name it, he has used it. This is the weirdest thing I have ever heard, but for some reason it intrigued me. _Why was he like that?_

I was snapped out of my thinking when a straw wrapper was thrown at my face. "So are you going to do it, Bella?" Tanya asked.

"Do what?"

"Go over and ask him his name!" Angela said.

"What! No way! I am not just going to go up to the guy and ask his name."

"Why not?" Tanya asked.

"Because I don't even know him!"

"Old lady!" Tanya teased.

"Bella really, you need to just loosen up a bit, you are starting to make me feel stressed out." Angela added. "You are turning into such a square."

"I am not a square! I just don't want to go over there and harass the guy; he obviously doesn't want people to know his name, so just drop it already, my God."

"Well of course he doesn't want people to know his name because he has destroyed almost every bar in the city, and he even flipped out here! The guy is psychotic!" Tanya said. For some reason her calling him that made my hands clench into fists. "Come on, Bella."

"No!"

Tanya shook her head. "I can't believe you have changed so much."

"I haven't even changed that much!" I cried out in frustration.

"Prove it then." Angela said. I hesitated because I did want to prove to them, and maybe even myself, that I was still fun Bella. I was so outgoing in high school, I was the most popular girl with a number of boyfriends. But that seemed like ages ago now.

"You know what, I bet you $20 that you will not walk over to that guy and ask his name…no wait actually, let me raise the stakes. I bet you can't get his name and his number."

"I can." _What am I saying? I can't do that! I want his name and his number, but not like this! No, wait! I don't want his number, he is the town psycho! _

"Then go get him, bitch!" Angela said and I groaned as I got up from the seat.

Both of them did a mini squeal and started clapping. I don't even know why I was doing this but I felt so fucking nervous as I was walking towards him. I tried to bring back the old Bella, the one that would walk up to anyone and demand their attention. This will probably only be five minutes of my life I will have to endure, so I think I can do it. All I have to do is be the old me for a bit.

Plus, I heard that if you talk to him he will just be an asshole to you, so hopefully that will get me turned off a little bit. _Yep, that's it, asshole mystery guy is better than attractive mystery guy! _

So with that mindset, I walked right up to his booth and slipped into the seat in front of him. I folded my hands in front of me and waited for him to look at me. He didn't though, and it was very awkward. I took those couple of seconds though to just ogle at him. His strong jaw line was so defined and I just wanted to run my finger along it. His long fingers held the spoon in the most alluring way. I could see little pieces of reddish-brown hair sticking out from his beanie. I don't understand how no one else sees how good looking he is. All they see is the psycho freak that destroyed _Mike's_ that one time. I didn't really know much about it because it was about five years ago and I wasn't living here, but it was big news.

I cleared my throat to get his attention, and when I did he finally looked up. I got a flash of his eyes that were a dark green color. The green was beautiful, but it wasn't their color that struck me. It was what I saw in them. I can't really pinpoint what it was, but it took the breath out of me, and made me feel bad for some reason.

"Hello." I said. "I'm Bella."

He looked at me quizzically, but then it seemed his face completely changed. His face went to one of confusion, to one of nothingness. He was putting on a mask, but nothing could mask that look in his eyes. Those damn eyes.

"Hello, Bella." He said, not looking amused at all. He actually seemed bored.

"So how is it going?"

"Just dandy, Bella." He deadpanned.

"Uh…so what kind of coffee is that?"

"Black with two sugars."

"Oh…um that's cool."

"Yes, I suppose it is, Bella." I didn't know what else to say and I made the mistake of making eye contact with him. It seemed like his eyes were a livewire to my senses. Everything just seemed clearer in that moment and my body burned with an unusual feeling. He looked away.

"So can you stop trying to act nice to me and trying to be friendly and just get to the point, Bella?" He kept on saying my name after almost every sentence and it was rather odd.

"Uh…um…I don't know what you are talking about."

He let out a humorless laugh. "Oh but you do, Bella. What was the bet for? What do you need from me to make that money?"

"There was no bet…"

"I know there was, Bella. It always is a bet. No one comes to talk to me because they feel like it and shit…I don't blame them; but this constant flow of people coming over here trying to get information out the town's attraction that is me, really pisses me off so can we just get to the point so I can finish my coffee and leave?" I was stunned at his words and I felt like the biggest bitch there ever was.

Of course he would feel that way. I never see him sitting with anyone else, and everyone only approaches him to find out his name or to just say they talked to him. It was like some kind of accomplishment…and right now I was one of those people.

"Just tell me, Bella. I don't care what it is, I really just want to be alone. Especially today..." He said. He sounded tired and I wanted to cry for making someone feel like he was probably feeling. _And what does he mean by especially today?_ I wanted to know these things, but I think asking him would only get him more pissed at me.

I cleared my throat. "It was nothing." I said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…I am not a bad person." I don't know why I said it, but the idea of him thinking I was some kind of lowly person who likes to screw with other people's feelings for pleasure made me want to just run away from here.

"Look, I don't need to know anything about your life, and you don't need to know about mine so let's just leave it at that." He said and took a sip of his coffee. Up close now I noticed how tired he looked…and how handsome.

"Do you think we could start over…I promise I am not saying this just because…I wouldn't mind talking to you if you let me." I was grasping at strings but I really did want to know more about him, and I was feeling guilty for what I did to him.

He stared at me for a minute, and for a second I thought he was going to agree to talk to me and my hopes went up. "You want to know why I don't want people to know my name, Bella?" He asked and I didn't even answer. "Well since you say you are a good person, I am sure you won't share this with anyone." I nodded. "I don't want to know people or their names, so they don't need to know mine. Plus, no one really wants to know me, Bella."

"What does that mean?" I asked, my brows furrowing at his comment.

"It means I just want to be alone. You have already got your little story to tell your friends, now please just leave me alone." I didn't move…yes I was stubborn, but I felt like I was going to cry because of how he might view me right now. I wanted so bad to fix this.

As he was talking to me, he did not seem psychotic. He was guarded obviously, but his eyes showed that he was more than just the psycho everyone talked about. If anything, this man was very misunderstood, and I wanted desperately to understand.

"Fine." He said and started to scoot out of the booth. He put his hand in his back jean pocket and pulled out his wallet. He placed a five dollar bill on the table and he placed a 20 in front of me. "I know you are going to lose your bet, but I wouldn't want to deprive you of the money that obviously means so much to you." He said and then walked away.

"No wait!" I said and started to walk after him. Everyone I am sure was staring, but my eyes were on his retreating form. "Take this back!" I said, but he was already out the door. I stood at the door and bit my lip to hold back my tears. I felt like such a bitch…a bully really.

I turned around and my face turned red when I saw everyone staring. Thankfully the girls were getting up and walking towards me. So I just walked out of the shop and saw him drive off in his old black truck. I walked quickly back to Tanya's car.

"Bella!" Angela called. I turned around. "What happened? Did he hurt you? You look like you are going to cry!"

"No, he didn't. Can we just leave?" I asked. Tanya was coming up behind her.

"What did he say? Did he tell you his name?" Tanya asked excitedly.

"No! Fuck! He didn't tell me his name and so the fuck what?" I yelled. "My God, why don't you both just get a fucking life and forget about his name! How old are you?" I asked rhetorically. I didn't mean to snap at them, but that man had my emotions all over the place. I saw the look of hurt on their faces, and I felt like a bitch once again. I didn't even say anything else, and I turned to walk to the sidewalk.

"Bella! Where are you going?" Tanya called after me. The apartment was a short walk from here, and then I can get my car to go to campus. I just need to be alone.

"I will call you guys later, just please leave me be." I said. They both looked like they weren't going to fight me, and I was glad. I wrapped my arms around myself to protect myself from the cold as much as I could.

I just want to be left alone…just like him.

* * *

"I believe that I am very capable of doing this job, because it really is not just a job to me. Teaching is something I want to do because I believe I can help kids learn, and I love working with children. It is what I was meant to do." I said to the principal of the school.

The interview was now closing up, and this was the part where I had to pretty much get haughty and talk about how awesome I am.

I didn't feel so awesome though.

"Well okay then!" Mr. Winters said and got up from his chair to shake my hand. I got up as well and shook his. "I don't usually do this on the spot Ms. Swan, but you are hired!"

I had to force myself to shut my mouth that was falling open, shocked that he was hiring me on the spot. I thought for sure I was going to ruin this interview with the way I was feeling.

The guilt was overpowering and made me feel like I was going to start crying at any second. The no-named guy's eyes just kept flashing before my eyes and the sadness and frustration struck me every time like I was the one feeling it…not him.

"Wow…um…thank you!" I said and smiled genuinely now. _I got the job! The job I always wanted! _Well I wanted to be a teacher, but this was a good start.

"You are very welcome." He let go of my hand and then walked over to the other side of his desk so he was right beside me. "Now let me take you over to the secretary so we can get some paper work done if that is alright with you."

"Alright? That is perfect! Wow, thank you so much." I said as I stuck my hand out to him again. He laughed and shook mine again.

"No need to keep thanking me, Ms. Swan. You know that is what you will be called around here."

"That sounds great." I replied excitedly.

Mr. Winters smiled again, he was an older man. He actually told me that he would be retiring in just two years. He had a balding head with thin white hair. He had laugh lines around his eyes and he seemed like a nice guy.

He led me out of the room and towards where the secretary was. "Mrs. Watson." He called to her as she was very concentrated on whatever she was doing on the computer screen. She looked up and smiled kindly. Everyone seemed nice here, and I was getting excited to work here. "This is Ms. Swan, the new teacher's aide, so can you get the paper work for her and send her over to Mrs. Wright to get her salary and working schedule situated. I have a board meeting in 30 minutes."

"Sure, but I think you may need something to do before that meeting." She said.

He sighed. "Who is it this time?" He asked. I wondered if they got a lot of misbehaving children here. I am sure I will find out.

"It is your favorite 1st grader Mr. Winters." She said with a smile. It seems like this first grader is a frequent visitor to the principal's office, but they both didn't seem so angry to be seeing her again.

"What has little Alice done this time?" Mr. Winters asked with a slightly exasperated voice.

"Well according to her teacher, she glued her spelling test to the desk."

I tried to hold in my laugh as soon as she said that. I thought I would for sure get fired if I laughed at something like that, but that was something I have never heard of before. Apparently it wasn't that bad though because Mr. Winters let out a hearty chuckle at the news. I was glad he did, because I then was able to let out my laugh.

He looked over at me. "Alice does these things all the time. I am sure you will get to know of her real soon."

"She sounds…interesting."

"She is. The stuff she does is funny, but of course I can't let her know that it is alright. She gets calls home and notes home all the time." He told me, and I nodded my head. It is good to know that they didn't allow such behavior just slip. I have read some stories in the textbooks of what happens when children aren't disciplined correctly at school or even at home. It is never good.

He looked like he was going to say something but then a very frustrated woman walked in followed by a little girl that I deduced was Alice. She was a small girl, very skinny. She had long, straight, dirty-blonde hair that was resting just a little below her shoulder. She had a pretty round face with big brown eyes. She was wearing a pair of leggings with a bright baby blue ruffled skirt that was close to her knees as well as a black shirt with a bright baby-blue butterfly on it. Her outfit was really pretty but the beat up old black Converses kind of threw it off, but it worked. She was a beautiful little girl.

She pushed her hair out of her face and behind her ears. "Mr. Winters. I did something bad; I think you should send me home." She said dramatically as she walked over to him.

"Nice try, Ms. Cullen but that is not going to happen." He said, and I could tell he was trying to hold back a smile. He gestured her towards him. "Now what did you do?" He asked.

"Nothing."

"Alice, I know you weren't sent here for nothing."

"I think I was."

"You know if you keep lying your punishment will only get worse."

"Aww…come on Mr. Winters." She whined and put a pout on her face.

"Nope. Can you just tell me your side of the story?"

She lifted her little fist before her in a convicting manner and exclaimed. "I plead the fifth! I plead the fifth!"

I had to turn away to not show her that I was laughing at what she was saying. _Where did she get that from?_

Mr. Winters sighed. "I guess this is going to take longer than I planned. Let's go, Alice, step into my office."

She sighed. "Fine." She stomped over to him and stomped dramatically the whole way to his office sort of looking like a duck. I finally let out a small chuckle, and so did Mrs. Watson.

"She is one piece of work." She said while shaking her head.

"How does he even begin to discipline her, she seems like such a great kid." I said.

"Well she definitely has her moments, Ms. Swan. Poor girl has had a tough life."

I instantly felt bad for that little girl who was just beyond the door that was about 10 feet away from me. I didn't ask Mrs. Watson anymore questions about her because it wasn't my business, and she wasn't my responsibility, but my heart still hurt for that little girl. She seemed so full of life. The sadness I felt for little Alice just seemed to resurrect the sadness I felt while thinking of that man at the coffee shop and how I treated him.

And cue the guilt once again.

I walked out of the school about an hour after we started doing all of the paper work. There was so much many things to sign off on, but eventually I made it out of there. I start working next Monday.

I walked toward my car that was parked on the street. There were a lot of cars in front of the school because the kids were going to be dismissed in only 10 minutes, so I started walking faster to my car so I wasn't stuck in traffic. I pulled out of my spot and started down the street. I turned the corner and drove down the next street.

I could see there was a crosswalk ahead, and there was someone waiting at the corner. As I got closer, my heart rate picked up at who was standing at that crosswalk.

He didn't look into my car, so I don't think he knew it was me, but he lifted his hand in thank you for letting him cross. He wasn't wearing his beanie anymore and I could see his soft looking hair blowing in the wind. I had to grip tightly onto the steering wheel to prevent myself from jumping out of the car and getting on my knees before him in the middle of the street to beg him for forgiveness. After another car beeped behind me, I was taken shaken from out of my train of thought.

I pressed on the gas, and tried to see if I could see him in my rear-view mirror, but I couldn't unfortunately. His face filled my mind the whole way home and I just wanted it to go away! The guilt was almost too much.

I made it home in no time and walked up to our apartment. Tanya and Angela weren't home yet so it was pretty much silent in the house. I walked over to the iPod dock and put my iPod in and started playing some music. I put it loud enough so I could hear it throughout the house so I could start cleaning up a little. I don't even know why I was going to do it, because it would only get destroyed by the party, but whatever, I needed the distraction.

First I needed to change my clothes so I went to my room and got some sweatpants and an old t-shirt out. I took off my blouse and then I unbuttoned the black dress pants I had on and then let them fall to the floor. I heard something else fall and when I looked down, I saw a crumbled up 20 dollar bill. The guilt came rushing back again and a lump formed in my throat. I bent down and picked up the bill. I uncrumbled it and flattened it out in my hands.

I decided right then that I would in no way use this bill ever. I won't use it because I was going to give it back to him. He may not take it back right away, but I was going to fix things with him if it was the last thing I did.

Knowing that he probably thinks I am a horrible person was something I don't think I would ever get over. The effect this guy had on me was beyond all reason, but I was going to find it out.

I was going to figure him out.

* * *

_I'm a new soul  
I came to this strange world  
Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.  
But since I came here  
Felt the joy and the fear  
Finding myself making every possible mistake  
I'm a young soul in this very strange world  
Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake.  
But why all this hate?_

_**New Soul, by Yael Naim**_

**I hope everyone enjoyed the first official chapter! **

**Thanks to the wonderful and amazing FFBFF and pre-reader Alexa for being your awesome self and pre-reading for me :]**

**Also thanks to my betas VRon and Emily, you girls seriously are so great! Thanks for all your help! **

**I will update as soon as possible :]**

**So what do you think?**

**Review Please! **


	3. Chapter 2: Follow Through

**Chapter 2: Follow Through**

**BPOV**

I walked as quietly as I could outside my room. It was only six in the morning and I didn't want to wake Angela and Tanya. I didn't have work until 7:30, but I needed to make it to the coffee shop before then.

I tiptoed over to the door, so I could just slip out unnoticed. I had been doing this for three days already because I didn't want all of the questions. Angela and Tanya were both very nosey, and they would want to know why I had been leaving an hour and a half early for work, if they realized I was doing so. I didn't want to tell them I was desperate to talk with the no-named-guy at the coffee shop. It was strange because I had been going there every day since my last encounter with him, and he hadn't been there.

I never stopped going though…and I wouldn't.

I heard a door open down the hall. _Oh shit. _I stopped dead in my tracks desperately hoping whoever it was that was awake wouldn't interrogate me. I had no such luck though as I saw Angela turn the corner and her sleepy eyes fell on me.

"Bella?" She asked groggily and wiped her eyes. She was obviously hung over, with the way she was looking at me. Last night they went to a party and I had to leave our place at two in the morning to go pick their drunken asses up.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?" I whispered so I didn't wake Tanya as well. She was even worse when it came to the nosiness.

"No, I kind of just woke up…I don't know. Where are you going?"

I cleared my throat. "Oh…uh…" _Think of something, idiot! _"I have to go to work early this morning." _She would believe that, right?_

"Oh, that sucks," she said, then turned to walk to the kitchen. _Oh right, she is hung over. She doesn't have the energy to fight. _"See you later, Bella," she said.

"See ya," I said. I walked out and did an internal fist pump at getting out of that so easily. I made it out to the car and cranked up the heat as soon as I got inside. It was only the beginning of October, but it was getting really chilly. I plugged my iPod into the adapter to play some music.

During the whole drive over to the coffee shop, I only thought of one thing. No, it wasn't the delicious muffin, or the cup of heaven that I usually looked forward to from there. No, it was _him_. Well, it was his sad green eyes staring back at me more than anything else, because I didn't really know anything else about him. I was actually getting a little frustrated with the way that man had me all wrapped up in him while knowing pretty much nothing about him, but the way he looks. I don't even know his name!

I didn't know anything about him, and yet, he was on my mind all the time. I just figured it was because of the guilt I carried for what I did to him. _Yeah, that has to be it_. So, that was why I wanted him to be there! I needed him to be there so I could give him his twenty dollars back, and get his damn face out of my head before I lost my mind.

I pulled up to the coffee shop and looked around to see if his car was there. I felt like a creepy stalker, but I wasn't hurting anyone. I was just a guilty person wanting to make a mends with a mysterious man that I knew nothing about except that he destroys bars and coffee shops…allegedly.

I walked into the coffee shop, and he wasn't there. Once I got my coffee and muffin, I went and sat in his booth to wait for him, at least until I needed to go to work. I had been doing this for three days now and my curiosity towards him was growing. Every single time I have been to this coffee shop in the morning, he has been here. There literally wasn't a day when I walked through the doors and he wasn't in that booth. Until now.

My suspicions were only peaking when he wasn't there at all the days following when I talked to him. _Did he stop coming here because of me? Or was it just coincidence? _

My phone started vibrating in my pocket and I sighed. I took it out and saw that it was my Dad calling. "Hello?"

"Hey, Bells! How's it going?" Even though I was all messed up over this whole mystery guy thing, it felt good to hear from my Daddy.

"It's going good, Dad. How are you?"

"Eh…I'm alright, just fighting crime and all that."

I laughed because my Dad's job as Fork's police chief was actually pretty tame. My Dad loved his job, but they weren't that busy over at Fork's police station, so he spent most of his time playing card games with the guys.

"Oh yeah, I bet you risk your life every day!"

He laughed and it made me miss home, just a little bit. My Dad could be overbearing sometimes, but he wasn't as bad as my Mom. Most of the time he was really laid back, and I liked that about him.

"Okay, serious now, how is school?"

"It is great! I really actually enjoy it. I mean homework sucks, but teaching is something I want to do, so it is worth it," I heard the door of the coffee shop open, and I looked over. It wasn't him.

"That's great, Bella! Hey, I was thinking, what if me and your Mom come and visit you next weekend?" He asked, sounding nervous. I didn't know what he was so nervous about. It's not like I would have said no.

"Yeah! That would be great. How long will you be staying?"

"Oh, we will be there on Saturday, and then leave on Sunday. We won't stay that long. Just long enough to see how things are going over there with you."

"Alright, cool. I will just let the girls know that you both will be staying with us." The door opened again, I looked; not him.

"No, no, we will just stay at a hotel or something. No big deal. We don't want to impose on your friends."

"No. Absolutely not. I am sure they will understand." Well, at least I hoped they would.

"You sure?" He asked, skeptically.

"Yes, I am."

"Alright, if you say so. Well I got to head to work, kid."

I was kind of hoping to talk to him a little longer. "Okay. Bye! Love you, Dad."

"Love you, too, kid."

* * *

I sat at my desk and was almost finished with correcting the papers. I was working in a 5th grade classroom with Mr. Ferreira. I was just his aide, so I pretty much just did whatever he told me to do. He had two prep periods in the day and in that time, I would take over. In between those times, he would give me papers to grade, or he would make me run around the school for him to make copies and all that fun stuff.

At that moment, Mr. Ferreira was out of the room while the kids were taking another test. I was lucky and got a really good class. Of course, there were a couple of trouble-makers, but overall, they were good kids.

I finished correcting my last paper just as Mr. Ferreira walked in, a fresh coffee in hand. He came up to my desk.

Mr. Ferreira was in his late twenties. I'm not going to lie, he isn't that bad looking. He had short blonde hair, blue eyes, a muscular build, and a great smile. He was married with three kids, already.

"Are you all set, Ms. Swan?" He asked.

"Yes, I just finished."

"Alright, you can just go off for a break until 10. I am just going to be doing a lesson."

"Oh, okay. Well, I will be back then." I whispered as I got up from my chair.

He gave me a thumbs-up with the hand that wasn't holding the cup to his face. I slipped out of the room and made my way down to the office. I usually went down there when I had free time to make sure Mrs. Watson had some help, if she needed it.

When I walked in, I could see she was on the phone with someone. She gave me a small smile and a wave. I went behind her desk and sat down on a chair to wait. She seemed to be talking to a parent about who was going to be picking up their child. When she was done, she spun in her chair to face me.

"How's it going, Ms. Swan?"

"It's going good. You need help with anything?"

She sighed. "Um…yeah. I think I can find something for you to do, but you know you don't have to do any of this, Bella. It's not a part of your job."

"I know, but I like to keep myself busy. I get bored, if I just sit around."

She laughed. "I know what you mean. Here," she said and handed me a stack of papers, "Can you just put these in alphabetical order?"

"Sure." I sat down at the other desk in the office and got started.

Mrs. Watson and I started talking. We always talked when I came to the office and she was a very nice lady. She definitely worked hard. I never realized how much work it took to be a secretary, but it seemed like she never stopped moving.

"So, where is Mr. Winters today?" I asked.

"He has meetings all morning and…" She was going to continue, but the phone started ringing. She held her finger up to me when she went to answer it.

"Mrs. Watson speaking," she answered. She jumped and her eyes bugged out of her head and I could hear someone yelling on the other line. "What is she doing….have Greg bring her down if you can't contain her…alright." She hung up the phone and got up from the chair. "Come with me, Bella."

She started walking quickly out of the room, and I followed her.

"What's going on?" I asked as I tried to keep up with her.

"Alice is having some kind of episode." She said.

As we got closer to the 1st grader's class, I could hear the yelling of a little girl. I hadn't heard anything from Alice since I started here. I had guessed she had been behaving lately, which made me wonder why all of a sudden she was freaking out. We didn't make it to the door before one of the male, 6th grade teachers had his arms around Alice's flailing body, bringing her down the hall. Alice was kicking and screaming for him to let her go.

"Just bring her into the conference room, Greg." Mrs. Watson said as she was followed Greg back to the office.

"Get your hands off of me!" Alice screamed as she kept on fighting.

"Alice, I am going to need you to calm down, honey." Mrs. Watson said as she kept on walking beside Greg.

"Just get me out of here! I can't be here right now!" She screamed and tears were starting to fall from her face.

We were right near the office, and Greg brought her into the conference room. He sat her down on a chair and as soon as he let her go, she ran for the door. I was the one in front of the door so I stepped in front of her to get her from running out. She fought against me as well and she almost punched me in the face with her hand, but I was able to dodge it.

Greg and Mrs. Watson both got her off of me and sat her down once again. "Alice, you have to stop this right now."

"You can't tell me what to do!" She yelled in her face. The tears were pouring out of her eyes and she looked very distraught. "I need to leave, Mrs. Watson! You don't understand!"

Mrs. Watson's face softened for some reason. I was so confused about what was going on. I didn't even understand how this all started. All I saw was a very upset little girl. It was weird to see her like that because the first time I saw her, she seemed like such a charismatic child without a care in the world. Now, she was an angry little girl throwing a major temper tantrum.

"I need to go back to my class, Mrs. Watson," Greg said.

"That's fine, thank you." He gave her a nod and then left the room.

Alice had her face buried in her hands and she was shaking her head from side to side.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Watson. I didn't mean it." She whimpered. Her little shoulders started shaking as she cried.

I saw a look of sympathy pass over Mrs. Watson's eyes. I understood why she felt bad, because I did, too. I learned that no child misbehaves without a reason. Behavior, like Alice just displayed, doesn't come out of nowhere.

"I am going to try and get Mr. Winters over here so he can decide what to do." Mrs. Watson said and started walking towards the door where I was standing.

"Can you call, Edward?" Alice asked anxiously before Mrs. Watson got out of the room. Mrs. Watson turned around.

"If I do, will you promise to behave for the rest of the day? And promise not to give Mr. Winters a hard time? He has been busy today."

"Yes, yes, I will." She said instantly. She seemed desperate to talk to whoever Edward was.

"Okay, I will see if he will answer." She said and started to walk out again. She stopped in front of me. "Can you just stay in here with her? This may take a couple of minutes."

"Sure." I said and went to sit down on one of the chairs on the other side of the room of Alice.

Mrs. Watson left, and it was just me and her. I looked over at her, and she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. I didn't want to say anything to set her off again since she seemed in a calmer mood now.

"I'm sorry." She said softly.

I looked over at her and saw she wasn't looking at me, but at the left wall. "It's okay, Alice."

"I didn't hurt you, right?" She asked. I could hear her concern.

"No, you didn't."

"I'm sorry." She said again and she wiped the tears off her face with her black sweatshirt that she was wearing.

"It's okay, Alice."

"It's not okay. I am so bad. Sometimes, I don't even like myself."

I felt a pull in my chest at her words. These were words that no six year old should be saying, and it hurt me to think Alice was feeling them. I began to be curious about the little girl in front of me. What was happening in her life to make her the way she was at such a young age?

"Don't say that, Alice. We all get angry sometimes. It is a part of life."

After I said that, she looked at me curiously for a second before she began speaking again. "That is what Edward always tells me."

I cleared my throat. "Do you mind telling me who Edward is?"

I didn't mean to be nosey or anything, I was just trying to start some kind of conversation and get her mind off of what happened. The subject of this Edward seemed like the good way to go when I saw her eyes light up.

"He is my big brother." She had a small smile on her face now.

"Oh, that's cool!"

"Yeah, he is really cool!" She said excitedly, but then her face got sad again. "But he is sick right now."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is he getting better?"

She shrugged and at that moment the door opened again and Mrs. Watson walked in with a phone in her hand. "It's Edward." She said.

Alice took the phone from her and put it to her ear.

"Edward?" She had a smile on her face, but it went away when her brother started talking. "I'm sorry…I know…but I don't want to be here, Ecy!" She threw her hand up in the air for emphasis that her brother wouldn't be able to see. "Fine…I already did, I told them all sorry…fine!" She said frustratingly and ran her hand through her hair. "Are you taking your medicine?" She asked.

I heard the voice on the other end pick up, but I couldn't hear what they were saying, it was more like a hum. Whatever he was saying was upsetting her because her face turned sour. "It's not my fault." She said weakly. Her brother did more talking on the other end, and another smile began to form before a giggle came out of her mouth. "Okay…yup, you're my favorite, too…bye, Ecy."

She hung up the phone and handed it to Mrs. Watson. "Mr. Winters will be here in twenty minutes, so you are going to have to stay here until he does."

"You think I will have a lot of detentions?"

"Probably. You weren't listening to your teacher and you almost hit some of them."

Alice nodded her head sadly. "I know. I deserve it."

"Well, you will just have to talk to Mr. Winters. You can wait out here. Ms. Swan, you can go whenever you want."

I looked up at the clock, and saw I needed to be back at the classroom in ten minutes. "Oh, right."

I got up from the chair. "Okay, well I will see you later, Mrs. Watson." I said while looking at her, she gave me a small nod and I turned to Alice. "Bye, Alice."

"Bye, Ms. Swan." She said and waved at me.

Alice really did seem like a good girl, but something had her troubled. I hoped whatever was going on in her life would be fixed for her. I also hoped that whenever I saw her again, she would be as bubbly as the day I met her.

* * *

The rest of the week and the weekend passed with nothing eventful. When I say nothing eventful, I mean the no-named-guy never showed up at the coffee shop. I went there on Friday, and even on the weekend when my parents came down to visit.

It was nice seeing them, but Mom kind of got me a little aggravated. When she first walked through the apartment she was shaking her head in disappointment. She would comment on how some things weren't safe, or how I could do so much better. It annoyed the hell out of me. Other than that, we had a pretty good time and it was a nice visit.

Today was Monday, the start of a new week, and I was determined to go to the coffee shop again. Call me stubborn or whatever, but I needed to give him his money back. Plus, I wanted to prove to him that I wasn't a bitch. Angela and Tanya weren't home because they went to a party last night, so I was able to get out of the house without run-ins with them.

As I pulled up to the coffee shop, I scoped out for his truck. My heart skipped a beat when I saw it there.

_Holy shit!_

My heart was beating hard against my chest and my nerves got all bundled up. I walked a little slower to the door so I could gather myself together. I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I had wanted to do this and was determined to do this for so long, but now that he was here, I was freaking out.

I collected myself, and opened the door. My hands were sweating and I felt like everyone was watching me, but they weren't _at all_. I was just a paranoid freak. I walked to the front counter and ordered my muffin and coffee. While I was waiting for it, I looked over in his direction.

He wasn't wearing his beanie today and his hair was a complete sexy mess. It was sticking up in every which way. I was stunned once again with his good looks. He was so handsome, and that made me even more nervous. I felt I wasn't on his level. When I got my muffin and coffee, I walked right over to his table. His long fingers were curled around his cup and he had his head down.

I cleared my throat, but he still didn't look up. "Mind if I sit here?" I asked.

When he heard my voice, his head instantly snapped up and he looked at me curiously. He was looking me over and I was doing the same to him. His face looked different. It was still breathtaking, but it looked skinnier. He looked almost sick. Staring at him, I only grew more curious.

"I would rather you not." He said softly and looked back down to the table.

I wasn't going to give up that easily. "Please? I won't bother you much."

"There really is nothing I could do or say to stop you now, is there?"

"Technically, you could, but I don't think you would." He took a sip of his coffee, and then looked back up at me. Those green eyes pierced through me and I wanted to stare into them all day long.

"What makes you think that?" He challenged and quirking his eyebrow in the most adorable of ways. I think he was trying to act menacing, but it was hard to do that with such a pretty face. His face got angrier. "What are you smiling for?"

I shook my head and sat down in the booth across from him. "Oh, nothing." I said.

I took my muffin out of the bag and started taking the paper off of it. I looked up at him quickly and saw that he was looking at me like I had four heads and seven noses.

"Want a piece?" I asked him, while holding my muffin out to him.

"No." He said simply.

I shrugged and broke off a piece on the top. I didn't say anything because I didn't really know where to start, but it felt really good, sitting with him. I wasn't nervous anymore. I wanted to talk to him, ask him about his life, but I was sure he wouldn't really say much.

"Bella, what are you doing here?"

I stopped chewing the piece of muffin I had in my mouth and looked up at him. _He remembered my name! Holy shit! _Just knowing he remembered, and the sound of my name on his lips made all kinds of weird things happen in my stomach. I tried to hide my inner excitement and I shrugged.

"Can't we just talk?"

"I am not really the type of person that is into talking to random people, Bella."

"Well, neither am I, but you already know more about me than I know about you. So I don't know what you are all nervous about."

"I am not nervous." He said defensively and ran his hand through his hair. "How do I know more about you, anyway?"

"Well for starters, you know my name." I could tell that he knew I had him there. He took a sip of his coffee without answering me. "Look, I am not here on a bet or anything. I am here because I want to be."

He put his cup back on the table. "So, is that what this is? Some kind of penance?"

I shook my head. "Not exactly. I mean, I do want to apologize for how I acted. I didn't mean to hurt you or anything…"

He interrupted me. "You hardly hurt me, Bella. Do you think I am some oversensitive freak who goes home and cries because he is the fucking town joke?" He asked in a hushed, angry voice. "You want to know about me? Well you should know that nothing hurts me, so you don't have to worry about my feelings." His face was getting red, and I saw the whites in his knuckles as he gripped onto his cup.

"That's not true." I said softly while still looking at his face even though it was facing away from me.

"What are you talking about?"

"Everyone hurts."

His green eyes were staring back at me now and he was shaking his head. "I'm not everyone."

I didn't know what to say to that, but I had to think of something because I wanted him to keep talking. I didn't have to think long because soon his voice was ringing through my ears again.

"Can you please leave me alone now?"

"Nope," I said. He sighed out in frustration. "I don't think you really want me to go."

"And I don't think you know what you are talking about."

"I think I do." I wasn't not sure if he was trying to scare me or not, but it wasn't working. The more he talked, no matter what he said; it always made me want to know more. "If you really didn't want to talk to me, you could have already left."

"Why would I leave, when I was the one who was here first?"

I shrugged. "If you really want me to leave, just tell me. But I swear I just want to talk."

"Why?" He asked instantly. "Why are you doing this?"

He made it seem like what I was doing was so horrible. He made it seem like me talking to him was bad for him and for me. I couldn't understand it.

"Why not?"

"Haven't you heard of the shit I've done?"

I shrugged. "Sure, but I bet not all of it is true."

"Well, it is, so don't get your hopes up."

"Oh really? So your name is Squidward?"

I watched his face go from an expression of anger, to a much lighter and more beautiful version of his face, when he let out a small laugh. I got a brief look at his white teeth when he smiled, but he covered his mouth with his hand before I could get a really good look. That brief flash of his smile and a look into his green eyes had me already wrapped around his finger.

If he wanted me to leave, I would, but I really, really didn't want to. There was something about this man that disarmed me. I bet if I sat down and really thought about it, I would find a reason to be scared to death, but at that moment, this feeling inside me washed away anything bad in the world.

_What the hell is wrong with me? _

I laughed softly along with him as he tried to contain himself.

"Is that the latest one?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Yeah, I mean, I have heard a lot."

He had a small smile on his face now, and it was so nice to see. "I am sure you have. But Squidward? I can't stand that guy. His voice gets on my nerves."

"So you watch children's shows on your free time?"

He still had the small smile on, but he looked like he was getting uncomfortable. "I think everyone knows Spongebob."

"Not people who don't have a TV or live under a rock." I pointed out.

He chuckled a little and I got a better look at his smile. _So beautiful. _"Like Patrick you mean?"

It was my turn to start laughing as he made a clever reference to the starfish that was Spongebob's best friend.

"Yes, exactly."

There was silence between us after that and we both took a sip of our coffee at the same time. I pulled my phone out so I could check the time. I didn't want to leave one bit, but I did have a job. I was happy to see I still had about a half an hour with him if he would let me.

"You have somewhere to go?" He asked.

"Yeah, I have to get to work soon."

He hesitated for a moment. "Where do you work?"

I chuckled. "I don't even know your name and you think I am going to tell you that?"

"Touché."

"So, you are really not going to tell me?" I asked and took another bite of my muffin. He shook his head. "Why not? We just had a full conversation and you haven't even told me at all."

"Well let's try this. What do you think my name is?"

"That's not fair!" He smirked at my outburst. "That's like asking me to predict when you were born! It's impossible!"

"Haven't you ever heard anything is possible?"

"I don't believe that." I said instantly. I thought the whole anything is possibly crap was just that, crap. Some things are impossible. End of story.

"Interesting." He said as he tapped his fingers against his coffee mug.

He had really long fingers and I wanted so bad to reach over the table to just feel his hand in mine. I knew this wasn't normal. It wasn't possible for me to feel this way about someone that I didn't know anything about…including his name.

"What is so interesting?"

He shrugged. "I'm not sure yet."

"You honestly believe anything…and I mean _anything_ is possible?" I asked him.

It took him a second to answer. "No, I guess not." I nodded my head because I agreed one hundred percent. I picked up another piece of my muffin and put it in my mouth. "But…" He said as he folded his long fingers in front of him. "There are some things that you need to _make_ possible, no matter what."

His voice was dead serious, and he sounded like he was talking about something that was very important to him. I could see the intensity in his eyes and I could feel throughout my entire being. "Anything in particular you are talking about?"

He smirked a little. "Not something I would tell a girl that I don't even know her last name."

"Dude, I don't even know your name, so don't even think you will find out my last name unless you enlighten me on your first one."

"Did you just call me 'dude'?" He asked while crooking his eyebrow. _So adorable._

"Well, what should I call you?"

I was hoping to catch him, but I had no such luck. He shrugged. "Be creative."

I shook my head. "Nope, I am not going to give you the satisfaction."

He chuckled. "Satisfaction?"

"Yes," I said simply. I took off another piece of the muffin. "Are you sure you don't want some?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure." He pushed the sleeves of his black shirt up to his elbows. I noticed on the top of his left hand he had a big bruise. It was a strange place to have a bruise. The only thing I could think of that could cause that kind of injury would be an IV. _Was he in the hospital? _

I cleared my throat. "I thought everyone loved muffins."

I didn't want to ask him about his hand. I knew he wouldn't tell me even if I did, but it made sense. He was gone all those days, he looked like he lost weight, and he had an IV bruise on his hand. Maybe I was just acting crazy making up all these scenarios, but it was a logical explanation.

"I'm not really into sweets that much."

"You are weird." He was taking a sip of his coffee when I said that, and he almost choked on it when he started laughing.

His laugh once again sent shivers up and down my spine. I never wanted the feeling to go away. I didn't want him to go away. I would sit in this booth all day if I could.

"Duly noted, Bella." I smiled at him and took another bite of my muffin. He finished up the last of his drink before took his phone out of his pocket, and I noticed it was vibrating. He answered it.

"Hello?"

I couldn't hear a thing on the other line. It sounds really stupid of me, but I didn't know he knew anyone else. He was always alone. Whoever it was, was obviously someone important to him though with the way his face lit up.

"Yes, but hold on alright?" Whoever it was must have agreed because he put the phone to the side and got up.

"You are leaving?" I asked. I knew I sounded panicky. I didn't want him to think I was a freak, but I didn't want him to go.

He reached into his pocket and took out a five dollar bill and put it on the table. "Yeah, I have stuff to do. Plus, you have work."

"Oh…okay."

"Bye, Bella. It was interesting talking with you."

"You, too. See ya, dude." He chuckled softly, and then headed out.

He brought the phone back to his ear as he walked out the door. I watched him as he was walking outside, and saw him take a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. _So, he smokes? _I never knew that. I never liked when people smoked, I thought it was gross, but it didn't really bother me that he did.

Soon he was out of sight, and I was sure that I missed him driving off in his truck. I got up not long after he did; it was probably five minutes or so later. I didn't see the point in staying here any longer since he wasn't here, and I had to get to work. I walked out of the coffee shop and went to my car. When I got to it, I saw something green underneath my windshield. Curious, I went closer and went to see what it was.

I noticed that it was a ripped up Newport box. _Who the hell is putting their trash under my windshield? I don't want an empty cigarette box on my car! _I groaned and snatched the piece of trash off of my windshield. Some people can be so inconsiderate. I was about to throw it in the trash when I saw something on the other side. It was writing.

_It's Edward._

I stared at the words for a minute. I studied the messy handwriting that undoubtedly belonged to a man. Soon all of the pieces formed in my mind; the cigarette box, the male handwriting, the name.

_The dude's name is Edward!_

I had the biggest, cheesiest smile on my face, as I re-read those two words over and over again. _His name is Edward! He told me his name!_ Well, he wrote it to me, but it still meant a lot to me.

_He must trust me or like me in some way to actually tell me his name, right?_ I noticed I was standing in the parking lot looking like a total and complete idiot smiling away. My face got red, and I went into my car as soon as I could.

Being in the car didn't take away the smile from my face. _Edward_. It fit him perfectly, but I wouldn't have guessed it in a million years. I knew, right then, that that feeling inside me was one I never wanted to go away.

I couldn't wait to see him again.

* * *

_The words you say to me are unlike anything  
That's ever been said  
Oh what you do to me is unlike anything  
That's ever been  
Am I too obvious to preach it?  
You're so hypnotic on my heart  
**Follow Through, by David DeGraw**_

* * *

**Well there you have it! So what do you think about everything? **

**Special thanks to my amazing pre-reader Alexa who is just super awesome! Our new story is going to be out really soon! I hope you all will read! **

**Also special thanks to my betas Vron and Emily! They are awesome! **

**Also, I have decided that I will start replying to every review just because I figure if you take the time to review, I can take the time to respond back. So if you have any questions, just ask them in a review and I will answer them! But if you review anonymously and ask me a question, I have no way of answering it unless you leave me some contact information so keep that in mind! **

**So please review whether it be a question, opinion, or even a theory you have! I love to hear them! Thanks! **


	4. Chapter 3: 18 Days

**Chapter 3: 18 Days**

**BPOV**

I didn't get home that night until six. As soon as work was over I had to go to a class, and then I was finally able to go home. It was a really good day. A great day actually. I guessed my time with Edward in the morning was what set the stage for the rest of the day.

Work was fun. My fifth graders were well behaved and my little lesson with them went well. I was able to be kept busy all day and helped Mrs. Watson as much as I could. I was really loving my job over there, and I couldn't wait to be a teacher. It would be nice to get a job over there because everyone was so nice.

My class went by fast and I wasn't given too much homework. The day was going wonderfully, and I hoped it would stick.

I walked into the house and surprisingly, Tanya and Angela were home.

"Hey, guys." I said as I dropped my bag beside the door.

"Can you move that, Bella? We are trying to clean up." Tanya said abruptly as she continued to scrub down the coffee table.

"Oh, sure." I picked the bag back up with a confused expression on my face. "What is the occasion?"

"We are having a party in an hour." Angela answered as she walked into the room with some cases of beer.

"Oh…okay." Maybe I shouldn't have been, but I was a little mad that they just took it upon themselves to just throw a party without asking me about it. I mean, I lived here too. _What if I had homework I needed to get done by tomorrow or if I had someone visiting me?_ Well I never really did have people come visit me, but still I am a member of this household!

"So are you going to at least join us tonight? Or are you going to be a party pooper?" Tanya asked in the tone she always asks me in, condescending.

I didn't necessarily want to be a part of a party tonight, but I figured it wouldn't kill me. Maybe if I stayed out for a little while, the girls would stop nagging me about being a party pooper.

"Yeah, I'll join you."

Angela squealed and ran up to me to give me a hug. "Yay! Bella is coming back to us!"

"I didn't go anywhere, guys."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just change out of your granny clothes. It is time to party!" Tanya said loudly and then she and Angela both started dancing without music.

I snorted. "You both are clowns."

I walked past them and into my room. I put my purse onto my bed and took my jacket off. I changed out of my dress pants and shirt and got out a pair of jeans and one of my cute shirts. I wasn't going to dress up too much for a stupid college party but I wanted to look presentable.

Going all natural except for a little eyeliner sounded good. While I was digging for the eyeliner, I saw the cigarette pack with his name on it. I picked it up and smiled like a fool at it. I reached back into my purse and took out his $20 bill. I forgot to give it back to him, but I was very distracted.

_Distracted by his face, voice, laugh, personality, hands…he is too attractive. _

He was funny too. He had the cleverest and witty come backs. I was stunned by how different he was compared to what I thought he would be like. He was definitely portrayed as the bad boy, but I couldn't see anything bad about him. He talked to me and was so nice to me after what I did to him. He didn't seem mean, but I knew he was sad. I could see it in his eyes. If only I could find out what had him so sad all the time.

I took the ripped up cigarette pack and the bill and put it in my top drawer. I didn't want to lose either one of them. Hopefully participating in this party would mean my night would go by fast and tomorrow could come even faster.

I was aiming to see him again tomorrow, I just hoped he would be there, at our place, the coffee shop. Maybe now that we had the names out of the way, he would tell me more about himself and I would tell him more about me, if that is what he wanted.

Maybe he will give me his number or something if I asked…no I wouldn't have the guts to ask him.

I was lucky enough that he was talking to me, and pushing it wouldn't be a good idea. If I just got to see him every morning as a kind of escape, I think I would be okay.

"Come on, Bella!" Angela called for me.

I sighed and put my flats on. Hopefully this won't be a waste of time, and I can enjoy myself.

* * *

When the alarm sounded the next morning, I wanted to punch someone in the face repeatedly.

The sound of the alarm caused a throbbing ache all around my head and I wanted to cry; _I shouldn't have drunk last night._ My brain was literally pulsing a tune to its own marching band inside my head causing an insurmountable amount of pain. I reached blindly for my phone and turned off the alarm. Thankfully it was too early for the sun to be up or else I would have cried when I opened my eyes. It was 5:45 in the morning, and I didn't have work until 7:30…_should I just sleep a while longer?_

_Yes, sleep sounds good._

I curled back into the blankets and tried to fall asleep again. As I was drifting off though, I saw a set of beautiful green eyes in front of me…._Edward._

I knew I wanted to see him. I needed to see him and be able to find out more about him. Plus, he seemed like he was maybe going to start to trust me, and I wanted to show him that I was going to our spot because I wanted to. Not because of a bet, or because I felt obligated. I was getting out of bed before the sun came up with a hangover to go see him. That should be enough for him.

Once I was out of bed, I went straight to the bathroom for a shower. I was still wearing the clothes I had worn last night. Last night ended up being fun. I laughed, talked, danced, and drank. I guess I could have had a good time without the booze, but what's done is done.

Thanks to the shower, I was feeling a little better, but my head was still killing me and after taking a look at myself in the mirror, I realized how hung-over I actually looked.

Cursing lowly to myself for being so irresponsible, I realized I should have thought about waking up and having to go to work at a school hung-over. _What a great example asshole._

I went into the drawer and took out my makeup bag that I barely ever use, and started applying some to make me look less horrible.

Then I went into my top drawer and got Edward's $20 out and put it in my purse. I was going to give it to him at some point.

When I got to the coffee shop, Edward wasn't there. My mood instantly went down and I cursed because I got out of bed all early for nothing.

I ordered myself only a coffee because I didn't think I could handle anything heavier. It killed me to smell the beautiful smell of the fresh muffins baking, but I got what I deserved.

Once I got my coffee, I went to sit at the table Edward always sits at. Deep down I was hoping that he would show up, but I tried to not get my hopes up. I was only sitting for a couple of minutes before I saw someone walk up to the side of the table. My heart started racing thinking it was Edward, but it wasn't.

When I looked up, there were two young guys standing at the side of the table and looking at me expectantly. One was blonde and the other was bald.

"Uh…can I help you?" I wasn't trying to be rude, but what the hell?

"Hey, I'm Chet and this is Ryan." Blondie said. "What's your name?"

"Why do you want to know?"

Both of the guys started laughing and I turned red. I didn't understand what the big deal was.

"So are you two like a couple?" Baldie asked.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"We saw you sitting with that crazy guy yesterday."

"Um excuse me? Crazy guy?" I was highly offended by that.

They didn't even know Edward, they had no right to say that about him at all. He was not crazy. I didn't know much about him, but I was pretty sure he wasn't crazy.

"Hey lady, don't tell me anything about that guy not being crazy. I was there the night he destroyed that bar. Shit, I was scared for my life." The blonde guy said.

"You didn't tell me that!" Baldie said. "What happened?"

"I don't know, dude. He was at the bar and he just looked fucking weird you know? His hair is all crazy and ugh." He shuddered. "The guy gives me the creeps."

I wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure if Edward would have wanted me to stick up for him. I could imagine that he wouldn't really appreciate it as much as some other people would. What was really confusing me was how they could look at someone like Edward and get creeped out. That was the last thing I saw when I looked at him.

"So what happened?" The bald guy asked. He looked like he was itching for some more information and this made me mad. It wasn't any of their business.

"I don't know, the bartender must have said something to piss him off and then he reached across started punching the shit out of him." Baldie was looking at his friend with rapt attention and I wanted to reach over and punch the guy in the face. "Then when people started to try and pull him off, he got even more animalistic and started fucking throwing shit around…"

I didn't know if what this guy was saying was true. It very well could have been, but I just couldn't picture it, I really couldn't. I knew it happened, I wasn't that stupid, but I just didn't know if I believed it to that extreme.

Something must have happened, that bartender had to have said something to him to make him snap like that. It was so hard to believe stuff without actually seeing it for yourself because everything is always twisted.

"What a freak." Baldie commented.

"You don't even know him." I blurted out before I could control myself. I was just getting too aggravated with those guys.

Both guys gave each other a look and then they both looked at me. "But you do?"

What was I supposed to say to that? _I didn't know him! What was I thinking? _I didn't know one thing about Edward other than his name. Why would I sit here and defend him when what these guys were saying could very well be true. Just because Edward was nice to me one day does not tell me about what kind of person he was. I was stupid.

But the scariest part of it all was that I didn't care.

In my head, I wasn't wrong. In my head, Edward was not bad or violent. On the contrary he seemed kind and a good person to me. I just wasn't seeing what everyone else was seeing and it was driving me crazy. I was trying to wrap my head around a concept that didn't make any sense to me. I had no idea why, but that was the way it was.

"Well no…"

"Alright then lady, no need to be getting all snappy with us." Blondie said and I didn't like his tone of voice.

Both guys suddenly whipped their heads behind them and when they turned I saw what they were looking at.

_Edward. _

He was standing directly behind them with his coffee in his hands. I was surprised I didn't see or hear him, but I suspect he made some kind of noise to get the guys' attention when he walked up behind them. My eyes instantly went to his handsome face. I began to get worried when I saw he was undoubtedly upset or angry about something.

He was giving an angry glare to both of the guys.

"Oh hey, dude." Baldie said and Blondie started to laugh.

"Excuse me." Edward said.

His words were polite and he didn't say it in a rude way, but his strained voice kind of ruined any politeness he was trying to give. I could see he was clenching his teeth; he looked really upset and tired. Boy did he look tired. Instantly I began to wonder what kept him up in the nights.

"Oh I'm sorry, were you trying to get to your seat?" Baldie said and they both laughed again.

I wanted so badly to say something, but with the look in Edward's green eyes, I decided against it.

"Excuse me." Edward said even angrier now. I could see the whites in his knuckles and I thought he might crumble the ceramic mug with his bare hand.

"Hey, Chet. Don't you think manners are a really nice thing? Doesn't everyone's mother teach them manners?" Baldie said and I watched Edward's face go from angry to furious.

I couldn't take that look in his face any longer. I got up from my seat and faced the both of them.

"Get the fuck out of here right now." I said in a low voice so I didn't cause a scene.

It was with no use though because everyone was watching the little altercation that was taking place next to the 'crazy guy's' table.

My old self was coming out. The part of me that wasn't afraid to stand up to anyone and the part of me that wasn't afraid to speak my mind was coming out. I hadn't seen that side of me for a while now, and I was glad I was using it for good. I was using it to defend an otherwise defenseless Edward who was being treated unfairly by the people around him based on stories and not on cold hard fact.

"Whoa dude, you got yourself a feisty one over here." Blondie said to Edward.

"Go now." Edward's voice was calm but deadly.

I could see the two guys' resolve was crumbling at the tone of Edward's voice. I wasn't as afraid as I was curious about him in that moment.

"Alrighty then…" Baldie said. "I guess we will be going now. It was nice speaking to you kind folks." He said sarcastically as he and the other one were walking past Edward.

Edward stiffened when they walked past him, but he relaxed when he knew they were far enough away. I sat back down in the booth, but kept my eyes on Edward. He was standing in the same spot with his eyes closed and taking deep breaths. I wanted to ask him if he was alright, but I didn't want to bother him even more.

It was about a half a minute before he seemed to snap out of it and he slid into the booth across from me. He took a sip of his coffee and I took that moment to look him over. He looked a little better than he did yesterday except for the tiredness, but I was glad none the less. The beanie was back today and I found myself feeling conflicted about the beanie. He looked really good in it, but I also wanted to be able to see his hair.

I wanted to give him the time he needed, but I was anxious. "Look, there is no reason to feel bad. Those guys are just stupid…they don't know what they are talking about."

"Why did you do that, Bella?" Edward asked, ignoring my statement. He wasn't looking at me. His eyes were on his cup where his long fingers were tracing the ring of it.

"Do what?" I asked and leaned forward.

"You know…tell them what you did when I was here."

"You mean defend you?" I knew that was what he wanted to say, but for some reason he wouldn't.

I was finally able to look in his eyes when he lifted his head. "You shouldn't do that, Bella."

"Why not?"

"I don't need defending. I was perfectly fine."

"You didn't look fine to me." I said honestly.

"I wasn't upset for myself Bella. I was upset that they were bugging you." His statement caused the breath to be knocked out of me.

_He was concerned for me? _

That made my heart soar way more than it should have in that moment considering I barely knew the man that was sitting in front of me. I must have stayed silent too long and he continued speaking almost nervously. His face turned a little pink and he seemed embarrassed. _Oh, Edward…_

"Plus, more goes on outside the four walls of this coffee shop, Bella. Despite what you may think, I do have a life."

"I never thought that you didn't have a life, Edward…" I said instantly because I really didn't want him to think I thought of him that way_. He probably thinks I see him as all the others do, he probably doesn't think I see him as an individual._ Oh how wrong he was.

He looked up at me and smirked. "I see you got my note."

It took me a minute to get what he was talking about, and when I realized he mean the cigarette box note, I blushed. I don't know why, but I did. I usually don't blush that much.

"Oh…yeah I did." Now I was the one looking down at my cup. I looked up however when I heard Edward's soft chuckle. "What?" I said defensively.

"You look like you did something wrong! It's really not that big of a deal, Bella." He took a sip of his coffee and then folded his hands in front of him, looking like he was going to say something important. Anything that came out of his mouth was important to me though. "You know, I'm not stupid, nor naïve Bella. I know what goes on around me."

"I never doubted you didn't…" I said, interrupting him, but he put his index finger up, telling me to wait.

"I know, just let me finish." I nodded my head and he had my full attention. "I know the whole 'Oh I wonder what the freak's name is' shit is. I know. I assume you know about that as well." I hesitated. "Bella, I am not going get upset if you tell me you do, I told you I know about it. It's not a big deal."

"Yes, I know about it."

"Well I actually don't know about this, so could you be completely honest?"

"Of course…"

"How big of a deal is it, the way you perceived it."

I shrugged. "I mean, I heard a lot about it. Mostly I heard it from my friends and around the university."

He nodded. "I figured. It is mostly college kids that bug me, but you want to know the funny thing?" He asked rhetorically. "It is all bogus. Any of those people could easily find out my name. You have to see how simple it would be. They could ask anyone in my apartment building, they could ask anyone that works with me at my two jobs, they can even ask the woman at the cash register of this very coffee shop."

He was making good points and I was happy to find out more about him. He said he had two jobs and I wanted to know what they were.

"You could just tell them, too."

He shrugged. "Yeah I guess, but I don't want to."

"Why though? If you don't mind me asking."

He leaned back in the booth. "I don't want to ruin their fun." He said with a playful smile and I laughed.

"No, seriously."

He shrugged. "What would the point be? I know no one wants to actually associate with me because I am a 'freak' so to speak…and I am a poet and I didn't even know it."

I laughed heartily at him. "That was so lame."

"Don't be jealous." He said in mock cockiness and he was so adorable.

"Do you ever think of just telling them, just so they could leave you alone?"

"Oh yeah. I told one guy my real name once, and he didn't believe me…a little after that there was a rumor my name was Edwina." He said with a small chuckle.

"Seriously?"

"Yes. It's all a game to them Bella. They don't want to know my name; they just want to start new rumors to make themselves seem cool or whatever. They can do what they want; I don't want them to know my name. It just gets a little annoying after a while and sometimes they just say some stupid things." He took a sip of his coffee.

I nodded. "There are a lot of rumors about you too…" I kind of felt nervous saying that, but at the same time, I didn't. I felt I could confront him with anything and he would be nothing but understanding.

"Oh those are all true."

"What?"

"You heard me, Bella. I did destroy those bars, I did beat those people, and I did destroy this place once." His blunt responses stunned me.

"Oh." Was all I could think of to say.

I never really doubted that he didn't do those things, but hearing it straight from him was another story. I found it hard to place the smart and kind person in front of me with the monster everyone said he was.

This only intrigued me more, but also scared me. I wanted to find out about that bad side of Edward. I wanted to figure out what made him act that way.

"You look different today." Edward said randomly and he seemed to drop the subject all together. His comment caught me off guard and made me feel self conscious.

"W-what do you mean?"

He laughed. "It's nothing bad, Bella. Chill out. I just think you look different."

"Oh, maybe it is because I put make-up on today."

"You don't wear it every day?"

"No not at all. This morning I kind of needed it though…" I didn't really want to tell him that I was irresponsible and got drunk.

"May I ask why?"

Well I guess it wouldn't hurt. "My roommates had a party and I kind of had too much to drink. I am pretty hung-over."

"You drink and party a lot?" He asked.

He wasn't asking it rudely, he genuinely sounded like he was interested and this made me very happy. At this point I wanted him to tell me all about him and I would tell him all about myself.

"No, not at all. I mean I used to when I was in high school, but not now. I kind of grew up I guess."

"I wish I could go out, get drunk and party for a night." He said suddenly.

It seemed he didn't even know what he was saying until it came out of his mouth, and I saw him start fidgeting nervously.

"Why don't you?" I asked hopefully.

"I have other things going on that prevent me from being able to do that without feeling guilty afterwards."

"Uh…okay. That made absolutely no sense at all, Edward."

He sighed. "Just forget I said anything."

"No!"I said a little too loudly, but I didn't want him to build a wall. I liked when there was no wall and I could see him clearly. "No, Edward, you can talk to me."

"Bella, I can't…"

"But you can! Edward you can.." I had so much conviction in my voice than I ever thought myself capable of, but this was something I was sure of. "Haven't I proved to you already that I am not here as a game?"

"Why are you here for, Bella?" Again, he genuinely sounded like he wanted to know.

"To be honest, I don't know. I don't even get it myself, but something always brings me back." I felt I was maybe revealing too much, but it just came out with him. "I want to know you, Edward."

He let out a breath he was holding and I could feel his breath come over my face. I just had to know him. It was as simple as that. "I am a difficult person to deal with, Bella."

I shook my head. "Not from what I have gathered."

"That's because you don't know me."

"So let me, Edward, I don't know what is scaring you so much but…"

"I am not scared." He said stubbornly. "I just don't want to waste your time."

"Edward…"

"Look, I don't know where you are going with this, but in the end, I promise you, you will see knowing me was a waste of your time, Bella. I can't be anything to anyone and I won't put anyone through that…I already do it to someone and it…." He stopped and groaned. He was mad he revealed too much again.

"Edward, don't get upset."

"I lied to you, Bella."

"About what?"

"I am scared."

"Why, Edward? Just tell me why, you can trust me." We were both leaning on the table in front of us and we were in our own little tight bubble in that instant.

"I am scared for how much I actually do trust you, Bella."

"Don't be afraid of that, Edward. I won't let you down. You just have to talk to me. We can get to know each other, and that fear will go away. You will see, Edward."

He sighed heavily. "What the hell is this feeling, Bella?"

"I don't know, Edward."

It made me so incredibly happy to know that he was having the same feelings about me that I had for him. It didn't make me feel alone. It made me feel like there was someone in this world that got me. "We can figure it out together."

He nodded with a soft smile. "I will try."

I wanted so badly to reach out to him and just touch his hand and comfort him, but I didn't want to push him. He obviously was having trouble with the feelings inside of him, and didn't know what to do with them, and I didn't want to ruin my opportunity to know him.

I looked at the clock. "I have to go." I said as I started getting up.

"Right now?" He asked almost sadly. I wish I could stay with him in that booth for hours if I could.

"Yes, I have to work."

"You never told me what you did." He said and quirked his eyebrow in the most adorable of ways.

I shrugged. "Neither did you."

"Touché." He smirked and I created a mental picture of his face. It should be able to hold me over the rest of the day.

"Bye, Edward." I said and turned to walk away.

"Wait!" He said in a hushed whisper and I turned back to him. "You will be here tomorrow right?" He looked so nervous. He looked like a little boy and it was getting harder and harder to walk away from him.

"I will be here every day as long as you will have me."

He smiled wide, and that image was an even better one than before. I didn't even have to make a mental image. I would never forget him no matter what.

"Good." I smiled at him, and finally walked away.

I walked out there feeling like someone I hadn't been in a long time.

I felt like Bella.

I felt like myself and the feeling was great, and it was obviously because of him. I should have known at that point what an effect Edward was going to have on my life.

He affected me so deeply in such a short amount of time, I should have known, but I didn't.

I didn't know how much Edward was going to change my life.

* * *

_And I know what they say  
About all good things  
Will they come to an end?  
But I'll fight this time  
So that we might  
Have a chance at this…_

_**18 Days, by Saving Abel**_

* * *

**Hey! I hope you all liked the chapter! I know things are going just a little slow, or do you think too fast? I don't know, but a lot of interesting stuff will happen next chapter, and you will learn more about Edward and Alice too of course. **

**Special thanks to my betas Vron and Emily for their beta'ing expertise. I really, really appreciate it! **

**And of course a thanks to my pre-reader and FFBFF Alexa for being an amazing pre-reader and friend. Go reader her story Comes & Goes that I pre-read…it is AMAZING! And also check out our joint project The Roads of Life! **

**So yeah, same as last time, I will reply to all reviews! I like to know what you all are thinking about the story! **

**Review please! **


	5. Chapter 4: Beautiful Nightmare

**Chapter 4: Beautiful Nightmare**

**BPOV**

It was a beautiful day out.

It was the middle of October, but the weather was really nice. It was a little over sixty degrees outside and I had my window open as I was driving to the coffee shop. This morning had been better than usual because I was actually early today.

I had been seeing Edward every day for a week since the day he had asked me to come back. My times at the coffee shop were nothing short of amazing. Edward was just…Edward was perfect. Actually, that was a lie. Edward was not perfect, but his imperfections were what made him perfect to me.

After each day that passed, it got harder and harder for me to leave the coffee shop.

The funny thing about it was that I still didn't know that much about him. I knew a little bit, but not a great deal. We had our own little thing going on where we would ask each other one question about the other and that will be the only question we would ask for that day. It was a little strange, but it made him more comfortable. He was very hesitant about everything he said and I wondered what he was so afraid of.

I had been seeing him for a week, but each time had only been about fifteen minutes tops and that was my fault. I promised Ms. Watson that I would come into work a half an hour earlier for the week because one of the office workers was sick with the flu and she needed someone to help her with preparations for the day. So I had to cut my time with Edward short, and he didn't seem to mind. I could tell he was disappointed when I left, but he never got mad at me.

He didn't know why I was late every day. He never asked me because it was one of those personal things that he didn't like to talk about. Whenever we were together, we mostly talked about life. We had our own little debates and it was a lot of fun arguing with him.

In my short little conversations with Edward, I learned a lot about him. Things that I was sure he didn't realize that I picked up on. I noticed that he talked the most when the situation turned political. He had strong opinions on stuff like abortion, health care, and all of the other debatable subjects. He was very knowledgeable of them as well. He was a smart man.

I pulled up to the coffee shop and saw his truck was already there. The warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach started as I walked up to the entrance of the coffee shop. As soon as I was in, I looked over to where he was sitting. He was looking at me as well and waving me over. I shook my head and pointed to the register because I needed to order my muffin and coffee. I tried to hold in my giggle of happiness though when he held up a muffin and a coffee up.

_He can really be sweet when he wants to be. _

I got out of the line and walked over to him. He pushed my items to my side of the table as I went towards it and sat down.

"Hey, dude."

"Sup, chick." That was our new greeting to each other as a joke.

We got into a conversation one day on how stupid some American slang words were. We spent a good ten minutes making fun of it, but we admitted to using it every once in a while. We decided it was just a part of evolution.

"Nothing much. Thanks for getting my stuff."

He just nodded his head and continued chewing his gum. _What was he doing chewing gum this early? _

"Don't even think about trying to pay me back either."

"Ha, ha, you're funny." I already had my purse on the table as I fished out my wallet. There was so much crap in my purse.

Edward chuckled. "Maybe you should wait until later on or we will be spending our entire visit this way." I just shook my head and continued digging for it. "Are you a hoarder, Bella? Do you have a problem?"

"Shut up." The damn thing finally appeared, and I took out the two bills that I had been looking for. He picked them when I slid them over to him.

"Your muffin and coffee did not cost twenty-five dollars." He slid the bills back to me, but I pushed them back.

"No, but you gave me twenty dollars that I never needed."

He seemed confused for a minute before realization came to his face. "I don't need that twenty dollars back." He pushed it back to me, but I would not give this up.

"Just take it, Edward. I really don't want it."

"This is the exact bill?" He asked almost like he couldn't believe it. I nodded. "Wow…that really got to you that bad?"

"It was like a slap in the face." I told him quietly and honestly. Lying to him was something I never wanted to do. I already wronged him in the beginning and I didn't want to do it again.

"That was what it was meant to be." At least he was being honest with me as well. There was no label on the type of relationship Edward and I had, but whatever it was, it was comforting to know it was based on honesty.

"Look, it wasn't one of my finest moments, and you will save me a lot of self-loathing if you just take it."

His green eyes were staring at me as he contemplated what to do in his head. I tried pleading with him with my eyes and he smirked at my attempt. _Jerk._

"Fine."

A breath blew out of my mouth that I didn't know I was holding in. Apparently his acceptance meant a lot to me. "Thank you."

He smirked and continued chewing his gum. "You know, you are pretty sensitive."

"Yeah, well, you chew like a cow." I snapped back and he just laughed.

"Sensitive." He said in a low sing-song voice.

"Asshole." I said in the same tone.

He tried to hold back his smile. "That's fine. That doesn't hurt me because I am a man." He punched his chest and made some weird grunting noise like an ape. _An adorable ape of course._

"Barely."

"Oh…" He was now clutching his chest. "Now that one hurt."

"Too bad." I took a sip of my coffee and he just continued chomping on his gum with a smirk on his face. "What's with the gum anyway?"

He took a sip of his coffee and made a 'ah' sound when he swallowed. He was in an unusual mood this morning. He seemed lighter than usual and it was weird. Not that I was complaining.

"I'm not allowed to have gum?"

"Well, no…that's not what I meant. It's just different."

He got serious for a second. "Does different scare you?"

He always would become randomly intense, but it was more pronounced this time because of his happier temper today.

"No, I don't think so. I mean…I really haven't had to adjust too much change."

"Really?"

"I told you I am pretty boring." I never really realized just boring I was until that moment. I had a pretty easy life. My parents have been married for as long as I have been born, I always had friends, and nothing really dramatic ever happened to me unless you count that one time…that doesn't matter now though.

_But it does matter. _A small voice called from the back of my head.

I pushed that voice to the back of my mind where it belonged.

"Sensitive, yes…but boring? I don't think so."

"Can you even give a compliment without being an ass first?"

"Sometimes."

I just rolled my eyes and took off a piece of my muffin and offering it to him silently. He waved his hand and shook his head. He always said no, but I still asked. I didn't want to be rude.

"So you have a question of the day picked out?" Edward asked.

"Not yet…give me time."

"Well, you are probably leaving in five minutes right?"

"No, I am here for at least another half an hour or so." I replied.

He smiled brightly at me and I smiled back. He was happy that I would be there longer and it warmed my heart more than I thought was possible.

"I hope you don't mind relocating in a couple of minutes than."

I looked at him skeptically. "Why?"

"I am going to need a smoke."

"Oh." I kind of wished he didn't smoke. I knew what it does to people and there was nothing happy about it at all. "You know, you should probably stop that."

"Smoking?" I nodded. "Nah."

"What do you mean, 'nah'?" I imitated his voice on the last part causing him to chuckle at how horribly I failed at imitating his voice. "That stuff kills people and gives you cancer."

"Pft…everything causes cancer these days." He had a point.

"But still, smoking is a horrible habit."

"So is biting your fingernails." He always had an answer for something and always had to have the last word. It was terribly frustrating, but I wouldn't want him any other way.

"But biting your fingernails doesn't kill you."

"Life kills you, Bella."

His words caught me off guard. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He started fidgeting with his fingers in front of him and he looked nervous. "Nothing."

"You know, I really hate when you do that?"

"Do what?" He asked defensively.

I could pretty much see his wall coming up around him. What he said didn't seem like such a big deal to me, but apparently it was private to him.

"Shut down like that. You say something, I ask you about it, and then I lose you."

"I just don't like people nagging me about smoking. I hear enough of that shit from my sist—" He cut himself off mid word, but I was still able to get what he was going to say. _Sister. _Okay, so he has a sister. _What was the big deal? _

He groaned lowly and wiped his hands over his face. He was getting mad.

"You're doing it again."

"I could go for that smoke right now." He said completely ignoring my words. He took a five from his pocket and left it on the table.

"You're leaving?" I asked as I got up with him. My half eaten muffin was forgotten. _What was this man doing to my brain? _

"I'm going for a smoke."

"Can I come with you?"

"It's not like I can really stop you." I grabbed my purse and followed him out of the coffee shop. I wanted some answers. _What answers did I want?_ I wasn't exactly sure. I just wanted him to trust me. He told me he did, but he didn't want to give too much away. I just wanted him to talk to me. I was trying to be patient, but the need I felt inside me to know him was clawing away at my insides.

He walked out and went to his truck. He climbed into the driver's seat and I stopped in front of the car not knowing what I should do. He rolled down the window. "Are you coming in or not?"

It didn't take me long to make my decision when I saw the worry in his green eyes. _He was driving me crazy!_ What has him so worked out about his sister? His truck was immaculate. It was a weird thing for me because I thought men were usually really messy. It's not like I had a lot of experience with them, though. The only guys' car I had been in were all teenage boys and my father's. That also reminded me that I had no idea how old Edward was. _That question will have to wait for another day though_. Today I wanted to know something else.

I shut the door and Edward lit up his cigarette. He took a long drag and blew the smoke out the window. At least he was being considerate about it. I dropped my hand onto the center console.

"Ugh!" I lifted my hand, and there was a piece of gum sticking to my hand. "What the hell, Edward?" He looked over at me and let out a laugh. Along with his laugh came smoke that got right in my face. I coughed.

"Shit…sorry, Bella."

"About which part?" I asked him as I opened up my window and put the piece of gum back on the napkin he had it on.

"Both I guess."

He had a bunch of McDonalds napkins stuffed into the cup holder and took one out and started wiping my hand free of his spit. "Why don't you just throw that piece out?"

"I can't." He took another drag. The way his lips covered the end of the cigarette and his cheeks hallowed when he sucked in was affecting me far too much for my liking.

_Smoking is bad, not hot, Bella._

_Who am I kidding? Edward smoking was hot to see. _

"Why not?"

"I am under a contract." He said with a smirk. _What the fuck?_

"You are confusing the fuck out of me today, Edward."

He started laughing again, but he was sure to blow the smoke out of the window this time. "You have a potty mouth."

"You aggravate the shit out of me."

"I warned you I wasn't worth it." _Then why do I feel like you are?_

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked out the window. "Whatever."

"Aw come one. You aren't mad, are you?" I didn't answer him because I didn't know what I was feeling at that moment.

I was mad at him, but then I was mad at myself. He _did _warn me that he wasn't worth it, and technically I should have just taken his word for it, but I didn't. I should be staying away from him…his mood swings were crazy and he barely talked to me about himself, but for some reason I stuck around. Maybe it was irrational, but I didn't want to fight it. For once I was following my heart instead of my head.

_There wasn't anything wrong with that, right?_

"Are you really mad?" Edward asks softer this time.

"Maybe," I say stubbornly and the bastard laughs.

"You remind me of my sister with that attitude." His words catch my attention and I look over to him.

_Was Edward offering me information on his life without me having to pry it out of him? _

He looked embarrassed. His face was red and he wasn't looking at me anymore. I wanted to ask him why he was always trying to hide, but I didn't want to push him.

"I guess you just have that effect on people then." Maybe I was being bitchy, but Edward wasn't exactly Mr. Goody-two-shoes.

He let out a short laugh. "You have no idea, Bella." I watched him as he took another hit off his cigarette and flicked the ashes out the window.

"Is your sister older or younger?" I asked hopefully. It wasn't a too detailed question. It was a basic one that I was hoping he would answer.

"Is that your question of the day?"

I let out a frustrated scream. "Fuck, Edward!" He seemed startled at my sudden outburst and the smoke came out of his mouth without going out the window. "Can we please just stop this 'question-of-the-day' shit? It is getting real old, real fast."

He flicked his cigarette out the window and turned to me in the seat. "I already told you I was a waste of your time…"

"Oh Edward, just shut up about that already!"

"It's true." He said calmly and that only made me even madder.

"It's not."

"You keep telling yourself that, Bella."

I could feel tears forming in my eyes. _What the fuck was wrong with me? _I was just mad. Yes, that was it. I was so mad at him that I was on the verge of tears. It had nothing to do with the fact that I just wanted to know more about the frustrating and yet still sweet man in front of me.

"You're wrong." I told him.

"You don't know me."

"Because you won't let me!"

He was tense. "I'm sorry." He sounded defeated and I instantly cooled down. I didn't want to make him upset or retreat farther away from me.

"I really like you, Edward."

"You don't know…"

I interrupted him. "The parts of you that I do know, I like. I like them a lot."

"I don't know how to do this." He said.

He wasn't looking at me. He was looking straight ahead of him at something outside. It was probably nothing, but he made sure to not look at me as he spoke. I didn't care where he looked at this point; I just wanted him to open up to me.

"What do you mean?"

"Talk to someone. I don't normally talk to people."

"There isn't a specific technique in doing so. You just talk…and trust. You do trust me, don't you?"

He swallowed. "Yes."

"Then what are you so afraid of?" He mumbled something, but I couldn't make it out. "What?"

He cleared his throat. "I'm afraid of hurting you." The way he sounded so broken had me fighting the tears again. _This is so wrong. _

"Edward, you won't." I wasn't sure that I was telling the complete truth. He had the power to hurt me in an instant and that was something that scared me, but not enough to give up on him.

"I promise you that I will."

"I believe you because you already have."

He looked up at me this time and the sadness in his beautiful green eyes was more pronounced. "You don't deserve that."

"You don't deserve to be alone."

"I had it coming."

"I don't believe that."

"Bella, please just stop."

"I won't hurt you, Edward."

"I don't hurt."

"You're full of shit."

"She is younger." His sudden change of subject causes me to take a second before I respond again.

_His sister is younger_. We were making progress. I wasn't planning on pushing him, but I felt he could handle it. Apparently, I was right. He just needed that extra push. The trust was already there; he just didn't want to make the first move.

"Are you two close?" I ask tentatively. I was hoping he would answer me.

He let out a humorless laugh. "I guess you could say that." It sounded like he was aware of some kind of hidden joke that I had no idea about.

"How old is she?"

He took a deep breath before he answered. "Six."

_Wow._ I was not expecting that answer. When he said he had a younger sister, I just automatically guessed she was a couple of years younger. I didn't know how old Edward was, but I knew it was way older than six. "Wow."

"Yeah I know…she can be annoying sometimes, but she is my sister."

"You love her."

He didn't even acknowledge my words which confused me. It was kind of obvious he loved her with the way he talked about her, but why wouldn't he admit it? Maybe that is something very personal to him.

"She bet me a pack of Oreo cookies that I wouldn't chew the same piece of gum for two days."

I laughed. "That's…different."

He chuckled. "She is different."

"So how long have you been chewing it?"

"Since about seven last night."

"Doesn't it taste horrible at this point?"

"Like shit." He said with a smirk. "Not that it tasted that good at first, it is sugar-free and I hate the taste of mint."

"So why did you do it?"

He gave me a sideways glance. "I like to win, Bella."

I laughed. _Such a guy._ "What is her name?"

He sighed. "Can we talk about something else?" Names really were a touchy subject for him. It was still unclear to me why, but I hoped I would find out.

I wouldn't push him anymore. "Can I use my 'question-of-the-day' now?"

He laughed. I love that sound so much. "I thought you didn't like those anymore?"

"Yeah I know, but I was just mad. I didn't know what I was saying."

His smile went away and his green eyes were back on me. "I really am sorry for hurting you, Bella. I am trying. You will just have to have some patience."

"I'm sorry for pushing you." I wanted to reach over and take his hand or something, but I had a feeling that would be pushing it way too far. If exchanging words was such a trouble for him, I could only imagine what exchanging touches would mean.

"No, don't be sorry. I understand why you did it. I was being an ass."

"Not an ass per say…" I said trying to make him feel better. It got a small laugh out of him.

"I just want you to know ahead of time, before we get even further into whatever _this _is," He said while pointing from me and to him. "I will never, ever intentionally hurt you, Bella."

"Ditto."

He gave me a smile, and that was good enough for me. As long as he is smiling at me after everything, our little arguments would be worth it in the end.

"Now get out of my car…you have work to do."

I looked over at the clock on my phone and I really should get going. "Can I get my question?"

He laughed. "So stubborn."

"You're one to be talking."

"Touché."

"So can I ask it?"

"Sure."

"How old are you?" He looked over at me and quirked his eyebrow at me. "What?" I asked defensively.

"I give you one question that I have to answer, and you choose that one?"

I shrugged. "I want you to tell me the more important ones on your own without feeling under some sort of obligation."

He was staring at me with a look in his eye that made me feel all tingly inside. He was shaking his head slowly.

"You're amazing." He blushed as soon as he said it, but he didn't take his eyes off me.

"You're one to talk." I say softly, reusing my words from earlier.

"Twenty-tree."

"Excuse me?" He can't stare at me that way and then sprout off something that I didn't understand. This man was fucking with my head and I liked it.

"You asked how old I was and I told you I am twenty-tree."

"Oh." I blushed, feeling like an idiot.

"Can I use my question?"

"Of course."

"How old are you?"

I smiled at him. "Nineteen."

"Still a baby."

I gasped and picked up the roll of napkins he had in the cup holder and threw them at him. "I am not!"

He laughed and started gathering the napkins together. "I was just kidding, jeez."

"Alright, I guess I should be going."

"Yes, I think so too. You germify my gum and make my car look like a pig sty in the matter of minutes. Get the fuck out." He said seriously, but the smirk on his face shows how he was just messing with me.

"Did you really just say germify?"

"So what if I did?"

"Nerd."

"And now you are insulting me!" He said exasperatingly. "Get the fuck out!" He was trying to hold in a laugh, and so was I. It made me feel good knowing that he was at least comfortable enough to joke with me like this.

"Fine, fine! I'm going." I opened the door to his truck, got out and then slammed it shut.

I walked over to his side of the truck and as I approach the door he rolled up his window.

"Hey! Roll it down!" He putted his hands to his ear and shrugs his shoulders. _Oh, he thinks he's cute, doesn't he? _I lift my hand up and flip him the bird. As I am walking away, I turn around and yell. "You're an ass!"

When I am half way to my car I heard his voice yelling back to me. "See you tomorrow, Bella!"

I turned and see he was ready to pull out of the parking lot and he had his head out his window looking at me. I wanted to flip him off again, but his hair blowing in the soft wind distracted me.

"See ya!"

He smiled that brilliant smile.

Yeah, today really was a beautiful day.

* * *

"Bye, Ms. Swan!" One of my students said to me as they ran off to their mother's car. It was my week to do pick-up duty. I was outside with a couple more teachers, but this pick-up duty was nerve wracking to me. I had to make sure my group of kids were going off with the right person and crossing the street properly.

"Bye, Elizabeth. Have a good day." I called out to her as I finally started walking back since she was my last kid.

It was still nice outside and I was thinking I might go for a walk or a run later on. I walked into the office and saw Ms. Watson laughing at her desk. I had no idea what she was laughing at until I walked all the way in and saw Alice sitting on the chair across from Ms. Watson. She had her back-pack on and her little feet were swinging. She had a pink headband in her hair and she was smiling brightly.

"Hi!" She said in a chirpy voice and waved to me.

"Hello, Alice."

"What was your name again?" She asked.

"Ms. Swan."

"Swan like the pretty bird?"

I chuckled. "Yes, Swan like the bird."

"Well, your name is cool, but I hate birds." I sat down on a chair that was across from Alice since I didn't have any more work to do till three. I might as well talk to this little girl so full of life.

"And why is that?"

"Well, I begged for one once. Then when I finally got one, I wanted to give it back right away. It was chirping and squawking all night long and I just couldn't take it!"

I laughed. "That does sound annoying."

"It was, but my brother was mad. He said that it was a waste of money. But then I told him I was so annoyed! Then do you know what he tells me?"

"What?" Everything she said interested me. She had a big personality for such a little girl.

"He said I annoy him so maybe he should sell me too." She rolled her eyes at her brother's teasing comment.

I laughed. "I'm sure he didn't mean it."

"Yeah I know, but he is annoying too so I am thinking about selling him."

I laughed, they sounded like typical bantering siblings. I always saw that between my friends and all that, and I wanted that at one point. Someone you can tease and pick on sounded fun. No matter how much you tease and pick on them though, there is still a silent understanding that no matter how much you harass the other, you still love each other to pieces. It's a very unique relationship.

"So he is feeling better?" I faintly remember her telling me that her brother was sick.

"Oh yeah, he is way better now. Things have been getting better lately." She looked over to the side like she was thinking of something else. The way she went from carefree child to a pensive young girl was startling. I didn't understand it.

"That's good. I am hope things will stay better for a long time."

She looked over at me and gave me a smile. There was something very familiar about that smile that I couldn't really pinpoint.

"Thanks, me too. But Ecy says we need to take it a day at a time."

"Alice! Your ride is here." One of the other teachers on pick-up duty said. "I will walk you out."

Alice hopped up from the chair. "Well it was nice talking to you, Ms. Swan. Have a good day."

"You too, Alice."

She waved to everyone that she passed, and I looked outside to see who was going to pick her up. Her parents must be good people with a daughter like Alice.

When I looked outside, my heart dropped and sped up.

_Edward. _

He was standing outside of his truck taking the last drag of his cigarette. He looked up, and then threw it on the ground. He blew the remaining smoke in his throat and turned to the door where little Alice was running towards him. His face had a small smile on it as she hugged him around the waist and his hand ruffled her hair. Alice pulled away and punched him lightly in the stomach. He feigned hurt and clutched his stomach. She laughed loudly and I could hear it through the window. Edward opened the door to the truck and squatted down. He entwined his hands close to the ground, and Alice put one foot on his hands. He boosted her up and into the truck since she was too short. The gesture was sweet.

He shut the door and got into the driver's seat.

"They're quite the pair, aren't they?" Ms. Watson's voice said from behind me. Her voice startled me because I was so wrapped up in seeing Edward with a child.

"Yeah, is he her brother?"

"Yes." I wasn't stupid. I could put two and two together to realize that Alice was Edward's brother, but there was still that small possibility that she could be his child.

"They must be pretty close then."

She chuckled. "I would say so. I haven't seen anything like it."

I turned to her now since Edward was already long gone. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Edward is her guardian. He has been for a while now."

Edward was Alice's guardian? How does that happen? And for a while now? Edward was only twenty-three! Alice was six, so she must have been born when he was 17 or so. How does that happen?

"Wow, really?" I tried to act like it really wasn't a big deal. No one knows that I know Edward around here, and no one knows how much learning about his life means to me.

"Yeah, quite a sad story really…" She wasn't looking at me, and she seemed to say it as an errant thought. "Sorry, I shouldn't say anymore. I already said too much."

I understood why she had to stop, because of confidentiality and all that, but I wanted to know more. I wanted to grill her until she told me what was so sad about Edward and Alice's story. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea though. I want to learn this stuff from Edward. Why was he his sister's guardian at such a young age? What happened to cause that?

I wanted to know these things more than anything, but I had a feeling it would take a while to get that information out of Edward. It was okay though…I can be patient for him.

_Hopefully._

* * *

_Clouds filled with stars cover your skies,_  
_And I hope it rains_  
_You're the perfect lullaby_  
_What kind of dream is this?_  
_You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare_  
_Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you…_

_**Sweet Dreams, by Beyonce**_

**Hey everyone! I hope you all liked this chapter! So now Bella knows about Alice and Edward's relation! A lot of people were missing Alice last chapter, and she is back for this one! And no worries, there will be many, many more of Alice to come! She is a big part of the story, but you will learn more about that later ;]**

**Big thanks to my betas Vron and Emily who always do their best to beta ASAP. I really appreciate it a lot! **

**And of course to Alexa, my amazing pre-reader and friend. She already knows I love her and that I think she is freaking awesome, but I can't go without thanking her for all she has done! **

**Next chapter you will all get to see into the mind of Edward! And with Edward comes some Alice! I hope you all are going to like what I have planned for this story :]**

**Review and I will reply. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 5: Destiny Calls

**Chapter 5: Destiny Calls**

**EPOV**

I was sure she was a freak of nature.

Bella was confusing to me. Her mind didn't work properly from what I gathered. She was crazy for even speaking to me. She was crazy for even sitting in the same room as me—well I guess all of them were, but that is beside the point. Everyone should stay away from me. End of story.

But she didn't. She sat with me and spoke to me. She would ask me questions—I wouldn't answer them. She would ask again. It was like she knew I really did want to tell her. I did. _How did she do that? _I can't. She teased me. She was comfortable enough around me to do that. Freak of nature, I tell you.

She gets upset at the littlest things. Her face gets red with any heightened emotion. She uses her hands when she talks. She has a scowl that while still scary, made me smile inwardly. She was undeniably cute.

She amazed me. She had great thoughts. She was smart. She was everything I wasn't. I liked her.

Out of all these things, the thing that got to me the most was the way she scared me.

She fucking terrified me.

How the hell did I let her get to me so much? I barely even knew her, but I wanted to. I shouldn't though. I don't need to take another person into my life and hurt them. It was already bad enough that Alice was stuck with me.

I wronged Alice too, though. They tried to take her away from the monster that is me, but I kept fighting and fighting to keep her. It was selfish. It was stupid. She wanted to stay with me, though. It was a constant fight to keep her and a fight I would fight forever.

Today was the day I would find out our fate.

_Please God, cut me some slack and let it all work out. _

My sleep deprivation was starting to catch up with me. I was driving, but I wasn't really seeing anything. A loud ring startled me into consciousness however and I reached for my phone in the cup holder. Whoever this was, probably just saved my life.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Oh, child, you sound like you are the living dead."

_Oh wait, she already has saved my life._

"Ugh, that is how I feel. I am heading home now though." I said.

"Good, good."

"Are you home?"

"Nah, I am at my daughter's house for the day so that is why I was calling, to just let you know that I can't pick Shortcake up."

"Good, I didn't want you picking her up anyway." I said jokingly.

"I will slap you silly, boy!"

I laughed. "It's so fun messing with you, Bev."

"Oh really? Is it because I'm black?" I laughed again.

Bev started using that against me when we had a discussion on how people say that expression a lot. Especially teens. Some even used it if they were white which made absolutely no sense to me at all. At least Beverly was able to say it and mean it.

"Yup, that's exactly the reason." I turned onto my street and my bed was calling to me.

She chuckled, that merry chuckle of hers. "Do you have someone to pick Ally though? If not, I could leave…"

"No, it is fine. I can pick her up. I don't have an appointment today." Thank God. Therapy came only second to hell in my opinion. If it wasn't for all the legal shit in regards to Alice, I wouldn't be bothering.

"Edward, you need to go to those."

"I know, Bev, but I don't have one. I have the hearing today at six." I parked outside of my apartment building and got out of the car. I headed upstairs.

"That was today?" She asked in shock. "I thought it was tomorrow!"

"The pushed it up to today. Sorry, I forgot to tell you. My lawyer called last night while I was at work." Once inside the house, I threw my keys on the table and dragged my feet to my bedroom.

"I will be there at five, Edward."

"Beverly, spend the day with your daughter."

Beverly had a daughter and son that already lived on their own. Her son was 34 and her daughter 32. Lance was a lawyer who lived in New York, and Margaret was a journalist only an hour out of town. They barely visited Beverly. Bev played it off that it wasn't a big deal, but I could tell it was to her.

"Hush up, child; I am going to be there."

I yawned. "Okay."

"You doing okay, Edward?" She asked concernedly.

I unzipped my jeans and dropped them to the floor and took a pair of flannel pants out of the basket of laundry I never got around to folding. _Woops._

As I got changed I responded to Bev's question. "I'm fine. Just tired."

"I am not talking about that and you know it."

I did know. I just didn't want to talk about it. "I'm tired, Bev. I'll see you later."

What was the point of talking about something that was black and white? It could go one of two ways. I get to keep her. They take her away. It was obvious which one I wanted, what more was there to say?

She sighed. Bev hated my inability to 'express my feelings' as she called it. I have been trying to work on it, but it gets me nowhere. To me, there was nothing to grasp at or say. Plus, talking about it gets me angry, and that isn't a place I should be going if I want to keep Alice.

"I will see you later on. Make sure you have something nice and not wrinkled to wear."

"I will." I would just have to search for some dress clothes. That was always so fucking fun. _Not._

"Bye, Edward."

"Bye, Beverly." And we hung up.

I threw the phone on the bed and seconds later I had my shirt off and thrown on the floor. I took the piece of gum out of my mouth and put it on a tissue. The shit was fucking disgusting but I was a stubborn bastard, what can I say? I pretty much did a face dive onto my bed and pulled the covers around me.

Working from eight to eleven p.m. and then three to six a.m. was tiring shit.

I closed my eyes. It usually only took me a few seconds to knock out. Not today. One main pestering thought kept running through my head.

_No Alice. No Alice. No Alice. _

_No life._

* * *

_Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck! _

_I think I might be late to pick up Alice. I overslept. Shit. Fuck. _

I counted in my head. 1, 2, 3, 4…this shit is stupid. The whole counting to ten shit just made me feel like a kindergartener. That pissed me off even more. '_You need to control your temper, Edward.'_ I could practically hear my therapists annoying and screeching voice. She made living without ears sound enjoyable.

I took another soothing drag of smoke into my throat and blew it out. I put my arm out the window so not too much smoke stuck to the interior of the car.

I pulled up the school and there were no more kids waiting outside. _Great. _

I got out of the truck and there was a teacher about to walk in.

"Excuse me, miss!" She turned around and looked me up and down. She gave a look of disgust at my cigarette. I never saw her around here before.

"Yes?"

"Hi, I am here to pick up Alice Cullen…you wouldn't happen to know where she is do you?"

Recognition filled her face. Everyone seemed to know Alice. "Yes, she is inside. I can go get her for you." Well jeez that's safe. What if I was the creeper next door? I may have to have a talk with administration, but for now, I just wanted to get Alice and go.

"Thank you." I said with a nod and went back to the truck. I leaned my back on the passenger door and took another drag. Alice was going to be surprised to see me. I barely ever pick her up. I was looking forward to seeing her. I would pretend it wasn't going to be the last time.

I threw my cigarette on the ground. She came out only minutes later and her face lit up when she saw it was me. That look was enough to make me not feel as bad about my decision to want to keep her. Sure it was selfish because she really shouldn't be around me, but if me being around brings that look to her face…_how bad could it really be?_

She ran at me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Ecy, it's you!" Oh that nickname. I had absolutely nothing to do with that. It was my uncle's fault. He _loathed_ my name. He called me so many different names, I didn't even know he was talking to me half the time. Well, since Alice was just a baby, he pretty much brainwashed her to call me Ecy. Edward Cullen. E-C, get it? I didn't mind. It worked. It was a mouthful for a one year old to say Edward. It was funny watching her try though.

I ruffled her hair even though the headband was in the way. "Ugh, Alice…it's you." I said in mock disgust.

She pulled away and punched me in the stomach. Her punches were getting harder and harder as she got older, but I still barely felt it. I didn't want to bruise her ego though so I clutched my stomach and faked being hurt. That got a rather loud laugh out of her, and I was glad my 'pain' was funny to her.

I smirked and opened the door. I squatted down and linked my hands together the same way I did since she was three years old. She couldn't get into the truck because she was so small, but she wouldn't want me to lift her because she felt like a baby that way.

She stepped on to my entwined hands and I lifted her to the seat. Once she was in, I got in on the other side.

"So what are we doing today?" Alice was already asking before I could start the car.

_Shit. I still haven't told her._ "Well, we could go for a quick walk at the park. Then we can have dinner, your choice, and then we have to be in court at six." I didn't hide anything from Alice.

"What?" She asked in a quivering voice. She was hurt. Fuck. "I thought that was supposed to be tomorrow?"

"It was, but they rescheduled." I said. There was no answer. I waited. Still nothing. I glanced over at her. She was staring out the window. "Penny for your thoughts?" She still didn't answer. "Pickles." For some reason, that word always made her laugh. Or so I thought. I sighed. "Come on Alice, just tell me what you are thinking."

"Leave me alone, Ecy." She said agitatedly.

So I did.

I wasn't going to push her. I knew what it felt like when you want people to just shut the fuck up. She needed time to think things through, and I would give it to her. As long as she knew I cared enough to ask. I remembered how something as little as that would have comforted me as a kid. It never came.

She didn't say another word the whole ride to the park. I had soft music playing from the radio hoping it would calm her. Maybe it worked, maybe it didn't. I couldn't be sure since she didn't speak to me.

I parked the car in the parking lot and opened my door. Alice didn't move. I opened her door and turned my back to her, and bent my knees a little. Thankfully her small arms wrapped around my neck, and I pulled her the rest of the way up. Our walks in the park consisted more of me walking, and her getting a complimentary piggy-back ride. I definitely got the short end of the stick when it came to our walks in the park.

We—well I—walked in silence. She had her chin resting on my shoulder and her arms around my neck lazily and I had my arms hooked under her legs.

"French today, please." She finally said. And Alice was back.

"Okay, quiz from last time." She nodded her head. "Comment vas-tu aujourd'hui?"

"How are you doing today?" She answered proudly.

"Nice." I said and she giggled. "Next one, ready, this one is tough."

"I will get it." She said confidently. _That's my girl. _

"Je pense que je vais jeter Alice dans la mare."

She gasped. "Ecy! You can't throw me in the pond!"

"Well technically I could." I said with a chuckled. She yanked on my earlobe. "Ow, Alice. Cut it out."

"Tu l'as mérité." Ha, right, I deserve it. She could be a smart ass when she wants to.

"You already know too much French, what about another one?"

"I don't know, which one do you feel like teaching me?"

"Hmm…" I spoke eight languages, I had a lot to choose from. "German?"

"That one is so hard!" She complained.

"No way! German is way easier."

She sighed. "Fiiine."

"Hör auf zu jammern Dummerchen."

"Huh?" She asked and I laughed.

"I said stop complaining you silly girl." She pulled on my ear again. "Stop!"

She giggled. "Okay, teach me now."

And so I did. It was one of the few things I actually could do for her.

* * *

The calzone was sitting in front of me. I couldn't eat. Calzones are mine and Alice's favorite but tonight the sight of it repulsed me. I made them really good too. However, my stomach wouldn't let anything in today. The nerves inside me were taking control of everything. It felt like the nerves were slowly wrapping around my and constricting tighter and tighter until breathing became difficult.

Alice, however, was chewing it down and there were crumbs all over the kitchen table. We didn't get a snack afterschool like we usually did, so she was starving. I guessed I should at least eat something or else my blood sugar levels would be shitty, but it seemed impossible to eat anything. Beverly will bitch at me for it later. Sorry if my diabetes were low on my list of priorities right now compared to the potential of losing my sister.

"You still want to know why I was mad earlier?" Alice all of a sudden asked. She was picking off pieces of the calzone with her fingers.

"Sure." I said. My voice was hoarse. Alice gave me a funny look. She knew.

"I thought today we could have a good day without courts and scary people in suits." She said quietly and wasn't picking at her food as much.

"Today has been good right?" I asked hopefully. If it was her last day with me, I wanted it to be a memorable one.

"Yeah, but not for long." She said sadly. "But they won't take me away right? You won't let them." She said confidently. I liked Alice to have confidence. Confidence in herself though. Having confidence in me was a waste of time.

"I don't know, Alice." Again, I don't hide things from her. I tell her like it is, because sugar coating shit doesn't help anyone in the long run.

She pushed her plate away and it almost fell off the side of the table. I caught it. I looked over to her. The expression on her face showed her anger. The tear in her eyes showed her pain.

_Anger. Pain. Anger. Pain. _

_Not for my little sister. Please make it stop. _

"They won't take me, Ecy." She said firmly and banged her fist on the table.

"I am going to try my hardest so that won't happen, Alice, but there is still a chance…"

"No! No, no, nooooo!" The last 'no' came out as a high pitched scream and she covered her ears and shook her head from side to side. And the tears…the tears…the pain.

I got up from my seat and pulled her from the chair. I knelt in front of her and pried her hands from her ears as she continued to scream. I felt my blood pressure rise, and I fought so fucking hard against it. Getting angry wouldn't help right now. It is what got me in this shit in the first place.

"Alice! Stop!"

She finally let me take them from her ears and her head fell forward on my shoulder. Her sobs were shaking her small body and the movements made me nervous. She was so small. So fragile in my eyes. This much pain in a little body couldn't be healthy.

"Don't let them take me, don't let them, please, please, please…" She repeated over and over again, pleading with me.

_Did I want to tell her okay? Fuck yes. Could I? Fuck no._

If I did tell her I wouldn't let them take her from me, if I promise her that, and they do, she will only hurt twice as much. Either way, Alice was going to be hurt. But now I had control of the degrees of that pain. To me, this was the only route.

"Alice, I can't promise you they won't, but I can promise you I will do whatever I can to keep you here."

She lifted her head. She slammed both her hands on my shoulders. "No! Promise me they won't take me! Now! Promise me!"

"I can't Alice." _Make it stop, make it stop…fucking make this shit stop._

She flipped out she screamed and she hit me. She hit me on my shoulders and my chest. Her small fists were pounding away at me like I was her own personal punching bag. I would be anything for her. I took the punches. I let her get her aggression out. Her screaming and crying and the way she kept chanting 'no' reminded me of how much pent up anger she had to get out.

This anguish she was feeling was my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have done what I did. Maybe I should have found her another home. A home where she could be a part of a whole and loving family. Maybe that would have been the right thing to do, but again, I was selfish. I knew I couldn't live my life knowing my little sister was out there in the world with no one. I had no one. I wouldn't let that happen to her.

_They _already screwed me up. _They _would never get the chance to do the same to Alice.

She kept hitting and her crying became so much, she was having trouble breathing. I couldn't take it anymore and I took both of her wrists in my one hand. She tried to take them out, but it didn't work. I wouldn't let go.

"Stop, Alice." I said softly in what I hoped was a soothing tone to her. It seemed to work a little.

"Y-y-you're m-my f-f-f-favorite E-ecy." She stuttered out between sobs.

_This feeling in my chest. Make it go away._ "You're my favorite too, Alice."

She took a deep breath and spoke clearer. "If they take me away, I will run away. I know my way home."

"No, Alice, promise you won't do that."

"You're my only family! You and Bev! I don't want to go! I will be all alone!"

_Alone. _

She would feel alone. There is no fucking way I would let that happen.

"Alice." I said firmly. "If they take you away…look me straight in the eye right now." She did. "If they take you away, you have to promise me right now that you will never feel alone."

"How can't I?" She asked and started messing with my hair. It was a soothing thing to do for her since she was a baby.

"Because you are never going to be alone. As long as I'm around, you won't. You're my favorite girl, Alice. Don't think I would ever forget you or stop fighting to get you back."

"You promise to fight?" She asked.

"I promise."

She threw herself at me and wrapped her arms around my neck tightly. I fell back so I was sitting on my ass. I wrapped my arms around her. If she needed someone to hug, I would be it. I would do or be anything for her.

"Tu me manqueras si je pars." She whispered in French in my ear. _I will miss you, too. _"As long as you fight, I will fight too."

_With all I have._

* * *

"All rise!" The bailiff said to the small room. There wasn't a jury, it was a small hearing. I stood up and straightened the suit jacket I had on. It was a simple black and I had a baby blue button up underneath. I think I heard somewhere once that wearing blue to court makes people more sympathetic. I think it is complete bullshit, but I figured I could give it a try.

The judge walked in. It was an old man this time. Hopefully he had a good day or else I am fucking screwed. He motioned for everyone to sit. I didn't even have to be here if it wasn't for my nosey fucking neighbors. I never hurt Alice. Sure I had a few 'episodes' as my therapist liked to call them, but I never touched her. What makes them think I would start now? Why do they want to take her from me?

I could hear Alice and Bev behind me. Alice wasn't saying much, but I could hear Beverly's soothing voice.

"Will you rise, Mr. Cullen?" The judge said to me.

"Yes, your honor." I said and got to my feet.

"You know why you are here, right."

Stupid fucking question. "Yes, your honor, I do."

"Now, Mr. Cullen, I am going to be blunt. To me, the verdict for this hearing is one of common sense." He shrugged his shoulders. _Fucking_ _bastard_. Don't even tell me he won't give me a chance to fight. "In my eyes, you should not have the child. You are young, unpredictable, and volatile. Does that sound like a sound guardian for a young child?"

"With all due respect your honor, I think I am the best choice as a guardian for my sister." I meant that…kind of. Maybe there were more fitting 'guardians' out there, but the fact of the matter is, Alice doesn't want to be away from me. It may be wrong, yes, but Alice should be able to have a say in what happens in her life.

"I disagree." He said simply. _What the fuck does this asshole know of my life to make that decision? Fucker. _"Mr. Bowman," He said to my lawyer. Mr. Bowman stood up as well. "What is the status of your client?" I fucking hated that he talked about me like I wasn't in the room.

"Your honor, my client has not missed one therapy session assigned to him. The notes from the therapist show he is cooperative, and willing to get help."

He sighed. "Well I need to make the final decision. And Mr. Cullen, I understand you want to keep guardianship over your sister, but the fact of the matter is, me letting you keep her would be plain stupidity on my part." My fists clenched. I needed to control myself. If I had an episode in here, I would for sure lose her. "But, I won't cheat. I know I need to hear all sides, and I believe the best way of doing that is having the child take the stand. Alice Millicent Cullen is here am I correct."

My fists clenched even more. I didn't want them speaking to her. But I had to fight. I promised to fight, and I need to give her the opportunity to do so as well.

"Yes, your honor." I said.

"Great. Then the court calls Alice Cullen to the stand."

I glanced behind me at Alice and she looked absolutely scared. "Your honor, the child has not been prepared to take the stand." Mr. Bowman said.

"It won't be an interrogation that she needs to be prepared for, Mr. Bowman. The questions I will ask are simple questions about her life with her brother."

I leaned over and whispered in Mr. Bowman's ear. He nodded and spoke once again. "Your honor, can you at least award Mr. Cullen the right to speak with the child beforehand to ease her troubled mind."

He didn't answer right away. "Make it fast, Mr. Cullen. You can escort her to the stand."

I walked away from my chair and walked to get Alice. She was already clinging to Bev and Bev was whispering in her ear. Alice looked straight towards me when I was walking to her and she lifted her arms for me. I lifted her in my arms and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I don't want to do it, Ecy." She said in a scared voice.

"He will only ask you a couple questions." I told her. "If he takes it too far, I will make sure he stops. You can do this, Alice. Just be honest, okay?"

"Je ferai de mon mieux." She whispered. _I will try my best._

"Good girl." I said and I placed her back on the ground. She grabbed my hand and I carried her to the stand. It really wasn't a stand, it was a fucking chair near the judge's desk, but it was a small hearing. Not a full court room.

She sat down and I walked back to my seat. I kept my eyes on Alice. She could do this.

"Hello, my name is Judge Richardson, what is yours?"

"You already know my name, you said it before." She said in an 'are you stupid or something, homeboy' tone. _Shit. _

"Very well." The judge said. He seemed caught off guard by Alice's inability to filter. "Alice then, how are you today?"

"Bad." She said simply.

"And why is that?"

"Because you are trying to send me away from Ecy."

"And when you say Ecy, you mean your brother correct."

Alice was looking at him funny. So far all his questions were fucking stupid, even my six year old sister knew. "Yes, I mean my brother."

"Well lets talk about your brother, okay?" Alice nodded. "Is your brother nice to you?"

"Yes."

"Did you ever feel unsafe being in the same room as Edward?"

"No."

"Have you seen your brother very angry?"

"Yes."

"What does he do?"

"He gets all red, and he yells and yells, and throws stuff. But he leaves when he sees me watching." _I'm sorry, Alice. _

"Does it scare you seeing him like that?"

"Yes. I don't want him to hurt himself." I worry about hurting her when I am like that. I don't know what is going on.

"Has your brother ever hurt you?"

"What? No!" _Yet. Fuck! Stop thinking like that! I am incapable of hurting her. I just know it._

"You say he leaves, he has left you home alone before hasn't he?" _It's either that or hurt her, fucker, it's not easy for me, you know. _

"Yes, a couple times, but I am not completely alone."

"What does that mean?"

"Our best friend, Beverly, lives in the apartment next to ours. She comes over." She pointed to Bev who looked like she was going to cry.

The judge switched the papers he was looking at, and the look on his face made me scared. What was he going to say now.

"Alice, have you ever met your parents?" He did not just go there. This fucker did not just bring _them_ into this. _Count to10…calm the fuck down. _

Alice seemed as caught off guard as I was. "No."

"Do you ever wonder about your parents?"

Alice looked lost. She looked from me to the judge and back again. "Yes."

"Does Edward tell you anything about your parents?"

She swallowed. "Just that I need to trust him that I would be better away from them."

That was all I told her. I don't want to talk about them. They weren't worth talking about in my opinion.

"How long have you lived with Edward?" He asked her.

"Forever."

"That is not true, Alice."

"What do you mean?"

"You lived with your parents the first year of your life."

"I did?" She asked in wonder. I told Alice everything; I really did, but only the things that matter. _They _don't matter. "I don't remember."

"You did. Now do you ever think about having a Mommy and a Daddy?"

She looked over to me in fear. I could see in her eyes her answer. I nodded to her, letting her know she could tell the complete truth. "Yes."

"What would you say if I told you I could get you a Mommy and Daddy, Alice? Would you like that?" Is this guy really going to try and trap her?

I leaned over to Bowman. "Stop this." I seethed.

"Your honor, the child's want of parents seems irrelevant to the case at hand." He said and stood up.

"This has everything to do with it. What the child wants matters." He said and looked back to Alice. "So would you like that, sweetie?" _Don't fucking call her that. _I could feel my blood pressure rising.

"I don't know." She said and crossed her arms over her chest protectively around herself.

"I can set it up so you can have a Mommy, a Daddy, and still see Edward sometimes."

"No. Then no." She said._ That's my girl._ I understand her hesitation. I took her chance at having parents away from her. Each child longs for their parents love. _Me included. _But sometimes parents don't always give it. End of story.

"You don't want the chance at a Mommy and Daddy?" He asked. _Leave it the fuck alone, asshole. _

"I don't want to be away from Ecy." She said. "He is my big brother and he is nice to me. He gets mad sometimes but only sometimes. He is not mad all the time. We all get mad. Ecy takes care of me when I am sick, he helps me with my homework, we do a lot of things together, and he teaches me a lot. I can speak French really good and he is teaching me more. Watch." She cleared her throat. "S'il vous plaît, ne m'éloignez pas de mon frère."

An unfamiliar lump formed in my throat. I didn't know what it was, but I fought against it. Alice's breath was picking up. She was panicking.

"What did you say?" the judge asked.

"I said please don't take me away from my brother…" She was breathing heavier. Either my lawyer or the judge better stop this shit before I do. They were insane if they think I would sit back and watch this fucking judge badger my sister until she had a full blown panic attack in front of everyone present. _Over my dead body. _"Right, Ecy? I said it right didn't I?" She asked while looking over at me.

I tried to tell her to calm down with my eyes and it seemed to work a little bit. "Yes you did." I said.

"Mr. Your Honor Man, please don't make me get a new Mommy and Daddy. I don't want them. I didn't know what I was saying before. I don't want to leave Edward. Please don't make me." She was sobbing now and I stood up.

"Please, stop." I said to the judge. "Don't you think she's had enough?" I said pointing to Alice who was wiping her tears away with her sleeve. I tried so say it as calm as I could.

Mr. Bowman pulled on my sleeve, but I didn't sit down. The judge was studying me for a second, and then nodded his head. "Alice, you can step down now. Thank you."

"Mr. Your Honor Man, can I go sit with Edward now?" She asked him, her voice interrupted by her hiccups.

He looked at her, and how broken she looked, and I don't think anyone could have said no to her looking like that. "Go ahead." He said. Alice bolted off the seat and ran for me. I pulled my seat out and lifted her to my lap.

She wrapped her arms the best she could around my middle and I bent my head down to whisper in her ear. "Bonne fille." _Good girl. _She nodded her head and held onto me tighter.

"Mr. Cullen." The judge said. I looked up at him. He didn't look as unforgiving as before. That is a good sign. "You are going to therapy correct?"

"Yes, your honor."

"I think I can give you a break. The child is obviously not unhappy living with you, and you haven't physically hurt her. If you continue to go to therapy to find out what causes your episodes, I will leave the child in your custody."

I let out the breath I was holding in. "Thank you, your honor."

"If I see your name again in one of my cases that will be the end. I believe in second chances, and this is yours. Control yourself, get help, do whatever you need to make this work. But if I hear that you destroyed another bar, beat another civilian, or left the child alone again, that is it. I will have no other choice."

I nodded my head. "I understand."

"Okay, well there you go. I hope I don't see you again, Mr. Cullen."

"Me neither." He banged down his gravel and the plaintiff told us to rise. The judge left and I still had Alice clinging to me. I looked over to Bowman. "Thank you." I said. He nodded and then walked out of the room.

"We did it, Ecy!" Alice said excitedly and I placed her back on the ground.

"Yes we did." I said with a smile. She kissed my arm quickly simply because it was the closest part of me next to her, and she ran for Beverly. Beverly was wiping her tears away with handkerchief and Alice was jumping for her to pick her up.

"Oh, child, my knees are too weak to hold you." She said. Alice just settled with hugging her around the waist. I walked over to them feeling much lighter than I was before. It was like a huge weight was lifted off shoulders and I could breathe properly again.

"Bev, you really are a cry baby." I said as I approached them.

She punched me in the shoulder. "You better shut up, boy. You both had this old lady ready to have a heart attack." I rolled my eyes, she really wasn't _that _old. She was 52. "Shortcake, I was so proud of you."

She let go of Bev and started jumping up and down. "Thank you!" She turned to me. "Ecy! I am so happy, I could dance!"

I rolled my eyes. "Not here, Alice." I was the first one down for a dance, but not in this room.

"Later?" She asked while still jumping.

"Sure." I said. She ran at me again and hugged me. "Je suis si heureux."

_Yeah, I'm happy too. I just wish it would last. _

* * *

_When destiny calls you_

_You must be strong_

_I may not be with you_

_But you've got to hold on_

_They'll see in time_

_I know_

_We'll show them together _

_'Cause you'll be in my heart_

_Yes, you'll be in my heart_

_From this day on,_

_Now and forever more…_

_**You'll Be in My Heart, by Phil Collins**_

* * *

**Thanks to my betas, Emily and Veronica. Thanks to my awesome pre-reader and friend, Alexa. Thanks to my translators KatyAnnMarie and Ady!**

**I hope you all like getting into Edward's mind!**

**Review please :]**


	7. Chapter 6: Odd One

**~Important A/N at end~**

**Chapter 6: Odd One**

**BPOV **

"Did it hurt?" He asked. His gross-smelling alcohol breath made me want to hurl all over the front of his expensive shirt.

This was the most ridiculous pick-up line I had ever heard. It was so outdated and just completely unoriginal. This dude has been staring me down the whole time the girls and I have been at the bar. When he finally approaches me and this is what he says?

"I don't know what you are talking about." I said as I took a sip of my water. I was the designated driver. The only reason I came tonight was so I could keep an eye on Tanya and Angela. They could get rowdy.

"Hey, chick, what is there to get? I just asked you a fucking question, now answer it." He slurred. Fucking drunk bastard. Does he think he could get into my pants by having a nasty attitude and calling me chick? Only one person can call me that, and this dude was not him at all.

"Actually, yes." I said. "Looking at your face really hurts, so can you please go away?" Maybe that was a little mean, but he wouldn't remember this in the morning anyway.

He looked shocked at my comeback, and then he just turned and walked away. I knew he wouldn't be sad about it. That kind of guy just wanted to get some girl to put out for him. Not. Me. I don't do that stuff. Even when I was in high school, I never slept with someone who wasn't my boyfriend. I didn't want to be an STD exchange station. Sue me.

After creepy guy number one was gone, I just sat at the bar and started thinking once again. Thinking of what exactly? Oh you know, a certain green eyed man that I fucking admire. I guess I had a crush on him. Things just really flowed with us. Even though he was a stubborn bastard, he had some kind of problem with speaking about himself, and he could get under my skin like no other human being on this earth, I still thought he was amazing. _Insert dreamy sigh here._

I looked at the clock on my phone and was happy when I saw it was already 11. We agreed we would all leave at 11:30, because we all had work and classes tomorrow. I decided I would take that time to think about the thing I was dreading thinking about and that was thinking about what I was going to do about the whole Alice situation. Do I tell him I know or do I just keep it to myself?

In my head, there really was only one way that was really fair to him. I think I should tell him. I have learned that keeping stuff from people only hurts you more in the long run, if you don't come out and say it. I am an honest person. Maybe sometimes too honest, but I never really found the benefit with shying away from the truth.

But if I did tell Edward, I had no way of knowing how he would react. He was obviously very private about his life, and doesn't give too much away. What if he thought I was some creepy stalker lady that followed him while he picked up his little sister? But he couldn't think that…I work there. I have proof; I see parents all the time. There was nothing creepy about it. I had no idea how he would react though. I hope he wouldn't be mad.

"Hey, cutie." I turned to look at creeper number two of the night, and noticed this one was not only drunk, but high as well. The smell radiating off of him and his bloodshot eyes gave it away. He wasn't that bad looking. He wasn't as good looking as Edward, of course, but he wasn't ugly or anything. _Why do people waste their lives getting caught up in that type of shit?_

"I'm married." I said simply. He picked up my left hand and I snatched it away from him.

"Liar." He mumbled and burped. _Charming. _

"Yup, I am. So get a clue, buddy." I took the final sip of water from my cup and got up from the stool. It was close enough to 11:30. We could leave now. I walked through the dancing people to get to Angela and Tanya. They were in the middle of the dance floor the last time I saw them about a minute ago. Thankfully they weren't too far deep thankfully, but they were both attached to a guy. _This will be fun. _

"Tanya!" I yelled through the music. She was making out with some dude with red and purple hair and they were dancing in a way that I really didn't want to see. "Tanya!" I yelled again, and this time she looked.

"What?" She asked and the guy was kissing her neck.

"We have to go." I yelled and pulled on her arm. Physically grabbing them usually is the only way to get them out. Tanya gave the guy she was with her number while I went to get Angela. She was in a similar position as Tanya was, but she wasn't making out with the guy. They were just looking at each other. "Angela!" I yelled. Fuck, I was going to lose my voice.

She snapped out of staring contest with the guy. "I am going home with Ben, Bella." She said and then looked back at the guy with glasses.

"No." I said immediately. There was no way in hell I was letting her go home with this guy. Last time I let that happen…no…just no. I don't need that guilt again. I pulled on her arm.

"No! Bella leave me alone, I am going home with Ben."

"Angela, let him go. I am not leaving you here with him." I yelled. She wrapped her arms around the guy, and he didn't look that drunk. Hopefully he would help. "Ben, can you carry her to the car?" I asked him.

"I can bring her." He said.

"Please. No, just bring her to the car. You have her number?" I asked him. He nodded. "Bring her to the car. You can call her tomorrow." I said.

This was the best solution I could think of. Angela was tipsy, and she wouldn't listen to me. If I had this guy just bring her to the car, she wouldn't be as reluctant hopefully. Tanya was already hanging on my arm. I led her to the door and Ben led Angela.

I walked to the car, and Tanya went to get in the driver's seat. "Tanya, get in the passenger seat." I told her.

"No, Bella. I can drive." She slurred. I sighed and physically pulled her out of the car. She groaned and went to the passenger seat. Ben had Angela half-way in the back and they were making out. I sighed again and sat in the driver's seat. Tanya started giggling and she wrapped her arms around me. "I looooove you, Bella." She said and began kissing my cheek.

"Yeah, I love you too. Now can you stop harassing me?" I said and started to swat her away. She laughed, but did as I asked. She turned the radio on and started blasting the music. It was horrible music, but whatever. We would be home soon and I could just go to sleep. I had somewhere important to be bright and early in the morning.

Ben finally let go of Angela and he shut the door. I took that opportunity to jet out of here before she jumped out the car to him. And someone out there really fucking hated me because then she started crying loudly. "Why did you take him away from me?" She cried.

"Angela, you will be fine." I said, trying to just get her to stop. I didn't exactly feel bad. Was that bad? She was just drunk. She probably won't remember that guy in the morning.

"I can't believe you did that to me, Bella. I needed him." This time I just rolled my eyes. I really never enjoyed being the designated driver and also designated baby-sitter. The only reason I did it was because one, both of them were indeed my friends, and two, they did the same for me when I was just like them. That was in the past, but I felt I needed to pay them back somehow.

I just hope they could appreciate it.

* * *

The coffee shop came into view, and what I guessed was my tenth yawn since I woke up came out of my mouth. I slept for four hours last night. Angela and Tanya wouldn't settle down. They were either laughing or crying or throwing up in the bathroom. Yeah, no more of that on nights where I had something to do the next day. I couldn't function well on four hours of sleep.

After I parked, I headed inside. As soon as I was in the door, I looked over to see if Edward was there, and thankfully he was. He had his head down on the table and my coffee and muffin was in front of him. The beanie was back, and I wanted to take it off his head. Sure, he looked good in it, but nothing beat his hair…or his eyes…or his face…or his hands…or him. I sat down across from him, and he didn't move. Holy shit, was he really sleeping?

"Edward?" I asked. He didn't move. Wow, he really was sleeping. A part of me didn't want to interrupt his sleep, but how fucking creepy would it look if I was just sitting at the table eating my muffin all innocently with a dude sleeping in front of me. That's just weird. "Edward…" I poked his arm, and he didn't move. Heavy sleeper? I think so.

I shook him a little more, and his head snapped up. He looked disoriented for a second before he remembered where he was. Realization filled his face and he sighed and yawned. He rested his elbows on the table and rubbed his hands over his eyes.

"Well good morning sleepy head." I said.

He peeked at me from behind his hands and chuckled slightly. "Good morning." He said.

It was really good to see him and hear him. It was a strange feeling. I was tired just a minute ago, and now I wasn't so tired. I was kind of pissed at my friends this morning, but now it didn't seem so bad. It was a strange how just the sight of him could do that for me. I wasn't used to it. I wasn't going to fight it though.

"I may or may not have slipped something in your drink." I said.

He shrugged. "Your problem, not mine." He said and took a large sip of his coffee. Ugh…how could he drink it black?

"How do you figure?" I asked him.

"Well, if you did, and I die or something, it would only leave one suspect…you."

"Uh…you would be dead; I would say that is worse compared to jail."

"Yeah, well, at least I would be dead knowing my murderer was put in jail."

"I would find a way out of jail."

"I would haunt you."

"Why are we talking about this again?"

"I don't know."

"Want to stop?"

"Sure."

There was silence for a moment, before we both started laughing. That was something special about our conversations. That conversation was special to me. It was unique. I couldn't imagine myself having that conversation with anyone else in the world. Other guys would have thought I was weird or crazy. Edward didn't. It worked.

"So, how was your day yesterday?" I asked.

He smirked and a certain happiness that I wasn't used to seeing came to his eyes. "Oh, you know, just like any other day." I could tell it really wasn't. I didn't want to push him though. I was already freaking out about telling him I know about Alice. "How was yours?"

"Hm…interesting I guess you could say." I ripped off a piece of my muffin. "You want some?" He shook his head. How can he not want any of this muffin? It is freaking amazing.

"Interesting, how?" He asked.

"It involved crying roommates, overly loving roommates, drunken roommates, water, bar, loud obnoxious music, and two creeper guys trying to pick me up. You know, another normal day in the life of Bella Swan." He looked shocked at my words, confused, and even mad? Who knows. He was staring at me with those green eyes of him. I was intimidated for a second and uncomfortable. "What?" I asked. Did I have muffin on my face? Coffee mustache?

"Two creeper guys? Did they hurt you?" Oh…OH! He was worried about the guys…but why should he be? This man confused me to no end.

"No, I told them both off. I wasn't in the mood." He seemed to relax a little and he took a sip of his coffee.

"So like a bird?" He asked with a mischievous grin on his face.

"What the hell? What are you talking about?"

"Swan…like the bird?" Oh that fucker. He had me and he knew it. I never told him my last time because I refused to until he told me his first. Ugh…I hate losing and I just lost that game so terribly!

"I don't know what you are talking about." I said, hoping playing dumb will get him to not rub it in my face that he won. I should have known better though.

"I win." He said simply and shrugged his shoulders. He smirked as he took a sip of his coffee. I wanted to hit it out of his hands. I hate losing!

"You know what? Eff you, Edward."

He laughed and almost spit his coffee all over the place. "Eff me? What are we in elementary school? You can't say fuck?" Ugh…stop swearing Edward. You make it sound like a nice word, and it is not.

"Not swearing is a sign of intelligence, if you didn't know."

"I must be pretty fucking dumb then." He said with a smile. I shrugged and looked away from him. He was wrong. He was wrong on so many levels, he was far from dumb, but I was mad at him. He won, and that smug look on his face showed he knew it. "Are you mad that I won and you didn't?" He asked. How does he know this stuff?

"Shut it."

"You're a loser!" He said and put the 'L' on his forehead. Why does he have to look cute while doing that? He was being mean!

"You're a child."

"Whoa, who is the teenager at the table?" He asked rhetorically. Why did I even like this guy? He was a jerk. Oh…that's right, because he isn't a jerk. He was just trying to rile me up, and it was working. I may have acted mad, but I secretly loved it. I loved a challenge and he wasn't afraid to challenge me. He was the realest person I know. He doesn't tell me much about himself, but he told me right from the beginning, what you see is what you get. Any other guy would have been all 'oh, I am sorry I made you mad sweetie-pie' or something like that. I didn't want that. He was perfect.

"I can't wait until I am twenty and you don't have to bug me about that anymore."

"When will that be?" He asked.

"Next September." It was the beginning of October. I just turned nineteen a couple of weeks before I met him. Now I had a whole year of him badgering me about my age. _Great._

"September…" He said, waving his hand, waiting for me to tell him the day.

"Thirteenth." I answered. Why was I telling him all this? So much for me being as secretive as him. I try to, but I am too much of a blabber mouth. I just say what I am thinking and don't exactly think of the consequences.

"You want to know my last name?" He asked me. He looked kind of nervous. I wanted to take whatever he would give me, but I had a problem with him telling me his last name. I may already know his last name. I felt I would be cheating if I had him tell me when I already potentially know. I would feel like a snake. I have to tell him.

"Well, yeah, but can I just tell you something first?" I asked.

He looked confused. "Sure…" He said hesitantly.

"Promise you won't freak out or get mad at me?"

"This will make me mad?" He asked. He put down his coffee and had his hands folded in front of him. He was tense.

"I don't really know…maybe, maybe not."

He let out a sharp breath that he was holding in, and his breath surrounded me. It smelt like smoke, coffee, and sweetness. A rather nice combination if you ask me.

"Just tell me, Bella." He said.

"Well, I know I never told you, but I work at that elementary school in town…you know, Johnson Elementary." I thought some kind of realization would have came over his face, but he hid it well. "Well, I saw you there yesterday…" I was so nervous I didn't even know what to do with myself. He was showing no emotion, so I had no way of knowing how he was feeling, I had no way to gauge his reaction and act accordingly. "You were with…well you know…"

"Alice." He said as an answer. His voice was normal…he didn't sound mad. That must be a good thing.

"Yes…Alice."

He shrugged. "Okay."

"And she is your sister, right?"

"No, I kidnapped her." He said. I gasped and threw the closest thing to me at him. It ended up being muffin and I got him right in the face. He didn't look mad though, he just laughed and threw some crumbs at me.

"Don't say that, Edward." I said.

"I was just kidding, obviously." He said and rolled his eyes. He took a deep breath. "Yes, she is my sister. Did you think I would get mad that you knew?" He asked. He sounded genuinely curious and thankfully, not mad at all.

I shrugged. "I don't know. You are a very private person."

"You're right, I am, but you don't understand, Bella. It's not that I don't want to tell you things…it is more that I can't." He was looking at his hands as he spoke; he looked almost vulnerable. I didn't want him to feel that way.

"What do you mean?" I asked him softly as I leaned closer to him.

He sighed. "I don't know. Just another thing that is wrong with me I guess."

"There is nothing wrong with you, Edward." I said.

He let out a forced, short, humorless laugh. "You're wrong."

My fist clenched at his words. When he spoke like that, he got me so mad. I couldn't explain it. "You don't see yourself clearly." I said.

"You don't even know me." He snapped. I was taken aback by his words, and I swallowed the lump back down my throat. He was right. I didn't know him that well, but there was just something telling me that I shouldn't write him off so quickly. It would be easier if I fought against that feeling, but when I tried, it was unnatural, and it was impossible to stop.

"I'm sorry." I said. I crossed my arms in front of me.

"No…Bella, don't be upset alright? I didn't mean it like that." He sounded like he was panicking just a little bit. Did he think I was going away? Did he really think I would give up on him that easily? Well, obviously he didn't know me either. "You not knowing me isn't your fault, it's mine." He said.

I sighed and leaned forward on the table. "Look, Edward, I might not know a lot about you, but the things I do know, I like." 'Like' seemed like such an understatement. "In time, hopefully, you will learn that it is alright to tell me things. I won't use anything against you; I am not here to get the latest dirt or anything. I can be patient, and I will wait."

"I already know that, Bella. Can we just not talk about that? We have this conversation at least once a week, and it makes me feel even stupider each time."

This frustrating man. "Fine, well when I saw you and Alice, I found something else out."

"What?" He asked hesitantly again.

"Well, Ms. Watson, do you know her?" He nodded. "She told me you are Alice's guardian?" Maybe that was too much for him, but I couldn't keep that to myself. I felt I was being a stalker or something if I knew something about him that he didn't know I knew. I wanted everything about him to come from his lips. I learned early on that the most accurate news comes from the source.

He let out a shaky breath. "Yes, that's right."

"Do you mind if I ask how that happened?"

"I really don't want to talk about that right now, Bella. It is all kinds of fucked up." I was expecting that, so I wasn't surprised with his response, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask. He didn't seem upset when I asked questions. At least he knew that if it was something he didn't want to talk about, I wouldn't push it.

"You know, I knew Alice a little bit before I knew you both were related." I said. I didn't want to ask another question just yet. Maybe speaking about Alice would loosen him up a bit. With the way his shoulders relaxed when I mentioned her, I guess I was right.

"You did?"

"I think everyone in that school knows Alice." I said and he chuckled.

"Yeah, I know, she gets in trouble a lot."

"She is sweet, though." I said.

He smiled fondly. "Yeah, I guess, although sometimes not so sweet."

I smiled. "How?" He looked so much lighter now, and I liked seeing it. He liked talking about Alice. I need to remember that.

"Oh you know, all kids are annoying every once in a while no matter how cute or sweet they are."

"That's true. But if I remember correctly, she is sometimes annoyed by you as well."

"Oh really?" He asked with his eyebrow quirked quite adorably. Yeah, Alice definitely was a good subject. "She told you that?"

"Yes, she did. I don't blame her either, you are an annoying bastard." I said teasingly.

He laughed. "If I had a muffin, I would throw it in your face."

"I already beat you to it."

He rolled his eyes. "That is because you are a child."

"You are just proving our point, Edward. Don't dig yourself a hole you that can't get out of."

He laughed. "You really are something else, Bella Swan."

I blushed, I am sure I did because that look he was giving me did stuff to me. Plus his words were so sincere and so nice coming from his mouth. The effect he had on me was out of this world.

"So are you, Edward…Cullen?" I asked hoping I was right. I mean, Alice's last name was Cullen so his must be right?

He smirked. "Yes…Cullen."

"Well, Edward _Cullen_, do you mind if I ask more about you?" I asked. He seemed way more comfortable now, and it made me giddy. I wanted to know every little thing about him.

"Do we even have a lot of time?" He asked. I looked over at the clock.

"I have about fifteen minutes left…that's enough time for a few more questions."

"Okay…then I guess I can answer them."

He was willing to share with me. He was making progress, and I cannot wait to really know the true Edward Cullen…even the bad parts he swears he has. I had a feeling those parts wouldn't matter to me, so I hope they won't matter for him. He was trusting in me. He was sharing these things with me. That must mean something.

_To me, it meant everything._

* * *

_Odd one, you're never alone  
I'm here and I will reflect you  
Both of us basically unattached  
To anything or anyone unless we're pretending  
You live your life in your head  
Some call it imagination  
I'd rather focus instead on anything except  
What I'm feeling  
What I'm feeling  
Odd one...  
Hey, it's gonna be okay_

_**Odd One, by Sick Puppies**_

**Hey everyone! I hope you all liked this next installment of the story! I hope you like the relationship that is forming between these two, and I promise it will get better! The next chapter is where things are going to start to really get into the 'meat' of the story as one of my reviewers said...you know who you are. **

**About that next chapter...IMPORTANT**

**The next update for this story will not be until the New Year; January 1, 2011. I chose to do this for several reasons, but the main one is I am just about to end my other story, Mockingbird, soon. I don't know how many of you read that one, but there are only two more chapters and an epilogue left, and I want to focus on those last chapters for now. **

**There is a plus to the update not being until Jan. 1. Any of my regular readers know I don't usually take a long time to update at all. Before I started WYC, I updated Mockingbird two times a week, and that is possible for WYC after Mockingbird is complete. When I come back to updating this one in January, I will be able to put all my attention onto this story, and there will be more updates. Oh, and I changed the summary for the story...I feel it fits better. **

**So there you have it! I will see you all next year (unless you read Mockingbird lol). I hope you all have a fun holiday season no matter what you celebrate. Enjoy yourselves, eat lots of delicious foods, and enjoy your time with your family and friends and pets if you have them lol. Thanks for sticking with me this long, and I hope to see you all next year :]**

**Review please (sorry I have been bad at replying...things have been busy over here!) **


	8. Chapter 7: Blind

**Chapter 7: Blind**

**EPOV **

I wasn't sure, but I think I may have signed my soul over to this girl.

It was a strange thing. Interacting with someone that wasn't over the age of seventy and under the age of six was something I wasn't used to. I don't usually handle change very well. I guess I got better with it over the years because I have been left with no other choice, but it doesn't mean I necessarily like it. Some changes are good, like Alice for instance, but that was the only one I could recall before Bella skillfully—or not skillfully at all—broke down my walls for that small space of time.

There was something about her that just fixed the problems in my brain. She asked me something, and my instinct was to answer her no matter what. I don't do that shit. At least, that was what I thought. If anyone else asked me these questions, I would tell them to fuck off and continue with my walls intact, and with everything I thought about myself still ringing true.

But this was _her. _What made _her_ so special?

Maybe it was her eyes. When I looked in them, there was a feeling of understanding. Her eyes seemed like a reflection of my own, yet we were completely different.

Maybe it was her expressions. Whenever I said something she didn't like, she would get this frustrated look on her face. Her eyebrows would furrow and her nose would scrunch up a little. It was fun messing with her to see that expression. Then there was her caring expression. This expression is what I think disarms me the most because it is so genuine. Her face would relax, but her eyes would be a certain way that showed her care. I didn't understand that care. _Why would she care?_

Maybe I was just a weird guy trying to think of the specifics of what it is about her that bares me of all armor. I was over thinking it…the answer was clear….I think.

It was just _her. _It was as simple as that.

Now I was sitting in front of her at our table, and I just agreed to answer anything she asked me. It was hard to say no to such a face as hers.

"Well what if I tell you something about me first."

_Yes, please. _"Sure."

She put a piece of the muffin in her mouth and started chewing. She put on what I guessed was her dramatic thinking face and I smirked at her. "Well, you have heard of Kentucky Fried Chicken right? KFC?"

"Does a bear shit in the woods?" I asked rhetorically.

"Ew…I guess so, where else would he shit?" I couldn't hold in my laugh because she was really considering it an actual question that I would ask seriously. She obviously hasn't heard that expression used. Maybe I was the only one. I felt a little embarrassed, but I covered it by making fun of her. I was hoping to get to see that cute frustrated face.

"Bella, I wasn't asking you that for your educated answer…you never heard that expression? What a square."

Now she looked embarrassed and I didn't feel making fun of her was such a good idea anymore. Her face was turning red and she ran her hand through her hair. "No, I guess not."

"Well if someone asks you a question that has such an obvious answer, you would say 'Does a bear shit in the woods', because the answer is so obvious. Bears don't shit in toilets."

She was really paying attention. "Oh…so what you're saying is that you do know what KFC is?"

I let out a frustrated laugh with this frustrating girl. "Yes, Bella! I know what KFC is!"

"Well you could have just said that without being gross."

"Get over it." I said and took a sip from my coffee. She smiled at me. I waved my hand at her. "Continue on."

"Well now my story is going to sound stupid since all of that."

"Just say it."

"When I was young, I used to say Kenfucky Fried Chicken."

I choked a little on my coffee. I was laughing for two reasons. One, was the story was so random. She said she was going to say something about herself, and she says that. And two was the story itself. I could just imagine an adorable little Bella inadvertently swearing.

"Nice one, Bella. Swearing like a trucker since you were in diapers."

"Oh yeah, I was a bad kid. No kids ever messed with me or else I would steal their juice. I had no fear."

I laughed once again and she laughed along with me. "Bad ass."

She just rolled her eyes. "Oh shit, we just wasted time talking about KFC and bear's shit. I have to go soon."

I hated when she said that. "I need a cigarette."

"Can I just ask one question?" She asked hopefully.

"Of course."

She thought of it for a minute before she spoke. "Why don't you ever want a piece of my muffin? Is it because I touched it? It is just so damn good, I don't understand it."

I laughed again at her. She asked all questions in fast, continuous succession like she has been holding them in for a long time. "This is something that has really been bothering you?"

"Well yeah, I ask you every day and you say no. But how could you! This muffin is fan-fucking-tastic."

I smirked at her. She was unlike anyone I have ever known. "I have diabetes…I can't have too much sweets."

Her face instantly fell, and her caring face was looking back at me. She actually looked a little pained and I felt bad for saying it. I didn't want her to hurt because of me. "Oh no…is it serious?"

I shrugged. "Type 2. I guess it could be if I don't take care of it."

"And you do don't you?" She asked worriedly and bit her lip.

"I refuse the fan-fucking-tastic muffin every day don't I?"

She nodded. She looked distraught kind of. I don't know, I wasn't that good at reading other people's emotions, but she looked like she didn't like me telling her I had diabetes. "I won't ask you ever again. You should have no sugar in your coffee too."

I smiled. "I am not completely banned from sugar, chill out."

She sighed and nodded her head. "I'm sorry. Just take care of yourself, alright?"

"I will." She nodded her head and gave me a slight smile. She tucked her hair behind her ears and started to get up. "Wait, Bella."

She looked toward me. "Yeah?"

"Why did you ask that question? You could have asked me anything."

Her face softened and she smiled at me with a sweet smile. _Please don't go. _"We have a lot of time. I don't want to push you or make you feel obligated to tell me things. I want you to want to tell me."

"I do want to tell you." I assured her. "But you're right and thank you. Why don't we make a deal?"

"Will it cost me money?" She asked half serious.

"No, no money unless you want to make this interesting." She shook her head with that sweet smile still on her face. "Okay. So you can ask me anything, and I can ask you anything, but a veto is put in place. So if we don't want to answer, we don't have to."

"You're a genius." She said half serious again.

"I know, now leave you peasant."

She laughed. "Bye, dude. Please take care of yourself."

I nodded. "Consider it done. See ya, chick."

And then she was gone. And then I was again wishing she would come back.

* * *

_How the fuck is this supposed to help me? _

That is something I think of every single day when I am in this tight room with this lady. She wears some kind of stiff pin straight woman's suit shit—I don't fucking know—but she looks like a stiff board all the time. Her hair is cut in some fucking bobbing bowl cut and it distracts me like nothing else I have ever seen.

She also has pictures of her golden children hanging on the wall. They are all spray tanned to perfection with their polo shirts and khakis. Gag me.

It's not even just the way she looks or what she has, it's the way she talks to me. She speaks to me like I am stupid and a child. First of all, I am not fucking stupid, and second of all…well it should be obvious.

She is always all, 'Edward, you need to take some tests', 'Edward, you seem so angry', 'Edward, tell me how you feel."

And I am always all, 'Shut the fuck up!' Well I don't actually say it because I have to be well behaved or else they will cut my fucking balls off or some shit. Actually, I was exaggerating. They would take something more important than my balls (Alice better appreciate that shit) and I couldn't deal with that.

After stick lady let me leave, I was jetting out of there so I wouldn't feel suffocated anymore. This whole therapy shit was just a waste of time. Every time I left there, I would feel three times as angry as when I went in. _Doesn't that defeat the purpose?_

Whatever, it was like Bev told me; it was only an hour out of my day, so I shouldn't sweat it too much. I had to go for a drive before I went home though. Being in there gets me in the worst mood, and I didn't want to flip out on Alice. As soon as I was in my car, I lit a cigarette and started driving. Smoking was the only thing that soothed me. Yeah it can kill you and it's bad for you and all this shit, but I could die any second and that is the harsh truth of life. Let me have my fucking cigarette. I already had so much taken away; now just let me have this one thing.

While I was driving around aimlessly, I let my mind wander. My mind wandering though only led to one thing.

Bella.

She was aggravating the shit out of me. Her presence alone planted this fucking thing in my mind—let's call it a chip—that impaired me of the ability to think of anything else but her at any given moment. It controlled me sometimes. If I could call it one thing, it would be explained in one simple word: annoying. It wasn't exactly her that I would call annoying because she wasn't. She was endearing and entertaining and just plain fucking cute. No; what was annoying was the fact that I didn't want that chip she planted in my mind to go away.

_Confusing right? _

_I sound stupid right? _

_I know. I don't try to act like I make sense. _

I found myself soon driving in front of the school. I may or may not have peeked around for her car and hope to just happen to drive by her or something. That fucking chip was making me do crazy things, and I could now add stalking to my criminal record. _Good fucking job, dumbass._

Once I realized what I was doing, I went in the opposite direction, and headed home. Maybe some Alice time will put my head back on straight. Although, with her personality, I think she makes me crazier, but I digress.

As soon as I pulled in front of the apartment, I didn't have to look far for Alice. She was in the front yard riding the pink bike Bev bought her. Bev was out there with her, because this neighborhood wasn't exactly kid friendly. As soon as I put the car in park, I already heard Alice screaming my name. I smiled. Crazy kid.

"Ecy's here! Ecy's here!" She sang as I walked up to the gate. She didn't bother getting off the bike as she continued riding around in circles while Bev was knitting something. It looked like my new beanie. Bev deserves an award or something.

I chased Alice on her bike for a while and she screamed while pedaling faster. I still caught up though and stopped the bike from behind. I put my hands over hers on the handlebars and stood on the bars of the training wheels.

"Go!" I yelled.

She tried to move her legs on the pedals to move us forward. "I can't! You're too big!"

"Come on! Stop being a wimp!" I said just to tease her. That got her determined though and she pushed her feet on the pedal with as much force as he little legs could do.

"I can't!" She said.

"Oh fine, keep the legs steady, kid." I said. She giggled and knew exactly what I meant. I took off one of my feet from the bar and used it as a pump as I propelled us forward. She started giggling and kept her feet planted on the pedals as the moved on their own. I helped her steer, and we were doing good until we hit a rock or something.

"Ah!" Alice screamed as we started to tip over.

"Shit!" I cursed under my breath. I did the first thing I could think of and grabbed her from the seat. The bike fell over, and we went with it, but Alice landed on me, and I hit the concrete. She screamed the whole way combined with laughs. I grunted as I hit the floor, but once the initial 'ow' went away, I started laughing with her.

She sat up on my stomach and started hitting my chest. "You fail! You fail!" She started chanting and hitting me. I laughed and started swatting her hands away.

"I am going to sell you Alice, I'm telling you." I said playfully.

"Never!" She screamed and started laughing some more. Someone was extra hyper today. I wonder if she forgot to take her meds…

"Hey! Shut that fucking kid up!" My head whipped to where that voice came from and I felt my ears get hot. _Oh fuck no. _I looked over and saw a man standing on the porch of the apartment next door. He looked like a fucking crack head and I would have no problem beating the shit out of him.

I sat up and lightly pushed Alice off of my lap. I stood up. "You could try asking a little nicer next time, asshole!" I yelled out to him.

"Bro, I don't need your shit. Just shut that fucking little rat of yours up and get on with your day."

"Alice go inside." I said. My hands were clenched. I was on the edge. I was going to fall off any second and I didn't want her to be here. I could feel the heat just building up inside of me. The anger inside of me was so big it caused me to sweat fucking bullets as it took over every part of me.

Alice knew to listen and she ran towards the house.

That fucking bastard was about to walk back in the house, but I wouldn't have that shit. "Hey! Where are you going?"

"Going inside to get my rest now that you finally learned what it was like to be a good neighbor."

I started walking over to the gate so I could get to him. "Edward. No." Bev said from behind me. She started pulling on my arm but I ripped my hand out of hers. She pulled harder again though. She was strong. "Think of Alice, child." She said.

Her words got to me, and I felt the anger diminish just a little. Slightly. A miniscule shift.

"You better watch what you say, fucker! I will beat the shit out of you if you talk about my sister like that again, you hear me?" I yelled to him.

He was a fucking coward and just stuck his middle finger up at me before heading back in his house. He knew I was right. There was no need to call her a rat and tell me to 'shut her up'. She was a fucking kid. She could laugh and have fun without having to worry about stupid fucks like him ruining it for her.

"Yeah fuck you too, asshole!" I yelled and flipped him both birds even though he couldn't see it.

"Come on, Edward." Bev said. I snatched my arm out of her hands again and stalked before her in the house. I was on the edge, but thankfully I didn't fall yet. If I fell, I would have been fucked. So fucked.

I made my way up to our apartment to find Alice. She was in the parlor with my iPod on. She had her hands over the ear buds and singing softly to herself. She looked up when she saw my shadow and took the earphones out of her ears.

"You okay, Ecy?" She asked.

"Alice, don't take shit from anyone alright?" I said. I figured I could make this a learning experience for her since I fuck everything else up. If I get taken away from her tomorrow, at least I know I did my best to make her the best person she could be.

"I didn't think I was that loud…" She said as if she felt she was the one at fault. She was six and that asshole was probably in his 30's. There was no competition. He was wrong.

"You did nothing wrong out there. That guy was being a jerk, and it was not your fault."

"Okay." She said.

I still had some anger lingering in every tissue and muscle and part of me. I was pacing in front of Alice. I wanted to leave the room, but I figured her presence would help me most. "You heard what I said though, right? Don't take shit from anyone."

"I won't, Ecy."

"Don't let other people's wrong doings control you, Alice." I wish someone had told me that. "If something like that ever happens again, and you can't stick up for yourself, get me. I will take care of it."

"I will, Ecy, I promise."

"Good. Just stick up for yourself, Alice. You know what you deserve, so just take it." Giving her these little pieces of advice was helping me. She made things better. I felt I was at least doing something right when it came to her.

"Okay. Are you okay, Ecy?" She asked worriedly.

"Yes, I am fine, Alice." That wasn't entirely the truth, but I was getting there. I didn't want to worry her little mind more.

"Kay, good." She got up from the couch and walked over to me. She wrapped her arms around my waist. My anger started drifting more and more away. "I'm glad you didn't go away, Ecy."

I knew she didn't mean literally.

"Me too."

* * *

"Come on, Ecy!" She whined as she pulled on my hand. "Stop watching the news, it's boring!" She said and continued to pull my hand. It was almost 7:30 and I knew she must have been getting tired. She goes to bed really early every night.

"Hold on a second, Alice." I was watching an update on the war. I really did not want to be interrupted.

"Ugh! But I'm tired! You have to tuck me in; come on, come on!" She was lucky as there was a commercial break. I sighed and got up when she pulled me. She was already bathed and in her pajamas which was just one of my shirts and a pair of shorts. Bev and I buy her pajama sets all the time, but she refuses to sleep in anything else.

I sat back on her bed. "Go pick one." I said.

She walked over to her big bookshelf. I bought her a lot of books. She likes reading them, and I wouldn't be the one to discourage her from that. "It's such a hard decision." She said and dragged her fingers along the spines of the books as she looked.

"Não temos todos o dia inteiro para ficar aqui." I said.

She turned toward me. "What language was that?"

"Portuguese, and I said we don't have all day here!"

"I need to learn more of that one." She said as she finally picked one from the shelf and hopped up on the bed next to me. She curled up into my side and handed me the book.

"This one again? Really?" I complained.

"Yes, get over it you baby. You said I could pick, and I want to read _Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." _

"Ugh, this one again?"

"Stop complaining!" She said and opened the book for me. I had no other choice but to read the damn book that I read at least three times a week. I'm not exactly a fan. I don't want to hear Alexander complain and brood about his bad day. Alexander doesn't know what a bad day is. It didn't take me long to finish it and Alice wasn't asleep yet, although I knew she was close. "Thank you for reading it, Ecy." She whispered and snuggled closer to my side.

"You're welcome. You want me to stay in here until you fall asleep?"

She shook her head. "No, it's okay. You will be bored."

I chuckled. "I could if you wanted."

"No, it's okay. Goodnight, Ecy." She said and hugged me around the waist. I hugged her back and got up from the bed. I tucked the blankets around her.

"You're my favorite, Alice."

"You're my favorite too." She whispered and snuggled up against her pillow. I turned on her night light before I left, and shut her door. I went down the hall to the living room and found Bev in there folding the laundry I didn't get to. I sat down beside her on the couch and took a shirt from the basket, but she slapped my hand away.

"You are a messy folder." She said as an explanation for the slap.

"I was just trying to help, you crabby old woman." I said and leaned back on the couch with my hands behind my head. I meant no disrespect in my comment and Bev knew that. She got my sense of humor and my 'quirks' as she liked to call them. Whatever the hell that means.

"So is shortcake sleeping?" She asked.

"She is getting there."

"I went over to that man's house."

"What man?"

"The man next door."

I sat up. "Are you kidding, Bev?"

"Boy don't you start with me." She said in a warning tone.

I groaned. I didn't need her fighting my battles. "What did you do?"

"I just ensured he wouldn't report you to anyone."

"How much did you pay him?" She was getting me fucking upset. I knew Bev had enough money to feed and house the whole neighborhood, but I still hated when she used her money to bail my ass out. I would never in a million years pay back Bev for the money she used at my expense.

"That's something you don't need to know."

I let out a humorless laugh and got up from the couch. Bev knew I was pissed, but she didn't care. Well she cared—she cared about me—but she had a mind of her own. She doesn't let me fight with her about anything. "He will probably buy drugs with it."

"So what if he does?" She asked sternly and looked up at me. Now she was mad. "That's not your problem, child. The only problem you have to worry about is getting that nasty temper of yours in check before you lose that precious girl in there."

I knew she was right. "You know I can't control it, Bev. You know that right?" I asked her hopefully. Through all the shitty stuff that has gone on in my life, Bev has turned out to be the only person outside of Alice that I trust. Bev and now Bella of course.

"I know, Edward." She said in a little less aggravated voice. She finished folding one of my shirts and got up from the couch. "You will have to learn though or you won't have her."

"I know."

She walked up to me and patted my cheek. "You will figure it out, child, and I will help you."

"Thank you, Bev." I felt I was always saying thank you to Bev, but it would never be enough times. She was the reason I was at the place I am now. It may not have been perfect, but I had Alice and I had my sanity. That was good enough for me.

"You're welcome."

I looked over at the clock and noticed it was almost eight and I needed to get ready for work. "I guess I should start getting ready." I said. My shift at the hospital started at 8:30 and it was nearing eight now. I work from 8:30-11 at the hospital as a janitor. Then I come home, sleep for a while, and then head out to deliver newspapers at three in the morning. It was crazy hours, but at least I got some time to myself and also some time with Alice so it worked out. Also I got the opportunity to go to the coffee shop every morning and see Bella. That was definitely a highlight of my day. The chip in my head started beeping and I wondered where she was and what she was doing at that moment. That is so fucked up.

"Okay, I will just be out here." She said. Bev stays over the house until I get out of work at eleven. Then when I get home, she goes to her apartment next door to sleep. Then she comes back at three and sleeps on the couch. I offer her my bed every time, but she prefers the couch. Bev brings Alice to school and then picks her up because I am in therapy. Then when I come home from therapy, Bev goes out and does her own thing, and is back at my house for eight. See what I mean? She is like a saint.

I couldn't pay her back now, but I would find a way. I have to find a way.

* * *

"The usual?" The woman at the counter asked as soon as I approached.

"Yes, ma'am." I said. I was getting anxious. Every second that led up to Bella walking through the doors of the coffee were torturous. That chip she planted in my brain would nag me and cause me to get antsy until I got to see her. I couldn't understand it. I don't think anyone could; it was just so out there.

Once I had our stuff, I went to our table. I put her muffin and coffee on her side, and started drinking my coffee. Yesterday wasn't such a great day, so I was looking forward to getting to see Bella. She would make me forget even if just for a little while. It was like I was getting my Bella fix. If I didn't have my fix, the rest of my day just wouldn't be the same.

Again another reason why that shit doesn't make sense. I lived twenty-three years without her, so why is she affecting me this much now? I didn't understand it. It was a fucking conundrum. She was a beautiful enigma. And I was just Edward.

I noticed a couple tables over people were talking about me. It was the usual signs. First of all, they were college students and I knew because of their sweatshirts. All three of them were huddled close over the table as they whispered. The one facing me would look over every now and then, but act like she wasn't when she saw me look at her. I figured people would have already got over this shit by now, but apparently I was wrong.

I decided to just ignore them all together. The main thing I was worried about was if people like them would bug Bella when they saw her with me. She didn't deserve to be a recluse like I was. Speaking of Bella, I saw her car pull into the parking lot. That chip then moved to the part of my brain that controls my heart and started making it pump faster in my chest.

I tried to be a little less like a stalker and not watch her get out of her car, and head for the door. My heart kept beating fast as I waited to hear the door open. Then I could look up at her, because I noticed she looked at me as soon as she walked in too. She was glad to see me every day. The smile she gives me when she walks in is the most amazing sight to behold.

I heard the door open, and I looked over tentatively. My heart stopped.

She wasn't alone.

The two women with her were the same girls she was with that first day she talked to me. Their names were Angela and Tanya. Bella told me that. My eyes remained on Bella. She looked thoroughly upset about something, and she didn't look at me when she walked in. I felt this uncomfortable sort of emptiness fill my chest and stomach. _What the fuck was this feeling? _

She joined the girls at the counter and she ordered her coffee and muffin. The girls were talking to her, but she was only nodding. _Look at me. Please just look at me._

I pulled her coffee and muffin towards me since they weren't going to be consumed. I realized how stupid I must have looked. I got a coffee and a muffin for someone who wasn't even going to have it. Everyone was always looking at me, and they probably thought I was a fucking head-case waiting for my imaginary friend to show up. Just fucking great.

I looked down at the muffin, and was a little mad I just wasted that money. In my mood at that second, I just thought fuck it. I will eat the thing.

I took off a piece of the top and put it in my mouth. If my doctor or Alice were here, they would probably kick me in the nuts. I didn't really care. I would prefer it over the feeling I had inside me right now. It hit me hard.

She was probably embarrassed to be seen with me.

She went with the girls to the table they sat at the last time. She was facing me, but wouldn't make eye contact. She was fiddling with her hair, and she looked nervous. At least she didn't look happy with them.

I took another bite of the muffin. I guess it was good. I wouldn't know for sure because there was too much going on inside of me to really find out. I was being so fucking stupid. It didn't hurt. Oh no, that is for sure. I don't hurt. No…I don't know what it was.

She finally looked up at me…fucking finally. Her eyes bugged out of her head when she looked at me, and her eyes went down to the muffin. She gave me a look that made me want to run from the room. The look was filled with so much sorrow and worry and I couldn't take it. I wonder if she thought I was mad at her. I wasn't. It makes sense. I wouldn't want to be seen with me either.

One of the girls from the other table went over to Bella's table and started talking to the girls who were sitting with Bella. Instead of Bella looking at me, I saw her reach for something in her purse. I watched her curiously as she furiously wrote something down on a napkin. The girl who went up to the table soon said bye, and the two girls faced Bella again. Bella scrambled to hide the napkin and act like she wasn't just writing. It seemed to work.

Bella said something to the girls, and got up from the chair. She was walking toward me, and I just looked away. I knew she wasn't going to come over to me. I didn't want her to be put in an awkward position with her friends. I wasn't mad. I was used to this kind of thing. Being alone.

When I felt her pass me, and then pass me again, I looked after her as she walked to their table again. I saw she had napkins in her hand. That must have been her excuse for getting up. I looked down at the table and saw a crumbled up napkin. That must have been why she wanted to get up in the first place.

I picked the napkin up, and smoothed it out so I could read the words.

_Stop eating that. Please. I'm so sorry. I ca_

She was obviously unable to finish. Her little note sort of comforted me though and made that feeling inside become less intense. She wasn't being a bitch and I figured there was a good explanation for why she wasn't sitting with me today. I knew it wasn't because she was mad at me.

She cared about my health. She wanted me healthy. She was so sorry. She cared. I couldn't be a fucking pussy and start thinking she hated me just because she wouldn't sit with me at a table. I wasn't in elementary school. The emptiness was still there, and the chip was still taking over, but at least she was sorry.

And at least I got to look at her. This wasn't my entire fix, but it was enough.

When I first laid eyes on Bella, I didn't exactly think 'holy fuck she is hot.' She just seemed like a normal college girl at that time who probably thought I was freak show. That was just me being blind though. Now looking at Bella, I realized just how attractive she really was. Now I don't even think 'holy fuck she is hot.' At least that isn't the first thing that comes to mind.

Beautiful.

That was the first one.

Her brown hair was layered and wavy and just perfect. Her face looks so soft. Her skin was pale, and I loved when it would get a little red and blushed. Her eyes were a soft brown color. Her body was amazing. She was thin, but she still had a little meat on her bones which just made her look real and healthy and beautiful. Her legs were really long even though she was still so much smaller than me. Her hands were small and delicate and she usually always had them occupied whether it was playing with her hair, or tapping her fingers on the table, or rounding the tip of her coffee cup.

So yes, she was beautiful. That much was true. As I got to know her, it turned into different descriptions. She was beautiful, cute, adorable, hot, sexy, and just fucking perfect. I wasn't used to these feelings either. I kind of wanted to run away from it, but this chip she planted kept me in place. She could completely control me, and it wasn't right, but I couldn't help it.

I didn't know what was going on with me, but I couldn't get away from it. I don't know if I wanted to.

Soon Bella was leaving with her friends. She walked behind them and looked back at me. I nodded to her to let her know I wasn't mad, but it didn't seem to ease the worry in her eyes. I wondered why…

Bella left a little earlier than when she was with me so I was left just sitting there with nothing to do, and no Bella to look at. I figured I could just leave early and bring Alice to school so Bev didn't have to. I got up from the table and disposed of everything before heading outside to my truck. When I approached it, I noticed something white flapping in the wind on my windshield.

I picked it up, and noticed Bella's handwriting right away.

_Edward, please don't be mad at me. Actually you should be mad at me. I can explain. Call me or text, please. 555-235-9283_

I didn't know how she was able to write that, or how she put it on my car without her friends seeing, but I was glad she did. She gave me her number. She wasn't mad, she wanted to see me again and talk to her outside of the coffee shop.

I think I wanted that too.

* * *

_There's another world inside of me  
That you may never see  
There're secrets in this life  
That I can't hide  
Somewhere in this darkness  
There's a light that I can't find  
Maybe it's too far away...  
Or maybe I'm just blind..._

_**When I'm Gone, by 3 Doors Down**_

* * *

**Happy New Year everyone! I am back to updating this story once again, and I don't plan on taking that long of a break again! For now, I plan on updating every Friday from now on for some consistency and scheduling on my part because real life gets crazy sometimes. There may be times when I update earlier for a special reason, like if I leave you all hanging with a cliffy (which I am known to do at times lol). **

**Also this story now has a banner! I am going to post it on the profile and let me know what you think of it!**

**Oh and if any of you have a Twitter, and feel like following me, my name on there is Blueking141. I follow back…just saying. lol**

**I hope you all liked this chapter!**

**Review please :]**


	9. Chapter 8: Bleed My Heart Out

**Chapter 8: Bleed My Heart Out**

**BPOV**

"You know, we should do this more often, but not as early." Tanya said from the back seat.

"Yeah, it was nice hanging out just the three of us like that." Angela agreed from beside me.

They were waiting for me to say something, but I had nothing to say.

I felt like the biggest bitch. I felt like scum. I felt so fake and disgusting.

His face was printed into my mind. He looked like he was trying to be brave. He looked like he was trying to act like it didn't bother him that I was pretty much giving him the cold shoulder. He was closing himself off from me, and it killed me to see it and not have a way to do anything about it without hurting him.

Then he started eating that muffin, and I panicked. That muffin was absolutely filled with sugar, and then along with his coffee. Holy fuck, I panicked when I saw him take that bite. I didn't know a lot about diabetes, or Edward's form of diabetes specifically, but I knew sugar was no good for him. God knows what could happen to him. Maybe I was being over paranoid, but the thought of something happening to him filled me with dread.

I really cared for him. My conversations with him have been limited to a coffee shop, but I connected with him more than I have my two best friends who were in this very car with me. It was strange, but it happened, and I couldn't fight it. I didn't want to fight it.

It was because I cared about him that I didn't go up to him at the coffee shop. That may sound stupid, but it was what I thought was best. I know enough of Edward to know that he doesn't like having the attention on him. If I were to go to him, Angela and Tanya would have obviously asked questions of the both of us and how we know each other. Edward doesn't want his business put out there for everyone to know. He was a very private person, and I felt honored that he was letting me in, and I wouldn't ruin that trust he had in me by introducing him to my nosey friends if that wasn't something he wanted.

Edward likes keeping different aspects of his life private and I know he doesn't like interrogations. If I brought Tanya and Angela over there, they would ask so many questions. I knew them enough to know that. My only fear was that Edward thought I was embarrassed to be seen with him.

That was not true one bit.

I never felt better than when I was with Edward. Sitting with him in that booth, I never felt more confident or more myself. I wasn't embarrassed by him. He was so much better than me on all levels, and I felt honored to get to talk to him. He has taken his little sister in his care, I don't know the reason, but it doesn't matter. He did it, and I know that is more than I probably would have done. He was so young when he took her in. He was a teenager…not many teenage boys would do something like Edward did.

And what have I done?

_Nothing. _

He was so much better than me, but he just couldn't see it. I don't think a lot of people did, and it wasn't fair. I just wish people could see him like I do. I also wish he could realize how much I adore him and how highly I think of him. I would have to make both happen.

"Bella, you have been quiet. Is something bothering you?" Angela asked, concern lacing her voice. This is the Angela that I grew to love. She really isn't a bad friend, and neither is Tanya. I know if I was in some sort of trouble, they would be there to defend me. They were just in a weird place in their life where their priorities weren't that straight.

"Oh no, I'm fine. Just tired I guess." I said. I figured that would be a good enough answer.

I seemed to work. "Well you are the crazy one who always leaves so early!" Tanya said and the both of them laughed.

I laughed half-heartedly along with them. It was kind of funny how much Edward affects me. I wasn't in a good mood at all, and I think the main part was that I never got to speak to him this morning. "Yeah, I know."

"Guys, I have to tell you something." Angela said seriously.

"Whoa, hold the phone, what is it, Angela?" Tanya asked. I was curious as well. She seemed like this was something big.

"You remember that guy Ben?" We both said we did. He was the guy I had to peel her off of the other night. "Well we are kind of official."

"Shut up! Shut up!" Tanya said excitedly and started bouncing in her seat. I laughed as I saw her bounce like a jackhammer in the rearview mirror. She leaned forward and grabbed Angela in a hug from behind. "That's so great!"

"Yeah Angela, that is really great." I said. I couldn't really show as much excitement as Tanya since I was driving, but I was happy for Angela.

"Thanks guys, I know. He is just so amazing and he is so good in bed…ugh!" I rolled my eyes. I hope he was more than just a fuck toy to her or the other way around. I don't want her hurt.

"Nice! You have to invite him over so we can scope him out, right Bella?" Tanya said.

"Of course." I agreed. I did want to scope this Ben character out.

"Yeah I will invite him over. I am sure you both will love him!"

We both assured her we probably would and then Angela and Tanya started talking about their classes for the day, and my mind drifted off to Edward. If one day Edward and I ever got together, my telling the girls about him wouldn't be as easy as when Angela just told us.

Tanya and Angela already had preconceived ideas on what kind of person Edward was, and they weren't good. I don't really know what their reaction would be, but I knew it wouldn't be as graceful as this one was.

Hopefully I was wrong.

* * *

"Honey, can you please come visit us?" My Mom asked over the other line. I was trying to wash some dishes, and I told her this, but she wouldn't hang up.

"I can't anytime soon, Mom. I have classes and work and all that. I already told you I will be there during Christmas vacation."

"That is like three months away though!" I didn't have kids, so I don't really know what it feels like when they move away, but jeez, can't I have my own life?

"Well that's life. I have things going on over here."

She sighed in defeat. "Fine. Well I think I will go down there then."

I tried not to groan in frustration. "Mom, please. You don't have to do that."

"But I want to, honey! Do you not want me to come over? Is that it?"

I sighed. "No that's not it. I am just so busy over here; I won't even be able to really be great company." It was true though. Between school, work, taking care of this house, and Edward, I didn't really have much time on my hands.

"Well fine then. I get it. You have no more time for your old Mom."

"Mom, please stop that. You know that's not it." She was just pissing me off now. That was so uncalled for. I missed her and my Dad, I really did, but for now I had other stuff going on and I didn't need to be making trips back and forth to see them every weekend. We had phones and email and all those other ways of communicating.

"Whatever, honey. I guess I will just go now."

I wasn't even going to entertain her guilt trip anymore. "Okay, bye. Love you."

"Love you too, baby girl." I hung up and gently took my phone off my ear so I didn't get it to wet.

"Fuck." Now I was just plain mad. I did not need that guilt trip at all. I started cleaning the dishes furiously, letting out my anger with the sponge. My phone soon beeped saying I had a new message, and it was probably my Mom. I decided to just check just in case. I dried my hands, and unlocked my iPhone and went to the message.

_You better watch your back. I know where you live. _

I stared down at the words with my mouth gaped open. My heart started beating fast, and I was fucking freaking out. Who the hell would say this? I didn't do anything to anyone. They knew where I live? Oh my fucking God. I looked at the number, and it wasn't one I recognized. Should I call the cops? This was a threat wasn't it?

My phone beeped again. I looked at the new message from the same person.

_Gotcha. _

Gotcha? What the fuck? Another message.

_I hope you didn't shit your pants. It's Edward, you crazy chick._

Oh I am going to kick his sexy ass I swear to God. I was going to send a message, but the words I had for that man wasn't enough to fit in a text message. I added his number to my phone with the name 'Asshole' before I dialed the number.

He answered on the third ring. "You will die in seven days." He whispered in a creepy voice. Such a fucking dork. Actually it was actually quite cute.

"You are an asshole, did you know that?"

"I may have been told once or twice." He said with a small laugh. I could hear cars and wind, so I figured he was outside.

"Where are you?"

"I'm on my porch having a cigarette. Alice is watching a movie."

"Oh." I said, not knowing of a better response. "Look I am going to be completely honest, Edward. I didn't think you were going to call."

He was silent for a second. "Yeah me neither."

"Why did you?"

"We didn't get to talk this morning besides your cryptic napkin messages so you know…" He wanted to talk to me. I knew he did, and he just didn't want to say it.

"I am so sorry for this morning, Edward. You don't even know how much it killed me in there."

"It's fine. If you don't want to be seen with me, I don't mind I guess."

"No! That's not it, Edward." I sighed. "Look, I would rather talk to you in person. Is there any way you can meet me or something?"

"Um…" I could hear him let air out of his mouth, and I could picture him smoking the cigarette. His lips closing around it…ugh. _Shut up, Bella. Smoking is bad. But he looks so sexy doing it…shut up! _"What time is it?" He asked.

I looked over at the microwave. "Almost seven."

"Okay, you could meet me at the hospital at quarter of eight if you wanted to."

The hospital? Whatever, I won't ask questions…yet. "Sounds perfect. In the parking lot?"

"Yeah, parking lot one."

"Okay, I will be there."

"Alright, well I got to go get the kid ready for bed."

"This early?"

"She likes her sleep, what can I say?"

I chuckled. "Alright well see you later, dude."

"Bye, chick." He hung up, and I wanted to call him back right away. I swear I was so close to doing a happy dance right in that kitchen I was so giddy. I couldn't believe we were actually going to see each other outside of the parking lot and not in the crack of dawn every morning.

I missed him today and I couldn't wait to see him.

* * *

I went into parking lot one, and tried to look for his truck. It didn't take me long because it was so big, and was under one of the lights along the parking lot. I parked my car next to his, and he wasn't sitting in his truck. I got out of the car, and tried to find him, but I couldn't. Please don't tell me he forgot…

"Boo!"

"Ahh!" I screamed so loud as my heart dropped at the sudden noise. I covered my ears and closed my eyes. My hands over my ears didn't block out the sound of laughter coming from my right. I looked over and saw Edward tipping over in the back of his truck bed in laughter. "You!"

"You should have…" He wasn't able to finish because he was laughing so much.

I went to the back of his truck and climbed up in the back bed. Good thing I wore my sneakers so I was able to get up there fast enough. He was on his side laughing and clutching his stomach and I got on my knees beside him and started hitting him with my fists. "You…fucking…asshole." I said between hits.

"Stop hitting me you psycho!" He yelled and started swatting my hands away. I gave him a couple more hits before I let up and sat up on his side. I crossed my arms across my chest and huffed.

"I can't believe I associate myself with you. All you do is torture me." I said.

He chuckled and sat up with me. "I never claimed to be Mr. Sunshine and Rainbows."

"Ew, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone whose name is Mr. Sunshine and Rainbows."

He chuckled. "Well stop being a picky bitch, or else you will have no friends." He reached into the front pocket of his scrub shirt pocket…oh shit. He's wearing scrubs. Oh my fucking God he looks so sexy in those scrubs. Scrubs on guys have always been my weakness. Seeing them on Edward was like a fucking overload and he looked so sexy and oh man, did I want him.

They were green and matched his eyes. His eyes were shining under the lamp. He put a cigarette between his beautiful lips and lit it while cupping his hand around the lighter to protect it from the wind. He was unknowing to how much the sight of him was turning me on right now. Why, oh why, does this have to happen to me? How the hell am I going to have a serious conversation with him when I just want to jump his bones?

He will be the death of me.

I cleared my throat. "Why are you wearing scrubs?"

"I work here."

Oh. _Duh, Bella_. "What do you do here?"

"Janitor."

Oh, so that was one of his jobs. "What's the other job?" I asked him. I know he mentioned he had two.

"I deliver newspapers."

"So you're a paper boy?"

He chuckled. "Yeah I guess, but it doesn't sound very cool, does it?"

"No I guess not. So why don't you change it?"

He looked at me curiously. I tried to keep looking in his eyes so I wasn't distracted by the clothes he had on his body. "What do you mean?" He asked and blew the smoke away from my face.

"Call yourself something like Paper Assassin or Paper Ninja. Just something to make you sound more bad ass."

He started laughing again. "I guess I could do that."

"Hell yes." I said. "Do it."

"You're weird." He said.

"I didn't claim to be Mrs. Normal."

"I'm glad you didn't." He said while looking at me with those beautiful freaking eyes. They were piercing and intense and made me all different types of tingly inside.

"Look, Edward, I'm sorry about today."

"It was fine."

"No but it wasn't. And please don't think I didn't go to you because I was embarrassed to be seen with you, that is not it at all." I told him forcefully. I just wanted him to understand.

"What was it then?" He asked. I could tell, even though he was trying to hide it, that he really did care why I pretty much gave him the cold shoulder. He was trying to act like it was no big deal, but I knew he was still wondering.

"They would have asked a lot of questions. I know you wouldn't have been comfortable."

"Yeah, I probably wouldn't have." He said and flicked the butt of his cigarette out onto the cement.

I studied his face. "But something is bothering you, and I know it. Just tell me."

"It's nothing, Bella. It's not a big deal. I wasn't mad at you; you aren't embarrassed by me, done. End of story. We can move on."

_Oh no you don't, mister._ "No. You are holding something back and it is bothering you."

"It's nothing you have to worry about." He said and pulled his knees to his chest, closing me off.

"Sometimes I feel useless and insignificant." I said bluntly.

His head whipped to my direction. "What? Why would you say that, Bella?"

"Because I do." I haven't told this to anyone, but I felt I could tell Edward. I would do no more holding back information while I wait for him to tell me his. I wanted to tell him about me, and I wanted him to know that I trust him and he should do the same. I was practically getting in front of him naked and saying here I am, take it or leave it.

"How can you feel that way?" He asked sounding appalled at my words.

"I just feel like I haven't done anything significant my whole life. I have just been going with the motions, and I have amounted to basically nothing." I told him honestly. It actually felt good to get this off my chest, and I was glad Edward was the one listening with his curious and caring and beautiful eyes on me.

"You're only nineteen…"

"I know, but at least some people at my age have some sort of feeling of accomplishment, and I don't."

"You are in college. Not many people get there." He said trying to be helpful. I wanted to hold his hand so much. I just wanted to feel him. I chose against it though. I wasn't sure how Edward was with physical contact like that. I mean I did just punch and slap the shit out of him, but that was completely different. Holding hands was a different ball game in my mind. With all my other boyfriends, I never wanted to hold their hand. But I here I was sitting in front of a man that will probably never be mine, and I just wanted to hold his hand. That's all.

"I know, but I didn't get here fairly." I sat with my legs crossed in front of him. "You have to know something about me, Edward. I was the literal golden child in my town. My Dad was the chief of police; my mother was the hunky dory stay at home wife and mother. She was active in the community, part of the PTA, and I was their perfect daughter. I took ballet, I played soccer, I was in all the school plays, I could play the flute, a straight A student, and I graduated as valedictorian of my graduating class. Sounds perfect, huh?"

"It does." He answered. He was listening intently.

"And it was. I promise you, my life was perfect. My parents adored me and each other, I never got in trouble at school, I was as popular as they come, and no one hated me…that I knew of anyway." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "So don't think I am being a whiny little rich girl complaining about her oh so perfect life and saying poor me, poor me. I don't mean it in that way."

"I know you wouldn't, Bella." My hand twitched. I couldn't really hold his hand right now though. He had his arms wrapped around his knees.

"Okay. Well all of it was an illusion. Yeah I had perfect grades, but I didn't try for any of it. I would either cheat, pay someone to do my homework, or just manipulate the teachers to give me a good grade. I could do that because I was the Chief's daughter, and everyone wants to be on his good side, you see?" He nodded his head. "I did that through my whole life. Ever since I was born, I have had every single thing handed to me, and I didn't have to so much as lift a finger. Sounds nice, huh?"

He shrugged. "I guess."

"It was nice, I have to say, but not until you start realizing how all of that means absolutely nothing. I learned nothing of significance when I was younger. I never knew what it was like to sit home and do homework for three hours just to get that grade. I didn't know what it was like for someone to tell me no. I didn't know what it was like to have to try and keep friends. They just came to me. I didn't know what it felt like to walk in a room and feel like I was just there. No. I felt none of that.

"Some people would kill for that, and I get that. It is not all it's cracked up to be, Edward." I said. I was trying to keep my emotions in check. "I'm not saying I wanted some kind of dramatic or traumatic thing to happen to me, but I now wish I had some sort of struggle or fight, no matter how small, to make me feel worthy. I just wanted to be able to feel something that was real." Kind of like the feeling I felt now…

"I guess I understand what you mean." He said softly.

I was glad he understood, because I felt I was just rambling. But these feelings have been kept inside me for so long, that I just let it out as it came to me. "I remember the night that changed it all for me though, and I finally started doing things on my own."

"Do you want to tell me?" He asked hesitantly.

"I would like to, if you want to hear."

"Of course I do."

"Well the actual night was the night of graduation, but I guess I have to go further back a little. In the middle of my senior year, right after Christmas, my mother encouraged me to volunteer at a hospital." I remember her bugging me about it every single day until I gave in. "I did it. Not because I wanted to help out, but just because it would have made me look good. I was so stupid."

"You were young." Edward said as if that were a proper excuse, and maybe it was, but it still made me feel stupid looking back. I wasn't that person now. I made sure of it.

"I know, but whatever. So I took the volunteer job. It was just simple things. Delivering mail to doctors or getting coffee for nurses, just anything they had for me to do really." I took a deep breath as I went into the next part of the story. "So I was on the pediatric floor one day and I heard this baby crying. It was coming from a room with the door halfway open. I just kind of ignored it at first, but as I kept walking by, the baby never stopped crying." I closed my eyes thinking back on it. I didn't want to cry right now, but I always ended up doing so when I thought about him.

"It's okay if you don't want to finish." Edward assured me in a soothing voice.

"No, it's fine. Um…" I took a deep breath. "Well by the end of my shift, he was still crying, and I just walked right into his room. A nurse came in to tell me to leave, but I was the chief's daughter, remember?" I said bitterly. "I wasn't supposed to be in there, but I couldn't stand hearing him cry anymore. There was no one in there, not even his parents, who I later found out were partying." I said in disgust. I swear if I ever got the chance to meet them, I would have killed them. "His name was Dominic, and he was only two years old. He had a brain tumor, and was in the hospital by himself, every day. The nurses went in there every once in a while to make him comfortable, but they were busy also, so no one was able to stay with him all the time.

"Volunteers aren't supposed to touch patients, but I did, and I didn't get in trouble because I was Bella Swan, the chief's daughter. I picked him up from the bed, and held him to me. He instantly calmed down, and he buried his little face in my chest, and stopped crying. He just wanted someone to hold him, you know?"

Edward seemed to be a little uncomfortable talking about this. "Yeah." He said in a strained voice. This got me curious, his reaction that is, and I knew I would have to ask him about it eventually.

"Dominic became my best friend. I know it sounds weird, but I went there every day when I was supposed to be volunteering and I would hold him or play with him, anything to make him smile."

"That is really nice of you, Bella."

"Thank you. It was the first time I did something that I wanted to do, and it at least meant something big to someone. Dominic was happier." I brought my knees to my chest as well. I needed to be able to hold myself together for this next part. "On the night of my graduation, I went to go see him. I told my parents I was heading to a graduation party, and I was planning on it, but I went to go see Dominic first. Um…" I cleared my throat. I don't think I could have said it without breaking down. "He died. He died an hour before I got there."

"Fuck." Edward said under his breath. "I'm so sorry, Bella." I looked up at him as a tear fell from my eye. He looked so lost. His hands were fidgeting and he looked like he wanted to reach for me, but something was holding him back. He looked scared, almost. _What happened to you, you beautiful man? You can touch me; I will never, ever hurt you. _

"Thank you. It was horrible. He didn't even have a big funeral. He was just two years old, just an innocent baby, and only his mother and a couple nurses went to his funeral. The mother was late by the way. And I didn't get to go because it was the day of my graduation party. Anyway…" I took a deep breath. I was still upset about not getting to go to Dominic's funeral. I was pretty much all he had. "What I learned from that whole thing, was how pointless my life was. I wasn't doing anything that would have built my character or make me a better person. And then there was that little boy fighting for his life and fighting for affection and love, something that came so easily to me." I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"He was lucky to have you, Bella."

"I like to think so. Making Dominic smile was the greatest accomplishment I have ever had, and from that day forward, I swore I would become something more than what I was. I am independent. I do things on my own, and I don't need anyone's help. I am starting to feel better about where I am as time goes on, but there are still some moments or whole days when I think, what am I doing with my life, you know?"

He nodded. "I mean, I don't know you a whole lot, but I know enough to know that you are doing just fine."

"Thank you, Edward. That means a lot." Again, I wanted his hand in mine. I wonder if it would be soft, or rough, or a little bit of both. I am sure his hand would engulf mine. I bet I would feel safe with his hand holding mine, like nothing could touch me.

He nodded thoughtfully. "Thanks for telling me. I guess that means you want me to tell you what was bothering me, huh?"

I shook my head. "Only if you want to. I wasn't trying to make you feel obligated. I just want you to know that I trust you wholeheartedly, and I hope you will feel the same about me."

"I do, Bella. I already told you that." He said and dropped his arms from around his knees. He crossed his legs and leaned toward me. "I just don't like sounding like a whiny bitch."

I chuckled at his words and he laughed with me. His face was close enough that I smelt his breath. It smelt like cigarettes, mint, and something really sweet. Maybe it was just Edward. I couldn't even imagine what he would taste like, what his lips would feel like against mine…

"Bella, did you hear me?" He asked.

"What?" _Stupid, stupid, stupid! You got to keep your hormones and attraction to this man in control!_ "Sorry, I spaced out."

"It's okay. I just said I don't mean to sound like one."

"You don't. And I never will think you are. Just tell me what's bothering you."

He looked at me for a second, contemplating. He finally sighed. "I was kind of lying earlier when I said I wasn't mad in the coffee shop, because I was mad."

_Fuck. Do I really want to hear this? _"You have every right to be. I am so sorry though, Edward. You don't even understand."

He held his hand up. "No. Bella you didn't let me finish. I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at myself…see I do sound like a whiny bitch."

"No, you don't Edward, you don't. If this is something you are feeling then I know it is good to get it out. I am here to listen." I assured him. "But I don't understand your logic."

"If you haven't noticed, I am a little damaged, I guess you can say. I don't fucking know. I just know I don't think like other people, or act like other people, but I try my best. And I was just mad at myself because I couldn't be a little more normal for you. I mean, if I were some other guy, you could have introduced me to your friends with no problems at all, but with me, you need to have caution and all this other shit that you shouldn't have to deal with."

He is right. He doesn't think like other people, because he just can't see how wrong he is. "Do you think I am stupid Edward?" I asked him.

"What? Of course not…"

"Well that's good to know. So you should just trust that I know a good person when I see them, and you are it. I have a good judge of character. If you don't want to listen to yourself, listen to me. There is nothing wrong with you, Edward. In fact, I think there is so much right with you, that it is not fair." I told him bluntly and honestly.

"Well then I think there may also be something wrong with the way you think." He said with a chuckle.

"You know what, maybe that is true. I will own that. We can be fucked up thinkers together. I think we make a pretty good team, don't you?"

He laughed. "If you say so, chick."

"I do say so, _dude._" He gave me a smile and shook his head.

He took his phone out of his pocket. "I have to get going. I need to be inside in five minutes." He said.

_Why, oh why can't I just spend every waking minute with him? _"Oh, okay." I got up from my sitting position and stood up, and he followed my example. We both jumped out the back of his truck. "Do you want me to walk you to the door or something?"

"Pft, why would I want that?" He asked.

"Well it is pretty dark out; I don't want you to be afraid of strangers lurking in the night. You are such a delicate little flower and all that…"

"Fuck you, chick." He said and held up his middle finger. I wanted to bite that finger… "I will race you though."

"Race?"

"Yes, you know when two people compete to see who can get to a certain place first."

"I know what a race is, asshole."

"Well then why did you ask the question?"

I was the one to flip him the bird this time and the fucker just laughed. "Onyourmarkgetsetgo!" I said fast and started running. The quick fucker with fast and long legs caught up to me in no time and soon I was watching his ass in those scrub pants as he ran in front of me. Ugh…this was the worst kind of torture.

As soon as I caught up with him, the bastard had a great time rubbing it in my face that he won. "Good try trying to act all slick and shit because I still beat you!" He said and was bouncing from foot to foot in excitement. Edward was rough around the edges, but this dude was fucking child at heart.

I flipped him off once again. "I was trying to be nice and save you from the monsters, and this is how you repay me? I'm not your friend anymore." I said and started walking away. I heard his feet hit the ground as he approached me.

"I'm sorry, will you agree to taking a leisurely walk with me to your car so I make sure you get there safely?" He asked.

"If you must." I said, sounding unaffected, but I really was affected. Even if he was playing around, he was still walking me back to my car. We were walking in silence taking our leisurely walk. I got into my car once we got there and started the engine.

I looked over and saw him leaning into the window with his hands braced on it. "Are you my friend again?"

"I don't know."

"You better be."

"And why is that?"

"Because I could very much drop your muffin on the floor tomorrow on _accident_ and then just let you eat it anyway."

"You wouldn't…"

"Oh, I would."

"Fine." I said. I was just kidding anyway. I would never want to stop being his friend. I had more fun with him than I have with anyone else. Plus he was fucking beautiful and looked all different varying degrees of sexy in those scrubs. "But I hope you feel bad that you got a friend back purely out of bribery."

"A friend's a friend, right?" He asked and pulled out of the window.

"You're lucky I like you or else you would have already had a sneaker to the balls."

He instinctively covered the area. "Bye, BFF."

I laughed. What a dork. "Bye, loser." I called out to him. He just turned towards me and smiled. _Oh, please don't have to go_. I was fucking sad. I didn't care; he was just so absolutely amazing to me.

I pulled out of my parking spot and decided I wasn't done fucking with him. I slowly pulled my car up to his side. "Hey bitch," I said in a manly creeper voice. "Give me your wallet."

He couldn't even try to act mad and he just started laughing. Such a beautiful laugh coming from such a beautiful person. "Go home, you crazy chick." He said with a smile on his handsome face.

"See you tomorrow, Edward." I said to him and then drove off. I drove off with my own smile on my face, and it was nice to know that Edward was fun at any point of the day. As I was driving, I thought back on every little thing we talked about and did, and I would randomly just let a laugh out every now and then like a complete weirdo, but I didn't care. He did stuff to me, and it wasn't unpleasant.

Once I was home, I did some homework for an hour and a half. Luckily I got a lot of it done. Angela and Tanya weren't home, and they said they were at a friend's house. I wasn't even upset that I wasn't invited. I was in a seemingly never ending good mood since leaving Edward. With me being able to tell him about Dominic, him telling me his feelings, and our playful banter, I was on cloud nine. Oh and lets not forget the vision of him in scrubs…holy fuck.

I was showered and ready for bed by ten. I put my phone on its charger on my bedside table, and tried to fall asleep. Right when I was about to fall out, I heard my phone beep. I groaned in frustration and swatted for my phone in the dark. Once I had it in my hands, I squinted down at the bright light of the phone and waited for my vision to go clear. What I saw made me tear up. I am not kidding.

_You are very significant to me. Goodnight, crazy chick. _

* * *

_I don't want this moment to ever end  
Where everything's nothing without you  
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile  
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you  
Through it all, I made my mistakes  
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words  
I want you to know  
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul  
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'll bleed my heart out to show  
That I won't let go_

_**With Me, by Sum 41**_

* * *

**Well this update is pretty early! I am pretty busy tomorrow and I don't know if I would get to update, so I figured better safe than sorry right? **

**Well I hoped you all liked this one! Next chapter is when things really start rolling…just saying. **

**Thanks to all of you for reading, and maybe you all could leave a review? I would really appreciate it :]**

**Thanks again! See you all next week! **


	10. Chapter 9: Don't Bother

**Chapter 9: Don't Bother**

**EPOV**

"Ecy! Please can I go with you? Pleeeeease." She begged and pulled on my pant leg. I had the weekend off from working for the newspaper, but that didn't stop me from heading to the coffee shop to see Bella. I felt bad having to leave Alice behind for the morning, but I didn't want to just show up with her without giving Bella some kind of warning.

Plus, Alice could get really crazy, and she probably wouldn't sit still the whole time we were in the coffee shop. I mean, I guess I could have given her a muffin to shut her up, but that includes sugar which would make her more hyper, and then I would just get aggravated, and yeah…just not today.

"I will be back soon and then we can do whatever you want." I told her. Bella usually had an early class on Saturday, so she left at the normal time. That will give me a whole day with Alice. Especially since I didn't have to sleep during the day and she didn't have school.

"You are a meany head." She said and crossed her arms and stomped out of the room.

I sighed as I finished tying my shoes and put my new black beanie on my head. I went after her and found her in the living room on the couch with her arms crossed over her chest. Bev was in her room making her bed for her.

I sat down beside her and crossed my arms as well. "I will be back, Alice. It's not a big deal."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't care."

"You obviously do."

"Well you don't even like me anyway!" She said and did the whole head snapping thing that little girls do when they are giving someone an attitude. Actually, I am pretty sure grown adults do it as well.

"Oh come on, Alice. You know that's not true."

"Then why can't I go with you?"

"Because I have stuff to do. I will be back soon. Don't be mad at me." I didn't mean to make her upset, but I think I was allowed some time to myself. It's not like me going out for an hour means I was neglecting her or that I didn't care. _Right?_ I don't fucking know. I am still not hip to these parenting duties. It was hard though because I was also her brother.

"Did you mean what you said when you said we could do anything after?" She asked with some kind of idea in her eyes. I was scared.

"Yes."

"Okay." Was all she said. She stood up on the couch and took my beanie off my head.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"I get to keep this too." She said and put my beanie over her head, covering her messy bed hair. I really wanted to wear my new fucking beanie, but I couldn't burst her bubble once again. The kid is lucky. That's all I have to say.

"You're a meany." I said and got up from the couch. I picked up one of the pillows from the couch and hit her with it, causing her to giggle. I grabbed my keys off the coffee table.

"Bye, Ecy. Hurry up!" I laughed and pulled the beanie over her eyes causing her to laugh again.

"Bev, I'm leaving!" I called out to her.

"Alright, child, see you later." Bev didn't know about Bella. Maybe I would tell her. I mean, I know Bev wouldn't make fun of me for having a new friend or anything. She would probably be happy for me. I wouldn't do that without asking Bella though.

I got in my truck and lit a cigarette so I wouldn't be itching for one when I got there. On the drive there, I thought more about introducing Bella to Bev, or maybe even Alice. Would it be awkward? Would she even want to? Does she see us as that kind of friends? Ones that will be friends for a long time?

I don't know. I bet I could even ask her and she wouldn't mind. She was so honest, I am sure whatever her answer was, I knew it would be the truth. She was extraordinary.

When she was telling me about her insecurities, I wanted to take them away from her. She doesn't need to be feeling that way. She was so amazing and she was going to do great things, I am sure. It meant a lot to me that she told me all of that, but it still wasn't enough for me to tell her about my past. I don't even like thinking about it, so I know it would be even harder to say it. My childhood was just…I don't know. Again, I don't like thinking about it.

I flicked my cigarette out the window as I pulled up to the coffee shop. Bella was already there. The chip in my brain started to ease a little since I knew she was near. I walked inside, and looked over at our table. She was sitting there, which made me happy, and I smiled. She looked up at me, and gave me her own winning smile. She waved me over and pointed to a cup of coffee in front of her. So thoughtful.

I went over to her, and sat down across from her. I got a good view of her beautiful face and I got goosebumps. I am fucking weird, I know this. But I blame her; she is the one that planted this stupid chip that messes with all my emotions.

"Hey, dude. You're hair looks extra crazy today." She said while smiling at me.

I instinctively brought my hands to my hair, and it was indeed sticking up more than usual. "That was because I was assaulted by a six year old thief with a thing for my beanies." I said as I tried to smooth down my hair a little.

Bella laughed, and kept her eyes on my hair. "Why didn't you take it back?"

I shrugged and just gave up on my hair. "She was mad at me, I needed to give her at least one reason to like me today."

"Oh no, what did you do?"

I took a sip of my coffee before answering. "I left. She wanted to come."

Her face got sad. "Oh you don't have work today?" She asked. I shook my head. "Well you could have stayed with her, Edward. I don't want to interfere with your life, and make your sister get mad at you…"

"It's not a big deal, Bella." She just shook her head, and she really seemed bothered by it for some reason. "She got over it; I will go back to her."

She sighed. "I know, but I just kind of…I don't know."

"What?" She couldn't just leave that hanging. I wanted to know what was bothering her so I could fix it. If I didn't, that fucking chip would be nagging me until I knew she was okay. "Just tell me."

"Do you ever think of us seeing each other outside of the coffee shop?" She asked.

"Um…" Have I thought about it? Yes. Do I think we could? Sure. Was I afraid to even ask her? Hell yes. "I don't see anything stopping us."

A huge smile spread across her face and she let out a little squeal. _Wow, do I really make her that happy? _"Where would you want to go?"

"You really would want to?"

Her face fell a little. "Of course I want to, Edward. I would love the opportunity to spend more time with you."

Well there goes the chip again. It got into that part of my brain that controls my heart and stomach. I got a really weird fluttering feeling in my stomach and my heart started beating faster. "Me too." I said.

She smiled. "Good. Would it be a little too soon if I asked for today?"

"Don't you have class?" I asked.

"Yeah, but it ends around eleven. I mean if you don't want to, that's fine. And I know you have Alice and all that…"

"Do you want to meet Alice?" What. The. Fuck. Did I just say that? Fucking chip I tell you…makes me say things without thinking. But would it be so bad if Bella met Alice? Something told me no. Plus, if she wanted to be friends with me, or whatever the hell you call our relationship, she will have to learn to be around Alice. Alice is who keeps me around.

Bella seemed just as surprised by my question as I was. "Um…wow…I mean I already met her." She said and swallowed. She looked nervous or maybe just a little overwhelmed. Shit. Maybe I shouldn't have asked.

"I know, but what if you meet her as my friend? If you don't want to, that is fine. I get it. I mean she is a kid, and I would understand if you didn't want to deal with that kind of stuff, but she isn't going anywhere…"

"Edward, stop." She said as I was rambling. Must be this fucking chip messing with my nerves. "I would love that. I can't tell you how much that means to me, that you are willing to introduce her to me as your friend."

My nerves seemed to diminish a little. "Okay, well I will text you or call you later about details because I promised her we would do whatever she wanted to do today, so I will have to schedule it around that."

Her beautiful smile was back, and I was still amazed that I could bring that kind of happiness to her. It also scared me though. There was still so much she didn't know about me. So much about my past and just about who I was that was still a mystery to her, and it scared me. Right now she only knows the first layer of who I was. Once she got deeper, and found out more, I was afraid she would run. I would run from me too.

"That is perfectly fine, as long as it is after eleven, I am free." She said with a smile. I nodded my head and took another sip of my coffee. "So I was thinking, I don't know your favorite movie." She said.

I chuckled. "Veto." I said.

"Are you kidding me?" She asked.

"Yeah, I just like to see you squirm."

"You're an ass."

"Deal with it." I said. "_Saving_ _Private Ryan_." I answered for her.

"Really?"

"Nope, it's _Legally Blonde_."

"Yeah, right. Like I am supposed to believe that." She said with a roll of her eyes.

"It's _Saving Private Ryan_."

"Oh…I thought that movie was kind of boring." She said.

"Are you serious?" I asked, like she just told me she genuinely believed in unicorns. _She was crazy_! "You obviously haven't watched that movie with the right person."

She shrugged. "Maybe you could watch it with me one day."

"Yeah, I guess I could." Her smile got wider and I smiled back.

"My favorite movie is _Benchwarmers_."

"What the fuck is that?"

"You have never seen _Benchwarmers_?" She asked like it was the most ridiculous thing she has ever heard.

"It is the funniest movie ever!" She said, sounding like a little kid. "I will make you watch that one with me."

"I can't wait." I said sarcastically in an excited, girly voice. That earned me a piece of muffin to the face, but I was used to getting things thrown at me by her. Weird.

"Anyways…hm…who is your favorite actress?"

I shrugged. "I don't fucking know. Am I supposed to have one?"

"Oh come on, there isn't one that you think is like super hot or anything?"

I shook my head. "Not really. Looks don't really mean too much to me. There are only a few people I would even call pretty."

She looked shocked. "Wow, really?"

"Yes. Looks do mean something, but not everything."

"That is true." She agreed. I nodded my head, and took a sip of my coffee. "So you say there are only a couple of people you think are pretty." She seemed a little nervous to ask this question. "Who are they?"

Should I veto this question? I don't think it was necessary. I just wished I knew what she would think. I would be completely honest with her. "There are only a couple I can think of right now."

"Will you tell me?" She asked, looking up at me nervously. I didn't want her to be that nervous talking to me.

"Well, I would say my neighbor, Beverly."

Her face turned red. "Who is that?" She asked almost not so nicely. Could she be...jealous? Holy shit.

"She is my neighbor. She is seventy-four years old."

That last part seemed to have calmed her down just a little. Wow. She really was jealous. "Oh."

"Yes. She helped me out a lot when I needed it, and because of who she is, she is pretty to me."

"That's really nice, Edward." She said with a smile of admiration on her face.

"The next person would definitely have to be Alice." I said. "She is pretty cute, but she really is a good kid."

"Because of you." Bella said.

"Despite me." I said back. It was true. Alice was everything I wasn't, and that is what makes her so great.

"I don't agree with that, but that can be used for another time." She said. "Who else?"

"There is only one other."

"Really?" She asked.

I nodded. "You."

She froze. _Oh shit, was that laying it on too thick? What the hell was wrong with me? _I don't even know if she wants me to see her that way. Oh fuck, I fucking suck at everything I do when it comes to human interaction. I should be put in a home or something. I looked down at the table and rubbed the back of my neck while I waited for a reply.

"Thank you." She said, and her voice was a little different.

I looked up at her, and panic built up inside me when I saw her wiping away a tear. Tears always make me nervous. Well, tears on other people make me nervous. I can't even remember the last time I cried. I quit that way early in life.

"Whoa, are you okay? I didn't mean to make you cry, Bella…"

She let out a small laugh and wiped a final tear from her eyes. "No, don't worry about it, Edward. I am a very emotional person, I cry at everything."

"Oh…well don't do that." I said.

She laughed. "I can't help it, Edward! I'm sorry, but I wasn't expecting you to say that."

_She really had no idea?_ "Oh, well it's true. You are a very beautiful woman." Somehow I felt that wasn't a good enough explanation, and I did something I don't normally do. I said what I felt. "Not just on the outside. You actually talk to me, and care for what I have to say. You look past all of my shit, and you deal with me. That makes you beautiful to me." I looked at her again and she was wiping away more tears. "Stop that, Bella!" I said and covered my face with my hands.

She laughed. "I'm sorry; that was the nicest thing anyone ever said to me, Edward."

"It's true."

"You know, I feel the same way." I looked up at her curiously. _She does? _"I know you may not think so, and that makes me sad, but I want to make you see what I see. Because you are beautiful to me."

"That's because you are crazy."

She laughed and wiped her face. "Maybe. I'd rather be crazy than not have known you."

"Spoken like a true head case."

"Shut up, jerk-face. I'll slap you again…don't tempt me."

I chuckled. "A violent head case. What have I gotten myself into?"

"Har, Har." She said and took a bite of her muffin. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and I took it out. Alice. _Great, I am going to get yelled at. _

"You mind?" I asked Bella, and she just waved the hand that wasn't holding the muffin at me to continue. "Hello?"

"Ecy, it has been a bunch of time. Come home."

"Alice, I have been gone for at least a half an hour." I said and rested my head on my hand. Alice was in one of those moods today. The moods that gave me a headache. She can be clingy when she wanted to.

"Well still! Come on, I am bored!"

"What about Bev?"

"Bev isn't feeling good."

"Really?" _Well nice of her to tell me._

"Yes. Come. Home."

"Hey, you aren't my boss, little missy."

She laughed, and so did Bella. I smiled over at her and rolled my eyes. "Ecy! Come home! Pleeeease."

"I'll be there in ten minutes." I said. I figured it would be alright since I would get to see Bella later. Plus, a little time with Alice sounded good.

She squealed. "Yay! Bye, Ecy!" She said and hung up before I could even say bye.

I looked over at Bella and saw the amused expression on her face. "You sure you want to meet her?"

"I already like her." She said. "So I guess you have to go, huh?" She asked.

"Yeah, but I figured since we are making plans later, it would be alright."

"Oh yeah, sure. Just text or call me, you got my number."

I started getting up. "I will. See ya later, chick."

"See ya, homeboy." She said. I just snorted. What a beautiful, crazy, weirdo. And she thinks I'm beautiful.

_How the hell did this happen?_

* * *

"Think fast!" Alice said. I looked up at her, and she threw a grape at me.

"Aw, come on, that's not fair. You didn't give me enough time." I said. We were eating a late breakfast which consisted of toast and fruit. I try to keep things healthy. Not just because I have diabetes, but because Alice needs to be healthy.

"Fine." She said and took another grape between her fingers. I opened my mouth in preparation, and she threw it at me. She had to be all tricky and shit though, and aimed way far from my mouth. I have good reflexes though, and I caught it in my mouth. She laughed. "I wish I could do that!"

I reached for one of the grapes from the bag. "Essaye." I said. Try. I always wanted her to at least try new things. She could do anything she wanted.

"Oui, Monsieur." She said. Her French was almost flawless at this point. I would need to start using other languages around her. She opened her mouth and I lightly threw it. She moved her head a little, and she got it. "Yes!"

"Bom trabalho, garota. Está vendo? Você pode fazer qualquer coisa, basta tentar." I said, and she looked at me curiously and listened to my words.

"What was that one?"

"Portuguese."

"Oooh." She said. "What did you say?"

"I said, good job, kid. See, you can do anything if you try."

"Say it in Portuguese again?" And so I did. She was very interested in learning about the languages I knew. I was glad she did. Learning those languages used to be my only mean of escape. At first, I hated it, but then I realized how it is good to know for what I wanted to do with my life. That was all in the past now, though. At least I could now use that knowledge to teach Alice.

I was in the middle of teaching her new words in Portuguese, when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I took it out, and I had a text from Bella.

_I am all free if you are still up for it._

I sighed. I was still up for it, but I was being a wimp. I was afraid of what Alice will say. "Hey, Alice?" I said.

"Yes?" She asked with her mouth full of grapes.

"How would you feel about meeting a friend of mine?"

She gave me a confused look. "You have a friend?" See, even my six year old sister knew I wasn't exactly the friendly type. I'm a sad individual.

"Yes, I met her a little while ago."

"It's a girl?" She asked excitedly and stood up on her chair. "Ecy has a girlfriend!"

I picked up a grape and threw it at her. She laughed. "She isn't my girlfriend. She is a girl that is a friend."

"Mhm, that's what they all say, until they start doing kissy, kissy."

_What the hell? _"How do you know all this stuff? You're six."

"And you're like one hundred. Who cares?"

I rolled my eyes. I need to monitor what this kid watches better from now on. "Well do you want to meet her or not?"

"Yes!" She said with so much enthusiasm in her voice.

"Okay, what do you want to do?"

"Let's go to the movies! Then you can kiss her in there!"

"Alice! I am not going to kiss her, she is my friend!" _Where the hell is she getting this from?_

"Oh fine. Can we just go to the park?"

"Sure." I texted Bella again asking her if she wanted to go to the park in about twenty minutes. Her reply was instant.

_I would love to. See you there in 20._

I couldn't help the smile from forming on my face. "Aww Ecy loves her." Alice sang and pinched my cheek. My smile went away and I took my beanie off her head.

"Shut it, short stuff. Go get ready." I put the beanie back on my head and went out the door. I went next door to Bev's apartment and knocked on the door. There wasn't an answer right away, and I started to worry a little bit. Alice wasn't lying when she said Bev wasn't feeling good. I heard footsteps though, and she opened the door.

"Hi, Edward." She said.

"You still feeling shitty?" I asked her.

She chuckled. "Yeah, just some kind of stomach bug I guess."

"Well Alice and I are going out; you want me to bring you something back?"

"Yeah, some ginger ale, please."

She knew I wouldn't have taken no for an answer. She knows that I hate how much money she spends on me, so she knew she would have to let me do this for her. "Okay, we will be back a little later."

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Oh you know…the park. Going to meet a friend. See you later, Bev." I said quickly. I was doing some wishful thinking if I thought Bev would just let that go. I turned to walk away, and she grabbed my ear.

"Oh no you don't." She said. I groaned. "Who is this friend?"

"Can you let go of my ear, woman?" She chuckled and let go. "Her name is Bella."

"It's a girl?" She asked with the same tone as Alice. Damn, I really do freaking suck at life. I nodded my head. "And you are blushing, oh child, you got yourself a girlfriend."

"I do not. She is my friend. Jesus, can't a guy have a friend who is a girl?"

"Is she pretty?"

"Leave me alone, Beverly. I am leaving." I said and started to walk away.

She laughed. "Have fun, lover boy!" She called out. I just ignored her. It wasn't fair. I didn't need this abuse. I walked back into my apartment and Alice was trying to tie her shoes. I squatted down in front of her and took over the tying duties. She didn't say anything, and she didn't seem like she was in as much of a hyper mood as before. _Weird._

"Do you think she will like me?" She asked nervously. _Oh, that's why._

"Ela vai pensar que você é a melhor garotinha que existe." I said with a smile.

She smiled even though she didn't know what I said. "What did you say?"

"She will think you are the best little girl." I said and I pinched her nose, causing her to giggle. "Don't worry about it, Alice. You'll always be my favorite girl."

She threw herself at me and hugged me tight around the neck. "Thank you, Ecy."

"You're welcome." I said and unwrapped her arms from around my neck, and stood up. "Plus, you have already met her." I started heading out the door, and she followed me out.

"I have?"

"Yes you have. She works at your school. Do you know Ms. Swan?"

I felt a pull on my shirt on the stairs. I looked behind me at Alice, and she had a big smile on her face. "Your friend is Ms. Swan?"

"Yes."

She squealed. "Yay! She's so pretty!"

_I know._

* * *

She is sitting on the bench. The wind is blowing around her and I watch as her hair was blowing softly with it. She was looking down at her lap, and I seriously just couldn't wait to see her face. Alice was skipping ahead of me. Bella was going to be getting her ear talked off today, I just knew it. For some reason, I didn't think Bella would mind.

"Excuse me! Bella this is Alice over here!" Alice called out and I laughed. _Who says that? _The ride up here was mostly spent with me telling Alice about Bella. She asked so many questions, it made the ten minute ride to the park feel like forever.

Bella revealed her beautiful face to me when she looked behind her at Alice's words. A breathtaking smile appeared on her face, and I couldn't help smiling. I swear I smiled more these past couple weeks than I have in the last couple of years. That was really saying something.

It didn't surprise me when Alice ran right up to Bella and gave her a big hug around the waist. I envied her ability to just touch someone. I wish I could just walk right up to Bella and hug her. I don't know why I couldn't…maybe I do, but my childhood isn't something I like thinking about.

Bella hugged her back with just as much enthusiasm. "I remember you!" Alice yelled and started bouncing up and down.

"I remember you too!" Bella said. She grabbed Alice's hands and started jumping with her. _Damn, since when was my life infested with overhyped girls? _

"You're friends with, Ecy?" Alice asked. Why she was so excited about this, I would never know, but it's better than her being all mean to Bella, or her not wanting me to be her friend. I wanted Bella to be around for a while longer. The chances were less than likely, but I could revel in her while she was here.

"Yes I am."

"Why?"

"I don't know, I ask myself that question every day."

"Should I just leave you both to your own Edward bashing party?" I asked.

"Yup, see you later, Ecy!" Alice said. I chuckled and sat down on the bench. I crossed my arms in front of me.

"Whatever." I said and shrugged my shoulders. Alice climbed up on the bench, and took the beanie off my head.

"Kay. You can stay here and be a baby." She said and put the beanie on her head. Bella laughed and Alice grabbed her hand. "Come on, Bella." She said. They both walked away swinging their hands in between them, and they really left me there!

I groaned and followed after them. I zipped up my hoodie more and put the hood up. It was colder than I thought it would be outside. Plus my hair probably looked like shit since my hat was stolen once again. I walked up to Bella's side and she looked over at me. She gave me a sweet smile and I smiled back. Alice was doing what Alice does, and was talking Bella's ear off. She talked about school, and Bev, and me and whatever came to her little mind. Bella was a good sport though, and she reacted and gave her own input. She was really good with kids, and I am sure she would make a great teacher.

It was good to know Bella and Alice really hit it off. I should have known I shouldn't have been nervous. Alice is really outgoing and friendly, and Bella is just…Bella. Perfect.

"Oh, Ecy! It's Olivia!"

I looked up, and sure enough, there was Olivia. Olivia was Alice's friend from school. "Go play with her then." I said.

"Do you mind, Bella? You will have to stay with boring Edward."

I just laughed. I was used to the abuse. Bella laughed as well. "I think I will be good." She said. Alice nodded her head and fixed my beanie on her head before running off. "She is so ridiculously cute." Bella commented as she looked after her.

"She gets it from me." I said sarcastically. That was the biggest fib I have ever told.

"I know she does." Bella said sincerely. Something really was wrong with her, but that little kink was what made her so special to me. When she said stuff like that to me though, I got fucking scared. I know I can't give her what she needs. I know I have my own share of problems that she doesn't even know of yet. I know all this, but I still keep going back to her.

"Want to just sit here?" I said gesturing towards the bench. I wanted to be able to keep an eye on Alice, and get to talk to Bella as well. She nodded and sat down beside me. Bella wasn't really prepared for this weather either and she wrapped her arms around herself, and rubbed her arms, trying to create some friction.

I unzipped my hoodie and handed it over to her. When she felt the fabric hit her arm, she looked over at me quizzically. "Are you giving that to me?" She asked.

"Well I would like it back at some point, but for now, yes." I said. She smiled at me, but otherwise pushed the hoodie away.

"You will freeze. I am fine." I shrugged and put the hoodie in between us.

"Fine. I will just leave it there then." I said and leaned back on the bench. It wasn't that bad out. We both sat in stubborn silence with our arms crossed in front of us. We had our own little competition going on between us that no one else would have known about and I liked it. I started whistling to be an ass basically. I heard her teeth chatter and I knew I was close to winning.

Then when I heard the groan of frustration come from her, I knew victory was mine. "Fine! You win." I laughed and looked over to her as she put my hoodie on. She zipped it up and crossed her arms again. It was really big on her, and she was practically swimming in it, but I don't think I ever saw her looking as cute or sexy as she did in that moment.

"See? Now was that so hard?"

"You don't even know." She said.

I laughed. I did know. I hated losing too. I turned a little on the bench, and faced her. "You're good with Alice." I said.

She smiled at me. "It's not hard. She is a great kid." I nodded in agreement. "You seem more relaxed around her. It's nice."

I shrugged. "I don't know why. That's just how it is I guess."

"She obviously thinks the world of you."

I snorted. "Are you kidding? She has been harassing me this whole time." I said jokingly. I knew Alice thought highly of me, I just didn't like to admit it to myself because it scared me that she did.

"Yeah, but I don't think you see how much her face lights up when she looks at you." I just shrugged and looked down at the bench and started peeling away a piece of paint on it. I didn't know what to say to that. "You okay, Edward?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said instantly. I wasn't good with that kind of stuff, and it all goes back to that time in my life. I don't want to fucking think about it. I will fall over the edge…I just know it.

"I think you're lying."

"Just drop it, Bella."

She sighed. I knew she was mad, but she wouldn't say it because she was giving me time. _What if I take too long? What if she gets sick of waiting? Would it really hurt to tell her about my past?_ "Do you want me to go?" She asked.

I was pulled out of my thoughts instantaneously and I looked right at her. "No, of course not."

"Good, because I didn't want to leave. I don't want to be here just make you uncomfortable."

"You don't make me uncomfortable it's just…"

"Just what? Come on, Edward. You can tell me."

I looked over to where Alice was, and saw she was running over. "We can talk later." I said.

Bella sighed, but otherwise put on a happy face for Alice when she approached. Alice stopped in front of us with the beanie half off her head, her cheeks all red, and dirt on her jeans. "Ecy, can I go over Olivia's house?"

"Uh…sure. Where are her parents?"

"They are over there. Want me to go get them?"

"Just bring us over to them." I said. Bella got up with me as we followed a skipping Alice to Olivia's parents. I met Olivia's mother many times, but never her father. I let her go over their place a lot, but at least had to check with them if it was alright. Olivia's mother was one of those soccer Moms. I mean, there is nothing wrong with that, but she fit the stereotype to a tee. Olivia's father must have been a business man of some sort. He was wearing jeans with a blue button up shirt, and slicked back blonde hair.

"Oh hi, Edward. Nice to see you." Jessica said.

"Hi, Jessica. This is my friend, Bella." I said, just so Bella didn't feel awkward. Bella gave her a wave and a hello, and Jessica gave her a polite nod.

"Oh, and this is my husband, Mike. Mike, this is Edward." She said to the man who looked over to me with a smile. Each tooth was perfectly white. He extended his hand out to me, and I stiffened. _Fuck. _I don't want to seem like a jerk, but I cannot shake his hand.

"Ah!" Alice screamed from my side at the top of her lungs. All of our eyes landed on her and she was clutching her arm and tears were starting to come to her eyes. I began to panic once again and I instantly was kneeling in front of her.

"What's wrong?" I asked frantically. She started crying more and she threw her arms around my neck.

"A bee stung me!" She cried into my neck. Fuck, I didn't know what to do about a bee sting.

"Oh, Alice honey, let me see it." Jessica said.

"No!" Alice shouted. "I want Ecy to look at it."

"Alice, I don't know what to do. What if Bella helps?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "You."

I looked up at Bella with what I am sure was a lost look on my face. What surprised me was that she didn't look worried, exactly. She looked more curious than anything. My expression must have registered with her though, and she seemed to snap out of it a little, and her expression turned caring.

"I have a first aid kit in my car. I can go get it." She said. I nodded my head at her, and she went jogging off. I got up with Alice in my arms. Her arms were still locked around my neck.

"I will just go help her out, and we will be back, if that is okay with the both of you." I said to Jessica and Mike. Olivia was a shy little girl, and she was hiding behind her father's leg.

"Yes, go ahead. We will wait for her." Jessica said. Her smile was very motherly and caring. Mike nodded, and I brought Alice back over to the bench. I unwrapped her arms from around my neck. I took her left arm; since that was the one she was clutching earlier, and tried to find where she was stung. She was wearing a sweatshirt, but she took it off when she was playing. I looked at the top of her arm, and then on the inside, but it all looked completely fine to me.

"Where is it, Alice? I don't see anything." I turned her small arm in my hand once again. There was nothing that I could see at all.

"I didn't get stung, that's why." She said in a completely normal voice and she was wiping the tears off her face with her hand.

"What?"

"I faked it." She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I still wasn't catching on.

"Why?"

"You didn't want to shake his hand, so I helped you. Please don't be mad at me. I didn't mean to lie." She said each statement faster than the other as her nerves were picking up I am sure. She was nervous I would be mad at her for what she did. To be honest, I had no idea how to feel.

"Alice…I…I'm not mad…" That was the only thing I was sure of. How is a grown man supposed to feel when his six year old sister has to bail him out of terrifying situations when said situation wasn't supposed to be terrifying at all to a normal person? A part of me felt stupid, really. I knew I should have just been able to grab his hand and shake it like a normal human being, but I couldn't. Another part of me felt proud to have Alice as my sister. She is already so loyal and caring for a six year old. I practically raised her, so that means I should have had something to do with that right?

"Okay good. Bella is coming back. Just put a band-aid on me, and then I will be a big girl."

I nodded. "Thank you, Alice."

She smiled up at me and hugged me around the neck again. "You help me, so I help you. You're my favorite, Ecy." She whispered in my ear.

"You're my favorite too." She started sniffling again, and I guessed it was because Bella was close. She soon appeared in front of me and handed me the first aid kit.

"I'll leave you two to your own thing." Bella said, still looking at us with that curious look in her eye. _Could she have noticed what Alice did?_

"You're leaving?" I asked.

"Do you want me to?"

"No. Please, just stay." I was practically begging her, but I couldn't find it in me to care at that point.

"Okay, well I will be by my car." She said and I nodded. She walked forward and put a hand on Alice's back. "I hope that sting feels better. Have fun at your friend's house."

Alice turned in my arms to face Bella. "Thank you. Will you come hang out with me and Ecy again?"

"I would love to, sweetie."

"Thank you." Alice said. Bella leaned forward and kissed Alice on her beanie covered head. Her face got so close to mine when she did, and I could smell her hair so perfectly. It was intoxicating. She pulled away and walked past us to her car. Alice pulled from me and grabbed the first aid kid from my hands.

"Here, let me do it." I said. I took the kit from her and opened it up. There was a lot of stuff in it, so I had to sift for the band-aids, but I found them. Alice took them from my hand.

"Oh, there are pink ones!" She said excitedly and I just rolled my eyes. _Who cares what color the band-aid is? _I started taking the cover off of it, and Alice waited patiently. I was still kind of messed up about the whole thing that just went down. It felt like she was taking care of me more than I was taking care of her. It wasn't supposed to be like that.

I brought the band-aid to her arm, and I didn't know where to put it. She pointed out a random place, and I put it on there for her. "Okay, there you go." I started to close the kit, but she stopped me. She took out another band-aid and opened it. "What are you doing, Alice? We can't be wasting them." I would buy Bella more if that is what she wanted. One was already wasted, and now Alice was wasting yet another.

"Shh." Alice said. She peeled away the rest of the paper. She reached for my arm, and pulled up the sleeve on my shirt. She placed the band-aid on the inside of my arm. She passed her hand over it lightly. "That way you can feel better."

I couldn't help but smile at her benevolence. "Thanks, Alice."

She brought her hands to her head and pulled my beanie off. She placed it back on my head and gave my head a kiss much like Bella did to her only moments before. "You're welcome. Now let's go. I need to go to Olivia's and you need to kiss Bella."

She got down from my lap and waved me forward. "I am not going to kiss Bella."

"Uh-huh…okay." She said sarcastically. I couldn't decide if I created a monster or the greatest creature in existence from time-to-time. It was weird.

I walked to rest of the way with her to Jessica and Mike. When we were almost there, she turned to me and wanted me to pick her up. I was confused, but she insisted, so I did. Once in my arms, she said I can't shake someone's hand with my hands full. Again, I didn't know how to feel.

Mike and Jessica both gave her a lot of attention and asking her if she was alright and all of that. She assured them she was alright. They said they were leaving, so I put Alice down, and she grabbed Mike's hand. And she does it again. I said bye to all of them, and headed back to Bella.

She was leaning on the side of her car. She was definitely thinking about something. I could tell because of the look on her face. She had her arms crossed in front of her. My hoodie was still on her, and I still don't understand why it made her so attractive to me to see her in that hoodie. It was all baggy on her and all that shit, but she never looked as beautiful.

She looked up to me when I approached. She smiled slightly when she saw me. "I see you got your beanie back."

"Yeah at least something is keeping me warm since _someone _took my hoodie."

She did not like that joke. Let's just say, if looks could kill, I would have been dying a slow and painful death at that moment. "You know what, just for that, you aren't getting it back."

"Mhm…we'll see." I hopped up on the front of her car so I was sitting next to her. "So what do you want to do? Or are you bored of me already?"

She smirked. "I'm not bored of you in the slightest."

"Same here."

She let out a small, nervous laugh. "I don't really care what we do, dude."

I smirked. "Come on, I know a place we can go." I hopped down from the car and headed for my truck.

"Hold on, I have to lock up my car." She said and I nodded. I went to my truck, and waited for her. I really wanted a cigarette, but I didn't want to do it while she was in the car. I know the smell of smoke to a non-smoker wasn't too pleasant. She came back only moments later, and I started up the car.

It surprised me how willing she was to just get in the truck with me without asking questions. She trusted me; that much was clear. On the way to our destination, we talked about random stuff. She asked me more of my favorites, and I asked them back to her. I found myself always wanting to know more. If I ask her one question, it usually led to many more forming in my head. We made it to where I wanted to take her in about twenty minutes, and I parked the truck outside of the cabin.

She looked out the window curiously. "Um…Edward…what are we doing here?"

"This is the part where I kidnap you lock you in this cabin. Woops. Forgot to mention that part."

She laughed, probably because I said it like it was no big deal. She knew I was joking of course. But I knew how bad it must have looked. I ask her to go somewhere with me, and I take her to a cabin in the middle of the woods. That is some serial killer shit right there.

We both got out of the truck. As we were walking to the door, I felt her hand on my arm. At first I stiffened, but then I just relaxed. She wrapped both of her small arms around mine. I wasn't used to this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I looked down at her, and she had a small smile on her face. I couldn't ask her to let go. Not if it brought that kind of smile to her face. As long as she doesn't touch my hands.

I opened the cabin with the key I had on my key ring. I opened the door, and led her inside. It was a simple cabin. There was just one bedroom, kitchen, living room, and bathroom. "Wow, it is really nice in here. It's warm." She commented as she kept looking around. Her arms still wrapped around mine.

"Yeah, it is nice."

"How did you get this?" She asked, still looking around.

"It's not mine. It's my neighbor Bev's. She is a very rich woman. She let me have this place to use as an escape I guess. I don't use it that often." The last time I came here was when I had my last episode. When I left Alice alone in the house. "I bring Alice to go fishing here mostly."

"There is a pond?"

"Yeah, right out back. You want to go?"

A smile spread on her face. I guess she liked the idea of the pond. "Yes! Please, I love the water."

"Let's go then." She kept her grip on my arm as we walked through the cabin to the back door. She gasped when we were out there. I understood her feelings. It was beautiful out there. The pond was calm. There were little ripples in the water from the wind. Bella let go of my arm and walked forward. She walked right up to the edge of the water. She wrapped her arms in front of her, and her hair was blowing with the wind again.

_So beautiful. _

I walked up to where it was still dry, and sat down. Bella walked forward as far as she could go without stepping into the water. I didn't say anything, and neither did she. We both just soaked in the peacefulness of this place. There were no sounds except for a couple birds and the wind around us. There were no horns beeping or people yelling and talking around us. It was just us and this calm that enveloped us.

After a while—I don't really know how long—she turned back to me. She gave me a lovely smile and started walking toward me. I had my knees up, and my arms draped over them. I kept eye contact with her as she walked toward me. She sat down beside me, and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Thank you for bringing me here." She whispered.

"I'm just glad you like it. It's not the most fun thing to do."

"I'm not a fun person."

I laughed. "Neither am I."

She laughed and wrapped her arms around my left arm this time. I thought she would just kind of rest there, but she had other idea. She fell back and brought me with her.

"Fuck." I muttered in surprise. I wasn't expecting that at all, but we both fell back onto ground. She giggled and I looked over to her. "Nothing like a warning."

She reached over and took my beanie off. "Get over it." She put the beanie over her head.

"Why do you and Alice think it's okay to just take my shit?"

"My head was cold." I just rolled my eyes. She rolled over onto her side so she was facing me. I turned my head to look at her, and her face was really close. I stuck my tongue out at her and she laughed. "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"I like you…I mean, I like you a lot."

"Spoken like a true crazy person."

Her face fell. "Why would you say that, Edward?"

"There is so much you don't know."

"You keep saying that." She said softly. "I wish you would just tell me."

I looked over at her again. She was hurting. She was hurting because of me. "I want to." My words were ringing with truth, but I hoped it would cause some of the hurt to move away from her face. I realized right then how much I hated seeing her like that. I absolutely loathed it.

"What's stopping you, Edward? I promise it won't change anything."

"How do you know that, Bella?"

She brought her hand back to my arm and trailed her fingers over my covered arm. I closed my eyes at the feeling. "I know because of how this feels. Don't you feel that, Edward?" I nodded, my eyes still closed. "I don't just spend time with you because I want to. I need to, Edward. I need to be around you…I need to be able to feel this…whatever this is. That isn't something that will go away so easily."

"How do you know?"

"I don't I guess. But I am following what I feel. You mean a lot to me. I realize you may not feel the same way, but as long as I get to be with you, I will be okay."

"How can you say that? Of course you mean a lot to me." She smiled and scooted closer to me. Her face was closer to mine. Her whole body was and all I could feel was her warmth. The chip in my head was setting off all kinds of fuckery inside of me, and the feeling overwhelmed me. It overtook me. It took control of me as I was leaning in closer to her. _What the fuck was I doing? Was I really going to kiss her?_

But then she did something she probably shouldn't have done. Fuck, it shouldn't have been a second thought to her. It wasn't her fault. It was my fault. It's all my fault.

She grabbed for my hand.

I ruined everything.

* * *

_Don't bother trusting me  
__Don't bother waiting  
__Don't bother changing things that won't give into changing  
__Just let me go away.  
__I'm packed  
__Whenever  
__I'm down  
__Whenever._

_**Weight of the World, by Blue October**_

* * *

**Hey everyone! Really early update for you all. I was just so happy from all the reviews I received last chapter, and there is a snow storm over here (I really love snow) and pretty much everything has been shut down, so I will be home a couple days, and I will have a lot of time to write. **

**Sorry to have left this at kind of a cliffy…do you classify this as a cliffy? I don't know. **

**Special thanks to Marcelo for helping me out with the Portuguese translations! You can follow him on Twitter (FFHopeReborn) and you should also check out his FF profile (HopeReborn) and his story 'Rising Star'. Do it! **

**Also thanks to Ady for the French translations, she is always helpful and sweet. **

**One more thing. Sorry for being wordy, but yeah…I am bad at review replies. Half the time I don't know what to write, because I don't know how to thank you all enough, but I was thinking of maybe attaching a little teaser to the next chapter? I don't know. If that is something that interests you, just let me know! I post teasers on my Twitter account, but I know a lot of people don't have them so, yeah. Let me know! **

**Review please! **


	11. Chapter 10: Make a Sound

**Chapter 10: Make a Sound**

**BPOV**

_Please kiss me. _

That was the only thing running though my mind those few couple of seconds that we were getting closer and closer. He brought me to this absolutely beautiful place and it was amazing I was able to share it with him. He looked so innocent and beautiful sitting out here with the peace surrounding the both of us. I am used to being with Edward in a room filled with people, or the middle of a parking lot of a hospital. But right then, it was literally just us and the beautiful scenery around us.

The water was tranquil and melancholy. The light wind caused ripples to move along the water. Sometimes there will be little pieces of leaves or other obstruction in the water to cause more ripples. On the edges on the pond, there were wild trees and plants. The lily pads on the edges were blocked by these trees and plants. There was silence. I could hear the wind in my ears, the occasional bird, and the sound of Edward's breathing; a very significant sound. The air was clear. The only thing I could smell was the smoky, musky, and sweet smell of the hoodie I had around my body. I wasn't lying earlier. He wasn't getting it back.

He let me sit beside him. He let me rest my head on his shoulder. I could smell him. The scent was more potent coming straight from the source. It was natural. He wasn't wearing any special colognes or anything. It was just Edward. It was just perfect.

He let me touch him. I was able to show him affection in a subtle way. Each stroke of my hand across his arm was me telling him that he was so precious to me. He didn't know it, but I did. He will know soon enough. I couldn't help but mess with him though, because that was how we were. We couldn't go too long without joking about something or making fun of the other. It wasn't out of spite though…it was out of admiration. For me it was, and I had a good feeling it was for him too.

He let me take his beanie; even though he was used to it because of Alice, just the thought that he let me, warmed me. It was something that was his, and he let me have it. I put it on. I mostly just wanted to see his hair. It was in a complete disarray. I wanted to touch his hair, but I wanted to wait. I noticed he stiffened when I first touched him. Something told me it wouldn't be that easy getting to touch him. God knows I wanted to...

He let me tell him what I wanted. He seemed to always want to please me. I told him I liked him. It was an understatement, I knew for a fact my feelings were drifting towards love. I didn't want to throw too much at him at once though. I adored him. Seeing him with Alice was just beautiful. Yes they bickered the whole time, but the love they both had on their faces was breathtaking. It was just the way Alice would always look over to him when we were talking, almost like she was just checking on him. It was the smirk Edward would get on his face when she said something witty or funny. I don't think he knew I noticed, but I did.

And now here I am getting closer and closer to him. He is moving closer as well. He must want this just as much as I do. Maybe he doesn't even know, but his body did. He was moving closer. His green eyes were on mine. I wanted to comfort him in any way possible. He was so down on himself when I thought so highly of him.

Without thinking, my hand went down to his. I always wanted to touch his hands and hold his hand. Now that I thought we were about to kiss, I didn't think much of it as I reached down for it. That was until I saw the look of fear in his eyes. And then he was gone.

A strangled sound came out of him throat, and he ripped his hand out of mine. He got up from lying down and scurried away from me. The fear in his eyes caused panic to settle in my stomach. He stumbled back when he got off the ground, but pulled himself up again. He started walking back to the cabin, his hands in tight fists at his side.

"Edward!" I yelled. He kept walking. I got up from the ground and went after him. My heart was pounding in my chest thinking I completely ruined everything. _What the hell was I thinking? _We are just friends and I went in to kiss him. I was so stupid. I caught up with him and grabbed the back of his shirt.

He spun around. "Please just don't touch me, Bella." He said through clenched teeth. There was something in his eyes; something so angry and not my Edward at all. _What is wrong with me? How could I have done this to him? But what did I do exactly? _I am already referring to him as mine. That isn't true.

I held my hands up in surrender and he turned back to go into the cabin. I followed after him. My heart was breaking at each step. The tears were already there, ready to escape and make my pain known. Once inside, Edward put his hands to his hair and pulled. His breathing was ragged and his hands were shaking. _What did I do to him? _

"Edward…"

"Bella please, stop!" He yelled. That yell made me freeze in my tracks and that tear to fall. He groaned, almost like he was in pain. That groan hurt me more than the yelling. "I'm sorry; just give me a minute, please. Give me a minute before I fall over the edge."

_Fall over the edge? What was he talking about? _I didn't dare ask him though. If he needed space for now, I would give it to him. He sat down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. He was trying to control his breathing it looked like. I went to run my hands through my hair, but the beanie got in the way. I pulled it off. I walked toward him and put it beside him on the arm of the chair. He didn't move. He was in complete concentration. Or just in pain. I couldn't tell, but it killed me to see him like that. I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"I'll just go outside to give you some space." I said as softly as I could so he didn't get startled. It didn't work though because he jumped and looked up at me. His green eyes were a little less angry looking before and my Edward shown through, breaking my heart. I wanted nothing more than to take him in my arms, but I couldn't.

"Don't go, please." He said.

He didn't have to ask me twice.

I nodded and sat at the other end of the couch. He buried his face back in his hands and tried controlling his breathing again. I wiped more tears from my eyes and just watched him. His knuckles were white as he pulled at his hair. I could see the beads of sweat on his neck and causing his hair to darken a little. It was pretty cold out. It wasn't hot at all in here. His face was red and his breathing was still ragged.

I was so lost. I just wanted to help him.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled. The tone of his voice was killing me. He was closing himself off at the point I wanted him to open up the most.

"It's okay, Edward."

His head lifted from his hands and his anguished green eyes fell on me. I clenched my hands on my knees so I wouldn't reach for him. Seeing him in this predicament only made me want to comfort him. It was like instinct. No, it was necessity. I couldn't sit there and see him so anguished, and not want to make it go away...but I couldn't do anything. "It's not okay, and you know it." He said.

I moved a little closer to him on the couch. Maybe if I was closer, the nagging feeling in my whole being would go away just a little. "I just don't understand it. I don't know what I did wrong." I said.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella." He said forcefully. "Don't blame yourself. This is all on me. I am fucking messed up."

"That's not true."

"How do you know? You try to hold my hand and I fucking flip out. Do you think that is normal?"

"Well no, but you aren't messed up."

"What would you call it then, Bella?"He asked rhetorically. He was mad. I don't think he was mad at me though. He was mad at himself. I needed to change that.

"I don't know, because I don't know the full story. Why did you pull away like that?" He just shook his head and looked straight ahead. I could see his jaw was clenched. "Help me understand." I tentatively put a hand on his back. He tensed a little, but I could feel the muscles in his back relax. I started rubbing soothing circles in his back. "Please."

"I don't know if I can." His voice was laced with fear and anguish. It killed me to hear him like that. He could do this. I know he could.

"What is your biggest fear in telling me?"

He thought of it for a minute. "That I will fall over the edge."

"What does that mean?"

He shook his head quickly. "Nothing." That was strange. That wasn't what I was expecting him to say at all. _What does he mean by that?_ I was about to question him when he started speaking again. "I guess I could try. For you."

I sighed in relief and rested my head on his shoulder. "Please."

"Just give me a minute to think, alright?" I nodded my head against his shoulder. He didn't push me off or ask me to get off. He just sat there and started thinking. I had no idea what part he was telling me, but at least he was telling me something. I wanted him to help me understand him more. "Okay." He said.

I lifted my head off of his shoulder and sat facing him. "Thank you." I said. He nodded, but still looked nervous. "Edward." I called to him. He looked up at me through his lashes. He looked so nervous and so broken. "Anything you say won't make me think any differently about you. Just know that, okay?" He nodded. The urge to touch his face to try and comfort him was overpowering, but I was able to fight it back. "Take your time."

He nodded, and took a deep breath before beginning. "I have had a problem with people touching my hands since I was young…maybe around when I was fourteen or fifteen or something like that." He started. He was looking straight at me when he spoke, and I was proud of him for it. I knew this must be hard for him. "At that time, I was starting to realize more about what was going on around me. I lost all of my innocent and naïve childlike thoughts."

"That's really young." When I was in that age range, I was a complete child. I wanted everything. I was all about rumors in school. I was popular. I had boyfriends for a week at a time. I was the typical teenager. Immature and unaware of life.

"I know."

"So what started it?"

"My parents." His voice cracked with emotion. I had a feeling that Edward's parents were a touchy subject for him. I always wondered about them. It may be stupid of me to think, but I just assumed they were dead…maybe they were. I don't know, but I just couldn't think of anything else that would cause Edward to have to take Alice into his custody.

But now that he said his parents were the reason he panicked when people touched his hands, I started to think worse of them. "What did they do?" I asked.

"Would you believe me if I told you I never got a hug from either one of them?"

I gasped. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious. My therapist calls it emotional neglect. They fed me, they bought me what I wanted, the kept a roof over my head, food for my mouth; they pretty much just did what they could to keep me alive. They were never home. I had a different nanny every month, and that was how I lived." I wanted to touch him again. I hated what he was telling me. _How could parents do that to their child? How could anyone do that to someone like Edward?_

"That's horrible of them."

He just shrugged. "It wasn't so bad at the time…it was all I knew." I didn't know what to say. What I wanted to say was that I was sorry to hear that, but I knew he didn't want to hear that. "My life was kind of like yours in the sense that my family was looked at as the golden family I guess. My father was a lawyer and my mother was an interior designer and I was the golden son. That's what it looked like on the outside anyway. My mother was thought of as the perfect mother. The only time she would even touch me was when we were around other people. She would hold my hand."

This must have been where his aversion to hand holding stemmed from by the way he said the last sentence. I didn't understand how, but I knew he would explain the best he could. He was doing great so far. I knew it must have been scary for him to have to share this with me, but I was so happy he was. He took a deep breath. "It's okay, love, just take your time." I said. He looked over to me when I let that word slip. I didn't mean to call him that. _Shit. _It just came out.

He looked surprised, but otherwise didn't make any comment on it. _I was so stupid. _"I used to feed on that. I always couldn't wait to go out so she could hold my hand. I don't know, one day it all just changed though. I was fourteen or fifteen years old, I don't even remember, but she went to hold my hand at some party. I pushed her hand off. No teenage boy wants to be seen holding their mother's hand, you know?" I nodded my head. It makes sense. "She got pissed. She dragged me to the bathroom and uh…well she slapped me in the face and told me to stop being an asshole."

My hands clenched in front of me. What a horrible thing to do. "That is so wrong."

"Maybe, but whatever. I had to hold her hand while she paraded me around to everyone. Some of the other guys there were laughing at me. She didn't let go of my hand. That was her way of showing everyone else that she was a good mother and cared for her son. It was complete bullshit. When she finally let me go, I got shit from the other kids. When we were about to leave, she grabbed my hand again. We went in the car. She started yelling at me, telling me how unappreciative I was. Then she took hand sanitizer out and soaked her hands in it. She told me she couldn't believe I was her son and all this shit."

I had tears coming to my eyes. My poor Edward. This was not what I was expecting. I couldn't fathom that someone's mother could be so hurtful and mean. "What a horrible person."

"Oh she wasn't so bad." _How could he say that?_ "My father was worse. He was the main reason I hate people touching my hand. Now that I think about it, it was actually kind of sick. When we went home, my mother told my father what I did. He slapped and kicked me around. He didn't let me eat dinner that night. When I was sleeping, he woke me up. He pulled me into their room, and made me stand beside my sleeping mother. He made me hold her hand while she was sleeping. The whole night. I couldn't sit down and I couldn't let go."

Right then I couldn't keep my tears in. That was sick and twisted and just completely wrong on so many levels. "The whole night?" I asked and wiped away my tears that fell.

He nodded his head. "Seven hours. When she woke up, she yelled at me and asked why I was touching her. My father woke up and told her he made me do it, and she said 'good.' I had to go to school the day after. I was exhausted obviously. He made me do it two nights after that."

"Edward…that is disgusting. How could they?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, Bella. I don't try and understand it…to me; it was just how it was. I don't know. Ever since then I get freaked out when people grab my hand. It might go away after a while, but I haven't even tried. My therapist says it is understandable, but I don't understand how. It was only three nights, how could it? It's debilitating. Like that guy earlier, Mike, I couldn't shake his hand. I would have done what I just did now."

Then I thought back to that time. It all made sense now. "That is why Alice faked a bee sting." I said in understanding.

"You noticed that?"

I nodded. "I was watching her the entire time. There was nothing next to her, and then she just started clutching her arm and screaming. I didn't understand what she was doing, but I guess I get it now. She was trying to protect you." Now that it made sense, I was again made aware of just how close Edward and Alice were.

He nodded. "She was. She knows I don't do well with hands. It's sick, but I sometimes can't even hold Alice's hand. She says it doesn't bother her, but it bothers me. If I really prepare myself, I am able to hold her hand. But it's because it's Alice."

"What do you feel when someone tries to touch your hand?"

"I just associate it with being used and humiliated I guess. My mother never wanted anything to do with me unless we were in front of other people. I don't know. It's stupid, I wish I didn't feel it, but I do."

"Do you think I could ever hold your hand?"

"I hope so."

"Do you think we could try again?" I asked hopefully. Maybe that was asking too much, but I wanted to show him that there was nothing to be nervous about when it came to holding someone's hand. Plus, he seemed to think that with anything he tells me, I am going to want to run the opposite direction. That was far from the truth.

"I don't know. I don't want to disappoint you if I freak the fuck out again like a baby."

"No, no…don't talk like that." I got closer to him on the couch. "I get why you would feel that way. Your parents scarred you." I felt so horrible for him. I am sure this little anecdote was only scratching the surface of the damage his parents caused, but I didn't want to overwhelm him. Him telling me this was enough…for now. "But there is no one here. It is just me and you. I have no one to impress. I just want to hold your hand and be able to touch you, lo-Edward." I had to catch myself again. I don't know where it was coming from, but I couldn't control it apparently. _Love. _It just seemed so fitting.

"I might want that to." I think I understood a little bit more about Edward. He had trouble with affection. I learned about neglect in one of my classes because it was one things we had to look for in our students. Edward has suffered emotional neglect from his parents. That kind of neglect really messes with the child's head and causes them to have a lot of problems. Something told me his problems with affection are only the beginning of them, but I was willing to help him through any of it.

I put my hand on his back. "This doesn't bother you, right?"

"No that's okay."

"Okay good." I rubbed his back. I moved my hand up his back and down his arm, stopping on his mid forearm. "This isn't so bad either right?"

"No." I rested my head back on his shoulder and ran my hand along his arm. We sat in silence for a couple of seconds. I was just letting him know that I wouldn't push him, and he was showing me that he was willing to try for me. I wasn't sure what we were at this point. I knew we were friends, but I wanted more. The way my body wanted him was the only indication I needed. Plus the feeling I had inside of me when he was around. But I would give him whatever time he needed to figure things out in his head. I would wait for him as long as he needed me to wait.

I kissed his shirt covered shoulder lightly. "Can you face me?" I asked. He nodded and faced me on the couch. He kicked his shoes off and crossed his legs underneath him since he was facing me. I kicked my shoes off as well. I mirrored his position on the couch and gave him what I hoped was an encouraging smile.

I put both of my hands on his shoulders. They were broad and strong feeling despite his lanky frame. He may be lanky, but he had some muscle on him, that much was clear. I squeezed his shoulders and tried to ease the tension inside him. "Ow, chick, that hurts." He said.

I laughed. I thought we were having a moment and then he goes and says that like a child. I was laughing hard and I dropped my head as I laughed. I kept my hands on his shoulder and I could hear him laughing with me. "I'm sorry you baby." I said in between giggles.

"Shut up. I have sensitive shoulders."

I rolled my eyes. "Such a weirdo. Can you be serious for two minutes? I am trying to feel you up."

He chuckled. "Pervert."

I just shook my head and made my hands move up his shoulders to his neck. He seemed to freeze a little. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah." He says in a strained voice. Something tells me it isn't completely okay with him, so I went slower. I moved my hands lightly along his neck. I could feel his strong pulse against the palm of my hands. I move my thumb gently over the skin on his neck. Over his Adam's apple. I then move them around the back of his neck. I laced my fingers on the back of his neck. I could feel the little hairs behind his head on my hands. It's so soft. I couldn't control myself as I lifted my hands on the back of his head and ran them through his hair. He closes his eyes and sighed in contentment.

"I've always wanted to touch your hair." I whispered and marveled at the feeling of his locks going through my fingers. "I love your hair." He just hums in response. I reach behind him and pick up his beanie. I put it back on his head. A smirk played on his lips, his eyes still closed. "I really like the beanie too. It's a hard decision."

"I like the beanie better." He said. "My hair is a pain in the ass."

I chuckled. I could guess how his hair could be a pain in the ass. It was the craziest hair I have seen. "Well both are preferable to me." I brought my hands back to his shoulders. I reached for his face, to just put my hand on his cheek, but he flinched away. "That's not okay?"

"I don't know." He said with fear in his penetrating green eyes.

"Hey, it's okay. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." I could do without touching his face for now; I can work on helping him with that another day. I would rather help him with his aversion to holding someone's hand. It was such a natural thing and I knew him being able to hold someone's hand will help him. He obviously holds guilt inside him for not being able to shake someone's hand or hold Alice's hand just because. He was also upset about freaking out on me. I wanted to take that away from him…or try anyway.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Edward. It's fine. Do you trust me?"

"Yes, of course I do."

"You know I would never hurt you right?"

"Yes."

"Good. I wouldn't. Can you lift your hands for me?"

"Bella…I don't know…"

"Shh…" I put hands back on his shoulders. "I won't hurt you remember?" I rubbed his shoulders. Gentler this time so he wouldn't whine like a child with his 'sensitive shoulders.' "I'm not your parents. There is no one around. There is just me and you." He sighed and nodded his head. I moved my hands away from him and got to my knees on the couch in front of him. He lifted his hands in front of him. His palms facing me.

"What if I freak out again?" He asked nervously. This must seem like such a simple thing to anyone else. But it obviously was something completely different to Edward. He associates the touching of hands as a means of being used, hungry, tired, and embarrassed. He doesn't understand that holding hands can represent love, affection, adoration, and support. I want to teach him that.

"There is no reason to. I am doing this because I care about you. I have no other motive. I promise." He nodded his head again. "Just relax." He took a deep breath. I lifted my hands with my palms facing him. I brought them closer to his. He started freaking out. I could tell. "Edward." He looked up at me. "Just look at me alright?" He nodded and took another ragged breath. He could do this. I went slowly but I also didn't want to go to slow to drag it out for him. I could feel the electricity. The pull my hands had to his. I put my palm to his lightly. I could only feel his skin graze mine a little. He kept his eyes on mine. He seemed okay with it. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I put a little more pressure to his hand and I could feel more of him now. His hands were very much larger than mine.

"See, it's okay." I said. He nodded his head curtly. I could tell he was still struggling a little, but he was doing okay so far. I slowly moved my hands a little and twined them between his fingers. I held onto his hand lightly and started tightening my hold slowly, easing him into it. He closed his eyes and took some calming breaths. "I am not going to hurt you, Edward." This moment was the most intimate moment I have ever experienced with anyone in my life. It was as simple as just holding his hand, but it was a perfect moment. When I told him I wouldn't hurt him, I didn't just mean then, I meant ever. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt him.

"I know." He said. He closed his eyes for a second. Probably to compose himself. He still hasn't let his fingers down to clasp my hand, but he didn't have to. "I don't know if I can promise I won't hurt you, Bella. I probably will."

The pain in his words stung me. They were also laced with guilt. "Will you ever hurt me intentionally?"

"Absolutely not."

"That's more than enough." I whispered. He swallowed and nodded. Then he slowly closed his fingers over mine so our hands were completely entwined between us. I smiled at him, and I literally almost started crying. That simple gesture from him meant more to me than I think he understood. He overcame him fear—at least with me—and he showed completely that he trusted me. I leaned forward and lightly kissed his fingers that were around my right one. He only held onto my fingers tighter and I kissed his fingers that were twined with my left hand. "Thank you."

"No…thank you." He said. I couldn't contain myself anymore as a tear fell from my eye. "Oh Bella, please don't." He said. He obviously hated seeing anyone cry. The look on his face when Alice did was a clear indication of that.

"I'm sorry." I let go of his hands and threw myself at him. He grunted at the force as I pushed his back against the arm of the couch. I wrapped my arms around his middle, hiding my tears from him so he wouldn't get upset. It took him a minute, but he eventually put his arms around me. He wasn't helping with my over emotional ass as I started crying more feeling him hold me in his arms.

"Is this okay?" He asked softly. I laughed as he repeated my words back to me. He chuckled as well and held onto me tighter.

"This is perfect."

* * *

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Cullen, before I remove it for you." I said in a warning tone. Jerk. I got behind the stick he placed on the ground as a standing place and threw my ball. I sucked. He laughed. I wanted to punch him.

"Maybe Bocce just isn't your thing, chick."

"Fuck you. I got this." He chuckled and crossed his arms in front of him. I took the next ball in my hands and had my eye on the 'pallino.' That is what he called it anyway. He could have just been fucking with me for all I knew. When he brought this game out, I had no idea what it was. I asked him, and oh did he tell me. He started talking about how it originated in Egypt and people know this because of pictures they drew on walls or something. He knew exact dates and everything. I had a hard time keeping up with him, but I also learned something new about him. Edward liked history. Interesting. I always thought history was boring. If Edward was my teacher, I may have learned more…yeah right. If he was my teacher, I would only be having inappropriate fantasies about him during class. Edward dressed up with a tie would do stuff to me. Stuff that could get me in trouble.

"Don't choke." He said right as I was going to throw the ball. I turned and gave him a glare. He was such a horrible person to play a game with. He always wanted to win, and had no problem rubbing it in your face if he did. He is lucky he has a cute face, that's all I'm saying.

I threw the ball, and my 'jack' got closer to the 'pallino' than his ball did. "Yes!" I yelled and jumped up and down. I turned around and started hitting his chest. "I get the point! I get the point! You suck!"

He laughed and tried to move my hands away from him. "Bella, you now accumulated four points." Well how nice of him to rain on my parade.

"Shut up. I still have a chance." I really didn't. He had twelve points, and according to him, the game stops at thirteen. I was fucked. My four points meant absolutely nothing, unless he was feeling nice. I didn't see that happening.

It was his turn. He walked up to this stick and got his first ball in his hand. He threw it, and it landed probably a centimeter away from the pallino. See, the object of the game was to get the ball as close to the pallino as possible without hitting or touching it. So he pretty much just nailed it. He looked over to me and gave me an innocent smile. He wasn't fooling anyone. I could see that 'Haha I beat you, sucker' look.

"I hate you." I said and threw my balls on the ground. He laughed. Even though he was being a thorn in my side right now, that laugh still made me feel all mushy inside. Oh the things this man does to me…

"Aww I'm sorry." He said. He put his ball down and opened his arms for me. I was surprised by this. I initiated the hug before, and it took him a while to get used to it, and now he was the one reaching for me. I walked tentatively in his arms and he wrapped them around me. "I'm sorry." He said. I sighed.

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry I am better than you at this game. It must suck being so bad at it." I gasped and pushed him away playfully.

"You are so mean!"

He laughed and pulled me back. "I'm sorry. I was just kidding. You didn't do so bad."

He sounded genuine this time and I just melted in his arms. Our moment was interrupted however when his phone started ringing. He unwrapped his arms from around me, but I kept mine wrapped tight around him. He reached for his phone, and he cursed when he looked at the caller ID. I looked up at him curiously.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Bev; I forgot to bring her ginger ale. Fuck." He answered the phone. "Bev, I am so sorry, I will be there in a half an hour." He started to pick up the balls from the ground and I helped him. I didn't really know the specifics of his relationship with Bev, but he obviously cared a lot about her. He was freaking out, and I could tell he really felt bad about whatever it was he was feeling bad about. I put everything away in the bag and motioned to him that I would take care of it, and brought the bag into the cabin and in the closet he took it out of.

I waited for him while he was outside talking and looked around the cabin. It was quite small, but big enough to be comfortable. I went to the small kitchen, and checked inside the fridge. There wasn't much in there, only a couple water bottles and a jar of pickles. Pretty random, but I am sure they couldn't keep too much in here for a long amount of time since Edward said he doesn't come here often.

I checked in the cabinets, and there were only a couple plates and cups and the essentials.

"You hungry?" I heard a voice from behind me. I jumped, even though I knew it was him. I put my hand over my chest. He laughed. "Jeez, sorry."

"Sorry, I am easily spooked." He just shook his head. "And to answer your question, no, I am not hungry."

"Well I am starving." He said. He hopped up on the counter beside me. "Can you do me a favor?"

"I can't cook. It will taste like shit."

He laughed. "That's not what I am going to ask, but thanks for the warning." I just shrugged. It was true. He should never count on me to be the cooker. "What I was actually going to ask was if you were willing to go back to my place." I am sure my eyes popped out of my head. He rolled his eyes. "I don't mean this in an inappropriate way you pervert; I meant do you want to go there to meet Bev."

"Oh." I said feeling stupid and probably bright red. "Sure, as long as she doesn't hate me."

He laughed. "I have a feeling she will not hate you."

"Okay, good."

* * *

Oh shit, I was really getting nervous about meeting this Bev lady. Like my hands were sweaty and shaking and I felt I may throw up all over Edward's car. Plus he was smoking, and the smell didn't help with my stomach that was a bundle of nerves at this point. He was talking. I don't really know what he was talking about. I wasn't listening. I was just thinking if Bev would like me.

It was different when I met Alice, because I knew she was a sweet little girl, and I have already met her. I was right though, because she welcomed me with open arms. But I had no idea what to expect with Bev. She was obviously someone special if she saw in Edward what I saw in him, but that didn't help. I was freaking out.

"Bella?" Edward asked in a loud voice. I jumped again.

"Shit, stop yelling."

"I have been talking about the ducks in the sewers for about five minutes and you haven't said one word."

"Why were you talking about ducks in sewers?"

He rolled his eyes. "I was checking to see if you were listening, but you obviously weren't."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"You aren't nervous are you?"

"I feel like I am going to throw up, I'm so nervous." I told him honestly.

He sighed. "Don't be nervous, Bella. You trust me right?"

"Of course."

"Then trust when I say Bev will like you. Your nerves are for nothing." And that was that. I knew he wasn't going to say any more, and he wasn't going to baby me about it. I really fucking liked it. All my life I have been babied and Edward wasn't going to give into that. Seriously? Where the hell did I find this guy? He was like perfect for me, it was almost scary. And he looked good too. He was wearing sunglasses now, and paired with that beanie and the cigarette he held between his long fingers…it was getting hot in here. "Why are you staring at me, creep?" He asked.

I laughed. "Oh no reason." He just chuckled. I put the hood of his hoodie up over my head so I could block my blush. The rest of the ride, which was seconds really, we were silent. We pulled up to his apartment, and it wasn't necessarily in the nicest areas. It didn't bother me though. There was a time when I wouldn't be caught dead in an area like this, but I am done with the bullshit. I had no place to judge.

We both got out, and he led me into his apartment. "I know it's kind of shitty, but I promise my apartment is better kept." He was referring to the hallway with chipped paint on the walls and the torn up stairs.

"This stuff doesn't bother me, Edward."

"Just making sure." I placed my hand on his back as we walked up just to be in contact with him. He stopped in front of his apartment and opened the door. It wasn't even locked. He walked in and I followed him. "Bev are you here?"

"Boy, stop yelling I may be old but I can hear just fine." I heard a woman say and heard soft footsteps coming our way. Then a short woman with extremely kind eyes, dark skin, laugh lines, and a pretty smile appeared. You couldn't help but smile at her. "You aren't Bella are you?"

"Yes I am."

She walked over to me with open arms. I bent down to hug her. "You're too pretty for this one, Bella." She whispered in my ear, but she obviously wanted Edward to hear it.

"Oh thanks, Beverly." He said dryly.

I laughed and she pulled away and held me at arm's length. "It's nice to meet you, Bella. You must be some kind of saint to deal with this guy."

"Yeah, he is a handful."

"I am not a handful, whatever that means." He said from behind me.

Bev rolled her eyes. "Child, you drive me crazy every day."

"Well I guess I will just take this ginger ale and drink it for myself." He said.

"Go ahead. I am already feeling better." I laughed at their banter. Bev grabbed my arm. "Come on, let's go talk."

"No one is nice to me. It's kind of sad." Edward said.

"Oh stop whining." I said. He glared at me playfully and I laughed.

"Go to my apartment and fix my sink." Bev said.

"You broke it again?"

"Yes. Go fix it while Bella and I talk." Bev said.

"Fine." He said and turned to leave. He gave me a smile before he left and I smiled back. He makes me feel like a teenage girl with her first crush only multiplied by a lot. He left the apartment, and I felt a pull on my arm.

"You got it bad, girl." Bev said.

I smiled and blushed. "He really is a great guy."

"I know he is. Come on, let's sit." She said. She brought me into the living room. It was a simple room with a couch, TV, coffee table, and white walls, but it was really warm. There were pictures of Alice on the wall and a couple of coloring book pages taped up. There were a couple toys on the floor, but otherwise, the room was clean. We sat down on the couch. "So tell me about how you met him." Bev said.

And so I did. I told her what I did the first day, and how I kept coming back to speak to him. I told her what I liked about him and some of the conversations we had. I left out what happened today; I felt that was personal for some reason. She laughed along with me at some of them, and I saw she got concerned on some points. She obviously cared a lot. I wasn't nervous though and it felt good to share my relationship with Edward with someone else. I didn't get to do that with my friends.

"So yeah, we met in kind of a weird way, but it works."

"I would say. You actually seem perfect for him."

"Wow."

"What?"

"Oh I don't know, it's just we aren't even a couple so…"

"You will." She said confidently.

"We will see I guess."

"It will happen, child. I promise you. I know that boy more than most, and I have never seen that look on his face before." I must have blushed because she chuckled. "I am actually excited about this."

"Really?"

"Of course! I know I give him a hard time a lot, but I love that boy like he is my own son." Wow, they really are close.

"I'm glad he has you then. I know he has a past I guess."

"He does. I know some of it. I won't tell you."

"Oh no, I don't want you too. He tells me it is bad, but I feel like it won't matter to me."

"For his sake, I hope it doesn't."

"Do you think it will?"

She shrugged. "It depends."

"On what?"

"How much of the good you can see in him."

"I don't think he could say anything to make me want to stay away from him." I looked down at my hands, and I was surprised when I felt both of her hands on my arms and she pulled me to her chest. She hugged me tight and patted my back.

"I am glad he has you, sweets."

"Thank you."

She pulled away. "I may like you, but that won't stop me from beating you the hell up if you hurt that boy."

I laughed. She was dead serious, and I am happy she was. Edward needed more people like Bev in his life. I couldn't wait to get to know her more. "I understand that completely."

Edward came back in the house after that. "I think I fixed it, just go try it out." He said to Bev. She got up from the couch and Edward went into the small kitchen.

"You _think_ you fixed it? Oh boy, let's see how this turns out."

Edward just laughed. I went to see him in the kitchen. He was washing his hands over a sink full of dishes. "It wasn't so bad was it?" He asked as he scrubbed away.

"No, she is really cool."

He smiled. "I told you so." He was rinsing the soap off now. "I guess I should do these dishes, huh?"

I shrugged. "If you feel like it."

"Let's be honest, who ever feels like doing the dishes?" He started flicking his hands to dry them a little. I grabbed a rag that was on the counter and took his right hand in mine and started drying it for him. He gave me a small smile. He was getting better at accepting my touch.

"I actually like doing dishes."

He rolled his eyes and I grabbed his other hand. "Yeah, that is because you are weird."

"Shut up, you're weird." The front door opened, and I barely got to process that when little Alice appeared at the entry way of the kitchen. Edward and I both looked over at her, and she at us…well more like our hands that were enjoined in front of us. Edward let go of my hands and they dropped to my side.

"Hey, Alice." He said.

"Hi." She was looking between the two of us curiously. "What did you two do all day?"

"Oh we went to the cabin and played Bocce." Edward said. He sounded nervous.

"Oh my God, you suck at that game." Alice said to him.

"What? He does?" I asked. Alice nodded like it was so obvious. "Wow, I must be the worst Bocce player ever then."

"Seriously? You lost to Edward?"

I looked over at Edward who had a smug smile on his face. "Yes." I said.

"I beat him every time. I am the Bocce master." She said in a weird accent that I couldn't decipher. Edward laughed and so did I.

"Edward! Get your skinny little ass back in there and clean the mess you made of my kitchen!" Bev called.

"Okay." He said like a small child who knew he was in trouble. He left, and Bev went to follow him.

"He won't do it if I don't go there." She said. I just laughed. Edward's little family he had here was quite amusing and I couldn't help but think I could get used to it. I looked down at Alice, and she was still looking at me curiously.

"So did you have fun at your friend's house?" I asked just to start conversation. She didn't answer me. Instead, she ran over to me and wrapped her arms around my middle and hugged me tight. I was surprised at her actions, but I put my hands on her back and hair. "Uh…thank you…" _What does one say to a surprise hug attack that was seemingly unprovoked? _

"Thank you, Bella. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"For what?"

"For being Ecy's friend." She said. I was once again hit with the realization of how close Edward and Alice were. It was absolutely beautiful. They were both lucky to have each other.

"There is no need to thank me, sweetie. I am more than happy to be Edward's friend."

She pulled away and looked up at me with her brown eyes. "Thank you! At least someone realizes how cool he is!"

I laughed. "Yeah, he is pretty cool."

_And so much more.

* * *

_

_Make me feel like I'm the one who moves you  
__The only one you see  
__Now take me down  
__Don't you let those tears quench the thirsty ground  
__Don't you be so scared that you can't make a sound  
__Make a sound for me_

_**Fans, by Kings of Leon

* * *

**_

**Just a little side note, the story Edward told, you know, the whole thing with his parents, is actually true for someone I once met. He was my uncle's friend, and my uncle warned me not to touch his hand, and told me the story that is very similar to Edward's. When the guy walked in though, he was holding his girlfriend's hand, and didn't let go the whole night. I always remembered that for some reason, and I figured it would be nice to incorporate that with the story, because it fit the Edward I created for this story. **

**Well, I hope you all liked the chapter! Sorry about the cliffy last time! I sent review replies to everyone though with a teaser, so I hope that made up for it a little.**

**I will update on Friday…(or maybe earlier…who knows…I'm not that hard to convince. Haha)**

**Thanks all for reading! I will be going to work on my new one-shot, and then get going on writing more of this story :]**

**Review please! **


	12. Chapter 11: Tumbling Down

**Chapter 11: Tumbling Down**

**BPOV**

"Oh Bella, shouldn't you fix your hair?" My mom asked; I internally groaned.

I had been spending the last two days at my parent's house, and I enjoyed myself when my mom wasn't bugging me about shit like my appearance.

My hair was up in a messy bun. I was wearing sweat pants, a t-shirt, and Edward's hoodie.

I was about to leave her house, so I didn't know why what I was wearing or what my hair looked like meant so much to her.

"Uh…no. I will be in my car the whole time. There's no one to impress." Not that it would have mattered. I was done trying to impress everyone. I wasn't even going to dress differently to impress Edward. He made it clear that appearances meant very little to him.

_Man did I miss him. _

I was gathering all my stuff. It was Halloween today and I wanted to get home so I could spend it with Edward and Alice. It had been a couple weeks since I actually met her, and Edward and I had been hanging out a lot more lately. He literally was my best friend. The only thing about our relationship was that I wanted more.

_Holy fuck, did I want more._ Sometimes I wondered if I actually loved him.

"Well that's your decision I guess." She said like she was ashamed.

I didn't really care.

"Where's Dad?" I asked.

"He is just getting out of the shower."

"Alright, I'll wait until he gets out so I can say bye." I said.

I went over to the living room and sat down on the white leather couch. The house was immaculate and so different from my home with the girls. I can't believe I grew up in this home. There were no signs of a family in here. There were pictures of me growing up on the wall, but everything was just so proper. I didn't know. It didn't look like it was lived in. It was so different from Edward's living room with toys all over, colored pictures on the wall, and lively pictures of Alice all over the place.

My mom sat down beside me and smoothed out her skirt.

"Where did you get that sweater anyway?" She asked, looking at it like it was infested or something.

I smiled. "A friend lent it to me."

"How big is your friend?" She asked sounding disgusted, just because it was a little big on me.

I knew she thought it was a girl who may have been overweight. I was glad I didn't get that gene from her. You know, the one that causes her to judge every person she walks by. I was glad I didn't judge people by appearances. Well, I didn't anymore.

"It's a guy, and he is just tall and obviously has a bigger frame than me."

"A guy?"

"Yes, a male lent me this hoodie."

"Is he your boyfriend? Why didn't you tell me about him, Bella!"

"He's not my boyfriend. He is my friend, didn't I just say that?"

"Is he cute?" She asked.

She was all into this. I laughed. She got so excited over the littlest things. I didn't mind when she got excited though.

"Yes, but he is just a friend."

"How old is he?"

"Twenty-three." I wasn't going to tell her details on Edward, but I didn't see no harm and telling her a little bit about him. She lives far away, so she couldn't harass him all the time like the girls would. _I still have to think of when I am going to tell them._

"Isn't that a little old?"

"Are you kidding, Mom? He is four years older than me. It's not really that big of a deal. Plus he is only my friend."

"What is his name?"

"Edward."

"Oh!" I laughed at her excitement. I liked her like this. I liked when she would just let go and show her true emotions about something. She wasn't being fake right now like she sometimes was. She was happy to hear of my new 'friend' and I knew her well enough to know she wanted us to be more, just because she didn't think I should be single. "That sounds so sophisticated."

I snorted. _Edward? Sophisticated? Nah…_

"I guess it does sound that way." I could see a window was opened for more questions on Edward, but I didn't want to answer them. Thankfully my dad saved the day when he came jogging down the steps. His hair was still wet, and he was dressed in a white button up tucked into his jeans.

"You leaving already, Bells?" He asked.

I got up from the couch. "Yeah, I should be heading back now." He opened his arms for a hug, and I had no problem giving him one. He wrapped his arms around me and placed kisses on my head. I love my dad.

"You be good." He said.

I laughed. "Oh yeah, Dad, because I am so bad."

He chuckled. "You never know." I rolled my eyes and turned to my mom. She was already crying. I sighed and gave her a hug.

"I'm going to miss you so much, sweetie."

She made it seem like I would be gone forever. "I'll miss you too, Mom."

"You will call right?"

"Of course." I went to pull away, but she pulled me back.

"Renee, let the girl go." My dad said from behind me. _Have I mentioned how much I love my dad? _

"I love you, Mom. I'll call. I promise."

"Okay. I love you too, honey." She let go of me, and I went to grab my bag.

They both followed me to the door and gave me another hug. I loved them, but damn. _Can't a girl leave without being smothered?_ I put my bag in the back seat and got in the driver's side. I took my phone out and decided to text Edward to let him know I was leaving. I went to _Asshole_ in my contacts and sent the message.

**Was just released from the clutches of overbearing parents. Cue the hallelujah music. **_**B**_

I waited for him to text back so I didn't text and drive. I can't do two things at once. I already knew that about myself. My phone beeped.

**See? I told you you would survive. You should listen to me more often. **_**E **_

I smiled and rolled my eyes. I missed him like crazy.

**Yeah, shut up Mr. Know-It-All. I'll be back in a couple hours. I can't wait to see you.**_**B**_

I typed out. I contemplated on whether I should take out the last part. I didn't know how Edward felt of me talking like that. I really couldn't wait to see him though, so why lie? I decided to go with the 'no regrets' motto and sent it.

He didn't answer back right away, so I just drove off. I was freaking out as I drove. What if that last part was too much? No, I mean friends say that to each other right? I miss Angela and Tanya too and they are my friends. I miss Edward more, but that is beside the point.

_Is it weird that I think of us as a couple in the near future? I could kiss him, he could kiss me. We could do other things that are a little racier than kissing if you catch my drift. We could get married have little kids that look like him and act like him. Do I really want kids like Edward though? Always teasing and making fun of me? No, I think one Edward is more than enough. But wouldn't a little boy with bronze hair and green eyes be so freaking adorable? _

My phone beeped. Thank God. I was getting way ahead of myself there. I didn't even know if I loved him yet. _Did I?_ I think so. Probably. I was sure I would know if it happened for sure. I wanted to get my phone, but I really couldn't do anything and drive. I was not that talented at all.

I had to ignore the phone for a little while. But then I hit some traffic. _Oh joy_. I just loved traffic so much. It made me so fucking happy. I groaned as it wasn't moving at all. I decided I could take my phone out. I checked the message.

**Same here. **_**E**_

Oh how he could affect me with just two words. I wasn't as nervous as I was before. He didn't seem to mind that I couldn't wait to see him. Actually, he couldn't wait to see me either. If I wasn't sitting in the car, I would probably be doing a corny happy dance right now. _I really think I'm in love with him._ There was no other explanation I could think of that I could use to describe the feelings I had for him.

I hated being away from him. I got goosebumps when he was around. I always wanted to smile when I was with him. I missed him after four days without seeing him. I felt safe in his arms. I loved holding his hand. He made me laugh every time I was with him. And I wanted to kiss him, like all the time. _That must mean I love him right?_

The traffic wasn't moving. It better get going because I needed to see Edward.

He wanted to see me too.

* * *

_Oh my God. I hate traffic._

I was finally out of it, and was close to Edward's house so I called him.

"_Hello?"_ He sounded tired and slightly aggravated.

"Hey, are you okay?"

He sighed. _"Yeah, Alice is in one of those moods today." _

"And what would one of those moods be?"

"_Oh you know, the I-hate-my-brother-and-I-am-not-going-to-listen-to-a-word-he-says-just-to-see-him-get-mad moods." _

I chuckled at his choice of words. "Well I am sorry to hear that. Maybe she is just impatient to go trick-or-treating."

"_I don't think so…"_ He said. There was no humor in his voice. It was a strange thing to hear. Edward was usually always cracking jokes about things. Especially about Alice. He was always in a light mood talking about her.

"You sure you are alright?"

"_Yeah." _

"Well I will be there in a little bit."

"_Great. See you then." _

"Bye, dude."

"_Bye, chick."_ He didn't sound himself.

It was kind of making me feel uneasy. It must have been something that was really bothering him to get him in that kind of mood. He seemed fine earlier, but then again, I didn't speak to him.

Well, that conversation only got me to want to get to his place even more now and I pressed a little harder on the gas. I wasn't speeding by that much but I got to his house in just a couple minutes.

I got a weird look from Edward's neighbor. He was on his porch smoking God-knows-what. I didn't really like the way he was looking at me though. It made me thoroughly uncomfortable but I just shook it off. I had other things to worry about, like my friend that I cared a lot about, being in a weird mood.

I jogged up the steps to his apartment, and he was already at the door with his finger to his lips, telling me to keep quiet. I stopped jogging immediately and tip-toed up the rest of the steps. He seemed to relax at my change of movements and he quickly walked into the apartment. I wanted to pull him back. I didn't get a good enough look at his face. I missed that face. I followed him in the apartment, and he was in the living room. I watched on as he put a pink throw blanket over a sleeping little girl.

She looked so peaceful and innocent. Her hands were below her cheek and her little lips were pursed. She had Edward's beanie on her head, and a bright blue dress on with some weird pig slippers. She looked charming and adorable even in sleep.

Edward gently slid the beanie off of her head and smoothed her hair down. His face looked strained, but the love in his eyes was impossible to not notice.

He turned back to me and went past me and into the kitchen. I followed after him, and he was standing over the sink with his arms braced on the counter. His shoulders looked so broad and I could see the outlines of the muscles in his arms. He was so attractive. It drove me absolutely crazy.

I walked up to him and placed a hand on his back. His muscles relaxed a little at my touch, and I rubbed soothing circles on his back.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He turned toward me, and looking into his green eyes, I could realize just how much he was lying on the phone. He was not alright. Something was causing that sad and confused look in his eyes.

"Wait. First, how was your trip?" He said. His voice sounded so much better when I was in the same room.

"It was okay. It was nice seeing my parents, but you know, I am not a fan of their overbearingness."

He nodded his head in understanding. "I'm glad you're back."

"So am I, now tell me what's wrong. You look very calculating and confused about something."

"It's just Alice. I worry about her too much I guess."

"What happened?"

"Nothing specifically." He said.

He knew that wasn't a good enough explanation. I was surprised when he grabbed my hand and led me over to the table. It was a short trip to the table, but I loved every second of it. _He grabbed my hand!_ He was making progress. We both sat down and he didn't let go of my hand so I loosened my grip on his hand and held his hand in both of mine. I started tracing random patterns in his palm.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know."

"Do you not want to talk about it right now or something?"

"No, I will tell you now I guess." I nodded and continued playing with his hand. I was trying to act like it wasn't a big deal, but it was a huge deal to me. I loved that he would tell me anything.

"Okay."

He took a deep breath. "Alice has ADHD."

I wish I could say I was surprised, but I wasn't. Being in school to be a teacher, I knew the signs of a child with ADHD. Alice had a lot of them. She got in trouble at school, she was hyper a lot, and I noticed how she was always bouncing from one topic to the next when she spoke.

"I'm sure you would have already noticed." Edward said.

"Yeah, I did. There is nothing wrong with that, Edward. There are medications and all of that she can take."

"I know. She is on one. But lately, it seems it hasn't been working so well. I think maybe she grew out of her dose? I don't know."

"I guess it could be possible. Just bring her to see a doctor."

His eyes were on ours in front of us. "I know. The thing is though; I don't want to up her dose. I was already against it in the beginning, but they pretty much guilt-tripped me into it. It was horrible in the beginning though. She wasn't even herself for a long time because the meds would mellow her out to the point where I thought she was depressed or something. Is it really worth it to put her through that again?"

"How bad has she been?"

"Pretty bad, I guess. She won't listen to me. She has homework she has due tomorrow that she just won't do. I tried to make her, but she just cried the whole time. How could I just sit there and make her do it while she is crying like that? That is some fucked up shit."

"I know it is, but she would get over it."

"I don't care. I wouldn't get over it. I don't want to force her to do things she doesn't want to."

"But school is important."

He groaned. "I know that, Bella, but I don't know. I don't want her to hate me. It sucks because I know she can't really control it."

"That's true. I could try getting her to do it. I can help her if you wanted."

He looked up to me looking like a shy little boy. "Could you?"

"Of course."

"I'm just not cut out for this shit." He said and got up from the chair, taking his hand out of mine. He ran his hands through his hair.

"What do you mean?"

"This whole raising a kid thing. I always feel like I am doing it wrong."

"Hey, don't say that. You have been doing fine so far. She is a great girl."

"I know she is, so doesn't that mean she deserves more than a dude who pretty much plays it by ear every day?"

I walked up to him and ran my hands along his arms to calm him down a little. "First of all, you aren't some dude. You are her brother, and she loves you very much. And second of all, I am pretty sure most parents play it by ear most of the time."

He sighed. "I don't know. I just feel like I am doing it all wrong. Bev helps me out so much too, and it feels like she is the one doing everything that is important. Yeah I can play with her and teach her things, but….I don't know."

"I just think you are over thinking this. You are doing just fine. She adores you, she listens to you, and you both obviously have a close bond. Don't put yourself down like that."

"I guess if you say so."

I smiled at him. I walked closer to him. "I do say so and I am always right."

"Uh...I don't think those words came out of my mouth…just saying."

I laughed. "You know you were thinking it though."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself too much, woman."

I laughed and opened my arms for him. He walked closer and I wrapped my arms around his middle. "Come here. I missed you, you big lug."

He laughed and wrapped his strong arms around me. There was no place, in that moment, I wanted to be more than the one I was right now. It made me feel all kinds of comfortable and also very mushy inside.

"Did you just call me a lug? Why do I feel that is an insult?"

"It's open to interpretation."

"Well I think of it as a way of calling me dumb or something."

I shrugged, I was so comfortable, I thought I could fall asleep right there in his arms, it brought me that much contentment. "Oh well. Maybe I did mean it that way. You would never know."

"You're mean." He said and let go of me.

I reluctantly let go of him, not wanting to seem like a clingy 'friend,' but I could have easily held onto him for at least another hour. He smelled so good, and his chest felt so strong and…yeah. I could have held on a lot longer. Let's just leave it at that before I put my mind in a place it shouldn't be when I am with my 'friend.'

"So what are you being for Halloween?" I asked him as I sat down at the table.

"A fairy princess." He said with a straight face and even tone, so I obviously knew he was kidding (_well I hope he was_), but it was enough for me to get an image of Edward dressed as a fairy princess and I lost it.

I hadn't laughed that hard in four days, and I think it was because I wasn't with him. He made me laugh in ridiculous amounts, and made me all kinds of happy. Edward was laughing a little too, but he was putting his finger to his lips to tell me to keep it down. I tried. I really did.

"You…you are…s-so…weird."

"And you are my friend, so the joke's on you, chick." I dropped my head on the table and let out the rest of my laugh as quietly as I could so I wouldn't wake Alice. "I am being nothing for Halloween." He said in answer to my question.

I lifted my head to look at him. He was trying to smooth his hair down a little bit, but it wasn't working well, which was perfectly fine with me. I missed his face.

I realized I sounded crazy, but it wasn't something I could control. It was like my body and mind had to have him near for me to focus or feel absolutely content. It was a powerful feeling, and one I didn't want to go away.

"Me neither. What about Alice?"

He chuckled when I asked with a look of admiration on his face. "George Washington."

I chuckled as well. "Really?" He nodded his head. "That is pretty freaking cool if you ask me." It's not every day you see a six year old girl dress as George Washington for Halloween. I should have known a little girl as special as Alice wouldn't go with the normal route and be a princess or something…like her brother. Nerd.

"Yeah, I thought so. We were looking for some costumes online, and she hated all of the ones they had for girls, so we looked at the boy costumes, and that is the one she picked. She had a hard time choosing between that one, and the Grim Reaper."

I laughed. "She has some range, huh?"

He smiled. "Yeah, she does. And wait till you see her in it. It's the cutest thing."

I smiled and told him I couldn't wait. He seemed calmer now, and for that I was glad. I couldn't wait to spend the rest of the day with him and Alice.

Edward told me I could go with them trick-or-treating, and I could already tell it would be a lot of fun. Or so I thought.

* * *

Edward was right.

Alice in her George Washington costume was the cutest thing I have ever seen. She was wearing a button up white shirt with ruffles at the top with a tan vest over it. Edward was helping her put on her blue and gold jacket. She had on tan pants with boots up to her knee. The white wig she had on her head was really cool, and she had a nice colonial hat to put over it just to add that extra touch. It was so freaking cute.

"What do you think, Bella?" She asked. Edward was tying her boots tighter for her. The smile didn't leave from his face.

"I think that is the coolest costume I have ever seen."

"I know right? I love George Washington. Did you know he was our first president?" I nodded my head. "He was born February 22, 1732 in Virginia. He had a wife named Martha Danbridge…what was her last name, Ecy?" She asked looking down at Edward.

"Custis."

"Yes! That's it. Custis. He was president from 1789 to 1797 I think…right, Ecy?"

"Yes, that's right."

She looked back up at me. "There is a state named after him too! The only state named after an American!"

"Wow, you know a lot about him don't you?"

She nodded and Edward stood up. "Yeah, Ecy tells it to me. He teaches me a lot."

Edward went to get her hat and put it on her head. "What else does he teach you?"

"Everything in the whole world! My favorite is when he teaches me how to speak other languages. It's so fun!"

_Whoa, whoa, whoa. Different languages? What other languages did he know? _He never told me about this.

"You speak a different language?" I asked Edward.

"Sí señora." He said and gave me a smile.

_Holy fucking shit._ This was too much; Edward speaking to me in Spanish. Holy fucking hell, I didn't know if I wanted to hear more. I didn't want to have the complete urge to jump him with Alice in the room. There was just something so attractive about a man who speaks different languages, especially beautiful ones like Spanish.

"Just Spanish?"

Alice laughed. "No silly! He knows eight of them!"

_Fuck._ Maybe I should stop while I am ahead. I thought it was impossible for me to become more attracted to him than I already was, and then I learn this shit? It was pissing me off. I really hope there isn't any other thing about him that attracts me to him more. It wasn't fair. He was rendering me useless when it comes to controlling my hormones when he springs stuff like this on me. _Damn, Edward. _

"Eight?" I asked in astonishment.

"Yup! English, French, German, Spanish, Swedish, Portuguese, Irish, and Italian." She answered. _Wow. How could he even have time to learn all of those anyway? Eight languages?_ I only knew one, and a little of Spanish, but that was because I was forced to take it in high school. "He teaches me too! I know French the best. Want to hear?"

"Of course!"

"Je vais recevoir plein de bonbons ce soir et je ne vais pas laisser mon frère en avoir un seul parce que c'est un perdant." She said and Edward laughed. I was blown away. She was really good at it! Her accent seemed spot on to me, and she didn't even look like she was struggling to think of the pronunciation or anything. She was six!

"C'est ce que tu crois. Je suis plus vieux que toi donc respecte tes ainés et laisse moi avoir un bonbon." Oh my God, shut up Edward. I can't take it. Stop speaking French in that sexy voice of yours before I become a puddle of goo right in my spot. _Really, why does he have to be so perfect and desirable?_ It was not fair at all. He made it increasingly difficult for me every day to remember that we were only friends.

"Huh?" I asked. They both laughed.

"I told him he couldn't have my candy, and he said too bad. But I was right."

"That is really cool! I wish I could speak a different language."

"Have Ecy teach you!"

I looked over to Edward.

"I could if you wanted." He said.

"Yeah, maybe you could." It sounded like a great idea; the only problem would be I would probably end up jumping him in the middle of a lesson.

"Alright, well let's go. I don't want to be out too late." Edward said.

Alice grabbed her bag candy and Edward reached for my hand. This seriously had to stop, or I will no longer be responsible for my actions. My body and mind are slowly, but surely beginning to work and function for Edward and because of Edward.

I grabbed his hand, and we headed out the door with Alice. We went into Edward's truck and we drove to an area where Edward wanted to take her trick-or-treating. He didn't feel his neighborhood was a really great place to take her. I agreed. We went to a place only ten minutes from his house, and there were already a lot of kids around. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. There were lines outside some of the houses.

Alice ran ahead of us.

"Alice! Stop!" Edward yelled. He sounded slightly panicked. I understood his feelings though. Halloween was great fun, but kids really needed to be supervised at all times. Alice turned back to us and ran to Edward's side. "Don't you dare do that again, Alice, or we are going home. I am not kidding around." He said.

"I'm sorry, I just want to go." She said.

Edward just sighed and we made our way to the first house. We made our rounds to the different homes. Alice was all kinds of excited at every house we went to. In some places we had to wait in line, but it wasn't that bad. Alice mostly just talked about whatever was going through her little mind and she kept Edward and I entertained. She wasn't acting up, thankfully. I think it was because of the excitement of getting candy. We weren't even halfway done, but she already had half of her bag full.

We were having fun, until things took a turn for the worse.

We were outside one of the houses waiting in line. I was holding onto Edward's arm and resting my head on his arm. Him and Alice were arguing about the candy and I just watched on with a smile.

"Hey, is that you? Alice Cullen?" A little boy asked from in front of Alice. He was with three other boys, and he was dressed as a cop.

"Yes it is. Hi, Justin." She said. It was someone from the school; I think I saw him a couple times.

"What are you supposed to be?" He asked rudely.

"George Washington!" She said proudly with a smile on her face.

All of the boys started laughing at her. "Are you kidding? He was a boy." Justin asked.

"So what?"

"You're a girl! Unless you want to be a boy…"

"No! I don't want to be a boy!"

"What a freak!" One of the boys said.

I looked over at Edward. He was fuming. I never saw him as upset as I did in that moment.

"You're a freak! Shut up you loser head!" Alice yelled at him. She was holding her own. Such a strong girl.

Edward I could tell wanted to say something, but what could he say to six year old boys?

Justin gasped. "Dad! Dad! This girl called me a name." He said. Then a man turned towards his son and looked at Alice and then to Edward who put his hand on her shoulder.

"Was it this girl?" He asked Justin and he nodded. "Excuse me." He said to Edward. "Do you mind controlling your daughter? She has no right calling my son any names."

"Fuck you." Edward said and I gasped. There were kids around… "Your son and his little friends were messing with her. Get your facts straight before you start making accusations."

The man seemed stunned at Edward's anger, but that only ignited his as well. "You want to rephrase that kid? How old are you anyway?"

"That's none of your fucking business." Edward was swearing way too much for where we were standing in the middle of all these kids.

"Edward, calm down." I said to him. I was getting nervous. I had never seen Edward like this. His whole body was stiff, and I wouldn't doubt if he would throw a punch at this guy. I looked down at Alice, and she looked just as nervous as I felt.

Edward looked over at me, and I could see the burning anger in his eyes. He looked back at the guy. "You should probably teach your kid some fucking manners. You know, treating other girls with respect and all that."

The guy took a step forward. He was pissed too. "Don't you dare tell me how to raise my kid."

"Don't give me a reason too. If you had your eye on him, you would have known that he was making fun of my _sister_ because of the costume she was wearing, and she was merely defending herself when she called your son a name." Edward said through gritted teeth. He was fucking pissed the hell off, and I was in shock.

The man didn't seem to have a comeback, and he turned to his son. "Is he telling the truth?"

The kid knew he couldn't deny it, you could see it in his face. "Yes."

The kid's father sighed and looked back to Edward. "I'm sorry. I will talk to him."

"Yeah. Maybe you should think next time before you go accusing six year old girls on shit you don't know." Edward said through clenched teeth. He was making a scene.

"Edward, stop it." I said. His last comment wasn't necessary.

Edward did not acknowledge that I was speaking and he only kept his glare on the man. Thankfully, the man didn't say anything else, because it seemed Edward wasn't in the mood to end the little misunderstanding.

"Ecy." Alice said nervously, her voice cracking. She looked like she was about to cry. Edward looked down at her. "I think I am done trick-or-treating now."

"No, don't let this kid ruin your night, Alice." Edward said.

Thankfully the guy just ignored Edward. I didn't know what got into him. Yes, what that kid did was mean to Alice, but he didn't need to keep instigating a fight.

"No, it's not him. I am tired." She said.

They had a small stare down, until Edward finally gave in. It wouldn't be a big deal if we did leave. Alice did have a lot of candy. She probably had enough to last her a couple of weeks.

"Fine. Let's go." Edward said. He reached for Alice and she willingly let him lift her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and I grabbed her bag for her.

Edward walked ahead of me, and I could see Alice's little face over his shoulder. She had silent tears falling from her eyes and she looked absolutely terrified. I was confused by her reaction, and even more confused as to why my sweet, funny, Edward was now an angry, and irritable person.

When we reached the car, Alice climbed into the back and Edward and I got into our seats in the front.

"Can you believe that asshole?" Edward asked. He was still so angry. I was kind of worrying about letting him drive.

"Edward, you need to chill out. He apologized."

"I don't care! People are so fucking stupid it makes me sick to my stomach. His kid was a little punk, and then he just jumps to blame Alice? Fucking disgusting." He said. His voice laced with venom and hate. He pressed harder on the gas and the car moved faster forward.

"Edward! Slow down! You need to calm down, already. Jeez."

"Leave me alone, Bella." He said angrily. _Oh fuck no. He wasn't going to take his anger out on me. I didn't do anything to him, so he had no right to flip out on me. _

"You really need to calm down, Edward. You are completely over reacting right now."

"Shut up, Bella." I gasped. _Where the hell was my Edward?_

"Bella, just stop talking to him. Please." Alice asked from the back seat.

I looked back at her and she was pushing back small sobs and her body was shaking. She had her wig and hat off and she was using her sleeve to wipe her tears. The look of fear on her face made me realize that I was missing something. I didn't completely understand what was going on with Edward, and Alice did but I decided to listen.

I sat back on the seat and just waited until we got to Edward's house. I would gain nothing by trying to get him to calm down, that much I knew already because of the way Alice was telling me to let it go. I didn't understand why Edward was so mad, but I knew there had to be something else that I wasn't seeing. Maybe this was what Edward meant when he said there was something I didn't know about him. I suspected he had a temper when he admitted to his outbursts at the bars, but never to this degree. He didn't look like he was getting any less tense.

The rest of the ride to his house was practically silent. The only sounds were Alice's crying, and Edward's mumbling to himself. I could barely hear him. He was talking really fast, and I think it was in a different language to be honest.

When we were parked, Edward got out of the car and slammed the door. He stalked towards the door and didn't even bother waiting for neither Alice nor myself. Alice completely broke down in the back seat and I climbed back there to comfort her. I pulled her in my arms, and she clutched onto me for dear life.

"Alice, honey, what's wrong with him?" I asked.

"H-he…he gets really mad s-s-somt-times." She said in between sobs.

I still didn't fully understand what was going on, but I didn't want to interrogate Alice. I knew it was something terrible though, because Alice was falling apart. I heard a car behind us, and Alice looked as well.

"Bev!" She said and pulled herself out of me arms and out the door. I got out with her. "Bev!" She screamed again, and Beverly looked over to her with panicked eyes. She knelt down and caught Alice in her arms.

"Oh, Shortcake, what's the matter? Where is your brother?" She asked. Alice clung onto Bev tighter than she did me.

"Ecy…Ecy…he's mad, Bev. He is so mad!" She said.

A new kind of understanding came over Bev's face, and she went into what I could only interpret as protective mode. She got up from the ground and pulled Alice to her side. She looked up at me like she didn't notice me there before.

"Oh…Bella." She said.

"Yeah hi, Bev…umm…Edward…I don't know what's wrong. He only got in a fight with a guy, and then he wouldn't talk to us…and then he was flipping out." I was rambling.

Maybe it was my nerves, or the initial shock that was currently numbing me was wearing off. I really just wanted to get to Edward and see if he was alright. It wasn't like my Edward to storm off without Alice into the house in this neighborhood. The same man, only hours ago was emotional and distraught thinking he was doing wrong by her. He loved her so completely. But now he was too lost in this…anger. I don't know.

Bev walked over to me and put her hands on my shoulders to calm me. Alice was still crying and clinging to Bev's leg.

"Look at me, sweets." Bev said.

I looked up at her, at her caring face, and a tear fell. The shock really was wearing off and the panic was threatening to take over. I wouldn't be so emotional if I didn't suspect there was something seriously wrong with Edward with the way Bev and Alice were acting. It was scaring me to death.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked.

"Bella, you care for that boy don't you?"

"Of course." _I love him…_

"Well for him, I suggest that you leave, alright?"

"What? No way. I have to make sure he is alright…" She couldn't make me leave. At this point, I knew this was more than Edward being in a bad mood.

"Trust me. The only way you can help him right now, is if you just go home. I will call you later. Can you leave your number?"

"Bev, I can't just leave. There is obviously something going on here that you aren't telling me."

"Yes there is. But it is not for me to tell, so can you please respect that, and Edward's decision and just go. He will call you, alright?"

_How could I argue with that? _I wanted to. Man, did I want to, but I wasn't going to put Bev in a bad position. I trusted her, because I knew she would take care of him and Alice no matter what, but I wanted to do that. Maybe this wasn't even that big of a deal. Maybe I was expecting it to be worse than it actually was. Something told me I was wrong in thinking that, but I just told myself that for the time being. I needed that in my head if I was going to go away from him.

"Okay…fine. But please tell him to call me, and let him know I will be thinking of him alright?"

Bev pulled me forward and kissed my forehead. She patted my cheek, and wiped my tears away. "I am glad he has you, sweets. I will let him know."

"Thank you." I said. I looked down at Alice. "Goodbye, sweetie." I said softly.

"Bye, Bella. Thank you for coming with us." She said. I bent down and kissed her forehead.

I gave a look to the building that Edward was in, hoping he would come out of there completely normal and smiling and crack a corny joke or something. It didn't happen. I gave Bev a look, and then went to my car. When I turned it on, I looked back at the house, and saw Bev and Alice running into the house.

I didn't want to leave. I debated on just staying. I thought about it in my head. _What if I went against Bev's wishes? _That would be wrong. I couldn't do that to her. She said it was what Edward would have wanted. But what about what I wanted? Wasn't it a little unfair that I was left in the dark about all of this? There is something wrong with Edward. I didn't know what it was…but something wasn't right. _Is this what he meant? What was it anyway? _

I was about to just gather all of my sense, and drive off when I heard the most heartbreaking and scary sound I have ever heard in my life. The sound reverberated within my ears and sent chills through my body. I suddenly felt nauseas, and my heart was beating on my chest in the most painful of ways. That sound…holy fuck that sound.

Edward's scream.

All sense went out the window. I couldn't sit in this car, or drive off after I heard that sound. It was impossible. I didn't mean to go against Bev's wishes, but I was out of the car and running into the house before I could even comprehend that my legs were moving or that tears were streaming down my face, and I could barely see where I was going.

I ran up the steps, and ran to his door. There was banging, and sounds of him yelling. Bev was outside his door holding the knob.

"Bev!" I said.

She looked over to me with panic in her eyes. "Bella, please leave honey. I have everything under control here." She didn't sound as confident as her words.

"No, Bev, I need to see him…please just let me go in there."

"That's not a good idea, dear. Please trust me on this."

"I have to. I can't leave right now." He screamed again and I clenched my hands at my side, trying to make the pain in my chest decrease. "Please." I begged.

"Bella, I can't let you do that." He screamed again and there was another bang.

"Bev please! I love him! I can't stand this…I need to go in there. Please…I love him so much." I was shaking.

Edward should have heard that first, but I couldn't help it. I needed to see him. There way I could have walked away. I think it would be completely impossible.

My words seemed to have hit Bev hard, and she looked shocked. She studied my face, and I was crawling out of my skin. "You really do, don't you?" I nodded my head and cleared my tears. "Okay." She said. "Okay…maybe this can be a lesson for that boy. He needs to get some help."

_It's that bad? He needs help? What happened to him? _

I wanted to ask her so many questions, but his presence behind the door was pulling me to him. I needed to see him, and make sure he was going to be okay.

"Thank you, Bev." I said. She nodded her head and moved out of the way of the door. I took a deep breath and turned the knob.

I gasped.

_Oh my God._

* * *

_No one's gonna love you more than I do  
__But someone  
__They should have warned you  
__When things start splitting at the seams and now  
__The whole thing's tumbling down  
__Things start splitting at the seams and now  
__If things start splitting at the seams and now,  
__It's tumbling down  
__Hard_

_**No One's Gonna Love You, by Band of Horses

* * *

**_

**Hey...*nervous laugh* Don't hate me too much alright? I updated early, that counts for something right? I told you all I was easily persuaded to update early. The response last chapter made me very happy, so I had to send all that right back to you all and update sooner than Friday...I mean, I could do it again...I understand this is a pretty mean cliffy. I do it out of love! **

**My FFBFF Alexa is back and she pre-read this one for me! So thank you! (she was mad at me too btw) lol And also thanks to Ady for her French translations! **

**Next chapter you all will get some answers! Not all answers, but a good amount of them! Next chapter will be out no later than Friday! **

**Review please! I reply with teasers! And I get easily persuaded by them :]**


	13. Chapter 12: Twist in You

**Chapter 12: Twist in You**

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe the mess I saw.

There was nothing that was upright, except for the TV. The couch was tipped over as well as the tables; broken lamps were on the floor, broken pictures…only the artistic ones. The ones of little Alice were still placed perfectly on the wall. Her smiling face looking upon a room in shambles. A room that contained her broken brother who was sitting in the corner of the room.

He looked up at me. His eyes…those weren't Edward's eyes. Those weren't the eyes that captivated me the first time he laid them on me. Those weren't the eyes I tried to remember when I was away from him. It wasn't the eyes I saw in my dreams, they weren't the eyes that I saw when he was laughing, and those just weren't it. I don't know who's eyes those were, but they didn't belong to the man I loved.

"Bella!" He said. He scrambled to get up from the ground but he tripped.

"Edward!" I yelled. He landed on broken glass. "Oh, baby…" I went to reach for him, but there was something telling me I shouldn't. I clenched my hands at my side.

"Bella, get the fuck out of here. Seriously. I don't want to see you right now."

His words sliced through me. Slow, agonizing slices. It wasn't so much his words, but the tone he used. He was scaring me. There was blood on his hands from catching his fall on the glass. He didn't even acknowledge it. He wasn't there. I didn't know what was going on.

"Edward…please don't push me away."

He laughed. _Laughed._ "You want me to pull you towards me? Fuck no. Leave. Seriously, Bella. Go. Now."

"Edward, what's the matter with you?" I asked him.

He gripped onto his hair tightly and groaned. "Stop crying! Fuck!" I didn't even notice I was. I didn't know where my head was. Everything was a blur.

A forced back a sob. "I'm sorry, baby, I am just worried about you. What's the matter…let me help you. How can I help?"

"You can't help me. This is who I am."

"No it's not. Don't say that." I didn't care what he said. This was not Edward. This was… I don't know, but it wasn't him. I was in such a state of confusion and hurt that it made it difficult to think straight.

"How do you fucking know? You don't even know me, Bella!"

"I do know you. Can you stop yelling?"

"Shut up. Just go, seriously." He said and walked past me, heading towards the hall.

I grabbed onto his shirt to pull him back, and he turned and pushed me off of him. I stumbled back a little, but I didn't fall. I bet if I did fall on the glass on the floor, it wouldn't have hurt as much as I was hurting in that moment. Edward had just pushed me. This wasn't him, but it didn't stop me from getting angry that he pushed me.

"Edward…"

He got close to my face. "The door is that way." He said in between gritted teeth. He put his hands on my shoulders roughly and turned me in the direction of the door. "Go." I had to leave. I loved him but he was being rough with me. _What was causing this? Has he ever hit Alice, or Bev? No…he couldn't have. _

I looked over at him. His eyes were wild. They were on me, but they weren't completely focused. He was sweating so badly, I could see the little droplets fall down his beautiful face. His hair that was usually sticking up was falling over his forehead from being wet from his sweat. His face was red. He was livid. He _pushed _me. This wasn't him. There was no way.

"Please promise you will be okay." I pleaded. I wasn't going to stick around and force the situation.

If he really wanted me to leave like this, I would go. I wouldn't leave this building though. There was no way in hell. I needed some answers and I needed to check on Alice. She wasn't doing so well and she must be so scared.

"I'm never okay. It's something you should learn. Now fucking leave." He let go of me and turned his back toward me.

He put his hands in his hair and pulled and groaned. He kicked a pile of glass that was on the floor and punched the wall making a hole in it. I covered my mouth from the sob that was threatening to come out.

_What has gotten into him? _

I turned away from him before I couldn't help it but stay in the room with him, making Edward more upset. I opened the door and walked out. I shut it softly, and leaned my back on it. It hurt to be away from him, especially at a time like this. He didn't want me to touch him. He didn't want to talk to me. He didn't want me talking to him. He didn't even want to see me. That wasn't the Edward that I had grown to know and love. I needed answers. I knocked on Bev's door.

"Who is it?" She called.

"It's Bella." My voice was hoarse and it cracked. I didn't feel too much pain. It was mostly numbness at that point. It would hit me later. I just knew it, and it would hurt more than anything I am sure. I knew this because I had never loved anyone, or felt as connected to someone as I had Edward, and there was obviously something wrong with him. No. There was nothing wrong with _him, Edward_ was perfect, but that man that was in there taking over the body of the man I love, had something wrong with him.

"The door is open, sweets." She called.

I opened the door and noticed right away that Bev's apartment was pretty much the same as Edward's. The only difference was that her apartment was a little emptier, and all of her things were in their right place. There weren't broken things all over the place. There were pictures of Alice on her wall though and one of Alice and Edward.

"We are in the living room." Bev said.

I walked over there and found Bev sitting on the couch with Alice's head in her lap. Alice had head phones on her ears and her hands over them. She was singing quietly to herself. Her face stained with tears. _Poor Alice. _Bev was running her hand through her hair in a soothing manner.

"He…he wanted me to leave."

She nodded her head. "I knew that would happen, but you are persistent."

Alice made no indication that she was listening to us. I could hear the music though, so I figured she couldn't hear us.

"What is wrong with him?"

"I don't know if I should be the one to tell you that, honey. What did he do?"

"He was just yelling, and he was so mad that I was in there. When I tried to touch him, he pushed me…I…"

She interrupted me. "Wait, he pushed you?"

"Yes."

"I shouldn't have let you in there."

"No, it's fine, I guess. He didn't hurt me." I may have fibbed a little he did hurt me, but not physically. "Has he ever hit you or Alice?"

"Oh no, no, no…he hasn't laid a hand on Alice. He has pushed me a couple of times, but never enough to hurt me. And it's not fine that he pushed you, but honey, don't think he meant to do it. He would never lay his hands on a woman like that in his right mind. I promise you that."

"I know he wouldn't, but what is causing him to be like that? I am so confused."

"I will tell you later. First, I need to go take care of him." She said. She started to get up, and Alice got up with her, looking a little confused. She took the head phones out of her ears.

"Where are you going?" She asked almost panicking.

"I am just going to check on your brother, alright?"

She nodded her head sadly. "Can you tell him I love him?" She asked.

"Of course, shortcake. Just stay in here with Bella alright?" She nodded and reached for me.

I walked over to her and she stood up on the couch. She wrapped her hands around my neck and I held her close.

"I'll be back." Bev said.

"Wait, Bev, maybe you shouldn't…" I worried for her. Edward was in a manic state of mind. He was aggressive and angry. I didn't want him to hurt her.

"I will be fine." She said finally. I wouldn't go against her. She obviously knew more about Edward's situation than I did, but I still worried for her.

I also worried for sweet, little Alice. "Are you okay, sweetie?" I asked Alice as I was rubbing soothing circles on her back and she seemed to relax just a little.

"No, not until Edward isn't angry anymore."

"Does it happen a lot?" I asked. I wasn't going to interrogate her, but I was just curious.

"Not really, but when it does, I don't like it."

"I know." I didn't know what else to say. It's not like I understood what was going on. I was lost. I knew there was a reason for Edward's behavior, but I didn't know what it was.

There was a knock on the door.

"Beverly! Beverly!" A woman called while knocking on the door.

Alice gasped and pulled away from me. She ran over to an end table and opened the drawer. There was a yellow envelope in there and she ripped it open. When she pulled out a fist full of money, I didn't know what to think. She picked up some money and counted quietly to herself as she sifted through the twenty dollar bills. She counted to five and then ran for the front door.

"Alice!" I said while running after her. She shouldn't be opening the door on her own. She opened the door with me right on her heels, and there was a woman on the other end looking mad.

"Alice, where is Beverly?" She asked in a very rude manner.

The way she was speaking to Alice made me really upset, and I walked behind Alice and put an arm around her.

"She's helping my brother." She said.

"I am so fucking sick of this shit. I am getting complaints because of his crazy ass…"

"Hey!" I said to interrupt her. _Who does this bitch think she is?_ "Do you mind not swearing in front of her?"

"Who are you?"

"That's Bella." Alice said. She was all business. "Here." She handed the one-hundred dollars to the woman.

"Alice!" I said.

"No, it's fine Bella. This is what I am supposed to do." The woman took the money and counted it.

"Tell Bev I will be coming back for more."

"Okay. Bye." Alice said and shut the door on her face.

Alice looked up at me. My face must have had a look of pure shock and confusion. Alice grabbed my hand. "Bev tells me to pay her that money so she doesn't call the cops on Edward. It's important she doesn't." She says in explanation.

That woman was sick though. She really just took one-hundred dollars from a six year old whose brother was having some kind of episode, and then had the nerve to tell her she would be coming back for more. _What a sick person. Nothing like a little compassion for the little girl who was worrying for her brother or the elderly woman who was caring for him._

Alice and I both jumped when we heard continuous banging and Edward's yell.

"Let me out! Open the fucking door, Bev!" He kept screaming.

My heart rate raised and I wanted to run right in there and help him, but there was no way I would leave Alice alone. She pulled on my hand and went running, dragging me with her. Her breath was picking up and she went into a room. It looked like a spare room. She opened a closet door and took me in there.

"Come on." She said and brought me to the edge of the pitch black closet.

"Alice, what are you doing, honey?"

She sat down and pulled me with her. She whimpered and put her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her tightly.

"You can't hear him in here. In here we can pretend." She said. She was right. I couldn't hear anything but the sound of Alice's quick breaths and sniffles. In the darkness, I let my tears fall as well and I held Alice close to me. "Thank you, Bella. I love you."

A small sob threatened to erupt, but I held it down. This little girl deserved nothing more than support and love and I would give it to her. I lowered my head and kissed the top of her head. "I love you too, Alice."

"Just pretend with me okay? Ecy is at work. I miss him, but he will be back soon. Right, Bella?"

"That's right." I said.

There was something so eerie about this pretending that caused chills to go through me. Bad chills. _Poor Alice._ She is so used to this, but at the same time, she wasn't. This was killing her, and she coped with it by pretending it wasn't happening. It was working for her though. It was sad to see.

"Ecy loves me, Bella."

"I know he does sweetheart."

"He doesn't tell me a lot, but I know he does. Bev tells me to not think of it too much. She says everyone is special, and Ecy is special too. She says everyone is different, and we all love each other's differences. Do you think that's true, Bella?"

"Yes, honey, I think that's true."

"Bella?" She squeaked. I don't think the pretending was really working any more.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I'm tired." She said and wiped the tears from her face.

"You can go to sleep if you want."

She looked up at me. My eyes were adjusted to the dark, and I could see her a little bit. Her eyes were shining with tears. She was such a beautiful child with such burdens on her shoulders. My heart ached for her.

"You will hold me?"

I held her closer. "I won't let you go."

"We won't have to pretend tomorrow. I hope we won't."

"Me too."

"Ecy says no matter what happens, he will always come back to me. Always."

Oh she was breaking my heart. "I am sure that is true, pretty girl. You can sleep. I will stay with you."

She then didn't respond, or say anything else. She just accepted. She closed her eyes and she tried to sleep. It didn't take her long to fall into a deep sleep. I didn't move from my spot for a while. I was still numb. I was actually starting to get mad that I had no idea what was going on. I had no way of knowing what was going on with Edward, but I wouldn't leave Alice.

A long while after Alice fell asleep; I heard the door of the room open.

"Alice? Bella?" Bev called in a whisper.

"We're in here." I said.

Alice didn't stir at all in my arms. I heard Bev's footsteps walk closer and she opened the door of the closet. Light filtered in the small enclosure and I squinted my eyes. Bev's face appeared to me, and I knew she must have been crying. My heart also ached for her.

She walked over to me and took Alice out of my arms. She kissed her face and walked away without a word. I got up from the ground and stretched out my limbs. I followed Bev, and she brought Alice into what I guessed was her room. She placed Alice on the bed and pulled the covers over her. She kissed her head multiple times and whispered to her. I didn't hear what she was saying. She turned away from Alice, and motioned for me to leave the room with her. We both went out into the living room.

"How is he?" I asked.

"I don't know. I had to lock him in the spare room."

"What? You locked him up like an animal?" _How could she do that?_

"Listen here, don't you go judging me. Do you think I like doing that to him?" She snapped at me. "I have known that boy far longer than you have. It kills me to have to do it to him, but that's the only way I know he is safe. It's hard for him to hurt himself in there. So don't try and make me feel bad about it." Tears fell from her eyes again and she pulled out a handkerchief and wiped them away.

"I'm so sorry, Bev. I didn't mean it. I am just so confused and I heard him yelling and…I'm just really worried for him."

"We all are worried for him."

"Can you please tell me what is going on?"

She hesitated. "I…yes. I will. But I won't tell you everything. He has to tell you. But I know you deserve an explanation."

"I just want to know what happened…Edward…he would never do that. He made a huge mess of that place and only for a little argument? It doesn't make any sense!"

"Come sit down." She said and pointed to the couch. I sat down, and she sat beside me. "He has a condition. We only just found out the name. It's called Intermittent Explosive Disorder, or IED."

I didn't know the specifics of the condition she was speaking of, but the name of it kind of gave me an idea. "Okay…what does that mean exactly?"

"Basically, he has these episodes every now and then where he has uncontrollable outbursts of anger. Some happen just because, but most happen when he gets agitated about something." She took a deep breath. "He can't control it. He doesn't know what he is doing. Some last longer than others and some are more intense than others. There were a couple of times when he had an episode, went to bed, and then the next morning he doesn't even remember it happening."

_My poor Edward. _"How did he get this?"

"There is no way to know for sure, but his therapist thinks it is just a result of his childhood. Has he told you about it?"

"Not really. He just explained why he doesn't like to hold people's hands."

She got an angry look on her face. "Those bastard parents of his."

"Have you met them?"

"No. And it would be better if I didn't. I don't want to go to jail."

"I guess I will have to ask him about them." I wouldn't use Bev as a way to get personal information about Edward.

The IDE was a different story. I needed to know what was causing him to act that way towards me. The Edward I knew was nothing but respectable to me. Well, he was a little mean to me, but it was all joking around. He wasn't that angry man in there who pushed and screamed at me.

"Yes. I will not be the one to tell you."

"Do you think he will be back to normal tomorrow?"

"No." She said instantly. "He is never the same for at least a week. He isn't still having an episode for a week, but you could imagine how horrible he feels afterwards. He usually spends every waking minute he can with Alice after having an episode like that."

"She cares for him so much."

"I know. It's scary though, because he has come so close to losing her multiple times."

I gasped. "He has?" Edward and Alice being separated seemed unfathomable to me.

"Yes. He has escaped it closely a couple of times, and I help as much as I can. But he has one last chance before they take her away."

"Where will she go?"

Bev shrugged and looked away from me. "I don't really like talking about it, sweets."

"I'm sorry, Bev. You don't have to."

"Thank you, sweets. I hope this doesn't change your opinion of him. He really is a good boy."

"I know he is. This doesn't change anything, but I just feel so bad for him. He doesn't deserve all of this shit." She gave me a sad look. "I know he wouldn't want me to feel bad for him, but I do. How can't I? I love him and he is suffering and I…this just sucks." I ran my hand through my hair and tried to hold in my emotions.

"Oh child." Bev sighed.

She reached for me and pulled me in her arms. I hugged her back and tried my hardest not to fall apart in her embrace. She has dealt with enough today. She was taking care of Alice, Edward, and now me. _Who will take care of her? _

"Are you okay, Bev? I know this must be hard for you."

"Oh I'll be alright." She let go of me and she looked over at the end table. "Did the landlady come?" She asked.

"Oh…yeah. Alice gave her money."

"Good. That's the only way to stop her from calling the cops. The girl loves her drinks. That's all I know."

"She was so rude to Alice."

"The whole lot of 'em in this place are rude." She looked over to the clock. "I will be right back. I am just going to check on him. He has been quiet."

"Could I go?" She looked reluctant. "I am more prepared this time. Plus, you said he is quieter. Maybe he is sleeping…"

She hesitated once again. "Fine. Go ahead, but if he is any worse, come back alright?"

"Okay. Thank you so much, Bev." I squeezed her hand and got up from the couch.

I walked to Edward's apartment mentally preparing myself for what I would see. I was hoping to go in there and see him not angry anymore. I wanted to open the door, see everything back in its place, and see his beautiful face smiling at me with open arms.

It was all hopes though. It wasn't going to happen. I knew that.

Once I got in, I noticed everything was pretty much the same. Maybe there were more things broken, I don't know, but it was still a mess. I thought about cleaning it for him, but my need to see him and make sure he was okay was overwhelming. I went down the hall, and noticed a key right outside one of the doors. Since Edward and Bev's apartment were the same, this room was the same as Bev's spare room. It was Edward's as well. Edward's spare room was practically empty.

I picked up the key from the ground, and put it in the lock. There were no sounds from within, so I suspected Edward to be sleeping.

I opened the door and found him. His back was to me. He was lying on the ground. He was still wearing his jeans and his sneakers. He had his head resting on a white pillow and his arms were wrapped around it. The room was empty except for a blanket in the corner of the room and a couple bottles of water. I walked further into the room over to the other side of him to see his face.

When I did, I cried.

He looked so peaceful, so innocent. He was the Edward I knew. The only thing marring the innocence in his being was the dried blood on his hands. The red blood stains on the white pillow from his hands were mocking me. I hated seeing it. Other than that, he looked completely at ease. Despite the episode he just had, despite the destruction he caused without his knowledge, and despite the fact he was locked in a room for his own safety sleeping on the ground.

He was just Edward in that moment. I put my hand over my mouth to strangle the sound of the sob that finally burst free. I was feeling the pain now. The pain of realizing what was happening to him. _First he has to deal with raising a child, then he has to deal with living with diabetes, and now this?_ It just wasn't fair. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, so you could imagine the pain when I had to watch it happen to someone I love so deeply.

This had to be love. I never hurt this much in my whole life.

The only thing I could compare it too was the pain I felt after Dominic died. It was all consuming and ripping away at my being slowly and torturously. It was the realization that no matter how hard I tried, Edward would always have something that will burden him. He would always struggle.

He shouldn't have to. He doesn't deserve it.

"No." I heard him say. I looked down at him, and he was still sleeping. He started to breathe heavier. "No…stop." He was having a nightmare. His knuckles were white with the force he was clenching his hands in. I could see the veins popping out of his arms. "Please." He begged.

I couldn't just stand there watching that. I knelt down beside him and put my hand on his shoulder.

"Shh…baby. It's okay." I said in a whisper. I wiped the tears from my eyes. I didn't have to be crying. I had to be comforting him.

"Bella." He mumbled. He was still sleeping.

"Yes, I'm right here, love. It's okay."

I ran my hand along his arm to sooth the grip he had around the pillow. His grip loosened. He seemed to calm down. I was glad. If he had continued having the nightmare, I would have had to wake him up, and I didn't know if he could possibly still be in the middle of his episode. Thankfully that wasn't needed. I didn't take my hands off him though. Now that I was connected to him in that way, I didn't want to break it. Being able to touch him made me feel a little better.

I put my hand on top of one of his and took it in both of my hands. It was stained with blood and little cuts. I felt for any pieces of glass that may have been stuck in his hands, but thankfully I didn't feel anything.

"No." He said again. This time it was in a voice of sadness. "Alice…" His voice was so pained.

On instinct, I brought one hand to the side of his face. His face was still sticky with sweat. "Shh…she's okay." I said softly.

"I'm sorry." He said. And then, something happened that hurt me even more than I already was.

A tear squeezed out of his eye.

"Oh Edward…" I needed to be close to him.

It didn't take much speculation in my head before I lifted his arm up, and I laid down close to him. I wiped the tear off of his cheek and wrapped my arm around him. His arm was hanging over me and I loved being that close to him. My face was right in front of his. My chest was against his. His arm was warm around me, and I rubbed my hand over his strong back.

He was still sleeping soundly. He probably didn't even know I was in the room. As long as he wasn't acting the way he was earlier, that was okay with me. At least he was at peace in sleep. I leaned forward and lightly placed a kiss on his forehead. With my lips still on his forehead, I whispered words that I wish I could have told him while he was awake.

"I love you."

He needed to know how much he meant to me. Maybe if he realized that he wasn't alone, he would feel a little more at ease with his life. He was always doubting himself, and saying I would run.

I wasn't going to run. After hearing about his IED, I wanted to just hold him closer and take away his pain. He didn't know that yet. I would have to tell him though whenever he would let me. I knew enough about Edward to know not to push him.

But he had to know this didn't change a thing.

The door of the room opened. I could see the light filter in over Edward's head. It was Bev. She looked a little better than before.

"Sweets, maybe you should go."

"No." I whispered. I looked down at Edward. "No. I have to stay with him."

"But when he wakes up, he could still not be right."

"I will leave before he does. Just please. Let me stay with him." I begged of her. In the end, Beverly would have the final say, but I couldn't leave without fighting to stay.

"Okay. Okay…that's fine." She said.

"Thank you." I said sincerely.

I already owed so much to Bev. She took care of him_. For how long? _I wasn't sure, but she was part of the reason he still had Alice. God knows what would have happened to him if she was taken away from him. It was clear Alice was the reason Edward kept going and Bev ensured he would always have that. She was the reason there was even an Edward around for me to fall in love with.

She nodded her head and left the room. I brought my attention back to Edward. He would be okay. He had to be.

* * *

I awoke to yelling.

I didn't know where it was coming from, or who it was coming from, but I just knew it woke me up. As soon as I was conscious enough to realize that, I realized I was lying on a hard ground. Not my bed.

_Where was I?_

I opened my eyes and everything came rushing back. I got up. I was still in the spare room of Edward's apartment. I was alone. There was a blanket around me.

_Where was he?_

I got up from the ground and looked around. The room was the same except I didn't wake up to the warm body beside me. It was light out. I didn't know what time it was, but it was morning. The yelling was coming from people outside.

I walked out of the room. The house was silent. I went to the kitchen. The time on the stove said 6:43. I didn't think anyone was in the house. There was no sound what so ever. I went out of the apartment and knocked on Bev's door.

_Where did he go? _

She answered almost right away. "Bev, where is he?"

"He's here."

"Was he okay? He didn't wake me up or anything. I'm sorry, I meant to leave but…I don't know, I just fell asleep."

"It's fine. I don't know how he is. He didn't say a word to me. He went straight to Alice."

"Can I stay to wait for him?"

"Sure." She said.

I went inside her apartment. As I walked farther into the apartment, I could hear Edward and Alice. Alice was crying. Edward was saying soothing words to her. I couldn't hear his words, but I could hear the tenor of his voice. It was nice to hear. He wasn't yelling. His voice was soft. It was Edward's voice.

"Do you want something to drink, sweets?" Bev asked. She sounded tired. I wondered if she even slept.

"No, I am fine, Bev. Thank you." She nodded, but went into the kitchen anyway. She was probably just doing anything to keep herself busy. I sat in the living room waiting for him. There was no way I would have interrupted their time.

_Was he going to be upset with me? What was he thinking when he woke up in my arms? Would he push me away? _

There were all these things running through my head and each inquiry left me feeling even more nervous than maybe I should have been. I couldn't bare it if he pushed me away. I wanted to take care of him. Was that so bad? I didn't think so.

I heard footsteps after about five minutes. It was his footsteps. He appeared and I noticed he was wearing different clothes. He wore a pair of tired green eyes, but they were so beautiful to see. He was also carrying a little girl that was clinging to him for dear life. Her little legs were wrapped around his middle, and her arms around his neck. He had a nice grip around her as well.

"Bella." He said almost in shock.

_Did he really think I would leave?_

"Hi, dude." I said so he didn't think anything was changing.

My words only seemed to cause more pain to his face. "I have to go." He said.

I stood from the couch. "Okay." I didn't want him too, but he must have wanted to spend time with Alice. Bev said that was what he usually does. "Will you call me later?"

"I don't know."

My heart dropped. He was pushing me away. "Edward. No. You have to call me. Please…I…"

"Stop." He said with a little more force. He wasn't yelling like he was the night before though. Memories of it had me feeling nauseous. "I need time."

"Time for what? Time to push me away?"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I just need time. Can't you just understand that?"

"I guess, but I want to help you."

"No one can help me and I am not having this conversation with you right now, Bella." He said looking down at Alice who was silently holding onto him.

"Okay. Then we can have it another time. Call me, okay?"

"Fine." He said and started walking toward the door.

"Wait! Edward!" I called out to him. I went after him. He turned and I was standing right in front of him. "This doesn't change anything."

"Maybe not now you may think it won't, but it will." He said and turned on his heel, and was out of the door before I could form a response. I looked at the door.

_What the hell just happened? _

I let him go. _Did I want to?_ No. _Did I have to? _Yes. _Was he going to call me?_ Probably not. Probably not…_fuck._

The panic took over me. All the pain and anguish and confusion took over me now that he was gone. He was in his right mind, and he left. He was clearly pushing me away. I just wanted to scream to him that I didn't care about his disorder and that I loved him so much.

But I couldn't. He wasn't ready for that.

He wasn't there, but I was and I literally lost all feelings in my legs and I fell to the ground. I caught myself on my hands and I began to cry. I began to sob. I began to feel all of the pain I had been holding in.

"Oh child." I heard Bev say.

Then I felt arms around me. Comforting arms. Not as comforting as the arms I slept in the night prior. Those arms are the arms I needed right then. But I couldn't have them. The realization brought on another round of tears.

_How do I make him see it? How do I make him see that I need him when he would only try to push me away? _All I want is him in my life.

All of the other stuff could be dealt with, and would only be minor compared to the good times we could have. Because even while I was crying, I just thought back on our good times and they overshadowed that night.

_Edward joking with me. _

_Edward scaring me in the back of his truck. _

_Edward laughing with Alice. _

_Edward beating me at Bocce and having no problem rubbing it in my face. _

_Edward's smile when I walked into the coffee shop; my coffee and muffin in front of him._

_Edward's arms around me. _

_Edward's hand in mine_…it was all so much more than that night. He was so much more than that disorder.

I needed to make him see that. I would never give up on him.

* * *

_I don't mind where you come from,  
__As long as you come to me.  
__But I don't like illusions I can't see  
__Them clearly  
__I don't care, no I wouldn't dare  
__To fix the twist in you.  
__You've shown me eventually what you'll do.  
__I don't mind.  
__I don't care.  
__As long as you're here._

_**All The Same, by Sick Puppies

* * *

**_

**Well how was that? I told you all I wouldn't leave you waiting that long! I am not a fibber! Hope you all liked this one. Just so you know, the song I used for this chapter is one of my all-time favorites. It's my most played song on iTunes. Have any of you seen the Free Hugs video? This is the song in it! **

**Anyways, thank you so much Alexa for pre-reading! So glad you are back and helping me out! Everyone should go check out her story Comes & Goes…sooooo good. I pre-read it :]**

**Sorry for no teasers for my reviewers, but I didn't really have time, and I updated really early, so I hope you all will forgive me. I promise teasers this time!**

**I'm not sure when the next chapter will be out, but it will be as soon as possible. Promise! **

**Review please :]**


	14. Chapter 13: The Kindest Heart

**Chapter 13: The Kindest Heart**

**EPOV**

"Can I help you make lunch?" Alice asked.

She dragged a chair from the table over to the counter. The sound of it scraping against the floor was usually loud and annoying, but this time it was only faint to my ears. It sounded like I was under water. My head was filled with so many thoughts and it was plagued with confusion, shame and embarrassment.

It was bad enough Alice and Bev had to see my baby-like tendencies with throwing tantrums, but for Bella to see it as well? I felt like shit.

"Sure." I said.

I was just making a pizza with already made dough. I could have put more effort into making lunch for her. Maybe I should have. I owed her a lot, but anything more intricate, I may have burn myself. My head wasn't in the right place to be dealing with fire. Plus in this cabin that was built with wood, it wouldn't be a good idea.

"Can I spread the sauce?" She asked.

I just opened the can as I was going to do it myself, but she could have anything she wanted.

"Sure."

I poured some on the dough, and handed her the spoon. It wasn't her first time doing it as I tried to teach her how to cook whenever I got the chance. I didn't know if she would be taken from me because of last night. Those people in that place were usually hot or cold. If one of them called the cops, I was done. She would be gone before tomorrow. At least I knew that I taught her as much as I could. I didn't know if I necessarily raised her right, but at least I tried to teach her all I knew.

I watched her as she spread the sauce on the dough. She was biting her lip in concentration. Her hair started falling in her eyes. Her nose scrunched. She reached up and pushed it away with the palm of her hand. I took the elastic off of her wrist and started to put her hair up. We didn't need hair in our food.

"Thank you." She said.

Alice continued spreading the sauce and I went to the fridge to get the cheese. I would have chosen to put some pepperonis on there, but she doesn't like them. _She gets whatever she wants._

"Here." I handed her the open bag of shredded cheese.

She put the spoon down and took a handful out of the bag. I watched her as she placed some on the pizza.

My mind drifted. I thought of Bella. Her face when I left. Waking up with her in my arms. My blood on her shirt. Her arms around me. She looked so beautiful. I had to go. I was embarrassed.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt something hit my face. A bunch of little things. I looked down and pushed a piece of shredded cheese off my nose. I looked over at Alice. She was giggling. I couldn't help but smile.

"Are you kidding, Alice?"

She laughed. "Nope. You had an ugly look on your face."

"My face isn't ugly." I felt ugly.

"It is when you are sad. Stop it, Ecy."

"I'm sorry."

"Bella isn't mad at you, you know."

I sighed. "I don't want to talk about that right now, alright?"

"Fine. But stop being sad or else I will make you let me pain your fingernails."

I laughed. The sad part is I probably would have let her. After I had an episode from the IED, I wanted to do anything for Alice. She was probably the one hurt the worst out of it. She was so young and she cared so much for me. We were connected. We were blood. She got the short end of the stick, and I had to make it up to her.

"Alright, no need to threaten me with cosmetics. I will try and be good."

She smiled. "Good."

She finished putting the cheese on, and I helped her. She started talking about school. She wasn't going in today, because I didn't want her out of my sight.

Sometimes I didn't remember the episodes. I would wake up, and it was like nothing ever happened. While I didn't remember the specifics, I knew I flipped the fuck out. The blood on Bella's shirt from my hands was proof of that. Then when I went to get Alice, she was crying and holding onto me so tightly. She was scared and she was glad to see me back to normal.

I knew I destroyed my house. When I woke up, there was no trace of it. No. Bev hires people to clean it up before I get up. I had this other feeling inside of me. It was like the aftershocks. I felt depressed. I wanted to go to bed again and wake up to a time where I feel better.

It sucked.

"Did you bring your tester?"

I shook my head. "I forgot."

She was referring to my testing kit to test my blood sugar. My levels were probably all fucked up, but I was doing okay. I could usually feel when I was in a bad place when it came to my diabetes. I wasn't worrying about it. There were way more important things to worry about. Like making sure my sister was okay and making sure Bella realized what she was getting herself into.

"I will call Bev." She said.

"No. Alice, I am fine. Stop worrying, alright?" I would _not_ let her call Bev. I knew how much I burden her as well. She did so much for me when I had those episodes. I didn't need to ask her for more.

"Fine. I will."

"Good." I took the pizza from the counter and put it in the oven.

When I turned around, Alice was gone. That was weird, I didn't even hear her. She couldn't have gone far. I walked to the living room of the cabin, and I couldn't see her. I walked further, and she jumped up from behind the couch with a pillow in hand.

"Pillow fight!" She yelled and hit me right in the face with it.

I was surprised with the spontaneous hit, but I couldn't stop myself from laughing. No matter how much I knew I shouldn't be laughing, Alice would always break that feeling inside me, even if only temporarily. _I think she is the only one who can do that so instantaneously. _

Well, I was never one to throw away a competition, so I grabbed a pillow as well and hit her with it. She started laughing and it was war. We had a lot of intense pillow fights. I chased her around, she chased me around, I hit her a lot, she hit me a lot, and we laughed. A lot. She tried to do some ninja nunchuck moves with her pillow and it was hilarious. I laughed at her, and she was just laughing out of childish joy. It made me feel better.

She started playing dirty though. She ran at my legs and tackled me to the ground. _Cheater. _

I could cheat too. I picked her up, threw her on the couch and started tickling her. Best decision I could have made. I got my revenge, she was laughing, and the sound made me feel infinitely better. She was beginning to have trouble breathing though after a while, I stopped. She then attacked me and we both fell on the ground.

We were breathless at that point.

"That was fun." Alice said.

"Yeah it was. I love winning."

She gasped and hit my stomach. "You did not win! I won!"

"Uh…no. I won. Get over it kid."

"Whatever, loser." She said and got up from the ground. "Go check on the pizza! I don't want it to burn!"

I groaned and got up from the ground. "You're so damn bossy, it won't burn. I am a perfect cook."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't get a big head."

_I think she has been spending way too much time with Bev.

* * *

_

I reached into the back seat and unbuckled Alice's seat belt. Her head was angled at such an awkward position because she was in such a dead sleep. It was a quiet ride home from the cabin because she slept the whole time. _I may have worn her out_.

After we ate, we played Bocce, fished, played hide and seek, and she even got me to do hopscotch with her. It was a day filled with childish games, but it was a good day. I was sad it had to end, because I knew the contentment I was feeling would go away once I was left with my own thoughts.

I picked her up gently and placed her over my shoulder. She squirmed a little, but she eventually just fell back asleep. Her arms were limp over my shoulders and her breath was hot against my neck. It was quiet outside my house for once. Surprisingly there were no stupid people yelling or dealing drugs. It was a nice change.

It was a little after seven. Alice would probably be out for the night. Maybe Bev woulf come over. Being by myself wasn't a good idea.

I walked up the steps with Alice still in my arms. As I got closer to my apartment, I heard noises coming from Bev's apartment. No, not noises. Voices. And crying. It was Bella. She was crying.

"Are you sure you are okay, Bev?" She asked.

I hated hearing the tears in her voice. I had a feeling she was crying about me. I hated the noise even more because of that.

"Child, I am okay, but you don't seem it." Bev said soothingly.

The bond between Bev and Bella seemed to be growing by the concern I heard in Bev's voice. I didn't even know if I should have been eavesdropping, but I couldn't just leave. I was worried for Bella.

"I just don't know what to do, Bev." She paused to catch her composure. "I will stay away because he wants me to, but what if I never hear from him again? What will happen if I don't fight?"

"Just give him time. I know him well enough to know he will bounce back. He cares for you, he just probably doesn't realize how much."

I did care for Bella. So much so, that it scared me. While she was gone, I thought of her often. My heart would skip a beat when she would text or call me. I always wanted her near. But not now. No. Now I wanted her away from me. Not forever, though. I couldn't go without seeing her forever. I didn't think.

"Maybe, but I don't know. After last night, and this morning when he left, I feel like I am losing him. I thought it of it all day. It scares me."

She should be scared of me. I wasn't in control when I was in those moods. I didn't want to hurt her.

"This isn't about him pushing you, is it?"

I didn't hear Bella's answer because at that moment my head started spinning and it made me lightheaded. I _pushed _her. I didn't remember. I tried to think back on it. _What was going through my head? How could I do that to her?_

I was beginning to feel nauseous. I walked to the door of my apartment. The mood I was in earlier with Alice was completely gone. I could never forgive myself for putting my hands on Bella. Ever.

I brought Alice to her room. I placed her in her bed and took her shoes off. I contemplated staying in the room with her, but I also felt I was close to the edge. I was so absolutely angry with myself, it was becoming difficult to think straight. This was what I feared most when I started talking with Bella. I feared I would hurt her. Emotionally was one thing, and physically was another. I did both. I hurt her emotionally and physically, and I was that guy that hurt every person he knew. I was that guy that girls kept their friends away from because they knew they were trouble.

_How could I have even laid my hands on Bella like that? _I was sick, that's how. Sick in the head.

_What if I ever put my hands on Alice like that? _I couldn't think like that. I had to stop. I would surely snap again. It was scary to think about, my disorder. Sometimes it became impossible for me to think of it though because I never remembered. It was like it was erased from my memory forever. I tried and I tried to remember, but it was all blank.

I went to the bathroom to get my testing kit. I needed to check my sugar since I hadn't all day. I picked up the kit with shaking hands. The sound of Bella crying was ringing through my head and just knowing that I put my hands on her like that made my hands shake even more. I pricked my finger and put the tester to the blood on my finger and I waited.

It beeped_._

_60. Fuck. _

It's supposed to be 160 at this point. Fuck off. Apparently my shaking wasn't just from the realization that I hurt someone I cared deeply for. I was getting hypoglycemia. I started feeling dizzy. I grabbed onto the edge of the kitchen sink and tried to focus. The room was spinning. I needed sugar. I took a deep breath and let go of the sink. I turned and tried to walk while using the walls for support.

I hated this shit. I was starting to sweat. I made it to the kitchen without passing out, thankfully. I went to the fridge and took out the jug of orange juice. I took the cover off and started drinking. I didn't even really like orange juice, but it was the first thing I grabbed. I drank as much as I could at a time. Eventually though, I got sick of it. I was starting to feel a little better, and I sat down at the table. I took a couple more sips of the orange juice.

I rested my head on my hands. All this shit was hitting me at once. It was maddening. My head was moving a million miles an hour as I tried to sort through all the shit that was happening in my life. I couldn't think straight. I knew what I wanted. I wanted Bella. I wanted her to hold my hand and talk to me and call me dude and make fun of me. I needed her. I knew I did, but I couldn't be selfish.

There was a knock on the door. I hoped it wasn't Bella. I couldn't deal with my situation with her while I was in the state of mind I was in. Right now I wanted solitude. I wanted to have room think.

I didn't answer the door, but someone did open it.

"Edward?" It was Bev.

"In here." I said so she could hear me.

I had no choice now. She was already inside; I wouldn't tell her to leave. I had already hurt her enough. I was just hurting everyone. It drove me crazy.

She walked into the kitchen, and she gasped when she saw me. The sweat and paleness on my face must have startled her. Oh, and if I had orange juice in front of me, that was also something she wouldn't have seen every day.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, my sugar just got a little low. No big deal."

She sighed. She went to one of the drawers, and then came back to me. She handed me a Jolly Rancher.

"Take this. We can check it again after that." I took it from her hand. She took the orange juice and put it away. I put the little hard candy in my mouth. I felt like a child. Bev sat across from me at the table. "What did you do all day?"

I shifted the candy to the side of my mouth. "We spent the day at the cabin."

"Good. You must have had a good time."

"Yeah."

Silence took over the room. _What was there to say?_

The silence didn't last long. "You weren't that bad, yesterday. You have been worst."

I snorted. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I asked rhetorically. "Oh don't worry Edward, you were crazy, but not as crazy as you have been in the past. Good job, buddy. You will get far in life." I said with sarcasm and mock enthusiasm. My life was a joke anyway.

"No need to get fresh, Edward. I am just telling you. I know you don't remember so I want to help you come to terms with things."

"There is no coming to terms with this shit, Bev. It sucks."

"I know it does, but you don't have to let it take over you like you do." I just shook my head. "You focus too much on the bad, honey. Start thinking of the good."

"Okay. Let's go through the good I have in my life." I straightened myself on the chair. I counted each on my fingers. "Alice. She is the best thing I have, and she broke down crying this morning because she was worrying about me. She has to worry about someone at the age of six. You want to know why? Because of me." I pointed to my second finger. "You. You help me more than anyone ever has, and you have to bribe the scums of this place not to report me. You have to take care of Alice for me at ridiculous times, and I pretty much made it so you have to also constantly worry about me." I pointed to my third finger. "And Bella." My voice cracked. "She comes in my life, she makes me happy, and apparently I make her feel that way as well. And what do I do? I fucking put my hands on her like a fucking pussy and make her afraid of me. Do you see a pattern forming, Bev, or is it just me?"

She had no words. No words were needed she knew I was right. She just stared at me. She looked a little hurt. I felt bad for that, but the truth hurts sometimes.

"You're wrong."

"How? Please, explain to me how. Everything that is wrong with me is within me. Alice doesn't hurt me, you don't hurt me, and neither does Bella. I only hurt myself, and I take everyone down with me."

She was staring at me again. She looked like she was studying me. It made me a little uncomfortable.

"I still stand by what I said. You are wrong. Your problem is you are a stubborn pessimist. You need to start seeing your worth, boy, or you will be this depressed all the time. I don't want that. Alice definitely doesn't want that, and I can assure you that that is the last thing Bella would ever want."

I buried my face in my hands and groaned. "How can she care for me so much? We just met."

"You already know the answer to that question because I know you feel the exact same way she does about you, maybe even more."

I shook my head. "I don't know."

She got up from the chair, and sat on the one closest to me. She put her hand on my back. "You do know; you just have to find it within yourself and trust yourself to take over that kind of responsibility."

"Responsibility?"

"Yes, responsibility! Having a partner takes work! Leon, God bless his beautiful soul, was the love of my life. I adored that man…well, you know that already." I nodded. Bev told me all about Leon, her deceased husband. He seemed like a really great man. I just wished I could have met him. "I adored him, but I also couldn't stand him sometimes. Oh my God he was a picky bastard and you know what made me mad the most?"

"What?" She had a new kind of softness to her face talking about Leon.

"He would wear his socks to bed and kick them off in the middle of the night. And then when I told him to make the bed in the morning, he would just put the covers right over his socks! Then when I would finally make the bed, there would be about ten pairs of socks just hanging out under there!" I laughed. "Oh Edward, I used to yell at him all the time. I probably was yelling at him a lot, and he would just brush it off like the sweet man he was. He made me mad a lot during the day, but then at night, he would cuddle with me and make me fall in love with him all over again." She sighed sadly.

"I wish I could have met him."

"Me too, child. He would have loved you. You two are very different. He was so laid back all the time and I was always the crazy one worrying about everything. He would always calm me down though. It just took a little kiss." She wiped her eyes.

"Oh Bev, don't cry."

"I'm sorry. He just went away too early."

"I know he did. He would want you to be happy though."

"I know. And I think Bella wants the same for you, boy."

I sighed. "I just want her to know what she is getting herself into."

"I don't think that's it."

I looked up at her. "What do you mean?"

"I think you push people away as a defense mechanism." I didn't get what she was saying. It must have shown in my face. "What I mean is, you are afraid to fall even more in love with that girl, and you are afraid of the pain _you_ will feel if she were to leave."

There she goes using that word. _Love. _I didn't know if it was possible for me. Bella would be easy to love though. "I would be fine."

She shook her head. "Nope. You wouldn't. You would just hide it well. But you don't have to hide everything you are feeling. You are allowed to _feel,_ honey."

I sighed. I really hated talking about feelings. I knew I functioned differently than others. I couldn't really control my instincts. I mostly reacted off of those. My instincts told me to stay away from Bella. Whether it was for my sake or hers, I didn't know. My heart told me differently though. My heart needed Bella around. It was an ongoing battle between logic and feelings that went on inside me.

"I don't want to push her away, but I don't know…maybe I just need time to sort things out."

"Then take all the time you need. I can guarantee you that she will be waiting for you."

"But I pushed her, Bev." That thought just came to me all of a sudden. I kind of wanted to kick myself for even forgetting it. Who knew how else I could hurt her. I would not be able to live with myself if I woke up from an episode I had no recollection of and see her with a black eye or something. Just the thought of it made me nauseous.

"I know. Just talk to her about it. See where her head is."

"Do you think she is afraid of me?"

"No, not afraid of you per say…these are only things you have to ask her."

"I will. At some point."

Bev agreed that would be for the best. I didn't think I was necessarily pushing Bella away. No. Was it so bad that I needed some time to just think? Bella witnessing one of my episodes for the first time was a wakeup call. I waited too long to tell her about it, and it just came out of nowhere and she had to deal with it. It wasn't fair to her. If I was going to go into this with Bella, I needed to dive in head first. I couldn't hold stuff as important as that from her. It wasn't fair for her to be sidetracked by my shit. So I needed to prepare myself.

"You love her don't you?" Bev asked. Her question caught me off guard.

"I don't know." I said.

I wasn't completely lying. Nothing made sense at this point. _Wasn't it too soon for that? _I mean, we haven't even made any step to being like a couple. _Does that even matter?_

"You will find out." She got up from the chair and placed a kiss on my head. "Although, I think I know the answer."

"Well that makes one of us." She laughed and patted my head.

"I'll be here in the morning."

"I can bring Alice to school. I already called into work. I am going to take the week off."

"Okay. Well call me if you need me."

"I will. Thank you. Again."

She smiled. "You're welcome. Bye, Edward."

"Bye." She turned and left.

I was left alone again. My mind filled with thoughts of Bella. I wanted her happy. That was the one thing I tried to go by when I was thinking about what I was going to do. I didn't think I could just let her go, even if it would be in her best interest. I would lose my mind without getting to see or hear from her every day. Alice already loved her as well.

So I made that decision. I would not let her go.

There was something else though. I needed to be blunt with her. I needed to show her what she would be dealing with. I couldn't sugar coat it, and I couldn't keep stuff from her. That would be the hard part. I hated talking about my past. I absolutely loathed it. I would have to do it for her though. That would take some time for me.

Then there was the whole thing with me putting my hands on her. The thing that made me most sick to my stomach was the fact that I knew that probably wouldn't be the last time I acted that way. When I was like that, who knew what I would do. When I thought of that, I wanted to push her away again. I couldn't though.

_Fuck._ This was all too much.

I needed time.

I took my phone from my pocket. I started to send a text, but that was too informal. I dialed her number. I hit send. It rang twice, and her voice answered.

"Edward?"

"Yeah."

She sighed in relief. "Oh thank God. I didn't think you would have called me."

"I told you I would."

"I know, it's just…I don't know. I have been a little scatter brained I guess." There was an awkward moment of silence. That never happens with us. "So how are you?"

"I don't know. I just had to call you." Now I felt I didn't have anything to say.

"I'm glad you did. I was worried about you."

"You shouldn't be."

"I can't help it."

I ran my hand through my hair. I didn't know what to say. I began to wonder why I even called.

"Can I go see you?" Bella asked.

"No."

"Oh. Okay." Any hope that was in her voice vanished and was replaced with hurt. It killed me, but I wanted to do this right.

"Not today at least. Can you just give me some time to think about things?"

I heard her swallow. "Um…okay. Do you know how long?"

"I don't know. A couple of days maybe…but don't think I am mad at you or anything. I just need time to clear my head and think about things."

"Okay." She sounded scared. "And seeing me will make thinking hard for you? I'm sorry. I just don't understand your logic."

I groaned. And pulled at my hair. I needed a cigarette and fast. "Maybe there is no logic. I don't know. I am so fucked up in the head right now, Bella, you don't even understand."

"Hey, it's okay. If time is what you need, I will give it to you." She said soothingly.

I swore she was a saint. Or an angel. A fucking beautiful, perfect, and understanding angel.

"I just hope it doesn't take long because I will miss not seeing or hearing from you." Bella said.

_I will miss you too. _It was for the best though. Bella knowing about my IED pulled her deeper into my life. If I was going to let her all the way in, I needed to make sure I was fully ready, and that she understood me completely.

"I know. Same here. I will call you back though, alright?"

"Okay." She sounded like she was going to cry. I couldn't take hearing her cry again.

"Bye, chick." I said.

She laughed a watery sounding laugh. "Bye, dude. I hope I hear your voice again soon."

"Same here."

* * *

"Ecy? Are you awake?" I jumped at hearing her voice. I was only a little bit awake when she walked in. But I was deep enough to make her startle me when she walked in. I looked at the clock it was two in the morning.

I looked over at the door. She was standing there now dressed in her own pajamas. Well, one of my old t-shirts. She must have been uncomfortable. I should have changed her and I started mentally kicking myself for not doing that for her. "Yeah, I'm awake, what's wrong?"

She walked over to my bed. "I had a bad dream."

I reached for her over the side of the bed. I picked her up under her arms and pulled her onto the bed. She got herself situated under the covers and laid down on the pillow beside me. We were both on our sides facing each other.

"What was your dream about?" I asked.

"I don't remember."

"But you know it was bad?"

She shrugged on shoulder. "I guess it was."

"You guess?"

"Well no. I was just fibbing. I didn't have a bad dream."

I sighed. "Okay, so why did you come in here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't sad anymore."

Of course she did. It amazed me how much she tried to take care of me, but it also saddened me. Maybe it wasn't a bad thing. I don't know. She does know how to make me feel better though. I just wish I didn't need that.

"I'm fine."

"Did you talk to Bella?"

"Yes."

"Is she coming over tomorrow?"

"Probably not."

Her voice got higher. "Why not?" She sounded upset by it.

"I need time to think."

"Think about what?"

"What the hell? Is this some kind of inquisition?"

Her face scrunched up. "What's that?"

"It's when little girls ask way too many questions that she shouldn't even have to think about." I said and flicked her nose gently. She giggled. "Don't worry about me and Bella, Alice."

"Bella should be around all the time. Don't you think?"

"Maybe."

She flicked my forehead. Her little fingers barely had any impact. "You think too much, Ecy. You love Bella."

There goes another person throwing out that word. That word scared me. That word held a lot of weight. I didn't know if I was ready for that kind of responsibility. I didn't know if I was capable of loving another person the way they deserved, and Bella sure deserved it.

"I don't know."

"You do."

"Oh thank you for your wise words, all knowing Alice." I said sarcastically.

"Hey, cala a boca."

"Hey, don't tell me to shut up."

She giggled. She got closer to me and snuggled into my chest. It was hard to be mad at her. She was too cute sometimes. "Can you call Bella tomorrow?"

"I don't know."

"You know what Bev tells me?"

I could only imagine. Bev tells her a lot. "What?"

"She says scared bears don't get no honey."

Oh my God. I started laughing. Like, really laughing. I had no idea where that came from, but it was pretty freaking funny. Alice started laughing too. I really could count on her to always put a smile on my face. No matter how outrageous or out there her statement was, I get what she was saying. I was probably just wasting time being away from Bella to think. It would only give me more time to change my mind about what I already knew to be true.

I couldn't be without her no matter how hard I tried.

After I calmed down laughing, I kissed the top of Alice's head. She was my reason for everything. Bella also made Alice happy. That was my deciding factor. "I will call her tomorrow."

She squealed. "Yay! That makes me so happy!"

"Good."

"I love you, Ecy. You're my favorite."

It killed me that I had such trouble saying those words, but that was just my head talking. My heart knew of the massive amount of love I had for Alice. "I love you too, and you will always be my favorite, no matter what."

She sighed contentedly. "Goodnight, Ecy."

"Goodnight, Alice."

* * *

There was a knock at the door.

I knew it was her. It was almost ten in the morning; she didn't have work today because it was interfering with some new classes she had for the week. I called her as soon as I woke up, and she said she could come by. She sounded happy to hear from me.

I was nervous. I opened the door, and she was definitely a sight for sore eyes. She looked more tired than she usually did, but she was beautiful. I wondered if there would ever be a time where she wasn't beautiful. I didn't think so. It seemed impossible.

The tension was high when she walked in. I didn't expect that. I guess I should have seen it coming. There were a lot of questions hanging in the air for the both of us. We needed to talk through this. It will probably be hard, but we had no other choice.

"Hi." She said as she began to walk in.

I shut the door once she was past me.

"Hi, I guess we can talk in the living room."

She nodded and headed there. I followed after her. I wondered if she thought about what happened the last time she was in my house. She probably hated the site of this place. If she did, she hid it well.

She walked right in, and sat down on the couch. I sat beside her.

"You look a little better since the last time I saw you." She said.

"Well last time you saw me I was on the edge of hysteria. Wasn't that fun to see?"

She got mad when I said that. I could see it in her face.

"Of course it wasn't fun to see, Edward. You didn't even know what was going on."

"No excuse. I probably scared the shit out of you."

"You know what? You did. It scared me to think that you would keep something like that from me and that you even have to go through something like that. It killed me." Her honesty made up a lot of the reasons why I cared for her so much. She didn't sugar coat.

"I'm sorry."

"I forgive you. Now, were you ever going to tell me?"

"Of course I was. I didn't plan for that to happen, Bella."

She groaned and got up from the couch. She ran her hand through her hair. "I know you didn't. It just…I don't know. It caught me off guard."

"Did you like that feeling?"

She looked at me like I had four heads. "Are you kidding? Of course I didn't. I was so worried for you."

I got up. "I am afraid if you stick around, that is a feeling you will get a lot." I was laying it all out for her. She needed to know everything. If at the end of this conversation, she still wanted to stick around, I would accept that with open arms, and if she didn't want to deal with it, I would let her go. I wasn't going to sugar coat anything either. This was the make it or break it point for us.

"How do you figure?"

"I can't control my episodes, Bella. Sometimes they literally come out of nowhere. You could come see me one day, and I will be the biggest jerk to you for no reason. Is that really what you want?"

"I want you."

"Me? You want me? Well this is what you get with me, Bella." I got closer to her. She needed to understand. "I have IED. It's a fucked up disorder, which I assume you have already gathered. There are times where you may have to walk around egg shells when you are near me. Sound fun?" She didn't answer. She just looked at me with her arms crossed. A scowl on her face. "Oh, and I have custody of a six year old girl. She will always come first. If one day you feel like going out, and Alice is sick, or I can't find a babysitter, we won't go out. No questions asked, end of story."

"That doesn't bother me, Edward. I know your first priority is Alice. I can't blame you for that."

"Okay. Well guess what? I have diabetes. It's a fucking bad disease. I have to monitor everything I eat, and sometimes I get hypoglycemia like I did yesterday. Another fucking scary thing. I could die from that, did you know that?" Her face was getting sadder. She was about to cry. I knew this, but I wouldn't let down. "Oh yeah, and did you know my kidneys are shit? I have kidney disease caused by not taking care of my diabetes when I was younger. Maybe that wasn't really my fault, because some nights my father wouldn't let me eat, but that is beside the point. I end up having to make a lot of trips to the hospital. That also fucking sucks and hurts like hell sometimes."

"Oh Edward…" She said.

I kept going. "I smoke. I shouldn't, it is bad for me, and especially because I have diabetes, but I don't give a fuck. I am stubborn. I fucking suck at cleaning and I don't do it unless I absolutely have to. I don't put the toilet seat down. I see a therapist. Hate the bitch, but I have to go unless the state will take Alice away. Oh and let's not forget the other shitty thing about me. I'm abusive. It was proven when I pushed you that night."

"You remember that?"

"No. But I heard you tell Bev. I will never forgive myself for that, Bella, and it would probably be in your best interest to just go away from me. You shouldn't have to deal with an abusive person like me."

Her face got red when I said that. She was pissed. She got closer to me.

"Push me." She said.

"What?"

"You heard me. Push me right now." I was stunned. She pushed me gently, but hard enough to make me step back a step. "Come on, Edward. Push me damn it."

"No. Bella stop this."

"Edward. Fucking push me, come on." Her voice was getting fiercer with every minute.

I didn't know why she was doing this. It was like in a matter of a second, she completely turned the tables on me.

"No. I will not push you."

"Why not? You have done it before!"

"That doesn't count."

She shoved me again._ Why was she doing this?_

"How? You were there. I felt your hands push me back. I almost fell, Edward."

"No!" I finally yelled. I grabbed onto her arms that were about to shove me again. "I didn't know what I was doing! I wasn't in my right mind! I would never, ever intentionally hurt you like that Bella, so please stop asking me too!" I yelled.

She took her arms out of my hands, and her hands went straight to my face. I flinched at first, but the feeling of her hands on my face was comforting. More comforting than I ever thought possible.

"You just made my point for me, baby."

I looked away from her. She caught me. "You still don't deserve that."

"Do you trust me?" She asked. She was rubbing her thumbs along my cheeks. She was breaking me down just when I thought I was holding my own.

"Yes."

"Then trust me when I say I know what I am getting myself into. And trust me when I say that even with all your flaws, I don't ever want to be away from you."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "I was wishing you wouldn't say that."

She got mad again. "Oh really?"

"Yeah."

"You are just scared, because I know you care about me too, Edward. I know you do, or else you would have never called back so soon."

"I never said I didn't care for you, Bella."

"Then why do you want me to go away?" She took her hands off my face. I wanted them back there. Without the contact with her, I felt different. I felt wrong. I couldn't even listen to her. "You know what? Fine. I will go."

"Bella…"

"No. I will. If that is what you really want, I will give it to you. Bye Edward." She turned to walk away. I panicked. I reached for her and took her hand. She stopped but didn't look at me. Her hand squeezed mine.

"Don't." I said.

She turned toward me. A tear fell from her eye. I was already breaking her down in the worst way. She shifted her hand to completely twine it with mine.

"Just tell me what you need from me, Edward. I can't be playing these games. I can't take it."

I sighed. She grabbed onto my other hand. The ease of it was startling. It was comfortable.

"It's not that I don't want you around. I do. I don't know…I guess I am just scared to even try. I'm not used to this."

Her face was completely softened now. I could tell she cared about me just by the way she looked at me. I hope she saw it in my face as well since I was horrible at showing her in any other way. I would try for her though.

"Used to what?"

I took a deep breath. "Being someone's friend…or even more than that."

"Do you want more?"

"I think so."

A smile illuminated her face. It caused goosebumps to form on my arms and a smile to appear on my own face. "I want that too." She let go of my hands and her hands were back on my face. "I like to think of myself as a patient person. I can go at your pace."

"What if I completely fuck shit up?"

"What if _I _completely fuck shit up?" She asked as to prove a point. Point made. "We won't be perfect all the time. I mean you do piss me off a lot of the times."

"Hey, you piss me off too."

She laughed. "See? It is even. I never claimed to be Ms. Perfect." She should have. She wouldn't be lying. She is perfect.

"Well then I guess I have to ask you the big question, huh?"

"Hmm…you don't have to. I think we have a mutual understanding."

"Mutual understanding, my ass. We have no idea what we're doing."

She laughed. "I guess you're right."

I brought my arms to her waist. Her hands were now hanging lazily over my shoulders and her fingers playing with the hair on the back of my head.

"Well let me just say this so I know I am doing something right."

"Go ahead."

"Bella, you crazy ass chick." She laughed and dropped her head on my chest. I laughed as well. I lifted her face with my hand so she could look at me before I lost my confidence. "Will you do something crazy and be my girlfriend?"

She sighed dramatically. "I guess if I have too."

I pinched her side and she squealed. "You bitch."

She laughed. "I'm just kidding, asshole!" She unwrapped her arms from around my neck and instead wrapped them around my middle and rested her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her. "I would love to be your girlfriend."

"Good." It seemed good. She knew what she was getting into, but she still wanted me. She must have been some kind of head case or just a really great person. I think it was a little bit of both. Either way, she wanted me, and I had a girlfriend. A beautiful girlfriend. She wasn't perfect in a conventional way, but neither was I. I think being with her is what I was supposed to do. It would keep me happy.

Or maybe I was wrong. Who knows. I was just going with it. I was following my feelings for once and it felt good. Being with her felt good. I was scared, yes, but it was like Bev said.

'A scared bear don't get no honey.'

Such a fucking stupid phrase.

"So are you going to bring me on a date or something?" She asked.

"That's what I am supposed to do, right?"

She laughed against my chest. "You can do whatever you want."

"Okay. Well, sure. I think a date could be fun."

"Just tell me where and when."

_Oh shit. How am I going to plan a date? _

This whole being someone's boyfriend thing was already hard, but I wouldn't give up so easily. I had a stubborn head according to Bev. I will try my hardest for her.

A date sounded like a good place to start.

* * *

_You always hurt the one you love.  
The one you shouldn't hurt at all.  
You always take the sweetest rose,  
And crush it till the petals fall.  
You always break the kindest heart  
With a hasty word you can't recall, so  
If I broke your heart last night,  
It's because I love you most of all._

_**You Always Hurt The One You Love, by The Mills Brothers

* * *

**_

**Hey, all! Hope you liked this chapter! Now you all got to get a look into Edward's mind. I know a lot of you prefer the EPOV, so I hope I didn't disappoint! **

**Big thank you to Alexa (AlexaET) for pretty much just being her awesome self. She pre-read this for me, and she is just the best pre-reader and friend out there. Thank you! **

**Well I guess you all can guess what is coming next chapter right? Yeah. I have some ideas for these two love-birds' first date, but my lips are sealed. **

**However, I do send teasers in my review replies, so there is a potential for a sneak peek lol**

**Next chapter will be out soon! **

**Review please! **


	15. Chapter 14: A Dream

**Chapter 14: A Dream**

**BPOV **

I felt myself resurfacing from consciousness. I did not want to get up at all. My bed was far too warm and comfortable for that.

As I got closer and closer to waking up, I noticed how much light illuminated the back of my eyes. I slowly opened them and closed them right after with a soft 'fuck' from my lips. The sun was so bright.

I looked over at the clock on my bedside table and saw it was a little after ten in the morning.

"Shit!" I threw my covers back and jumped out of bed.

I needed to be out of the house in an hour and a half to go to Edward's and I still needed to shower and eat breakfast. He had a doctor's appointment and I offered to watch Alice for him.

I couldn't believe I slept that long. Actually, it kind of made sense. Edward and I were texting all night long. I think he fell asleep on me around two in the morning. I smiled thinking of him as I went to get some clothes for the day. A shower was mandatory.

I got butterflies in my stomach thinking of the day ahead of me. Not only was I going to spend some quality time with Alice, I was also going on my first date with my amazing boyfriend. Oh how I loved saying that.

I checked my phone before I headed out to take a shower. I had four missed messages all from Asshole. I smiled and checked all of them. They went a little something like this.

_**8:30 a.m.- Good morning. **_

_**9:02 a.m.- Are you even awake? **_

_**9:29 a.m.- Are you kidding, Bella? You better not still be sleeping. You told me last night you would be fine the next morning.**_

_**10:04 a.m.- That's it. I will no longer text you past 8. You better get out of bed, lazy ass.**_

I laughed at his child-like impatience. I opened up a new message.

_**I'm awake, I'm awake. Don't get your panties in a bunch, dude. **_

I waited a second for his response, but he probably wasn't near his phone. I couldn't wait any longer because I needed to take a shower. I threw the phone on my bed and headed to the bathroom.

The bathroom was a mess. It was Tanya who made it that way because it was her clothes on the ground and her hair products that were strewn all over the place. I sighed and started cleaning.

My mind started to wander as I thought of our date later on. I had no idea what we were doing. Edward said he had it all under control, and I trusted him. I really wanted to know, but he was insistent that it had to be a surprise. I didn't mind. He took this date very seriously and there was no way I would ruin it for him. He really was trying.

It was the Saturday after we made it official the previews Monday. After that day, things went sort of back to normal. We met every morning at the coffee shop, and I would go over his house for a little while after work before I had to go home and get homework done.

We hadn't talked too much about his IED since we got together. There wasn't much to say. I knew what it meant, and he seemed embarrassed to even talk about it. I did some research online and I would be lying if I say it didn't scare me. Everything I read about it matched up with Edward perfectly. I went on a website with a forum for people who knew people with IED, and let's just say I was at my laptop crying for most of the night.

I read stories of other woman whose husbands or boyfriends had the disease. Many of them were afraid of them when they were like that, but stayed because they loved them so much. I knew the feeling. Some had husbands who seemed worse than Edward. Some of the men would hurt themselves purposely, and even hurt their wives and children. Edward pushed me and I would be lying if I said I didn't worry that he would one day do worse.

It wasn't an easy thing to think about. All of those men weren't themselves when they were like that. It was kind of like he had split personalities. One I was deeply in love with, and the other that I was afraid of, but still loved because I knew the real Edward was within. It would be hard for me to ever walk away from him, I knew that.

I decided not to think too much in the future. I would live in the now, and take each day as it came. Every day after his episode had been nothing but happy. Sure we got in our own little arguments a lot, but it was just the way we were. It wasn't like I was falling out of love with him. His disorder didn't define him and I spent way more time with the good Edward than I had seen of the bad.

Once I was done taking a really quick shower, I went to check my phone again. He had answered.

_**I can assure you I don't wear panties.**_

I laughed at first, but then my mind took in what he said_. He doesn't wear panties, but what does he wear? Boxers? Briefs? Commando? Oh fuck, Edward going commando._ Why did I have to use that wording?

_**Oh really, well what do you wear? **_

Yeah, I sent that. I was allowed to. He was my boyfriend after all. I felt I was entitled to know what undergarments he wore.

He answered back.

_**None of your business, perv.**_

I laughed. I knew he would say something along those lines. We hadn't done more than hug and hold hands. God knew I had been craving a kiss from him, but I promised I would go at his pace and I would keep that promise. It didn't stop me from being ridiculously sexually frustrated. My thoughts of him went way beyond a simple kiss most of the time, and I didn't even get one of those yet. It was maddening.

_**Tease. I'll see you soon. **_

I closed my phone and started to get dressed. He answered back with an 'okay', and when I was done getting ready, I started heading out even though it was only 10:45. I wanted to get there early anyway so I could spend just a little bit of time with him before he left.

He had an appointment for his kidney disease. Another disease I did research on. It really blew my mind that someone like Edward was plagued with so many problems. They all seemed to stem from his childhood that I barely knew anything about.

Knowledge on his childhood was another thing I would have to wait for.

When I left my room, I was surprised to see Angela sitting at the kitchen table. She was usually sleeping or out at this time. She was still in her pajamas and wrapped in a blanket drinking a cup of coffee.

"Hey, Ang." She jumped when I spoke.

She looked over to me and she didn't look so good. She looked like she had been crying. I put my stuff on the ground and sat down beside her.

"Hi, Bella."

I put my hand on her back. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head, tears instantly started falling. I panicked. I took her coffee and put it on the island, and pulled her in for a hug. Angela wasn't a crier at all. Tanya and I were the criers so I started to worry.

"I am a horrible person." She sobbed into my neck.

"No you're not. Don't say that."

She pulled away. "Ben broke up with me." She started crying even harder.

I rubbed a hand on her back and waited for her to calm down a little bit. "What happened?"

"He is such a good man, Bella. He changed though. He doesn't want to party anymore, and he is talking about marriage and all of this stuff, and I just panicked and asked him if he was crazy!" Oh, that probably wasn't the best idea.

"And he got mad?"

"Furious! He accused me of not even loving him and he basically told me to call him when I grew up and he left. He changed his status to single on Facebook." She cried even harder at the last comment.

_Damn, Facebook. The homeland of drama. _

"Look, maybe you both just need some time."

"But I don't want to wait, Bella! I want him!"

Deep down, I agreed with Ben that Angela should probably grow up a little more, but that wasn't who she was at this point in her life. Everyone grows in different ways at different times, and it wasn't fair to try and force her to change. She had a big heart; she would get there eventually, but on her own terms. It was useless trying to change someone.

"Angela, if it is meant to be, it will be. You just have to give it time. Give the both of you time to grow more. I know it will be hard without him, but you will be alright." I thought those were the right words to use with her and it seemed to work for her because she nodded her head in agreement.

"Thank you, Bella. I love you."

I pulled her in for another hug. "Love you, too."

I hugged her and thought about what I said to her. I didn't think I could have done that though. I would be miserable without Edward. Luckily that wouldn't have to happen. At least I hoped it wouldn't.

* * *

There was ridiculously loud music playing from Edward's apartment. It wasn't bad music. 'Billie Jean' by Michael Jackson filled the hallway.

I knocked on the door hoping they could even hear me. I knocked as loud as I could, and it worked because Edward answered the door with a smile and a red face.

"Bella? What are you doing here? It is so early."

I reached for his free hand. The other was holding a broom. He twined his with mine.

"I was just in the neighborhood." I said loudly over the music.

He laughed. "Come here, come see the cutest fucking thing ever."

He pulled me into the house and I happily followed after. He brought me to the bathroom of all places, and motioned for me to peek through the door. Alice was in there. She was wearing a raggedy old shirt tucked into a pair of shorts. She had on a pink sock and a black sock, sunglasses on her eyes, Edward's beanie, and a pink visor. She was scrubbing the bath tub with a sponge and singing along loudly to the song.

I laughed. She was so damn cute.

I looked over at Edward, and he had an adorable smile on his face looking at her. He was chewing a piece of gum and he was a little sweaty. He was just all kinds of adorable, it made me crazy.

"She puts on anything she finds while cleaning."

"That's strangely adorable." He nodded his head. "Why are you all sweaty?" I asked him.

"Been cleaning and dancing." He said.

He dragged me away from the bathroom again and brought me to the kitchen which was spotless.

_Dancing_…I didn't know Edward danced. I just pictured him dancing while cleaning and my heart just melted into a puddle of lovely goo.

"Wow, what motivated you to do this?"

He shrugged. "I was in the mood to clean. It is rare, so I utilized my time wisely."

"Nice job, dude."

I patted his chest as I walked by him to inspect his immaculate cleaning job. He went over to the stereo that was sitting on the counter top and lowered the music. Not even a second later, there were a pair of feet stomping on the floor.

"ECY! What are you doing turning off my song?" Alice yelled as I heard her approach the kitchen.

"Bella's here, kid. Chill out." He said.

Alice appeared in kitchen. She took off the sunglasses.

"Oh! Hi, Bella!" She didn't seem as upset as she was before. She skipped over to me and gave me a hug around the waist.

"Hey, Alice. Having fun cleaning?"

"Eh, a little." She turned to Edward. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

I tried not to laugh for Edward's sake, but I couldn't help it. I got a glare from him, but I didn't really care. It was funny how much they tease each other.

"Don't you have a bathroom to clean?" He asked.

"Oh your good, young one. You're good. I will be right back." She ran off to the bathroom.

Alice really was a strange child, but you couldn't help but love her or her equally strange and beautiful brother.

"We're not related, I swear." He said.

"Oh shut up, she is cooler than you."

He shrugged. "Can't argue with that."

He was completely serious, like he was doubting that he was cool at all. The insecurity of Edward always baffled me. He really didn't see his worth and it drove me crazy. I would make it my mission to make him see how wonderful he was.

I walked up to him and wrapped my arm around his waist. His chest was hot from the heat coming from him and he smelled a little musky from the sweat and a little like bleach. It didn't matter what he smelled like, he was Edward and I liked it. He wrapped his arms around me, and this was the best place to be. I felt so comfortable when he held me this way.

"I'm just kidding. You are pretty cool."

He chuckled. "Not as cool as you, pazza."

"Pazza? What the hell does that mean?"

"Crazy."

I laughed. "So is that your twisted term of endearment? Pazza?"

"Maybe, I will try it out for a while."

"What language is that?"

"Italian." _Oh, swoon._ The Italian language was so sexy.

"Well how do you say asshole in Italian?"

He laughed. I lifted my head to look at him, my arms still tight around his waist.

"Stronzo."

"Stronzo. I will have to lock that in my words-to-call-Edward-when-he-pisses-me-off list."

"You do that, hermosa."

"Dude, I only speak English. You should warn me before you go and saying stuff in a different language."

"Sorry. Just trying out another one."

"What did you say that time?"

"Eh…don't feel like telling you." He said and unwrapped his arms from around me. He walked away from me and headed to his bedroom.

"Edward!" I ran after him. I pulled on the back of his shirt. "I really think you should tell me what you just called me."

He smiled and pulled my hands off of his shirt. "Maybe later. Now maybe you should leave. I wouldn't want you to see my panties."

He sure knew how to sidetrack me. Whether it was intentional, I wouldn't know, but I started cracking up laughing. He said the weirdest things. He was the funniest person I knew. Well Alice was up there with him, but holy fuck did he make me laugh.

"Go change your clothes." I said and gently pushed him into the room.

He laughed and shut the door.

_Oh how I love him.

* * *

_

"Thank you for coloring with me, Bella." Alice said.

I looked over at her and smiled. "No need to thank me. I love coloring, I just can't find anyone to ever color with me."

I wasn't really kidding. I liked coloring, it was really relaxing. I was coloring a mouse in front of a house and she was coloring a bear with a jug of honey. She didn't color the picture in conventional colors. Her bear was a combination of brown, green, pink, and purple and the honey was black. It had charm.

"Ecy doesn't color that much. He says he will but then he is like 'wait a minute, wait a minute' but he never does."

I chuckled. "Well if you ever feel like coloring, just give me a call."

"Great!"

We were having a great time. Edward had been gone for about an hour and a half. He called and said he was done at his appointment, but asked me if I wouldn't mind if he went to do some last minute things for our date. I got butterflies thinking about our date and told him it was perfectly fine. Hanging out with Alice was a lot of fun. She was so inquisitive and random. I enjoyed myself.

We had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch. She made them herself while I watched. She said every direction as Edward told her as she was doing it and it made me smile. He taught her a lot.

"Hey Bella, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, sweetie."

"Do you have a Mommy and Daddy?"

Her question surprised me. I looked up from my picture and my eyes landed on her sweet face. She stopped coloring and was looking at me curiously.

"Well, yes I do." I got a little nervous. I didn't know where the conversation was going, but I didn't want to say something that upset her.

I didn't know much about her and Edward's parents. What I did know though was how horrible they were to Edward.

"Where are they?"

"They live in another town. I don't see them much."

"Do you miss them?"

"Sometimes?"

"Do you love them? Do they love you?"

She was firing off these questions like she had been keeping them inside for a long time.

"Yes I love them and they love me."

She nodded her head. She looked sad. "I never met my Mommy and Daddy."

Oh God, she was killing me. I couldn't answer these questions for her. I didn't even know if her parents were alive. It seemed unlikely. I mean why else would Edward, a twenty-three year old, have custody of his six year old sister? Although, I could be very wrong. I didn't want to assume.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that, honey."

She shrugged. "It's okay. I have Ecy."

"Of course! Your brother loves you a lot." I tried lifting her spirits. It didn't work.

"I know. But Bella?"

I put my crayon down now. She had my full attention. "Yes, sweetie?"

"Does it mean I am bad if I wish I had a Mommy and Daddy?" She bit her trembling lip.

"Oh, honey." I opened my arms for her and she got off the chair and jumped in them. I wrapped my arms around her and she held onto me. She didn't cry though. She just wanted some comfort. "That doesn't make you bad, Alice." I whispered.

She pulled away and looked at me. She was going to cry. "But I still love Ecy! He would know that right?"

"Of course he would."

She took a deep breath. She tried so hard to hold back her tears. She broke my heart.

"It's just all my friends have Mommies and Daddies. They think I am weird for not having one. Moms and Dads sound fun. My friend Elizabeth's Mommy goes to the salon with her and her Daddy brings her to the movies. I just want to know what it's like."

"Honey, have you told Edward about this?"

"NO!" She yelled. She put her hands on the side of my face. "You can't tell Edward, okay? He gets really sad. He doesn't like talking about Mom and Dad. Promise you won't tell?"

"I promise." My head spun. I thought the situation with Edward and his parents was more than I expected. _Perhaps even worse. _

"Do you think they loved me? I'm thinking maybe they still do. When me and Edward went to see the judge man, he asked me if I wanted to live with my parents. I said no, but for a little bit of time I wanted to say yes. And I got mad at myself. I can't leave Ecy alone." Now she was crying. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Shh…I am sure your parents loved you, honey. I think you should talk to Edward about this. He would help you the best he can."

There wasn't much I could do. I didn't know her parents, but I assumed they were alive if the judge asked her if she wanted to move in with them. _But what kind of parents in their right mind would stay away from their two beautiful children?_

There were so many possibilities.

"Kay…I think I will. One day." She went in for another hug. I was happy to oblige. "I'll just tell him he's my favorite. He will always be my favorite."

* * *

I waited by the window. It was on the edge of darkness outside. It was 6:41 in the evening and my boyfriend was late to our first date.

I should have guessed it. He forced me to go home after he got back and after Alice and I's conversation. Thankfully she calmed down after that and she even thanked me for helping her. It got me more curious about Edward's parents, but I wouldn't mention it on our first date though.

I was alone in my apartment. Tanya was out doing God knows what, and Angela went to try and patch things up with Ben. I was dressed in a pair of jeans and a decent shirt. Edward said dressing up would be thoroughly unnecessary. I didn't ask questions.

My heart started beating incessantly when I saw his truck approach my house. He may have been over ten minutes late, but I didn't give two shits.

I got away from the window so he didn't think I was a creep and I waited for him to get to my door. Two little knocks got me all excited.

I ran to the door and opened it. Edward was wearing his beanie, a red t-shirt, and black jeans. Oh, and the shirt and jeans were fitted to him in the most attractive of ways.

Oh and he was also holding a flower. A single bright blue flower. Be still my heart. I looked up at his eyes. He looked worried.

"Edward?"

He stuck his hand with the flower in it. "Here,"

I took it from him. "Thank you."

He waited. "No wait, never mind, I think you should just throw it out."

"What?"

"This flower is bad luck, Bella." He tried to take it from me but I moved it out of his reach.

"What are you talking about, dude?"

"Look. This date is doomed. This morning while I was cleaning, I dropped the fucking dish cloth. Then I sat on your flowers, that's why there was only one, and you want to know what else?" He was getting really worked up. He didn't wait for me to answer. "I drove by a black cat on the way here. A black one!" He ran his hand through his hair.

"Uh…okay." I tried to understand what he was saying. I didn't gather anything of merit. He was speaking of dish cloths, flowers, and cats. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"They're all signs of bad luck! I think we should just sit down in your living room for this date. It's probably safer."

I snorted. So that's what this was all about. I guessed I knew he was superstitious by then.

His glare made me laugh. He was dead serious. He really thought our date was doomed by a dish cloth and a cat. _What a silly man. _

"You need to loosen up, dude."

"You don't believe that shit?"

"Of course I don't!"

"Well what if it's true? Wouldn't you take the better safe than sorry approach?"

I chuckled and gave him a hug. He looked like he needed one.

"You need to relax, baby. Our date won't be a disaster."

He sighed and wrapped his arms around me. "Famous last words."

I snorted.

_Silly man. _

So, I gathered that Edward was taking me to the middle of nowhere again. We were on some back roads in Nowhereville, and Edward was driving really fast. I would have normally been nervous, but there was literally nothing around. Plus, I trusted him.

"Where are you taking me this time, my serial killer?"

He laughed. "I am taking you to my secret lair where I will show you my collection of human toenails."

I laughed. "Ew, you're so gross."

He shrugged. "Truth hurts, hermosa."

"There you go with that word again. Can you tell me? Please?"

"No."

I decided not to fight with him for once. I would get it out of him one way or another.

I saw a figure forming at the end of the street. It looked like a house. As we got closer, I realized it was a pretty big fucking house. I didn't think we would be going there. _Nah, no way._ It was too extravagant.

Oh, but I was wrong. Edward pulled into the long driveway and I looked at him with my mouth hung open. He smirked and looked over to me as he put the car in park.

"Edward, we aren't going here right?"

"No. I just felt like chilling in this driveway for a minute." He said sarcastically.

"Edward! This is like a mansion."

"I don't think it is _like _a mansion. I am pretty sure it _is _a mansion." He sounded so nonchalant about it!

_What the hell is going on? _

"What are we doing at a mansion?"

"Am I mistaken, or were we going on a date?"

I was in shock. "But at a mansion?"

He laughed. "Stop asking questions, pazza. Let's go. Our festivities await."

He got out of the truck and I was still in a state of shock. I thought about what we would do, and a mansion was not what I was expecting. At. All.

I shook my head and got out of the truck. Edward was already near the door. I looked around at the lawn which was practically perfection.

The house was like a diamond in the dirt. It was immaculate and huge. There were wild flowers bordering it and Corinthian columns on the front of it. The door was huge and the house had many windows.

It was absolutely breathtaking. What it was doing in the middle of nowhere, I had no idea. I walked up the steps, and Edward was waiting at the door.

"Edward, what is this place?"

As I walked in, I was surprised at the enormity of it. There was a huge, grand staircase right when you walked in with a high ceiling and a chandelier. There was a piano and bookshelf in the corner.

"It's Bev's. She has people keep up with it, but she doesn't really use it much, I think her kids do sometimes though. Come on." He said and grabbed my hand.

He took my attention away from the extravagant building by just the touch of his hand. I followed behind him as he led me through the house. Soon we were in the kitchen. The counter tops were granite, the appliances all up to date.

"This place is amazing."

"I know." He let go of my hand. "You should have seen Alice's face the first time I brought her here." He said with a smile.

He went to the fridge and started taking stuff out. _Was he going to cook for me?_

"Hey, if Bev has this much money…no offense, but why does she stay in that apartment?"

I sat on one of the stools by the island. Edward brought the stuff to the island in front of me.

"No, don't think you are offending. It is a logical question that I wondered about myself for a while." He started washing his hands at the sink. "It is for one reason really. Her husband. He passed away, was really rich. They had some trouble in their relationship mostly for the fact that Leon was a wealthy white man, and Bev a poor African-American." He flicked his fingers in the sink and dried them. "Well, they used to sneak around for a while and their usual meeting place was at Bev's apartment. Eventually they got married despite what everyone thought, and Bev had to kind of conform to his lifestyle. She lived out with him in all the different places like this, but they would always go back to that apartment for all their anniversaries."

"Wow. That is amazing."

He took out some hamburger meat and started to pull off some pieces. "It is. Well anyway, when Leon died, Bev moved into the apartment permanently, and she refuses to leave. She says it was the only place she could really be herself, and where she feels most connected to Leon." He started flattening out a patty and looked up at me. "Oh Bella, are you really crying?"

I wiped my eyes. "Shut up, that is a beautiful story. I mean to be in love that much?"

He chuckled. "You're such a sap."

"Shut up and tell me what you are doing."

"Well, Bella. You will now be able to get a taste of heaven when you taste my famous swiss burgers and homemade french fries." He seemed confident. It suited him well. "You like that right?"

"Of course I do. So you can cook, huh?"

"I am pretty much the modern day Paula Deen."

I laughed. "Paula Deen? Really?"

He shrugged. "She's a good cook."

"Whatever, dude. So what else do you have planned for this date?"

I was already loving the date so far. He brought me to a mansion in a secluded area and he was cooking for me. That was a win in my book.

"Oh, you'll see."

* * *

"Edward! Stop it!" I yelled.

He was pushing my guitar away from me because I was beating his ass at Guitar Hero hardcore.

"All's fair in love and war, hermosa."

I wasn't even going to try and ask him what that meant because he was only trying to distract me. He was dirty. I bit my lip and kept my eyes on the enormous big screen and continued playing the song. Edward pretty much sucked at it, but it was cute seeing him with a little toy guitar.

The final cords came on, and I won.

"Hah!" I yelled. I pumped my fists in the air. "I beat you, sucka!"

I started dancing around the room with the guitar still around my neck. He was looking at me with an amused expression on his face, even though I knew it was killing him inside.

"I challenge you to a rematch at a later date." He said coolly and took the guitar off of him.

"Oh why? You need to practice more?"

He laughed and turned off the Playstation.

"No, because we will miss the next part of our date."

_There was more?_ It was already the best date I have ever been on. After watching Edward cook (which was freaking sexy) we ate his famous swiss burgers and fries. Let's just say the man had a right to brag. I would be asking him to make that for me again. And again.

After we ate, he gave me a tour of the house and I listened to all the history of the place. Edward was really smart, which also made him very attractive. After the tour, he brought me to the home theater and we watched a movie with popcorn.

Guess what we watched? _Benchwarmers._ I swear I fell in love with him more after each minute.

It was nice seeing him laugh at the movie and he of course couldn't go five minutes without throwing popcorn at me. After our popcorn fight, I got the opportunity to snuggle into his side as we watched the movie.

After the movie was done, he broke out the Guitar Hero and that was quite enjoyable because I smoked him on each song. Now I was curious as to how this day could get any better.

He led me outside. It was pitch black out. I looked at the time on my phone, and it was almost 11:30. We got in the car, and I was sad that we were leaving. That place would hold a lot of memories.

Edward started driving, and held my hand in the center console. We went in silence. He drove and drove on the road until he surprised me by going off the road. He started driving on some dirt road.

"Where are we going?" I asked. My voice was loud in the silence of the car.

"Don't worry. I won't kill you." He said.

I chuckled. I knew he wouldn't, I was just surprised.

He drove more, and soon he drove to a place in between trees. "Put your seatbelt on, it gets a little bumpy."

"Okay." I listened to him and put my seatbelt on.

He was right. It was bumpy, but his truck made it through quick fine as we made it out of the trees and to a different piece of land. And that was what it was, a blank piece of land with just grass. As he drove onto the grass, we started to slow down.

"Oh fuck off." He yelled.

His voice startled me. I didn't know what he was freaking out about, but my questions were answered when we all of a sudden went to a stop and Edward was still pressing the gas.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." He said continuously.

"We're stuck aren't we?"

He growled. "Yes. I forgot it rained out here last night. There is mud everywhere."

"Hey, it's alright. We can just push the truck."

"Bella, this is not alright. It was the cat, Bella!"

I laughed at his absurdity. "Let's not go blaming the cat, Edward. What were we going to do here anyway?"

He sighed and turned the car off. "Look at the stars. It is clear out here, no smog, no nothing." And Edward also had a romantic side and obviously a sensitive side since he was thoroughly disappointed that this part of the date seemed ruined.

"Do you have a blanket?"

"Yeah, but we can't lie on the mud, Bella."

"Well I know that. Why don't we just lie in the back of your truck?"

He thought of it for a second and looked over to me with a smile. "And why didn't I think of that?"

I snorted. "You were too worried about the cloth and the cat."

"Hey, don't make fun of my beliefs." He said.

He started climbing into the back and opened the back window.

"Well, let's hope I fit in this window or else we will be put in an awkward situation." He said.

He took a bag from the back and threw it into the back of the truck.

I laughed. "Good luck."

He started climbing through, and he had a close call when he was trying to get past his shoulders, but he made it through.

I saw his undergarments though. _Edward wears boxers._

Once he was in the bed of the truck, he turned to me and held his arms out through the window.

"Come on, pazza."

I shook my head at his name for me. I found it endearing and cute though. I climbed through the back of the window, and he pulled me through. He sat down and put the bag in front of him. I sat down beside him and peaked into the bag.

"A first aid kit? Really?"

"Uh…disaster date, remember?"

I shook my head. "What else you got in there?"

He pulled out a hoodie, and then another one. "Here you go. If you are cold."

I really wasn't that cold, but I took it anyway and slipped it over my head. It smelled just like him, and was nice and warm. It was just a simple black one. He put on his own gray zip-up hoodie and took out a blanket. I got up so he could spread it, and he did. He then went to his disaster-date bag and took out a portable iPod stereo.

"How would the iPod stereo save you in the event of an emergency?"

He shrugged. "Don't assume shit, Bella. This stereo could have saved our life. You never know."

He put his iPod on it. He played some kind of classical music and put it in the corner of the truck bed. He also took out a flashlight, turned it on, and just placed it on the floor, giving us a little light since it was so dark out. I laid out on the blanket and looked up to the sky. It really was so clear out here and it was beautiful.

He laid out beside me and I instantly scooted so I was closer to him. He put his arm around me so my head was resting on his arm, and I held his hand over my shoulder.

"It's beautiful out here." I whispered.

"I know. I bring Alice here sometimes. She says this is where she will build her house."

"Does Bev own this land too?"

"Yeah."

"She's a great woman."

"I know she is. I am lucky to have her helping me and all that." I nodded my head in agreement.

I looked up at the stars. There was silence instead of the soothing music coming from the speakers. We let the silence take over for a while. It was nice to just feel him next to me.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Hm?"

"This date was far from a disaster."

"You think so?"

"Yes. It is undoubtedly the best date I have ever been on."

I don't think Edward could have made any date a disaster for me. We could have picked up trash on the highway and I would have still enjoyed myself because I was with him.

He sighed in what seemed like relief. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Good, because I was a little nervous. I haven't really done this before."

I looked up at him. "You haven't been on a date before?"

"Not like this. Would you laugh at me if I say you are my first real girlfriend?"

I smiled and kissed his chest. "No. I wouldn't."

"Have you had a serious boyfriend before?"

I got up and held my head up with my hand so I could look at him.

"Not one that meant as much as you." I whispered.

I used my free hand to put to his face. I ran my thumb over his temple.

He smiled softly. "At least I am doing something right."

"You really haven't done anything wrong, yet, baby."

"Yet. Yet being the key word."

I chuckled. "We already talked about this. We will both make mistakes."

He sighed. "I guess you're right."

"I usually am." I said and put my head back on his chest.

"Brat." He said.

I just laughed. We sat in silence again, my ear to his heart, his hand running up and down my arm.

"Oh! I love this song." I said.

Edward jumped at my words. I looked back at him.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it's one of my favorites."

"Me too." Edward said.

The song I was referring to was 'My Never' by Blue October. It was a heartbreaking song, but was otherwise beautiful.

He started to get up.

"What are you doing?"

"Dance with me." He said.

He reached for my hand, and I grabbed onto his. He pulled me up and put his hands on my waist. I brought mine around his neck, and he wrapped his arms tighter around me and put his head between my right cheek and arm. His mouth right to my ear. After a while, he started to sing to me in a whisper.

"_Will you wait for me, in time? It's never my luck, so never mind. And yeah, I've lost a lot of what I never expect to ever return_…" He continued singing the song to me so softly.

I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck and tried to hold my emotions in. I brought my hands to his head, and pushed his beanie off so I could run my hands through his hair. We continued swaying and he continued singing.

It wasn't something I ever thought I would be doing. I never thought I would be dancing in the back of a pickup truck in the middle of nowhere with the man I loved, but it was the most perfect and significant moment of my life.

When the song ended, he pulled away slightly. Our faces were inches apart. He unwrapped one of his arms from around me and pushed my hair out of my face.

"It means beautiful." He said.

"What do you mean?"

"Hermosa means beautiful. You're beautiful."

And that was it. That was all it took to make the tear fall from my eyes. He wiped it away.

"I think you are the beautiful one, Edward."

"I'm glad you think that. I don't agree."

"I want you to try to see it, baby." I brought my hands to his face.

"I will try. I want to give you whatever you want."

I smiled. "Anything?"

"Well I mean, I won't let you dye my hair pink and make me get a spray tan, but other than that, yes anything." I laughed and dropped my head in his chest. He laughed with me and rubbed his hands on my back.

"So can I ask for one thing?"

"Will it end in disaster?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, what is it then?"

"Will you kiss me?" I asked while biting my lip in nervousness.

"I can try."

"We will go at your pace, baby."

He nodded. "Okay."

That one word gave me more satisfaction than any other word had. I put my hands on either side of his head, and gently pulled his face toward mine. He tensed a little. His aversion too affection always broke my heart. He wasn't used to affection.

"It's okay. It's just me and you, love. I won't hurt you."

I knew enough of Edward to know he associated affection with pain and embarrassment. He needed to know it wasn't like that. He nodded his head slightly, his eyes were closed. Our lips were centimeters apart, but I wanted to give him time to prepare himself.

I leaned forward, and our lips met in the gentlest way. No matter how simple the kiss was, my body was on fire.

I pulled away, and went in for another small kiss. He seemed more comfortable this time, and he kissed back with more pressure. It was killing me softly. I kissed him again, he was getting more comfortable. I decided I could take it up a notch and I kissed him just a little harder. His lips were addictive.

"Bella…" He said, almost as a plea.

I was going too fast. I sighed and kissed his lips once more softly. I ran my hands through his hair and kissed his forehead.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

I put my head on his chest and we continued swaying.

"Don't be sorry, Edward." I looked up at him, my chest resting on his chest. "I wanted a kiss, and that is exactly what you gave me."

"I should have given you more. I'm trying, Bella, alright?"

"Hey, hey." I ran my hands along his back. "I know. Do you see me complaining?"

"No."

"That is because I am deliriously happy. You gave that to me, Edward. That is more than enough."

"Okay. For now. But I promise I will get better."

I told him okay, although I didn't really think he needed improvement.

It frustrated me that he didn't realize how much he meant to me. He would know eventually though. He will know how much I love and adore him.

It would just take time.

_I will give him time.

* * *

_

_I had a dream that you were with me,  
__And it wasn't my fault.  
__You rolled me over,  
__Flipped me over,  
__Like a summersault.  
__And that doesn't happen to me.  
__I've never been here before.  
__I saw forever in my never_.

_**My Never, by Blue October

* * *

**_

**Hey everyone! This is a pretty early update, huh? I finished this chapter quicker than most, and thankfully I have an awesome pre-reader like Alexa to get it back to me as soon as possible so I can share with you all! **

**Hope you liked their first date, I must admit it was fun to write. So they kissed FINALLY, I know, and a lot of you already want some action going on between the sheets, and all I have to say about that is bear with me, these two will get there, but we got to give our boy some time. There is a lot more to uncover, but they will get there. Promise. Also, this chapter was probably the least-angsty chapter I have ever written, and there will be more angst, just saying.**

**I am aiming to update again on Friday, but who knows when I will be done writing the next one, so I would say just be on the lookout. **

**Sorry I didn't reply to reviews last chapter! There was such a small space of time from when I updated last, so I didn't have time! But I will reply this chapter with a nice teaser in there for you! **

**Well, see you all next time! Please leave some love!**


	16. Chapter 15: Piece of my Heart

**Chapter 15: Piece of my Heart**

**EPOV **

The clock mocked me.

It just chilled up on the wall ticking away so slowly.

_What makes a clock tick?_ I started thinking of the mechanics of making a clock. I didn't know much, so it was kind of a waste of time, but I felt I was more productive thinking of that than sitting in a room with a woman I hated and I didn't want to talk to.

For now, she was just taking notes about God-knows-what. She probably just sat there and drew pictures of flowers or some shit. She didn't really care about me.

Therapists only care about their patients when they were there voluntarily, not because they had to attend. I fell into the category of ones who didn't want to go. _What the hell?_ I didn't need a therapist. I knew what was wrong with me. _What else did I need a therapist for?_

They always say talking about your feelings helps you. _Fuck that_. When I wanted to talk about something, I would tell someone who cares, not this bitch. I could talk to Bella. Bella would help me more than some lady who only spoke to me because of a paycheck.

"So Edward, are you ready to begin."

"Oh Christina, I was born ready." I said in mock enthusiasm.

I was a jerk, I knew this, but I really fucking hated therapy with a passion. It wasted my time completely. At least I thought so. So many other interesting activities could be taking place instead of sitting in a stuffy office with a woman who I hated, and I am pretty sure she hated me too.

She just brushed that one off. She became accustomed to my sarcastic comments.

"Okay, well, how has your day been so far?"

"Oh just peachy. I want to run outside and look for a rainbow I feel so happy."

Maybe that pushed it a little too far.

"You know Edward, I think I will make a new rule. When you come in here, leave the sarcasm at the door. You know I can report this, don't you?"

She wouldn't. She threatened that all the time.

"You know, some think my sarcasm is comical."

"That's them. Not me. Get serious, Edward. Don't you love your sister enough to want to get better for her?"

_Oh no she fucking didn't just use my love for Alice against me. _

I tensed in my seat and tried to control myself from screaming at the bitch. Wasn't that against rules of conduct or some shit? How is she helping me with her feelings if she was using them against me?

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that."

Her face got red, and she knew she was wrong for saying that. At least she felt stupid. Now she knew how I felt every time I walked into the stupid office.

"Anyway, today's session won't be long as I have a family situation to deal with, so first. How have you been coping? Any episodes lately?"

"No." Yeah, I lied.

The therapy shit was supposed to be helping me, right? I couldn't tell her I had another one. She would then follow up with a bunch of other questions. _Where was Alice? Did you hurt yourself? Did you hurt anyone else? We will have to report this. _No. I wouldn't tell her.

"Okay." She said and started writing more on her pad of paper. "Now, I would like to talk about your relationship with your girlfriend."

I still hated myself for letting that little detail slip to her. It had been a little over a week since Bella and I's first date. I let it slip I was in a relationship the Monday after, and I regretted it ever since.

"What about her?"

"How is your relationship physically?"

_What. The. Fuck._ She didn't need to know about that shit!

Our physical relationship concerned her in no way at all. Sadly there wasn't much to tell at this point. I was a pansy and couldn't even treat my girlfriend properly, but she still stuck around because she was adorably insane.

We kissed.

We kissed whenever we greeted each other, and when we said bye and sometimes in between. It's sad, I know, but I was in a rut. I couldn't bring myself to take it any further, and it had nothing to do with her. No. Just like my battle with my heart and mind, my physical relationship with Bella was a battle between my body and my mind.

My body wanted her. A lot. I'd had to take care of business on my own more often because of her. Just looking at her made me want her. As I got to know her more, she became more and more attractive to me. My body always wanted to deepen the kiss. My body wanted my hands to wander, but my stupid brain wouldn't let that happen. Her kisses made me feel a feeling I never felt before, and I liked it, I thrived off of it, but it was impossible for me to give her more at this point. I tried every time, but then a thought would invade my mind and completely ruin it.

It all stemmed from my mind. My mind that was formed and tainted by _them. _

"I don't see how that is relevant."

"Well, creating a physical relationship with someone will have a great reflection on your healing."

"Healing from what?"

"You know what, Edward. No one knows of the hardships you faced more than you."

I scoffed and shook my head. "Exactly, so why does anyone else want to know?"

"I don't want to talk about my physical relationship with my girlfriend. That is just weird to me."

"Have you had intercourse?"

I got up from the chair. "Alright, I'm out."

"No! Edward I will stop, just sit down. It was worth a try."

_It was worth a try._ I still didn't understand where she was going with that. Yeah, I had affection problems that came from being emotionally neglected, and I knew that. I knew what was wrong with me, so why couldn't I figure it out on my own?

I sat back down. "Are we almost done?"

"Yes. This is the last thing for today. Um…it may be difficult."

_Fuck. _I didn't need difficult. "Just say it."

"Your parents have been released."

What was the word she used? Difficult? This little bit of information wasn't difficult for me. Oh no, this little piece of information made me want to destroy the whole fucking place. This information made my head burn and ache. This information took the breath out of my lungs. This information brought out a fear I barely ever felt. _Fear._ Pure, undiluted fear.

It wasn't of them per say. Oh no. I didn't fear them anymore, they were cowards. What I feared was what they would do. I couldn't think of the possibilities. I needed Alice. I needed Bella. I needed something to take the pain away.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" I tried so hard to keep my anger in check. I couldn't have another break down. I had to stop letting them effect me so much.

"I'm afraid not. They are out, and they are moved in at…"

"Stop! I don't want to know where they live." I ran my hands over my face. "Just please tell me they won't come anywhere near me, or Alice."

"The restraining order is in effect until the new year. You can renew it, but they could also repeal it. At this point, they have a clean slate, and there is no motive for a restraining order."

"That's bullshit! So what they did to me all those years and after that night, it is just like it never happened? How the fuck does that make sense?"

"They plead insanity, Edward. They spent four and a half years in a psychiatric hospital, and another half year in rehab. They passed all necessary tests to be released. I don't know what else to say."

I got up from the chair. I couldn't stay there any longer.

"I will make sure they get nowhere near Alice. Mark my words, Christina, they will not so much as lay eyes on her."

"The only way to ensure that is to make sure you don't give the judge another reason to question your eligibility to raise Alice."

I was about to walk out, but her words stopped me.

I turned back to her. "Please tell me I didn't just hear that from you."

"I'm sorry, Edward."

I walked closer to her. "Wait a minute, so you are telling me, that if I somehow have another episode from a disorder that stemmed from those disgusting fucks, I could lose her to _them?" _

"The judge favors the parents in almost all situations of the court."

"Even after my father nearly killed me?" I screamed. "Are you fucking kidding?"

"Edward, they were insane…"

"Oh and me throwing a temper tantrum every once in a while is worse than that? This is all fucking bullshit. I won't let anyone take her from me and I can promise you that."

I turned away from her again, and I left, slamming the door behind me.

Just when I thought things were getting better, they turned completely shitty again.

_Story of my life._

* * *

As soon as I turned on my car, I took out a cigarette.

I tried to not let myself think. I waited before I started driving. I had to make sure my head was in the right place before I started driving. I opened my window and took out my phone. I called my house.

"Hello?"

"Bev, it's me."

"Edward, what's wrong?"

_Fuck._ I thought I did a good job trying to conceal my emotions, but I guess I wasn't as good as I thought.

I sighed. "They're out."

"Who's out?"

I groaned. "My parents."

She gasped. "Oh no."

"Oh fucking no is right. And Christina is telling me that they might take Alice and oh fuck…this shit is so messed up."

I brought the cigarette to my lips and took another hit of it. It wasn't necessarily good for me, but it soothed me temporarily.

"We won't let it happen, Edward. Just calm down alright."

I blew out more smoke. "Where is she?"

The only thing I could think of to get me out of my little internal struggle would be to see Alice. I wouldn't let her see what was wrong, and she distracted me most perfectly.

"She is actually sleeping. She wasn't feeling well when she got out of school."

_Great._ That's all I need. First I get the worst news imaginable and then I had to go home and watch Alice be sick when there is nothing I could do about it. I hated that feeling.

"Alright, well I am just going to see Bella for a while, and then I will be there. Tell her to call me when she gets up."

"Okay."

"Oh shit, you don't mind right?" I felt like a douche for not even asking her if she would mind sitting at my house longer. My head was all over the place.

"Of course not. Tell Bella I said hello."

"Alright, I will, bye Bev."

"Bye, honey."

I ended my call with Bev and called Bella. I didn't know where she was, but I knew she didn't have a class today. I waited for her to answer, and she didn't. So what did I do? I tried again. Good thing I did though because she answered that time.

"Hey, baby." She said. Her voice calmed me a little.

"Why do you sound out of breath?"

"Oh you know, just taking over the world and all that. No big deal."

I chuckled. "Can I be the king of this world you are taking over?"

"Hah! Yeah right. I'm king bitch. You can be the queen." _Wasn't she charming? _

"Uh…no." Was all I said in regards to that. She laughed. "Really, what are you doing?"

"I am running."

"You mean, like on a jog or something?"

"No, dummy, I am running from the police."

Someone was quite witty today. I wanted to see her. "Oh, okay, because that's what I thought you meant."

She laughed. I wasn't thinking about my parents. I was thinking about her laugh and the ease of our conversations, and how much I wanted to see her.

"No, I don't usually go for runs, but my mom sent me this arm strap thingy that holds your iPod when you run, and I wanted to try it out."

"Well that's nice. Are you enjoying it?"

"Hell no. It hurts, and I am craving McDonalds. I feel since I have been running for a half an hour, a Happy Meal won't do anything to my physique."

I chuckled. "Don't worry about your physique, hermosa. Which McDonalds are you going to? I could go for a Big Mac myself."

"Really? Aren't you with Alice?"

I sighed. "No. She isn't feeling well, and I just got out of therapy."

"You don't sound so happy about that."

"It fucking sucked. Let's just leave it at that."

"Are you okay?" She asked, concern lacing her voice.

"No. But I want to see you, so tell me the McDonalds and it's a date."

She laughed and told me the address of the one she planned on going to. It wasn't that far from where I was, and I started driving over.

Without Bella's voice taking over my mind, I was left once again with thoughts of my parents. I did well not thinking about them for a while, but now it was hard not to. They were shitty parents, and people for that matter. I didn't care how insane they claimed to be, they disgusted me. Just the thought of Alice being in the same room as them made me even sicker. I didn't care. I was the one with sole custody. They lost all rights to be her parents. To me, they didn't deserve the honor of even sharing the same blood as Alice.

I shook my head and tried not to think anymore.

It worked when I saw Bella standing outside of McDonalds in her black running suit. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she was looking down at her phone and bopping her head to the music playing from her iPod. I smirked and got out of my truck.

I walked over to her, and it took me standing directly in front of her to look at me.

She looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey, dude!" She said and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I wrapped my arms around her lightly. I felt a little uncomfortable just for the fact that I didn't want Bella to get shit if she was seen with me with one of her friends. We haven't really talked about that yet, and I didn't want to cause her any more problems.

"Hey chick. How was work today?"

She pulled away and gave me a quick kiss on the lips and unwrapped her arms from around my neck and took my hand.

"It was great! But now I am hungry."

I chuckled as I followed her into the…_place? It's not a restaurant right?_

_Who the fuck knows_. I walked into the building that held the Big Macs. _That works_. She dragged me to the cash registers and we waited in line. She studied the menu with great concentration.

"Jeez Bella, it's not a life or death decision."

She hit me without looking away from the menu. She was talented.

"Shut up."

I chuckled and the line started moving. We made it up to the counter, and a nerdy kid, probably sixteen, was checking out my girl. It kind of bothered me, but it would also be comical to see Bella deal with it. He looked like he was going to hyperventilate.

"Hi!" She said to the kid.

How she could be so cheery talking to complete strangers, I would never know.

"Hello, ma'am. What can I get you?"

"Umm…I'll have two five piece chicken nuggets, a medium fry, an apple pie, and a small vanilla milkshake." _Damn. _"Oh, and a Big Mac for this guy. Just picked him up off the street. Doing a good deed, you know? Feeding the needy."

The joke was funny. I had to admit, but little McDonalds boy thought it was the funniest thing ever. He started laughing and tried to hide it. I just rolled my eyes. I was used to her antics.

"That's very nice of you, ma'am."

"Isn't it?" She asked. She looked up at me and pinched my cheek. "He's a cute one though."

The kid just started laughing some more. "You're very funny."

Oh God, he was in love. _Back off little dude, she's mine. _

"Why thank you." She said with a bow.

Bella was an interesting being. I couldn't help but smile at her. Her inhibitions amazed me. She was so carefree and lit up a room. I on the other hand felt self-conscious walking into a room full of people, and kind of faded into the background.

We stepped off to the side to wait for our order. She kept her hold on my hand. This was better. I needed to be near her, but I also got paranoid on what people will think. I didn't want someone who was in the bar that night coming in and thinking Bella was crazy or something. I mean she was, but only in a good way, I think. I didn't want her to be put in a bad light because of me.

"That kid wanted you." I whispered into her ear.

She laughed. "I know, poor guy. He must have been intimidated by you."

"Well according to you, I am just a stray."

"Aw, does that hurt your feelings, baby?"

"Nah. I am used to the abuse." I replied.

"Oh stop it. I don't abuse you."

"Whatever you say, chick." She chuckled and our food came.

I grabbed the tray for us, and we found a table. There weren't that many people sitting down. It wasn't as cozy as the coffee shop, but it would do.

We sat down, and I put my meal in front of me and left the rest of her crap on the tray so she could eat. I took the Big Mac out of the box.

"I guess I really shouldn't be eating this." I said.

She gasped. "Oh my God! No! Don't eat it! Ugh…how do I forget stuff like this? We can go somewhere else." She started to get up but I grabbed her hand.

"Bella. Calm down. I won't die."

She sighed and sat down. "You promise?"

I chuckled. "Well, I can't promise I won't die, because I will."

She put her hand over her stomach and got pale. "Ugh…don't say that."

"Bella, calm down. I promise I won't die today, hermosa."

She took a deep breath. "Sorry. I just don't like talking about death. Especially with you in the sentence."

I tried putting myself in her shoes. I thought of Bella and dying…_oh fuck_. I knew what she meant. Thinking of that caused my heart and stomach to constrict.

_It hurt. It fucking hurt a lot._

"Alright, no more of that." She nodded and started eating a nugget.

"Are you doing better? I know you were upset about your appointment."

_Ugh_…that caused pain as well.

"Later." I said.

She nodded her head in understanding. I didn't know why, but I felt the urge to kiss her. I guess I figured I could make up for what I lacked with a kiss. I leaned forward over the table and she looked up at me knowing what I wanted, but still seemed surprised about it. She put her hand on my cheek and kissed me softly.

I pulled away and she smiled. "Thank you."

"You shouldn't have to thank me for a kiss, Bella."

"I feel like I should. I love kissing you. Plus, I missed you today."

I chuckled and wiped some ketchup off my lip. "You saw me this morning."

"Uh…so what?" She took a fry from the box and dipped it in her milkshake. She laughed. "Why are you making that face?"

"Det är äckligt!" I said in disgust.

She laughed. "English, baby."

"That's disgusting!"

She laughed. "Oh, no it isn't. It's so good."

She reached across the table and took my sandwich from my hand. She brought it to her mouth and took a huge bite.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She smiled and handed me my sandwich back. She held up her finger to tell me to wait a minute while she chewed the huge piece she had in her mouth. I waited. She took another fry from the box, and dipped it in the milkshake.

"I didn't want to give you any extra sugar than you needed. Here," She said and held the fry out to me.

"Hell no…that's weird."

"Oh stop being a baby and eat the damn fry. It will change your life." I sighed and she leaned forward and brought the fry to my lips. "Do you need me to do the airplane?"

"No." I opened my mouth and she smiled and placed the fry in my mouth. I chewed. Okay, it was good.

Bella leaned back on her chair and smirked. "Ohhh I see that look. That's the look that screams Bella is right and I am wrong!"

I ate one of my fries. "Shut up."

"What language were you speaking before?"

"Det angår dig inte."

She groaned. "I don't know what you're saying! You could be saying I look like a chicken and I wouldn't know! Not fair!"

I laughed. "I didn't say you looked like a chicken, hermosa. It's Swedish. I just said it's none of your business."

"You know, that is really cool how you speak all of those languages. How did that start?"

You would think that was an easy thing to answer. Well I thought it was good, but how it got started wasn't really that fun to talk about. Everything always goes back to them and it sucked.

I felt like an imbecile when I couldn't even share with my girlfriend shit about my past, but it really put me in a bad spot mentally. But I decided I would tell her about the languages. That story was kiddy play compared to the other stories.

I opened my mouth to tell her when my phone started to vibrate in my pocket.

I sighed. "Hold on." I looked at the caller ID. It was Alice. I answered. "Hello?"

"Ecy." Her sick sounding voice said softly over the line. _Oh fuck. _I hated when she was sick. I never felt as helpless as I did when she was sick.

I leaned forward and rested my head on the palm of my hand. "Hi. You feeling alright, kid?"

"Not really. I don't know why I got sick! I was okay all day!"

"Yeah, the colds always seem to sneak up on you." I looked up at Bella. She was looking at me with concern on her face. "Look, I'll be home soon. Do you want me to bring you anything?"

"No. Can you just make me some chicken soup?"

She loved my chicken soup when she was sick. I had been giving it to her since she was a year old. I would blend it then, but she always loved it.

"Of course. Hold on." I covered the bottom of the phone. "You busy tonight?"

"The girls and I have a movie night at eight, but I am free till then. Why?"

"You want to come over? Alice isn't feeling well, and I am sure she would like to see you, and I wanted to talk to you about something."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Thank you." I uncovered the phone. "Alice, I'm bringing Bella over too."

"Oh yay! Okay, hurry up." I laughed.

"Alright, see you later."

I hung up and Bella was already getting her stuff together.

"Come on, my stray." She said.

I laughed.

_She was amazing._

* * *

_I have vomit on my shirt. _

I had vomit on my shirt, and I was holding back Alice's hair as she let more free into the toilet bowl.

_There goes that chicken soup I made her_.

Her coughing and retching broke my heart, but again, there wasn't much I could do. I held her hair with one hand while the other rubbed her back.

"Eeccyy…" She moaned when she stopped long enough to catch a breath.

"I know, Alice. Just let it out. There isn't much I can do."

"Make it go away." She cried.

Poor thing had tears and snots running down her face.

"Come on, let's rinse your mouth and brush your teeth."

She nodded and I helped her up to the sink. She rinsed her mouth with a lot of disgusted sounds along the way. I felt her pain. I knew how horrible it felt to be sick like that.

The door of the bathroom opened and Bella appeared. Her being the angel she was, volunteered to clean up the rug where Alice started throwing up.

"Hey. You feeling a little better honey?" She asked Alice.

"No. I'm just tired now." I wiped her mouth with a towel and when I was done, she wrapped her arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her small body and lifted her.

I leaned towards Bella and puckered my lips. She kissed me softly.

"I will just lay down with her for a little. Wait for me?"

"Of course, baby." She said with a soft smile, although I could tell she was also worried for Alice. She leaned forward and kissed the back of her head. "Hope you feel better, honey."

"Thank you, Bella." She mumbled into my neck. I sighed and brought her to her room. "No, no, can I sleep on your bed?"

I usually didn't like when she slept on my bed. Bev told me to make sure she didn't get used to it, but how could I say no to her when she was sick like that?

"Sure." I brought her to my room, and I turned the lights off.

It was only a little after six, so it wasn't that dark out yet. I laid her down on the bed and sat on the side of the bed. I put the covers over her.

"You want me to stay with you?"

"Just until I fall asleep, kay?" She rolled over onto her stomach. "Can you rub my back?"

"Of course." I brought my hand to her back and started rubbing. She sighed contentedly and tried to go to sleep.

Sitting there, helping her, made me realize something about myself that I never realized before. I was doing well with her. Sometimes I had my doubts, but at least I knew I wasn't that bad. I already knew I was better than _them. _They never helped me when I got sick. A nanny helped, but a nanny never rubbed my back for me or waited until I fell asleep or helped me get cleaned up.

I was glad I could help her in that way. Not only did I help her that way, I also knew more about Alice than anyone else in the world. _She couldn't get taken from me._ She kept me grounded. I would lose myself without her.

She fell asleep quickly. Being sick makes a person tired, but after the vomiting session she had, I was sure it took more out of her small six year old body. Once she fell completely asleep, I took my hand off her back and fixed the covers. I kissed the top of her head and left quietly out of the room.

When I got to the living room, I couldn't see Bella. I walked in further, and found her lying down on the couch listening to my iPod. I leaned over the back of the couch and she smiled up at me. I leaned over the back of the couch and gave her a kiss.

She sighed contentedly. "Come here, baby. Come lay with me." She said and pushed farther into the back of the couch.

"Why should I?"

She glared at me. "Because I saved your ass from starvation. Now get your cute little ass on this couch."

"Alright, alright, so bossy. I think I will starve next time." I never would have said no.

I just liked messing with her and seeing how she would react. She never disappointed. She either made me laugh, or revealed something beautiful about herself. It paid to mess with her. I got on the couch beside her and faced her so her head was cradled in the crook of my arm.

"Here," She took one of the ear buds out of her right ear and put it in my ear. "Jam out with me, dude."

I chuckled and she put on some slow songs. I didn't know how we could jam out to a slow song, but I went along with it. She changed the songs to whatever ones she liked. We had a similar taste in music, so it was fun.

We laid there and listened to music for at least forty-five minutes. She would have me sing some songs to her, which I didn't even get, because I wasn't even a good singer. There were a few songs that came on that Bella didn't like, and she would make me explain why I liked them. Some even caused her to dance in her spot which was pretty fucking cute. I stole a few kisses. She stole a few kisses. It was the most fun I would have ever imagined having on a couch.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Bella asked.

We were done with the iPod. Right then, we were just holding each other in the silence.

"Oh. Well you asked me about the languages."

"Oh yeah, I wanted to know what got you to learn all of them."

"Yeah, that." Nervousness overtook me.

I didn't think it would have been that hard, but it was. I almost chickened out. _Almost_. I had to do that for Bella. She deserved it. I told myself going into this that I wouldn't hide stuff from her anymore. I trusted her more than I trusted myself.

She must have noticed I was nervous.

"Hey, you don't have to tell me right now if you don't want to."

I shook my head. She really was so patient with me. I needed to figure out how to repay her. "I'll tell you, just let me think of where to start."

She kissed my forehead. "Take all the time you need, babe."

I thought about it for a couple minutes. There were some things I just didn't want to touch upon, so I had to find a way to explain that would prevent me from having to go to a place I didn't want to go.

"My parents were rich." I started off. She gave me her full attention. "I think I already told you that, I don't know."

"You did." She said.

"Yeah, well they needed a smart son, you know? If I wasn't close to perfect, they were going to be looked down on as bad parents." _Little did everyone know…_"They started me off with French. Well, they didn't really have much to do with it. They hired a tutor to teach me when I was just four years old. I learned pretty quickly apparently. When I was five, they made me learn Spanish. That one took me a little longer to learn, which got me in trouble a lot." Bella shook her head in disbelief. "Anyway. I was nine when I started hating the language lessons. At that point, I already knew French, Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese."

"Wow. That's remarkable."

"Seems like it, huh? I'm not trying to sound cocky, but it really does come easily for me. But when you are nine, you don't want to sit inside and learn a new language every day. It was German at that point…uh…I became resistant. I threw fits, I refused to repeat the words back, and my tutors got pissed at me." I sighed. "They told my parents, and my father. He was pissed."

"That doesn't make any sense. You were just nine!" She said.

She was getting all worked up over just that information. It scared me how she would react when she found out my father chased me with a knife and stabbed me seven times with Alice in the room. I didn't think she would take it lightly.

"I know, but that was the way they were, Bella. I don't know what else to say."

"No, you don't have to explain, Edward, just continue. I'm sorry."

She got so angry. I leaned forward and kissed her, hoping to get her a little calmer.

"It's okay." I cleared my throat. "Well, he got pissed and he started taking stuff from me when I acted up. It started with my toys, then my games, then my dinner, and then my bed…"

"He took your bed away from you?"

I nodded, feeling almost ashamed. "Yeah. Blankets and pillows and everything."

"Oh Edward…" She brought my hand to her mouth and kissed my knuckles.

"It's okay. It's in the past."

"But still…that's sick."

"I know. Well I learned my lesson fast, and took more lessons. I hated it, but I had no choice."

"So you hate it now?"

I shook my head. "Oh no, not at all. I love that I know all of them, but I don't thank them for it. I blame them for ever making me hate it."

"What changed your mind about them?"

"When I was thirteen, I started getting interested in history and war stories. I wanted to join the army. Being fluent in languages from over-seas is great for a soldier. So I would think of all the ways I could help others with it, and all of that. I don't know."

"Wow. I didn't know you were interested in the army."

"I was…hell I still am."

She shivered. "Sorry, baby, but I hate the thought of you over there."

I sighed. "It doesn't always mean a death sentence, Bella."

"I know, but I wouldn't want to chance it." She brought her hands to my face and kissed me. "You are far too important."

I brought my hand to hers on my face. I kissed the palm of her hand. I was getting more comfortable with her. I hoped I could get even more affectionate with her in the future. I would have to try harder. I already knew being in her arms was calming, and I relished in the feeling, so maybe if I really tried, I could kiss her deeper and I could treat her how she deserved. "Thank you, hermosa."

"For what?" She asked softly.

"I don't know. Just making everything better…and listening."

"Edward, you know I will listen to you whenever you want to talk to me. And you make everything better for me. Always remember that, alright?"

"I'll try."

"No, promise me."

"Bella…"

"Edward, promise me. I saved you today? Remember?"

She did save me. Not today though. She saved me when she came up to me in that coffee shop and sat down across from me for the first time. I owed her everything, but again, messing with Bella was fun.

"Pazza, I am not your stray."

"Don't make me go all kung-fu on your ass, Cullen. Promise me right now."

"What do I get out of it?"

"Your balls get saved from getting kicked. Is that enough?"

"Hmm…"

"Edward! Don't you cherish the boys?"

I laughed. "The boys?"

"Yes the boys! Protect your sperm, dude!"

I lost it. She was so out there sometimes. I buried my face in her neck as I laughed. She laughed with me and ran her hands through my hair.

"I promise." I mumbled into her neck.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

I lifted my head and kissed her. "I said I promise."

"Promise what?" She was going to make me say the words.

"I promise to remember that I make things better for you."

She smiled a proud smile. "Good. Because it's true. You mean a lot to me."

"Same here, hermosa."

* * *

I woke up to a little girl vomiting, and I really hoped she didn't miss the bucket this time.

I rolled over on the bed, and thankfully she was puking into the bucket this time. This was the third time she woke up to do this and it was only one in the morning. Her hair was already in a ponytail for preparation for such events as these.

I rubbed her back as she let it all out. When she was finished, I gave her a glass of water; she swished it around and spit it in the garbage bucket. I climbed off the bed and took the garbage can with me to the bathroom. I yawned as I cleaned it out. The smell was horrid, but I had to deal. Once I cleaned and bleached it, I headed back to my room.

When I got there, my heart broke into a million pieces. Alice was lying on the bed cryingand clutching onto a pillow. I sighed and went over next to her. I laid down beside her and silently took her in my arms. She wrapped her arms around me the best she could, and as tight as she could.

"I just want to go to sleep, Ecy."

"I know, Alice, it will pass, alright? You're a strong girl."

She tightened her arms around me. "Thank you for laying here with me."

"You're welcome." I kissed the top of her head. "Jag hoppas du mår bättre snart."

"Hmm…you said feel right?" She was still a little iffy on Swedish, but she was getting better.

"Ja." _Yes_

She yawned. "What did you say?"

"I said I hope you feel better soon."

"Thank you, Ecy. You're my favorite."

"You're my favorite too, Alice. Now, sov nu."

There was a pause, and I wondered if she fell asleep. "I have no idea what you just said." She said all of a sudden and I laughed.

"I said go to sleep."

"Oh alright. Well don't make me think this much, Edward, I can barely think I'm so tired."

I laughed again. She spent _way _too much time with Bev. She was talking just like her.

"Goodnight, Alice."

"Goodnight, Ecy."

She fell asleep quite quickly, but I had trouble doing the same. My head was once again spinning with thoughts of my parents. Thoughts of what I would do if they ever got custody of her. I feel I wouldn't be able to function if I knew she was alone with them. I would be a danger to myself and everyone else around me. Including Bella.

It all boiled down to one thing. Alice couldn't leave. They couldn't get custody of her. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

_But what if it happened?_ I held Alice closer to me. The closeness helped.

I had to make a promise to her. I brought my lips to her ear.

"Jag låter dom inte ta dig från mig. Våra föräldrar kommer aldrig röra dig. Jag lovar." I whispered.

I didn't know if she heard it. Even if she did, at least she didn't get what I said. I didn't want her to know about them. She didn't need to know.

She just needed to know that I will do whatever it takes to save her from the hurt I suffered.

_I would do anything._

* * *

_When you cry a piece of my heart dies,_  
_Knowing that I may have been the cause._  
_If you were to leave,_  
_Fulfill someone else's dreams,_  
_I think I might totally be lost._  
_You don't ask for no diamond rings no delicate string of pearls,_  
_That's why I wrote this song to sing._  
_My beautiful girl._

_**The Girl, by City and Colour**_

* * *

_Jag låter dom inte ta dig från mig. Våra föräldrar kommer aldrig röra dig. Jag lovar.=_ "**I won't let them take you from me. Our parents will never touch you. I promise."**

* * *

**Hope you all enjoyed this! I know a lot of you prefer the EPOV, but he is so hard to write sometimes! Poor guy just doesn't know what he wants lol. I still love him though. His brain is a fun place to be. **

**Big thank you to Nilla (Nilla79) for her Swedish translations. She writes that awesome story 'Loner' and if you haven't checked it out, you should! **

**And of course, a big thank you to Alexa (AlexaET) for being an amazing pre-reader and friend. She calls me Wanda sometimes, but I still love her. LOL. She also has a great story out called 'Comes & Goes' so go check that out as well! **

**Sorry no review reply teasers last time, but if I stopped writing to reply to all reviews, this chapter would have been out Friday, not today, so I hope you all didn't get mad or anything. I will try to this time! **

**If you have a Twitter, you can follow me under the penname Blueking141, because I post teasers there as well. **

**Well, I hope you all like it and a lot more will be revealed about Edward's parents in the next chapters! **

**Thank you! Review please! **


	17. Chapter 16: Holds My Love

**Chapter 16: Holds My Love**

**BPOV**

He started dozing off again.

This was the third time it happened and he started making me nervous.

He had his head supported by his hand and I would be talking to him, he would look like he was listening, but then his eyes would just shut and he would fall asleep. I worried about him. He never did stuff like this.

"Edward." I called out to him.

He didn't move. I shook his shoulder and he jumped out of sleep. He gathered his surroundings and when his eyes fell on me, a soft 'fuck' came from his mouth. He rubbed his hands over his tired face.

"Sorry." He said.

"Baby, if you are this tired, you should tell me and just go home. We don't have to meet here every day if you aren't up for it."

We were at the coffee shop. We still kept the tradition, and even if we were going to spend the whole day with each other, we still met at the coffee shop every morning before I went to work and after Edward delivered the papers.

"No, I want to. I'm fine." He said stubbornly and took a sip of his coffee. "Just wait for this stuff to kick in."

"Are you feeling alright?"

There was something fishy about the whole thing. He never did this before and it started coming out of nowhere. I didn't know what was going on.

"Yes, Bella."

He was getting annoyed with my pestering, but what else could I have done? If he was acting even the least bit off, I got in panic mode while he was nonchalant about pretty much everything except crazy superstitions.

"Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Bella, stop. I don't feel like talking about it, alright?"

Just the fact that he didn't want to talk about it made me realize that there definitely was something wrong, he just doesn't want me worrying for him. Little did he know; I worried about him a lot.

"Are you just trying to get out of today?"

"What? No. I told you I would meet them."

Edward was going to meet Tanya and Angela today. I hadn't told them about it yet, but Alice was sleeping over a friend's house tonight, and I invited Edward over to my house. He seemed nervous about meeting them, but he insisted he was cool with it.

"Well I wish you would just tell me what is going on with you."

"Bella. I am fine."

"Whatever." I said and took a bite of my muffin.

I wasn't going to fight with him. He wasn't fine, that much I knew. I didn't know if he wasn't sleeping, or if he was just getting sick. I didn't know.

_Maybe it is his kidney disease? _

_No. He just went to the doctor for that not too long ago._

I didn't know what was causing him to fall asleep on me when I spoke to him, but it wasn't normal.

He sighed. "Come on, Bella. Don't be like that."

I didn't answer him. If he wanted to shut me out, I could shut him out too. I took a sip of my coffee and sat back on the chair of the booth. I could be patient when it came to his feelings or him telling me about his past, but I didn't take his health lightly.

After he kept his IED from me, and I had to witness that with no knowledge of what was going on, I didn't want that to happen again.

He sighed. "I've just been tired a lot lately, and I haven't been able to sleep that well." He said.

"What do you think it is from?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. My kidneys maybe, but I have been taking my meds so I will be fine. I got two hours of sleep last night, Bella, I'll be fine once I get to sleep, and I will be fine when I go meet your friends tonight." He took a final sip of his coffee. "Will you stop being mad at me now? Please?"

It was so unfair how much he practically owned me. I got mad at him often because of his stubborn tendencies, but he always made it better. All it took was that pleading and innocent look on his face to get me to not be mad at him anymore.

I would keep an eye on him, but I trusted that he would tell me if it was something he or I should be worried about.

"Promise you will tell me if you think something is wrong?"

"Of course."

I smiled and reached forward over the table and took his hands in mine. "You better not be lying to me, or else I will have to slap you."

He chuckled. "I'm used to it. I get slapped almost every day by you."

He was right. He did. "Well you deserve it sometimes."

"I know." At least he realized his stubborn and crazy ways. "So do you think your friends will want to crucify me?"

"What? No, why would they?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Probably because we have been dating for a little over a month and they know nothing about it."

"They'll get over it. You aren't nervous, are you?"

"Nah…that is unless you will leave me if they don't like me." I slapped him on the arm.

_Silly man._

"Ow." He said.

"Edward, I would never leave you because of them."

It scared me sometimes when I discovered he may not realize how much he meant to me. I thought I was doing alright without actually saying the words to him. I loved him. A lot. It grew every single day, but I still didn't feel it was the right time to tell him.

I had a feeling he loved me too. He just couldn't figure it out. But I could see it with his actions. I noticed how he reached for my hand whenever he got the chance. I noticed the way he would lovingly cradle my face in his hands when he kissed me. I could see the look in his eyes when I walked in the room. He told me he missed me when I was gone. I knew he loved me, he just didn't know what it was because the feeling of love was so foreign to him.

_Maybe I should just tell him. What hurt could it cause?_

I couldn't think of any. The worst that could happen was that he wouldn't say it back, but I was already prepared for that. I was able to read the non-verbal signs whereas he had difficulty doing so. He was an intricate puzzle to figure out.

"Yeah, but don't you value their opinion?" He asked.

"Yes, if they tell me the shirt I am wearing makes me look fat, I would take it off. But you are a different story."

"Nice to know I rank higher than a shirt."

I laughed. "You rank higher than anything, Edward."

He smiled at me with tired eyes, but otherwise didn't say anything. Maybe the expected response would have been along the lines of 'so do you, Bella,' but I knew he wouldn't have said. First of all because it wasn't true. Did that hurt me? No way. I knew I meant a lot to Edward, but there would always be one person that meant more to him than me; _Alice._ And that was okay with me. Edward's devotion to Alice was one of the many reasons I loved and respected him so much.

"I'm a little nervous about tonight though…mostly because of Alice."

I took a bite of my muffin. Maybe it was bad for me to have one every morning, but I honestly didn't care at all. They were too freaking good.

"Why?" I asked.

"She always has trouble sleeping out. Even over at Bev's. I mean, I guess it depends on her mood, but almost every sleep over I send her off to, she calls me asking to go home."

"Hmm…that doesn't seem like Alice."

He shrugged and yawned. "I know, but kids are confusing." He yawned again and covered his mouth.

"Okay, well I guess we both should be leaving."

His eyes opened wider. At least he looked alive for a couple of seconds. "What? Why? We still have another half hour."

"Your need sleep and I don't want my boyfriend to get in an accident on the way home from falling asleep at the wheel so let's go."

He rolled his eyes, but got up from the booth. He knew I was right. He needed to sleep. Maybe he was coming down with something. Who knew.

I walked ahead of him and threw the remains of my breakfast away. I went outside and headed to his truck. I waited at his door for him to catch up to me and when he walked with his arms crossed over his chest I realized he was shivering. Yes, I think he was getting sick because it wasn't even that cold out and he was wearing a sweater and his beanie. I hated that I would have to leave him alone, but I needed to get to work.

Once he made it up to me, I wrapped my arms around his waist. I knew he felt more comfortable hugging me in the middle of the cars in this parking lot rather than in front of everyone in the coffee shop. I told him time and time again that I didn't care what people thought of me, but had I mentioned my boyfriend was stubborn? Well he was.

"Promise you'll go to bed when you get home?" I said.

"No. I think I'd rather stay up and do some jumping jacks or something…or maybe even some cart wheels."

I chuckled. "Stop being an ass."

"Stop asking me to do the obvious, woman!"

I laughed and lifted my head from his chest. I took his face in my hands and kissed his soft lips.

I loved him so much it was sometimes hard to stand and his kisses made it that much harder to deal. No matter how much I always wanted more, his kisses were always enough for me. Yeah it sucked when he would get me all worked up for us to have to stop, but my connection with Edward went way past the physical. In fact, I knew if I didn't love Edward as much as I did, his kisses and my need for him wouldn't be as profound.

It wasn't something I was used to. All the other guys I had been with were really just for fun I guess. I was a teen, well, technically I still was, but luckily I started realizing what was important in life, and right now, Edward was the most important.

"Text me when you get home?"

"Yes." He kissed me a final time before taking his arms from around me. He hopped in his truck and I started heading to my car.

"Bella!" He called.

I turned to him. "Yes?"

"I hope you have a good day, hermosa."

I smiled. "You too, baby."

* * *

"Hello Mrs. Watson. I brought your favorite." I said as I walked into the office.

I had our containers of food from the faculty kitchen as we both ate lunch together every day. She was definitely the person I was closest to at work, although most of the people there were great.

"Oh hi, Bella. I will just need a minute. Boss is in there with Alice Cullen."

Mrs. Watson did know I was dating Edward. We talked a lot during lunch, and I couldn't keep it from her. She knew Edward anyway because of Alice, so she didn't mind, and she wasn't a gossipy person.

I trusted her not to tell the whole staff.

"What did she do this time?"

She shrugged. "She asked the teacher for permission to leave the room because she was upset and the teacher called and asked if she could send her down. She's been in there with him for about five minutes now. I think he is trying to check what is bothering her."

I instantly started worrying about her. Much like Edward, Alice meant a lot to me as well.

"Do you think he will let me talk to her?"

"Probably, but let's just wait to see what happens. She didn't seem too upset when she walked in."

"Okay."

I sat down at the table behind hers and took out my Chicken-Caesar-Salad. Mrs. Watson answered a couple of calls and I was left thinking about what happened with Alice. I didn't have to ponder it for long though because she came out less than five minutes within me sitting down.

When Alice came out, she didn't look too upset. She was actually smiling and skipping out of the room. Mr. Winters followed after her, also with a smile on his face.

"Bel…oops I mean Ms. Swan!" She said when she saw me.

I got up from my seat and went over to her.

She looked up at Mr. Winters. "Can I go hug Ms. Swan?"

Mr. Winters looked caught off guard. He didn't know about my relationship with Edward.

"Uh…sure, Alice."

She ran over to me and I gave her a big hug. Her happiness was infectious, but I wondered what she could have been worried about to ask to leave her classroom.

"Hi Alice, are you okay?"

She pulled away and cupped her hand over my ear so only I could hear, "They were talking about Mommies and Daddies. I didn't like it."

She didn't need to say anymore. I really wished she would try and talk to Edward. Although, even I didn't know how he would take something like that. Knowing what I knew about his parents, I deduced Edward hated them. He wouldn't want them near Alice if they are even alive. I just thought Alice needed some closure. There were too many questions going around her young, inquisitive mind and it was wearing her down.

"I understand. You're okay though, right?"

"Of course, silly! I just did what Ecy tells me to do. He says whenever I get sad or mad, I should just try to get away so I don't get in trouble. So I did."

She really took every single thing Edward said as gold. "Good. Well I'm glad you're okay."

She kissed my cheek. "I got to go to lunch now, Bella. But see you later!"

"Bye, honey." I said.

She skipped off after Mr. Winters who was going to take her to the cafeteria.

"She's a special child." Mrs. Watson said.

"I know."

"A sweet girl."

"I know."

_But she was also so lost in a world she was trying to figure out._

* * *

I was nervous.

We were all around the kitchen table doing our homework. I hadn't told them that Edward was coming over. Hell, I hadn't told them I had a boyfriend for over a month.

Edward texted me and said he would be here at 5:30. It's 5:03.

Tanya had her headphones on and was typing away on her laptop. Angela had her glasses on and reading one of her books for her English class. I had my textbook open, but I wasn't paying attention.

I was freaking out.

"Hey, you guys?" I said.

My voice cracked. I cleared it.

They both looked up at me.

"Yes?" Tanya said.

"You aren't pregnant, are you?" Angela asked.

"What? No, of course not!"

But when she put that word out there, I thought of what a child would look like if Edward was their father. _Absolutely beautiful I am sure._

"Well why do you look so nervous?" Tanya asked.

"I…I have a boyfriend."

Both of them gasped at the same time and Tanya was the first to squeal and get up from her chair.

"Finally!"

"That's great, Bella!" Angela said.

They both brought their chairs closer to me. I was expecting this.

"Yeah, he's pretty great."

"Whoa! Ang, do you see her face? Who is this guy? You love him!"

_Was I really that transparent_? "Well, yes…"

"Wow! How long have you been dating this guy? Why didn't you tell us about him?" Tanya asked.

"About a month and I don't know. I guess I just wanted to make sure we wouldn't have broken up in the first week or something." That wasn't the truth at all, but telling them that Edward didn't really do well with meeting new people didn't seem like a great approach.

"Oh of course, that makes sense." Angela said.

"So what's his name? What does he look like? Is he cute? When do we get to meet him?" Tanya asked firing off questions in quick succession.

"Uh…his name is Edward, and I think he is cute." Well I thought he was more than cute, but I didn't want to get too overboard; I would be talking about him all day. "You already know what he looks like and you get to meet him today."

"Wait, we already know what he looks like?" Tanya asked.

"We don't know anyone named Edward…" Angela added.

"I know…uh…it's that guy at the coffee shop. You know the one who always sits by himself?"

Their reactions were much like I expected. They both sat there with their jaws dropped in absolute shock.

"You mean Charles Manson? You are dating the crazy guy at the coffee shop?" Tanya asked.

It still shocked me how little people knew about Edward. I still couldn't believe they believed everything they heard about him. I was glad I didn't follow after them. I would have missed out on meeting and getting to know the best thing that has ever happened to me.

"He's not crazy." I said.

"Bella, he destroyed a whole entire bar! He beat the shit out of a lot of people! How is he not crazy?" Tanya asked.

I got up from my chair. "Listen, I am his girlfriend, I know him more than you do, so why don't you just trust me when I say he isn't crazy."

"You know, all serial killers are good at acting normal when they want to." Angela said.

"Are you serious?" I yelled. "You both don't even know him and you are accusing him of being a serial killer? You both are crazier then he will ever be." They seemed surprised at my outburst. "Seriously. This is why I waited so long to tell you both. I knew you would have done something like this. Can't you just give him a chance?"

They were both silent. I hoped they felt stupid. I never really yelled at them like that, but when they attacked Edward like that, I snapped. He didn't deserve the scrutiny from everyone who saw him or heard things about him. He was amazing. I wanted everyone to see.

"How did this happen, Bella?" Angela asked.

"I gave him a chance. I gave someone a fucking chance; maybe you should try it one day."

"I don't know why you are getting so worked up about this, Bella." Tanya said.

"Are you kidding? You don't understand why I got upset that you are practically attacking my boyfriend? The man I love? Wow." I took a deep breath. "Look. I just want you guys to give him a chance. He really is a nice man. He will be here soon. Can you please just be civil and give him a chance."

They both gave each other a look before looking back at me.

"Okay." They both said at the same time.

_They better give him a chance or else I would not be happy with them. In fact, I don't think I could ever forgive them if they did something to make Edward upset. _

"Okay, so you promise to put everything you have in your head about him aside, and just be nice?"

"Yes, Bella. We already said that." Tanya said.

They seemed sincere, so I trusted them. We went back to doing our homework.

"Does he treat you well, Bella?" Angela asked out of the blue.

"Ang, you have known me how long? Do you really think I would be with someone who treats me like crap?"

She shrugged. "Love can be poison sometimes."

"Well mine isn't. Watch, you all will see when he gets here." I closed up my textbook because Edward would be there soon. "Oh and one thing." I said before I left the table. "Don't try and shake his hand or anything."

"Why?"

"He has a kind of phobia I guess."

Tanya sighed. "Alright."

I was going to say something for her being so rude about the whole thing, but then there was a knock at the door. I got nervous all of a sudden. When I told Angela and Tanya about Edward, I expected them to be a little reluctant, but for them to be rude about it made me a little nervous.

I went to the door and opened it. Edward was standing there with his beanie on, a red t-shirt and black jeans. One thing I realized after I said a 'hot damn' in my head was that he still looked tired.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"Sure." I pulled on his arm to get him inside. "You didn't sleep did you?"

He sighed. "I swear I did, Bella. I slept from eight to one."

"That's just five hours…" He barely got any sleep between his jobs and it wasn't good for him at all. I just deduced he was coming down with something, and that is why he had been extra tired lately.

He shrugged. "I had therapy."

I sighed. He needed to take some time off or something. He didn't need to have to deal with struggling to stay away awake all the time. I leaned up on my tip-toes and gave him a quick kiss. I grabbed onto his hand.

"Come on. The girls are in here."

He followed after me willingly. He didn't seem that nervous, just tired. Maybe I would make him take a nap…

We walked into the kitchen, and they both looked up at us. They didn't smile like I felt would have been the polite thing to do just to ease Edward's nerves. It had to be hard for him as well, but obviously they didn't see that, or didn't care. Either way, it made me mad.

"Tanya, Angela, this is Edward. Edward, that's Tanya and that's Angela." I said gesturing to each of them.

"Hi." They both said at the same time.

"Hello. Uh…thanks for letting me come over." Edward said.

"It's not like we would have had a choice anyways." Tanya said.

I sent a nasty look her way. _Why were they being like this? _

"Hey, Edward, do you want to maybe have dinner with all of us?" Angela asked.

Well, at least that was inviting and not cold like Tanya was acting. Maybe they just needed time to get used to the idea of me having a boyfriend, and that boyfriend being Edward.

"Uh…yeah sure. What…well what are you guys having?" He sounded nervous now, but I was proud of him for trying. He told me he always felt weird meeting new people, but he was at least trying to start a conversation.

"We'll probably order some pizza or something." Angela answered.

"Cool. Sounds good." He said.

"Do you think you could pitch in though? Pizza is kind of expensive these days." Tanya added.

"Tanya, he doesn't have to pay anything." I said.

She was pissing me off. He was over our house, and Angela invited him to eat dinner with us, he didn't have to pay anything if he didn't want to. Hell, I wouldn't let him pay just to teach Tanya a lesson. She wasn't going to bully him. I could bully right back.

"Well Bella, we all are going to pitch in, and I am sure Edward would want to pay for you at least."

She was cornering him. She knew he could say one of two things. He could agree to pay for both of us, or he could pay for just himself. I wouldn't let him do either, but what Tanya was trying to do, was to try and see if he would do the gentlemanly thing to do. What Tanya didn't realize though, was that I didn't need a gentleman. Edward was fine the way he was.

"Well here's the thing, Tanya," Edward said. "I'm pretty sure Bella would kick me in the nuts if I pay for her. Perhaps you would have known that already if you really knew Bella. She is an independent woman, who I am pretty sure wants to pay for herself." He cleared his throat. "Now out of respect for her, I will not pay for her, but out of respect for you, I will pay for myself if that is what you want. I will just have to make a trip to the ATM, because I don't really carry cash that often."

Tanya looked dumbfounded and I was sure I looked quite the same. He stuck up for himself quite well and it for some crazy reason turned me on…a lot.

"Okay." Tanya said and crossed her arms over her chest.

I bet she felt dumb. I was so proud of Edward I couldn't even stand it. He didn't even try to be something he wasn't in front of my friends. It was a good thing he didn't.

"Great." Edward said.

I smiled up at him and I wanted him in my room, and I wanted him in my room fast.

"Well, we will just be in my room." I said.

I pulled Edward to my door. I had a cheesy smile on my face.

"See you later, ladies." He said.

I brought him to my room and I shut the door behind us.

"Aw fuck, Bella, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to be a dick but…" I didn't let him finish because I pretty much jumped him.

Well, I literally jumped him. I ran at him and wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed him hard on the lips. It caught him off guard, but he gave in quickly and I could appreciate how hard he tried for me when it came to being intimate.

I couldn't help myself, and I tried to be brave and slip my tongue over his bottom lip. He sucked in a breath. I thought he would pull away, but he didn't. Oh no, he sucked my tongue gently into his mouth and my excitement increased. I brought my hands to his hair and pushed the beanie off his head so I could run my hands through it. He held me around the waist. I held his face close to mine and tried to deepen the kiss as much as I could. He didn't disappoint, and when I felt his tongue against mine, I moaned in pleasure. I waited so long to kiss him like that.

I didn't want to push him too far though, and I pulled away. We were both practically out of breath and I wrapped my arms around him in a hug.

I kissed the side of his head. "Thank you."

He knew what I was talking about.

"Bella, if you ever thank me for kissing you again, I will shave my head."

I gasped and put my hands on top of his head. "No! You can't!"

"Actually, I can. It is pretty easy."

"No, if you value my sanity at all, you will not cut off your hair."

"Your sanity has already gone out the window, hermosa."

"Well maybe, but who cares! Don't shave your hair."

"Well I would get more than one hair cut…"

I laughed. "You are sort of, kind of a dork."

"You are sort of, kind of walking a thin line, chick. I can buy some clippers in five minutes."

"Oh, so are you going to threaten me with that from now on?"

"Hmm…probably."

"You're an asshole." I unwrapped my legs from around him and landed back on the ground.

I climbed onto my bed and he turned toward me with a smile. He picked up his beanie from the ground and put it back on.

"Nice room you have here." He said.

It really wasn't that amazing. I had white walls, a blue comforter set on my bed and a wooden bureau.

"Thanks. Come here." I said.

He smirked at me and climbed onto my bed with me. He sat back so his head was resting on the headboard. I pulled him down and he chuckled. I took his beanie off.

"What are you doing, pazza? Are you trying to seduce me?"

I snorted. "No. Far from it." Although I wanted to… "You are going to take a nap."

He sighed. "Are you kidding me?"

"Does it look like I'm kidding?" I said with a dead serious face on.

"Yes, I would have to say that looks like a kidding face."

I pinched him and he laughed. "Go. Sleep."

"What the hell? Am I your dog?"

I groaned. "You are an ass! Go to sleep!"

"Oh, so I'm your donkey…"

I laughed. "Edward, shut up. Go to sleep."

He sighed. "Can we just talk for a little bit?"

"Edward, you look exhausted." I laid on the pillow beside the one he was lying on.

He held his hand out to me. "I'll thumb wrestle you for it."

I laughed. "That is not a fair competition. Your thumb is probably double the size of mine."

"Are you going to let something like that get in your way?"

He knew how to get what he wanted. It wasn't fair.

I sighed and linked my hand with him in the thumb-war position. We both held up our thumbs and I rolled my eyes. His thumb was really long compared to mine. He counted us down and it was war. I laughed at the concentrated look he got on his face. I tried to do this swoop around motion with my thumb, but no matter what strategy I had, there was no way I would have won. His thumb was huge. He pretty much just put his thumb down, and he had me.

He got a smug look on his face. "You're unfair."

"I won fair and square, Bella."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…well what did you want to talk about?"

"Well first, I would like to finish saying sorry for being rude to your friends. I'll say sorry, I am just naturally a jerk to people."

I sighed. "You weren't being a jerk, babe. She was being unfair. I actually liked that you stuck up for yourself. I thought it was sexy." I rubbed my hand over his stomach.

He chuckled. "So that's where that kissing assault came from?"

I smiled and got a little closer to him. "Mhm."

"You know, I've kind of wanted to ask you something."

He wasn't looking at my face and he was playing with my fingers. He looked nervous. To me, this was big. Edward was going to ask me something. It didn't matter what it was, I would answer him honestly and try to make him feel as comfortable, with asking me a question, as possible.

"Okay, ask me then." I said.

He looked up at me and took a deep breath.

"Do you…well you know…do you get mad that I don't do more for you…physically?"

_Oh. So that's what this is about. _I

thought about my answer carefully. "I…no. I don't get mad."

"At all?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I mean, I'll always want more. I'm attracted to you if that is what you are asking."

"Well I guess that's a part of what I'm asking." He sighed and shook his head. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't offended or anything. It doesn't mean I don't want you in that way."

"You do?"

He smiled softly at me and pushed my hair out of my face. "Of course I do, pazza. It's just hard for me I guess. I try…I really do, but it's a constant battle."

"What goes through you head exactly?"

"Hm…I don't know if I can really put my finger on it. It is just this feeling I get. It catches me off guard, because my body always wants more, but then the thoughts just pull me back. And then I get pissed off at myself because I feel like I am doing wrong by you."

"Edward, you aren't doing wrong by me. I know you try your hardest and that's all I ask." I kissed the top of his head. "I am really patient, and as long as I get to do this," I squeezed him and he laughed. "I will be fine with it."

"This is pretty comfortable, huh?" He asked and wrapped his arms around me.

"Comfortable enough to fall asleep?" I asked hopefully.

He chuckled. "Maybe."

"Yes," I whispered.

He laughed and kissed the top of my head. We sat in silence, but there was a question scratching in my brain and I felt I had to let it out. I was a little nervous to ask it though because it was kind of personal. Hell, it was one of the most personal questions I think someone could ask.

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"I want to ask you something and I don't know how you will feel about answering it."

"It wasn't me who smoked in your car…so…yeah."

I gasped. "You smoked in my car?"

"What? That's not what this is about?"

"No, but you ass, I told you not to do that."

"I told you it wasn't me!"

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever; just don't do it again."

"Yes, ma'am. Now what did you want to ask me?"

I lifted my head and looked at him. "Are you…well you know…a virgin?"

His reaction wasn't one I was expecting. He laughed. He laughed hard. He covered his face with his free hand as he laughed. His body shook the whole bed. I couldn't help the smile on my face, but my face was flaming red I am sure.

"Y-you should have seen your face." He said in between laughs.

"Well I don't know, it's a personal question…"

He composed himself. He looked over at me and I wiped a tear from his eye. I'm glad my question was so amusing to him.

"You're cute." He said.

"You're deflecting the question."

He kissed my head. "No. No, I'm not a virgin."

Now, I would be lying if I said that didn't surprise me, because it did. He just seemed so against any kind of affection, and having sex with someone was the most intimate it could get. Was it bad that I was kind of jealous?

"I wasn't always like this, hermosa."

"Don't say it like that, baby." I pleaded.

"Like what?"

"Like there is something wrong with you."

He sighed. "Technically there is." I shook my head. "I lost my virginity when I was fifteen. I was a stupid and angry kid. I mostly did it for fun and to be rebellious I guess. It wasn't because I liked them or anything."

"I know what you mean, completely."

"So you aren't a virgin either." He said as more of a statement than a question.

"No, but it was with guys that I didn't really care about. It was stupid really."

"Well we were teens; we get a pass for being stupid."

I laughed. "Yeah I guess so."

"You were my first kiss though." He said.

"Really?"

"Yes, the girls I was with had breaths that smelt like marijuana and beer. You wouldn't find me kissing something like that." I laughed.

"Well doesn't that make me feel special." I said sarcastically.

"No, no, no…" He said. He pulled me up closer to him and he held me tight. "I didn't mean it like that. I wouldn't kiss someone I didn't really like."

"So that means you really like me?" I asked.

I knew he didn't mean it in an offensive way, and I didn't take it like that, but I liked to mess with him every once in a while.

He chuckled and gave me a soft kiss.

"I like you. I like you a lot." He said very quickly so the words were all meshed together and his voice got higher.

I laughed at his weirdness. It still shocked me that someone I loved ended up being someone like Edward. Which wasn't a bad thing; he was just different. I always went for the cool guys in high school, and I am pretty sure Edward would have fell under the nerd category.

_A hot nerd, but aren't those the best ones?

* * *

_

My homework was driving me crazy.

I met with my study group just the day before, but I was still having a little trouble. Science was always my worst subject.

I took my eyes off of the laptop screen and looked at the man snoring on my bed. He held a pillow close to his chest and I thought he was drooling on the one he was lying on, but I didn't mind. He could get away with anything with how adorable he looked while sleeping. He had only been sleeping for about a half an hour as he had tried his hardest to stay awake and stick to his stubborn way, but the exhaustion took over and he was out cold in a matter of minutes.

A knock sounded from the other side of the door and I got up to go answer it. I opened it gently. Angela was on the other side.

"Hey." I said.

"The pizza is here." She said.

"Oh, alright, let me just wake him up."

"He fell asleep while he was visiting with you?" Angela asked.

I knew what she was thinking. She was thinking he was being rude.

"Yes, he wasn't feeling well, so I told him to go to sleep."

She shrugged. "Well do you think he will get up long enough to have dinner?"

"Of course he will, Angela. We'll be out there in a minute." She nodded and walked away.

I had a bad feeling about this dinner we were having, but I needed Angela and Tanya to see how great he really was. If they didn't approve…maybe it was bad of me to say, but I didn't care.

I went over to Edward and knelt down beside him. He didn't even stir at the shaking of the bed. I ran my hand through his hair and kissed his forehead. I peppered his face with kisses until he started to come to. He opened his eyes and took a deep breath.

He yawned. "Five more minutes." He mumbled.

I chuckled. "The pizza's here, baby. You should eat something."

He groaned and reluctantly got up. "Your bed is like heaven on a spring."

I snorted. "Heaven on a spring? Can't say that is one I have heard before."

He got up and put his sneakers back on. He took out his phone to check for calls. Probably to see if Alice called. He ran his hands through his hair and scratched his face.

"How do I look? Decent enough so they won't want to do some voodoo shit on me when I leave?"

I laughed. "Oh shut up, they aren't witches."

"I'm pretty sure not only witches do that."

"Oh whatever, they won't do it. Just let's go. You look fine."

"Alright, alright."

I grabbed his hand and led him out to the kitchen. Angela and Tanya were already eating, but at least they got me and Edward a plate and cans of coke. I went to the fridge and grabbed Edward a diet-Coke though. I didn't want them to be hurt, but they didn't know. It was no big deal. I handed him one and we sat down.

"Hello." He said.

"Hi." They both said.

_Twins…they always spoke at the same time._

I got Edward a piece of pizza and one for myself.

"So did you both get your homework done?" I asked.

"I did, I don't know about Ms. ADHD over here." Angela said.

"Hey! I'm not a spaz!" Tanya said in defense.

"You know just because a person has ADHD doesn't mean they are a spaz." Edward snapped.

I could see he regretted snapping, but he had a reason too. He was overly protective of Alice. Tanya and Angela didn't know his sister had ADHD, but they still shouldn't have been making fun of people with ADHD like that.

"It was a joke, Edward." Tanya said.

"You make jokes out of people's sicknesses?" He asked.

_Oh, shit. This wasn't going good._

I should have known Tanya and Edward especially wouldn't get gotten along. They were so different, but both were very stubborn and opinionated.

"And you beat the shit out of people in bars?" She asked.

I gasped. "Tanya!" I said in shock. "Come on…"

"Really Bella? You stick up for him and not for me?" Tanya asked.

"Tanya, he was obviously offended with your comment and you bit back by hitting him with something personal." I said.

"Oh, so it is true?" Angela asked.

Of course she would side with Tanya.

"Yeah, it's true. Don't you both believe everything you hear?" Edward asked.

He was getting angry and I was getting nervous.

"Oh shut the hell up. You have some nerve, buddy. You come into my house, talk down to me, go into my best friend's room and fall asleep on her, and then you come in here and berate me for speaking freely in my home? Who do you think you are?"

"Tanya, he wasn't even being rude!" I said.

"Look, I'm sorry if I offended you, I didn't mean to." Edward said. "I just have a little sister with ADHD and I took your statement the wrong way."

That stumped her.

_What could she say to that? _Nothing, because she would look even stupider than she did right then. Edward didn't do anything that was unprovoked. They were being rude to him and I didn't like it.

"Well…I'm sorry then, but you could have been a little nicer about your approach." Tanya said.

"Yes, ma'am." He said.

He took a bite of his pizza, and from there, the table was tense.

"So Edward, how long have you known Bella?" Angela asked.

"A couple of months."

"And you both are dating?"

"Indeed we are." I smiled at his choice of words.

"Do you treat her right?" Tanya asks.

"Uh…I will have to turn this one over to Bella."

I chuckled. "Yes, he treats me very well."

"Well that's nice." Tanya said. "So you have strong feelings for her?"

Edward seemed to lose his confidence. He had trouble sharing his feelings with me, never mind Tanya and Angela.

"Yes." He said.

"Do you love her?" Tanya asked.

Edward's hands clenched together. I didn't know what to do. I knew it made him uncomfortable, but I didn't know the right way to get him out of this one.

"This pizza is kind of greasy today isn't it?" I said.

Tanya completely ignored me. "Well? Do you or don't you? It's a simple question."

"I don't think this is appropriate to be talking about…" He said. I saw the sweat forming on his forehead.

"Tanya, leave him alone." I said.

Again, she ignored me.

"I think it's very appropriate. Hey Angela," she said and looked over at her sister. "Does Ben love you?"

"He loves me very much."

"See? It's not that hard."

"Tanya, stop this." I looked over at Edward. "You don't have to answer her, baby."

"Oh she calls you baby? Isn't that nice of her? You know Edward, I don't like you."

"That's fine, Tanya. I don't want to start trouble." He said.

"I really can't believe you can't even tell me you love her. What is she wasting her time for if you aren't willing to commit?"

"Tanya! That's enough! You know nothing of our relationship." I yelled.

"Yeah because you didn't tell me! Probably because this fucking Charles Manson wannabe brainwashed you not to tell us."

"Oh grow up, Tanya." I said and got up from my chair. She got up as well. "You don't know shit!"

"Bella, calm down." Edward said.

"No! No…this is bullshit. The both of you have only just met him, and you are already being complete bitches to him. This is exactly why I didn't tell you because I knew you would act this way. You're both so closed minded and naïve it makes me sick."

"Oh so that's what you think of us?" Angela asked now, getting up from her seat as well.

Edward was the only one sitting and he reached out for my hand_. Didn't they see that? Didn't they see that small gesture from him? _That's how I knew he loved me. He tried his best every single day, and they were stupid for not giving him a chance.

"Yes, it is. I have met countless of your boyfriends and I have _never _acted this way towards them. Ever! And now I bring my first boyfriend in years over to introduce him to my 'best friends' and this is how you treat him?" I was beyond mad. "You know what? I'm done! Consider this my two weeks' notice or something. I'm moving out." I slammed the chair in to the table. I looked over at Edward, tears started falling silently. "Do you think I could stay at your place?"

"Of course, hermosa." He said softly.

He got up from the chair and I brought him to my room. I took out a bag from my closet and started stuffing clothes inside. I was shaking. Edward put his hand on my waist and turned me to him. I clutched onto him and he rubbed my back.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think they were going to be that mean to you, baby."

"I'm fine, Bella, but you need to calm down, alright? You know I hate seeing you cry."

Him saying that only made me cry more. I held onto him and he did make me feel better. I didn't need the words from him to know he loved me or to know we were meant for each other. Just the feeling I got while being in his arms told me that.

His phone started ringing in his pocket and I pulled away with a quick kiss to his lips. I started packing more stuff in my bag.

"Hello?" He said and then sighed. "Hi, Alice…but aren't you having fun over there?" Alice must have wanted to come home. "Okay, okay, stop crying, kid, I'll be there soon." He paused. "Alice, I can't understand you…calm down." His voice was strained. Tears really were his weakness. "Okay, Alice…yes, you're my favorite too. Bye." He hung up his phone. "I have to go pick up Alice…fuck…I knew this would happen and I have work in an hour."

"I can stay with her, Edward. It's fine." I zipped up my bag.

I reached for Edward's beanie on the bed. I turned and handed it to him. He pulled me closer to him, and slipped it on my head. He pushed my hair out of the way and kissed me on the forehead.

"Thank you for everything, hermosa."

I grabbed his chin and pulled him down for a kiss.

"Anything for you, baby."

* * *

"You sure you just don't want to sleep on my bed, Bella?"

"Yes. I'll probably wait up for you anyway." I said.

I sat down on his couch and felt more comfortable there than I did at my own home. _Was it ever my home?_ I didn't know anymore.

"Nah, don't do that. I get home pretty late."

"No, I will."

He chuckled. "Okay, pazza, I know not to argue with you because I will lose."

I shook my head. "Not true. You beat me too."

"Well I secretly want you to wait up for me, so I will shut up." I laughed.

He made everything better. I told him that before, and it was so true. Just being with him made the fact that I may never speak to two girls who were supposed to be my best friends seem not as bad as it really was. I knew when he was gone; the reality of it all would overtake me. It's a tough thing to realize people you have trusted and been friends with for so long barely even cared about you. I knew that was true, because if they really cared about me, they would have accepted Edward more.

He went over and sat beside me on the couch. I snuggled up to his side.

"You feeling better, hermosa?"

"I'm better now."

"We'll talk about it more tomorrow."

"You aren't mad are you?"

"No…well, no. I won't lie to you. I am mad at myself because a lot of what she said was right."

"You're absolutely wrong. Everything she said was far from right."

He sighed.

The door to the bathroom opened and Alice's footsteps could be heard. He kissed my head and got up.

"We'll talk later." He said and then turned towards Alice when she walked in. "You all set, kid?"

"Yup, all clean and really tired." She said.

Poor thing had a rough night. When we picked her up from her friend's house, her eyes were all puffy from crying and being tired. As soon as we got to Edward's place, he sent her to take a bath so he could tuck her in before he left.

"Alright, I am just going to get changed and clean the bathroom." He said while scratching his face. "Just hang out with Bella for a bit." He said.

Alice nodded and I opened my arms for her. Edward went to go do what he had to do, and Alice went to snuggle in my arms. I held her close and smelt her shampoo and felt her warmness. She also made it better.

"Do you think I'm a baby, Bella?"

"What? Of course not. Why would you say that?"

"My friend Lauren says I was being a baby for calling, Ecy. I didn't mean for it. I just like it better in my bed, in my house with either Bev or Ecy there. Don't you just like to be home at night?"

"When I was your age, yes I did." I would do what Alice did when I had to sleep out. I would be sure I would be able to handle a sleepover in another friend's house, but just when all the fun started to die down, I would call my parents crying and asking them to pick me up.

"At least I'm not the only one."

"And you're not a baby, you are a very big girl, and very smart."

"Thank you, Bella. Did you know I got a B+ on my spelling test?"

"You did?" I asked.

Her excitement wore off on me, and a B+ was very well for her considering how Edward tells me her grades aren't always perfect due to her ADHD.

"Yeah! I'll go get it to show you!" She hopped out of my arms and ran down the hall.

I laughed softly at her and her enthusiasm. She was crying not too long ago, but now that she was in her home, a place that was comfortable to her, she was back to her normal self. I couldn't help but notice that Edward's apartment felt more like home than any other place I had lived in. It must have had a lot to do with the people who lived there.

I jumped out of my happy thoughts at a blood curdling scream from down the hall coming from a sweet little girl.

"BELLA!" She yelled.

I jumped up off the couch and ran towards her voice.

It was Edward.

I knew it.

Something was wrong.

I could hear her sobs coming from the bathroom. I heard the screams like I was under water. It was like I was drowning in the water. My throat constricted and my chest felt tight. I ran into the bathroom and my breath completely escaped me and I thought I would pass out.

Edward was on the ground.

A puddle of vomit surrounded him and his blue lips were the sickliest color.

Alice was pushing on his chest, trying to shake him awake.

He didn't move.

_I knew it! I knew something was off._

"Bella, help! He won't wake up! PLEASE! HELP HIM! PLEASE!" She begged through the sobs. Her little body was shaking with the sobs and pain ripping through her.

I heard her and I tried to react, but the pain also ripped through me.

_How the fuck could this happen? Why does this have to happen to him?

* * *

_

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe._

_Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something._

_Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again._

_I'll breathe again._

_**Breathe Again, by Sara Bareilles

* * *

**_

**I'll keep this short and sweet. I will update as soon as the chapter is written. **

**Thank you Alexa (aka my homeboy) for pre-reading this so fast! I love you and I love our little conversations that range from music to cereal. Did you ever notice we always end up talking about cereal for some reason? lol **

**Also a thank you to Nilla for started a thread for this story on Twilighted! I will add a link to my profile if you want to check it out! **

**And to my readers, I really do love you all; you just have to believe that everything I do, I do it for a reason. This will all come into fruition on the next chapter. Don't get too mad at me! I'll update again as soon as possible! **

**Review please! They encourage the writing process! **


	18. Chapter 17: Everything Changed

**Chapter 17: Everything Changed**

**BPOV**

"_911, what's your emergency?" _

"I need an ambulance now! 613 Beacon Street…ap…apartment thirteen." I said in a panic over the phone. My hands were shaking. I was panicking.

I pulled Alice away from Edward and she pushed away from me screaming.

"Honey, just for a minute."

She stopped fighting because she knew I just wanted to help him. She sat at his feet crying and sobbing loudly. A part of me wanted to make her leave the room, but I didn't think it would be fair to leave her out there alone either.

"_Okay one is on its way, what has happened, ma'am." _

"My boyfriend…he passed out or something! He is lying in a puddle of his own vomit."

I put my hand on his cheek. _Dead cold_. My heart could barely take it.

"_Okay, do you know how to check for pulse?"_ She asked.

"Yes." I put my fingers over where his pulse point was.

I almost cried out at how strong it was. He was alive. A part of me knew that, but it was still a possibility. _Not anymore. He has a pulse!_

"He has a pulse."

"_That is a good thing, ma'am. Now do you know what might have caused this?" _

"I don't know! He was tired a lot today, but nothing else that I know of…"

"_Okay, now can you check for breathing…I want to make sure he didn't choke on his own vomit."_

I leaned over Edward and put my ear over his mouth. I could feel his soft breath hit my ear and I could feel his heart beating under my hand on his chest.

"He's breathing."

"_Okay, maybe he just passed out…I can't know for sure, but an ambulance will be there momentarily_."

"Okay, thank you." I said.

I hung up with her and brought my hands to either side of Edward's face. I reached for a cloth and wiped his mouth for him.

"Edward…baby can you hear me?"

There was no answer.

He didn't even move.

I looked over at Alice. She sat in the corner of the bathroom with her knees to her chest and her hands over her ears. She was humming something, and rocking back and forth. There wasn't much I could do for Edward, but I knew he would have wanted me to take care of her, so I went over to her and took her in my arms.

She clung onto me.

"What is happening, Bella?" She asked me between her whimpers.

"I don't know, honey. But Edward will be fine."

There was a knock on the door. I got up from the ground and carried Alice with me. I ran to the door with Alice still in my arms, and opened it.

There were three paramedics with a stretcher. I waved them inside and had them follow me. They all went inside the bathroom and Alice and I stayed behind outside the door. The bathroom wasn't that big. I could hear them talking, but I didn't understand a lot of what they were saying. The only thing that stuck out to me and made me panic were two words: kidney failure.

"Bella are they going to take him to the hospital?" Alice asked.

"Yes, I think so."

"We need to call, Bev." She said.

She was right. Bev was supposed to be visiting with her kids this weekend, but I knew she would not be happy with me if I didn't call her.

I placed Alice down on the ground beside me and took my phone out of my pocket. I searched in my contacts for Bev's cell phone number. I dialed and she answered after the fourth ring.

"_Hello?"_ She sounded like she was just laughing. She sounded so happy and I was about to ruin that.

"Bev?" I said.

I was falling apart. I tried to hold it together for Alice, but the painful lump in my throat and the constricting pain in my chest overpowered me.

"_Bella?"_ There goes that happiness. It immediately got replaced with worry and concern. "_Is there something wrong, child_?"

"Um…yes. It's Edward. He passed out or something and I think they are going to bring him to the hospital."

She gasped. _"What happened?"_

"I don't know. He was fine, he went to get ready for work and then Alice…Alice found him passed out on the floor with vomit all around him, but he was breathing so he will be fine right?"

My breathing picked up. _Fuck. _I needed to calm down. He would be fine. That's all I knew. He would be fine.

"_I'll be there in an hour, sweets. Just stay strong. I am sure he will be fine. If I had to guess what was wrong, I would say it was his kidneys."_

"His kidneys? But how…he has been seeing the doctor for that."

"_I've had to bring him to the hospital for his kidneys before. Luckily it was never when Alice was in the room, but they will definitely take him to the hospital, and see where they can go from there."_

"He didn't even say anything though…"

_Aren't there symptoms for those kinds of things? This stuff doesn't just come out of nowhere, right?_ He was tired all day, but he swore he was fine.

"_It's just a guess, sweets. Now can I talk to Alice?"_

"Oh of course."

I handed the phone over to Alice and she started crying more when she heard Bev's voice on the other line.

I let her have her privacy, and I peeked into the bathroom. They were lifting Edward onto the stretcher. Once on it, they attached a breathing machine to his face and secured him on the stretcher.

I wanted to be near him. I hated that I couldn't help him.

He would be okay though.

He had to be.

* * *

We waited in the waiting room, and while we waited, Alice clung onto me.

There were a lot of people in there; a woman reading a magazine, a man listening to his iPod, a woman with a tear stained face trying to sooth her crying baby girl, a woman and a man embracing with a rosary in between them, a young couple with cuts on their faces and a grave look in their eyes and then there was me and Alice. A woman holding onto her boyfriend's sister as we waited to hear how Edward was doing.

Bev called and said she was close and I knew Edward would throw a fit that she left her kid's house to see him, but too bad. Bev would have been upset if I didn't call her. Like she said once before, she has known Edward longer than I had. In a lot of ways, she knew him more than I did. It may have been on a different level, but I had to respect that. Plus I knew Alice idolized Bev, and she would be comforted to have her near.

My one comfort was beyond those doors and probably fighting for his life.

A doctor emerged from the doors and everyone looked up.

"Family of Edward Cullen?" He said.

Everyone else looked away and I got up with Alice clinging onto my neck.

I walked up to the doctor. "I'm Bella Swan…Edward's girlfriend."

"There isn't a Beverly Martins here?" He asked. "She is listed as his next of kin."

"Beverly will be here soon. She was out of town. I'm his girlfriend and this is his little sister, Alice." I said.

He nodded. "Come this way, Ms. Swan."

He led me down the hall. It smelt like a hospital and the smell made me sick. You could hear sounds of TVs on, people crying, some were groaning, some laughing, and some talking loudly. The hall was all in a bustle. Nurses rushing around and I just wanted to know where Edward was in the midst of all this.

"Bella, can I get down." Alice asked.

"Of course." I set her down on the ground.

Alice was getting better. I didn't know how she was dealing with the shock, but she wasn't crying anymore and for that I was thankful. She didn't deserve to cry. She held only my hand and we followed after the older doctor.

We stopped in front of a room, and he took a chart out of the tray of the door. He opened it, read some things over, and closed it again, looking at me.

"Ms. Swan, your boyfriend is stable now. He woke up for a small amount of time while we were examining him, but we had to sedate him."

"He woke up? How was he?"

"He asked for his sister…yelled for her actually. I didn't know his sister was a small child, as I haven't had Edward as a patient before." He said.

"Ecy wanted me?" Alice asked with worry in her tone.

I looked down at her and she bit onto her trembling bottom lip.

"Yes, sweetheart, and you will get to see him in a minute. He is resting now." The doctor said in a sympathetic and comforting voice.

Alice nodded her head and leaned into my side.

"What happened?" I asked.

"We ran a couple of tests, and with Edward's kidney disease, we have concluded that his kidneys were indeed in danger of failing. That mixed with hypoglycemia caused him to pass out."

I felt so stupid. I should have made him eat something when we got back. Who knew the last time he ate before he came to my house or if he did at all.

"Okay, so what does this mean for him?"

"There is no way we can know for sure until he wakes up. I need to ask him some questions and consult with his regular doctor who is on a business trip right now, and then we will come up with a plan of action. But for now, he is stable, his heart rate is strong, and we have him on an IV drip with some medication to help his kidneys and level out his blood sugar."

I nodded. "Okay…can I go see him?"

"Yes, you may. Nurses will be coming in to check on him, but if he wakes up, I would appreciate if you will press the call button. It's important we speak to him as soon as possible."

"I will. Thank you Dr…"

"Masen. Carlisle Masen." He said with his perfect white teeth and slicked back blonde hair. He held his hand out and I shook it.

"Dr. Masen. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Ms. Swan." He looked down to Alice. "See you later Ms. Cullen." He said.

"Bye Mr. Doctor." She said.

He chuckled and turned to walk away. I turned with Alice to the door of Edward's room.

Once I opened it, I almost started crying again.

Edward looked so innocent and sick and I just wanted to hold him for as long as I could to take every bad thing away from him. It wasn't fair. He didn't deserve all the crap life threw at him.

Alice let go of my hand and ran to his bed.

"Alice be careful." I said.

"I know, I will. Can you help me up?" She asked.

She even knew to go on the side where he didn't have an IV attached to his arm. I helped her up on the bed and she snuggled into his side. She put her hand on his stomach and started rubbing in small circles.

"When I feel yucky, Ecy rubs my belly and I feel better. Do you think it will work for him?" She asked.

I sat on a chair on the other side. I took his hand in mine while being mindful of the IV on his wrist.

"I think so, honey." I said.

I leaned forward and placed a kiss on his fingers. I needed him to wake up. I would feel so much better when I saw his beautiful eyes.

"The last time he was here, he blew up rubber gloves into a balloon for me." She said.

I smiled. Of course Edward would try and turn him being in the hospital into being an enjoyable time.

"That sounds nice."

"Yeah, and then he let me hit him in the head with it." She said with a small laugh. "It was funny."

I chuckled with her. "I'm sure it was."

The door to Edward's room opened suddenly. When I looked over, Bev stood at the door with her purse being held in front of her.

"Bev!" Alice said. She didn't get up from her spot beside Edward though.

"Shortcake." She said. She walked over to the side of the bed where Alice was and kissed her face. "You okay, sweetie?"

"Yeah, I just got scared. But the doctor man said Ecy would be okay."

"I'm sure he will, sweets." She looked up at me. "What did the doctor say was wrong?"

"He said it was a mix of hypoglycemia and his kidneys."

She sighed and looked at Edward and shook her head. "He never learns."

"He's stubborn, that's what he is." I said.

"Yes, that is a big part of it." She said.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to will the headache to go away. I tried so hard not to get mad at him, but it was hard. I asked him endless amounts of time if he was okay, and he didn't say anything. He waved it off every time. I didn't know what he was thinking, but he needed to stop it. I couldn't take making regular trips to the hospital with him because he was too stubborn to say anything or take care of himself. My heart wouldn't be able to take it.

"Well, now that I know he will be okay, I think I will bring Alice home." Bev said.

"What? No." Alice whined and clutched onto Edward tighter.

"Alice, you know what your brother would say." Bev said in a warning tone.

Alice sighed. "I know…I'm not allowed to spend the night in a hospital unless I am the one who is sick." She said in defeat.

"Exactly, so let's go." Alice didn't move right away but rubbed Edward's stomach some more. "You can go too, Bella. He doesn't like people staying here for him. He gets all cranky."

I shook my head. "I don't care. I'm not leaving."

Edward already went against my wishes when he kept stuff from me, so I figured he would have to get over this one. Plus, I had nowhere to go. I wouldn't just stay in Edward's home without him there. It wouldn't be the same without him.

Bev nodded. She understood where I was coming from.

"Okay. Well let's go pretty girl." She said to Alice.

Alice sighed and lifted her head. She kissed Edward's forehead and ran her hand along his cheek. She was so gentle and loving with him. You could tell how much she worshiped the ground he walked on. She took her hand away from him and reached for me. I gave her a hug.

"When he wakes up, tell him I said he's my favorite." She whispered.

"Of course, honey."

She got down from the bed completely and went over to Bev.

Bev gave me a sad smile. "Call me if anything happens or if you need anything, sweets."

"I will. Thank you, Bev."

Bev walked out with Alice following behind her. She shut the door and I was left with Edward.

He still slept soundly; as soundly as someone who was on sleep inducing drugs could have been. I let go of his hand and went on the other side of the bed so I could hold his hand tighter. Before I sat down, I lifted the blankets for him and made sure he was comfortable. I may have been mad at him, but no matter how mad I got at him, I would always love him.

I kissed the top of his head and ran my hand through his hair. It was then that the tears started to fall. The worst part of the whole thing was that I knew him being in the hospital is only a quarter of the pain he has experienced in his life. It was hard to think about. It was hard to think that someone you love so much had suffered a lot. No matter how stubborn he was or how much he frustrated me, one fact remained; he was everything to me and he didn't deserve the hurt he experienced in his life. It killed me that there was nothing I could do about it.

I sat down on the chair and held onto his hand. I rested my head on the bed while holding his hand close. I cried softly and let everything catch up with me. The fight with Angela and Tanya, feeling my heart drop when I saw Edward lying on the floor, and my anger towards Edward. All were made minor compared to my love for him. It was a strange thing. He so quickly became the center of my world. Yeah I had a few acquaintances here and there, and I had a family who loved me, but all that didn't matter if Edward wasn't around to keep me together.

Realizing something like that…realizing that your life relied on the life of another was scary to think about. So many things could go wrong yet there was no way you would give it up. Despite the struggles that lied ahead, it wouldn't matter at all as long as you get to be around that person.

The worst part of the whole thing for me was the person I loved and needed had no self-preservation whatsoever.

I would have to have a long talk with him. I could tell that me trying to give him everything I thought he needed wasn't working at all. I needed to push him a little bit. He needed to share things with me. He couldn't keep me in the dark any longer. He at least needed to be comfortable with sharing information on his health. First it was the IED episode that caught me off guard, and then it was seeing him passed out on the floor in a puddle of his own vomit. Maybe I was being selfish, but I didn't think that was fair to me. There were only so many shocks my heart could take.

I heard Edward sigh sleepily and I lifted my head. He was moving his head from side to side and groaning softly. I kept hold of his hand and got up while I cupped his cheek in my hand.

"Edward?"

He perked up at hearing my voice and he looked over to me and I saw those green eyes I so wanted to see.

"Bella?" He said groggily.

"Hey, dude." I said with a small laugh. I wiped away the tears on my face.

He looked around the room and woke up more when he realized where he was. He lifted his hand with the IV in it.

"Fuck off." He said. He looked back over to me. "Where's Alice?"

"Bev just brought her home not too long ago."

He groaned. "You called her? She was supposed to be spending the weekend with her kids." He said frustratingly. He had nerve to get mad at me.

"Edward, shut up. Don't you dare start getting pissed at me after what you just put me through." I said.

"What I did? It's not like I could have controlled it."

"Bullshit, Edward. You have kidney disease. There is no way you can tell me you didn't know the symptoms of kidney failure and you sure as hell know that you need to keep your sugar levels in line, but instead you had hypoglycemia and you didn't tell me any of this." More tears started falling and I let go of his hand to wipe them away. "Fuck." I said.

He didn't say anything. Probably because he knew I was right. There was a knock at the door and when we both didn't answer, a nurse opened the door.

"Oh." She said when she saw Edward awake. "How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Fine." He said shortly.

"Okay well I need to go get Dr. Masen. He will be in here shortly to ask you some questions."

"Yay." Edward said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes. He was going to be in a pissy mood now, but misery loves company.

I crossed my arms in front of me and we sat in silence. I couldn't even look at him because I didn't know what I would do. I would either want to kiss him or yell at him. I couldn't risk either. It was better to just give him the silent treatment.

He didn't play a fair game though. Without saying a word, he reached his hand over to me and held onto my hand. I sighed in a mix of frustration and contentment. I didn't know if he knew what he was doing, but when he grabbed my hand, I instantly melted. It was like my kryptonite.

I held onto his hand as well. I didn't look at him though. He needed to know I was still upset, because I was. This probably could have all been avoided if he would have talked to me.

Dr. Masen came in only a couple minutes later holding Edward's chart.

"Good evening, Edward." He said. "Bella." He nodded toward me. He reached his hand out to Edward, and thankfully he didn't act too jerky and he shook his hand. Dr. Masen was looking at him a little weird, almost like he was trying to figure him out. I brushed it off. It's probably just something doctors do. "So how are you feeling?" Dr. Masen asked.

"Fine."

"Okay…well I would appreciate the real answer." Dr. Masen said.

Edward sighed. "I'm tired and feel shitty."

"That's more like it." Dr. Masen said. "Now how were you feeling beforehand?"

"Fine." Edward said.

I sighed in frustration. "He was not fine. He was tired all day." I said.

"Is this true, Edward?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Okay…Edward, I can't help you if you don't cooperate with me. Just answer my questions truthfully please. The faster you do that. The faster you can get out of here."

Edward looked over at me. I plead with him to just listen to him, and I squeezed his hand.

He sighed. "Fine."

"Now that's a fine I like." Dr. Masen said with a smile. "I will ask you a succession of questions, and would appreciate some answers." He said. Edward nodded. "When was the last time you ate today?"

"What time is it?" Edward asked.

Dr. Masen looked at his watch. "9:30."

"About two hours ago."

"No you didn't." I said.

"I had a bite of pizza." He said.

"That's not what I meant, Edward. When was your last meal?"

He sighed and closed his eyes. "I didn't have one."

I had to look away from him. _How could he be so careless?_

"I had an apple before I left for therapy and I drank some juice though."

"You know that doesn't count." Dr. Masen said.

"I have a lot on my mind, alright?" He snapped back.

"Edward. Your health should be coming first." Dr. Masen said. I couldn't have said it better myself. "Now. Have you had any other symptoms?"

He sighed. "Yes."

"What were they?" He asked.

"I only pissed once today."

_So vulgar, but so Edward_. The news startled me though. _He only went to the bathroom once?_

Dr. Masen nodded. "What else?"

"I have been itching a lot, I almost fell earlier today from being dizzy, and I've been cold and tired." He said as if he was confessing that he committed a crime.

In my world, that was a crime. _How could he have kept that stuff from me? From anyone for that matter? _

"Edward, I am sure you were briefed on the signs of kidney failure, am I right?" Dr. Masen asked.

"Yes."

Dr. Masen sighed. "Well, for now, we can up your dose of medication. In a way, the hypoglycemia that caused you to pass out let us catch it before your kidneys completely gave up. Will that be okay with you?"

"Yes."

He got up from the chair. "You have to tell someone when stuff like that happens, Edward. You do realize if this happens again, this could mean you will either have to be put on dialysis, need a transplant, or even death, right? Now I can tell you have a lot of important women in your life. Don't let your incompetence take you away from them."

"Yes." Edward said grudgingly. Bev was right. He was cranky.

Dr. Masen nodded. "Now, Ms. Swan, if you don't mind. I would like to just run a couple tests and maybe he will be released tonight." He said.

I let go of Edward's hand. I wanted to cry again. I was going to have a long talk with him.

"I'll just be outside." I said.

I didn't even look at Edward before I left. I wanted him to know I was mad at him. His actions just seemed stupid. _Why the hell would he do that?_

I walked out of the room and headed toward the waiting room. I couldn't wait to get out of there. I needed to talk to Edward.

I went to the bathroom. Once inside, I was happy to see there wasn't anyone in there. I went in one of the stalls and tried to hold myself up. It didn't work. I slid down the wall and covered my face. The sobs overtook me.

_What am I going to do?

* * *

_

"Do you really like this one, sweets?" Bev asked.

I looked around at the apartment again.

It was a simple studio apartment. It was in a decent neighborhood and it was perfect just for me. There was one bedroom, a kitchen, bathroom, and small visiting area. It was all I needed. I barely spent time at home anyway.

It was Sunday. Edward got released from the hospital the same night he was admitted which was a Friday. He was now at his home spending time with Alice while Bev went with me house-hunting.

I couldn't go back to Angela and Tanya, and there was no way I could live with Edward. We both decided that that wasn't something we were ready for. Things had been tense between us these past couple of days. He knew I was mad at him, and I knew he knew that I was mad at him.

I only saw him last night all day. I had classes and spent most of the day at the library. I went over to his house for about a half an hour just to check on him and visit with Alice. Then I spent the night at Bev's place. He called and texted me a couple times during the day, and even at night, but I was mostly quiet.

We were going to have some time alone after Bev and I got back though. Alice was going with Bev to the grocery store and that would leave me and Edward alone in his house. I wanted to settle things with him once and for all. I hated fighting with him, but not enough to give in just for the sake of not having to fight with him anymore. I needed to talk about it with him.

"Yeah, I think it's perfect." I told her.

Bev offered to help me pay for the apartment for the first month after I told her about what happened when Edward met Angela and Tanya. I told her no at first, but she was very convincing and bossy. The rent for the place we were standing in was $500 a month, and I was pretty sure that was like buying a piece of candy to Bev. I would pay her back of course.

"Okay, well we just need to do all the paper work. Come on, honey." She said.

And so we did. We went to the landlord of the place who was so happy someone was actually going to rent out the small space. It would be alright for a while. I could always upgrade to a bigger one when I saved up more money.

The only thing that worried me about this whole moving situation was telling my parents I moved out and was living in a studio apartment on my own. They would not take it nicely, but I didn't care. It was my life. I didn't need them dictating it.

We signed all the necessary papers and I officially had an apartment of my own. I hugged Bev and thanked her profusely.

On the drive home, Bev started the conversation. "So are you going to have a talk with Edward today?"

I sighed. "I hope so."

"You aren't thinking of ending things with him are you?"

I nearly crashed the car. "What! No. Of course not…well I don't want that to happen."

"Do you see it as a possibility?"

"I don't know. It's up to him I guess." She didn't answer. "Do you get where I am coming from though? Do you think I am being unfair?"

It took her a couple seconds to answer. "No…I think it is a difficult situation. Edward tries to act like he has everything under control when he really doesn't have any idea what is going on, especially when it comes to relationships. You have to give him time, but I would understand where you were coming from if it got to you every once in a while."

"Bev, I don't mind when he doesn't tell me his whole childhood, I know that is hard for him to talk about, but when it's about his health, that is a completely different story."

"I know. You just have to talk with him about it, sweets." She said.

"I will."

I pulled up to Edward's place, and Bev and I headed up the stairs. I got a little nervous when we got there. I didn't know what the atmosphere would be like. Edward had the door to his apartment unlocked, so I just walked in. When I did, I found Edward and Alice cuddled on the couch watching TV. Despite my anger towards him, that still warmed my heart to see.

"Hey shortcake, you ready to go party?" Bev asked.

Alice laughed and got up from the couch. Edward got up from his lying position and looked over at me and gave me a soft smile. I smiled back just as slightly. His face fell and I felt bad for a moment. But only a moment. At least he looked better today.

"Yup!" Alice said excitedly. "I'm ready for a grocery party!" She already had her shoes on, so I suspected they were waiting up for us.

Bev laughed. "Great, well say goodbye to your brother and get your coat. We got to beat the rain that is supposed to be coming." She clapped her hands together. "Chop, chop, little miss."

Alice laughed and ran to Edward to give him a hug. He hugged her and kissed the side of her head.

"Bye, Ecy!"

"Bye, Alice." He said.

Alice gave me a quick hug and Bev already had her coat ready for her. The both of them were talking and giggling before the both of them left. There was silence in the room after the door shut. I stood at the entryway of the living room with my arms crossed in front of me.

Edward got up from the couch and walked slowly over to me. I looked up at him briefly, but doing so made my resolve fall away. I needed to keep it, but looking at him looking so apologetic and just his adorable self would not be a good idea. He stopped when he was inches away from touching me. I could feel his body heat, and I wanted so badly to hug him. I hadn't done so in a long time it seemed.

He lifted my face with his finger to my chin. I had to look at him. I had no choice. He had a sad smile on his face. I didn't know where the sadness came from. Maybe it was because he knew I was mad at him.

"You look beautiful today." He said hopefully.

I tried so hard not to melt right there. It was so fucking hard, but I did it. I let out the breath I was holding and walked past him. I heard him sigh, and I felt bad for a second, but I needed to take control somehow.

"So you're still pretty pissed aren't you?" He asked.

I turned toward him. His green eyes were sad and pleading. I hated being mad at him mostly because my first instinct was to protect him and I couldn't even try to make him feel better when I was trying to make a point.

"Yes, I am." I said.

"Look Bella, I'm sorry, but I don't know why you are making this such a big deal, because it really isn't."

"Are you kidding me right now, Edward?" I asked; my anger building.

"Wha…well no. No. I don't think it is a big deal."

I scoffed. "Unbelievable."

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration.

"Bella…talk to me…what is going on?"

"Talk to you? You want _me _to talk to _you_?" I yelled in exasperation. "That is all I want, Edward! All I want is for you to talk to me. Fuck."

I started pacing in front of him. _How couldn't he see it? _

"I do talk to you, Bella. I don't talk to anyone like I talk to you." He looked so lost, and sounded so lost. He really didn't get what he did wrong.

"But Edward, you need to tell me things when it comes to your health. I asked you over and over again if you were okay and you said you were fine! How am I ever going to believe you again?" I wiped away the tears that started to fall.

"Bella, you're crying…" He said in a panic.

"I know I am, Edward!" I yelled in frustration.

"Why? Why are you crying, Bella?"

I groaned and grabbed onto the front of his shirt. "Edward…you have to know how much you scared me." I looked into his eye. "Edward, I love you. If anything bad happens to you, it hurts me."

I had to say it. He had to see the extent of my feelings.

He looked shocked at my words, and I knew he wouldn't say it back. I knew this, but it still hurt. I composed myself. _It shows in his actions Bella. Actions speak louder than words. _

He shook his head. "I'm sorry." He said.

"You could have avoided all of this if you would have just talked to me, baby. If something is bothering you, you have to tell me. I will support you or help you in any way I can. I feel like I'm failing you if you don't even feel comfortable enough to tell me these things."

He shook his head. "No, don't think that. That's not it." He said.

I put my hands on either side of his face. "Then what is it, baby. Please, just talk to me."

He studied my face for a moment and sighed. I took my hands off his face to give him space. He groaned and rubbed his hands over his face.

"I don't know how to." He said.

"What does that mean?"

He shook his head. "I don't mean to fucking suck at this Bella. I just…fuck I don't want to talk about it. I feel so stupid when I talk about shit like this."

"Edward, you don't have to feel stupid. It's just you and me, remember? I would never hurt you, and I will always want to help you. You mean so much to me. I thought I made that pretty clear."

"I know, I know, but it's so…ugh!" He looked like he wanted to let it out, but something was holding him back.

There was no way of knowing what it was, but whatever it was, I could tell it was frustrating him. He tried so hard, but something always held him back. Maybe if I just pushed it a little.

"Just _say _it, baby. I promise I will understand."

He looked at me with scared eyes. Scared eyes of the little boy inside him. The little boy whose parent's practically tortured him and neglected him. It broke my heart.

He took a deep breath. "Come here, please?" He asked with his hands forward.

I thought about if I should have given into him. Maybe I shouldn't have, I didn't know, but I didn't care. He looked so lost that I couldn't have.

I walked up to him, and he reached for my hands with his shaking ones. I held them out to him, and he took them in his. He ran his thumbs over the back of my hand and looked at our hands in front of him.

"I've never had to tell anyone anything." He said softly. I waited for him to continue. "Whenever I did say something, no one cared. If was sick. I didn't say anything because my father would call me a sissy or my mom would say no one liked a complainer. The nanny didn't have to care. She got paid to keep me alive during the day, and that was it."

"Edward, I'm different. I would never say those things to you." He wiped away my tears with his fingers.

"I know. But it's hard for me, Bella. I go through this whole thing in my head. I thought about telling you, I did, but then I thought well what if she doesn't even care? What if she thinks I am being a baby? What if she thinks I am a whiny bitch?" He chuckled a little. "I don't know. I guess I just doubt myself."

"But you don't have to around me, Edward."

"I know, but I don't know. It's so frustrating for me, Bella. Maybe I just need some time…"

I let go of his hands like I had been burned. It sure as hell felt like I did. "What?"

"I just hate the way I am hurting you…maybe if I have more time to think about this…"

"No!" I said. "No, you are not saying this right now." Just the idea of it had me feeling like I would fall apart. Again the realization of how much my life depended on him hit me like a thousand bricks. Just the idea of him being away from me shook me to the core.

"Bella…"

"Edward, shut up! You are not going to leave me because you are scared. You are so much stronger than that. I know you are. You just have to find it within yourself. I see it though! Why can't you just see it?"

"Because I don't think it's there! You can't expect me to change everything I have ever known all of a sudden Bella!" He yelled. He ran a hand through his hair. "Fuck…I warned you I would be this way. I didn't want to hurt you, and I just keep doing it, and doing it, and I don't know how to stop it."

I wiped the tears from my face and tried to breathe past the lump in my throat. I lifted and dropped my arms in defeat. "I don't know what to do, Edward."

He didn't answer. Just shook his head and stared up at the ceiling.

"Fine. You know, if you need time, I guess I will just have to give it to you." How I ever got those words out of my mouth, I would never know, but it happened. "Goodbye, Edward." I turned to walk away.

I waited for him to call for me, but he didn't. I made it halfway to the door and he did something even better.

He grabbed my hand.

"Bella…don't." He said in a voice filled with emotion.

I didn't hold his hand back. I didn't look back at him. "Why? If you need time…"

"No." He said. "You have to stay." He sounded like he was panicking.

"Why, Edward? Tell me why I should stay?"

I was pushing him, and I knew this, but he needed to learn how to communicate with me. Especially about his feelings. I needed to know what they were so I could help him.

He didn't answer at first but his sweating hand held onto mine tightly.

"Because…" He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Because I love you."

Everything went away.

Everything that was hurting went away, actually.

I gasped softly and turned to look at him. That lost little boy was back in his demeanor. I couldn't even comprehend that he said the words. He swallowed nervously.

"You aren't just saying that so I stay, are you?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No. No, it's true. It's…" He swallowed again. "It's real...I'm pretty sure." He got a little more confidence and he looked me right in the eye. "I miss you when you're gone. My stomach does this fucking crazy shit when I see you. It's actually freaking weird, but it's not bad. We're kind of weird people so…" I laughed. I squeezed onto his hand and reached for his other one. He wiped away my tears. "I hate seeing these fucking tears. When you smile because of me, I feel proud. When I make you cry, I feel like the biggest scumbag that ever lived. I love that you challenge me and you protect me. When I think about you ever leaving me, I feel like I will suffocate on the spot."

I ran my hand along the side of his face. "I will never leave you, baby."

"I hope you keep thinking that way. Because I know I am pretty much the world's stupidest boyfriend, but I'm trying." I smiled and shook my head. He ran his thumb over my lips. "I love that smile."

He leaned forward and kissed me. I didn't know where all of this was coming from, but it resulted from him trying. He was proving to me that he would try for me…he was proving to me that he loved me.

"I always want to kiss you." He said. "I know I should be doing more for you, and I haven't, but I will make it happen, hermosa."

I pulled his face back to mine to kiss him. "Thank you."

"The hair is going to go…" He said. _Woops. I'm not supposed to thank him for his kisses._

I screamed and covered his head with both of my hands. "Not the hair!"

He laughed and took my hands from his hair and put them around his neck. "I love that you are like…really crazy."

I kissed him again. I couldn't help it. This conversation turned out better than I thought. Not only did he tell me he loved me, he also proved to me that he was going to make an extra effort to tell me his feelings. He did so well telling me just then. I didn't know if this was just a temporary jolt of confidence, or if he was just desperate to make me stay, but I figured it didn't matter. Either way, he said it and that was big for him.

As long as he didn't want me to leave and as long as he was near, because he made my world so much better. He made everything worth it.

"Just promise you will make an effort to not scare me like that again. I always want to know if there is anything wrong with you, baby."

I kissed him again. I couldn't help it.

_He loved me! He said the words! _

"Aye, aye, captain."

I laughed. "Such a strange man."

"Such an obvious fact." He said back.

I laughed and yes, I kissed him again. It felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders and I couldn't get enough of him.

"I seriously love you so much, dude."

"I second that notion, but just minus the 'dude' with an added 'chick' in there."

I was a mess of giggles and tears. I pulled him in for a hug. I just needed to feel him as close to me as possible in that moment.

I walked in the door mad at him, and I was going to leave loving him more than I ever thought possible.

There was no denying that he turned into a very significant part of my life.

He was necessary for my happiness.

He made everything better.

He was everything.

* * *

_I was all alone and I didn't have a place.  
__You came into my life and then everything changed.  
__Love this strong never fades,  
__Holds onto your life, doesn't go away.  
__With you,  
__This world is a better place.  
__This world is a better place with you._

_**With You, by Natalie Walker

* * *

**_

**Hope you all liked this chapter! I wrote this whole thing yesterday, so I didn't get to do review replies, but this was a pretty fast update right? **

**Big thank you to my homeboy Alexa for pre-reading for me! If it wasn't for her, this would have been out later so go thank her by checking out her stories! Her penname is AlexaET!**

**Also, thanks to Nilla for the thread. I really am adding the link this time, lol, I got kind of sidetracked when I had to write this chapter as fast as possible for you all lol. **

**I'll update again as soon as possible. **

**Review please :]**


	19. Chapter 18: Truth In Your Eyes

**Chapter 18: Truth In Your Eyes**

**BPOV**

"Alice, please stop spinning on the chair." I said as I glanced behind me.

She was supposed to get her homework done before we left. We were still at the school as I offered to bring Alice home, but I was stuck there until three. I set Alice up at a desk to get her homework done before we left, but she wasn't having any of it.

"But Bella I can't do it! It's so hard!"

I sighed. It was completely known that Alice did not take her medication today. I didn't know why, but maybe she just forgot, or Bev did. I texted Edward during my lunch break when she was sent to the office an hour into the school day and he answered back with an 'oh joy.' As sarcastic as always.

Oh well, at least it was Friday, and a week before Christmas vacation. Although because of that excitement, the kids were extra rowdy during the school day, and I was also preparing for finals like a mad woman. Yeah, life had been crazy these days.

I turned back to the paperwork I had to fill out for the University. This was my last day at work as next week would be filled with finals at school. I had to have Mr. Winters sign it as well to prove that I had been working and that I could get credits for it for one of my classes. I couldn't wait to get finals over with. I barely got to spend any time with Edward these past couple of weeks because I was held up in my apartment or at a library studying with my study group. It was wearing me down.

"Bella? Does anyone even use math in real life?" Alice asked. I didn't even have to look to know she was still spinning on the chair.

"I use it every day, and I am pretty sure everyone else does too." I said while not looking away from the paper I was writing on.

"Ugh…grown up life must be bo-ring."

"Not really." I said.

"Hey, Bella?" She asked.

"Yes, Alice?"

"Can we go now…pleeeeassee."

"A couple more minutes. Just wait."

I hoped she would calm down just a little once we got to Edward's place. Edward should be getting out of therapy soon, and I knew he would already be stressed. He gets all worked up when Alice is in moods like this anyway.

I signed my name on the paper, and I was done.

"Are we going now?" She asked.

"Yes, but first I have to have Mr. Winters sign this, so come on." I held my free hand out to her, and she skipped over to me.

We made our way down to Mr. Winter's office. Mrs. Watson was already getting her stuff together to leave. We gave her a wave, and she gave us a polite smile. I went to Mr. Winter's office and he was also getting ready to leave. He signed my paper with no objections and I was glad to get out of there.

I decided to spend the rest of my Friday hanging out with my two favorite people before I needed to start studying again over the weekend.

Edward was going to make us dinner. He said I could choose what I wanted, and I of course chose his famous swiss burgers. He may not be able to clean his house properly, and he may smoke like a chimney, and swear like a sailor, but my man can cook.

I brought Alice back to the classroom so we could get all of our stuff together. It was a little saddening to me that I wouldn't see the kids I taught for a couple of weeks, but I said bye to all of them earlier. It was a part of the job anyway. You get to teach them all you can for the duration of the year, and then you send them off.

On the way over to Edward's place, Alice wanted the radio on and she sang her heart out to the songs she knew and even tried on the songs she didn't know. I couldn't help but laugh at her, but I also wondered if she would ever calm down. I hoped Edward's therapy session didn't go that bad because if it did, he would probably be really pissy, and I really didn't want to deal with a pissy Edward.

I missed him. We barely got to spend some alone time together at all these past couple weeks.

My phone started ringing when I was at a red light so I turned down the music.

"Hey!" Alice complained.

"Someone's calling me, Alice. Hold on." I said.

I took out my phone and my heart did a whole bunch of weird things when I saw 'Asshole' was calling. I thought about changing it to Edward or something a little nicer, but in the end, I decided against. He _was _an asshole; an asshole that I loved, but an asshole none the less.

"Oh fine." Alice said with a sigh.

I answered the phone. "Hey, baby."

"Oh woops, I called the wrong person." He laughed.

I laughed. "Are you kidding?"

He continued laughing at himself. At least he wasn't in a bad mood.

"No, I'm not. I meant to call Bev. But Bev and Bella are close in my phone so…"

"What a weirdo."

"Alright, well I don't have anything to say to you so see ya, chick."

"Oh, well I feel loved." I said sarcastically.

"Shut up. I'm really scatter-brained today and I can't take a guilt trip on top of that." He sounded hyper.

A hyper Edward hadn't been an Edward I got the pleasure of seeing yet, but I was thoroughly amused.

"Are you under the influence of something, dude?"

He laughed. "No, I just need to get out of the house, and that is why I am supposed to be talking to Bev right now. I wanted to ask her if we could go to the mansion today, even if just for a couple hours because I have work and shit, but I need to get out of the here."

"Okay so why are you talking to me? Call Bev!"

He groaned. "It's your fault. I'm hanging up now. Bye, hermosa."

I chuckled.

I missed him.

"Bye, baby." I hung up the phone and turned the music back up to an also hyper Alice in the back seat.

_Great. Now I had two hyper siblings to deal with for the rest of the day._

* * *

I really couldn't believe what I was seeing.

I stood in a tennis court. Yes, an indoor tennis court in an extension of Bev's mansion. It was like a gym the size of the gym at my middle school. Well, technically it wasn't only a tennis court, after a little changes made to the place it could be a volleyball court, basketball court, or just a place to run around, but right now it was a tennis court.

But that wasn't what had my attention.

No.

What had my attention were the two people playing tennis in front of me. They went all out. We already had dinner, and the both of them needed to let off a little pent up energy they had built up inside them. More so Alice now as Edward calmed down after dinner, but if I didn't know any better, I would have said they were both high off of something. They laughed so much at things that weren't funny and said ridiculous things. I guess they were both just in a really good mood (and Alice off her meds.)

I of course laughed with them. I loved the both of them, and seeing them so happy rubbed off on me, we were having a great time. It was a much needed break from the constant studying I had been doing. Instead of staring at books and computer screens, I was now staring at my boyfriend dressed in a white polo shirt, white shorts, and red sweat band, and his little sister dressed in a similar outfit, only the sweat band was pink.

When they asked me to play, I denied. I was a competitive person, but tennis was _not _my sport. Staying out of the game was also great though because I got to watch in wonder at Edward and Alice playing.

"Come on you baby! You stink at this game!" She yelled.

"Shut it, short stuff! I'm going easy on you." He yelled back and served the ball.

They played dirty. I knew Edward was competitive, and apparently so was Alice, but they had no mercy. I did notice Edward wasn't hitting as hard as he could, but that is just common sense. A twenty-three year old man shouldn't be whipping balls at a six year old.

The ball kept going back and forth until Alice hit it and Edward couldn't run to catch it fast enough and it got away from him.

"Hah! You play tennis like a girl!" She yelled.

"Alice Millicent, I am so going to tackle you if you don't stop being cocky."

"Not happening!" She yelled back.

And the rest of the game went on a little like that. They would hit back and forth, someone would miss, the other would make fun of the loser, and a little war of words would commence before the cycle would start over again. It was amusing, and in a weird, twisted way; sweet.

I looked down at the clock on my phone and saw that is was already six.

"Edward!" I called. He looked over at me. "It's time to go, dude."

He told me to tell him when six rolled around because we still needed to go back to his place to get Alice in bed and he had to get ready for work, which would only leave Edward and I with about an hour of alone time, but I knew what I was getting myself into. Plus, any amount of time with Edward was enjoyable to me.

Alice started cheering because if the game was ending, that meant she won. Edward just waved it off and walked over to me. Alice just started laughing because he was ignoring her.

"Sore loser! I'm going to get some water!" She said and skipped out of the room.

I went to go get her racket from the ground and when I turned around, I walked into a big sweaty man who was wrapping his arms around me.

"Ew…you're all sweaty, babe." I tried swatting him away but he was persistent and he was laughing. I couldn't say no to him.

"Well it's either kiss me now, or kiss me never because we don't have much time." He said.

I looked into his green eyes. They looked happy. It wasn't something I really saw often. He wasn't always depressed or anything, but there was always something that seemed to nag him at all points of the day, and right then, I couldn't see anything of that nature in his eyes. It made me happy as well.

I sighed. "I guess so."

He chuckled. "Wow. You're romantic." He said sarcastically.

"Dude, you're the one trying to kiss me in a gym all sweaty and smelly. Last time I checked, I didn't see that as romantic."

"Oh just shut up and kiss me." He said.

I laughed and grabbed his face—sweaty cheeks and all—and pulled his lips to mine. He snaked his arms around my waist and I was surprised when he was the one to deepen the kiss and put his tongue on my lip, asking for access. I of course obliged, and we kissed deeper.

Now, I loved he was willing to go even farther when it came to kissing, but it was definitely bitter-sweet. Sweet because I was proud of him for trying that way and I loved kissing him, but it was also bitter because it only left me feeling even more hot and bothered.

Edward was a good kisser. Like, a phenomenal kisser actually. I could kiss him for a long amount of time. Or so I thought. The more I got to kissing him, the more I wanted _more. _I didn't know if he felt that way—probably not—but it drove me crazy. He was just so….ugh. So attractive and perfect and just plain sexy. And if he was that good at kissing, there were so many possibilities on what else he was good at…I need to stop. I knew that would take time, but I really hoped it would come sooner than later. The man drove me absolutely crazy.

"Eeeecccyyyy!" Alice yelled from who knows where. I still got confused on the layout of the place.

He groaned and pulled away. "What, Alice?" He yelled.

I put my head on his chest, just enjoying his closeness. He really had his hands full with Alice.

"I'm tried! Let's go!"

"Oh thank God." He mumbled.

I chuckled. "So that's what the tennis was for? To wear her out?"

He started walking and I held onto his hand as we made our way to Alice. "Yes, plus I like playing. I'm supposed to be exercising with diabetes, but I'm just too lazy sometimes."

"Well maybe we could do something together. Maybe go for walks in the morning or something."

"Yeah, maybe. After I have my coffee though." He said with a smirk my way.

"Hell yes. I need my muffin." I said.

He laughed and we finally made it to the main foyer of the mansion. That was the only place that I was familiar with. Alice already stood at the door waiting for us and chugging a water bottle. Edward walked over to her and she handed him the water bottle without him having to ask. He then squatted down before taking a sip and Alice climbed onto his back. He got up and took a sip of the water.

Watching Alice and Edward, I got a little jealous. Not in a resentful way, more in a wondering way I guess. But they were so closely connected it was almost mind-blowing. Only minutes earlier, they were yelling at each other and calling each other names, and now it was like all that was gone. I didn't really understand it too well, but I wish I did. Having a sibling must be an interesting experience to have. Or maybe it was just Alice and Edward. They were two very special people so who knows, but it still made me wish I had someone like that.

I used to call Angela and Tanya my sisters. They were the closest I ever had to a sibling, but that obviously didn't work out. After these past couple of weeks, I actually started to miss them. Neither one of them tried to call me though, which also really hurt. I thought about the whole fall out with them a lot. After looking back, I got where they were coming from. It made sense; Edward did have a history of violence, he did destroy a bar, but they didn't even try and understand where he was coming from. That night he destroyed the bar, he was having an episode. He has a disorder, and I could have got to telling them that if they would have given him a chance.

I didn't want to call them first. I didn't see what I did wrong or Edward for that matter, so why should I go crying back to them? Maybe I was just acting stubborn, but it seemed logical to me. Maybe they just needed time to think things over and see where they were wrong. I get they were trying to protect me or whatever, but they could have approached that whole situation in a more polite fashion and without insulting me and Edward.

I get that people don't see Edward the way I do, but it still frustrated me that they wouldn't even give him a chance. If given a chance, Edward would probably be happier, which is all I ever want for him.

"You ready, hermosa?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, sure." He started heading out, and I followed. He ran down the stairs and Alice giggled the whole way.

I smiled. At least they were happy.

That's all that mattered.

* * *

I clicked through the channels and couldn't find anything on.

I wasn't much of a TV watcher, but there was nothing else to do. I was waiting for Edward to finish up his shower. Alice fell asleep in the car, but Edward woke her up to take a bath, and after that, she passed out. Edward told me he would take a quick shower too, but it seemed like he was taking forever.

It was a quarter passed seven, and we had a little bit of time alone before he had to leave for work. I ended up just putting on some Lifetime movie, and placed the remote down next to me. After a couple of minutes, I started getting into the movie when Edward walked in.

I glanced back at him, and groaned internally. It was a groan of frustration. The man was wearing his scrubs. _The green ones_. The green ones that matched his eyes. Scrubs already were my weakness, but he made them go on a whole different level of sexy. Not only that, but his hair was wet and sticking up all over the place. He needed to stop being so desirable before I exploded or just jumped him.

He walked over to me, and sat on the opposite end. I thought he was going to stay over there, but instead, he laid down and put his head in my lap. He smiled up at me and I smiled at him. I put my hands to his hair and got on his side.

"What the hell is this?" He asked, looking at the TV.

"I don't know; some kind of Lifetime movie."

"Lame." He said. He reached over me for the remote and turned on the news.

"Oh because the news is so much funner to watch." I said sarcastically.

"The news is the most influential program on television. I don't know what you're talking about." He said a matter-of-factly.

"It's depressing."

He shrugged his shoulder. "Life's depressing. You can't be ignorant of everything that is going on around you."

"I'm not ignorant."

"No, I'm not saying you are, hermosa, I'm just saying I would rather know about what is out there than not know. I've learned life will always throw you some crazy shit at you, and I would rather be ready."

"I guess I never thought of it like that before."

It always interested me to see the world the way Edward did. And so I watched it with him. There was some kind of debate going on between two experts on war talking about what was going on overseas. What they were speaking of was scary. It made me feel horrible for all of the people over there being hurt by a war. To me, war was pointless. No one ever truly wins in a war. After so many lives lost, does the main goal really mean much in the end? I knew war unfortunately was an inevitable part of life, but it still sucked.

A commercial came on, and Edward turned it off. He didn't get up though; he only turned on his back to look at me. I continued running my hands through his now damp hair.

"Hi." He said.

I chuckled. "You have been sitting in here for about ten minutes, and you are just now saying hi?"

"Fine, then I won't say hi to you again."

I stopped running my hands through his hair and gave him a reproachful look. "You're an ass."

He chuckled. "Just love me and keep playing with my hair."

I laughed and did as he told me. Both were requests I would easily listen to. He sighed and closed his eyes when I started scratching his scalp. I chuckled at the noises he was making.

"Dude, you're like a dog."

"At least I'm not a bitch." He snapped back.

I gasped and hit his chest. "What are you implying?"

"Uh…that you're a very nice lady."

"Nice save, stronzo."

"Oh, mira a usted, utilizando un lenguaje diferente."

"Huh?"

He chuckled. "I said, oh look at you, using a different language in Spanish."

"Oh. Well that's the only word I know."

"I'll teach you more some other day, but for now I just want to talk about a whole lot of nothing since we haven't spoken in forever because you study like a mad woman."

"It's not my fault! It's just really hard!"

I watched as his face turned from serious to thoroughly amused and then to laughing hysterically.

"That's what she said!" He said.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Such a guy."

"You walked right into that one, pazza."

"Yeah I guess I did."

I waited for him to control himself. He still let a couple laughs out here and there. I didn't think it was _that_ funny, but he apparently did. _Men. _Finally he stopped and melted my heart when he reached up and grabbed one of my hands from his hair. He brought it to his lips and kissed my knuckles.

"In all seriousness though, you probably don't have to study that much. You are naturally smart."

I snorted. "And you're naturally biased."

"Oh hush, you don't have to be modest around me. Just admit it, you're the shit." He laced his fingers with mine and held it on his shoulder while running his thumb over my knuckles. I liked when we had moments like these.

"Why don't you just admit it, you're biased."

He laughed. "Oh shit, that reminded me of something. I don't know what I was talking about exactly, but I was talking with Bev, and I said the word bias for some reason and…" He stopped to let out a laugh. I smiled down at him. I loved seeing him happy. It meant so much to me to see him like that. "Alice, she was two or three at the time, she walked up to me, and she said, 'Ecy, why do you say big ass?'"

I laughed as he said in his interpretation of a little girl's voice. He started laughing as well thinking back on it.

"That's too funny." I said.

"Yeah, I should have written a book. I would call it 'The Funny Ass Shit Alice Says.'"

I chuckled. "I bet it would make millions."

"Probably."

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yeah, beautiful?"

I looked over to the clock. I wanted it to stop. I wished we had more time together. It wasn't fair.

The worst part of it was I wasn't even going to get to spend Christmas with him either. I had to go to my parent's place, and he was going to stay with Alice. He didn't want to meet them just yet, which I got. It would have been a little strange for him to take Alice away from her home on Christmas too. That was his main reason.

"I've been thinking, I don't know why I never asked before, but why does Alice call you Ecy?"

His face got serious and maybe even a little sad. I instantly regretted asking the question, but it was something I have been thinking about.

"My uncle told her to call me that."

"Your uncle? You have an uncle?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I have a lot actually; they just don't associate with me after…shit happened." I wouldn't even try to get him to explain that. One question at a time. "But my uncle Will was my father's brother, and he was pretty cool. I only knew him for a small amount of time. He came around right around when Alice was born because he was in jail my whole life up until then."

"What was he in jail for?"

"Drugs. My father was embarrassed by him, but he still came around. He was the person I was closest to, besides Alice of course, that shared my blood."

I wanted to meet Edward's uncle Will just for that reason. Just the fact that he gave Edward a chance and gave him a companion, made me incredibly thankful to him. Yeah he may have been a drug dealer or whatever, but I have learned to not judge people by their actions.

"That's nice."

"Yeah, he was a no-nonsense guy. He joked around a lot, and he loved Alice. He loved Alice a lot." He said.

He looked like he was looking far off to another time. I squeezed his hand in reassurance. He must have missed his uncle, wherever he was. He shook his head to clear it of memories I am sure.

"Anyway, he hated my name. I think it is because I had my father's name, I don't know, but he said it sounded too formal for a kid."

"It is a pretty old fashioned name." I said.

"Yeah, I know, but I like it even though I am named after my father. No one called him Edward though. Mostly Ed or Ted or for me, dick-head."

I chuckled. "I like your name, baby. It fits you."

"Why thank you, but my uncle Will would have fought you on that. He called me all kinds of things. Say a name."

"Uh…Jerry."

"He called me that." He said.

I laughed. "Really?"

"Yeah, he called me a lot of crazy shit. I could go on and on about that, but I guess I should get to the point, huh?"

I chuckled. "It's okay, baby. You can tell me what you want."

He sighed. "Okay, well when Alice was learning how to talk, she couldn't say Edward. She started talking around nine months I think. She learned early. Well, he wanted to think of a name that she could call me and be able to pronounce. So the clever guy he was," He said sarcastically. I chuckled. "He took my initials, E-C, and made them into his own name. He told Alice to call me that, which is how the name Ecy was born."

"That's pretty cool. Especially since it stuck. She barely ever calls you Edward."

"Yeah I know. But don't you go and start calling me that." He said.

I smiled. "I would never. That's Alice's name for you and I think it's adorable."

He got up from lying on my lap. He sat back on the couch and pulled me down so I was lying on his lap. It was little actions like that that made me love him even more.

He took the elastic out of my hair and put it on his wrist. He put his hands in my hair.

"It's your turn, hermosa."

I sighed at the feeling of his hands running through my hair. "I love you."

"I love you too, hermosa."

My heart did a million different things at once and I rejoiced at his words. He didn't say them very often, and he wasn't usually the first one to say it, but he did say it, and that's all that counted.

"So where is your uncle now?" I asked.

"In jail. He's sentenced to twenty-five years, so yeah; I probably won't see him much."

"That's sad. So you haven't spoken to him once?"

"No, he can't have visitors for now. I guess I'll get a call when he can, but until then, I don't get to speak to him." I nodded my head. "Which is fucking stupid too, because the last time I spoke to him, I was supposed to meet with him. He needed to tell me something. He said it was important. So important that he couldn't tell me over the phone, but I never got to know."

"What do you think it was about?"

He took a deep breath and shrugged. "Don't know. It could be anything I guess."

That was strange. I wondered what his uncle would have wanted to tell him, but Edward was right. It could have been anything. There was another question nagging at me in my head, but I didn't know if I should have asked it. But he seemed willing to share, so I decided to at least give it a try.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"I want to ask you something else, but you absolutely don't have to answer if you don't."

"Go ahead. Just ask it."

I copied his actions from before and took one of his hand in mine and kissed his knuckles. I decided my position wasn't the best for this kind of conversation though, so I got up and sat cross-legged next to him and held his hand to reassure him.

"How did you...well, you know, how did you get custody of Alice?"

He looked down at my hands. He looked deep in thought.

"Bella…" He started. He wasn't going to tell me. I knew it. "It's a really long story."

I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed.

"Okay, I guess." The disappointment made itself know in my voice.

He sighed. "Can I just give you the watered down version for now? It really is too long. I don't have time."

I looked up at him, he looked scared, but determined.

"Sure." I said.

He sighed. "I had the opportunity to take Alice out of a dangerous life living with my parents. My parents…they did some horrible shit. I didn't want Alice around that. I just don't want her to be like me. I didn't want her damaged by them."

The conviction and emotion in his voice elicited tears to form in my eyes. He cared so much for her.

"How old were you?"

"I signed the papers on my eighteenth birthday in a hospital bed."

"A hospital bed?"

He shook his head and shifted his position on the bed.

"Another day, hermosa." He said in a strained voice.

I didn't even push the subject. The grave and hurtful tone of his voice told me to leave it alone, and it also told me that he may have suffered even more than I probably thought.

"Okay."

"Alice was one. We have the same birthday, did you know that?"

"No, I didn't." I knew Edward's birthday was June 20, but I had no idea Alice's birthday fell on the same day. It was just another way they were connected. "You gave her an amazing birthday gift that day, baby."

"I think it was the other way around." He said. He took a deep breath. "I was in a bad place. I…" He shook his head. "I was close to doing some destructive shit when I was sixteen from drugs to even suicide." I gasped. That was a hit to my heart I wasn't expecting.

"Edward…"

"I was a fucked up kid, Bella. They fucked me up, and that is why I took Alice away from that. When I found out my mother was pregnant with her, everything changed. My fucked up life meant nothing to me. The only thing that mattered, and the only thing I worry about every day since then is making sure she doesn't end up like me."

"Edward, baby, there isn't anything wrong with you." I kissed his hand. He needed to know he was a great man, because he was.

"Maybe now that's true, but that is just because of Alice. If it wasn't for her, I would probably either be in jail, or dead."

"Edward, please…" It was too much for me. The pain was weighing me down. I hated thinking Edward was ever in that place.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but you asked me, and I'm telling you. The point is, I don't _ever_ want Alice to even have to think of shit like that. I don't _ever _want her in the place I was in. It may be too late for me, because I will always remember that shit, and the feeling of thinking death is better than the life I was living, but I will make sure she never gets that feeling. I know I'm not the perfect guardian, and I probably mess shit up all the time, but anything is better than living with them." He started getting really worked up and his jaw was tight, and I could see the sweat forming on his face.

"Hey, hey," I said.

I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms around him. I hoped my arms comforted him even a little bit. I wanted to protect him from whatever hurt him, and the idea of his childhood obviously hurt him.

"You are doing amazing with her, baby. She is so happy."

He held onto me and sighed a shaky sigh. He kissed the side of my head. "Thank you, Bella."

I pulled away and kissed him. The kiss wasn't a kiss just because; it was a kiss of reassurance and of love. Both of which Edward needed so badly.

"I don't like seeing you hurt, baby. But thank you for telling me."

He gave me a soft smile. "Don't thank me, I'm just glad I finally got to give you what you wanted."

"You give me a lot, Edward."

"But I can always give more." I shrugged. He gave me a peck on my lips. "I have to start heading out."

I whimpered and pulled him back to me. "I don't want you to go." I whined into his neck.

He chuckled. "You know, you could always just sleep over here."

Edward has tried to get me to spend the night for a while now. I was proud of him for even making the request, because I was sure that was big for him, but I always kindly declined.

I loved Edward, I truly and honestly did, and I would give up anything for him, but I wouldn't give up my sense of self. I knew I shouldn't be sleeping over his house every night because that would be like living with him. Edward was everything to me, but I knew where I stood. I was only nineteen. I needed to have some time of independence.

I always relied on others my whole life, and I wanted to do things on my own even if just for a little while. I didn't want to mooch off of anyone. I needed to do the whole independent thing for myself. It didn't mean I loved Edward any less. Maybe sleeping over his house wouldn't be such a bad thing, but I felt if I did it once, I wouldn't ever want to sleep home again. I couldn't rely on yet another person to do things for me. I had to do some things on my own.

Edward knew that and respected that, but it never stopped him from trying, and I am glad he didn't. "No way, Jose."

He groaned. "Come on. You can sleep in my comfortable bed."

I chuckled. "No."

"Uh…I'll make you breakfast in the morning."

I ran my hands along the side of his face. He was a beautiful man. "No."

He groaned. "Come on, Bella. What do I have to do to make you stay here for the night?"

"Hmm…" I thought about it for a second. I scrunched my face in concentration, and he chuckled. His eyes also told a lot about his feelings for me. I was loved. "I would have to say a diamond ring with _at least_ two carats."

His face fell. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious, baby." _Not really._ But I think he knew that. It never hurt to mess around a little, right?

"That's some fucking high maintenance shit right there."

"Oh, I didn't tell you I was high maintenance? Well now you know. Two carats will do because I love you an all that stuff, but I really like four…or maybe more."

"Jesus Christ, woman." He said. I smiled at him. "How much will that shit cost me?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"That's probably like, a million dollars."

"You're crazy. It wouldn't be that much."

"Might as well be." He said.

I laughed. "Look it up. I'm actually curious."

"I don't have a computer, Bella."

"You have a smart phone, no?"

"Yes, I have a smart phone. My phone may be smart, but I'm stupid. I don't know how to work the damn thing."

I laughed. "Well then I guess you will find out the price when you buy it."

He kissed me. "You keep wishing that, beautiful."

"Well you keep wishing I will spend the night at your house then."

"You're an evil, evil woman and I don't even know why I like you." He said.

He kissed me again and started to get up, but I pulled him back.

I kissed him. "You love me, just admit it."

"Okay fine, I love you, but I only like you because you're cute. Other than that, you're a horrible person." He said teasingly.

"Get over it, dude. You're stuck with me."

"Oh the horror!" He said in a shaky and semi-girly voice.

I laughed and kissed him again. I found myself a little upset that we didn't have more time for kissing, but I had to be thankful with the time I had with him. I enjoyed myself being with him, and he was opening up to me more.

I was satisfied.

* * *

I walked out of my class feeling like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I took my last final and I had no school work to worry about for three weeks.

Life was good.

Another thing that made the day even better was that I had a date with Edward. It would be just the two of us. Alice was going out with Bev on that fine Saturday, and I had the whole afternoon with Edward. I didn't think we were going anywhere extravagant; actually, I wouldn't be surprised if we just spent the day at his place. I wouldn't mind that, as long as I was with him.

When I got to Edwards, I had to run through the rain. It was supposed to rain for three days and this was day two. It went on and off, so it wasn't that bad, but rain gets annoying after a while.

Once inside the building and near Edward's door, I smelt some food cooking. I had a good feeling it came from Edward's apartment and I tried to think of how I got so lucky to have found a boyfriend who not only looked good, but also cooked good. Who knew. I didn't know what it was, but I was glad I did it.

I knocked on the door, and he answered after a couple of knocks. When he opened the door, I saw he was wearing green flannel pajama bottoms and a white v-neck t-shirt.

He smiled and grabbed my hand. He didn't say a word, but as we walked hand-in-hand, he kissed the back of my hand and brought me to his room. On his bed were a pair of blue pajama pants and a white v-neck t-shirt. He picked them up and handed them to me.

"Here." He said. "Get comfortable, beautiful."

In life, it really was the little things that meant the most.

I took the clothes from him. "You don't even understand how happy you make me." I said.

I didn't know why, maybe it was the stress of the week, maybe it was the realization that I wouldn't see him for a whole week, or maybe it was just the overwhelming love I felt for him, but I felt like crying. He said he was trying, but it seemed effortless to him. Just him being thoughtful enough to think of getting me comfortable clothes to wear on our date after my stressful week was enough.

He smiled and kissed my forehead. "Same here." He whispered and walked past me to give me privacy to change.

I began thinking of what else he had planned for the rest of the night. Whatever it was, I was sure it would be amazing. I started taking off my clothes and I slipped on his clothes. The pants were really big, but I just tightened the draw-strings and I was set. I put the shirt on which was also really big on me, but it smelt like Edward. He wanted me comfortable, and I never felt more comfortable in my life.

I went out of his room, and into the kitchen where he was stirring something. The house was silent. I liked the sound of it. I walked up to Edward and wrapped my arms around him from behind. I rested my head on his back and took a deep, calming breath.

"I hope you like spaghetti." He said.

"I'll like anything you make me, love." I said.

"Even if I fried up some grass?"

I laughed heartily. _The shit this man comes up with._

"Uh…I don't know."

"The answer would be no. That's gross."

"Well I like spaghetti, so we are good for now."

"Good. I don't have much planned today. Just figured you weren't up for anything extravagant."

"That's perfect. Just a lazy day with you sounds amazing."

He hummed in agreement. He turned around after he finished mixing and took my face in his hands. He kissed me lightly. I was just about to deepen the kiss when there was a knock at the door.

Edward groaned and pulled away. "Who the fuck is that?"

I chuckled. "Oh let me find out with my telepathic powers." I said sarcastically.

He gave me a dirty look, buy I knew he wanted to smiled. "Har, har." He said. "Just for that, you have to come with me to answer the door."

I laughed. _Was that supposed to be a punishment?_ He grabbed my hand and we went to the door. He opened it, and there was a man on the other side. Edward tensed and squeezed my hand tighter.

"Bowman." He said.

"Edward." The man replied with a curt nod. He was an older man, maybe in his forties. He had graying brown hair and a sturdy build. He wore a black suit and I wondered who he was. "You are ignoring my calls."

"I don't want to talk to you." Edward said.

Bowman stepped forward and Edward stepped back. The man shut the door once he as inside.

"I'm your lawyer, Edward. You have no choice but to talk with me."

"Bullshit. I don't have a court date anytime soon." Edward snapped.

I looked up at him. He was angry…no he was livid. It scared the shit out of me. Why did I have a feeling this date which was supposed to be prefect was going to end in Edward having an episode?

"Edward, I wouldn't call you unless it was important."

"I don't want to hear it, Bowman. I know they're out. I don't fucking care, as long as they don't lay a finger on Alice." Edward said.

He was sweating. His hand shook in mine.

_No._

"Edward…we can try to make that happen, but it all depends on you."

"Don't tell me you came here to tell me fucking shit I already know."

I tried to take my hand out of Edward's to rub his back, but he held on tighter to my hand. He needed me. He needed the contact, so I didn't try again.

"No. I'm not." The man looked nervous. "You have to promise to calm down, Edward."

"I don't want to fucking hear it!" Edward yelled.

I was so lost. I didn't know what was going on. I had a feeling it had to do with Edward's parents, but what about them? _And where are the out from?_

"Edward, I have no choice. I have to ask you."

"Edward, just listen to him, baby." I said.

I noticed how nervous Edward's lawyer looked and I felt bad. Edward was on the brink of an episode.

Edward looked down at me and sighed. "Fine. Just say it."

"Your parents would like to speak with you…to meet with you."

_I shouldn't have encouraged him to saying that._

* * *

_It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart  
Without saying a word you can light up the dark  
Try as I may I could never explain  
What I hear when you don't say a thing  
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me  
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall  
You say it best when you say nothing at all_

_**When You Say Nothing At All, by Alison Krauss

* * *

**_

**So what do you all think? I know this is kind of a cliffy, but again, I will update ASAP! I didn't leave you waiting that long last time right? So just hang in there people! **

**Big thank you to my homeboy Alexa. She is a big reason why I get these chapters out fast, because if they don't get her stamp of approval, I don't post it! lol And she always gets them back to me as soon as possible, so that is why I get to update when I do! So go thank her by reading her stories! Her penname is AlexaET. **

**Also, I am currently working on a one-shot. It is just a one-shot that came to me one day, and I am doing it after the song "Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event. I already have a banner, which I will post on my profile along with the song. I would really like it if you all looked out for it! It's my first one-shot so I am a little nervous! haha**

**Thanks so much for the reviews last chapter, I didn't get to reply to all, but know I thank you all a million times over for your support. And with that, I will stop. LOL **

**Review please :]**


	20. Chapter 19: Hold On Hope

**WARNING: This chapter contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers. **

**Chapter 19: Hold On Hope**

**BPOV **

"_Your parents would like to speak with you…to meet with you." _

Edward laughed a maniacal laugh that sent chills through my body, but not in the good way.

He let go of my hand and walked away.

"Goodbye, Bowman." He said and went into the kitchen, still laughing.

I looked over at Bowman, and watched as he took a deep breath. He pinched the bridge of his nose and squinted his eyes. I felt bad for him, he didn't have anything to do with what Edward's parents wanted. He was just the messenger and Edward unfortunately took his anger out on him.

"Mr. Bowman." I called to him softly.

I wanted him to know I wouldn't be cross with him, he got that enough from Edward. Although I knew Edward was on the brink of an episode.

He looked up at me. Tired eyes met mine and I really felt so bad. "You're…Bella? Right?"

"Yeah." I held my hand out to him.

I didn't even question how he knew my name, because I was sure I may have been mentioned at some point. Edward told me his therapist knew about me, so Mr. Bowman probably got the information from her.

He shook my hand. "I still have to talk to him. I know he may throw a fit, but I need to tell him what is going on and he needs to sign the appropriate papers. I hate to do it to the kid, but I have to do my job. I hope you get that."

"I do. He just…"

"Gets upset easily. I know. I have seen his episodes before. Scary things."

That surprised me. "You have seen him like that?"

He nodded. "Yes, ma'am. I have been Edward's lawyer since he was a sixteen year old boy knocking on my office door with a clipping from the newspaper to ask my help."

"Sixteen?" I asked in rhetorical astonishment.

He nodded. "Yes. He told me he wanted to get away from his parents, and I did all I could to do that for him, and haven't stopped since. I'm sure you know the story right?"

I shook my head. "No."

He looked surprised to hear that. "Wow. Well I guess I should stop talking about it then." I nodded my head even though a part of me wanted him to tell me. I instantly regretted even thinking about it. I had to wait for Edward to tell me. "Well, I have to go talk to him, so I don't know if you want to leave…he may get heated."

That's exactly why I wouldn't want to leave. "No, I'll stay."

He sighed. "Okay, well let's get this over with."

He turned toward the kitchen where Edward was slamming cabinets and the refrigerator door. I made sure I had my phone close. I anticipated I might have to make a call to Bev. Edward didn't seem as livid as he was the last time he had an episode, and I remembered reading online that the episodes came in different degrees. I hoped this one wouldn't be too bad, although I had my doubts. I knew Edward's parents were a touchy subject for him.

Once in the kitchen, I saw Edward had already started making our plates like nothing ever happened and we would continue with our date. I hated seeing the look of anger and frustration he got on his face when he realized Bowman still remained. He roughly threw the plate on the counter and it clattered.

"Can you get out of my fucking face, Bowman?" He said in an angry tone.

He faced us and if looks could kill, poor Bowman would have been a dead man.

"Edward, I understand you are upset, but this is something we have to deal with." Bowman said.

"What the fuck is there to deal with? Did you really think I would want to see those disgusting fucks?"

The way he so offhandedly spoke of his parents like that startled me. I knew he hated them, but I couldn't imagine someone speak of their parents like that. It was very closed-minded of me, and I realized this, but it was what it was.

"Edward, I have met with them. They are so different…"

"That is bullshit. I can act too." Edward snapped. "Now Bowman, can you please leave."

I wanted to go up to him and try to calm him. His last words were said with such emotion and were a desperate plea. He didn't want to talk about them.

"I can't. You need to just calm down and listen to me Edward. I am just trying to help you and Alice." Bowman said calmly.

"I will not see them. I don't want to talk to them. They will never touch a hair on Alice's head, and if you want me to send them a message, tell them I said 'fuck you'." Edward seethed. "Do you need me to write that down for you?"

I couldn't even say anything. I got where Edward was coming from, but I also trusted that Bowman was trying to tell the truth. If Bowman stayed with Edward all these years, he must care about him at least a little bit right? I didn't think he would do bad by him. But I would always side with Edward in the end, so I wouldn't speak against him.

"Edward," Bowman said calmly. "They didn't ask to see Alice because they knew you wouldn't have allowed that, but they want to speak with you. Don't you want that closure?"

Edward knocked the plate full of spaghetti off of the counter in anger. "I don't want shit from them!" He shouted. "Please, Bowman. Just do what needs to be done."

"I know you won't want to hear this, but I think this would be the best thing." Edward growled and I saw the white in his knuckles as he gripped the side of the counter. Bowman held up his hands in surrender. "Hear me out; the restraining order will no longer be in effect on January 1st. After that, you have no reason to try and get another one. That leaves them free to come to you whenever they want!"

"If they keep coming, looking for me, I will accuse them of harassment, and I will get another restraining order on them. Just solved that problem." Edward said fiercely.

He was getting really pissed. I couldn't blame him, but I also wanted Bowman to help him the best he could.

"That's not reason enough, and you know it."

"What about the fact that my father stabbed me seven fucking times in the back while his one year old daughter was crying four feet away?" Edward screamed. "Is that reason enough?"

It still stunned me that something like that happened to him. I instantly felt a sharp pain in my chest at his words.

I looked over to him, and he started shaking and I couldn't be away from him anymore. He needed some sort of comfort.

I walked up to him and put my hand on his back. He turned his body so he could grab my hand. His hand was sweating, and he squeezed mine tight. He didn't look at me though, his eyes remained on Bowman.

"I don't know what to tell you, Edward. In the eyes of the law, your parents are normal. They were insane, they got help, and now they are level headed, and on medications and getting monitored. They pass every test." He took a deep breath like he knew what he was going to say next would bring out another outburst. "I know it is wrong, but what your father did to you, isn't a legitimate excuse anymore. When they plead insanity, they admitted they knew they did wrong, and they wanted to get help. And they did get help."

"That's not fair." I said.

Bowman looked over at me. I looked at Edward. He looked deep in thought or maybe he was just trying to block out what he heard. _My poor Edward. _

"I know it's not fair, but it is what it is." He looked back to Edward. "I try to make this as easy as I can for you, and this is the best way. If you meet with them, you get your closure, and they get theirs. Who knows, maybe they will prefer you with Alice, but you have no way to know unless you speak to them. If you don't they may get upset with you. I met with them, just a while ago, they were not mad at you. Your father was regretful, and your mother emotional."

"I could give two shits about their feelings." Edward said finally.

"Edward…" He said.

"No! No, I am done, Bowman. I get you think this is the best, but the fact remains that this is my life, and I get to make the decisions, and I decide I don't want to see their faces ever again. I don't care if they cured world hunger or found the cure for cancer. I don't want to see them. That's it." He said finally.

Bowman sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "What do you want to tell them?"

"I already told you that one. Fuck. You."

"Don't you believe in second chances?" Bowman asked hopefully.

"Do you believe in beating your kids?" Edward asked rhetorically, his hand still holding onto mine in a tight grip. I liked to think that I had calmed him down, but maybe I was just imagining it. "Do you believe in starving them and degrading them at every chance? Oh, and do you believe in a father stabbing his own son in the back? You know I almost died from that right?" Bowman had nothing to say, and I felt like I was getting nauseous. _How could anyone treat Edward like that?_ "I don't believe in second chances for people who do that shit. Now please just leave."

Bowman didn't have anything to say to that. "Alright, well, I guess there is no changing your mind, but don't say I didn't warn you. This has potential to get much worse."

"Story of my life." Edward said.

He let go of my hand and walked out of the kitchen. I looked after him and debated if I should have gone after him. He didn't seem that angry when he left, more defeated. I didn't know which one was worse to see.

I looked over to Bowman. "You can't really say you blame him."

"I know, but I'm just trying to help him out. Him seeing his parents is inevitable to me. It would be better to make that meeting a little more cordial I guess. But it's his decision."

"It is. I understand you are trying to help, but he is the one being the most wronged. It's not fair."

"The justice system isn't always just, Miss Swan, but I promise to do what I can to help that boy in there." Edward truly effected everyone he met. I could tell Bowman cared for Edward. "Let him know I will give him a call if anything else happens or if he changes his mind, tell him to contact me."

"Don't hold your breath on that one." I said.

"I know. Goodbye, Bella."

"Bye." He walked out of the kitchen and out of the house.

I heard Edward banging stuff around in his room. I didn't think an episode would follow. He didn't seem that mad, but I did expect him to be in a terrible mood. I knew he would probably snap and yell at me. I went in there expecting that.

Once inside, I saw him looking through his drawers. He opened one drawer, moved the clothes around, slammed it shut, and went to the next one. He was grumbling to himself. I didn't know what he was saying and I think it was in another language to be honest.

I didn't know if he saw me in the room, but when I closed the door, he looked towards me.

"I can't find my fucking jeans." He said.

"What do you need them for?" I asked.

"I have to go. I need to just get out of here."

"Edward, please don't. Just stay here with me, baby."

I didn't want him driving. With him on the brink of an episode, one wrong move by one drive could cause a lot of unneeded conflict. Edward would flip out. Or if he drove, he would get to thinking about things, and maybe that would make him mad and potentially crash…no. I didn't want him driving.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't." I said.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. His reaction wasn't an Edward-like reaction. He pulled away from me and broke my heart.

"I have to get out of here." He said.

He pulled a random shirt from the drawer, and threw it on the bureau. And then he did something I didn't think he really knew he was doing. He took his shirt off and the breath was knocked out of my lungs.

_The scars. _

There were seven, I didn't count them, I didn't need to. Seven indentations of scarred over skin scattered his back. They were all towards the top of his back. Each one reminding me of the turmoil he went through. The injustice he had to face his whole life. He had had to live with the knowledge that his own father tried to kill him.

_He stabbed him in the back. _

He put the shirt over his head, and turned towards me. His face at first looked confused until I saw the realization on his face. I covered my mouth and tried to hold back the tears.

"Fuck!" He yelled. He stalked toward me and brought his shaking hands to my face. "Don't be afraid." He said in a shaky voice. "I know it's ugly. I won't…I'm sorry. Just don't leave okay? I need you, Bella."

"Edward…what…what are you talking about?" I asked.

"You're not….disgusted?" He asked.

"Yes. I am." I said honestly. His face fell, and I put my hands on his face to calm him down. "I'm not disgusted with you, love. I'm disgusted with him…with them. You're beautiful. Don't ever doubt that."

He shook his head. "It's okay if they creep you out…you won't ever have to look at them."

"No." I said. "I love you, Edward. I don't know if you understand that completely. I love _all _of you. Don't think a couple of scars that make you who you are will scare me away."

He closed his eyes and sighed. "I can't…"

"Can't what?" I asked. "Talk to me."

"I can't even try to believe you. To believe that you are real. I just…you're just so good, and I know you will be taken away from me somehow. I want to protect myself and you, but I don't want to let you go."

"I won't be taken away from you." I said adamantly.

He shook his head. "You will. That's just the way my life goes. Just like I am going to lose Alice."

"Edward!" I said in shock. "Don't you ever say that again! You need to stop thinking that way. You are the best thing that ever happened to Alice, and if anyone doesn't realize that, then they are stupid."

He shook his head. He pulled away from me and took deep breaths. "Can you call Bev?" He asked. His hands were shaking and he crossed them in front of him. "I-I just need Alice here."

"Okay. I will. Just promise me to stay here, okay?"

He nodded. "I'll just go out to smoke. I need to smoke." He said.

"Okay. I'll call Bev. Everything will be alright, Edward."

He nodded. "Maybe."

He walked past me and out the door. I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed Bev's number.

"_Hello?"_ She answered in her jovial voice. I could hear Alice giggling in the background.

I felt like I always burst their happy bubble. "Bev, can you both come back?"

"_What happened, sweets?"_ She asked, worry laced her voice.

"Edward's fine…at least I think he is. He was close to going over the edge, but he is trying to cool down. His lawyer came over, and I can tell you more when you get here, but he asked me to call you because he needs Alice."

She sighed. _"Okay._ _We will be there soon. Just make sure he doesn't leave."_

"I know. He promised he wouldn't."

"_Well that says a lot if he is actually coherent enough to make promises like that." _

"Yeah, like I said, he seems fine, just really agitated."

"_Okay, see you later sweets." _

"Bye, Bev." I said.

I hung up the phone and went to the living room to wait for Edward. I thought about all that was said between Edward and Bowman. Their conversation left so many more questions in my head. I didn't know the specifics. _Why did Edward's father stab him? _It wasn't like there was any excuse of course, but what would even compel him to do that?

_How did Edward come to the decision to get custody of Alice? _I knew he wanted to take her away from his parents; that was reason enough, but was there a specific event? _I mean, a sixteen year old doesn't really think like that do they?_ I knew when I was sixteen, I would have never even thought about taking care of a child; I barely could have taken care of myself.

_How did he cope after he did have custody? _He was barely an adult when the responsibility of caring for and raising a small child was put on his shoulders. _He must have struggled with money, right?_ Well that is where Bev could have come in, I supposed.

There was no way for me to know for sure unless he told me. I wanted him so badly to, but I also didn't want to push him. It drove me crazy though. I felt I could understand and help Edward more if he would just let me in and share with me that part of his life.

I heard his footsteps come up the steps and approach the door. I was glad he didn't lie to me, and he stayed. I didn't expect him to lie, but when he was in moods like that, who knew what he would do.

I looked over to the door as he opened it, he still didn't look himself.

His face was still red, his hands still had a shake to them, and he just looked tense and stressed. I patted the spot next to me on the couch.

"Come here, baby." I said.

His shoulders dropped and he looked so defeated, but tense at the same time. He sat down beside me and leaned forward with his elbows to his knees and his hands on his face. I put my hand on his back and rubbed my hand up and down soothingly.

"Alice is coming?" He asked.

"They will be back soon."

He sighed and lifted his head. "Good." He reached back and took my hand that was rubbing his back and held it in his. "Thank you for you know, just being here."

"I'll always be here, Edward."

He shook his head. "Not always."

"Edward, stop."

"I think I want to tell you everything, Bella."

"What…what do you mean?"

I had an idea of what he meant, but I didn't want to get my hopes up if he didn't plan on telling me what I thought he would.

"Everything. I just know I am going to need help these next couple of months or whatever, and I don't want to keep shit from you anymore. I trust you and keeping it all inside is making me crazy. You're the only person I can talk too…" He seemed desperate.

"Okay." I said.

He seemed so nervous asking me and I didn't understand why. He knew I loved him and he knew I wanted to know about him. "Thank you for wanting to share, you know I'll always be here to listen."

"I hope you don't ever change your mind."

I groaned. "Edward, stop saying shit like that. I love you."

"I know, but shit happens. Well actually, shit happens to me. Maybe you will understand later."

He was making me mad so I was glad when the front door opened. Alice was the first in, and her worried eyes searched for Edward. A small sigh came out of Edward's mouth when he saw her. She ran over to him and he brought her to his lap, wrapping his arms around her as Alice snuggled into his chest. I watched as he had his eyes closed and he took calming breaths. I wasn't that mad at him anymore at that point. Seeing how sweet he was with Alice, and seeing how just her presence calmed him down always disarmed me.

I looked over to Bev who stood at the entry way of the living room. She gave me a soft smile and I gave her one back.

"Are you okay, Ecy?" Alice asked.

"I'm okay." He said.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire."

His eyes popped out of his head. "My pants are on fire?" He asked in mock panic.

Alice giggled. "No silly."

"Oh, okay. Good." He said, making Alice giggle again.

I looked over to Bev who was waving me over to her. I got up from the couch beside them and went over to her. I knew she just wanted me to give them some time alone. Alice had a calming effect on Edward, and I guess I understood why.

I had a feeling I would understand even more why when Edward told me everything.

* * *

**EPOV**

_Where would I be without my girls?_

I wouldn't exist.

That is the simple answer, but they really made everything so much better for me since I was still a vulnerable human forced to face life.

Life sucked, but they made it worthwhile.

Bella ran her hand through my hair. Sometimes she would just run it from the front of my head to the back, or she would run her fingernails along my scalp, and she would even just twirl my hair between her fingers. No matter what she did, it felt good. I had my head on her lap, and I held her hand over my shoulder. I looked at the TV, but I didn't really pay attention to the Lifetime movie Bella had on. She apparently really got into them.

She's lucky I loved her, that's all I can say. But I swear if I heard one more cheesy line from those mediocre actors, I wouldn't be held responsible for my actions. Lifetime movies sucked. Maybe it was just because I was a guy, _but what the hell? _I couldn't change that shit. Well technically I guess I could, but yeah…not happening. I liked being a dude.

We were just waiting for Alice to finish up with her bath, after she was done, I would put her to bed, and then I planned on telling Bella everything.

I felt better than I did before. I had an episode, but it was minor. It felt like it came and went in a couple of minutes and I felt mostly the aftershocks of it. But with a little Alice and Bella treatment, I was back to normal…sort of.

I still thought about what Bowman had said. He told me going to meet them would be the best, and maybe it would have been, but there was no way I would go see them. I couldn't. I knew if I laid my eyes on them once, I would instantly have some kind of episode. If I went to meet them at a monitored place, everyone there would know I was unfit to raise Alice. Maybe I was, and having Alice live with me was wrong, but I couldn't imagine not having her, so I decided to be selfish.

_And what the fuck was he saying about closure? They needed closure? _I believed they both lost their right to getting what they wanted when my father stabbed me and my mother sided with him afterwards. That wasn't humane to me, so they should have their rights taken from them. But obviously what I said didn't matter.

"Ecy!" Alice called.

I got up from lying down at the sound of her voice. I looked over to Bella and she gave me a small smile. I took her hand in mine and kissed the back of her hand.

"I'll be right back." I said.

"Okay." She said.

She pulled my hand toward her and kissed it as well. I let go of her hand and kissed her forehead before heading to Alice who was standing outside of her room. She was dressed in one of my t-shirts that looked more like a nightgown on her. She ran into her room and jumped onto her bed. I went to her bookshelf.

"What do you want to read tonight, kid?"

She shook her head and reached her hands out to me. "Nothing. Just sit with me until I go to sleep, okay?"

"Okay."

I walked over to the bed and sat on the side of the bed. She shifted over to her side and wrapped her arms around the pillow. She always slept on her side ever since she was a baby. She used to scare the ever-living shit out of me when she would too. I read somewhere that babies shouldn't sleep on their sides. I tried to get her to sleep on her back all the time, but she would only start crying. The first couple of weeks, I got scared and I would sleep in her room with her. She never slept in a bassinet like most babies do. Her mother wasn't as caring as other mothers.

"Ecy?" She rolled onto her back to face me.

"Yeah?"

"What made you sad today?" She asked.

"Nothing, Alice. I'm fine."

"Yeah, but you always tell me if I am mad about something, I have to tell people and I will feel better."

_Shit. _She had me there.

I sighed. "There are some people that I don't like, and they want to be my friends again." There. _That was fine right?_ I wasn't necessarily lying. I didn't want to mention my parents to her. If I had anything to do with it, she wouldn't even know what they looked like.

"Why don't you want to be their friend?" She asked.

"Because they were mean to me."

She nodded her head. "Okay, then that's good. Don't let them make you sad, Ecy. They must be big butt-heads if they were mean to you."

I chuckled and leaned forward to kiss Alice's forehead. When I tried to pull away, her little hands held my face arms length away from her.

"You're my favorite." She said.

"You're my favorite too, kid."

She patted my cheek and went back to lying on her side. She closed her eyes, and I knew it would only be a couple minutes before she was out. I was right; she started snoring after about five minutes while I rubbed her back. I gave her another kiss on the forehead before I left the room and went to Bella.

The credits were rolling on that stupid movie and I thanked anyone who would listen. I walked over to the couch and I panicked when I saw she was crying.

"Bella! What happened?" I asked. I got closer to her and grabbed onto both of her hands.

She smiled and let go of one of my hands to wipe her tears. "Nothing, baby. That movie was just sad."

I let out the breath I was holding, and rolled my eyes. "Jesus, woman. Don't scare me like that."

She laughed. "I'm sorry, but she donated her kidney to him, and he almost died, but he ended up pulling through because he wanted to see her again."

"Gag me." I said.

"Aw, you mean you wouldn't do that for me?" She asked jokingly.

"That shit's not real. If he was having surgery, he was doped up on mad shit. He probably could have mistaken a cheeseburger as being his girlfriend. Those movies make me sick."

She chuckled. "I know, but it is nice to think that there is love like that out there."

I rolled my eyes. "I love you. I apologize ahead of time if I don't come back from the dead to see you. I can't control that shit."

"I know, you work a little differently."

"You got that right, beautiful. I'm a fucked up individual."

Her face fell and she got serious. "Don't say that."

I sighed. I knew she hated when I talked like that, but I couldn't help it. It was like second nature. Not only that, it was true. She was biased because she loved me. I didn't have the same feelings for myself. It sucked, but I had gotten use to it.

I sat back on the couch and crossed my arms in front of me. Bella shifted herself so she was facing me with her legs crossed under her.

"So you talked with Bowman?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, just a little."

"What did he say? Just complain about what an ass I am?"

She smirked. "No. I think he cares for you, baby."

I sighed. "Yeah. I know. I don't mean to give him such a hard time, but…well you know."

She nodded with a sympathetic smile. "I know." She reached over and took my hand. "He told me you have been with him since you were sixteen."

So I guess that was my opening. I told her I would tell her everything, and I never wanted to lie to her. I knew I could do it though. It would be hard, but she made everything better. I trusted her. She wouldn't push me. She has always gone at my pace, and I loved her for that.

"Yeah, I went to him the morning after I found out my mother was pregnant." I already felt a headache coming on. "Do you want to know how I found out?" I asked.

"If you want to tell me." She said softly.

"They were fighting about something. I snuck in through the back because I was out when I wasn't supposed to be. They didn't notice though because they never checked on me or anything." I got away with a lot of shit for the negligence, way more than I should have gotten away with. "I was as high as a kite and feeling really shitty." I paused.

I knew she wouldn't like hearing this part. Hell, the whole thing was a bunch of fucked up.

"I had a bag of LSD…overdosing was the plan."

She closed her eyes and shook her head as if she were willing the pain to go down.

"Okay…" She said to let me know I could go on.

I hated seeing her in pain because of me, but it was like pulling a band aid. The faster I got it over with, the less painful it would be for the both of us.

"They were screaming. My dad probably hit her a couple times…he always did. I never cared though. That may be wrong, but I couldn't find it in me to care, you know?" Didn't mean I didn't feel bad for it at one point. That was before I knew better.

"It makes sense. How can you truly care for someone who doesn't care about you?" She asked rhetorically.

"Exactly…well, they were fighting about something stupid. I don't even know what is was, all I remember was my mother saying something along the lines of 'you are only mad because we couldn't kill the child infesting me.'" I squeezed Bella's hand.

They were talking about Alice. _Alice; _probably the sweetest kid that ever lived. They were talking about killing her.

"That is sick." Bella said in a strained voice.

"I know. That's when everything changed. My world shifted from wanting to end my life to wanting to protect that baby from them. I just got instantly protective of her." I would kill for Alice now, and I would have done the same then; before I even actually knew her.

"It's like she was born to save you." Bella said in wonder.

I nodded my head. "I think so. Like I said, if it wasn't for her I would be…"

"Yeah…I know." She said with pain in her voice.

"Sorry."

"No, it's okay. You can keep going if you want."

I took a deep breath and let it out fast. "Okay, well I guess they couldn't do anything because she was too far into the pregnancy, and someone already saw she was showing, so you know, that wouldn't look good if she was pregnant and then not the next day."

I remembered even thinking that if it wouldn't have ruined their reputation, they would have found a way to abort the pregnancy. It made me sick to think of the possibilities.

"What did you do?" She asked.

"I didn't say anything. I didn't want to get caught, but I snuck back up to my room and looked for lawyers phone numbers in the phonebook and newspaper."

"Right away?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I thought about calling a lawyer and reporting my parents for a while, and when I found out about Alice, that is what made the decision for me. I gave up on myself, but there was no way I could sit back and let Alice be taken down."

"So what happened when you saw Bowman?" She asked.

"I went there unannounced. I explained him the whole situation, and I told him I wanted to get out of there. Then he started saying shit about if we get taken from the home we would both go to foster parents and there was a chance we wouldn't even be in the same home. He was about to get the paper work started, when I told him not to." I didn't exactly tell him to; I flipped the fuck out when he mentioned we would be separated. "He tried to calm me down and he told me he would do what he could." I sighed.

"So we decided after talking for a couple hours that I would stay in the house with them until I turned eighteen, and then when I turned eighteen, he would report my parents, get Alice taken away from them, and I could adopt her."

"So you just stayed with them? Did they still treat you badly?"

I nodded. "Of course. I didn't care though. I don't know. I guess at that point, it didn't matter what they were going to do to me because I would only have to deal with it for a couple of years, and then I could get out of that situation, and so could Alice. So I wasn't that effected by it; I took it knowing it wouldn't last long. I don't know if that makes sense."

"I can see where you were coming from." She said understandingly.

"Okay good. I don't feel like I am explaining this right and it is kind of stressing me out."

"You are doing fine, baby. I understand. You wanted to get Alice out of your parent's care, but doing so would have meant the both of you being potentially separated, so you decided to wait it out until you could get out of there, and take full care of Alice." She said.

"It's like you understand it more than I do." I commented.

She touched my cheek. "No, I am just listening, and I get why you did all of it. You love Alice so much and you went with what you felt was the best for the both of you. You were lucky to find such an understanding lawyer though."

I nodded. "I know. Most wouldn't have listened to me; they would have just reported my parents and that was it."

"So that's why you have stayed with him all these years?"

"Yeah, he knows my situation, and he doesn't mind breaking a few rules and he is really smart at what he does."

The thing about Bowman was that he actually listened. I had met many lawyers in my life, and most of them were more worried about being the best lawyer and getting the most guys in jail and all that shit, while Bowman really just wanted to help people. He helped me immensely.

"And your parents didn't know about your plan right?"

"No. I wouldn't have let it happen." It didn't work at one point, but that was further into the story. "Alice was born on my seventeenth birthday." I smiled and Bella smiled softly at me. "She was beautiful. If there was any doubt in my head, it all went away when I saw her for the first time. She was just worth it all, you know?"

She brought my hand to her mouth and kissed my knuckles. "I know, love."

"I was in the hospital with her the whole time. The only time my mother ever held her was when someone visited. I don't even remember my father holding her while we were in the hospital. I read somewhere that babies need to be held though, so I held her as much as I could."

I actually held her whenever I saw her. I wouldn't just talk to her when she was in a crib. I would have to hold her. I felt by me holding her, it would have made up for the affection she was losing from my parents.

"She would stop crying if I held her too, so I guess she didn't mind."

Bella smiled. "I'm sure she loved when you held her."

"I liked to think so." I took a deep breath. "Anyway, my parents named her; Alice Millicent Cullen, and they made a birth announcement and all that. You know, just so everyone didn't doubt what devoted parents they were."

Bella shook her head in disbelief. "That's sick." She said that before, but she was absolutely right.

"I know. Well when we got home, the nanny took care of her when it came to changing her diaper and all of that, but I fed her and held her and played with her whenever I got a chance. I was still in school, so I didn't get to see her as much as I could. My parents didn't even bother. My father would be out drinking and my mother would just watch TV all day."

"They didn't even check up on her?"

I shook my head. "Not that I knew of. The nanny was pretty cool, and she said they didn't ask once. The nanny, Maggie was her name, was helpful, but she got pregnant and she moved out. I tried to find another nanny, but then like it was meant to be, my Uncle Will came knocking on the door." I remember the first time I saw him with his long black hair and biker beard. I thought he was some kind of creeper, but then he smiled and hugged me. "My dad was pissed when he saw him."

"Oh yeah, you told me he didn't like him. Is there a specific reason?"

I shrugged. "Just embarrassment I guess. My uncle was in and out of jail since he was fifteen so I guess he was a sore spot for my father. My uncle said he was staying at the house, my father refused, but my uncle knew exactly how to get under his skin."

"What did he do?" Bella asked.

"Threatened to tell everyone that his own brother turned him away. My uncle may have been a criminal, but he was charming. So yeah, my dad couldn't really say anything because then his reputation as the nice guy would have gone to shit. He was barely home anyway, so he just brushed it off." He acted like my uncle didn't even exist whenever he was home. "My uncle came to live with us when Alice was four months old, and the whole time he was there, my father didn't lay a hand on me. My parents would harass me every now and then, but they didn't do it in front of my uncle because again; reputation."

"It seems that was the only thing they cared about." Bella said.

"It was. Anyway, I got close to my uncle. He helped with Alice a lot, and he loved her a lot. I felt better in that time. I went to school feeling better because I knew Alice was in good hands and in the care of a family member, and him being there meant my parents left me alone for the most part."

I shifted on the couch and faced Bella. This part would be the hardest. I needed her to be in my view and I needed to be connected to her. I grabbed her other hand.

"And then it all changed a week before my eighteenth birthday." I said.

She looked like she knew what was coming. I could tell by the pain in her eyes. "What happened to change everything?"

"I told my uncle everything. I told him about how my parents treated me, I told him about my plan to adopt Alice. It felt good to tell him. I didn't get to talk about it to anyone."

"How did he react?"

"He was shocked and he said he was proud of what I was going to do. He had no idea the situation with my parents was so bad because he didn't see it." I looked down at our enjoined hands. "I made a horrible mistake that night though. My father heard the whole thing."

Bella gasped. "No…"

"Yes. He did." I took a deep breath. "I told my uncle that night, the next morning he went to get his coffee like he always did on Saturday mornings. He ended up being really late and I got worried, but he called me and told me to pack up Alice, and meet him at the park. He said he had something important to tell me."

"You have no idea at all what he could have been talking about?" She asked.

"No idea, but it didn't matter because he was arrested before Alice and I were even halfway out of the house. At the time, I thought he would be out soon or whatever." I held onto her hands tighter. "I stayed out with Alice that whole day. She was close to one, so she was more fun to play with. She was alert, and she was already calling me Ecy and she said some words. We had a lot of fun that day, but that night…"

I looked away and tried to hold in my emotions. I wouldn't cry over this shit. What my father did to me wasn't right, but I wouldn't let it get my down. I didn't want to give him the power to make me cry.

"It's okay, baby." Bella said soothingly.

She got closer to me and kissed both of my hands. She made me feel better without even trying. Or maybe she was. Either way, she was amazing and I loved her.

"I was putting Alice to bed. I had a routine going with her. I put her in the crib, and I would rub her back until she fell asleep." I could feel the sweat form on my face. It was harder, to get the words out, than I thought. "She was just about to go to sleep and I didn't hear him come in…" My voice cracked and I hated it.

_How could I let him effect me like this? _

_He didn't control me. He was the coward…not me. _

"Shh…" Bella said and put one of her hands on my cheeks. "You don't have to…"

"No." I said adamantly. I cleared my throat. "The first one hurt the worst. Maybe it was because I wasn't expecting it, but I still remember the sting, and the yell I tried to hold back so I wouldn't startle Alice. He stabbed me once, took it out, and then stabbed me four more times in succession. I couldn't hold my screams in, and Alice started screaming."

My heart rate was picking up as I was brought back to that night. _Alice's screams_….she screamed in fear and agony at the age of not even one. She was so scared without even knowing what she was afraid of.

"After the fifth one, he pulled the knife out of my back and grabbed me and threw me to the floor. I landed on the wounds and…it hurt." I swallowed back the lump in my throat. _He isn't worth your tears. _"Then he…he went over to Alice's crib…"

"Oh no." Bella whimpered.

A tear fell from her eye, and I could see the pain on her face. I also saw the concern. I didn't want to hurt her, but I already started, so why not finish?

"He wiped my blood off on her pajamas and he was whispering in a language I didn't even know. I got up from the ground and I pulled him away from her. I was weak, but I knew I had to get him away from her."

The feeling in my stomach and my heart falling at the same time was horrible. When I saw him standing over her crib, I thought I would have died right then if I allowed anything to happen to her.

"We struggled. I thought I was going to lose because I was bleeding so much, he got me pinned against the wall and he stabbed me again…pulled it out and stabbed me again…this one was deeper and he didn't take it out. All I heard were Alice's screams. She started choking and gagging from crying so hard. She was standing up in her crib and watching and screaming for me. Blood all over her…oh fuck." I grabbed onto my stomach as I felt I would throw up right there. It hurt so fucking bad thinking about it.

Bella was crying full on now. She climbed over and into my lap with her legs around my waist. I wrapped my arms around her and dropped my head on her shoulder. She held me as I tried to gather myself.

"It's okay, love. You don't have to tell me more." She said softly in my shoulder.

I couldn't just stop. I was almost finished. I never got to fully talk to someone about it. I wanted Bella to be the first and probably only person I told the story to.

"I ended up getting the upper hand. I didn't know how, but I got on top of him and I punched him and slammed his head to the ground until he passed out or died. I didn't care at that point. Once he was out, and I took Alice from the crib I thought I was going to faint. Alice clung to me and I tried to sooth her, but I had blood coming out of my mouth and I was choking on it.

"I just spit it out. I took Alice with me to the living room with the knife still in my back. I called 911, I put Alice in her playpen, she was still crying, but I didn't want to pass out while holding her, and I did faint."

"Edward…" Bella was sobbing at this point. "Baby I can't even believe…"

She comforted me that whole time, and then it was my turn as she was shaking and crying. I pulled her close to me.

"I'm okay, hermosa." I whispered in her ear. "Shh…I'm right here."

"I-I just can't even imagine…" She said. She had to stop to catch her breath.

"Shh…it's fine, Bella. That is the worst of it."

"O-okay." She said she kissed the side of my head and pulled away to look at me. "I'm sorry it's just a lot to take in…"

"I know, beautiful. I'm sorry."

"No, don't say sorry, Edward."

Just to reassure her further, I gave her a soft kiss on the lips to assure her that everything was fine. I loved her. She needed to know that. She needed to know my feelings for her, and I would try my best to never leave her. Just the fact that she listened to that whole story without wanting to run away from me, said a lot.

After kissing her a few times, I rested my forehead on hers.

"I woke up in the hospital. I was out for five days. A bunch of shit happened, and I don't think the details are important. I lived and when I woke up, Bowman was there with Alice in his arms. He handed her to me. I was so happy to see her. She was smiling at me and wouldn't let me put her down. Bowman left. I thought he was just giving us time alone. He came back with papers and a pen. He handed them to me and said, 'happy birthday to the two of you,' I signed the papers, and that was that."

"What happened to your parents?" She asked.

I sighed. "They plead insanity. It fell through, and they were sentenced to five years in a psychiatric hospital. They spent four months there, and then six months at a rehab, and they were released a couple weeks ago."

"And that's why Bowman came here?" Bella asked.

I wiped away the tears from her face. "Yes. They supposedly want to meet with me, but that isn't what I am afraid of."

"What is it, baby?" She asked.

"If I screw up, they can end up getting custody of Alice."

"WHAT?" Bella asked a little too loudly. "Sorry." She said.

"It's fine, but yes."

"That can't even be possible! There is no way a judge would put Alice in a home with a man who tried to murder his own son and a woman who cared less about it! That is crazy!"

"You might think so, but according to Bowman, it is very possible, especially since my parents have money."

She shook her head. "No. There is no way we will allow her to go with them. No way in hell." She said adamantly with strong conviction.

"We?" I asked.

"Yes, we. I will do whatever I can to make sure Alice never gets taken from the best thing that ever happened to her. I will do anything." She said.

I smiled and kissed her hard on the lips. "I love you. Thank you for not running away."

"I love you so much, Edward. I will never run away from you. You are the strongest, most caring, and just plain amazing man I have ever met."

"I'm glad you think so, hermosa."

"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. It means so much to me, and I know it was hard for you, but you did great." Bella said.

"Thank you. Honestly, I really do feel better." I took a deep breath. "It's like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders."

She kissed my forehead. "Good. I'm glad."

I was glad too. Telling her the whole story was one of the hardest things I had ever done, but of course she made everything better and I loved her even more for it.

But I couldn't help but think it wouldn't last. I would love her for the rest of my life, and she told me she would never stop loving me, but I had learned to not get my hopes up on anything. It was a continued pattern in my life. Everything that ever mattered to me was taken away; my childhood, my right to express myself, my right to being loved by my parents, and my uncle were all take from me. And now Alice was in danger of also being taken from me.

It just showed how things weren't meant to last for me. I couldn't help but hope with Bella things were different. She was so unexpected, and she made me feel things I had never felt before. She broke down my walls when no one else could, and quite simply; she loved me. Not something easily done.

Although I had my doubts, I could never fully give up hope on Bella and of course Alice.

I couldn't lose Alice. It wasn't an option. If I lost her, I lost myself. If I lost myself, I would lose Bella.

I couldn't let that happen and I couldn't even think it was a possibility.

I could only hope.

* * *

_Cause I need freedom now  
__And I need to know how  
__To live my life as it's meant to be  
__And I will hold on hope  
__And I won't let you choke  
__On the noose around your neck  
__And I'll find strength in pain  
__And I will change my ways  
__I'll know my name as it's called again_

_**The Cave, by Mumford & Sons

* * *

**_

**Hey, I hope you all liked this chapter. I know some of it might have been hard to read, but at least you all have Edward's story out there. Don't think this is the end though. Oh no, there is still lots to come. **

**Thank you to Alexa for pre-reading for me! She is just all different kinds of awesome, and her birthday is coming up next week! She's getting to be an old lady you know…LOL Just kidding hahaha…you know I love you Alexa; you're my homeboy. **

**I'm really sorry for not replying to reviews last chapter, but this week has been busy and next week will be even busier. I will not be able to reply to reviews because when I am not dealing with deadlines in real life, I will be focused on just getting the next chapter out. So I don't know when the next chapter will be out, but it will be as soon as I can get it written!**

**Teasers can be found on the thread though! **

**So let me know what you thought of this chapter. I was nervous about it just because it reveals so much, and I know it is a lot to take in. Hopefully you all understand Edward a little more and now you know about that night with his father. Really hard for me to write that part by the way. **

**Okay well I hope everything is good with you all! I am about to dive head-first into this stressful week ahead of me. I will get the next chapter out ASAP!**

**Review please :] **


	21. Chapter 20: Not Lost

**Chapter 20: Not Lost**

**BPOV**

"Holy shit…mom I already have a laptop!" I said in exasperation as I looked at the box that held my new laptop. It looked so sleek and high-tech. It must have cost her a lot of money.

"I know, but that one is crap. You can use the old one for school and keep that one for personal things." She explained. "Plus, I have one too and there is a built in web cam so we can chat in there!"

I shook my head in disbelief as I looked down at the computer. They got me a lot of things; clothes, lotions, about one hundred dollars worth of iTunes money, and money. It was a typical Christmas for me when they would spoil me rotten. When I was younger, I loved it. Last Christmas I remember it annoyed me. This year I didn't mind it too much.

After hearing Edward's heartbreaking story about his parents, it definitely made me appreciate mine even more. I complained about their overbearing tendencies and thought them annoying at times, which they were, but they were still my parents and I loved them. They loved me in their own special way and I knew I shouldn't have been judging that. I should have been accepting it with open arms because I was luckier than most.

"I tried to talk her out of it, Bells." My dad said.

He sat down on his recliner that he always sat on even when I was growing up. We were opening each other's presents on Christmas morning before I had to go to my aunt's house and deal with all of my family for Christmas day. I was excited to see everyone, but it wasn't the same.

I missed Edward and Alice.

It was really sad, I felt a little weird not getting to spend our first Christmas as a couple, together. I thought it would have been nice to see Alice's face when she opened her gifts from Edward and 'Santa.' I waited for Edward to text me. It was really early in the morning—six in the morning to be exact—because we had to leave by 7:30 and I doubted Edward and Alice were even awake yet.

"Thank you, Mom, but you really shouldn't have." I said.

I put the box down beside me as we were all finishing opening up our gifts. I got my dad some fishing supplies and some clothes. My mom told me to get them for him because he refused to go shopping. I got my mom some jewelry and a vegan cook book because she decided she wanted to try out a vegan diet. I knew it wouldn't last, but at least the book showed I supported her.

"Oh please, it's Christmas." My mom said.

I got up from the couch and stretched. I walked over to my mom and hugged her.

"Thank you, Mom." I said.

"You're welcome, baby girl. You know, if you came around more often, I may buy more things for you." I rolled my eyes and pulled away from her.

"I don't need all the stuff, Mom. I am doing quite fine." I said.

I went over to my dad and he pushed over on his recliner so I could squeeze in with him. I always sat with him on his chair when I was little, and we didn't stop. I rested my head on his shoulder and I felt content.

"Good to know you still love your old man seeing as how you have that other boy now." He commented.

I rolled my eyes. "Just because I have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean I would stop loving you for some reason, Dad."

"I know, but still. It sucks." He said gruffly.

I chuckled. "I can't wait for you to meet him. He's such a great guy."

"He better be or I will arrest him."

I laughed. "You will do no such thing. Edward is very different, but I think you will like him."

"Well by that twinkle in your eye I would venture to guess that he makes you very happy."

I sighed. "Very much so,"

"He already has cool points in my book."

I smiled. "I didn't know you had a book."

"Yeah, there are only two people in that book so far. You and Tom Cruise."

I rolled my eyes. My dad thought Tom Cruise was the coolest person on the earth. I didn't know how he came to that conclusion, but whatever. He cracked me up.

"Hey! I'm not in that book?" My mom asked from across the room where she was folding her new clothes.

"No, dear, you are in a different book of mine." He said and waggled his eyebrows. My mom blushed and giggled.

"Oh that is so disgusting." I said and started to get off of my dad's lap.

Both of them laughed. _Yeah, laugh it up_. That was so wrong. I didn't need to know about that shit.

My phone vibrated on the coffee table and I picked it up while they still laughed at me. It was a text from Asshole and I got so excited to hear from him even if it was in text form.

_**Save me.**_

I chuckled.

"Oh look at her all giggly! My baby is in love!" My mom said. I blushed and sat down on the couch.

"Shut up, Mom." I said. I typed in my reply.

_**I'll save you if you will save me. It is dire.-B**_

"Do you both have to text all the time?" My mom asked.

"Mom, It's Christmas morning. Give us a break." I said.

My phone vibrated again and I read his reply.

_**What are the specifics of your predicament? I have a hyperactive six year old running around the house and practically bouncing off the walls. I want my bed back.- E**_

_**Sorry, dude. Wish I could help you. I have my parents making subtle sexual innuendos and it grosses me out. –B**_

_**Ew… -E**_

I laughed and my parents gave me a weird look. I glared at them and got up from the couch.

"I'll be down when it is time to leave."

I grabbed all of my stuff and jogged up the steps to my room. I wanted to call Edward and talk to him as long as I could because I wouldn't get a chance to talk to him until later that night. I dialed his number and he answered on the second ring.

"Merry Christmas, hermosa." He answered.

His voice sent chills through my body and a feeling of longing developed in my heart. I had only been away from him for five days, but that was enough for me.

"Merry Christmas, baby. What is that music in the background?"

"Santa is a dumb fuck and bought Alice a new stereo." He said in an annoyed but still amused tone. "Alice!" I heard him yell. I heard her reply with a 'what'. "Turn that down! I'm on the phone!" The music instantly went down and he sighed in relief. "Oh thank God…my poor head." He groaned.

I laughed. "I wish I could say I feel bad, but I don't. You could have told her to lower it down just because."

He sighed. "Yeah, but I feel bad doing that." I just smiled and shook my head. He was such a pushover when it came to her. "So how has your Christmas been?" He asked.

"It's been good. It's nice seeing my parents and they got me a lot of stuff."

He chuckled. "You don't sound too enthused."

"No I mean it is nice of them, but way more than I need you know?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Guess what Bev got me?"

"What?"

"Some ridiculously high-tech computer that I don't even think I will be able to work. The monitor is twenty inches and she even bought me a web cam and a projector. Fucking crazy." He sounded astounded, but also thankful.

"Well that's nice of her. Hey, I have a web cam on my new laptop! Maybe we could talk in there later." It actually sounded like an amazing idea to me. I missed his face. It would be nice to see him even if it was through a screen.

"Uh…I don't know about that. I am so tech-stupid it's not even funny."

"Oh come on, it's not that hard!"

"Maybe for you, but I don't get it."

"Well ask Bev to help you or something. I want to see you."

He sighed. "Oh fine, stop pestering me, woman."

I laughed and laid back on my bed. I missed him so much. I missed getting teased by him every day and having arguments with him over the stupidest things. And of course I missed his kisses and holding his hand as well, but basically I just missed _him. _

"Okay well let me know." I looked over at the clock and I realized I needed to start getting ready in just a couple of minutes. "So what are your plans today?"

"Just hanging out with Alice. Bev is with her family and won't be back until way later and then we are having dinner with her."

I sighed. "I wish I was there."

"Me too, hermosa, but you need to spend time with your family too."

I knew he was right. I couldn't just up and leave, but it hurt me to know I would be spending the day with my parents who adored me and a family that loved me while he was home just having a quiet day with Alice. I knew Alice was more than enough for him, but I still wished he had more people who loved him and cared for him. He sure as hell deserved it.

"I know, but that doesn't mean I don't miss you."

"I miss you too." He said. "And I hope you got me something pretty fucking awesome for Christmas or I won't be your friend anymore."

I laughed. He went from being kind of sweet to being vulgar and mean in a split second. That's why I loved him. "Well I did my best since we agreed not to buy something over five dollars."

"Were we drunk when we decided that?" He asked.

I laughed. "I don't know, but what's done is done and I already got your gift so…"

"I would like a pack of cigarettes."

"Babe, cigarettes are way more than five dollars."

"Oh yeah…hmm…well I don't know what you got me."

"You're not supposed to know, dude."

"Yeah, yeah, but I like to guess and be right." He said.

I rolled my eyes. "Well you're wrong, so hah!"

"You're so mean."

I smiled. I got up from the bed because I had to start getting ready. "I love you though, so it doesn't matter."

"Whatever, bitch."

"Whatever, asshole."

"I miss you."

"Yeah, me too." I sighed. "I have to go though, baby. I have to get ready for a busy day. But I'll call you when I get back so we can see if we can work the web-cams."

"Alright, but don't get your hopes up. I might blow up my apartment if I try and work that thing." He said.

I chuckled. "Don't be so dramatic, babe."

"Yeah, whatever. Bye, hermosa."

"Bye, Edward."

I ended the call and threw the phone on the other end of my bed. It would be a long day without him, but I knew I would survive. I started to get my dress from the closet. It was a simple red dress with a black belt for my middle. Dressing up never really interested me, but it was Christmas, so today was an exception.

I was about to walk out of the room to the bathroom when my phone beeped. I knew it must have been Edward. If it was anyone else, I would have been surprised. I picked up the phone, and I was right. Asshole texted me. I opened the message.

_**Afterthought: I love you. -E**_

I smiled and got tingly all over. It really was going to be a long day.

* * *

I heard a slap on the other end.

"Don't touch that, boy!"

I dropped my head onto my arms. Listening to Bev and Edward set up a webcam was the funniest thing I had ever heard over a telephone. That, plus Alice's comments and teasing made it even more comical. It was already eight o'clock and Alice didn't want to go to bed until she saw if the webcam worked.

I had a good time at my aunt's house. All of my family was so happy to see me as I hadn't seen them in a while and I was happy to see them as well. I met so many new people at the gathering too. Who knew a couple of months in college meant I would have missed so many new boyfriends and girlfriends and kids joining the family.

I got a couple of gifts and a lot of gift cards and we had a large dinner together. I spent most of the night with my mom and aunts. The party always seemed to break up by the sexes. The guys would sit in the living room with a sports game on, and the women would be in the kitchen talking up a storm. It really was a great time.

Edward didn't text me much in that time. I guess he didn't want to interrupt or whatever, but I caved and texted him whenever I got the chance. Now I was showered and ready to see him. They still hadn't gotten the webcam to work and I had been on the phone for about a half an hour.

I heard Edward groan. "I'm out of here. All I do is get hit. Here Alice," He said.

"Hey Bella!" She said happily with a small laugh in her voice.

"Where did your brother go?" I asked.

"I think he is going to have a cigarette. He's such a grumpy pants sometimes."

I laughed. "Yeah I know. He just doesn't like when he doesn't know something."

"I think I almost have it here, sweets." I heard Bev say.

"Oh great!" I already had mine all set up. There wasn't much to set up though, since my webcam was already built in.

"Okay and now I just have to click this and…"

And then I saw a curious Bev and Alice on my screen; Alice with the phone to her ear and one of Edward's t-shirts on. I saw they placed the computer in the living room.

"Hey look it's Bella!" I heard Alice say through the phone and through the laptop.

"Hey it's Alice!" I said happily. "You can hang up the phone now." I said and she did it right away.

"Oh this thing is kind of cool!" Bev said. "I think I may be coming over more often just to play around with this computer."

"Yeah, technology is pretty cool."

"Yeah but it's not the same! You should be here!" Alice said.

I sighed. "I wish I could, honey."

"Yeah I know…Ecy says you need to visit with your mommy and daddy." I saw her bite her lip and glance over at Bev before looking back to me. I knew what she was thinking. _Poor girl. _"Are you having fun?"

"Yeah, it's pretty nice." I said.

"You know what me and Ecy did today?" She asked. "We went for a _long_ walk. My legs are still killing me! We stopped at some…I forgot what they were called…places where people go when they have no homes…"

"Homeless shelter?" Bev asked.

"Yes! Shelter!" She said. "We went there, and I made a lot of cool friends and now me and Ecy are going to bring them some of my old toys tomorrow!"

Why did Edward have to do sweet things like that? Especially when I was away from him; it made me miss him even more.

"That is really nice, Alice." I said.

"Yeah, and when we were walking, Ecy tripped!" She fell into a fit of giggles and Bev and I laughed along with her. "He wouldn't talk to me for a long time!" She said. We were all laughing, and I looked up when I heard the door open on their end. Bev and Alice both looked to their right. "Ecy! Come here!" Alice said.

My heart rate picked up just a tad because I knew it would be seconds before I got to see him. I saw his stomach before I saw any other part of him. I saw his finger point at the screen.

"Oh shit! It's Bella!"

I laughed and Alice rolled her eyes. "Well duh!" She said.

He waved his hand. "Hi, Bella."

"Hi, but I can't see you, baby."

"Bev, this thing is broken. She can't even see me." He complained.

Bev rolled her eyes. "Look at the screen, boy! That is what Bella sees!" She said while pointing to the screen. I laughed.

He picked up Alice from the chair and sat down. He put her on his lap and I could see his face. He was scrutinizing the screen like it was the strangest thing he had ever seen and I laughed some more. You would think he was born in the caveman era with the way he dealt with technology.

"Hey! Stop laughing at me, Bella. I can see and hear you, you know." He said.

"Oh really? Is that how this thing works?" I said sarcastically.

"Oh I see what you did there." He deadpanned. "Not funny, chick."

"I thought so." I said.

Alice reached over Edward to something that was on the desk. Edward was temporarily distracted while he watched to see what she was doing. When she came back into the frame she had something in her hand that she was unwrapping and Edward rolled his eyes. I finally realized what it was when she brought the stick of gum to Edward's lips and he took it in his mouth and started chewing.

He chewed a couple times and blew a breath at Alice and her face scrunched up and giggled.

"Much better." She said and patted his cheek. "You smelt smoky."

He smiled and looked back over to me. "This thing is dumb. I can't even see your eyes."

"That's because I am looking at you, and not the camera."

"Oh. I don't like this thing. It's nice to see you, hermosa, but this is pretty stupid if you ask me. Why do people use this shit? It's not like I can touch you or anything."

"Oh stop being a killjoy. This is cool!"

"Easily amused." He stated.

"Shut up!"

Bev slapped him on the back of the head. "Yeah! Shut up and enjoy your woman!"

Edward laughed. "I'm sorry! I enjoy you, my woman." He said to me.

I laughed. Alice looked between me and Edward with an amused expression on her face and she looked purely happy. That made me happy, but also made me long to be with them more. I had a great time at my parents house, and I loved meeting with my family since I hadn't seen them in so long, but I couldn't help but notice I wasn't home, and didn't get to see all of my family.

My home was with them, and they were my family.

* * *

I ran up the steps to his apartment.

I felt like a lovesick teenager, but he truly was my everything. Everything just didn't seem as important without him and Alice. I missed her just as much as I did Edward.

As much as I missed Alice though, it was nice to know I got to spend the entire night with Edward alone. Alice had plans to have a slumber party with Bev for the night which left me and Edward alone. In his apartment. _Did I mention we were going to be alone?_

I knocked on his door and heard little footsteps as Alice answered the door and before I could even process seeing her, she jumped at me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Bella, Bella, Bella!" She said excitedly.

"Alice! How are you doing, sweetie?" I said and hugged her.

"I'm good! Bev and I are going to give each other manicures at our party!"

"Nice…maybe I should go too…" I said.

"Nope! Don't even think about it, chick!" Edward yelled from somewhere in the house.

I wasn't going anywhere, but I needed to mess with him just a little.

"You can't tell me what to do!" I yelled.

Alice laughed then grabbed my hand and brought me into her room where Edward was putting stuff in her little Barbie suitcase. She was only going next door, but I guessed with a slumber party, you had to go all out. He smiled at me when I walked in and I smiled back. The hair stood up on the back of my neck and I couldn't wait to just be with him.

He really was like my drug. Or maybe like muffins because I had also gone a week without having one, and I couldn't wait to eat another one and I knew as soon as I eat it, I would be completely satisfied. I mean, of course Edward meant more to me than a pastry, but still. It was the same. Although, I bet Edward would give me a lot of shit if he knew I was comparing him to food in my head. I just missed him and wanted to be with him. End of story.

He closed the lid of the suitcase and held his arms out for Alice. "Come on, kid." He said.

She sighed and walked over to him. He lifted her and sat her on top of the suitcase. She sat there smiling proudly like sitting on that suitcase was such an important job and she was honored to fill the position. Edward was then able to zip up the suitcase with her added weight. He picked her up again, and set her back on the ground. He picked up the suitcase and put it on the floor. He held his arm out to Alice and she linked her small one with his.

"Êtes-vous prêt à aller jeune dame?" He asked.

There they go speaking different languages again. I really should get on learning some of that. By the accent, I guessed it was French.

"Oui, je suis, monsieur." She replied.

I just smiled in their direction, and Edward walked out with her while giving me a glance. I followed after them as they walked out of the apartment together. Their trip wasn't long as Bev's apartment was right next door. They walked right in, and I followed after them.

Bev was sitting in her chair watching some kind of game show while knitting something.

"Oh you are making my beanie?" Edward asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I am using the yarn you bought me for Christmas to make your new hat." She said.

I chuckled. Of course Edward would do that. He loved his beanies.

"I bought you other stuff so no more complaining."

She smiled. "Yeah, you bought me some really nice stuff." She said. She really did seem touched by whatever he bought her. I was curious, but I didn't want to intrude. Bev looked at me and held her arms open. "Come here, sweets. I missed this face. You're the only sane one around here."

I chuckled and hugged her. She smelt like warmness and cookies and I missed Bev as well. She was such a special lady.

Edward snorted. "You mean the craziest?"

I scowled at him and flipped him off behind Bev's back since Alice wasn't looking. He just smirked and flipped me as well. _Oh he was going to get it. _

Bev pulled away. "Alice, honey, you ready for our slumber party?" She asked looking towards Alice who was looking at some kind of home decorating magazine on the coffee table. Her head snapped up at Bev's words.

"Yup!" She ran over to Edward, hugged him, and came to me to me and hugged me as well. "Bye, Bella!" She said.

"Bye, honey." Edward grabbed my hand and I smiled at him. He smirked and led me out of the apartment.

He opened the door to his. He let go of my hand and I started walking further into his apartment. I barely made it two steps before I felt his hand grab mine and pull me back to him.

"Hey!" I said, but that was all I got out before his lips were on mine. His hands held onto both sides of my face and he kissed me hard. I kissed him back, and we pushed our tongues into each other's mouths. His forwardness surprised me, but it made me realize he missed me just as much as I missed him.

Before I knew it, he had me pinned against the wall. I could feel the heat of his entire body pressed against mine. He put his arms around my waist and under my shirt. His warm hands pressing against my bare back as he lips kissed mine. I brought my hands to his hair and held his face to me. I didn't want him to stop. The feeling of needing him after not seeing him for so long mixed with how much my body was affected by him and wanted him was too much to bear.

I needed more.

I was beginning to think I would get what I wanted when he took his lips from mine and started kissing along my face until he got to my neck. He licked and kissed my neck.

"Edward…" I whispered, my voice embarrassingly out of breath.

He hummed against my neck causing me to shiver and moan. My breathing picked up even more.

"I missed you, beautiful," He whispered against my neck. He pulled away and kissed me again on the lips and then my nose and then my forehead. "I missed you a lot." He said with his forehead resting on mine.

I smiled and tried to catch my breath. I put my hands on both sides of his beautiful face. "I missed you too. You know, you are really growing on me, Cullen."

"Ew…like a fungus or some shit? Athlete's foot?"

I laughed and pushed him away. "You sure know how to kill the mood, you nasty." I said teasingly.

Actually, the mood wasn't killed. My body was still on fire and I wouldn't mind more intense make-out sessions with him with his hands all over me, but I knew we wouldn't be doing it all night. We had a lot to catch up on, and gifts to exchange.

I grabbed my bag off of the floor and headed for the living room. He grabbed my hand when I was close to the couch. I looked over at him and smiled.

"Your gift is in my room." He said.

I nodded my head and followed after him with my hand in his. I had to refrain from fucking skipping behind him since I was so giddy to be with him alone. We went into his room, which I didn't go often. Whenever we would be together at his house, Alice was usually around and we would hang out in the living room or in the kitchen, and I left early so there wasn't much time to relocate to his bedroom.

It was a simple room with white walls and deep brown trimming and furniture. It wasn't big at all, but he had a bureau, bedside table, lamp, and a closet. And because it was Edward we were talking about, it wasn't exactly tidy. There were some stray clothes around and a couple of cups on his bedside table. He had a pile of folded clothes on the floor by his bureau. _This man I tell you…the folded clothes were right by the bureau! How much would it take to just put them in the drawers? _

"Edward? Why don't you put your laundry away?" I asked.

He glanced over at the pile of clothes like it was nothing and shrugged. "Didn't feel like it."

"The bureau is right there!" I said incredulously.

"You want to do it for me?" He asked with some really intense puppy dog eyes and I wanted to kick him. He was trying to get me to do it.

"Nice try, dude. I'm not your slave. I don't have to share this room with you so, yeah, do what you want."

I went over to his bed and hopped on. I grabbed his gift from my bag and put it on my lap. He just shook his head and went to the drawer of his bedside table.

"I'll be right back." He said.

I gave him a curious look, but nodded my head as he walked out of the room holding a small box in his hand. I didn't have any idea what he was doing, but it must have been for a reason. I started getting a little nervous about what I got him. I mean, I did only have five dollars to spare, but I didn't know if he would really like it. Well, I knew he would like it, but I didn't know…I guessed there was no fighting with myself. Anything I got him wouldn't seem good enough to repay him for all he has done for me, so I would just have to settle.

He came back in less than a minute later with the same small, blue box in his hand. He jumped up on the bed beside me and handed it to me.

"Don't open it yet." He said.

"Okay." I took the box from him and handed him the present I wrapped for him.

When I asked him if he wanted me to wrap it or put it in a bag, he demanded wrapping paper. Apparently he thought it was way more fun that way.

"Rock, paper, scissors to see who opens first." He said as he held out his fist.

"Alright." I held out my fist as well. "Ready?" He nodded. "Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" We both said. "Hah! Scissors beats paper, bitch! I win." I said.

He glared at me. _So competitive_. "Whatever. Paper is nicer than scissors. You can really hurt someone with scissors."

"Yeah, tell yourself whatever you want. The fact still remains; I won!"

"Just open your gift psycho." He said sullenly.

I leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Cheer up, grumpy. I still love you even though you are terrible at Rock, Paper, Scissors."

He reached his arm out and poked my side causing me to laugh and his little mad face went away and he smirked.

"Lets hope you still love me after you see your gift. It's really not even that great, but…" He shrugged and even looked a little nervous.

"Edward, there could be a piece of paper in here that said 'Gift' on it, and I would still love it. So chill out."

He chuckled at my words and I started untying the ribbon on the small box. I lifted the cover, and I stared at the contents inside the box. I was confused.

Edward chuckled. "Wow, I should have taken a picture of this. You're face is really quite entertaining."

"Umm…thank you." I looked at the contents again.

Just three things.

Three small things, but it didn't make any sense.

He chuckled. "You obviously don't get the analogy…" He said. I looked over to him and shook my head. "Well, if I remember correctly, you told me you wouldn't spend the night at my house unless I got you a ring with at least…"

I gasped. "Two carats!" I smiled and realization came over me. I looked down at the contents; a ring with two baby _carrots._ With the realization came the laughter. "Oh my God!" I started laughing; hard. I fell back on the bed because my stomach hurt so much from laughing. "Oh shit…" I said in between laughs.

"This is serious business, Bella." He said. I could hear the laugh in his voice though.

"Give—give me a minute." I said breathlessly.

I put my free arm over my face as I laughed some more. After I got most of it out, and had tears falling down my cheeks from laughing. I finally sat up, when I was ready to speak and made sure I didn't drop one of the sweetest, funniest, and thoughtful gifts I had ever received.

Edward looked at me with a smile. "Are you done yet?"

"Edward…this is amazing. I can't even…" I looked down at my gift. I lifted up the ring. It was a ring that he probably got from one of those 25 cent machines. It had an obnoxiously big fake diamond on it. I put it on my pinky finger.

"Ew…don't do that. Your finger will turn green." He said.

I chuckled. "I don't care." I reached for the carrots. I handed him one. "Want some?" I asked.

He smiled. "Fuck no. I hate those treacherous things."

I took a bite of one. I leaned forward and kissed him. "Thank you."

"So does this mean you will spend the night? You didn't specify what kind of ring or carrots you were talking about so…"

I put my hand on his cheek to stop him. "Of course. Just knowing you put that much thought into my gift, means a whole lot."

"I was thinking about putting in four carrots, but I didn't want you to get too spoiled. I love you, but I can't let you get too much power." He held up his hand. "Got to keep my pimp hand strong."

I snorted. "Shut up. You don't have a pimp hand, fool."

"Yeah, you're right, but I wanted to sound bad ass."

I laughed and wiped the tears from my eyes. I could depend on Edward to get a laugh out of me at any time. I laughed more with him in five minutes than I did the whole five days I was away.

"Well, in all fairness, I didn't specify enough, so I guess you win. I will spend the night."

I probably would have caved a long time ago if he smiled at me the way he did just then.

"I may, or may not get up and do a dance that will make you no longer attracted to me forever." He said.

"That will never happen." I said.

"Anything is possible, hermosa. I won't do it. Better safe than sorry." He said.

I rolled my eyes. "I can't even think of a word to describe you….you're just so…" There were so many words I could use to describe him, but I couldn't think of just one that pretty much covered it all. "I don't know, I just really like you, dude."

"I really like you too, chick." He said.

I leaned over and gave him a kiss. I had my hand on his cheek and I ran my fingers along the outline of his jaw, as I deepened the kiss. I got up on my knees and held his face between my hands as our tongues met. He held himself up with one arm and put the other one on my waist.

"Bella…" He mumbled against my lips.

"What?" I groaned when he pulled away. I felt like such a crazy hormonal teenager, but I couldn't help it.

"I kind of, sort of want to open my gift." He said. I chuckled and kissed his lips once more before sitting back down on the bed with a sigh.

"Alright, I guess I can let you have your gift."

"You better." He said.

He picked up the square item and started ripping the paper off of it. The smile remained on his face when he saw the front of the photo album I got him. On the front of it was a picture of Alice that I took when I was taking care of her one day. She was smiling really wide. It was really cute, and quite funny as well.

He opened up the album eagerly to the middle pages. It was completely filled with only a couple of empty pages in the back. He looked up to me and smiled.

"I can't believe you did this." He said.

It may seem like a stupid gift to some, but I knew it would mean a lot to Edward. Bev gave me all the pictures. They were all messed up inside a shoe box that Edward had with him when he first moved into the apartment. Bev meant to get them together for him, but she never got the chance, so I decided to do it for him. I thought it would maybe help Edward a little bit. He always doubted himself when it came to Alice, and I thought that having that as a reminder of how amazing she was, and how much she is growing and how much of a beautiful little person she was would be nice for him to see and remember.

I reached over to the album and went to the first page. I took out the folded piece of paper and handed it to him. "

Read it." I said.

He smiled at me; his eyes were bright and happy. He unfolding the paper and he laughed. Right on top of the paper was a picture of a very mad face that Alice drew. I got to his side and rested my head on his shoulder and followed along as he read.

"_Dear Ecy, I am very mad at you today_." He said and we both chuckled. I tried to get her to write a sweet letter to him, but she was pissed at him that day, and she wasn't having any of that.

"It gets better. Just keep reading." I said.

"It's already great." He said. I knew he wouldn't mind it. Half of the time Alice and Edward were teasing each other, and it was just a part of their beautiful relationship.

"She's too funny." I said.

He nodded and cleared his throat before continuing. "_You wouldn't let me have a cupcake but I ate my supper. You were being a meanie-poopy-head._"

We both laughed after reading that. I had to help her spell a couple of words and even write some. She was still learning.

"_Bella is making me write you a letter and she says I have to be nice. I will be nice for a couple minutes, but I am still mad at you, mister._" He stopped to laugh.

"She really was."

"I know, I remember that day. We had a late dinner. She would have never gone to bed." He said.

"I know, but she doesn't care about that! Kids just want their cupcakes!"

"Well grownups just want some quiet time." He said.

I chuckled. "I know. Continue." I said.

He looked back down at the letter. "_I think you are really cool and the best brother ever. Kids at school have mommies and daddies but I have you_," His voice cracked and he cleared it. I rubbed my hand on his back. "_You're my favoritest person in the whole world. Even though I am very, very mad at you right now and want to throw your beanies out the window, I still love you lots. I know some people want to take me away sometimes, but I will fight with you, Ecy. I'm still mad at you though._"

And that was how it ended. I told her to get focused and I would help her write whatever was in her heart, and that is what she told me. I didn't think she knew about Edward's parents wanting to take her, but I was sure she spoke of all the other times they had to go to court. Of course that must have affected her so deeply if she wanted to mention that. I thought it worked well with the letter.

That letter was pretty short, but it really revealed how much Edward meant to Alice at such a young age, and by the look on Edward's face, the admiration for her rested within him.

"I told her to write what was in her heart." I said softly. He looked over at me and I put my hand on his cheek. "And you can always remember that no matter what, you changed the path of her life completely for the better. Because of you, she can do and be anything."

He looked at me for a second, and I thought he was going to say something, but instead he leaned forward and kissed me. His lips landed hungrily on mine and I couldn't help the gasp that came out of me. He leaned more towards me and caused me to shift my body and land on my back on the bed.

He got up to his knees and took the photo album with the letter and put them on the bedside table. He leaned over me to do so, and soon I had Edward over me. He held most of his weight, but I still felt the heat of his body and I still saw the need and intensity in his eyes.

He stroked my cheek lovingly with his fingers.

"I love you so fucking much." He said fiercely.

I brought my hands around his neck and pulled him closer to me. His lips were a breath away from mine, but I didn't let mine touch his. I could feel the heat around us.

"I love you, too." I whispered.

He groaned and pressed his lips to mine. I ran my hands down from around his neck, down his chest, and around to his back. I pull up on the bottom of his shirt and ran my hands along his back. Appreciating every indentation of his back that reminded me of how strong and beautiful he truly was.

I moaned as he bit onto my bottom lip lightly.

"Take your shirt off…please." I said breathlessly.

He pulled back and pulled me up with him. I scrambled to get his shirt off, and he helped me out. It was the first time I was able to appreciate his body. I ran my hands over his chest, and before I could lean forward to kiss it, he reached for my shirt as well. I had a hard time comprehending what was happening because it was not what I had expected at all. Edward always seemed so guarded and not ready for this, but here he was making me crazy with every touch and kiss and action. I loved it.

I lifted my arms quickly as he took my shirt off. I launched myself at him; desperate to have that skin-on-skin contact with him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and fiddled with the clasp on my bra. He took his lips off of mine and kissed and sucked on my neck; one of my new favorite things.

"Edward…" I gasped.

I had my hands fisted in his hair, and he made it known that he wanted my bra off. He pulled away and slid it off of my arms. I didn't feel self conscious or anything. I always would when a guy would take my shirt off, but not Edward. _No with him._

"You're so beautiful." He said huskily.

I didn't have time to formulate a coherent response because of the moan that left my mouth when I felt his warm, big hands cup my breast. He kissed me and continued kneading my breast.

"Oh my God…" I groaned.

He pushed me back onto the bed and took his hand off of my breast. He wrapped his arms completely around me and our naked tops were pressed together. The heat of his body completely covering me made me want him even more. I wrapped my legs around his waist tightly and rocked against him. He moaned, and I could feel he was enjoying this as well.

He took his lips from mine and went back to my neck. I brought my hands to his hair, and my breathing was all over the place. It picked up even more when he moved one of his hands between us and ran his finger right over the hem of my sweatpants and traced patterns over my lower stomach.

He pulled his head from my body so his face was right over mine. He put his hand lower and he gave me a look as if asking for permission.

"Please…" I begged. He kissed me and his hand went lower and under my panties. I moaned loudly when he cupped me. "Oh fuck." I muttered.

"You're so wet, hermosa." He whispered against my neck and I just hummed in response.

Of course I was wet. My body responded to him almost all the time, with just a touch he would have me going.

"Mmmm…and you seem to be enjoying this yourself…" I said as I reached for the button on his jeans.

He groaned. "No…this is for you." He said as he moved his fingers over my bundle of nerves and rubbed.

I moaned loudly and started pushing against his fingers.

"No…" I said. "Let me…I want you to feel good too, baby." I said.

"This is enough for me. Just let me do this for you, Bella."

I didn't want to ruin the progress he was making so I didn't push it any longer. I would deal with it after he did this for me. I wanted it so badly. I wanted to cum, but I also wanted to make him feel good as well.

He moved his fingers down and ran along my folds. I bit my lip and wrapped my arms around his neck. His lips were back on my neck and it was driving me crazy. He sunk his fingers lower until I felt one of his fingers near my entrance. Slowly, so excruciatingly slow, he pushed his finger inside me.

"Oh Edward…" I moaned.

He then put another finger inside me and he kissed me to muffle my cries. I kissed him feverishly as he pumped his fingers inside me. He started off slow, making me crazy for him. Making me want him to go faster and faster.

And he did. He pumped his two fingers inside me and I rocked my hips in rhythm with his fingers.

"I love you." He whispered against my lips before kissing me hard again. I moaned and I could barely even think straight.

"Edward…" I said breathlessly. He started pumping his fingers even faster and the palm of his hands rubbed against the rest of me and I was so close. "I'm…oh my God…I love you so much."

"Does it feel good, beautiful?" He asked huskily.

"Yes…oh yes."

"Bien, tú te mereces esto hermosa. Tú te mereces todo."

I didn't know what he said, and it didn't matter at that point. The intensity and the pure love seeping from his voice was enough to put me over the edge. My body shivered beneath him and I buried my face in his neck to stifle my cries as my orgasm rocked my body.

I had never felt anything like it. I felt it on every end of my skin and his hot body felt colder on my heated skin.

I loosened my grip around him when I finally came down from my high. He took his hand away from me and wiped them on his shirt that was beside us. I reached down for him, but he pushed my hands away again.

"That was for you, Bella."

"But Edward…I want to this for you…please." I was practically begging.

I just felt horrible that I got to feel all of that and he had nothing. I wanted to be able to give him that feeling. I wanted to show him just how much I loved him as he just showed me now.

"Just…don't, Bella. I am fine. I got more out of that than I think you will ever know. Thank you for letting me do that for you." He kissed my nose and rolled over to my side.

He closed his eyes and he looked like he was concentrating. I knew what he was doing, and it killed me he had to hold all of those feelings back, while he just released mine.

I knew why he was doing it, and it broke my heart. He wouldn't tell me, but I knew him well enough to know that he didn't feel he deserved that kind of love. It made me feel like a horrible girlfriend that he felt that way, but I knew it wasn't all my fault at all. It was just how Edward was. He was a natural giver in everything he did, and not a taker.

He would take the clothes off of his back and give it to someone who needed it before he would accept it from someone. He was used to taking care of himself. He taught himself, he consoled himself, he nursed himself to health, and he most likely gratified his own sexual needs by himself.

It broke my heart enough to make me want to cry. I hated that he had to feel that way.

"Are you crying, Bella?" He asked worriedly.

I shook my head and wiped away a few tears that fell without me knowing. He took one of his fingers and moved my face to look at him. I saw the love and the concern in his green eyes, so tortured yet innocent at the same time, and of course beautiful. I wouldn't feed his insecurities. I wouldn't make him feel bad by bringing it up more. It would take some time; I knew that from the beginning. I just didn't realize how much growing Edward still had until then.

_I would get him there, though. _

I rolled onto my side and snuggled against his chest, our bare tops pressed against each other. He wrapped his arms around me and I kissed his chest.

"I love you." I whispered against his chest.

He didn't answer, he didn't have to. He kissed the top of my head.

He was so special…well to me he was. And I knew he was to Bev and of course to Alice. Together, I knew we would make sure he could overcome the demons inside him and we would make sure he felt he deserved everything, and then some.

Little did I know, it would be a rockier and bumpier road than I could have imagined.

* * *

It's not too late,  
'Cause you are not alone,  
I'm always there with you.  
And we'll get lost together.  
Till the light comes pouring through.  
'Cause when you feel like you're done,  
And the darkness has won.  
Babe, you're not lost.  
When your worlds crashing down.  
And you can't bear the thought.  
I said, babe, you're not lost.

**_Lost, by Michael Bublé

* * *

_**

**Hey! Hope you all liked this chapter! You all were asking for some action between these two, and I know it's not all the way, but give them time! lol **

**Special thanks to Alexa who even on her birthday, pre-read this right away, and made it possible for me to update! So thank you! I love you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (I think I said that a lot today lol)**

**Next chapter will be out as soon as possible and I will do my absolute best to reply to reviews with a teaser! Things will start picking up next chapter. You can also find teasers on the thread, and if you follow me on Twitter (Blueking141) I follow back! **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated :)**


	22. Chapter 21: Bleeding of a Guy

**Chapter 21: Bleeding of a Guy**

**EPOV**

"How are you doing in there, baby?" Bella called.

"Oh I'm doing fine, dear. I'm just seconds away from smashing my head against the wall, isn't that swell?" I said in a sarcastic and mockingly enthusiastic voice.

I heard Bella and Alice laugh at my comment, but I wasn't kidding. Bella's kitchen was a bitch. If Bella's kitchen were a person (a male of course) I would have kicked him in the throat and stepped on him. I could barely walk into the kitchen, it was so small. When I opened the oven, the door hit the wall. It was terrible.

And then Bella has the nerve to demand me to cook for her. We could have done it at my house, but Alice wanted to visit Bella's place so I had no say in anything. In fact, I had no power because they tag-teamed against me and shit. It fucking sucked…but I still loved it.

My life became a big confusing thing, but I liked it. Again, confusing, but I just rolled with it.

I took out the pan with my seasoned potatoes on it, and I was happy with the outcome. They looked perfect. I put them on top of the stove and got a spoon to get them on the plates. The chicken and vegetables were already ready for us, and I was just waiting on the potatoes.

I finished making the plates and picked up all three plates and went to the living room where Alice and Bella were watching some movie with Barbie dolls. I didn't know, I didn't even try to understand why they would want to watch that shit. Unluckily for me, Bella didn't have a kitchen table, so we all had to eat on the floor on her coffee table, and I was forced to watch the movie.

I walked in front of the coffee table and put down all their plates. Alice looked around me to see the TV, and didn't even care that I brought her food. I rolled my eyes and looked to Bella to see she was doing the same thing. I might as well just go eat my food in the mini-kitchen and make friends with it.

I sat at the end of the coffee table and started eating while they watched the movie. I wanted to throw a piece of chicken at the both of them. I slaved over a hot stove in the fucking bitch kitchen from hell, and they weren't even paying attention to my food. Instead, they were looking at an animated Barbie doll ride on a horse to find her prince. _Gag. Me. _

"Awww…" They both said at the same time.

I looked at the TV and Barbie was kissing her prince. I just took a bite of my chicken and debated on just taking a nap. I didn't want to watch Barbie make out with her plastic friend. Okay, that can be taken so wrong if taken out of context…

Finally the credits started rolling and Bella turned the TV off. The both of them finally looked down at their food.

"Wow, this looks good, dude." Bella smiled.

"Yeah, nice of you to notice."

She slapped my shoulder. "Shut up, it's not my fault I have a crush on Prince Ken." She said smugly and picked up her fork.

"Oh really? Maybe you should get together with him. I hope you both have a nice life."

"I think we will, he is pretty sweet and romantic and so caring."

"Sounds like a real pussy to me."

"What's that mean?" Alice asked.

My heart stopped and I looked up at her. Her head was tilted to the side with a curious expression on her face. _Oh fuck._ I sucked at the whole filter thing.

"It means nothing and you need to promise to never, ever repeat what I just said, okay?"

She gave me a weird look. "Jeez okay, weirdo." She said and rolled her eyes.

She was actually used to it. I slipped a lot with swears. I actually swore a lot around her, but Alice never repeated them because both Bev and I taught her that curse words were not for kids, and she just listened to us I guessed.

I looked over to Bella and she looked like she would explode because she was trying to hold in her laughter. I pinched her side so it would give her a good reason to laugh, and it worked. She started laughing hard and Alice and I laughed at her. We gave each other a look that said, 'can you believe this girl?' Bella was bat-shit crazy, but we still loved her.

While Bella was taking care of her business, Alice went back to eating her food. "Eww…Ecy I hate broccoli. It reminds me of little trees."

"Little trees that taste awesome." I said as I put one in my mouth.

She scrunched her face up. "They're gross."

"Eat them or your hair will fall out." I said. Bella gasped and hit me.

"Don't say that!" She said. She gave me an incredulous look and turned to Alice. "You're brother is just kidding, but you really should eat your broccoli. It has a lot of good vitamins and fibers in it, and it keeps your heart nice and healthy."

"But why do healthy things have to taste so gross?" She whined.

"I know, some of them are, but if you really think about it, you only have to taste it for a couple seconds, and then it's all done. Don't you think it would be worth it if it helps your heart?" Bella asked.

Alice looked at the broccoli on her fork, studying it until she shrugged. "Yeah I guess so." And then she put it in her mouth and chewed.

_How the hell did she do that?_ Alice didn't even fight her on it or anything, she just agreed and did it. _What the fuck_. I usually had to fight with her or threaten her.

Bella went back to eating her food and I poked her on her shoulder so she would look at me. She looked at me and wiped her face.

"What?" She asked.

"Did you just brain wash my sister with some voodoo shit?"

She chuckled. "No, I just used logic with her."

"Logic." I said thoughtfully. "Maybe I will use that one at some point."

"Don't think I am telling you that you are doing things wrong, but you wanted her to eat it right?"

"Oh no, I know you weren't being like that, I just try and learn things, and since you are some kind of child whisperer, I figure I should take in as much information as I can."

She snorted. "Child whisperer. You're weird."

"He is, isn't he?" Alice asked randomly.

"Hey, no one asked you, short stuff!" I said.

She giggled. "I don't care!"

"Well I do and I am older!"

"I'm prettier." She said. Oh, she had me there.

"You play dirty." I said.

Bella and Alice laughed. I was just messing with her though. I tried my hardest not to keep things from Alice. I didn't want her in the dark about things at all, and I tried to teach her as much as I could and let her know about the world around her. The thing that sucked about it was me keeping the information on our parents from her. I hated it, but what the hell was I supposed to tell her? _Oh yeah, Alice, our father tried to kill me when he found out I was trying to take you from him. Oh, and they were both psycho and they hated me._ No. I wouldn't tell her that shit.

We spent the rest of our time on Bella's floor eating dinner and talking and joking around with each other for about an hour before Alice and I had to start getting ready to leave. Alice had to go to bed, I had work, and Bella was going out with some of her friends from school.

Alice was getting her shoes on in the living room and I went to Bella who was at her room which wasn't that far from the living room at all. Two of her apartments could have fit in mine and my apartment wasn't that big at all. I didn't really like the idea of her staying in a place like that or even living alone. I worried about her too much.

She was looking through her closet when I walked in. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her middle. She sighed in contentment and wrapped her arms around mine. I dropped my head down and placed kisses on her neck.

"Are you sure you have to work?" She whimpered.

I turned her around so she could face me and I put my arms around her. "I'm afraid so, hermosa."

She groaned. "I don't really feel like going out tonight."

"Why not?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, I just wish you would be there."

"Nah, don't say that. You should hang out with other people without me hovering around being all annoying and shit."

She rolled her eyes. "You aren't annoying."

"Yeah, but I'm kind of a party-pooper."

She smirked. "Well, yeah, that's true, but still. I like you even though you are a party pooper." I leaned down and kissed her.

"Good to know."

She leaned forward and rested her head on my chest. I dropped my head on top of hers and sighed. I would have to set up another date where we can just spend some alone time together. We hadn't had one of those since our Christmas date, and it was already the middle of January.

_Way to long. _

We spent as much time together as we could, but it was always with Alice or even Alice and Bev. I knew Bella understood that I couldn't just drop Alice off places every day to have dates with her, but I did wonder if it maybe upset her or got her annoyed.

"I guess one of the girls invited a new guy to be in our study group. He's a transfer student."

"From where?"

"Wisconsin."

I snorted. "Oh, I thought it was from somewhere exotic like Cambodia or something. That's what I think of when you say transfer student."

"Well you need to open your mind, dude, there are many more places around here that a person can transfer from."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't get out much. Don't judge."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm judging you hardcore right now, baby."

"Whatever, bitch." She laughed and took my face in her hands to kiss me.

"Ecy! I'm going to fall asleep on the floor!" Alice called.

"Yeah give me a minute, lady!" I called. Bella chuckled. "So what's this guy's name? Do you know? You can tell a lot about a person from their name."

"Really?"

"Yeah, your name is Bella, and you are beautiful…see what I'm getting at here?"

"Oh, so does Edward mean they are an asshole?"

"Har, har." I deadpanned.

She laughed and kissed me again before getting out of my arms and back to her closet.

"His name is Jacob."

I shrugged. "I got nothing."

She rolled her eyes. "You're so weird. Get out of here before your sister has to sleep on the floor."

"Okay, okay, but don't I get a kiss or something?"

She turned towards me and grabbed onto my shirt. She pulled me to her and she kissed me slow and sweet and leaving me not wanting to walk out even more. She was evilly wonderful.

"I love you, dude."

"I love you too, chick." I kissed her on the forehead before heading out to Alice.

She was standing at the door, leaning against the wall with her jacket, hat, and gloves on already. She looked like she was about to fall asleep. I held my arms out to her and she jumped up in them right away.

She rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm tired."

"I know, we are going home now."

As much as I hated not getting to go on as many dates with Bella as I could, I also hated thinking about leaving Alice alone for any extended amount of time.

It was hard.

* * *

"Do you want me to read something tonight?" I asked Alice.

She was already laid out on her bed and looking so tired.

"No, just come sit with me." She said and patted the side of her bed.

"Alright."

I went over to the side of her bed and sat down. I didn't doubt that she would be out in no time. It was already almost eight, and that was late for Alice.

"So did you have a good day today?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, it was fun. I like being with Bella. She is really cool."

"Cooler than me?" I asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Yeah, I think so."

I couldn't even argue with that. "I think so too."

"Why doesn't she move in with us? Her house is so small."

"Well, Bella does have her own things going on, and she needs her own space. She's busy a lot too." I found it hard to try and explain the situation to her.

It was not that Bella didn't like the idea of living with me, because she told me that wasn't it. She wanted time on her own since she never really had that, and I respected that. I respected her, so pressuring her to move in with us wasn't something I would do. I wanted her to move in, but not against her will.

"Yeah, but if she lived here, she could be here all the time!"

"It's more complicated than that, kid. Grownups are crazy."

"Grownups give me a headache." She said warily and put her hand on her forehead. I chuckled. She could be so dramatic sometimes and I thought it was cute.

"I know; they give me a headache too, so you're not alone."

She giggled and wiped her tired eyes. I was surprised she was feeling chatty.

"Ecy, can I ask you something?" She asked seriously.

"Of course, Alice."

"But wait, will you promise not to get mad at me?" She sounded so nervous and I started panicking. _Was something going on at school? Were kids bullying her? Did she do something really bad? Was she failing in school?_ Oh the possibilities.

"I promise I won't get mad at you." I said.

"You promise?" she asked again.

"Yes! I already said it, crazy!"

She lifted up from lying down and sat down with her legs crossed beneath her. She played with the end of the shirt she was wearing and looked up at me.

"Are our mommy and daddy dead?"

_Fuck. _

_What the hell do I say?_

I felt my hands start sweating and the sweat accumulating on my neck instantly. I was freaking out but I wanted to hide it from her as much as I could. _What the fuck. Where is Bella with her logic when I need her?_ Here was Alice looking at me with a look of nervousness and curiosity and even a little sadness and I had to take all of that away at the same time.

_Do I tell her the truth or tell her they were dead just to take the easy way out?_

If I told her they were alive, she would ask so many more questions. If I told her they were dead…I didn't know how she would react. But I couldn't lie to her. I wouldn't be able to live with myself especially if the worst thing that could ever happen to us happens and she has to see them one day. They were around. They wanted her back, but I wouldn't let it happen.

I would rather die than her having to live with them and that is the God's honest truth.

So I decided to just do my best. Bev always told me that is what mattered, and if I tried my best, everything would be fine. I looked at her face, she looked like me. She looked like _her_, but far more beautiful in every way possible. There wasn't another quite as beautiful as Alice.

I sighed. Usually I would just blow off her questions and change the subject, but she was getting older and the longer I kept it from her, the worse it would be in the end I think.

"No, they're not dead." I said finally.

I studied her face. I saw that it fell and she looked even more curious. I prepared myself for the questions.

"They're not?"

"No."

She looked away from me and I saw the wheels turning in her head. When she looked back at me, I panicked when I saw the tears building in her eyes. The worst part was seeing how she tried so hard to push them back. She was trying to be strong. She felt she had to be that way.

"Where are they?" She asked and cleared her throat when her voice cracked. She was killing me.

"I don't know." _I was being honest right?_

I didn't know where they were. They could have lived down the fucking street just waiting for me to screw up so they could swoop in and take her away from me. The thought made me sick to my stomach.

"You don't know? So they disappeared?" She was getting agitated.

"No." _Fuck I didn't know what to say._ "I just don't know where they are, Alice."

She brought her knees to her chest and put her hands in her hair. She whimpered and I was at a loss. I didn't think she would get that bent out of shape. I felt helpless. This was obviously something that had been built up inside her for so long, or else she wouldn't be having the reaction she was having. She was falling apart.

"So if they're not dead, why did they leave us? I didn't even get to meet them!" Her face was all red and she was crying.

"Hey, hey…" I said hoping to calm her just a little. I reached over for her, and she reached for me as well. I pulled her into my arms and she cried into my chest. "Calm down, Alice."

"I just don't know why I can't have a mommy and daddy like everyone else!"

I would be lying if I didn't say her words didn't hurt me. They did. But I couldn't blame her. Not at all. I had the same feelings all my life, but the only difference was my parents were there physically, but ignored me and abused me. I knew her pain.

"I don't know what to say, Alice. You probably won't understand. But you don't need to have parents in your life to be normal or have a good life. You know this right?"

She lifted her face off my chest and looked up at me with those big eyes wet with tears and her sweet face so riddled with pain, confusion, and frustration. "I know, but I want to know what it's like! Did they even love me?"

"Yes, they did." I lied.

I had to ease her worries and preserve her innocence as much as I could. It killed me to lie to her, but you just don't tell a six year old that her parents never loved her, and her father held her probably two times her whole life. I couldn't tell her that our mother stuck up for our father in court when he was on trial for stabbing me with Alice in the room.

You just didn't say those things to a six year old. That was the part of life you hoped the young ones you love never had to be exposed to.

She shook her head. "I don't understand it."

"I know, Alice. I know. It doesn't make any sense how anyone wouldn't want to be around you all the time. You are the best little girl there ever was, and don't forget that." I told her firmly. "I know you must want your parents because you think that is what you are supposed to have, but everyone is different. You shouldn't be worrying about that because you are special to a lot of people."

"I know, Ecy, I don't want to hurt your feelings because I like living with you, but I don't get why I can't have a mommy and a daddy too."

"The only thing I can tell you is that life is a confusing thing and it doesn't always make sense. Life can also be unfair. But instead of thinking about what you don't have, start focusing on what you do have. Bev and Bella love you so much and want to best for you, and me…" I stopped to try and think of how to explain to her how much she meant to me. "You're my most favorite person ever, and I love you very much."

She nodded and put her head back on my chest. "I love you too, Ecy. I'm sorry if you got mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you at all."

She nodded her head against my chest and I felt her whole body relax. "Kay, good. I'm tired, Ecy."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. Just stay with me until I fall asleep?" She asked.

"Of course."

She crawled out of my lap and went back to laying down. I put her covers back over her and kissed her forehead. She sniffled and I wiped away one final tear. For her comfort and for mine as well, I laid down beside her and took her in my arms.

Life sucked sometimes, but everything was tolerable if I had Alice.

She fell asleep in no time, and I got up when I knew she was in a deep sleep. I didn't want to wake her and I didn't want to get out of bed, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it was Friday.

I pulled her covers up again and pushed her hair out of her face. I turned away hoping I didn't screw everything up. I left the door open slightly and went to the living room to find Bev sitting at the couch watching TV. She looked over at me and smiled slightly although she did look tired.

"Hey, sweets. Shortcake sleeping?" She asked.

I nodded and grabbed my phone from the coffee table. "Yeah." I looked to see if I had any messages from Bella and there wasn't anything. I sat down by Bev. "Not without tears though."

She frowned. "Tears? Why?"

I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. "She asked about our parents. She wants a family like that so bad."

"It's just a phase, honey. She will realize that everyone's life is different and she doesn't need parents, you know?"

"Yeah, but it still sucks because I know she wants it, but I won't give it to her."

"But with good reason. Don't forget that part." She said. "So what is going on with that? Have they tried to get in contact with you again?"

I nodded. "Yup. Bowman called me. I told him to leave me alone. I don't want to see them." Bev didn't say anything and when I looked over to her, so looked deep in thought. "What?"

"Do you think it would maybe be best to just meet with them?"

"Are you kidding?"

"Well, hear me out. If you meet with them under the supervision of your lawyer, maybe you can negotiate something…"

"There is nothing to negotiate, Bev. They aren't going to see her or take her. I make the decisions and the answer is no and always will be no. Seeing them will only piss me off."

"But Edward…"

"No." I said, interrupting her. "Bev, if I see them, I don't know what my reaction will be, but I know it won't be pretty if you know what I mean. They would take Alice away from me on the spot."

She nodded her head in understanding. She probably hadn't thought of that. I hadn't seen my parents for six years and the last time I did see them, was when I had to go to court for their trial to testify. Even then I got upset and that was before my IED got really bad. Now it was worse as I got older and if I met them in a setting with other people around, I would flip. I knew it. It was better I just steered away from them as much as I could.

"I guess I understand your point. I have been trying to find out a way to just make them stay away…"

"Bev, don't." I knew what she meant by that. "You can't keep paying people off for me all the time."

"I know, but I just want to help you, boy. But for now, you just have to behave, alright?"

"I have been trying."

"You seem happier these days. Bella has changed you a bit."

I smirked. "She drives me crazy."

"Oh shut it, boy. If anything, you probably drive her crazier."

I chuckled and got up from the couch. I needed to get going. "She's just better at playing the innocent act when in reality; she is off her rocker, crazy."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh shut it, I still like her better anyway. Get out of here and go work, boy."

I put my hand over my chest. "That hurt, Bev."

"Your face hurts me, so go, see you later!"

I laughed. "Bye Bev, you know you like me better."

"Don't get your hopes up."

I laughed and shook my head as I left the house.

My life has suddenly turned into dodging the insults of three ladies and still loving them anyway.

It was a conundrum.

* * *

I was exhausted.

I didn't even think exhausted was the right word to describe the tiredness that overtook my body. I guessed it was my fault since I slept a total of two hours when I got back from the coffee shop with Bella. I couldn't fall asleep, and I thought I would be fine the rest of the day and it lasted until about nine rolled around.

I checked out and made my way to my car sluggishly. I had a mini-heart attack when my phone started vibrating in my pocket and it pretty much woke me up from some kind of fucking comatose walking through the parking lot.

I took my phone out and saw that Bella was calling.

"Hello?" I said.

I heard her sigh in relief over the other end. "_You aren't still at work are you?"_

Her voice sort of scared me and it woke me up just a little. "No I just walked out, what's wrong?"

"_I don't know. Do you mind if I go over?" _

I got into my truck and started it up. "No, I don't mind, but you're scaring me, Bella."

I pulled out of the parking space and I didn't feel tired anymore. I was actually panicking. She never usually called me this late. In fact, she was usually sleeping. I knew she went out with her friends, but that only made me even more nervous.

"_Don't get scared, baby; I'm okay…I think. I just want to see you okay?" _

"Do you need me to pick you up? I am already on the road."

"_No, I am already on my way. I just left my house." _

I pulled out a cigarette since I was at a red light. "Okay, I'll be there in less than ten minutes."

"_Okay…thank you, Edward." _

"Don't thank me. I'll see you soon, hermosa."

I hung up and put my lit cigarette to my mouth. I pressed a little harder on the gas pedal to get to Bella faster. I had a bad feeling that something was indeed wrong and it scared me.

I made it home in no time, and I saw Bella's car sitting outside of my house. As I got closer, I actually saw that she was sitting in the driver's seat of the car. I parked my car and got out of it as fast as I could. I didn't like the idea of her sitting in her car out in this neighborhood at midnight.

I went to the driver's side of her car and she got out. She leaned against the it, and I couldn't decipher her look.

"Bella, what the hell were you thinking sitting out here like this?" I asked in an irritated tone. The neighborhood I lived in was terrible.

She rolled her eyes. "I was out here for five minutes."

"I don't care. A lot can happen in five minutes."

She groaned. "I'm not a baby, Edward." She snapped at me.

I tried hard not to be mad at her, but what if something did happen to her? What would I have done? There were crazy people out there…especially where I lived.

"Well then don't do stupid things and sit outside in the middle of the night in a place like this." I said.

I saw her hands clench at her sides and she shook her head. "Whatever, Edward. I'll just go. I'm not staying here if you are going to be a prick."

"How am I being a prick? Just because I don't want anything to happen to you?"

She turned back to her car and opened the door. She got in it and went to close the door, but I held it open. She tried pulling on the door, but I was stronger. She gave up and got back out of the car.

"You aren't my father, Edward. I'm not five years old, I can take care of myself, so don't you dare pull this possessive shit on me." She said with conviction. "I had a bad night, and I came here because you always make everything better, and now you are just making me feel bad. I don't need that right now."

She looked close to tears and I felt like an asshole.

"Why didn't you just go inside?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't have a key if you don't remember, and I wasn't going to wake Bev and Alice. It was five fucking minutes."

I reached over for her and pulled her in my arms. I was a prick and an asshole. I just cared for her too much. Just the thought of something happening to her made me go crazy. I didn't mean to get possessive on her and piss her off, but I couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry." I said.

She wrapped her arms around my middle and I held her close. I kissed the side of her head and just reveled in holding her. I started getting tired again. It was probably because of the contentment I felt being near her.

"Can we go inside?" She asked. "It's cold."

I pulled away from her and took her hand. I led her inside and I found myself anxious to find out why she needed me so much. I was not going to lie, it warmed my heart to know she would turn to me when she was upset or needed some kind of security. I just wished she would never feel upset or insecure. She didn't deserve that.

I took my keys out and opened the door to my apartment. I walked in with Bella still holding my hand and we both walked quietly to the living room where I heard the hum of the TV. Bev was sitting up, and she looked like she was about to fall asleep, but she woke up when she heard us.

"Bev." I whispered. "You can go home now if you wanted to." I said.

She squinted at us. "Bella?"

"Hi Bev, I'm sorry if we woke you." She said sweetly.

"Oh no, I was just resting my eyes." I didn't even care what anyone said. Whoever said that phrase was a liar. _Resting my eyes…pft…you were sleeping. Don't try and deny it._

"You can stay in here if you want, Bella and I will just be in my room." I said.

She got up from the couch and stretched. "No, it's okay. I'll go home. I'll be back in a couple hours."

"Oh no, Bev, you don't have to. I can stay with Alice if you want me to." Bella said.

_Ah, so that meant she wanted to spend the night._

I expected as much, but it was nice to know I would be going to sleep with Bella in my arms…that is if she wanted to sleep in the same bed as me. We did the last time she slept over…the night where our relationship went to the next level. One of the best nights of my life by the way. Just knowing that I was the reason she got that much pleasure made me incredible happy.

"You sure?" Bev asked.

Bella looked up at me as if asking for permission. _See? She was crazy._ I gave her a look that said 'why are you looking at me like that, crazy chick? Asking me to spend the night is like asking me if I have a dick.' The answer would always be yes.

She smiled at me as if she could read my mind or something. "Yes, I'm sure." She said to Bev.

"Okay well then I will see the both of you tomorrow then." Bev said.

She patted me on the cheek and hugged Bella before leaving. I took the remote off of the coffee table and turned the TV off. Bella let go of my hand and started heading for my room. I went after her, but stopped to check on Alice. She was sound asleep. She was sprawled out on the bed like a starfish and her feet were sticking out of the blankets. I didn't fix it though; she got mad at me when I did.

I went into my room and Bella was already laid out on the bed. I went to my bureau to get something else to wear since I felt all germy and gross wearing my scrubs. I cleaned a bunch of crazy shit at the hospital. I would normally take a shower, but I was too tired and I had a hot chick in my bed. I wasn't going to waste my time. I am pretty sure she would still love me even though I probably smelled.

"Don't look, chick." I said.

She looked up at me and smirked when she saw I was going to change.

"Actually, I think I might just look." She said.

"Fucking pervert…" I mumbled under my breath but she heard me anyway because she started laughing. I took my scrub top off with her looking at me and looking all sexy and shit. I stuck my tongue out at her and went to put my shirt on.

"You don't have to put that on you know." She said.

"Well I am cold. I don't want my nips to fall off. That would be awkward."

She laughed. "You can go under the blankets. Blanket provide warmth and warmth will save your nipples. Just keep it off." She said.

I chuckled. "Fine, but only because you are kind of cute." I said.

"Kind of cute?" She asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Alright, well you are really fucking cute, but I don't need you getting a big head on me, hermosa."

She chuckled. "Hurry up and put your pants on, baby. I miss you."

I put on my plaid pajama pants and yawned as I walked over to the bed. I flopped down beside her and she pulled the blankets back. I got on my side and she got on her side facing me and snuggled closer to me. She pulled the covers up and wrapped her arms lazily around my middle. I put arms around her and closed my eyes. I felt so comfortable and warm.

She rubbed my back. "You look exhausted, babe."

I hummed in response. "I am."

"Well you can go to sleep if you want." She said.

I opened my eyes and looked down at her. "No, not yet. What happened tonight?"

She sighed. "It's not even that big a deal."

"Well I think it is if you had to come here." She shrugged and looked away from me. I put my finger on her chin and made her look at me. "What happened?"

She took a deep breath before starting. "We went to Amanda's house…remember I told you about her?"

I nodded. Bella went out whenever she could with her study group. I guessed they became close or whatever and she did tell me about Amanda before. I hadn't met her of course, but she mustn't have been too bad if Bella was friends with her.

"Yeah, did she do something?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No. Well anyway, we were all talking and eating and I had a couple of drinks, but not enough to get me drunk you know?"

I nodded my head again. I knew Bella was underage to be drinking, but she was irresponsible about it.

"Then the new guy came in. He said hi to Amanda, but to no one else. He seemed really nervous to be there, and I felt bad, you know?"

"Okay…" She sounded nervous and it made me nervous.

"So I went up to him and introduced myself and I don't know…he creeped me out a little."

I looked at her quizzically. "Did he say anything to you? Did he touch you?" I swear if he put a hand on her I would kill him.

"No, he didn't touch me, calm down. He just kept calling me pretty and he said I would make a good wife…" She shook her head as if clearing out her memories. "I don't know, he made me uncomfortable."

"He said you would make a good wife?" _What the fuck kind of person says that?_

She nodded. "Yeah and when I tried to get away from him, he would follow me. It creeped me out."

"What's this fucker's name?" I asked.

I was pissed. I wanted to punch something. Preferably creepy asshole's face.

"Edward, calm down. It's Jacob, remember?"

"His last name, Bella…"

She groaned. "Edward please stop. It's not that big of a deal. He ended up leaving with one of the other girls."

"His last name, please." I said through gritted teeth.

"No. I'm not telling you." She pushed away from me and sat up.

I sat up as well. "And why the hell not?"

"Because I knew I shouldn't have told you." She started to get off the bed, but I pulled her back. Her words hurt me.

"You would have really kept it from me?"

I think she could see the hurt in my face because her face fell into a frown and she grabbed my hand in hers.

"Honestly, I was thinking about it. I knew you would react like this."

"How else would you think I would react?"

"I know, but Edward, you can't have any ideas about going to confront this guy or anything."

"And why not?" _Isn't that what a boyfriend was supposed to do? Protect their girlfriends? _

"You know why." She said.

At first I didn't know why, but one glance at the picture of Alice across the room reminded me just why I couldn't confront this guy. I would flip the fuck out. I could lose Alice. I could lose Alice to them.

"Fuck off." I said to myself.

I got up from the bed and paced the room. I ran my hands through my hair and tried to compress the anger at my parents, this Jacob character, and myself. Everything was so fucked up. It was like I had to choose between the two people that mean the most to me. I could either go after this guy who was saying inappropriate things to my girlfriend, and risk losing Alice, or I could just ignore this whole thing and risk Bella being even more uncomfortable being around him when she went out with her friends.

_Why couldn't my life be simple for once?_

Bella got down from the bed and walked over to me. She took my hand out of my hair and put both of my arms around her waist. She put her hands on the back of my neck and pulled my face towards hers. She kissed me softly on the lips and put her forehead on mine.

"Don't get upset about this, love." She whispered. "I am fine, and I will just steer clear of that guy as much as I can. There will never be a time when I am alone with him, and I won't get hurt by him. The only person who can hurt me is you. I hate seeing you get all worked up about this. You already have too much on your plate, but I told you so I didn't keep anything from you."

"Thank you for doing that even though I feel like shit for not being able to do anything." I said.

"No, don't feel like that, baby. I didn't tell you so you could get all protective on me. I appreciate that you feel that way about me because I am protective of you too, but I don't need you to go talk to him or beat him up or whatever you had planned. What I need is you. I had a bad night and I knew you would make it better for me."

I sighed. "I'm sorry I pissed you off a lot today even though you pretty much just got here."

"Babe, I would find it weird if you didn't piss me off at least one time a day, so no need to say sorry."

I chuckled. "Well I'm sorry you have to deal with me. I'm kind of a hot-headed bastard."

"A hot-headed bastard that I love, so there is no need to worry about that."

I yawned and she kissed my forehead before dragging me back to the bed. We got back on the bed in the same position we were in before. She kissed my chest and held onto me tighter. I kissed the top of her head and closed my eyes. It sucked knowing I had to get up in a couple hours. Not only did I have to go to work, but I also didn't get to hold Bella longer.

"Bella, can you just do me a favor?" I asked.

"What is it, baby?"

"Just stay away from that guy, alright?"

She nodded her head against my chest. "I promise. Thank you for being here when I needed you, love."

I kissed the top of her head. "Anytime."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I decided to just trust her. She said she didn't want me to confront the asshole who made her feel uncomfortable, and she said she just needed me to be there for her. I tried to do that, but it still didn't ease the ache in my head or the annoyance at myself.

I should be able to defend her without a second thought, but I obviously couldn't do that. It was because of me and my fucking anger issues that I could one day potentially lose Alice and that my girlfriend couldn't have her boyfriend protect her.

_It sucked. _

I wished I wasn't this way. I wished I could go back and get away from my parents earlier and maybe I wouldn't be as screwed up as I was.

No, I couldn't think like that. If I left early, I wouldn't have had Alice and without her, where would I be? No, life wasn't worth living without Alice.

I felt bad that I had to sacrifice protecting Bella to protect Alice, but that was the way it had to be. I realized how lucky I was to have a person like Bella who understood that, but it still didn't help me.

I looked down at Bella and she smiled up at me. I bent down and kissed her. I loved her so much it was insane. I may not have done anything now, but if that guy or anyone else laid a hand on her or made her feel uncomfortable, I would make sure they never did it again.

I would find a way to protect them both if I needed to.

I couldn't lose either of them.

Ever.

* * *

_Pull my hair back, look me in the eye  
__There's a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy  
__It's the guilt of what reality has given me  
__Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity  
__And when you're sick you seem to think  
__You've failed eternally  
__And that the people you let in are only crumbling  
__When you're sick of faking life in this recovery  
__When my decision paved the road  
__That lies in front of me._

_Ever carried the weight of another? For how long?_

_**Overweight, by Blue October

* * *

**_

**Well a lot of you were asking for some EPOV and I decided to give you some! I don't try to withhold his POV on things, but I just write from the POV to get the right emotion I guess from each chapter. There will be more of both of them! Just bear with me! **

**Special thanks to my pre-reader and friend Alexa! She brings a smile on my face every day and I still love her even though she thinks she annoys me with her rants! Hahaha she doesn't annoy me, she's just cwazy. **

**So I did review replies with teasers last chapter *high fives self* and I will do it again this chapter! **

**I'll update as soon as I can! **

**Review please! You'll have a teaser in your inbox in no time! **


	23. Chapter 22: Good Hurt

**Chapter 22: Good Hurt**

**BPOV**

"Bella, I swear to God if you throw one more piece of napkin at me, I am going to tell on you." Edward said, trying to act intimidating but he wasn't intimidating me at all.

"Oh yeah? Who are you going to tell?" I asked playfully.

I was feeling playful that morning. It must have been because I felt happy. I didn't have to worry about school for another week and I had a great time at work. It was Saturday morning, and I was spending my time at the coffee shop with the man I loved. _How couldn't I be happy?_

He took a sip of his coffee. "I don't know yet, but you will pay, my dear." He said menacingly.

"I'm shivering in my boots." I said sarcastically.

He pouted. "You're extra mean today."

I reached across the table and pinched his cheeks. "Don't be such a downer, baby."

He swatted my hands away and started to grumble under his breath. Whereas I was playful and happy, Edward was tired and grumpy. I guessed we couldn't always be on the same track. The only thing about Edward was that he was irrationally angry today. He is always tired in the mornings which is completely understandable since he has a crazy schedule, but he never usually got grumpy. The reason he was irritable today was because someone cut him off on the way to the coffee shop and boy did it get him pissed.

He's a big grudge holder and got so easily agitated over the littlest things.

"How am I not going to be down? The guy fucking cut me off Bella…he cut me off."

"Wait, so he cut you off?" I asked just to mess with him.

He gave me a cute death glare and flipped me off. I laughed. It was so easy to get him all worked up. I freaking loved him.

"You're walking a thin line, pazza."

I rolled my eyes. "Stop being so upset! Who cares if he cut you off? I bet you are cuter than him anyway."

"Yeah like that means anything of importance." He said offhandedly.

I sighed. It was going to be a long day with this guy. "Cheer up, babe. If you don't, I will rally up Bev and Alice and we will officially have a Shun Edward Day."

He glared at me for a minute before his shoulders slumped and he let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry. Stupid people just piss me off."

"I know, but you got to loosen up, babe. I don't like you all irritable and grumpy."

He looked up at me between his long lashes and smirked. "What has you so happy, anyway?"

"What isn't there to be happy about is the better question." I pointed out.

He smiled and took a deep breath. "Well good then, I guess if you're happy, I can try and forget that stupid fucker who cut me off and almost killed me." He started getting worked up again and I had to laugh. He got flustered so easily.

"Alright, enough about him, what are our plans for this fine Saturday?" I said.

"Nothing too special unless you wanted to do something fun."

"Well what is your original plan?"

He sighed. "You don't have to come if you don't want to, but I got to go do some fucking groceries which make me want to lay out on the floor and let people run over me with their carriages."

I laughed. "Jesus, baby, isn't that a bit dramatic?"

He shrugged. "Maybe, but it's the truth. Grocery shopping sucks ass. People are vicious."

I chuckled. He was so weird and really so cute. Everyone saw the big tough guy who barely smiled at people, and yeah, he was like that on the outside, but when you got to know him, he was just a paranoid, cute man. I didn't want to degrade his manliness. No way. He was all man and he was fucking hot, and beautiful, and just plain handsome, but there were many layers to him. I felt privileged to know all the different sides of him because I loved each and every one of them.

"I don't think it's that bad." I said as I took a bite of my muffin.

"Well I just get unlucky, so wait until you go with me. You will never want to go grocery shopping again."

He got all flustered again and I couldn't help it. I leaned over the table and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. I pulled back and saw he was blushing and looking around. He wasn't a fan of public displays of affection, but I just had to kiss him.

"You're funny." I said.

"You're crazy." He said.

I laughed and got up from the booth. I reached for his hand.

"Come on, baby, let's go shopping."

* * *

"I know a song that gets on everyone's nerves, everyone's nerves. I know a song that gets on everyone's nerves and this is how it goes. I know a song that gets on everyone's nerves…" Alice sang.

Well, I knew a song that got on Edward's nerves, and it was the song Alice was singing in the back seat. I was just laughing and so was she. She was just messing with Edward trying to get a reaction out of him. He was a stubborn bastard though and he tried to act like it wasn't bothering him. I knew better. I saw the whites of his knuckles as he gripped the steering wheel and I saw the tight set of his jaw and the vein popping out of his forehead.

Alice continued singing and she started laughing even more and I joined her. The song was fucking annoying, but I was too happy to even care. I just looked at Edward and I knew he didn't necessarily hate it either. Through his tense demeanor, I could see the little smirk forming on his lips. He was a horrible actor.

"Hey Alice." Edward finally said.

"Yes, Ecy?"

"Shut it."

"No! I know a song that gets on everyone's nerves, everyone's nerves…" He started grumbling and I laughed.

I reached over and put a hand on Edward's back. "Come on, baby, you know you love this song!"

He sent a quick glare my way since he was driving. He mouthed me an 'eff you' and I laughed.

"I actually hate this song a whole lot." He said out loud for Alice to hear.

"Wait so you don't like my song?" Alice asked in a sweet, innocent voice. Unlike Edward, she was graced with amazing acting abilities. She sounded like a little angel when in reality she was trying to get Edward all worked up. She cracked me up.

"No! I hate it!" He said loudly.

Alice laughed. "Great! I'll just sing it more!"

He groaned. "First of all, I am not your friend anymore, Alice Cullen, and second of all, we are here, so you can't sing unless you want us to get kicked out of the grocery store and you will not get your free cookie."

"Oh yeah! Free cookies at the bakery! Okay, I will stop now."

Edward rolled his eyes as he started straightening himself out in the parking spot. There was something fucking hot about the way he moved the steering wheel. He just used the palm of his hand and he looked like he didn't even have to try and just move the wheel. _Ugh…why was I attracted to this? _Maybe it was because of his hands. I freaking loved the man's hands.

"Oh because cookies are so much more important than me. I see how it is, Alice, my no-longer friend." He said.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and so did Alice. Of course Edward didn't wear one. He thought he was invincible or some shit…stubborn bastard.

"Aw don't be mad!" Alice said.

I got out of the car and opened the door for her and she jumped out into my arms. I grunted at the force of her body and laughed when she clung to me like a monkey. I shut the door and Edward was already walking toward the grocery store.

"Go catch up with him." Alice whispered in my ear.

I didn't know what she was up to, but I listened and jogged up closer to Edward. She repositioned herself in my arms and she nearly gave me a heart attack when she jumped out of my arms and onto Edward's back. His big body didn't even lurch forward from her small figure. She clung onto him and he looped his arms under her knees.

I walked up next to them and saw Alice placing wet kisses on Edward's cheek and he had his face scrunched up and chuckling softly.

"Don't. Be. Mad. At. Me." She said, placing a kiss on his cheek between each word.

"I'll be your friend again if you stop slobbering on my cheek, kid." He said.

"Yay!" She said.

He laughed and shook his head. We went inside and I grabbed a carriage. Alice stayed on Edward's back until we made it to the first isle and he put her down. She stepped onto the back of the carriage and Edward cracked his knuckles and his neck, like he was getting ready to freaking do some kind of strenuous activity. _So over-dramatic. _

He put his hands on the handle bars. "Are you ready for this, hermosa?" He asked.

"I don't know, it seems a little too intense, how will I ever go through this?" I said sarcastically.

"I'll protect you, dear, don't worry." He said sarcastically. He always tended to call me 'dear' while addressing me with sarcasm. I liked it.

I walked along side him the whole time, and he stressed himself out way too much. Grocery shopping really wasn't that bad, but he made it worse for himself. He stopped at every food he wanted to buy and studied it for a minute. He would pick up a box and squint at it with his lips pursed. It was cute to watch, but I didn't quite understand why he would sit there and read it. I saw some of the stuff he bought in his house, so didn't he know about the nutrition facts and the price? I didn't know. He was strange.

The funniest thing was watching Alice. While Edward would stand in one spot for five minutes, Alice would go and get whatever she wanted, and put it in the carriage without him even noticing. She caught me watching her and she put her finger over her lips to me while she put in a package of fruit snacks. Edward would of course notice after the fact, but he would just put away a couple of things and Alice would feel victorious.

There were a couple of rude people and Edward would send a really bad death glare at them behind their backs. He would also get tense and I also heard him growl under his breath. I would need to help him find a new strategy for grocery shopping or the man would go prematurely grey.

It took us an hour. Yes, and hour for him to finish grocery shopping and he didn't even get that much stuff. We were at the cash register and Alice was begging Edward for a chocolate bar but he refused. I just stood watching them until my phone started ringing. I took it out and I couldn't believe who was calling me.

I answered. "Hey, hold on." I said into the phone.

I touched Edward's back and he looked at me. "I'm going to meet you at the truck, okay?" I held up the phone and he nodded his head. He looked curious, but he let me go. As I started to walk toward the door, I brought the phone to my ear.

"Hi, Angela." I said.

"_Hi, Bella."_ She said warily.

I had to admit, it was nice hearing from her. I missed her and Tanya, I really did, but I was able to deal with my want to see them with my need to protect Edward. They treated him horribly, and I couldn't over look that.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked after an extended moment of silence.

"_No…uh…how have you been?" _

"I've been amazing actually. I'm really happy." It was the truth. I didn't know if that would make her feel bad or anything, but I wasn't going to lie.

"_That's great!"_ She said enthusiastically, but I heard the insincerity behind it.

It did hurt her to hear that I was happy. Maybe it was for the fact that I could be happy without being their friends. I wasn't necessarily happy that they weren't my friends, but I also wouldn't take me away from happiness with Edward and Alice.

"Yeah, I think it is. So how about you?"

"_I'm doing okay. Ben and I are back together." _

"Oh that's really nice, Angela."

"_Thanks." _She said. There was another moment of awkward silence. _"Look Bella, I'm not going to act like nothing happened, because I know something did, but I don't like that it came between us like that. That _he_ came between us." _

Now that just fucking pissed me off. "That's bullshit, Angela!" I said loudly. A woman walked by and looked toward me and I had to remind myself that I was in a parking lot. I leaned against the passenger door of Edward's truck and tried to calm myself down. "Edward did nothing."

"_Well that's unfair, Bella, he did talk back to Tanya." _

I shook my head. "He was defending himself."

"_Fine, we were wrong. Is that what you want to hear?" _She said.

"Actually, yes."

"_Okay, well I said it. Now I called for a reason. I want us to be friends again. I hate the fact that a guy ended up coming between us." _

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "You make it seem like it was all Edward's fault, and it wasn't."

"_But Bella, you need to see our side of the story. Imagine one of us came in with a guy with a history or violence? Wouldn't you be a little bit wary?" _

"It's not the same." I said.

"_Yes it is, Bella. We don't know him, but the only things we did know was that he fucked up a bunch of people and destroyed a bar. Do you really think we would accept him with open arms?" _

"You don't understand, Angela." I bit my lip to keep from telling her about his IED. I didn't want to share that information without Edward's consent. It didn't feel right. "He's a good man."

"_I trust your judgment, but I would like to find out for myself, and so does Tanya. So…" _She took a deep breath. _"Do you think we could try to get together again sometime? I really miss you Bella." _

"I miss you too…I miss both of you." I said. "I will talk to Edward."

She sighed. _"So you need his permission to do things?" _

"Alright listen, Angela. This isn't going to work if you keep on making assumptions about Edward and my relationship with him. You don't know him, and you don't know how I feel about him. I will tell you right now that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I love him more than anything. When it comes down to it, I will always side with him." She didn't have a response for that. "Wouldn't you say the same about Ben?" I asked.

I knew Angela loved Ben. I didn't know if it was as much as I loved Edward, but I knew it was there.

"_Yeah, I guess so. I can respect that." _

"Okay, well that is starting somewhere. I will talk to Edward and see if _he _wants to try again with you, but even if he says no, _I _will go by to visit or something, alright?"

"_Okay, sounds good. Bye Bella." _

"Bye, Angela." I hung up the phone and put it back in my pocket.

I went to the back of the truck and saw that Alice and Edward were walking towards his truck. He pushed the carriage with one hand and the other held Alice's hand. She skipped beside him and they were both laughing about something.

When they approached, Edward took the cover off of the back of his truck to put the groceries in the back. Before he started putting them away, he grabbed my hand and his green eyes pierced through me.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I didn't care if we were in the middle of the parking lot. I leaned up on my tip-toes and gave him a quick but sweet kiss on his lips.

"I'm perfect." I said.

He smiled wide, and yes, I felt perfect.

* * *

"Hey, Ecy?" Alice asked.

"Yes?" He said with his attention on the bowl of soup in front of him.

We all ordered Chinese food, but Edward could only have the soup. He could have had some of the food we had, but his sugar levels weren't where they were supposed to be, so he had to find a way to help it. I got so nervous when his sugar levels were out of the loop.

"Will I get in trouble if I step on an ant and it died?"

He shook his head. "No, you couldn't help it."

"Okay good, because I stepped on one at recess yesterday and Collin told me I would get in big trouble if anyone found out."

"Boys are stupid and ugly, Alice. Never forget that." He said finally looking up from his soup to look her dead in the eye.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't tell her those kind of things, boy." Bev said.

I was so happy she spent dinner with us. She didn't stay over that much because she had been spending more time with her daughter since she found out she was pregnant. It was so easy to tell that Bev loved the idea of being a grandmother. She talked about it a lot and her daughter was only a couple months pregnant.

Edward just shrugged and I chuckled.

"She won't be little forever, baby." I said.

He looked up at me. "Shut it, hermosa."

I laughed at him from across the table. I kind of wanted to sit next to him, but Alice had that spot and it was nice having a clear view of him the whole time we ate. I sat next to Bev with Alice and Edward across from us.

"Well I know you are lying, because even though you are ugly, Leon was very handsome, right Bev?" Alice asked sweetly.

Edward didn't look hurt from Alice's insult because she was obviously joking. Edward looked up to Bev, and he looked worried. I looked over to her as well. I never heard her speak of Leon, I only heard of him from Edward.

"Yes, Shortcake he was. He was so handsome." She said sadly, but the tinge of pure love in her voice kind of overrode it.

I looked over at Edward who kept his eyes on Bev, probably checking to see if she was really okay. I looked at him, and I thought about what Bev must be feeling. I didn't know how she could have gone on. If I lost Edward, I didn't know what I would do.

"Hah!" Alice said in Edward's direction. "You were wrong."

"Yeah, whatever." He said.

He yawned and I made sure to keep a close eye on him. Maybe I was over reacting, but the last time he was in the hospital, it was because he was tired and his sugar levels were down. I got nervous. Sue me.

I took a bite of my lo-mein and Bev put her fork down and cleared her throat. "I have to tell you all something." She said.

I looked quickly over at her and then to Edward and Alice who both looked at each other and then to Bev with a look of interest and concern on their faces.

"What is it, Bev? Everything's okay, right?" Edward asked.

"Oh yes, everything is fine. I just want to let you know ahead of time that I will be away for a little while." She said sadly. I could tell by the tone of her voice and the look on her face that she wasn't necessarily happy about leaving.

"You're moving away from us?" Alice asked.

I looked over to her and saw she was close to tears. Edward reached over with his hand and put it on her back. He had his focused gaze on the table though.

"No! Of course not, Shortcake, I will be back. I'll just be gone for two weeks."

"That's a long time, Bev." Alice said sadly.

"I know, and I will miss all of you so much, but I have to go. I am going with my son and daughter to go visit their uncle and family in Missouri. It's Leon's family." She said.

"Well, then I hope you have a good time, Bev." Edward said.

"Yeah, that sounds nice." I said in addition.

She looked to the both of us until her gaze stayed on Edward. "You aren't upset or anything are you?"

Edward shook his head immediately. "Of course not, Bev. I think it's great you get to travel with your kids. I'll just have to figure out who is going to take care of Alice."

"I can help with that." I volunteered immediately. Edward didn't have anyone else. I would help him as much as I could. Plus, I loved being with Alice. I would take any opportunity I could to spend time with her.

Edward gave me a small, thankful smile, and I could tell he would really miss Bev while she was gone.

There was a clang of a fork on the table and we all looked over to Alice. "But you can't go, Bev!" She said, and I could tell the tears were close to falling.

"Alice," Edward said in a warning tone. "Bev can do what she wants."

"But don't you want to be here with us, Bev? I'll miss you if you leave." Her voice squeaked at the end and the tears finally started falling. She absolutely broke my heart.

Bev got up from her chair and went over to Alice. Alice stood up on her chair and jumped into Bev's arms. Bev sat down on the chair Alice was sitting at, and held Alice close to her.

"Of course I want to be here, sweets, but I also have to spend some time with my children. It doesn't mean I don't want to see you, or love you any less. You're my beautiful little Shortcake and I love you to pieces." Bev said sweetly.

I looked over to Edward and he had a small smile on while looking at the both of them. He must have felt me staring at him because he looked over at me, and I smiled at him. I mouthed to him to that I loved him, and he mouthed it back.

"Can I go with you?" Alice asked Bev.

"Well I would love that, but you wouldn't want to leave your brother all alone now would you?" Bev asked.

Alice looked over to Edward and I saw the soft expression on her face while looking at him. "No I guess not." She said.

"Two weeks isn't that long, Alice. She will be back before you know it." Edward said.

Bev reached over and pinched Edward's cheek and he tried to move away and laughed. "I'll miss you too, you pain in the rear-end."

"You can say ass, Bev, it's okay." Alice said.

"Hey!" Edward yelled. Bev and I looked at each other and both started cracking up laughing. "What are you doing you pazzas? Don't laugh!" Edward said.

Alice laughed as well, and she pinched Edward's other cheeks. "It was a joke silly-willy, I know I can't say that word, but I knew Bev wanted to say it." She said.

Edward just shook his head. "I need a nap."

"Well, I was actually thinking about bringing Shortcake out for some ice cream if you wanted to take that nap." Bev said.

Edward cringed. "Ice cream? It's already six…"

"Oh get over it, I want to bring her for ice cream."

"Yeah, Ecy! Shut it! She wants to bring me for ice cream!"

I chuckled at all three of them. They may not be ordinary, but they had immense amounts of love in their little family and I loved being a part of it and already felt like a part of it.

"Oh whatever, I have no say anymore, anyway." He said.

"That's right, now let's go, Alice." Bev said. They both got up from their seats. "Say bye to Edward and Bella, we are going for some ice cream."

"Yay!" Alice went over and hugged Edward and then me.

I watched as Bev placed a kiss on the top of Edward's head and he smiled at her. Bev was the closest Edward had to a mother and I was sure that was enough for him. Bev loved him dearly, that much was clear.

"See you later alligators!" Alice said as she ran out of the room with Bev.

I took another bite of my lo-mein and waited for the door to open and close. Edward looked over to me when we heard them leave.

"Hi." He said.

I smiled. "Hi."

"Are you done eating?"

"No." I said.

"Can you just save it for later?"

"Why?"

"Because I kind of want to snuggle."

I laughed. "Did you, Edward Cullen, just ask to snuggle?"

I saw a little tinge of pink on his cheeks and I wanted so badly to take a picture. He looked so vulnerable and cute I just wanted to kiss him. He was showing his true feelings and told me what _he _wanted no matter what it was.

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"Well then, how could I refuse such an offer?" I put my fork down and walked over to his side of the table. I held my hand out to him and pulled him up from the chair.

I put my hands on his hips and pulled him toward me. When I had his body against mine, I kissed him softly on his lips. I wanted more though and pressed my lips harder against his. He cradled my face in his hands and I loved when he did that. It was like he was taking control, but he was also being loving toward me.

I put my hands under his shirt so I could feel the skin of his back against my hands.

"Bella." He said and pulled away.

"Hmmm?" I kissed him again and I didn't want to stop.

"They will be gone twenty minutes tops." He said as a warning and a reminder.

I sighed and kissed him once before pulling away completely. I grabbed onto his hand and brought him to the living room and onto the couch so we could snuggle as he had asked. I laid out first with my back to the back of the couch and he laid down in front of me with his front to mine. He pulled me in close to his chest so we could fit better on the couch and I sighed in contentment.

We stayed in silence for a couple of minutes and he rubbed my back lovingly. If this wasn't what heaven felt like, I would be disappointed.

Edward suddenly jumped and I pulled away from him to look at him. "Sorry." He mumbled. "I just started to fall asleep." He said.

"You can sleep if you want to, baby." I told him with concern in my voice.

"Nah, I only have a couple more hours before I can just sleep the whole night." He said with a loud and long yawn.

"You sure you are feeling okay?" I asked, looking into his green eyes that were watery from exhaustion and yawning.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Saturdays are always hard since I don't get time to sleep after work unless Alice naps but that is very rare."

"You know, I could help you out with things like that. I could watch Alice for you if you need to do something or you just need time to rest."

He smirked down at me and put his hand on my cheek. "Thank you, and I may take you up on that at some point, but I don't know…I just feel guilty not being with her as much as I can, you know?"

I turned my head to the side and kissed the palm of his hand. "That's because you are a good brother, and you love her."

He smiled and gave me a kiss. "So how are you, hermosa? Who was on the phone earlier? And don't tell me it was no one."

I sighed. "It was Angela." He quirked his eye brow. "Yeah, she wanted to apologize."

"Well that's good I guess."

"Yeah, I thought so, because I do miss them." I said.

I saw a flash of sadness overcome his face and I instantly felt like shit. Sometimes I was too honest. He would blame himself, I knew it before he said anything.

"I'm sorry about that, by the way. I won't try and keep you all to myself. I know you have a life beside me."

"You are my life, Edward." I said with conviction so he knew I wasn't lying. His face got sadder. "What is it, babe?"

He shook his head while looking over my shoulder. "I don't want you to say that."

"Why not?"

He looked at me. "I can't say the same back to you." His words didn't hurt me at all, although he looked like he thought it did.

"I don't mean it literally, Edward. If you were gone, I would be able to live; I just don't think I can ever be as happy as I am without you in my life." I said.

He ran his thumb over my cheek bone and smiled softly at me. "Well when you put it that way, I guess I actually can say it back."

The butterflies overtook my stomach and I got the chills from his words. He really could be sweet when he wanted to. "That makes me very happy, baby."

He kissed my forehead. "So what else did Angela say?" He asked.

"She wants to meet with the both of us…that is if you are up for it."

"Of course." He said immediately and I smiled.

"Thank you." I said.

"Did you think I would say no?"

I shrugged and put my hand over his on my cheek. "I don't know. If you did, it wouldn't have been without reason."

"Well that is all petty shit. I don't get mad if people I don't even know talk shit about me behind my back, or to my face. It's not worth my time." He took a deep breath. "Plus, I hate the way it ended. Because of that whole thing, you were pretty much left homeless without your best friends, and instead you got stuck with your little house and me."

"I happen to like my little house and you for that matter, so shut it."

He smirked. "Okay, well I still want you to have your friends back."

"Okay, well I will call them and see if they want to go out for dinner or something. I don't know, we will figure it out."

"Good." He yawned again. "So I was thinking…"

"Oh boy…" I said in mock exasperation.

He pinched my side and I laughed. "Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by some rude chick…" I laughed and kissed his cheek. "I was thinking that I might get a haircut."

I gasped. "No!" I said immediately. I loved his hair. I didn't want him to cut it. "What will you do with it?"

"I was thinking a hip bowl cut. Those are hot."

I gave him a death glare. "Those are not hot at all."

"You don't think I could pull it off?"

"Absolutely not. You're good looking, baby, but no…just no."

"What about a mullet?"

"No."

"Mohawk?"

"No."

"What if I dyed it green though? That is pretty fucking bad ass."

"No!"

He groaned. "You are hard to please, woman."

"You are crazy, dude! Why can't you just get a regular haircut, like a little trim?"

He sighed. "Oh fine, I guess if you say so, boss."

I knew he was fucking with me the whole time…at least I hoped he was, but it was fun to argue with him sometimes. Other times he just got on my nerves.

"I do say so, so there you go. I like your hair."

"I like your hair too I guess."

I chuckled. "You guess?"

"Well fuck, I don't know anything about women's hair. Don't put that kind of pressure on me."

I smiled at him. "So I can't ask you to tell me what kind of hairstyle you would like on me?"

"Hell no." He said. "The only thing that I know about girls' hair is a ponytail, bangs, and pig tails. That's the end of that." He pursed his lips as if he was thinking. "Wait…there's one more…oh! Layers. Yes, the hair dresser said Alice's hair would look nice with some long layers the last time I brought her."

"Well you sound pretty educated to me."

"I kind of want to be a hair dresser when I grow up." He said in a mockingly gushing voice.

I laughed. "Really? That's cute."

His face that was in a serious expression completely went away and he started laughing. "Fuck no. I'd have lawsuits coming out of my ass for fucking up people's hair. No thanks."

"You could practice."

"No. I don't have patience for that fuckery."

"You barely have patience for anything." I said with a laugh.

He smiled. "I know."

I ran my finger along his collar, avoiding his eyes as I was about to ask him a question. "What did you want to do when you were younger? Did you plan on going to college?"

He sighed and I looked up at him. He didn't look mad, and for that I was thankful.

"I wanted to join the army." He said. "I wanted to since I was so young. That was the only thing I saw for me after high-school, and I didn't look that far into the future. I thought everything was already set in stone, but obviously I was wrong. I'm not complaining though."

"I know you wouldn't." I said.

"You know, my past is really fucked up, and hell, I still am a little fucked up, but I'm not bitter." He pushed some of my hair behind my ear. "I like where I am. Maybe it's just because I can't imagine doing anything else. My jobs aren't the best things ever, but they work for me. I couldn't imagine my life without Alice, or Bev, or you for that matter." He sighed and I ran my free hand through his hair. "It's not really my lifestyle that sucks, it's just me." He said with a humorless laugh.

"Don't say that, love. There is nothing wrong with you."

He shook his head. "I don't know…"

He stopped when his phone started ringing in his pocket. He groaned. I put my hand in his pocket to take it out. I looked at the caller ID and I instantly got nervous. He took it from my hand and looked at who was calling and he closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Fuck off." He said under his breath. He opened the call and put the phone to his ear. "What is it Bowman?"

I put my head on his chest and rubbed his back. He always got irritated when he talked to Bowman. Mostly because the guy only called him to bug him about meeting with his parents. _Why couldn't they just leave him alone?_ Why would they want to meet with him? It didn't make sense. His father tried to kill him for fuck's sake and his mother was okay with it. They obviously didn't care about him. So why did they want to talk to him so much? I think deep down I knew.

_They wanted Alice. _

"Fine, bye." Edward said shortly and he hung up the phone. His arms loosened around me and he got up off the couch. "I have to go." He said.

I got up from the couch and stood up in front of him. "What did he want?"

He groaned and rubbed his hands over his face in an exasperated manner. "He needs to speak with me and give me something. I don't fucking know, but he said he wouldn't take no for an answer."

I sighed. Well there goes our night together. "I can stay here with Alice if you want."

"You can if you want to, but if you are feeling tired or whatever, just ask Bev to stay with her, alright?" He said as he started walking toward the door.

I followed after him. He took out his hoodie from the closet near the door.

"Okay, but I will stay until you get back."

He nodded and a yawn came from his mouth. _Ugh…I hated that Bowman was calling him now._ He was exhausted. He put his arms through the sleeves of his hoodie and zipped it up.

"I'll have my cell phone on me if Alice wants to call me. Just let her take her bath; she can get herself dressed. And she will tell you what she wants to do. She might want you to read to her or just sit with her." He sighed and took his keys from the hook. "Put her nightlight on and close the door halfway when she falls asleep." He sprouted off so many directions at once. "If she asks you for any food, say no. She will get sick."

"Okay, okay, I think we will be fine, baby. You stop worrying about that."

He sighed and opened his arms for me. I walked right into them and held him tightly. He wrapped his arms around me as well and kissed the side of my head.

"Thank you." He said.

"You just be careful." I worried about him driving when he was so tired.

"I will." He said.

He pulled away and kissed me quickly on the lips before turning to the door and leaving. I stood at the door for a second just collecting my thoughts and really hoping he would be okay when he got back. I started to walk away from the door when I heard it open again. I looked behind me and Edward was walking toward me.

"Edward…" I said.

He grabbed my face between his hands and kissed me softly on the lips once, twice, and then three times.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you, too." I said back.

He kissed my forehead before he headed back for the door and left. I didn't know what that was all about but I was happy with it. I went back to the living room and waited for Alice and Bev. My phone started beeping in my pocket and I took it out. I smiled when I saw who it was from, and I smiled wider when I saw the words on the screen.

_**I made a promise to myself: don't leave Bella without telling her you love her. -E**_

* * *

"So do you want me to read to you?" I asked Alice as I went to the small bookshelf in her room. She had a lot of books and they all looked worn out.

She shook her head silently. She wasn't too happy that Edward wouldn't be there to tuck her in. She wasn't being bratty towards me, I could just tell that it upset her.

"No, can you just sit with me?" She asked.

"Sure." I went over to her bed and sat on the edge of it. She folded her hands over her chest and sighed.

"Can I ask you something, Bella?"

"Of course you can, Alice." I said. "Actually, I want you to know you can ask me whatever you want, whenever you want. You don't have to ask."

A small smile formed on her face. "Thank you." She said.

"You're welcome, sweetie." I pushed her damp hair out of her face. "So what did you want to ask me?"

"Well, you know Bev is leaving soon, and I got scared about something." She said nervously while fiddling with the ear of a teddy bear she had next to her.

"What is it, honey?"

"Well…what will I do if Ecy gets really mad like he does sometimes. I always have to get Bev, but if she's not here…"

"Okay, I see what you're asking." I said. She nodded her head and I could tell she seemed nervous. "Well, you can always call me, but before that, I think that if Edward were to get angry like he does sometimes, then I want you to first get a phone, okay?"

"Ecy's phone or the house phone?" She asked.

"Either one." I said. "Take a phone, and go inside your room and lock the door, okay?" She nodded her head. "And then you can call me. You know how to do it with both phones right?" I asked.

She nodded her head. "Yes."

"Okay. Well there you go. You call me, and I promise that no matter where I am, or what I'm doing, I will be here in no time. I promise you, okay?"

She smiled and I was glad I was about to help her out. "Thank you, Bella."

"You're welcome." I said and swiped my index finger along her nose. Her face scrunched up and she giggled.

"Hey Bella?" She asked.

"Yes, Alice?"

"I'm happy you are Ecy's girlfriend. You are really nice."

Oh how she warmed my heart. "I'm happy I'm your brother's girlfriend too and I am glad to have a best friend like you."

Her eyes lit up. "We're best friends?"

I chuckled. "Of course we are! That is if you want to…"

"Yes I want to!" She said excitedly. "I haven't had a best friend before." She said as an afterthought.

That saddened me. She should have a best friend...hell, she should have so many friends and people who loved her she couldn't even keep track.

"Well now you do." I said.

"I love you, Bella." She said and I smiled. "I can say that to my best friend right?" She asked.

"Of course you can. I love you too, Alice." She reached over for me to hug her and I gave her a hug. She pulled away with a smile and started to snuggle closer into the blankets.

"Thank you, Bella. You can leave if you want. I'm really tired." She said.

"Alright, well I will just be in the living room if you need me." I said.

She nodded her head. "Okay."

I kissed the top of her head before heading towards the door to leave. She called my name when I had my hand on the door knob. I turned toward her.

"Can you tell Ecy to wake me up when he gets home? I just want to know he is home." She said.

I still remained stunned with how much she worried and cared for him.

"I'll tell him." I said.

She nodded her head and went to her side to go to sleep. I shut her door halfway and went to the living room.

I went to Edward's computer to just play a game of solitaire or something. Anything to keep me occupied while he was gone. I kept checking my phone every few minutes to see if he said anything. He had been gone for over an hour, and I started to worry. I didn't know how far away Bowman was, but I hoped he would be home soon. I started messing with the settings on his computer. His background was the default one, so I changed it for him to a picture of Alice.

I taught him how to upload pictures to the computer. That ended up being a lot of fun…not. He had no patience and there were a lot of sighs and groans of frustration from him. But I had to admit, it was funny, and I got to sit on his lap the whole time so I wasn't complaining. I looked over at the wall behind the computer and smiled at the little tutorial I typed up for him about how to upload pictures. He ended up giving up halfway, and I typed it up for him so he would know at a later date. I didn't even know if he used it since then.

I checked my phone for the millionth time, and I sighed when I saw I had no messages. I heard a key in the door however, and I jumped up from the chair and turned to the door. Edward walked through, and I could tell he was pissed off right away. I inwardly sighed. He didn't look overly angry like he would fall over the edge, but he did not look happy at all.

"Hey, baby. What happened?" I asked.

He groaned and walked over to me. He held out an envelope to me and I took it.

"I don't know if I want to open it." He said.

I looked down at the envelope. "To Edward and Alice Cullen…" I said, reading the words off the page.

He paced in front of me. "Yeah, isn't that sweet? My mommy wanted to write us a letter."

"This is from your mother?" I was surprised…shocked really.

He nodded and kept pacing. He was making me nervous. "I guess I should read it. I don't want to." He ran his hand through his hair roughly. "Bowman made me promise to read it."

"Do you want me to read it for you?" I asked.

He looked at me and let out a troubled breath. "Can you?"

"Of course." I said.

I flipped the envelope over and ripped open the top of it. I pulled out the contents of the envelope. There were two pieces of paper folded up. I unfolded them and started reading the first one.

"My dear, beautiful Alice…" I said, but I wasn't able to finish because Edward snatched it from my hands with a growl and without even looking at it, he ripped the paper into as many pieces as he could.

"Fucking bullshit." He growled and went to through the piece away in the small trash barrel by the computer desk.

I couldn't believe she wrote a letter separately and she called her dear and beautiful. How did she know what she looked like? My head was spinning and I couldn't imagine what was going through Edward's head.

"She has some fucking nerve. Did they expect me to read that to her before she went to bed or some shit? Fucking people." He said agitatedly.

"I don't know." I said. "Just calm down, alright? She won't see it." He groaned and nodded his head.

"Read that one." He said.

"Okay." I looked down at the next paper. "Dear EJ…"

He shook his head. "Fucking hell…"

"What is it?"

"I hated that nickname." He said.

I nodded my head and he motioned for me to continue.

"_I'm sure you probably hate your father and I at this point."_ He scoffed and I almost did myself. Of course he hated them! "_But the truth remains that we are your parents and you are our son. We regret deeply all the pain we caused you. Please remember that. We were sick. We have a lot to talk about, and I don't know if you will ever forgive us, or give us another chance, but we ask you to give your sister another chance." _

I looked up at Edward. He had his hand over his face and I couldn't see his expression, but I saw the tense posture of his body. He didn't tell me to stop, so I continued.

"_We aren't out to take her away from you, we just want to be allowed to have some kind of relationship with her. We want her to know that her parents want her and do love her. We may have been taken away from you both from circumstances in life and mental illness, but we are past that. We just want Alice to know that we love her, and even if you don't believe it, we love you too…" _

The paper was snatched from my hands again and Edward started ripping that paper up in a frenzy. He looked up at me with his eyes wild. "

Can you believe this shit?" He asked in a hushed whisper. Even in his rage, he knew Alice was sleeping and he wouldn't want her to listen. "I can't…I can't even fucking form a thought." He said in bewilderment.

"I don't know what to say, baby…"

"They have nerve. Fucking nerve to tell me that they loved me. That is a crock of fucking shit and it makes me sick to my stomach that my parents, my mother who hated the thought of touching my hand and my father who used to hit me whenever he got the chance, would even try and say that they loved me…"

He stopped speaking immediately and I saw the panic form on his face.

My heart skipped a beat and both of our heads moved in the direction of where the sound came from. A sound so faint, but audible for the both of us to hear.

A little girl.

Little Alice standing at the end of the hallway.

She had a bear in her hand, the collar of Edward's shirt falling over her shoulder, her sock covered feet, and tear streaked face.

"Alice…" Edward said out of breath.

She heard us. I didn't know how much, but the look on her face told me she heard enough.

"Ecy?" She squeaked. "Our Daddy hit you?"

She asked in a voice that no six year old should never have to have. She sounded so broken and hurt and confused and lost.

"I thought you said they loved us? I thought my mommy and daddy loved me?"

* * *

_My heart still has a beat  
But love is now a feat.  
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder  
Is there a spell that I am under  
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?  
Love hurts...  
But sometimes it's a good hurt  
And it feels like I'm alive.  
Love sings,  
When it transcends the bad things.  
Have a heart and try me,  
'Cause without love I won't survive._

_**Love Hurts, by Incubus

* * *

**_

**I know, I know, you hate me. But I will ask if you would please not hate me, I will be working double-time to get the next chapter out and simultaneously send out review replies with teasers to all who review. If you don't review, you can find the teaser on the thread (link on profile) when I post it. **

**Thank you to Alexa for getting this back to me even through the haze of her love of a certain banjo player and his hip thrusting. Hahahaha Love you, homeboy! **

**For those who don't know, I posted my first ever one-shot! I would appreciate if you all will go check it out! It's called 'Melancholy Soundtrack!'**

**I'll post the next chapter as soon as possible, and again, remember I do everything for a reason. **

**Review please! Thanks for reading! **


	24. Chapter 23: It's My Soul

**Chapter 23: It's My Soul**

**EPOV**

"_I thought you said they loved us? I thought my mommy and daddy loved me?" _

I had one of those moments, _you know?_ That moment where you wish you could go back and change things.

Even just a couple of minutes. I thought that if I would have kept my voice down, if I could have found the strength within myself to control my anger, I could have spared Alice the hurt and the pain she was in right now. I could have spared myself the conversation I knew I would be forced to have with her.

But I couldn't go back, and I could always count on myself to fuck things up, so I was stuck in the predicament of having to find a way to take the tears off of Alice's face and the pain from her heart with words and actions in a body I could barely control.

I hated it.

I hated myself.

_Why couldn't I go more than a day without fucking things up? _

I looked at Alice. Her innocence slowly slipping away from her with each day of her life and I could practically see it flow away rapidly at whatever she heard. I didn't know how much she heard, but it was enough.

I didn't know what to say. Words evaded me. My head ached with realization of how much my words changed things for me and for Alice. She would know things that I wished and hoped she would never have to know. I couldn't go back on that, but I would try my best to make it better for her.

I looked at Bella and she had her eyes on Alice as well. Her concern showed on her face and I hated to see her worry over my stupidity. _I should have kept my fucking voice down._ But as much as I hated seeing Bella have to take my burdens on her shoulders, I was glad she was there. I didn't even understand how I ever coped without her. I felt if she, for some reason, walked out the door, I wouldn't be able to deal.

"Ecy?" Alice asked again; her voice squeaking with her tears.

I tried not to think about it too much. I would say anything to help her.

"Alice…come here." I said as softly as I could muster.

I felt she should be closer to me. Not across the room. I wanted her to know that no matter what, no matter how fucked up the fucking world was or how many times it would knock her down, I would be there for her to fall back on and fix whatever is bothering her.

She hesitated and I held my breath, but she wouldn't move. She looked scared. I wouldn't make her go to me. I would go to her. I glanced at Bella before I stepped toward her tentatively. She didn't move away from me, and for that I was grateful. Once in front of her, I got down on my knees so I was eye-level with her, and she could feel equal to me. Bev told me when I really wanted her to get serious or listen to me, I would have to get down to her level.

I reached forward and took her hands in mine. I looked her dead in the eye.

"What do you mean they didn't love you?" I said, swallowing back the nervousness.

"You said…" She looked so distraught and confused. "You said they didn't love you and our daddy hit you? Why did he hit you, Ecy?"

"Alice, calm down. Don't worry about me." I said and squeezed her little hands between mine. "I said they didn't love me, not that they didn't love you."

"So they did love me?" She asked almost desperately.

I knew what she wanted to hear, and I decided to give it to her. I didn't know if that was the right choice, but I felt I had no other option. If I told her the truth, I would only make things worse.

"Yes." I said in a shaky voice. Too shaky. "Yes, they did."

"But not you?"

I shook my head. "No."

There was no getting out of that one. I knew she wasn't stupid. She heard me say it. I was bad enough I already started lying to her.

"That's mean." She said.

I shrugged. "I'm okay."

"Where are they?" She asked. She looked mad now. No more tears fell, and I could see the anger behind her eyes.

"I already told you that, Alice. I don't know where they are."

"Can we find them?"

This was what I feared. I didn't want her to want to meet them, because then I would have to tell her no and probably make her resent me for the rest of her life.

"I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Because, we have no reason to. Why do you want to find them?"

"So I can beat them up."

_Oh. Wow. Okay._ I agreed with her one-hundred percent deep down, but I knew it wasn't plausible, and I really didn't want to stoop to their level in any way possible.

I couldn't help but smirk. "Alice, we can't do that."

"Why not? Our daddy hit you so why can't we hit him?" She asked.

Alice always seemed so much older than she actually was to me. She was mature for her young age, but when she spoke like this, I become reminded of how young and innocent she actually was. Deep down, she was still just a little girl and I would try and preserve that as much as I could.

"Because, Alice, you can't fight violence with violence. It gets you nowhere in life."

_Did I believe that deep down?_ No. I didn't.

I believed sometimes you have to fight back no matter what. Hell, I wanted to join the army so I could fight back, but, _did I believe in fighting someone just for the sake of fighting them?_ No.

_Have I done it before?_ Yes, but in all fairness, I didn't remember very well.

Even though I didn't necessarily believe it, I didn't want Alice to go around thinking she could get what she wanted by fighting with people. I didn't like that side of me, and the goal of my life was basically to make sure Alice didn't end up like me. She could take the little bit of good I had in me, and she could be all the things I wished I could be.

"But you tell me to stick up for myself…" She said.

"I know I did, and you should, but trying to find our dad just to hit him isn't defending you, it's defending me."

"But I want to do that!"

I sighed.

I heard Bella's light footsteps behind me, and soon she knelt down beside me. I looked over to her and she looked like she wanted to say something and was asking me for permission to do so with her eyes. I gave her a slight nod. I didn't know what to say, and she probably would. She was like a child whisperer.

"Alice," Bella said softly. "What happened is in the past, your dad won't come near Edward again."

I figured that was the right thing to say, but I didn't know if it was true. I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I would have to face them again at some point. I wanted to put another restraining order on them, but I didn't see it happening, and the justice system was so fucked up. It seemed like it was always against me.

"Yeah but he shouldn't do that. That's not fair."

"I know, but look at him." Bella said gesturing to me. "He is okay, alright?"

Alice looked over to me and studied my face. "Are you okay? Were you mad?" She asked.

"I'm fine." I said. "And you know what, I was mad when it happened, but it all doesn't matter now."

That was a stretch of the truth. Now, it didn't bother me so much, but back then it did. How couldn't it have? I was so young. Now I just realized how fucking stupid he was, and what a horrible person he was.

"How doesn't it matter? That's not nice."

"Alice, you have to understand, I don't care about them right now and you shouldn't have to care either."

"Well why didn't they like you?" She asked.

She was full of questions. I didn't know why she wanted to hear this, but I figured there had to be a real reason if she kept asking.

"I don't know." And I was being honest; I didn't know the real reason behind their dislike for me.

Now that I thought about it, what did I ever to do deserve that? I couldn't recall anything specifically, but I figured whatever it was, I probably would never know, and I didn't really care. Like Bella said, it was in the past, and even though the past shaped my future, I would try to not let it control me. I could do better in doing that if my parents would just leave me the fuck alone.

I panicked when I saw Alice's lip quiver and I looked to Bella, but she looked just as confused as I did. _Why was she crying? _

"Ecy…" She choked out before dropping her head onto my shoulder. I let go of her hands and wrapped my arms around her.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

I looked over to Bella and we both gave each other a look saying 'what the fuck just happened.' She seemed fine and then she lost it.

"I'm sad, Ecy." She said.

"Why, Alice? You have nothing to be sad about."

"I don't like them anymore, Ecy. I'm sorry they hit you. If I was there, I would have hit them for you." She choked out.

I got a vision of her being there for the worst of it. _Him_ over her crib wiping my blood on her pajamas. She was so small. I remembered holding her afterward. I wanted to hold her tighter, to make her feel more secure, but the knife in my back made moving hard. I remembered kissing her and telling her I loved her more than anything before putting her in her playpen. I thought that would have been the last time I would have seen her.

"It's okay, Alice. I am fine." I assured her once again.

"But Ecy…"

"I'm fine, Alice, please stop." I said.

She pulled away from me and cupped her little hand on my cheek. "I'm sorry if they made you sad, Ecy."

I shook my head. "I'm not sad."

"I wanted to meet them, but not anymore. They sound like mean people."

"You won't have to see them. You can stay with me."

"Good, because I don't want to go anywhere else, Ecy."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Good."

It didn't go as bad as I thought it would have. She didn't seem too upset about the whole thing. As long as she thought they loved her, I was fine with that. No kid had to be subjected to the fact that their parents never loved them no matter the circumstances.

But what did make me even more nervous was the fact that if I screwed up just once, I could lose her forever to them. I couldn't even think about it. I had to watch my every step.

I didn't mind that my parents screwed me up just as long as they didn't screw up Alice. She was perfect they way she was. The way I raised her. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if all the work I put into giving her the best life possible went to waste and they got her. I didn't care how fucking 'changed' they claimed to be. They had it in them to destroy, and I would be damned if they would get the chance to do that to my sister.

"Ecy, I'm tired, can you tuck me into bed?" Alice asked against my shoulder.

I held onto her tighter and got up from the ground. I let go of her with one hand, but she clung to me so much I could have let go with both hands. I reached my hand over to Bella to help her up. She grabbed onto and when she got up she put her hand on Alice's back.

"Goodnight, Alice." She said sweetly. "I'll see you tomorrow in the afternoon, alright?"

"Okay, goodnight, Bella…again." They both giggled and Bella kissed Alice's forehead. She pulled away and gave me a soft smile.

"Can you just stay a bit longer?" I asked.

She wasn't going to spend the night. I guessed her and the people from her study group were going to some store a couple hours away that sold cheap books. She assured me that that Jacob fucker wasn't going though, and if he was, I probably would have pulled the possessive card and try to make her not go. Then she would have gotten pissed at me because of her independence, but thankfully that wasn't going to happen.

"Yeah, I'll be out here when you are done." She said.

She kissed the back of my hand that was on Alice's back and walked past me. I walked with Alice to her room and placed her on the bed. When I went to lay her down, she jumped like she was already asleep. She must have been exhausted. I was exhausted too.

"Jeez I guess you were tired huh, kid?" I said as I tucked the covers around her.

"Yeah, I had a long day."

I smirked. "You did. You are one busy six year old."

"I know, I know…it stresses me out a lot." She said with a small smile and her eyes closed.

"What do you know of stress?"

"Enough." She said.

I laughed. She was full of it. "Alright, well let the stress melt away, kid, and get some rest."

"Okay, goodnight, Ecy."

I leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. "Goodnight, kid."

"Ecy?" She asked before I could even take a step away.

"Yeah?"

"Bev always tells me if I am feeling sad, I should think of good things instead. If our mommy and daddy make you sad, remember you're my favoritest."

I smiled. "I'll remember that if you remember the same thing."

"Yeah but I'm not my favoritest! You are!"

"I know, silly, I meant remember that _you _are _my_ favoritest." I wasn't even sure if _favoritest_ was a word, but it was in Alice's world and what a world to be in.

"Oh okay. You want to pinky promise?" She asked and held her little pinky out to me.

"That's the only way we can make it official." I held my pinky out and linked it with hers.

"Okay good, now goodnight, Ecy."

I chuckled at how uninterested she sounded at that moment. Poor thing was so tired. "Goodnight, kid."

I made it out of the room without her calling me back, and I made my way to Bella. I walked up to the back of the couch quietly where she was sitting. Yeah, I was going to be a jerk and scare her. I walked closer and closer, slower and slower…I was two steps away…

"Don't even think about it, stronzo." She said in a warning tone.

I sighed and my body relaxed. "You're no fun." I walked around the couch to sit beside her. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her to my side.

"Sorry, but I don't like being scared."

"But it would have been funny."

"Yeah, to you!"

"Well still, it would have been a memory. When we are old geezers pooping in our diapers and rocking in our chair, I could have been like, 'oh hey, Bella, remember that time I scared you and you nearly shit your pants.'"

She chuckled. "You are so disgusting, yet charming at the same time."

"I'm a jack of all trades."

"More like a jackass."

"Oh, you are just full of burns today. I don't like it."

"You love it."

I chuckled. "Yeah maybe a little."

She laughed and looked up at me. "I really should get going."

"I know."

"Are you okay? You know, with all that happened?"

I sighed. "I'm not sure. Do you think I did okay? I didn't know what the fuck to say."

She sat up so she could look at me better and I shifted myself to face her better. "I think you did the best you could with all things considered."

"What do you mean? Do you think I fucked up?" I asked.

"No! No, I don't mean it like that. I just mean, it was kind of a lose-lose situation, because the whole situation just sucks, but I think you did an amazing job. I'm really proud of you."

I smiled at her and pushed her hair out of her face. "You helped."

She rolled her eyes and put her hand over mine on her face. "Barely. You are really good with her, I don't know why you worry so much all the time."

"I'm naturally a paranoid person."

She snorted. "Oh I know." She said with a laugh. "Bella! I drove by a cat! We're doomed forever!" She said in a sad imitation of my voice.

"Oh good job, Bella. You made me sound like Clint Eastwood."

"You say it like it is an insult. Clint Eastwood is way cooler than you anyway."

"You know, fuck you, chick." I said in a teasing manner. "Don't you have somewhere you need to be?"

She laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck. She kissed the side of my head.

"I know I do, but I would rather be here." She said.

I pulled back and kissed her on her lips. She ran her hands through my hair and I didn't think I would get it cut too short. The feeling of her hands running through my hair felt fucking amazing and I loved it. Added with the feeling of kissing her made it hard to concentrate on anything else but _her. _

"I know." I said when we pulled away. Her forehead rested on mine. "I wish you never had to leave."

She sighed. "I know, maybe one day."

"Maybe?"

She chuckled. "Well you're right, definitely one day. I just hope you understand where I am coming from."

"I do. Don't think I get mad. I just like having your crazy self around."

She laughed and kissed me before getting up from the couch and pulling me up with her. "Good, because I like being around you."

"That's a relief."

She chuckled. "Okay, well give me a kiss before I go, please."

I sighed dramatically. "If I have to…" I said sounding like a frustrated ten year old whose mother told to clean his room. I felt the opposite of that. I always wanted to kiss her.

"Oh, okay, well then no kiss then. Bye, baby." And then she really just started walking away.

Oh, so she would make me chase her. _Bitch_. I mean that in the most loving way. At least she didn't start crying when I said that. She put me in my place.

I went after her and grabbed her hand. "Kiss me, please."

"Do I have to?" She whined.

I laughed. "Yes."

She smiled. "Oh fine." She puckered her lips to me and I leaned forward, but she pulled back. I tried again, but she pulled away again.

I groaned. "Come on, chick. Stop being mean."

"Why should I?"

"Uh…because I love you?"

"Hmm…"

"Because I _really_ love you?"

"Eh…"

"Because I will make you a swiss burger for lunch tomorrow?"

"Oh yeah! Okay, lay one on me big fella." She said excitedly.

"Oh God, you need to go to sleep or something. You're getting crazier and crazier by the minute."

She shrugged. "Oh well."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my head toward hers. I had a smile on my face as I kissed her and I couldn't make it go away. I loved how she could make me forget everything and gave me the chance to just be plain happy for a little while…oh and she was a fucking good kisser. I didn't have much to compare it too…well anything to compare it to, but I was sure she was perfect at it.

The kiss wasn't just a good bye kiss. We made out, just a couple steps from the door for about five minutes. Every time we would slow it down, we would just start right back up again. We were just addicted to each other.

I finally had to be the strong one and pull away. I didn't want her driving too late into the night.

"Okay, well I guess I will see you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Of course. Text or call me when you wake up. I'll be gone and on the road by six."

"I'm sorry, hermosa."

"Nah, it's okay."

"Make sure that Jacob guy isn't going." I said.

"I know. You know, I have been thinking about that. Once school starts up, and I start studying with them again, f he creeps me out some more, I am going to switch out of the group or something. The guy is weird to say the least." She shivered under my hands and I could really tell how much he made her uncomfortable. I didn't like it at all. I hated she had to feel uncomfortable at all with someone.

"I think that would be a good idea." I said.

She nodded. "Okay, I really have to go. You're so distracting."

I chuckled. "I'm sorry." I kissed her on the lips once more. "I love you, beautiful."

"I love you too, baby." She turned to the door and opened it.

"Be careful, okay?" I said.

She smiled back at me and blew me a kiss. "I will. Bye, Edward."

"Bye."

* * *

I felt her tears seep through my shirt.

I sighed and ran my hands through her hair and she clung to me as her tiny body shook. I looked after Bev and her son who packed her stuff into the back of the trunk. I met Lance a couple of times. I had a feeling he wasn't too impressed with me, but he liked Alice. He was a great guy though…how couldn't he be with parents like Bev and Leon?

When noon rolled around and Bev was on her way to the airport I still kept trying to calm Alice down, but she was wouldn't stop being upset.

I tried to calm Alice as much as I could the whole day, it was noon now, and Bev needed to be on her way to the airport. Bella couldn't be there, her first class started at 11:30 and I could tell she was upset about it, but she couldn't just skip a class, especially her first one of the new semester. Bev said goodbye to her the night before though. They both cried and now I had to deal with the crying little girl.

I was sad to see her go. I wasn't going to lie. It had been a week since Bev told us she was leaving, and I tried to prepare Alice as much as I could for when the day came, but she was an emotional little girl who loved Bev wholeheartedly.

"I don't want her to leave, Ecy." She said.

"Alice, she will be back. We can do the camera web thing with her too." I still didn't know how to work the damn thing. Too much work.

"I know, but I will still miss her lots."

"I know, kid, but you just have to remember that she will be back."

After Bev and Lance put everything in the car, Lance got into the driver's seat and Bev walked over to us. She held her arms open for Alice and she lifted her in her arms and they hugged and cried with each other. I hated all the crying. It drove me crazy. I was not a crier by any means, but I still hated seeing someone I cared about cry. To me, tears were a sign of pain and weakness. The people I love should never feel pain or know what weakness felt like. They deserved to always feel perfect and content.

I scratched the side of my face and tried to casually look away. I wanted to give them their time and I also didn't want to see the both of them so broken up and sad.

"Edward, come over here, boy." Bev called, her voice hoarse with emotion.

I walked up to them and wrapped my arms around the both of them. "Stop crying you babies. It's only two weeks."

"Shut it, Edward!"Alice said.

_Oh shit_, she used my actual name. That meant she meant business.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was just kidding, but really, it's only two weeks."

"I know, but I will miss my little shortcake."Bev said and kissed the side of her head.

"I'll miss you too, Bev. How am I going to deal with Ecy all by myself?" Alice said.

I rolled my eyes and Bev laughed. "Oh, you can ask Bella to help you."

"Yeah I know." She smiled a little at the thought of Bella.

Even when she wasn't anywhere near us, Bella could bring smiles to our faces.

"Okay, well I guess I should get going." She kissed the side of Alice's head once more. "I love you, Shortcake, you be a good girl for your goofy brother, okay?"

Alice nodded. "Okay, Bev, I will."

She kissed her once more and placed her on the ground. Bev reached up to me and I bent down to give her a hug. She kissed the side of my face as well.

"You be good too, honey. I'll miss you and your quirks."

I rolled my eyes. "Just two weeks, Bev." I only said that to make them feel better because deep down I knew two weeks was enough to make me miss her. It would be hard without her as well.

"Shut it, boy. Let me wallow. This is the longest I will be away from you two." She said and pulled away, holding me at arm's length.

"We'll be fine."

"You promise me?"

I nodded. "I promise."

"Okay, be good." She said. _Jeez, I wasn't that bad was I?_

"And you be bad." I said. "Get arrested or something. It earns you street cred."

She just shook her head and looked over to Alice who was leaning on my side. "Alice, make sure he behaves."

"You got it, Bev!" She said.

"I'm the adult here!" I said.

"Quiet, Ecy." Alice said. She picked up her hand and waved at Bev. "Bye, Bev! I love you!"

"Bye, Shortcake! I love you both!" She called before getting into the passenger seat of the car. Alice and I waved after her until we couldn't see her car anymore.

Then she was gone.

I heard Alice sniffle beside me, and I didn't want any more tears. Yes, Bev was gone, but it was only for two weeks. She would be back.

I bent down and lifted her and through her over my shoulder. She screamed and started giggling when I started running toward the house. She laughed and grunted the whole way up to the apartment. Once inside, I ran to the living room and flung her on the couch.

"Ecy!"

"I don't want no more moping, kid! Get happy or get to bed!"

"Bed? It's so early!"

"Well then get happy."

She smiled widely. "I'm happy!"

I smirked and sat down on the couch beside her. "Good. So what do you want to do today?"

"When's Bella coming over?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure if she will come over today. She has a busy day."

She sighed. "Not even for a little while?"

"I don't know. She'll call me after her class."

"When is that?"

"Jeez, kid! Can't you just have fun with me?"

She laughed and stood up on the couch. She started jumping. "I guess so. Come on, let's jump."

I smiled and stood up on the couch as well. I grabbed her hands and we started jumping on the couch. Bev always yelled at me for doing this, but I didn't see what was so wrong with it. If she wanted to jump, she should be able to jump. I held her hands the whole time. I would never let her fall.

We both laughed as we jumped for a couple of minutes, but I got tired after a while. I needed to start exercising more. I wasn't in good shape at all. I wasn't getting any heavier or anything, but I was a lazy ass. I barely did anything that would get me in shape. I sucked at that stuff. Oh and the smoking I guess doesn't help my situation. I'd probably be a fat lard by the time I hit thirty. _Oh well._

I sat back down on the couch, but Alice continued. I thought she would give up, but she jumped for at least another two minutes.

I looked over to her. "Jeez, kid, don't you ever stop?"

"I'm bored! Let's do something!"

I sighed. "Alright, want to go to the park?"

"Yes!" She yelled. I picked up a pillow and hit her with it. She fell back on the couch and laughed.

"Get your shoes on." I said.

* * *

"Ecy, can you hold me? I'm too tired." Alice said.

No wonder she was tired. We were at the park for an hour. She played on the jungle gym and swung on the swings for an hour, and we were now going on a walk. We were far from the car. I myself was tired because, well you know, I'm out of shape, but I had to carry her. I wouldn't let her fall asleep as she walked.

"Let's take a little break, alright?" I said and led her to a bench on the edge of the walkway.

She nodded and sat down beside me. She leaned into my side and I wrapped my arm around her. We sat silently and I pulled my phone from my pocket to see if Bella called or anything.

When I looked at the screen, I saw there were three missed calls from her, and four messages. I didn't know how I didn't hear it at first, but then I realized I was stupid and accidently put my phone on silent. I hated when I did that.

I opened her messages first because those would give me a better idea of what she wanted to talk to me about.

_**Shoot me now. –B**_

_**I need to talk to you. –B**_

_**Edward, why aren't you answering your phone? I'm freaking out over here! –B**_

_**DUDE! Answer your phone! –B**_

I chuckled at the last text, but I figured there was something she really wanted to tell me or else she wouldn't have been so urgent with her texts. She didn't really text too much, and she wasn't annoying with that shit. I called her phone and I felt Alice lean closer into me. I looked down and saw she was falling asleep. _Great_. I would have to carry her to the car with the added dead weight of her sleeping.

Bella answered on first ring.

"Edward?" She asked softly, she didn't sound stressed at all.

"No, it's Oprah." I said.

She chuckled softly. "Hold on."

I didn't hear anything after that, and I thought she hung up on me or something. I looked across the park at two pigeons fighting over a French fry. _Stupid pigeons._ Don't they have anything else to do with their lives than fighting over a grease filled potato slice?

"EDWARD!" Bella yelled through the phone and I jumped.

"Shit, chick." I said. I looked down at Alice, and she was indeed sleeping and looked in a dead sleep. "Why are you yelling?"

"Because I called you like three times and I knew you were still on the phone because I could hear you breathing. What the hell were you doing?" She sounded a little more panicked now, and I had a feeling it didn't have anything to do with me not answering her.

"Sorry, I was looking at some pigeons. What's wrong?"

"You are so…I can't even find the words." She said in astonishment. "You were really staring at birds?"

"Hey, stop making fun of me, chick. I'm really a sensitive person."

"Sensitive my ass." She said.

"Alright, bitch, enough with the jabs at my ego. What has you all in a tizzy?"

I could practically hear her roll her eyes over the line. "Okay, well…ugh...well you see…umm…"

"Spit it out!" I said. Jeez, what could it be that she couldn't even get the words out?

"My parents are here. They are in my house, right now."

"Oh…how long are they staying?" I felt my palms sweat. If they were staying for a while, that could only mean one thing and I didn't know if I was ready for that.

"A week." She said. _Fuck._ "I'm so sorry, baby, I didn't even know they were coming! I came home from my class and they were waiting outside."

"Why are you apologizing?"

She sighed. "I don't even know, but the thing is…they really want to meet you. I actually think my mother is seconds from busting through my bedroom door to make sure she speaks to you."

My head spun. Meeting the parents? _Holy fuck, was I ready for that? _I would have to meet her mom and her dad…a police chief and from stories I hear from Bella, a rather protective father who loved Bella more than anything. "Uh…"

"Look, if you really don't want to, that's fine. I can make up some kind of excuse like you went out of town…but then I wouldn't get to go over and see you.."

"No, don't do that."I said. I would just have to suck it up and do it for Bella. "I can come over if you want."

"Really?" She asked sounding happy and in relief. She did so much for me, I could at least do this for her.

"Yeah…but I will have to bring Alice. I don't have anywhere else to bring her." I said.

"That's fine! That's perfect actually! They already know about her, and I am sure they would love to meet her if you don't mind of course."

"Yeah, I mean I will have to make sure she is okay with it first, but this is Alice we are talking about. I think she would love to."

She let out a breath of relief. "I can't even tell you thank you enough."

I chuckled. "There is no need to thank me, hermosa, this is what I'm supposed to do right?"

"Well you aren't going to be forced into anything, baby. I just…I thought you wouldn't really like the idea."

"I'm not going to lie, I feel like I will piss my pants, I'm so scared." I said with a laugh.

She laughed too. "Well change your pants before you get here and slip on a diaper."

"Ew…I'm not slipping on anything."

She laughed. "I'm kidding obviously, you can come whenever you want." She said. "They will be here all day long."

"Alright, I'll be there around three. I need to take Alice home so she can nap and all that. I'm at the park with her and she is sleeping on the bench right next to me. I have to carry her to the car."

"Oh get over it. Man up."

"Wow, you're very encouraging and sweet." I said sarcastically.

She giggled. "I'm allowed to be discouraging and a bitch because I love you to pieces."

"That's graphic." I said.

"Shut up, it's true. I love you, baby, I'll see you later."

"Alright, I love you too. You better rid of that attitude you have going on when I get there."

"Hmm…we'll see."

"You're so bitchy. I love it."

She laughed. "I know you do. I really have to go, baby, and you need to get your ass over here. I miss you."

"Okay, I'm going."

"Alright, bye." She said.

"Oh wait! Bella?" I hoped she didn't hang up.

"Yeah?"

I cleared my throat, not really knowing if I wanted to know the answer to the question I was about to ask.

"Your parents…they don't know…well you know…about me? Right? Do they know what's wrong with me?"

She sighed. "There's nothing wrong with you, baby."

"You know what I mean, Bella."

"I know, and no. All they know is that your name is Edward, you take care of your little sister, and that I love you more than anything."

"And they know I love you too, right? They don't think I am some kind of player who is out to manipulate their daughter?"

"No, they know you love me, baby. Why do you sound so nervous? You really have nothing to worry about. I won't leave you alone with them."

"I might have to shake your dad's hand…" I swallowed loudly.

I felt my nerves starting to bother me. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

"You can do it, baby. I will be right beside you. I'll hold your hand the entire time."

I nodded even though she couldn't see me and shook my head. I didn't think I could do it. But I had to. I had to for her. I pulled Alice closer to my side. I would be with the both of them. How could anything go wrong? _Right? _

"Okay…"

"Edward, I can tell you are still freaking out. I promise you, love, you have nothing to worry about. I'm sure they will love you."

"We'll see."

"Babe, they know nothing of your past, or your IED. You get to start with a clean slate. It will be fine."

_A clean slate. _

Those seemed so rare for my life, but she was right. If they didn't know all the bad I did in my past, maybe they could just see me for who I was today, and not judge me by what I had done.

It seemed refreshing.

It seemed almost too good to be true.

You never know until you try though, _right?

* * *

_

No complaint,  
I got much to gain,  
So they keep testing me,  
And I keep feeding their face  
They could go,  
Off and hit the road,  
And what would I care?  
Hell, I ain't going nowhere  
I got the reigns  
And courage I was made of  
And they've got fake love,  
So I must show  
It's my show,  
I must go  
With my soul,  
Not my hand,  
Where I stand.  
It's my role,  
It's my soul.

_**McFearless, by Kings of Leon

* * *

**_

**Alright, well as most you guessed from what I saw in the reviews, the prologue is coming up VERY soon. It will either be in the next chapter, or the one after that. I just need to think a bit on how I want things to flow and some things I need to touch on. You will get your answer soon! I'm pretty excited about it. I don't know about all of you! Haha**

**Big thanks to Alexa for pre-reading this for me! She always makes time for it and I appreciate it a lot! **

**I hope you all liked the chapter! I will do review replies with teasers again! Next update will be very soon! **

**Review please!**


	25. Chapter 24: Beautiful Disaster

**Chapter 23: Beautiful Disaster**

**BPOV**

"So he's really coming here?" My mom asked excitedly.

I didn't know what the hell was going on with her. She was practically jumping out of her skin in excitement.

"Mom, I already told you he was!" I said in exasperation.

I had just gotten off the phone with Edward only ten minutes ago and she had asked the same question at least five times. My dad just laughed beside me. He found her pestering of me funny while I found it overwhelming.

"I know, but I'm just making sure! I want to know what he looks like!"

I smiled. "He's very handsome."

My dad coughed beside me and I smiled at him. He got too overprotective all the time.

"I'm sure he's not as handsome as me." He said.

"Uh…yeah…sure, if you say so, Dad." I said sarcastically.

He glared at me and I laughed. I sure did miss them.

"Do you have a picture?" My mom asked.

"Actually…no." That was pretty sad now that I thought about it. I dated him for over three months and I still hadn't gotten any pictures of him. I would need to crack out my camera and get some pictures taken at some point.

"Does he have a Facebook?"

I chuckled. _Edward with a Facebook_. The guy barely knew where the Start button was on the computer, never mind navigating through Facebook.

"No."

"Well this seems like a match made in heaven then because you are the only two people left in the world without one." She said.

I rolled my eyes. "We aren't the only ones."

I didn't see the point in having one. If I wanted to keep in touch with someone so bad, I would ask for their number and give them a call.

"Well, still, you have the same ideas apparently."

"Well Edward isn't very tech-savvy."

She scoffed. "What generation is he living in?"

I chuckled. "I don't know. He's one-of-a-kind."

"And what about his sister?" She asked.

I didn't know why she asked so many questions since she would be seeing the both of them in no time, but I liked answering them nonetheless. I loved talking about the both of them.

It was refreshing to be able to talk to my parents about them. They didn't know about Edward's past. They didn't know that he had destroyed a bar and got in a fight with some guys like the rest of the town knew. They didn't know he had IED. I didn't necessarily want to keep stuff like that secret from them, but I didn't want to tell them right away. For once, I wanted someone to meet Edward while having no predetermined notions on what kind of person he seemed to be.

I wanted them to see him for who he was.

They would find out eventually, I knew that, but not now. I didn't want him being any more nervous than he already was. His voice over the phone let me know that he was seriously freaking out, and I knew if he thought my parents were going in thinking that he was some crazy person, he would have freaked out.

But they didn't think that. My mother was so obviously excited to get to meet him, and even though my dad tried to act indifferent, I knew he really wanted to meet him as well. We had a conversation over the phone the other night. Through the midst of our laughing and jokes, he mentioned that I sounded happier than usual, and I just told him Edward made me happy. At least he knew that. Maybe if they saw how much we both loved each other, they would be more lenient when they found out the whole story.

"She's really smart and funny. I think the both of you would get along." I said.

My mother and Alice were both alike in their hyperness and general happiness for life. I could definitely see them getting along.

She clapped. "Great!" She got up from the couch and started walking around. "Now let's get talking about this place."

I groaned. I knew this was coming. They knew I wasn't friends with Angela and Tanya anymore, but not the specifics. They knew I moved, but they didn't know what my apartment looked like until they came over. I knew they wouldn't be pleased.

"What about it?"

"Bella, you know we could help you get a better apartment." She said.

"I know, but I don't want your help. I don't need to get a bigger apartment, it's just me."

I wouldn't back down from this. There was no way I would take money from them. I could take care of myself. Yeah my apartment was really small, but who cared? I didn't, so what did it matter to anyone else. I didn't need a bigger apartment. I barely ever stayed home all day anyway.

She sighed. "Well I guess there is no fighting with you, Bella, but you need to know that we wouldn't be mad or anything. We want to help you."

"I know, but I don't need any help." I said.

That was exactly why I liked being on my own. I didn't need people needing to pay for me. I got a certain sense of gratification when I got my paycheck at the end of the week and I paid my bills.

My mom just shrugged. "Whatever."

She walked out of the living room and into the kitchen. I didn't know what she was doing in there, but I guessed she just wanted to get away from me for a minute. She wanted to know that I would always need her, and I would always need her, but not for stuff like that. That was my job now.

"Don't mind her, honey." My dad said with an arm over my shoulder. "She just loves you a lot."

"I know, but I don't want her to get mad at me."

"She isn't mad. She is just still having trouble coming to terms that you aren't a baby anymore."

I snorted. "I haven't been a baby in years."

"Literally, yes. But figuratively, you have always been her baby, and mine as well. And now look at you…you have a house, you go to college, you have a job, and a boyfriend…it's a lot."

"But this is what I want. I'm happy."

"I know that, and she knows that. You will just have to see when you have kids on your own. It's hard to let them go."

I sighed. I didn't even know if I wanted kids. I think I did. Not now of course, but when I graduate college. I would actually love to have kids with Edward. He would be an amazing and beautiful father. He already showed how loving he could be as a father with how he was with Alice. I could just imagine him holding a tiny baby girl or boy that he could probably hold with his one hand.

I needed to stop thinking of stuff like that because if that were ever to happen, it would be _way _in the future.

My phone started ringing and my dad picked it up from the coffee table. He got a confused look on his face when he looked at the screen.

"Er…Asshole is calling." He said.

I laughed at the look on his face and took it from his hand and answered it.

"Hello?"

"_Hey, do you mind if we go over now? I know I said three, but Alice woke up and she is too excited to even sit still." _

I chuckled. "Sure! We are all just here waiting anyway."

"_Alright, well I'll be there in less than five minutes then." _

"Alright bye, baby."

He said bye as well and I hung up the phone with a sigh. I couldn't wait to see him. Although I was nervous about what would happen. I hoped my parents would be nice.

"You have your boyfriend stored as asshole? I don't know how I feel about that, Bells." My dad said.

"No, Dad, it's not anything like that. He's not an asshole to me at all. We just joke around a lot."

"Does he call you names?"

"Not maliciously."

I wasn't going to lie. Edward did call me a bitch and told me to fuck off sometimes, but it was all a part of his sense of humor and personality. I never got offended by it, I knew he was joking.

"I don't know if I like that, Bells…"

"Dad, don't even start judging him before you even meet him. I promise you that he treats me very well. I couldn't ask for anyone better."

He sighed. "Okay, well I trust you. I'll make my own judgments when I see the boy."

Then as if on cue, there was a knock at my door and my heart jumped. I got a little nervous and excited at the same time; nervous because I didn't want my parents to make him uncomfortable and excited because I would be seeing him.

I ran to get the door and my mom came out of the kitchen with a curious and excited look on her face. I opened the door and my legs got attacked by a little girl who squeezed me tight.

"Hi, Bella! Where are your Mommy and Daddy?" She asked right away.

"Alice, give her time to breathe." Edward said.

I looked up at him and he looked fine, albeit a little nervous, but he kept his cool.

I laughed. "No it's fine." I turned and held Alice's hand as I did so, so she could see my parents. "Alice, this is my mom, Renee, and my father Charlie."

"Hello!" Alice said and ran straight to my dad first. She hugged him around the waist and I watched my dad's amused, yet surprised expression.

"Hi, Alice." He said.

She pulled away. "I like your mustache. Very cool." She said.

I could hear Edward face-palm behind me and the rest of us just laughed.

"Well thank you!" He said sounded genuinely flattered that she would say such a thing.

"You're welcome!" She said and then turned to my mother. She ran and gave her a hug as well. "Hi, Bella's mommy!"

I looked at my mom, and she looked down at Alice with a soft expression on her face. I could tell Alice already had the both of them wrapped around her little finger. She had that effect on people.

"Hi, Alice! It's so nice to meet you!" My mom said.

"You too! You're pretty just like Bella!" Yeah, if she didn't have my mom a few seconds ago, she definitely had her right then. My mom loved compliments.

I knew her meeting them would have went well, now I just had to worry about Edward. I turned toward him while my parents were enthralled in talking with Alice. He scratched the back of his neck and he looked more nervous than before. I reached over and took his left hand. He would have to shake my father's with his right. I wish there was a way I could get him out of the whole hand-shaking thing, but the truth was, I knew he could do it. Plus, my dad would have probably thought it rude if he didn't. But I did have faith in him. He could do it.

I lifted his hand and kissed the back of it. "You ready, love?" I whispered.

"As ready as I'll ever be." He said.

I kissed his hand once more and turned back to my parents. I walked with Edward further into the house. There weren't that many steps to take since my house was miniscule.

"Mom? Dad?" I said to get their attention.

Alice stopped talking and faced me along with my parents. I saw my mom look Edward up and down, and by the look on her face, I concluded that she liked what she saw.

"This is Edward." I looked over at Edward and he had a small smile on his face. "Edward, these are my parents."

Edward held on tighter to my hand and stepped forward with his hand outstretched to my father. I watched in amazement.

"It's nice to meet you." He said.

My dad studied his face and grabbed onto his hand. Edward squeezed onto my hand impossibly tight. It hurt a little, but I would not ruin the moment for him. I knew he could do it and he was shaking hands with my father with ease.

"Nice to meet you too, Edward. I'm Charlie." My dad said. They both let go of each other's hands and I had a huge smile on my face. "Your sister is quite a character."

Edward laughed softly. "Yeah, she is."

"You raised her yourself?" My dad asked.

I gave him a warning look. That was too much for a first meeting, but Edward didn't seem to mind that much.

"Yes, sir, I did." He said proudly.

I leaned my head on his shoulder silently and subtly letting him know I was proud of him. He didn't freak out, and he sounded proud being the person to raise Alice. He should be.

"Good job." My dad said.

"Thank you, sir." Edward said sounding bewildered.

Their little moment was interrupted by loud laughing coming from our side. My mom and Alice were both laughing about something and I saw an interesting partnership being created. Tonight could get interesting.

"Mom." I said. She looked over to me. "Are you going to say hi to Edward?"

"Oh of course!" She walked up to us and gave Edward a hug. He didn't let go of my hand, but wrapped his other one around her. "Hi, Edward! Sorry, I was distracted by that beautiful little girl over there."

He chuckled. "Completely understandable." He said with a loving look toward Alice who now spoke with my father.

It seemed she wouldn't stop talking. I was so glad that she got along with my parents though. Maybe that could make Edward calm down a little as well.

"Aww…that's sweet." My mom said.

Edward blushed and I smiled and contained myself from kissing his pink-tinted cheek. I didn't want to embarrass him even more.

"Ecy, are we going to stay for a long time?" Alice asked.

"We are staying for a while, why?" Edward asked.

I was so glad to hear the nervousness out of his voice. He felt more comfortable.

"I'm kind of hungry." She said.

"Oh…we ate before we went to park…" He said. He sounded nervous again. I didn't know why.

"I know, but my tummy is yelling at me to eat more!" She said.

"Well why don't we go out to eat?" My mom said. "Lord knows we can't all eat in this God forsaken place." She said.

I rolled my eyes. It wasn't that bad! _So what if I didn't have a table?_

I looked up at Edward. "We can if you want." I told him.

He nodded. "Sure."

* * *

"So Edward, what do you do for work?" My dad asked him.

We were all at a small diner that wasn't too far away from my house. We sat in a booth; my parents on one side, and me, Edward, and Alice on the other. Alice sat on Edward's lap and she ate her macaroni and cheese while Edward didn't get anything. He had already eaten and hadn't checked his sugar after he did so he didn't want to risk anything.

I just got a chicken Caesar-salad and my mom and dad were splitting a big bowl of chicken Alfredo. I felt bad Edward had to sit there and watch all of us eat, but he didn't seem to mind. Alice tried to feed him some macaroni every once in a while, but he would just shake his head and say no thank you. Most of the conversation included Alice. She had a million questions for my parents. She went from questions about my mom's earrings to questions about what I was like as child.

But now that she was occupied with her food, my parents brought their attention to Edward.

"Uh…I deliver papers and I work in maintenance at the hospital." He said.

"Oh…so you didn't go to college?" My mom asked and I gave her a warning glare from across the table.

She didn't pay attention to me. I would but in, if it got out of hand, but Edward didn't seem too uncomfortable.

"No, I haven't gotten a chance to, or have the funds to. I might one day, but for now, I am fairing just fine with the jobs I have and the help I get from the government." He sounded so sure of himself.

No one could ever question his decision. I didn't know where this all came from. I began to realize that Edward always had the confidence in him, he just pushed it back when he realized the person he spoke to knew of his past. He did the same with me when we met. Hell, he did the same thing with everyone else he met when I was with him, including Tanya and Angela. I had a feeling this was different for Edward since he was basically starting a new, fresh relationship with my parents.

I was proud of him.

"Oh well at least someone in this country is getting help from the government for a fair reason." My mom said.

"Yeah I have seen a lot of people use that in the wrong way." My dad said. It looked like he would have embellished on it more, but Alice was at the table. "You don't use it for the wrong things do you Edward?"

And now I glared at my dad. Those kind of questions were so not necessary.

"Dad!"

He just shrugged and Edward put his hand on my knee telling me it was okay. "No, sir, I use my food stamps to put food on the table. That's about it."

"Well good then." My dad said looking kind of embarrassed for even asking the question since there was nothing there for him to get mad about.

"So how long have you guys been together?" My mom asked.

"I already told you, Mom." I said to her.

"I know, but no one asked you, honey." She said. "I was talking to Edward."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you think it will sound better when he says it?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, maybe." She looked at Edward. "Well…"

"We have known each other since the end of September or so…uh…and we started dating in the beginning of November."

"What's the date?" My mom asked.

"Uh…I don't know the exact date." He said.

"Oh. Well isn't that important?" She asked.

"Mom, I don't even remember the exact date. It just kind of happened."

I actually did remember the date that he asked me to be his girlfriend, but that didn't matter. I didn't want them to think that he didn't care or anything. It didn't bother me at all that he didn't remember, I didn't feel like it was such a monumental day. It was kind of like it was meant to be, so it was only a matter of when we decided to succumb to our feelings. There was no reason to put a date on it, it happened when it happened because it was bound to happen at some point.

"Well that sounds like you, Bells, not really into superficial stuff like that." My dad said.

"Exactly." I said sending a thank you look at my dad for not making a big deal of it.

"Dates are so hard to remember anyway." He continued. "Hell, I guess I should know when the Declaration of Independence was signed, but I have no idea."

"Oh I know that!" Alice said. She put her finger on her chin. "July 4, 17…uh…177…" Edward whispered something in her ear. "July 4, 1776!" She said excitedly and Edward chuckled.

"Wow that is impressive for a six year old to know." My mom said with a smile in Alice's direction.

Alice beamed proudly. "Ecy taught me that!"

"Well isn't that nice!" My mom said.

I had a good feeling about the whole thing. Everything seemed to be going very well and I couldn't be happier. Yes my parents made some inappropriate comments, but Edward seemed to take them well and my parents seemed like they really liked Edward and of course Alice.

"So what about dates? What has been your most favorite date, Edward?"

"Not sure." He said.

That was kind of hard question to answer.

"Mom, we haven't been on very many dates." I said to save Edward from having to scrounge up an answer. Both dates were equally amazing. Our first and second dates were ones I would never forget for as long as I live.

"But you both have been together for months!"

"Mom," I said grudgingly. "Drop it."

"I don't understand why you are getting so upset, honey. Don't you want to go on dates?"

I sighed and looked over to Edward. He was looking down at the table. I didn't want to make him feel bad, but I wouldn't lie. "Yes, but they aren't that important. We see each other almost every day."

"Well I demand that the both of you go on a date while I am here." She said. She looked to Alice. "Alice?" She said.

"Yes, Renee?" Alice said while wiping her face of cheese.

"How would you like to spend a day with me and Charlie? Do you think that would be fun?" She asked.

"Yes! That would be so much fun!" She said excitedly and started clapping her hands.

"Great!" My mom said. She turned to Edward. "Would that be okay with you, Edward?"

"Uh...yeah…yeah sure."

"Mom, he doesn't even really know you guys." I said.

"No, it's fine, Bella." Edward said. "If you both were able to raise someone like Bella, I think I can trust you with Alice."

"Aww…" My mom said and 'aww' was right.

He really could be so sweet sometimes and a nice date with him sounded blissful and I couldn't wait. I just didn't want him to feel pressured.

I looked over at him and he gave me a soft smile. I grabbed onto his hand that was still on my knee and squeezed it. I couldn't wait to go on our third date.

Alone.

* * *

"So where're you taking me, baby?" I asked him.

He had been a little quiet since we left my house where he left Alice with my parents. We were taking Edward's truck, and I left my car for them to do with it what they wanted. Alice seemed excited to spend the day with them and I knew I was excited to get to spend the day with Edward.

The time on the clock read twelve noon, and I would have Edward all to myself until 7:30.

_Amazing?_ I thought so.

"Uh…for now I figure we can just drive around aimlessly until we find something to do for an hour."

"Didn't you plan this out, baby?" I was only teasing him.

I didn't give two shits what we did. If the whole date meant we would drive around in his truck until 7:30 and just talked, I wouldn't mind. My parents would be leaving tomorrow. They spent more time with Alice all week so she was more familiar with them, and I thought that made Edward a little more comfortable with leaving her there alone with them. But he had a week to plan the date. I offered to come up with it, but he blew that idea off real quick.

"I did, but it's too early to do what I had planned."

"And what is that?"

"Well I figured I would go with the whole dinner and a movie deal. Keep it simple, you know?"

I smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "I like simple. So what are we going to see?"

He smiled. "Saving Private Ryan." He said with a short glance in my direction.

"Uh…babe…I'm pretty sure that's not in theaters."

"Uh…babe…I'm pretty sure you're wrong."

I chuckled at his imitation of my voice. "Shut up."

He reached his hand out to me and I held it between mines. He brought my hands to his lips and kissed the knuckles of my left hand.

"You don't know about the Golden Theater?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No."

"Well I guess you wouldn't. It's really small and only has one theater, but it plays old movies every Friday and guess what just so happens to be playing this week?"

"Wow…that's quite the coincidence."

"Coincidence…or connections. Bev knows the owner. She knew we were going out tonight so…"

"Are you serious?" Even when Bev was miles away she still found a way to help Edward. She had already been gone about a week so only one more week to go until she was back. We all couldn't wait.

"Dead serious. I don't know about you, but I am fucking excited."

I giggled. "Well I guess if you're excited, then I am excited as well."

He pulled the car over near the park. "Alright, I got nothing. Let's just go for a walk and then we can walk to the theater. It's not too far away."

"Sounds good to me."

He smiled at me and I let go of his hand so we could get out of the car. I met him in the front of the car and zipped up my jacket. It was pretty chilly outside but it wasn't unbearable for a walk. Edward zipped up his hoodie and put his hood over his beanie-clad head. He held his hand out to me and I grabbed it and squeezed it tightly.

He smiled at me and we began walking silently. Just holding his hand was enough. Just the thought that he was comfortable with this little public display of affection meant so much to me and I began to hope that Edward really was changing. Not changing per say…more like adapting and accepting. He seemed more comfortable in his skin. I didn't know if I had anything to do with it and it really didn't matter what the cause was. At least he was feeling better about himself.

I just hoped it would have lasted.

* * *

I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to get my sobs controlled.

Edward, the asshole that he was, was laughing at me uncontrollably and leading me to his car with his arm around me. _Fucker_. He has nerve laughing at me for crying over that movie. It was so sad and beautiful at the same time!

"I-I want t-to punch you in the face." I said.

He just laughed and pulled me closer to his side. He kissed the top of my head.

"Oh, hermosa, you are such a sap."

I pushed him away and he almost stepped onto the street. He didn't look like he minded at all. The jerkface was just about crying from laughing at me. Nice to know my pain is his entertainment.

"I hate you."

He pulled me back to his side. "Why?" He asked with a chuckle.

"You made me go see that movie! How could you do stuff like that to me!"

"Oh stop crying you baby…it's a movie."

"But stuff like that happens, Edward!"

"I know, but it is what it is, hermosa."

I wiped the tears from my eyes. "It was a good movie though, I have to admit."

"Of course it's a good movie. I don't like bad movies."

"Oh well excuse me." I said. There goes that confidence again. I found it sexy.

"Oh shit!" He stopped dead in his tracks.

"What! What's wrong?" I asked frantically. He looked fine.

"My eye! It's twitching!" He said. I sighed in relief. Jeez, he nearly gave me a heart attack.

"So what?"

"Shit, shit, shit…it's still going!"

"Edward…what the hell is wrong with you?" I never understood him. I never in my life saw someone freak the fuck out over an eye twitch.

Paranoid bastard._ Adorable _paranoid bastard.

"Bella are you kidding me? Your left eye twitching is a sign of bad luck!"

I rolled my eyes. Oh here we go with the superstitions. "You sure it's not the right eye that is bad luck?"

"I don't fucking know, but I bet it's the left one because that is just my luck." He put his hands in his pockets and started walking faster to the car.

I walked after him and rolled my eyes once again. The guy was nuts with his superstitions. They were hardly ever right. Yeah, last time there was the whole cat thing and we got stuck in the mud, but I didn't think that was really that unlucky. That was the best night of my life.

He walked fast back to the car and I tried to catch up with him. I knew the rest of the date would be filled with him being on alert and paranoid about his fucking twitching eye. Maybe I could convince him that the left eye twitching was actually good luck…yeah probably not. He wouldn't buy it. Well he might believe me deep down, but he was too stubborn to admit it.

We finally made it to the car and he got into the driver's seat grumbling to himself. I just chuckled at his craziness and put my seatbelt on.

"Stop laughing at me, Bella!"

"Stop being silly, Edward! Your eye twitched, who cares?"

"I care!"

"Edward, superstitions are stupid."

"I have three words for you, Bella. Stuck. In. Mud."

I laughed. What was so funny was he wasn't kidding at all. He was dead serious about it and I just found it funny. How Edward, a man that was usually really blasé about a lot of things would get so worked up about something so inconsequential. Hell, we just watched an extremely graphic and heart-wrenching movie and he left laughing. Now his eye was twitching and he was nearly having a panic attack. It doesn't make sense, but that was just Edward.

_Gullible. _That's what he was.

"Stop. Laughing." He said through gritted teeth.

"Oh! This coming from the guy who laughed at my tears!"

"That was different."

"How?"

"Never mind. Just stop laughing at me."

Yeah, that was stubborn Edward's way of saying 'you're right and I'm wrong.'

"Look, can you just calm the fuck down. I don't want to spend the rest of our date with you freaking out." It was funny at first, but if he continued getting all worked up about it and snapping at me, I wouldn't think it was so funny. _Well even the ones we love get on our nerves sometimes right? _

He sighed. "I'll try." We stopped at a red light and reached his hands out to me. "Can you give me a cigarette?"

I controlled myself so I wouldn't sigh. I wished he would quit smoking. Yeah, he looked hot doing it, but it wasn't good for his health. But, I wouldn't start that fight with him on our date so I reached for his pack in the glove box and took one out. I handed it to him and he put it in his mouth. At the next red light his lit it. He put it back to his lips and sucked the smoke in and I looked away. I didn't want to get in an accident if I jumped him in his seat.

While I looked out the window waiting to find out where we were to go next, I remembered something.

"Oh!" I reached into the back seat.

"What?" He asked and I could hear him blow the smoke out the window. _Sexy bastard._

"I brought my camera! I remembered that I don't have any pictures of you."

He held up his middle finger to me. "Get a shot of this."

I laughed and did take the picture. I looked at the picture on the screen and laughed. Figures the first picture I would get of him is one where he is flipping me off. His hand covered his face too. That wasn't a good thing.

We stopped at another red light. "Hurry! Look at me!"

He looked over in my direction with the most obnoxious and scary yet adorable smile on his face and I took the picture laughing my ass off. "Come on! Can't I get a picture where you look normal?"

"That hurts my feelings. I was serious with that last one." He said with a sad voice. Oh, he was a good actor but he was not fooling me.

"Serious, my ass. You looked like a fool."

"You look like a fool."

"You are a fool."

"I got my pimp hand strong, hermosa." He said grudgingly and held his hand up.

I laughed hysterically and reached over and grabbed his face and laid a nice wet kiss on his cheek.

"I freaking love you." I said and kissed his cheek again and again.

"You're going to get us in a freaking car wreck if you keep kissing me and restraining my head, beautiful." He said with a small laugh.

"Woops." I gave him one last kiss on the cheek and sat back down in my seat.

"We can take pictures later. Now, we must eat."

* * *

Well_. Fuck my life. _

The date was going great. Yes. It was. The only problem was halfway through our dinner in which we laughed and joked around with each other the whole time, the fucking power went out in the restaurant. _That doesn't sound so bad, right?_ No, I didn't think so. I thought it was actually kind of cool. It was not every day that the power goes out in a restaurant.

Edward, my superstitious boyfriend, felt differently about the whole situation.

He barely even ate any of his food and his leg did not stop shaking the whole time. He kept telling me he was getting a bad feeling and the worst part about it was that he was starting to make me get worried too. I didn't think his eye twitching meant that we would get bad luck, but I didn't know…it seemed like he had a deeper feeling than just the eye twitching with the way he reacted. I even had to admit, after I thought about it, the lights going out in a restaurant may be a sign of bad luck. I wasn't sure…I was just sounding like Edward right now, but I also had a bad feeling.

I didn't like it at all.

It was six in the evening so we only had an hour and a half left of our date. Edward and I got in an argument in the restaurant when he kept saying 'I have a bad feeling about this, Bella' at least ten times. I wasn't annoyed with him, I guessed I just realized that there may be some validity behind these feelings he was getting because I started to feel them too.

Well anyway, I sort of flipped out on him and told him to just shut up about the whole thing and he got offended and I felt stupid for snapping at him since he was just telling me his feelings. Something I tried so hard to make him feel comfortable telling me. I fucked up, and I knew it was just because I wanted to make believe that nothing was going to happen, but I couldn't fight the feeling deep down in my stomach.

Edward was driving somewhere. I didn't know where it was, but I didn't ask because I just felt ashamed for being a bitch to him. He didn't say a word either. By the direction he was going in, I had an idea where we were heading.

_The field. _

The field where we got stuck in the mud and the field where I fell completely in love with him. I could still remember dancing with him in the bed of his truck with his sweatshirt on me and beautiful music playing around us. But other than the music there was silence and peace. Something I really needed at that moment.

"I was planning on taking you to the field. If you just want to go home, I guess I understand." He said quietly, but it was loud in the silence of the truck.

"I don't want to go home." I said looking down at my hands on my lap.

"Okay. Then do you want to go there? We can go somewhere else if you want."

I didn't want him to talk anymore because the tone of his voice reminded me of how I took the life and care freeness out of his voice with my pestering. I felt horrible.

"No, I want to go."I said.

He nodded his head and we continued driving. It was already dark outside and I looked straight ahead out the front window. Edward turned the truck and we made it through the trees to the field. He didn't say anything else. He probably thought I would snap at him again. He didn't want to talk to me and I did that. I made that happen. He continued driving and when we made it through the trees, I sighed in relief. It was just as I remembered; beautiful, barren, peaceful…everything that was good.

Thankfully there was no mud and he drove out to the middle with no problems. He shut the truck off and flicked the headlights on so we didn't sit in complete darkness. He rested his head on top of the steering wheel and sighed. He turned his head, his forehead still attached to the steering wheel.

"Are you crying?" He asked in disbelief.

I wiped my eyes. "Yes."

He sighed. "Look. I know I can be annoying…I don't mean to be. I'll try to…"

"No." I said and reached over for his hand. "No, you aren't annoying. I just…I don't know. Can we just forget that whole thing happened? I love you. I don't want to fight." My voice sounded defeated even to me.

"You don't think we should talk about it?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Maybe we should, but I don't want to. I just want to be with you."

He nodded his head. "Me too." He kissed the back of my hand before he let it go. He reached into the back seat and took out a bag. "Come on." He said as he opened his door.

I got out of the truck as well and followed him to the front of the truck. He pulled a blanket from the bag and laid it out on the ground. I watched on with my camera clutched in my hand. He sat down on blanket.

"Come here, beautiful." He said.

I stepped onto the blanket and sat down between his two legs. I leaned back on his chest and he wrapped his warm arms around me.

"You're not too cold are you?" He asked.

"No, I'm perfect." I said.

"This is what I originally had planned before the mud ruined our date."

I chuckled. "It did not ruin it. It was an amazing day."

"I think so too." He said. "So I think my meeting with your parents went pretty good, don't you think?" He asked.

I nodded. "I think so. They really like you, baby."

"You know, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. There was something different. They didn't know all that shit, you know? They took me for who I was."

I ran my hands along his arms. "It's how everyone should treat you."

"I guess there is an easy fix to that, huh?"

"What?"

"Moving away. I could easily do it. I can take Alice and go to a different town in another state. It would be so much easier."

"Why didn't you?" I didn't want him to ever leave of course, but I was curious as to why he didn't so long ago. He probably would have had so many friends and he might have been happier than when I met him.

"Bev." He said right away. "I couldn't imagine ever living away from her. She helped me out so much. Alice loves her too much. I would never take Bev away from her." He said.

That was right. I forgot Bev would never leave her apartment because of Leon and the emotional connections she had to it.

"Do you think she would ever think about moving?"

He shrugged. "Don't know. But I won't try and pressure her."

"I understand."

He tightened his arms around me and kissed the side of my head. "I had a great time today."

I smiled softly. "Me too."

"There were tears, freak outs, and fights, but I would say we laughed more than any of that."

I smiled and got up from his chest. I face him and moved myself so I could straddle him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he put his hands on my back. I put my hands behind his head and kissed him.

"Not enough of these though." I said.

"Agreed." He said and brought his lips back up to mine.

I moaned against his delicious lips and kissed him harder. I just got my tongue in his mouth when his phone started ringing. _Just great_. I groaned and pulled away from him.

"I'm sorry." He said. I just shook my head. It wasn't his fault. "Hello?" He said into the phone.

It was Alice. She wanted to know when we were going back. I could hear her through the other end. She wasn't crying, she wasn't upset, but she just wanted Edward back. Edward told her we would be there in an hour or so, and she sighed, but agreed that that was fine. She told him she was having a good time, and even though she sounded fine, I could tell Edward started to feel bad. When he hung up the phone, I asked him about it.

"You want to go back, don't you?"

"We don't have to." He said.

"That's not what I asked."

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess. It's not because I want to get away from you or anything it's just…"

I kissed his forehead. I didn't want him to think I was mad at him. "What is it?"

"I would call my parents and ask them to come home when I was her age. They never did."

I hated hearing little things that like. It made me think of a small Edward, he must have been a beautiful little boy, sitting at home waiting for his parents to arrive. He was still too young to realize the extent of his parent's maliciousness. He was just an innocent little boy wanting love from his parents and he never got it.

"Okay, we can go." I said.

"Wait." He said and pulled me back on his lap when I started to get up. "I have to realize that I'm not them. Alice knows I will never leave her hanging." He said with conviction and confidence. That confidence…I hope it stays with him.

"She does know that."

"Alright, well maybe we can just stay a little while longer."

"Okay. We can take pictures." I said and reached over for my camera.

Taking pictures will distract him. I leaned back on his lap and held the camera up so his face was in the digital screen.

"Smile."

He stuck his tongue out. I took the picture anyway because that was just Edward.

"Do you think that's hot?" He asked.

"Maybe." I said.

He started laughing. "You're a freak."

"Come on, be serious now." I held the camera up again, determined to get a good one. "Aw fuck!" I said and swatted at my face. A bug flew right at my head! Edward started laughing hysterically at me and I slapped his chest. "Not funny!"

"I'm sorry." He said through his belly laughs.

He shook beneath me and I figured that moment was the best moment for a picture. I picked up the camera and snapped a picture.

"Hey!" He said.

He tried to take the camera from me, but I swatted his hands away. I looked at the picture I took and it took my breath away. He was smiling so widely and you could see the twinkle and happiness in his eyes. His happiness exploded from the picture and I didn't think I could have gotten a better picture. It was a nice representation of a happy Edward. An Edward I always wanted to see.

I was too distracted by the picture that he took it away from me.

"Smile, hermosa." He said.

I pulled an Edward and stuck my tongue out. He took the picture and laughed.

"Sexy." He commented.

I took the camera from him. "Come on, take a picture with me." I said.

"Oh fine." He said.

I held the camera out in front of us. We were cheek-to-cheek, my arm around his neck. I snapped the picture and looked at the screen. He smiled for the picture, and so did I. We both looked so happy and so right next to each other. Edward moved the camera so he could look at it. He smiled when he saw it and kissed my cheek.

"A picture really is worth a thousand words, huh?" I said.

"This one only screams a few too me."

"Oh yeah? And what are they?"

He kissed me on the lips softly. "That we look perfect together and I love you so much."

I smiled and kissed him again. "You took the words right out of my mouth, baby."

* * *

I lay on my bed with my head spinning with a whole lot of nothingness.

It wasn't nothingness actually, it was just too much to even comprehend. With Edward gone, that feeling came back to me that something dark was going to happen. I didn't know what that meant, but it made me uneasy and unable to fall asleep.

Edward had already fallen asleep and told me goodnight over a text an hour ago. It was midnight now and I needed to be up in a couple hours to see my parents off.

There was a soft knock at my door and I jumped at the sound. I turned in my bed to face the door.

"Come in." I called.

The door knob moved and my mom appeared in her pajamas and her hair all a mess. They stayed at the hotel the whole week, but they wanted to spend the last night with me.

"Hi, honey." She said.

"Hi, Mom." I said.

She walked over to my bed and sat down next to me. She reached for my hands and held them between her cold ones.

"Having trouble sleeping?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. A lot on my mind." I said. "What about you? Why are you awake?"

She rolled her eyes. "Your father is snoring and stealing the blankets."

I chuckled. "Sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, I'm used to it." She said. "So I've been thinking…"

"About what?" I asked.

"I have a good feeling that that boy is your soul mate." She said.

I didn't know where that came from, but I felt it was also the truth.

"You think so?" I asked. At least there was someone having good feelings about something.

"I know so. I studied him a lot. The way he looks at you says it all. I expected more PDA from a young couple, but there is something so…I don't know…mature about your relationship. Like you both are past the whole puppy love stage and you just skipped to the deep love stage that couples married many, many years have."

Her words reminded me of the deepness of my feelings for Edward and also the bad feeling I had in my stomach.

"I guess that's just the way it is." I said.

"You're right. It is, because when you love someone, you don't have to try to love the other. It just happens." She sighed. "Trust me, I know. I love your dad a lot, but don't think that the ease of your love will take away any struggles."

"I know that." I swallowed and my mom noticed how emotional I was getting and pulled me to her side.

"But those struggles won't mean anything to you with all the happy moments I know you will have with that boy and that little girl. She's so precious."

I smiled a watery smile. My tears already started to fall silently. "I know she is. I love her too."

"I know. I can tell." She looked down at me. "Oh honey! Why are you crying?"

I wiped my eyes and sniffled. "I don't know, I just love him a lot and I am happy."

Actually, that was only part of it. I cried because of that feeling, that feeling of the possibility of everything coming crashing down.

The feeling of everything changing.

I knew it was coming and I didn't know if I was ready for it.

If we were ready for it.

* * *

_He's as damned as he seems  
And more heaven than a heart could hold  
And if I try to save him  
My whole world could cave in  
It just ain't right  
It just ain't right  
Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster?_

_**Beautiful Disaster, by Kelly Clarkson

* * *

**_

**Okay, this chapter took a complete life of its own, so no prologue this chapter…can't say the same for the next lol. **

**Big thanks to Alexa my friend, pre-reader, and now she would like to be called BETA! Hahaha She yells at me for my tenses. (she doesn't really yell, I'm just being overdramatic but still) I can't help it! But she fixes it for me and all is good in the neighborhood. (Sorry. It's almost 2 in the morning and I'm a little loopy.)**

**I did review-teaser-replies last chapter, and I will this chapter as well. **

**Next chapter will be out soon! **

**Review please! **


	26. Chapter 25: All The Pain

**Chapter 25: All The Pain**

**BPOV**

"Bella?" Angela said as she answered the phone.

"Hi, Angela,"

"Hey! So are we still on for tonight?" She asked.

"Well that's why I'm calling. We won't be able to make it today. Edward is sick."

She let out a sigh of frustration. "So that means you can't even come?"

I knew this was coming. I could have gone with them out to eat, but if I was being honest, I didn't like leaving Edward all by himself with Alice. If Bev were still around, sure, I would have gone but not now. Edward had the twenty-four hour stomach bug. You know; the one where you throw-up all day and can't keep anything down. It sucked because since he couldn't keep anything down, his blood sugar levels were all over the place and if I didn't help him keep them even, he could end up in the hospital and I didn't want to have to see him in a hospital.

He told me he would go with us and just not eat anything, but I told him absolutely not. He had a nice little fever going on and his face was as pale as a fishes belly and he could barely stay awake when he wasn't hurling into a bucket or in the toilet. I tried to get Alice to go out with me while we let him sleep, but she wouldn't. Edward tried to talk her into it but she of course didn't want to leave his side. Edward's only concern was her catching what he had, but there was no fighting with her about it. She has been in bed with him all day long even when he slept.

"He has no one to stay with his sister. I can't just leave her in the house with him. He can barely stay awake."

"Well where was she going to go when you guys came out to dinner?"

By the tone of her voice, I could tell she thought I was lying and just making up excuses. It pissed me off, but I had other, more important things to worry about than Angela jumping to invalid conclusions. That was petty shit that didn't really mean much. I just wanted to reschedule the dinner and get back to Edward.

"She was going to a friend's house but she doesn't want to leave him."

"How old is she again?" She asked.

"She's six. They're very close. But how about Saturday?"

Edward already asked if Olivia's parents would take her that day instead. It was Wednesday and the only reason we picked that day was because the school had the day off; a professional development day that didn't include teacher's aides to have to go to work. Edward didn't go to work to deliver newspapers because he was sick and he probably wouldn't be able to work tonight either.

She sighed. "Yeah, I guess that's fine. Maybe the two of us can meet for lunch some day during the week or something?"

"Yeah, maybe, just give me a call."

"Alright, bye Bella."

"Bye Ang, and tell Tanya I said hi and sorry."

"I will. Bye." And we hung up.

I dropped down on Edward's couch and dropped my head in my hands. I took a deep breath. It had been a crazy couple of days. The days were filled with work, school, homework…lots of homework, and limited time with Edward and Alice. Now that I did have time to be with them, Edward had gotten sick. It wasn't his fault of course, but it still sucked. It seemed to go along with the whole bad luck shit that I expected to come.

I got up from the couch and went to Edward's room to check on him. I opened the door slowly because he was probably sleeping. I peeked into the room and he was sleeping as I expected, and so was Alice. I smiled at the both of them curled up on his bed. I just tried to ignore the pallor of Edward's skin. I walked slowly out of the room and closed the door softly so I wouldn't wake them. I went into the kitchen to get Edward's testing kit out for when he woke up. As I was getting it ready, I heard a phone ringing and it wasn't mine.

I jogged to the living room so the ringing wouldn't wake Edward and Alice. I looked at the caller ID of Edward's phone and saw it was Bev. I answered it right away because I was sure Edward wouldn't have minded.

"Hello?"

"_Bella? I did call Edward didn't I…?"_ She asked.

"Yeah, you did. I just answered his phone."

"_Oh! Well what a pleasant surprise! How are you, sweets?" _

I let out a forced breath. "I've been okay. Pretty busy these days with school and all that."

"_Oh yeah, college really takes the wind out of you, huh?" _

I chuckled. "Yeah, kind of." I ran a hand through my hair and sat down on the couch again. "So how are you, Bev?"

"_I'm doing very well. I miss you all so much, but I am having a good time here. I forget how much I miss Leon's family. We didn't always get along, but they are good people." _

"Well it's good to hear that, Bev."

"_Yeah, so where is the boy and the Shortcake?"_ She asked anxiously.

"Oh they are both sleeping. Edward has a bad stomach bug and Alice of course won't leave his side."

"_Oh poor boy…he told you what you have to do for him when he is like that, right?"_ She asked.

"Yeah, he said he has to have to stay hydrated with some Gatorade and monitor his sugar a lot to make sure it doesn't get to low or too high."

She sighed out in relief. _"Okay good, he told you. He can end up in the hospital for quite a while if he doesn't take care of that."_

Ugh…I knew she didn't mean to, but she made me even more nervous.

"_So how is he? I know he's sick, but how's his attitude?" _

"Eh…you know. Cranky, irritable, and whiny. Typical Edward."

She chuckled. _"Typical man."_ She pointed out. _"Men have terrible tolerance for sickness. I loved Leon to death, but when the man was sick I just wanted to leave the house and come back when he was back to normal." _

I laughed. "Yeah, I'm not necessarily enjoying his attitude but oh well."

Yeah, his demeanor sometimes pissed me off, but through it all, Edward only wanted someone to take care of him and I had no problem with that. He was also a cuddler when he was sick. It was cute. Whether it was with Alice or with me, he wanted to cuddle when he felt bad.

"_Well you're a better woman than me, honey."_ She said. I chuckled. That was impossible. _"Well I actually called for a reason." _

"Okay, what is it?"

"_I won't be coming home on Sunday like I originally was. Instead I'll be home late Tuesday night. Lance wanted to go out with one of his cousin's for his birthday on Monday so we are just staying an extra couple days." _

Man, I bet Alice wouldn't like that too much. "Oh, okay, I will let Edward know."

"_Okay, and everything is good over there though, right? Does Edward have someone watching Alice?" _

"Yes, everything is fine and I've been taking care of Alice as much as I can. I've been spending the night a lot or he would bring her to work with him and she would just sleep in the truck while he delivered if I wasn't available. We have been doing alright."

"_Okay good, I worry too much about you all. My son is about ready to put me in a home." _

I laughed. "Oh Bev, don't worry. We got it under control. We sure do miss you though."

"_Oh I miss you all too. Only a couple more days though!" _

"Yeah!" I cringed when I heard Edward hacking down the hallway. _Shit_. "Well I'll see you then, Bev. The beast just woke up and he is throwing up his stomach as we speak."

"_Eww…okay. Tell him I send him my healing vibes." _

"I will! Bye!" She said bye and I closed the phone before jogging to Edward's room.

I opened the door and he was keened over the side of the bed throwing up into the bucket I had put there. Alice sat up behind him, one hand rubbing her eyes and the other rubbing his back. I walked up to him and ran my hand through his hair as he did his business. The smell was horrible and so was the sound, but I dealt with it. When he was finished, he rolled out of the bed and lifted the bucket.

"Where are you going, Ecy?" Alice asked.

"Get rid of this shit." He said in an annoyed and angry voice.

"Edward, I can do that." I said and walked after him.

"Hell no. I'm sick of you having to deal with it. It's disgusting." He said.

He stalked out of the room and I turned to Alice. She just shrugged her shoulders and lay back down over the spot Edward had been laying. It was probably really warm.

"I'll be right back, Alice." I said.

She lifted her arm as a way of letting me know she heard me and I went to the bathroom where Edward was flushing the toilet. He looked so mad and he went over to the sink and doused the bucket in bleach and started scrubbing. I let him get his anger out. I didn't really know what exactly his problem was, but it was Edward so it could have been anything.

He scrubbed and scrubbed and then rinsed the bucket until he was finished. He turned the water off and threw the bucket on the counter. He braced his hands on the sink and took a deep breath.

"I don't know what is happening to me." He whispered.

I walked over to him and placed a hand on his back. "What do you mean, baby?"

He shook his head and turned toward me. He was all sweaty and there was no color on his skin but white.

"I don't know. I just feel…" He lifted his hands and they shook as he tried to get out the words. "Wrong. I feel wrong."

"You're sick, Edward…"

"No, it's more than that. It's deeper than that. It's kind of like I'm on the edge of an episode. Like my body wants me to have one, but there is nothing to set it off, you know? And now it is just lingering and making me have these mood swings and it's probably why I'm sick and it's making me fucking nervous because what if Bev isn't here and I hurt Alice and then they will take her away from me and then I…oh fuck." He leaned back on the sink and buried his face in his hands.

"Hey, hey…" I walked up to him and put my hands on each side of his face. "You're fine, Alice is fine, and she's here. You just need to calm down, babe. Everything is going to be okay."

He shook his head and pulled me to him. I wrapped my arms around his middle. He held onto me tightly and I felt so bad for him. I wanted to help him, but I didn't know how to do that.

"I'm sorry. Everything just sucks. Not only am I fucking sick and vomiting up my whole being, I also had to cancel the dinner with your friends that probably hate me and I can't even kiss you on the one free day we could have had together."

I lifted my head off his chest. "You can kiss me, baby."

"You can stop taking crazy pills, hermosa."

"Come on, just a little one?" I pouted for effect.

"Take your pout somewhere else, Bella. I'm not going to infect you."

I groaned. It frustrated me of course because he was right there and I didn't get to kiss him, but I knew if the situations were reversed, I wouldn't let him kiss me either.

"Fine, but you owe me like a million when you get better."

"I already have a million hold for you, beautiful." I smiled and let go of him.

I turned to walk away, expecting him to follow me, but I heard a bang come from behind me. My head whipped back to him and he was on the floor with his hands holding himself on the toilet seat.

"Edward!" I ran over to him. "What happened?"

"Fuck." He said and brought his right hand in front of him and clenched and unclenched his fist as if testing out his joints. "I just got a little lightheaded."

"I'll go get the kit." I said in a panic.

I got up from the ground and made my way quickly to the kitchen. I gathered everything with shaking hands and ran back to the bathroom. When I got there, Edward was still in his same spot with Alice curled up in his lap and his arm lightly around her. I brought the kit over to him and knelt in front of him. I started getting everything together. He taught me how to do it a couple of times. It wasn't that hard. Once I had the needle ready, he put his finger out to me and I brought it to his finger and pressed the 'trigger.' That's what Edward called it. I squeezed his finger until some blood came out and put some on the tester.

I looked down at the number.

"Shit." I said.

He took it from me. "Are you kidding?" He said in frustration.

He moved Alice off of his lap and took the kit away from the ground and pulled out a bottle filled with something clear.

"What is that?"

"Insulin." He said matter-of-factly.

He took out a syringe and a small pack with an alcohol wipe. I looked over at Alice and she didn't even seem fazed by it. She still looked tired as she leaned on Edward's side. I on the other hand was kind of freaking out. His blood sugar was 250…that was way too high.

"I'll need your help." He said.

"Okay, just tell me what I have to do."

"You can either pinch or poke."

I ran my hand through my hair. "What does that even mean?" I was kind of freaking out.

"Hey," He said and grabbed my hand. "Calm down. I just need a shot of the insulin. It will bring my sugar down. It's not a big deal." He stuck the needle into the top of the bottle and held the bottle upside down with the needle still inside. He pulled back on the plunger and the barrel filled with the insulin. He took the needle out and flicked the side of the syringe. "Alright, I'll do the shooting. Just pinch some skin below my upper arm." He said and held out his arm.

"Why don't you just do your leg, Ecy?" Alice asked.

"I don't feel like lifting my pant leg up." He said and Alice just rolled her eyes.

She seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing and I wondered how many times she had seen him do that. He held his arm out to me and I pinched his skin.

"Ow!" He yelled and I took my hand away instantly. He laughed. "I'm just kidding, hermosa, you need to loosen up."

I groaned and hit him on his shoulder. "Don't do that!"

"Ow, don't hit the sickly, Bella."

"I hate you. Just give me your arm." I said and pinched his skin again. He just chuckled and stuck the needle in the skin I had pinched.

"Alright, you can let it go." He said.

I let it go and he pushed the plunger down so the insulin went into his system. He took the needle out and took out some things to dispose of the dirty needle.

"Is there anything I can get you?" I asked.

He started getting up from the ground and I got up with him. Alice ran out of the bathroom to the living room I guessed.

"Nah…I'm fine. I'm just a little tired…a-fucking-gain."

"Okay, well you go back to bed and I'll just…I don't know…clean up for you."

He shook his head with a small smile on his face and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Don't think so. Come lay down with me."

I smiled and didn't look up at him or else I would be tempted to kiss him. "Okay. Let's go my sick man."

"Right behind you, my crazy woman."

I laughed and grabbed his hand, leading him out of the bathroom. He stopped me in the middle of the hallway.

"Hey short stuff!" He called down the hall and I laughed.

"Yes, tall stuff?" Alice called and he smiled.

"You going to come lay with us?"

"Can I watch TV?" She asked.

"Of course, just get your skinny little butt over here." He said.

I heard her little feet running toward us and she ran right past us in the his room. I led him there as well and Alice had the remote at the end of his bed putting on something to watch. Edward got under the covers and I got in next to him on his right side. Alice went on his left and we both cuddled into his sides. He took a deep breath.

"Go to sleep, baby." I said and rubbed my hand across his stomach.

"You know what, Bella?" He asked.

"What, Edward?" I looked up at him and he had his eyes closed. Other than the pastiness of his skin and the sweat on his face, he looked completely peaceful.

"It's times like these where I think maybe everything will be okay." He said.

I sighed. "Everything will be okay, babe. Don't worry."

Everything _had_ to be okay.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you too." I whispered.

I looked over to Alice and she rubbed her eyes lazily. She must have been tired. Edward really started to worry me, but he really was having some extreme mood swings. He woke up about ten minutes ago angrily scrubbing a bucket and flipping out about it, now he was tired and being all calm and loving. I loved that he was, but it also scared me.

But everything would be okay.

_I'll make sure of it._

* * *

"Why do I have the feeling that this will be completely awkward?" Edward asked as we drove to the restaurant we were to meet Angela and Tanya.

I was driving in my car and Edward sat in the passenger seat. This was new. He usually wanted to drive and he hated taking my car because he had no leg room. It wasn't my fault the man was freaking tall and his legs barely fit in the leg area available in my small car.

He was really fidgety though. His leg did not stop bouncing and he just wouldn't sit still. I didn't know if it was nerves or something else, but he was making me nervous with his restlessness.

"It will probably be awkward for all of us." I said.

He sighed. "I'll try to be good, hermosa."

I smiled and reached over for his hand. "Thank you. You weren't bad last time, baby."

"I actually was, you just have a higher tolerance for my bullshitery."

I laughed. "Bullshitery? Never heard that one before."

"That's because you're a square." He said. I pinched his hand. "Ow!"

"I'm not a square."

"And I'm not ready to die, so instead of abusing your poor, innocent boyfriend, keep your eyes on the road, pazza."

I snorted. "Innocent. Good one."

He laughed. "So do you have any tips? Something I shouldn't say?"

I shook my head. "Just be yourself, baby. Honestly, if they can't accept you for who you are, then that's their problem. I don't want you to conform to what you think they are looking for in you. You're fine the way you are."

"Alright, but if I get too annoying, just kick me or something."

I chuckled. "You're weird."

"I know."

I pulled up to the steakhouse where we were to meet them. I started to get a little nervous and also a little excited. I did miss them. I got out of the car and Edward followed after me. He had his hands in his pockets and I walked ahead of him. I opened the door and held it open for him.

"Why thank you, sir." He said.

"Fuck you, ma'am." I said under my breath so no one else heard, but he did.

He laughed and that caused everyone else to stare at us. He didn't seem to mind and neither did I. I just smiled. His laughter had that effect on me.

I went up to the front desk and the man there smiled as we approached. "How can I help you?" He asked.

"We are here for the reservation under Angela Webber." I said.

"Well pretty lady, it seems your friends haven't arrived yet. Would you like to be seated anyway? Or you can just stick around…" He said.

I felt Edward's arm around my waist and I looked up at him in surprise. He had a glare towards the man behind the desk. _Oh I see what he did there._ Protective Edward was hot, but he couldn't make a scene. If he did, with the way his attitude had been lately, I knew it wouldn't end well.

"I think we will just be seated, thank you." I said.

He nodded his head with his eyes still on me, not even paying attention to Edward. We followed behind him and Edward held onto me the entire time. I hoped this guy wouldn't make things difficult because I didn't need Edward in a bad mood the whole dinner. He brought us over to a table with four seats, and when I went to go sit down, the waiter took the chair out for me. _Oh boy._

Edward grabbed onto the chair. "I got this, thank you." He said curtly with venom in his voice.

The waiter held his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, sir, just being a gentleman."

"That's not needed here." Edward said and pulled the chair out for me.

I sat down with a sigh.

"Okay, well enjoy your meal." The man said and then walked away.

Oh thank God that guy wasn't a complete prick or else things would not have ended well. Edward pulled his chair out roughly beside me and sat down next to me.

"Can you believe that guy?" He asked and put his arm on the back of my chair.

"Edward, it's not a big deal."

"That guy could not tell me what color your fucking eyes were because he looked everywhere but there. Fucking perv." He really was mad.

I shrugged. "It's whatever, Edward. It's not like I would ever reciprocate anything. No need to get jealous."

"Jealous?" He asked in astonishment. "I'm not jealous, Bella. I just think he should learn some respect."

"Well that's not your problem, baby. There are jerks in the world, and there isn't much anyone can do about it." I grabbed his hand. "So instead of getting all worked up about a guy that we will probably never see again, chill out. It didn't bother me so it shouldn't bother you."

He leaned in closer to me and smiled. "You're such a good person, you know that?"

I shrugged. "I try my best."

He leaned forward and kissed me. _These mood swings…_

"Uh…Bella?" I heard Angela say.

I pulled away from Edward and we both looked up at Angela and Tanya both standing in front of us.

"Hi!" I said.

I let go of Edward's hand and got up from the chair. I pulled Angela in for a hug first because she was the one closest to me. She laughed and squeezed me hard in a hug.

"Oh Bella, I miss you!" She said.

"I missed you too!" I said.

I pulled away and looked at her. She didn't look too different. Her hair was a little shorter, but that was about it. I let go of her completely and hugged Tanya next. She held onto me tighter.

"I'm sorry, Bella." She said.

I sighed. "It's okay."

I let go of her and held onto her hand. I looked over to Edward and he stood up with his hands in his pockets.

"Er…hi." He said. "Angela, Tanya." He nodded in each of their directions.

"Hi, Edward." Angela said.

"Hi." Tanya said.

Okay, well they weren't being rude so that was good. I went back to my seat and Angela and Tanya got situated in front of us. It was awkwardly silent for a couple seconds until surprisingly Edward broke it.

"Look, I'm sorry for what went down last time, and I hope I didn't ruin things for you three's friendship." He said.

"Oh no!" Angela said to him. "No, you didn't ruin the relationship, we just…well we are just protective of Bella, and I hope you see where we are coming from, right?"

I held my breath hoping Edward's mood didn't shift to a self-loathing mood because he could get like that when he wanted to.

"I get it." He said.

"And we didn't know your sister had ADHD." Tanya said. She wasn't as accepting as Angela was being, but at least she made an effort.

He sighed. "I know, I just get protective and I know you both understand that."

Wow, he had a good point. This all just happened because of one person's need to protect the one they love and making wrong conclusions. Maybe since we got everything out in the open, things would end up being okay between the four of us. That would make me incredibly happy.

"We do." Angela said. "So what do you say about starting over?" She asked.

"I think that sounds good." Edward agreed.

It was obvious what I thought and we all looked over at Tanya. She looked at each of us and left her eyes on me for a moment.

"Fine. I think that is a good idea."

"Thank you." I mouthed to her and she smiled. "So…what are we all getting?" I asked.

Then we all went to look at our menus to see what we should get. Edward of course couldn't make a decision and he made me pick for him or else he would have drove himself insane. I didn't know what the big deal was, it was just a meal, but Edward had his own way of thinking of things. It caused for great entertainment apparently because Tanya and Angela both laughed at our bickering over such an inconsequential thing.

The waitress (thank God it wasn't the previous guy) came over and took our orders. I decided to get Edward barbeque chicken because it was healthier than a big steak. He didn't seem to mind and I got chicken, broccoli, and ziti. Edward's face scrunched up at that. He hated ziti. I didn't understand it since it tasted like all other pasta, but again, Edward thought of things differently. He also ordered himself a beer. I never saw him drink and I didn't know if that went well with his diabetes, but he assured me it wouldn't kill him.

I turned to Angela and Tanya when all of our food was ordered.

"So how have you both been?" I asked.

"I've been good. Me and Ben are still going strong." Angela smiled.

"Oh that's good." I then looked to Tanya.

"Yeah, I haven't settled down if that's what you're waiting to hear." Tanya chuckled.

I laughed. "I kind of expected that, Tanya, you're kind of a party girl."

She laughed. "I know I am."

"So am I." Edward said with a tip of his bottle in her direction.

We all started laughing and he put the tip of the bottle to his mouth and wrapped his lips around it. _Uh…what were we saying? _

"Well the title of party girl would have definitely gone to Bella back in the day." Tanya said.

"No shit," Edward raised his eyebrow. "You were a party hopper, hermosa?"

"I told you I was." I said.

"Yeah, she used to be a lot of fun to hang out with. She did some crazy things too." Angela said and Tanya laughed.

"Remember when you hit that guy and threw your drink on his face?"

I chuckled. "He deserved it."

"What did he do?" Edward asked. He didn't sound protective like he did before, he just seemed curious and engrossed in the story.

"We were at this party and he was sitting with his friend. They were drinking and smoking. The guy I hit his name was…what was his name again?" I asked.

"Uh…I think it was Tyler."

"Yes! Tyler. Well, Tyler's friend was so high and drunk he could barely form a sentence, but Tyler was sitting there making some nasty comments about every girl that walked by. They didn't know he was saying it, but I heard it and he said something bad about Angela when she walked by, so I got in front of him, threw my drink in his face and slapped him."

Edward laughed. "That is pretty bad ass-ish of you."

Angela and Tanya laughed. "It was pretty bad ass-ish of her. It was classic. The guy started crying and ran in the bathroom."

"Pussy." Edward commented with a smile on his face.

"Exactly what I said." Tanya said.

Angela sighed. "Those were the days."

"Yeah, we had a lot of fun." I said.

"So how is school, Bella? Still with Amanda's group?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

I didn't know how long I would be in that group though. I hadn't had another run-in with Jacob yet, but it was bound to happen and I didn't know what would happen. The guy told me I would make a good wife. That just wasn't right.

"Oh so you met Jacob right?" Angela asked.

"Yeah…I did. You met him?"

"Yeah! He seems like a great guy."

Tanya laughed. "Yeah, and he's a great kisser too."

I gasped. "Tanya! You didn't!"

I did not like the idea of her with him at all. There was something about him, I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I didn't trust the guy. My instincts told me not to trust him one bit.

"What? I only kissed him!"

I shook my head. "I didn't like him."

"What?" Angela asked as if it were the craziest thing she ever heard. "He's so charming and good looking."

Tanya laughed. "Uh…Ben? Remember Ben, Angela."

I didn't like them talking about Jacob as if he were some good guy. Yeah, I didn't know him well, but I could confidently conclude that he wasn't such a great guy. He made me uncomfortable, and I couldn't just ignore that. Edward must have known I was feeling uncomfortable and he reached under the table to grab my hand. He always broke me down when he did that.

Angela giggled. "I know, but if Ben can ogle Jessica Alba, then I can appreciate the attractiveness of Jacob Black."

"Oh and you know who else looks good?" Tanya asked and they both got into a conversation about some guy.

I swirled my straw in my cup of Coke and Edward squeezed my hand I looked over to him.

"You are looking very beautiful today." He said in an attempt to get me in a better mood of course. He could have done that with saying less because he made everything better, but I loved he was being sweet with me and making that effort.

"Thank you, baby."

"I'm kind of scared of you after that story about your abuse of the male species…just saying." He said.

I laughed. "Well then don't piss me off."

He smirked. "Well that was the time where you were supposed to say, 'oh Edward, I would never hit you and throw my drink in your face because I love you.'"

"Uh…why would I lie?"

He chuckled. "You bitch."

I laughed. "I'm just kidding. I do love you."

"But you would still hit me and throw a drink in my face?"

"If you piss me off enough…I can't make promises I can't keep."

"And again, another reason why you scare me." I laughed and kissed his cheek.

There was silence coming from where Angela and Tanya were and we both looked over to them. They finished talking and were looking at us with smiles on their faces.

"Alright, you guys are actually pretty cute together." Tanya said.

Edward sighed. "Cute though? I don't like that word."

Tanya chuckled. "Why? Not manly enough for you?"

"Yeah…yeah that's why."

"Well get over it, mofo. You two are cute together."

Edward looked over to me. "Do you hear this? She just called me a mofo."

I shrugged. "What do you want me to do about it? You're a big boy."

"So I have permission to swear at your friend?"

I shrugged and Tanya was smiling, ready for the challenge. "By all means…"

"Alright bitch." He said.

"Asswipe." She retorted.

"Slut."

"Dickhead."

"Whore."

And they went on and on like that for about a minute and a half and it was pretty funny to watch. Their words were pretty horrible and got worse as they went on. Edward of course threw in some swears in a different language that threw Tanya off, but she held her own. They ended the whole fight with a truce and a laugh between them and I couldn't be happier that they were getting along no matter how unorthodox their relationship was turned out to be.

At least there was a relationship there and I really couldn't have been happier.

* * *

"I don't want to go." I whined.

My head was pressed to his and we were standing at his door and I was about to leave. I really, really didn't want to, but I had to. After we left the restaurant, we went to pick up Alice and I was dropping them off, but Alice made me come inside to see how she cleaned her room all by herself.

"I know, but you got to." He said.

"I would if you would just stop distracting me by being all handsome and kissing me." He smiled and kissed me anyway_. Fucker. _

He knew what he was doing. I gave into the kiss for a couple seconds…long enough to get my tongue in his mouth and for his to get in mine. I had found myself more sexually frustrated than usual. Edward and I hadn't gotten too far in our relationship in the physical aspect; excluding that one night. He did that for me a couple times more after that day whenever we found ourselves having time, be he still wouldn't let me reciprocate. Yeah, I still got my release, but it killed me that he never got it…from me anyway.

He sighed and pulled away. He rested his forehead back on mine. "You have to go, hermosa. Your homework is calling you."

"Well I want to tell my homework to shut the fuck up." I said.

He chuckled and pulled me in for a hug. I did not, under any circumstances, wanted to leave his arms in that moment. I didn't know why, but I felt that I shouldn't have left. Something told me I should have stayed with him and just spent the night with him, but I couldn't. I was behind on homework and I needed to get it done.

"Don't be mean to your homework, Bella."

"Yeah, yeah…whatever." I kissed his lips one last time and opened the front door. "I'll call you later on tonight?"

"Yes, please." He said.

I smiled and started to walk out of the room.

"Uh…Bella?"

I turned back to him. "Yes?"

"I love you."

I smiled, happy that he stuck with the promise he made to himself to tell me he love me before I left. It really warmed my heart, but it also made it that much harder for me to leave him half the time, and especially then. That nagging feeling seemed so natural since our last date, and it still stuck with me. I wanted it to go away so bad, but I decided to just ignore it.

"I love you, too." I said and blew him a kiss before leaving.

I went to my car and started out home. About two minutes into the five minute ride, I got a phone call. I answered it without looking who it was.

"Hello?"

"_Hi, Bella!"_ It was Angela.

I smiled. "Hey, Ang! Wow I haven't talked to you in so long." I said sarcastically.

"_I know right? It's been way too long."_ She said back.

I chuckled. "What's up, Ang?"

"_Nothing much, I really just wanted to call you and tell you that me and Tanya have decided that we actually do like Edward."_

My heart soared and I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"Well, bitch, back off. He's mine." I said teasingly.

She laughed_. "Oh you know I don't mean it that way. He's actually pretty cool and it's obvious that he loves you." _

"Yeah, he does. He does have his share of problems, but he tries real hard as I'm sure you could tell."

"_Well I wouldn't have guessed anything was really wrong with him so I guess he is doing well." _

"He is and maybe we can all do something together again."

"_Yeah! That would be fun!"_

I pulled onto my street and yawned. Damn, I was already tired.

"_So uh…me and Tanya were thinking," _

"About what?"

"_Well…how do you feel about moving back in with us?" _

"Uh…"

"_Your mom called. She said she saw your apartment and said she was worried about you living there all by yourself, but that isn't why we are asking of course. We really do miss you around here."_

Oh of course my mom would call them to tell them that my apartment sucked. I didn't know why it was her business, but what the fuck ever.

"Thanks for asking Angela, and it's nothing personal to you or Tanya, but I like my apartment and I like living on my own." I said firmly.

I didn't understand why everyone—well mainly my mother—thought that I needed to live with someone else to actually function and be happy. I lived on my own, but I still socialized with people and had an amazing boyfriend who supports my decision to live alone. It seemed his opinion only really mattered. He got me.

"_Okay, that's fine. I knew you would say that, but I also promised your mom that I would ask, and you know how threatening she can be." _

I laughed. "Yeah, I know. Well I will talk to you later, alright? I just got home and I have to get some work done."

"_Alright, talk to you later, Bella."_ She said.

"Bye." I said and hung up the phone.

I got out of my car and headed for the door. When I got up to the porch, I got my keys out to open the front door. I saw something out of my peripheral vision and when I looked to my right, there was a black crow sitting on the railing. _A crow is a sign of bad luck._

"Shoo! Shoo! Go away!" I said and waved my hand at it. It didn't move right away. It just kind of looked at me curiously before finally just flying away.

I shook my head free of the thoughts running through my head. Superstitions were stupid. I told that to Edward all the time so why was I starting to believe in them? The mud wasn't a bad sign. We had an amazing night that night. Although not too long after that Edward's parents were released…no.

Superstitions are wrong.

Once in my apartment, I started up my laptop and got my books from my room. I took my shoes off and changed into a pair of jogging pants and one of Edward's t-shirts Edward let me have. I tied it up at the bottom and then tied up my hair. Homework sucked, and doing homework while uncomfortable was terrible, so I had to at least have comfort on my side. I went back out to the living room with my phone and books and started doing some of the homework. It really started giving me a headache after about fifteen minutes, but I still had a whole night ahead of me.

After about twenty minutes, I heard my phone ringing from my side. I groaned as I was just getting into the zone. I reached over for the phone and looked to see who was calling. _Edward._ Damn, he would distract me so bad with his voice and I am sure he would make me laugh and I will be on the phone forever with him. _How could he! Ugh_…I wasn't really not complaining. I loved the guy.

I answered the phone and heard the heavy panting of the scared little girl on the other end of the line. As I registered who it was, it was then that her broken voice called out to me.

"Bella!"

"Alice? What's wrong, honey?"

I could hear a big bang in the background that was followed by some yelling. _No._ I would know that yell anywhere. I was already putting my homework down on the coffee table and going to find my shoes. I knew I shouldn't have left him.

"They came over, Bella." Alice whispered in a shaky voice.

_Oh for fucks sake, shit!_ As soon as my shoes were on, I was out the door.

"Do you know what they wanted?" I was already in my car at this point. He only lived about five minutes away, but that wasn't quick enough. I didn't want him to hurt himself. I hated when he did that, even though I knew he couldn't really control it. I knew he was having an episode without even having to ask for confirmation. That yell said enough. That yell cut through me.

"They wanted me back, but I don't want to go Bella!" She said frantically and I could already tell she was crying.

"You don't have to go, Alice. I promise. Where are you?" _I can't believe his parents actually showed up at his house! What the hell were they thinking?_

"I am in my room with the door locked like you said."

"Okay, good girl." I panted out as I breathed a sigh of relief.

I knew Edward wouldn't intentionally hurt her, but he wasn't in his right mind. I mentally prepared myself on the way there for seeing the man I love so deeply, act so destructive. I wasn't used to him being so volatile. Sure he could get on my nerves every once in a while, and he could get in some seriously pissy moods, but he was a good man and he was my everything. I just wished I never had to see him act like he did while in that state of mind ever again.

"I am right outside; I will be up in a second okay?" Hurriedly I made my way out of the car.

"Okay." She said.

I opened the front door of the apartment building with the key I had. I ran up the stairs to the third floor and went to open the front door. It was locked, so I just used my key. I took a steadying breath when I saw the condition of the apartment. _Oh God. _Vases, picture frames, glasses, and lamps were broken on the floor. The couch and the coffee table were flipped over and I saw a speck of blood on the hardwood floors. He wasn't in the living room, so I ran to go find him, since I knew Alice would be safe, albeit a little scared, for the time being. I went to his room, and found him there. The standup mirror that was in there was now shattered all over the floor.

Edward was standing in front of it. His hands were bloody…his shoulders moving up and down with the deep breaths he was taking. He didn't know I was there; he was just looking at himself in what was left of the mirror. He pulled his fist back to strike it again, but I intervened.

"Edward, stop!" I yelled as I ran over to him.

He flinched away from me as soon as I put my hand on his shoulder. He flinched away so fast he lost his balance and fell against the wall.

After he looked at me his eyes filled with pain and embarrassment and of course the anger.

"Bella." He said, like I was a ghost.

I took a step towards him. "Baby…what did you do?" My voice cracked because I wished he never had to feel like this. He started to panic as I got closer to him, and he avoided my grasp and walked past me to the other side of the room. _What happened to my Edward? _

"Edward…please."

"Just fucking leave, Bella." He yelled and my chest burned.

"I am not going anywhere."

"Then you must be pretty fucking stupid then."

You would think him saying something like that would hurt me. Well it did, but it also comforted me in a sick and twisted way. It comforted me because I knew that when he said stuff like that, it wasn't my Edward. He was in there. But that's when he needed me the most, because he had no control. Maybe I had been doing too much research, but it comforted me to know there was hope for him.

"Come on, we need to clean up your hands." I said as I walked toward him again. I wasn't ever afraid of him even in this state…_I love him._

"Just let me bleed." He said and moved away from me once again.

"Edward…stop." I said with more force and grabbed onto his arms.

He tried pushing me away, but I wasn't having it. I had him cornered against the wall, and I knew that I had won because even in this condition, I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I put my hands up to either side of his face to get him to pay full attention to me. As my hands pressed against his sweating face I thanked God that I was able to touch him like this now. I remembered a time when he would flinch away at my touch and get so uncomfortable because he didn't know what affection was and how to accept it. _My poor Edward._

I saw his anger slowly fade away as he stared into my eyes and I was glad I could have that effect on him. "They can't take her, Bella." His voice was laced with desperation.

"They won't, baby. They won't." I said and ran my hands down his face.

"I don't want her to turn out like me." His voice cracked at the last word and a tear fell from his eye.

_Oh my heart._

I never saw him cry before and I didn't expect how much pain I would feel seeing him in so much pain that he was reduced to tears.

"She has to be better than me." He choked out.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me as he cried. He wrapped his arms around me, and leaned on me for support. He was probably getting blood all over my shirt, but I didn't care.

"Shh..." I said into his ear while rubbing his back. "There is nothing wrong with you, baby. There is absolutely nothing wrong."

His fingers dug into my back and I bit my lip to keep from making any sound of pain. I just kept trying to remember that the pain on my back meant little compared to the pain Edward probably felt in his heart at that moment. And then the pain was suddenly gone, and so was he. He let go of me and before I could even react, he ran right to the broken mirror again and smashed both of his fists into the broken glass.

"Ahh!" He screamed in pain and agony and I let out a scream myself.

He held his hands in front of him…the blood. _So much blood._ I didn't know what to do. I had never seen him this bad before in my life. He turned toward me his hands in front of him. He was looking down at them as the blood dripped to the floor, and then he looked up at me.

"I'm going to go kill them." He said.

"What?" I squeaked out. "No. No Edward, you need to calm down, baby."

"They came here! She put…she put her fucking dirty hands on Alice! My fucking baby sister!" He screamed. He was sweating and I could see the strain of his neck and the vein on his forehead. I was honestly afraid to go next to him. I didn't know what he would do.

"Edward…"I had an idea. I didn't know if it would work, but I needed to distract him in some way. I needed to get him in the spare room. I took a few steps toward him. "Baby, they're gone. You don't have to worry."

He put his hands in his hair. The blood was now everywhere and it added to the menacing image of my love.

"I need to get out of here." He said. He was about to turn, but I grabbed onto his arm. He growled deep within his chest, but he otherwise stopped.

"But you can't go right now."

"And why the fuck not?" He spit out.

I swallowed. "Because you haven't said bye to me or told me you loved me. Remember you promised yourself that?"

His face fell, but the fire and fury never left his eyes.

"I love you." He said and it felt so good to hear even though his voice wasn't the same. The voice he used didn't belong to my Edward, but I would take it. He turned again, but I pulled him back.

"Can you at least kiss me goodbye?" I asked.

He looked hesitant for a moment, but I couldn't wait. I pulled his face towards mine and his lips smashed against my own. He tasted of sweat and blood and tears and Edward. I kissed him deeper as a means of distraction and it seemed to be working. He put his arms around my waist and I could feel the little pieces of glass stuck in his hand. I pushed him back without him even realizing. Edward moaned and kissed me deeper. He bit onto my lip lightly and I moaned. I pushed him back some more…the room was only across the hall…the key above the door where Bev told me it was.

"I love you so fucking much." He said against my mouth before he started kissing me again.

I felt a tear fall from my eye and I kissed him back. I didn't like that this kiss, a kiss that was filled with passion and want, had to happen under such circumstances. It wasn't fair.

We made it into the room. I pulled him closer for the final kiss. I hated that I would have to lock him up like he was an animal. That wasn't him. He brought his lips to my neck and I had to hold back my sobs. I put my hands on his shoulders and kissed the top of his head repeatedly.

"I love you so much, Edward. I'm sorry." I said and then I pushed on his shoulders until he pulled away, and when he did, I pushed again until he fell back onto the floor. I needed time to run. I turned away from him and ran out of the room.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He yelled and tried to get up. He yelled when he put pressure on his hands. I ran out, grabbed the key and slammed the door shut. I closed the door and put the key in the lock with a shaking hand. "Bella!" He screamed and started banging on the door. "How could you do this to me?" He yelled. "Bella!"

My knees gave out, but I caught myself before I fell and I covered my ears. I dropped the key on the floor. I had to get Alice.

I ran to her room. I tried to open the door, but it was locked.

"Alice! It's me! Open the door!" I said.

I heard her little footsteps. She opened the door. She had tears falling down her face and she also had a hard time keeping herself up. I would help her. I could hold it together. I lifted her in my arms and she wrapped her arms and legs around me. Her body shook…the pain within her radiated throughout me. I tried to ignore Edward's screamed. I ran with Alice to the door. I grabbed my keys off the floor and closed and locked Edward's house door.

I went to Bev's apartment and sorted through my keys frantically trying to find the right key. When I had it, I put it inside the lock. I opened it and then closed her door. I ran with Alice to the room with the closet.

_The closet where we can pretend. _

I opened the door and sat down on the floor and there was silence. No Edward screaming for me to help him and asking me how I could have locked him up like an animal. All I heard were my ragged breaths and Alice's sobs and whimpers.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, honey. Take deep breaths." I said. I ran my hand through her sweating hair.

"He-he…" She said.

"Shhh…just calm down, beautiful." I said. And she tried. She stopped crying, but her body still shook.

"Bella?" She said in a raspy voice.

"What, honey?"

"Can we pretend please?"

I held her closer and kissed the top of her head. Tears fell from my eyes and I nodded my head.

"Yeah." My voice squeaked. "Let's pretend."

"Ecy's at work." She said.

I kissed her head repeatedly. I couldn't even comprehend what she must have been feeling.

"He called earlier, said he might be a little late." I said in my most composed voice I could muster.

She nodded and continued in her sweet, innocent, but completely broken voice.

"Ecy called me and told me he loved me…he said that he would cook me some calzones…he said he couldn't wait to see me…he will be home soon…really soon…"

* * *

_I won't ever be too far away to feel you  
And I won't hesitate at all  
Whenever you call  
And I'll always remember  
The part of you so tender  
I'll be the one to catch your fall  
Whenever you call  
And I will breathe for you each day  
Comfort you through all the pain  
Gently kiss your fears away  
You can turn to me and cry  
Always understand that I  
Give you all I have inside_

_**Whenever You Call, by Brian McKnight ft. Mariah Carey**_

* * *

**And now's the part where I take a nice deep breath. Honestly, this chapter took a lot out of me. I had it in my head since the beginning but actually getting it out was harder than I thought. I hope you all liked it because…yeah…that was hard. **

**I'm sorry I didn't do review replies, but if I did, this chapter wouldn't have been out until tomorrow. I will try for the next one, but again, you probably all just want a fast update right? haha**

**Thanks again to Alexa for pre-reading for me in such a quick amount of time between her real-life and ogling of Winston Marshall from Mumford & Sons. Yup, I just revealed your secret! Hahaha I still love you though! lol (it's not really a secret lol) **

**I'll just be here writing the next chapter! I just want to say thank you to everyone for reviews! I swear when I hit 900 I will probably do a happy dance (I'm a horrible dancer btw) **

**Review please! **


	27. Chapter 26: Bleed For You

**Chapter 26: Bleed For You**

**EPOV**

"I think I want to stay up late today." Alice said.

I threw the ball to her across the room. I was watching the news, but she wanted to play catch. Luckily I was fucking awesome at multitasking. She ran around the room to different areas just to make it interesting for her and she was running around so much that her face was all red and she was starting to sweat. If she kept on going like she was, I didn't think her plan to stay up late would have worked.

"Hmm….we'll see if that happens." I said.

"Why do you say that?" She asked and ran to the other side of the living room. She threw the ball back to me. "I can do it."

"You can do anything you want, kid, but you like your sleep."

She ran to the other side. "I know, but Olivia says that she always tries to stay up until nine o'clock!" She said it as if it was the craziest thing she had ever heard and I laughed.

It was true, most kids her age didn't like going to bed at 7:30, but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. For me anyway.

"Olivia is a crazy kid, huh?"

She nodded her head. "Yes, I think so. That's so late!"

"I go to bed later than that." I said and threw the ball back to her.

"Yeah, but you're a grownup. Grownups are crazy anyway." She threw the ball at me and I had to lean over to get the ball and then placed it behind my back.

"You got that right." I agreed.

I turned the TV off and decided to give Alice all my attention and play a little game of try-and-get-the-ball-away-from-me even though it was not going to happen. She would give a good fight though, of that I was sure. She got her stubbornness from me.

"Are you going to give me the ball?" She asked, tapping her foot with her hands on her hips.

"Uh…nah…I don't think so."

She huffed and stomped her way over to me. She was so small though, you could barely even hear her feet hit the ground. I stood up on the couch when she reached about the halfway point and started waving it in front of her teasingly. She got up on the couch too, but I just held the ball over my head and she jumped to try and get it.

"Don't. Be. Mean." She said while hitting my chest with her little fists.

She tried to act mad, but she was also laughing at the same time. I inched away from her and jumped off the couch.

"You have to catch me first!" I said and started running around the room.

She jumped off the couch and started chasing after me. Her little legs had no competition with mine, and about ten pumps of her legs equated to one of my strides. She was a sneaky little bugger though because she attacked my legs and held on to both of them so I couldn't move without falling.

"Haha! I got you!" She said.

I looked down at her and laughed. I was about to throw the ball at her head when there was a rapid knock at the front door.

"I need to get the door, kid."

She sighed and let go of one of my legs, but wrapped herself around my right one. I sighed and started walking with her attached to my leg at the door. If I had to guess, it was probably either Bella, or my landlord yelling at me for running. Alice laughed the entire way and shaking my head at her I opened the door.

The breath got knocked out of me and I dropped the ball on the floor.

She had her hands over her mouth in shock. _Why the fuck was she shocked?_ She was the one who knocked on my door. I felt my hands clench up and I began to sweat and shake immediately.

Alice let go of my leg…._Alice_…I couldn't lose my control.

If I did, I might as well just let her leave with them.

_He_…he didn't say a word and he just looked at me curiously. I tried not to look at him, but he had changed so much. His usually dark hair had hints of grey. His eyes were the same though, they resembled Alice's so much, but there was no comparison. Hers were more beautiful. His just disgusted me. I had to stop looking before I punched him in the face. He didn't even deserve to be compared to Alice in one bit.

And _her…_looking at her was like me looking in a mirror. It sickened me to think that I resembled her in any way, but it was undeniable. I had her hair color, her eyes, her nose…the only thing I got from him was the shape of my face and the lining of my jaw. I wish I could take away any resemblances I had to them. It made me feel dirty.

"EJ…you have grown so much." She said.

"What are you doing here?" I asked after I tried to control everything inside of me. My voice sounded strained and full of venom. My head was throbbing. I was close to the edge, I knew it, but I couldn't lose it with them there. Alice held onto my leg.

_Alice needs me…Alice needs me. _

She wiped the tears from her eyes. "You weren't answering us…we tried to make contact…"

"I obviously didn't want to speak to you." I hissed.

I felt like I would burst out of my skin. It was like a demon trying to make its way out of me. My whole body was tense from the anger and the strain of trying to keep the demon inside for the angel by my side.

"EJ, you have to know that we aren't out to get you." She said.

"I don't care. Please leave here right now."

"Ecy? Is this…" Alice said, but she couldn't finish what she was saying because _she_ gasped and looked down at Alice.

_Take your fucking eyes off of her…_

"Oh Edward, look at our baby." She said.

I wanted to punch the fucking wall. Actually, I wanted to punch both of their faces, but I couldn't. I had to keep Alice.

"She's not your baby." I said through gritted teeth.

She didn't even act like she heard me, but _his_ face whipped in my direction. I looked at him and he looked at me with a blank expression.

And then she did something that made me fall over the edge. There was no controlling it. She reached forward and pushed Alice's hair out of her face. She put her filthy, disgusting, tainted hands on my sister and I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled Alice away from her and took her in my arms.

"Get out of here!" I yelled.

She looked shocked. They both did.

"Son, we only want to see her." _He _finally said something.

"You lost your right to see her when…" I stopped.

I was going to say when you stabbed me in the back, but I didn't want to let that slip in front of Alice. She didn't know and she clung to my neck already, probably scared of the two monsters at our door.

"Just get out of here. We aren't your children."

"But you are! Please, EJ…we made mistakes, but we want to fix them…you believe us don't you?" She asked.

"No! Get out!" I yelled.

"But we love you both…" She said.

"Get the fuck out!"

That was it.

* * *

**BPOV**

I didn't want to get up. Not at all.

I could feel the rise and fall of Alice's chest against mine and I couldn't find it in me to get up and take that away from me. I knew I had to though. I needed to check on Edward and I needed to call Bev. Within the forty-five minutes I sat with Alice in the closet, I debated on if calling Bev would be the best idea. I didn't want to burden her with what was happening so far away from her, but I knew she would have wanted to know, and I was so lost. I didn't know what to do.

Bev had experience with this and I was so lost. Last time I just held him while he slept it off, but I didn't think he would be sleeping anytime soon. This time was worse. That's all I know.

I didn't know what to do with Alice. Did I put her in the bed or leave her in the closet? That sounded so bad, but that was the only place that she couldn't hear if Edward started freaking out again which was very likely. She sighed in her sleep on my chest. I couldn't just leave her in the closet.

I tried to get up as fast as I could without waking her. It wasn't that easy. She was a small little girl, but she was also sleeping so she weighed more. There was no way I would wake her up either. After a couple tries, I ended up on my feet. I caught her head as it started to roll over my shoulder. I held her close as I walked out of the closet. I kissed her head repeatedly on our way to the bed. I didn't hear Edward. That worried me but comforted me at the same time.

I was all over the place.

I pulled the covers back on the bed and then placed Alice on it. She curled up on her side, but otherwise didn't make any signs of waking up. Her eyes were all puffy from crying and her cheeks were tear stained. She was beautiful though. She looked a lot like Edward. I kissed her head and told her I loved her before leaving the room.

I took my phone from my pocket and called Bev. I didn't know what time it was where she was, but I needed to talk to her. I wouldn't be able to help Edward without her. She wouldn't blame me for it. She was too good for that.

She answered on the fourth ring.

"_Hello?"_ She said. She didn't sound like she just woke up and that made my guilt diminish just a little.

"Bev…I…" I took a deep breath and tried to keep my composure.

"_Bella? What happened, sweets?" _

I took another breath. "It's Edward Bev…he had another episode…well he is still having one."

I heard rustling over the line_. "What happened?"_ She asked.

"His parents showed up."

She gasped. _"No! Oh my God, what happened? What did they say?" _

I put a hand on my aching head. "I don't know. I wasn't here. I just need help, Bev. I don't know what to do." I whimpered. I fell back on Bev's couch and ran my hand through my hair.

"_Where is he? Where's Alice?" _

"I locked him up in the spare room." I put my hand over my stomach to try and push back the bile I felt rising. "He was so mad at me."

"_Honey, just calm down. You did the right thing. If you didn't, he could have hurt himself or someone. Don't you dare start feeling bad, okay?"_ She said forcefully.

I nodded my head before realizing she couldn't see it. Again, all over the place. "Okay."

"_And Alice?"_ She prompted.

"She's sleeping. We…we went into the closet. She's shaken up of course, but she is sleeping."

"_Okay, and have you checked on Edward?" _

"No, I don't want to leave Alice alone in your apartment."

She sighed_. "But you can. Now go into my room alright, and go to my closet."_

I got up right when she said that and she continued. _"Reach up to the far right of the top shelf and get out a shoe box. It's the only one up there." _She instructed, all business.

"Okay, I got it." I brought it over to her bed and opened it.

"_Alright, inside is baby monitors so you can hear if Alice wakes up while going to take care of Edward."_ She said.

I pulled them out. "Okay, I got them. Now what are all these papers?"

"_Phone numbers. There should be one for a doctor, cleaning service, furniture provider, and my bank."_

"Okay, and what do I do?"

"_First check on Edward. Make sure he didn't hurt himself too much. You can go inside, but be careful of him, alright? Was he hurt when you left him?" _

I took the monitor and started for the spare room where Alice was. "Yes, his hands."

"_Okay, well make sure they don't get infected. That's where the doctor comes in. Just call him, tell him you know me. Well there is actually two numbers, one for Edward's regular doctor, and a new one. Dr. Masen, remember him?" _She asked.

I nodded my head. "Yes."

"_Edward's other doctor has been traveling a lot lately so I made deals with him. Just tell him who I am, and have him call me if he doesn't believe you. He might remember you though, so don't worry about that." _

"Okay, I'll call him. What else?"

"_If the landlord comes, give her as much as she wants. You know where the money is. If you need to take out more, call the bank. Can you get a pen?"_ She asked.

"Yeah."

I was sweating. I was freaking out. She had all of these techniques in taking care of him and I just couldn't imagine how many years it took for her to get this kind of system going and then I had to do it in one night. She told me one of her many bank account numbers in case I needed to get any more money out.

"_Okay, now I want you to do me a favor and take a deep breath, sweets."_ I did as I was told. I had never been more thankful for Bev than I did in that moment. _"Okay, good. Now first, go to Edward. Make sure he is alright, and whatever you do, do not take anything he says to heart, okay? Nothing." _

I got even more nervous to go to him, but I wanted to. I needed to see him in the flesh to know that he was still there and that he was okay.

"Okay." I said.

"_Good. You will be fine, honey. Just make sure he doesn't leave. That will not end well. What you need to do is just to keep the authorities from knowing. The whole apartment building will shut up. I know that."_ She said; I didn't even want to know how much money she paid everyone.

"Alright…well can I call you if I need anything?"

"_Of course, and I will be there in the morning." _

"The morning? I thought you were staying until Tuesday?"

"_I was, but you all need me more than anyone here does. They will all understand." _

"Okay, well if you want to."

"_I do, now go check on him. I'll have my phone with me the entire time." _

"Okay, bye." She said by and I hung up.

I turned the volume up on the monitor and made my way out of the apartment. I locked the door on the outside, and I heard footsteps from behind me. I rolled my eyes thinking it was Edward's landlord, but when I turned to look who it was; I was surprised to see Bowman.

He looked tired and haggard. "Ms. Swan." He said out of breath like he ran here.

"Bowman…what are you doing here?"

"I came to check on Edward. I know his parents came here."

"Wait you knew they were coming and you didn't think to tell anyone?" _How could he?_

"No! I didn't even know. I was just at the right place at the wrong…or right time." He looked like he would pass out of exhaustion at any minute.

"Wait, so you were here?" I asked him.

He nodded. "Yes, I needed to give him his new therapy schedule."

"You saw them? What did they do?" I asked him frantically.

"Nothing that I saw. I came here in time to hear him screaming at them to leave. Thank God I came here or else they could have reported them."

I didn't trust his parents at all. "What were they doing here?"

"They desperately want to make a mends with Edward and to be a part of Alice's life. You should have seen Elizabeth…I thought we would have to bring her to the hospital after we got out of here. She was crying and just falling apart."

Maybe I should have felt bad about that, but there was no way in hell. Good thing she had pain; she deserved it after what she put Edward through.

"I don't care about her feelings, I just want to know what she was doing here and getting Edward upset."

"Ms. Swan, no offense, but it doesn't take much to get Edward upset."

_Fucking bastard._ "It's not without reason. They were horrible to him. How can you take their side over him?"

He groaned. "I'm not taking sides. I am just being logical. If he doesn't man up and sort things out with his parents, he will have a lot of stress from now on."

I took steps toward him. He pissed me off. "He doesn't have to do anything. I don't care if his parents turn out to be fucking saints. They have no claim on him or Alice." I was close to yelling but I didn't want to wake Alice.

"Except blood. They are their parents." He said.

"His father tried to kill him and his mother didn't even care!"

"Ms. Swan. I think you should lower your voice and calm down. I am not taking sides, and if I was, I will always take Edward's, but you need to look at the big picture. Say if he does have another episode at a bar or something and the police get involved, don't you think an understanding between him and his parents will be the difference between him losing custody of Alice and keeping her?" He asked. "You need to think about those kind of things, Bella."

"But they shouldn't even be eligible to take her in the first place."

"In a perfect world, yes, but we do not live in a perfect world, Ms. Swan. I am working with what I have here, okay? And Edward isn't working with me. I am only trying to do for him what he needs done. If he loses that child…I don't even want to think of what will happen to him."

I swallowed the lump back. It cut through me on the way down. I couldn't cry yet, I couldn't imagine either. If I did imagine, I would lose it. He would be beyond devastated. "I know."

"Okay, so at least we are on the same page about that. And I am going to be flat out honest, his parents want custody now. Now that they saw him like that, they want her away from him."

My blood boiled and I could barely even get a word out. "What…"

He nodded his head. "They aren't going to call the cops on him this time, but I told them I would convince him to get help and talk about making an agreement with them."

"They can't make that decision! They have no idea how he is with her!" I was yelling now.

I could hear my voice come from the monitor which alerted me that I was being too loud. Alice could have woken up because I couldn't keep my voice down, but I just couldn't believe it.

"I know, but again, it is what it is, Ms. Swan. Now I need to get in there to talk to him."

"No. Absolutely not. You are not going to tell him this right now."

He sighed and ran his hands over his face. "He hasn't calmed down?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him in about an hour. I was just going to check on him." I said.

"Can I go with you? I promise I won't say anything if he is volatile in any way."

"I guess so." I shrugged, I just wanted to see him.

I went over to Edward's door and unlocked it. The state of his house once again struck me. I would need to call the cleaning service soon.

"Oh my…" Bowman said behind me, no doubt about the room.

I just ignored him and went to Edward. Once outside of the door, I picked up the key from the floor. I put my ear to the door and heard him. He was talking to himself, but I couldn't understand him since he was speaking a different language. It sounded Italian to me, but my head was all messed up. I could have been hearing things.

I took a deep breath and put the key in the lock. I didn't know what would meet me on the other end, and I didn't even know if I was ready for it, but I had no choice. I turned the knob and opened the door. Edward stood by the window looking out. When he heard the door open, he looked over at me. He barely even acknowledges my presence.

"So you decided to let the animal out of his cage?" He looked down at his right hand and started picking glass out of it.

_Don't listen to what he says. _That's what Bev said. He isn't himself right now.

"Edward, how's your hands?"

"Oh they feel wonderful. The pain isn't as bad as your girlfriend locking you up like a dog, but hey, that's life right?" He said with a menacing smile in my direction. The tone of his voice and that smile brought chills up and down my spine.

_It's not him._

"I'm only trying to protect you." I swallowed down that fucking lump that kept on creeping up on me. I squeezed the monitor in my hand.

"I don't need your fucking protection." He spat out at me and continued picking pieces of glass from his hand.

"I also needed to protect Alice." I said.

His head whipped up to look at me. "How fucking dare you use her against me." He let both of his hands drop and he started walking toward me with his fists clenched beside him and his shoulders taut.

_It's not him. _

"I'm not using her against you. I am just telling you the truth."

"Where is she?" He asked taking steps closer to me and I pushed back.

"She's at Bev's. She's sleeping." I held up the monitor. "You can probably hear her breathing."

He knocked the monitor out of my hand and it went across the room and I jumped. "You're lying!"

His words cut through me and I backed up again. _How could he think I would ever lie to him? _Oh, right, because he wasn't in his right mind. Even though that was still true, it still hurt.

"I'm not lying to you."

"Yeah right, then where the hell is she? I want to see her."

"No, you can't." I said.

"Then you are lying to me!" He screamed and started stalking toward me. I pushed back because it looked like he would put his hands on me.

_It's not him._

My vision of him was cut off however when Bowman stepped in front of me. He pushed Edward back, and Edward tried going forward again, his eyes glaring at me. I had to hold it together, but I was close to breaking. He was so ready to attack me.

Bowman pushed him back as he tried to get at me. "Edward, calm down."

"Don't tell me what to fucking do! She probably took Alice to my parents!"He yelled. He looked at me gravely. "You fucking traitor you disgust me!" He screamed; his breaths were coming in short pants and the sweat dripped down his face.

I didn't feel anything at that point but I also felt everything. I didn't know what was going on with my being, but hearing the person you love more than anything in the world tell you that you disgust them hurts. It hurts so fucking much. I felt I couldn't even breathe. Like my chest was constricting so much from the pain that it would just combust and the pain would overtake me.

_It's not him. _

"Edward…" I said; my voice filled with desperation. "She is safe. I would never hurt her that way."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm done with you." He said and turned away from Bowman and myself and went back to the window.

If that was the real Edward, he wouldn't have given up so easily. If the real Edward thought Alice was in any kind of danger, he would have found a way out of the room to find her and make sure she was safe. I didn't know what went through this Edward's head, but it wasn't normal and all over the place.

Bowman turned towards me. "Ms. Swan, there's nothing you can do here. I will stay with him for a while and try and get him to talk to me about what happened with his parents."

"I can stay…" I said half-heartedly.

"He will be fine. Go be with Alice, and call a doctor. His hands don't look good." He said.

I looked over at Edward, his back toward me. His hands hung by his side and they really looked horrible, they couldn't get infected.

I nodded my head. "Okay…alright. Just tell me before you leave, okay?"

"Of course." He said.

He turned and walked towards Edward. I looked at Edward and tried to hold it together. I didn't want to leave him at all, but I also couldn't stay. I started getting scared of him. He had tried to go after me, and I didn't know what he would have done. I was afraid. I didn't want to fear him anymore.

_It's not him.

* * *

_

A knock at the door startled me and I dropped the papers in the box.

I had a hard time finding Dr. Masen's number. I knew I was just missing it, but my head was in the apartment next door. I couldn't think straight. I took some money out of the envelope because I knew it would be that nasty landlord. It could have been the cleaning crew, but I called only five minutes ago. I took out two-hundred dollars from the envelope and ran to the door as she kept on knocking furiously. _Fucking bitch, can't she just wait?_

I opened the door, and sure enough, it was her. She had a scowl on her face and bloodshot eyes. Who knew what she was doing before. It was probably what caused her to come up after everything had already calmed down. _Disgusting. _

"Where's Beverly?" She asked right away.

"She's not here. She told me to give you this." I handed her the money and she snatched it out of my hand. She needed to watch it. I was all a mess from my boyfriend having a mental breakdown that I would have no problem smacking the shit out of her. I just wasn't in the mood at all.

She counted up the money. "No more?"

I rolled my eyes. "That's as much as she told me to give you. Shouldn't that be enough?"

"Well I'm sick of that fucking psycho. He better not get the cops in here or I swear he will be evicted."

_Fucking bitch. How dare she call Edward a psycho! _He wasn't one by any means, he just had a problem that he couldn't help. He was not psychotic. That much I was sure of, but she pissed me off for even saying something like that to me. I didn't want to piss her off though because I didn't want her to evict him or even call the cops.

"Are we done here?" I asked impatiently.

"Yeah, I'll ask Bev for more when she gets back since her wingman is a cheap ass bitch." She said with a snarl. She was one of those, you know, the older woman who couldn't get out of the teenage state of mind. Always out for drama and petty things. Wasn't worth my time at all.

"Well, see you later." I said with a smile. _Kill them with kindness. _

I shut the door on her face. Alright, maybe that wasn't too kind, but I didn't care. I had stuff to do. I went back to the box and went through all the papers again. I finally took out the paper with Dr. Masen's number on it.

He answered on the third ring_. "Carlisle Masen."_

I heard what sounded like a small child on the other end. She was babbling about and I felt bad for interrupting him on his family time. It was almost 10:30 though…

"Dr. Masen? This is Bella Swan."

He was silent for a second and the child kept on babbling on_. "Bella Swan…"_ He obviously didn't remember me.

"I'm Edward Cullen's girlfriend…Bev said you know her?"

"_Oh!"_ He said in recognition. _"Yes, my apologies, Bella. I now remember you. Is there something wrong?" _

"Um…well Bev said she made a deal with you…"

"_Mhm…about the boy…Edward, right? She told me he suffers from IED and has some situation with the law?"_

"Yes, he had an episode a couple hours ago, and is still not in the right state of mind, but his hands are all cut up and Bev told me to call you to help. His hands…I don't want them to get infected."

I didn't even know if I was doing it right, but was there really a right way to do this? How did you ask a doctor you met once to go take care of your boyfriend in the middle of the night when he was obviously at home with family? I felt bad, but Bev told me to and she just knew what she was talking about.

"_Alright, well I am trying to get my granddaughter to go to sleep right now, but I will be there within the next forty-five minutes."_ He said.

Oh, it was his granddaughter. He didn't look old enough to have a grandchild.

"Okay, thank you so much." I said sincerely.

"_You're welcome."_ He said. I said bye, and so did he, and we hung up.

I put my phone back in my pocket and sat down on the couch. I ran my hands over my face and through my hair. Stressed wasn't even the right word to describe how I felt. I felt stressed, and exhausted, and just devastated. The only way I would get better is if I had _my _Edward in front of me.

I wanted him to call me chick and freak the fuck out because of a black cat in the middle of the road. I wanted him to hold me and I wanted to see his face across the table of the coffee shop. I wanted to watch him play with Alice and to see her steal his beanie from him. I just wanted him back because with him the way he was, I began to doubt things. Things I knew I would regret.

There was another knock at the door and I groaned before getting up. I opened it and saw the cleaning crew.

"Hello ma'am. Do you want us to go straight next door?" One of the guys asked.

"Yeah, that's fine. Thank you."

I went over and opened the door for them. All six of them went inside and I went back over to Bev's apartment. Before I could even open the door, another person showed up behind me.

"Hi." I said, not sure who the man was. He had four other guys behind him.

"Hello, Ms. Swan? You called us for some replacements?" He said.

_Oh right! How could I have forgotten?_ "Yes, um…there are just a couple of vases broken and a mirror broken in the bedroom far down the hall."

He nodded his head. "Okay, we have it covered, Miss."

"Okay, thank you." I said.

They also went inside the apartment and I needed to sit down. I couldn't believe how much went into making sure he would never get caught. Bev truly amazed me every day. She set all of that up for Edward. She had all these connections and who knew how much money she spent on all of the help, but she did it for Edward.

I couldn't thank her enough.

* * *

"Bella? Bella?" I heard someone call from a distance. I didn't even know I had been asleep, but I jumped out of it at the sound of my name.

"Edward? Where is he?" I asked, my breath coming fast out of my throat.

"Calm down, sweets." She said.

Bev…it was Bev.

I looked up into her eyes. I was sitting on the ground in front of the door. I remember I sat there so I could get to either Alice or Edward…whoever needed me first. Bowman already left a while ago…I didn't know what time it was then, but he left. Dr. Masen also came and went. He said Edward was being rude and out of control, but he took care of his hands and that is all that mattered. After everyone left, I finally sat down and tried to relax. I tried to sleep, but it didn't seem to work. I guess it did however and now Bev was here.

"Bev!" I said and got up from the ground. I threw myself at her and hugged her tight. I was so happy to see her.

She hugged me back just as fiercely and I didn't want to let go. "Sweets, why were you sleeping like that?"

I pulled away and leaned against the wall. "I didn't mean to fall asleep…I guess my body just gave up."

"It makes sense, Bella. It's seven in the morning."

"What?" I asked shocked. I took my phone out of my pocket and sure enough it read 7:03 a.m. I didn't even know that much time had passed.

"Yes, I got here around 5:30. I went straight to Edward. He was still awake. He wasn't happy to see me…" She said with a tinge of hurt in her voice.

"He seemed even more…unstable than usual." I said.

"I noticed." She sighed. "His parents would have that effect on him."

"I know, and he said he didn't feel right all week. I think it was only just a matter of time before he exploded."

She nodded. "Probably. He is sleeping now though. I didn't leave until he fell asleep."

"He just fell asleep right now?" I asked.

She nodded sadly. "Yes. He was a mess, Bella."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to compose myself. It was all too much. Way too much for me to handle. "I don't know if I can do this, Bev." I said finally.

She gasped. "What do you mean?"

"I mean this." I said. "This whole thing. I mean this pain…it's just…oh fuck." I slid down on the wall until I was on the floor, my knees up against my chest. I couldn't handle it. The pain would overtake me; I just knew it, but I wasn't ready for it.

Bev sighed and sat down beside me, she then pulled me to her. "I know I can't tell you what to do, but Bella, you can't leave him."

Just by her saying the words, I felt even more pain building up. Pain that overrode the pain I felt because of him screaming at me and the stress and worry that came with having a boyfriend with IED. Leaving him would hurt worse. I couldn't leave him, but I also didn't know if I was strong enough to see him in that state of mind forever.

"I can't leave him." I said.

"Then what did you mean when you said you couldn't do it?"

"I mean take care of him like you do! I could barely even stay in the room with him for over five minutes, because I couldn't take him screaming at me and accusing me of things that weren't right. Physically it hurt, and I couldn't stand it."

Bev shushed me and my hands started shaking. I took deep breaths. "I know it's a lot, honey, but you did a great job."

"I shouldn't be feeling this though. I should always want to help him no matter what." I felt horrible, but I couldn't fight it.

"Bella…I will just tell you one thing." She turned towards me and looked me straight in the eye. "No love is perfect and anyone that tells you that they enjoy everything about their love or their relationship is lying. There is always that one thing that a person doesn't want to do or is annoyed by in their relationship whether it is something as extreme as this, or something as simple as the woman not wanting to sit home on a Sunday to watch sports. It's just a fact of life."

"I guess I see your point." I said and looked across the room to the opposite wall.

"I know I use mine and Leon's relationship as an example a lot, but it's the only way I can think of to get the point to you. Leon was one of those sports fanatics. I never got attention from him on Sundays. He got really into it and if I even tried to cuddle with him or even have a conversation with him he wouldn't even pay attention." She sighed. "Well one day I was just not in a good mood. Lance was a baby with a bad cold, and I had to pretty much take care of him on my own. I remember feeling so….just…disgusted with him, you know? How could he just ignore his family over a game?

"Well anyway, like I said, I was in one of those moods, and I took Lance with me and left. I went to my friend's house, and I didn't go back." She shook her head. "He called me at night time to ask where I was. Oh, honey, I was beyond pissed at him and of course he didn't know what he did wrong. Men like to play the innocent card. Well anyway, the point is, I thought at that moment I will never get used to that. I hated thinking that I was being put on the backburner to a sports game."

"I guess I could understand where you were coming from." I said.

"But you know, the truth of the matter is, no one is perfect, and we can't expect that from them. I know you never expected Edward to be perfect, but this is just one tiny aspect of how Edward is. If you think about it, this episode lasted what? Twelve hours? That is only twelve hours out of the months that you have known each other. It's miniscule. I know the pain is enormous, but it will go away." She paused.

I never thought of it that way. I never realized how minor his episodes really were in the whole scheme of things. Should I really let a twelve-hour time-frame of pain and stress and worry get in the way of my feelings for Edward? _No. Not at all_. Even thinking about leaving him made me sick and that should have been my answer. I would just have to be stronger and look at the bigger picture. I couldn't live without him. Technically I could, but it wouldn't be a life worth living. He made everything better. In the end, that's all it boiled down to.

With that realization, I didn't want to be anywhere but in his arms. "Thank you, Bev."

"But if you feel you can't do it anymore, better leave him sooner rather than later when he is even more attached." She said as a warning.

"I would never be able to do that, Bev. So please just don't say anything like that." I said putting my hand over my stomach before I got sick.

"Okay. That is good to hear." She said.

"Thank you, Bev." I know I said it before, but I didn't think I could say it enough.

"You're welcome, honey. And don't think you aren't strong, because you are. But I am telling you, be prepared for him to be a little different when he gets up. As you know, he feels immense guilt after an episode. Just be gentle with him."

I nodded. I knew it would be hard for him. Not only would he feel guilty about having the episode, he also had the knowledge that his parents showed up. It would be a long and bumpy ride. But in the midst of it all, I would still have Edward. That's all that mattered and I needed to remember that.

"I will. I'm going to see him." I said and started to get up.

She didn't ask questions, she just nodded her head and got up as well. "I'll stay with Shortcake."

I nodded. I leaned forward and hugged her again. "I'm really glad you're back, Bev."

"Me too, honey, me too." She said.

I pulled away from her and headed out. I went over to Edward's apartment, and everything was back in place. They replaced the mirror in Edward's room and everything. It looked as if nothing happened at all. I went over to the spare room. The key was outside the door and I picked it up. I opened the door and was met with a familiar image.

Edward sleeping on the floor with is back to me.

I walked into the room without hesitation this time. I just needed to be near him. I needed to remind myself that Edward wasn't the man who screamed at me and accused me of such horrible things. Edward was the man who joked around with me and never left me without telling me he loved me. Edward was everything to me, and the person who overtook him in that state didn't exist. It was temporary.

I walked over to the front side of him so I could see his handsome face. He looked so at peace. I knelt down in front of him and ran my hand through his hair. He didn't move from his dead sleep. I lifted his right hand gently as it was covered in bandages. I laid out beside him and put his arm around me. His face was inches in front of mine and I leaned forward to kiss his forehead. I moved his hair out of his face. He looked so peaceful. So Edward.

I snuggled up closer to his chest and took a deep breath. I felt worm and safe in his arms.

That was my Edward and he woulf always be my Edward not matter what.

* * *

I awoke on a bed.

I heard footsteps in whatever area I was in and I sat up quickly. I looked around and realized I was in Edward's room. Alone.

The light shown in through the windows. I looked over at the clock on his bedside table but it was blocked by a brown paper bag with a piece of paper folded up in front of it. I reached over and took both in my hands. I looked over at the clock.

_11 a.m. _I didn't get much sleep.

I looked down at both items in my hand. My heart jumped when I saw my name written in a familiar script. I unfolded the piece of paper and read the words quickly.

_Bella, _

_I know this isn't much, but I don't know what to do. I don't know what happened last night, and I probably don't want to know, but please, please just know that I love you and I'm sorry. _

_I'll be going out with Alice. Call me when you wake up. I'll come get you if that is what you want. If you need time, I will understand. _

_Again, I'm sorry._

_Edward_

I put the note down and opened the bag. When I saw what was inside a tear fell from my eye and a sob threatened to come out.

It was a muffin.

Not just any muffin, a chocolate chip muffin from the coffee shop…our place. There was also a thermos inside. I took it out and opened it. It was filled with coffee. _Coffee from our place_. The thermos kept the contents heated and I couldn't believe he did that for me. It was so simple, but it meant so much to me. I tried to find my phone, but I couldn't find it anywhere. _I left it at Bev's! _

I put the muffin and the thermos down on the bedside table and threw the covers back. I ran out of the room so I could get my phone. I needed to hear his voice. I needed to hear _my _Edward.

I got better than that though when I ran into the living room and I saw his beautiful face looking at me. He was sitting on the couch, but he got up when he heard me run in. He had already changed into something different; jeans, red t-shirt, his black zip-up hoodie, and his beanie. The bandages were still on his hands and his face looked tired; the only reminders of the events the night before.

"Edward." I said in astonishment. I didn't expect to see him there.

He put his hands in his hoodie pockets and took a deep breath. "I was going to leave…uh…Bev, she took Alice to breakfast. They're on their way." He said nervously. I saw his Adam's apple bob up and down with his nervous swallow.

"Okay." I said not knowing what else to say. There was so much…too much to sort through in a single moment. I still stood across the room.

"Okay…well I can wait outside…" He said warily.

"Why would you do that?" I asked. "It's cold out there."

He shrugged. "I don't know, I just thought…"

"You thought wrong." I said interrupting him. I knew what he would have said. He thought I wanted time. I didn't. I wanted him.

"Did I…oh fuck." He stopped and put a hand on his head like it hurt him. "Did I hurt you?"

"Yes." I said. I wouldn't lie to him.

He put his hand over his chest then. He swallowed again, not making eye contact with me. "Physically?"

"No."

He nodded and laughed a humorless laugh. "I guess that should give me some relief, but it doesn't. I still hurt you."

"Edward?" I said.

He finally looked up to me. "Yeah?"

"I don't care about that stuff right now."

"You should, Bella."

"Don't tell me what I should feel."

He sighed. "Fine. I just want to make things better for you." He looked down and scratched the back of his head the best way he could with his bandages.

"Edward, look at me." He looked up at me. His tired and watery green eyes kept me grounded and gave me strength. "You want to make me feel better?"

He nodded sadly. "Of course, that's what I just said."

"Then stop blaming yourself, okay? And stop thinking that I will ever forget who you truly are. I love you."

He crossed his arms in front of him. "I love you, too." He said, his voice cracking.

He looked like he would fall apart. He didn't look like he would cry or anything, he just looked so…broken. Yes. Broken and beat down.

"Then can you please come over here and hug me?" I said.

He looked at me, and nodded his head. He took slow steps toward me and uncrossed his arms. I stepped toward him as well, and when he was in my reach, I pulled his head down to my shoulder. He held onto me tightly and I wrapped my arms around him as well. I kissed the side of his head and inhaled his scent.

"Everything will be okay, baby." I whispered.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled.

"I know you are, but please stop beating yourself up, please. It kills me to see you do that. Just remember who you really are, baby. You're an amazing person."

"Only because I have you." He said and held me tighter.

I held him as well and finally let my tears fall. I bit my lip and held him tighter, trying to hold in my sobs, but I couldn't. One came out and he instantly pulled away. He pushed my hair out of my face and looked at me in a panic.

"Please don't cry, Bella. Please." He pleaded with me. I couldn't even form a word and he just pulled me to his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, hermosa." He said over and over again.

I let him get it out. I knew he needed that but I wasn't crying in sadness. I cried in relief. Relief that it was over and I had him back. I didn't know when his next one would be, and I didn't know what nasty thing life would throw at us again, but at least I had him.

_The real him.

* * *

_

_You just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break  
__But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting  
__You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting  
__And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting  
__Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting  
__I've made a commitment  
__I'm willing to bleed for you  
__I needed fulfillment  
__I found what I need in you._

_**Right Here, by Staind

* * *

**_

**Thank you all so, so much for your reviews last chapter. I can't even tell you how much it meant to me, and I did my happy dance. Thankfully no one was around. lol**

**I have to make this quick because I really need to go but I didn't want to withhold the chapter any longer lol. Thank you Alexa! I love you lots! **

**If there are any questions, please feel free to ask me. I know this chapter had a lot in it and I don't have time to explain things so please, ask if you have a question. **

**Again, thanks so much! I hope you like the chapter! **

**Review please! **


	28. Chapter 27: Let You Breathe

**Chapter 27: Let You Breathe**

**EPOV**

I held her close; as close as I could.

I didn't even know why she held onto me as well. She should have run away. She should have taken everything that belonged to her in my house and left. I was only speaking logically of course. Logically, she shouldn't want to be with me. Logically, I should have scared her away by now. And logically, someone like her shouldn't be with someone like me.

Logic made no sense to us, apparently.

I didn't know what I did the night before.

I did remember them coming by though. I couldn't forget that.

The look on their face when they saw me and my mother putting her fucking hands on Alice. I pushed that to the back of my mind. I had a clear mind at that point, and I couldn't cloud it with thoughts about them or my situation. My life literally felt like a ticking time bomb no matter how cliché it sounded. It rang with truth. Every move I made was being watched and at any second my whole world could come tumbling down around me leaving me buried and worthless beneath the rubble.

It scared the ever living shit out of me but fear would get me nowhere.

Bella's knees began to give out with the pain and anguish taking over her in the forms of gut wrenching and heart breaking sobs. The pain within me didn't matter. I wanted it. I wanted something to hurt me so I could suffer the way she did and Alice did and Bev did. I didn't even remember if I even got hurt. I hope I did. I hope when I was in that state of mind I hurt so fucking bad. I may not remember it, but just knowing it was there made me feel just a little bit better.

I didn't know what I said to Bella the night before, but I knew it was terrible for her to be crying so hard. All I could do was hold her and tell her over and over what I felt in that moment.

_I'm sorry._

Sadly that was all I could say. Everything else would be deemed insignificant. Maybe me saying sorry was insignificant as well, but I had to work with what I had; which wasn't much. I was far too selfish and in love with her to push her away like I normally would. I did it the first time, but that was before I realized how much she meant to me. Deep down, actually _logically_, I knew she should have left me, and if she did, I wouldn't stop her, but I never wanted that to happen. I loved her to the point of I couldn't imagine living without her. I never thought that would happen to me. I didn't think I would ever _need _someone as much as I undoubtedly _needed_ her.

"Bella, please calm down." I begged her.

Yes, I loved the pain radiating through me because of her crying because I deserved it, but she didn't. I didn't want her to cry or feel hurt because of me. She deserved everything good in life, not bad.

"I'm sorry." She said and held on tighter to me. "I'm just so glad you're okay." She squeaked out.

"You're crying because you're glad I'm okay?" I asked incredulously.

She nodded against my chest. "I was worried about you." She said.

"Bella," I couldn't even think of words. "You don't have to worry about me."

She pulled away and unwrapped her arms from around my middle. Her hands went instantly to my face and she brought my lips down to hers. Her lips were wet with her tears, but that didn't hinder the intensity of it or the calm I felt while kissing her.

"I will always worry about you, baby." She said. I dropped my head down so my forehead rested on hers.

"What did I say to you?" I asked.

She pulled away from me and shook her head. "It doesn't matter."

I groaned. "It does matter. Just tell me."

"Why?"

"Because…just tell me." _I need to hurt. _

She hesitated, but I gave her a look that I wouldn't take no for an answer. She sighed in defeat. "Basically you accused me of taking Alice from you and helping your parents get her." My whole body tensed and the pain overtook me. _Good. Keep it coming._ "You swore at me and told me you were disgusted with me." Her voice broke at the word disgusted.

_How could I ever say something like that?_ The pain radiated throughout me. I needed that.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry."

I felt pretty fucking stupid. All I could say was sorry. _Fucking pussy. _

"I know you are, and it did hurt, but I know that wasn't really you." She put her hands back on my face and rubbed her thumbs over my cheeks. "You're here now. That's all that matters."

"I'll make it up to you…I don't know how, but I will."

She looked like she would fight me on it for a second, but she knew me. She knew there was no fighting with me on something when I really wanted to do something. So she nodded and said. "Okay."

I went to bend down to kiss her, but I heard a key in the lock of the front door and my attention shifted from Bella to my other reason for living. I didn't know how she was feeling, and I knew she saw our parents. She might have a lot of questions and she was probably scared out of her little mind. At least Bev was back. She left a note for me on the front door, that I saw when I woke up and after I put Bella into my bed, the note said she had taken Alice out for a late breakfast and would be back as soon as possible. I went out to get Bella her muffin and coffee and called her along the way.

The door opened and there she was. She ran full speed at me and I let go of Bella and bent down to catch her. She wrapped her arms around my neck tightly and I held onto her small body. I took a deep calming breath now that she was near. I find the most comfort from Alice and I didn't think that will ever change. To me, she was the one who had saved my life and changed it irrevocably in a good way. When I looked at her, I saw my savior and my reason for breathing quite literally. _How couldn't that comfort me?_

"You okay, Ecy?" She asked with a sniffle.

"I'm fine. How about you?"

"Okay." She answered.

I got up from my squatting position and her grip on me didn't lessen one bit. I didn't mind. Her fingernails may have been digging into the back of my head, but I didn't mind one bit. She needed to hold me for her own comfort. _As long as it brought her comfort._

I looked up at Bev and she had her eyes on the both of us with a soft smile on her face. It was so good to see her. I couldn't help but smile back.

With Bev, Bev gave me a feeling of security, like nothing could happen to me or Alice if Bev was around. She took care of and protected the both of us for over five years. She did more for me in those five years than my parents, nannies, or the authorities did for me in my first seventeen years of life combined. I would repay Bev one day. It may not be one day soon, but it would happen.

I took one hand off of Alice's back and held it out to my side. Bev didn't have to say anything and neither did I. She walked over to me with a tear in her eye and hugged me on my right side.

There was only one person missing from the hug of course. _My love_. That's what she provided me with essentially. Bella loved me even when she shouldn't. I reached my hand back to her. I didn't have to worry about Alice falling because she held onto me so tight and Bev had her arm wrapped around her. I felt her hand grab onto mine and soon she was tucked into my left side.

I had everything I needed right there. Alice cried her little eyes out and it killed me. I turned my head and kissed the side of her head trying to comfort her as much as I could. Bella and Bev rubbed her back for me.

"I don't ever want to go away." Alice said, effectively breaking my heart with each word.

"You aren't going anywhere." I said.

I hoped I didn't just lie to her.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did.

* * *

I just got finished reading the book for her and I placed it on her bedside table. I sat beside her with my back leaning on her headboard. She was curled into my side and I rubbed my hand up and down her arm. She remained silent after I read the book and we sat in silently. I mentally prepared myself for something that I needed to do. I knew I needed too, and Bella told me it would be a good idea if I did, if I felt up to it.

I cleared my throat. "Uh…Alice?" I asked.

Her head turned to look at me. "Yeah?"

"Do you have any…uh…questions about what happened yesterday?" I asked.

She looked away from me and sighed. She picked at my shirt as she thought it over. The anticipation for what she would ask killed me. I already found myself nervous, and then waiting made it worse.

"I guess I do." She said finally.

I let out the breath I held within. "Okay. Well what is it?"

"Why did our mommy call you EJ?"

I didn't think that would be a question she had on her mind. I didn't even think she would have really noticed it. I mean, that was kind of insignificant in the scheme of things, but it obviously meant something to Alice if she wanted to know that before anything else.

"I'm named after our father. His name is Edward, too." Funny how I was named after the man I hated the most. Funny how said man tried to kill me. It really wasn't that funny. It was sick. "So she called me EJ as a nickname." I finished telling her.

"But why a J?"

"Junior. When someone is named after someone, they get titles at the end of their names. So for example, our father's name is Edward Cullen Sr. and I am Edward Cullen Jr. It's just titles. Then if I have a kid and I want to name him Edward," _Never going to happen_. "He would be called Edward the third."

She put her hand over her head. "That's too confusing."

I chuckled. "It's really not that bad, but you don't have to worry about that. You won't have kids until you are like…oh I don't know…forty or something."

"Forty? That's old!"

"It's not that old. I'll be around sixty and senile though, so that's fine. As long as I don't know what is going on."

"You're a weirdo." She said with a shake of her head.

I laughed. "I just don't like the idea of you growing up. I want you to be little tiny Alice forever."

"I need to get married one day."

I looked down at her with a quirked eyebrow. "What makes you think that?"

"I don't know, everyone does it. Bev got married, my teacher got married, and you and Bella are going to get married."

My mouth gaped open. "Whoa, where did you hear that me and Bella will get married?"

She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "Nobody, but you will."

"Uh…not so sure about that." I said.

It wasn't that I was against marrying Bella or the idea of being with her forever, I just didn't see us as a getting married type. I never really wanted to get married. I couldn't imagine calling Bella my wife. Again, not completely against it, but it definitely wasn't something I was ready for. I didn't even know what Bella thought about it.

"Oh Ecy but you have to! You need to buy her a pretty ring and bring her to a restaurant and get on one knee and tell her how much you love her! Then you ask her and she will say yes!" She said in a dreamy fashion.

_Yeah, if I ever proposed to Bella it wouldn't be that way. And why the fuck would I have to get on my knee? 'Oh hey, girlfriend, let me get my pants dirty and be pissed for the rest of the day because of it so I could put a ring on it.' Yeah, not my style. _

I was shit at being romantic too. Yeah, Bella probably wouldn't want to marry me and I was okay with that; as long as she didn't want to marry anyone else either. That I would not like one bit. _She's mine_…no that sounded wrong. _She's not mine_; I didn't own her like a dog or anything. She just belonged with me. No one else should have the honor of calling her their girlfriend or wife for that matter. _Oh fuck, does that mean I have to put a ring on it now?_ Relationships were complicated. Too much for my fucking brain to think about to be honest.

"I don't know Alice, we'll see. But that's not the point, don't ever thing that you _have _to do something. You will always have a choice. Always."

She nodded, thinking about what I said. "So if our mommy and daddy want to take me, I can just say no?"

_Good one, Edward. _

I really shouldn't be doing this. This whole parenting and raising a child thing wasn't in my cards. How the fuck could I have told her that? Of course it was true in any other situation, but in that one, she would have no choice in the matter. How the fuck do I fix this?

I sighed. "No." She looked up at me sadly at the word. "But you won't have to worry about that."

"But what if I do one day? What if…"

"Alice, stop." I said through gritted teeth as a warning. "There is only one thing you need to know. No matter what happens, if you were ever separated from me for any reason, I would find my way back to you. Always. You can count on that."

She nodded her head. "Okay, good."

"Okay, so is there anything else?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Alright, well if you think of something, just ask me."

"Kay."

"Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?"

She shook her head slowly. "No, it's okay. I'll be sleeping soon."

"Alright." I got up from the bed and stood up beside it. I stretched my arms up above me and then bent down to kiss her head. "Goodnight, kid."

"Goodnight, Ecy." She said and turned over on her side.

I kind of didn't want to leave the room because I didn't know where my head would have gone. Bev, Alice, and Bella gave me a temporary leave from my thoughts, but again, it was only temporary. Bev was in her apartment sleeping most likely since she had jet-lag and she came on such an early flight. Alice also slept, and Bella had to go home and finish the homework she never got to finish because of me.

All four of us had spent the day together. We didn't do much, we stayed at my place and mostly just caught up with Bev. We had dinner, and then everyone went their own separate ways. It was simple, but it worked for me.

The conversation we had going took my mind off of the fact that my parents not only knew where I lived, but they also showed up to where I lived. They saw me freak out. I was fucked basically.

I needed something to get my mind off of things and messing with Bella seemed like a good way to do it. I grabbed my phone from the kitchen table and went to my room. I took my shirt and pants off and went into my bed with just my boxers on. I turned the TV on for just background noise or a distraction if Bella didn't answer me right away. I rested my back on my headboard and typed out a very nice message to Bella.

**Will you marry me? –E**

I chuckled when I sent the text just imagining her face when she read it. I shook my head and looked at the TV. There was some infomercial about some useless thing that will be fun and interesting for a day, and then just be pointless the next. I give the announcer credit for his enthusiasm and the actors in the scenes credit for _trying _to act. My phone buzzed.

**Dude, what the fuck? –B**

I laughed at it. Okay, so I guessed she was mad or irritated by that text. I had her right where I wanted her.

**So is that a no? –E**

I sent the message and not even thirty seconds later, my phone started ringing. I laughed and answered it.

"Hello, you've reached heart-broken and scarred for life, how may I help you?" I answered in a sullen voice.

"_Fuck you, Edward_." She deadpanned.

I lost my composure; my acting was as bad as the people on the infomercial and there was no hiding it. I started laughing at her. "That's not a very nice thing to say, wifey."

"_Seriously, Edward? Where did all this wedding talk come from?" _

"It's all Alice's fault. She told me that you and I were going to get married one day." I reached over for the remote and turned off the TV. It was pitch dark in the room and I pushed further down in the bed all of a sudden feeling really tired.

"_Oh yeah?" _

"Yup. I told her we'll just have to wait and see, I guess."

"_Would you really want to marry me one day?"_ She asked sounding touched at the notion.

I shrugged even though she couldn't see me. "It's not something I've always wanted to do, but if it meant a lot to you I would marry you. Why not? It might be interesting."

She chuckled. _"Oh that is so romantic, baby."_

"Would you rather me lie and tell you that I have dreamed of a wedding my whole life with a beautiful girl, and I saw you in my dreams since I was five?"

She laughed. _"No not really, that would be kind of awkward if you dreamt of me for that long. Plus, I was a year old when you were five." _

"Oh shit, you were. You're kind of really young. Practically jail bait."

"_Age ain't nothing but a number, babe." _

"I know. You are probably more mature than me anyway."

Now that was the truth. Bella dealt with so much shit from me varying from dealing with my 'quirks' and dealing with my IDE. She had a job, went to school, and still found time to spend with me and even babysit Alice for me. She was practically Superwoman at the age of nineteen.

"_Hmm…not so sure about that. But at least I don't ask my partner to marry me over text message." _

I chuckled. "I'm sorry, hermosa."

"_It's okay, I forgive you because I love your ass." _

"You only love me for my ass?"

She laughed and I wanted her to come over. It was nice hearing her voice, but it didn't equate to her sitting beside me or lying down with me.

"_No, but I do love your rear-end, don't get me wrong."_

"Your ass is pretty cool too." I said with a yawn.

"_Well thanks, dude." _

"You're welcome, chick."

We were both silent for a second before we both started laughing at the same time. We always ended up talking about the most random things. It worked for me though, especially when I was trying not to think of certain things.

"So what are you doing, beautiful?" I asked.

"_Homework." _

"Still? You left like two hours ago!"

She chuckled. _"I know, baby, but I told you I had a lot. I'll probably be at it for another two hours or so, then I will take a shower and be in bed by ten-thirty. It's not that bad." _

I sighed and rubbed my hand over my face in frustration. "You would have already had it done if it wasn't…"

"_Edward, stop it."_ She warned me.

I groaned. I promised her I wouldn't blame myself for anything. I didn't want to let her down. "I'm sorry."

"_It's okay. Now you sound tired." _

"I'm fine." I said.

"_Good try, I know you, Edward. You're tired. I can hear it in your voice, and you have been yawning. Oh yeah, and you got about four hours of sleep last night. Alice is asleep isn't she?"_ I told her yes. _"Well then go to sleep, babe. I'll see you in the morning." _

I moved my face away from the phone so I could yawn undetected. "Don't want to."

"_Why?"_ She asked.

I sighed. She was so pushy sometimes, but only at times when I need to be pushed. She amazed me, but I sometimes wished she didn't know me as much as she did. I wouldn't be able to stay on the phone with her now. How can someone know you're tired from just your voice?

She always stayed honest with me though, and I didn't want to lie, so I told her the truth even though it killed me to. I didn't want to be pitied by her.

"If I get off the phone with you, I'll have too much time to think." I said quietly, almost ashamed to even say it.

She sighed sadly_. "Oh, baby. It will be okay."_

"I know it will, but fuck…I just start thinking about it and I try to force myself to remember but I can't." I ran my hand through my hair roughly. "It just sucks."

"_I wish I could say I understand, but I don't. Do you want me to go over there? I can bring my homework I guess…" _

"No! No, absolutely not."

"_Okay fine. Well then why don't you just stay on the phone with me? Would that be okay?" _

My first instinct was to say no. I felt like a fucking child. I couldn't even go to sleep by myself? What a fucking pansy. But those were just insecurities I had about myself, and I knew Bella would never use those against me or make fun of me for it.

"Yeah, I think so."

"_Alright, well then just put your phone on speaker phone, and I will too. And if you need me at any time, just say something. Once I hear you snoring, I will hang up, but you know I am just a phone call away if you wake up and need me okay?" _

"I don't snore."

She snorted and laughed. _"Sorry to break it to you, baby, but you do."_

"Well whatever."

She laughed_. "Alright love, I really have to get this done, so you go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning." _

"Okay, I love you."

"_I love you too, baby. Goodnight."_

I took the phone away from my ear and tried to find the button for speaker phone. I saw it right there, but since it was touch screen, I accidently touched the contacts button.

"Aw fuck." I grumbled. The phone didn't have to be on speaker for me to hear Bella laughing at me. "Shut up and do your homework, chick."

"_Really? You can't even put it on speaker?" _

I groaned and finally put it on speaker. _Fucking phone from hell. _"Leave me alone. I'm going to bed."

She laughed again.

A great sound to fall asleep to.

* * *

I took a sip of my coffee and almost fucking moaned at the feeling of it. It was nice and hot and I could feel the caffeine go through my bloodstream.

Yes I went to bed around eight-thirty, but I also had to get up at three in the morning for hell. It wasn't what I would call fun, and that long drive to different houses gave me a lot of time to think. Too much time.

Speaking of Bella, she really did stay on the phone with me as long as she could. Like I said, I went to bed around eight-thirty, but I did wake up around ten from a nightmare that included my father over Alice's bed. I pushed that out of my mind before my coffee made a reappearance in front of me mixed with bile. Anyway, Bella was still on the phone, she heard me and yelled to wake me up. Her words and voice calmed me. She freaked out and told me she would come by, but I was to calm her and tell her no.

Speak of the devil, Bella walked into the coffee shop with her eyes trained on her phone in front of her typing away. She was dressed in a pair of black pants and a fancy looking blue shirt. It had some weird fucking designs on it. It wasn't weird, it looked good, but oh fuck…who the hell cares. It looked nice on her. And that's_ all I had to say about that._

She sat down in front of me while still typing on her phone. She typed for at least a minute before she hit send and looked up at me with her beautiful smile, although there was something different in her eyes.

"Hey, dude." She said.

"Hey, chick. Nice to get your attention."

She slid her phone in her purse. "I'm sorry, baby. My mom's sick. My dad brought her to the hospital this morning." She said with a sad sigh.

I didn't fucking care where we were or who was looking at us; I reached over and took her hand in mine. "I'm sorry, Bella. Will she be okay?"

She squeezed my hand and nodded instantly. "Yeah, she will be perfectly fine. She has the flu, and she became dehydrated. My dad told me that they are just going to put her on an IV. She'll be home later on today, but my dad kind of freaked out." She took a deep breath. "I had to text him because he is in the hospital and he isn't even supposed to have his phone on so…yeah."

She put her free hand on her head and sighed.

"You okay?" I asked.

Her face scrunched up. "I don't think so." She said with a cracked voice and her tears started falling.

I let go of her hand and got up from the other side of the booth and slid in beside her. I turned my body so I could shield her from being seen crying by the rest of the diner. She didn't need people staring at her. She dropped her head on my chest and I kissed the top of her head.

"What's the matter, beautiful?" I asked her.

She sniffled. "I don't know, a lot of things I guess." She wiped the tears from her eyes and let it all out. "I didn't get my homework done until one in the morning and then couldn't fall asleep. I think I got two hours of sleep last night, if that. Then I had to take a cold shower because my fucking landlord didn't pay the water bill on time. Then my dad calls me and tells me mother is sick. I have work until four today, I have a two hour class at four-thirty and I probably won't even get to see you or Alice today."

I ran my hand along her arm. "Shh…it's okay. You just need to take a deep breath and stop stressing yourself out."

"But all of that can't go undone!" She pointed out in frustration.

"I know, but you shouldn't put that much pressure on yourself, Bella. Your mom is going to be fine, alright?" She nodded her head against my chest. "And if you want me to, I can go over to your landlord and beat his ass for not paying that fucking bill."

She chuckled and wiped her tears. "No, you don't have to do that."

"Well the offer will always stand." I told her and she nodded her head. "And I can't do much about work and school, but if you give me a key to your house, I can bring Alice and maybe even Bev over and I will have dinner ready for you on the table and we will stay until my little party pooper well…poops out on me."

She chuckled. "You don't have to do…"

"Shut up, chick." I said in interruption and she smiled. "Now look at me, give me a kiss, and get a fucking smile on that face because you are too pretty to cry."

She laughed and I was glad I was able to clam her in any way. Bella had a lot on her shoulders. I know what she didn't mention in her little rant was that she had to deal with me and my fucking problems on top of school, work, parents, and keeping up a household. Plus, she was only nineteen. At that age, yeah I was raising a two year old and holding a job and household, but Bella also had a lot to deal with at a different degree. She did so well though. She was amazing.

She looked up at me with her beautiful eyes and grabbed my chin between her fingers and gave me a sweet kiss on my lips.

"Thank you, baby." She said.

"Anytime, hermosa."

What I just did for her there was nothing compared to all that she did for me. She took care of Alice when I had no one, she dealt with my mood swings, and my episodes. I pissed her off every once in a while and made her life difficult, but she still loved me anyway. Calming her down when she anticipated an overwhelming day was minuscule compared to all she did for me, so I was happy I could have helped her with that. I wiped the final tears from her face with the hand that wasn't wrapped around her.

"Now I am going to go across from you so our necks don't break looking at each other like this, unless you want to talk to each other while staring at the wall." I said.

She laughed. "Okay go over there. I don't need your neck broken." She pushed me away but I was able snag a kiss before I got up and went to the other side. She took the paper off of her muffin and took a piece off and put it in her mouth. She chewed slowly. "I must say, this muffin definitely makes me feel better." She said.

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my coffee. "That definitely makes me feel special." I said sarcastically.

She chuckled and took another bite. "You know I love you more."

"Well I sure hope so."

She smiled and took a sip of her coffee. "How was your night? I turned the phone off at one."

"I slept fine after that one nightmare." I ran my finger along the rim of my cup, avoiding her gaze.

She sighed sadly. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"One-hundred percent sure."

"Okay, okay. I won't push it. I just want to make sure you are okay."

I shrugged. "I'm fine."

She nodded her head slowly and didn't push it because that was how Bella was. She knew when I needed to be pushed and she knew when pushing would do nothing at all.

"So what do you want for dinner tonight?" I asked.

She smiled a genuine smile devoid of any sadness or strength. She was so fucking beautiful. "Surprise me."

"Okay, frog legs and brussel sprouts it is."

Her face fell and scrunched up in adorable disgust. I laughed at her and she threw a piece of muffin at me for it. "Not that, please."

"Oh fine. I'll make you something delicioso."

"Oh! I know that one, that means delicious."

"Well fuck, pin a rose on your nose, chick. You are a genius at the Spanish language." Sarcasm filled my voice and I knew I would get a reaction. She knew me well, but I also knew her well.

She flipped me off. Saw that coming. "Don't piss on my parade."

_What the fuck does that mean? _I didn't want to give her a reason to make fun of me though so I didn't ask any questions. "You are looking beautiful today. Did I tell you that?"

A tinge of pink made its way on her face and I smiled. How could she even get the least bit embarrassed when I compliment her? Maybe I didn't do it enough. _Great fucking job, asshat. _

"No you didn't, but thank you."

"No hay problema." I said and she looked at me from behind her eyes. "Come on Miss. Smarty Pants. What does that one mean?"

"I hate you, did you know that?"

"On opposite day."

"And you are like a child."

"Yeah, but I'm a big kid now."

She rolled her eyes but couldn't help but laugh. "Change of topic. What are your plans for today?"

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "I have to meet with Bowman. The fucker called me at five in the morning telling me we have a lot to discuss."

"Well just listen to him, alright? And don't flip out on him."

"I'm not going to flip out on him." _How could she even say that? _

"Edward, you do have a tendency to take out your anger at your parents at him. Ever heard the expression 'don't shoot the messenger?'"

"You make it seem like I am a dick to the guy." I was mad. _What can I say?_ I tried not to be, but I was.

"Don't snap at me, Edward." She said in a just as aggravated tone. This where our relationship had faults. We were both very stubborn. "And yes, you are a dick to him at times. I know you may not like what he has to say, but he only has your best interest in mind."

"Oh so you expect me to smile and wave when he tells me my parents want to take Alice right out of her fucking home and away from me? Does that sound plausible to you?" I asked in a condescending tone.

She did not like that, but really, what did she expect me to do? I didn't have anything against Bowman, I actually owed him a lot, but I never liked what he had to say, and sometimes his plans are just plain bogus to me.

She glared at me and shook her head before putting her purse on her arm. "Whatever Edward, I can't deal with your stubbornness right now." She put the rest of her muffin in a napkin and started to get up.

"Wow, so you're really just leaving right now?"

She turned back to me. She looked ready to explode in a rant but she looked around at the people around and just settled with a yes. She turned away from me and I cursed under my breath. I got up from the seat and disposed of the rest of my coffee. This was not how I expected this little meeting to end. I followed her out of the coffee shop and to her car. People probably stared but fuck them.

I jogged up to her and she was trying to open her car door. She started to open it, and I got there in time to shut it again.

"Don't leave." I said.

She looked up at me with anger in her eyes. "Why would I want to stay if you are going to be an asshole?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just snap at you, but I got a lot on my plate right now and…"

She laughed a humorless laugh. "You have a lot on your plate." She repeated. "You don't think I know that? You don't think I am kept up every night worrying about you and all the shit on your plate? I love you, and I am trying to help you. I'm sorry if what I said about Bowman hurt your feelings or whatever, but you could have just told me that instead of flipping out on me. I was only trying to make things easier on you. I know what Bowman tells you fucking sucks, but it's just the way things are. There comes a point when you have to just accept the shit around you and just try your best to fix it."

"But Bella this is Alice…"

She let her purse drop to the floor and she put her hands on both sides of my face. "I know, baby. But you need to find a way to control your temper."

I sighed. "Can we go in your car? I have to talk to you about something." I guessed we could have talked about it outside the car, but I wanted privacy.

"Okay." She said.

She took her hands off my face and I opened the door for her. She mumbled a thank you and I went over to the other side. Once inside, I ran my hands over my face.

"So what do you want to talk about?"

I looked over to her. "I've been thinking and you are right. Right now, I am pretty much fucked unless I do something, you know?"

"You aren't doing anything wrong, baby."

"That's right and it's wrong at the same time. The only thing in my way right now is my fucking psychotic disorder. I mean, I can raise Alice, I can love her, but that means nothing if the court thinks I am a danger to her." I ran my hand through my hair. I was getting worked up again. "I keep on telling myself that it will never happen, that I will never put my hands on her or hurt her in anyway, but I need to stop lying to myself." Bella reached for my hand at the crack of my voice, her concerned eyes boring into mine. "I can hurt her, and I know for a fact I would never, ever forgive myself for it."

She ran her thumb over the back of my hand. "Okay, so what are you going to do about it?"

I let out a breath I held inside. "I guess I will have to talk to a doctor and see if there is a medication I can take or something. Therapy doesn't work for me, and I don't know, I guess there are a couple of possibilities for medication."

"I think that would be a good idea." She said and kissed my knuckles.

"I will hate every minute of it, but I guess it's a small sacrifice."

Her face turned curious. "Why will you hate it?"

"I hate meds. Plus the main reason I didn't even try them in the first place is because there is a chance they won't even work, or I could have a bad reaction to them, and have all of these side effects." I took a deep breath and let it out quickly. "Just a bunch of shit I don't want to deal with."

"Well you never know, maybe if you take something, you will react just fine."

I shrugged. "Guess I won't know until I try, huh?"

"Exactly."

"Alright, well I talked to Bowman about it this morning. He says it would be good on my record to show that I am at least trying, and he is setting up an appointment for me with an IED specialist."

"That's really good, Edward. Do you want me to go with you when you meet him?"

I looked up at her. "Would you?"

She cupped my cheek with her left hand. "Of course. Just tell me when."

I put my hand over hers on my face and kissed her palm. "Okay good, because I know I am an ass sometimes, but I really need you, Bella." She squeezed my hand and leaned closer to me, kissing me on the forehead. "All I have to do is stay out of trouble. I can't lose Alice."

She kissed my lips softly. "I know, and I will be here for you whenever you need me, baby."

"Promise?"

"I promesa." She said in response and I laughed at her cuteness and effort. "What? Isn't that right?"

"Well you got the word right, but it's in the wrong context."

She looked confused. "Then what should I have said?"

"Te lo prometo." I answered.

She rolled her eyes. "Well I give up then. I think I am destined to speak English and English only for the rest of my life."

"Oh don't be so hard on yourself. I'll teach you more one day." Oh what a great opportunity to mess with her. I mean, joking around with each other was kind of our thing. "Maybe after you are my wifey."

She groaned and pushed me away. "Get out of my car."

"That's kind of a rude thing to say to your dear husband."

"Dear, you are an asshole. Now get out of my car. I have to go to work." She turned her car on and I didn't move. She looked over at me with a smirk. She reached over and started pushing me towards the door. "Go! Shoo!"

"Can I have a kiss first?"

She pulled on the hem of my hoodie and pulled me towards her. She placed a hard but still sweet kiss on my lips. "There. Now get out of here before I am late."

"Alright, alright, I can take a hint." I opened the door and ran over to her side of the car. I knocked on her window and she rolled it down with a roll of her eyes. I leaned over and kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll text you when I'm at lunch."

I nodded my head and leaned out of her window so she could drive off. She reversed the car back and I just had to throw in one more jab.

"Have a good day at work, wifey."

"Fuck you!"

_Yep, that woman will be my wife one day._

* * *

_I don't know why she's with me.  
I only brought her trouble since the day she met me.  
If I was her, by now I would have left me.  
I would have walked away,  
But you've fallen in love in the worst way,  
And if you don't go now then you'll stay.  
Cause I'll never let you leave, never let you breathe  
Cause if you're looking for heaven, baby it sure as hell ain't me._

_**Walk Away, by The Script**_

* * *

**Hey I hope you all liked the chapter! This is kind of a watch-Edward-sort-things-out-in-his-head-chapter. I felt this was needed because we haven't heard from our guy in a while. I would say this chapter is the 'fasten your seatbelts' part of the roller coaster. Hahaha interpret that as you like. **

**Thanks to Alexa for being the fastest and most accurate pre-reader ever! If you haven't checked out her great story "Comes & Goes" you need to get on that! Haha I pre-read that one and it is amazing! **

**I will update again as soon as I can. At this point, I see a Friday update coming on. I know, it's a little longer than usual, but I have a busy week, and I will be MIA all weekend so there will be no updates then. So my goal is Friday, but who knows. **

**Thank you to everyone for making this story close to 1,000 reviews! That blows my mind! Thanks so much for your support everyone! **

**Review please!**


	29. Chapter 28: Some Sort of Crazy

**Chapter 28: Some Sort of Crazy**

**BPOV**

"Edward! Can you stop ripping the paper!" I swear, this man was a child inside.

He laughed and crumbled up some of the paper. He sat on the exam table and couldn't sit still at all and occupied himself but ripping off pieces of the paper below him and crumbling them up into little balls. We were waiting for the doctor to come back with the verdict for about twenty minutes at that point. They took a lot of blood, asked him a lot of questions, and gave him an MRI. We were at the hospital for about two hours. So obviously he had started getting restless.

"I'm sorry, but I'm so fucking bored." He whined.

"Well get over it."

"I should have brought Alice. She would have made things interesting."

"She would have been way more bored than you." I said.

He had left Alice with Bev. She didn't mind of course, she loved spending time with Bev. It was a Saturday in the middle of February already. Edward made the appointment a week after he told me he wanted to give the medication a try. Unfortunately the doctor Bowman referred him to didn't have an open space for another three weeks which brought us in the middle of February.

"Yeah I guess you're right." He looked around the room. "Oh get me some rubber gloves."

"Edward, I can't just take them."

"Why not? They won't notice. It's not like they count all of them or anything."

"Why can't you get them? You have two legs don't you?"

"Yeah, but my legs hurt." He whined.

_What's with the whining today?_ Maybe he felt he was entitled to whine when he was in a doctor's office, who the hell knew. The man thought in weird ways.

"Bullshit. I'm not your slave." I leaned back on the chair and got myself comfortable.

"So mean." He grumbled and got up from the table and walked over to the box of gloves.

I got a nice view of his ass as he walked. He wore my favorite pair of his jeans; black jeans that hugged his ass and legs in all the right places. He had paired that with a dark green t-shirt and black hoodie. He looked hot. I mean, he always did, but those black jeans did something to me.

He turned around with the biggest cheesiest smile on his face flapping two rubber gloves around. I laughed at him and he jumped back up on the exam table.

"Dude, I've never seen you so happy." I obviously over exaggerated, _but jeez, it's rubber gloves!_

I should have bought him a box for Valentine's Day last week. We both agreed not to get each other anything for Valentine's Day and it ended up being like any other day. I slept over but Edward fell asleep on me when we watched a movie. He woke up at the end, and felt bad about it, but at that point I was exhausted, so we both just went to bed. _Pretty fucking exciting and romantic, huh?_ Oh well, we weren't really like that anyway.

"It's fucking _rubber gloves_, Bella. Rubber. Gloves." He said.

He threw one at me and it slapped me in the face. He laughed and I flipped him off.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" I asked holding the glove up by the middle finger slot.

"What isn't there to do with it?" He tossed the glove from hand-to-hand trying to figure out what to do. He looked concentrated so I took that opportunity to fling the glove back at him. It hit him right in the cheek with a snap. "Ow!" He said loudly and rubbed his cheek.

I giggled and crossed my legs under me. "Oh stop being a baby."

He mumbled something that sounded like 'fucking bitch' and I just laughed. He put the glove I threw at him to his side and brought the other one to his mouth. He circled the opening to his mouth and started blowing. The glove started inflating. He blew it up until all the fingers were about an inch and a half. He tied up the end of it and it was like a balloon.

"Here, don't let it hit the ground." He hit it at me and I hit it back. He leaned over on the exam table and the breath got knocked out of me when I thought he would fall off. He hit it back and laughed. I didn't get it though because I ran up to him.

"Jesus, Edward. Don't scare me like that." I said with my hand on my heart that was beating out of my chest. I just had visions of him cracking his head on the floor. The asshole just laughed too.

He put his arm around my waist and pulled me to his side. He kissed my cheek and I completely melted. I had a tendency to do that when he was around. "I'm sorry, but you should know by now that I am a fucking ninja."

I snorted and grabbed his face to kiss his soft lips. "Forgive me for forgetting."

"Eh…I'll think about it." He wrapped his arm tighter around me and rested his head on my shoulder. I reached down for his free hand and put it on my chest.

"You feel that? You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Uh what am I feeling for?" He asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Are you kidding me, dude?"

"Uh…you put a man's hands on a beautiful woman's chest and you expect him to form a coherent thought except for the fact that he may want to cop a feel?"

I rolled my eyes and pushed his hand away. "You perv." I tried to pull away but he pulled me back and put his hand back on my chest.

"I'll be good. Damn, Bella I wouldn't have fallen."

"Edward, I had visions of you cracking your head."

He shook his head and took his hand off my chest. "Nah, I have a hard head."

I shook my head and he started laughing hysterically.

"What?" I asked him with a smile on my face; my involuntary reaction to seeing him laugh.

"That's what she said! Well…rather he said." He said between laughs and put his head back on shoulder as he shook with laughter.

I laughed lightly with him and rested my head on his. I liked seeing him happy. I didn't really think it was _that _funny but apparently Edward and his childish-boy brain did. Our moment was interrupted however by my phone ringing in my pocket. I sighed and took it out. I wrapped my left arm around Edward's neck and kept his head resting on my shoulder and answered the phone with my right.

"Hello?"

"_Hi, Bella! It's Amanda." _

Oh fuck. "Hi, Amanda."

"_How are you doing?" _

"I'm good, just with Edward right now." I said and twirled some of Edward's hair between my fingers. I knew what she would ask me and I would once again be torn.

"_Oh that's nice!" _She said sincerely. That's what I liked about Amanda; she was always happy and she was a genuine person. "_So I was just calling to ask if you were going on Friday? You know, for the show?" _

Yup, this is what I was waiting for. Amanda played in a band. Well actually, she sang in a band. She was going to have her first gig Friday night at a local bar and I wanted to go, I truly and honestly did. I was going to ask Edward to go with me, he could sneak me a couple beers and we could have maybe danced together and I could have supported Amanda. There was only one problem.

_Fucking Jacob. _

He would be there and I did not want to deal with him. If I went without Edward, I wouldn't feel safe around him, and if I did bring Edward….well that could likely end in World War III and end in Edward getting arrested. That was not an option.

"Oh," I cleared my throat and Edward looked up at me curiously. "Umm…do you think I can call you back? I'm at the doctors with Edward and I haven't talked to him about it yet."

"_Oh! You didn't tell me you were at the doctors! I'm sorry, yes, that's fine. Just let me know before tonight! I have to call in and put your name on the list." _

"Okay, I promise you I will."

"_I believe you, Bella. Talk to you later!"_

"Okay, bye Amanda."

"_Bye, Bella!" _

I hung up the phone and groaned.

"What was that all about?" Edward asked.

I sighed heavily. "Amanda is having a show tomorrow at some bar and she wants me to go."

"Okay, so why won't you go?"

"Because I want you to go."

"Okay, then I'll go. Don't be nervous to ask me to go somewhere, Bella. I know I have Alice but I also know that you need my attention too…"

"No, no, no…that's not it." I knew I had to tell him, but I didn't know how he would react. I knew he didn't like Jacob just for the simple fact that I didn't, so I didn't want to make him nervous or mad or aggravated.

"Then what is it?" He sounded worried and maybe even a little sad. He must have felt like I was keeping something from him. I wasn't, really, I just got nervous on how he would react to the news.

"Jacob is going to be there." I said quietly and took off a piece of fuzz from his sweater just to keep my eyes occupied on something other than his face.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He remained silent for a couple seconds and I just waited.

"Well then that's more reason for me to go." He said finally.

My eyes instantly met his. "What?"

"I don't want you alone with him especially in that setting."

"Yeah but…there is a very good chance he will piss you off, baby."

He shrugged. "I'm getting some meds today." I didn't even have to say anything more before he knew what I was going to say next. "If they don't work, I promise to behave. I have too much at stake."

I was going to say something else about him not being able to control himself when he was like that, but there was a quick knock at the door and then it opened. A man with graying black hair and a warm smile poked his head in the door.

"Edward Cullen?" He asked.

I pulled away from Edward.

"Yes." Edward answered, looking distracted.

I kissed the top of his head quickly and went back to my seat. The blown up glove was sitting on my chair. I rolled my eyes, picked it up, sat down, and put it in my lap.

The doctor chuckled. "I see you both had fun with the rubber gloves." He commented as he sat down in a chair in front of Edward.

"She did it." Edward said with a pointed finger my way.

I gasped. "I did not! You are such a liar."

"And she calls me names. She's a troublemaker, don't mind her." Edward said the last part in a whisper to the doctor and the doctor chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. _Men. _They always sided with each other.

"Hey, I'm not getting in the middle of this." The doctor said with raised hands in surrender. "But what I can do is introduce myself. I am Dr. Graham." He didn't reach for Edward's hand because it was probably written into his chart.

"I'm Edward and this is my girlfriend, Bella." Edward said with a hand pointing over to me.

Thank God he didn't introduce me as his 'wifey.' The guy lost his mind. He called me that at least ten times a day since that fateful day where I got proposed to over a text message. I knew he was just joking but I almost had a heart attack when I saw that text. He loved teasing me about it though in the form or 'wifey' and always talking about the big day. For example, he was ordering pizza one night, and before he called he asked me if I wanted pizza at our wedding. I went along with it, but I knew as well I wasn't ready for marriage. I was nineteen. I still had some time for that.

"Nice to meet you, Bella." Dr. Graham said with a polite nod. I told him I felt the same. He opened up the chart in front of him. "Alright, Edward, I have all your test results. They are all strictly procedure for patients diagnosed with IED. I hope the MRI didn't scare you or anything."

"No, I was fine. The nurse explained it to me."

"Awesome. Well I took a look over your chart and your psychiatrist's comments, and I do have a couple questions." He said thoughtfully.

"Alright, shoot."

"How often are your episodes?"

Edward sat and thought about it. "I don't know. It varies I guess, but on average it's about one or two a month I would say."

Dr. Graham nodded. "Okay and how long do they usually last?"

"Hmm…well it's always different. I think my longest one was three days and my shortest was maybe four hours."

Dr. Graham had that unaffected look that all doctors had but you knew they were thinking thoroughly about the information. "Alright, I will be straight up with you, Edward. What you are telling me concerns me."

Edward swallowed and looked down at his hands. I was seconds away from going to him to hold his hands. "So are you saying there is no hope?"

"No!" The doctor said immediately. "No, there is always hope, but what I mean is you seemed to have had a rapid development of the disease so to speak. Your symptoms are usually symptoms we see in men in the thirty-forty age range. Not twenty-three."

"Okay…" Edward said, not knowing what exactly what that meant for him.

"It's not too much of a big deal, I guess, but what does concern me is…well you are aware that people with IED have a higher chance of getting Bipolar Disorder, correct?" He asked.

"Yes, I knew."

_What? _I didn't know that! Bipolar Disorder was a scary disease. I had done enough research on it for one of my psyche classes and I couldn't imagine Edward with it. It was more like I didn't want to imagine him with it.

"Okay, well the rapidity of your IED developing so early makes me think monitoring you more closely and more often is the best plan of action. Would you agree?"

Edward shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that will be alright."

"Great, but that's not why you came here correct?" Edward shook his head. "Medication. Alright, I think that we will start you on Inderal. It's basically a mood stabilizer that will keep you with a clear head."

"And do you think that will help?" Edward asked.

"I have no way of knowing at this point, but it has worked for others, it all really depends on your body and what it is willing to take in. But even then, we can adjust dosages until we find one that fits you right."

Edward nodded and let out a breath of air. "Alright, well I guess I will give it a try."

"There are other medications, but according to your test results, I don't think they would fit very well with you. I can explain to you why and all that, but I'm sure you just want to get out of here."

Edward smiled crookedly. "Yes, please."

"Wait, so was there something wrong with his test results?" I asked.

"Oh no, no, no. Everything is fine, but my main concern of course is the diabetes and the kidney disease and that is what I have to talk to you about and stress some points." Dr. Graham said.

I sat up straighter in my seat and listened intently to what he had to say so I made sure Edward was doing everything he was supposed to be doing.

"The Inderal will sometimes either mask low blood sugar, or make the symptoms worse or more rapid. So, with that said, you need to take extra care and check your blood sugar more often. I will get you some glucose tablets to keep on you at all times."

Edward nodded. "Alright."

Then he went on talking about potential side effects; constipation, diarrhea, dizziness, drowsiness, fatigue, lightheadedness, nausea…pretty much everything. The doctor told Edward that if he gets them, then they are expected, but if any are to the extreme, he needed to call a doctor. He had to take 20-MG pills three times a day; each day at the same time.

What scared me was his diabetes and kidney disease. Usually medications don't fare well with illnesses such as those. He told us in his little speech that Inderal wasn't normally used for IED patients, but they did use it sometimes. I guessed it kept the heart and blood pressure at a normal rhythm at all times, therefore helping him control his impulsions. But with all these side effects, and 'what ifs' and all his talk about Bipolar Disorder, I felt a weight gaining on my chest. _My poor Edward. Seriously._

I looked over at him while Dr. Graham spoke. He listened intently with his lips pursed and with nods of his head, but I could also see doubt and defeat in his face. I could tell he was nervous. This was his last resort to get his act together for Alice.

I think the doctor noticed Edward's doubt. "Listen Edward, don't worry about it. I understand your situation is dire, but don't get discouraged. We will try the Inderal, if it doesn't work out, I will contact your lawyer, tell him that we are still looking for a new medication. I will meet with some of my colleagues and we will figure out a way to help you, alright?"

Edward nodded. "Okay, thank you." Edward said sincerely looking into the doctor's eyes.

"You're very welcome, Edward." Dr. Graham pulled out a prescription pad and wrote it out for him. When he was finished writing his signature, he handed it over to Edward. He started writing out another one. "I will give you a prescription for glucose tablets as well."

Edward nodded and ran his hand through his hair. I could tell he was nervous about the whole thing. Hell, I was nervous.

Dr. Graham handed Edward the slip and got up from the chair. He put a hand on Edward's shoulder. "Good luck, and give us a call if anything happens, alright."

"Yes, sir, thank you." Edward said, fiddling with the ends of the paper in front of him.

Dr. Graham gave me a polite goodbye, and left the room. As soon as the door closed, I got up from my chair and went straight to Edward. I walked in front of him and stood between his legs. I kissed him on the forehead and then hugged him tightly around the neck.

He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, melting into my embrace. He needed this, I guessed. I ran my hand up and down his back. "Everything will be okay, baby."

He nodded against my shoulder. "I know."

"You don't have to worry Edward, I'm sure the side effects will suck but…" He shook his head and pulled away.

"I don't care about that shit. The only thing running through my mind right now is if this doesn't work, Alice will be the one to suffer."

"Don't say that."

He groaned and pushed me away. He never pushed me away.

"Edward…"

He hopped down from the table and grabbed his jacket. "I don't want to talk about this right now, Bella. I just want to go home."

He seemed so distracted, worried and broken; I just couldn't fight him on it.

He reached his hand out to me however, and for that I was grateful. He kissed the back of my hand, I grabbed my jacket, and we were out the door.

Hoping we wouldn't have to come back too soon.

* * *

I opened the door of my apartment and dropped my stuff at the door.

I felt exhausted even though I didn't do too much the whole day. Yeah I had work and then I went to the hospital with Edward, but it wasn't that much physically…more like mentally.

When we finished at the hospital, Edward picked up some food and we went back to his place and his attention pretty much remained on Alice. He didn't ignore me or anything, but it was like he was soaking her in, as if he thought he wouldn't be able to for much longer. I hated that he thought that way. In my honest opinion, I didn't think a judge would really choose to send Alice with her parents over Edward. That was just asinine. It wasn't logical at all. I thought if we fought hard enough, Alice could stay away from his parents.

I didn't tell Edward, and maybe I should have, but I called Bowman and asked him about Edward's options, and even though he knew I was Edward's girlfriend, he didn't want to discuss specifics with me because of confidentiality. But that got me thinking, what if I wasn't just his girlfriend. _What if we got married? _

My thought process was that if I was married to Edward, I could share the custody with Alice. If something happened with Edward, Alice would still have me. Alice would always have me of course, but that wasn't seen in the eyes of the court. But if Alice had at least one 'stable' (words of the court—Edward is stable) guardian, would that be enough to let the judge keep her with Edward since he wasn't alone? _Sounds at least a little bit logical right?_ Well apparently not. I asked Bowman about it, and he said me being married to Edward wouldn't matter. I was only nineteen, had little income, and even if I wanted to have joint custody of Alice with Edward, it would take months to file and make official.

_There goes that idea. _

I didn't want to get married so young, but I would do it in a heartbeat if it was a for sure way for Edward to keep Alice. I just hated seeing him so lost and helpless and feeling like the world was against him. The list of things Edward had to deal with was unbelievable, yet he still managed to put a smile on and raise a beautiful child.

I was two steps away from the couch when my phone started ringing. I just wanted to relax.

I looked at the caller ID and it was Amanda. _Fuck. I forgot. _

I just didn't answer the phone call and I texted Edward when she hung up. I would call her right back, I just needed to check with Edward. I texted instead of calling him because it was only 7:45 and I didn't know if Alice was sleeping yet.

_**Can you call me when you get this? Amanda wants an answer. –B**_

I put my phone on the table and laid back on the couch. I felt like I could fall right asleep with my shoes and work clothes on and everything. I felt that way, but I knew when I tried to go to sleep, my head would be spinning so much I wouldn't be able to fall asleep.

I jumped when my phone vibrated against the table. That's such a horrible sound. I reached over for it and answered. It was Edward.

"Hey, baby." I said.

"_Hey, hermosa. So what do you want to do about the show?" _

"I mean, I want to go, but I don't know about Jacob."

"_I'll go with you, Bella. I won't flip out." _He sighed sadly and I wanted to be with him. "_I don't have the energy anyway." _

"Have you taken it yet?" I asked.

He sighed. "_No. I already thought about when I would take it. He said three times a day right? So I'll take it when I get out of work at eleven, then again at seven, and then again at three. It evens it out."_

"Yeah that sounds good."

"_Yeah. So just tell Amanda that you are going, and put me on the list. I'm sick of not doing things with you because of how fucked up I am."_

"Edward…" I felt a lump in my throat.

He sounded so defeated and I wanted to make it better for him but I had no idea how.

"_I'm sorry, Bella. I don't mean to be all fucking emo, but I don't know. I will talk to you tomorrow okay?" _

"Okay, baby. Cheer up, alright?"

"_I'll try." _

"I'll put my phone on loud tonight. Call me if you need me. Don't you dare hesitate, baby. Call me if you need me."

"_I will, but don't worry about me. I'm in a funk I guess." _

"Well get out of your funk. I hate it when you are in a funk."

He chuckled lightly. "_I'll try for you. I love you." _

"I love you too."

"_Bye, wifey." _

I laughed and so did he. Like music to my ears. "Bye, asshole." Couldn't make him think I was going to give into his wifey talk.

_Even thought being his wife didn't sound so bad._

* * *

I slept through my alarm and was running late to meeting Edward at the coffee shop. I wasn't _that _late, only about ten minutes late, but that was also ten minutes I couldn't spend with him. I pulled up to the coffee shop and parked quickly. Not a good way to start off a Monday morning.

I walked inside through the cold morning weather. I rubbed my hands together once I was inside and looked over to the table to see him.

He wasn't there.

I instantly began to worry. I wondered why he didn't text me this morning and I just figured he forgot or something. He usually always texted me saying good morning, but he didn't that morning. And then he wasn't at the coffee shop. I knew he wouldn't have forgotten that. We did it every day. I didn't even order anything because if I ate or drank something I would have probably thrown it up or something. I was worried out of my mind.

I sat down at the table and double checked that he didn't text me. He didn't. I called his number and it ended up going to voicemail. I called again, and it went again to voicemail. I called Bev's number next. She should have been awake.

"_Hello?" _She answered. She didn't sound tired, she sounded normal.

"Hey, Bev. Is Edward there?"

"_No he's not, honey. He's at work I suppose."_

"Maybe, but I don't think so Bev. I'm at the coffee shop and he is usually here way before me and he isn't here right now." I ran my hand through my hair and my knee bounced in nervousness. "You saw him this morning right? Was he okay?"

"_Yeah…he looked okay. Maybe a little tired and he said the medication he took made him feel a little nauseous, but other than that he said he was perfectly fine." _She answered suddenly sounding as nervous as I felt.

"I'll try giving him a call again. He must have just gotten caught up at work or something." I said hopefully.

I didn't believe a word I said, but it comforted me a little bit. It was a possibility he just got caught up. But why didn't he call me?

"_Yes, give him a call and call me back when you know." _

"Okay, I will. Bye, Bev."

"_Bye, sweets. Don't worry. I am sure he is fine." _

"I'll try."

I hung up with her and called Edward back. Still no answer. I went online on my phone and found the number for the newspaper company. I called and asked to speak to the manager. He told me Edward checked out forty-five minutes earlier. I asked him if he saw anything wrong with him, and he said he just looked tired.

I cursed under my breath and tried to contain myself from going to look for him. If I left, I would have no idea where to go. And then what if he showed up perfectly fine and he just somehow didn't hear his phone ringing? I didn't know what the fuck was going on but I found myself terrified.

My phone buzzed in my hand making me jump. I looked at the caller ID and it was Edward.

"Edward! Where the hell are you?" I asked fiercely.

"_Is this Bella?" _Another man asked. It wasn't Edward. _What the hell is going on? _

"Yes it is. Who is this?"

"_I'm Deputy Chris Johnson, I called you because I see you called this number multiple times?" _

_A deputy? Police? Did Edward get arrested?_ No, this can't be happening. _Alice. _

"Yes, I was trying to call Edward to see where he was."

"_And what is your relation to Edward?" _

"I'm his girlfriend. What is going on?" I asked worriedly.

I got up from the table and went to my car. Something told me Edward wouldn't be making it to the coffee shop, and I hoped I didn't have to pick him up from the police station. If he got arrested, things would not end well. I just knew it.

"_Miss, I regret to have to tell you this over the phone, but your boyfriend was in a minor car accident." _

I gasped and tried to calm down my heart that beat fiercely against my chest. "Is he okay?"

"_Yes ma'am. He has a few cuts from the glass and a few bruises, but we are going to transfer him to the hospital because he seems to be under the influence of something." _

As soon as he said they were bringing him to the hospital, I pulled out of my parking spot and started speeding to the hospital to see him. He said he was okay. That's what I have to focus on. I knew he wasn't on the influence of anything. He had a bad reaction to the medication. That was the only explanation.

"How long until he is at the hospital?" I asked.

"_Five minutes. We are only blocks away." _

"Okay, I will be there." I hung up the phone and pressed a little harder on the gas.

I bit my lip to hold in my cries. _Why couldn't anything right happen for him? _The officer said his crash was minor, but what if it hadn't been? I wondered what caused him to actually crash, but if he was experiencing serious side effects from the medication, the possibilities could have been endless. My guess was he fell asleep at the wheel. The medication could have made him drowsy and he already had a crap sleeping schedule.

It was a long ten minute drive. Once at the hospital. I jogged into the emergency room and stopped at the front desk.

"Has Edward Cullen been brought in yet?" I asked the lady.

She typed something into her computer and nodded. "Yes. He is in room 139 right now. You can go back there."

"Thank you." I said quickly and went past the doors to where the rooms were.

It was the emergency room so there were people everywhere. I heard a baby crying, a man complaining, a woman was lying on a gurney in the hallway…so many sick and injured people. I needed to get to my sick and injured man though before I lost my mind. I found room 139 and the door was open and two doctors stood in the view of Edward in the bed. I knocked on the door and both doctors looked toward me. One was Dr. Graham and the other was none other than Dr. Masen.

"Hello, Bella." Dr. Graham said.

I walked through the threshold and my eyes locked on Edward. He lied in the bed with his regular clothes on. He had a bandage on his forehead and a cut along his cheek. He was sleeping and already connected to an IV. His face looked a little swollen but he still looked beautiful. I walked past the doctors and right to him. I took one of his hands in mine and put my other hand in his hair and stroked it gently.

"I take it those meds won't work?" I asked.

I took my hand from his hair and pushed away a tear that fell. _It could have been so much worse._

"I'm afraid he is allergic to them." Dr. Graham said regretfully. He walked over to the other side of Edward he turned over his arm with the IV on it and pointed out a rash on his arms. "He has a rash." He turned over his hands to show me his purple finger tips. "This shows he lost some oxygen. He had a severe allergic reaction."

A sob left my throat and I sat down beside him. "So that's it? That's all we can do?" I was talking to Dr. Graham but I didn't take my eyes off of Edward.

"We can't put him back on Inderal no matter the dosage. I spoke to Dr. Masen, and we both agree that we can try and start him on Lithium. It will be tricky with is diabetes and kidney disease, but we can start him on the lowest dosage, and work from there."

I nodded and brought his hand to my lips. I needed him to wake up so I could see those eyes of his. "Okay. Is he going to wake up, soon?" Dr. Masen walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder in comfort.

"He should be awake any second now. Just talk to him, and when he wakes up, press the call button. Dr. Graham and I will be here to speak to him about his other options." He said kindly.

I nodded. "Okay."

Dr. Masen's hand left my shoulder and both doctors walked out of the room. I put my hand back to Edward's hair and ran my hand through it, hoping to wake him up.

"Edward? Can you hear me, baby?" He didn't move and I wiped the tears from my eyes while not letting go of his hand. "Edward, please wake up." I plead with him.

I felt his hand move in mine and I knew he would be waking up soon. I looked up at his face and got up from the chair. I placed small kisses on his forehead hoping that would wake him. He held on tighter to my hands and I pulled away just in time to see those eyes. He looked at me blankly for a second before realization settled on his face and his eyes popped out of his head and he gasped.

"Bella? What the…" He said groggily looking around frantically.

"Shh…baby calm down. You're in the hospital?"

He started breathing heavy. "What am I doing here? Where's Alice? Is she okay?"

"Yes, of course she is, love. She is probably heading to school soon." Which reminded me that I would have to call into work. I wouldn't be making it to work. I wouldn't leave his side.

He let out a sigh of relief. "What am I doing here?"

"You had a bad reaction to the medication and you got in a car accident."

"What?" He asked curiously. "My truck…"

I shrugged. "I don't know what happened with your truck, but we can find out soon." I didn't really care about his truck in that moment. "How are you feeling?"

"Like crap. I have a headache and I'm tired."

"Do you remember what happened?"

He shook his head. "No, I…I remember that the meds made me nauseous and I could barely sleep, so I got tired. I delivered all the papers, I itched a rash a lot…and then I started getting dizzy…" He said everything slowly as if he was recalling everything as he went. "And then I don't know."

I shook my head. "You must have passed out or something."

"I'm sorry…"

"Why are you saying sorry?" I asked.

"You're crying."

I shook my head and kissed his hand. "I just love you too much, I guess."

The corner of his mouth lifted up slightly. "I love you too, I'm just sorry you have to deal with this shit."

"Shut up. I need to call the doctors back in here." I reached for the call button and pressed it. Edward just sighed and closed his eyes. I put my hand back in his hair. "Don't fall asleep on me now."

"I won't." He said with his eyes still closed.

I kissed the back of his hand and kept it near my mouth while we waited for the doctors silently. He didn't seem too sick anymore. Mostly just tired like he said. At least the doctors said there was another way. Yes, it sucked that the medication he first tried didn't work, but at least there were other options and hopefully they would help him. I had faith that they would.

Both doctors came back in the room and shut the door.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" Dr. Graham asked.

"Tired and I have a headache." He said.

"That's to be expected." Dr. Masen said.

"So what exactly happened?" Edward asked.

"You had an allergic reaction to the Inderal, so we won't be putting you back on that." Dr. Graham said. "But, what we can do is start you on Lithium. We would start you on it next week though. We don't want to bombard you with medication after medication continuously. You can take a week to recuperate from this allergic reaction, and then we can start another that could be of help. My only concerns are…"

Edward held up his hand for him to stop. "No." He said. "I don't want it."

I gasped and looked at him like he was crazy. _What does he mean he doesn't want it? _He needed to try some medication to stay out of trouble. What the hell was he talking about? _He said he wanted to do whatever he could, and this is how he can do it! _

"Excuse me?" Dr. Masen asked, sounding just as astounded as I felt.

"I don't want any more medications. It's bullshit. I'm not going to go through all these experiments only to find out they don't work in the end." Edward said frustratingly. "I have a life. I have two jobs and a child to raise. I can't be getting in car accidents every day and incoherent because of side effects from drug that probably won't even help me."

"With all due respect, you haven't given it a chance to work Edward. This is just one medication, Edward." Dr. Graham said.

"With all due respect, doctor, I don't want to take any more chances. You said so yourself that any other medication would be risky. I don't want to fucking die."

"Edward, you aren't going to die." I said angrily. I couldn't believe he would just give up so easily.

"Taking medications definitely increase the chance, Bella. I just got into a fucking car accident. I could have died. I can't be more out of my mind than I already am. What if I was at home with Alice and I passed out? What if she was in the car…no. I'm done. I'll just have to find a way to control myself. Fuck this medication shit."

I let go of his hand and walked over to the other side of the room. I had to contain myself from hitting him or something. He had no idea if he would even have that kind of reaction to the Lithium unless he tried. _He wasn't even going to try!_

"Okay, well I guess we can't force you." Dr. Graham said.

"You can't. Now can I just go home? I don't need to be in here." Edward said angrily and started getting up from the bed and groaned at the IV in his arm.

"I'll have a nurse take that out and then you are free to go. You will just have to sign something before you go." Dr. Masen said.

"Make it happen." Edward said.

Now he was in a jerky mood. _Just fucking great_. I was furious with him. I got what he was saying, but I couldn't believe he would give up so easily. Both doctors left the room and I didn't even look back at Edward.

"Let me guess…you're mad at me?" Edward said.

"Just leave me alone right now, Edward."

"Bella, really? What the fuck is the big deal? It wasn't going to work anyway."

I shook my head. "I don't feel like talking to you right now."

"Whatever. Thanks for the support, Bella."

I turned to him now with fury in my eyes and I wanted to yell and hit him so bad. I wanted to shake him. _Doesn't he realize he is making a mistake? _

"Support you? You want me to support a decision that I think is a huge mistake?" I asked in a raised voice. I didn't want to scream and make a scene, but I was close to it.

"So you would rather me take some pill and get in another car accident or something?"

I gaped at him. How could he even ask me if I wanted him to get in another car accident. "You're a fucking asshole."

"Tell me something I don't know."

I was going to say something else but a nurse walked into the room looking like she felt uncomfortable. The tension in the room must have been obvious. She took the IV out and Edward scowled the whole time. As soon as she was finished, I walked out of the room and he followed after me. I crossed my arms in front of me and he didn't come up beside me. I dreaded the fight that I knew was coming. I hated fighting with him, but I also didn't want to just let the fact that I thought he was making a big mistake slide. That wouldn't help anything.

He signed his papers and followed me to the car. I opened the car door roughly and slammed it closed, letting him know I was still pissed the hell off. He did the same of course because he was a stubborn asshole and wouldn't go down without a fight. I pulled out of the parking lot and drove towards his house.

"So you're really just going to ignore me and shit?" He asked.

"Yup."

"Pull over."

"Why?"

"Because I said so. Pull over." He said.

"Because you said so? Who do you think I am? You're dog?"

"Bella, pull the fuck over unless you want vomit all over your dashboard."

I chanced a glance over to him and saw he was very pale. _Fuck. _They shouldn't have let him go so early. I pulled over to the side of the road onto a patch of grass, and he got out of the car and went to the trees. He bent over and his body shook. I could tell from my spot in the driver's seat. He made me mad as hell, but I still got out of the car and rubbed his back as he threw up.

When he was finished, he stayed hunched over with his hands on his knees breathing deeply.

"I think I have a water in my car." I said and went over to my car. I opened the back seat door and saw one on the floor in the back seat. I had already drank from it, and it was in there for a couple of days, but it was all I had. I was even a little cold from the weather. I brought it over to him and handed it to him.

He took the cap off and put some in his mouth, swished it around, and spit it on the ground. He looked over to me. "This is exactly why I don't want to do this shit." He said gesturing in front of him where his vomit was on the ground.

"I know it sucks, Edward, but I feel you are giving up too easily. What if you take this new one and you are perfectly fine? You'll never know if that could have been the one thing to help you."

"I don't want to take the chance."

I groaned and pulled at my hair. "I don't know why you are doing this, Edward."

"I don't know why you are fighting me on this so much, Bella! It's my fucking life, let me do what I want to do!" He yelled.

"I know it's your life and that is why I worry so much about you! You're life is the most important thing to me, and I hate to see you just give up on something that could make your life easier!"

"Bella, I don't have time to try out these pills. If I have another reaction to a medication like that, I could lose my job or my life. I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure the courts won't like the idea that I don't have any job and I don't want to die, Bella."

"But what if…"

"What if, what if, what if! I'm fucking sick of the what ifs. What if it works? What if it doesn't? What if Alice gets taken away from me? What if I die? I'm fucking sick of this, Bella. I'm sick of my life being a string of shit. I'm not healthy, mentally or physically. Let's say I do take the drug and it works. Great. Well I still have fucking diabetes that I have to deal with, along with kidney disease, and I have two jobs, and I have psycho parents breathing down my neck, and I have Alice who needs me twenty-four /seven. And then there's you. You are always trying to take care of me, and I hate it. Look, you missed work today because of me."

He ran his hand through his hair and I bit my lip to keep from crying. He had so much going on and I just wanted to take it all away from him.

"This shit takes its toll on a person, Bella. It really does. I don't want to medication because I don't want just another thing to deal with and worry about."

How could I even fight with him anymore when he looked so defeated and vulnerable in that moment? My idea didn't change. I did think that he should at least give medication another try, but he knew what he could handle, and if he felt that he couldn't risk another medication, there was nothing I could do or say about that.

"Okay, well…I guess I can't say much else. I just want what's best for you and Alice, baby."

"I know you do, and I don't mean to be such an ass all the time. I'm just….stressed. And frustrated, and sick of bullshit, and tired…I'm just so fucking tired." He said with his shoulders slumped and he put his hands over his face.

I took the steps toward him to close the distance between us. I took his hands from his face and put them around my waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he held onto me tightly. He kissed my neck and I ran my hand through his hair, the both of us comforting each other with touches and kisses.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." He mumbled and kissed the side of my head.

"Me too."

"I love you." He said.

"I love you too."

"I'll be more in control. I think I can do it. I have to. If I lose Alice…"

"Shh…" I said and kissed him on his lips softly. "No matter what happens, you will never lose her. I have faith that whatever happens, in the end, you and Alice will be happy."

"I can't be happy without her." He sighed.

"I know, I know, that's why we will have to fight."

"We." He said, trying it out.

"Of course 'we.' I'll do anything for the both of you."

He sighed and put his head on my forehead. "Ready, I am going to say something so sappy and romantic it will make you swoon hardcore." He said with a smirk.

I chuckled. "Okay, shoot."

"You are the light of my life." He said with his angelic smile and his green eyes shining at me. _Oh swoon. _

"Aww…thank you, baby. So are you."

"Okay, can I stop being romantic now?"

"Sure."

"Thank fucking God. That shit made my balls shrink or something. If they are even there anymore."

I laughed and kissed him. _Oh my Edward. _

I would seriously do anything for that man.

_Anything._

* * *

_I may be some sort of crazy.  
We may be some sort of crazy,  
But I swear on everything I have and more;  
You make the sound of pulling heaven down.  
You brought the rain's romantic pour.  
You make the sound,  
You make the sound,  
Of pulling heaven down._

_**Sound of Pulling Heaven Down, by Blue October**_

* * *

**Hey, everyone! I hope you all like this chapter and I am very curious as to what you all will think about it! **

**Big thanks to Alexa for pre-reading this and being a great support system for this crazy and stressful week. This week made my head spin and she helped me out a lot! Thank you, homeboy! **

**Next update will be…I honestly have no idea. LOL It will be within the week, that's for sure. I am going away this weekend though so no writing time for me! But don't worry, once this insane week and weekend is over, I will be treating myself to some much needed uninterrupted writing time lol. **

**Review please! **


	30. Chapter 29: Face the Fear

**Chapter 29: Face the Fear**

**BPOV**

I knew I shouldn't have shown up when he told me to.

Edward, I had learned, was a sneaky little bastard and liked making me wait outside for him for about twenty minutes or so. I was so glad we were getting his truck back, because if I had to be his chauffer any longer, I may have ended up punching him. He was an annoying person to drive around. He was one of those _'are we there yet'_ people. Actually, he wasn't, he just found out it aggravated me when he did it, so he did it all the time.

He was lucky I loved him. That's all I got to say.

I let him have his fun though. He had been in a really good mood these past couple of days. After our little fight and him deciding he wouldn't take medication anymore, he decided to stop obsessing over his health and just live. At least that was what he told me. I on the other hand still obsessed over his health and I had an eye on him at all times. Well at the times I was allowed to have my eye on him. School really was taking a lot out of me and the only times I really saw him were when we carpooled each other.

He would bring me home at the end of the day and then take my car to drive himself to the hospital and then to deliver papers. Then he picked me up from my house in the morning, brought me to the coffee shop, and when we were done there, he brought me to work. He leaved my car there and took a cab home. And then I needed to pick him up from therapy, and drop him off home. Sometimes I would stay with him, but I had a lot going on in school so sometimes that wasn't possible.

Today I was going to spend the rest of the day with them though. In the past couple of days, I probably saw Alice a total of thirty minutes and boy did I miss the shit out of that little girl. I also hadn't seen Bev much which sucked. I'd been missing all three of them so I was glad I had some time to just be with them.

I looked over to the door of the therapy office and I smiled seeing Edward stroll out of there. He had sunglasses on; I didn't know why because there was absolutely no sun at all. _Weirdo_. He had on his beanie and a black hoodie and jeans on. Typical Edward. I didn't even know if he owned any fancy clothes or even a button up. Although I was pretty sure if I saw Edward in a suit, I would die. Seriously. I was so ridiculously attracted to him, it was insane.

He opened the passenger door, but didn't get inside. He only popped his head in. "Hey, chick. Can I drive?" He asked.

"Uh…how about, no."

He pouted. "Come on! Please?"

"No, get in the car. I'm already mad at you as it is."

He sighed and sat down in the seat. He closed the door and crossed his arms in front of him looking over to me through those long eyelashes and I wanted to kiss and punch the shit out of him at the same time.

"Why are you mad at me, hermosa?"

"You know why, Edward. Look at the time."

He looked over at it and smiled at me. "It looks to me like its 3:30."

"Congratulations, genius. You can tell time." I said sarcastically.

"Don't get sassy with me, woman!"

"I can get sassy all I want. You tell me to come here a half an hour before you even get out! I should have caught on the first couple times! Do you think I like sitting outside in the car staring at nothing just to wait for you?"

He scratched the back of his neck. "Uh…well what if I get out early?"

"Then you could have called me and I would have come over earlier."

"Yeah, but then I would have to stand outside in the cold." He was walking on thin ice because of that adorable pout on his face. He knew what he was doing.

"You don't think that kind of selfish?"

He frowned. "Look, I'm sorry. I guess I just hope to get out earlier because it sucks so bad, and I would like to see your face when I get out because you make me feel better. I'm only ensuring that that happens."

Could I ever win something with him? _No_. I didn't think so because no matter how much he got on my nerves sometimes, he always had his heart in the right place. He was genuinely a just _nice _person despite what people saw on the outside.

"Well couldn't it be fifteen minutes? It gets boring sitting in a car."

He chuckled and leaned over to me. He grabbed my chin between his two fingers and kissed me softly on the lips.

"I'm sorry, pretty lady. I'll think of that next time, but it won't happen for a while because I am getting my truck back today!" He said with a smile like a kid on Christmas morning.

He didn't like relying on other people. He didn't give me too much crap, and he seemed appreciative of me giving him rides, but I could tell he wanted to be able to do it himself.

"Yes you do!" I kissed him once more, even though I could have easily had a nice make out session with his sexy self in the parking lot, but I knew he wanted to get his truck. _Men and their vehicles._

"How long until we get there?" He asked as I pulled out of the parking lot.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't start with me, Edward."

He chuckled and grabbed my free hand. "I'm not. I'm actually curious. I kind of want to go home."

"Oh yeah? Any particular reason?"

He shrugged. "I just miss Alice."

I should have known he would have said that. Alice spent the night at a friend's house the night before, and when she got home, she just crashed according to Edward. Then he didn't see her in the morning, so he hadn't really seen her in a while. Even going a full day without seeing her made him anxious.

"I know. I miss her too. I haven't really gotten to spend much time with her lately."

"She misses you too." He laughed softly. "She yelled at me the other day because I couldn't put her hair in a bun like you do."

I chuckled. "You need to brush up on your hairstyling skills, dude."

"Hey, I got to maintain at least a little bit of manliness. I suck at buns, but I can hook you up with some killer pig-tails."

"I'll keep that in mind." I brought his hand to my lips and kissed the back of it.

"You know what else I miss?"

"Me?"

"Eh…no. My truck." I gasped and let go of his hand. He started laughing and tried to grab my hand but I swatted him away. _Jerk. _"Come on I was just kidding, wifey. I love you!"

"No, it's okay. I didn't miss you either. Jerkface."

He laughed. "You know I was kidding. I missed you. A lot."

"More than your truck?"

"Why yes of course. But I do love my truck. I think I should give her a name."

I chuckled and shook my head. "Why do you think that is necessary?"

"Because I love my truck, and I think she deserves her own identity."

I laughed. "Dude, you are so out there."

"Whatever, bitch."

"I love you for it though. So continue on and what is the name of your truck?"

"Hmm…" He took a couple seconds to think about it. Apparently he was dead serious about this and he was going to name his truck. "Well I want it to be pretty bad ass."

"Okay…so what are you thinking?"

"I don't know, woman! Let me think!" He said in frustration. He was getting a little too into this whole naming of his car thing. I found it kind of ridiculous, but Edward was kind of ridiculous in the best of ways. "Oh shit! I got it!"

"The suspense is killing me, babe." I said sarcastically.

He didn't even respond to me sarcasm and the excitement in his eyes was infectious. "Sacagawea."

_Insert awkward moment of confused silence. _

"What?"

"Sacagawea!"

Thank God we showed up at the repair shop at that moment because the laugh that overtook me wouldn't have allowed me to keep control of the car. He was dead serious about his name choice but I couldn't even believe it. It was so weird, and so out there, and so random, and so Edward.

"Babe…" I tried to get something out, but I could not control myself at all. I think my laughing was a third laughing at him, a third laughing at the situation, and the last third was just pure happiness in having the honor of knowing someone like him.

"Why the fuck are you laughing at me? Do you know who Sacagawea was?" He asked, offended that I would laugh at such a name belonging to such a person.

"Yes of course I know!"

"She was fucking bad ass, Bella. If it wasn't for her, Lewis and Clark would have never been able to explore as much as they did. She went with them with a baby on her back and her presence alone, the presence of the motherly, pure, and innocent woman made everyone Lewis and Clark met along the way notice they came in peace. She was just amazing and fucking bad ass. You can laugh all you want, but Sacagawea is the shit."

I got what he was saying in his own Edward sort of way, but I still just had to laugh. He was so serious about it. How was I going to tell my friends that my boyfriend not only named his car, but named it Sacagawea of all names? I didn't really care what other people thought; my history buff man was adorable and I loved him to death.

"You are hilarious, dude."

He frowned. "You're making fun of me."

"No! I think it's a great name, but I don't think many other men would name their car Sacagawea."

"You're just jealous because I will be going home with Sacagawea every day. Be jealous, bitch." He said with a smirk and got out of the car and went to go to his Sacagawea.

_What a dork. _

I followed after him soon after and we both went to get his truck. The smile on his face was bigger than I think I ever saw it. The excitement radiated off of him. I smiled a lot as well because not only was getting Sacagawea back making Edward smile, but it also meant that I wouldn't have to be a chauffeur to my man-child boyfriend anymore. I would miss our little drives, but it was nice to not have to wait for him to get out of therapy since he wanted me there a half an hour early every day.

He drove home in Sacagawea, and I drove behind him in my car. I tried to pass him many times but he would just speed up. He always had to win. I could get used to his good mood and never get sick of it. The only problem was Amanda's show was in two days. Edward seemed fine about it, but I was freaking out. Maybe I shouldn't have been. Maybe we wouldn't even run into Jacob. Tanya, Angela, and Ben would be there too, and they all seemed to love Jacob so hopefully he would be distracted by them to even bother me. Hopefully.

I thought I was being too pessimistic about the whole thing. Like when you thought about something so much and anticipate all the bad or good that could come from it and you thought it would be this catastrophic or monumental day, and then when the day actually came, nothing happened at all. That was also a possibility. _Who the fuck knows._ I talked about it with Edward and he just told me I was crazy and I need to stop dwelling on it, so I had been trying to take his advice.

We both pulled up to his house and he went in before me. I knew he was anxious to see Alice, and I didn't need him to hold my hand to the house. Some might think he was being ungentlemanly, but I just thought he was being himself, and I wouldn't want him to think he has to change for me. I knew he wanted to see Alice and I wouldn't hinder that at all.

I went in after him and I could hear Alice's screech of happiness at seeing Edward and his laugh. I smiled the rest of the way and when I walked in, they were both on the floor rolling around in a hug. Bev was laughing from the computer where it looked like she was playing Farmville on Facebook. Jeez, even Bev had one of those things. What is this world coming to?

They stopped rolling when Alice saw me walk in and she ran full force at me screaming my name. I picked her up and hugged her incredibly close because I was so happy to see her.

"Bella I haven't seen you in a million years!" She said.

"I know! It's crazy!"

"Are you going to sleep over today?" She asked.

"No, not today. But I am on Friday!"

"Yay! That means we can do a lot of fun girl stuff without Ecy!"

"Hey!" Edward called from behind her. I looked over her shoulder to him. He was standing next to Bev and looking at the screen. "Why can't I join?"

"Do you want your fingernails pink?" Alice asked and he just looked at her dumbfounded. "Didn't think so. So quiet." She snapped at him and he just grumbled something and brought his attention back to Bev.

I laughed at them and Alice just rolled her eyes. It was strange. She bossed him around a lot and he listened to her, but she still understood that in the end he was the boss and she would listen to him when he was serious…most of the time. All kids test their guardians though, she wasn't a bad kid.

She looked back over to me and hugged me. She was so lovable and cute. I loved her so much. I walked over with her to the couch and sat down with her still wrapped in my arms. Edward squatted down near Bev and looked mesmerized by what she was doing on the computer but he still had some trouble figuring out how to work the computer. I guess he just couldn't wrap his head around the concept. How he didn't get it, I will never know.

"How was your day, kid?" Edward asked while still looking at the screen like he was watching a horse do the Macarena or something.

"It was good. Can we go out for ice cream?" She said quickly like she wanted to get off of the subject. Edward looked away from the screen and looked at her curiously. Bev froze at what she was doing and turned towards her as well.

"Uh…I don't think so Alice." Edward said. He got up from his squatting position and started walking toward us.

"Why not?" She asked innocently and pushed her hair behind her ears in a nervous manner.

Edward was picking up on it to…whatever it was that she seemed to be hiding. "Because for some reason I don't think it will be permitted."

She cocked her head to the side, packing on the cuteness. Edward didn't look fazed. He might have been deep down, but he hid it very well.

"What does that mean?" Alice asked.

"It means, what did you do?" Edward asked back.

She looked down at her hands on her lap and then looked over to Bev with pleading eyes as if asking her to save her.

I looked over to Bev and she shook her head. "I'm not going to save you."

Alice sighed and got up off of my lap. She walked over to Edward and hugged him around the waist. "I love you, Ecy."

Edward sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I love you too, but can you please tell me what is going on?"

She looked up at him and her little hands gripped onto the sides of his shirt. "Promise you won't hate me forever and ever?"

Edward groaned. He was getting impatient. "That will never happen, Alice. Now tell me what is going on right now."

She nodded her head and ran out of the room. Edward looked over at Bev for some sort of answer but she just shrugged and looked away. She wasn't going to be the one to tell him. I was curious. Edward looked over to me and I tried to calm him as much as I could from feet away from him. He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. Alice came walking back in the room holding a piece of pink paper and it hit me.

_Report card._

I had forgotten that report cards went out that day, and by Alice's actions earlier I could only imagine what she had on there. Edward seemed to have noticed it as well because when I looked at him, he was already all red in anger looking over at her. She pranced over to him and held the paper out to him. He snatched it from her hand and brought it closer to his face. His eyes scanned the paper and I noticed his grip get tighter on the paper.

"What the hell is this, Alice?" He asked angrily.

"My report card." She said in a quiet voice, shuffling her feet.

"So you're telling me that someone as smart as you has a C in science, a D in math, and a C- in conduct?"

"Yeah…"

"What the hell, Alice?" He asked her in a harsh tone.

"I'm sorry, Ecy! I tried my best!" She said in her defense. She looked scared.

"You did not try your best at all. You are better than this, Alice! How could you let this happen?" He yelled. He was pissed.

She covered her ears. "I don't know, Ecy! I really did try my best, you don't understand!"

"That isn't a good enough excuse, Alice. I really cannot believe this right now!"

"I'm sorry, Ecy!"

"Sorry isn't going to cut it, Alice. I ask you to do one thing, you have one responsibility; getting good grades, and then you go and do this?"

"I tried though! My brain is just stupid, Edward!" She said and hit her head.

"Don't you dare say that again, Alice Millicent." He said sternly with a finger pointed at her. "You are not stupid, so I don't know why this report card is saying you are making bad choices and not trying hard enough on your school work."

"But I do!"

"You don't!" He shot right back at her.

She started crying at that point and I could see her little shoulders shaking and she wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

"I am so disappointed in you right now, Alice, I don't even want to talk to you right now. Go to your room."

"But, Ecy…"

"Go to your room!" He yelled and pointed his finger in the direction of her room.

She jumped at the tone of his voice and ran into her room and slammed the door. Edward's shoulders slumped and he threw the report card on the desk. He sighed and walked past me and out of the house, slamming the door as well. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.

"I get the girl and you get the boy?" Bev asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be right back."

I headed outside to get Edward before he left or something. I didn't think he would, but who knew. I got what he meant about Alice's grades on her report card. I knew parents always wanted their kids to do well in school, but I didn't know; it kind of seemed like out of character for him to blow up at her like that. He was usually so understanding and patient with her, but he just flipped out right away and he looked so angry and hurt. I wanted to know what was going through his mind, but I wanted to find out and try to help him out.

Once outside, I found him on the porch leaning over the railing with a cigarette between his lips. He ran his hands through his hair and he looked deep in thought.

"Babe? Are you okay?" He looked over to me and took a drag of the cigarette. He blew the smoke out and draped his arms over the railing, looking at the floor.

"No. Not really." He said.

I walked over next to Edward and leaned back on the railing so I was next to him and facing the opposite direction of him. "What's going through your mind, love?"

He took another drag and leaned back so he wasn't making any contact with the railing. "I was too hard on her, wasn't I?"

"I'm not the one to make that decision, but you did seem to scare her."

He groaned. "I fucking know I did. I didn't mean to, but fuck, Bella. I was scared."

"Why?"

He leaned forward and rested his arms on the railing. "As soon as I looked at that report card, I didn't even see the letter grades. All I saw was the judge looking at that and using that against me."

_Oh. _I got it now.

He thought that her having those grades would look like he was an incompetent guardian or something. I read about it all the time in my classes that children with steady home life tended to get better grades than those without. It wasn't always true, in my opinion. People's situations always varied. Some children were more resilient than others. I believed that, but someone like a judge may not look into it too much. They would probably just see the grades and think that the only reason she had those grades was because he didn't push her hard enough or even cared about what grades she got.

What the court probably wouldn't take into consideration was that she had ADHD. Yes her grades weren't good, but it was proven that children with ADHD had trouble in school, and they couldn't really help it all that well. I knew Edward knew that, and that was probably why he had that guilty look on his face, but the fear was also there.

"Edward, you need to stop thinking about stuff like that. You don't even know if this will go to court."

He shook his head before I even finished saying the words. "It will."

"Edward, you don't know that…"

"No. Bella, I am not guessing. I am telling you. It is going to court."

"Wha-what do you mean?"

"My parents are suing for custody."

_Holy shit. _"Whoa, wait, when did this happen?"

"Yesterday, I guess, but I just found out at therapy. Bowman came in to tell me."

I was shocked. I was left speechless. How the hell could they even think they had a chance?

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked.

I didn't know if it was just me, but I thought this was something you should share right away with someone. I also thought this news would be something that would make Edward incredibly angry, but he had been in a good mood so I was confused.

He shrugged. "I didn't feel like it, I guess."

"You didn't feel like it?" _What the hell is going on?_

"No, I wasn't going to tell you until this weekend to be honest with you, but now seemed like an opportune time to share it."

"You were going to wait until the weekend? What the hell is that, Edward? Why would you keep something like that from me?"

I was genuinely hurt. I would never keep stuff from him and he just flippantly admitted that he did keep stuff from me, and he had no problem with it. _What the fuck?_

"I wasn't going to keep it from you, Bella. I was just waiting for a better time to tell you. Fuck. Don't get mad at me too."

"Well too fucking bad, I am mad. I tell you everything no matter what and then you keep something as big as this from me? That hurts me, Edward!"

He sighed and flicked his cigarette over the railing. "I don't mean to hurt you. Can you at least hear me out?"

"How do I know you won't lie to me or keep me from knowing the whole truth?"

He groaned in frustration. "Bella, just calm the fuck down. It's not even a big deal. You know I wouldn't keep it from you just to be an ass."

"Well then why did you?"

"That's what I am trying to tell you, Bella." He said impatiently. I waved my hand for him to finish. "You hide it well, but I know you are getting worked up about the whole bar thing on Friday. You expect me to mess shit up there, and I don't want to make you worry about yet another thing apart of my shitty life."

I didn't even know why, maybe it was because I was PMSing, but everything he said pissed me off even more. "When did I ever say that I expected you to mess shit up?"

"You don't have to say it, Bella. It's written all over your face."

I was honestly sick of fighting with him. I hated it, but of course I didn't do anything to stop it and neither did he. Stubbornness. It was a funny thing. It was a strong thing. Good thing love was stronger.

"You obviously don't know me that well then because I don't _expect _you to freak out; I just worry about what will happen _if _you do."

"Well whatever. You are still worrying about me, and I didn't want to make you worry even more. You should be focusing on other things like school and shit. I don't like that you have to carry my burdens."

I pinched the bridge of my nose_. Frustrating man_. "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't think of you as a burden, Edward?"

"You know what I mean."

I just shook my head and dropped that one. I didn't want to say it over and over again. Hopefully there will come a day when he won't think that I feel he is a burden to me. I didn't know another way to tell him.

"Whatever. Just tell me what is going on with your parents."

He ran a hand through his hair. "They want Alice back."

"Okay, but what makes them think they can just get custody of her like that?"

"She's their kid."

"Who the fuck cares? They were horrible to you! How can you just be so nonchalant about this, Edward?"

"Because I am trying so fucking hard right now not to fucking flip my shit." He said in a restrained voice.

The tone of his voice startled me and all my anger went behind me and I felt shame in how I treated him and started a fight. Looking at him then I realized how tense and upset he actually looked. I was too worried about him keeping something from him I didn't even take the time to see how he was feeling about the whole thing. He looked lost and scared.

"Edward…" I reached out to him, but he backed away.

"Just…give me room." He said.

I nodded and put my hands behind my back. "Okay."

He ran both hands through his hair and then down his face. "I'm trying to stop dwelling on the bad, okay? I know that I should probably be worrying about my parents suing me for custody for someone so essential to my happiness…" He stopped and cleared his throat. "But I know that I deserve her. With all my other shit aside, I deserve her, and I just have to make sure the judge sees that. Plus Alice will want to stay with me, right? I mean they can't completely disregard what she wants, right?"

"Of course not, baby." His eyes were on me asking me to save him; to give him the answers that he wanted so he could feel better.

It killed me to see him like that, but he was right. He did deserve her, and Alice would fight along with him to stay with him. I think he had a good defense. Yes he had some problems, but none as worse as having to spend time in a mental hospital or physically harming young children.

He nodded. "Exactly. So I don't want to worry about it. I may have destroyed a bar and harmed some people, but I have never stabbed someone in the back, so I should be fine. They can't take her from me. They just can't. End of story."

I was happy to see him being so optimistic about the whole thing, but it also scared me. Everything he said was right, he deserved Alice more than anyone, and logically, you would place the child in the home of someone who has loved her during her whole life over a pair of strangers who had been known to have a future of violence. It sounded so cut and dry, but I also knew there were grey areas. There were many factors that went along with it, and I knew there was still a chance of him losing her to them. According to Bowman, anything was possible. I loved seeing him optimistic, but I dreaded the idea of having to see him let down.

It would kill him slowly and painfully.

I couldn't tell him about my doubts though. If him thinking optimistically made him happy, I wouldn't ruin it for him.

"You're right…you're right. We shouldn't worry about that." I said, hoping the sincerity I tried to put into that statement showed through.

Either it did, or he just pretended it did because he nodded. "Good. Now what am I going to do about Alice? Those grades really aren't acceptable."

"I don't know, baby. It's up to you. What do you think will be the most effective way?"

He sighed. "I don't fucking know."

"Well, what about taking something away from her? If it were me, I wouldn't let her watch TV for a week, and then after that, not letting her watch it until her homework was done."

"Forever though?"

"No, just until the next report card comes out and she proves she is bringing her grades up."

He groaned in frustration. "Why are you so good at this?"

I chuckled. "I don't know."

He smiled and reached his hand out to me. I took it eagerly and he pulled me to his chest for a warm hug. "Alright, I guess I will do that. It will only make her hate me even more, but oh well."

"She doesn't hate you."

"I was rough on her, Bella. But really, what the fuck? How couldn't I have known? Why didn't her teacher contact me to let me know?"

I pulled away and rested my chin on his chest looking up at him. "I don't know. That is weird. Usually they do."

"I'll give her a call or something."

I leaned up on my tip toes and kissed his lips. "Good idea."

He smirked down at me. "You're beautiful, did you know that?"

I chuckled and kissed him again. "You're sweet when you want to be. Did _you_ know that?"

"I don't _want _to be sweet. It comes naturally. I'm like fucking pickles and sunshine."

I laughed. "Pickles?"

"Pickles are good."

"Eh…I only like dill pickles." I said.

"I like all pickles that have ever seen the light of day."

"Wow, I didn't know you had such an intense love for them."

"Get to know me, wifey. Pickles are the shit."

I rolled my eyes. "You're a strange one, Mr. Cullen."

"Get used to it, Mrs. Cullen." He said with a mischievous smirk on his face and I slapped his chest.

"Shut up! I'm not your wife!"

He laughed and kissed my forehead. He cradled my face in his hands and pushed my hair out of my face with his hands.

"Yet. Not my wife, yet." His eyes were shining at me and his perfect smile and face made me tingly all over.

_This man will be the death of me._

* * *

I walked into a house of crazy people.

Well, not technically. Technically, I walked into a house with a little girl who had ice cream for dinner, a man who was just hyper for no reason, and a woman thoroughly amused by the two previous crazies. I didn't know what was happening.

It was finally Friday. The day I had been dreading and agonizing over for the longest time. I was actually looking forward to it in a way. I would be going out with Edward and getting to be with him and all of my friends at the same time. It was something I thought about doing for a while. I knew everyone would love Edward once they got to know him. I could picture me and Edward having a couple of drinks and dancing together and laughing with my other friends. It sounded perfect.

There was only one thing that hindered that image; Jacob.

I tried not to think about it too much. Maybe he would leave me alone. Who knew. Maybe when he saw Edward with me, he would think twice about being inappropriate with me.

At least Edward was in a good mood. Bev opened the door for me when I got to Edward's place, and him and Alice were both laughing uncontrollably while playing a game of cards at the coffee table. Bev warned me before I got all the way inside of their moods. She let Alice have ice cream for dinner since she promised her that she would one day. That Alice really had a great life.

She got really upset with Edward when he punished her for her grades, but thankfully she got over it quickly. That was only two days ago, and Edward called me the night before because Alice was screaming and crying asking for the TV. He wanted to give in, but I told him he couldn't do that or else she would think she could manipulate him whenever she wanted. He stood strong and she eventually got over it, but she was not happy, and neither was he. He hated seeing her cry.

I walked further into the apartment and they both caught sight of me, but didn't stop laughing. I smiled as I walked over to them.

"What has gotten into you two?" I asked amusedly.

"I said go piss!" Alice said and fell down on the floor and laughed while clutching her stomach.

Edward laughed and looked down at her with the love shining from his eyes. _How couldn't anyone notice that love?_ It was remarkable.

"Go piss?" I asked.

Alice tried to say something, but she couldn't talk pass her laughs, so Edward answered for her. "She said 'go piss' instead of 'go fish.'"

I chuckled, but I suspected it was one of those you had to be there moments. "Wow, nice going, Alice."

"You should have seen her face!" Edward said and started laughing more. Bev walked up next to me.

"They have been like this for about a half an hour. Shortcake is on a sugar high and I don't know what's going on with the boy."

"He's just happy." I said looking over at his smiling and laughing face with a smile of my own.

"Very true." Bev said.

"Babe, are you ready to go?" I asked. We were supposed to be there in about twenty minutes.

He looked over at me and nodded. "Yeah, I just need help with my shirt."

"What about your shirt? You look fine." He was just wearing a white t-shirt. It looked fine to me.

"No not this one. I bought a new one. You'll be proud." He got up and went over to his room.

Alice picked herself off the ground as well and ran over to me. I picked her up in my arms and kissed her face. "You look very pretty, Bella."

"Thank you, sweetheart. You look pretty too." I didn't know where that came from because I wasn't dressed any differently than I usually did. I had on jeans with a flowy blue top and flats. Not a big deal, but apparently Alice was feeling generous or something.

"Thank you! You'll like Edward's shirt." She said. She looked down the hall and then cupped her hands around my ear. "Don't tell him I said so, but I think he looks handsome with it." She whispered.

I smiled. "Why can't I tell him?"

"Because I told him it looked goofy." She said with a giggle.

I laughed. Of course she would. She loved messing with him. I did get curious about this shirt that they both spoke of. Thankfully I didn't have to wait long though because Edward came walking out of the hallway and holy fuck.

Edward in a button down equals me drooling.

As if he could get any more attractive, the man came out wearing a button up shirt. And no, not just any button up shirt. It was a red, white, and black plaid flannel button up shirt. In other words, a '_lets make Bella restrain herself from jumping her boyfriend the whole time they are out'_ shirt. It fit him so perfectly and he was in the process of rolling up the sleeves to his elbows as he walked out. Then to add fuel to the fire, he was wearing those black jeans.

Edward Cullen was trying to kill me.

I was too busy appreciating the goods that I didn't even notice him talking to me until Alice poked me on my cheek.

"Hm?" I asked looking up at him.

He always took my breath away with his good looks, but add on the flannel and black jeans, I might as well have been a dead woman. There should be a law against looking _that _good. I was so attracted to him, it was too the point of distraction. I didn't know how much longer I could go without acting on my feelings for him physically. It was painful.

"So what do you think? Too hipster? Do you think it is bar material? Will it make your friends think, 'whoa, this guys is cool?'" He started off firing off the questions and patting down his shirt in the front.

I cleared my throat. "Wear the shirt." I said simply.

He shrugged. "If you say so, boss. He straightened out the shirt from hell and ran his hands through his hair. "Let's do this, hermosa."

I let out an unintelligible noise of agreement and brought my attention back to Alice. Thankfully she brought me back to earth from my Edward fantasies of me taking that shirt off rather roughly.

I kissed her cheek. "See you later, pretty girl." I said.

She hugged me tightly. "Bye, Bella. See you in the morning!" She was a little upset we couldn't have a sleepover like she wanted to, but I had some last minute school things to do so I didn't have time before Edward and I had to leave. I promised to stay another night though.

"Yes you will!" She smiled and reached over for Edward. He took her in his arms and Alice clung onto him tightly.

"Call me when you are going to bed." He said.

"Kay…but what if you don't answer?"

"I'll answer." He said in a final tone.

She nodded her head not doubting him one bit. It was already 7:30, so Alice apparently was having a late night. Probably due to the ice cream she had for dinner. I didn't know if I would let my kid do that…especially if it was Edward's kid. I would lose my mind.

He put her back on the ground, we both said bye to Bev, and then we were out. We were taking my car because I won rock, papers, scissors the night before. He wanted so badly to bring Sacagawea, but my car won. He told me I should name my car Stupid. I told him I should call him Stupid. We love each other a lot, I swear.

Once in the car he started complaining about how small my car was and how his legs were cramped. I just pretty much told him to get over it.

"Can we listen to something?" He asked.

"No. I want to sit in silence."

"For real?"

"No. Go ahead. My iPod is in my purse."

He already knew where I put my purse, so he reached in the back seat and pulled my purse on his lap. He dug through it to try and find the iPod.

"Got it. Where is the wire?" He asked.

"It's in there somewhere."

He groaned. "Jesus, Bella. This thing is filled with shit!"

"It's not shit! You obviously don't know the importance of a woman's purse."

"It's highly important for women to carry around toothpicks and tampons in their purse?"

"Actually, yes. Don't ask questions just get the wire."

"Whatever, chick." He said under his breath and found the wire. He plugged it in and started looking for a song. It was silent for a while until his gasp filled the car. "Holy shit! You have my song on here!"

I laughed. "Oh really? What song is that?"

He didn't answer me, and instead he started the song and started singing…well whispering along with the lyrics. "_Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor_…" I laughed and started singing/whispering along with him after the first time he said it. "Oh shit, my wifey is a rocker chick. Get crazy with me, chick."

"This is _my _song, by the way." I reminded him.

"What the fuck ever…just sing it with me."

And I did. I more like screamed it with him because that was the type of noise that went along with the amazing song. I fucking loved it. It could pump you up at any given moment and getting that energy while singing it with Edward made the experience that much more exciting for me. I guess I shouldn't have been jumping around in my seat while driving, but I had it under control. I didn't know Edward to get so crazy over a song, but apparently he _really _liked it and he _really _got into it. It was nice to see him just lose himself like that. I fell more in love with him every day, seriously.

We ended our little rock out in laughs and he grabbed my free hand and placed kisses on the back of it. "I love you, chick."

"Love you too, dude."

The rest of the ride was spent in mostly silence. My iPod played on shuffle and I all of a sudden felt that the night wouldn't be that bad. It might actually be fun.

We got to the bar soon enough and there seemed to be a lot of people already there. Edward squeezed harder on my hand. I parked the car and looked over to him. He looked nervous.

"You okay, babe?" I asked him.

He nodded and looked over to me with a slight smile. "Just stay with me?" He asked.

I knew he wasn't too comfortable around large groups of people and I was beyond happy that he was doing it for me.

"Of course." He smiled at me and we both got out of the car and headed inside the bar.

I held on tightly to his hand when the bouncer let us in. There was music playing, but it wasn't that loud yet. I brought him over to where Amanda told me everyone would be in the right corner of the place. We maneuvered around people and I noticed some skanky looking girls checking out Edward. I pulled him up closer to me as I walked. _Fucking skanks. _

Well, that is kind of mean. I didn't really know them. They could have been nice girls, but oh well. I was pissed. He was mine and mine only.

I spotted Amanda with her boyfriend Eric, Tanya, Angela, Ben, and yes, Jacob all sitting around a table in the corner of the room. Well here goes nothing.

Amanda noticed me first and smiled at me. She got off of Eric's lap and ran to me.

She hugged me around neck and squealed. "Yay! Bella I'm so glad you could make it!"

"I'm glad too, Amanda." I said with a smile.

She pulled away and looked Edward up and down. She seemed to appreciate his good looks, but she didn't make me mad like skank one and two earlier. Along with her appreciation, there was also a curiosity. I didn't know what that was. She hid it well though.

"So you must be Edward?" She asked.

He smiled and shook his head. "No, I'm Jimmy. Her other lover. She's quite the player, I'll have you know."

I snorted at his comment and Amanda nodded seriously. "I know, she really is. Excuse me for the mix up. Nice to meet you, Jimmy." She said in mock seriousness. I knew Amanda would immediately warm up to Edward. They had the same sense of humor. I couldn't be happier.

"Same here, Amanda." Edward said politely with a smirk. They didn't say anything after that. Not a 'hey, just kidding' or a 'hey, Bella really isn't a player' or anything. It was cool.

"What's up shit-rag?" Tanya called from her spot at the table.

"Nothing much, whore." He said offhandedly and everyone else at the table laughed.

Angela and Tanya both got up to say hit to us as well. Angela introduced Edward and Ben and that went well. Some more people from my study group and people I knew from school came up to me and Edward met all of them. He seemed happy to get to meet them all and he charmed the pants off of all of them. I never knew introducing him to everyone would have made me feel so proud.

We had a little crowd around us, all of us standing around talking and laughing with everyone. Ben and Edward were talking about something that happened in the news, and Tanya was talking to me about how she wanted to scope out the place for a hot guy. She wanted my help, but honestly, everyone else kind of looked plain compared to Edward, so my opinion wouldn't really be of help.

Tanya pointed out one guy across the room, but I was distracted my someone making their way to us.

_Jacob. _

Well here goes nothing I guessed.

He walked over to me with a smile on his face and Edward's hand immediately squeezed mine tighter and he stopped talking to Ben immediately. He must have had his eye on him for him to react that quickly.

"Hey, Bella!" Jacob said walking toward me. His bright white teeth against the tan color of his skin shined. Some might have found it attractive, but there was something inside me saying _'go away.'_

I had to be polite though. "Hey, Jake."

He put his hands in his pockets and the smile never left his face. It reminded me of a clown. I hated clowns. "How are you doing? Haven't seen you in a while."

He seemed so nice and cordial. It made me uneasy. "I'm good. Just been busy with school and stuff."

"Nice, nice." He turned to Edward. "So you are Edward, right? Heard a lot about you from Ang and Tanya." Thankfully he didn't reach for Edward's hand.

"Yeah, that's me." No joking or anything this time. I wondered if he got the same vibe I did from Jacob.

"Well you're a lucky man. Bella seems like a nice girl."

"Yeah, I am lucky." Edward said shortly.

Jake just looked Edward over and nodded. "Alrighty then, I guess I will see you guys around."

I was surprised. I didn't know why I was though, it made sense. I didn't think Jacob was stupid enough to say things to me in front of Edward. Well if Edward being there meant he would leave me alone, then I guess this night wouldn't go bad at all. He walked away and I looked up to Edward immediately.

"Edward…I swear I wasn't lying. He seemed so normal…"

He shook his head and stepped in front of me so I could see him. "I believe you. I got a bad vibe from him, too."

"You did?" I knew I loved him for a reason.

"Yeah, I did. I trust you, Bella."

I wrapped my arms around his middle. It was a good feeling knowing that you have someone always there to support you and have your back no matter what. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Just stay next to me for the rest of the night, alright?"

"No problem." I said.

He smiled and we went to go get ourselves a drink. Jacob didn't come around for a little while. We saw him every now and then, but he mostly left us alone. Edward and I mostly spent time with Angela, Tanya, and Ben. We all talked about random things and I only had two beers because I was the designated driver. Edward was on his third and I was freaking out a little about his diabetes, but he told me he was fine over and over again. Edward didn't leave my side once, and for that I was happy.

He checked his phone every now and then waiting for Alice to call. It was already past nine-thirty and I was surprised she hadn't called yet. Apparently Edward was as well because he kept on looking at his phone literally two times a minute it seemed. I didn't make a big fuss about it. He didn't stop talking or anything. He still gave me his full attention, so I couldn't fault him.

"When is Amanda going to be on?" I asked Angela.

"A couple of minutes I think."

"Oh okay, good. I really want to hear her! I know she sings good, but this is really cool!"

"I heard them rehearse. They were great." Ben said.

Edward jumped from his seat. "I'll be right back." He had his phone in his hand. I nodded and he walked quickly through the crowds of people to answer his phone.

"What was that all about?" Angela asked. "He had his eyes glued to that phone for a while."

"He was just waiting for his sister to call."

"His little sister? Alice was her name, right?" Tanya asked.

"Yeah. That's the one."

"What's so important coming from a six year old?" Tanya asked and took a sip of her beer.

"He's just saying goodnight to her."

"Aww! That's so cute!" Angela said and Tanya and Ben both smiled.

I smiled as well. "Yeah, they are really close."

Suddenly the music stopped in the bar and the screech of a microphone filled the area.

"Excuse me, the bands will begin shortly. In the mean time, we suggest everyone get pumped up on the dance floor. We have an amazing show for you all tonight!" Someone said excitedly and people started cheering. After he spoke, there was a pause and then louder music began playing. It was a song I didn't know.

"Oh my fucking God, I love this song!" Tanya said.

"Me too!" Angela said. "Come on, Ben. Come dance with me." She grabbed his hand and they both headed to the dance floor.

Tanya grabbed my hand. "Come dance with me, Bella!" She pulled on my hand and I tried to stay on the stool.

I laughed at her impatience. "No, I can't. I have to wait for Edward. We'll meet you out there." I would get Edward to dance with me if it's the last thing I did.

"Ugh! Fine! You better hurry your ass up."

I shook my head at her and she started dancing her way over to the others dancing. I looked over at all my friends happy and carefree, dancing their hearts out. I was happy. The night ended up being better than I thought.

I felt a hand on my waist and I smiled. I looked over to the direction of the body heat and I nearly threw up in my mouth. Of course I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up at all that this night would have ended any other way but terrible.

It was Jacob. He had his hands on me.

I jumped off the stool and out of his grasp. He had a creepy smile on his face and I felt my blood pressure pick up. Adrenaline coursed through me. For some reason, my body thought it was needed.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked him.

He laughed. "I just put my arm around you, Bella. Chill out."

"Yes, but I have a boyfriend, Jacob."

"Who? That douche? He doesn't deserve you."

I could hear the blood pulsing in my ears. _Where was Edward? _I needed him. I wanted to feel safe and I didn't feel safe at all in that moment. I never felt more endangered, actually.

"You don't know anything." I said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, that's where you're wrong. I know we belong together, Bella. It's written in the stars."

_What the FUCK? Where is all of this coming from?_ He had to be crazy. That was the only explanation.

"We don't belong together, Jacob."

_Edward. _I need Edward to take the twisting feeling out of my stomach.

"That guy won't be around for long. Mark my words. He is too weak. I can see it in his eyes. The guy is a pansy. I'm all man, Bella. How can you not see we belong together?"

"Leave me alone, Jacob." I said.

He just smiled at me creepily. I needed to get away from him. Edward would find me. I turned away from him, but was immediately pulled back roughly.

"Don't you dare walk away from me." He said.

"Let me go!" I yelled. I was barely heard over the music.

"Come with me!" He yelled and pulled on my arm again. He was so big. I had no defense.

As if an angel answered my unspoken prayer, my arm was released and I was blocked by an angel from the devil himself.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" My angel screamed.

I pulled him by his arm and got in front of him. I put my hands on his face and made him look at me. Jacob wasn't worth it.

Looking at his eyes though, I could tell it was probably too late.

His eyes were filled with unadulterated anger.

_Fuck. Please, no._

* * *

_I feel these four walls closing in,  
Face up against the glass,  
I'm looking out, hmmm.  
Is this my life I'm wondering,  
It happened so fast,  
How do I turn this thing around?  
Is this the bed I chose to make?  
It's greener pastures I'm thinking about.  
Hmm, wide open spaces far away,  
All I want is the wind in my hair,  
To face the fear but not feel scared._

_**Wild Horses, by Natasha Bedingfield**_

* * *

**Hey! I woke up extra early today so I could update before tomorrow so I hope you all liked the chapter! I wish I could have updated earlier, but man did I have a busy week. I was even extra busy on my birthday this weekend! I was unable to write until Monday after last update and it drove me crazy! You can even ask Alexa, I complained about it a lot lol **

**Once again, thank you to Alexa for her pre-reading. She had this thing pre-read and ready for me this morning so I was able to update faster! Thank you, homeboy! **

**Oh and in case you all didn't know, Bella and Edward were singing 'Bodies' by Drowning Pool. It's a pretty bad ass song in my opinion lol.**

**I'll update again ASAP. **

**Review please! **


	31. Chapter 30: Broken Hallelujah

**Chapter 30: Broken Hallelujah**

**EPOV**

If there was one thing I wished I never had to witness, it would have been a couple making out obnoxiously.

I found It gross that I had to look at them choke each other with each other's tongues and get all touchy feely right in the middle of a public place. _What the fuck? _No one wanted to see that shit. Wasn't that supposed to be a private thing between a couple anyway? Why put it on blast like that? Just to show that you are with someone? No one really care that much. What people do care about is walking through a bar and having to watch the train wreck as it goes on.

I was getting distracted though. I already had the phone answered and I told Alice quickly to wait a minute while I went to find somewhere quiet to talk to her. It was already late for her and I was surprised she stayed up that long. I couldn't find a good spot, so I just went outside quickly. The cold air hit my face, but I just dealt with it. I wouldn't be out there for long.

"Hello?"

"E-Ecy…I'm sorry." She said between tiny sobs. _Whoa. Why is she crying?_

"Alice? What's wrong?"

I could deal without being with her all day, every day. Yeah, it sucked sometimes, but that's how it went with all the people I loved. If I was away from Alice, Bev, or Bella, there were always moments when I thought to myself, 'man, I really wish they were here with me right now.' I was sure that was kind of a universal thing though. It was made worse though when my six year old sister called me crying. Not cool.

"I fell asleep and I didn't call you!"

I sighed. I should have known it was something like that. "Alice, that is completely fine. You could have stayed asleep."

"No but I promised you I would call!" Alice was very sensitive when it came to promises. She always tried to keep them and took them very seriously. She wouldn't make a promise unless she knew she could keep it, and if someone made a promise to her, she would never forget it. It was a good trait to have I thought, but it was bad when she for some reason didn't get to follow through with her promise and then got so upset about it. It wasn't something she should had to worry about.

"It's fine, kid. I wouldn't have gotten mad. It's no big deal."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Of course. Now go to sleep with no worries, I love you, and goodnight."

"Okay, I won't do it again, okay?" She asked with a sniffle.

"You can do it a million times more and I still won't be mad. Now you better cheer up or I will tickle you like crazy tomorrow."

She giggled tiredly. _Mission accomplished. _"Okay, I will stop being sad."

"You better. I have to go though. I'll see you in the morning."

"Kay, love you, Ecy. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, kid." I hung up the phone and immediately went back inside.

I was actually enjoying myself. I knew, how fucking weird of me. Having fun. Didn't happen often when I was in a room filled with people I didn't know. Bella kind of canceled out all of the other strangers in the room that make me uncomfortable, tough. Bella made everything better it seemed. She deserved a saint award or whatever…maybe a lifetime supply of flowers and love and all that shit. I could give her the love but I didn't know about the flowers. I thought they smelled like shit. _There. I said it._

As I walked over to where Bella was, I felt my stomach drop.

Jacob was a little too close to her.

I felt my blood pressure rise in large increments. Sweat began to form all over and I was quickly approaching the edge. _Alice. _That's all I thought about. I had been trying to train myself to control my actions.

_Take a breath…he doesn't have his hands on her…Bella can take care of herself…there's no need to freak the fuck out…there are so many people…Alice…you need to keep Alice…control yourself for her…_

I began to calm just a little. I had to stay calm. _That's it. Just stay calm._ Jacob wasn't worth my time. I felt my blood pressure lessen. I was doing good. _Think of Alice…she needs you. Think of Bella…she needs you as well, she loves you, she wants the best for you…this is the worst thing you can do. Do it for them. _

All the calm I had inside me went away when he placed his disgusting and filthy hand on her and she screamed at him. I couldn't even put a measurement on what I felt in that moment. All I could see was his hand on her arm and her wince of pain, and the anger in face. The sound of her yelling.

My feet had a mind of their own and my mind couldn't control anything at that point. I walked through everyone to get to them. I ripped his hand off of her arm and stood between them.

His startled and ugly face looked at me in surprise and I got right in front of him so he couldn't see anything but me getting ready to fucking kill him.

_How dare he put his hands on her!_

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I screamed in his face and he flinched back like the coward he was. I'd never hated someone I barely knew so much in my life.

"What do you think you are doing yelling in my fucking face?" He yelled right back but I didn't budge. This kid had nothing on me. I could fucking fold him like a piece of paper. The slightest bit of pressure of my hands around his neck would stop the air flow. _So many ways…_

"I have every right to when you put your hands on my girlfriend. Are you fucking crazy?"

I felt Bella's hands pulling me back. She was yelling something, but I wouldn't listen and I was a pillar on my spot. There was no moving me.

"I was only trying to get her attention! Don't start making assumptions, Cullen." It was the way he spoke to me that got me going. He spoke to me like I was the stupidest person who ever lived and I was below him. _Fucking asshole. How old was he anyway? _

Bella pulled more on my arms. "Edward, please stop. I'm fine." She begged.

She wasn't fine. I knew her better than anyone. I could hear the fear in her voice. Fear that he put there. Or maybe it was me…_what kind of monster was I?_ But how could I just let something like this go? What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let any guy think it was okay to put his hands on her?

"Hey, what's going on over here?" Someone asked from my left.

I looked over and saw a big man dressed all in black; a security guy for the bar. _Security guy that could report me to the police if I laid a hand on the fucking dumb fuck in front of me. Police that could take Alice away from me. Not worth it. Not worth it at all. _

"Nothing. But can you do me a favor and tell this little bitch that if he puts his hands on my girlfriend again, he will regret it?"

The guy had no expression on his face, and he looked from me to the dog. "Do I need to remove you, sir?" He asked Jacob.

I looked at the disgusting little creature and could barely hear anything through the sound of my heart beating and my blood pulsing through my ears. I had a headache and I felt myself going closer and closer to the edge…_Alice…just remember Alice. Alice and Bella. They need you…_

"No. I'll go myself. Can't stand to be around stupid and fake people." He looked at me when he said stupid and in back at me to Bella when he said fake. I reached behind me for her hand. I couldn't control myself. He needed to get the fuck out of my face. She grabbed my hand and I was instantly pulled back to the earth.

He stepped away from me and kept his dark eyes on me. I didn't know if he was trying to scare me or make the situation more dramatic. Either way, I didn't fucking care and I wasn't affected by it. To me, the guy didn't even deserve to be acknowledged as a human being. He accused Bella as being fake, but he was the fakest person I had ever encountered. It made me sick.

He finally turned away and walked towards the exit of the bar. _Good_. Good thing he left. If he hadn't, I probably wouldn't have been able to stay in that place. Then I would feel like shit for having to ruin Bella's night with her friends. I hated ruining things for her. I did it more often than not.

The big bouncer security guy just shook his head and left my side. I didn't even turn to Bella. Instead I just walked forward, dragging her with me.

"Edward! Where are you going?" She asked frantically from behind me.

"I need to get somewhere away from these people. Help. Where do I go?" I asked.

I didn't know the layout of the bar. I didn't want to go outside in case the fucker was lingering out there. I needed a place to focus on getting my shit together because I was close to fucking exploding and doing shit I would regret. Shit that had the capability of ruining my life.

"This way." She said and got in front of me. She held my hand tightly in hers and I tried to just focus on that. I focused on that connection. The feeling of her skin against mine. It was so soft. Kind of wet from sweat, but soft all the same. Her hand was warm. It fit perfectly in mine. It was so small compared to mine, but it fit so perfectly like it belonged there. It was some fucking romantic stuff you read about in books and shit, but it was the truth. If a hand fit in someone's like that so perfectly, how could they ever be separated? They wouldn't. That's the answer.

She brought me through the people, and I started to freak out even more. You would think after Jacob left, I would have calmed down, but my body was starting to catch up with itself, and realization of what went down overtook me and my head couldn't take it. The whole problem was always in my head. The IED was controlled in my head. My head was fucking defective and I needed to use the functioning parts of it and get calmed down.

_Alice, Alice, Alice…Bella, Bella, Bella..._

"Come in here." She said anxiously.

She pulled me into some kind of room. I couldn't really make it out. I saw everything in tunnel vision with my peripheral vision only being a blur. All I saw was her. That was all I needed to see.

"Bella…" I choked out. I finally let everything go. Everything I was holding in came out in gasps of air, sweating, shaking, and a pain in my head and chest that was indescribable.

"Baby, you are shaking so much." She was panicking too. We couldn't both have a panic attack. She grabbed onto both of my hands firmly…she wouldn't falter. She was too strong for that. "Come here." She said and pulled me in her arms.

I bent down and buried my face in her neck. I held onto her waist with both my arms. I felt if I could get her close enough, some of her strength would have rubbed off on me. I held her so tight, I could feel her back cracking, but she didn't say anything. She just held me tighter. One arm was around my neck and the other ran through my hair.

"Talk to me. Distract me. Please." I begged.

I felt like a coward. I was begging for some salvation like a homeless person would beg for food. I needed that salvation like food or I could potentially lose my life. And by my life, I meant Alice. One in the same.

"I talked to Alice's art teacher today before I left work. She had nothing but good things to say about her, and she started showing me some of her work. Did you know she is a really good artist?" I nodded my head. How couldn't I know? I knew every little thing about her. "Her teacher hung up a picture she drew. Do you know what it was?"

"What?" I mumbled. I used her voice as my guide. I focused completely on it and the feeling of her body wrapped around mine.

"She had to draw something that made her most happy…do you know what she drew?"

I took a deep breath and answered honestly with a forced chuckle. "Ice cream?"

Bella laughed herself and kissed the side of my head. "Yes. But not only that. She drew you too. You were smaller and kind of in the background, but you were there."

"The girl does love her ice cream." I said.

It was working. The distraction helped and I felt myself calm a little. Maybe I was out of the woods for this one. It got me thinking though…if I was able to concentrate enough to get out of an episode now, maybe I could do it again and again…yes. _Maybe I am growing out of it?_ I didn't know, but whatever it meant, it made me feel better.

"Yeah, but she loves you more. Your hair was mix between orange and brown and your left hand was way bigger than your right, but you were there, and that counts."

I took a deep breath. Breathing in the scent of her hair. I lessened my grip on her and she let out a breath. I was probably holding her too tight. She didn't complain though. I ran my hands up and down her back, trying to rub away any pain that I caused from me holding on to her for dear life. She wouldn't complain about it, but I felt bad. I relied on her for so much that I didn't want to break her.

"Thank you, beautiful."

She sighed in relief and released me as well. She pulled away and looked at my face, searching it for something…I didn't know what. Probably checking to make sure I wouldn't freak out.

"You okay?" She asked, her voice squeaking in emotion. A tear built up on the side of her eye, but I wiped it away before it could fall.

"I think so."

She pulled my arms off from around her and took both of my hands in hers. "You're still shaking."

I took a shaky breath. "I know; my body just rebelling against my mind I guess."

She lifted them both to her mouth and kissed the back of my shaking hands. "I was so scared." She whispered.

"I was close to doing something I would regret."

She nodded. "How did you get out of it?"

"I don't even know really. That's never happened to me before." I shrugged. "Maybe it's because I know what's really at stake here." I was grasping at straws. That wasn't it at all because I was always at stake for losing Alice since I got custody of her at eighteen years old. I was pretty much a child raising a child. That was always looked upon closely.

"Yeah, maybe." Ever the optimistic one, Bella once again brought me comfort.

My hands started to slow down on the shaking and I thought my love for Bella just grew in that single moment. I knew I couldn't have done it without her.

I put both of my hands on the side of her face and pulled her toward me. I bent down to kiss her and her hands instantly went over my hands on her face. She kissed me back earnestly and I deepened the kiss to tell her without words how much I loved her to death.

Things were going great until there was someone fiddling with the door knob of the room. Bella gasped and pulled away.

"Shit!" She whisper yelled.

I was snapped out of my Bella daze and I looked around at my surroundings. I saw a lot of cleaning material. I had to snort at the cliché-ness of the whole situation. Making out in the janitors closet or whatever. Pretty fucking funny and ordinary for two weirdos like us.

"Well this could get awkward." I said.

"Edward! Shut up! We are going to get in trouble!" She was freaking out. _Oh Bella. _

I laughed and wrapped my arm around her and pulled her to my side. "I got this under control, chick. Have faith in the man of the situation."

She glared at me for making the man comment. I was just messing with her though. I knew she was way better than me in every way. The door finally opened and a man stepped through and turned on the light. I didn't even notice it was so dark in there.

"Uh…what's going on in here?" The man asked. He was bigger than me. I thought the workers in this place were on some serious steroids or some shit. Half of the workers could eat me. It was intimidating.

"Oh you know, just getting nasty in a janitor's closet." I said.

Bella gasped and covered her face with her hand. I just made her face-palm_. Awesome. _

The guy looked caught off guard by my direct answer. "That's hot." He said with a smile.

I couldn't even steer away from the ridiculousness of the situation. _Did he really just say that? _I laughed out loud and Bella was a red mess at my side.

"Oh my God…" She said and I couldn't stop laughing.

The guy smirked. "It's no problem. As long as you don't steal anything. This is a bar. I have walked into worse situations."

"Baby making?" I asked.

"Yes. I am sure this closet was the conception place of many children."

"Oh my God! Can we please stop talking about this and go!" Bella said in mortification.

The guy and I both laughed. "Alright, lets go." I said.

We walked past the guy and I kept my arm around Bella. "Remember, don't be silly! Wrap your willy!" The guy called out to us. Bella groaned and I laughed my fucking ass off. I should have gotten that guy's name. He was my new hero.

"I cannot believe that just happened." Bella said in disbelief.

"Better believe it, chick. That's one to tell the grandkids."

She chuckled. "That is not something to tell the grandkids. I am pretty sure kids don't want to know about their grandparent's making out in a janitor closet."

"You never know. We could have weird grandkids."

"Very true." She agreed.

I loved how we were talking like we knew for a fact we would have grandkids. Shit, I didn't even know if I wanted kids. Well, I did want kids I guessed, but way down the line. Like, maybe when I was like really old. Nah, I didn't want to be an old dad. _Aw fuck_. I didn't know what I want to do with my life_. What am I doing thinking about having kids? That's enough of that…_

"Shit, I think that's Amanda right now, right?"

She started laughing. "Edward, that is clearly a man singing."

"Bitch, don't judge me. I just met the girl today. I didn't want to be rude by saying 'what the fuck is this dude doing singing?'"

She grabbed onto my hand and we went over to where Angela and Tanya were standing. Ben was already fucking drunk out of his mind. I envied him. I would have loved to just get drunk at least once. I guessed I could, but it wouldn't be such a good idea. Being a diabetic and all, and not having control of my body could pose many problems.

"Edward, shut up. He has a great voice."

"Not as good as mine."

She smiled. "I like when you sing to me."

I rolled my eyes. "You would. That's semi-romantic. Sorry I suck in that department."

She chuckled and we finally made it up next to them but they had their attention on the guy singing who really was doing good. "You don't suck. You do fine."

"Okay good."

Tanya turned and saw us first. "Oh hey guys! I am going to get another drink. You want any?" Tanya definitely put her fake ID to good use. Bella said she used her assets as a distraction, but hey, I didn't judge her. Do what you want.

"No it's okay, I have to drive home." Bella said sounding kind of disappointed that she couldn't.

"Bullshit. I'm driving home. Get a drink if you want to." I told her.

I wanted her to have fun. Drinking could be fun. She didn't do it often, so it would be nice if she could just let go for one night. The piece of shit was gone, I wasn't in a jail cell, and we got caught making out in a closet without getting in trouble. One of us needs to fucking celebrate, and since it couldn't be me, why not her? She deserved it.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Of course I am."

She smiled at me, actually looking happy to get to relax and have a good time. I was pretty fucking happy myself. She squeezed my hand and looked over to Tanya. "Get me some vodka please."

Tanya laughed and hugged Bella. "My Bella is back! Going fucking hardcore on us!"

"I might regret it in the morning, but oh well." She said. _That's my girl. _The 'fuck it' attitude is the way to go.

"Great!" Tanya said and started dancing her way to the bar.

I walked to the side of Bella and she snaked her arm around my waist. "It's a good thing your dad isn't here. I am pretty sure he would have but a bullet in my brain by now for letting his under aged daughter drink in my presence."

She waved me off. "Nah, he knows I drink every once in a while. He says if I do it responsibly, he doesn't really care. Apparently he was quite the party boy."

"Oh really? I could see your dad being a player."

Bella gasped and hit my chest. "Shut up! I don't want to think about that shit."

I threw my head back and laughed. "Oh you are funny, chick."

She smirked and shook her head. "You shut it."

"What? I'm just saying, your dad isn't a bad looking guy."

She face-palmed. Again. _Fucking score._ "I cannot believe you just said that, dude."

"Hey, I have no shame in saying, if I was playing for the other team, your dad would be considered a nine-point-five in my book."

She laughed and shook her head at the same time. "Fucking shit. I need a drink."

I laughed at her and kissed the side of her head. "But don't worry; I still think you are off the charts, dear."

"You know what is the scariest thing?"

"Hm?"

"I'm not even surprised you would say something like that. You are just that out there, dude."

I didn't even think twice when I pulled her to me and gave her a kiss. I didn't know any other person who would be able to deal with me. She knew I was only kidding about her dad, and I didn't even have to explain it, and she didn't even look at me like I was a disgusting perv or whatever. You didn't find that every day. I wondered if she knew how fucking happy I was that she was my girlfriend…hm…I'd have to work on that.

"I like you." I said to her with my forehead against hers.

She smirked and shrugged her shoulders. "Eh…you're alright."

"Bitch."

"Hey! Don't call my friend a bitch, shitbag." Tanya said, coming right up next to us, effectively taking us out of our little bubble. She held a drink out to Bella and Bella took it.

She laughed and looked up to me. "How much would you pay me to chug this all in one sip?"

My eyes popped out of my head. I knew this because Bella and Tanya both started laughing at me. "Do it up, chick."

She shrugged and put the edge of the decent sized glass up to her lips. She gave me a pointed look before she tipped it back and chug after chug she drank the entire thing. When she put the cup down she shivered and her and Tanya started laughing.

Me…shit I didn't even know what I was doing, but I do know what I was thinking. Three things came to mind.

_One- Holy shit, Bella is fucking bad ass. _

_Two- Holy fucking shit, that was hot as hell. _

_Three- This is going to be a long night.

* * *

_

"Come on, Edward! I don't want to go yet!" She whined.

I had a big fucking smile on my face that had been implanted there since Bella took that first drink. She was drunk off her ass, and it was fucking funny. Drunk Bella was the most entertaining thing I have ever seen. I didn't know if it was her antics, or just the fact that she seemed so inhibited, that made me smile so much. I was sure it would get annoying if she did it all the time, but I had been dating her for several months, and didn't see her so much as drink a sip, so I was enjoying the show. I cut her off at a certain point just because I was a worried mess about alcohol poisoning or whatever, but she was still so far gone. I wouldn't let her hurt herself of course.

"Babe, we need to go. It's one in the morning." I got one of the guys at the newspaper company to work for me. He was an older guy who still worked, but only when needed. A substitute paper ninja, if you will.

Bella gasped and started laughing hysterically, leaning on an equally drunk Tanya. "He called me babe!" She squeaked. "He never calls me that!"

I laughed and reached over and grabbed her by her arm. The bar was practically empty. Ben went home with one of his friends, and Angela, who was part of the sober party, was bringing Tanya home, and I had boozed-up-Bella.

I pulled her to my side so I could guide her out the door. "Let's go, crazy chick." She planted her feet down and I kept walking. Bad idea. She started to fall over and I almost went with her. "Shit, Bella!"

She just started laughing and I picked her up. I laughed as well. No need to be a cranky ass. I felt I was enjoying myself more than she was. "Say it again." She said.

"What?"

"Babe. Call me babe again…babe." She said the last part with snort.

"Nope. Not until we are in the car."

She pushed my hands off of her. "Ugh, you are such a crab!"

I laughed and watched her sway her way over to Tanya. The both of them hugged each other tightly, both of them swinging from side to side like fucking weebles, except these bitches could fall down. I walked over to them and started pulling on Bella again. I couldn't keep fighting with her so I did what any other sensible person would do. I threw her over my shoulder.

She grunted and started hitting me. "Put me down, asshole!"

"Say bye to your friends, Bella!" I said.

She giggled and could feel her hands pulling down on my shirt. "Bye, girls! I love you!"

Tanya started bubbling her love for Bella, but I just kept walking; they wouldn't even remember in the morning. The bouncer gave me a smile and a shake of his head when he saw me walk out with my sack of potatoes of a girlfriend. One thing I noticed about that bar was that there were a lot of nice people. We would have to go back, that was for sure.

"Fuck!" I yelled when my sack of potatoes fucking pinched my ass! "That fucking hurt, chick!"

She laughed and rubbed my ass instead. _Oh boy_. "I'm sorry, baby. You want me to kiss it better?" She barely even got to hold in her laugh.

I rolled my eyes. I saw Bella's car in front of me and I never been so happy to see it in my life. I needed to get the drunk home and in bed. I called Bev and she already transported the minor into her house so Bella wouldn't wake her.

"No, that's quite alright."

"Aw! Come on! You have a nice ass! Have I ever told you that?"

_Oh, thanks for that one, Bella._ I really wanted the four guys we walked by to know I had a nice ass. I just rolled my eyes and the guys laughed. _Fuck 'em. Who cares?_ I probably would't see them ever again.

"I don't think you have." I said.

I pressed the unlock button on Bella's keys and opened up the passenger door. I placed her back on the ground and she instantly threw herself at me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me hard on the mouth. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her back. Even though she was drunk and tasted like vodka, I still wouldn't deny her a kiss.

"Mmm…" She mumbled against my lips. I pulled away and placed a kiss on her neck. "I love you."

"I love you too, beautiful, but we really need to get home."

She pouted and dropped her hands from my shoulders. "It's not my home."

"Of course it is. You can have two homes."

She covered her face in laughter and leaned on my chest as she left. I chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "Home is where your heart is! So corny!" She said between laughs.

I laughed. "I didn't say that!"

"Yeah but I was thinking it!" She said. I could feel her whole body shake with laughter. I didn't even think love was a significant enough word for how I felt about her.

"Get in the car, crazy chick."

I pushed her closer to the car and she tripped. Fucking hell, the chick didn't even know where her feet were. "Oh my night in shining armor!" She yelled and I thought I would piss myself I was laughing so hard. "Thank you my savior." _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck…stop making me laugh!_ She said it in some kind of creepy man voice.

I finally got her in the car and I ran to the driver's side before she could escape or some shit. Bella seemed unpredictable while intoxicated. I sat down and she opened the glove compartment and started taking all the papers out and putting them on the floor as she looked for something. I wasn't even going to try and make her stop. She could clean that up the next day. I started the car up while she was distracted and I drove off.

"What are you doing, hermosa?"

"I'm trying to find a CD but I can't see it. Everything is all woopy." I chuckled and reached over for the CDs. I'm sure she was seeing double or maybe even triple.

"Give them to me."

"Nuh uh…first you have to call me babe."

I smiled. "I don't want to…ow fuck!" _That stung like a mother fucker!_

She hit me on my arm and holy fuckity shit balls, it hurt. It was like an open handed slap that would probably leave a mark and clapped fucking loudly. Oh tonight was going to be fun. She went from admiring my ass to making out with me to hitting me.

"You promised me!"

"Not after you just hit me!"

"But you love meeeeeeee…"

I groaned. Even when she was drunk she controlled me in ways that I couldn't explain. "Okay fine. _Babe, _can you give me the CDs?" I really only did it so she didn't hit me again. That shit hurt.

She squealed and gave me a wet kiss on my cheek. "Here you go!" She handed me the CDs, and I held them until we made it to a red light. There weren't a lot of people on the road so I could stay there a little longer I though. I hadn't read a drivers manual in a while.

"Well it looks like you have Green Day, Jack Johnson, and Britney Spears?" _What the hell? What a combination. _

"Oh! Put on Green Day! I know all the words to American Idiot!"

_Yay, me!_

Not.

I put it in anyway. Bad idea on two parts. First of all, she sang really loudly and bounced around a lot. Second of all, I was laughing too fucking hard to see the road clearly. I hoped no random homeless person or cat walked out in front of the car or anything because I probably wouldn't have been able to see them. Driving while laughing and a drunk girl in the passenger seat wasn't such a great idea.

But we made it back to my place safe and sound. When we stopped, I just threw Bella over my shoulder and didn't even try to get her to walk. We probably would have had to stop many times along the way. I ran up the stairs with her, and she laughed the whole way. I got a few more slaps on the ass, but I didn't really care at that point. I got used to it.

Once inside, I threw my keys on the coffee table as I walked by the living room. "Edward! Put me down!"

I set her down on the floor and she put her hand on her head and almost fell over…again. I grabbed her arm and pulled her to me. She put her arms around my neck. She was smiling up at me and I kissed her nose.

"Dance with me?" She asked looking all beautiful and shit. All women were made beautiful to ensure they got what they wanted. At least it seemed that way for me when it came to Bella.

"There's no music, silly."

"So you put some on! Duuuuuhhh!"

"How stupid of me." I said. I dragged her over to the small stereo I had near the TV. She held onto my neck for dear life and I thought she may have fallen asleep.

"You're not stupid." She whispered. "You're smart, and handsome, and amazing, and kind, and funny, and I just love you soooo much."

I smiled and toyed with the stereo, trying to find a good song on my iPod. I turned my head slightly to kiss her head but still see the iPod. "I love you too, babe."

She giggled. "Can you call me that all the time? I really like it."

"Anything for you." I finally found a song. It was mellow enough to keep Bella from belting out into her own karaoke show, so it worked. Plus it was one of my favorites. Jeff Buckley's guitar playing filled the room and I wrapped my arms around Bella.

Bella noticed the song and started humming along with it as we swayed. I ran my hand along her back and her humming vibrated through my whole body. I sighed in contentment. I didn't know if there was a heaven, or what it felt like, but I was sure it couldn't really get any closer than that moment. Even though Bella was drunk, I still couldn't really put a word to how peaceful I felt just holding her, her holding me, and just moving with the music. We had a fun night with only one problem, I got myself out of an episode, and Alice was next door sleeping peacefully with the solid protection of Bev who was a gift to our lives.

"_I've heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music do you…" _

His haunting and quiet voice filled the room and Bella sighed. She twirled my hair between her fingers. "You smell good." She said.

I chuckled and kissed her on her neck over and over again. She may have kind of ruined the mood, but I didn't give a fuck. She fucking made everything perfect no matter what. I pulled away and kissed her on her lips. I tasted the vodka, but it went away after we kissed more. She ran her hands through my hair and traced her fingers along the line of my jaw. My tongue swiftly slid into her mouth and met hers. That set something off in the both of us and I ran my hands along her back and under her shirt. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around my waist.

I walked with her in my arms. My steps and the movement of our lips seemed to go with the song. I laid her back on the couch and hovered over her. I kissed her softly and moved down to kiss her neck. She moaned and put her hands in my hair, pulling it gently. She let her hands drift downward and she pulled on my shirt. My head finally caught up with my body and I realized we were taking it too far.

I pulled away from her and she groaned. "Edward! Come on!"

"Bella, we can't right now."

I got up so I was sitting on the edge of the couch beside her and I tried to pull her up with me, but she pushed my hands away. "No, don't touch me."

"Bella, come on…don't be like that."

"No!" She said loudly and as if in pain.

I felt my heart crack inside of me. Everything was going great, but then I was overwhelmed by the fact that I wasn't good enough for her. It was a valid fact, but one that was often overshadowed by my deep love for her. When you loved, you were in danger of hoping. Hope was a delusion.

I reached for her again. "Please, Bella. Just not right now."

"No stop touching me. You obviously don't want me." She crossed her arms in front of her and a big tear fell from her hair. She covered her face and her breath caught in her throat.

"That is not true at all. I always want you." I did always want her. What man in their right mind wouldn't? It actually scared me a lot. I knew she was beautiful. I never wanted anyone like I wanted her. I've had sex, but never out of love. I had it just because everyone else was and I wanted to see what it was like. While I liked it, it was never particularly fun. I was never really attracted to anyone I had been with. Not like I was to Bella.

You would think that would make me want to make love to her the first second I got, and maybe I should have, but I was so fucked up. Instead, the feeling scared the shit out of me. I didn't know how to have sex with someone I loved. It sounded stupid, but in reality, it haunted me every day. I didn't miss the look of sadness on her face after we would get somewhere physically, and then I cut it off somehow. I noticed the look of eagerness and want on her face after I had given her pleasure, and she wanted to give it back. I saw how much it killed her. It killed me because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't bring myself to take that step.

I felt that it should be perfect. She deserved absolute perfection. I wanted her to feel loved and cherished and I wanted her to feel how much I loved her in a different way. I just didn't know how to. I didn't know how to receive any either. Whenever she would try, I would push her away. If I couldn't give her everything she needed because of my fucked up head, then I didn't deserve anything from her. My sexual wants shouldn't be put into her hands when I couldn't even do anything for her. I tried, and I gave her pleasure, but it wasn't enough. I envied any guy who could just sleep with their girlfriends and everything would be fine. They didn't have my burdens. What twenty-four year old in their right mind didn't want to have sex? Well, none. I did want to have sex, I just didn't know how to. I knew the mechanics, but Bella deserved the love part of it. I didn't want to do it just because. At least not our first time.

Maybe I should see a counselor. I knew my thinking wasn't normal, and I was probably pushing Bella farther away, but trying to get out of it was like trying to get out of quick sand. Except the quicksand was my mind.

"No you don't! You never want me to touch you! I just want to make you feel good, baby!"

"I know, I know." I pulled her to me and she didn't fight me.

Her tears soaked my new shirt. I held her as she cried. She may have been drunk, but I was pretty sure this was something she has been keeping inside. She was always patient with me, and never said anything to make me feel bad. Now she was letting everything out, and it fucking hurt me. I was having one of those moments where I wished I could have gone back in time to change whatever it was that made me the way I was, and be absolutely perfect for her. But again, that was hoping. Hoping was stupid.

"I miss you all the time." She cried.

"Bella, you see me almost every day."

"I know but only a little bit at a t-time. I think about you all the time and it drives me crazy until I see you. Then everything is okay."

I couldn't really remember the last time I cried. I didn't even recall the time. It might have been when I woke up in the hospital, signed those papers, and a social worker placed Alice in my arms. I remember she was sleeping. She woke up and put her hand on my face. She had spent the night in the hospital for observation after what happened. I remember her smiling up at me tiredly. I pulled her close to me and held her. The social worker left us alone, and I lost it. I was holding the one thing in the world that I had left. I had nothing but Alice for the longest time.

So I cried. That was the last time that I remembered. It seemed it would happen again. I fought against it. Crying for me, just like hope, was useless. There was no need.

"I feel the same way, beautiful."

"I want t-to be with y-y-you all the time."

"I do too." I could see where this was getting at…I didn't give her enough of my attention. Yet, another reason why I wasn't good enough for her.

Alice was not longer my only reason for living. I guessed I felt like there was no way that could have happened. I loved Alice more than anyone, or anything else in the world. That hadn't changed; not at all, but there was an addition to that. I also loved Bella more than anyone or anything in the world. There was no comparison to the love I felt for Bella and for Alice. They were completely different loves with only one similarity; I couldn't live without either of them.

I needed to find that balance. Alice wasn't the only person who needed me now. Bella needed me. I needed Bella. I didn't go out with Bella, because I would feel guilty leaving Alice. But when did Alice ever fault me for ever leaving to go out? Of course when I came home she was happy to see me and she told me she missed me. I missed her too. Every second away from her I missed her, but the same went for Bella. But Alice never said to me that I spend more time with Bella than I did her, and never had Alice gotten mad that I went out with Bella. Bella wouldn't do that either.

So really, the only problem was me. I realized in that moment that leaving Alice for a while wouldn't mean I would have loved her less, and it wouldn't make Alice upset with me. Alice knew how much I loved her, and I was beginning to feel like I didn't prove to Bella my love as often as I should.

I needed to fix it.

Bella pushed me away and soon she was off of the couch and running down the hall. My heart dropped in panic and I sighed when I heard her throw up. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. I got up and walked over to the stereo.

"_I did my best, it wasn't much. I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch…" _I turned it off and went to help, comfort, and just love Bella the way she deserved.

_Something I should have been doing all along.

* * *

_

I heard footsteps coming from next door, so I knew Bev was awake. It wasn't Alice. She would have been running, and it was only seven in the morning. She usually slept until at least eight on Saturday mornings. I had been awake for an hour. I laid down with Bella for a couple hours and slept for about an hour and a half. I couldn't sleep with all that ran through my head. I needed someone to talk to, and Bev was the perfect person.

I went next door and knocked. She opened it seconds later and had a smile on her face when she opened. It went away when she saw my state.

"Edward? You okay? You look exhausted."

She moved out of the way of the door and I walked inside the house. She followed after me. "I'm okay. I didn't sleep much last night."

"Where's Bella?"

"She's sleeping. She got a little drunk last night."

She smiled. "So you had fun?"

"Yeah, yeah…we had a lot of fun actually." I sat down on her couch and ran my hands over my tired face. I didn't feel like sharing the whole Jacob incident. That was insignificant at that point.

"It doesn't sound like it."

"No, it was. I just…" I shook my head. Not even knowing what to say. _I just realized I'm kind of a horrible boyfriend. _Or I could say something along the lines of _I can't even make love to my girlfriend because my brain is fucked up from a life of never knowing love._ Yeah. That's not something someone wants to deal with first thing in the morning. I wouldn't put that on Bev.

"You can tell me anything, child."

I sighed and looked up to her. "I know I can. I don't know if I thank you enough for that, but I am doing it right now. Thank you."

"You're welcome, but there really is no need."

"Can I ask you a question?" She nodded. "You know I love you, right?"

She looked a little surprised at the question, and she thought about it while going to sit beside me. "Yes, I do know that."

"How?"

"Sometimes you just know things, Edward. You just feel them, you know? You don't come out and tell me you love me often, but I know you do by even just the little things you do."

I did love Bev. I truly and honestly did. She was the reason Alice and I were the way we were. I loved Bev like the mother I never had. She put her hand on my back. "Is there a reason you are asking me this?"

"I just feel like I suck at the whole institution of it. You know…love."

"I will have to disagree with you wholeheartedly on that one, boy."

Everything just came out. "Bev, I haven't had sex with Bella yet. I want it, but I can't bring myself to do it just because I have this fucking thing in my head that is telling me I will screw everything up. I don't want to screw anything up with her. I want every little thing I do for her to be perfect, and I just can't do some things. It feels like I am stuck inside my head and I can't get out."

"Hey, it's okay." She rubbed my back. I was glad she didn't make this awkward for me. "I think you are over-thinking it all."

"That's all I ever do! How can't I when all I ever do is screw up?" I said that a little too loudly, and I covered my face with my hands to calm myself down.

"You don't screw anything up, Edward. You are human. Humans make mistakes. And you need to know that any mistake you make will be forgiven by that girl next door. She loves you."

"I know she does, and that just makes me feel more pressured."

"Don't feel pressured! Put yourself in her shoes. Say you didn't have these mental restrictions on the sex subject, and you wanted to do it with her, but for some reason, she didn't want to. Would you fault her for it? Would you love her any less?"

"Hell no."

"Okay then, there is your answer. I think that you should work to getting yourself better in that sense, but don't push it, Edward. I know for a fact that she will wait for you. If you push yourself, you will be left feeling bad." I nodded my head. Maybe she was right. "But…but, don't over-think it too much. Bella isn't the type of girl who needs a lot of hoopla, if you know what I mean. And you both love each other. Remember that is the only thing you need for a physical relationship to feel special. The love is enough."

I nodded. "Okay. I will try."

"Good. Is there anything else you need, sweets?"

"Actually, yeah. I have been thinking. I haven't really been giving Bella as much of my time as I think I should be. It's hard though with Alice, you know? I want to spend as much time as I can with her, but I have been noticing it is kind of hurting mine and Bella's relationship."

"Okay…so what can I do?"

I was going to answer, but I heard a bang come from the room down the hall followed by a frustrated and tired 'ow.' The sound alone lifted my spirits and the sides of my mouth. Alice was awake, and boy did I miss the kid. My head was in a fuddled mess, and I knew one hug from her would make it okay.

"Just give me a minute." I said to Bev and I got up from the couch. I ran into the room where one half of my heart was and jumped on top of her bed face first. Her giggle filled the room filled with sunshine from the window.

"Get off my bed, fool!" She yelled and jumped on top of me to give me a hug.

She missed me. No anger for leaving her to go out.

_Why didn't I see it before?

* * *

_

I straightened out the newspaper in front of me and took a sip of my coffee. It was already almost noon time, but after spending some time with Alice and talking more with Bev, I didn't get enough time to get my coffee. I made some of my own and decided to have a cup while I waited for Bella to wake up. I had no idea when she would wake up as I didn't know her hangover schedule. I heard some movements coming from the other room though, and I guessed in Bella's hangover schedule, 11:48 was her wakeup time. Not too bad.

I heard her bare feet shuffle against the floor and I put the newspaper down so I could get a good image of her. She walked in and I had to smile. She was wearing my oversized pants and t-shirt that I changed her into, her hair was in a ponytail that was falling out, and her eyes were squinted at the light.

"How are you feeling?" I whispered.

She whimpered. "Like I drank a fountain of vodka last night and my body is having a revolution against me because of it. It seems most of the battles are going on in the head area."

I chuckled. "Sounds about accurate."

She groaned and shuffled over to me, then took my coffee from me and put it on the table. She moved my arm out of the way and sat down on my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck, and resting her head on my shoulder. I wrapped one arm around her waist and took a sip of my coffee.

"Can I have some?" She asked. I brought the cup to her lips wordlessly and tipped it so she could sip it. When I took it away, her face was all scrunched up. "Yuck…that's gross."

"Excuse me if I don't put six sugars in my coffee."

She yawned. "Whatever. Where is Alice?"

"She went with Bev to the store to get some stuff for lunch."

She looked over to the clock. "Oh shit. It's already that time, huh?" I nodded and took another sip of my coffee. "So how bad was I last night? Did I embarrass myself?"

I tried to hide the fact that she revealed more than she probably wanted to. I smiled. "Apparently you think my ass is pretty nice."

She started laughing, but her face turned red. "Well I guess I do think that."

"You want to know a secret?"

"Yes, please."

"I kind of like your ass too."

She chuckled and kissed my cheek. "Thank you. We have pretty asses."

"I'd say so."

We both started laughing. "So what else did I do?"

"You weren't too bad. I did learn you like it when I call you babe."

She looked puzzled by that. "You called me babe?"

"Yeah."

She shrugged. "Well I guess I wouldn't know because I don't think you have called me that…when I remembered."

I chuckled. "Well, I guess I can test it out right now by saying I love you, babe."

Her face instantly lit up with a smile. "Please say that more often."

I chuckled. "You are crazy, chick."

"Shut up, asshole, and go get me some coffee."

"What do you think this is?"

"Uh…you should be taking care of me. I have a war going on in my body. How could you let me fight it on my own?" She said like she was a damsel in distress.

"You need help."

"Shut up." I chuckled and kissed her forehead. I pushed her off of my lap. I couldn't make the coffee while sitting down now could I? "Can I use your toothbrush? I will rinse it off in hot water." She asked.

"Sure, but wait a second, Bella." She turned to me.

"Yeah?"

"So uh…I was thinking. What do you think about date nights?" _Why was I so nervous?_ "You know, like every Friday we can go out, just the two of us."

All nerves went away when a smile graced her beautiful face and she looked elated. "That sounds amazing. But what about Alice?"

"Bev will watch her. She won't mind us going out every Friday."

She was smiling so much, it turned into a laugh. "That sounds perfect, Edward. Thank you."

I smiled and walked over to her, then took her in my arms and hugged her. I placed a kiss on the top of her head. "No need to thank me, wifey."

She groaned. "Can you please just stick with 'babe' or 'hermosa?'"

"Oh yes, of course of course. Anything to make my wifey happy."

And that earned me a pinch in the side. _That fucking hurt._ Oh well, I could take it. I would have to get used to the abuse if I was going to get married to the chick.

First I would have to earn the honor of deserving the role of being her boyfriend…and then I could think about really making her my wife.

* * *

_Baby I have been here before,  
I know this room, I've walked this floor.  
I used to live alone before I knew you.  
I've seen your flag on the marble arch,  
Love is not a victory march,  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah._

_**Hallelujah, by Jeff Buckley

* * *

**_

**Well this was a pretty early update, huh? Sorry the updates have been so sporadic lately, but real life gets in the way sometimes. I get the chapters out as soon as possible though! **

**I don't know why, maybe it is just me, but this chapter took a lot out of me and had me very emotional. I just get that way when I do EPOV, so I hope you all liked it! **

**Big thanks to Alexa for putting up with my bad tenses. She yells at me all the time for it, but I try. LOL. She's also my partner in our own little Mumford & Sons fan club. Anyone else fans?**

**Alexa and I also have a joint project together called 'The Roads of Life' if you want to check that out! It is under the penname MonyAlexa, and we would appreciate your feedback! **

**Alright, well I don't know when next chapter will be, but it will be soon lol**

**Review please! **


	32. Chapter 31: For You

**Chapter 31: For You**

**BPOV**

He was late. Again.

I slept past my alarm and ran around my apartment like a chicken with my head cut off to get to the coffee shop on time. I took the worlds quickest shower, did my hair, got dressed, put my shoes on, didn't even bother with makeup, and then I was out the door. I made it all the way to my car before I noticed I forgot my phone. I stomped back inside already cursing whoever invented Mondays and got my phone. And then as if someone out there hated me, I had a text with the cryptic words of Edward Cullen.

_**Wardrobe malfunction. Running late. -E**_

_Well isn't that just lovely?_ I loved waking up in the morning and running around more than I had in my life just to realize it was all for nothing. It was all Edward's fault. I looked at what time he sent the text, and it was at 3:30 in the morning. He knew he could text me in the middle of the night because I put messages on silent, but if it was important, he could call. I didn't know how he was already up and at 'em at such an ungodly hour. I could barely function off with five hours of sleep, never mind just three hours and then only a couple more later on.

I sat down on the couch and texted him back.

_**What time will you be there? –B**_

I was interested in what kind of wardrobe malfunction he could be having. He only wears t-shirts, jeans, and hoodies most of the time. The flannel was kind of a one-shot deal it seemed, although I would do what I could to bring the flannel back. Maybe I could buy him some more. He would have to wear them then right?

My phone beeped.

_**20 minutes. I want to slam my head against the wall. BAD DAY. –E**_

I sighed_. Great_. That's all he needed; another bad day. I would do what I could to make it better for him. I was sure he was just stressing about the meeting he had with Alice's teacher. It was scheduled for eight in the morning, and he was going to just follow me to work after we had our coffee and stuff. He didn't even tell me about the meeting until he texted me last night at 10:30. I didn't know how it just slipped his mind, but Edward's mind seemed to work in mysterious ways.

I texted him back.

_**Cheer up, dude. I love you. –B**_

I felt weird just sitting around when I was all dressed after a quick start to my day, so I got up and started making my way to my car. It would take me about ten minutes to get there anyway. I could just drive around the block a couple times or something. I just need to kill time.

Once in the car, I plugged my iPod in and let it play on shuffle softly. I had a busy week ahead of me. I had a class every day, I had work, and I needed to go visit my parents. It was my father's birthday tomorrow, but I wouldn't be able to make it, so instead I would go on Wednesday. It would only be for the day. I had no work on Wednesday because it was a professional development day, but since I was only an aid, I didn't _have _to attend if I didn't want to. I usually did and just helped out and stuff, but family comes first. Edward was kind enough to take the day off, and he and Alice were going up there with me. I had a feeling it would be nice.

Then after that, Edward and I had our first official Friday date night. I didn't know where that came from on Edward's part, but I was not complaining one bit. It seemed the perfect way to end the week; spending hours alone with Edward. We decided over the weekend that we would alternate on who chooses what will be done on each date night. We played rock, paper, scissors, and of course Edward won, so he got to choose what we were doing on Friday. I asked him what it would be, but he wouldn't tell me. I didn't mind. Honestly, we could have sat in his car in a parking lot and stare at each other the whole time for all I cared.

I had an amazing time with him at the bar with my friends. I tried to act like the whole thing with Jacob didn't happen, but it did unfortunately. When I saw Edward walk up to us, I thought that was going to be it. Luckily I was wrong, but I still didn't feel very good about the whole thing. Yes, Edward was able to get himself out of an episode, but he seemed to think that since he had done it once, he could do it over and over again.

I didn't know if I believe that.

I knew he was capable of it at least, that was nice to know, but he didn't hear anything that Jacob said to me. If he had, I didn't think that he could have stopped it. It all depends. What gave me proof that he didn't really have much control was seeing him afterwards in that janitor's closet. He was shaking violently, he was pale, and he was sweating. His body wasn't used to that. Seeing him like that scared me half to death, and what also scared me was that he was expecting too much from that night. He felt nothing could touch him. He told me so. I encouraged him because how couldn't I? I supported him whenever he needed it, and he needed it. Discouraging him wasn't something I think I was capable of.

I got so lost in my thoughts; I ended up at the coffee shop before I even noticed it. At that point, I didn't feel like driving around the block or anything so I just turned my car off and took out my phone.

"Shit." I mumbled when I saw I had two text messages from Edward.

_**Love you, babe. –E**_

I loved that he called me babe now. He had a large array of names he called me depending on his mood; 'babe' and 'hermosa' when he was being sweet, 'dear' when he was being sarcastic, 'crazy' when, well when I was being crazy to him, and of course 'wifey' when he was playful and trying to get a reaction out of me. There were many others, but those were the main ones. I loved them all. I just loved him a whole fucking lot.

The other text said: _**5 minutes…**_

He sent the text three minutes ago, so I got out of the car and headed inside. I ordered all of our things and sat down at our table that was always empty for us. I think the regulars knew that that was our table, and thankfully no one took it from us. It wouldn't feel the same if we didn't sit there.

I suddenly felt tired so I rested my head on my arm on the table. Mondays fucking sucked. I heard the door open and I turned my head in that direction to see if it was Edward and…holy fucking shit.

_Good morning to me!_

Oh it was Edward all right, and the sight of him woke me up pretty fucking fast. I saw his face first. His lips pursed in concentration and I noticed he didn't look so happy. His hair was all over the place from him pulling it in frustration I was sure. His face was nice, hell, his face was fucking beautiful, but what really caught me was the rest of his body.

He was wearing a suit. _A fucking suit. _

That was a first, and I felt it would be my last. Edward in a suit killed me. The navy blue jacket was a little wrinkled but it wouldn't have fit his personality if it wasn't. It only made me that more attracted to him. I squirmed in my seat when I set my eyes on the skinny tie around his neck; that was it for me. I wish he would have given me some kind of warning before he just burst into the place like a gift from the Gods. It wasn't fair. And I was expected to sit across from him in the fucking sexy suit from hell and keep up an intelligent conversation. Maybe I could lure him to my car a little early so he could help me out a little bit. It felt like having a handsome and breathtaking boyfriend was a blessing and a curse at times.

My eyes followed him as he made his way over to me, he looked pretty agitated. He sat down and loosened his tie. I could do that…

"Do you think this tie would make a good noose?"

I frowned. _Way to kill the mood, Edward_. "Shut up." I said in annoyance. I didn't like when he made jokes like that.

He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "I'm sorry. I just hate today for some reason."

"Why? What happened?"

He took a sip of his coffee before answering me. "Well, you see, I woke up this morning all chipper and fucking creating rainbows in my path." I chuckled at his description. The guy was weird. "And then fucking everything went to shit when I took my tie out and remembered I don't know how to tie the fucking thing."

I laughed. "Dude, how do you not know how to do that?"

"Do I look like I wear these chokers every fucking day of my life for shits and giggles?"

"No I guess not." _But I wouldn't complain…_

"Exactly. Well Bev was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her up, so you know, how hard could it be?" I nodded. "Don't nod. It's fucking hard. I sat in front of that mirror for _thirty _minutes. Thirty minutes of my life I can never get back."

I laughed. I could just imagine stubborn Edward trying to tie his tie with no clue on what to do. I could imagine him cursing under his breath and getting all mad and frustrated. It annoyed the hell out of him, but I thought it was cute. Not all the time though. His stubbornness stressed me out sometimes as well.

"So how did you ever get it tied?"

He groaned and ran his hand through his hair. "I had to ask my boss' secretary to do it."

I nearly choked on my coffee as I started laughing. "Are you serious?"

"Yes I am serious. Would I make that shit up? It wasn't one of my proudest moments."

I shook my head and continued laughing under my breath. "So how did you go about that? Did you just go up to her and say 'hey can you tie my tie?'" I didn't really need to know the details, but I liked seeing his reaction. He always teased me to get a reaction, so that meant I could do the same thing.

He glared at me and it only made me laugh more. "Yes." He said grudgingly.

"And she just said yes?"

"Yes. She has a crush on me."

_Nice way to kill the mood again there, Edward._

I instantly stopped laughing and I was ready to beat the shit out of that secretary if she thought him letting her tie his tie meant anything.

"Why didn't you just let me do it?"

"Because I can't just assume that you know how to do it. I had to plan accordingly and shit."

"Well for future instances, I do know how to tie a tie, and even if I didn't, we could have just looked it up online on my phone. You don't need other girls tying your ties."

He smirked. "Okay, one; how the fuck is your phone going to help, and two; someone sounds a little jealous."

I wanted to slap him silly. "Okay, one; smart phones have YouTube, and two; shut the hell up."

His face scrunched up in confusion. "What the fuck is YouTube?"

I covered my face with my hand and shook my head. For someone who watches the news all the time, he wasn't really up-to-date with the technology available and the invention of the Internet.

"It's a website that has an endless amount of pointless videos on there simply for your entertainment, but you can find instructional ones too. You can find just about anything on there."

He looked like I just told him I went to the moon last night. Completely amazed. "No shit."

"Yes. Maybe I will show you one day."

He chuckled. "Why do I have a feeling I will get a headache that day?"

"Because you are just a big headache." He nonchalantly flipped me off and took a sip of his coffee. "So why did you get all dressed up anyway?"

His eyes popped out of his head in panic. "What? You think this is too much?" He asked as if in a panic. "I just figured it was a meeting so…"

"No! No it's not too much at all. I think it is the right thing to do. I'm sorry, baby. Don't freak out. I am just used to seeing parents walk in dressed in their pajamas. It doesn't really represent them too well." I always wondered why parents would come in for a parent/teacher meeting wearing their pajamas. If there was a meeting, it was most likely something important so wouldn't you think they would want to dress for the occasion? I didn't know. I couldn't really judge because I didn't know everyone's situation, but I was glad Edward took the initiative.

"Oh okay, don't give me a heart attack, Bella."

I chuckled. "Sorry, baby."

We were silent for a bit and I picked at my muffin from the gods.

"Oh!" Edward said all of a sudden making me jump. "Guess who called me last night."

"Hm…I don't know. Who?"

"You didn't even guess!"

"Santa Claus."

"Wow, you suck at that game. No it wasn't ol' St. Nick. It was your mom."

"What? She has your number?" Well that wasn't what I was expecting. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised though, I mean it was my mom. She had her ways.

"Yeah I gave it to her the last time I saw her." He said as if it was no big deal. It made me smile. "Do you want to know why she called me for?" He asked with a smirk.

"Why?" _I don't even know if I want to know…_

"She wanted to know if you needed any new underwear."

I gasped and my face instantly heated up. "You're fucking with me, aren't you?"

He chuckled. "I never lie."

I ran my hands through my hair. "Kill me now."

"No can do, babe."

"Why didn't she just call me?" My mom should get some kind of award for being the most embarrassing mother in the whole entire world. _Seriously, what mother calls their daughter's boyfriend to ask if their daughter needed freaking underwear?_ I didn't understand how that woman's brain worked sometimes.

"She said you wouldn't have told her the truth."

"Well what did you say?"

"I said fuck yes she needs some underwear."

"You didn't."

He pointed to himself. "Unable to lie. Remember?"

"You're an ass! I don't need underwear."

I couldn't believe I was actually having this conversation with him. What really struck me though in that moment was how not awkward it was. We spoke about my underwear like it was the weather. The only thing I was embarrassed about was my mom actually calling him and asking him that kind of question. Maybe I was over-thinking things, but I would have never been comfortable discussing such things with some of my previous boyfriends. It just would have never happened. Yet, here I sat with Edward, who I had been dating for four months or so, talking about my underwear like it was nothing.

"You can never have too much underwear, dear."

I sighed. "Was that all she asked you about?"

"Well that was the only thing in regards to you. She asked how Alice was and what her favorite snacks and foods were."

"Jeez we are only going there for a day."

He chuckled. "I know, but it was nice. Nice to know she cares about Alice like that."

I smiled and I wanted to kiss him so bad. My only problem with that was that I didn't think just a peck would really work. That suit…fuck…that suit made thinking and control impossible.

"It's hard not to care about Alice."

"That is true."

I noticed the way he licked his lips when he finished taking a sip of his coffee and yeah…we needed to get outside. "So are you almost finished with that?"

He quirked an eyebrow. "My coffee?"

"No, Edward, your apple pie." I said sarcastically.

"Alright, damn, sorry. Yes I am almost finished, why?"

I could have beat around the bush. I could have said something along the lines of, 'I have to get to work early' or 'I want to show you something in my car' just to lure him away, but beating around the bush wasn't really my style.

"I kind of want to go somewhere to make out."

He licked his lips and gave me a delicious crooked smile. _Not helping the situation! _"Why the sudden urge?"

He wanted me to answer that question. I wouldn't. He wanted to have the upper-hand, but I would not let that happen. I wrapped my muffin in a napkin and downed the rest of my coffee. I slipped out of the booth and gathered my stuff.

"I'll be outside if you want to join me." I said and walked away from him. He just smirked up at me, looking maybe a little proud that I was taking control like that. Proud Edward was sexy. _What the hell was wrong with me? _It was like I couldn't even act like a civil human being when he was around wearing the suit of sexiness and just being his charming and amazing self.

I went to my car and waited. I knew he wouldn't keep me waiting for too long. He would wait for a couple minutes though just because that was the way Edward worked. He would give me the upper hand, but not without also maintaining his dominance in the relationship. I thought we made a good team. I stood outside of the car and leaned on it. _Any minute now…_

I looked over to the coffee shop and saw him come strolling out. As he walked in long strides, his tie blew a bit in the wind along with his hair. I would need to think of reasons why he had to put that suit back on. It set something off in me and I didn't even know how to explain it. He had that crooked smirk on his face when he approached me and I opened the back seat door for him.

"Why thank you, dear." He said.

This wasn't the first time we went out to my car for a make out session in the morning, although we usually went to a more secluded area. Once he was inside, I followed in after him. I shut the door and turned around to straddle him on the seat. My head almost hit the top of the car, but I would manage.

"You know, people can probably see inside the car, hermosa." He said, moving his hands up and down my waist.

"Tinted windows." I reminded him. I grabbed onto his tie and ran my hands down it.

He chuckled and pushed my hair out of my face. "You're beautiful, did you know that?"

I pulled on his tie so his lips were on mine. I let go of the it then and ran my hands along his chest and over his shoulders underneath his jacket. I moaned when he started kissing and nibbling on my neck. I brought my hands to his hair and I was breathing heavy instantly, wanting more…so much more.

"I love you." I said between my breaths.

He pulled away and held onto each side of my face. He kept my face in front of his, and when I leaned in to kiss him, he would pull away slightly. After a couple rounds of teasing, he finally let his lips touch mine, but really softly, like I could barely feel it, but I knew it was there. Oh fuck yes I knew. After that little kiss, he rested his forehead on mine and took both of my hands in his. I twined mine with his and he granted me another delicious kiss.

He kissed my nose. "Yo tambien te amo, hermosa niña. Te prometo darte lo que te mereces y mas. Solo ten paciencia conmigo."

I had no idea what he said, but it didn't matter to me at all, just the sound of his voice whispering those words with that beautiful accent to me made me want him that much more. He was my complete undoing. It wasn't like that with anyone before, and it wouldn't be like that with anyone else, I was sure of that. It was impossible because I could never love anyone like I loved him.

Absolutely nothing could compare.

* * *

"So Ms. Swan, what book should I get at the book fair?" Ally asked me urgently.

She was a good kid, but man could she talk. Everyone in my class had their own distinct personalities and I loved every single one of them. A few of them could get under my skin, but they all had good and innocence in them which was refreshing for me. Although all of them were unusually quiet so far. It was probably because it was early in the morning on a Monday. When Mr. Ferreira left, he gave them a warm-up worksheet to do since I didn't have any lessons planned on Mondays, and they were all keeping to themselves and doing it. While the quiet was good, it was also fun getting to hear what they had on their minds and their stories.

"Hmm…don't know. What kind of books do you like to read?" We were all going down to the book fair after lunch so the kids could buy a book if they had money.

"I don't really read a lot…"

"Really? Well, reading is a lot of fun. I'll help you out when we get down there. I don't even know what they have."

"Only girls read." Austin, the class clown, said loudly causing everyone to laugh.

"That is not true! There are many male authors and they have some really good books."

"Yeah but only girls read them."

Everyone laughed again. "Not true!" I said in exasperation and the class laughed at me. Mr. Ferreira walked in the classroom at that time with a coffee in hand. "Mr. Ferreira, do you read books?"

"Of course I do." He answered.

"Yeah but he's a nerdy teacher!" Austin called out and even I had to laugh along with that. Mr. Ferreira laughed too and walked up next to me in front of the class.

"I see you have woken up the beasts, Ms. Swan." They all called out saying how they were not beasts and then that started conversation all around.

"Sorry about that."

He chuckled. "No it's fine, got to keep them alert. You can go though. There is an irritated man waiting for you in the office."

Inside I was freaking out. I already knew who it was. Edward. I couldn't be unprofessional and let him know how much I was itching to get out of that room and to Edward. If he was irritated, that meant that the meeting may have not gone that well.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, please. Go ahead." He nodded.

"Thank you." I said sincerely.

It wasn't my break time for another hour, but since he was letting me do that, I would just take this time now as my break. It's the least I could do since he was being so nice about it. I walked as quickly as I could out of the room and headed to the office. I felt myself getting nervous. If Edward was nervous, what would that lead to? I didn't even want to think about it.

As I turned the corner to get to the office, Edward was outside of it pacing. He had his jacket clutched in his hand and his tie loose around his neck. He ran his other hand through his hair over and over and he looked like he would pull all his hair out. _Great._

"Edward." I called out to him. His head shot over to my direction and he sighed in relief. I walked straight up to him and took his hand. "What's wrong?"

"Can you go out?" He asked.

"Yeah, just give me a second." He nodded his head and I poked my head in the office door. "Ms. Watson? I'm just going out for a minute."

"Okay, that's fine." She said.

I smiled at her the best I could and took Edward's hand. He gripped onto it tightly and I led him outside. He went in front of me and brought me to his truck. He got in the driver's seat, and I got in the passenger's seat. My door closed with a thud, and then all was silent. He had his hands clasped together on the tip of the steering wheel and he dropped his head on top of them. He took a few calming breaths and I reached over and rubbed his back soothingly. I was crawling out of my skin to know what happened, but I needed to give him his time to pull himself together.

He took an extra deep breath after a while and lifted his head. He looked over at me and laughed humorlessly. "Bella, please don't think of me any less, but I hate that woman who is Alice's teacher."

Alice's teacher was Ms. Moniz. Was she necessarily a mean lady? Not from what I had seen, but was she kind of a grump? Hell yes. She was fifty years old, divorced, with kids who lived far away. I guessed she had a reason, but still. She was sometimes really standoffish to the other employees and didn't talk to anyone unless spoken too. I asked Ms. Watson about her because I barely exchanged four words with her, and she said even though she seemed mean, she was an extraordinary teacher. Everyone had their positive and negative sides.

"What happened?"

He shook his head. "I go in there. She is sitting down looking like she would rather be getting a root canal and she has her arms crossed and shit. Right from there I was already annoyed with her."

"Who was in there?"

"Just me, her, and the principal. Anyway, the principal asked me why I was there and I told him I wanted to know why I wasn't informed about Alice's grades and what I could do to help her you know?"

I nodded. That was the initial plan, and I thought it was really good and responsible of Edward to do that.

"Yeah, and what did she say?"

He sighed. "You know, I'm not going to recite the whole thing, in a nutshell, she told me I sucked as a guardian. End of story."

"What?" I was starting to not like this teacher so much anymore…

"Basically. She told me that she sent out progress reports or whatever, and Alice never gave it to me, which I will talk to her about later, but that's another story." He took a quick breath. "She said I was supposed to sign it, and never did. I'm sorry, but wouldn't a phone call home been the right thing to do in a situation like that?"

"Well yeah, that's kind of policy. Those progress reports _have _to be signed, or a call gets made home."

"Exactly! And she didn't even do that! So I asked her why she didn't, and she said that she didn't think I would answer because I never pick her up from school. What the fuck is that?" He groaned and rubbed his head with his hand as if it were hurting.

"Are you okay?"

"No. I'm not." He snapped and kept going. "She was wrong. I don't give a fuck what anyone says. Then I asked her what I could do to help her get her grade up, and she said to be more supportive and give her a little _attention._ So I was like 'what the fuck?' and she said that Alice acts like she is constantly searching for attention by talking all the time and calling out answers to get a laugh out of the class. I wanted to be like 'sorry my sister has a fucking personality, bitch!'" I pulled out his tie and completely took it off. He threw it in the back seat. "I'm telling you, Bella, I have never wanted to hit a woman before, but I was fucking close to snapping at that bitch."

"Alright, well just calm down, okay? You're getting too worked up."

That didn't work. "But, am I wrong? You can be honest with me, Bella. I just need to fucking figure this shit out."

"You are not wrong at all, and she is. She shouldn't be making assumptions about your life."

"Thank you! At least someone agrees with me!" I was going to say something, but he was on a roll. "And you know what else she said? I told her that Alice has always had good grades. She's only been to kindergarten and preschool before this, but her teachers always loved her and said how smart she was. So I asked her if she changed something or whatever in her class, because even the first two report cards she got, she had good grades! And she said home life usually has an effect on kid's performance in school. Then she said that Alice was probably 'spoon fed' and never really challenged academically."

"This doesn't sound right at all."

"I'm not lying to you!"

"No! I never said that you did! I mean I can't believe she said those things to you. What did Mr. Winters say?" That was what I was really curious about. _How could he just let her say those things?_

He shrugged. "I don't know. He didn't talk much. He didn't say anything to her while I was in the room."

"Well I will talk to him. You have every right to be upset, what she said was wrong, and I don't know why she was being so cruel."

"I think I know why."

"Why?"

"I think she just doesn't like Alice."

"Oh Edward, that's not true."

"But it is."He groaned and unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt. "Which fucking sucks. I know not everyone will like her or whatever, but that's my baby sister, you know?"

I sighed and pulled the middle console up so I could scoot closer to him. I wrapped my arm around his neck and pulled him to me. He buried his face in my neck and sighed. I kissed the side of his head, feeling the tension leave his body just a little bit.

"Don't worry about her. She was obviously no help, but I will help you and Alice the best I can. I'll help her with homework or something, or maybe tutor her if she needs it." He nodded and kissed my neck. "And don't you for one second doubt yourself, okay? You are perfect with her, and she is an amazing child. If Ms. Moniz can't see it, well then fuck her."

He started laughing and pulled away from me so he could look in my face. "You're kind of sexy when you swear."

I leaned forward and pecked his lips. "You're kind of sexy all the time."

"I prefer drop dead gorgeous, but I guess sexy will suffice."

I chuckled and kissed him again. I placed my forehead on his and put my hands in his hair. "You okay now, babe?"

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess so. I just really didn't like that woman. Alice never complains about her teacher though so I was surprised she was that…cold."

"Well just talk to Alice about it. Ask her what she thinks of her teacher. You could always pull her out of that class and move her to the other one, but I'm not sure if Alice would really like that. From what I see, the kids in her class adore her. She has made a lot of friends."

He nodded. "I know. I'll talk to her. What she wants in the end is what really matters, and I guess I will just have to pay more attention to her school work I guess, although I have never had this problem before…" I think that is what blindsided Edward the most. If he hadn't had any problems with Alice's teachers and her grades for all the time she was in school, how was he to know immediately how to deal with it now? I personally didn't think he was in the wrong at all. What she said to him had been rude and uncalled for. Maybe I was biased. I didn't know, and I didn't care. My respect for that woman went down completely.

"Don't worry about it. Everything will work out."

He sighed. "If you say so."

"I do say so, so get happy. Now." I scolded him playfully.

He chuckled. "Look at you getting all bossy. I never knew my wifey would abuse me."

I kissed him quickly on the lips and pulled away from him. "I'm not your wifey." I scooted over and put my hand on the doorknob and he pulled on my hand.

"Yes you are, and please don't go yet."

I sighed and kissed his hand. "I have to get back to work, babe. I'll see you later."

He sighed and pulled hard on my arm towards him and I laughed as my body jolted closer to him. He took my chin in his one hand that wasn't holding my hand and kissed my lips and the rest of my face. I just laughed and did not want to get out of the truck at all.

"Alright, Edward, stop. I have to go."

He groaned and kissed my lips once more and then let go of me. "Fine."

"Suck it up, cupcake. I'll be over your house later."

He nodded and started up the truck. I got out of it and started walking back to the school. I heard his truck move, and soon he was right on my side. He rolled down the passenger's side window and ducked his head so he could see me.

"I love you." He said.

Edward shouldn't be allowed to be at my work ever again. His sweet words and kisses were too distracting.

I would lose my job.

* * *

"Well I don't know, Bells. I think we are the only sane ones within the vicinity of this property." My dad said to me and I laughed.

The both of us were sitting at the kitchen table, looking outside to our significant others and a little girl with a red nose and a smile. They were outside playing Bocce. It was also 34 degrees out; two degrees away from freezing.

"I think I would have to agree." I said.

Me and my dad both declined their offer to go out there and play it with them. I actually didn't think I could have gotten as much enjoyment playing as I was getting watching them. My mom bought the game because Edward told her Alice liked it. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but just by seeing them, I could just tell. Alice and Edward were in their usual trash talking and my mom just laughed at them the whole time. She played horribly. She always threw it too far, and my heart melted when Edward would go beside her and try to explain to her a better technique.

He was wearing one of my dad's jackets and his hoodie underneath with the hood lifted up. It was his own fault; I told him to bring a jacket since we were going north where it was colder, but he didn't listen to me and said he would be fine. He was even going to go out there and play in just his hoodie, but my mom wasn't having any of that. I could tell he really didn't want to take the jacket, but he did it for my mom which I appreciated. If it were me asking him to wear it, he would have just flat out said no. _Stubborn ass._

Alice looked like she would explode with happiness. She glowed with it. She loved my parents a lot, and I was happy that my presence in Edward's life could provide for more people to love Alice. She deserved it all and so much more.

"Don't tell him I said so, but I have to admit I like Edward."

I chuckled. Of course he wouldn't want Edward to think he was any less than the alpha-male in the situation. Edward would never disrespect him of course, but my dad was still learning the ways of Edward.

"Do you really think I would love a loser?" He gave me a sideways glance. I cringed. I have claimed to love a lot of losers in the past. "Alright, I get it. I was young though; I didn't really know what love felt like."

"You are still young, Bella."

I rolled my eyes. "Am I though?"

"Technically you are still in your teens."

I turned towards him as I spoke. "I know, but at what point do I get the title of being old and wise or mature? Does your age really matter in the end?"

He looked taken aback. "Well I don't know. I didn't mean to get you all worked up. I know you are mature for your age, but you still have rights to let go and have fun."

"Yeah, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I'm not sure why, maybe it is because I am around such a wide range of people from children to the elderly, but I don't know…it just bothers me I guess."

He smoothed his hair down. "I don't know if it is because I am another year older, Bells, but I don't understand what you are saying."

I sighed. "Dad. How old did you just turn yesterday?"

"You never ask that of a person, Bella." He said jokingly.

I rolled my eyes. "You turned forty-eight. Big deal! Who cares? Does it really change you?"

"Well no, I guess not."

"And Edward…he is a perfect example. He got custody of Alice when he was eighteen years old, a year younger than what I am right now. I am sure people would have said he was 'too young' or 'too immature' and they probably judged him like crazy, but what do they know, you know? Look at Alice! He raised her better than some older parents have." I took a deep breath after my little outburst. It didn't come out of nowhere. It was a pent up rage that had been inside of me since Monday when I spoke to Alice's teacher.

She didn't know I was Edward's girlfriend, and even if she did, I didn't think she would have cared.

I asked her about the meeting saying that I heard she had one with Alice's brother. Alice was practically famous in the school. Every teacher knew her or had heard of her, so it wasn't that unusual. So I asked her, and the fucking bitch said 'that boy is exhibit A on why young parenting is abominable.'

_Ugh._ I swear it took everything inside me not to punch that woman in the face. Seriously, who did she think she was? What did she know? I got that the whole teen pregnancy wasn't right at all, but should we really be judging someone just because of their chronological age? Yes I realized that it was true 95% of the time, but what about those that landed in the 5% range? Did they deserve that kind of judgment?

I didn't think so. And it didn't just go for teen parents, it went for every single person who has been labeled as 'incapable' of something just because of the number of years they had been breathing on earth. Whether they were young, old, or indifferent. I didn't think it was right.

"I get what you mean, but you just have to understand that sometimes you can't change the way people think."

I sighed and ran my hands over my face. "I know, it just sucks sometimes."

"Is this about you or Edward?" He asked.

"Mostly Edward. You should see how much some people judge him based on his past and the fact that he has a six year old."

"What about his past?" He asked in the worried father tone. Fuck. _Good going, idiot. _

"Nothing, Dad. He just had a rough childhood, that's all. Don't make me say anymore, It's not my business to be spreading around."

"I think there is more. Am I going to have to do a background check on him, Bella?"

I got up from the chair. "You promised me you would never do that again, Dad!"

There was an incident with one of my boyfriends when I was sixteen or so. He did a background check on him and found out he was arrested for possession of marijuana, and he forbade me from seeing him again. I was distraught and I screamed at him telling him he was a horrible father for doing that to me because I loved him so much…I was stupid, I knew, especially since one of my best friends told me he slept with her the next day, but I still thought it was love.

No matter how stupid I was being, my dad still loved me, and he promised me that he would never do that again and he just bought me a new cell phone. No matter how immature I was at the time, I still didn't think doing background checks on people without real reason was technically right.

He sighed, knowing I was right. "Okay, fine, but you better not be keeping something big from me about him. I like him now, but if I find out anything about him that doesn't sit right with me, well…you won't like me very much."

He just aggravated me. "Dad, seriously, just calm down. I'm not stupid. I know a good person when I see them, and you should just trust me on that."

He held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, I do. This old man will shut up now. You get your temper from your mother, Bells."

I chuckled and walked up to the deck door to look out to them again. My mother was dancing around because she actually threw it decently and Alice danced around with her. Edward just laughed and shook his head, picking up the balls from the ground. My dad walked up beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I leaned into his side and sighed.

"I know what I'm doing, Dad."

"I know you do."

"I'm happy." I said.

"I know that too."

"They both make me happy."

"I understand why."

"I love him. I would do absolutely anything for him, and I will do what I can to make him and her happy."

"Well look at you, Bella-Boo." I smiled at his childhood nickname for me. It only lasted until I was about six and got sick of it, but I always secretly loved it.

"What?" I asked.

"You are really growing up to be a very strong woman."

"You think so?"

"I know so, and I am proud of you, but please do me one favor." He sighed.

"What?"

"Don't forget about your old man. You loved me first, remember?"

I laughed and hugged him around his waist. "Yes I did love you first."

Edward was second, and Edward will be the last…unless we ever had sons. But I can't really start thinking about that.

I wasn't his official wifey yet despite what he thinks.

* * *

_I'll be there for you,  
These five words I swear to you.  
When you breathe, I want to be the air for you.  
I'll be there for you.  
I'd live and I'd die for you.  
Steal the sun from the sky for you.  
Words can't say what a love can do;  
I'll be there for you._

_**I'll Be There For You, by Bon Jovi**_

* * *

_**Translation: . **__**"Yo tambien te amo, hermosa niña. Te prometo darte lo que te mereces y mas. **__**Solo ten paciencia conmigo."…..**__**"I love you too, you beautiful girl. I promise to give you what you deserve and more. Just wait for me."**_

* * *

**Hey everyone! So I hope you liked the chapter. What about Alice's teacher? Isn't she a real bitch? Yeah, some of the things she said came from one of the teachers my youngest brother had. She said some things along those lines. Not cool. **

**Thank you to Alexa (every time I type out her name, I type Alice instead…I've been writing too much WYC lol) for being an awesome pre-reader and penciling me in to her busy day and reading this before she left for the night! It was greatly appreciated!**

**Unfortunately FFn didn't let me update for a while! Sorry for the wait! It was out of my hands, but I found a way to update today thanks to Twitter :)**

**Shout-out to AmyDee and unicorn_bliss who you can find on the thread giving their awesome opinions and Amy has some cool gifs lol Join us! **

**So…yeah. I already started next chapter, and that one will feature their first official Friday date night! What are your predictions for that?**

**Okay well I will shut up now. **

**Please review!**


	33. Chapter 32: Poison Rain

**Chapter 32: Poison Rain**

**EPOV**

_This remains one of my favorite times of the day. _

I never told anyone about it, really. Not even Bella, or Alice, or Bev…okay, I hadn't told it to a soul but the damaged one that took its residence inside of me.

At this time, I was alone. Not always a safe place for me…inside my head, but it was peaceful none the less. It was not some secluded place in the middle of nowhere where I meditated or whatever, but it was kind of like that; only in my head.

One of my favorite times of the day was driving in my truck at five in the morning, just driving around while I waited to go meet my love. Before Bella, I would just drive around until _Bassanio's _opened, but that was no longer the case. Now I just drove and waited until I knew I could go meet up with her.

Driving at five in the morning was something I loved doing. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants any kind of peace. There is virtually no one on the road. Everyone was still asleep and everything was quiet. The sun was just coming up, and when you were on the highway, all you had in front of you were open roads. All I could ever hear was the soft hum of the engine and nothing else. Even the air was calmer at that time. If a car ever drived by me for some reason, I didn't even notice it because I knew whoever was in that car was in no rush to get anywhere. _What rush is there when everyone else is sleeping?_

Sleeping was a rarity for me. My sleeping patterns were sporadic and I just crashed whenever I was given a chance or when my body just couldn't take the exhaustion. _Did you know yawning is meant to cool off the brain?_ I didn't yawn enough. Maybe that was why I was always irritable and had random violent episodes.

My problem was in my brain though, of that I was sure. Maybe if I yawned more, I would feel better. I couldn't yawn too often. My brain was always moving, always thinking, and worrying. My brain was occupied 99% of the time. The only time it wasn't was at five in the morning when I drove by myself and listened to the hum of the engine as it vibrated through me and I just thought about everything and nothing at the same time.

I yawned a lot then.

My brain got a cool off, and I was refreshed to see Bella who could make the darkest of days turn to the brightest in an instant. She didn't even have to say a word, she didn't even have to acknowledge that I was in the room, all I had to do was look at her, or even think of her, and everything just went away and I was back at five in the morning.

Most of the time it was like that. Sometimes though, life and the world destroyed any kind of protection put around me by Bella, Alice, Bev or just anything. Sometimes life wasn't so forgiving, and it took all peace from me and left in its wake a deep seated anger at myself and the world I was forced to live in.

Life was a cruel bastard.

As much as I cherished my five in the mornings, it sometimes got taken away from me depending on what life threw at me. When Alice was two, sick, and in the hospital with pneumonia, I had to go to work. I had to keep the food on the table, and was pulled away from my baby sister. I had not five in the morning moment then.

When I went to work for the first time after getting out of a five day jail sentence, I had no five in the morning then. Any couple days after I had an episode that was taken away from me, really. All I thought about was my beautiful little sister who saw me do some ugly things, and the fact that there were large and unbeatable forces around me who wanted to rip my reason for breathing and existing away from me.

My first day of work after I was told my parents were out of the nut-house, I couldn't have my five in the morning moment. All I thought about was Alice.

Everything good that happened to me was alive in Alice.

I believed I never really lived until the day Alice was born and gripped my finger in her small fist for the first time. _'Life is good' is what they all say right?_ Fuck, I didn't know. All I knew is that everything before Alice was everything but good. The only good thing about it was that I was breathing and wandering around the earth long enough to get to meet Alice and understand why life was worth living.

Now I had so much good in my life. I had two jobs, a steady income, a woman who had become like a mother figure in my life, and a girlfriend that had shown me what it felt like to be loved. Alice loved me of course, but that was different. Alice loved me naturally as I loved her naturally. Nature was eternal; I didn't care what anyone said.

But Bella, she was a freak of nature. I _fell _in love with her while my love for Alice was instantaneous and natural. I had to fight to fall in love with her. I had to open my heart up to her, and let her love me as well. I had to take chances and let the demons and secrets out of me for her to see to test her. I took a chance with Bella, a chance I didn't think I would want to take with anyone.

I owe her all she deserved and all I could give her just like I did Alice. Alice was the reason I was living, and gave meaning to my life. Without Alice, I would have never been the man I was and wouldn't be deserving of Bella's love.

But I was that man now.

I owed it to Alice to appreciate the life and love she had granted me simply by existing, and I owed it to her to keep the other half of my heart close, so she never left, and I could remain happy and have my five in the morning moments.

I owed it to Bella to give her all of me. Mind_, body_, soul, and all that fucking deep shit that went with loving someone. Today I could dedicate to Bella, and I could love her in all the ways she deserved.

_I will love her in every way today.

* * *

_

"Ecy it's you!" She yelled as she ran over to me, her pig tails bopping up and down, and her backpack nearly bringing her down since she was a tiny little thing.

I smiled and caught her as she ran to me. I took the day off of therapy today. I had more important shit to do that didn't involve telling the robot my feelings. I didn't even know why I had to go every day, but whatever. Like Bella said, 'It's only an hour out of your whole day.' She had a way of putting things into perspective.

"It's not me. It's George Washington." I said.

She giggled. "Well hey, George. Can we go home now?"

I chuckled and kissed the side of her head. "Sure thing, boss."

I looked over at Alice's teacher who I knew was looking at me because I could just feel her eyes on me. I gave her a forced, polite smile…I had to be civil as Bella would say. I really wanted to make an inappropriate gesture towards her and scream 'FUCK YOU!' across this place filled with little mini-people.

Sometimes you couldn't get what you wanted I guessed. Plus, I talked with Alice about her teacher, and she seemed to have no problem. She said she was mean sometimes, but she thought all teachers got in a bad mood every once in a while. If she was okay with it, then so was I.

I buckled her up in the back seat, got into the driver's seat, and then we were off. "Can you put the radio on, please?" She asked.

"Yeah sure, in a minute. How was your day?" I asked.

"It was good! I got a B on my spelling test!" She said excitedly and clapped her hands.

I reached my hand in the back and held it out to her. "Nice job, kid." I said and she slapped the palm of my hand with a giggle.

"Thanks! I will thank Bella too since she helped me do that."

I smiled. "I think that would be a good idea."

Bella spent an hour with her yesterday studying her words. They were simple to say the least, but Alice was only in first grade. She did great though.

"Okay I will. Can you put the radio on now?" She asked impatiently.

I chuckled and turned it on for her. She made me change the station until a song she knew came on and then it was Alice karaoke time and I was the only audience member. She knew most of the words to the songs we stopped on, but when she didn't know them, she made them up which was highly entertaining to hear what her little brain could come up with on the spot.

Once we got home, Bev was already in the house getting a snack ready for Alice. It was ants on a log. I fucking hated that snack. I hadn't tried it yet, but seriously, what genius came up with the idea to mix celery, peanut butter, and raisins together. It sounded like shit. Alice liked it though which was cool because it was supposedly healthy. I went through the mail while Alice ate her snack and chatted away with Bev. I had to pick Bella up for our date.

I went through the envelopes; bills, bills, I won a million dollars, oh look more bills, and…whoa…a letter from the court house. I threw the rest of the mail on the computer desk and opened the letter. My eyes scanned the page and read it quickly. There were a bunch of legal terms and formalities, and then there was the date of my first court date for the impending custody battle that I felt I shouldn't have had to be fighting.

_April 18, 2011_

Exactly a month from today. So I had exactly a month to prepare to fight for my life and prepare myself for the possibility of losing…no. Bella would slap me if she knew I thought like that. There was no competition. I loved Alice, they didn't. I was good for her, they weren't. Alice belonged with me, not them. Simple as that.

I went to my room and put the letter in my top drawer. No need to think about it today. I had other things to focus on, and more important people that needed my attention rather than having it on a piece of paper that screamed words to me I didn't want to hear.

I went back out to the kitchen where Alice and Bev were both sitting together at the table talking about something. I walked over to Alice and lifted her from the seat. She didn't stop talking or anything when I did so. I sat down on the chair she sat on and put her on my lap. She continued talking to Bev about some boy in her class and I decided not to listen in. I mean, that boy was a little snot-nosed loser anyway.

After she was done talking, she just started eating her celery things again. She licked her fingers of the peanut butter and I brought my attention to Bev.

"So what did you do today?" I asked.

"Oh you know, just cleaned out the house and watched TV, nothing exciting. I have to call Margaret at three-fifteen, what time is it now?" She asked and looked over my shoulder to the oven behind me. "Oh I should be going now. She finds out if it will be a boy or girl today!" She said excitedly.

Alice looked up at Bev. "Margie's baby?" She asked anxiously.

Unlike Lance, Alice and I had never met Margaret, but Alice talked to her on the phone sometimes because she wanted to know Bev's daughter, and the little one was nosey, what could I say?

"Yes ma'am! I will be right back." She said and went out to go talk to her daughter.

Alice and I were silent. She reached over the table to get a small package of raisins. She opened up the box and pinched one between her fingers. She turned slightly in my lap and brought it to my mouth. I smirked and opened up. She brought it to my lips and I took it in my mouth and chewed.

"Thanks, kid."

"You're welcome. You want some more?"

"Sure, but I can do it. You eat your snack." She nodded and handed me the box.

"So Ecy, can we play with Play-Dough today?" She asked.

I finished chewing and ran my hand through my hair. "Maybe you can ask Bev. I am going out with Bella tonight remember?"

"Oh yeah! I forgot about that, I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry, it's no big deal, but you are okay with that right?" I told her me and Bella were going out tonight in passing because I was a coward and was too afraid to hear what she might think of it.

She shrugged. "Yeah, that's cool. I get to call you before I go to bed though, right?"

"Of course you can. You can call me whenever you feel you need to."

"Okay, but how long will you be gone?"

"I'll be here when you get up in the morning, kid."

"Oh great…so I have to see your weird face first thing in the morning?" She asked.

I laughed and tickled her sides causing her to squeal. "Get over it."

She sighed dramatically. "Oh fine." I laughed and kissed the side of her head. "Ecy? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

She put her last piece of half eaten celery down on her plate and turned toward me. To make it easier for her, I lifted her and sat her on top of the table so she was facing me. She sighed before she asked, "Do you want me to go on a vacation?"

I looked at her in confusion. _What kind of question is that?_ "What do you mean?"

"Do you want me to go away for just a little while?"

I didn't know why, but her words hurt me a lot. "Of course I don't Alice! Why would you ask me something like that?"

"Are you mad at me?" She asked nervously.

I took a deep breath because I asked her too defensively which would make her think I was mad at her, but I really wasn't.

"No of course I'm not. I am just confused. Why do you think I would want you to go away?"

She sighed and played with the collar of my shirt. "Well just because I heard you talking to Bev the other day when I woke up and you said that you wanted to be with Bella more, but you can't because of me."

I began to think of when she could have heard this because I hadn't talked to Bev about that since the first time when Alice was in the other room sleeping and then she fell off the bed…_oh. _It must have been then. _Fucking great job, idiot._

"No, I didn't mean it like that Alice. What I meant was…" Fuck. How did I explain this to her so she could understand. _Think! What would Bella say?_ "Well you know how before I met Bella, we would spend a lot of time together?"

She nodded. "Yeah, whenever you weren't working and stuff."

"Exactly, and sometimes Bev would join us, but most of the time we just spent a lot of time just the two of us, right?"

"Yup! We had a lot of fun."

I smiled slightly. So far it seemed to be going good, but who knew how this could end. I could screw it up in an instant. "We did, and well…you know I love you a lot right?"

She nodded and smiled. "Yes. I love you too, Ecy." She said and put her hand on my cheek.

"Thank you. Now you will always be my favorite girl no matter what, alright?" She nodded. "But I love Bella too, and sometimes Bella and I just need some time alone too, you know? Because we love each other."

She nodded. "Like every day?"

"No." I said instantly. I smiled thinking how Bella probably wouldn't want to spend all day and every day with me. She said I was a handful. "We decided to have our official alone time on Fridays, and the rest of the week I am all yours, kid."

She smiled. "Okay! That sounds good. But if you want to make more dates with Bella, that's okay. As long as you don't leave for too long." She put her hand over her chest. "My heart hurts sometimes when I miss you."

I smiled and my heart hurt in that moment as well. It hurt for a lot of reasons, really; both good and bad. Good because well it was Alice and it warmed my heart to know that she loved me so much, and that she appreciated what I had done for her. Bad…well bad because of the fact that we could possibly be separated and that hurt she feels in her heart could get stronger. Mine as well.

I couldn't think like that.

I pulled her to me in a silent hug and held her close in my arms. She could never be hurt while in my arms, right? _Right._ So I would hold her, and I would protect her. I tried to block out the screaming coming from that little flimsy piece of paper in my top drawer telling me of a day that I would have to fight for my life quite literally. You couldn't fight fate, of that much I was sure. So I should be fine. We should be fine. April 18th would just be another day with just a little extra fighting.

We got this.

* * *

**BPOV**

"_Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world…"_ I shook my head at his obnoxiousness. This was the third karaoke song he had sang.

I joined him for the first one and half of the second one, but then I just got bored with it. He insisted that he had to do at least three though, so I got to sit back and watch…and unfortunately listen. He didn't sing half bad when he sang in a normal tone and softly in my ear, but hyper Edward singing sounded terrible. He was lucky I loved him or else I would have shut him up by now, but he looked too carefree and happy.

So I let him continue on with his 'Don't Stop Believin' karaoke session while he drove us to wherever it was he was taking us. I didn't really ask many questions, it didn't really matter to me. I had my hand out the window because it was an unusually nice day out. One of those days where you could go out with a light sweater and be perfectly comfortable in it. Perfect weather, basically.

His singing then concluded and he reached over and slapped my leg lightly.

"What do you want?" I asked in a mockingly aggravated voice.

"Clap for me, duh." He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

I laughed and clapped my hands for him. "Bravo! No encore! No encore!" He frowned and pinched my thigh. "Ow you ass!"

"Don't tell me not to give you an encore, or else…"

"Or else what?"

"Well I'll give you an encore, bitch."

I laughed and grabbed his hand in mine. "Please don't."

"Fine, but keep talking to me or something."

"Why?"

"Because if we sit in silence I will just doubt my plans for this date. As I get closer and closer, I keep on thinking it is too lame. I'm about to pull into a McDonalds and call it a date in a minute."

I chuckled. "I'm sure it's not lame."

Right as I said that, he pulled up into what I thought was the middle of nowhere. We were stopped between two suburban houses a couple towns over. I knew we were going out of town, but I wondered why…I didn't even know the name of the place. I looked around and looked at one of the signs.

"Aloha?" I asked.

He chuckled. "No, babe, it's just spelt like that. It's actually pronounced Ah-lowwa."

"Really? Why?"

He turned the truck off and faced me in his seat. "It's kind of a funny story. It was originally named Aloah, but then some guy at the post office accidently switched the last two letters and it was kind of too late at that point to change it. So other people around the country call it Aloha, and that is how it is spelt, but us locals say Aloah."

"Locals? So you grew up here?"

"I knew I liked you for a reason. You're incredibly smart." He said.

I smiled. "So you wanted to show me where you grew up?"

He shrugged and played with his long fingers on his lap. "It sounds really corny when you say it like that."

"On the contrary, I think it is a great idea."

He looked up to me then with pleading eyes. "Don't think this is purely selfish. I don't want to show you around because of me. I just notice how much you worry about me, and I know that you can't help it because I worry about you too because I love you, but…I don't know. I just want to maybe put some of your worries to rest. You only heard about the bad in my childhood, and I'm not going to lie, most of it was bad, but there were some bright spots…sort of."

I reached over for his hand to calm him a little. He seemed…I don't know…ashamed maybe? I didn't know why he did. I thought the idea for the date was actually really sweet. He was the most important person in my life, and I loved him incredibly, so I would love to find out more about him, especially in a positive light.

"I think it is a really sweet and thoughtful date idea, and I'm pretty fucking excited."

He looked up at me with a smile. "Really?"

"Really, really."

"Alright well let's get this over with then." He said.

I let go of his hand and we both got out of the truck. The air was light and comfortable, and it was perfect weather for a nice walk. Edward walked over to me and stopped in front of me. He put his hood up, and grabbed my hand. With his free hand, he pointed down the street we were standing on.

"I lived in the house at the bottom of the street to the right." He said.

"Can we go see it?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No. I don't know if you know…_they _live there now."

"Oh." Hadn't thought of that. Knowing that they might be close by made me nervous, but what were the chances of them finding us? "You don't think people will recognize you?"

He shook his head. "Nah, I have changed a lot since I was last here, and the hood is a good disguise."

"Didn't think of that."

"Well good thing I am your better and more smarter half right?"

"Exactly." I said and we both started laughing.

He guided me down the street in the direction opposite of where his house was. We walked in silence for a while, and I looked around at everything surrounding me, and it seemed like a really nice place to grow up. The roads weren't too busy, the only noise was of children playing in their yards, and the houses were beautiful.

"See that green house to the right?" He asked.

I looked over to the right, and sure enough, there was a large green house with perfectly green grass. "Yes."

"I lost my virginity in that house."

I think I choked on my spit or something and I tried to clear my throat. That came out of nowhere. "Oh really?"

"Yes. Her name was Julie Dupree. A naïve blonde. We were at a party at that house…I don't even remember the name of the kid who lived there. Anyway, we were both a little tipsy, one thing led to another and boom; virginity gone for the both of us." He said nonchalantly.

I knew it really didn't mean anything. Hell, I had had sex with a lot of guys, but hearing him talk about it made me automatically feel jealous. I didn't know who this Julie character was, and she already had something that I didn't; experience with Edward in bed. It was so unfair. I knew he loved me and not here, and that comforted me, but I wanted to have all of him. I didn't want to feel inferior to a girl who was a teen at the time of her having sex with my boyfriend.

"Oh." I said.

He chuckled. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you that."

"No, no, I just don't know what else to say…I don't really want to know if it was good or not."

"It sucked. Really awkward."

"Like most first times."

"So you mean yours was?"

I laughed just thinking about it. "Fuck yes. It was so absolutely ridiculous too. I was sixteen and it was my first 'serious' boyfriend. He was so clingy and tried too hard. We actually like…set a date on when we would do it." I said with a laugh. I was a stupid teenager at times. "He covered his bed with rose petals and bought me flowers. He knocked over one of the candles and almost set the house on fire. Ugh…it was a mess."

Edward was silent for a second before he just busted out laughing. "What a pussy."

I gasped and slapped him in the arm. "Don't say that! He was young and nervous. He thought he was being sweet."

"Well you will never see me put fucking rose petals on the bed. What do you do? Have sex on top of them? The petals sticking to your ass and shit? Or do you knock them on the floor? But then you have to clean it later…what the fuck? Who comes up with this shit, seriously?" It was my turn to laugh. I loved hearing how he thought of things. It was either highly interesting or highly entertaining.

"I don't know, baby. I don't even remember what we did with them to be honest. I had to leave like right after because his parents came home."

He laughed. "Good going, hermosa."

"Shut up!"

He laughed. "Alright, alright, enough about virtues being stolen. Look over there." He said, pointing across the street. It was a small park. Kids were playing on the playground with their parents chasing after them. "I taught myself how to ride a bike over there."

I smiled even though inside I felt bad. He said he had to teach himself. My father taught me how to ride a bike. He held the back of the seat while I pumped my feet. He would encourage me and pick me up when I fell. He would kiss me better when I cried. Who did that for Edward?

I didn't want to bring that up to him though. He said he wanted to focus on the positive, and I ached to learn even the smallest inkling of happiness he had as a child. "How old were you?"

"Seven. All my friends knew how to do it, and always asked me to go riding with them, but I couldn't, so I asked my mother for a bike, she gave the nanny money to buy me one, and I taught myself. Felt damn proud of myself too."

I smiled thinking of a little seven year old Edward teaching himself to ride a bike. I could picture the determined look he got on his face and the stubbornness in his face when he fell. I'm sure he got right back on and tried again and again.

"That's nice. What did you look like when you were younger?"

"A mini version of me, duh." He said as if it were so obvious.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah, that really helps."

"I don't know, babe! I guess I looked like Alice, but a boy version. I had blonde hair as a baby though."

"Wow, really?" I couldn't picture Edward blonde at all. I didn't really know how I would feel about that.

"Yeah, you know kids don't usually have the same hair color throughout life right? Even Alice, her hair has darkened up a bit since she was a baby. She was a blondie too."

"Well she is kind of blonde now…"

"Yeah, but I mean like white blonde."

"Yeah I know, I saw some pictures remember?"

"I know, but just in case you forgot."

I laughed and leaned into his side. The only problem with walking next to him was that I couldn't see him, but getting to hold his had was enough for me. He led me down the streets and made a couple of turns here and there. Every person we walked by didn't even seem to notice us, let alone recognize Edward. He shared little stories here and there that only made me smile. I always thought of Edward as an angry and bitter child feeling inferior because of his parents being absolute assholes, but I was happy to find out that wasn't always true.

He used to be happy. Albeit it was before he realized how horrible his parents were to him. He was an innocent little boy who seemed smart, curious, stubborn of course, and oblivious to the horrid world around him. Edward, once upon a time, was an optimistic boy. It made me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because, well, just knowing he had at least some happiness made me feel warm inside, and sad because it didn't stay that way. That beautiful and happy child changed and realized how unfairly he was really being treated.

"It's not that much longer, beautiful. I hope you aren't bored out of your mind." He said nervously.

"No of course I'm not, Edward. I am actually enjoying myself." This man, when would he ever realize that we could watch grass grow together and I would still have the time of my life? Well not really the time of my life, but I am pretty sure I wouldn't mind it really.

"Alright, if you say so." He stopped suddenly. "This is the second to last location." He said, pointing to a chain-link fence. Behind it were trees that seemed to go on forever.

"Did you frolic in the woods?" I asked.

He snorted. "Something like that. This was where me and my friends went to do a bunch of shenanigans. Mostly bad stuff. Drinking, smoking, and the other guys had drugs and shit, but I was never down for that."

"I wasn't either. I didn't see the point."

"Oh I did…it was a great escape I hear, and I thought about doing it a couple times, but I don't know…I chickened out. I got a lot of shit for it, but it was me who brought a lot of their asses home." He reached in his pocket and took out a pack of cigarettes.

"You didn't keep in touch with them at all?"

He lit the cigarette and put his lighter back in his pocket. His lips closed around the end of the cigarette and he sucked in the air. He took it between his fingers and took it out from between his lips and blew the air away from me. "Nah, they weren't exactly friends. More like people to hang out with and do stupid shit with. I couldn't tell them what was going on at home or anything."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

He shrugged. "It was fine. I was actually grateful to them in a way. They made it possible for me to escape for a while even if it was just for a little while." He took another puff from his cigarette and put his other hand in his pocket.

"I get what you mean about people that are not really your friends. I had a lot of those in high school. The only people I could really talk to were Angela and Tanya, but after the whole Dominic thing, we kind of grew apart a little bit.

"You grew up, they didn't." He pointed out.

"Exactly, but still, it's not the same and I don't think it ever will be. The only person I really trust is you and Bev outside of my parents of course."

He smiled. "I'm really glad to hear you say that, hermosa."

I walked over to him and took his free hand out of his pocket and held it. "Did you think I didn't?"

"Well no, but it's nice to know that I am doing something right with you."

"You do everything right with me." I said and wrapped my arms around his waist. He wrapped his free arm around me and continued smoking his cigarette.

"Not everything."

"Name one thing, and I bet you I can prove it wrong."

He thought for a moment and shook his head. "Forget it. It will be fixed anyway."

_Fixed? What was he talking about?_ "Oh come on, just tell me."

"Later. We don't have much time before the next part of our date commences."

I sighed. I'd just let it go. He did say later, and he usually stuck with his promises. "Okay, well where are you taking me next?"

"It's just down the street." He said and led the way. The street we were one was longer and the houses were further apart. It was beautiful though. "See that grey house right on the end?" He asked. He took a final puff from his cigarette and flicked it in the street.

"Yeah."

"That was my grandparent's house." As we got closer, I was struck by how grand it was. It was huge. "I never met them of course. They died while my mother was pregnant with me. My parents never really talked about them, and I didn't really know about them until my uncle came around." We stopped in front of it.

"When Alice was already born?"

He nodded. "Yes. I have never stepped foot in that house, yet it is my favorite place in this town."

"Why haven't you been inside?"

He let out a short laugh. "I know I said I was going to try and keep this positive, but this story is pretty fucked up. My grandparents left this house to my Uncle Will, but he was in jail the whole time. So, my father, he took the keys, and hid them so he would never get inside when he got out of jail. He could have lived here when he got out instead of with us, but my dad made that impossible."

"Why would he do that?" I seriously didn't understand how someone could be so cruel.

He shrugged. "Don't know exactly. My Uncle, he was a really chill guy though…didn't make a fuss about it. For some reason, he respected my father and maybe even loved him. I guess I could understand why just a little bit. I know I would love Alice no matter what."

I nodded and squeezed his hand. "So your uncle never tried to pick the lock or anything?"

He shook his head almost immediately. "No. He also respected his parents and the house. He told me he would never damage it just to get inside. He was in jail when they died. He always told me he loved me whenever he left. He said it was always important to do so." He shook his head and stared at the house like he was looking so far away. "I didn't listen to him. I don't even know why, but after he left, my dad did all that shit to me, and I found myself virtually alone, I forgot how important love could be, you know? I'm ashamed to say that there were days I never even told Alice I loved her."

I wrapped my arm around his waist and he wrapped his arm around me lightly. "You didn't have to. She knows you love her."

He turned toward me and wrapped both his arms around me. I rested my head against his chest and he kissed the top of my head. "Get ready for a corny fucking romantic moment, babe." He said as a warning.

I chuckled. "Bring it."

He took his arms out from around me and took my face between his hands. "You changed all of that for me. You taught me how important love was."

I smiled, got on my tip-toes and kissed him softly on the lips. "I'm glad, because you deserve love, love, and more love."

He chuckled. "You're cute, you know that?"

He kissed me again and man did I love that man. "Not as cute as you."

He winced. "Romantic moment over." He said. "Shit, shit, fuck, shit, fuckity-fuck…I like beer and trucks and rock and roll. I am a man."

I laughed at his random rant of manliness. Such a strange person. "I know you're a man."

"Yeah but it's hard to forget when I speak like fucking…I don't know…some harlequin douche that wears his shirt with the buttons unbuttoned and stands in front of a fan and tries to look all strong and romantic while he really just looks like a tool."

I snorted. He really went into detail with that one. "Some women actually like those kind of men, babe."

He rolled his eyes. "You don't though, right?"

"Nah, you're kind of perfect."

"Good, then that's all that matters."

"Well you shouldn't dog on those kind of guys. I bet they are very nice."

"Well they make other 'normal' guys look like shit. So the day they button up their shirts and stop pouting and shit, I will get a fucking tutu and spout out some poetry or some shit."

I laughed. "Where the fuck did the tutu come from?"

He shrugged. "I don't know what those dudes wear in their free time."

I laughed and buried my face in his chest to muffle it. "You are so weird."

"Well my chances of reproducing get slimmer and slimmer when I say romantic shit, that's all I'm saying."

I laughed and kissed him. "I'm sure your little swimmers are fine."

He cringed. "Oh stop it. I don't want to talk about my sperm." He said in a disgusted voice and I only chuckled. Fucking weirdo! Let's go. One more mini-spot." He said. He led me toward the house.

"I thought you have never been inside?" I asked.

"I haven't. We are going to the back where I spent all of my time." He opened the gate to the backyard. "My Uncle wanted me to have a place I could go to with Alice if I ever needed to get away from home when he was out doing whatever it was he did. So, he told me I could come here. He saved up some money, and bought us a hammock."

"Really?" I asked. "That was sweet of him."

He brought me farther into the large back yard until we approached the trees. I saw the hammock he spoke of, and I really wanted to try it out. It was large and looked so comfortable. "Yeah, Alice really loved it. If I couldn't get her to sleep at night, I would just bring her here." He said. He went to the edge of the hammock and lifted his leg onto it to get on. He laid back and opened his arms. "Come on, babe, we only have a couple more minutes before we have to head back."

I smiled and tried to get on as carefully as I could without knocking the both of us down. I laid back and he wrapped his arm around me, and I couldn't even try to explain how comfortable I was. I brought my arm across Edward's stomach and snuggled into his side. "This is perfect."

"I know. I loved it here." He pointed his fingers above us. "See how there is a natural clearing through the trees and you can see the sky?"

"Wow, did he mean for it to be that way when he put it here?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, but Alice loved it. Even as a tiny baby, she would just stare up at the stars and I hummed her 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.'"

"That's so sweet, baby."

"_She_ was sweet. I always wanted to bring her back here. I think she would have liked it."

"I'm sure she would have, but you can bring her whenever you are ready for it."

"I know. You know, there are so many things I want to do with her, so many things I want her to see and learn and experience." He said with conviction.

I rubbed my hand over his stomach. "You have forever to do that, love."

"I have a court date on April eighteenth." He said softly.

I sighed. I knew this was coming, but I didn't want to freak out in front of him. "That's okay. Everything will be okay."

"I know. I don't really want to talk about it; I just wanted to tell you."

"Okay, that's fine with me. So what are we doing after this?" I asked.

He cleared his throat. "Nothing to extravagant. I figured we could grab something to eat, and go back to that bar we went to last week. I read in the newspaper that they were having some comedians perform, so I figured we could check that out if you wanted. If not, we can do something else."

"No, I think that sounds great, although I don't think I will be drinking."

He laughed. "Good, because I don't want to have to see you throw up again…that shit's gross."

I snorted. "I know. Sorry about that."

"No problem. I love you so it makes it all good."

"Hey can you promise me something?" I asked.

"I won't buy a tutu and dye my hair purple. Sorry."

I laughed. "What the fuck? I wasn't going to say that!"

"Oh okay good, because I hate saying no to you."

I rolled my eyes. "No, what I was going to say is, can you promise me that we will get one of these in the future?"

He chuckled silently, but I could feel his body shake. "Wait, but if we get one of these, we would have to own a house first, correct?"

"Yeah…" I said slowly.

"And before we get the house…Bella Swan, are you saying you want to be my official wifey one day, or am I hearing things?"

I rolled my eyes and tried to hide my smile. "You're hearing things."

"I don't think so. You want to be my wifey, just admit it."

"No." I said. He tickled my side and I started squirming and laughing. The hammock started rocking with my movements to get away from him and his long and vicious fingers. "Stop! Edward we are going to fall!"

"Say it! Say you want to be my wifey!"

I laughed so hard tears were forming, but I really didn't think it was funny. He was tickling me though, _the bastard_. "No! Stop it asshole before I piss myself."

"Never!" He said, he stopped tickling me, wrapped his arms around me tightly, and rolled off of the hammock with me in my arms.

I screamed and landed on top of him. He brought his hands back to my waist and tickled some more, but my hands were also free to hit him, so I did just that. I hit his chest the best I could while he tickled me.

"You. Are. An. Asshole." I said in between hits.

"Domestic abuse! My wife is hitting me!"

"I'm not your damn wife! Ugh!"

He finally stopped tickling me and took my hands in his. He flipped me over so he was lying on top of me. The feeling of his body completely pressed into mine shut me up real quick, and I began breathing heavy for more than just the tickle attack. He smiled and bent down to kiss me. He didn't waste any time in putting his tongue in my mouth and I moaned at his roughness and forwardness. My hands strained against his that held them to the ground.

I groaned when he pulled away and the bastard left his face just inches from mine with that smile on his. "I will change your mind. Mark my words, babe. You will be my wifey one day."

I couldn't even form a coherent response and I just lifted my face so my lips could connect with his again.

He would get what he wanted…I just couldn't let him know that, _now could I?

* * *

_

"Oh get that table right over there!" I said.

We just arrived at the bar. The place was packed with people coming to see the comedy show. I was actually pretty fucking excited about the whole thing. After Edward and I left Aloha, we got some pizza at Pizza Hut and ate it in the truck on the way to the bar. The show didn't start for another hour, but the place was already filled with people and it was really loud. Edward got the little table I told him to get, and we both sat down. He took out his phone and started clicking around.

"She still hasn't called." He said.

He was waiting for Alice to call. It didn't bother me one bit that he was waiting for the call. It was just about seven, and she usually called him at least two times by the time seven rolled around, but she hasn't so far.

"She's probably just busy with Bev, babe. No big deal."

"I'm going to text Bev, you don't mind right?" He asked.

I shook my head and waved my hand in his direction. "No, go right ahead."

He nodded and typed out the message. When he was finished, he put the phone on the table and took a sip of his water. He said he was feeling a little lightheaded and I instantly started to worry, but he said he barely had anything to drink all day, so I made him get it.

"I hope these guys are funny. If not. We are out of here."

"I'm sure they will be though."

He shrugged and his phone beeped. He picked the phone up immediately and read the text. I saw his body relax. "They are at the movies."

"See? I told you."

"Yeah I know, I will just have to get used to it I guess…being away from her this long."

I was going to say something else, but a large man appeared behind Edward and put his large hand on his shoulder.

"Well if it isn't Mr. and Mrs. Baby-Makers." I heard a familiar voice say.

My face instantly turned red when I realized who it was. It was the guy that caught me and Edward in the janitor's closet.

Edward smiled and looked back at him. "The one and only."

He threw his head back and laughed. He walked over to the side of us so we could both look at him from our spot at the table. "So it's good to see you both back."

"Thank you, we really liked it the last time."

He smiled brightly, and even in the dark lighting, I could see his blue eyes shine. "Nice, nice…well I am the co-owner of this fine establishment. Just making sure you guys don't need anything. We have rubbers but they will cost you ten cents." I choked on my soda and Edward started laughing. "Recession, you know?"

Edward and that dude were both laughing at me and I flipped them both off. "Fuck you, guys. This is so not okay."

"Aww I'm just teasing you. There ain't nothing wrong with having some kids. How do you think these tables got cleaned?"

Edward chuckled. "You made your kids clean them?"

He nodded. "You're damn right I did. I got a set of twins seven years of age and a two year old. My twins got into some trouble at school, and how do you fix that? Put them to work."

"Great idea." Edward said.

"Oh so you already have kids?"

He shook his head. "Nah, but I take care of my little sister. She's six."

"No shit! Dude, we should get our kids together sometime! My little girl would love to have a cool friend. She's a sweetheart, but is very shy."

I looked at the two of them talk, and saw how much Edward seemed to like this guy, and I couldn't help but smile. I think I saw a new friendship emerging, and I couldn't be happier. This night was turning out to be just perfect.

"Well Alice is a sweetheart, but very loud and outgoing." Edward said.

"Perfect! We will have to set that up!"

"Hey, Matt!" Some guy called from across the bar, and the man turned around.

"Yo!" He called in answer to the man at the bar.

"We need you over here, man." He said.

"Alright, one second!" He called and turned back to us. He ran his hand through his short dark hair. "Okay, well maybe we can do that later? I got to go help those dimwits and tell them to stop calling me by that stupid name."

"You're name isn't, Matt?" I asked.

He shook his head and started to walk away. "It's Emmett! I'll see you folks later!" He said and turned away and went to the guy who called him. I turned back to Edward and he was smiling.

"He seems like a nice guy." I said.

He nodded. "Yeah, he's cool."

"Babe, I really have to go to the bathroom, can you just come with me?" I asked and bounced in my seat. I'd had to go since we left Aloha, but I held it in all that time.

"I am not going into the women's room, chick."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course not, just wait for me outside of the door. The bathrooms aren't far."

He sighed. "Oh, fine."

I grabbed his hand and led him to the ladies room. I had to maneuver through lots of people, and some people just weren't considerate of the fact that people were trying to walk. _I mean really? How much effort does it take to move a little to the right? _

Someone walked right into me though, and I nearly fell over. Thankfully Edward had a good grip on me.

"Oh Bella! I'm so sorry!" I heard someone say.

My breath left my body. I began to instantly panic. His voice created an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, and all I could think was 'please, please, no…let me be hearing things.'

"Oh, it's okay." I said, hoping he would just leave me alone. "Excuse me."

He put his hand on my arm to stop me. "Wait." He said forcefully.

I felt the heat of Edward's body appear on my side, and he squeezed my hand tightly. I looked over at him, and the vein on his forehead was popping out. He was sweating. His hand held onto mine so tightly…he was holding onto the edge so he didn't fall. He couldn't fall.

"Don't put your hands on her." Edward said vigorously.

Jacob looked at him and smiled. _Don't fucking smile. _"Is she your property? I don't think so."

Edward took a step closer to her. "Edward, don't." I said softly; enough for him to hear me. I pulled on his hand, but he wouldn't budge. My heart pounded against my chest.

"She's my fucking girlfriend, and I think you should have a little respect and keep your hands to yourself."

Jacob laughed. Edward growled deep in his chest. "A little jealous are we? You think she might actually like me touching her?"

"Like hell I do!" I said. How could he even say that? The guy was fucking crazy.

"Girls usually like when I touch them." He said with a creepy smile.

"Fuck off." Edward said.

"You are very protective it seems. Hmm…are you like that with everything? Well…everyone?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? I am just asking you to keep your hands off of my girlfriend because she obviously doesn't want you touching her. It makes her uncomfortable."

"Do you always speak for other people?"

Edward growled and I answered for him. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't like you touching me or talking to me, so can we just drop this and go." I pulled on Edward's arm again because I didn't need this escalating, but his murderous gaze was intent on Jacob. I felt helpless. I didn't know what to do. Maybe I could yell for someone…

Jacob took a step closer to Edward so they were face to face, Edward was a little bit taller than him. "You need to watch who you are talking to, dickhead. You don't know what I am capable of."

"I assure you that you don't scare me one bit." Edward seethed.

"Emmett!" I called.

I needed someone to stop this. I was too small. Everyone else was oblivious. Emmett was the only other person I knew. I could see him at the bar, but he couldn't hear me. I needed to get these two apart, but Edward wouldn't let go of my hand or let me move. I thought I would break down right there.

"Emmett!" He finally looked in my direction and I waved him over.

"You might want to reconsider that considering I know about your sister. Alice is it? She's a cute kid, but maybe you should be a little stricter with grades, we don't need stupid kids around…"

An instant.

A hesitation.

A breath.

One moment caused everything to come crashing down around us.

"EDWARD NO!"

* * *

_No matter how many breaths that you took, you still couldn't breathe  
__No matter how many nights that you lie wide awake to the sound of the poison rain  
__Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go?  
__As days go by, the night's on fire  
__Tell me would you kill to save a life?  
__Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?  
__Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn  
__This hurricane's chasing us all underground._

_**Hurricane, by 30 Seconds to Mars

* * *

**_

**Ohkay it's really early in the morning and I have to get going, so this will be short. **

**Don't hate me…thank you Alexa so much…I will be writing the next chapter diligently…don't hate me…thanks to my Twilighted girls…come join us…don't hate me and oh yeah, don't hate me! I have this all under control, people! **

**I will be posting a teaser on my Twitter and on Twilighted when it is ready if you want to take a look at that at some point!**

**Okay, bye!**

**Review please! (but don't hate me lol)**


	34. Chapter 33: Tears of an Angel

**Chapter 33: Tears of an Angel**

**BPOV**

It all happened in a blur.

I wished I could have explained it better than I recalled, but there was no real recollection of a moment that tilts your world on its axis. I wished I could have remembered perfectly what happened. It was the adrenaline that caused the fuzziness I think.

I remembered pulling on Edward's shirt. If he hadn't been in a complete rage, he probably would have choked because I was pulling so hard.

But he didn't even know what was going on around him. All he knew was what was in front of his eyes, and that was Jacob, and he wanted to destroy him.

And he did.

I screamed for him to stop as loud as I could, but it was never loud enough. I was pulled away by various men, but I screamed and pushed and fought as hard as I could to get to him. If I helped him last time, I could help him again, right? _Right? _

I tried to tell myself that, but my common sense weighed in. There was no stopping him. I had never seen him in such a rage. This went way beyond his IED, I thought.

He was murderous.

I could hear the sound of fist hitting flesh. The sound of Jacob's cry and the sound of bone crunching under the hands of the man I loved. People pulled on Edward. They pulled and pulled, but he seemed to fight them off with no effort on his part.

"Edward STOP! Baby please!" I begged with him.

There were tears. I did recall those. Tears that choked me. It was like someone had their hand around my neck and pushed until I couldn't breathe anymore. Sobs tried to come up, but they just got stuck and I would start to shake. I tried to break free from the hands that bounded me, but I couldn't. I was too weak. I needed to get to him.

Finally someone grabbed Jacob out from under Edward and about five men had to hold Edward back.

"Get your fucking hands off of me!" Edward screamed.

"Let me go!" I yelled to the two men holding me back as well. I looked around for Emmett. Maybe he would help. I looked and saw that he was one of them men holding Edward back. "I can help him!" I screamed. Both men exchanged looks but still wouldn't let me go. "Get your fucking hands off of me!"

Edward's head whipped in my direction. _Anger. _Pure anger was there in place of my Edward. He didn't look like himself, and he didn't even look like Edward in the middle of an episode. He looked five times worse. He looked scary, but his green eyes looked right into mine and I couldn't forget that my Edward was in there. No matter how much those people thought he looked crazy. He wasn't.

"You better take your hands off of her right now!" He yelled at the two men beside me and they instantly let go; both of them afraid of him.

My arms ached from how hard they were holding me, but I wouldn't dare complain. With the way Edward was, there was no telling what he would do.

"Edward, you need to calm down." I said as calmly as I could.

Edward looked around at everyone with their eyes on him. Men were holding their women in their arms like they were protecting them from a monster. But he wasn't a monster! He was caring, funny, beautiful, unselfish, and just…perfect. I hated that I was the only one who saw that. Instead they saw a man who just beat the shit out another man that I personally thought deserved it.

"You all can fuck off now! The show's over." He said loudly and no one made a move. Edward kicked a chair out of his way in anger. "Stop fucking looking at me!"

"Edward! Stop." I said in warning.

He looked up at me, and stalked toward me. I involuntarily stepped back, and he grabbed onto my wrist. I swallowed down the small yelp I was going to let out because he gripped my wrist so tightly. He didn't mean to hurt me. He didn't.

He started to drag me towards the door, but Emmett stopped him with a hand to the chest. "Edward, I can't let you leave." Emmett's happy go-lucky face was gone. He was dead serious and he looked a little angry himself_. There goes that friendship, I guess. _

"What the fuck? You can't make me stay here."

"I can, and I will. The cops are on their way."

"No!" I said and got in between them.

Edward groaned and clutched onto his head with both of his hands. I felt relief when he let go of me. I never thought I would feel that way before…but it wasn't him. It wasn't.

"Yes, I can't let that shit go down in my place and let him go. I could lose my business."

I kept my eye on Edward. He had his hands in his hair and he was mumbling to himself. I turned back to Emmett.

"Please." I begged. "Please just let us go. You don't understand."

He shook his head. "I can't. He needs to stay here. I'll be in a shitload of trouble if I let a criminal leave my bar."

"A criminal? No, you don't understand. That guy threatened me and his little sister." I let out a shaky breath. "His baby sister. What would you have done if he threatened one of your children?"

"My children aren't a part of this." He snapped. Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but I was fighting for Edward. I needed him to see what I saw. Jacob fucking deserved that. He threatened Alice! "That's something the cops will have to sort out."

"Please! Emmett, if he gets arrested, they will take her away from him. That little girl, she worships him…she has no one else. They will take her away. Please…I'm begging you."

He looked affected by my words for a second, but the look on his face went away and was replaced again with the serious one that meant he meant business. "I'm sorry. You can take him to a back room or something, but I can't let him go. I'm thinking of _my _children right now, and I won't risk my business."

"Bella don't even bother fighting with him." Edward snapped.

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and my shoulders slumped. "Okay." My voice cracked. I covered my mouth and cleared my throat. "Can you just bring us to a room so I can…" I was going to say, 'say goodbye' but I couldn't. It would make it too real. There was no getting out of this situation. If I tried to make my way out with Edward, it would only make it worse. Edward's behavior was unpredictable.

"Sure." He said and turned, expecting us to follow.

I started walking and grabbed Edward's hand. Thankfully he just followed me without a fight. His hand was hot. His whole body was. I could feel the body heat radiating off of him. Emmett stopped at a back room and waved us in. I pulled Edward in and Emmett left us alone with a warning that we better not try to leave. I let go of Edward's hand and walked further into the room. I crossed my arms in front of me so I didn't hit something…or him. I felt the anger boil up inside of me. I wasn't going to lie, some of it was at Edward, but most of it was towards Jacob, Emmett, all those people out there, and whoever was directly responsible for all the suffering Edward had to go through. It wasn't fair. It was problem after problem and my poor Edward couldn't catch a break.

"Can you believe all of those people?" Edward asked.

I turned towards him and kept my arms crossed. I didn't want to take my anger out on him, but I didn't know if it was possible. He was the closest thing.

"What are you talking about?"

"Those people staring like idiots." His hands were shaking but he tried to stop it by rubbing his hands together.

Just looking at him anyone would have thought he was fine, maybe just a little shaken up over what had happened, but I knew better. It was in the way his shoulders were tense and his eyes were darker. The sweat on his face and his shaking hands were all a dead giveaway. He was having an episode. He was a live wire, basically.

"As if that fucking asshole didn't deserve everything he got and more…"

"What the hell were you thinking?" I seethed before I could even think about it. It was the anger. It was coming out in waves and I couldn't control it. I wondered if this was how Edward felt every time he had an episode. It was alarming.

"Are you fucking serious right now, Bella?" He asked as if what I said was completely invalid.

I got that he had IED, but he was able to control it before! Why couldn't he do it this time? We shouldn't have come here. How were we supposed to know? Of all places for Jacob to be on a Friday night, it had to be here? Now Edward was going to get arrested. _His parents are suing for custody…holy fuck. _

"I didn't need your help! I can take care of myself!" I screamed at him.

He looked shocked and took a couple steps toward me. "Are you really fucking yelling at me when I just defended you?"

I groaned and ran my hands through my hair. "Yes I am yelling at you because you made a really fucking stupid decision in there! Do you know what this means? The cops are on their way!"

"He won't press charges." He said and waved his hands as if it was obvious. I thought not.

"Edward, you beat the shit out of him and he hates you! Obviously he is going to press charges."

"He won't." He said, sounding just a little bit less sure of himself. He was in denial.

"How do you know? And don't fucking tell me you make sure of it or some shit like that."

"Oh I will make sure of it."

I felt like I was out of my body. I walked right up to him and grabbed onto the front of his shirt tightly and shook him. Tears already ready to fall. I was falling apart because I could see his life slowly falling apart in front of my eyes.

"Shut up! You will not do that." I yelled.

He growled angrily and ripped my hands off of him. "And so what if I did? You can't control what I do, Bella. Fuck." He turned from me and had his hands balled into fists at his side.

"I am trying to help you, you asshole. Excuse me if I love you and don't want you to be hurt."

He turned to look at me. He looked hurt along with angry. "And that doesn't go the same for me? I love you, and I try to protect you, and this is the shit I get from you? Fuck off, Bella."

_It's not him. It's not him…_"Don't talk to me like that." I said in barely a whisper because his words sliced through me so hard I could barely even breathe from the pain. Not just of his words, but of the whole situation. Every second that passed meant another second closer to them taking him away from me.

"Well stop bitching at me then!"

Despite my thoughts deep inside, I couldn't control my brain from reacting to what was right in front of me, and that was the love of my life potentially losing his baby sister. Someone so essential to his existence. I was angry. I wish I didn't take it out on him.

"Bitching? You think I am bitching at you? I am mad because I love you and I don't want you to have your sole reason for existing taken away from you!"

He covered his ears with the palm of his hands. "Shh…stop yelling. Alice is at home. She's at home."

"Edward…" I didn't think I could hurt this bad without actually dying. He was hurting so bad and he didn't even really know what was going on. He wasn't in his right mind. It wasn't him, but he still felt the pain and he didn't know what to do with it. He wanted to block it out.

He sucked in a breath through his teeth and gripped his head. "Fuck, what did you want me to do? Walk away after he put his hands on you?"

"You should have! I am far less important."

He let go of his head and glared at me. "Don't start that shit, Bella. Stop saying shit like that and don't blame yourself. Nothing can help me. I'm fucked."

I wanted to slap or shake him. One of the two. Or both. He never sees his worth. Ever. "Shut up, Edward. You're pissing me off."

He snorted and then laughed maniacally. "I'm pissing you off, really? How pissed do you think I am that I defended my girlfriend against a ridiculous excuse of a person, and then she yells at me for it? How pissed do you think I am right now?" He screamed.

I stepped back from the tone of his voice and by how much his eyes got darker. He was losing control…he didn't have it at first, but now it was worse.

"Everything is always fucking wrong!" His hands clenched and unclenched as he was trying to hide his shaking hands or stop them. It wouldn't work. He had not control of his body.

I couldn't yell at him anymore. I didn't want to in the first place. I walked up to him and put both of my hands on his face hoping he would calm down just a bit. "Baby, I know you love me, and I know you only did that to defend me, and thank you, but you really, really, shouldn't have done that, and you know it."

He pushed me away again. It seemed nothing would work for him in that moment. "You think it's so easy for me, Bella? Do you think it is easy for me to just turn off one part of my heart to salvage the other?" He screamed and hit his chest with each word for emphasis. I could see the tears in his eyes. It killed me. "No. You don't. You have no idea what I go through every single day of my miserable life, and stop trying to act like you do!"

There were a lot of things I wanted to say, and I also wanted to say nothing at all. "I'm not trying to do that, baby, I just want to help you."

He covered his face and groaned. He was breathing deeply, and I didn't say anything so I could give him some time. And then in an instant, the door was being broken down, and about four men were all over Edward. They grabbed him, and of course, out of instinct, Edward tried to get away.

"What the fuck?" He screamed.

"Sir, we are going to need you to calm down."

Edward wouldn't have any of that. He didn't know what he was doing and I saw him turn from semi-calm to absolutely enraged. His face was red and he fought and kicked to get away.

"Get your fucking hands off of me!" He seethed.

"Edward, stop! Just calm down, baby." I said hoping he would listen to me, but he didn't. He just fought harder until the four men took control of him and slammed him face first into the ground and my heart dropped at the sight. "Stop!" I screamed.

One of the men sat on his legs and a man had each of his arms pinned behind his back. Edward still tried to get away, but there was nothing he could have done. He yelled out when he tried to move but got nowhere. I covered my mouth to prevent making the inevitable worse. I just had to accept that there was literally nothing I could do for him at that point. He would be brought into jail and I would have to find a way to get him out, and find a way for him to keep Alice. Him keeping Alice was the most important thing.

The only man not holding him down roughly put handcuffs on his hands behind his back. The two men holding him down pulled him up and the third guy got up to hold the door open. I went to run after him, but the last police officer put his hand out. "Ma'am, we are going to need you to stay here for some questions."

"No you don't understand. I need to go with him." I said. I tried to get past him, but he put his hand out again.

"I'm sorry Miss, but I can't let that happen. You can go as soon as I am done questioning you." He sighed heavily.

"What is there to say? Yes Edward beat up Jacob Black, but it wasn't without reason. Jacob put his hands on me and indirectly threatened Edward's six year old sister."

"Is there anyone else who heard him threaten the child?" He asked.

"I don't know, but I heard him." Please don't tell me that they wouldn't take my word for it. I swore if Jacob got away with this with a slap on the wrist or some shit, I would never trust the justice system ever again.

"Okay, well why don't you come with me, I will get what I need for this questioning, and then you are free to go."

"Can I go see Edward?"

"Yes, but visiting hours are almost up, so you might not have much time."

"Do you think he will be in for long?"

He sighed. "Not sure, ma'am. Although, by the looks of Mr. Black. It won't be any time tonight."

I put my hand to my head trying to ease the ache, but it wouldn't go away.

I didn't think it would be going away any time soon.

* * *

I ran into the police station to the front desk.

The fucking police officer questioned me for about a half an hour. Way longer than I thought necessary, but I guess it had to be done. The man at the desk looked highly bored and slightly aggravated. _Great. Just what I need right now. _

"Excuse me, I was wondering if I could see my boyfriend?"

The police officer who asked me the questions said I could probably catch Edward before he had to go into a cell. I felt nauseous of him even being in one of those, but I just pushed that back. He said when they brought him there, they would have him in a holding room while they got all of the paper work done. According to the officer, there was no way they would let Edward go tonight.

He also said something that alarmed me the most.

Social services would go get Alice.

He said that would take a little while because they needed all of the paperwork to go through and be signed by all the right people first. I texted Bev just to ask her if they were done at the movies. I would not tell her over a text or phone call. She told me the movie had about a half an hour left, and then they were heading back to Edward's place. I figured that gave me enough time to go see Edward real quick to check on him, and then meet them there.

I didn't know much, but what I did know was that I would do everything in my power to make sure they did not take Alice away from Edward's home. There must be a way around it. There had to be. Maybe Bev had some ideas or connections. I didn't know, but all I knew was that I would fight for Alice and Edward with all I had.

"Name of your boyfriend, please?" The man asked.

"Edward Cullen."

He typed his name into the computer and looked up at me. "He is in holding. You will have to go sit over there and wait for an officer to come out and escort you in."

I nodded. "Okay thank you."

I walked over to the place where he told me to sit, and before I could even fully sit down, Bowman came walking out of a pair of doors. I guess he was called in by an officer or something when Edward was brought in. He looked disheveled and stressed out.

"Oh Bella, you're here." He said in relief. "Then I don't need to go find you."

"Bowman, what happened? Where is he?" I asked urgently. I was aching to see him. I needed to make sure he was okay.

He sighed. "You won't get to see him right now, Bella."

"What? Why not?"

"He is out of control. He's a danger to himself and others." He sighed and put a hand on my shoulder. "They have sedated him and placed him in solitary confinement."

I swallowed down the lump in my throat. I couldn't cry right now…I couldn't, but fuck if it didn't hurt me to hear that. They drugged him and placed him in a dark room all by himself. He was all alone and oblivious to what was going on because he was obviously still having an episode if he was trying to punch an officer.

"How long will he be there?"

He shrugged. "There is no way of knowing. The paper work is on its way to a judge right now to find out when a trial will be. His parents are already on their way."

"Wait, what?" I asked loudly.

"Now don't worry about that right now." He said calmly. _How could he be calm?_ "They won't get Alice if that is what you are thinking. They need to be here to sign some papers. There is a very good chance that this custody trial will be pushed up to an earlier date."

I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers and tried to take a calm and soothing breath, but I was delusional if I thought something like that would have helped me. I couldn't even think straight. It seemed everything that could have gone wrong, did. I couldn't take it.

"How early?" I asked. "The officer said they will be coming for Alice. Is there anything you can do about that?"

"I don't know how early, but I will let you know as soon as I know and I'm so sorry, but that is out of my control. Alice is under the guardianship of Edward, and since he is incarcerated right now, she needs to go somewhere."

"Yes, but what about me? Or Bev! Bev should have some kind of legal tie to her right?" I couldn't see why Edward wouldn't do something like that to ensure Alice had someone to stay with when he wasn't around. Like a God-mother or something.

"In any other case, she could stay with Bev, but since there is a custody battle going on…I'm sorry…there is nothing _I _can do. You can try to talk with the social worker when they arrive, but that will be your last resort."

I nodded my head in understanding. Between me and Bev, we would make it happen. Alice would want to stay with us. _How could a social worker not see that?_ "Okay, well call me if there is anything new."

"I will." I nodded and turned to leave, but he called me back. I turned towards him. "What?"

"He's really bad right now. I don't think I have _ever _seen him that deep into an episode. This won't be easy. I just want you to know that. I don't want you to get false hope."

"Don't you dare say that again." I said warningly and walked closer to him. "You are his fucking lawyer, now do your job. I don't care how it has to be done, but just get it done. He cannot lose Alice because of this. He just can't. So I am going to hope, and so are you. We can't give up on him. He needs us."

Bowman nodded his head, looking intimidated by my words. Good, because Edward didn't need people doubting him or the situation. It was like me and Edward talked about. Alice belonged with him. That was the truth. No one could deny the truth.

That's the mindset Edward and I wanted to have, and I wouldn't let it go for anything. Since Edward wasn't able to help himself at the moment…I would help him.

* * *

When I walked into his apartment, I was struck by how everything was the same. That sounds a little weird, but that is what I felt.

I turned the light on, and everything was silent throughout the place. Alice's shoes were on the ground by the door. The little pink sneakers looked well worn and I thought maybe I could buy her some new ones. There were some bills on an end table and a spelling test with a B+ on the top in red ink.

I walked further into the house and into the kitchen. I turned the light on, and there was a box of Cheez-Its on the kitchen table and of course a few dishes in the sink. Edward said there had to be a ten dish limit before he would actually do them. There were only three so I did them really quick. I straightened up the kitchen as best I could. I didn't think of anything. I let my mind shut down for the time being. I would go back into salvation mode once Alice and Bev got back. There was nothing I could do right then except clean the kitchen for Edward when he came home. I was sure he would appreciate it.

After I was done in the kitchen, I went into the living room. There was a puzzle on the floor and a coloring book on the coffee table. I sat on the ground in front of the coloring books and looked at the pages that were open. I smiled slightly when I saw the picture of a monkey colored in all different colors and the words that were so Alice on the side of it.

_Ecy the big smelly monkey_

I could see Edward rolling his eyes at her. I could see him sitting next to her and tickling her in 'punishment' when he really just wanted to see her smile and laugh. He would tell her she was mean and tease her a bit, but I know he would save it. I once came across a box in his closet that was filled with all things related to Alice. He looked a little embarrassed when he saw I found it, but I told him not to because it was the sweetest thing ever. He claimed he wasn't sweet, but he was. He just didn't flaunt it much.

I set the coloring book back on the coffee table and looked around at the rest of the room. Everything looked so normal and so right. It was definitely a home that was filled with love. The random coloring pages taped to the wall and the little and big shoes by the door were proof enough. It was crazy thinking that everything was essentially the same, but completely different at the same time. I wouldn't want to change that apartment for anything. This was _their_ apartment and it would remain that way forever.

I heard keys in the door. _They are here_.

I got up quickly and ran to the door to greet them. Bev still didn't know. She had asked when we had texted before if everything was alright, and I just told her I would tell her later. I couldn't ruin her night with Alice, especially not through a text or a phone call. She deserved to learn it face-to-face.

When she opened the door, I saw her holding a sleeping Alice over her shoulder, and she looked a little tired and out of breath holding her. I reached for her right away and took her in my arms. She didn't move of course because she was a known deep sleeper. She just sighed softly and remained asleep on my shoulder. I turned from Bev, but I caught the look on her face. I could tell she already knew. Not the details, but she wasn't stupid. She knew that if I was here, Edward would have undoubtedly been here with me if he could have been. But he couldn't.

I brought Alice to her room. I nearly broke down when I saw a new picture on her bedside table. It was a picture of me, her, and Edward laying out on the floor in their living room. I remembered the day perfectly. We were having a lazy Sunday, and Alice wanted to watch a movie. We all sat on the couch together and watched it, but you couldn't put Alice and Edward together without there being some kind of conflict. He kept on flicking her ear. She wanted to sit on my lap, so I thought he was a little jealous. Well anyway, it ended in a wrestling match between the two of them, and then I somehow got involved and we ended up on the floor. We stayed down there for a while and just talked and joked with each other. Alice saw I brought my camera and insisted that we take a picture.

It was my all time favorite picture. Alice had her arm around my neck and her other hand over Edward's scrunched up and smiling face when he tried to give her a kiss on the cheek. It was the most dysfunctional yet perfect picture ever. I didn't even know that Edward had it printed, let alone put it on Alice's bedside table, but the gesture meant a lot to me.

I placed her gently onto the bed and kissed the top of her head. She snuggled into her pillow and I pushed her hair out of her face. She looked a lot like Edward. She was beautiful of course. Although they looked alike, they were beautiful in their own way. I was glad she was sleeping. At least she was protected from what was really going on around her for a while. Even if just for the night.

I went out to Bev, and she was standing by the couch. She looked like she was thinking intently about something or about someone and I didn't even have to guess to who it was. It was obvious.

"What happened, Bella?" She asked.

I walked past her and pulled her to sit with me on the couch. It would be better if she sat down. She was still breathing heavy from having to carry Alice all the way up the stairs.

"We went to a bar to see a comedy show. There was a guy there, you know that guy Jacob that we told you about?"

"Oh no…" She said, already knowing what was coming.

"He touched me and made an inappropriate comment about Alice, and Edward…he just snapped." My voice cracked. It was something about having Bev around that just made me want to let everything out, like with Bev around, everything would be okay if I did. Unfortunately this time, Bev looked like she wanted to join me. "He fought him and it was really bad. He beat him up pretty badly and I wouldn't be surprised if the guy is in the hospital right now."

"You don't know for sure?"

I shook my head. "No one told me. Everything just happened so fast."

"He's in jail right now isn't he?" She asked.

I nodded my head and bit my lip. It didn't work. I put my hands over my face and a sob escaped me. "They sedated him, Bev. He's all alone in there…"

She pulled me to her chest and I held onto her tight. "Shhh…sweets. I'm sure he's okay. He's a strong boy."

I pulled away. "But Bev, you don't understand. I blew up at him! I screamed at him and blamed him but it technically isn't his fault! He can't control it but why does he have to do this?"

"Honey, it's okay if you let your anger out. He knows you love him. You have a right to be frustrated. Don't beat yourself up for that, alright? You know he wouldn't want that for you right now if he was in his right state of mind." I couldn't believe Bev was able to comfort me when I was sure that she was probably about to fall apart herself.

"I know, but I didn't even tell him I loved him before they took him away. We always promised to tell each other we loved each other before leaving and I didn't do that."

She put a hand on my back. "It's okay, sweets. He probably won't even remember."

"I know but still…now he's all alone."

She sighed and wiped a tear from her eye. "What about Shortcake?"

I let out a shaky breath. "Bowman says they will take her until the trial. They have moved up the custody trial for an emergency I guess."

"You mean social services are coming here to take Alice away?" She asked almost in a panic.

"The officer said they would, but there is no way of knowing when. It could be tonight tomorrow or a couple days from now depending on how everything goes with the courts I guess."

Bev got up from the couch and paced in front of me. It was the first time I actually saw Bev scared, and that alarmed me more than I could explain. She always had everything under control and now she didn't. If it alarmed me, I couldn't even imagine how she felt.

"We need to think about something to do. I have a friend who works for social services; maybe I can get him to postpone it or something. I don't know."

"I was thinking, and Bowman said it might work, that we tell the social worker that we will keep her until the trial. She obviously would want to stay with us, and if she told them that, then they might be lenient, right?" I realized how invalid it sounded when it actually came out of my mouth, but it was still a possibility, and there was no way I wouldn't try it.

"I don't know what I am going to do. If they come here, I will try and talk them down. I am listed as Alice's second caretaker on all of her medical records and at the school. They should take that into account, and if they don't, I have a lot of money I can give them. I will give them whatever I can. We will not let them take that girl from this house. She doesn't need to stay in an orphanage or whatever waiting for a trial to begin when she has perfectly capable guardians here. That just doesn't make any sense. Yes…I will talk to them and we will make this happen…" She continued talking in her rant. I think she mostly talked to calm herself down and reassure herself. I listened for the same reason.

She continued speaking, and my concentration was on her and her plans until there was a sound of a door opening down the hall and little feet running into the living room. I turned immediately, my heart in my throat as I looked at her. She tripped at the end of hallway and fell down. She caught herself with her hands and remained on the floor. It didn't take me long to notice she was crying. She must have had a nightmare or something when I felt like I was living one.

_How am I supposed to tell this little girl that she may not see her brother for a long time? _

I didn't think I was capable of it.

I got up from the couch and ran for her. I knelt down beside her and rubbed her back as she cried. "Alice? Are you okay, honey?" I asked.

At the sound of my voice, her face whipped up to look at me. "Bella? What are you doing home?" I was about to answer, but she interrupted me. "Where's Ecy? I n-need him."

I looked over at Bev and she had her hands over her face to hide her tears. I couldn't expect her to do it all on her own. I was practically a part of this family now so that meant I had to help out as much as I could. I looked back at Alice, her shining eyes caused a pain in my chest when I knew the amount of pain I would see in them in a couple of seconds.

"Alice, honey…Edward isn't here right now."

"Where is he? I have to talk to him. I didn't get to call him before I went to sleep and I had nightmares! I have to call him."

I ran my hand through her hair. "Edward isn't coming back tonight."

Edward had told me he always wanted to be honest with her. This was as honest as I could get. Sugar-coating it wouldn't work.

"Where did he go?" She asked. She sniffled and tried to hold her tears back. She was trying to be strong.

"He…he…"

"Alice." Bev said to get her attention. She walked over to us and sat down on the floor beside us. "Your brother got really angry, and the police men got mad, so they made him stay with them."

"Like last time when he had to sleep in nasty jail?" Alice asked.

"Yes, Shortcake." Bev said sadly.

"Will he be home tomorrow?" She asked, looking at the both of us back and forth desperately. She wanted us to tell her something that would ease her little troubled mind and heart, but we had nothing.

"No, sweetheart." I said.

She looked at me and her breathing picked up. "No…no! He promised me! He said that he would come back after a date night! He promised me. He said I wouldn't miss him, but I do! I miss him and I want him to come home right now!" She said stubbornly with a stomp of her foot on the ground.

"Alice there is nothing we can do." I said and rubbed her back.

She shook her head. "No, no, no, no…" she repeated over and over again.

"Alice. Honey, please stop."

She got up from the ground and pushed against my chest with her little hands. "No! You can't tell me what to do!"

"Alice Millicent Cullen do not hit Bella again." Bev warned her in a tone I never heard her use with Alice, but Alice didn't look phased at all

She stomped her feet in a traditional tantrum, and I honestly couldn't blame her. I felt so bad for her. "Alice, just calm down pretty girl…everything will be okay." I said.

"No it won't! Last time Ecy went to jail they took me away! I didn't see him for a lot of days and it wasn't fair!"

"Alice, you need to calm down honey." Bev said.

Our main goal was to calm her down because she was getting herself worked up, and it scared me a little when I saw her hands shaking and the quick gasps for breath she was making as her little body tried to keep up with her haywire emotions. She was breaking my heart to pieces.

She looked between the two of us, and then ran to the door. I got up right after her and caught up with her when she reached the door and her hand was on the door knob.

I pulled her back against me and she kicked and screamed. "Alice! Stop!"

"Let me go! I need to find Ecy! ECY!" She screamed as if he could hear her.

If he could have heard her, he would have found a way to get to her. The misery and desperation was too much for me to bear, never mind how Edward would feel.

"Alice stop!" I said and Bev tried to hold her legs down as she kicked around. She stopped screaming and instead just tried to get away from us. She was fighting and fighting hard for him.

Everything took a complete turn when there was knocking at the door. Bev and I instantly looked at each other and could just sense who it was. Bev let go of Alice's legs and gently pushed me towards the hallway.

"Take her in Edward's room! I will talk to them, okay?"

I nodded and ran with Alice to Edward's room. I brought her to Edward's bed and pulled the covers back. I pulled her so she was looking at me, but she stopped fighting. Instead she was just crying silently and sadly.

"Alice, you are going to have to listen to me. Don't be too loud, okay?"

She nodded her head. "I'm sorry, Bella. I just want my Ecy…that's all. I just want him to tell me goodnight. That's all."

I pulled her to me and laid down with her. She held onto me tightly and silently cried into my chest. "I know, angel, I know. I know for a fact that Edward wants to see you too, but sometimes things happen and…"

"You can't always get what you want." She finished for me. "Ecy always tells me that."

I tried to listen for what was going on in the other room, but we were too far away. I decided to not focus on that, and instead focus on the little girl that I held so tightly. I would hold onto her for as long as I could for Edward.

"Your brother loves you more than anything, Alice."

"Ecy's my bestest friend in the whole entire world."

"I know."

"I don't want him to be in jail, Bella." She sobbed.

"I know, honey, I know."

"He's never coming home is he?" She asked between cries.

"Not tonight."

"Do you think they give him blankets in jail?"

I heard footsteps getting closer to the room and I didn't think my pain could have gotten worse.

They were going to take her.

"I think so." I choked out.

"Good, good. Ecy likes lots of blankets. He gets mad if I take them from him."

"I know."

Closer and closer they came. I could hear Bev begging them. This couldn't be happening.

"They need to check his sugar. That's important." She said.

_A halt of the footsteps. _They were outside the door.

"Alice. Please remember that your brother loves you so much, okay?" I said.

"I know that, Bella."

"I know, but you need to remember that, okay? He loves you more than anything. I love you, and so does Bev."

"I love you too, Bella."

"We will make you happy, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay."

I held her closer to me and I didn't want to let go. Alice was the last and most important part of Edward that I had. If I let her go, that would mean I was also letting go of half of the love of my life. He couldn't live completely happy with her gone from his life, and he would hate to know that she wasn't sleeping in her bed while he was away. It would kill him to think that. He needed her happy all the time. I would find a way to make that happen, but at that moment, nothing was in my control.

They came in. There were three of them. A woman with red hair and a business suit, and two men dressed casually with her. Bev came in after them and she was quietly sobbing to herself.

The woman walked over to us and Alice looked up at her. "Alice is it?" The woman asked.

Alice looked over at Bev for assurance that she could talk to the woman, but she saw Bev crying and she got distracted.

"Bev! Don't cry!" She said. She reached over for Bev, but Bev couldn't have gone to her. One; they probably wouldn't have let her, and two; she wouldn't have been able to let go either.

"Alice, my name is Ms. Marshall. Now I am going to have to ask you to come with me, sweetie."

She looked over to me in a panic. "They are taking me away."

I couldn't answer her. I just pulled her to my chest and held onto her tightly. The woman gave a look to the men, and they both went to grab for Alice. I held onto her as much as I could, but it wasn't enough against the two men. They both got a hold of her, but she wouldn't let go of me. I probably had scratches on my neck from her fingernails, but I didn't care.

"No! No please don't make me go! Please!" She screamed.

One of the men got her arms from around my neck and they pulled her away. She was no longer in my arms. "Remember what I told you, angel." I said to her, swallowing the lump in my throat, and trying to block out her cries because they hurt me so badly.

"No! Bev! Bella! Help me! Don't let them take me away! Please! I'll be good! I promise!" She screamed. "I don't want to go away!"

The men had her in their arms and they brought her out of the room. I got up from the bed because I wanted to make sure they got her in the car safely, and I tried to reassure her as much as I could.

"Alice! Please calm down, honey. Everything will be fine, okay? Remember what I said."

"Please Bella! Please!"

"I love you Alice." I said weakly.

What else was there to say? Nothing I said to her would ease her mind, and nothing I said would change theirs. I was helpless. Lost. Defeated. I didn't fight hard enough. Edward's sister had been taken out of my arms. Who knew where she would sleep tonight. She would be alone just like her brother. It killed me to think that the two most amazing and perfect people would have such horrible things happen to them. When they got her out of the apartment, I tried to walk back to Edward's room, but I couldn't make it. Instead I ran to the bathroom and let everything that was inside my stomach, out.

I rinsed my mouth and didn't even bother with the tears. I sat down on the ground in front of the sink and brought my knees to my chest. I could hear Bev crying to herself softly in the room down the hall and that completely broke me down. The tears fell, the sobs overtook my body, and my heart broke piece by piece.

I didn't know what would happen next. I didn't know what I should have done in the present. I didn't know what really happened to our lives that night.

All I knew was the pain.

The pain of knowing that everything was all of a sudden fucked up.

_Everything.

* * *

_

_Cover my eyes,  
Cover my ears,  
Tell me these words are a lie.  
It can't be true,  
That I'm losing you.  
The sun cannot fall from the sky.  
Can you hear heaven cry?  
Tears of an angel._

_**Tears of an Angel, by RyanDan

* * *

**_

**Alright, now, I am sure that must have been hard for you all, but understand that this is hard for me too. This chapter took a lot out of me and I stressed out a lot over it. You can even ask Alexa. **

**But here it is, and I really hope that you all won't give up on me. If any of you have read any of my other stories, you know I believe in HEAs. That's all I am going to say about that. **

**Big thanks to Alexa once again for her help on this chapter. I went to her freaking out because this chapter had so much weight to it, and it was hard to handle at times, but she helped me through, and I can't say how much that meant to me. Love you! **

**I'll update next chapter ASAP.**

**Thanks so much to everyone who reads, recs, reviews, or whatever you can think of for this story…it means a lot. **

**Please review…it will mean some great inspiration for the next chapter. Thank you. **


	35. Chapter 34: I'll Hold On

A/N: I'm not a lawyer, judge, police officer, or anything like that, and I don't claim to be. If there are any mistakes or whatever, please just keep in mind that this is a _**fiction **_**story. Thanks!**

**Oh, and someone asked for a warning so…TISSUE WARNING IN EFFECT!**

**Enjoy!

* * *

**

**Chapter 34: I'll Hold On**

**BPOV**

I heard something ringing but I couldn't really figure out what it was.

I felt groggy. I felt sick. I felt like I had awoken from a terrible nightmare that I didn't remember, but I knew it was there. I opened my eyes slowly and saw a white wall. My face lied on the cold tile of the floor.

Opening my eyes hurt. My head felt swollen. It throbbed. It hurt. Everything hurt.

The sound of the ringing didn't help with the pounding in my head and only made it worse. I moved my hands out from under me and placed them on the floor. I pushed myself up and groaned at the striking pain in my back. I didn't even know how I fell asleep. I didn't really remember much after…well after everything turned horrible.

Her screams…I could still hear them. Maybe that was why my head hurt so bad. Something like that didn't just happen without leaving a wound and even a scar. I would never forget that moment for as long as I lived.

The ringing stopped, but then started back up again. I found myself being brought back to the present by the sound. Someone was calling me. Someone needed to speak to me. What if it was about Edward…

I scrambled for the phone in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw that Bowman was calling. I answered it right away.

"Hello?"

"_Bella, thank God you answered. Come let me in. I'm at the front door." _

"Okay." I said and hung up the phone.

I jogged over to the door and halted when I found Bev sitting on the couch with something clutched to her chest. It was Alice's coloring book. Bev had her head looking straight in front of her looking at nothing but the wall. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her body shook slightly with each labored breath she took. She was trying to hold it all together.

"Bev." I called. She jumped at the sound of my voice and looked over to me with sad eyes. I wanted so bad to make it better for her, but I had no idea how. "Bowman is here."

She nodded and wiped her face. She placed the coloring book down on the couch. "Okay." She answered.

I nodded and went to the front door. I unlocked it and let a tired and weary looking Bowman in.

"Thank you, I would have knocked but I didn't know if people would be sleeping." He said as he walked into the house towards the living room.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"It's around ten." He answered.

_Wow, it was only ten?_ It seemed like forever ago that Edward and I walked into the bar. We were both so happy talking with Emmett and Edward calmed down a little when he knew Alice was okay. Now what would he think? I knew what he would think, but I didn't want to think about it.

"Oh alright, so what's going on?"

He took the glasses off of his face and rubbed his eyes. "I don't understand how this happened."

"What? What do you mean?" I asked. He sounded shocked and completely at a loss. When the lawyer felt lost, you also had to feel lost.

"The date was moved up…to tomorrow."

"What?" Bev and I both said at the same time.

"It's true." He said.

"That's impossible! It's such short notice!" I said. I couldn't believe this!

"It is possible because there is a hearing tomorrow at four in the afternoon."

"How is that even possible?" Bev asked sounding calculating.

"I have a theory, but I don't know if it is true."

"Well what's your theory?" I asked impatiently.

Why couldn't he just spit it out? Why did we have to beat everything out of him? This was a big deal. If they were moving the custody trial up tomorrow, we would have to fight twice as hard.

"Edward's father, he was a lawyer. A damn good one at that, and he knows a lot of people."

"This is fucking bullshit!" I said. I had my hands clenched on my sides.

"He also has a lot of money. I think he must have paid off the right people."

"I have more money than those low-lifes." Bev interrupted him angrily. I never heard Bev speak much about how much money she had before then. "I can pay them double…hell even triple! We need more time…"

"I'm afraid that won't work. I think our best bet is to just face this head-on." He said.

"Bowman, Edward is not ready for this. He doesn't even know what is going on right now. What if he is still in the middle of an episode? This is not fair to him. He doesn't even have a fair fight…"

He sighed. "I know that Bella, but there is nothing I can do! Don't you think I want to?"

He looked hurt, and I didn't want to hurt him even more. I knew he had a lot riding on his shoulders as well. If I pressured him too much, he might falter, and Edward couldn't have that right now.

"This has to be against the law or something, right?"

"They are the law, Bella."

"I can pay them more. We just need more time. Maybe even a week…" Bev said desperately.

"I wouldn't suggest that, Beverly. The judge doesn't schedule the cases, he has someone to do that for him, so if the date keeps on getting switched on him, he will get pissed and aggravated with everyone, and that isn't good for Alice's sake."

"So you're saying there is nothing we can do?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing but prepare the best we can. It won't be easy without Edward, but I do get to see him tomorrow morning and speak with him beforehand."

"Are we allowed to go with you?"

"Not for our meeting. You can visit him either before or after."

I nodded and looked over at Bev who looked like she wasn't really paying attention. I didn't even know what was going through her head, but I could see how she was falling apart. I've had more time to process things. I saw the whole thing happen before my eyes, and Bev was just out having a fun time with Alice, she comes home, and within a half an hour, she saw the lives of two people she loved fall apart.

"Do you know where Alice is?" I asked.

He nodded. "She'll spend the night in an orphanage."

His words hurt me more than I let show. I knew that is probably where she was going to go, but I kind of hoped that wouldn't have been the case. She was all alone and probably scared.

I swallowed and tried not to think about that anymore. "Will she be there tomorrow?"

"She will be in the building, but she will be held in a separate room. She will get questioned by the judge before the hearing. It's not a complete trial and it will only be held in a small court room. The judge makes the final decision. No jury or anything. It should be quick. All we can really hope for is that he will be lenient with Edward. Let's just hope he is calm enough tomorrow."

I sat down beside Bev and held onto her hand. She didn't even look toward me, but she squeezed my hand. "Bowman, let's say he is in his right mind tomorrow…do you think he will have a chance?"

He stared at me with a vacant look in his eyes. Just by that look, I knew what he really thought. Thankfully he didn't say it. He listened to what I told him earlier.

"We'll just have to hope that someone out there is looking out for them. That's all." He said.

* * *

"Just take this next right." Bev said unemotionally.

The whole ride had been quiet. It was a sunny day out, comfortable temperature of fifty degrees Fahrenheit, and the time on the clock on my car read ten in the morning. I barely got any sleep the night before. I was kept awake with my thoughts of what would happen this very day.

I got up around six in the morning after sleeping for far too little. Bev went back to her place around midnight saying that she wanted to be alone. I wanted some alone time as well. We both tried to comfort each other as best we could, but it was no use. By the looks of Bev, I didn't think she got much sleep either. Understandable.

After I woke up, I straightened up Edward's apartment. I couldn't bring myself to leave and head back to my apartment. I felt wrong just leaving it empty. I slept on Edward's bed. Bad and good idea at the same time. Good because it smelt like him, and it was comforting to feel that closeness to him, but bad because it only made me miss him more and think about him all alone probably sleeping on a hard mattress or something. Did he sleep? What was he thinking? Did he need me?

A million things ran through my head and it drove me absolutely crazy. If Edward were here, he would tell me to stop being a worrier. He hated when I worried about him, but I really could not help it in this case. If…yes, and I do mean _if _the judge for some reason gave his parents custody, I would need to be strong for him. He wouldn't be able to hold himself together.

I needed to stop thinking of the worst. Just like Edward and I always said; you couldn't fight fate. He deserved to have Alice, and they belonged together. No sane person could miss that so everything would be fine. Plus, I was sure when the judge questioned Alice, he would see how desperately she wanted to be with Edward. She idolized and loved him more than anyone else. I just wished there was a way I could see her.

Bowman called about an hour ago and said he was one his way to speak with Edward. Apparently they still had him in solitary, but they would let him out long enough to speak with his lawyer. Bev and I could go see him at one. We could only go one at a time, but that was fine with me as long as I got to see him and maybe verbally help him out. Bowman did make it clear that I would only get to hold his hands. I couldn't hug him or kiss him or anything. Just touch his hands. That I guessed I could live with. I felt closest to him when we held hands. It was something that he trusted me with that he didn't trust in other people with.

And I could tell him I loved him. I would tell him that over and over again if that was what would help him get his shit together. Bowman said he wouldn't be able to speak with me until I got to the police station because he would be speaking with Edward and hitting him with questions he might get when he went in there for the hearing. I had no way of knowing what his state of mind was like, and it drove me mad.

Bev came back over around 9:30 and asked me if I could drive her somewhere she needed to go. She said she could have taken her car, but she didn't want to go alone, so I of course agreed to take her. She took this hard as well and I would do what I could to help her. Plus, going out would be the best way to keep my mind off of the negative things that could happen in the past and focus more on the now.

I took the right that Bev told me to take, and I thought I knew where we were going. I probably would have known a little while ago if my head wasn't otherwise occupied.

We were at the cemetery.

I didn't even have to doubt why we were there. I knew she went to Leon's grave at least once a week, and it was usually on Sundays. I could get why she would turn to him now. She probably felt comfort going there even though he wasn't alive. I could understand her a little bit. I knew that no matter what happen, I would always turn to Edward if I needed guidance. I remember I did the same with Dominic. I would go to his grave because it was peaceful. Plus, I liked to think that if he were able to see me, he would know that I still thought of him and went to see him when I could. I hadn't gone in a while. I would have to soon.

"He's towards the back." She said. I nodded and pulled into the cemetery. I drove down the path slowly and waited for her to tell me when to stop. "You can just pull over right about here, sweets." She said. I stopped where she told me to, and put the car in park.

"Do you…do you want me to stay here or…"

"I would like it if you came, but if you are uncomfortable, that is perfectly fine." I shook my head and turned the car off.

"I will go." I said.

I would go with her for the support, and it meant a lot to me that she would bring me somewhere that was so personal to her. Bev and I both loved Alice and Edward, and we were both hurting. We really only had each other to turn to because anyone else simply wouldn't understand. I knew what Bev was feeling, and she knew what I was feeling. We had to stick together and help each other so we could help them.

She nodded and we both got out of the car. The breeze was soft, and I zipped up Edward's hoodie. I knew I would have to take it off when I went to the court house, but for now it was helping me feel close to him. I needed to head home and get changed after this before I saw him. I really wanted to see him. I missed him so much.

I hooked arms with Bev and she smiled slightly up at me. She was so sweet. I hated seeing her so upset. "Leon always told me when he was buried, he wanted to be in that back." She said with a small smile on her face. It was nice to see.

I chuckled softly. "And why is that?"

"He hated being the center of attention. He didn't want every person who drove by to stare at his grave." She said with a roll of her eyes.

"Well that's a bit odd." I said as we continued walking further back.

"He _was_ rather odd. He was kind of nerd as well. Some thought of him as cocky, arrogant, and weird. They just never knew him like I did."

I knew how she felt with that one. I knew what it was like to see the person you love get judged so harshly by others when you knew that all of their predetermined ideas about your love were completely wrong.

"It's not fair he was judged that way."

She shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so. He never minded at all. I did though. I mean he was weird, but it was something I loved about him. Everyone has their preferences I guess."

I nodded. "Yeah, that's also true."

"But he was the most accepting and open-minded person I have ever met. I mean it shows in the simple fact that he married me." She made a turn and sighed. "You know, for a white man to marry a black woman in that time was unheard of and he was so well known…he never cared one bit. You don't know how many days I cried because of some of the things people said to both me and him, but he was so blasé about it. He knew what he wanted, and nothing would stop him. If he fell, he would get back up again. He was so strong."

She slowly stopped and she faced the place where her husband lies. I read the tombstone:

_Leon Frederick Clifford Martins_

_Beloved husband and father_

I noticed there wasn't a birth or death date. I wondered why that was.

"He also didn't want his birth or death date on his stone…security reasons of course." She said with another smile that seemed reserved only for him. It was beautiful and sad at the same time.

I chuckled. "It sounds like he and Edward would have gotten along quite well."

"Absolutely. I see a lot of Leon in Edward…especially with their quirks." She walked up to the grave stone and picked up one of the pink flowers off of the ground in front of it. She held it up to her nose and breathed in. They still looked fresh. "Shortcake brought these here with me yesterday."

My heart sunk thinking about Alice. I could tell it hurt Bev to even say her nickname. With mentioning her, all I thought about was where was she? Was she happy? Were they feeding her okay? Was she crying? If she was, was there someone there comforting her? Too many questions that would go unanswered for the moment so I just pushed it to the back of my mind.

"Do you bring her here often?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Whenever she asks. She asks a lot about him. Maybe I talk about him too much, but I can't help it. She gets curious though so she asks to come sometimes. I brought her here for the first time when she was four." She smiled thinking back on the time. "She was a tiny little girl for so long but boy did she know how to get what she wanted. Edward came with her the first time. He said he wanted to be the one to answer her questions about death and all of that."

I hugged his sweater tighter around me. "He always wants to teach her whatever she wants to know."

"Yes, he does, and he always has. I will never forget when Alice was about a year and a half, she was walking all over the place, and she got a hold of some glass cleaner. The nozzle was locked, but he still freaked out. He sat her down on his knee and read to her the hazard warnings on the back of the bottle." She said with a small laugh and I joined in. That was something Edward would do. "At first she just looked at him like he was crazy before she just started hitting it out of his hands and he got frustrated."

"It seems like they have been quite the pair for the longest time, huh?"

She nodded and sat down on the ground in front of Leon. The whole time she spoke, her eyes never left the stone. "You have no idea. I mean it was hard for Edward at first. I can't tell you how many times he came to my door with a screaming Alice looking close to tears himself. She was teething at the time, and he didn't know how to help her. I taught him all I knew, and he listened to me like what I said was the secret of life or something. I guess to him it was…who knows."

"Alice is his life." I said. I sat down beside her. I didn't touch her or anything. I would give her space.

She wiped a tear from her eye, but showed no other signs of sadness. Just that single tear. "I know she is, and that is what scares me, Bella. I wish I could bottle up these memories and stories I have of them and how much he takes care of her and loves her and just simply lives for her to show the judge or anyone else who doubts that boy's ability to raise her."

"I don't even understand how anyone can doubt that of him." I said honestly. How could they not see the look on the both of their faces when the other walked in the room?

"I don't either, but they do. You know, I told you that Edward reminds me of Leon, and he does, but there is one major difference; Leon was able to cope with pain. He just brushed it off, and continued on like nothing happened. Even when his grandfather, a man he loved dearly died, he cried once, and then he was fine. He told me it was because he didn't see a point in grieving for too long. His grandfather wouldn't have wanted that, you know?" I nodded. "But Edward…as much as he tries to deny it, that boy is sensitive. He feels _everything. _He feels it and it weighs on him until he is close to breaking. He blames himself for anything that goes wrong just because that is how he grew up. When something went wrong, he had no one to place the blame on but himself because all he had was himself."

I brought my knees to my chest and tried to keep my own pain at bay. She was right. Everything she said was true and it scared me to death. No matter what happened today, Edward still wouldn't be the same for a long time. Just the fact that Alice was taken away, even if it was only one night, would get Edward in a state of mind I didn't want him going into.

"I'm scared for him, Bev." I squeaked out and cleared my throat. I didn't want to cry.

"So am I, sweets. You know, it's hard for me too. I feel like there is so much more I could have done. Maybe if I would get my shit together, I could have protected them both from this." She said angrily, and I didn't recall ever hearing her swear. "If I wasn't so weak, I could leave that apartment and take them with me. I could have taken them far away. Edward could leave, but he wouldn't, and I know that. He wouldn't leave me alone. He has told me before." She was crying now and I leaned into her side to give her support.

"This isn't your fault." Her body shook with her cries and I wrapped my arms around her. "Edward doesn't leave because he loves you and so does Alice. You are so important to them."

"I know, and that is why I should be strong enough for them, Bella, but I don't know how to explain it. It is like I am letting Leon go. I can't do that. As much as I know that he wouldn't want this for me, I can't bring myself to leave that apartment because the fact remains that he is dead and I am alive without him. This is how I cope. I know it's wrong, and I know it probably hurts Alice and Edward, but I…I just can't."

"You don't have to, Bev. They are both happy there. Please don't blame yourself."

She took a deep, shaky breath. "Okay…I'm sorry to just pour that all out on you, sweets. This isn't about me right now. This is about Alice and Edward. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Bev. Your feelings matter too you know, and I don't really know what to say to you to give you peace of mind, but just know that Edward would never, _ever_ blame you for anything. Him and Alice adore you and look up to you so much. So do I."

She turned to me and smiled a watery smile. I gave her a weak one back. "Thank you, Bella. You know, I love you sweets."

"I love you too, Bev."

She turned back to Leon's grave. "Leon would have loved you too. Trust me. Do you pray, Bella?" She asked.

I shook my head. "No, not usually."

She sighed. "Me neither. I kind of lost faith after my husband died, but I do ask him for help from time to time, so would you mind helping me?" She asked.

"Of course not."

She nodded and looked back at the stone. "Just close your eyes and ask him anything you want for Edward and Alice. He will help out. He better or I will go up there and beat your ass, my love." She said warningly to Leon.

I chuckled and thought about what I would want for Edward. It took me a while, but I knew what I really needed for Edward.

Strength.

No matter what happened today, whether he got to keep Alice or not, Edward still would not forgive himself so easily. I didn't want him taking steps backward.

_Leon, Dominic, God…anyone out there listening; please give my Edward strength. Please.

* * *

_

"Place any lose items in here please." The officer said and held out a gray bucket in front of me. I put my purse, my phone, and he even told me to take out my earrings. I put them all inside and he placed it in what looked like a locker. "Stand in front of me please; hands out to your sides, feet shoulder width apart."

I listened to what he said and he took out a metal detector wand and scanned my body with it. As if that wasn't bad enough, after he was finished, he patted me down, and that was uncomfortable enough. All of this just to see Edward for thirty minutes. It was worth it.

"Ma'am, once inside the room with the prisoner, you are to remain in your seat at all times. If you get up, you will be escorted out. You are only allowed to touch the prisoner's hands that will be chained to the table. When your thirty minutes are up, an officer will go in to get you, and there will be no extended time. Do you understand the rules?"

I nodded my head trying not to cry. It would kill me to have to see him, get to hold his hand, but not get to kiss or hug him. I was sure he needed comfort. "Okay."

"Come this way." He said and led me down the hall way to the holding room.

There was only one small window on the door and I couldn't see him. The officer took out his keys and unlocked the door. He pushed it open, and I felt a calm overtake me when I saw him. I knew seeing him would at least clear my head a little bit. He was in there. He had an orange jumpsuit on. His hands were both chained to the table. They were clasped in front of him and he had his head resting on them. His leg was bouncing and he was mumbling to himself quietly. It was like he didn't even hear us come in.

"Cullen!" The officer called and Edward's head snapped up. "You have a visitor."

I tried not to cry out when I saw how horrible he looked. He looked beautiful to me, but he also looked sick and stressed and tired and of course…angry. This couldn't be happening. He would have to go through this hearing while still in the middle of an episode.

I walked eagerly to the chair across from him. The table seemed too big; he was too far away. The officer left the room and I reached out for his hands eagerly. He didn't push me away or anything, but his grip on my hands weren't as tight as I would have liked them to be. I looked up at him and saw him looking down at our hands with a blank expression on his face and he was mumbling again to himself.

"Baby…" My voice called out to him. "Baby, how are you doing?"

He looked up at me. His bright green eyes struck me at how tired he looked. The bags under his eyes were a dead giveaway. "I'm fine." He grumbled.

I held on tighter to his hands to restrain from going to touch his face. He looked pale. He was sweating and pale. They were feeding him right? They checked his sugar? They had to do those things for him. I just knew they did.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" I asked.

He laughed a humorless laugh. "Oh yeah," He looked behind me at the double mirror behind my back. "Because these fuckers drugged me like I was some kind of animal!" He yelled angrily.

"Hey, hey…" I said soothingly. "Look at me, baby." He looked down at me breathing heavily through clenched teeth. "Don't worry about them. I'm the only one here, okay? Just keep your eyes on me."

He groaned and dropped his head down on the table. "I hate it here." He said.

I brought his hands to my mouth and kissed his fingers. I didn't really think about it until I thought they would make me leave. Thankfully no one did, so I guessed that was okay. "I know you do, baby. We are trying to get you out."

"I'm getting out today." He said.

"What? You are?"

He lifted his head. He was smiling. He looked genuine. It scared me. "I'm going to see Alice."

I swallowed down the lump in my throat. It hurt so bad. "Edward…I think you are confused…"

He squeezed onto my hands tightly. "No! I am going to see Alice and that's final!" He screamed.

"Edward…you can't."

He released my hands almost immediately. "Get out! Get the fuck out! You are trying to keep me from her! I am going to see her, damn it!"

I pushed back on my chair and tried to keep from crying. "Edward…please…"

"You don't know what you're talking about! I am going to see her!" He pulled his hands away from the table, but he was going nowhere. He got up from the chair and tried to walk away, but his legs were also chained to the table. "Fuck off!" The door flew open and two officers went after Edward who was trying to make a weak escape and another officer grabbed my arm.

"No." I said and tried to get away from him. "Just give him a minute, he'll be fine."

"Ma'am you are going to have to leave. He's a danger to himself and others."

"He won't hurt me, you don't understand."

"Ma'am!" He said a little urgently as he looked at the officers struggling to get Edward to sit still. "You have to leave."

"Can I just go say bye? Please."

He looked at me for a second with a hard expression on his face and he sighed. "Fine."

I walked over to Edward's who's arms were being held by the two officers. He fought to get away, but he had no chance. I wrapped my arms around his neck hesitantly, hoping they wouldn't make me get away from him…thankfully they didn't. Edward stopped struggling but his breathing was quick and ragged.

"Shh…" I whispered into his ear. I drank in as much of him as I could. I could feel my tears spilling over, but I did my best not to let them be known in my voice. "Calm down, please, baby." He groaned. I turned my head and kissed the side of his a couple times. "I love you." I whispered.

He didn't say it back. I didn't expect him to. He never really was comfortable saying words of affection in front of other people, let alone two cops who wanted to bring him back to a jail cell.

I let go of him unwillingly and turned to leave the room. I walked out of the room without looking back, because I didn't want to see them treating him like an animal. I walked back to the main area of the station where Bev and Bowman were. I felt like a zombie. Like everything inside of me was dead. He was delusional. I looked to Bowman, and he was typing away on his laptop.

"Bowman." I called out to him. He looked up and so did Bev. "Why didn't you tell me he was like that?" I asked, my voice cracking.

"What do you mean?" He asked, sounding genuinely confused.

"He…" I cleared my throat. "He thinks he is going to see Alice soon. Didn't you tell him?"

He sighed. "Of course I did. He didn't speak to me much, but he looked like he was listening. He just would randomly mumble something in a different language. I didn't know that he was…"

"Delusional. In denial…I don't know. I think it's a little bit of both." I said.

"He didn't speak much to me either." Bev said. I didn't get to see her before I got in. She went in before me, and she left to get some air as soon as she came out and they brought me in.

I sat down across from them. "He said that he was going to see Alice and that I was trying to keep her away from him. I don't…this isn't good."

"He'll come around." Bowman said.

I hoped so.

* * *

It was the first time I saw them.

When they walked in, I only caught a glimpse of their faces, and then the back of their heads. Hate and anger filled me when I saw them. The only problem was that they didn't look like a crazy couple. They didn't look dangerous or evil…they looked normal. What I saw and what the judge would see would be completely different.

Edward's mother kept on looking back at me. She caught my eye for a second, and she smiled at me. _Smiled. _I hated it. I hated her. But what I hated most was how that smile didn't seem conniving or mocking. It looked sincere.

She looked exactly like Edward and Alice. I hated to admit that, but she did. She had his strange hair color, shape of face, nose, and eyes. I knew every part of Edward's face, and she resembled him so closely. The only difference was the softness of the curve of her cheek bones, and her height.

Edward got his height from his father. His father stood at least an inch or two taller than Edward. He had Alice's eyes. That was all I was about to pick up from looking at him because I tried not to do it. I felt sick when I did. That was the man that stabbed Edward. He tried to kill him. I would never, ever forgive his parents for what they did to their son and my love. When I looked at them, I didn't even see human beings to be honest. I saw monsters.

That's the only thing I saw though. Edward's mother wore a pair of gray pants and a fancy dress sweater. Her hair was down and pushed back by a headband. His father wore a full on suit. He had his arm around his wife and kept his stoic gaze to the wall in front of him while running his hand along her arm. They looked innocent.

They were monsters.

The court room was small. Everything was so close together, and there were only about ten seats behind each side. On Edward's side, there was just me and Bev. On Edward's parent's side, there were six people I hadn't seen before in my life sitting and waiting patiently. I heard the door open behind me, and I looked to see who it was. It was a woman in a business suit. She held a suitcase in one hand and papers in her other hand. She walked determinedly to the front of the room and took a left. She sat down beside the monsters. She must be their lawyer.

Bowman already sat in his spot, writing away on a pad of paper. I didn't know what he was doing, but I trusted him. So we were just waiting for Edward and the judge.

The doors opened again behind me, and there was Edward. His hands were handcuffed in front of him, and two officers were escorting him in. I had my eyes on his parents. His mother looked back and bit her lip. Tears instantly fell down her face when she looked at him, and Edward's father whispered words in her ear.

_Monsters. _

Edward looked up from the ground and then his eyes landed on them. His feet instantly stopped moving, and the officers had to stop in their tracks. Edward lifted his hands. "Get them out of here!" He screamed.

Bowman got up from his seat quickly and ran up in front of Edward. "Edward, stop it. Please. Just calm down." He said as soothingly and urgently as he could.

"What the fuck are they doing here, Bowman!" He yelled.

His mother looked back at him with red cheeks and tears, but her husband made her turn around.

"We talked about this Edward." He said. "This is the custody hearing."

"You said I could see Alice!"

Bowman shook his head. "No, I didn't, but if you want to see her, you are going to need to calm down, okay? Just act like they aren't here. Do it for Alice, son. Come on."

"Can I just see her for a minute?" He asked suddenly looking like he was going to cry. I had to look away.

"She's not here right now, just please come and sit down."

Edward must have silently consented, because I could hear them walk by me and sit down. Bev grabbed onto my hand and I squeezed hers. The doors in front of me this time opened up and in walked the judge we were all prompted to rise. He was an older looking man maybe in his sixties. He had a scowl on his face and a frustrated presence. He sat down, and so did everyone else. He looked over his paper work casually for about two minutes before he looked up.

"Okay. Well this is an unexpected hearing. I am actually quite booked today, so I wasn't very happy." He said with a look over in Edward's parent's direction. _Yes. _He's mad at them. That's a good start. "Alright, well this is how I will run things. Officials should know the drill, but for both parties involved, each side will have a chance to plead their case. Then I will ask the questions to each individual. I have already spoken with the child. At the end, I will make my decision. Got it?"

"Yes your honor." Both the lawyers and Edward's parents said. Edward didn't say a word and just looked down at the table. The judge didn't let that pass.

"Excuse me, Mr. Cullen. Did you get that?" He asked.

Edward looked up. "Yes." He said harshly, but the judge just blew it off.

"Okay, "Mr. Bowman. You can start us off."

And so he did. He did an incredible job in my opinion. He started off by explaining Alice and Edward's relationship. He explained his first hand experience in witnessing the love between them, but I couldn't make out what the judge was thinking. His face was blank and emotionless the whole time. After he talked about what a great guardian Edward was, he then went into how Edward's parents were not a good choice for Alice. He brought of Edward's father stabbing him, he brought up a lot of facts about Edward's abuse in the past that I didn't even hear of. I felt like I would throw up and it killed me that the people who caused Edward that much pain were not twenty feet away from me and I couldn't do anything about it.

"Your honor, placing the child in the home of two mentally unstable and potentially dangerous guardians would be preposterous and wrong. It could also mean danger for the child. My client can provide a safe home with love and security…something Mr. and Mrs. Cullen cannot provide. It's as simple as that." He concluded. "Thank you." He said and sat down.

I wanted to clap he did so good. He made it obvious to the judge that Edward was the only choice. Placing Alice in the care of her parents would be stupid. They didn't deserve her and they could never love her as much as Edward did.

"Thank you, Mr. Bowman." He turned to the other side. "Mrs. Corrigan, you may now begin."

The monsters' lawyer rose up from her chair and flattened out her suit with her hands. "Your honor, I am going to make this short and sweet. Mr. Bowman here swears that placing the child in the care of my clients is dangerous. This is completely false. My clients have both been receiving treatment and medication for traumatic pasts and mental illnesses. They have a clean record in all rehabilitation facilities they were admitted to. They have been having therapy for over five years, and their record has been clean ever since. I get that they have a record in the past, but your honor, I need you to realize that was in the past. What I would like to remind you of is that right now, in the present, Edward Cullen Jr. is under arrest for assault and potential attempted murder on an innocent man. Yes my clients have made mistakes in the past, but Edward Cullen Jr. has made recent mistakes and is clearly dangerous right now, in the present. Would you really place a child in an environment like that? I hope that you wouldn't do that to little Alice. Thank you." She sat down so sure of herself.

I wanted to punch her in the face repeatedly.

"Thank you, Mrs. Corrigan." The judge said. I wished I could see Bowman and try to decipher what he was thinking. The judge sighed loudly. "Mr. Cullen." The judge started.

"Yes." Edward _and _his father said at the same time.

"Fucking hell." Edward said loudly.

"Sorry about that, gentleman. Edward Cullen Jr., first of all, don't swear in my court room." Edward shrugged his shoulders and he kept his head down. "Edward Jr., I understand that you have what is called…" He looked down at his paper. "Intermittent Explosive Disorder, am I correct?"

Edward nodded. "Yes."

"Okay, and are you taking any medication for that?"

"No."

He nodded his head and turned to Edward's parents. "Edward Cullen Sr., now just so I understand more, you also have Intermittent Explosive Disorder, am I correct?"

Edward's father looked him in the eye and nodded. "Yes, your honor. I do."

Bev and I both exchanged an incredulous look. I had no idea…

"That's complete bullshit!" Edward yelled. "He's a fucking liar!"

The judge looked at Edward with frustration on his face. "Mr. Cullen, watch your mouth."

Edward groaned. "He doesn't have IED." He said.

"He does. It has been proven, now please refrain from interrupting me, Mr. Cullen." Bowman put a hand on Edward's back and whispered something in his ears. "Edward Sr., do you take medication to treat your illness?"

Edward's father nodded. "Yes, your honor. I take two medications to help control my anger."

The judge nodded. "Okay, and Edward Sr., you do admit to stabbing your son in the back…" He looked at the paper. "Seven times, correct?"

"Unfortunately, yes, I can't deny that, your honor."

_He's a monster. _I didn't care how regretful he sounded.

"Okay, and according to this record, you claimed to have been in a somewhat 'manic episode' when you stabbed your son, is that correct?"

He nodded slowly. "I have no recollection of the night, your honor. I barely ever remember episodes I have."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I really couldn't. I couldn't even comprehend what was going on. Everything was so unexpected.

"When was your last, episode, Mr. Cullen Sr.," The judge asked.

"June 19, 2005, your honor. The night I stabbed my son." His voice caught at the end, and her covered his mouth with his fist. His wife wiped away a tear from his face.

_Monsters. There is no excuse._

"I'm not you son! Do you hear me? Stop calling me that!" Edward yelled in his father's direction.

He looked over at Edward. "I'm so sorry, Edward…I really am." He said sincerely…_monster. _

"Sorry my ass! You stabbed me with a _baby _in the room! You're sick!" He screamed. I didn't like that Edward was making a scene, but he was exactly right. He was sick. He was a monster.

Edward's father didn't even answer. The judge spoke up. "Edward Jr., when was your last episode?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't fucking know."

"Mr. Cullen, if you use profanity in my court room one more time, you will be escorted out, okay? I don't need to deal with cocky little pricks."

"I'm sorry, your honor." Edward said. "I just want to see my sister."

"Answer the question correctly this time, Edward. When was your last episode?"

Edward put his hands over his head and groaned. "I don't know."

"Was it yesterday when you assaulted Mr. Black? Was it then?"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore, alright? Just let me see Alice. Please." He said. He completely deflected the question. I think he could see how bad this was going. He shook his head and looked to Bowman. "Just let me see her. Please."

The judge shook his head and sighed. "Well, I think I will just have to guess on this one and say his last episode was then. Jacob Black is in the hospital in bad condition from a beating he got from Mr. Cullen…yesterday." He sighed. "So I have to make a decision to place the child in the care of a couple who have a history of mental illness or a young man who suffers from a mental illness."

"Your honor, my client is willing to get help. You don't understand the lengths this man will go to give that little girl what she needs." Bowman said desperately. That's the only way to describe his tone; desperate. I panicked.

"My clients were never given a chance to love their child like they do. They have a large home, they get the help they need, and they love their child. Give them a chance to love them." Mrs. Corrigan said.

"Alice Cullen knows Edward and she loves him. She has a home with him, a schedule, a life…to take her away from that would be detrimental to the child." Bowman said.

"Your honor, this wasn't the first time Edward Cullen has harmed someone in his fits of rage. He tried medication once, and then gave up. My clients have been on medication for five years and have been cleared by numerous therapists and doctors."

"Your honor, those two people over there are capable of hurting their own children. My client hasn't laid a hand on the child once."

"Your…"

"Alright, that's enough!" The judge said and banged his gavel onto the table. "I have already made my decision, so I don't need to boxing match, alright?"

"Yes, your honor." The both of them said and sat down.

"This decision wasn't necessarily easy. It is tough to make a decision when you have to choose between people with mental illnesses. But I am confident that my decision will benefit the child most. After speaking with her, I realize that she is a scared and smart little girl. Mr. Cullen," He turned to my Edward. "I am aware she is like that because of you," I didn't think I was breathing in that moment. Bev and I held onto each other's hands tightly. "But, the fact of the matter is, you are not in control. The court has given you many chances to get your act together, and you simply haven't. With that being said, I grant full sole custody of Alice Millicent Cullen to Edward Sr. and Elizabeth Cullen; her parents." He banged the gavel down.

"No! No, please!" Edward begged. My watery eyes were trained on him. He got up from the chair and ran to the judge and got on his knees in front of the table. "Please, please take that back. You can't take her from me, please." He begged.

I covered my mouth to hold my sob in. Bev had already broken down beside me. This couldn't be happening. This was a nightmare…this isn't real.

"Mr. Cullen, I'm sorry, but I have made my decision." The judge said. He did actually look like he felt bad, but not bad enough apparently. I caught a glance of the monsters. They were both crying and embracing. I never felt sicker in my life.

"Your honor, please. I will die without her. I can't-I can't live without her. She can't go with them, please." Two officers went over to Edward and picked him up from the ground. "No! No, please don't do this! I am begging you! I will do anything!" He started kicking and trying to get out of their grasps.

I looked to Bowman, and he had his head down on the table. Defeated.

"Officer Fisher, please escort, Mr. Cullen out." The judge said.

Edward screamed out, but he was unable to get away. They turned him around and Edward's eyes landed on his parents. I couldn't stop my tears once I saw his.

He could barely breathe. He had his eyes on his parents. "Please. Please don't take her f-from me." He begged. "I-I c-can't…" He took a deep breath, but it came out strangled. Something was wrong. "Sh-she n-needs m-m-m-me like I n-need…I can't breathe." He finally said and started gasping for breath.

I lifted from my chair and Bev followed. I ran over to him and put my hands on his face. "Bella what is happening to me?" He asked. He was sweating, he couldn't breathe, he was as pale as a ghost, and he was shaking like a leaf. He was going into shock or they didn't feed him correctly and he was getting hypoglycemia.

"Put him down!" I screamed at the officers. They let him down on the ground and he laid on his back shivering. The officers called in for someone to send an ambulance for him. I got on his side and put my hands on the side of his face. "Baby, just try and breathe, okay? Just breathe, baby." He looked at me, and he looked like he was trying. An officer ran in with a syringe, and he went to go put it in his leg. "Hey!" I screamed and he jumped away. "What is that?"

"It's insulin, ma'am. I think he is going into a diabetic shock."

"Didn't you feed him?" I asked.

"Of course they did ma'am, he probably didn't eat it." He said. He put the syringe back to his leg and pushed down to let it go into his system. Slowly, but surely, Edward's shaking seemed to subside, but he still gasped for every breath.

I kissed the top of his head. "Everything will be okay, babe. You'll be fine."

He looked at me, and for the first time ever, I looked into his eyes and saw…nothing. Absolutely nothing. It scared the shit out of me.

"B-Bella." He said weakly.

"Yeah, baby?" I ran my hand through his hair to try and comfort him.

"I think I'd rather just die."

I choked on a sob and the tears fell. I rested my head on his chest and felt his strong heart beat against my ear. "Don't say that. Please don't." I begged with him. He kept on gasping for every breath, and he didn't say anything.

Nothing at all.

* * *

"According to his levels, he should be awake any minute now." The nurse said to me.

I didn't take my eyes off of Edward. We were in the hospital. It was just me and him here now. Bev was here while he slept, but she left early to go somewhere. I think I knew where she went. There were two officers outside of the door, but I kept it shut. They let me stay with him, thankfully. I wouldn't be able to function if I couldn't.

He did go into a diabetic shock. Apparently they gave him food, and he just shoved it all between his mattress in the cell. He didn't know what he was doing. He was in the middle of an episode. It was about nine at night. I wasn't sure the exact time, and it didn't really matter. He had been out for a while though, and that gave me a lot of time to think. To think of how we lost.

Alice was probably at the monsters' house right now, scared, confused, and missing Edward no doubt. It killed me to think about her like that. It wasn't fair, and I didn't care what the judge thought; he made the wrong decision. I didn't think it was fair that someone who didn't know the full story, or even cared to know the full story would be allowed to make a decision like that. It wasn't fair.

_Strength. _

It was something Edward needed and something I needed as well. I didn't think I was strong enough to know that Alice was in a place where Edward never wanted her and the fact that Edward would never be the same because of it_. How will I ever help him through this?_

"Okay, thank you." I said to the nurse.

I held onto his hand with both of mine. He had restraints around his wrists that were attached to the bed because he was technically still a prisoner. I told them it wasn't necessary, but then they went into the whole procedure part of it all. I couldn't do anything at that point.

The nurse left the room, and I waited for him to wake up. I looked at his face, and I wanted to cry. He looked so damn beautiful and peaceful. It had been too long since I saw that kind of peace on his face. It hurt the most knowing that it wouldn't last. I guessed peace would only come to Edward in sleep.

I felt him squeeze my hand. I was anxious to see his eyes for the simple fact that my body craved to see some kind of life in them. In the court room, there was nothing, and that hurt me to see. Not as much as him telling me to let him die hurt me, but it was definitely up there.

I looked up at him and watched as his eyes opened and adjusted to the soft light. He looked around groggily and I could see the confused expression on his face.

I put my hand on his face and he jumped slightly, but relaxed when he looked at me. "You're okay, baby." I whispered.

He tried to lift his hand, but he couldn't because of the restraints. He looked startled and looked down at his hands both being held captive by the offending contraptions. He looked up at me in a panic.

"Why am I tied to the bed?" He asked.

_Oh. _

_Oh please, no… _

_He doesn't remember._

I sat down on the edge of the bed and held onto both of his hands and he squeezed them back. "Babe you uh…you are restrained to the bed because you were arrested."

"What?" He asked slightly out of breath. He was freaking out.

"Edward, calm down, okay? You're fine."

"Why the fuck was I arrested, Bella? I didn't do anything I…" Realization overtook his face. "I-I had an…" He swallowed loudly and he squirmed in his spot.

I nodded. "Yes, you did. Jacob…he said some things and…"

He groaned. "Stop." He said and he continued squirming. He couldn't seem to sit still. "I don't care about him right now. I think I can guess what I did, but why am I here?"

"Well you…"

His breathing picked up again. His squirming continued. "Wait. No. Where's Alice? Is she here?" I looked down at his hands so he couldn't see the pain in my eyes. I sure as hell felt it in my chest. I was going to have to tell him. I was going to have to watch his heart break all over again. "Bella! Answer me! Where is she!" He asked urgently.

"She's not here, baby."

I made the mistake of looking at him and seeing the desperate and almost innocent look in his eyes. He looked like a tortured little boy. _My poor Edward. _

"What do you mean?" He asked. "No, she has to be here. She hates not being with me in the hospital when I'm sick…go get her, Bella."

"I'm sorry, Edward. But I can't. She's not here."

"Well where is she?" He asked impatiently.

"Edward, when you were arrested…they um…they held a hearing, and it was about…um…about who would get custody of Alice and…"

His squirming stopped. He stopped. He was completely still and I looked up at him. His expression broke me apart. He looked knowing, but unwilling to believe.

"Don't tell me that she's…that _they_…"

I nodded my head. I wouldn't help anything from beating around the bush or making him wait longer to find out. "She's with your parents, Edward."

His body went completely stiff. I looked up at him and he had his lips clamped shut and his head moved from side to side.

"No, no…no, no, NO!' He said loudly. "You're lying. Please tell me you're lying, Bella, please." He begged me.

I looked at him, and he was stiff, but his body was trembling. He was either trying to hold back on breaking down or the pain was wracking his body; or maybe it was both. Either way, it killed me to see him like that. I didn't think it could hurt so bad. The expression 'I love you so much it hurts' came to mind. I only hurt for him and with him because I loved him.

"I wish I was, baby, but I don't know what to say…"

He held onto my hand tightly, and his other was a tight fist by his side. He had his stare on the ceiling and I watched as he tried to hold himself together. I could see the vein in his forehead, the sweat on his face, every muscle in his body was tense as he tried to hold his emotions in. I ran my hand along his arm and could feel the tension. His legs were stiff. I looked back at his face in a panic, and I nearly cried out in my own pain when I saw tears fall from his eyes. Silent tears that revealed what his body was trying to conceal.

The pain.

I felt helpless watching him try and hold his pain inside of him or just to make it hurt less for him, I wasn't sure. What I was sure of was that this pain was emotional and physical. His tears continued to fall and I got up on the bed. I straddled his waist and put my hands on his cheeks.

"Let it out, love. It will only hurt more if you keep it in." I whispered and pushed his sweating hair out of his face.

He looked at me and those tears fell continuously. This was the first time I had ever seen him cry while not having an episode. I didn't know it would hurt this bad to see.

He was feeling _everything._

And I couldn't help him.

His body finally relaxed and he let out a breath. His face scrunched up and he sobbed. I tried to ignore the burning in my chest and focus on taking the pain away from him.

"Shh…" I said and ran my hands through his hair to try and get him to calm down. I was trying to ease the pain. He tried to reach up to…I didn't know…hold me as well I thought, but he couldn't.

"Ugh!" He grunted and then he shook his head. "B-Bella…" He choked out. His eyes were pleading with me and there was nothing I could do but be there for him.

"What, love?"

"This can't be happening. I c-can't…she can't be with them…"

"Edward…I'm so sorry."

I wiped away the tears on his face, but they were replaced by new ones in seconds. His body shook with his sobs. "I-I d-didn't even get to s-say goodnight to h-her or…" He stopped and groaned in pain. "G-goodbye."

"Oh Edward…" I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his neck. He rested his head on my shoulder and I held him close to me. "I love you so much, Edward. So much. Everything will be okay, alright?"

"I c-can't…I ca-an't hold you, hermosa…" He said sorrowfully on top of his crying. He tried to move his hands as if to show me proof.

"Shh…it's okay. I'm fine." That was a lie, but my pain didn't mean as much as his. My pain would subside slightly once his did. He nodded against my shoulder and cried. He was completely broken. "I wish I could take all the pain away, baby. I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. "J-Just stay here. Hold me. I love you."

So I did.

I held onto him.

I held onto what was left of my love.

* * *

_You and I have lived through many things.  
I'll hold on to your heart.  
I wouldn't cry for anything,  
But don't go tearing your life apart.  
I have seen fear. I have seen faith.  
Seen the look of anger on your face.  
And if you want to talk about what will be,  
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder._

_**Cry, by James Blunt

* * *

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**Well words evade me. All I can think of to say is that this has been planned since day one. **

**I think this chapter I will reply to every review and answer any questions or anything you have for me. It's been a while since I have replied, and I guess I kind of owe it to you all after this chapter even though I assure you it wasn't easy for me to write either. But I will reply, and if you don't get one, it is either because you replied anonymously or you disabled PMs. **

**Big thank you to Alexa for getting this monster of a chapter back to me so fast and helping me through this story. Thank you for calming me down when I freak out about something…especially this chapter. **

**Well I will update again ASAP. It may take a little while longer because I am doing review replies…I'm thinking Friday most likely. **

**Thank you and please review!**


	36. Chapter 35: Weak

**Chapter 35: Weak**

**EPOV**

_Irony. _

It's a funny thing. Well, funny when you are willing to sit back and laugh about it.

_Laughing. What does that feel like?_

I grasped to remember the feeling of laughing, but it wasn't there. It was like being on a desert island. You're starving. Starving for some food to make you feel better. Your stomach feels empty. Your head feels empty. Your throat is burning from the thirst and you just need that one little morsel of food to give you that feeling of relief. You sit there and you think of your favorite food, whatever it was, you think of the taste, you think of how it made you feel, it's impossible really, but even if you did remember, would it really take away that emptiness inside of you?

It wouldn't.

Just like laughing. I could remember the feeling, but now if I did laugh, it wouldn't have the same meaning. Nothing had the same meaning anymore.

But enough about that. I'd rather not think about what's not and what would probably never be again for a long time. Let's get back to irony. While it can be funny, it could also be the work of the devil.

April 18, 2011

That was the date on the calendar of this wall. I stared at the calendar and look at all of the days that had passed and how they were spent. Well, I couldn't really say. It was a blur. Each day was just a big moment of shit, basically. Being held up in a cage, hearing the complaints of the low lives around me every five minutes, and being stuck in my head. That's what my days consisted of inside of hell. And by hell, I didn't mean jail…I meant my head.

But again; off topic. Irony. April 18, 2011. Wasn't it ironic how on the day I was supposed to fight the most and hopefully start over, was the day I actually just sort of existed and fought for nothing? The day that was supposed to mean so much to me because I would actually have a chance to prove myself, was the day I had to take the walk of shame outside of jail. Too bad I didn't get to walk out of my head. It wasn't a pretty place to be at the moment.

A month in jail. That's a long time to some people, but to me it was probably just what I deserved. I had come to the conclusion that no matter what I did, everything would go wrong. _Hope_…hope was a joke. I had been graced with the gift of life…oh life; what a beautiful thing. _Life_…life was a joke.

Well, you may ask; _so Edward, if you hated life so much, why were you still living?_ Good question. Why was I alive? Why was anyone alive? That's the million dollar question, huh? I had the answer, so everyone listen up…_life is a conniving bitch_.

You see, the thing about life is it throws all of this shit at you. Life says, 'here, take this heartache…oh and have a little bit of this pain…why don't I throw in some guilt as well? Okay…now take that and _live _with it. I dare you to give up.' Life plays tricks with your head. If you think about ending life, it sounds good to get away from the heartache, pain, and guilt, but life, that fucking bitch, throws you a curveball.

Life says, 'hey, do you remember that shit load of crap I gave to you? Well with that, I will give you a dash of happiness, a dash of beauty, and a dash of meaning. I'll give you something to live for, but make you fiddle with the possibility of ending it.'

And man did I fiddle with it.

Back to irony. My mind. _My _mind. Your mind is filled with _your _thoughts, _your _feelings, and _your _everything basically. You should be able to control what goes on in there, huh? Well isn't it ironic that the place where you are supposed to have the most control is actually the place where you feel you have no control at all? And the place where the most disgusting and disturbing thoughts take place?

I admit, in the days after my life got turned completely upside down, I had thought of ending it. How couldn't I, you know? The most valuable and most beautiful thing that life granted me was taken away. That was one less thing I had to live for. And to top it all off, my beautiful gift was now in the hands of people who took a lot of the good I could have had in my life away.

Life; a conniving bitch. _Believe me yet?_

No matter how much I hurt, no matter how much I wanted to give up, and no matter how much life seemed pointless at times; I could never end it.

There were several reasons. Well, three to be exact. Wasn't it ironic how they say bad things happen in threes, yet to me, good things happened in threes. Maybe my life wasn't normal…who cares…it was still mine and I had to live with it.

First; Beverly.

Bev saved my life. She cared for me when she didn't need to, and she gave up a lot in her life to make me happy as well as…well you know. She made us happy. Bev loved me. I loved Bev. Bev lost the most important person in her life as well, yet she still thrived. She found the meaning in life, embraced it, and made a beautiful life for herself and others. Bev lost a lot, but she still had a lot to live for. I could only hope that I was one of those reasons for her, because she was definitely one for me.

Second; Bella…my love, my beauty, my crazy chick, my wifey, my savior.

She was…I didn't know how to explain her. Words completely evaded me when I tried to explain how much that woman means to me. I hoped she knew how much she meant to me though. Through every pain that rocked my body, she was there. Even if she was not there physically, if I felt pain, I thought about her. I thought about the way she looked at me, how she treated me, and how she simply _loved _me. She was that food I strive for on the desert island, except she was accessible to me.

Although while I was in jail, I only got a half an hour with her a day. That hurt. It hurt seeing her cry. It hurt when all I wanted to do was hold her close to me, but I couldn't. It hurt seeing a bruise on her wrist that I gave her while I wasn't in control. Seeing her hurt, but it was what I looked forward to most during the day, because even though it hurt to see her, she also made everything better. Whenever I sat in that jail cell and thought about ending it, I would think of her. She was waiting for me outside those doors.

She loved me. She told me she couldn't live a happy life without me…I would never take happiness away from her if I could help it. Even if I didn't make myself happy, I made her happy, and that was enough of a reason to stay alive…for her.

Third; Ali…fuck…it hurt to think of her name. It only hurt because I knew I had failed her so profoundly. While stuck in my head, I thought about how she felt when she was ripped away from her home and forced to live with strangers because of me. It was my fault. I accepted that and I had to live with it. If the judge or anyone else didn't think that's punishment enough for the hell I put her through, they didn't know the pain one feels when the one they love the most was suffering.

But I was sure she was being strong. She was a strong and beautiful person. If she could be strong, then so could I. So let me try this again.

Third; Alice…_my everything. _

If there was anyone out there who thought I would give up on her, they were crazy. I promised to that little girl that I would fight for her no matter what, and I would keep that promise. I also promised her that I would never let anyone take her away from me. I didn't keep that promise. That was what killed me the most. I thought about how she was feeling. Did she hate me? Did she think of me as a liar? Would she never trust me again? What if I get her back, would she even want to live with me anymore after this?

The truth was I didn't know. I didn't. But if for some reason she did hate me or lost all trust in me, she would always be the most important person to me. If she hated me, there was still a chance she would come around, and I had to be around for that. Just like there was a chance that I could get her back. I would not ruin that by doing something stupid and jeopardizing that. As long as she was with them, I would be doing what I could to get her back. She couldn't be with them for long. They were disgusting human beings.

I didn't remember the hearing. I didn't even know why they even let that happen while I was so obviously out of it. I asked Bowman about that. It was the only time I ever spoke of that day since, but I needed to know my options. He told me they had no way of knowing my mental state. They should have known, and I thought that Bowman should have made that known. Then Bowman said something that killed me but I knew he was being honest.

It wouldn't have made a difference.

I fucked up. I didn't try hard enough to get better for her. I settled with the idea that my love for her meant more than it did. I guessed according to the courts, love means nothing if you are too young, have anger issues, and beat the shit out of people who deserve it.

Jacob. He was someone I didn't like thinking of. I did remember what he said about my sister, and I would never forget it. Did I regret beating the shit out of him? It was hard to say. I didn't regret defending my sister and Bella, but I did regret that that decision caused me to lose something so important to me.

It made me think about how much easier my life would have been if it wasn't for my parents. Apparently my father had IED. Bowman told me that. Well wasn't that just convenient? I didn't know it was true, what killed me the most was that it made sense if he was. I couldn't say that it didn't because I knew IED more than most. And of course he had to be the star IED patient. He took pills, went to therapy, and hadn't had an episode since he fucking stabbed me. What a great story, huh? _No._ They guy was a fucking slime-ball and I couldn't even think about him getting to put her to bed at night.

So helped me God if one of them put a hand on her…

I was naturally not a violent person. _I know, crazy right?_ I wasn't some sociopath who loved to see other people suffer. I would only act with violence when I felt it necessary. But if one of them hurt that little girl; violence wasn't a good enough word to describe my actions toward the both of them. I would kill them. That was all.

"Mr. Cullen, do you have a ride home?" The officer asked in annoyance. I jumped out of my thoughts and looked at him across the desk. I cleared my throat before I spoke.

"My truck's outside."

He nodded. "Okay, well then you are free to go. Your probation officer is waiting for you at his office."

"Okay." It wasn't like I was really free. As soon as I got out of there, I had to see my probation officer, and he would start me right away on my 800 hours of community service I had to complete before I was off the hook. My probation officer would place me somewhere, and I would have to work there for free for who knows how long. It wasn't that bad though. I needed something to do so I could keep my mind off of things.

He handed me the papers and I got up from my seat to leave.

"Hope we don't see you again, Mr. Cullen." The man said.

I just nodded my head in acknowledgment. Was that supposed to be funny? After I got out of the hospital, I was practically an angel. I listened to everything they told me to do and I didn't complain or anything. I was getting what I deserved.

When I opened the doors, I took a deep breath. Air. Some people took it for granted. Whenever I was offered the opportunity to go outside, I told them I wasn't feeling well and I didn't want to. I didn't see the point of going outside, breathing in the air, but still being trapped. It wouldn't be good for me. But now that I was outside, I could feel the air inflate my lungs and I found a new appreciation for air.

I went to the spot where Bella said she parked my truck. I saw it exactly where she said and I sighed when I saw it. Finally I would have control over something. As soon as I got in, I reached for the glove compartment and got my phone. Bella said she would put it there.

Bella was an angel.

I unlocked it and opened up a new message. My inbox, outbox, and call log were completely cleared. Bella, the angel, remember?

**I just got out. Have a good day. – E**

She was at work. I practically begged her not to take the day off. She didn't need to be missing more work because of me. It would have been nice to walk out, see her beautiful face, and get to hold her, but I wouldn't get to hold her for long because of my meeting with my probation officer, and I was sure he would put me to work as soon as possible. I didn't really mind. It would be good to start as soon as possible so this whole thing could end quickly.

I started up the truck and my phone buzzed. I read her message.

**I can't wait to see you, baby. I love you. –B**

My heart skipped when I saw her words. Normally I would have smiled but smiling kind of flew off my radar. I was smiling in my heart. I loved her so much and I texted her back telling her just that. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the address on the piece of paper I was given. I was stunned at how much everything didn't seem right. Everything wasn't the same.

I guessed I had to get used to it.

* * *

"Cullen! Come on, it's almost lunch time!" Alan said.

I guessed he was my new best friend. At least that was what he said. He was incredibly happy almost all of the time though. I only knew him for about four hours, but I would know him for about 796 more.

I met my probation officer that day. I met with him, his name was Bradshaw Collins, but I could call him Brad. The guy wasn't even thirty years old, so I thought he was trying to have some kind of friendship with me. I barely spoke to him though. I didn't feel like talking. All I felt like doing was getting whatever this guy wanted me to do, done, and then I wanted to go see my girlfriend.

Thankfully or unfortunately, he got me working right away. He placed me in a homeless shelter down town. I was responsible for maintenance, which meant I was basically a janitor again. I had already lost my janitor job at the hospital, so now I had to do the same thing, but not get paid for it. I didn't complain. I deserved it. I was able to keep my newspaper job, but now I had to also be at the homeless shelter every weekday from 8-1:00. Five hours a day. Not bad, but I just wondered how I would find time to sleep. Not that I had slept more than two hours at a time since…well since everything went wrong.

I put my rag and the glass cleaner back in the cabinet. I washed my hands quickly and followed Alan into the eating area. Everything was really small, and Alan told me they could only let in two-hundred people in at lunch time. No more than that. There was a long line outside of the shelter and I didn't even realize how many homeless people were around this area.

Alan brought me to the door and ran his hands through his long hair. It was black and it was down to his shoulders. He started to pull it up into a ponytail, and he tied it up that way. "Alright Cullen. This is the most difficult part. I am going to open the door, and you just need to guide these people to the line, and make sure they don't go anywhere else." I had a question, but didn't feel like asking it. Alan must have noticed what I was going to ask. "They try and get to the sleeping areas and stay there until the night time when we let people come in and sleep. We can't have that.

I nodded. "Okay." I said.

"Alright, and then after everyone is in, I will take over for you, and you just have to clean any mess. Clear tables, sweep stuff up, there will be a lot of children, so there may be spills."

I nodded. It shouldn't be too hard right?

"Alright, well here goes nothing." He said and he turned to the door. As soon as he did, he had to block the doorway. "Alright! Everyone! Ten at a time!" He yelled over their voices.

I looked over to the front of the line and saw a woman with a baby clutched to her chest. We made eye-contact, and I was struck by the scared look on her face. Well maybe it wasn't scared. It was more like aged. The girl couldn't have been any older than Bella. If I had to guess, I would say she was seventeen or eighteen. Maybe it was just because she was so thin and frail. Who knew.

Alan let everyone in, and I had to make sure they didn't leave. I wasn't the only one, there were more experienced people around, and they helped me. I caught a couple of them trying to slip away, but with just a look, they knew they were caught, and then they would get back to the cafeteria. Once everyone was in, Alan came by and gave me a pat on the shoulder.

"Good job, man. I'll take over from here." He said.

I nodded and headed to the back of the cafeteria. I would just wait until they all left unless something big had to be cleaned. I looked around and listened. For a place filled with over two-hundred people, it was pretty quiet. Everyone stayed to themselves and ate their food quickly with a shield around it that they created with their arms. I gained a new appreciation for food in that place. Food was so easily accessible for me, but it was a treasure to them.

I was pulled out of my musings by a poke on my shoulder. I looked to my right side and saw the same girl I saw at the front of the line.

"Umm…" She cleared her throat. "You work here, right?" I nodded my head. There was no lying about it. "Would you…uh…would you mind holding my baby for a second so I can use the bathroom?" She asked.

I stiffened. I didn't know…could I hold that baby? What would it do to me? I was hesitant. "I don't know…"

"Please, she's not a bad baby." She looked down at her daughter with a smile and a sparkle in her eyes. "She's an angel really." I still didn't make any motion to take the child and I didn't know if I wanted to. The girl's face fell and she bit her lip. "Please. I just don't really trust her with some of these people."

How could I say no after that? It wouldn't hurt to just hold the baby. She was just going to the bathroom. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she gave the baby to anyone else, and something happened to it.

"Okay." I said.

She let out a sigh of relief and put a hand on my arm. She looked me in the eye sincerely. "Thank you." She shifted the baby and placed a kiss on the baby's head. "Here my sweet angel, you are just going to see…uh…" She looked up at me. "What's your name if you don't mind me asking?"

"Ed…" I cleared my throat as it was all scratchy. "Edward."

"Nice to meet you Edward, I'm Leah."

I nodded in acknowledgement, and thankfully she took that. She lifted the baby and handed her to me. I held the baby in one of my arms, and her head was cradled between the crook of my elbow. I didn't look down at her. Not yet.

"This is Claire. Claire, baby, this is Edward. Mommy will be right back."

With a final thank you to me, she walked quickly to the bathroom. So I stood there with that child in my arms. I could feel the heat of her tiny body against me, and I could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed softly. I didn't even have to look down to know that she was sleeping. I looked up at the ceiling to try and hold myself together, but it didn't work. My mind turned on me, and all of these thoughts came running into my head.

_How can you sit here and hold a child when you couldn't even protect your own favorite child? You're sitting here holding this child, but who is holding Alice right now? Who is comforting her? Protecting her? _

Then Claire started to fuss, and I had to look down . Instantly, memories started hitting me.

"_Here's your new baby sister, Edward. Isn't she beautiful?" _

"_Edward, you have to hold her head." _

"_I'll never let you go, Alice. I will protect from them forever…I promise." _

I couldn't take it. I felt my arms tense, and I didn't want to hold this baby too hard and make her cry. I looked around. I found Alan standing a couple feet away from me speaking jovially with some of the people. My feet advanced and I walked over to him with the baby still fussing in my arms. He turned when he saw me, and looked at me with concern on his face.

"Are you alright man? You're as pale as a ghost."

"Take her please." I asked him, and he didn't hesitate.

Maybe we could be good friends, who knew. He took the baby from my arms, and I felt no relief. I ran out of the room and into the employees' bathroom. I closed and locked the door behind me, and then I fell right in front of the bowl in enough time to let everything that I ate during the day leave my body and fall into the bowl. I gripped the sides of the toilet seat and my fingers hurt from the force of it all. I was throwing up so much and so hard that my back began to ache and the tears fell out of my eyes.

I coughed to get as much of it as I could out, and then I rested my head on my arm as I tried to catch my breath. I clenched my fists as the usual pain shocked me. It traveled up my spine and remained in my chest. My body curled itself around the toilet bowl with the force of it. I coughed and tried to breath. I still wasn't used to this. I didn't know what was happening to me, but it was my body rebelling against me. The pain I felt emotionally got transferred into physical pain. It usually happened when I let myself think of her.

I hated myself for it. I always used to think of her when I needed comfort or I needed to think straight, so what changed now? Yes she was living with _them_ but what did she do to deserve this kind of reaction out of me when I thought about her? Well rather, thought of her absence. I hadn't spoken to or seen her in about a month. I never went a couple hours without seeing or speaking to her for her whole life. It was slowly killing me. I needed her but I couldn't have her.

I didn't know how I could live like this. Would it get better? If it did, did that mean I stopped caring?

_No. _

Absolutely not.

I flushed the toilet and got up from the ground on shaky legs. I reached for the sink to hold myself up. I would need a shot of insulin. This really was killing me. I looked up at myself in the mirror. The first time I had seen myself in about a month. Did this even count? I didn't look like myself. I looked terrible. I looked lifeless.

Oh, but don't let looks deceive you. There was life in me.

Life that was being drained from me slowly.

* * *

I pulled up in front of the apartment building.

I didn't really know if I wanted to go inside. It was already a quarter past two in the afternoon. After I left the shelter, I just drove around mindlessly, because I didn't really want to go there alone. I actually didn't want to go there without Bella. She got out at three, so she would be here in about an hour. I looked and saw Bev sitting out on the porch. I called her and asked her if she would meet me outside. She agreed to without hesitation, but she was leaving soon because she had a doctor's appointment at three. It's okay, just a little bit of time with someone I care about is enough.

I turned the truck off and got out of it. I walked up to the porch, and I saw the sad smile on Bev's face. I walked slowly up the steps and stood in front of her with my hands in my pockets. She smiled and held her hand out to me.

"Come sit with me, boy." She said.

I nodded and took her hand. She knew I wouldn't want this big emotional reunion. I just wanted everything to get a little bit normal. However I didn't see that as being possible. I sat beside her and held her hand in mine with a sigh. I could feel her eyes on me, but I stared at the ground.

"You look tired, honey." She said softly.

I nodded and cleared my throat. "I am."

She didn't go any further than that. She knew even if she told me to go to sleep, I wouldn't. I couldn't. Even though I wished I could so I could just escape everything, it wouldn't work. I was unable to fall asleep until my body physically couldn't take it. I looked out at the front yard and looked right back at the ground. She played on the yard a lot. What was she doing now? Was she at least a little bit happy? I wished I could just find out.

"When did they let you out?" She asked.

"Seven this morning."

"And you are just coming home now?" She asked curiously. She wasn't pushing me. She was just concerned.

I nodded. "Community service."

She scoffed. "Jesus, would it hurt for them to just let you breathe?"

I shrugged. "It has to get done."

"I know, sweets, but you are only one man. You shouldn't have to get out of jail and then straight to community service. It's not fair."

I shrugged. "Nothing's fair."

She sighed, and we didn't speak anymore. She knew what I meant and we didn't need to talk about that. I wasn't mad at her or anything and I think she knew that. So we just sat on the porch and she held onto my hand to let me know that she was there. I knew she was. I never doubted that. I hoped that _she _knew that even though I failed her, I was still there if she needed me. _Why can't I call her? Oh right. They won't let me. _

After about a half an hour of Bev and I sitting there together, she got up from her seat and squeezed my hand. I squeezed it back.

"Thank you." I said.

I looked up at her, and she had that sad smile back on her face. "No need to thank me, honey. If you ever need anything, you know you can call me. I may be old, but this old fart can move."

I smiled slightly. How couldn't I? "You're not that old."

She smiled full on now. It was good to see. "Oh but I am, but thanks for giving my ego a boost."

"Anytime."

She chuckled and kissed me on the forehead. "I love you, boy. Everything will work out, okay?"

I nodded and she let go of my hand. "I love you too. Thank you."

She smiled and ruffled my hair before turning to leave. I still had about a half an hour before Bella came. To say I was anxious would be an understatement. I missed her so terribly. I couldn't wait to hold her and to feel her near. Something told me she would make me feel a little bit better. At least I hoped that was true.

It seemed I was wrong. I didn't have to wait thirty minutes at all, because not even a minute after Bev left, Bella's car pulled up to the front of the apartment building. I could feel my heart beat hard and healthy against my chest. Yes, I knew seeing her would make me feel better. I got up from the seat and stood at the top of the steps waiting for her impatiently. I had to contain myself from running down to her and getting that comfort I needed from her.

She got out of her car and started walking quickly toward me. She was just as anxious to see me. She looked beautiful. The most beautiful thing I laid eyes on since I walked out of that place I had been held for so long. I always longed to see her beautiful face while in jail, but seeing her there didn't do her justice. Seeing her running toward me with the fresh air blowing in her hair made me want to hold her even more. I needed her. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be able to cope.

She jogged up the steps and stopped in front of me. I could see the tears in her eyes. She was always so emotional. She grabbed onto my hands and I squeezed them while we looked into each other's eyes. She smiled widely, and a foreign smile made its way to my face.

"Hi." I said.

She chuckled and let go of my hands so she could wrap her arms around my neck and hold me tightly.

"Hi, baby." She said and I could hear the tears in her voice.

I finally did what I wanted to do for the longest time. I wrapped my arms around her and finally got to hold her. Feeling her close and breathing in her scent did help me immensely. The pain in my chest lessened and I felt like I could really breathe again.

"God, I missed you so much." She breathed and kissed the side of my head before tightening her grip around me again.

"I missed you too." I mumbled against her neck, which I kissed.

She ran her hands through my hair and pulled away. She put her hands on each side of my face and looked me over. I wiped away the tears from her cheeks. I didn't want to see those.

"Are you feeling okay, baby? You look a little pale." She said.

"I need to take some insulin."

Her face fell and worry overtook her. "Why? What happened?"

I cleared my throat and held onto her a little tighter. "It's kind of hard to keep things down."

She sighed, knowing exactly what I mean. "Alright. It's okay. Let's just go inside, get you some insulin, and then eat later on for dinner."

I didn't know if I was ready, so when she went to walk inside, I held onto her tighter. She looked sympathetic and patient. "I thought you got out at three?"

She sighed. "I know, but I didn't take my break today, so I got my stuff done then and asked to leave early."

I pushed a piece of hair that flew in her face out of the way. "You didn't have to do that."

"Shut up. I did. I needed to see you."

I gave her a half smile. I couldn't explain how much it meant to me that she wasn't walking around eggshells around me. She treated me like she usually did; with love, care, and teasing of course. She started to head inside, but I didn't want to do that right then. So I pulled her back again, and she looked worried for a second, but I put my hands on both sides of her face and leaned down to kiss her. She instantly relaxed and her soft lips moved with mine. She sighed against my lips and I was surprised I felt contentment. Something I hadn't felt in a while.

We both jumped when someone driving by beeped their horns at us. We pulled away slowly and I rested my head on her forehead. She was blushing and looked like she wanted to move out of there.

"I don't know if I can go inside." I said finally.

She sighed and put her hand on my cheek lovingly. "You can. Trust me."

I sighed and nodded my head. I could do this. It shouldn't be so bad, right? Yes. I could do this. I had to do this. Where would I live?

Bella grabbed onto my hand and let me into the apartment. As I walked up the steps, I remembered the time she fell down them when she was three years old. I just about had a heart attack but she was fine. As I turned the corner and I looked at the front of my door, I remembered the time she ran straight into the door because she wasn't looking where she was going. We both had a good laugh with that one.

Bella opened the door and many memories hit me. Right by the door was where I taught her to tie her shoes. As I walked inside, Bella brought me to the living room. On that floor, was the floor that she took her first steps on. The right wall was the wall that she decided to be a mini-Picasso on when she was two. So many memories hit me like a truck, but they didn't hurt like I expected them to. No, the memories actually felt good, but what did hurt was seeing there was no trace of her living there anymore.

All of her coloring pages and drawings were gone from the walls. Her pictures were taken down and replaced with some kind of scenery pictures. I wasn't mad about it necessarily. I asked Bella to take them down for now. I just didn't know if I could take seeing her without getting to hold her or talk to her. That would be too much for me. Plus I didn't need pictures. I knew what she looked like. But what if she changed and I missed it…

"Baby?" Bella said with a hand on my arm. "Are you alright?"

I looked over to her and nodded. "Yeah, I'm good."

She put her hand back on my cheek and sighed. "You look exhausted. You should try to take a nap."

I nodded. I didn't think it would work, but she really looked concerned about me, and I didn't want to worry her more by saying no. I could try for her.

"Come with me?" I asked.

I wouldn't want to just lay there without her. It had been far too long since I held her while trying to fall asleep…maybe that was why I couldn't sleep…although I knew it was more than that.

"Of course. What else would I do? Sit on the couch and stare at the wall?" She asked lightheartedly, and I appreciated her attempt to make me laugh.

I smiled as best as I could. "Wouldn't put it past you, crazy."

She laughed and pulled on my hand to lead me to my room. My bed never looked so amazing. I had been sleeping on a piece of cardboard basically for so long now, I forgotten what sleeping on a comfortable bed felt like. She kicked off her shoes and so did I. I didn't even bother taking my jeans or anything off before I face-planted onto my bed. I sighed in contentment and hoped my mind would shut off long enough to let me sleep for a while.

Bella pushed me and I quirked an eyebrow at her. "Get your ass off of the blankets. It's cold in this room."

I groaned and got up from the bed. Bella pulled the covers back and we both got under them. She laid on her back and I curled up on her side with my arm around her and my head on her chest. She wrapped her arm around me as well and kissed the top of my head.

"I don't know if I will fall asleep." I said.

She ran her hand through my hair. "Just try. If not, at least you got some kind of rest."

"Are you going to go to sleep?"

"Baby, it has been over a month since I was able to have you this close to me. I am so content right now, I wouldn't put it past me to fall asleep."

I smiled a half smile and held onto her tighter. "I love you."

"Love you too, babe. Now try to sleep, alright?"

I nodded and tried. I really did. I closed my eyes and listened to Bella's heartbeat and felt the rise and fall of her chest. She played with my hair for a little bit until she fell asleep herself. She wasn't snoring—she got her adenoids and tonsils out when she was eight—and I just listened to her breath. It was the best kind of distraction. My mind could so easily wander and it could get painful and irritating. After about thirty minutes, I couldn't just lay still anymore. I needed to do something to get my mind going and focusing on something else. I looked up at Bella and made sure she was in a deep sleep, and she definitely was, so I got up from the bed gently so I wouldn't wake her. I placed her hand that was around me on her stomach and she didn't move even a little bit. I brought the blankets up around her and kissed her head.

I stood up and stretched. I was in that house with just silence around me. I looked at Bella and tried to stop myself from waking her up just so she can distract me. That wouldn't be fair to her. I turned towards my door. I needed to find something to do.

Anything to get my mind off of all the shit going on in my life.

* * *

My ears and my head began to hurt, but it was better focusing on that then focusing on something else.

I had my iPod on, and my headphones in my ears on full blast. I put on the most rocked out song and rested my head on my arms on the table. My leg bounced as I waited for Bella to wake up. I took a shower and then got dressed into sweat pants, t-shirt, and one of my hoodies. Oh how I missed regular clothes. I cleaned the bathroom and scrubbed everything. Then I didn't know what to do. I could see the door to that room in front of me when I stepped out of the bathroom, and I had to control myself before I opened it. I didn't know what was in there anymore, but she wasn't, so it didn't matter.

So that's how I ended up sitting at the kitchen table with my head down listening to music. It was already almost five. I guessed Bella was really tired. I really wanted to talk to her and just see what she had been doing this whole month. I felt like everything had been about me lately, and I hated it. What was done, was done, and everything else was my problem, and I would deal with it. I didn't need people treating me like a ticking time bomb or some shit. I had done shit on my own for pretty much my whole life, so I thought I could continue on.

"Oh shit!" I said when I felt a hand on my back and nearly fell out of the chair from the scare I got. I turned around and looked at a still tired looking Bella with her hair all over the place and the right side of her face all red. I pulled the headphones out of my ears and sighed. "Fuck…you scared me."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't really think of a good way to get your attention since the music was so loud."

I shook my head and wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her onto my lap. "It's alright."

"Did you get to sleep?"

I rested my chin on her shoulder and shook my head. "No."

She rubbed her eyes and sighed. "Well are you hungry?"

"Not really." I didn't want to tell her that pretty much everything I ate ended up finding a way out before it made any positive effect on my body. I had had to take many glucose pills and insulin while in jail. I didn't want to tell Bella just to worry her. She already worried too much.

"I'm going to order food anyway. You need to eat." She got off of my lap and went to the drawer where I had all of the take-out menus. I noticed the sticker that said 'Take-out things' on it written in a little angel's handwriting was no longer there. I just brushed it off. The sticker was gone and so was she, but she was healthy and…well I hoped she was happy. I didn't see how when she was with them…

"I just said I wasn't hungry, Bella." I snapped at her. She stopped rummaging through the drawer at my tone and turned to me slowly.

"Well I am and you need to eat at some point, baby." She said concernedly.

"Whatever." I said and rested my head back on the table. I heard her whisper an okay and I heard more rummaging. My head was pounding and I tried not to think of _her _in that house with _them_. I lived in a house with them. Most of my time was spent in my room trying to find something to do to entertain myself. All by myself…no one to play with or someone to listen to what I wanted to say…

"Bowman called earlier." Bella said as she dialed in the number into her phone. "He said…"

"I don't care."

She stopped dialing and looked up at me. "Edward, you need to know when your next hearing is."

"I. Don't. Care."

She put the phone down on the counter. "Edward, what is wrong? I'm just telling you because he asked me to tell you…"

"Fuck, Bella! I don't want to talk about that shit or that fucker that thinks he is all innocent and shit when he is just a complete asshole."

Jacob…_fucking prick._ He sued me. Big surprise. That's how I got the month in jail and 800 fucking hours of painful community service. Every court date I had—two so far—the imbecile cried each time saying he didn't do anything and that I was being a bully. What were we, three years old? Apparently he had a bad childhood—join the fucking club—yet he was rolling in cash. I guessed money can get you anything…including paying off a judge to disregard anything me or Bowman said about Jacob threatening my little sister.

I gave up on trying to reason with the government. Seriously. It really didn't matter what they did to me after they already took Alice away, so I just let them chew me up, spit me out, and then stomp all over me. I didn't fucking care at that point and I didn't care about my next hearing which would be to find out if I was doing what my probation officer was telling me what to do and blah-blah-fucking-blah. I was sick of it.

Bella crossed her arms and walked over to me. She had that worried look on her face and she reached for my hand but I moved out of the way. She pulled her hand back like she had been burned.

"Okay, so this is how it is going to be?"

I rubbed my hands over my face. "What are you talking about?"

"You're going to push me away now?"

I couldn't stand looking at her hurt face, so I looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about Bella. I just need some space right now, alright?"

"Okay…" I heard her feet shuffle. "I guess I will go then."

"No!" I said loudly and looked over to her. She stopped in her tracks and looked back at me. She looked so hurt and lost and that was my fault. Every fucking thing was my fault and no matter what I did, I couldn't fucking fix anything. "I'll go." I got up from the seat and zipped up my hoodie.

"No don't be ridiculous. This is your house, Edward."

"I need some air. It would be nice to have some when I went a fucking month without any." I walked past her and went to get my shoes from next to the front door. _Hers used to be right next to mine, but were so small…_

Bella walked up behind me and grabbed my arm, but I pulled away. She grabbed onto my arm again. "Look at me, damn it!" She said exasperatingly.

I turned to look at her and saw the tears forming in her eyes. I couldn't…I just couldn't stand this shit. Everyone I loved either got taken from me or I ended up hurting them. I needed to think about things. I needed to figure out what they hell I was doing wrong.

"What?" I asked.

"I get you're upset. It's understandable, but please…" She stopped to clear her throat as her breath got caught on the last word. "Please don't push me away. I'm trying Edward, I really am. I just don't know what to do for you. Please just let me help you. Tell me what you need."

I looked away when a tear fell from her eye and she let go of my arm. "I need some time to think."

I noticed how stupid I must have sounded since I had a whole fucking month to think and be on my own, but I never expected my mood to go down so much. I thought Bella being around would help and I would be perfectly fine. At least I thought I would be able to function normally. That wasn't the case. Not that Bella didn't make it better…she did. It was just a lot to take it. It took a lot out of me walking into that house and her not being there to greet me when I walked in or stand behind a door to scare the shit out of me. Everything was so different and I didn't know how to get used to it.

"Okay. Well please just be careful."

I nodded. "I will." I started to walk out, but then I realized I was about to break another one of my promises and maybe even hurting her again. I turned to look at her. "I love you."

I didn't want her to think I was pushing her away…maybe I was. Fuck. I didn't know. That's why I needed to just think. I needed to think and stop trying to push every thought away just because it hurt. I needed to man-up and just take it so I didn't hurt Bella or Bev or anyone for that matter.

She wiped away her tears. "I love you too, baby."

I hoped she knew how much that meant to me.

* * *

I got back home around ten.

I went for a ride for about an hour, and then just sat in my car in the parking lot of a super market for a while, and then took a walk. I thought a lot about everything, but found myself going nowhere. I stopped and got some food to eat in the super market. Just a salad. I didn't want anything that would make me throw up faster.

When I got home, the house was silent and dark. She must have gone home. I couldn't blame her. She had work the next day and probably class. I wasn't going to try and act like I didn't care she wasn't there. I did. I wanted her with me. She made me feel better, and I feared she didn't think she did. I fucked up. Again.

My time to think didn't help. I felt like I was running around in circles in my head.

I kicked my shoes off and headed to my room. Might as well just get ready to go to sleep. I had work at three in the morning. _Let's see if I can fall asleep_. Maybe I could text Bella and see if she was still awake.

I opened the door to my room and flipped the light on. Then something made my heart jump in my throat.

An envelope.

I walked slowly to the bed and as I approached, the one small word on the front of the envelope made me stop in my tracks. I brought my hand to my mouth to hold in my emotions.

_Ecy_

It was in her handwriting. I would know it anywhere. It was really narrow and she always wrote so her words slant down to the right. Even if I gave her a paper with lines, she would drift off of them. Her mind always wandered and she would lose her concentration. I thought her handwriting was perfect though.

After collecting myself, I walked toward the envelope. I picked it up with shaky hands. I took a deep breath and sat down at the edge of the bed and stared at it. Was I ready to look at what was inside?

Yes. I needed to stop running away from everything and just deal with it. Maybe that's my problem. I didn't know.

I opened the envelope carefully so I didn't rip it too much. I took out the single piece of white-lined paper and unfolded it. I smiled and swallowed down a lump in my throat when I looked down at the handwriting making a nice slant to the right. I knew her. I knew her better than they did. I tried to hold it together as I read the words.

_Dear Ecy, _

_Don't be sad. Bella says you are sad and I don't want you to be. Bev says I have to go with our mommy and daddy. I don't want to but Mrs. Marshall says I have to and have no choice._

I looked away from the paper and wiped the tears from my eyes. I never cried but it was too much. I always told her she would always have a choice. Another lie. As much as I wanted to pain to go away, I still craved some sort of contact with her so I looked back at the page.

_We can still fight. I have to go now. Bella says she will give you my letter and I believe her because I love Bella. _

_I miss you a lot Ecy. I'm being good and not crying. You hate it when I cry so I won't. I will fight some more so I can give you a hug and kiss. I miss your hugs. I love you and you are my favoritest person in the whole wide world. _

_See you soon, _

_Alice M. Cullen_

I put the letter to the side of me on the bed and wiped away my tears. I hated crying. It made me feel weak, but sometimes I couldn't control it. I dug into my pocket and took out my phone. I pulled up a new message to Bella and typed it the best I could with my shaking hands.

_**Please come back. –E**_

I ran out of the room and into the bathroom. I dropped in front of the toilet and let my salad make a reappearance. I didn't know what was wrong with me. It's like my body knew she was gone too and couldn't take it. I couldn't fucking take it.

My phone buzzed in my hand and I looked down at it.

_**Already on my way. 2 minutes. –B**_

I didn't know how she knew I needed her. Maybe Bev heard me come in and called her. I didn't know, nor care. As long as she was coming. I needed her.

I cleaned myself and the bathroom up as fast as I could so Bella didn't worry even more. Once finished, I headed back to my room so I could read the letter again. I knew I shouldn't have, or maybe I should have…_who the fuck knows!_ I wanted to, so I read it again.

I felt the sweat go through my t-shirt, so I took my hoodie and my t-shirt off. I felt weak. I needed insulin maybe…or maybe my body just couldn't take it anymore. I laid on my side on the bed and clutched the letter to my chest. I thought maybe holding it there would help me or something. I had no idea. I just wanted everything to go back to normal. Why did things have to fuck up?

I heard the front door open and I was glad she was there. I didn't bother getting up because I didn't think my legs would carry me. I heard her quick steps walking or running towards me room. I heard her walk into the room and she climbed onto the bed. She laid out behind me and wrapped her arm around me from behind. Her hands were cold on my bare skin, but it didn't matter. She was there. She kissed the side of my head.

"When did you get this?" I asked her right away.

"We had to bring her stuff to her and see her. She was really worried we didn't pack her toothbrush. You know the…"

"Mechanical one." I interjected. "She loved that thing."

She nodded and ran her hand along my arm. "Right. Well we only had about ten minutes with her, and Bev made sure they would give her enough time to write you a letter since you didn't get to see her before…" I stiffened and she held onto me tighter. "Anyway. It took her about fifteen minutes to write it because she needed help on the spelling but she insisted that she be the one to write it."

"Was she okay?"

She took a second to answer. She linked her fingers with mine and held me close. I wished I could see her face. "She was confused. And sad of course."

Bella wiped away a tear that fell over my nose and I tried to control myself. If she was being brave, then so could I. "Did she cry? Please just be honest."

"She did. Right when we were about to leave. She just kept telling us to tell you she loved you and missed you."

I closed my eyes shut tight to try and control myself, but a sob broke out of my chest. "I miss her, Bella."

She kissed the side of my head and held onto me. "I know you do, baby. I can't imagine what you are feeling right now, and I won't try to act like I do. I miss her too of course, but I know that she was your everything. But please know that you raised an amazing, resilient, and smart little girl. She doesn't blame you. She knows you won't give up on her, and she is taking things as they come."

"I just want her to be happy and I don't know how she can be when she is with _them. _Of all people, why them?" She kissed my shoulder. I didn't expect her to answer. "Bella…why did they take her from me? I love her more than anyone…why would they do that to me? What the hell did I ever do? I know I'm not perfect but fuck…"

She let go of me instantly and pulled me over to look at her. She pulled me to her chest and held me tighter than before. I wrapped my arms around her as well and breathed in her scent. I got tears on her shirt, but I didn't think she would mind.

"I ask myself the same question every day, love. No one's perfect, you aren't perfect, but you don't deserve any of this, okay? None of it." She said fiercely and I could hear the tears in her voice.

"Shh…please don't cry." I said and rubbed her back.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I just don't know how to help you."

I pulled away so I could look at her. I didn't know what I would do to get through this, but I wouldn't drag Bella down with me if I fell. She needed to know that she was an angel. "You already have." I said. "I can't tell you how much it means to me that you waited for me when I was in jail, and I _cannot _thank you enough for being there with her when I couldn't."

"I wouldn't have done any different. I love the both of you. Of course I will be there for you both." I wiped away her tears and she wiped away mine. I didn't feel so weak crying in front of Bella. I still wished I could have stopped though.

"I know, and I love you too, just please…please remember that."

"I know you love me, baby. I never doubted you."

"I know, but I can't promise I will be the best person to be around in the future. I'm sorry I flipped on you before. I don't even know where that came from."

She shook her head. "Don't apologize."

"No. I am going to apologize. You don't deserve to be yelled at and shit. I just need you to be patient with me, okay? If I push you away, know that I don't really mean it because I will always need you. Especially now."

She ran her hands through my hair and kissed my forehead. "You have me."

I pulled her to my chest and kissed the top of her head. "I just don't know how to function in a world without her. I don't know what it's like to walk into the house and not have her run to me and either hug me or attack me. I don't know what it's like to go to bed without knowing she is in a room down the hall…safe. I don't know what it's like to not see her or hug her…I guess I have to get used to it, but I don't want to. I don't want to know what it's like without her when I fought so hard for her all my life."

"I'll help you as much as I can."

Things started making sense to me. I needed to figure out how to deal with this. Alice didn't love me less or stop trusting me. She knew I would never give up on her because that is how I raised her. She was strong. She would stand up for herself unlike me when I was her age in their hands. She has something I didn't have. She knew what it was like to feel loved, and she knew that she deserved that love and wouldn't settle for anything less. She would be okay for now.

She was waiting for me.

"I won't stop fighting for her either. Never."

* * *

_My knees went weak and you saw me cry.  
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes.  
I may not have the softest touch,  
I may not say the words as such,  
And though I may not look like much;  
I'm yours.  
And though my edges may be rough,  
I never feel I'm quite enough.  
It may not seem like very much;  
But I'm yours._

_**I'm Yours, by The Script**_

* * *

**I hope you all liked this chapter and getting into Edward's head! So sorry I didn't get to reply to all the reviews, but this week was busier than I thought it was going to be and I figured you all would want a Friday chapter instead of a review reply so that's what I did. **

**Thank you Alexa for pre-reading for me of course and helping me sort out my thoughts and what not. I think it's funny that we related everything to the Bed Intruder song and have no shame about it. LOL **

**Next update will be soon! I have more time to write during the weekend so we will see what happens!**

**Review please!**


	37. Chapter 36: Lift You Up

**Chapter 36: Lift You Up**

**BPOV**

"You really haven't told them yet, Bella?"

"No. I haven't. They don't need to know. Please just leave me alone." I said as I tried to avoid her altogether.

Both, her and Tanya had been so annoying and I couldn't take it. They thought it would be nice to tell whoever had a pulse what happened with Edward. So now pretty much the whole town knew that he went to jail and I was the desperate and delusional girlfriend that stayed with a violent criminal.

People were stupid.

I had learned to completely ignore them. Yes it made me feel isolated at times, but there were still people who either didn't know about it or had the decency to not make it known so I associated with those people. I already had to switch my study group because about half of them were pissed off because Jacob was their 'friend.' _What the fuck ever_. He put a restraining order out on Edward. I didn't know if that was meant to hurt Edward's feelings, but he just shrugged when he found out and said 'whatever.' I didn't think he would get next to him again anyway.

I saw Jacob around every now and then—we did go to the same school after all—and thankfully he didn't do anything funny. I would catch him staring at me every now and then, but I wasn't on campus long enough for him to get me alone or anything. I could only imagine the rumors he was starting as well. I didn't care. It was none of their business, so their thoughts weren't mine either.

I still had Amanda. She was compassionate and kind and completely nonjudgmental. She apologized profusely when I left the study group because of everyone else, and she even asked how Edward was doing and told me to tell him she was thinking of him. Now that is a friend. Angela and Tanya were a different story.

They were furious with Edward. I didn't really understand how they could completely disregard what I told them when I explained what Jacob had said, but when they told me I would be stupid and immature to stay with Edward, I was done. Even after they knew how sweet and amazing Edward was, they still wouldn't stick with me. What they didn't realize was that Edward didn't hurt me. He was _protecting _me…how exactly was that bad? Because he hit precious Jacob?

Again, people were stupid.

I didn't speak to Angela and Tanya much anymore. I didn't make an effort to speak to them, and I didn't really care. If they were going to be unsupportive, I didn't want to deal with them. After all the shit that happened, I realized what really mattered in life, and that was surrounding yourself with people who loved you for you are and would support any decision you make. I found that in Edward and Bev, so I didn't really need to worry about keeping Angela and Tanya's friendship. It sucked that our good friendship had to go to shit, but again…I didn't care. I felt I had said that a lot, but it was true. I cared about my job, I cared about my school work, I cared about my real friends and family, I cared about Bev, I cared about Alice, and I cared about Edward. That was enough. Everything else was just an annoyance really.

Angela grabbed onto my arm and I was forced to look at her. "Angela! Can you please just leave me alone?"

She huffed and crossed her arms. "I love your parents, Bella. I think it's messed up that you are keeping something like this from them."

"It's none of your business." I said and turned to walk away again.

It was Saturday, almost two weeks since Edward was released from prison, and I wanted to go spend the day with him. I felt like I hadn't even spent that much time with him, but that was something to think about another time.

My Edward wasn't doing well.

She walked to catch up with me. This campus never felt bigger as I tried to make my way to my car and escape her wrath.

"It is my business! What has happened to you Bella? You are keeping stuff from your parents…this isn't like you. He's changed you for the worst and you don't even know it!" She said.

That got to me. I spun on my heel and faced her with a furious expression on my face. She stepped back.

"This really isn't any of your business, but you have no idea how hard these past couple weeks have been for Edward. I will tell my parents, but not right now because he doesn't have to deal with their overbearing tendencies. Now drop it. Yes I am keeping it from them, but it is for the good of someone I care about, and you have no idea who I am if you think he has changed me for the worse."

I turned away from her again hoping she would just leave me the fuck alone, but of course she didn't. She pulled on my arm again. I looked back at her impatiently. If she didn't want to be my friend, why was she doing this?

"Bella, please. I'm only looking out for you."

"Bull shit. You and your sister just thrive off of drama and you want to start some shit in my life for your entertainment and I'm sick of it. Last time I checked, they were _my_ parents and Edward was _my _boyfriend, and you are _not_ my favorite person right now, so please just leave me the hell alone." I ripped my arm from her grasp and walked away again.

This time I could see my car and she didn't follow after me. _Finally. _

As soon as I got to my car, I threw my bag into the back seat and took out my phone. I had no missed calls or anything which was good. It was already eleven in the morning, and I wondered what Edward was doing. It could be anything. The man couldn't seem to sit still these days.

_**Where are you? –B**_

I waited for him to answer before I drove off so I knew where the hell I was going. I would go wherever he was, but that could be anywhere.

If there was one thing that changed the most about Edward since Alice went away, it was his sudden inability to sit still. That's the only way I knew how to explain it. He was _constantly _doing something or looking for something to do. He says it helps him keep his mind off of things.

He had done countless amounts of things within the two weeks. He had a gym membership, and spent most of his time there. He wanted me to get a membership as well. He bought a new recipe book and he cooked from it almost every day even if it didn't get eaten. He didn't like to stay home. He had brought me out to the bar, a restaurant, a walk in the park, and the movies I didn't even know how many times. He was even in a good mood most of the time. _Most. _Not all.

Whenever I went to see him, he was either in a really good mood, or a really bad one. Sometimes it was both, but I had learned to deal with all of them. Sometimes I felt like I had the old Edward back, and other times I felt him slipping away from me. But despite his frequent mood swings, I was happy…sort of.

I loved that he has found a way to cope with his pain, I really did. The only thing that saddened me about it was that I knew everything he was doing was just to do something that would distract him. I would catch this look in his eye every now and then that would alarm me that he was thinking about her. I knew the look and it killed me to see that sadness in his eyes. It would sometimes happen out of nowhere, but sometimes something would provoke it. One time there was a little girl running through the park that resembled Alice. As soon as he saw her, he got that look in his eyes and instantly wanted to leave.

So it was like playing it by ear with him. Most of the time I just enjoyed it when he was happy. It killed me to know that most of the time he was just faking it for himself and for me, but even if it was fake happiness, it was still happiness, right?

My phone buzzed and I looked to see what he said.

_**I'm at the store. Meet me at my place in 30? –E**_

My place. These past couple of weeks, I kind of felt like it was _our_ place if I was being honest. I had spent every night at his house except for two because of school and what not. Most of the time I stayed because I didn't want to leave him alone. He pretended a lot during the day time, but at night…he was a completely different person. His attitude at night varies. Sometimes he was just really quiet and didn't have many emotions. Other times he was very emotional and all he wanted to do was hold me, and I held him as he sometimes cried or tried to hold it in the whole time. I couldn't just leave him like that. Sometimes I tried, just because at the time I thought it would be beneficial for him to be able to be alone and not be in so much agony, but it never worked. He would beg me to stay and tell me that he loves me too much for me to just leave him alone like that and of course I caved.

So there had only been two nights I had spent away from him since he has been released. Those were days when he did so much during the day. He would crash on the couch while we watched a movie. I would wake him to get him to bed, and when I asked him if he wanted me to stay, he would tell me to just go home and he will see me in the morning. Even then it killed me to leave, but he knew he could call me whenever he needed me. Plus we still met at the coffee shop every morning, and I liked to see him well rested and smiling before he went to do his community service.

Slowly, but surely, he had been growing to like going to community service. He came home with a lot of stories about the people he saw and met there. It was nice to hear he was making a friend. Alan was his name and Edward swore he was a saint of some kind. He said I could meet him some day and also his other friend; Leah. Apparently she had a four month old baby and she really formed a bond with Edward…Leah, not the baby. Not going to lie, at first I was kind of 'eh' about him being BFFs with the girl. Seems irrational, I know, but I am allowed to get jealous, right? I felt a little more comfortable about it when he told me she was seventeen years old. Then I just felt like the biggest asshole in the world. She was a seventeen year old mom with no place to go. That was heartbreaking, and I was glad that Edward was able to help her out the best he could.

I texted him back.

_**Okay, dude. See you soon. –B**_

I pulled out of my parking space to go to my house to get some clothes. I didn't even really had much at my house anymore because everything was at Edward's. Right when I was down the street from my place, my phone buzzed again. Once at a red light, I took it out.

_**I have something I want to show you! –E**_

I smiled down at the text; that exclamation point was a sign to me that he was in a good mood.

Hopefully it would last.

* * *

"You don't even know how much I wanted to slap that man silly when he told me that." Bev said irritatingly.

I was cracking up laughing sitting on her couch with my legs crossed and my shoes off. She sat on her chair and she was knitting hats for her daughter's new baby girl that was due in a couple months. We were actually talking about that while I waited for Edward to get back. He said thirty minutes, but it actually turned into an hour, so I was just talking with Bev. She was telling be about her daughter's husband, Roland.

"Was he serious?" I asked between laughs.

"He was dead serious! He wanted to name my first grandchild Oprah. Oprah Lynn Podobinski. It's bad enough that baby has to have his last name." She said with a disgusted look.

I just laughed at her. Bev was a very assertive and blunt. She spoke her mind, and I could see her saying these things right to the guy's face.

"Well I guess Oprah isn't so bad…"

She gave me a pointed glare. "Don't you dare say that."

I laughed. "Oh Bev, you crack me up."

"This isn't funny, Bella! This is serious business, but don't worry. I set that man straight."

"I'm sure you did." I watched her as she knitted the hat and was amazed at her speed and accuracy. "You should teach me how to do that one day." I said.

"You really want to learn? It's not that hard."

"Yeah sure, why not?"

"You know Edward will probably make fun of you for it. He makes fun of me all the time, but who makes those beanies for him? Me."

I chuckled. "Well Edward makes fun of me daily, so I think I can take it."

She rolled her eyes. "That boy is a handful, that's for sure." I nodded in agreement and took out my phone to see if he called or anything. "You know," Bev started and stopped for a second. I looked up at her and she was looking down at her work. "I started teaching Shortcake."

My shoulders slumped and I tried to ignore that nagging feeling in my chest when I thought about her. I missed her so much. The hardest part for all of us was having no way of knowing how she was doing. For some stupid reason that I didn't understand, Edward's parents didn't want her having contact with Edward. Bowman said their excuse was to make it easier for her to adjust. I thought it was complete and utter bullshit. She wouldn't even have to adjust if they didn't rip her away from a home she had for her whole life and from the one person who loved her most.

I _loathed _those people.

"Oh yeah? Did she ask you?" I asked, trying to make it as casual as possible. I didn't like not talking about her, but talking about her could get painful. It was confusing.

"Yes of course. She wanted to make a beanie for Edward. We started it but…" She paused and took a deep breath. "We'll finish it when she gets back."

"Definitely."

We were interrupted by someone coming through the front door. We didn't even have to look to know who it was. He jogged into the room and I was surprised at how sweaty he was. He wore a pair of jeans, his new pair of black Vans and a black t-shirt. It wasn't even that warm out, so that must have meant he was doing something that involved him moving a lot. I smiled at him though when I saw the smile on his face. He stopped at the entryway of the living room and tried to catch his breath.

"Boy, what have you been doing? Why are you perspiring in my house?" Bev asked and I laughed, still looking at him.

"Oh well excuse me, I will be sure to wash myself at the door next time." He said sarcastically. He walked over to me and gave me a peck on the lips and grabbed my hand to pull me off of the couch. He put his arm around me, but I pushed him away.

"Ew…babe, you're all sweaty and gross."

He groaned. "Damn, haven't any of you seen a man sweat?" He asked, clearly offended…not really. He was just yanking our chains.

"Yes, but I don't need you stinking up my house."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…whatever." He said and turned to me with a child-like smile on his face. "Do you want to see what I got?"

"Sure…what is it?"

"You'll see." He turned to Bev. "You want to come see, you grumpy old lady?"

She glared at him and put her things down on the arm of the chair. "I guess if I have to."

"No one's telling you to do anything." He said.

"Do you want me to go?" She asked.

"Not really."

"Well then I am going."

She said and I laughed at their banter. It was nice seeing slivers of the old Edward back. He tried really hard to move on I guess…he could never really move on though. He still fought for Alice every single day. He met with Bowman, he went to the library to do research, and he even had be teach him the amazingness that is Google, and he went on there to check his options. He tried to find a way to get to see her or get her back, every day.

He turned and led us out of the apartment and took the few steps it took to get to his place. He opened the door and I didn't even have to look twice to know what he bought.

_A bicycle._

"Isn't it nice?" He asked excitedly.

The bike looked pretty old really. It was green and silver, but it definitely had potential. I just wasn't really expecting to see that. Although he had been so unpredictable lately, I should have expected the unexpected.

"Yeah it is…where did you get it?" I walked over to it and ran my hand along the handles.

"This guy just out of town has a little shop. Alan told me about it." I looked up at him and smiled at the way his eyes lit up talking about it.

"This is really cool, baby."

"Yeah, and maybe you can get one too. I can look up some bike trails. That would be fun, right?" He asked. That hopeful expression on his face completely disarmed me.

"Yeah sure. I will just have to find one I guess."

"How much was that, Edward?" Bev asked. She didn't sound so happy about it and Edward's smile instantly went away. He knew what was coming. I thought about the price as well, but I was kind of hoping Bev wouldn't bring it up. I just hated when his mood would switch from being happy to sad in a split second.

I just wanted the old Edward back. But this wasn't the old Edward. This was an Edward trying to find himself all over again and that came with a few road blocks and problems.

Edward's excessive use of money being one of them.

Edward didn't look away from the bike and I saw his jaw clench. Here we go. "It was cheap."

"Define cheap." She said.

"It was $500, alright?" Bev sighed in exasperation and covered her face with her hands. "But Bev, it was originally $600; he gave me a discount."

"That's bull…they only tell you that to make you want to buy it more. That piece of metal is not worth more than $300 at the most." He shook his head. His stubbornness always showed when it came to the money situation…especially now.

Bev and I both started noticing how much Edward spent. He spent money for his membership, to pay to take me out, for all the food he bought for recipes that he sometimes throws away, and now for this bike. It's like he forgot that he had restriction on money. He was out a job and only got money from that one job and the money he got from the government that may stop coming because he didn't have a child to support anymore. Bev confronted him about it a lot, and he got into this attitude where he didn't have to listen and everything will be okay and all of that, when it wasn't. He needed to pay bills and keep himself fed and all of that, but that didn't seem to matter with him with the way he spends money nowadays. He was throwing it away and we couldn't quite find out why.

I never said anything to him about it. I didn't feel it was my place, really. Yeah I was his girlfriend, but I knew me telling him what to do would not end well. With Bev, it was different. She was always blunt and to the point, and Edward looked up to her like a mother figure. I wasn't Edward's mother, nor would I treat him like I am trying to control him.

"Edward, you can't be throwing away money like that." She said disapprovingly.

"I can do what I want with it; it's my money." He said stubbornly and started walking off with the bike.

Bev grabbed onto his arm and he turned back to her with a look of annoyance on his face. I couldn't tell if he was annoyed with Bev, or annoyed with himself, because deep down, I knew that Edward knew he hadn't been the same lately, yet he was too stubborn to change anything...or maybe he didn't know how.

"Edward, you need to be responsible. The money you spent on that bike could have paid for more than half a month's rent."

"Sorry if I can't enjoy myself, Bev."

"I never said you didn't have to enjoy yourself! You just need to think more about these things, Edward before you go out to get a bike for the fun of it when you have other things going on."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever. What's done is done."

"No, it's not done, because I know you will continue doing it. I told you this last time, and you come in with this thing." She said gesturing to the bike. I saw Edward grip onto the handlebars tighter.

"I'll return it then. Whatever." He said stubbornly.

"No." She groaned. "That's not the point, Edward! Keep the damn bike if you want to, but you can't be throwing away money like it doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter!"

"It does!" She persisted. "You have too…"

"Fuck, Bev." He said loudly. "What do you want me to do? It's my money, I can do what I want with it. It's not like I have anyone to support anymore in case you forgot about that little fact."

"Oh don't you dare throw that in my face, Edward." She said angrily. It was the first time I actually heard Bev get that angry. "I know you are hurting because that little girl isn't with you right now, but it hurts us too."

"I never said it didn't."

"You didn't let me finish. It hurts us too because we love her too, but we also love you. I don't mean to nag you so much, Edward, I just worry about you, alright? This isn't like you, and I would hate to see you have no money to support yourself, because that is what is going to happen if you continue like this."

I hated to say it, but she was right. I loved seeing Edward happy, but he spent about $100 a day it seemed and he simply couldn't afford to do that. Maybe buying things made him happy or filled some kind of void for him, and I hated that a damper was being put on that, but we had to be realistic. He couldn't get into a habit of just impulse spending because it may be hard to get out of it after a while. We had to find a way to show him he could still find some kind of happiness without having to spend a ridiculous amount of money.

He shrugged and picked at the end of the handlebar. "Fine. I'm sorry."

She sighed and put a hand on his back. "Don't be sorry. I'm happy that you are happy about the bike, but a bike is something you should save up for, you know?"

He nodded. "I'm going to shower." He said solemnly and he walked away with the bike. He brought it down the hall and in his room. He must have just dropped it off in there because seconds later he was in the bathroom and the shower was running.

Bev turned to me with a sad expression on her face and she looked like she was about to cry. "I hate taking away that smile from his face, sweets."

"I know you don't, Bev, but he's just…I don't know. I know you are way stronger than me because whenever I see him smile like that—especially now—I just can't think of anything else or anything rational. I just want him happy."

She nodded. "So do I, but I am looking into the future. How much did he spend this week alone? Probably about $1,000 give or take?" I nodded. It was true. "I have no problem helping him out if he finds himself stuck for money, but he isn't thinking straight right now, and I know when he snaps out of this, if he finds himself low on money and sees I am paying his bills, he will be completely upset with himself and we really don't need that for him right now."

"I know, Bev. I get what you're saying. I'll try to talk to him."

She nodded. "Okay, good. He'll listen to you."

"I hope so."

She walked up to me and gave me a quick hug. "I'll see you all later or something. I need a nap."

"You feeling okay?"

"Oh yeah, sure. I'm just old. I need to sleep."

I chuckled. "Alright, I'll call you later or something."

"Okay. Bye, sweets."

I waved at her and she left the house. I sighed and went to the kitchen to see if Edward had anything that needed cleaning or something while I waited for him. He didn't take very long showers, but I didn't really feel like staring at a wall while I waited for him.

Edward had been cleaning a lot more lately, but still couldn't find it in himself to do the dishes. I really didn't understand it, but he would let that thing get completely full before he would even make an effort. And sure enough, he had a bunch of pans and plates and cups in there, so I got to work. If it was anything else that needed cleaning, I would have left it for him because he liked cleaning more lately, but dishes…he despised them.

Not even five minutes after I started, I heard Edward rustling around down the hallway. How guys could take such short showers was beyond me. Maybe it's because of the hair. Or maybe they didn't clean up so well. Edward always came out smelling fresh and looking sexy with his hair all fucked up. A nice thing about practically living with Edward was seeing him at all times of the day; including him getting out of the shower with just his towel around his waist. He's completely oblivious to just how good looking he was. Well actually he probably knew, but he really didn't care which made me that much more attracted to him.

I really liked seeing him when he first woke up. He was really cuddly at that time and just plain adorable. He had to get up around three in the morning, and when his alarm went off, I woke up as well. He barely moved at first. It's a wonder how he ever got up without me. But it was fine by me. I got to see him for a couple minutes before he had to leave and got to hear him mumble and moan about how he didn't want to get out of bed. I thought it was quite funny.

Although I loved that, it didn't always happen. Sometimes he would already be awake because he either couldn't fall asleep, or he woke up from a bad dream or something. I would never know he had a bad dream because he would never wake up and tell me no matter how many times I told him to.

I could hear his bare feet walking on the hardwood floor toward me. He wrapped his arms gently around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder. "You don't have to do this." He said.

I put the plate down in the sink. "Okay."

He held me tighter. "No, no, I was just kidding. You can do them. Don't listen to me; I'm dumb."

I chuckled. I knew he didn't really mean it. He never wanted to do dishes; he only said it because he felt it was the polite thing to do. I didn't mind doing them though. "You're not dumb."

"No, it's just you're too nice."

I smirked and flicked some water over my shoulder right into his face. "Does that make me a little more badass?"

He chuckled and wiped the water off his face on my shirt. "You're a crazy badass chick." He said and I laughed. I rinsed off the plate I was washing and put it in the strainer. He stayed behind me and rubbed circles on my stomach with his thumbs. We stood there in silence for a bit and I liked it. He sighed. "Fine, I'll help you. What do you want me to do?"

"You don't have to."

He kissed me on my neck and pulled away. "Nope. Tell me what to do. I need something to do."

Well that little moment of silence was lost and Edward needed to do something again. "You can dry and put them away if you want to."

He nodded. "Alright."

I handed him the plate I rinsed off in that moment and he dried it off. "So what did you do this morning before you bought the bike?"

"Nothing." He said shortly and I knew he wasn't necessarily telling the truth. He recovered quickly. "What about you? How was class?"

I decided to just let it go. Maybe he would tell me later. "It was okay. Same old, same old. I have a lot of homework though. It's driving me crazy."

"Anything I could help with?" He asked hopefully. I decided right then that I would make that man sit still and just relax for at least an hour.

"No probably not. But I'm not doing it tonight anyway." I handed him a cup and he began drying it.

"Oh alright. Well what do you want to do today?"

"Hm…I don't know. You can plan our afternoon, and I will plan the evening. Fair enough?"

He smiled. "Fair enough. I think I know what we can do."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Well we have to eat so we can go get…" He paused and bit his lip. "We can make a sandwich or something here." He was trying to listen to what Bev told him and I smiled at him in encouragement. "And then we can go to this place Alan told me about where they have a hiking trail."

"Whoa, wait. A hiking trail?"

"Yes! He swears it's not even that bad though, so you will be good and I swear if any bear tries to eat you, I will go kung-fu on that fucker's ass."

I laughed. "That's hot."

"_Cause darlin' I'd fight a bear for ya_…" He said in a singing voice obviously trying to imitate Bruno Mars.

I snorted and tried to control my laugh. "Babe, your voice has nothing on Bruno Mars."

He chuckled. "I know, but that song annoys me."

"Why? That's a nice song!"

He pointed at me. "_That. _That right there makes that song annoying to me. Chicks are always like '_oh isn't that romantic? He'd catch a grenade for his girl. So romantic!" _He said in his imitation of a woman. I laughed and slapped his chest with my wet hand. He just laughed.

"But Edward it's really sweet."

"Bella. I love you, I really do, but darling, I don't think I would be able to catch a grenade for you."

I gasped. "What? How could you say that? How insensitive of you." I said in a mock hurt voice.

"I'm an insensitive bastard, what can I say? Maybe we should just end this now."

I nodded and handed him a plate. "I think so. I don't think I could be with someone who won't catch a grenade. Those get thrown at me like every day."

He shrugged. "Well that's it then. We're through."

"Yep."

"Awesome."

I rinsed off the last cup and handed it to him. He dried it off and put it in the cabinet above my head. I rinsed the inside of the sink and turned off the water. I turned to him with my arms crossed, and as soon as our eyes met, we both started cracking up laughing. He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him and got on my tiptoes to kiss him.

"I love you even if you won't catch a grenade for me." I said to him and he kissed me once more. He rested his forehead on mine and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Are you ready for it?" He asked.

"Ready for what?"

"My corny and romantic moment of the day?"

I chuckled and kissed his nose. "Bring it on."

"I will love you no matter what. You're beautiful and perfect for me."

I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him softly on the lips. "Ditto."

"Okay. That's done and over with." He shivered and pulled away. He grabbed onto my hand. "Come on. Let's go hiking, drink so beer, and maybe chop down a tree like fucking men."

"But I'm not a man…"

"Bella, you're probably closer to manliness than I am right now after that."

I rolled me eyes. "You can be sweet and still be a man!"

He shrugged. "Don't care. It's not as fun that way."

I laughed and he pulled me out of the room so we could go to our hiking adventure.

This should be interesting.

* * *

"Edward…" I gasped in hot quick breaths as he placed open mouthed kisses on my neck.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried not to just scream in frustration that he was teasing me so much. I could feel the heat coming off of his skin as he hovered over me. His skin would graze mine every now and then and each time would send chills throughout my body.

So much for us sitting still for a while. We started watching a movie after we both ate dinner, took showers, and snuggled up on his bed to watch it. We got about fifteen minutes into it before he started with the wandering hands and kisses. I tried to control myself so he could relax for a bit, but honestly, I had no control over my body when he did things like kiss my neck or put his hand under my shirt and run his rough, yet gentle hands along my skin. Plus when he gave me those pleading eyes…I was pretty much in a trance at that point.

Our physical relationship has been developing, that is for sure. When given so much time alone, what else would you expect? We were two adults completely in love with each other and completely attracted to each other. That had always been the same for us throughout our relationship, but we never really had an opportunity to just let go and explore with each other and learn what each other liked the most physically.

I had learned that Edward liked when I run my hands through his hair at any time, and I loved, _absolutely loved _when he kissed and licked or did anything to my neck. It was my complete undoing. He already took my shirt off, and his hands made their way to the hem of my pants. He was already stripped down to his boxers and there was no way I would stop this.

I gripped my hands in his hair and he moaned against my throat. "Fuck." He mumbled against my neck.

Then, as if someone out there hated me oh so very badly…Edward's cell phone started ringing.

"Please don't answer it." I begged him softly.

He kissed my neck and pulled away. I whimpered and he kissed my lips.

"Sorry, babe. It might be Bowman." He said.

I sighed and nodded my head. He got off of me and reached over for the phone on the bedside table. He sat on the edge of the bed and answered it. He looked nervous and stressed out so I reached over with one hand to hold his as I tried to catch my breath.

"What happened?" He asked impatiently.

I knew what the phone call was about. While we were on our hiking trip, which actually turned out being more enjoyable than I thought, Edward got a call from Bowman. Bowman told him that he was able to get a meeting with Edward's parents' lawyer. Edward was excited yet nervous because he knew they would have a chance of getting him to see Alice, but he didn't know how the lawyer would cooperate.

Bowman spoke for about three minutes to Edward and Edward listened intently and made noises to let Bowman know he was listening every now and then. I couldn't hear a thing, and even though I was upset that we were interrupted, I really wanted to know if there was good news. Edward needed some good news these days.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He asked irritatingly and pulled at his hair. I got up and looked at him curiously. "Hold on, Bowman. I'm going to put you on speaker so Bella can hear this bullshit."

He took the phone from his ear and went to put it on speaker, but his hands were shaking.

"Here." I said and took it from him. I put the phone on speaker and sat right next to him with my feet hanging over the side and wrapped my arm around him. "Go ahead, Bowman."

"_Alright, well like I was telling Edward. They still won't allow her to see him." _

"That's bullshit! What the hell is their excuse? He just wants to see her!" I said in frustration. I didn't understand those people and I wished I never got to see people like that, and it killed me to know Alice was around them all the time.

"_She says that Mr. and Mrs. Cullen think it would be harder for Alice if she see's you Edward, because then you will have to leave and she will get even more upset." _

"So completely keeping her from him is even better?" I asked.

"Bella's right." Edward said. I looked up at him and he looked emotionless. Like he had given up. "Don't they think it will hurt me afterwards too? But I just want to see her. I've seen her every day of her life before they took her away from me. They can't just cut that off."

"_I know, Edward, I know. I understand that, and I am trying to get the judge to listen to me so we can make some kind of arrangement so you can see her, he won't budge though. But I will take care of that, alright? Despite that, I do have some good news I guess." _

"What is it?" Edward asked impatiently.

"_Mrs. Corrigan did tell me she could give you a status on how Alice is doing." _

I looked up at Edward and he looked shocked.

"Yes. Please tell me." He said.

"_She was defiant at first."_ He started off with. I kind of figured that. Alice seemed okay when I saw her, even though I knew she was incredibly sad, but she put on a good poker face. I knew enough of Alice and her personality to know she would give them a hard time at first. She was stubborn just like her brother. "_She definitely gave your parents a run for their money in the beginning. She didn't give me details though. That's all she told me." _

"What about now?" I asked. Edward was an emotionless stone by my side. I ran my hand along his back and kissed his shoulder softly.

Bowman took a deep breath. _"She's doing better. She asks for Edward quite consistently, but other than that, she is coping fairly well considering. They even bought her a cat…kitten, rather." _

Edward instantly snapped out of his emotionless state and looked at the phone in a daze. "Excuse me?" He asked.

I looked at him curiously. Strange he would perk up at the news of the kitten…

"_They bought her a cat. It's a grey and black American Short-hair. She just got it a week ago and it's just a kitten." _

"What's the name?" Edward asked with irritation.

"_Cornelius. Kind of a funny name, but it is what Alice chose." _

Edward swore under his breath and got up from the bed. He stalked out of the room angrily and I looked after him dumbfounded. _What the hell was that? _I thought he would be at least a little bit more comforted knowing that she was doing okay and wasn't completely miserable. She had a cat…that wasn't bad…at least I didn't think it was.

"_Hello?" _Bowman asked hesitantly.

"He just left the room. I guess it was too much for him or…I don't know. He got upset."

He sighed. "_Alright well I guess I will go then. That's all she told me, so let him know he can call me when he needs me or I will call when I have something." _

"Okay I will tell him. Thank you, Bowman."

"_No problem." _He said and hung up the phone.

I ended the call and put Edward's phone back on the bedside table. I reached for Edward's shirt that was on the floor by the bed and slipped it over my head. I started heading out of the room, but I heard his footsteps coming back. He walked into me and dropped some papers on the floor.

"Fuck." He said and bent down to pick them up. He handed me the messed up papers. "Look."

I sorted out the papers and looked down on them. There were five papers and one pamphlet. My heart dropped and I wanted to cry for my poor Edward when I saw the pamphlet was from an animal adoption agency. As I sorted through the papers, I saw he filled out paperwork to go to a shelter just outside of town on June twentieth…her birthday…_their_ birthday. I had heard Alice talk about wanting a cat, and I guessed Edward was going to get her one, but it was too late.

"Oh Edward…" I said softly. I heard a bang come from behind me and I turned to see he kicked the bedside table. I could see how tense he was getting so I ran over to him and pulled his hands from his hair. "Edward, hey, calm down." The thought of him going into some kind of episode right then made my head spin.

"She told me she wanted a cat. I always teased her and told her it wasn't going to happen but I went to fucking meet with the people there and I had the whole fucking day planned out." His attitude went from angry to completely burnt out and he sat down on the end of the bed and rubbed his hands over his face. "I was going to bring her to breakfast, give her some stupid toy and tell her that was her gift, but it really isn't. I was going to bring her there and let her pick her own. She told me if she ever got one she would name it Cornelius even if it were a girl and…fuck…I had to save money, you know? And I figured if she got it in the summer, she would enjoy it more because she could spend all day with it instead of leaving it for school and…" He shook his head. "Whatever. I was too late."

I sighed and walked over to him. I placed the papers down on the bed and sat down beside him. I grabbed onto his hand and he sighed. He wrapped his arm around me and fell back with me in his arms. I turned over and hugged his side with my head resting on his shoulder.

"Don't think like that, baby. It's still not too late for you to do a million other things for her. She probably knew you were teasing her because you two always teased each other." I said with a smile, hoping to get one out of him.

It worked. It was a small one, but it was enough.

"That's just how we were…I don't know how to explain it."

"And you don't have to. I know what you're relationship was like. I know you love her more than anything." He nodded and stared up at the ceiling. I ran my hand along his chest and stomach, trying to comfort him as best I could. "It's nice to hear she is at least somewhat happy though, right?"

He nodded. "Yes of course it is…"

"But?"

He sighed. "But it's not the same if I can't even see her happy. See that she is still smiling and coping while I'm over here just fucking…I don't even know."

I kissed his chest gently. "You are doing okay, baby."

"I just think it would help if I could see her…or even talk to her…I just don't get why they have to be that cruel."

I didn't know what to say to that, and I didn't think he really needed me to say anything. He was just letting out what he had built up inside and I would listen to him if he wanted to talk.

"Actually, I do know why…because that's all they ever done. And it kills me; it fucking kills me to think she is around that." He added.

"Alice knows who she is, and what is right and wrong. Don't go thinking she will adopt their ways. She is too smart and good for that."

"I know that but…fuck." He groaned and rubbed his forehead. "Can we please just not talk about this right now?"

"Okay, well what do you want to talk about?"

"Move in with me." He said suddenly.

My hand stopped immediately on his chest and we sat in complete silence as I tried to make my mouth catch up with my brain that was going a million miles an hour in that second. _Did I just hear him right? _

"Umm…what?"

He turned his body so he was facing me on the bed. I looked into his shy looking green eyes and he took both of my hands in his and brought them to his chest. He kissed the tips of my fingers and looked at me again. His eyes looked sad and guarded. Maybe even a little nervous.

"I am asking you if you would move in with me."

"Edward…I…" I didn't know what was going through my mind right then. When one is in a state of shock, words and comprehension evade them and it's hard to form any kind of response until it actually sinks in. I was having one of those moments and all I saw were his eyes and that beautiful face I loved so much looking back at me.

"Technically, you can say no. But I really, really don't want you to." He pulled me closer to him and I felt like I would cry. He looked so sad and helpless and I hated seeing him like that. He was so strong. "I just…" He sighed in frustration.

"What is it?"

"I just have nothing to come home to." He casted his gaze away from me and I lifted his chin so he could look at me. "I mean I know you are here when I need you, but I think it would help if I knew you would be here officially, you know? I would love seeing your clothes in my closet. I don't even use the fucking thing for clothes. I'll cook you dinner every night if you wanted me too, but then you would have to do the dishes. I can't promise I will put the seat down or not make a fucking mess all the time or get on your nerves a lot, but I can promise you that I will always kiss you before we go to bed at night and tell you I love you, and I will take care of you…fuck…I know you can take care of yourself, I'm not saying you can't, I just mean that I will make this feel like home to you, Bella." He glanced up at me and frowned. "Why are you crying?"

I wasn't crying that much. Jeez. I just had a couple tears fall because…well I didn't really know. Maybe because I just loved him so much…or maybe because of the words he said; he was so sweet when he didn't even try…or maybe it was just because I realized in that moment that home was wherever Edward was. Sounded corny, but it was true. If I would say that to him, he would probably make fun of me, but I was okay with that. That was how we worked. We could joke around with each other without even having to make it known. We just _know _each other. Sometimes I think we know each other more than we know ourselves. So who cares if I am nineteen years old and I want to move in with my boyfriend. This wasn't some kind of fling. This was real.

I was sure a lot of girls my age would use the same excuse, but I wasn't just saying that to justify my reason. I was saying that because it is the truest thing in my world. He belonged to me, and I belonged to him. We weren't perfect at all, but we were perfect together, I think. Plus, he needed me. I needed him too of course, but he needed my unconditional support now more than ever. I knew if I needed some kind of support, he would be right there for me, so why not?

Age didn't matter and other people's opinions didn't matter. My parents may not agree with it _at all_ and I had a feeling that may cause a lot of stress in my life for a while, but who cared if I got to go home to Edward every day? If we were both so sure about this, why would we hold back just because it's what is expected of us or because it's not conventional for a nineteen year old to move in with her boyfriend of six months?

I put my hands on his face and pulled him in for small kiss. I rested my forehead on his and he wiped my tears away. "I would love to move in with you, baby."

"Really?" He asked excitedly.

I laughed. "Yes, really! Did you really think I would say no?"

He shrugged. "Well I didn't know. I know how independent you are, and I know you are still young, and I never really just came out to ask you so…I don't know."

"Well I said yes, so no need to fret, my love."

He smiled and I got up and straddled his lap. I leaned forward and kissed him on the lips and had to cut it short because I couldn't keep my fucking smile off my face long enough to kiss him properly. Edward chuckled at my giddiness. Why did I wait so long to bring something like this up? It came out of nowhere, but it made me so incredibly happy.

"You know what this means, right?" He asked with a mischievous grin on his beautiful face.

"What?" I asked hesitantly.

He pulled me down to him so my face was right in front of his. He placed a kiss on the corner of my lips and ran his hands underneath my shirt…well his shirt.

"This just means you are that much closer to becoming my official wifey." I laughed and accidently spit on him which just made me laugh harder. He flinched and pinched my sides. "Fuck, Bella. Just because you live with me and all that shit, doesn't mean you can spit on me. Fuck. What did I get myself into?"

"Oh shut it, and about the wifey thing, don't get your hopes up, buddy."

"Oh my hopes are pretty much set to one-hundred…just saying."

I laughed and stopped the whole conversation by kissing him again. I really was _not _ready for marriage. Neither of us was ready to be honest. Things in our life were pretty crazy, but we were coping and living life the best way we could considering the circumstances. It probably wouldn't get any easier, especially when my parents found out about me moving in with Edward, but we would make it through.

That much I knew was true.

* * *

When you feel all alone,  
And the world has turned its back on you,  
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart.  
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you,  
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold.  
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore,  
Let me be the one you call.  
If you jump I'll break your fall,  
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night.  
If you need to fall apart,  
I can mend a broken heart,  
If you need to crash then crash and burn;  
You're not alone.

_**Crash and Burn, by Savage Garden**_

* * *

**I hope you all liked this chapter! This one was a little lighter than the last few, right? I tried to break it up for you all because I know all the heart-fail gets hard. Some have asked how many chapters are left, and to be honest, I have to idea. The story is NOT over yet, so there are still quite a few. **

**Big thanks to Alexa for getting me back this chapter even though she has just started a new job and her schedule has been crazy! That's dedication and I can't tell you how much it means to me! **

**As you may have noticed, but updates haven't been as frequent as usual, but that's just because things have been pretty bust in real life. I will always post at least one chapter a week though so don't worry about that! **

**Next chapter will be posted ASAP. **

**Review please! **


	38. Chapter 37: Next to You

**A/N: I had to repost this chapter to see if it would work. Sorry for the update confusion. FFn is messing up on us. **

**Chapter 37: Next to You**

**BPOV**

"Hurry up, chick! I want to go." Edward called from the other room and I rolled my eyes.

The man was being a pain in my ass and I couldn't believe after I left that place, I would be officially living with him. _What have I gotten myself into?_

"You know you could get off your ass and help me!" I yelled towards the door of my room…well soon to be old room. I was just clearing out my drawers and putting my clothes and stuff in a suitcase. Everything else was already moved out and ready. All that was left was my clothes and my laptop. We moved all of the big stuff in earlier that morning.

"Nah…I'd rather not. I'm pretty tired." He called back.

I rolled my eyes and continued putting my clothes in the suitcase. I had to hand it to him; he did a lot when it came to moving. He brought all of my things—not much—to his apartment and carried all the heavy stuff, but I didn't necessarily sit around and twiddle my thumbs. While he was moving everything, I stayed at my old apartment and cleaned and scrubbed the crap out of everything before I left the place just to be nice.

I finally made it to the top drawer and my back truly appreciated it. I placed my hands at the base of my back and bent backward until it cracked. I couldn't wait to go _home, _eat a late lunch, and cuddle up with my amazing boyfriend in _our _room. Hopefully he would stop being annoying for about an hour or so.

I didn't really have much in my top drawer once I got all of the undergarments out of there, but a few things caught my eye. Mainly the ripped up cigarette box with those two words that I clung to for so long and a twenty dollar bill all scrunched up in the corner. _Wow_. I forgot I had those things. I never even gave him the money back from day one.

"Edward!" I called. "Come here!"

He groaned. "Do I have to?"

"Yes you do, now stop whining and get your ass in here before I beat you up." I said in mock seriousness. I really wouldn't beat him up…well I would, but it would only be playfully. It would be fun because technically he couldn't hit me back. Well he could, but he wouldn't.

He sighed and mumbled under his breath the whole way and I just laughed softly to myself. _He's such a weird guy_. He walked into the room looking annoyed but he couldn't fool me. There was a new sparkle in his eye ever since I agreed to move in with him exactly a week ago. Even if we got into an argument or whatever, I could still see that little spark of happiness in him and I couldn't be happier. He still had his moments though. I couldn't blame him. He still wasn't fully healed yet, and I didn't think he ever would be.

"What do you want, chick?" He asked as he stood beside me. I handed him the twenty dollar bill and he took it from me hesitantly and gave me a weird look. "Er…why the fuck are you giving me this?"

"Because it is rightfully yours."

He handed it over to me and I pushed his hand away. "Bella! This isn't mine! I didn't even bring any money with me…"

I chuckled. "No, this isn't from today. Come on, think about it…"

He looked at me in confusion and I could see the gears turning in his head. Well they were turning, but it didn't look like he was getting anywhere.

"Are you fucking with me?" He asked finally and I laughed at how frustrated he was getting. "Don't laugh! What the hell am I missing here?"

"Babe, just think about the day we met."

He pursed his lips to the side and I smiled softly at him as he thought about it. Realization soon filled his face and he gasped softly. "Are you serious? You still have this?"

I nodded my head and he shook his as he stared down at the twenty dollar bill; the same one that he gave to me the first day we met to pay me off for the bet. It was like a slap in the face to me, and it made me feel like shit, but that twenty dollar bill gave me a reason to go back to him and try and give it back and make amends. That twenty dollar bill actually meant a lot to me now.

"Well you never took it back so yeah, I did keep it."

"You should have just used it."

I shook my head. "No way. It belonged to you. I really didn't deserve any money that day anyway. I was an asshole."

"You were not."

"You really must have hated me at first, huh?"

He smirked and pulled me to his side. "I never once hated you, Bella."

I looked up at him. "Really?"

If he did hate me back then, I would have understood. It's not that it really mattered right now because that was old news and nothing would take me away from him, but it would be nice to hear what went through his mind.

"Of course not. I mean, sure I was mad at first and I thought you were like everyone else, but I know a good person when I see them."

"Aww…thanks babe." I said and wrapped my arm around his waist.

He rolled his eyes. "Don't get too flattered. Yeah you're a good person, but you are still bitchy sometimes."

I poked his stomach. "No one is perfect, dude. Including you. You are as stubborn as a mule."

He smirked and caught me off guard when he bent down and put his hands under my legs and lifted me in his arms. "Oh shit." He said when he almost fucking dropped me and I hit him when he finally caught his balance. He laughed as he walked me over to the bed. "If you would have fallen, I would have laughed. Sorry, hermosa."

"I know you would have because you are a _jerk_."

He chuckled and laid me down on my bed that he was going to bring to the shelter. I didn't need it anymore that's for sure. He laid back next to me and took my hand in his.

"Alright, let's not sit here and point out everything that annoys us about the other. We may realize we really just hate each other and mistake it for love. There's a fine line there you know."

I smiled and turned my head to look at him. He had his free hand behind his head and he stared at the ceiling. "Yeah I guess you're right. I really don't want to have to pack all my stuff again, so let's just keep thinking this is love."

He turned his head to look at me with a smirk. "Sounds good to me." I scooted closer to him and kissed his lips. He pulled away and looked back up at the ceiling. "You really want to know what I thought of you back then?"

"Of course."

"Well, like I said, I thought you were like everyone else at first, because that is just what I automatically think of a person, but then as you kept coming back, all I felt was fear basically."

"Fear?" Yeah, I definitely wasn't expecting that. What was there to be afraid of? Did I come off as scary to people? I thought I was pretty civil to him…

"Yeah, but don't take it the wrong way. It wasn't necessarily fear of you particularly…more like fear of the idea of you."

I sat up and looked down at him with a quirked eyebrow. "What do you mean?" I felt stupid asking, but I didn't really understand what he was saying.

He sat up as well and crossed his legs underneath him. He looked at me with a small smile on his face and that alone made me feel a little better. It was just strange to me to hear he felt fear while around me.

"I don't even know if I can explain it correctly. It seems like we met so long ago, hasn't it?"

I nodded and grabbed his hand. "Yeah it really does. It's like I can't even remember a time when you weren't in my life, honestly."

"Wow." He laughed shortly. "I guess my fear was in the right place then."

I grabbed the front of his shirt and shook him. "What does that mean?"

He laughed and took my hands away from his shirt. "Calm down, crazy. All I mean is that when you first started coming around, I was afraid. Each time you asked me something about my life, I wanted to so instantly tell you when I never told anyone anything ever. You didn't make sense to me. But now you do, and I realize now that the only reason I wanted to tell you those things was because I was supposed to tell you those things or else we wouldn't be where we are today."

The smile on my face hurt and I pulled him towards me and kissed him. He pulled me onto his lap and I straddled him as we kissed deeply. I pulled away and he groaned in frustration. "You know, I think that would count as a romantic moment, baby."

He scoffed. "Fuck that. That wasn't romantic. That was the truth and a simple matter of fucking life."

I rolled my eyes. He always had an excuse for his sweetness when he didn't even need one. He should be sweet without any inhibitions, but this was Edward I was talking about. I couldn't see him changing his ways and I was perfectly okay with that. Even though it made me feel ridiculously good inside when he said sweet things like that, it was also nice that he wasn't like that all the time. That way I could appreciate all of the little things he said to me when he was having his 'romantic moments' of his 'matters of fucking life,' whatever he called them.

"I don't think I had one set feeling about you when I first met you." I said in wonderment. He kept his attention on me as he waited and ran his hands along my hips underneath my shirt. "It was a bunch of things I guess. I really just wanted to know you. I don't know why, but I did."

"Well you really do know how to get what you want now, don't you?"

"Mhm…" I pushed him back on the bed and started kissing him again. I knew I should have been packing my shit together, but it was hard to stop once I'd started. Edward seemed the same way when he was kissing me and I couldn't be happier with the way our physical relationship had been developing. Of course—because I believe this was becoming an annoying pattern for us—his phone started ringing. I groaned and sat up, still straddling his waist. I reached into his pocket and pulled out the pesky piece of technology.

"Who is it?" He asked.

"It says 'Unknown'"

He shrugged and I answered it for him.

"Hello?" I could hear there was someone on the other end, but they didn't say anything. "Hello?" I asked again, getting annoyed that someone would just call for no reason and interrupt mine and Edward's time together. "Hel-"

"_Bella is that you?"_ Someone whispered.

"Alice?" I asked in astonishment and I watched Edward's eyes pop out of his head and he sat up, looking at me anxiously_. I just misheard this person right…_

"_It's me, Bella. Is Ecy there? I need to talk to him_." She asked in a rush.

I handed the phone to Edward instantly and he fumbled to hold the phone properly and put it on speaker phone and I loved that he knew I missed her and wanted to hear her voice too. I felt tears in my eyes. It was her, it was really Alice on the phone. Her voice was like music to my ears. The most beautiful sound I heard all day.

"Hello? Alice?" Edward asked.

I could hear the emotion in his voice and I held onto his hand for some support. I didn't know how Alice got to call him since his parents seemed strict with the whole thing, but I didn't know how long the conversation would be, and I didn't think Edward would have wanted to be crying the whole time so I tried to keep him in the moment so he could hear her voice and know that she was okay.

Alice gasped. "_Ecy! It's you, it's really you!"_ She said a little louder now and I could hear the pure elation in her voice, although I could still hear the emotion that mirrored her brother's perfectly.

"It is me! Where are you? How are you calling me right now?" He asked anxiously.

"_I don't know. Some man's house with Mommy and Daddy." _

Edward cringed at hearing her say their names, but I knew it would be something he would have to get used to if she stayed with them and he still got to see her. It's just the way things were now, unfortunately.

"_I'm really bored, and Daddy left his phone in the living room and I tried calling you a million times but I couldn't remember the number good but I got it, Ecy! I remembered!" _

"Where are they right now?" Edward asked.

"_Upstairs with the man. I'm watching TV in the living room with the man's baby. She's sleeping though. He told me to keep an eye on her." _

Edward looked mad about that for a second, but he hid it from Alice. "How are you, kid?"

She sighed. "_I'm okay. I have a new kitten, but she is at our house. You need to come meet her. She wants to meet you." _

He closed his eyes, swallowed loudly, and ran his hand through his hair. I wrapped my arm around him.

"I will as soon as I can, Alice." He said.

"_Bella are you still there?" _She asked and I wiped my tear away.

"Yes, sweetie. I'm right here."

"_What about Bev?" _She asked hopefully and my heart sank knowing that Bev was missing this.

This was a gift…an absolute gift getting hear that little angel's voice after that long. It mended my heart just a little, but also broke it at the same time. My heart beat hard against my chest and I hoped this conversation wouldn't be short. I could listen to her talk all day, and I knew for a fact that Edward felt the same.

"No, she's not here right now, but she misses you a lot, kid." Edward said.

"_I know I miss her too. I miss all of you. I get so sad sometimes, Ecy." _Now her emotions were starting to overtake her and you could hear it in her voice. Edward tensed and I ran my hand along his back.

"Everything will be okay, Alice. Just please, please don't cry." He begged her. I knew that would completely kill Edward to hear her crying and he couldn't hold her or anything. Hell, it would hurt _me _to hear her cry, and I knew that feeling would reside in Edward but multiplied by an infinite amount.

Unfortunately Alice wasn't able to hold in her emotions. We couldn't really blame her. The poor thing was ripped away from her home and everyone she loved. She was allowed to be emotional, but it just added salt to the wounds that were already in place with the realization what she wasn't completely happy…something Edward desperately wanted for her since the day she was born.

"_I miss you, Ecy. I j-just w-want to come home and sleep in my bed with my pillow and blankets." _

Edward swallowed again and blinked his eyes a few time to hold back the tears. "I miss you too, sweetheart. I'm trying to get to see you, I promise you that. Are you okay though? Are they treating you good?" He asked. He was putting that simply. I knew something that caused Edward so much agony was the idea that they could treat Alice the same way they treated him when he was a child.

She whimpered. "_Yes but I still want to see you and Bev and Bella…I don't like it here all by myself. Mommy and Daddy are nice, but I want you, Ecy."_ She sniffled.

Edward wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. "I know, I'm so sorry Alice. This is all my fault, but I am going to fix this, alright?"

I stared at him in shock upon hearing his words. _This was not his fault! _To me, the fault lied in his parents, Jacob, and the justice system. I didn't want to interrupt him though by reinforcing that in him.

"_Kay, are you okay, Ecy? Bella told me you were sad the last time I saw her…"_

"I get sad sometimes, because I miss you so much kid, but I am doing okay because I know that I will see you again, and you need to remember that too, alright? So try not to get too sad. You just be a good girl, do good in school, and take care of your kitten. I will be seeing you soon, I will make sure of it, alright?"

"_Okay, but I haven't been a good girl, Ecy. I've been bad sometimes." _

"What do you mean?"

"_I…oh no they are coming! I have to go, Ecy, but I will call you when I can, alright?" _

Edward looked like he was panicking and I knew it would kill him to have to hang up that phone. "Okay, I love you so much, Alice. Don't you ever forget that, okay? I love you." He said urgently.

"_I love you too, Ecy! You too, Bella! Bye!" _

"_Ali, who are you talking to on…"_

The line went dead.

It was Edward's mother on the other end of the line, and apparently she calls Alice, Ali._ Oh._ I looked at Edward's face and he looked down at the phone with a distant look on his face. I took the phone from his hand and threw it on the bed. I straddled his lap again and wrapped both of my arms around him tightly. He wrapped his arms around me as well. I held him as he took labored breaths trying to calm himself down. I bit my lip to keep my tears from coming from shock of the out-of-nowhere phone call, the realization that Alice as well wasn't as happy as we hoped her to be, and of course my love falling apart in my arms.

"At least she's okay, baby. They aren't hurting her, she's not completely unhappy. You know she's okay and she loves you so much." I didn't know if what I was saying would really help him, but I wasn't positive on what to say. He seemed like he needed some kind of words of comfort. "Everything will be okay, Edward." I whispered and kissed the side of his head.

"I'm okay it's just…" He whispered softly.

"A lot to take in, I know."

He nodded his head and took a few deep breaths. He pulled away from me and I was surprised he looked like he was okay…obviously a little shocked and maybe even confused and of course hurt, but he looked okay…it was hard to explain. It kind of made me even sadder because it seemed that he was getting used to the pain. I guess that is what is supposed to happen, but it still sucked. Instead of the pain going away completely, the pain was still there, and his body just got used to it and endured it head on.

A small smile appeared on his face and he let out a small laugh. "It felt so good to hear her voice."

I smiled and kissed him. "I know, it really was."

"I just hope she won't get in trouble. I have to call Bowman to tell her she called."

"Why would you do that?"

"I need him to know that I didn't call her. I could probably get in trouble for that, right? But I also don't want her to get in trouble, but I don't think Bowman will let that happen. She didn't know, she just wanted to talk to me." He sighed and shook his head. "Anyway, I just don't want this to come back and bite me in the ass."

I nodded. I hadn't thought of that. I guess all of his research about his options and all his meetings with Bowman were really paying off. Now if only he could make it possible for her to call more often or maybe even get to see her.

I was sure he could.

It would just take some time, but everything will work out. I just knew it.

* * *

"Come on, Edward. Just try it." I said as I held out the crab Rangoon to him. He backed away with a disgusted look on his face as he held his box of lo mein close to his chest.

"Hell no. Get that thing away from me." He said.

I took it away from his face and he sat upright again. We were sitting on the floor in the living room eating some Chinese food on the coffee table. I wanted to sit at the table so we could have our first official dinner together at the table like normal human beings, but Edward wanted the exact opposite and wanted our first time eating together in our home to be on the floor. Why I listened, I will never know. Maybe it's because he was being all cute and kissing me and stuff. _Fucking bastard._

I pouted. "Edward, come on. Stop being a baby. You will like it! Try new things, stop being a wuss."

He brought a fork full of lo mein to his mouth and chewed slowly as he stared me down. I was actually eating with chop-sticks because I had patience and skill, he on the other hand got frustrated with them and snapped them in half. I got a good laugh out of it, but he was just frustrated.

"How do I know I can trust you?" He asked seriously.

This man…_I am going to go crazy living with him, I swear. _

"Because I'm the female, and I said so, now eat the damn thing. You will like it."

He stared at me indifferently but I saw that smirk on his face. It was so adorable and frustrating at the same time. We had our own silent staring contest going on and I would not back down from it. I was surprised when Edward gave in so easily, and he looked down at his box of lo mein and scooped some on his fork. He put it up to his lips, and at the last second, he flung the fork forward. Yes, forward as in the fucking lo mein flew in my face.

I gasped and he laughed his ass off. "I hate you!" I yelled and pelted the crab Rangoon I had in my hand at his head.

He didn't even react to it as he was in a fit of laughter. Not going to lie, I was freakishly happy seeing him smile and laugh like that, but that didn't mean I would give in. The guy threw fucking noodles at my face!

I put my box down on the table and launched myself at him. I knocked him down on the ground and he grunted, but continued laughing. He dropped his box of lo mein on the floor and I got on his back and pinned him down to the ground.

"Get off of me, crazy!" He said loudly and started squirming under him. I pulled his arm back. "Ow! Stop it!" He said

"No! Say sorry!"

"No way!"

My phone started ringing and I groaned. _Who the hell would be calling me right now? I need to set my boyfriend straight! _

"What the hell." I said under my breath and reached over for my phone on coffee table. I let go of Edward's arm and he pushed himself up on his hands I went up with him. I screamed and gripped onto the back of his shirt so I wouldn't fall. I answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"_Hi Bella, it's me, Amanda." _

"Oh hi, Amanda! How are y…" I groaned when Edward shifted his body to the right and effectively made me fall off of him and onto the couch. "Hold on." I said into the phone. I got up and slapped Edward in the head. He chuckled and started eating some of the fried rice on the table. I sighed. "Sorry Amanda, Edward is being an ass."

She chuckled. _"That's the way men are, Bella." _

"I know, I know." I sat back on the couch and watched Edward continue eating. We were eating our first dinner in our home! I still couldn't get over it. "So how are you?" I asked.

"_I'm doing great! I have a lot to tell you though, and I was actually calling you to see if you would mind picking me up from the bar and bringing me over to Eric's house? He could do it, but he has work tomorrow and I really wanted to talk to you. I mean if you can't that's okay, it's kind of last minute and everything…" _

"No, no, I don't mind at all. Are you ready right now?" I asked her. I kind of wanted to spend the night with Edward since it was my first night officially living there, but I also wanted to see my friend. It has been a while since I got to talk with a friend and I knew Edward wouldn't mind. We had a countless amount of nights still in our future.

"_Yes I am! I'm ready whenever you are." _

"Okay, well I will be there in fifteen minutes or so. See you then."

"_Okay great! Thanks a lot, Bella!" _

"No problem. See you later." She said bye and I hung up the phone.

I really wanted to talk with Amanda. It had been a while since I had done so since I was no longer a part of the study group she was in. She was a really great friend, and I could really use a real friend right now.

"You leaving, hermosa?" Edward asked with a mouthful of food. I leaned forward on the couch and wrapped my arms lazily around his neck and pulled him back towards the couch. I kissed the side of his head and he chuckled. "Yup. Amanda needs a ride to her boyfriend's house. You can come if you want to."

He shook his head. "Nah, go chat it up with your friend and be gossipers. That's what chicks do right?"

I chuckled. "Not exactly."

"Well what the hell ever. Just go. I'll be here when you get back." My stomach did weird things when he said that and I kissed his head again. "I have to clean this fucking mess you made."

I gasped. "Me? You're the one who threw noodles at me, you jerk!"

"Yeah but then you knocked the box out of my hand and now I have to clean that shit up."

I gripped his hair and pulled his head back. I gave him a peck on the lips and got up. "Yup. You do. That better be cleaned up by the time I get back."

"Yes, boss." He said obediently. I turned back to him and bent down to kiss him again. "Stop kissing me and go already!" He said playfully.

Just so spite him, I kissed him again. "Goodbye, baby." I pulled away but he pulled me back with his lips puckered ready for a kiss. He was such a fibber. I knew he wanted to kiss me just as much as I wanted to kiss him.

"Bye. I love you."

"Love you too. I'll be home later." A huge radiant smile appeared on his face and I wondered if moving in with him was actually a good idea for my social life.

I felt like I would never want to leave home.

* * *

"Bella!" Amanda said excitedly as she got into the car.

She launched herself over the center console and wrapped her arms around my neck. I laughed and did my best to hug her back since she had the tops of my arms pinned down.

"Hey Amanda! It's so good to see you!"

She pulled away and I looked at her smiling at me. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her green eyes glowed even in the dim light. She was always so happy and go-lucky. Definitely a breath of fresh air for me.

"You too! Thank God Eric lives like a half an hour away so we can talk!"

I chuckled. "Exactly. You are going to have to help me find my way there." I had never been to Eric's house and he lived out of town. I was bad with directions in the first place so her help was essential.

"Oh no problem, just keep going straight from here for a bit." I nodded and got out of my parking spot to head down the street. It was already a little past eight, so it was dark out and my headlights lit up the street in front of me. "So how have you been? How's Edward?"

I smiled thinking about him. "I am actually fantastic with all things considered…"

"Oh no, Alice is still not back?" I shook my head no. Of course Amanda knew about that. Pretty much everyone did, but she didn't say it like she was hearing a new piece of gossip to spread around. She said it sadly and compassionately. She was worried for Edward and I. "Oh well I am sure everything will all work out in the end, Bella."

"I sure do hope so."

"But you and Edward, you're alright, right? I mean you sounded happy on the phone."

The smile reappeared on my face. "Oh yes. Edward and I are doing amazingly. I actually just moved in with him today."

She gasped and I heard her clapping. "Oh that is so great, Bella! Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged. "I haven't seen you in a while. Plus, I just moved in today. I kind of don't want Tanya and Angela to know yet. They seem to be incapable of leaving me alone."

"Ugh…you know, they are good people, but man do they have their priorities all messed up. I just want to shake them sometimes."

"I know what you mean. We were such good friends, but now it's just a chore. They don't like Edward."

"You can take this next left." She said softly, sounding sad. "I guess they just don't understand."

"I guess not, but I don't know why they can't just trust me, you know?"

She sighed. "Believe it or not, Bella, I understand what you are going through perfectly. I had a boyfriend before Eric that had something similar to what Edward has." That completely caught my attention, and I couldn't believe it. She sounded like she was going to cry, and with a glance I could tell that I was probably right. I pulled over to the side of the road. I couldn't comfort my friend while I was driving.

I turned the car off and put on the middle lights. I turned in my seat to look at her and she wiped away some of her tears. "You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to, Amanda." I said softly.

She shook her head. "No, no…it's okay. Maybe my story could help you. I don't know."

"Alright, but if you decide you want to stop, that's okay."

She nodded. "I'll cut it short, I guess. His name was Aaron. I met him when I was twenty…so about three years ago now. We clicked instantly. He was a happy guy for the most part, we started dating a week after we met, and boy did love hit me like a truck." She smiled and wiped away her tear with her fingertip. "I dated him about a month before I found out he had bipolar disorder. I walked in on him in the middle of a manic episode and…well I really don't want to talk about what happened that night, really."

I nodded. "That's perfectly okay, Amanda. Take your time."

"I stayed with him of course. I loved every other thing about him, so how could one thing pull me away, you know?" I nodded. I did know that perfectly well. "My parents practically disowned me because I wouldn't leave him, my friends didn't want to be around me, but I was happy. I had him, and he treated me like a princess." She smiled sadly and I waited for the story to take the tragic turn I knew was coming. "But he did have his moments, and I got afraid of him. He never actually hit me, but he came close a couple times. But the good outweighed the bad, so I always stayed with him."

"That's how I feel about Edward. I could never leave him just because he has a mental problem."

"And you shouldn't. He probably needs you more than you know. I guess I didn't know that about Aaron." She took a deep breath. "I went on a trip with my friends for two weeks, and he couldn't go because he had work. We were going to Florida, and I knew I would have missed him, but I was young and wanted to have fun. There was no harm in it, really."

I nodded. "Your fun doesn't stop when you have a boyfriend, so I would say that is perfectly fine."

"It was, but I was a mess when I had to leave. I cried when I left, and the first two nights I was there, and I called him every night and he would listen to me cry and try to make me cheer up and stuff. Well anyway, about a week into me being there, I got a phone call from his mother." She stopped and wiped away her tears. "He killed himself."

I gasped and felt a lump form in my throat. I did not expect that at all. "Oh my God…I'm so sorry, Amanda."

"It's okay. He got into a manic episode, and he just got lost in his head I guess and he ended it…I don't like thinking about it, but it was the worst time of my life."

I leaned over and pulled her in for a hug. "I don't really know what to say."

She squeezed me for a second and pulled away. "You don't have to say anything, Bella. I am just telling you this so you know that I understand what you are going through to an extent. I remember I used to wish I had one friend who would just be there to help me when I was with him, and even after he..." She shook her head as if getting rid of those terrible memories. Taking a deep breath she looked back at me. "I can be that friend for you. Also, I know that things can get really hard, but I know that you love Edward more than anything just by the look on your face when he is in the room, and you just need to hold onto that. He probably needs you a million times more than you need him. He's going through a hard time right now, and you shouldn't have to worry about what everyone else thinks right now. They really don't matter in the end."

I wiped away my own tear. "I know. I am trying."

"And that's all you have to do, honey. I have faith that you and Edward will work everything out, and you will end up happier than you could ever imagine. It just takes time." She wiped away her final tears.

"And you? You are happy, right?" I asked.

She nodded with a glowing smile on her face. "I am. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about Aaron, and I miss him most of the time, but I know he wouldn't want me wallowing forever. I have Eric now, and he's very different from Aaron, but still perfect for me." I smiled at her because I could see the love she had for Eric. I knew that feeling as well. "Actually, you have to promise not to tell anyone, as we are trying to keep it on the down low…"

"Okay, I promise! What is it?"

"I'm pregnant!"

I gasped and screamed in excitement for her. "That's amazing! Congratulations!"

"Thank you! We are both really excited. We didn't plan this, but how couldn't we be happy? It's our baby!"

"Of course you should be happy! Wow…"

"What about you? Have you and Edward talked about kids at all?"

My eyes popped out of my head and I shook my head quickly. "No, no, no, no…I'm only nineteen, remember?"

She brought her hand to her head as realization overtook her. "Oh that's right! I'm sorry, I kind of forget how young you are. Well then you are right, don't have kids yet."

I laughed. "Yeah, don't worry about that. But who knows…maybe one day."

"You two would make pretty babies." She said confidently and sat back straight in her seat.

I laughed. "Oh boy…"

"Hey, I'm just saying. You are very beautiful, and Edward is…well Edward is fucking hot." I laughed at her sudden outburst. "But don't worry, I got my own hot guy. Edward's all yours."

"Yeah, you better back off, bitch." I said in mock seriousness and started the car.

"Oh well okay, biatch. If you want to be like that…"

We both started laughing and I started driving off. The rest of the ride was a lot of fun, and I was kind of disappointed that it lasted such a short amount of time. She left with the both of us promising to make plans with each other more often, and I couldn't wait.

Well at least I now had a friend on my side.

* * *

When I walked back in our apartment, everything was dark and silent. It was only about 9:30, and I didn't think Edward would be sleeping. He barely slept these days, and even on a good day, he didn't sleep at 9:30, that's for sure.

"Edward?" I called.

There was no answer. I kicked my shoes off at the door and went to look for him. I saw his truck outside, so he had to be there. Unless he went out with his bike, but I didn't think he would do that so late at night. Plus he said he would be here when I got home.

I walked further into the house and went straight to our room. He wasn't in there, and his bike was in the corner. I tried to get him to keep that thing outside, but he didn't trust anyone and thought they would steal it.

I checked in the bathroom, and he wasn't there. That only left one place, and when I saw the light underneath the door that remained in the dark for all this time, my heart sunk. I took a calming breath and opened the door slowly. It looked the same since the last time I had been in there to pack her stuff. I didn't get to pack much. Mostly just her clothes and a few of her toys. I also put in the picture of me, her, and Edward. I hoped they let her keep that.

The only addition to the room was my Edward sitting on the floor at the end of her bed with a box open and papers all around him. He had one in his shaking hand and he stared down at it. I could see the tears on his cheeks. They were dried tears, but he was biting his lip to hold back the others and the scene broke my heart.

I walked over to him and sat down beside him. I took his free hand and he squeezed onto mine tightly. Amanda's words came back to me. _He needs me way more than I probably know._ I made a promise to myself right then and there that I would do whatever I had to do to make sure he always had me. He would never feel like he was alone in anything for the rest of his life.

"I started this box with her when she started school." He said softly and sniffled a bit. I ran my thumb along the back of his hand. "I thought it would be cool for her to see how she progressed in school and maybe she could appreciate what school meant. I always hated school. I didn't want that for her."

I looked down at the paper he held in his hand, and it was a picture she drew. The date on the bottom left corner in Edward's handwriting said '2007' so she must have been in pre-school or kindergarten. It was a picture of a lot of circles in different colors and what looked like a few attempts at flowers.

"She never really liked drawing. I taught her how to draw circles for about an hour one night, and she just gave up on me and got frustrated. Then the next day, she came home with this thing." He handed it over to me and looked at me with a small smile. "One of the proudest moments of my life. She was taking what I taught her and used it."

"She will do that for all her life, baby." I said softly and placed the paper down on the ground and picked up another one. I chuckled at the words on the page. "'I want to give my brother Edward worms for dinner'?" I asked him.

He laughed. "I guess they were teaching her to write full sentences, and she was mad at me that day because…well I don't really remember why, but she wrote that sentence. When I went to pick her up, the teacher couldn't stop laughing and said she admired Alice's drive to get what she wanted because she tried to change her mind on the sentence."

"Another thing you taught her."

He nodded. "Yeah I know." He looked around the room. "I don't even really know why I came in here. I thought it would hurt, you know? It did. I mean it _really _did, but…I don't know. She is missing this room, so why should I just let it sit here untouched like she never existed or won't be back?"

"She will be back."

He nodded. "I know." He looked over to me and crossed his legs facing me. He took both of my hands in his. "Don't think I'm completely miserable, Bella. I can't even tell you how much it means to me, and how happy it makes me to know that you live with me now."

"I'm happy too."

He smiled crookedly. "Good. I am too, I just kind of feel like this isn't complete."

I nodded and he wiped away my tears. "I know. I miss her too, and her being here would make this day perfect."

"It's already perfect, beautiful. She called, and if that's not a sign, then I don't know what is. She called today of all days…she will be back with us, and she will be happy."

I nodded and pulled him to me for a kiss. He kissed me softly, and I felt another tear fall. I knew why I was crying…but not really. It was out of sadness, happiness, and realization; sadness in knowing that he still hurt so deeply at times, happiness because he was slowly gaining his confidence back and coming to terms with the way things were. And realization that I made him happy no matter what. I had that kind of effect on him. All I wanted for Edward was a touch of happiness in his everyday life and I loved knowing that I could give him that simply by being there for him.

I hoped he knew he gave me the same comfort.

* * *

I practically jumped out of my car when I pulled up to home that Monday. I had to stay late to cover detentions, and it wasn't fun _at all. _Edward wasn't even home either, which made it worse. He told me he was going to go by the shelter after his therapy for a little while. I would have gone with him if I didn't have to go home late. I always wanted to visit there since he talked so highly about it all the time.

I ran up the steps of the apartment and planned on putting all my stuff away and visiting Bev for a bit. I guess I should have gotten started on homework, but I didn't feel like it. When I reached the top of the steps, all of my plans went out the window.

"Mom? Dad?" I asked in shock.

They both turned to look at me. Angry expressions on both of their faces and Bev standing next to them nervously.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well this is where you live now, right?" My mom asked condescendingly.

_Shit. _

"Right." I didn't tell them I moved in with Edward. I knew, it was stupid of me, but I really did plan on doing it that week. I just wanted to move in and get settled before I told them because I knew it wouldn't end well at all. I wasn't going to tell them before and give them time to try and tell me what to do. I could make my own decisions. When I told them, I wanted it to be just that…telling them. I didn't want to give them an opportunity to think I was asking them.

"And when were you planning on telling this Isabella?" My mother asked angrily.

"Mom, calm down. Let's go inside. I don't want to do this out in the hallway."

She huffed and I looked at my dad. He looked emotionless, but that usually meant he was absolutely furious. My hands start to sweat as I thought about what was really going on. This wouldn't end well.

I walked up to the door and unlocked it.

"It was nice meeting you." Bev said to my parents.

"You too, Beverly." My mom said.

"I'll just be next door." She said and gave me a look. I sighed and opened the door. My parents followed after me and I put my keys on the table by the door. I walked into the living room, and they followed after me.

"How did you know?" I asked as I turned to them.

"Oh we just found out about an hour ago!" I gave her a confused look. "We came into town because we heard that our daughter was in a relationship with a criminal and was keeping it from us."

My hands clenched at my sides. _Tanya and Angela did this. I knew it. _But they weren't what mattered right then. What was done was done.

"He's not a criminal." I said.

"That is a lie and you know it!" My dad finally bursted out with. I jumped at the tone of his voice. _Fuck he was angry…_

"Dad! He isn't a criminal. You don't understand…"

"Enough!" He said. "There is nothing to understand! I saw his record…his list goes on and on."

"Dad you promised me you would never do that again!"

"I did it to protect you, and I am here to protect you again. You need to leave this house right now. I forbid you to live here with a violent criminal."

I stepped back. _How dare he? _"You must be crazy if you think I will leave just because you told me to. I am _not _leaving. I am an adult, and I make my own decisions."

"Bella you are barely an adult! You may not realize this now, but this is a terrible mistake." My mom said a little calmer, but she just looked sad and she started crying. "How am I going to be able to sleep at night if I don't know you are safe?" She asked.

"Oh Mom that is complete bullshit! You both know Edward! You know how good he is to me! How can you just write all that off because he has made a few mistakes? Plus he can't control it! He has a mental illness…"

"Oh and that is supposed to make us feel better?" My dad asked loudly. I felt a headache coming on. I had no way to prepare for this.

"You don't _understand. _No one does. He needs me." I crossed my arms and bit my lip. I hated they were upset with me, but I wouldn't turn my back on Edward. It was like I was being pulled apart. "Alice was taken away from him. Did Tanya and Angela tell you that?"

My mom's shoulders dropped and walked over to me. "They didn't, and that is really sad, but you can't just stay with someone out of obligation. You must deep down want to be free of that kind of burden…"

I held up my hands. "No, no, stop it! You have this completely twisted. I am _not _with Edward out of obligation. I am here with him and living with him because I love him. He needs me, and I need him. And he is in no way _at all _a burden to me and how dare you even assume something like that when you have no idea what we have been through together."

My dad pointed a finger and continued with the bashing of Bella. "Bella, if you are not out of this house by the end of the week, you can kiss the money we are paying to put you through college goodbye. I will not have my adult daughter acting like a child. This is pure stupidity."

I felt like I had been slapped in the face. No, actually, a slap in the face probably wouldn't have hurt as much. Amanda's words came back to me in how her parents disowned her…I didn't want that. I wanted Edward and I wanted my parents to respect that. I wanted everyone to accept that! _What was so hard about that? _

"Dad…"

"Don't 'dad' me Isabella. You are living with a man who almost killed another man! That doesn't bother you at all?" He asked furiously.

"Dad it's not like that…you don't understand…"

"You're damn right I don't understand. I don't understand how my smart daughter could act so stupid…"

The door the apartment slammed shut and I jumped. I didn't even hear it open. I wiped the tears from my eyes and watched Edward walk slowly into the room with a look of contained anger on his face. He gave me a quick glance, and then his eyes landed on my father. They both stared each other down.

"You." My dad said pointing at Edward and walking over to him. "You are not allowed next to my daughter anymore." He said.

Luckily Edward didn't look close to an episode. Although that could change…

_Fuck off. _

Edward just stared at him confidently. "I'm sorry sir, but that is not going to happen."

I looked at Edward in amazement. There was a new born confidence in him that I hadn't seen before. I stared at him in wonderment. He was taking a stand. He was standing up for what he wanted and he wasn't taking what my parents said to heart or blaming himself. I didn't know how much he heard, but I guess it didn't matter.

Edward was getting stronger. Could it be because of me? Possibly. But I thought it was just Edward growing and learning from the shit life threw at him. He had faced the worst pain—and was still facing it— and I thought he just realized that he could handle anything after that.

Although by the look on my father's face, I knew this wouldn't be an easy fight.

It didn't matter.

We would get through it together.

We were each other's strength.

* * *

_I thought that the world had lost its sway;  
It's so hard sometimes.  
Then I fell in love with you,  
Then came you,  
And you took that away.  
It's not so difficult,  
The world is not so difficult.  
You take away the old,  
Show me the new,  
And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you._

_**Calling You, by Blue October**_

* * *

**Well FINALLY I can update this chapter lol…as most of you know, has been down these past couple of days, and I have been unable to login, but now I finally got to! lol sorry for the delay. **

**Big…HUGE thank you to Alexa for squeezing me into her busy schedule and being pretty much the best pre-reader in the history of the world…yup, she officially has that title. But no one go stealing her from me! LOL**

**Well anyways, I am thinking about creating a separate story that will include outtakes for this story including…oh I don't know…an Alice POV starting from the day she was taken away from the house…I don't know. It's a possibility, so look out for that or yell at me to do it, or not do it. Don't know. **

**Anyways, I hope you all liked this chapter and next chapter should be out soon, and spoiler alert…it's EPOV. **

**Review please!**


	39. Chapter 38: Standing By You

**Chapter 38: Standing By You**

**EPOV**

"This is big, Edward…huge."

"That's what she said." I said as I took another pillow case out of the package.

Alan laughed softly. Everything about Alan was soft…actually, that came out completely wrong. I had no idea how the guy felt…just saying. He could be soft or hard…that's what she said…this was the part where I shut up.

_Anyways, _like I was saying, everything about Alan was…calm. Yeah, that's better.

You would probably guess he was high all the time. I had to admit, he did look like a hippie, and with his laid back personality, it wouldn't be an invalid observation, but it was far from the truth. He was _the _nicest guy I had ever met, and probably would ever meet, and he had insane morals and didn't swear at all. When you put me next to him, I looked like a fucking piece of trash with no respect or manners, even though I did have respect and manners…when they were deserved that is. And me looking like a piece of trash would be open to interpretation…people had different opinions.

He ripped open another package that held a pillow. "Is your head ever out of the gutter?" He asked.

"Is your head ever out of the clouds?" I retorted.

Another fun thing about being with Alan, it was so easy to tease him. He didn't take any of it to heart, and I didn't mean any harm at all—I had an immense amount of respect for the guy—but it was still fun, and he seemed to enjoy it. Like me, he also didn't get much social interaction, except with the people of the shelter. He didn't have a girlfriend and both of his parents died. He had a lot of money, but he put it all into the shelter. _See?_ The guy was a walking Saint, I swear it.

"Touché, my friend. Touché."

I folded up the last pillow case. "In all seriousness though…this is fucking amazing."

We just got a new donation from some anonymous company that donated all new bedding to the shelter. There were hundreds of pillows, pillow cases, blankets, and sheets that would last a _long _time. When I went to the shelter that morning, they all came in before I left. It sucked I had to leave—therapy—but I went back right when I got out so I could help Alan out. Plus Leah wasn't having a good day…I couldn't figure out why. I wanted to make sure she was alright before I left. She was a good kid, but man did she have some problems in life.

"It truly is. Takes a big weight off of my shoulders, that's for sure."

I nodded and picked up the pieces of plastic on the floor and put them in the gigantic trash bin. It was almost as big as me. "Hey Alan, jump in, I'll give you a ride." I said, putting the trash can in his direction.

He shook his head. "I don't think so, man. That is a trash bin."

"A trash bin that I just bleached the hell out of about two hours ago and is filled with plastic as of present. Jump in, I'm serious. Live a little." I was making it my job to make Alan have a little fun in his life. He swore he had fun by doing what he did for the shelter, and I believed him, but I felt he needed to loosen up a bit.

He sighed and took out his cell phone. Without wasting a moment, I darted my hand forward and snatched it from his hands.

"Hey!" He said in shock.

"Guess who isn't getting this back until he takes a ride in the stink-mobile?" I said throwing the phone from hand to hand.

"Why? Why would I even do this, Edward?" He asked sounding genuinely curious.

That's another thing about Alan. He liked reasons. He never did anything without a reason which of course was good because…well it was Alan.

"Why _not?_ Trust me, you won't regret it. I will even let you give me a ride. Hell, I would love a fucking ride, so you better promise me that shit." I wasn't lying either. Everyone loved a ride in a contraption with wheels. It's human nature. I knew Bella would be all over that shit. I could just picture it. I would be like, 'hey chick, get in the trash can and I'll give you a ride.' Then I would see that excitement in her eyes, but her being Bella, she would be all 'no way, dude, that's gross.' Then I would call her a chicken or something to make that competitive streak go through her, and then she would get in there and have the best time…well the best time anyone could have while riding in a trash can. It's the little things in life…trifles if you will.

"Fine. I guess so." He said in defeat.

"Oh shit, Alan is breaking the rules!" I held the trash bin steady and he started to climb into it.

"I own this place and nowhere does it say 'no trash can riding' so I think I am good."

"Oh shit, Alan. I think you are too badass for me. And here I thought I was the criminal."

He rolled his eyes and got himself situated in the trash bin. "Don't be ridiculous. We both know you're not a criminal."

Alan knew my whole story. Yes, I told him. I felt that I could, so why not? We had a lot of downtime and what not, and it felt good to have male friend…hell, it felt good to have a friend. It wasn't until I met Alan and he called me his friend that I realized I never really had one of those. I mean, of course I had Bev and Bella, but they were more like family to me than anything…well actually, Bella was my friend—my best friend—but she was way more than that, she was on a different level.

"Yeah, whatever." I started pushing him out of the room and he laughed.

"This is completely absurd."

"You're absurd! Just wait until we get out of this little room." I opened the door and pushed him through. I saw that long expanse of empty hallway and began my sprint down it. Alan's hands shot out to the sides and he gripped there tightly. I laughed at his reaction and went a little faster. Once at the end of the hallway, I had to make a sharp turn and almost made him tip over. "Shit!" I said.

"Edward! Stop! You're going to get me killed!"

"Don't be a pussy!"

I ran again to the other side of the hallway and he laughed this time. I laughed along with him and I couldn't believe we were really doing this. Although, these were the things I felt I would do with my friends. Stupid, yet harmless things. I made another sharp turn and didn't almost tip over poor Alan. I laughed along with him and I was glad that my stupid thinking could get him to loosen up a bit.

"Edward, alright stop!" He yelled between laughs. I tried to turn in one more corner and lost my footing.

"Fuck!" I fell over and dragged Alan down with me.

The wind was knocked out of me when I fell and I looked over and saw Alan scrambling frantically to get out of the trash bin while it rolled around on the floor. That shit was fucking funny so I laughed my ass off. He finally got up and fixed his glasses. His long hair was all over the place and he pushed it out of his face and glared at me. He didn't really scare me…it only made me laugh harder.

"You will pay for this, Edward. I promise you that."

I hopped up from the floor and started picking up the plastic that fell out of the bin along with Alan. "I'm looking forward to it, man. Let the war begin."

He shook his head and got up again. "I'll see you in the main room. We are closing soon."

The shelter opened at noon for everyone to have lunch, and then they could stay for three hours at the most if they wanted to, and then when three came around, Alan had to send them out. The only reason for that was to clean up really good and then get everything ready for dinner and get them all to bed and out of there early in the morning.

"Alright." I said and started bringing the bin out back.

Once out there, I picked up the bag and threw it in the dumpster. I took my phone out and saw that it was already 2:45 and Bella wasn't out of work yet. She said she had to cover detentions so she wouldn't be home until a little later, so I would stay at the shelter a bit longer. Home wasn't the same without her, so I tried to avoid there whenever I could when she wasn't there. I start thinking about things when I was alone in there and I ended up going into Alice's room and I just missed her even more.

It was the worst kind of torture.

I walked back inside and put the trash bin back in the janitor's closet. I smiled every time I walked in that damn place because it reminded me of Bella and I's time in that closet at the bar and where we met Emmett. Although I was sure that guy probably thinks I was a fucking psycho by now. Oh well. I thought we could have become friends, but I guess not. At least I had Alan now.

I went into the main room and looked at all of the people there. It dwindled down a lot and there were only about forty people lounging around and making conversation with the people around them. It was extremely eye-opening working at a place like the shelter. I saw so many people that have virtually nothing, yet they were always smiling and appreciated a lot of the little things. This was a place I would love to take Alice. She could learn so much being at the shelter. She could see things that I could never really teach her.

I spotted Leah sitting in the corner with Claire sitting on her lap with her fist in her mouth looking around at everyone in the room. Claire was a really cute baby, and was very laid back. Completely different from Alice. Alice couldn't sit still for more than five minutes.

I pulled up a chair next to Leah and sat on it backwards so I could lean on the back of the chair. Leah looked over at me, but didn't say anything and her facial expression didn't change at all.

"Hello." I said. I reached over and shook Claire's little hand. "Hello Ms. Claire." She looked over at me and didn't smile, but she kicked her little legs. She wasn't much of a smiler, but she was still young. I looked back at Leah. "What's going on?"

She gave me a sideways glance and ran her hand through Claire's little tuft of black hair on her head. "Shouldn't you be working?" She asked.

"Nope. I'm here on my own free will."

She sighed. "So you won't leave me alone, huh?"

"Nah probably not. Not until you tell me what has you all grumpy." She shrugged her shoulders and stared at the wall before her. I sighed and gave her a couple minutes. She wasn't budging. "You know, babies can pick up on emotions. I'm sure Claire won't be happy that her mother is upset." I get that was kind of a bad way to try and get it out of her by making her feel guilty, but I just wanted to help her, and I ran out of ideas.

She glared at me. "I'm not upset."

"But you're not, _not_ upset."

She kept that glare on full force. I guessed it was a teenage thing, and I guessed it's good to get used to that now since Alice would be hitting that stage in a bit. She _will_ be with me to be able to deal with that stuff. The teen years; couldn't fucking wait.

"I'm just confused and slightly pissed off." She snapped at me.

I noticed that she looked a little bit better though, and she sighed. There. I knew she needed to get that out.

"About what exactly?"

I was able to break through the surface, and the rest just came pouring out. "I saw my mom at the grocery store yesterday. I got some money from one of my friends…"

"Whoa, what friend?"

"It's not _him, _Edward. I told you I am done with him and the drugs and…yeah. Not him."

"Alright, I am just checking."

She let out a frustrated sigh and pulled Claire up her lap. "Anyway. I got it from a friend and I went to get Claire some formula, and she was there, and she…well in a nutshell she wants me to go back home."

"Well that's good then, right?"

The only reason Leah was out on the street was because she got pregnant when she did. She had it with some drug junkie low life asshole purely out of teenage stupidity and she owns up to that. Shit happens. I sure knew that whole business. Anyway, her mom kicked her out of the house and she had been homeless ever since. She jumped around from house to house of her friends and scratches for money to feed Claire and herself, and the shelter had helped her with that a lot. She didn't like taking food from her friends and what not, so that was why she went to the shelter every day.

"Well yeah…sure, but there is no way in hell I am going there."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Her boyfriend is still there."

I scratched my head. "Oh…you don't like him?"

"He's a piece of shit drunken asshole who beats my mother and hit me so no…I hate that dickhead." She snapped again and I was taken aback. She did not tell me that part of the story. When she told me, I felt like going over there and fucking beating the shit out of that ass for even laying a hand on her. _She's just a kid! I really hate people sometimes…_

"Okay, so I think it would be smarter for you not to go back there unless your mom gets rid of that guy." I said honestly. I would never tell her that it would be best for her and Claire to have a stable home or whatever. That wasn't a stable home. "You're okay though, right?"

She looked over at me and I saw tears forming in her eyes. "I don't know."

I pushed my chair closer to her and leaned over the back of it trying to catch her attention. She looked at me and a tear fell. "Now stop all that, Leah." I said and she wiped away her tears. "I know life is a fucking shitty sometimes, but you can't let the bad overtake you and bring you down." I was recalling the things I had learned so she didn't have to go through anything near as painful as I did. I was telling her all I learned from Bella being in my life. "You need to listen to me right now…don't you dare give up because trust me, I know all about giving up, I have done it a lot in my life, but you can't let that happen. You should be happy. You have Claire, and she needs you and she loves you more than anyone in this world ever will, and you don't want to ruin that by thinking only about the bad things."

She started crying some more, and that wasn't my intention. She started shaking and Claire looked up at her and I saw her little lip start quivering as well. I got up and turned the chair around. I reached over and took Claire into my arms and put her over my shoulder. I sat down and patted her back and she relaxed on my shoulder. I swallowed trying not to freak the fuck out. I didn't know what it was, but I had this horrible feeling inside when I interacted with kids. I felt terrible…absolutely horrible about myself when I played with them, made them laugh, or comforted them when I couldn't even do it for my favorite kid…hell, favorite person in the whole world. It was hard.

"I don't know what to do, Edward! I can't get a job and I am always so scared that I won't be able to feed Claire or…" She wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her shirt. "I don't know! It's just like everything is all wrong! And then I start resenting the fact I got pregnant in the first place, and then I look at her and she's so innocent and I love her so much…but then I think…I can't even talk about it because I am so disgusted with myself."

I looked around and say a lot of people staring in our direction. I sighed and got up. "Come on. Let's go outside." I said.

She nodded and got up. I walked over to the front door and looked for Alan. He was staring at us with a concerned look on his face as he talked with an older woman. He nodded in my direction and I gave him a slight nod back. Leah walked out of the side door and I followed after with Claire falling asleep on my shoulder.

"I just don't know where to go from here, Edward."

"I can help you as best I can. I would say start off by getting a job."

"I can't do that!"

"And why not?"

"Where would you suppose I brought, Claire? I can't afford daycare and I will _not _ask my friends. They barely know how to hold her!" She was pacing in front of me in short distances.

I felt terrible for her and wanted to help her. I racked my brain for what I could do, and then it all came to me…Bev.

"Look, do me a favor. Go out and find a job today. Try the best you can, and I will find you a babysitter for Claire." I said. I could ask Bev. I would make sure she really wanted to do it though and not just do it because I asked her. I knew Bev was getting older, but she was amazing with children and I knew she would want to help Leah out. I would do it or ask Bella, but we were kind of busy and plus I thought maybe Bev would want to do it. She mostly stayed home all day with nothing to do, and I noticed she gets really sad a lot of the times. Bella and I both had things to distract us from missing Alice, but Bev didn't really have anything and maybe this could help her.

"I couldn't ask you to do that, Edward."

"When did you ask me?" I asked her.

She looked at me and smiled. _Well there it is. _

"Are you serious?" She asked.

"I never tell lies." I said dramatically and she laughed.

"I would owe you for the rest of my life. I'm not even kidding at all."

I picked Claire up from my shoulder and held her in front of me. She didn't end up falling asleep and she was chewing on her fist. Her dark but bright eyes shown at me and I couldn't help but smile. Little babies were so fucking cute.

I handed her back over to Leah and she took her with ease. "Nah, you don't owe me anything really. Just promise me that you will not under any circumstances settle for less. You are smart, Leah. You just need to think about what is really important."

She smiled down at Claire. "It's her."

"Exactly."

The doors started opening all around as everyone started coming out. I guessed that meant it was three. Bella should be heading home soon so that meant I needed to head home as well.

"Well I guess I will see you tomorrow. I got to get home to the wifey." I said.

"I thought you weren't married?"

"Oh I'm not."

"Well then why are you calling her your wife?"

"I can't call her my wife if we aren't married?"

She laughed. "That's kind of how it goes…it's the rules."

I reached over and put my hands over Claire's ears. "Fuck the rules."

Leah laughed and I took my hands away. "You know, I am kind of scared to meet this 'wifey' of yours. I have a strange feeling that she is as crazy as you."

"Oh yeah, she's bat-shit crazy…crazier than me even."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh boy…"

"Edward, are you scaring people away?" Alan's voice came from my side.

I never knew when he was walking next to me. Again, everything about him was…I didn't even know. It was fucking weird but comforting at the same time.

"He really is. You should make him clean more toilets or something." Leah said shift Claire to her other arm.

"Maybe I will." Alan said.

I looked between the two of them. "Oh I see what it is. Pick on the criminal. Awesome." I said flatly. "I'm leaving because I just can't take this abuse." I said in a dramatic voice.

"See you tomorrow, Edward!" Alan said.

They were already used to my 'quirks' and man did it feel good to be myself around them. I was brought back to Bella…if it weren't for her, I would have never made friends with Alan and Leah…_I guess everything happens for a reason. _

"Yeah! Thank you, Edward!" Leah called out and I waved to them before heading to my truck to get home to Bella.

It would be the first day I ever got to do that officially.

* * *

On the way to the front door, I noticed some of those yellow flower things that were growing up from the grass.

I remembered a conversation I had with Bella in which she expressed her resentfulness of them. She hated that they grew out of nowhere like they owned the place, and when her mom did work on the yard, she would always make Bella pick all of them out of the yard and she has hated them ever since.

So I decided to pick some so I could give them to her.

It would be good for shits and giggles. I knew she wouldn't get offended or anything. She would probably think it was sweet because the chick was fucking twisted_. If she hates the things, why would she like them because I gave them to her?_ Well I guessed there is a good chance that she could get mad and throw them in my face, but that would be equally amusing because I know she would only be kidding around. It took a lot for Bella to actually get mad at someone. With me, she usually got mad at me when I opened my mouth or acted lazy. She also wasn't a fan of my stubbornness, but she wasn't the least stubborn person, let's just say that.

That was what was great about being with Bella though. Even though I get her mad every once in a while and we have our fair share of arguments, she still loved me. I could say that I didn't understand how she did it, but I did. I would love her even if she liked to collect her toe nails or some shit…well actually that was pretty fucking weird, but anyway…I didn't even know how some things get into my mind. I thought I needed to get admitted.

The point was I loved her. End of story.

Moving on…I walked into the house and jogged up the steps. I stopped suddenly when I got this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach thinking about the day Alice and I had a race up the steps and I cheated and beat her. She got absolutely pissed at me and made me play again fairly. She beat me. I didn't hear the end of it until she went to bed that night.

It was moments like that when I was just bombarding with this memory of her that I started feeling nauseous and just not right about myself. It's like I remembered things that I hadn't thought of before. I think I sort of took advantage of the memories of her in a way. She was always around, and we were always creating new ones, that I didn't really get to think back on them.

We had a good life.

It just sucked and sickened me to the core that I couldn't have appreciated those little moments when she was there. Especially when I was alone, I would think about all of the things I could have done. I could have bought her that cat earlier, I could have let her have that extra snack after dinner, I could have given her an extra hug or kiss before she went to bed…I could have told her that I loved her more. So many things that I could have done, but I didn't, and I was left feeling hopeless and lost without her.

My thoughts began to take over and I really thought I would throw up, so I walked slowly up the steps to get myself together and get to Bella so she could take away the twisting in my stomach.

As I approached the door however, I heard the mumbling of rushed voices inside. My attention completely shifted to what was going on in my house. I heard a muffled male's voice and I began to panic. _Jacob better not fucking be in my house or else I will fucking…fuck I don't even know. _

"No, no, stop it!" I heard Bella say loudly and I got even more nervous, I had my hand on the doorknob when she continued. "You have this completely twisted. I am not with Edward out of obligation." _I don't think that's Jacob she would be talking to. "_I am here with him and living with him because I love him. He needs me, and I need him. And he is in no way at all a burden to me and how dare you even assume something like that when you have no idea what we have been through together."

Her words struck me. It wasn't anything I didn't know, but it was different hearing her say that to someone else. Who that was, I didn't know at that moment, but I really didn't understand how someone like her, someone so perfect for me, existed. It…I…I didn't even know what to say. Bella truly made me believe in soul mates, and there was no doubt in my mind that she was mine. I didn't mean to sound corny, but it was true. I knew it is true for a fact, but I didn't have any hard evidence. If someone asked me how I knew, I would just say it's not something that you had to learn, it's just something you _knew. _I just knew she was made for me because I could feel it. It's as simple or as complicated as that depending on how you looked at it.

"Bella, if you are not out of this house by the end of the week, you can kiss the money we are paying to put you through college goodbye."

_Fuck. _It was her dad. She told me she hadn't told her parents we were moving in together and I told her she should have but she insisted it would be for the best and I didn't want to fight her on it, but _fuck_ he sounded pissed.

"I will not have my adult daughter acting like a child. This is pure stupidity."

At those words, I opened the door quietly. I didn't want them to notice me so I could prepare myself for what the fuck I was going to say. I felt angry. Yes, maybe it irrational, but he pretty much called her stupid, and dad or not, that pissed me off. Bella was anything but stupid and for anyone to tell her that…fuck it pissed me off.

But I knew I couldn't flip on him. Bella would _hate _that and she would most likely get upset with me. I could see where Charlie was coming from, but I knew deep down that I would never hurt Bella. I didn't care. I needed to be selfish. I needed her and that was that. I wouldn't let anything come between us because she was the only thing keeping me sane and it got to a point where I couldn't live without her. She made me feel like I was worth something to her, and she meant the world to me, and I couldn't just let that go for anything.

I knew that, and she knew that, so we would have to sort this out, but that wouldn't happen if I lapsed into some kind of episode and who knew what I would do if that happened. It wouldn't end well just like all my other episodes.

"Dad…" She said like she was hurt. I wanted to walk further inside but I needed to prepare myself.

"Don't 'dad' me Isabella. You are living with a man who almost killed another man! That doesn't bother you at all?"

I ran my hand through my hair and tried really fucking hard to remember that I wasn't a murderer. I didn't wake up in the morning wanting to hurt people. I was just fucked up. I didn't know how I would get him to understand that…

"Dad it's not like that…you don't understand…"

_See? We think the same, we…I just can't lose her to something like this, and I wouldn't allow her parents to get upset with her over me. _

"You're damn right I don't understand. I don't understand how my smart daughter could act so stupid…"

I gripped my hand on the door knob trying to control my anger. I just had to do that for Bella. I shut the door loud enough so they could hear me.

_Here goes nothing…_

I walked in slowly. I didn't want her parents thinking I was going to come in guns blazing and acting like I was the shit or something. I wasn't. I knew I screwed up; my screw ups cost me a lot, so why couldn't I just hold onto the one thing that keeps me happy without people are trying to make us let go?

When I walked into the room, three pairs of eyes landed on me; two of them angry and accusing and the third one, the most important one looked sad, defeated, and close to tears. _I need to fix this. _

"You." Charlie said fiercely taking steps closer to me. I didn't move. I would take his anger as long as he didn't redirect it onto Bella. She picked up so many pieces of my life, and it was my turn to do the same for her. "You are not allowed next to my daughter anymore."

Without hesitation, I said, "I'm sorry sir, but that is not going to happen." I glanced over at Bella and she looked at me with an expression I couldn't decipher and she bit her lip lightly.

"Excuse me?" He asked and took another step toward me. "Do you really think you can defy me? This is my daughter we are talking about!"

_Don't flip out, this is Bella's dad…_

"With all due respect sir," I tried to stay calm, I really did. I think it worked. I couldn't really tell. "You can't tell me what to do."

Then I didn't know what happened, but before I could even comprehend a thought, I had a pair of hands gripping the collar of my shirt and my back hit the wall behind me. My breath was knocked out of me, I could see the livid look on Charlie's face and hear the sound of Bella's scream.

"Dad! What are you doing?" She screamed and ran over to us. She put her hands on his and pulled them away from my neck. He didn't let go at first. "Dad! Get your hands off of him!" She yelled and he must have finally got the point because he let go. His eyes never left my face and I maintained that eye contact. Bella stood in between us facing her father. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She screamed and Charlie finally took his eyes off of me to look at Bella.

"Do you honestly expect me to like his guy after what he did?" He asked of her.

"You don't have to love him, but you can at least have the respect to not put your hands on him in his own home!"

"Charlie she's right, that was completely uncalled for." Renee said from behind him. He didn't even acknowledge her and looked back at Bella.

"Oh so now I'm the bad guy." He said.

"Dad this isn't a competition!" Bella said loudly and I could hear the tears in her voice.

I couldn't see her face, but I could just tell. I wanted to reach out for her hand, but I didn't know what Charlie would do. Apparently he had some temper issues.

"Well I don't see him defending himself!" He said.

"I…" I started.

"No." Bella said firmly and held her hand up to me. "You don't have to explain anything to him." She turned back to her dad. "He isn't going to fight you dad because he knows that would be stupid, basically, and he obviously has more respect than you do. And you want me to leave him, why?"

He deflected the question. "You do know that none of this would have happened if you would have told me about your boyfriend's criminal record in the first place."

"And you would have reacted just like this! I don't want you two to hate each other!" She sniffled and a sob overtook her and I didn't care what her father thought. I would fix this for her, that's all I knew.

I reached for her hand and pulled her to look at me. Her face was filled with tears and I wiped them away with both of my hands and held her face. "Why don't you and your mom go see Bev." I said looking into her sad eyes that I wanted to change. "I will talk to your father alone."

"No, Edward, he is obviously being irrational."

"I'm a big kid. I can do it." She smiled slightly and I loved that I could make her smile a little bit when she was so upset.

She nodded and pulled my hand from her face and kissed my palm. She turned back to her parents. Charlie was looking at us curiously.

"Dad, are you willing to stop being a bully long enough to just talk to him?"

"I can't make any promises."

"Dad…"

"No, Bella." I said and she turned slightly towards me. "It's fine."

She nodded her head and Renee walked over to her and hooked her arm around Bella's. Renee looked over at me, and by the look on her face, I could tell that she forgave me or at least accepted the fact that I would never leave Bella and she wouldn't leave me no matter what.

The both of them headed out and when the door closed, it was just me and him. He was completely pissed off, but I just hoped he would listen.

"Do you want to sit down?" I asked.

"No."

"Okay." I put my hands in my pockets. There was an extended moment of silence before I broke it. "I'm trying to think of what to say to you to make you understand where I am coming from, but all I can come up with is that I love your daughter."

"Loving someone doesn't mean that you won't hurt them."

"I am aware of that sir, and I can't promise that I won't hurt her…emotionally at least. No one's relationship is perfect." I said honestly.

"Did you really just say that?" He asked seeming to get angrier.

I shrugged. "Would you rather I lie to you and tell you that I will never get her mad or make her cry or anything like that for the rest of our lives?" I could see reason enter him and he knew I was right. I couldn't make that promise because all couples fought and got mad at each other no matter how much they loved each other.

"My daughter deserves someone who won't bring her down, and I have seen many instances where partners of criminals get sent to jail or lose their homes when they are innocent."

I shook my head. "I'm not a criminal, sir."

"Your record tells me differently. You nearly killed a man only a couple of months ago, and now my daughter is living with you! Do you expect me to be happy about that?" He asked incredulously.

"No, I don't expect you to be happy about it, but I would like to think that you will let me explain to you what happened that night and a little bit about myself." He gave me a hesitant look. I think he was on the fence on whether he should trust me or not. "At least try for Bella's sake."

He gave me a hard look and then nodded shortly. "Fine." He turned away from me and sat down on the couch. I followed slowly after him and sat down at the other end.

I leaned forward, put my forearms on my knees and clasped my hands together in front of me. I took a deep breath and looked up at him. "I have a disease called Intermittent Explosive Disorder or IED. Have you heard of it?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yes."

"Okay, well I have been struggling with it for years now, and I really can't control it when I snap into an episode or I just really angry I don't know…"

"So how do I know you won't hit my daughter in your fits of rage?"

I shook my head. "I promise you I would never put my hands on her." I said finally. I would never, ever do that her. I didn't think I was capable.

"Fair enough." He said tentatively. "Continue…"

I nodded. "Alright, well that night I fought that guy, I did have an episode, but he completely caused it when he put hand on Bella and then proceeded to threaten my little sister." I swallowed back the lump in my throat. I hadn't really talked about it since it happened.

His eyes bugged out of his head. "Little Alice? She's only six years old!"

I nodded and clenched my fists. "I know, I know, but please can we not talk about that."

He nodded. "Alright, I'm sorry."

I sighed and tried to calm myself. Thinking about what that fucking low life said about Alice made me want to kill him for real. _How fucking dare he?_ "I'm sure you could understand where I was coming from, right? I mean, I love Alice more than anything, and she was like a daughter to me pretty much her whole life. I'm sure you understand that need to protect your little girl."

He sighed. "I do."

I could see that he truly understood and I hoped that meant that he would understand that I wasn't a criminal and I in no way would bring Bella down. That was never my intention; my intentions were actually exactly the opposite although I knew I didn't do a good job.

"Okay, so I admit; I did beat the hell out of that guy, and they do tell me that he almost died, but I…I don't know, I can't really say I regret it completely because I was defending my sister and your daughter. That guy is sketchy, and I know that. I don't trust him, and I hate him." I ran my hand through my hair. I felt I was just rambling and not getting to the point. "I realize that it is wrong, but I…I don't know." I was fucking things up. I couldn't even explain myself.

"No, it's fine. I guess I understand."

"Really?"

He smiled slightly. "I just pushed you against the wall ready to choke you because I wanted to protect my daughter. I would be a hypocrite if I said I didn't understand, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, maybe."

"I'm sorry about that…I just lost my head. I was mad that I didn't hear any of this. How was I supposed to understand when no one told me? I just got angry and lost control, I'm sorry."

I laughed humorlessly…or maybe it was really funny; who knows. "Trust me. I understand more than you know."

He smiled. "Yeah I guess you do."

"I would understand if you hate me. I guess we kind of have this mutual understanding of what we would do to protect our little girls, so I wouldn't mind if you did hate me. All I ask is that you don't blame this on Bella or take things away from her just because she decides to stay with me." That was all I really cared about. As long as Bella had as much people on her side as she could, I wouldn't mind_ everyone_ hating me.

"She should have told me, and you should have at least come clean about your past, Edward. All of this could have probably been avoided."

I sighed and leaned back on the couch. "I know, and I told her that, but she didn't know what the right thing would have been. How would you have reacted when she introduces her boyfriend as some mentally unstable ex-con?"

"I probably would have resented you from the beginning." He said honestly.

"Exactly, and she may not have made the right decision…or we, but she takes on a lot for someone her age. She's amazing and she stuns me every day with her strength and capability of love. She's…she means a lot to me, and I would hate to see her upset because she thinks you are mad at her. There have been a lot of people, Angela and Tanya being a few, who judge her for being with me, and that tortures me more than you know, but I need her."

"My daughter is nineteen years old, Edward…she should be having fun and living life."

I got up from the couch. "You don't think I know that?" I turned back to him and I really just wanted Bella right in that moment so she could take the guilt off my shoulders just with a look or a touch. "But right now, I feel the only way I can make her happy, is to love her and give her whatever she wants. And for some crazy reason, she wants me, so…" I ran my hand through my hair and crossed my arms feeling vulnerable. "So she can have me if she wants me."

He got up from the couch and put his hands on his hips. "Listen, I will make you a deal." He said, walking closer to me. "She can stay with you." He shook his head. "No, I realize I could never really take her away from you if I wanted to. She can make her own decisions, but I need you to promise me something."

I nodded. "Okay."

"I don't hate you, I realize I overreacted, but we already got past that so…" He took a deep breath. "Promise me that if there comes a time when she doesn't want you, you will let her go."

_Oh fuck. _Just thinking that one day she might not want me hurt, but it was definitely a possibility. I couldn't deny that as much as I could deny our love. Love and pain were both a part of life. But, I did tell Charlie that the only thing I wanted for Bella was to make her happy, and I meant that with everything I had. So if her being away from me made her happy, I would take myself away even though it just might kill me.

"I promise."

He nodded. "Okay. Well I am glad we are clear on that and…I'm sorry for overreacting, and I am sorry about Alice…"

He needed to go. I felt like I would throw up. My stomach was in knots by all these emotions hitting me at once, and he brought up Alice and…_fuck. _When was this supposed to get easy? I thought the pain went away after a while?

Guess not.

He continued. "I can't even begin to imagine what that would feel like."

"You can't." I said and my stomach swirled.

He nodded and put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm glad my daughter is able to help you, Edward. You better not let me down."

I nodded. "I won't."

"I believe you." He patted my shoulder and walked past me. "And now I will go talk to my daughter and make sure she doesn't hate me anymore."

"She'll forgive you." I said trying to see past the sudden blinding headache.

"Renee and I will be staying for a bit longer. We will see you around, Edward."

I nodded my head and heard his footsteps walk out of the apartment. As soon as the door clicked shut, I ran down the hallway into the bathroom, and dropped to my knees in front of the toilet. I leaned forward and let everything come out of me. I shoo so much that a stinging pain radiated down my spine and my head felt empty. I felt empty.

I hated…absolutely _loathed_ moments like those. Moments when everything just came back to me. Not long ago I felt okay. I was laughing and fooling around with my friend and helping a young girl who needed guidance. I kissed my girlfriend before I left to go to work in the morning and left her sleeping in our bed, and what was wrong with that? Absolutely nothing, except the fact that I still had a lot of shit going on, and even though I could set it aside for a while, it always came back. Especially when I had to think about the good things in my life being taken away from me.

I flushed the toilet when I was finished and felt even sicker it seemed. I rinsed my mouth out and brushed my teeth. I took out some insulin and took some so I didn't get even sicker than I already felt. Plus I would be having dinner soon and checking my sugar. Bella would freak out if my numbers were off and she didn't need any more stress in her day.

I went to Alice's room after I was situated. I went there now when I wanted to feel a little closer to her I guess. I didn't know. She hadn't called again since that first time, and I told Bowman about it. He promised me he wouldn't mention it to my parents' lawyer so word couldn't get back to them and she wouldn't get in trouble. He had it on file though.

I sat down on her bed and looked around. Her bookshelf was missing a couple of books, and I wondered if she read them at night. Or if _they _read it to her at night. The idea made me feel sick again. They didn't deserve her.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard the front door slam rather loudly and I heard an angry Bella cry out in frustration. I got up from the bed instantly and went to go see what was wrong. I knew what was wrong, but she must have been really angry if she was slamming doors. Bella wasn't one for theatrics when she was mad.

I heard her banging around in the kitchen so I went in there to try and help her. I thought her dad was pretty understandable after her flipped out, and I suspected that he told her he was sorry…so why was she so mad now.

"Babe?" I said as I walked into the kitchen. She was furiously scrubbing a pan that she left from the night before.

"What?" She snapped.

"Are you okay?"

"No."

I was hesitant to go closer to her or touch her. I didn't want to be all over her if that wasn't what she wanted. I knew when I was mad I just wanted my space. As much as I wanted to hold her and try and take away her anger, I couldn't bring myself to do it in case she snapped at me again.

"Didn't you talk to your dad?" I asked.

"Yup." She rinsed of the pan and pretty much threw it in the strainer. She started on a plate.

"And…well what did he say?"

"Sorry."

"And your still mad?"

_Wrong thing to say. _

She threw the plate in the strainer and turned toward me with a furious look on her face. _Great. _"Yes, I'm still mad Edward. Do you think the word 'sorry' fixes all of the world's problems?"

"Well no…"

She interrupted me. "Exactly." She turned back to continue cleaning.

"Bella, I thought he was being understanding."

"I'm not just mad at him, Edward."

"Well what are you mad about?"

She groaned again and threw another plate in the sink and turned off the water. She turned to me and ran her hand through her hair.

"Everything! I'm mad about everything, and everyone, and just…life. It fucking sucks." Tears started falling from her eyes and she wiped them away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be pouring this out on you. I'm just going to shower or something."

She went to walk past me, but I held my arm out to stop her. "No. Why would you even think that you can't tell me what is bothering you?" That hurt me, to think that she thought she couldn't talk to me. _What the hell kind of boyfriend was I?_

The tears fell from her eyes silently. "I know you would listen, but you already have enough to deal with. More important things than my temper tantrums."

I ran both of my hands through my hair and was taken aback at how much I felt like a failure. "Don't say that, Bella. You are important to me."

"I know I am, baby. I just…" She sighed and wiped away more tears from her eyes.

"What?" I asked getting angry and sort of feeling like I could fucking cry too. _How long has she been keeping all of this anger inside?_ She had always seemed so strong and solid and I didn't even take a fucking moment to ask her how she was doing. I was too wrapped up in my own shit I didn't even think about her. I just leaned on her when I needed it, and she has always been there, but where have I been for her? "Bella just say it!"

"You have to deal with way more than I do, Edward. I don't want to make things any harder for you."

"I don't care! I want you to tell me, Bella. You should know you can talk to me. What makes me upset is that you feel like you can't."

More tears fell. She wiped away more tears. I should be doing that.

"I'm mad at everything, Edward. Mostly people." She crossed her arms in front of her. "Tanya and Angela won't leave me alone and they are the ones who fucking told my parents. I just know it. I got kicked out of my study group, I have a new one, but they kind of ignore me. People talk shit about us. People don't know how to mind their own business. I hate that people are continuously judging you." She took a deep breath and wiped away more tears. I was dying on the inside. She never spoke a word of any of that to me. "And I _hate _everyone that had anything to do with Alice being taken away from me. I _hate _seeing you upset and I _hate_ that there is no way I can get Alice back for you…and me. I miss her."

I reached out to her and pulled her too my chest. She wrapped her arms around my middle tightly and started crying…really crying. I held onto her. Finally she could lean on me. It killed me; absolutely destroyed me thinking that that morning I woke up feeling _good. _I went to the shelter and I had fun with my new friend's while my best friend was losing friends…and because of me. How couldn't I have seen it?

_Because I'm an idiot…that's why. _

It amazed me that she would stick around.

"What can I do, hermosa?" I asked helplessly.

"You're doing enough right now, baby." She pulled away and snaked her hands around my neck. She pulled my down to her for a hard and wet kiss. Wet from her tears. I tried to wipe them away, but they seemed to be relentless. They reminded me of the emotions she held in for who knows how long. She kissed me once more and put her head back on my chest. "I guess it does help to talk about it. And just let it out."

"I'm sorry you have to suffer just because you are with me, Bella."

She shook her head and looked up at me. "I'm not suffering, baby. I'm happy with you."

"Yeah but you still have to deal with so much shit."

"We all have to deal with shit. It's a part of life."

"That's gross." I said, hoping to lighten the mood. It worked. She laughed.

"You're gross."

"You're mean."

"I'm tired."

"I'm Edward."

"You're a loser."

"Ouch."

We both started laughing and I loved how we could switch to being happy together so easily. The problems were still there, but we dealt with it in the best way we could, and I think that's all that really mattered.

"No but really, I am tired." She said.

"It's not even five yet!"

"I don't care. I need a nap. Like right…Ah!" I interrupted her by scooping her up in my arms bridal style. Oh the wifey jokes that could be made. "What are you doing?" She asked in surprise as I walked us into our room.

"Bringing my wifey to bed."

She rolled her eyes. "Last time I checked, there was no ring on my finger."

"That can be easily fixed, my lady."

"Oh shut up and put me down. And get me some water. I'm thirsty." I walked over to the bed and held her over it.

"You're awfully bossy for someone who isn't bound to me by a ring or a marriage license or…prenuptial agreement."

"Nope, but you love me so you have to do it." She kissed my cheek and grumbled. She was always right. I decided to be a jerk however, and when she let go of my neck, I dropped her onto the bed. "Hey!"

"Woops. My bad."

She picked up a pillow and threw it at me, but missed. I laughed and slipped out of the room to get the chick her water. On the way to the kitchen, I noticed that I left something on the table by the door. Why those ugly flowers were just sitting there all lonely and wanting to be made fun of by someone. I picked them up and brought them with me to get her water. I got a large glass and filled it up with tap water_. Nasty right?_ She preferred tap water though. Fucking weird ass chick. I loved the hell out of her though.

I went back to the room and she was already lying under the blankets on her back. I put the flowers in my pocket and I was sure they were getting nice and crumbled and pathetic, but it would just add to the fun of it. She would probably slap me.

I handed her the water and she sat up. "Thank you, baby."

"You're welcome, my dear." I went over to the left side of the bed…my side of the bed and got under the blankets with her. I laid on my side facing her resting my head on my bent arm. She took a couple sips of the water and laid back down on her back. She looked up at me with her beautiful brown eyes. _I want our kids to have her eyes. Wait what? _

I was fucking losing it.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked.

"Getting a tattoo of a stack of pancakes on my chest." _Master of deflection. _

"Oh really? That's pretty cool." _Master of…everything. _This chick owned me.

"Yeah and I would get the words 'I'm a hotcake' underneath it."

"That's hot."

"Yup, and everyone will think I'm the coolest person in the world."

"I'm sure."

We both stared at each other that way we did when we knew that we were completely weird and ridiculous but we loved each other for it before we started laughing hysterically. When we were able to breathe, I placed a kiss on her lips and pulled away to give her another laugh…or earn myself a slap. Whatever. It would be entertaining.

"I have something for you."

She gave me a curious look. "Oh really?"

"Yup." I pulled the flowers out of my pocket and held them out to her. "Flowers for my wifey."

She looked at the flowers for a second, and I prepared myself for the slap or the yelling. But she stared at them for a while and didn't say anything. She finally looked up at me and I saw tears in her eyes. _What the fuck?_ I didn't want to make her cry…

"Bella?" I asked hesitantly. "It was just a joke…"

She shook her head and tears did fall. "No. I'm not mad."

"You're crying…"

She smiled and took the flowers from me. They were dead and flattened out. "I hate these things."

"I know. I shouldn't have given them to you…it was just supposed to be a joke."

"Edward." She said trying to get my complete attention. "I'm not mad."

"Then why are you crying?" I reached forward and wiped away her tears.

"Because I'm happy."

I sighed. "I'm getting a headache. I was expecting a slap or something…not for you to get all emotional on me."

"I'm sorry, but…I don't know. It's just that…" She paused and shook her head. "You are going to think I am so weird."

"That ship has sailed, chick."

She chuckled. "Yeah I guess you're right. Well I don't know. I just have hated these things all my life, and then you give me some, and all of a sudden, they aren't so bad." I didn't know what to say. I wasn't quite sure what she was getting at and she must have read my expression. "What I mean is this is kind of symbolic of our relationship and how I feel about you. I know that no matter what, you can always make the most horrible or ugly situation better just by…I don't know…being _you._"

I smiled and kissed her. She placed the flowers on the bed and wrapped her arms around my neck and turned to face me on the bed. She deepened the kissed and I wrapped my arms around her to pull her closer.

"You scared me to death. I thought I made you upset, and then you go and get all sappy on me." I said when we pulled away for a breather. "Do you _want _me to turn into a woman?"

"No. I quite like you just the way you are." I opened my mouth but she put her hand over it before I could say anything. "Don't even think about trying to be Bruno Mars, baby. It just doesn't work for you."

_Damn it. _

"Fine. But you need to promise me something, alright?"

"What?"

"Don't cry so much. I get a fucking heart attack when you start crying."

"But they were happy tears!" She said in defense.

"I know, but still. I automatically think you are mad or something and I freak out. I almost had an aneurysm."

"Alright, let's not get that dramatic." She snuggled up closer to me and put her head on my chest. "I just want to take a nap."

"You didn't even promise me!"

"Oh boo-hoo—pardon the pun."

"You're mean."

"Look, I promise to _try_ not to cry as much, but all I can do is promise to _try." _

I huffed. "Fine."

"I love you."

I kissed the top of her head. "I love you too."

I held her close to my chest and felt her body slowly relaxing into sleep. She had a long day, and I was glad she could rest. I tried to fall asleep with her, but sleep still didn't quite come to me so easily. However, I didn't move. I held her as she slept and listened to her breathing in the otherwise silent room. The day had been filled with different ranges of emotion, but having her close to me, made everything kind of balance out. I couldn't believe I found someone as perfect as her.

We belonged to each other, and I couldn't imagine my life without her in it.

_Cue taking forty points off my man meter._

This chick was making me into a sap. I needed to start watching more football and watch movies with a lot of explosions…fuck yeah; I can redeem myself.

"Edward." Bella mumbled in her sleep and she smiled slightly. She was so fucking cute…

_Fuck. _I was hopeless.

* * *

_I know the things you wanted;__  
__They're not what you have.__  
__With all the people talking,__  
__It's driving you mad.__  
__If I was standing by you,__  
__How would you feel__  
__Knowing your love's decided?__  
__And all love is real?__  
__And don't you cry tonight,__  
__Don't you cry tonight,__  
__Don't you cry tonight.__  
__There's a heaven above you baby,__  
__And don't you cry tonight._

_**Don't Cry, by Guns N' Roses**_

* * *

**Big thanks to Alexa once again for pre-reading this as soon as possible even with her busy schedule! This story wouldn't be happening if it wasn't for her. I love ya!**

**And I love all you readers as well. I hope that you all liked this chapter, and enjoyed the random workings of Ecy's mind. I **_**love **_**writing his POV because it makes me laugh a lot so I hope he has that effect on you all as well. He makes me pretty sappy too, but that's a different story. lol**

**Next update will be soon! Thanks a lot! **

**Review please! **


	40. Chapter 39: We Stood Tall

**Chapter 39: We Stood Tall**

**BPOV**

I fought the urge not to sigh in frustration and wake Edward up.

I was having one of those nights. You know, those nights when you feel tired, but your body just can't seem to fall asleep for you. My mind couldn't seem to shut off and I dreaded going to work in the morning. It was Friday, the end of the week, so I could sleep as much as I wanted once I got home from work, but still. It would suck the rest of the day leading up to that.

Edward for once was sleeping soundly beside me. I moved over onto my side so I could look at him again. He slept with his lips puckered slightly and his chest rising and falling with each steady breath. He had one arm behind his head and the other resting on his bare stomach.

Last night was…amazing. Well part of it anyway. We actually got into this big argument because we couldn't find out what movie to watch and he was just being a really big jerk since he got home. I didn't know what crawled up his ass and died, but he was snappy and irritable about everything, and when I suggested a movie, he would flat out say no and that it was stupid. Then at that point I was just frustrated with him so I locked myself up in our room and watched a movie with some really hot guys and felt pretty damn good about myself.

Of course he ended up coming around and pulled the stick out of his ass. He came into our room and wanted to cuddle with me and tried to make all the jokes he could to get me to pay attention to him. I caved of course. He started kissing me and touching me in all the right place and saying sweet things to me, so how couldn't I?

But then things got heated and the hot men on the screen seemed like nothing when I had Edward over me and kissing my neck. Soon his fingers were doing wonders and making me lose my breath. He was on top of me, so I could feel that he was getting excited as well. I knew he was still a little hesitant to let me touch him, so I just used any form of friction that I could get with him to at least get something out of it. He didn't seem to disagree and I couldn't even imagine what went through his head. Let's face it, men were natural horn dogs, and I wouldn't try to pretend like Edward wasn't, but what really puzzled me was how he was able to control it so much. It baffled me.

I smiled thinking of last night and looked over at him again. He did get something out of it, and I couldn't have been happier. He must have really liked it, because he didn't stop making out with me and touching me until who knew how long. All I knew is that he fell asleep on my chest at one point, and I tried to go to sleep. It never really happened and then that's where I stayed. Just lying there and not falling asleep.

I just stared at him like a fucking creeper. I didn't really care; I was allowed to look at him all I wanted. Although if he would catch me, he wouldn't let me live it down at all. The man was creative with his nicknames, and I couldn't even imagine what that mind of his would make up. I leaned forward and kissed his shoulder lightly before I turning away from him on my side, hoping I would fall asleep.

Of course it wasn't working. I looked at the clock, and noticed it was 2:30 in the morning. _Just fucking great._ Edward would be getting up in about a half an hour to get ready for work. Then he would leave and then I would just sit alone in the damn room by myself trying to fall asleep. I didn't think it will happen.

I jumped when I heard Edward gasp loudly behind me. My heart rate picked up and I turned over to look at him. He was awake now, and breathing heavily. He had a hand over his face and he was trembling.

"Edward?" I whispered, but apparently not low enough because he jumped and looked at me like he didn't know why I was there. He looked completely confused and scared.

"Wh-," He cleared his throat. "What are you doing awake?" His voice was groggy with sleep and emotion. I rolled over completely and ran my hand through his hair.

"I couldn't sleep. Are you okay, baby?"

He took a deep breath. "I'm alright."

"You're a fibber." I said and continued running my hand through his hair. He seemed to be liking it. He held my free hand in his right hand over his chest.

He smiled. "Yeah I guess I kind of am, but it's not a big deal. Just a bad dream I guess."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

He shook his head looking down at our hands. "Not really."

I sighed. "Okay. Well you should try and go back to sleep."

He looked over at me and chuckled. "I should be saying the same for you."

I took my hand out of his hair, and pulled on his shoulder so he would lie on his side. I cuddled up to his bare chest and sighed. He wrapped his warm arms around me and I actually felt like I could fall asleep right there.

"I don't have work in an hour." I said

"Good point."

I chuckled and looked up at him. I wrapped my arm around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. I couldn't keep my hands off of him. I thought all of the sexual frustration that I had had pent up for over six months was finally slipping over. I was at my breaking point and he just drove me crazy. Usually my life was ridiculously busy. I had school, work, Edward, and my parents…it was a lot. But things were kind of dying down. I had finals next week before I was off for the summer, and I had no work because…well school was out of the summer. So that just left me having to worry about my parents and Edward for a while. My parents lived hours away, so that left Edward and my raging hormones that made me want to jump him every chance I got.

He kissed me back, but not with as much hunger as last night. I could change that for him. I ran my hands along his back, despite the scars I always felt that made him more beautiful to me because they showed me his strength, I could also feel his goosebumps as I glided my fingertips over his back. He had one arm wrapped around my neck and the other cupping my chin. I pulled myself closer to him so I could feel him everywhere.

I really couldn't take it anymore. I needed to do something. His tongue just made all the right moves, his lips kissed me just perfectly, and feeling his warm body against me made it hard to think straight. My mind was in one place and one place only.

I put my leg over his waist and he rolled over onto his back pulling me on top of him. He poked my sides and I squealed.

"Stop it, you ass. I'm trying to kiss you." I said before pressing my lips against his again.

He rolled over onto his other side so he was on top of me. That was perfectly fine with me.

He pulled away from me and smiled down at me. "You're pretty fucking cute. Did you know that?"

I bit my lip to try and keep my smile from making me look like a big dufus. "Not as cute as you."

He kissed my nose. "Don't say that again. I'm a fucking man, hermosa."

I laughed and kissed him again while pulling him down closer to me. "I know you're a man. You're cute in a manly way."

He chuckled and I loved seeing him smiling and happy. He pressed his lips against mine again and I moaned out. My hands began to wander, and I brought them to the waist line of his boxers. Usually I would kind of tease him a bit before he would take my hand away, but I didn't think it would be a problem if I at least just touched him and got him off that way. _Why not?_ I dipped my hand inside his boxers and he jerked away from me.

I groaned and he was instantly off of me. I didn't even feel like fighting with him. We had little arguments about it every once in a while, but I could never find it in me to get really mad at him. I sometimes forgot how much Edward struggles every day. He always seemed to get happier every day, but I forgot how he probably hides it most of the time.

The fact that he still held so much of his emotions in and the fact that I felt painfully rejected made the tears fill my eyes. Maybe it was because I was tired too, I didn't know. I rolled over onto my side away from him. I pulled the covers around me feeling that awful feeling of exposure. I felt like I put myself out there too much, and I got rejected every time. It really didn't do anything but make me feel stupid, and I hated it.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He said in that tortured voice of his that made me want to cry even more.

I hated hearing him like that, but what also really upset me was the fact that he wouldn't let me do anything for him.

I didn't answer him because I didn't want him to know I was crying. I didn't think I ever actually cried before, but I couldn't help it. I felt him move on the bed and his warm arms were around me again and the length of his warm body was pressed against my back. He kissed my hair, then the side of my head, then my ear, then my shoulder. He pushed the hair out of my face.

I felt him tense behind me and his grip on my tightened. "Bella are you crying?" He asked in a panic.

"Yes, but I'll stop. Don't worry about it." I wiped the tears away and then he wasn't behind me at all.

I felt him get off the bed. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to will more tears from coming out since he was probably mad now. I heard him opening and closing drawers and slamming them shut. I figured he would probably just leave. He obviously didn't want to talk to me.

_What was happening to us? _

I couldn't just let him leave. I got up and faced him. He was putting on one of his sneakers and I felt a tightening in my chest knowing he really was going to leave.

_Why is he always running away?_ _Doesn't he know he can talk to me? Great…I just made him feel bad._

"Where are you going?" I asked a little snappier than I intended.

"To work."

I glanced over at the clock. "You don't have to be in for at least a half an hour."

He reached for his sweater that he had on the bureau. "Would you rather I stay here and make you cry more?"

I got up from the bed and put his shirt on from the night before. I crossed my arms and walked toward him. "No. I want you to stay here and actually fucking talk to me for once."

"I talk to you all the time."

"Not all the time."

He zipped up his hoodie and walked past me to the bedside table. "Alright." He picked up his phone. "Let's talk about this shit right now." He opened the drawer and took out his pack of cigarettes. "Why don't we have an enlightening conversation on what a fuck-up I am as a boyfriend? Hm? Doesn't that sound like a fucking good time?"

His sarcasm and self infliction were really pissing me off even more. "It's not supposed to be fun. It's just something that should be done."

"Whatever."

"Edward! Why are you being such an asshole right now?"

"I've been an asshole the whole time, Bella." He walked past me and I didn't even care.

_What the hell ever._ He was obviously being irrational and impossible to talk to. I really would like to know what had gotten into him these past couple of days. His mood swings were ridiculous.

Maybe it was from last week. He had another episode.

It really just kind of came out of nowhere. I came home one day, and Bev caught me at the door. She told me that Edward got in a little argument with the guy next door who always gave him shit, and then one thing led to another. Thankfully Bev got him inside and inside the room. It didn't last that long. Maybe eight hours or so, but no matter how long it was, it still sucked so bad. Then he was of course in a weird mood, but he was usually over it by then, and now I didn't know what was going on.

"You know what, whatever Edward. I'm done trying to pry every little fucking thing out of you when all you do is get all pissy." I picked up our clothes from the night before. I didn't even care what he said. I was not at fault in this.

"Well whenever I talk to you, you just cry!"

"Ugh!" I threw his jeans at him. "Just get the fuck out!"

Edward never really acted like this toward me and I didn't know what was wrong. It's not like I could have found out anyway because he wouldn't fucking talk to me. He turned and walked out without even saying anything. I threw the clothes back on the floor and got back in the bed. The tears really coming down full force.

I guessed I really wouldn't get any sleep.

* * *

"Are you feeling alright, Bella?" Mrs. Watson asked as we watched the kids leave for the day through the window.

She had to keep an eye on the staff, and I just looked out there to have something to do. I could leave in fifteen minutes and I didn't even know where I wanted to go.

"I'm just a little stressed out, that's all. Finals coming up and everything."

It really wasn't finals. It was the fight I had with my boyfriend and the fact that I got maybe an hour of sleep the night before. I was a mess. I left the house about an hour after he left just because I couldn't take sitting there crying the whole time. I got dressed and ready for work when I didn't even have to be there.

So what did I do? I drove around wasting gas and time. Sometimes I would have to stop because I would get really drowsy and almost fall asleep, or I would just cry. I felt like a little baby, but he really hurt me. I mean _really _hurt me.

When it was time to go to work, I noticed I forgot my phone at home, so I went without it all day. I didn't even know if Edward tried to call to apologize or anything. I didn't really care because I wouldn't forgive him so easily. I was determined to let him know that he couldn't just walk all over me and my emotions. Through my drive, I realized something that I didn't realize before. Edward had a hard time showing emotions and talking about them, when I was the exact opposite.

"_Well whenever I talk to you, you just cry!" _

Maybe that's true, but I couldn't help it and I would be damned if I change how I was to make things easier on him. He needed to learn to express his feelings more and it hurt me that he would hold stuff back for who even knows why. I thought he was past that, but I guess not.

"Well you should just take a nap when you get home. Rest a while." Mrs. Watson said and patted me on the shoulder before heading back to her desk. "Why don't you just leave now?"

I shook my head. "No, I can't do that. It's only fifteen minutes."

"No…you can and you will because I am ordering you to leave. Go home, get some rest, and don't think too much. Your brain will fry." She said with a chuckle and I gave her a smile.

"Okay, fine." I went to get my light coat from the closet and picked up my purse from the chair I put it on earlier. "See you on Monday."

She waved goodbye, and I headed out. I walked to my car feeling numb. I could just go home. Edward wouldn't be there because he would either be at therapy or at the shelter. Where he always was. I just wanted to go to sleep.

Once at home, I got the surprise of a lifetime when I saw Edward sitting on the steps of our porch. He had his head in his hands and his right knee was bouncing. A beanie covered his head and I took a deep breath before I got out. I knew I couldn't avoid the situation all together. I just hoped I could have gotten a couple hours of sleep before we got into it again.

I got out of my car, and when I shut the door, he looked up. I saw relief overtake his face and he got up from the steps quickly. I walked up the pathway and he walked towards me. I stopped in my tracks and expected him to stop too, but he didn't until he practically ran into me and wrapped his arms around me. His scent overwhelmed me and being in his arms gave me so much comfort. Just what I needed to make me feel better. That's what my heart said at least. My head was telling me I couldn't give in.

So I listened to my head.

"Bella don't you ever forget your phone again. I have been worried sick all day." He said urgently and I could hear the irregular rhythm of his heart against my ear. I picked up my arms from my side and put them on his chest to push him away. I didn't even look at his face, and I just walked past him. He grabbed onto my arm. "Bella…"

I turned to him, but looked down at the ground. If I looked at him, I would probably cave. Those eyes. They always got me.

"Just…just leave me alone, Edward." I took my arm out of his grasp and started to walk away. He caught up to me in a few strides and walked beside me.

"Bella, please. I am so sorry, beautiful. I don't even know what I was thinking! Actually I did, but you have to let me talk to you…" He grabbed onto my arm, but I pushed him off again. "Bella…"

I turned to him, absolutely annoyed with his persistence and acting like that morning wasn't a big deal. _Did he really think I would just run into his arms and everything would be rainbows and sunshine? No. Not going to happen. _

I looked him right in the eye as I spoke. "Edward. You wouldn't even say one word to me this morning, and you really think I am going to pour my heart out to you right now?" He looked dumbfounded and taken aback by my tone of voice. "Well I'm not. So please just leave me alone right now."

He didn't say anything, so I just turned away from him and stormed up the steps. _I hate this. _

He didn't follow me. I jogged up the steps already feeling the fucking tears coming. I hated; absolutely hated fighting with him. It was the worst feeling. At one point, it felt like nothing could be fixed, like it would be horrible all the time. It felt like that one person you thought was always on your side was now on the other. I had that feeling and it made me feel alone and vulnerable, and I wanted nothing more than to just forgive him and let him hold me and make me feel better once again, but I knew I couldn't. We couldn't just let fights go under the rug.

Once inside, I dropped my stuff by the door and headed to our room. I just wanted to try to sleep. I felt dizzy and sick. I kicked off my shoes right beside our bed and I crawled into my side. I got under the covers and tried to calm my trembling body. I was shivering but I didn't know why. I really couldn't work off of an hour of sleep. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep but my trembling and crying didn't help the situation at all.

I reached for my phone on the bedside table. I had six missed calls. One from my parents, one from Bev, and four from Edward. I also had four texts…all from Edward.

_**4:12am: I'm sorry. I love you. **_

_**6:03am: You're not coming to the coffee shop?**_

_**7:45am: Are you okay? Please just text me so I know you're okay. You aren't answering me.**_

_**10:10am: Bella, please answer your phone. I'm freaking out. I'm so sorry. I love you so much I was a jerk this morning, but I love you. Just answer me please.**_

All phone calls were made after that. I shouldn't have read the texts because then I just started feeling even worse. I knew he was being irrational and he didn't mean everything he said. I knew that because Edward had a natural temper, and I knew he was really a sweet guy and something was obviously bothering him, but it didn't make the pain go away.

I covered my face with the blanket so I could muffle my cries. I didn't even know how I had any energy to cry. I really had no idea, but there it was. My head started to hurt even more and I didn't know how I would ever fall asleep. Maybe I would just pass out.

I heard the door open to our room and of course he wouldn't just leave me alone for a bit. He walked over to the bed and got into bed beside me. He wrapped his arms around me but I pushed him off.

"Fuck, Edward, just leave me alone."

I went over to the other side of the bed and he groaned. "Bella, can we please just talk about this? It's fucking killing me hearing you in here."

I wiped away my tears and rested my head on the pillow. "I don't want to. I'm just so tired."

"Bella you're being irrational."

I just couldn't take it anymore. I lifted my head and turned toward him to just get this whole fucking mess out of the way. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep unless I knew we wouldn't hate each other for the rest of the day. I never stopped loving him but damn did I hate him at that moment. I never hated but loved someone so much.

"Oh, and you weren't being irrational this morning when you made me feel like a stupid idiot for trying to do something sexual with my boyfriend?" He brought his hand to his head and shook his head. "Do you even understand how much that h-hurt? You make me feel like a disgusting human being for wanting to do something for you, Edward. I just don't understand how you can be so sensitive about it, yet so _in_sensitive about it toward me."

He sighed in frustration. "I know, Bella, and all I can think of to say is I'm sorry. I just…you aren't going to break up with me are you?"

This man…I didn't even really know what to say. He was so all over the place I had no idea how I kept up with him half the time.

"No I'm not going to break up with you, but you need to fucking open your mouth and say shit or we will have a lot of problems, Edward. You can't, and I mean _can't_ just keep everything inside."

He laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling with his arms over his stomach. "I don't know what to say."

"Just think! Fuck, you are so smart, just say whatever it is you are feeling. It's human nature, just say it. It's not that big of a deal."

He didn't even acknowledge my speaking but I could see he was thinking. He got this cute look on his face when…fuck I needed to stop. He was maddening.

"I thought you knew you can tell me these things Edward…"

That pulled him out of his reverie. "That's not it…"

"Well that's the only thing I can think of. Do you think I will use what you say to me against you or something?" He shook his head. "You know I would never do that to you."

"I don't even know how to say this without sounding like a cliché asshole."

"Don't worry about that. Just say it. I won't judge you."

He got up from his lying position and crossed his long legs under him. He reached for my hand and pulled me up with him. He kept my hand in his, and I let him. Maybe it would make him feel more comfortable.

"It's not you, it's me." He chuckled humorlessly. "I want to punch whoever says that, but I mean…it's true." He let out a breath I didn't even know he was holding and looked into my eyes. "There is nothing wrong with you. You're perfect and don't ever let anyone, including me….especially me…make you doubt that. I hate that what I did this morning made you feel stupid, because that's the last thing I would have wanted. I would never want what I feel inflicted on you."

I tilted my head to the side. "I don't…"

"I felt stupid, alright? That's my excuse. It's not good enough, but I don't know, that's how I felt. I felt stupid and embarrassed and then I started kicking myself, and I took it out on you when I shouldn't have." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

"But, babe, I don't understand why you feel stupid." I picked his chin up so he could look at me. "You know, sex is kind of a normal thing. People have sex."

"Gee, really? I didn't know that." He said sarcastically and I frowned.

"Okay then. What's the problem? Is it me? Are you not…attracted to me that way?" I swallowed back my nervousness. I knew somewhere in the back of my head that it was definitely a possibility. No matter how much I thought it was ridiculous, it was still a possibility.

"That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say, Bella."

I groaned. "Okay, well then why? Why are you so…prudish?"

"I'm not a prude!" He said defensively.

I reached forward for the front of his shirt and just shook him a little. The man drove me up a wall. I think he would drive me to insanity. "Then what is it?"

"Stop shaking me woman! I have a sensitive chest." He swatted my hands away and I couldn't even keep in my laugh. What made it funny was he looked like he wasn't kidding. _Sensitive chest. Give me a break. _

"Oh my God. I am losing my mind."

"Well I guess you better go find it." He mumbled.

I laughed. "This is no time to joke, Edward!"

"I'm not joking! I am just deflecting the situation because I don't like to talk about what a pussy I am!"

"Edward, you've had sex before…"

He put his hand over my mouth. "Shh…"

_Jesus,_ this man really was a prude. I didn't think I have ever met a man who fought against his natural instincts like this before. Of course someone like him would have the most beautiful face and body to drive his girlfriend crazy. He was like a gift and a curse. A gift because he was Edward and I loved him, and a curse because he was the most peculiar man I have ever met, and he drove me to insanity.

"I know I've had sex before." He sighed.

"Well that's a good thing. I promise I don't have this weird fetish like I like when you eat pancakes off my face while we have sex or anything. I'm pretty normal."

He gave me a disgusted look. "You lost the right to call yourself normal after you just said that."

I chuckled. Only getting in a fight with Edward would end with laughing and jokes. I guess that's how he dealt with things, but it was a dangerous weapon. It made being mad at him for any extended amount of time near impossible.

I put my hands behind his neck and pulled him towards me so our foreheads were touching. "Edward. Why won't you let me touch you?" I said seriously trying to get him to just focus.

He pulled away and pulled me toward him. He turned me away from him and then pulled me on his lap so my back was against his front. "I've never had sex with anyone I loved."

_Oh. _I wrapped his arms around my middle and ran my hands along his arms. "Is that what this is about?" He rested his head on my shoulder and nodded. "Babe, I haven't had sex with someone I really loved either. I'm sure it still works the same, I mean…sex is sex."

"But it isn't when you doing it with someone you love! It's fucking scary thinking of it like that. I mean, what if I screw everything up because I…I don't know. This is kind of like a make it or break it thing. If I screw this up, then you will get bored with me obviously and then you will want to leave me and then I will depressed for like ever and…"

I reached back and put my hand over his mouth. I think I needed to start drinking or something. Something to take the stress off of me for dealing with him and the way he thought. Everything he thought was so obscure and so not normal, that I sometimes didn't know how to deal with it. _Seriously, how many twenty-four year old guys will put off sex just because he thinks it is a make it or break it situation?_ I thought girls were supposed to be like that. That definitely was not me at all. I would have had sex with him way long ago if I had the chance. But that's just me. I didn't think I was wrong for wanting that either, just like he wasn't necessarily wrong either. It's how he felt no matter how convoluted and fucking weird it was.

"Edward, you are over-thinking this way too much."

He sighed and I took my hand off his mouth. "Maybe I am."

"You are. I mean think of it this way, I have gone this long without having sex with you, and do you think I am ready to leave because of that?"

He didn't answer for a second and I played with his fingers why he thought it over. "No I guess not."

"I mean I guess it's not absolutely needed, but I _am _getting a little impatient here, dude."

He chuckled and tightened his arm around my middle and kissed the side of my neck. "I know. It's getting hard to keep my hands off of you."

"Then don't."

"Yeah but I don't want to be one of those clingy boyfriends that's all over you all the time. I want to punch fuckers like that. They piss me off." I laughed. He gets so bothered by such little things. I need a nap.

"Well you don't have to be all over me when we are out in public or anything, but in the comfort of our home, we can do as we damn well please." I yawned and rubbed my eyes.

This whole running on an hour of sleep, fighting with my boyfriend, and then making up with my boyfriend which took more out of me than I thought, was making staying awake even harder than I thought.

"You should go to sleep, hermosa." He kissed the side of my head and let go of me. I straightened my back and stretched, yawning again. "Fuck, stop doing that shit. Yawns are contagious."

I rolled my eyes and got up from the bed. "Get over it, you baby."

I went over to the closet and took out a pair of Edward's flannel pants. Sure I had some pajama pants of my own, but his were way more comfortable.

"Hey! Leave my clothes alone, woman."

"Shut up." I snapped at him jokingly.

I glance over at him as I took my pants off. He looked like he was pretty comfortable himself. He was lying back on the bed with his right hand behind his head and his left one over his chest scratching. He had his beautiful green eyes on me with a soft smile on his face. The way he looked at me made me feel…beautiful. Not sexy, hot, or maybe even a little cheap like some of my other boyfriends made me feel. Looking back, most of them were only with me for the sex.

And now I had this man, this man that I wanted more than anything, and he hesitated because he was afraid of losing me. It was strange how life worked. It's strange how everything you thought you wanted could completely change with just one person. If he would look at me with that look for the rest of our lives, I wouldn't mind it if he never wanted to touch me….well actually that's pushing it. Well no, I wouldn't mind, but I would probably die from deprivation of something I _needed. _His touch, his kisses, his body, his jokes, his words, his actions, his strange mind…_everything_. I needed him completely.

He rolled over onto his side mumbling something about his wifey being an abuser and having to live eternity being abused and blah, blah, blah. I put on one of my t-shirts and shuffled my way over to the bed. I pushed him over to his side of the bed and he had more mumbling to say for that one. I was too tired to tell him to stop being a baby.

I curled up on my side and pulled the blankets up. I sighed. There. It actually felt like obtaining sleep would be possible. I felt Edward shifting around behind me and I smiled when he wrapped his arms around me from behind and I could feel his warm body against me. He kissed my cheek and rested his there.

"Are you still mad at me?" He whispered.

"A little. But not that much." I said with my eyes closed.

"Would it help if I sang you to sleep?" He whispered sweetly.

I smiled and wrapped his arms around me tighter. "Maybe."

He cleared his throat and started shaking me. "_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and their like, it's better than yours. Damn right, it's better than yours…"_

"Stop!" I yelled out through my hysterical laughter.

He stopped shaking me and yelling out the lyrics to that song. I really…I just couldn't. He held onto me tighter as we both were laughing hysterically. I had tears coming from my eyes and my fucking stomach hurt like a bitch.

"I'm sorry, was that not the song you wanted to hear?" He asked as innocently as he could after he recovered from his own laughter, but there was something different in his voice.

I lifted his arms from me and turned over to my other side so I could see him. I lifted my hands and put them on either side of his face. His eyes were wet from his tears from laughter making his green eyes shine even more. His hair was all a mess as usual and he looked so beautiful. But when I looked deeper in his eyes, I could still see that sadness. Maybe I would be the only one who noticed that kind of thing, but I did notice it.

"What's the matter, baby?" I asked him and traced my fingers along his face. He had a little stubble there. I was surprised he let it grow that much. He was pretty specific on his facial hair.

He shrugged. "It's nothing. You should go to sleep."

"Edward, you are doing it again."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. "Maybe it's stupid, but I feel like shit when I let myself laugh or get happy. It's just…" He huffed in frustration.

"Baby, you deserve to be happy."

"Yeah but not without _her_." I could feel the tension in him radiate throughout his body and I saw how he tried to hold back his emotions. It killed me. Absolutely killed me.

"Edward, but you can-,"

"No." He nearly yelled. "Just please, please don't make me talk about this right now, Bella. Please. I told you how I feel and now I just want to stop." He was begging me in such a way that scared me. I could so easily forget how deeply he hurt because Alice wasn't around. I knew that I got sad every once in a while when I thought about her. I thought what she was doing at any given moment and if she was laughing and at least a little happy. I missed her, but it went beyond missing her for Edward. I would never push him to talk about Alice. It obviously caused him pain and I wouldn't make it worse for him.

"Okay, okay." I said softly and pulled him toward me. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and took calming breaths with his face buried in my shoulder. I rubbed his back and he rubbed mine. "I'm sorry."

He moved my hair out of my face and kissed me. "Don't be sorry. Just…I love you."

"I love you too, Edward."

He kissed my forehead and held me close. "I know you do."

At least he knew that. Hopefully that could help because I was still at a loss for what I coulc do to help him.

I hated feeling like I couldn't help him.

* * *

"_Here honey, your dad wants to talk to you." _My mom said.

I took another bite of my sandwich and felt rude for eating while on the phone, but I didn't wake up until noon and I went a long time without eating. It was Sunday though so I was allowed time to sleep in and just relax. Although I was studying while eating and talking to my parents who called daily now, but other than that, everything was good.

"Okay." I said and wiped away some mayonnaise from the side of my lips.

I looked at the time and wondered what was taking Edward so long. He left me a note telling me he was going to the shelter for the morning and would be back around 11:30. Oh well. I guess it was good he was still out or else I would never get my studying done. I had finals all week long, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I was fucking nervous.

"_Hello? Bella?" _My dad asked.

Things were better between me and my dad. Him and my mom stayed in town for a week after they visited and we were able to talk things over. I told him the whole story. Everything about Tanya and Angela and how they pretty much betrayed me and of course about Jacob. He got really pissed when he found out the guy was pretty much stalking me and I didn't tell him. I told him I was sorry, and I realized I should have told them earlier. Leaving my parents out of the loop would only cause more conflict that I didn't need.

"Hey, Dad. How are things?"

"_Same old. How are you, Bells?" _

"I'm really good. Just studying and eating. Finals week is this week."

"_Well good, good." _He paused. "_Well not that you have finals, but that you are studying. It's good to hear you aren't shrugging your responsibilities just because you are living with your boyfriend now." _

I rolled my eyes. I guess things couldn't be perfect. He was still my dad, and he was still overprotective, and he still had no filter.

"Yeah. Well I told you I wouldn't." I wouldn't even try to start a fight.

He cleared his throat. "_So are Tanya and Angela still bothering you?" _

"No not really. They still stare me down and what not, but they haven't started anything. I think they were expecting me to say something to them for telling you both about Edward." It was Edward's idea. He told me to just ignore them and act like nothing happened. He said it would drive them crazy since they feed off of drama and there was none to be found when it came to me. It seemed to have worked because they hadn't really bothered me too much. It didn't mean that they never would though…

"_And that Jacob character?" _It was the same line of questions with my dad. I became a pro at answering his questions. If I guessed right, this would be the last one.

"Hasn't bothered me."

"_He better not. I will get rid of him so fast…" _

"I know, Dad. But we already talked about this."

"_I know, I know. I have to leave him alone."_ I told him I didn't want him pulling any strings or doing anything stupid. I didn't want anything to do with Jacob at all. And I sure as hell didn't want another person that I love getting screwed over because of that asshole. He wasn't worth anyone's time.

"Yes. You need to calm down, old man."

"_Yeah, yeah, I know. Well I will talk to you tomorrow, Bella." _

Knew that would be his last question. "Bye, Dad. Love you."

"_Love you, Bells. Bye." _

I hung up the phone and put my empty plate on the coffee table. I crossed my legs beneath me and set my textbook down in my lap. I really didn't feel like studying, but I had no choice. I would feel better about taking the exam if I knew I studied to the best of my ability. If I didn't study enough, I would feel even more nervous while taking it, and then everything ends badly after that.

Right when I was actually getting focused, I heard Edward messing with the lock outside. I knew it wasn't Bev because Bev wasn't here. She left the night before to go visit her pregnant daughter who went into false labor a month early and was put on bed rest. I always hated seeing Bev go, and she didn't know when she would be back. It could be a week, or she may stay down there until her daughter had her baby which was due right around Edward and Alice's birthday.

"Good morning sleepy head." Edward said when he walked in.

I was in the middle of writing something, so I didn't look up. Actually, I was trying to avoid looking at him for as long as I could because I would just want to spend time with him other than studying. "It's afternoon, dude."

"Yeah whatever. Same thing."

"Well not exactly since…" When I looked at him, I didn't expect what I saw. "Edward…why are you holding a baby?"

He smiled at me and bounced the beautiful little girl in his arms. She was facing me. He had his arm around her small middle and one arm under her legs to support her. She had these dark eyes and dark brown hair. She had a curious look on her little, chubby-cheeked face, and I couldn't help but smile. _But what the fuck was Edward doing with a baby? _

He looked down at her. "Oh…is that what I was holding?" He turned her around expertly and held her in front of his face. "She's a cute little thing." And oh my fuck…he brought her close to his face and gave her an Eskimo kiss and she smiled with her chubby little hands on his cheeks. _What is studying? What is exams? What is college? What is life? Holy fuck I was a lucky bitch…_

"She is really cute." He held her on his hip and walked over to sit near me. He put her on his lap and leaned over to kiss me. Kissing me while he was being all cute with a baby wasn't very nice of him at all.

When he pulled away, I was having thoughts that I felt inappropriate having while a little baby was looking at me curiously. Edward lifted her and let her stand unsteadily on his legs. "Bella, this is Claire. Claire, this is Bella. You might have heard me talking to your mom about her sometimes."

Realization came over me. I should have known! Well, it's not my fault. My boyfriend came home with a baby in his arms. That's not something that happened every day. And then he was being all cute and ugh…

"Oh this is Leah's baby?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah. Leah wanted to go look for a job, and I asked Bev if she would watch Claire for Leah when she needed, and Bev said yes and sounded excited about it, but she has all that stuff going on now, so I volunteered to take her for the afternoon. I hope you don't mind."

I smiled. "Of course I don't." I reached out and touched her little hand and she gripped onto my finger. "Hello Claire. I hope the ride up here with this crazy guy didn't give you too much of a headache."

She made this cute little baby noise and started bouncing on her little legs and flapping her hands away. I looked over at Edward, and those beautiful eyes of his were on me and I smiled at him. "I think she likes you, hermosa."

"Can I hold her?" I asked hesitantly. It felt a little weird asking since I had never met Leah, but I could never resist holding a cute little baby.

"Sure." He lifted her and handed her over to me. "I'm going to go to the attic and get Alice's old walker." He shook his head to rid himself of any bad thoughts I presumed. "She will like that, right?"

"I'm sure she will, babe. Hurry up. I missed you."

That brought a smile to his face if anything. "I missed you too. Be right back."

I looked down at Claire who was looking around at the house. I got up and situated her on my hip. "You want to look around?"

She was a very curious little girl. Whenever I spoke, or Edward spoke, she would look at us. I walked her around the living room and she reached out and wanted to touch everything. Seeing children and especially babies always amazed me, really. I mean, their pure innocence and ignorance of the troubles of life were eye opening and refreshing.

It also got me thinking about one day having kids. It would definitely be in the distant future, but it was exciting to think about. If I had it my way, I would be having kids with Edward and they will be beautiful and funny and crazy and…holy shit if I have a kid just like Edward I would probably lose my mind completely. I could just imagine a stubborn little boy or girl making sarcastic comments and looking at me with their eyes they got from their father…I need to stop. _I'm nineteen._

I heard a big bang come from behind the front door and it caused Claire to jump in my arms, but she just looked at the door. "Oh did that scare you?" I asked with a smile and she smiled. "Let's go see if Edward hurt himself." I started to walk to the door but the door swung open revealing a frantic looking Edward. Not frantic in a panicking way, frantic in a rushing way. He had a walker in his hand and he rolled it over to us.

"Put Claire in here." He said looking jittery. _What the hell? _

"Why Edward what's-,"

"Bella. Put the baby in the walker." He said running his hands through his hair. He was holding something back, but I didn't know what it was. I placed Claire in the walker and looked up at him hesitantly.

"What is going-ah!" He leaned forward and pulled me in his arms. He walked over to the side and started swinging me around and holding me tight. Laughing. I laughed as well and I heard Claire giggle. "Edward! What has gotten into you?"

He placed me on the ground but didn't let go of me. "Bella! You…I…oh my God! You will never believe what just happened!"

"What? What happened?" I asked impatiently. He was smiling ear-to-ear looking ecstatic and happy and what the hell..

"I'm going to see Alice! Next week!"

"What?" I screamed excitedly. He nodded his head and I could see the tears in his eyes. "Oh my God! Edward that is amazing baby!" I squealed excitedly and wrapped my arms around his neck and held onto him tightly. This was…oh man, this was amazing and perfect and he looked so happy…

"I know!" That smile seemed permanent on his face and I couldn't get enough of it. "I don't know how Bowman did it, but he did! And I get to see her on Thursday! It's only for two hours, but I still get to see her!"

"That's still something! Oh my God, baby, I am so happy for you right now I can't even explain it!"

"You have to come with me. You have to see her too, Bella."

"What time?"

"Noon."

Well fuck. I sighed. "I have a final at noon."

His face fell slightly, but he recovered quickly. "We'll figure it out. Maybe you can come after your final."

"Yes! That could probably work."

He picked me up again and swung me around. I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck. He set me down again and kissed me. He pulled away and rested his forehead on mine. "I can't tell you how happy this makes me, Bella."

I felt like I would cry hearing him say that. No scratch that, I did cry when he said that. I was so happy my Edward was getting a break from all of the let-downs he had and he could get to see the one person to get him out of his slump. It may be for only two hours, but that would be enough for Edward to know that she was okay, and he could just _see _her. That's all he ever asked, really, and people took that away from him. But now he was once step closer to seeing her more.

I kissed him softly and wiped away his own tear. Tears of happiness. Something I would have never thought I would see coming from Edward a couple months ago when he was a shell of the man he once was.

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that, baby. You deserve happiness. All of it."

He rested his head on my shoulder and held me tightly as he cried in happiness. _Happiness. _

"You are my happiness, Bella."

I kissed the side of his head and if that was true to him, than I think I guess I did alright when it came to trying to help him. But this…him getting to see Alice will help him.

I just knew it.

* * *

And after the storm,  
I run and run as the rains come  
And I look up, I look up,  
on my knees and out of luck,  
I look up.  
Night has always pushed up day  
You must know life to see decay  
But I won't rot, I won't rot  
Not this mind and not this heart,  
I won't rot.  
And I took you by the hand  
And we stood tall,  
And remembered our own land,  
What we lived for.  
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.  
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

_**After the Storm, by Mumford and Sons**_

* * *

**Yay! Edward is going to see Alice! So how do you all feel about that? I'm pretty excited, I don't know about you. **

**Speaking of Alice, I have also written her outtake for anyone who wants to check it out! I am posting outtakes on a seperate story, so you can find that on my profile! Go check it out!**

**Again, a HUGE thank you to Alexa for reading this for me before she went to bed when she worked all week and even worked when she technically didn't need to. I love you! **

**And thanks to all who read, rec, and review this story. It means more than you know. **

**Next chapter will include Alice and Edward's meeting! Yay! **

**Review please :)**


	41. Chapter 40: Beautiful

**Chapter 40: Beautiful**

**EPOV**

It could have been raining itching powder or we could have been having a tropical storm and I would still think it was a beautiful day.

Nothing, and I meant absolutely nothing could have brought me down that day. I woke up at five in the morning which was late to me. I took the day off from everything. I had no work, no shelter, and no therapy all day because my attention was 100% occupied with something far more important. Well, someone.

_I get to see my Alice today. _

I lit my cigarette and leaned back on the chair on the porch. It wasn't raining itching powder though, it was a truly beautiful day for late May. The sun was out making it warm and nice enough for me to be sitting outside with just my jeans and t-shirt on. I was already dressed and ready to go even though it was just nine in the morning. I was anxious, what could I say. I had been waiting to get to see her again for two months already, and now I got to. I couldn't be happier.

Of course I knew it would be for only two hours and then I would have to let her go again…oh and the visit had to be supervised, but that shit didn't matter because I needed to see her. I would take what I could get. And like Bowman said on the phone last week, if they could see how good I was with her and how happy she was with me, maybe I could see her more often and then maybe not supervised or she could sleep over and…there were many possibilities.

I would never stop fighting to have her live with me permanently though. There had to be a way to make that happen, but I guessed it just wasn't the time. I always held out hope that as much as I hated them, they made her a little bit happy. That's all that really mattered to me in the end. I would never trust them, and I would never love them or respect them, but if they made her happy, I could deal with them.

My phone started ringing on the side of me. I switched my cigarette to my right hand and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"_Hello, sweets. How are you doing this morning?" _Bev asked.

I took another hit of my cigarette and smiled. I missed Bev. She had only been gone a week, but I thought she would be gone for at least a couple more weeks since her daughter hadn't been feeling well in her pregnancy. The baby was fine and everything, but she was just going crazy because they were putting her on bed-rest and Bev couldn't just let her daughter go through that alone.

"I am doing amazing this morning, Bev."

She laughed. "_Well that's what I thought you would have said! Is the waiting killing you?" _

I chuckled and flicked the ash off of my cigarette. "You have no idea, lady."

I could hear the smile in her voice. "_Well I know I have already said it, but I will say it again; I am so happy for you, boy. I just wish I could get to see her too. Make sure you tell her I love her, alright?" _

It really did suck that Bev wouldn't be able to go with us. Alice, I was sure, would have wanted to see her. Bella was coming after her final, and I was glad she would be there with me when I had to let Alice go. I tried not to think about that part, but I knew it would be hard.

"Of course I'll let her know, Bev."

"_Okay. Well where is Bella?" _

"She's sleeping. This whole finals shit has taken a lot out of her. She stays up until past midnight every night studying and what not." I personally couldn't wait until her finals were done and over with. I wanted to at least see her relax for a little while. All that studying didn't seem like fun at all and she looked miserable most of the time because she was exhausted.

"_Every night?" _

"Yes! I tell her to just stop because I know she will do great on all her finals, but she insists that she has to do it or else she will be even more stressed, so I just let her do what she wants. At least it will all be over by tomorrow and she can relax." I would make her relax if it was the last thing I did. I felt like I barely got to talk with her the whole week. She usually came home from work, took a nap, woke up, ate dinner, watched TV with me for about a half an hour, studied, and then crawled into bed with me past midnight and passed out.

"_Yes you make sure that girl rests. She does too much." _

"I know." I also knew that dealing with me was one of the things she had to do in her everyday life, but she took stress and work like a champ. She was amazing, basically. "But how are things over there?" I asked.

Then Bev went on to explaining to me how Margaret was doing very well with all things considered. She was still on bed-rest, but always having Bev's constant company made things tolerable for her while he husband worked all day long. She also told me how she went to visit with her son as well and how he was doing great and he brought her out to dinner which Bev thought was the best thing in the world that her son still wanted to spend some one-on-one time with his mother. She sounded happy. Something that I could have easily overlooked while she was home.

I saw how much she missed Alice. For a long time, Alice was Bev's life as well. Sure Bev loved me and all that, but I didn't spend my whole day with her because I had work and everything. Alice and Bev were like best friends. That's why it was hard thinking that they wouldn't even get to see each other. Bev thought about coming back, but then decided against it. She didn't want to leave her daughter, and to come back on a plane for one day, and then travel back would have been too tiring for her. She was getting older, and couldn't be exerting herself so much.

I heard someone call Bev on the other line. "_Oh that's Margaret's husband. He must be leaving for work." _She said. "_I have to go, honey, but you better call me and tell me how she is, alright?" _

"I will, Bev, don't you worry about that."

"_Alright, I love you, boy. I'm really, really, really happy for you. You enjoy that little girl." _

I smiled and flicked my cigarette over the porch railing. "Love you too, Bev and I will definitely be enjoying myself. I'll tell her you asked about her." She said thank you and ended the call.

I hung up the phone and looked down at the time. It was just about 9:30 and I needed to wake up Bella. She told me to not let her sleep past 9:30 because she had some stuff to do, I guessed. And by stuff to do, that probably just meant doing some last minute studying.

I headed upstairs to go wake her up. I wished I would have remembered and gotten her a coffee or something but my head was kind of in la la land. It was hard to fit anything else in my mind when all I could think about was Alice's face and getting to hold her again. It seemed too good to be true.

I opened the door to our room, and Bella was passed out. She was lying on her stomach with her arms wrapped around her pillow and her legs sprawled out with the blankets tangled between them. Her hair was in a ponytail and I could see it was falling out. I smiled and walked over to the bed. I crawled in on my side of the bed gently and laid on my side beside her. While rubbing my hand along her back, I leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"Bella," I whispered against her skin. "It's time to get up, chick."

She began to squirm and groan. "I don't want to." She mumbled groggily.

I pulled her close to me and kissed the top of her head. "You really don't have to, but you told me to wake you up and I didn't want to get in trouble so…"

She chuckled. "You would have been in big trouble, dude."

I rolled my eyes. "You're supposed to say that you wouldn't have been mad."

She pulled away from my chest and looked up at me quickly before closing her eyes again. "Why would I lie to you?"

"Wow, okay. I see how it is."

She reached for me blindly since she had her eyes closed with a small smile on her face and brought my lips to hers. Morning breath and all, I kissed her deeply hoping to get her to wake up faster and hopefully pleasanter. She twined her fingers in my hair and I pulled her closer to me by the small of her back and she moaned softly. _Fuck did I love that sound_. After our conversation about the whole sex situation, I felt better about being with her and letting her do stuff for me as well. I had a hard time explaining to her how I felt about the whole thing because I didn't even really know how to comprehend it in my own head, but she was completely understanding.

I guess it was just a different thing for me. Even when I did have sex with other girls, it was never like a mutual thing…well the act itself was mutual, there was no forcing anyone, but it was just standard I guess. I would get on top of her and she would scream obnoxiously, and once I got off, I would roll off of her and then I would leave. That was it. There was no foreplay or anything, just the act to pretty much say we did it.

I didn't want that with Bella at all. I wanted everything to be as memorable and pleasurable for her, but I had to get past my own reservations about the whole thing. I never had anyone do anything for me sexually. I always had to take care of it myself, so when she wanted to do it, I felt like it wasn't her job. I had to take care of it myself, and I wanted to give her whatever I could for her.

I realized now that it wasn't really fair to her. I knew Bella, and she wanted just like I did to make me feel good, and I was stupid for denying her for so long. I never really thought about how that would affect her, and when I realized it, I felt like shit. She deserved to feel sexy and loved in all ways possible. So I decided I would stop being so 'prudish' as she called me. It wasn't like I didn't want her to do those things to me. _I'm a guy_. Nuff said. I thought about sex a lot. It was in my blood, but it just took me a while to get past my stupid brain.

I was working on it.

The only thing that had really stopped me from doing more with her was our time restraints. She literally didn't have time to just have sex with me because she just didn't stop working and what not. But after this week, she would be free so who knew what would happen. Well I knew what I wanted to happen but I guess we will just have to see.

She pulled away from me and pushed on my chest after a while. "I have to get up, babe."

I sighed. "Alright, but just five more minutes. Talk to me. I feel like I haven't talked to you in a while."

She smiled and kissed me again. "I know, but tomorrow is the last day."

"I know, but still."

"I can't wait until later on, baby." She said.

I smiled. "Me neither. You have no idea. I have been thinking about it all morning."

"I bet you have. How do you think she is?"

I never really thought of that. She must have been excited to see me. I didn't even think of the possibility that she kind of forgot about me. She called me. She still missed me. She would be happy to see me.

"She is probably off the walls in excitement right now." Bella said.

I chuckled. "Probably. She always gets crazy when she is excited about something."

She smiled and started bouncing in her spot making me laugh. "I can't wait to see her!"

"I can't wait to see _and _hold her. I will probably cry like a little bitch."

She laughed and kissed my forehead before getting off the bed. "You aren't a bitch. You are a human being." She lifted her arms over her head and stretched. "There's no shame in crying."

"I know, but still. I just…FUCK!" I yelled and she jumped at my sudden outburst. "This waiting is killing me."

"Well good things come to those that wait, babe."

She was right. She was completely right, but waiting still fucking sucked. But it would be worth it to see her beautiful face.

_My little Alice._

* * *

Waiting.

More waiting.

I guess it was sort of my fault though because I left an hour before I would actually get to see her. I had to go to the social services building and they had little meeting rooms there. I didn't know how it would work exactly, but Bowman was meeting me there at 11:30, and that would be soon. In a little more than a half an hour, I would be seeing Alice. I couldn't really wrap my head around it. And I couldn't really keep still while waiting.

They had me waiting in the waiting room and no one came to help me even though I had been there for a half an hour. I didn't really care. I was guessing they were waiting for my lawyer to show up. Speaking of, I saw him walk into the office looking way more relaxed then I had seen him in a while. I got up from my chair to greet him. I really did owe him a lot. He had been a loyal lawyer since I was seventeen years old, and no matter how much of a jerk I was to him, he still stayed with me and now he made it so I could see Alice.

What happened was he had been trying to get a meeting with my parents face-to-face ever since they took Alice, but the lawyer never let him. So he went to meetings and meetings with the lawyer to try and make a deal, but she was a bitch basically and wouldn't hear any of it. So Bowman took it upon himself to just call them on his own. I guess it took him a couple of times, and he wouldn't tell me what he said or did, but they agreed that I could see her. The only thing that sucked is that it had to be supervised. I still got to see her. That's all that mattered.

He walked over to me with a smile and I smiled back. He stood in front of me. "Hello Edward."

"Hi. I really don't want to make this awkward for you, but I am going to hug you." I said as a warning. I never really wanted to hug someone, especially a dude, but he did a lot for me and he made that happen, so I thought the guy deserved a hug.

"It would be a little bit awkward." He said.

"Too bad." I opened my arms and wrapped them around his shoulders and patted him on the back. He gave me a one armed hug since he was holding his briefcase and patted my back.

"Very well. I guess it's not that awkward." He said.

I laughed and pulled away. "Thank you so much for this, Bowman. I know how much you put into this, and I really appreciate it."

"Well you deserve it, kid. Now let's get going. I need to brief you on a few things, and then I will bring you to the room that you will see her." I couldn't keep the smile off my face and I had to contain myself from jumping up and down like a freak. "She should be here soon."

He turned away from me and I followed him. He waved at the woman at the front desk and she waved back. I didn't know he spent so much time at social services. But then I remembered that Bowman had other cases, beside mine, to deal with and my respect went up for him once again. He had his own kids too. I would have to think of a way to really thank him. He deserved an award or something.

He brought me to a room that looked like a conference room. There was a big oak table in the shape of an oval and a bunch of chairs surrounding it. I didn't know. He sat down on one chair, and I sat down next to him. He put his brief case on the table and took out some papers.

"First I just need you to sign a few papers just for my records." He sorted through the papers and handed them to me to sign. I didn't know why I had to sign so much to see my own little sister, but I wouldn't complain. I still got to see her. "Now is anyone else coming?"

I finished signing the last one and slid it over to him. "Yeah. Bella should be here a little later. She has finals and she is coming right after."

"Alright, well can you call her right now?"

"Yeah, I can, but why?"

"Well call her and just tell her to call me when she is coming. I will go out to meet her and get her in there with you. They will probably give me crap for it, but I will make it happen, Edward."

I ran my hand through my hair. "Why does their lawyer have to be such a bitch?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, but I can't stand her." He straightened out a few papers. "Don't tell anyone I said that."

I laughed and took out my phone. "Don't worry; your secret is safe with me." I decided to just send a text to Bella because I didn't know if she was in a library or something, and she would see the text once she had some time to actually read it. I didn't want to mess up her finals or anything. "Alright, I told Bella."

"Okay good, and now, just a few things. Your whole visit will be monitored."

I sighed. "Are you kidding? There is no way around that?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm sorry. The room I will bring to you has a one way mirror, you know what those are, right?"

I was trying not to get more aggravated. I shouldn't let small stuff like that piss me off. "Yeah, I can't see what's beyond it, but anyone on the other side can see me, right?"

He nodded. "Exactly. So you will be in a comfortable room with her, you will see it when we get there and there are toys and what not. I will be there behind the mirror with their lawyer, a therapist, and Alice's social worker."

"_They _won't be back there, right?" I didn't think I could have taken it if they were eavesdropping on my time with Alice. They had her for two straight months, and I deserved some time without them tainting that. If I knew they were watching us, I would get too distracted.

"No, they won't. I will make sure of that. So just act like we aren't there, alright? If you get too distracted, Alice will know, and it may upset her."

"Bowman, I really don't think much will take my attention off of her to be honest."

"I know, but I'm just trying to make it easier for you. We won't bother you until of course the time is up."

I ran my hand through my hair. I didn't really want to talk about that stuff. I hated thinking that I would get to see her, and it would be amazing, but I still had to let her go. "Okay."

"And I'm sorry, Edward, I really don't want to have to reinforce this, but when the time comes, you will _have _to let her go."

I nodded and tried to push back my anger. I hated knowing I was being forced to let her go. She was my life. It's like I was letting go of my life to the people who took everything from me quite literally. "I know."

"Alright, but you don't have to think about that right now. She should be here any second now, so let's get you to the room, shall we?"

I nodded and nearly fell out of the seat I was so anxious. He led the way and brought me to the room where she would meet me. There were two people already waiting outside and talking. A woman and a man. They both looked up at us when we approached.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Bowman." The man said. He was older than Bowman. At least he looked that way. He had short white hair, blue eyes, and a chubby build wearing white shirt and red tie. He looked highly professional and highly like a therapist of some sort.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Stafford." He looked over to the woman. "Mrs. Marshall."

"Hello," She said and looked over at me. She seemed nice, but who ever knew when you dealt with people like her. My outlook on people who work for the government completely went to the shitter after a while. "And you must be Edward."

I nodded and put my hands in my pocket. They didn't try to shake my hand because they probably already knew, but just to be safe. "Yes."

"Alice has told me a lot about you." She said.

I nodded in acknowledgement. I didn't know what to make of that statement. Was she throwing it in my face that she, Alice's social worker saw Alice way more than I had these past months? Maybe I was overreacting, but again, I didn't trust those people.

"Mrs. Marshall, do you know when Alice will be arriving?" Bowman asked trying to get the attention off of me. Bless him.

"I just got a call. They were minutes away about three minutes ago."

I felt my heart rate pick up. It felt like nervousness, but I was sure I was just excitement. She was minutes away. In just minutes I would be granted the gift of seeing her beautiful face, hearing her beautiful voice, and getting to hold her close to me. I felt like I would throw up and cry at the same time. Seeing her was something I had been waiting for so long for, and something I never thought I would have to fight for so much. But none of that matter. _She was almost here_.

"Okay, well let's get you inside, huh, Edward?" Bowman said and I nodded.

He walked between us and opened the door. I followed after him and looked at the room I would be in for two hours. It was rather large. It had an orange couch against the far wall, and a toy box on the side of it. There were plants at practically every corner. There were shelves with books and more toys. There was a small table in the middle of the room with coloring books and crayons all out on the table. The only problem with that room was the large mirror on the far right side of it. It reminded me how that room wasn't as perfect as it first looked.

"We can use anything in here?" I asked.

"Yes. And if you want anything to eat or drink, just let me know. I'll be over there." He said pointing at the one-way mirror.

I nodded. "Can you get us some ice cream? I-I mean not right away, but just in the middle or something."

"Of course."

"And not a cheap kind. She like's Baskin Robbins strawberry. Nothing crazy. Just strawberry."

He nodded. "I'll have my assistant go pick some up."

I took a deep breath. "Alright. Thank you."

He patted me on the shoulder. "Everything will be alright. You seem nervous."

"I guess I am a little. I don't know why, but…"

"That will all go away once she gets here." I nodded and smiled as best I could. He was most likely right. "Alright, well I am going to go wait for her. I will bring her as soon as possible."

I nodded and he walked past me with a pat to my shoulder. I turned back to the room and tried to pretend no one was watching me. I took my phone out and saw that Bella had texted me back.

_**I'll call him. Have fun with her, baby. I love you. –B**_

I smiled down at my phone and went to text her back, but I heard commotion on the other side of the door. Voices. I tried to make hers out, but I didn't hear it. She must have not been speaking, because I would have known her voice anywhere. I put my phone in my pocket and waited impatiently. My heart beat hard and fast against my chest and I felt my hands begin to shake. This waiting was killing me.

Then the doorknob was being turned.

I watched it as if in slow motion.

It swung open and I could breathe again.

_There she is. _

She changed. She looked older. Her dark blonde hair was longer and a bit darker. She smiled a brilliant and beautiful smile that revealed to me that she had lost one of her front teeth. _Something I missed... No. No time for that_. She was standing there in the doorway, Bowman behind her with his hand on the doorknob. She didn't move from the doorway as we both kind of stared at each other. Drinking each other in.

She had tears in her brown eyes and seeing them reminded me of my own. She was here.

And with one word, I broke down.

"Ecy." She said in her voice that was so familiar to me. So comforting and beautiful.

_My Alice. _

"Alice." I said and dropped down to my knees with my arms opened.

She didn't hesitate for one second, and her little feet were running toward me and her body hit mine full force. Her scent overwhelmed me and her little arms around my neck made me cry even more. She clung to me so tight. _She needs me. She misses me._

I wrapped my arms around her, and I didn't think I could explain the feeling. It felt like that first gulp of air you took after holding your breath for a long time. It felt like that first stretch in the morning. It was relief from one horrible feeling being replaced with another perfect feeling. I felt alive. I felt like I actually had a place on the earth because she held me down to it. She was everything good wrapped into one little girl.

_Fuck I missed her. _

I loosened my arms on her so I could look at her. To rememorize her face and to keep a picture in my head.

"No." She mumbled. "Don't let go of me." She said and held onto me tightly.

"Okay. Whatever you want." I whispered. I tried to stop my tears but they just seemed to keep flowing. I knew I would cry. Surprisingly I didn't feel like a little bitch. I could cry. This was big. I had been waiting to have her back in my arms, and there she was. And she didn't want me to let go.

"I missed your hugs, Ecy." She said. She was crying. I wanted to make it stop.

"I missed _you_, Alice." My tears could be heard in my voice and she must have heard it as well. She let go of my neck and pulled away to look at me with her own tear stained face.

_The most beautiful thing I have seen in months. _

She brought her little hands to my face and wiped away my tears. "Don't cry, Ecy." I forgot how much I missed that name. I remember times when she was in one of those moods where she called my name every four seconds and I get so aggravated and I would wish she forgot my name just so I didn't have to hear it over and over again. How could I have thought that? At that moment, I wanted to hear her call me over and over again just to prove she was there and that that moment was real.

I reached my hands to her face and wiped away her tears. "You're one to be talking little missy." I said jokingly and she smiled but otherwise didn't say anything. She cupped my cheeks in her hands. She smiled and leaned forward; she kissed my forehead, then my nose, and then both of my cheeks. She wrapped her arms around me again and rested her cheek on my chest.

"I love you, Ecy."

I kissed the side of her head, held onto her tightly and got up with her in my arms. "I love you more."

I hiked her up on my hip. She must have gotten a little bit taller. I could just feel it when I held her. She was still a little thing though. She was always smaller than the other kids her age, and she sometimes got crap for it, but she never let other people bother her much. She was resilient and smart and independent; everything I wanted her to be.

"What do you want to do, kid?" I asked her.

I didn't mind if I just held her the rest of the time. We used to spend hours doing that in the park. If it was getting late and no other kids were at the park, she would just sit with me on the bench and we would just sit there together and it was just as fulfilling as having a conversation with her. I walked over to the table with her and she still had her head on my chest and her arms lightly around my neck.

"There are coloring books and stuff." I said.

She shook her head. "I don't want to do that. Can we just sit down?"

"Of course." I said with another kiss to her head. I brought her over to the couch and sat with her in my lap. She turned around on my lap so she could see me and she had that beautiful smile on her face. I pushed her long hair out of her face. "Your hair is getting so long."

She ran her hands through it. "I know, isn't it? I kind of like it."

"Are you thinking about cutting it?"

She shook her head. "No. Mommy and daddy tried to make me, but I like it better when Bev does it."

I felt a sudden pang in my heart, but I pushed it aside. "Well Bev really wanted to be here today, but Margaret is having her baby soon so she is helping her."

She gasped. "Really? The baby is coming so fast!" She clapped her hands excitedly and I smiled. "I can't wait to meet her. I love little babies."

"Oh yeah?" I asked.

She nodded excitedly. I thought about Claire. Alice would love Claire to pieces. But I didn't want to mention it. She would probably get false hope that she would get to meet Claire soon, but I didn't know how things would work out after that day.

"Well little babies don't like you!" I said jokingly and poked her stomach.

She laughed and pinched my cheeks. "No one likes you, you loser!" I laughed and started tickling her. It never felt so good being called a loser. "Ah! Stop it!" She said in between laughs.

"No! Take it back!"

"Never!" She screamed and tried to push my hands away from her and squirm away. "Ecy stop it right now!"

I laughed and stopped tickling her only because I didn't want her to squirm out of my arms. "Fine. But you will pay for that, kid."

She straightened up on my lap and shook her head. "Don't think so."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. So talk to me. How have you been?"

She shrugged, not smiling anymore. "Okay."

"Just okay?" I was kind of hoping for a little more than that. As much as I hated that she was with them, it might have made it better for me if I knew she was happy. She didn't look happy to me. "How is Cornelius?"

That seemed to perk her up. "Great! He's the best kitty ever!"

"Yeah? Do you feed him and everything? You take good care of him?"

"Yup! I feed him every morning and night all by myself! I don't let anyone else do it because he's _my _little buddy and he only likes it when I feed him." If I would have known how much a cat could get her smiling and happy like that, I would have gotten her one the day she asked me. She obviously loved the cat. "He meows a lot when I leave for school."

"He sounds like a pretty cool cat."

"He is! He's the best. Well to me at least. He doesn't really like a lot of people. Just me really. And you. He loves you." She picked up my hand and started playing with it.

"Well you tell Cornelius I say hello."

"I will! Hey, Ecy, is Bella coming?"

I smiled. "Yes she will be here a little later."

She clapped and bounced again. "Yay! I have missed her so so much. Did you get married to her yet?"

I laughed. Of course she would ask something like that. "No, not yet. I promise, if we ever get married, you will be invited to the wedding. I would never get married without you."

"Can I be your bride's maid?"

I chuckled and kissed her forehead. "You can be my best man."

"But I'm a girl!"

"Fine, fine…my best ma'am. How about that?"

"That sounds good." Her smile went away and she bit her lip looking down at her hands.

"Hey." I lifted her chin with my finger so she would look at me. "What's wrong?"

"What if they don't let me go to your wedding?"

I sighed and took her little face in my hands. I kissed her forehead gently and rested my forehead on hers and made sure she looked me right in the eyes. "I promise you, I will not get married until I know _for sure _that you will be there, alright?" I whispered hoping they wouldn't be able to hear that. She nodded her head and a tear gathered at the side of her eye. I wiped it away. "No more crying, alright?"

She rested her cheek back on my chest. "I'm sorry, Ecy, but I don't like that I can't see you when I want to. It makes me hurt sometimes."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around her hoping my arms gave her some kind of security. "I hurt too, but just remember that we will just have to keep fighting." I didn't care if they heard that or not. I hoped they heard the pain in Alice's voice; I hoped they could hear what they were doing to the both of us just by keeping us apart. They should feel like shit about themselves.

"But there is nothing I can do."

"Yes there is. You just have to be happy for me, alright? Let me take care of the rest."

"I am happy sometimes. I have new friends, I have Cornelius, mommy brings me ice-skating on Saturdays, daddy brings me to piano lessons…oh Ecy you should hear me. I'm terrible."

I laughed, glad she made me laugh so I didn't have to think so hard about them getting to do stuff for her. "What? You're terrible?"

She nodded with a smile. "Yeah! My piano teacher gets really mad, but I don't get it! There are too many keys! So I just make up my own songs and she tells me I am doing it wrong and her face gets all red and mean. I laugh sometimes."

"Alice! You shouldn't laugh!"

She shrugged. "Oh well, I just want to make up my own music and not her boring music."

"Well I guess you have a point there."

"See? I knew you would understand!" She launched herself at me and hugged me again. It was hard. I didn't know if I wanted to hug her the whole time or look at her the whole time. I tried not to think to hard about what time it was or how much time we had left. I tried not to remember that she would be taken away from me once again. And I didn't know when I would see her again.

"So anything else going on? What about your friends?"

She pulled away again to look at me, she kept her hands on my shoulders. "There's a lot of them; there's Bethany, Ariel, Mariah, Jade, Alison, Toby…"

"Whoa. Who's this Toby you speak of?"

She giggled. "He's a boy."

"What kind of boy?"

She laughed. "What do you mean, what kind of boy? He's a cute boy."

"Oh no, no, no…stop talking about that right now." I bet that Toby kid was a real loser anyway.

"He wears glasses." _Yep. Real loser_. "And he holds my hand!" I shook my head and put my hand over her mouth. She was doing it on purpose because each word she said sounded like it would be interrupted by a laugh. _Evil little girl. Evil. _"And he really likes me!"

I couldn't take it anymore, and the only way to shut up an Alice is to tickle her until she was rendered speechless. So that's what I did. She laughed and laughed and I laughed with her almost forgetting the little man-whore child that was trying to get his nasty paws on my sister. I couldn't even imagine her having a boyfriend. I thought I would literally lose my mind. It would be on the forefront of my mind all the time…ugh I don't like to think of that. No one was good enough for my little Alice. Not even me. She was on a different level than everyone else.

"Stop, Ecy!" She said and I did just because as much as I loved to hear her laugh, we only had a short amount of time and I needed to find out how she was so I could take it with me and hopefully get me out of my slump a bit so I could be a more present figure for Bella and everyone else.

"Fine, fine, but don't talk about boys. I don't like them."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay fine, so how are you Ecy? Have you been checking your sugar? Are you eating healthy? You stopped smoking, right? Does Bella live with you now?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…one question at a time speed demon."

"Okay, does Bella live with you now since you are getting married?"

I chuckled. I guess I could have corrected her in telling her we were not necessarily engaged or anything, but what she said was true. We would get married. Bella just didn't know it yet, but she would come around.

"Yes, she lives with me."

Her face fell and I began to panic. I didn't want her to get sad over anything. "That's nice."

"Yes, but what's wrong, kid?"

She looked up at me with her big brown eyes rimmed with tears again. I fucking hated those things. "I want to come home, Ecy."

I sighed and pulled her to my chest again. I rested my cheek on the top of her head and rubbed her back. "I know, and I want you to come home too, but that can't happen right now."

"But why not? I like mommy and daddy but I miss you every day, Ecy."

"Well I am trying to get to see you more. Don't worry I will make it happen." I promised myself that I would _not _fail at that promise I made her. I would find a way to get to see her more often so she could at least be happier…and I can be happier.

"But what if you can't! Everyone is so mean and I hate them all. All of them."

"Alright, shh…" She was getting really worked up and I didn't want our time together to be spent with her crying. I wanted her laughing again. "You trust me, right?" She nodded her head against my chest. "Okay, so you are just going to have to be strong alright?"

She pulled away from me and wiped her eyes. "But…"

"No buts. You don't have to cry. Just do things that make you happy and you will forget I am even gone. It might take a while, but I will be back. I promise that." She nodded her head in understanding and I wiped away her tears with my finger. "Alright, no more crying. You are too pretty to cry."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, but you have no reason to cry right now. I'm right here."

She smiled. "Yeah I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm always right."

She rolled her eyes and punched me lightly on the chest. "No you're not. I'm always right." She said matter-of-factly and pointed to herself.

I grabbed her under her arms and threw her over my shoulder. She squealed and kicked her legs against my chest. "Stop kicking me, crazy. I'm just bringing you over to the table." She went limp in my arms, but I knew better than to think that she was done. "Ow!" She pinched the side of stomach and my pain seemed to make her giggle. She was a cute little thing and I loved her to death, but the girl was evil.

I placed her on the chair by the table and she continued laughing causing me to laugh with her. "That was completely uncalled for, kid."

She shrugged. "It was fun though."

I rolled my eyes and took a couple coloring books in my hand. "So which book do you want to color from?"

"I don't really feel like coloring."

I looked at her in her beautiful _happy _looking eyes. "Please? I want to take a picture home with me that you colored me."

She sighed. "Okay, _but…_" She reached over and took a coloring book from my hand and started turning through the pages. "You need to color me one too. And one for Cornelius."

"Fair enough. But you have to color one for Bev too…and even Bella if we have time."

"Do you want to race?" She asked me in excitement.

"You bet your little butt I want to race. I will beat you too." I put the book in front of her with the picture I wanted her to color for me. It was a bear with a bug on its nose. Freaking weird coloring books, but I would take whatever she would do for me.

She placed the book in front of me and it was a picture of a field of flowers. A lot of little things to color. She played dirty.

"Remember the rules?" She asked as she took out a crayon from the box of sixty-four. She looked highly confident, and the competitor side of me wanted to destroy her in our coloring race, but the brother side of me felt complete pride that she felt so confident in herself. She should feel confident. She was better than everyone else.

"Yup, no scribbling, it has to look decent, and no interfering with the other opponent's coloring."

"And no shaking the table!" She reminded me and pushed her hair out of her face.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that one."

She rolled your eyes. "Of course you did because you were the one that shook the table so I messed up!"

"Alright, alright, it's a rule now, so drop it."

"I will beat you."

"We'll see about that." I picked out my crayon and we both got our crayons in the ready position on our pages. "Ready?"

"Set."

"Go!" We said at the same time, and we both began to furiously color.

I had a good feeling that I would lose. I tried real hard to keep my eyes on the paper in front of me, but I couldn't keep from peeking a glance or two. I went too long without looking at her. She had a determined look on her face and she bit her lips as she concentrated on her coloring. She wanted to win apparently.

She probably would.

I wouldn't care. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her for more than a minute.

Who knew when the next time would be.

* * *

**BPOV**

"How much longer does he have with her?" I asked Bowman as we rushed past the doors to go to where Alice and Edward were.

I felt like I was panicking or something. It took me forever to finish the final because I was so distracted, and then when I was leaving, one of my professors stopped me to talk to me about the fucking weather and how he couldn't wait for summer. I tried not to be rude to him because he was my professor, but I tried to escape as fast as I could.

"About fifteen minutes."

"Fuck." I spat out. The woman at the front desk gave me a judging look but I didn't give a fuck at all. I didn't want to show up so last minute. I wanted to see Alice so bad.

"I know. I tried to convince them to give them a little more time, but that lawyer won't budge."

I sighed. "These people really just want to see how much they bend him until he breaks don't they?" Everyone pissed me off. Everyone seemed so corrupted and stupid and heartless and I just couldn't take it. I wanted so badly to protect Edward the best I could from them, but just because they had degrees and experience, they had the final say.

_Bullshit._ It was complete and utter bullshit.

"I don't know about the lawyer, but I can definitely tell the therapist and social worker see their relationship. I caught the social worker wiping away tears, so I take it that that is a good sign. Maybe that's what pissed off the lawyer."

"Because she knows she's wrong."

"Lawyers think they are never wrong." He stopped in front of a door. "Here, you have to go in to check in with everyone before I can let you in. You can have a look at them as well."

He explained to me on the phone that they were watching Edward and Alice the whole time. I didn't really understand how that was even needed, but I guess they needed to evaluate him and stuff and make sure he didn't try and tell her ways to escape or something. Again, bullshit.

He opened the door and I saw the three of them. I could tell who they were just by first glance. The fucking lawyer was in the corner of the room toying with her phone looking like someone pissed in her cheerios. The therapist, a man, was sitting on a chair with a notepad in one hand and the other writing notes on it. The third, the social worker, was sitting on a chair beside him and she was facing away from the wall everyone else was looking at.

I turned to my right, and put my hand over my mouth to try and hold in my cry of happiness and relief as I looked on the beautiful scene before me. They were lying on an orange couch. Edward's back was resting on the arm of the couch and Alice was curled up between him and the back of it. She looked different since the last time I saw her. I could see her hair was longer and a bit darker, and her face was starting to lose her little girl features. It wasn't drastic, but I could still notice it.

He was reading her a book. I couldn't tell the title from where I stood, but he was reading it softly to her so I could barely hear his voice from the room. I could definitely hear it, but it wasn't highly legible. She looked like she was going to fall asleep in his arms and he ran his hand along her arm. I didn't understand how anyone could see that love, and want to try and taint it.

"Everyone, this is Bella. Edward's girlfriend. She will be going in to see Alice like I told you before." Bowman said and I was forced to look away from two of the most important people in my life and look at the room full of officials.

"She only has thirteen minutes." The lawyer said, as if rubbing it in. _Fucking bitch. _

"I'm aware of that." I said giving her a look that I hope she got offended by. I think she did because she just looked away and sighed.

"Alright, well I am going to take her in." He said and two of them gave me a nod and smile and the other just sulked in the corner.

Bowman led me out of the room and to the door only a few feet away from it. "You ready?" He asked.

I nodded with a smile. He slid some kind of ID in the slot near the door and opened it for me. He stepped away and I walked in. They were still in their same spots obviously, but when I walked in, both of their eyes were on me and a very girly squeal filled the room.

"Bella!" She yelled excitedly and scrambled to get off of the couch and run to me. I met her halfway and she jumped up into my arms. I caught her and spun around with her as we both laughed. "I missed you, Bella!"

"Oh I missed you too, Alice! You have gotten so big!" She giggled and pulled away from me. I could see her pretty face and it amazed me how two of the most beautiful people I have ever met came from such terrible people and heartache and pain. I felt lucky to be in their presence because they were so strong.

"I know because I am almost seven! That's really old, Bella."

I laughed. Oh how I missed that little voice of hers. "Oh yes I forgot, I am in the presence of a nearly seven year old. That's a big deal."

"Yes it is! But I'm not too old. Ecy over there is going to be an old fart though." She said with a thumb pointing behind her at Edward who was walking slowly towards us with a smile on his face. He hadn't looked so relaxed or refreshed before.

"Twenty-five is hardly old, kid…hey, beautiful." He said to me and gave me a peck on the lips.

"Oh yuck! No kissy time."

His attention was then completely on her and I saw a mischievous smile on his face. "Oh yeah…" He brought his face close to hers and she tried to move away but there as only so far she could go in my arms. "Well I think otherwise." He said and grabbed onto her little face and started placing butterfly kisses all over her face making her giggle and squirm a lot in my arms. I laughed as I watched her swat his face away and she when she had enough room, she turned toward me and wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face in my shoulder.

"Run away, Bella!" She yelled.

I laughed and ran past Edward and fell back on the couch with Alice still clinging to me. "You both are mean." Edward said and sat down beside us.

"Don't be a baby, Ecy. I still love you."

He smirked. "Well that's good to know."

"Bella? Do you want to see what me and Ecy did?"

"Of course." I said and she hopped off of my lap to go get whatever it was she wanted to show me. Edward grabbed onto my hand and I looked over to him and he smiled brightly at me. He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it quickly.

"How'd the final go?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Alright. It kind of seems insignificant right now, though."

We both looked over at Alice who was sorting through some papers that were on the table. "Well your finals are very important, but I know what you mean."

Alice turned around, and my eyes were on Edward. He smiled happily as she started running towards us. I remembered a time when I could have seen that smile every day. He had his own smile reserved for her it seemed. He always looked happy when I walked into the room, but that smile was different. She made him happy no matter what, and I couldn't help but get even more pissed at everyone who had part in taking her away from him. He really was harmless and he loved her so much.

Alice jumped up on my lap and started showing me the different pictures her and Edward colored. I laughed when I saw how messy some of them were because apparently they were having some kind of coloring race. Alice won all of them because Edward was a 'loser head' according to Alice. He got her back with some pokes and tickles. After showing me the pictures, she gave me one for me to keep that she colored. It was a picture of a prince and a princess, and she made the prince purple and orange with brown clothes on, and called it 'Ecy' and then colored the princess normally and called it 'Bella.' It was the sweetest thing I had ever received and I told her so and hugged her tight.

Then she started telling me about the famous Cornelius and she got so excited talking about him and how smart and funny he was. She swore that he loved me and Edward and of course Bev and couldn't wait to meet us. I loved that she wanted to tell me all about him, and I enjoyed listening to and watching her talk. She would look back at Edward constantly as if to make sure he was still there, and he just took her hand after a while so she didn't have to look back so often. It was sweet.

And then all of that ended with the opening of a door.

As soon as it opened, Alice had a panicked look on her face and she literally jumped into Edward's arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and instantly started crying and repeating 'no' in his ear. I saw Edward's face and I wished I didn't have to see him so tortured. He looked like he would break.

"Edward, it's time." Bowman said calmly and regretfully. The lawyer, therapist, and social worker walked in behind him.

Alice screamed. "No! No you can't make me leave!"

Edward started talking to her softly, but I couldn't hear him over the stupid lawyer's mouth. "Alice, you have to go right now. Your mom and dad are waiting for you." She didn't sound nice or understanding like someone would expect of someone speaking directly to a child. She sounded aggravated and cold. It irked me.

"Can I please just say goodbye?" Edward begged softly.

"Nope." The lawyer pushed past Bowman and reached her arms out for Alice. "The deal was two hours and…"

I walked out in front of her and pushed her back gently. "Don't you dare put your hands on her."

"Excuse me?" She asked unbelieving that I would actually put my hands on her. I didn't give one fuck. She was the irrational one that was really going to literally rip Alice away from Edward. "I am doing my job lady."

"You're job is to take children away from their homes and the people that love them?" I asked rhetorically and she scowled at me. "Well you are doing a pretty good job now aren't you?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you." She said and tried to get past me but I walked over to the side, effectively blocking her again. "Get out of my way before I have you reported."

"Then give them time to at least say goodbye." How she didn't hear Alice's heartbreaking cries and hear Edward desperately trying to comfort her was beyond me.

"The deal was two hours which is more than enough time…"

"No! It's not enough time." I said harshly, trying not to raise my voice for Alice's sake. "You already took her away from him without letting them say goodbye once, and look what that did to them. Don't tell me you didn't see how much that little girl missed him." She grossed her arms and sighed like she was bored. _Stupid bitch. _"Even you can't deny that. You ripped them apart once already, the least you can do is let them say goodbye."

She kept her glare on me the whole time, not backing down, but I learned a thing or two about stubbornness from Edward and I would not back down. So we stood in that glaring match for what felt like minutes, but it might have been only a couple of seconds. All I knew is that Alice's cries didn't die down one bit. I could hear Edward's whisper clearer, but I had no way of telling what he was saying. He was speaking what sounded like French.

"Helen," A soft voice said from behind the bitch broke us out of our glaring and we both looked back at her. "I believe Bella is right. Just give them a minute to say goodbye. It wouldn't hurt anyone."

"My clients thought she would only have to be here…"

I interrupted her again. She was being so irrational, I didn't even think anything she said made any sense or had an relevance. "If your clients cared at all for Alice they would let her say goodbye to her brother. The one that took care of her when _your clients_ were otherwise occupied." I wanted to say something like in prison or in the loony bin, but I had to be mindful of Alice. She was crying pretty hard, but she very well could have been listening and I didn't want to make anything harder for her.

I could tell that woman didn't like me very much, but I didn't care. Bowman, bless the man, walked in between us. "Just two minutes, Helen. I will bring her to you myself." He said calmly.

"Fine, but if you don't have her back to me in that time, you can kiss anymore visits you thought were going to happen goodbye." Then she turned on her heel and stomped out of the room with the other two following her hesitantly. I took a deep breath and turned back to Edward and Alice. Bowman sat next to Edward on the couch.

Edward was staring ahead of him with a blank expression on his face. He looked like he would either break down crying or scream at the top of his lungs. Alice clung to him mumbling something in a different language and I didn't know if I wanted to know what she was saying. It may have literally broken my heart.

I sat down beside Edward and rubbed his back while I kissed the top of Alice's head.

"Edward, it's time."

He nodded his head shortly and tried to pull Alice away from him, but her grip was tight. "Alice, please." Edward said.

"I don't want to go, Ecy."

"I know you don't, kid, but you _have _to."

"But Ecy I'll miss you." She cried into his shoulder and her body shook from her cries. Edward bit his lip and I couldn't even imagine the pain he was feeling. It was a million times worse than mine and it killed me thinking that pain went with him and Alice.

"I'll miss you too, beautiful, but you have to go." She started to protest, but he shushed her gently. "I know you don't want to, but it is a part of life unfortunately. I wish this was a lesson you could have learned was later on in life, but you need to listen to me, alright?" She nodded and tried to hold her tears in. "Sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do. You can cry and complain about it, but that will get you nowhere. You just need to do it, and not let it get you down, alright?"

"Okay, but what if I can't see you again?"

"You will. I promise you that. I promise." He tried to pull her away again, and she let go.

Edward's neck was red from the force of her arms hugging him tightly. I'm sure it didn't bother him one bit. He brought his hands to her face and wiped away her face.

"Now stop that crying so I can get a good look of that pretty face." He said softly and she smiled slightly.

"Bella's face is prettier than yours." She said bluntly and wiped away her tears with the back of her fist. Her comment caused the three of us to laugh and Edward kissed her cheeks.

"I can't argue with that." He said.

I chuckled. "Well your face is the prettiest, Alice." I said and leaned in for a hug.

She hugged me tightly and cupped her hand around my ear. "Take good care of, Ecy. I didn't like his sad eyes." She whispered. I felt tears in my eyes and was determined not to let them fall in front of her.

"I will." I said back to her and she turned back to Edward.

She put her little hands on his cheeks. "Don't give Bella and Bev a hard time, okay?" She said.

He smiled. "You ain't my boss little girl."

"Yes I am. Be nice and tell Bev that I miss her a whole bunch." He nodded. She pulled him toward her and kissed both of his cheeks and then wrapped her arms around him again. "You're my favorite, Ecy."

"You're my favorite, too. Be good and be strong. I will see you again as soon as I can."

"Kay." She said and it sounded like she would start crying again. Edward pulled her away from him and kissed the side of her head and she got up from his lap. She held onto his hand and didn't let go. Bowman took her free one. "I love you guys."

Edward held onto my hand and took a deep breath. "We love you too, kid."

She blew us both a kiss. I bit my lip to keep from crying.

"Edward, just stay here. We just need to talk for a minute." Bowman said.

Edward nodded, but didn't take his eyes off of Alice. He then turned with Alice and she held onto Edward's hand until the last second. She kept looking back as they walked out until we couldn't see her anymore.

The room was completely silent and felt absolutely empty even though we were sitting so close to each other. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I should have said something or what to do. I decided to just let him make the first move. I had no idea what his mood would be like or how he would take the meeting. I didn't know if it actually helped him and it drove me crazy each second he didn't say a word. I couldn't have any idea what went on in his head.

After a couple minutes, I couldn't take it any longer and I turned towards him. I ran my hand through his hair. "You okay?" I asked him.

He nodded. "Yeah I guess so."

"You sure?"

He sighed and held my hand in both of his. "Yeah, I mean it was great to see her. It was amazing and it felt so good to hear her voice and all that but…" He shook his head and looked over to me. He was trying not to cry. I could just tell. He took a deep breath. "No. There is nothing negative that came out of this. She's okay. She knows I love her. I guess that's all I can ask for at this point."

"I think that's a very good thing to focus on."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me towards him. I wrapped my arms around his middle and we both leaned on each other. "I just wish they didn't treat me like such a head-case."

"Fuck them." I said instantly and he chuckled. "No, I'm serious. Fuck them and fuck the system. You aren't a head-case and they are all just a bunch of pretentious douche bags. Especially that lawyer."

"You're kind of bad ass. It's hot."

I chuckled and looked up at him. He bent down and kissed me. "I'm just overprotective that's all. And I am not lying. You are better than them, and no matter what anyone says, the good guy always wins. Good beats out evil and you're good. It sucks right now, I know, but I guess that's just part of the journey."

"Shit, we are not having the journey of life conversation are we?"

"Yeah that does sound kind of corny, huh?"

"A little. But you're right. As much as this shit hurts, I have to believe that everything will work out. They just have to."

I smiled hearing him say that. I knew this would be good for him. His hope was returning. I felt like I was slowly getting my Edward back. I wouldn't get him back fully until Alice was present or he was able to see her more, but I would take what I could get. He was right with what he told Alice and I was glad he took his own advice.

_Shit happens_. Life sucked, but you should never lose hope or give up. I could tell Edward nor Alice would be doing either of them. Neither would I. I felt like I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel or something.

I looked up at Edward and saw that hope in his eyes. I pulled his face down to me and pressed my lips gently against his.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too."

Through all the shit, we had love.

That had to count for something.

* * *

_But you have to walk a thousand miles  
In my shoes, just to see  
What it's like to be me.  
I'll be you, let's trade shoes  
Just to see what it'd be like to  
Feel your pain, you feel mine  
Go inside each other's mind  
Just to see what we find.  
Look at shit through each other's eyes._

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful, oh  
They can all get fucked.  
Just stay true to you  
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful  
Oh, they can all get fucked.  
Just stay true to you.

_**Beautiful, by Eminem**_

* * *

**I hope you all liked the chapter! Have you all missed Alice? I know I have, and I was so happy to get to write her again. Let me know what you think! (oh and if you haven't heard that song, you should. I have a high respect level for Eminem and I usual don't listen to rap often) **

**Okay, well I won't be updating until a little more than week. I am going to Washington DC all next week, so I will not be able to write or update, so I thought I would just let you all know ahead of time so you all didn't think I forgot about updating or something. I hate having to wait so long to update, but life happens, you know? **

**Well thank you to Alexa once again for pre-reading even though she is sooo busy. I would go crazy without you, homeboy! **

**I will try and get the next chapter out to you all as soon as possible. **

**Review please! **


	42. Chapter 41: My Friends

**Chapter 41: My Friends.**

**BPOV**

"Edward! Stop it!" I yelled at him for what must have been the tenth time.

He needed to get out of the house or something because the guy was losing his mind and annoying me to no end. The thing was, he was the one who got out of the house the most. I was officially on summer break and I had no work or school. It was very relaxing, and although I knew I had to get a job for the summer, I decided to take a couple weeks to just relax.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said innocently.

I rolled my eyes and tried to finish typing out my e-mail to my mom. "Why don't you go do that in the other room or something?" I asked.

"Hey, you are making me do this, so I at least get a say in _where_ I do it, chick."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" I said offhandedly.

He was just folding laundry. He lost a bet with me, so I made him fold all the laundry I washed during the day. He took forever to do it, and it took even longer when he would throw every fucking sock at the back of my head. Again, he needed to get out.

"You know, I was thinking." He said.

"That's a first." I joked.

"Har, har…you're so fucking funny."

"Ain't I?"

"Oh you are frisky today. I don't know if I like it."

Good thing I wasn't facing him or else the big smile on my face could have ruined the moment. I loved our little fake arguments and insults. It definitely kept things interesting.

"Too bad. Now tell me what you were thinking so hard about." I said.

"I want to paint our room purple with leopard print. How does that sound?"

"Sexy. Let's do it."

"I'm just kidding."

"Okay, good because that is terrible. Why would you even think about that, dude?" I was bad at typing and talking at the same time so the e-mail was taking longer than I wanted it to take. I was afraid to look back and see how he was doing with the laundry. He was a messy folder unless you sat there and made him really concentrate.

"I don't know. I'm just bored."

"You mean folding laundry doesn't tickle your fancy?"

"I'm not ticklish."

I laughed. "You're a loser. I can't believe I like you."

I felt another sock hit the back of my head. "Fuck you." He said jokingly.

I hit send and closed all the windows. I turned towards him and he was folding one of my shirts. There was something about him folding _my _laundry that made me feel a funny feeling in my stomach. I really was happy living with him. Sure he got on my nerves a lot of the time and he wasn't the neatest person in the world, but I couldn't love anyone as much as I loved that man, of that I was sure. We just _worked_ together.

I picked up one of the socks her threw at me and threw it back at him. He flipped me off and continued with his folding.

"So what are we doing today?" I asked.

"I was thinking about shunning you all day."

"Oh really? That's awesome."

"Yup. I kind of just realized I don't really like you all that much because you are mean to me and stuff."

"Aw poor baby."

"That's right. Feel bad for me." He said.

I picked up another sock and threw it at him. "Stop being weird. I am trying to have a serious adult conversation with you."

"What's serious?"

I laughed. "Edward! Come on!"

He chuckled. "Fine. To answer your question, I don't know. Do you still want to go visit the shelter with me? You said you wanted to meet Leah right?"

I nodded. "Yeah of course, especially since I will be watching her daughter." I offered to babysit little Claire for Leah just for a couple of weeks until she got on her feet and could pay for daycare. She worked at a grocery store on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so I would watch Claire on those days. I couldn't wait. It would be nice to have someone to hang out with while Edward was at work and community service, and Bev was with her daughter. She may be a little baby, but she may give me less stress than Edward does.

"Alright, well we could do that if you want. We can stay over there for a bit."

"Okay, but we won't be interrupting or anything, right?"

"Nah." He picked up one of his pairs of jeans and started folding them. "Alan is like a saint or something. You'll really like him. You might even want to leave me for him."

I shrugged. "Maybe." That got me a sock to the face and I laughed. I ran over to him and jumped on his lap.

He grunted when I landed on him and wrapped his arms around me. "I was folding that shit you know. You just interrupted me."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him on his cheek. "I was just kidding. I would never leave you for Alan."

"But I throw socks at you and shit."

"Yeah, but you're cute so I keep you around."

"You're pretty cute too." He kissed me on my lips and leaned back on the couch.

I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled up to him. He reached over me and to my pocket to take my phone out. "I hope I don't see any texts from your other boyfriend in here."

I sighed. "You can if you want. They are pretty hot."

"I'd rather not." I chuckled and watched his fingers try and work my phone. We had the same phone, but somehow he got caught off guard when it was mine and my icons were rearranged differently. It took him a couple seconds to get to the dial pad and I just stayed in his lap while he called Alan. I couldn't hear Alan's voice on the other end and I was so close to it. I felt like I could fall asleep in his arms like that.

He started talking for a little while on the phone with him, and when I tried to get up, he just pulled me back. I sighed in frustration, but I really didn't mind that I had to stay on his lap. I listened to him talk with Alan and he made a lot of inappropriate comments and found it hilariously funny. I just shook my head. Poor Alan. I couldn't wait to meet him so we could have our own Edward support group in dealing with the guy.

After he hung up, I tried to get back up again, but he pulled me down. "Babe, you are going to have to let me go at some point." I said.

"I will in a minute. Calm yourself."

I sighed. "Fine, well what did Alan say?"

"No. He said he didn't want us to go there because he doesn't want to meet you. He thinks you sound snobby."

I gasped and hit his chest. "You're a jerk."

"I'm just kidding. He said that was fine and he really wants to meet you. Believe it or not, I speak very highly of you." He poked my cheeks as he spoke just to get on my nerves. Of course he couldn't have just said that sweet comment without pulling my strings a bit. I didn't necessarily mind. I knew he did it out of love.

"Well thank you, babe, but can I please get up so I can shower and get ready to go?"

He kissed the top of my head and started pushing me off his lap. "Yup. Go shower because the smell is killing me."

I hit him on the back of his head and he smoothed down his hair like it would have made a difference. "Shut the hell up."

"Hurry up in there; I get really bored sitting all by myself."

"You could go do the last load of laundry if you loved me." I said as I started heading to the bathroom.

"Nah. Don't feel like it." He said and I turned around to look at him incredulously.

"Are you kidding?"

"Nope, because I don't just love you, I admire you, I look up to you, I adore you, I-,"

I laughed. "Shut the held up. I see what you did there, and it's sweet, but you should still do that laundry."

He groaned and fell to the side on the couch. "Do I have to?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "I'm so whipped it's not even funny."

"Love you, baby." I yelled back at him before I shut the door to the bathroom.

All I heard was him grumble in response, and then the opening and closing of the front door. I chuckled as I started to take my clothes off for my shower. It was nice to have a routine with someone and an unspoken understanding at the same time. It made it easier for me to be myself, and just made me loved and appreciate Edward more.

We weren't perfect; we had only been seeing each other for a little while, but it worked. We just worked together and I couldn't have felt more content and happy with someone.

* * *

"Dude, you are kind of making me feel like a fat ass." I said as I put a fry in my mouth and started chewing.

He chuckled and turned down yet another street. I didn't know where the shelter was located, he tried explaining it to me a couple of times, but I still didn't understand. I was bad with directions.

"Well you are far from fat, so you are having the wrong feelings, chick."

"Well if I keep eating McDonalds whenever I am PMSing, I will get fat. Guaranteed."

He shrugged. "Oh well."

That was another thing I loved and admired about Edward. He was nonjudgmental…well as much as he could be at least. I felt comfortable that no matter what I looked like, it wouldn't change the way Edward felt about me. And as a young girl in a world where body image is something a lot of people struggle with, that was good for me. He made me feel worthy and loved no matter what and I hoped he felt the same way with the way I loved him.

"No but really, this is so bad. I have had McDonalds three days in a row."

"Well would it make you feel better if I ate a fry?"

I chuckled. "No baby, you can't eat this stuff."

"Fuck that. Give me a fry, woman."

I laughed and brought a fry to his lips so he didn't have to take his attention off of the road. When I brought it to his mouth, he jerked his head forward and bit the ends of my finger.

"Ow! Edward!" I said and hit him on his shoulder.

He was in a good mood for which I was happy about. There were still days that he would get agitated and not so happy since he saw Alice two weeks ago. There was still no word as to whether he will get to see her again anytime soon, though.

"Sorry." He said innocently and I just laughed. Then we pulled up to the shelter. It was a nice brick building, it just seemed really small. "There are usually a lot of people waiting outside the door." He said as he moved into a parking space close to the door. "They are all inside for lunch now."

"How many people?"

"We can only let in two-hundred at a time. That's all we have room for."

"Wow, that many?" I asked surprised.

He nodded his head and turned the truck off. He was waiting for me to finish eating, but I didn't really feel like eating anymore. There were two hundred people behind those walls that were left with no home or food. I wasn't aware that there were that many homeless people in the area. _Shows how much we all actually know about the world around us._ I sighed internally.

"There are usually more that come at night than just for lunch, but it's always hard to turn people away, but we have no choice. There are codes and stuff that Alan has to stick by."

I put the rest of my fries and burger in the bag and started to open the door. "That's terrible…I mean not what Alan is doing, that admirable, but that is a lot of people."

"Yeah I know, but some are probably the happiest people you will meet. Really friendly and appreciative." He got out of the truck and I met him at the front of it. He wrapped his arms around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. "But some aren't so friendly, so just stay close to me or Alan, alright?"

I nodded and gave him a quick kiss before we started heading inside. I didn't really think about anyone being rude or inappropriate. Edward never told me stories about anyone giving him or Alan any trouble, but I guess it wasn't something he would really wanted to share. It was nice to know that he wanted to keep things positive at least.

"Edward! Edward!" I heard a couple little boys yell as they ran towards us.

They were definitely brothers. They both had the same red hair and blue eyes, but one was obviously older than the other. They were both really slim and wore clothes that were too big and were slightly dirty. Their smiles seemed to make the negative fade into the background, and those smiles were for Edward.

"Hey, guys. What's up?" Edward asked.

I looked up at him and noticed he looked a bit different. He looked completely at ease, like the shelter was a place he was supposed to be. Something about that place made him happy, and I felt honored that he brought me there to share with me something that was special to him. Who would have known that something he was forced to do out of something horrible would turn into something wonderful and something he would grow to love. I was proud of him for embracing it and turning something so sad into something that could bring joy to others, and of course to himself.

"Are you giving trash can rides today?" The older one asked and the younger one looked excited beyond anything I had ever seen before. The question confused me to say the least.

Edward chuckled. "Hmm…we'll see. I am only here for a quick visit. I brought my girlfriend with me and everything." Both boys looked at me shyly and blushed bright red. I tried not to laugh to make them feel more uncomfortable able. Edward chuckled. "Boys, this is Bella, Bella this is Thing 1 and Thing 2."

"No! I'm not a thing! I'm a Trevor!" The younger one yelled out.

Edward and I both laughed. "Hi, Trevor." I said and held my hand up to give him a high five. He looked from me, to my hand, to Edward and then to his brother looking last as to what to do. I just smiled at the expression on his face. He looked completely lost as to what to do.

"Give her a high five, Trev!" Her brother said urgently.

He brought his hand up and slapped mine with a triumphant smile on his face. "Wow, you are really strong." I said and shook out my hand.

"You're pretty!" He blurted out and then covered his mouth with his hand.

His brother, who I quickly learned was named Kevin, and Edward both started laughing and little Trevor looked like he was going to throw up. He couldn't have been more than nine years old or something. It was too cute.

"Hey you," Edward said with a finger pointed at Trevor. "This is _my _girlfriend. Watch it." He put his arm around me but I pushed his arm off.

"Oh stop it," I walked over to Trevor and linked his arm with mine. "Trevor, it is very unfortunate that I am indeed taken by that one over there," I said, pointing at Edward who was looking a mix of amused and pissed off. I think he was faking the pissed off part so it was more of amusement. "But I can be your friend, and I think you are pretty cute yourself, kiddo."

He smiled. "Thank you, and ha!" He said looking over at both Edward and Kevin.

I laughed and looked up at Edward, and saw that his mood seemed to have shifted and he was looking to the other side of the large room. I looked in the direction he was looking at, and the only person I noticed was Claire. A very unhappy Claire. She was being held and bounced by a man with long hair in a ponytail and an older woman wearing a sun-dress. Both were trying to console the poor little thing, but nothing seemed to be working.

"Edward…Edward…" Kevin called, and Edward snapped out of his trance and looked down at the boys.

"Uhmm…" He scratched the back of his neck. "We'll be right back. I promise I will give you two rides." He said.

Both boys started cheering and agreed to see us later. Edward gave them the best smile he could and then grabbed my hand as we went over to where Claire was.

"Alan," Edward said as we approached, and the man with the ponytail turned towards Edward and Claire's cries only seemed to intensify. "What's going on?" Edward asked.

"She won't stop crying." Alan said and Edward wasted no time reaching for Claire and holding her close to his chest. He placed small kisses on her forehead and bounced with her in his arms. She still cried, but they weren't as loud or heartbreaking, it was more of a whining. "Leah…" Alan seemed to have hesitated a bit.

"What? What is it?" Edward asked in a hushed voice, mindful of the small baby he had in his arms. He cradled her head in his hand and looked down at her as if to inspect her and see if she was hurt. I went up next to him and had a look myself. She looked fine to me.

"She went to see her mother today because her mother had some money for her to get her on her feet I guess." Alan said. I could see what Edward meant about him. His voice was really calming, yet demanding and when he spoke, you wanted to listen to what he had to say. "The boyfriend was there and…well…he hurt her."

"Bella take the baby." Edward said in a strained voice. I looked up at him quickly and saw the vein pop out of his head and the red tint on his face. _Fuck. Not here please. _

I reached for Claire, and thankfully she went into my arms willingly. Her cries seemed to have calmed down, but little sobs still jolted her body every now and then and she wiped away the tears on her face with her little chubby fists.

"Edward, please just calm down. She's okay." Alan said.

The concern in that man's voice caught me off guard. I didn't really know why, but the way he talked reminded of the way Bev would say it or something. I could tell right then that Alan really cared for Edward. Obviously he was a naturally caring person, but there was something different about the way he said it to Edward. Edward had a great friend in Alan; I knew that before I even really said a word to him.

"Well where is she?" Edward asked impatiently, running a hand through his hair.

"She said she was going to go to the store to get some cover up. She came here when Claire was sleeping; she doesn't want Claire to see her with the bruise on her face."

"That fu-," Edward growled deeply within his chest and looked around the people around us, knowing he couldn't freak out completely. "What the hell is that low-life's name?" He asked Alan.

"I don't know, and you shouldn't care."

"I shouldn't care that he hit a seventeen year old girl?" Edward challenged.

"I'm not saying that, what I'm saying is it isn't your job to take care of stuff like that. Yes he hit her, and yes it is terrible, but people like that aren't worth destroying your life over. Just take a breather, and wait for Leah to come back. You know she wouldn't want you doing anything like that."

He groaned. He was pacing a hole in the ground. "She's coming back right?"

"Yes of course; you know she wouldn't leave Claire."

Speaking of Claire she finally calmed down and had her head on my shoulder. She was sucking her thumb and I kept myself moving so I could sooth her. Edward glanced over at her, and only her and nodded.

"I'm going to look for her." He walked over to me and pushed my hair out of my face gently. "I'll be right back, alright?"

I nodded. "Of course. I'll just be here."

He kissed my forehead quickly and turned to Alan. "Alan, this is Bella. Bella, this is Alan."

I smiled at him and supported Claire's weight with one of my arms so I could shake his hand. He reached for mine with both of his and shook it gently.

"Nice to meet you finally." He said.

"I could say the same about you." I said sincerely.

"Alright, well now that you both met, I have to go." Edward said. He turned to me. "Stay with Alan, please?"

I nodded and Alan patted his back. "I'll take good care of them both, just go."

Edward nodded and there was no hesitation when he started jogging to the front door and that left me alone with Claire and Alan. A moment later I turned to Alan and he smiled softly.

"You can come this way," He said and put a hand on my back to lead me to the back. "There is a room straight down the hall and there will be a desk in there and stuff. I will be back there in a second; I just have to tell someone to take care of things out here."

"Oh it's alright, take your time. I don't want to mess up your working schedule."

He chuckled. "I have no schedule, Bella. I just kind of go with the flow."

I smiled. "Well I guess I never thought of that."

"Would you like me to take Claire off of your hands?" He asked.

I looked down at Claire and she was wide awake but was comfortable lying on my shoulder. "No it's okay. I have her."

"Okay, well I will be right back there." I nodded and we both turned from each other.

As I walked through the hallway, I looked into the door of each of the rooms and they were all empty of people, but there were a lot of beds, and one room even looked like a little playroom. The building wasn't in the best shape, but everything was clean and the beds didn't look completely uncomfortable. But then again, I was sure a lot of the people didn't even care about the beds. At least they got to sleep with a roof over their heads.

I walked into the room way at the end of the hall and I figured it was the one because there indeed was a desk in there and a couple of red chairs. It was really small and there wasn't much to look at except a big board behind the desk that was filled completely with pictures. There were at least a hundred pictures on there; maybe even more.

Claire started fussing and lifted her head. "Shh…honey it's okay. Your mommy is coming soon." I started bouncing her again and looked at the board.

The first picture my eyes directed to was a picture that caused a smile to form on my face and I thought I would cry. It was a picture of Edward, obviously in the middle of laughing, while pushing a garbage barrel with two little familiar boys inside with their arms up in pure excitement. There were people in the background smiling and looking like they were clapping their hands.

Claire leaned forward in my arms and slapped her little chubby hand on the picture and started babbling. I chuckled. "Yeah isn't Edward a goofball?" She smiled and put her hands over her face. I laughed at her and kissed the top of her head. "But you got to love him." I said softly, mostly to myself.

I heard someone walk in behind me and I turned to see Alan. He walked over next to me. "So what do you think of my 'Brain Wall' as Edward calls it?"

I laughed. "Brain wall? What does that even mean?"

He shrugged. "I didn't really get it, but he insists it makes sense." He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I started this wall because I like reminders of good things. In the world today, there is too much focus on the negative, and that isn't good for anyone."

"That is very true." I said. I never really liked watching the news that much. Edward watched it whenever he had the chance and I would either just take a nap on him or I would go in the other room. I always ended up wanting to cry when I heard some of the stories on there. Edward told me I shouldn't. He always used that saying, 'Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge is power.' I didn't know which one was better to be honest.

"Yes, so I like to have this here. Everyone has bad days and I get stressed sometimes with all the paperwork I need to do, but when I look at that wall, I am reminded that it will all be worth it in the end." He smiled up at the wall as his eyes darted in different directions. "Anyway, when I told Edward, he said it reminded him of a memory wall, but memory wall was too common, so he said memories are in your brain, so I should just call it a 'Brain Wall' because it sounds more original and cool."

I snorted. "He would say that."

He pointed to the picture I was looking at of Edward. "That was a day I will never forget." He said.

"They all look so happy."

"Exactly, but there is more to that day. I'm sure he didn't tell you…"

I shook my head. "No he didn't. He talks about this place a lot, but never really specific stories."

He nodded in understanding. Claire was playing with the strings coming from my hoodie. "Come have a seat." He said pointing to the chair at his desk. "I know she gets heavy after a while."

"Thanks." I said and sat down on the chair with Claire. She kept playing with the strings and she seemed to be completely enthralled with it.

He sat down in a chair next to me. "I've had a lot of people come through here that didn't want to be here, but I have never met someone quite like Edward…well actually, I haven't seen anyone grow as much as I have seen Edward grow." He glanced over at the wall again and then back to me. "When he first got here, I worried for him. He looked like the living dead if I'm being completely honest."

I thought back to Edward that first day he came back from jail and those first weeks without Alice in his life. He looked like all the life had been taken out of him, and that was actually the case in a way. He sometimes still looked that way, but little by little he was finding strength to be able and fight for her.

"Alice means a lot to him." I said simply.

"I know, and I didn't know that many details about his case, but after he told me everything, everything seemed to start making sense."

"Wait he told you _everything?" _I asked. _Wow._ If Edward told Alan everything, he must really trust him. It took me a while to get anything out of him.

"Yes, he did. He told me about his past, his parents, and of course Alice. He speaks about her as if she were an angel of some sort. It's remarkable."

I nodded thoughtfully. "In a way, she kind of is an angel to him."

"Yes, I guess you're right." He said and started playing around with a pen on the desk. "Anyway, that day…I guess I should tell you about before because I am sure he wouldn't have told you."

"Okay." I said wearily, not sure if I wanted to hear it. Maybe ignorance really was bliss.

"He had always had an aversion to kids when he was here. I didn't understand it at first, but when they would run by him or try to talk to him, he would get pale and look completely uncomfortable. So at first you would understand how I could be confused about that, and when I asked him about it, he told me that he felt like he was betraying Alice by playing with them and making them happy."

That hurt. That hurt a lot. "He never told me that." I said. _My poor Edward_. I had no idea he felt like that and that must have made him feel terrible.

"He wouldn't. He doesn't like to worry you; that much I know."

I sighed. "I wish he wouldn't worry about that."

"He's very unselfish. He says I am unselfish, but I don't think he realizes just how unselfish he is."

"He really doesn't. He can't see himself clearly." I said.

"Which unfortunately is understandable. He never had anyone to remind him."

"Yeah." I didn't really know what to say to that. I didn't like thinking about Edward living like that. He never had anyone to tell him they loved him every day, so I was glad I was able to do that for him. I guess I could say it more than I do, but I thought he knew without me even having to say it.

"So that day…those boys have a tough life. Most of the people here struggle, but Trevor and Kevin's father died about a month ago, and they come here with their mother, but she has gotten into drugs and everything."

"That's terrible." I said sadly.

"It is, but she does the best she can I guess. She does bring them here every day so it must count for something. On that day, Trevor was having an off day. He was crying for seemingly no reason at times, and then he started demanding his mother to bring him to an amusement park. He kept saying, 'I want to go on a roller coaster, I want to go on a roller coaster' over and over again. It came out of nowhere, but I guess he has really wanted to go on one, and he was emotional that day. His mother started crying because she can't bring him to one, so she left. And then Trevor started crying because she left and that was just a bad day all together.

"So I had to deal with having two abandoned children and all of the rest of the people. I try to wait until it is absolutely necessary to call authorities." I nodded in understanding. I wouldn't want children with authorities either. I already knew how that usually ended. "Well, I was stressing out trying to deal with all of it, and then Edward comes up out of nowhere. He looked like he would be sick, but he looked determined. He asked the boys if they wanted a ride. He told them it would be close to a roller coaster, and promised he would go really fast for them. So of course they agreed."

I looked over at the picture and smiled. "He did that for them?"

He nodded. "Yes, and it was amazing. With just that one action, two things happened; he turned the whole place around and he was able to move on from that feeling of restriction from being happy and making other children happy. And as his friend, that was a nice thing to see."

I tried not to cry, but a tear pushed its way out of course. I hated being so emotional sometimes, but I was sad that I wasn't there to see that. I was also sad that I didn't even know about it in the first place.

"He thinks very highly of you." I said to Alan.

He chuckled. "I know. He has his own way of saying and showing it, but I know that."

I laughed and Claire smiled up at me. I wiped away my tears. "Yeah, he has his own way of doing everything."

"He's different. That's all. But unfortunately a lot of people either don't understand different, or don't even want to try and understand different."

He couldn't have been more right. That doesn't just go for Edward; that went with a lot of situations in the world. "It's sad really."

The door of the office swung open, and the man that had been the topic of our discussion appeared looked afraid and flustered. "Bella, I need you to come with me." He said urgently.

I got up with Claire. "Okay." I started walking toward him but he held up his hands.

"Give Claire to Alan."

I didn't even ask any questions because he looked like he was slightly freaking out and I didn't want to get him mad or anything. The last thing he needed was to have an episode. I turned to Alan, and he reached his arms out for Claire willingly. Thankfully Claire's mood had turned to the lighter side and she didn't cry or anything. I turned back to Edward and he grabbed onto my hand and practically ran, dragging me along with him, down the hallway.

"Edward, what's going on?" I asked.

"You use makeup right?"

"Well…yes, but not all the time."

"That's fine." He stopped suddenly and turned down another hallway. We stopped in front of a door and he turned to me. "Leah is in there. I found her down the street on the corner, she's…she's lost, she's upset, she's ashamed, and I don't know what to do."

"Okay, well is she okay physically?"

"She has a bruise on her cheek." He said pointing to his left cheek. His hands were shaking slightly. "She went to the store and bought some coverup shit stuff…I don't know what it's called…but she has never used it before. She wants to see Claire badly, but she doesn't want her to see her like that."

I grabbed onto both of his hands to try and calm him down. "So you want me to go help her out?"

He nodded. "If you can."

"Of course I can, baby. Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry about me right now."

"Edward I always worry about you…"

"It just hits close to home alright?" He snapped, fortunately he instantly realized that he didn't have to snap at me like he did and took a deep breath, "My father hit me, and I fear every single day that Alice..that they will…" He shook his head. "You know what I mean. I don't have to say it."

"Don't think about that right now, Edward. Alice is fine, and Leah will be fine too. Just go see Claire and Alan, and I will take care of her. We'll go find you when she is ready."

He didn't say anything, but rather reached for my face and pressed his lips to mine hungrily and it caught me by surprise. It was a quick kiss, but it was enough. He kissed my forehead and then wrapped me up in a hug, lifting me off the ground.

"I love you so much."

I kissed the top of his head. "I love you too, babe. Now go ahead. I will try and cheer her up."

"Okay, thank you, hermosa."

"No need to thank me. Just calm down a bit. Everything will be fine."

He smiled. "You rock my socks, chick."

I chuckled. "I guess that's a compliment."

"The highest of compliments for my lady."

I pulled him down by his neck for another kiss. "You are so adorably dorky. I love it."

"Alright, I need to stop hogging you. She needs a girl to help her out."

"Okay, I will see you soon." He nodded and finally let go of me and walked down the hall.

I took a deep breath before opening the door. I really was nervous. I didn't really understand why, but I never met her before and I knew she meant a lot to Edward so I didn't know; it seemed like it was big.

I opened the door and she was standing with her arms crossed looking out the window. She turned when she heard the door open, and she tensed when she saw me. She was a beautiful girl; she had really curly brown hair and pale skin. The only thing that marred her appearance was the large bruise on her cheek. The poor thing. I didn't even really know her, but no one deserved that.

"Hi, I'm Bella. Edward's girlfriend…"

"Yeah I know." She said quickly. She moved her hand to her face as if she were trying to cover it from me. "I have seen pictures."

"Really?" I didn't know Edward had pictures of me that he carried around. It seemed there were a lot of things I didn't know about Edward.

"Yeah, he brought a couple the other day. He wanted to show you to me since you will be watching Claire…ummm…thank for that by the way. I felt so stingy just taking your time away but.."

I held up my hand. "It's okay, no need to thank me so much. I wanted to watch her. She's a sweet little girl."

"She is…um…I'm a little embarrassed. I really didn't want to meet you like this."

I walked over to her and picked up the pharmacy bag that was beside her. "There's no need to be embarrassed, Leah." I reached into the bag and took the cover-up out of it. Thankfully she bought the right shade. "I'm really sorry this happened to you."

She shrugged. "It's not the first time. It doesn't bother me so much, but I don't want Claire to be around that or see me like this." She said pointing to her face.

"Do you mind?" I asked as I started to open the small container.

"Please. I would really appreciate it."

"Of course." I took the cap off and dabbed some on my finger and brought it to her face.

She flinched away when I touched her at first, but she got over it quickly. I gently moved the cover-up along her cheek. I was afraid that I was putting too much pressure, but she didn't flinch or anything. I was just about finished when a tear fell from her eye and she wiped it away quickly.

"It's okay to cry you know." I said.

"I know, but I don't like to. I'm better than that piece of shit. I shouldn't let him get to me like that."

"You're right, you are, but there is no shame in feeling what you feel. It's natural."

"Edward told me something similar to that once."

"Did he?" She nodded and looked out at the window. "He's one to talk. I never knew someone who hid their feelings as much as him."

She shrugged. "Yeah I guess I can see what you are saying. He doesn't really talk about himself much. Mostly he just makes me feel better and he talks about you all the time."

I felt myself blush; I didn't really know why I did, but I did and I wanted so badly to be where Edward was. I never really got to hear what he said about me because he didn't really talk to much people, but he found two great friends and I couldn't be happier for him. It was amazing getting to meet them and I couldn't wait to learn more about them. Maybe Edward would want to invite them to dinner sometime. I was sure he would love that.

"I'm glad he's found friends like you and Alan. He needed friends so badly."

"Bella, no one is as lucky as we are to have him as a friend. He helped me a lot…although he is a little out there and annoying at times."

I laughed. "That is very true."

She laughed along with me, and it was good to see. She looked like a girl who should be laughing all the time. "Seriously, how do you live with him all day, every day?"

"Listen, it takes a lot of patience, assertiveness, and a heck of a lot of love for him. If I didn't have one of those things, I would be in an insane asylum by now."

She laughed again and I was glad I could bring her laughter. I could see why Edward wanted to help her so much. You could tell she was a sweet girl that was just dealt a crappy hand…sort of like Edward, except the girl part of course.

"It's interesting actually getting to meet you since he talks about you all the time."

"I could say the same for you. So what do you say? You want to go see your daughter and the crazy one?"

"Yeah." She started to get a bit nervous. "Do I look okay?" She asked.

"You can't even tell. Claire will be happy to see her mom."

Soon I had arms wrapped around my neck before I could even think about what was happening. "Thank you so much, Bella." She said sincerely and I hugged her back. _Poor thing_. From what I knew, she didn't really have anyone and Edward was there for her. Edward and I were kind of a two for one deal, so I liked that I could also help her. She seemed sweet and she was completely undeserving of the shit she got from her mom's boyfriend, or anyone that wronged her.

"No need to thank me." I said sincerely when we pulled away and she smiled up at me. "Come on, let's go."

We made our way down the hallway towards the office to go see the guys and little Claire. When we walked in, I had to chuckl at the scene before me. Alan was holding a laughing Claire who found pure amusement in pinching Edward's nose with her little fist scrunched up on his nose. Edward was smiling with his eyes scrunched closed and Alan was just laughing uncontrollably.

Claire glanced over to us, and when she saw Claire, she let go of my poor Edward's nose and reached for her mother eagerly, opening and closing her little fists. Leah went straight for Claire and brought her in her arms and kissed her like crazy. I caught Edward looking over at me and I walked over by his side. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head.

"Alan, do you want a hug too? You look a little lonely over there." Edward said.

"I'm quite fine over here by myself, thank you." Alan said politely.

"Stop being a hater of hugs. No one likes a hater of hugs."

"I don't hate hugs; I just simply don't feel like it right now."

"Whatever, fucker."

I gasped and slapped Edward on his chest. "Watch your mouth, there is a baby here!"

"Oh woops." He brought his free hand over his mouth. "Hey Claire." He called and she looked at him curiously, yet unbeknownst as to what was going on. "I said 'trucker' can you say 'trucker?'"

"Can you say 'loser?'" Leah asked him in the same voice he cooed to Claire. He glared at her and I laughed.

"Can you say 'geek?'" I asked him and he gave me a glare as well. We both then looked to Alan who was chuckling.

"What are you laughing at? I'll go over there and hug you until you beg me to stop."

"It wouldn't take long for _that _to happen." He said and Leah and I both laughed.

Edward let go of me and walked over to Claire. He placed both of his hands over her ears and she smiled and started kicking her little legs. "Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you." He said looking from me, to Leah, and then to Alan with that joking expression on his face and tone of his voice. I loved a playful Edward. Hell, I loved Edward. "You all are haters."

"Get over it, dude." I said and he glared at me but still wrapped his arms around me again.

"Yeah, stop being so sensitive, jeez." Leah said to him. I liked that girl.

"You all suck. I'm going to go give trashcan rides to people who appreciate my coolness. Peace out." He kissed the top of my head and walked out of the room. I looked after him with a smile on my face.

"He definitely brings comic relief to this place." Alan said and started to lock up the drawers in his office.

"He doesn't bring headache relief though." I said and they both started laughing.

"You got to love him though." Leah said.

_Yes, I really like that girl, and yes…that is very true; you have to love him._

* * *

"Edward? Can I please get in there? I just want to lie down." I whined as I yelled at him from the living room.

He was setting up the bed for some reason. We were planning on watching a movie, but he said he wanted to do something different with the room before we both laid down to watch it. He also picked the movie so that was a surprise as well. I didn't know if I should trust him so much with stuff like that. Who knew what his mind could come up with.

"Woman, put your patience panties on or some shit. Give me a minute." He called back. _Patience panties. Are you kidding me? _

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that." I heard him running from the room and he tackled me down to the couch. "Edward! What the hell are you doing?"

"Holding you over I guess." He said and quickly and hungrily brought his lips to mine.

I was in a state of shock for a second, but my mind worked very easily when he was kissing me. Well actually, my brain had the capability of just focusing on him and kissing him; so that's what I did. I held his handsome face in my hands and titled his head in the right direction so I could get better access to his mouth and I could kiss him deeper. He drove me absolutely crazy.

He started to pull away but I whimpered and pulled him back.

"Noooo…" I whined and he chuckled.

"I promise there is more where that came from. Just five minutes, please."

I sighed and he gave me a quick peck on the lips before getting off of me and running back into the bedroom. "I hate you, Edward Cullen!" I yelled out to him.

"I love you future Mrs. Edward Cullen!"

"Shut the hell up!"

"Okay, wifey!"

I laughed. Being that happy just didn't seem possible. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that I could ever be unhappy with him around. Sure things really sucked with the whole Alice thing, but were brought each other our own form of happiness. I knew I made Edward happy, it would just take a little more Alice time to get him back to his complete and normal self.

I was hoping Bowman would get them another meeting together. I missed Alice like crazy, and Bev missed her too. She called the day after we saw her and she was crying. She just broke down and expressed to me how much she missed Alice and on top of that she missed me and Edward as well because she had been far away for so long. That was a hard phone call. When I told Edward about it when he got back from the shelter, he called Bev immediately and they spoke on the phone for at least an hour and I didn't know what was said.

Edward's cell phone started ringing, and I reached for it to see who was calling. The number wasn't one he had stored in his contacts and it wasn't one I recognized. "Babe! You're phone is ringing!"

"Who is it?"

"I don't know, I doesn't say."

"Just answer it, chick."

I shrugged my shoulders and answered the call. "Hello?"

"_Well hello there, ma'am. How are you this fine evening?"_ An unfamiliar man's voice said over the line. _What the hell? _

"Uh…I'm okay, how are you?"

"_Just peachy."_ He said in a familiar sarcastic manner. _"Now you wouldn't happen to know my Christopher now would you?" _

"Christopher? Uh…no I don't know him."

The man on the other end started laughing heartily. _"Oh I don't suppose you would, his name really isn't Christopher, I just call him that from time to time. The poor kid's real name is terrible and I can't believe someone would name their kid that in this generation, but who am I to judge? Unfortunately the boy is not mine." _

"Sir, I'm sorry, but I am not following you…" This had to be the most bizarre phone conversation I had ever had. It sounded like a joke, but for some reason, I had no inclination to hang up at all. There was something about that guy that seemed so familiar…had I met him before?

He chuckled again, sounding like what you would imagine Santa Clause's chuckle would sound like; joyful and charming. _"I'm speaking of Edward Cullen, ma'am."_

"Oh well yes, I do know him. He is actually just in the next room."

"_What was your name again?"_ He asked.

"Oh it's um…it's Bella."

"_Bella. I like that name. Nice. Now if you don't mind me asking, how do you know Edward?" _

"He's my boyfriend…"

"_No shit!"_ He said in disbelief. "_Finally the kid settled down. I thought he would be single forever. I guess I didn't give my nephew enough credit." _

My eyes popped out of my head and I nearly fell off the couch in shock. "Wait? You're nephew?"

"_Well the last time I checked, we shared the same blood and the same eye color so yes…he's my nephew."_

I couldn't even form a sentence I was so shocked to hear that man's voice.

"_The name's Will. It's nice to hear from you Bella, but could you please hand the phone over to my nephew so I can hear his voice? A man in prison sure does learn to appreciate the voice of his loved ones."_

"Uhh…" _Wow. Wow. Wow. _"Yes just a second."

_I cannot believe this is happening._

* * *

I need love cause only love is true

I need every wakin' hour with you

And my friends cause they're so beautiful

Yeah my friends they are so beautiful

They're my friends.

All my life I've been wastin', wastin'

Wastin' all my money, all my time

All the time that I'm waitin', waitin'

Waitin for the moment you are mine.

The song about yeah

I'm thinkin', thinkin'

Thinkin all the things that i've done wrong

All the time yeah i was forgettin'

You were mine all along ...

**Friends, by Band of Skulls.**

* * *

**A/N.- Hello!**

**So this is Alexa actually. Mony aka. 'Wanda' left me in charge of this chapter because as of right now she is in Washington D.C. representing! Go Wanda! And of course as much as I told her it was ok to take a few days off she cares for you so much she didn't want to leave you without an update (between you and me...*looks-around*...shhh... *whispers* she is a writer-holic).**

**Hope you all like it and show her some love, because she sure works hard to make this story the awesomeness that it is!**

**Alexa :)**


	43. Chapter 42: Wanted

**Chapter 42: Wanted**

**BPOV**

"Wait a minute…" I said before I took any step closer to mine and Edward's room. "How do I know this is his Uncle?"

It just seemed too good to be true. Plus what if this was some kind of trap fabricated by that nasty lawyer his parents had? What if it wasn't Edward's uncle on the phone but some other guy that worked for Edward's parents? _Someone who is trying to get something to prove against Edward…_

Some crazy things were running through my mind and I just wanted to make sure Edward was protected.

He sighed. "Well darling, I don't really know how to prove that to you…I could have this fine officer standing inches behind me tell you. We are like best friends." He said dryly.

There was just something about the way he spoke and the sound of his voice that made me think he wasn't lying but my instincts weren't the greatest to begin with.

"Look, I only have about a minute and half left on this phone, so can you just give him the phone? He will be able to tell you within the first word I say to him."

_What could it hurt?_ If Edward knew it wasn't his uncle, he wouldn't say anything incriminating, and Edward would know his own uncle's voice I was sure of it.

"Okay one second." I started heading down the hall and tried to open the door, but it was locked. _What the hell was he doing in there? _"Edward, open the door. There is someone on the phone for you." I said through the door.

I heard him banging around in the room and then his footsteps advancing towards the door. I was curious as to what the hell he was doing. There was only so much you could do in a bedroom. He cracked the door open and poked his head through so I couldn't see inside. He looked like he was sweating a bit, but his green eyes were shining and I couldn't help but smile at him.

"Who is it?" He asked.

"Here." I just handed him the phone. He probably wouldn't even believe it if I told him who it really was.

He looked at me curiously and brought the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

I could just tell by the way his mouth dropped open and his face paled a bit that it was definitely someone he wasn't expecting.

"Uncle Will?" He asked incredulously. His eyes were wild, and he started to laugh. "Holy shit, I can't believe I am talking to you right now…" He said in a state of shock with a smile on his face. Then he stepped back and closed the door behind him.

_Oh. Okay. _

Well maybe I shouldn't have been disappointed and hurt that he just shut the door on my face when he spoke to his uncle, but I couldn't help it, even if just a little. I understood though, he didn't need me up his ass all the time, but at the same time this seemed like something big, something he would have wanted to share with me. Maybe I was wrong. Besides, he hadn't talked to his uncle in years, so maybe he just wanted some time alone.

I went back into the living room and sat back on the couch. It felt weird not having anything to do. I had no school or work to worry about, no job that I had to get up early in the morning for, and the house was clean and we were fed. It was nice, but I didn't know how long I could go without doing something. I was one of those people who had to constantly be doing something or I would get really bored and crazy.

I reached into the drawer of the coffee table and reached in for a random magazine. I bought them frequently just for something to do. I was always skeptical about what was written in it, but it was interesting to hear some of the stories they made up in there.

I laughed when I looked at the front cover with a picture of that Kate chick with the sextuplets. Someone—I'm pretty sure I knew who—drew a nice mustache below her nose. Oh but don't think Edward just didn't like that Kate chick, he drew mustaches on _everyone. _I flipped through the pages and he literally drew mustaches on every person on every page. The only people he didn't draw mustaches on were the children. And I thought I was the one with a lot of time on their hands…

I heard the door down the hall open but didn't hear Edward talking anymore. I turned and saw he didn't have a phone in his hand, but still he was smiling. That was quick. I guessed he really only had about a minute left to talk to him. He walked over to the couch and dropped down beside me. He took the magazine out of my hands and threw it on the floor before lifting me onto his lap.

"What are you doing, dude?" I wrapped my arms around his neck and he leaned forward to kiss me. I sighed in contentment and kissed him back. There was nothing in the world that felt more right or more comforting than kissing him.

Like always, it didn't last long enough and he pulled away. "I'm sorry I shut the door on your face. I didn't mean to be an ass."

I shrugged. "You weren't. I get you wanted to talk to your uncle alone, but can you please tell me what happened?"

He chuckled. "Of course, beautiful." He kissed my lips quickly and ran his hand through my hair gently. He was being awfully touchy and lovable. I wasn't complaining, but he usually wasn't like that. I liked it. "He didn't have much time to talk, but he told me he can have visitors now."

"Wow really? That's great, baby!"

"Isn't it?" He asked rhetorically and I could see the excitement in his eyes. "I'm going there tomorrow."

"Seriously? What time?" I felt my own excitement build up.

He must have been so excited to get to reconnect with the one person who stuck with him through that time in his life when no one else was there. He didn't talk about his uncle too much, but I knew enough to know that he loved Edward and Alice a lot.

"Six. Well that's when I told him I would be there. I figured it would give me enough time to go to work, go to the shelter, sleep, and Claire will be out of here by four and then we can eat dinner or something." He shrugged. "I don't know. It sounds kind of bad now because I will be thinking about it all day."

"Ugh yeah I know how that is. But you will have a lot to do so you should be distracted don't you think?"

"Yeah probably."

"Your uncle sounds…interesting."

He chuckled. "What did he say to you?"

"Not much, but he called you Christopher."

He burst out laughing and held me closer to him with his head on my shoulder. "That doesn't surprise me. When I answered the phone, he said 'what's up, Andrew.'"

I chuckled. "That is so strange."

"I know, but I am used to it. He doesn't like my name; what can I do about it?"

"Well nothing I guess…it's unique."

"That's one way to describe him."

I started playing with his hair that was still a little damp from him showering not too long ago. I was probably going to cause his hair to be completely fucked up later on, but oh well. It made him look weird and sexy at the same time. Only Edward could pull that shit off.

"You must be so happy to hear from him though, huh?"

"Fuck yes, chick. I love that guy." He said with a smile, but his smile soon faded. "I'm just worried I guess."

"About what?"

"He doesn't know about Alice so…yeah I am going to have to tell him. And not only will that fucking suck, I don't know how he will react."

"Everything will work out, babe. I'm sure he knows you are doing all you can to get her back."

He nodded. "Yeah maybe, but enough about me." He reached over me to pull me onto his lap so I was straddling him and he wrapped his arms around my middle. "I'm sick of talking about me. Whenever I hear my name, I just want to slam my head against a wall. I guess it's a good thing my uncle calls me by other names or you wouldn't have gotten to see my surprise."

"Hmm…well I am kind of excited about that surprise of yours, but what I would like to know is why you don't like talking about yourself…I actually quite like talking about you."

He rolled his eyes. "I am a boring subject. Let's talk about you for once."

"Pft…you think you're boring? I'm the one with no life at the moment."

He chuckled and kissed me before pushing me off his lap. "You're cute. Let's go. I will show you your surprise and then we will have a Bella talk."

I shook my head. "You and your ideas…"

"Shut it." He reached over for my hands. "Come on, I have to cover your eyes."

"Why?" I whined and he pulled me up from the couch.

"Dramatic effect, duh."

"Oh of course…" I said sarcastically.

He chuckled and walked behind me and wrapped his right arm around my middle and put his other hand over my eyes. I felt the entire length of his body against mine and I couldn't control the feelings running through me. I needed him badly.

"Alright let's not screw this thing up, ermosa. We can walk at the same time without tripping all over each other. Let's do it, chick." He sounded so determined and it made me laugh.

"Walking isn't that hard. I've been doing it for eighteen years."

"Have you walked with your eyes closed and a two-hundred pound dude on your back?" I laughed. "Didn't think so. Now stop arguing with me and move, chick."

I took a step forward and he followed after me. It wasn't hard for me since I was leading, but he was having a little trouble. He stepped on the back of my foot several times and he swore under his breath each time making me laugh even more. He stopped me once we got in front of the door and unwrapped his arm around my waist to open the door. He pushed me forward and didn't take his hand off of my eyes.

"Any day now, dude."

"Patience is key, my darling."

"Edward Cullen, I have been patient for I don't even know how long at this point. Show me what the hell you did in here."

"Oh you're getting bossy. That's hot."

"Edward I swear to God…"

He chuckled and kissed the side of my head. "I love you."

I sighed. "Are you trying to distract me?"

"Is it working?" He asked as he nuzzled my neck.

"Yes, and I hate you for it." He was terrible. He teased me all the time and it drove me crazy. I knew he didn't do it to be a jerk because he had some insecurities with sex, but it still frustrated me. I loved him. I wanted him. Was that too much to ask?

He still had his hand over my eyes and he wouldn't move them. I guess I could have got them off my eyes, but I felt too comfortable in his arms. I knew I loved him a lot, and I knew there was no way I was the only person on the whole planet that had ever felt this way about a person, but I wondered how the rest of them faired. I wondered how people who loved their partners like I loved Edward got to do anything productive during the day.

"Do you want to see it now?" He asked.

"Edward…" I said in a warning tone.

"Just wait a second, I want to tell you what this is for first."

I sighed in frustration. "I'm listening."

"It's for you."

"Okay…"

"No actually, fuck that. This isn't for you. Well not only this is for you…everything is for you. Everything I do from now on, will be for you, you got it?"

I bit my lip to hold back my girly emotions, but that was so random and sweet and so unlike Edward. I didn't know what got into him, but I was not complaining at all.

"Where did this come from?" I asked.

"Starting tonight, I will try my hardest to give you whatever you want and anything you want. You do so fucking much for me, and I do shit for you. I need to change that." I was going to say something but he shushed me. "I know you would do anything for me, beautiful, so just do this for me right now. Let me have this night to give you whatever you want. Think of this as an extended romantic moment and my balls will stay intact if tonight makes you happy."

I laughed. _Silly man_. As if he didn't always make me happy. But he was right, I would do anything for him…plus there was one thing in particular that I would love to get from him.

"Okay, that sounds good to me." I said. "But please let me see what the hell you did in here, dude."

He chuckled. "Okay in ten…nine…eight…ow!"

I couldn't take it. I elbowed him in the chest to make him let me see faster. He was such a jerk sometimes. He knew he was driving me crazy. The little bit of physical force seemed to work and he took his hand off of my eyes. I let my eyes adjust to the new lighting and I smiled so much my whole fucking face hurt.

It was perfect.

He destroyed the room, basically. He destroyed it, but it never looked so perfect before. Our bed was completely on its side along with the bureau. There were all of our clothes in the corner of the room. In between the bed and bureau on their sides was our mattress with no sheets on it, just our blanket. The sheets were above the bed draped between the two pieces of furniture. A perfect fort. And to top it all off, he took our TV down from the other bureau and put it at the foot of the bed in case we wanted to watch TV. As I walked closer, I noticed there were red things on top of the sheet. I laughed when I saw they were badly cut flowers from some kind of fabric.

"Where did you get these?" I asked him.

"One of my shirts."

I turned to him incredulously. "You cut up one of your shirts to make them into little flowers?"

He shrugged. "Bitches like flowers right?"

I laughed. Of course he would say something like that. I knew he was only joking which made it even more funny. "Yeah I guess they do, but what about your shirt?"

"It's just a shirt. I could make one out of saran wrap if I wanted to. No big deal."

I grabbed onto both of his hands and got on my tip toes to kiss him on his lips quickly. I wasn't expecting him to make me a fort with flowers made out of his shirt, but it was the best thing that he could have done in my opinion. I pulled him down on the bed with me and cuddled up to his side. He wanted to give me what I wanted, so I would do what I wanted. And at that moment I just wanted to talk with him and then whatever happened after that, happened.

He laid on his side and wrapped his arms around me and we were face to face underneath the canopy of sheets.

"Uh…I can't see you, dude." I said with a chuckle. It was a little darker underneath the blankets then it was outside the room.

He smiled and reached over my head and after a click sounded around the room, the little area was filled with light. I glanced over and saw he thought ahead and put our bedside lamp at the top of the bed.

"I can be smart sometimes, don't worry." He said.

I pulled his face towards mine and pressed my lips to his. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him so he could kiss me deeper. I wrapped my arms completely around his neck as he slid his tongue into my mouth and I moaned. _Yes, I couldn't wait anymore._ Apparently Edward had the same idea in his head because he put both of his hands on my ass and pressed my body forward so I was completely pressed against him and could feel he was starting to really enjoy what was happening.

Then, like always, because someone out there liked to fuck with us, Edward's cell phone started ringing. Edward pulled away and groaned as he reached for it in his pocket.

"Fuck the ever living fuck off. Fuck." I chuckled and buried my face in his chest. He answered the phone angrily. "Hello?" He snapped. "Mhm…yup…mhm…fucking great…bye." He started fumbling with the phone before shoving it over to me. "Shut that shit off. I don't want to talk to anyone."

I chuckled and turned the phone off for him. "Who was that?"

"My boss. I have to go in a little earlier tomorrow to sign some annual shit papers. I don't fucking know. Something completely unimportant."

I wrapped my arms around his neck again and played with the hair behind his head. "It's okay, at least it gave me an opportunity to say something before we got carried away."

He sighed and closed his eyes in contentment. I knew he liked it when I played with his hair.

"What did you want to say, chick?" He mumbled.

"Well mostly just thank you…this is very unique and kind of perfect."

He opened his eyes and gave me an expecting look. "Would you say it's cool?"

"Uh…yeah…"

"Is it cool enough to tell, oh I don't know, our grandchildren?"

"What the fuck? Our grandchildren?"

"Yes our grandchildren."

I was starting to get a headache. _What the hell goes through his head? Seriously. _"Explain, please."

"I'm just preparing for the future, chick. Grandparents aren't typically 'cool' people, but I want to change that. So I try and do a bunch of cool shit now, so you can tell our grandkids stories and they will be like, 'wow, my grandfather is fucking awesome' or 'wow, my grandfather was a badass' or something along those lines, you know what I mean?"

"Er…kind of, but why are you thinking about that?"

"You ever heard of the five P's?" I shook my head. I learned something new every day from Edward it seemed. "Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance."

I wasn't even going to try and understand how the hell he would justify that. What I got out of it was that he was planning to impress our grandkids by doing 'cool' things in his twenties. _Okay. That's awfully weird but I will go along with it I guess. _

"Alrighty then…but what makes you think we will have grandkids?"

"Oh we will; don't you worry about that, wifey." He placed his hands underneath my shirt on my sides and started tracing random patterns on my skin making me get chills from his touch. "We will create spawns and then our son will create spawns with another woman and they will be our grandchildren."

"What if we have daughters?"

He shrugged. "They won't have kids. I think you can buy chastity belts on eBay or something. I just need to learn how to use it…"

He really looked like he was contemplating it and it only made me laugh at him. There was never a dull moment when he was around. "Our poor future daughter or daughters."

"Nah, that whole sex shit won't fly with me when it comes to my future daughters or even Alice…ugh it makes me want to throw up all over myself just thinking about that. Do you see the sweat on my forehead?" He really did have sweat on his forehead.

Damn, he was going to go gray at a really young age, I could already see it. I wasn't going to fight with him on it though. I would let him live in his own little world for a while—because it would be a _long_ while before we had kids—but he would end up being disappointed. His dream that his future daughters would not have feelings for other boys and have sex were completely unrealistic. But oh well, that was something to be worried about at a later date.

"Calm down, babe. There is still a long time before you have to worry about that."

"Not exactly. Alice is six, almost seven. Before we know it, she will be going on her first date and all this shit." I didn't think he understood that his sister was six years old…I was pretty sure Alice would still think boys had cooties or something.

"There are still years before that, dude."

He smirked and looked me straight in the eyes with a soft expression on his face. "You know what she used to tell me?"

He didn't have to say her name for me to know who he was talking about. I could see it in his face. The adoration, the sadness, and the light in his eyes were dead giveaways.

"What did she tell you?" I asked empathetically.

"Well I remember having a conversation with her in which I warned her away from men forever, and she told me that she would never find a boyfriend as cool as me because I'm her favorite." He said with a proud smile and it was contagious. "After that she did say that she would love a boyfriend who owned an ice cream shop though so…I may still be in danger."

"Not if you invest in your own ice cream shop." I pointed out.

"Don't give me any ideas, ermosa. We may find ourselves in a serious recession around here."

I actually believed him. If he did get the idea in his head, he would damn well go out and try to own his own ice cream shop. I would not put it past him actually. He would do anything for Alice, and he would do anything to prove himself right, and he was stubborn. Not a good combo for our finances.

"Alright, forget I said anything."

"Fuck. Here we go talking about me again." He shook his head and slapped his hand to his forehead. "Change of topic. Do _you _ever want kids?"

"I think we already had this conversation, dude, and we agreed it was too early to determine such events." I didn't know where all of this came from, but he seemed to really want to talk about the future and make me happy. Not that I was complaining, but it seemed to come out of nowhere.

"Well, the future is right up our asses, Bella."

"How philosophical of you, babe."

"I know, I know. Now answer the damn question."

I sighed. He wouldn't really appreciate me shrugging off the question of that I was sure, but if I was being honest, the question scared me a bit. Everyone talks about how having a child changes everything and your whole life becomes completely devoted to that little baby and it stays like that forever. Of course that sounded amazing. I would love to raise a child that Edward and I created and take care of and love for the rest of time, but I didn't want that any time soon. I still had growing to do and I still wanted some 'me' time I guess. It may sound selfish or something like that, but it was how I felt.

"Yes, I do want kids, but not anytime soon." I answered him truthfully, still playing with his hair.

"What a coincidence, me too!" He said in excitement. I couldn't really tell if he was joking or not. He was the master of sarcasm though so it was hard to tell.

"Well then why all the questions?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I feel like we get so caught up in everything else, we barely talk about _us _and our plans for our relationship. I already know we will get married, so…"

"Oh really?" I asked with a chuckle. "And how do you know that?" This argument, we both knew, was just a form of entertainment. He knew I would marry him—duh who wouldn't if he asked?—but it still got him all riled up when I denied him. It was cute and I loved it. I was also being sort of stubborn. It would kill me, but delight me at the same time the day we actually made it official. I would hate having to back down, but I would get to marry him so I er sure it would be worth it.

He pouted and pulled me closer to him and I wrapped my arms around his neck and he rubbed his hands gently on my back. "Because you're my wifey."

I chuckled. "I hope one of our kids have your hair though." I said as I ran my hands through it and he sighed

"I'm sure that one will resent me forever, but if that's what you want, I hope that happens for you, beautiful." His voice held no sarcasm or anything. He was completely sincere, serious, and sweet beyond words. There were many different sides to Edward. I hadn't found one that I didn't love completely yet, and I didn't think I ever would.

"I appreciate your willingness to give me what I want, but I kind of want a lot of things, and I don't think you can get them all to be honest."

"Try me." He whispered.

He pulled away so he could look at me, but we were still barely inches apart, and our bodies completely intertwined with each other. My hands were still in his hair, and his were rubbing my back and hips. A perfect moment, really.

"A million dollars." I said.

"Lottery…blackmailing rich bitches…robbing a bank. Too easy."

I chuckled. I should have known he would get creative with this stuff.

"Hmm…world peace."

"Oh that's a tough one…not." I laughed. He was full of it, but I was curious as to how Edward would solve world peace. "If I ever see someone upset or about to fight someone, I will do a stupid fucking dance. No one can _not_ laugh when someone is acting like an idiot you know. And then I will have you video tape it, I will put it on YouTube, and then the whole world will see it and they will be like 'wow that guy's an idiot so I am pretty fucking cool.' All the self esteems of everyone will go up, they will feel secure with themselves, and they will love everyone and everything and there you go. No more fighting, just a bunch of people laughing at idiots instead of shooting them or something. Fuck yeah."

I was cracking up laughing since he pretty much opened his mouth and I could barely breathe. He sure had high ambitions and proved he would stop at nothing to give the people he loved anything they wanted, but damn. _What goes on in his head?_ I fucking loved him so much.

"That sounds like a good plan, dude."

"Hell yes it is…alright, now give me an easier one. I am only one man. Saving the world and shit takes a lot out of me."

I chuckled. "Alright…something simple. How about a kiss right over here." I said pointing to my cheek. He smirked and leaned forward to kiss said area softly. I could faintly feel his lips on my cheek. "And what about right here?" I asked, pointing to my other cheek.

He smiled. "So needy." He mumbled and kissed me on my other cheek.

"And here…" I said pointing to my chin. He smiled and kissed me there as well.

"I think I see a pattern going on here, beautiful. Allow me."

He lifted his hands from my sides and brought them both to my face while guiding me closer to him. He placed soft, faint, and beautiful kisses all over my face from my chin to my forehead and back again. Of course he didn't kiss me on my lips because that would mean he would have to make it too easy for me. He shifted his body and pushed me back on the bed and got on top of me. Thankfully the fort above us was high enough that his back didn't hit it and destroy the whole moment.

He moved down from my face, and went lower. I was breathing heavy for someone who was getting innocent kisses from her boyfriend. My body was on fire; I could feel practically all of him as he was on top of me, and the only thing that would make it more perfect would have been if there were no clothes between us. _Just us. Nothing else._ Nothing else really mattered to me unless there was an us.

He placed open mouth kisses on my neck causing me to only breathe harder and my body flared up even more. I gripped onto his shoulders and pulled him down closer to me. My body needed him close. It gave me some sort of relief, but it was nearly enough. It was crazy how much my body just craved him. I never felt that way about anyone in my whole life. As much as I loved him for the kind of person he was, it didn't feel quite the same with the way my body wanted and loved him. They were two completely different feelings. I felt like I could kind of control the way I felt about him mentally, but physically, I had no control and it was a scary but exciting feeling all at once.

I pulled the back of his shirt up to let him know I wanted it out of the way and as quickly as possible. He wrapped one arm around me while not taking his mouth from my neck and pulled me up along with him. My body was practically limp in his clutches like it was completely relying on him to give it what it wanted. He sat up with me—both of us crouching slightly as to not destroy the fort—and let go of me for a second to take his shirt off. My hands instantly went to his chest and I ran my hands along it. His skin. _Him. _Purely him.

He reached over to me and pulled my shirt over my head and I jumped into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist as I sat on his lap and held him tightly too me.

He sighed and kissed the side of my head. "I love you." He whispered.

I pulled away and held his face in my hands. I studied his face; the pale but healthy color of his skin, those almost red lips just waiting to be kissed, and those green eyes that held that seemingly permanent sadness from all that was taken from him with an addition of love and lust. I leaned forward to kiss him, but he pulled back so my lips ghosted over his.

"Edward…" I groaned.

He chuckled. "Did you ask me? I told you tonight was me giving you whatever you want, but how am I supposed to know when you don't ask me?"

"I always want to kiss you."

"Say it, beautiful."

I didn't know what he was trying to accomplish, but this sudden dominance in him only turned me on further. He was giving me what I wanted while trying to get what he wanted as well. He finally learned that he could be on the receiving end of things as well. It made me want to cry seeing how far he had come. It was beautiful and I couldn't wait to share it with him.

"Kiss me. Please." I said in almost a whisper.

He didn't waste any time in saying anything or trying to tease me again because his lips instantly covered mine and I slipped my tongue past his lips at the first opportunity I could get. Kissing was something we were both used to; we did it all the time, but it never, ever got old for me. Each time my lips touched his, something went off inside me and I never wanted to stop.

In the midst of my trance of kissing him, he has slipped off my bra and I wrapped my arms around him completely and felt every contour of his bare chest against mine. I grinded myself down on him because I could feel that he needed a little attention down there, and the moan that emanated from his lips against my mouth let me know that I was right.

"Fuck, Bella." He whispered.

"I need you, Edward." I said to him and pulled his face to look at me when I said it. I could see some fear and nervousness in his eyes just because he over thought everything and I didn't need him to feel less confident.

"I know." He said and placed his forehead against mine. "I need you too."

"Then make love to me, baby." I said to him in a sort of plea.

I knew he wanted it, it was so obvious, but he still had insecurities deep down. I knew I could show him those weren't needed if he would just give me a chance.

He looked up at me and took a deep breath. "You are fucking beautiful." He said sort of out of the context of what we were talking about, but the compliment put a smile on my face.

He kissed me, and no other words were said before he pushed me back on the bed and he was back on top of me. He was silently agreeing and I felt like we were taking such a huge step. Well I knew it was a big step for any people in a relationship, but this was different. This was not only us showing each other how much we love each other physically; this was also Edward letting go of his insecurities and his feelings of feeling like he shouldn't be loved completely or given things.

He was learning his worth.

Once he pressed his lips to mine once again, everything happened so fast. Soon all of our clothes were completely off, and he finally let me touch him. I wrapped my hand lightly around him and added a bit of pressure as I moved my hand slowly up and down. He mumbled words in a language I couldn't understand, and that only spurred me on. He sounded so fucking sexy when he spoke like that with different accents and beautiful words that were a mystery to me.

"Bella, you need to stop." He said breathlessly and I saw him trying to contain himself.

He was sweating and his breaths practically matched mine. I pulled my hand away and pulled him down further on top of me. He kissed my lips hungrily and then moved down more. When he was kissing my neck and biting softly, I really didn't know how I could take all of the foreplay and shit. Not when we were so close. I just needed him. I needed to feel him.

He reached his hands down between my legs and pressed against my folds and that was my complete undoing. I groaned loudly and dug my fingers into his back.

"Edward, please…" I begged with him breathlessly. "I just need to feel you…just…please." I could barely speak. I could barely breathe. I could barely function mentally because my body was on fire.

He didn't move his hand though. "I want to make this good for you." He said against my neck.

"Edward, I promise this will be good for me. Please just…I want you to just…" I couldn't finish because he shifted himself so he was directly in front of my entrance. I could feel his tip brush up against me and I bit my lip and whimpered. I pulled his face down to me and wrapped my legs around him. "I love you so much, Edward." I whispered.

"You know I love you." He said with a shaky voice.

He was trying to control himself so he could make it as good for me as he could. If he only knew he didn't have to do much. Just kissing him and feeling him was enough to make me feel like I would go over the edge.

"I know, and you know how much you mean to me." I sighed.

"I know." He said and then he pushed forward so he entered me completely. I screamed out in surprise, pleasure, and a little bit of pain; it had been a while. "Are you okay, Hermosa?" He asked in a trembling voice. He was still inside me making sure I could adjust to him.

"Yes. Just move, please." He pulled back and went forward again and our moans resonated throughout the room.

After we got into a rhythm, and my pain subsided completely, we rocked against each other and I tried to be quiet, but it was hard. I had my arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him down to kiss me as we kept moving with each other. It was completely perfect and I could feel the tears coming. Just seeing the look on his face as he stared down at me while he was making love to me with those green eyes that I fell in love with from the beginning made me realize how much I was loved and how lucky I was to have him.

He supported himself with one arm and moved my hair from my sweaty face with his other hand and kissed me. "I don't give a fuck what anyone says. You're perfect. Completely perfect." He whispered and started moving faster effectively making it impossible for me to form a sentence in reply, but those words would stay with me forever.

I felt my climax build up, but I wanted to make the moment last longer. I never wanted to be taken away from that instant, but I was comforted with the fact that I would have him forever, and feeling like that wouldn't go away. We always had each other.

"Edward…oh fuck." I buried my face in his neck as I felt myself get closer and closer to the edge.

He started moving faster, and I moved completely in sync with him. I bit my lip to keep from yelling out, and I whimpered instead until I felt my climax spread throughout me and extended to the edge of my skin. Edward groaned on top of me and his movements got faster before he hit his climax and set me off once again.

"Bella…" He whispered, after he was done with his release. "Fuck…that was…" He stopped and pulled out of me, making me feel all of a sudden empty, and collapsing beside me. He pulled me to his chest and we both tried to catch our breath.

"You're trembling." I whispered and kissed his forehead. I pulled the blanket on top of us. "Are you okay?" I asked worriedly.

He laughed. A laugh I hadn't heard him use before. It was completely blissful and infectious and I smiled. "That should go down in the list of silly things to say to a dude after he has had amazing sex with his beautiful wifey."

I rolled my eyes. "Well I knew it was kind of something you were nervous about…"

He put his finger over my lips. "I don't want to talk about that. Just trust me when I say that that was…well…fuck there are no words, but you know what I mean right?" He asked.

I smiled. "Of course I do."

He frowned. "You're crying." He said disapprovingly and I laughed despite the tears.

"Because I'm happy." He sighed and pulled me to his chest. "I just made love to you under a fort." He chuckled.

"Yeah I guess that's a little weird, but fuck-awesome…too bad that's not one we can tell the grandkids."

I laughed. "Absolutely not."

I could feel him chuckle against me and he kissed the top of my head. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby. You really gave me everything I wanted tonight."

"Nah…you still aren't a millionaire and I am sure someone is fighting somewhere."

It was kind of hard thinking about anything outside our little fort really. It was hard to believe that after having one of the best moments of my life filled with love, pleasure, and happiness, there were still such things as anything bad in the world. It sounded a little foolish, but it was what I felt.

"You know I love you right? And you know that I would do anything for you?" I asked him softly.

"Yes of course I know, ermosa." He looked like what I told him was the most obvious thing ever, and he was confused as to why I was bringing it up for discussion.

"Good."

_Then he gave me everything I will ever need and want...again._

* * *

**EPOV**

"I'm about to make a fucking fool of myself for this kid in a second." I said as I paced the room and Bella stood near the sink while bouncing a crying Claire.

"Edward! Watch your mouth!" Bella yelled and threw a cloth at me face. Something happened that was nothing short of a miracle. She stopped crying. She looked at me with her tears covering her little face and she giggled.

I groaned. "Why do little children like seeing the pain of others?" I asked as I took the cloth off of my shoulder and threw it at them. It landed on Claire's face and she giggled and kicked her little feet. Bella laughed and took it off her face.

"Watch this Claire, want to see Edward get a cloth to the face?" She asked her with a bit too much enthusiasm for someone who was supposed to love me. _Traitor. _

Claire started clapping her hands. _Mini-traitor. _Bella put her hand back and flung the fucking thing at my face and it kind of hurt but I didn't complain so she had another reason to make fun of me again. Claire was laughing a cute little baby belly laugh though so it made it worth it.

I was fine, but of course I thought of Alice. I used to hit myself in the head with a bowl to get her to eat carrots when she was little. She would laugh and laugh and eat the carrots willingly and I used to feel so accomplished even though I had a headache at the end. It was worth it, that's for sure. I still had no contact with her since I got to see her about a month ago. The pain didn't go away, I was not even going to try and make believe it did, but I did find a way to deal with it I guess. I had Bella and all my other friends to help me out, but no one compared to Alice.

Another person I had been missing like crazy of course was Bev. The poor woman, whenever I called her, was exhausted. Bev was a great person who did all she could for the people she loved, and she did everything she could for her daughter. It was getting closer and closer to her due date, and I selfishly couldn't wait for her to have that baby so we could have our Bev back soon. As of late—and by that I mean this morning on my way to the shelter—she called me in tears.

She was stressed out from helping her daughter and dealing with her daughter's workaholic husband and cooking and cleaning and missing Alice like crazy and missing Bella and I. I was tempted to take a flight out there and give her a hug or something. If it wasn't for my community service, I would have in a heartbeat. It also hurt Bev to be away from her apartment. It made her feel close to Leon and she hadn't been there for a while. Actually, now that I really thought about it, maybe Bella and I could go out there one weekend.

After playing the 'Hit Edward In The Face With A Cloth' game, I looked at the clock and felt like throwing up when I saw the time. I had to go. I had to go see my uncle. I couldn't believe it was really going to happen. That was another person I had been missing a lot and I was reminded how much I missed him when I heard him speak over the phone.

"Alright, I got to go, beautiful." I said to Bella as she placed Claire in the walker. She really loved that thing. There was this thing that spun around and she liked hitting it. She would get distracted with it for a long time. Leah was running late to pick her up because she was trying to see if she could get a cheap apartment ready for her. She ended up getting some money from her mother without the boyfriend being involved. _Oh and did I mention the fucker is in jail?_ _Well he is. I wonder who would have reported that? Hmm…_

"Call me as soon as you get out?" Bella asked as I got my keys from the table.

"Hell no." I said seriously and she pouted. I chuckled and wrapped my arm around her and kissed the top of her head. "Of course I'll call you, and you don't have any plans for tonight, right?"

She pulled away from me and tried to get away, but I wouldn't let her go. She sighed. "No life, remember?"

"Oh shut it. You have a life, you just have a lot of time on your hands. But anyway, you have plans now." I bent down and kissed her neck and she sighed contentedly. Bella liked when her neck was given some attention. I knew all her pressure points and I knew there were way more I could learn in the course of the rest of our lives.

"Oh really? What kind of plans?"

"Oh you know…stuff."

She quirked her eyebrow at me. "What kind of stuff?"

I smiled and kissed her forehead. "Not telling you." I let go of her and started heading out of the kitchen. I stopped in front of Claire and gave her a small kiss on her head while she spun the thing…fuck I didn't know what it's called. Kids toys confused me.

"Can I have a hint?" Bella asked.

I stopped at the entry way of the kitchen and leaned on the frame. "I don't know. It may cost you."

"What do you want, dude?"

"Another kiss goodbye, maybe?"

I saw that stubborn look on her face, but she was easily swayed. She crossed her arms and walked over to me. She got on her tip toes and kissed me on my lips like I wanted.

"Love you." She said.

"I love you too." I said and turned away from her.

"Edward! Come on!"

I laughed and turned towards her again. "Hmm…one word, does it work?" I asked her. I was just being an ass and prolonging the whole thing to get her worked up. It wasn't a difficult task to accomplish.

"Sure."

"Fort." I said and walked away and towards the door.

No other words were needed. I would forever associate a fort with having sex with Bella. I thought maybe it was because it was just the day after or something, but my mind couldn't really grasp an coherency when it came to that night. I couldn't even think about how to explain how I felt. Well fucking duh, it felt amazing; I had a really pathetic dry spell for a twenty-four year old man, but what the hell ever. It was the emotional and fucking psychological shit that messed me up. All I knew was that everything was right with the world last night. Oh and I loved that woman with my whole fucking heart and soul and ass and earlobe and everything.

As I got into my truck, my phone beeped. I took it out to read the message before I went off driving. If Bella knew I was reading and driving at the same time, she would probably never let me hear the end of it.

I looked down at the text and smiled like a fucking idiot and any other motherfucker who saw me would think that I was some sissy pants she-man who was in some sappy kind of love with their girlfriend...oh shit. That's not me right? Nah…I'm more of a strong he-man was in some fucking awesome kind of love with their sexy and beautiful girlfriend that drives a truck. Fuck yeah.

Anyway, the text said: _**Is it tonight yet?**_

My Bella was fucking cute. I typed a quick message back saying something along the lines of it will come before you know it, and then headed off to the prison. I didn't know how the whole exchange would go since he had been in there for so long, but I kind of hoped they would let me at least hug him. I didn't care how wussy-like that sounded…I missed my uncle. He was the only blood relative—besides Alice of course—who actually loved me and showed it.

It took me about a half an hour or so to get there. It was just outside of Aloha, and it killed me to think that Alice was living so close-by. I could so easily try and find her to just get a look at her. I wondered if she ended up cutting her hair or if she lost anymore teeth or just anything to let me know how she was doing.

When I got to the place, they did the normal check to make sure I wasn't holding any weapons and all that. I was only in the visitor's area, so thankfully I didn't have to walk by any suspicious prisoners or something. I knew how sleazy some of those guys were from when I was in jail. I absolutely hated it.

Then before I knew it, an officer was leading me to the room where I could see my uncle and I felt like my stomach was doing backflips, but I couldn't wait to see him. When the door was opened, I saw _him _sitting at a table with his hands crossed in front of him. He wasn't handcuffed or anything, and that surprised me. He looked so different and it kind of made me sad. His usual short black hair was almost longer than mine and he had a beard that almost made him unrecognizable. But his eyes were the same brown color that reminded me of Alice's. I also noticed how he still resembled my father, but I tried to push it in the back of my mind.

"Oh Dwayne! My God how you've grown!" He said with a smile on his face and got up from the chair with his arms opened. I didn't know how he didn't run out of names for me. It used to bother me a bit, but now hearing him call me whatever the hell he wanted sort of made me feel safe in some way…I was secure when he was around.

I went to try and walk over to him to give him a hug, but the officer pulled me back. "Cullen, you know you can't touch him. We already let you go without the cuffs…don't push it."

"Oh come on, Rick, you already checked him didn't you? He won't give me a means for escape. This is my nephew! I haven't seen him in nearly six years. Have a heart." His charm just seemed to flow off of him and I couldn't help but smile. He always found a way to get his way.

The officer sighed. "Fine. One hug." He let go of me, and walked out of the room. I went over to him and he wrapped his arms around me and patted me on the back.

"Oh boy…you don't know how good it is to see you." He said, sounding like he would cry almost. I have never seen him cry.

"I still can't believe you called!" I said and pulled away to sit down on the chair across from him. "I thought you couldn't have visitors and stuff."

"I couldn't for a while, but I've been good if you can believe it."

"I can't." I said and we both started laughing. There was so much to say, but neither of us knew where to start and he seemed to be looking me over. He looked completely different, so I could only wonder what he thought about me since the last time he saw me I was seventeen years old.

"You get your looks from me, boy. I can't believe you are a fucking adult now. It blows my mind and makes me feel old." The funny thing about my uncle is that he has been swearing around me ever since I could remember. 'Swears are words and people say words' was his excuse.

I laughed. "I'm sorry?" I asked, not really knowing what to say.

He frowned and looked at me curiously. "You know what never changes in a person?" He asked.

"What?" His sudden seriousness alarmed me. He was usually jovial and always in a good mood, but he seemed to be switching emotions rather quickly.

"Their eyes. You have your mother's eyes you know…" I did know that, but I didn't really like to think about it. "Are you happy, kid?"

I ran a hand through my hair. "Yeah of course."

"Hmm…I think to an extent that is true. What is it? You know you can tell me."

Might as well just come out with it. "I got custody of Alice…did you know that?"

He shook his head but smiled. "I kind of assumed you did. You were ready to do anything for that little angel."

I cleared my throat, just trying to stall. "Yeah well she uh…she was taken from me by my fucking parents." I placed my head in my hands and tried not to get worked up about it. It wasn't worth it.

"When was this?" He asked.

"A couple months ago." I said and didn't look up at him. I didn't want to see his expression. It could have been sadness, disappointment, or anger at me for screwing everything up.

"I'm sorry about that, Edward. You must really be hating them right about now."

I lifted my head and chuckled humorlessly. "You have no fucking idea."

"I've hated them, to an extent, since I walked in these doors and never got out." He sneered. I was going to say something, but he kept going. "I hate what they did to you and Alice."

"I know you did."

"But you really don't know. That's the thing that pisses me off the most. While they neglected you physically and mentally and all those fucked up shitty ways, they also never gave you a reason."

"I don't need excuses from them." I pointed out matter-of-factly. Anything they said to me will just roll off my back and I would move on. If they never gave me a chance at anything, how could I ever give them a chance?

"No, I know that, but I know you, and I know that at least, if certain things were made known to you, you would have maybe understood more and I know you would have found a way to fix it or at least try to for your sake and for Alice's." He really wasn't making all that much sense to me and he had this sort of feverish look on his face. He looked like he was anxious to get whatever it was he wanted to tell me out. "Do you know your father is the reason I am in here?"

"What?" I really didn't think I could have hated him more. "How is that even possible…"

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Me and your dad, we were really close as kids. Despite our age difference, you know, me being seven years older, we were close, and as much as I wish this wasn't true, there is still a part of me, even today, that has some form of love for him." I tensed up. How could anyone have love for that monster? "I hate it because that is what made me trust him to keep some things secret…things I don't want to share with you, it's the reason I am in here so that should say enough, but in a nutshell, he told the authorities, I had no way to fight it. He's a lawyer so…"

"That's bullshit!"

"I know it is, but I should have been in here a long time ago, but yes, it hurts to know that he would do that to me…and all because I found out something I wasn't supposed to find out." He sat back on the chair and looked uncomfortable. "All to protect your mother."

Everything was all fucked up. I thought I had an idea as to what he would want to talk about—he wanted to tell me something before he was arrested—but I didn't know what the hell it could have been. It must have been important, but really, what could it have been, and how could it have made me understand? What was there to understand?

"I've wanted to tell you this since the moment I found out. Maybe I am wrong, God knows I have been wrong many times, but I feel like this is something you should know since you are sort of involved and it includes your own flesh and blood."

I got more and more confused with every word he said. "Okay. Well what is it?"

"Do you know much about your mother's father?"

"What?" _What does he have to do with anything? _"No, he was dead before I was born I suppose…"

"Yes, he was, but only by a couple years." I really didn't know anything about him. My mother never told me anything about him or even mentioned him. It might be because I never had a full and honest conversation with her my whole life.

"Okay well what about him?"

"He was a horrible and _terrible_ person. He was horrible to your mother; he beat her, screamed at her in public, and he even did some inappropriate things to her. Things fathers should never do to their daughters…" My fist clenched at hearing that. As much as I hated my mother, I don't give a fuck, that shit is wrong. Who would ever, in their right mind, do something like that to their own daughter or anyone for that matter? It made me sick.

"Please tell me he paid for that…" It felt wrong defending my mother, but there were certain things I just couldn't put aside. The phrase 'I would wish that on my worst enemy' comes to mind. No matter what she did to me or any other shit she did, she didn't deserve to be raped by her own father.

"He didn't, but that's not the point here. Your dad met your mom when he was fourteen, and they have been inseparable since. We had our own shit going on at home, and they bonded with that I guess, but your dad loved your mom more than anything…still does I suppose." He sighed and leaned forward on the table. "Now I feel like maybe this won't change much, but you should know…yeah you should definitely know…" He sounded like he was debating with himself.

"Just tell me already!" I said impatiently. If I was really smart, I would have just walked the hell out and not want to know. I already had enough shit on my plate.

"Well you know how I said her father did terrible things?" I nodded and waved my hands impatiently for him to move on. "He did such terrible things; things like ripping babies away from their parents who wanted that baby so badly."

I got up from my seat and paced the floor, running my hands through my hair. "What are you talking about?"

"Five years before you were born, your parents had another child. That child was put up for adoption against their will, and they have been scarred from it ever since. I'm sure you could understand what it's like to have a child taken from you…"

"Of course I fucking know!" He didn't have to throw that in my face, but my head was already spinning. I don't know why he told me this, but it only made me more angry with them. If they already knew what it felt like to have something they loved so deeply taken away from them, why would they do that to me? It just made them seem even more heartless to me. Yet I couldn't help but sympathize a little. That shit hurt like a motherfucker, and again, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

"Okay, I'm not trying to make you upset, Edward." He said with his hands up in surrender. I knew that wasn't his intention. He wouldn't have told me unless he thought it was necessary, and I didn't even know that to think at that point. "There is also something else." He continued. "It's actually right in front of your face, but I'm sure it's not the first thing on your mind right now."

"What?" I snapped. He might as well just pour more shit on my plate. I would just have to deal with it I guess even though I felt on the edge of a panic attack.

"You have a brother out there."

"Fuck." I squeaked out. I really hadn't thought of that but holy shit…I had an older brother that I didn't even know existed. "Do you know…where he is?"

"Well a lot can change in six years, but according to the papers," I didn't know where he was seeing these papers or where they came from, but I needed to just take things one at a time. "He lives about fifteen minutes from Aloha."

He lived so close to me. I probably walked by him several times in my life without even knowing it.

"Do you know his name or anything? Did he ever try to make contact?"

"I don't know if he made contact, but I do know his name. Your parents didn't name him, but the doctor that adopted him did."

"Well…might as well tell me." I felt angry. I felt left in the dark. I felt like punching a wall. I felt like everything just got so much more fucked up than it was and I didn't know if I could handle it.

"His name is Emmett. Emmett Masen."

* * *

_What if I wanted to break?  
Laugh it all off in your face;  
What would you do?  
What if I fell to the floor,  
Couldn't take this anymore?  
What would you do, do, do?  
Come break me down._

_**The Kill, by 30 Seconds to Mars**_

* * *

**So uh…yeah, what do you all thing? Surprise? Not surprised? Upset with me for that cliffy? All three? Haha **

**Well I'm back from DC! Thanks all for your well wishes, I had a BLAST! Just really tired and still recuperating from all the walking and lack of sleep, but I got to write this massive chapter in the midst of it all, and I hope you all enjoyed it! Two big events have occurred, and there is still more I have up my sleeve so…stick around! **

**Big thanks for Alexa for updating for me last week, it meant a lot and made me feel less stressed! Haha Also for getting this chapter to me overnight when I told you you didn't have to! Love you, homeboy! **

**Alright, well some reviews would be amazing! The whole Emmett thing is something I kept hidden all this time and I really want to know what you all think of it! **

**Thanks for reading! Review please! **


	44. Chapter 43: Poison To Me

**Chapter 43: Poison To Me**

**EPOV**

Hearing his name kind of put things into perspective for me.

This was real.

This was really happening to me. I had a brother. An older brother.

My mind instantly went to the past and how different it would have been if I knew he existed. I think things would have been so different. I knew for a fact that if I was told at the right time, I would have tried to find him and try and fix my parents somehow. I wasn't completely heartless, but it was too late now and I was just pissed off. This was something I felt I had the right to know way earlier than after everything was all said and done.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" I asked my uncle, hoping desperately that he would just tell me what to do. I needed Bella. She would know what to do, and even if she didn't, she would help me out the best she could.

"You really don't have to do anything I guess…but I thought you should know."

"Emmett Masen?" I asked.

Hearing his name out of my own mouth made chills run through my body. This guy was real. My blood ran through his veins. We were brothers. I couldn't just ignore that.

"Yes. I don't know much about him, but according to the papers, he was in college at the time and I think he is already married now…"

"Papers, papers…" I interrupted him and he looked like he was getting impatient, but he was trying to give me time I guess. "What papers are you talking about?"

"Ah yes. I guess I didn't tell you how I found this out."

"That would be nice."

"Sit down. You're making me nervous."

"Oh and you're making me so at ease, Uncle Will."

He chuckled but I wasn't completely joking. He kept laughing and I didn't see how it was so funny, but I let him laugh. was pretty sure he hadn't gotten a chance to laugh sincerely in over six years. I didn't see how anyone could laugh in prison unless they were completely unaffected by it. I saw how ashamed my uncle was with his actions and I knew he hated it in there. So I let him laugh.

"I see you haven't lost your wit, my boy."

I groaned. "Uncle, please just tell me what the fuck is going on."

"Alright, alright." He leaned forward once again on the table and sighed. "I found the papers in my parent's house."

"The one that no one ever went inside?"

"Yeah…I started missing my mom one night, and I just had to go in. I had to steal the keys from your father, but it was worth it to see my old home and see the pictures and all that." He was starting off at something behind my head. It was probably him being back on that place six years ago. "I was going through everything and I found them stashed in my father's office. They obviously knew, and that is something I don't understand about this all; my mother _adored _your father. He was his favorite and I knew that, but I don't see how she could just let what happened, happen and not do something about it."

"A lot of shit doesn't make sense."

"But at least you can understand a little bit now…" He said feebly.

"Understand?" I asked in astonishment. "What is there to understand?"

"Well I don't know, you can understand where they are coming from sort of. Stuff like that messes with a person."

I felt the anger building up inside me. "I know all about that, Uncle Will! They inflicted that pain upon me when they knew how much it hurt. I am pretty fucking upset with them right now especially. They took Alice away from me, they took _me _away from Alice and she hurts because of that. They hurt us both when they could have easily just let us be. They had a child ripped away from them, and so did I! You don't see me ignoring my friends or beating my girlfriend or some shit!" I was yelling pretty loud and I was trying to control myself but it wasn't working very well. I didn't want to get kicked out but fuck…what was I supposed to do?

"I talked to your girlfriend; she seems like a nice girl."

I didn't know why the hell he was bringing up Bella, but thinking about her helped, and I liked talking about her. "She is."

"And she loves you, am I right?"

"She does."

"You have other people who love you, don't you?"

"Yes, but what the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"You had love to help you through. They didn't. Your parents are both very passionate people. They hurt and love deeply, but they didn't have a lot of love. Your mother got pregnant at seventeen for Christ's sake. Living in a small town, she had no support from _anyone. _They had no love and love makes a hell of a difference._"_

"I could have loved them if they had given me the chance!" I yelled out and then I put my hands through my hair and pulled.

_Did I really just say that? Yes, I did_. But it was true no matter how much I wanted to deny it. I used to crave my parent's attention and there was a time when I did love them completely, but that is just because love for one's parents is instinctual, but not untouchable. I grew to hate them, but if they had given me just a little bit of attention or anything, I would have held on longer and showed them that I could love them and maybe I could have helped them. But it was too late for that now.

"I know but you have to understand…you have to know how they felt at first." I hated that he kept comparing me to them. To me, the situations were completely different. I hated to think of it, but if they loved Emmett so much, what was wrong with me? How couldn't they have loved me? They loved Alice and they loved Emmett, but where does that left me? Not that it mattered but it crossed my mind and it hurt. I'm not going to lie.

"Listen, Evan I…"

"Don't call me that! Just call me by my fucking name! I'm Edward! I know you don't like the name or it reminds you of my father or I don't know what, but you need to stop mistaking me for him and comparing me to him!" I yelled and my hands were shaking and I was heaving in breaths. "I'm Edward. I'm my own fucking person now you have to respect that and call me by my fucking name. I'm not him or anyone else!"

He looked at me as if I had lost my mind. Maybe I did; I don't know, but I hated when people labeled me as something I was not. It happened to me more often than not. It wasn't only with my name because that had happened as well with those college students who thought I was some kind of nameless monster. No. People judged me all the time. According to Bella, I was a good looking guy. Awesome. Did that mean that I am a dickhead? No. I didn't think I was, but people assume that because I didn't kiss their ass when they walked in a room or something like that.

My uncle got up from his seat and walked over to me slowly, looking at me with an indescribable look on his face. He opened his arms and pulled me to him in a tight hug. I would have pushed him away because we would probably get in trouble, but I kind of needed a hug at that moment, and especially from him. Six years. Six years I went without seeing him.

"They're probably going to come in here and kick you out, but you need to come visit me more, alright?" I nodded my head silently. I didn't want to speak because I felt I would burst. I was pissed off beyond anything, but I knew not to push him away. He had been secluded from people for too long. But right when I got out of those doors, I knew what I had to do. He turned and kissed the side of my head and patted my back. "I love you, Edward. I know you're not like him. You have grown into a good man."

"I try to be." I said and just like predicted, the door to the room opened and an officer advanced toward me with an agitated look on his face. "I'll see you soon." I said to me uncle as I let go.

"Let's go." The officer said and grabbed hold of my arm but I ripped it away.

"I don't need a guide to the door; I can see it right in front of me." I said and my uncle started laughing. The officer looked pissed the hell off for being told off and my uncle patted his shoulder.

"Ah come on, Rick. You have to appreciate my nephew's sense of humor, no?"

"Move along, sir." The officer said to me completely ignoring my uncle's comment.

I couldn't help but smirk at my uncle's energy and walked out of the room. As I walked down the hall, I felt my anger pick up once again. Lies, lies, lies, and more lies. I was fucking sick of it. All the deception and injustice pissed me the hell off and I knew just what I needed to do. I had to go right to the source and I didn't give a fuck what anyone said.

Maybe I was being irrational—I was sure many would say so—but no one completely understood what I went through do they? No. They didn't. I could have had every feeling I ever had translated onto paper and have every person in the world read it, but not one person would understand at all. In a perfect world, no one's decisions would be judged or scrutinized because there is always a reason why people do the shit they do. If it doesn't pertain to anyone, they should just mind their own fucking business. But we don't live in a perfect world. I would be judged on what I was about to do—maybe even by my own girlfriend but she would forgive me eventually—but I didn't care. Not everyone played by the rules so why should I?

So sure I was my own person, but I couldn't do much without Bella by my side. After I drove a while and got closer to home, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Bella's number. I guess it wasn't smart to call her and drive especially in my state, but I didn't want to waste any time.

"Hello?" She answered groggily.

It sounded like I woke her up from a nap or something. It wouldn't surprise me. We barely got sleep the night before and she had to take care of the baby most of the day.

"Bella, go outside right now. We have to go."

"What?" She asked, sounding a little more awake but confused at the same time. "Where are we going?"

"I'll tell you when I see you. I'm three minutes away. Hurry up."

"Okay." She said and hung up the phone.

_I fucking love that woman._

She didn't even question me any further. All she knew was that I needed her, and she didn't even hesitate to give me what I needed. She was fucking amazing. Now if only she wouldn't yell at me for what I was about to do. I didn't even think she could talk me out of it though. It was something I felt I had to do, so I was going to do it.

I got back home at exactly three minutes like I told Bella, and she wasn't outside yet. I beeped my horn three times impatiently waiting for her. She jogged out of the house not a half a minute later while zipping up one of my hoodies. Even in my state of pissed-offness _(I'm aware it's not a word, don't judge me)_ I couldn't help but appreciate her cuteness. Her hair up in a messy bun and her sneakers untied looking like a beautiful mess.

She got into the passenger seat and as soon as she shut the door, I was off.

"Babe, are you alright? Did something happen with your uncle?" She asked instantly and slightly out of breath. I kind of felt bad for making her rush and shit. I could have called her earlier too. I was an ass sometimes I realize this.

"Nothing bad with him really…just something he told me."

"What did he tell you?"

I laughed just thinking about saying the words. I guess there was no other way to say it or soften the blow. She would probably think I was making shit up.

"Long story short; my parents had another son before me."

There was silence, and I was going a little fast for the area I was in. She would probably yell at me for that when she was done freaking out about what the hell I just told her.

"Are you serious right now?" She asked.

"No I made it up." I said flatly. "Of course I'm serious! Why would I make that shit up?"

"That's what your uncle wanted to tell you all those years ago?" She asked, still sounding like she was trying to put the pieces together. Maybe I shouldn't have just blurted it out. But if I said it any other way, would it have made it less fucked up? No. Didn't think so.

"Yeah it was."

After she put it that way, it made me think about how much things would have been different if my father hadn't gotten my uncle arrested. I could have known that my brother was out there, and he might have helped me. Maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part, but who knew. I guess it also didn't really matter at this point. That was years ago and this was right now; I had lying and disgusting parents, a sister who was living with said parents, and a brother out there who I didn't know. _Does he know about me?_ All these fucking questions and possibilities were giving me a headache.

"I…Edward I really don't even know what to say right now that's…"

"Surprising? A little fucked up? A little Jerry Springer? That seems to be the story of my life."

"Edward! Slow down!" She said all of a sudden.

I looked down and saw I was going eighty on the highway. I guess that's a no-no, but fuck, I needed to be somewhere. Well I didn't _need _to be anywhere technically, but I wanted to be there. I had shit I had to deal with.

I sighed and let my foot off the pedal a bit. "Happy?"

"Where are we going anyway? Do you know where he is?"

"Do you think I am just going to show up on my estranged brother's door and say 'what's up' like we're old friends?"

"Is he still alive?"

"I think so…he was adopted." I really didn't even know if he was alive actually. Thinking that he might be dead made me extremely agitated. The feelings inside me struck me hard. I hadn't even met the guy and I still felt protective of him in a way. Maybe it was just because he was so unfortunate as to be born from the same parents as I had. _Who the fuck knows._

"Do you know his name?"

"Emmett."

"How much older is he then you?"

"Five years."

"Damn…and they never told you?"

"Obviously not, Bella." I snapped, starting to get annoyed or maybe just overwhelmed with all her questions and well just everything.

"I'm sorry. Stupid question." She said and I could see she put her head down in my peripheral vision.

I didn't want her feeling bad. It wasn't her fault I guess. She didn't ask to be a part of my freak-fest life yet she still handled shit better than me most of the time.

"No, I'm sorry, Bella. I don't mean to be an asshole, but this is just fucking with my head."

"No I know, baby, it's fine but damn…this is nuts." I nodded my head in assent and continued driving, trying to find the exit in the dark. "But really, where are we going?"

"My parent's house."

"WHAT?" She yelled. _Yup. Knew that was coming_. She was going to be pissed off at me I already knew it. Awesome. "Edward you have got to be kidding! You know you can't go there!"

"And why the fuck not?"

"Edward Cullen, you know exactly why." She grounded out to me. I did know why. Alice would be there. I wasn't allowed to be next to her or whatever, but I needed to talk to my parents…well demand answers from my parent's made more sense in my head.

"Whatever."

"Whatever? All you have to say is whatever? You know this could come back and bite you in the ass, Edward! Don't be so dense!"

A part of me knew it was stupid, but the part of me that demanded answers was overpowering. And even overpowering that was my need to see Alice. I guess I wanted an excuse to see her, but I couldn't even really admit that to myself. It fucking sucked. Honestly, when did my life turn out like this? When did I need to walk on eggshells to get to see the one person who held me to earth? When did my life become such a clusterfuck of vicious love and excessive pain?

"I'm going, Bella."

"Edward, I can't let you go. You will regret this and I don't want you to. You already have enough shit to deal with. Please don't do this, baby." She reached for my arm but I shrugged her off.

Her begging me like that had me getting even more mad because it was working. _No. _I was doing this. She didn't understand that I _had _to do it. I couldn't go on with my days like nothing happened. I needed answers directly from the source.

"I'm going."

"Edward, think about Alice. What if your parents call the cops or something? Do you think she will want to see you dragged off to jail and maybe not get to see you again?"

"Bella shut up!" I screamed and cut off to the side of the road. I put the car in park and turned in my seat to look at her. "Don't you dare say that again." I had never been so _mad _at Bella since the moment I laid eyes on her. Just hearing those words coming from her mouth…I couldn't explain it. People told me all the time that I may not see Alice again, but what they say didn't matter. Everything that came out of Bella's mouth is truth to me though, and to hear it come from her lips…it made it too real, but it wasn't. I would find a way to see her. Always.

"Why not? It's true!" I was ready to fucking leave the car and walk the rest of the way. I wasn't kidding. "Edward what you are doing is just plain stupid. What do you think you will gain out of this?"

"I want answers. Don't you think I deserve them?"

"Of course, but this is not the way to get them. This _will _get back to their lawyer, and she will have a field day with this at your expense!"

Maybe she was right. Sure. But she could also be wrong. All I knew for a fact was that I needed to hear the story from them. I needed their point of view of the whole thing and maybe they could explain to me why I deserved to be lie to my whole life and why they treated me like shit when you would think they would be happy at having another child. I didn't know. I guess it didn't really matter to me, but I needed to know why they kept it from me. How could they keep the existence of my own brother away from me? Why didn't they try and find him after my mother's father left?

"I'm going." I said.

She groaned in frustration. "Edward…"

"Bella! Stop. I am going. You can either go with me, or you can go back home. Either way, I am doing this."

"Don't make me choose." She said a little weaker, sounding like she was going to cry.

"Don't make _me _choose! Fuck. Can't you just support me?"

She screamed out and hit me in the arm catching me off guard. "Don't say it like I don't support you all the time!" She yelled and started wiping her tears from her face. I kept my eyes on the road in front of me. I couldn't look at her without breaking my resolve. "I would do anything for you, Edward, but not this. I am not going to support you making a huge mistake."

I shrugged. "Fine. I'll leave the keys in the ignition."

I opened the door and got out of the truck. I zipped up the sweater I was wearing all the way, and began walking. It wasn't too far from there anyway. I could call a cab or something to get back. No big deal. All I knew was that I wasn't going to be a complete douche bag and leave her on the streets. Better I was the one doing that. I felt more nervousness inside me without her by my side, but I would have to deal I guess.

"Edward!" She called and I turned to look at her running toward me. She didn't look happy at all or forgiving. When she reached me, she grabbed onto my wrist and pulled me back toward the truck.

"Bella, you don't have to go if you don't want to."

"Oh trust me, I don't want to, but despite the fact that hitting you is number one on things I wish I could do," She actually already did hit me, but I didn't think pointing that out would have been very smart. "I can't let you go there alone. I know you won't listen to me no matter what I say, so I might as well make sure you don't make a bigger fucking mess of this shit." She opened the passenger door and got back in her seat, leaving me outside.

I hated that she was mad at me, and I thought for a moment—and I mean only a moment—that I should just give it up. But then I looked down the road and saw a sign posting the next exit. The exit to get to Aloha. I was so close. So close to Alice.

I went back into the driver's seat and started up the truck. Bella was curled up on the seat beside me and staring out of the window blankly.

"I love you." I said weakly. I always felt weaker when she wasn't completely on my side, but I had to do this for myself.

"Mhm." She said back just as weak. I expected silence or maybe a fuck you, so I guess her response was fine enough. I knew she loved me no matter how much she hated me in that moment.

I continued driving. With Bella not speaking to me, the tension high in the car, and me thinking about my parents and their evil ways, I began to get completely angry again. I just wanted to vent it all out to Bella, but she probably didn't want to hear my shit. It's alright. I could vent it all out to my parents. I was sick of going through lawyers and feeling afraid of talking to them. In the end, they were both just two people. I was older; they couldn't hurt me.

Driving up the road, I saw the house in front of me and I was surprised at what I felt.

_Nothing. _

I looked at that house, and of course it was familiar, but it held no place in my heart or head or anything. It was just a house. It was _the _house. The house I slept in, the house I got beat in, the house I got ignored in, the house I always wanted to leave, and the house I got stabbed in. It was safe to say that house meant nothing to me. The only thing that did mean something to me was the little girl that was behind those walls and she—along with my need to get answers—was the only thing that prompted me to get out of the truck and walk towards that door.

"Do you want to come with me?" I asked Bella.

She shook her head. "Just call me if you need me."

I nodded and got out of the truck. I knew nothing I said would help any, so I just went towards the door. I rang the doorbell a couple of times and waited for an answer. No one answered for a couple seconds, and I started to get even more pissed off. I rang the doorbell again, and in the middle of my third ring, the door opened and there stood my mother already in her pajamas.

She gasped. "Edward?"

"We need to talk." I said and walked past her into the house.

"Edward, you aren't supposed to be here…" She said nervously.

"Here as in, in this house, or here as in, on this earth? Yes to both?" I asked sarcastically.

She placed her hand over her heart and took a step back. "No, Edward…"

"Where's dear Daddy? I would like to speak with you both."

"He's reading to Alice…" She shouldn't have said that. Hearing her say that he was doing for her what I used to do for her every night—it was our ritual—made me want to punch someone in the face. Preferably his face.

"Get him."

"Edward…"

"Get him!" I yelled and she took another step back and looked on the brink of tears. Why she was crying, I didn't know and guess what? I didn't care. I looked at her and I was filled with so much disgust. I couldn't help it.

She didn't have to get him. Seconds after I said that, I heard footsteps running down the stairs. A set of heavy footfalls, and light footfalls that I would recognize everywhere. My anger slowly slipped away and my eyes drifted to the spot where a little angel appeared at the doorway of the living room I was standing in. She did cut her hair. It wasn't really short, but I could tell the difference. She didn't look like she changed as much as the last time I saw her. She looked beautiful and her smile revealed to me that she lost yet another tooth.

"Ecy! You're here!" She said and she ran over to me as fast as her little legs would take her, and I lifted her in my arms as quick as she ran at me and she wrapped her arms and legs around me. She was wearing a pair of pink thermal pajamas. I knew she didn't choose to wear that. She slept with my shirts on when she lived at home.

"Yes, I'm here." I said and kissed the side of her head. S

he pulled away to look at me. She cupped my face in her little hands. I smiled slightly, and looking at her made me realize I really didn't think the whole going there through. I needed to talk with my parents, but things could possibly get heated. I didn't want her to have to hear any of it. I wouldn't make her have to worry anymore.

"You need to shave, crazy. Your face is all spiky."

I chuckled. "I've been lazy."

"Because you're a lazy bum!" She said with a laugh. "Are you going to stay here, Ecy?" She asked excitedly and my heart sank. I would have to leave her again.

"No, Alice, Edward has to leave actually." My mother said.

"No." Alice and I both said at the same time.

"Edward, you need to leave." My father said from behind me, and I didn't even look at him.

I kept my attention on Alice and I pushed her hair out of her face. "I am staying to talk with them, so would you want to go sit outside with Bella for a while?"

"Can I?" She asked excitedly. I thought that would be the best way. Bella couldn't stay mad with Alice. I know they would love to see each other, so it would be like I was giving each of them their own little gift at the same time.

"Alice I don't think that's a good idea." My father said making my blood pressure rise. Just him speaking to her made me think back to the night he wiped my own blood on her. Sick bastard.

"Aw Daddy, please? Please can I go see Bella?" Alice asked, looking at him and begging him with the voice she used to beg me to do things, except she sounded a little more nervous.

"Edward isn't supposed to be here…" He said.

At those words, Alice instantly turned to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Please don't make him go yet. He said he just wants to talk to you. He will be good, right Ecy?"

"Yes." I said and looked at me father finally over her shoulder.

He looked pissed off, but he knew better than to even try and discipline or tell her no in front of me. I would not be having that at all. He didn't remove his stare from mine, and I would be damned if I would be the first to look away. My mother caused him to lose however when she walked into his side and his attention went to her. She was crying and shaking. He looked panicked and held her close to his side.

He looked back up at me. "Fine, Edward. Go ahead, bring her to your girlfriend and then we can talk." I was kind of surprised he would let me. He must have known I wasn't that stupid to just take her away or some shit.

I didn't even acknowledge he talked to me and just walked away with Alice in my arms. I stopped in front of the door and realized she had no shoes on and just had her pajamas on. I placed her down on the ground and took my sweater off.

"Ecy what are you doing?" She asked.

"It's chilly out there." I said and held the sweater open for her. She giggled and slipped her little arms through. I wondered if she would always be really small all her life. Well I knew she wouldn't always be the size of a six year old, but she was pretty small for someone her age. She turned around and it was like an oversized dress on her, but it would have to do. I zipped it up for her while she laughed. Hearing her laugh over something so inconsequential had me chuckling as well.

"I shrunk!" She said and that sent me over the edge. I laughed and pulled her toward me placing butterfly kisses all over her face. I needed her adorableness back in my life.

"You're a nerdy child." I said and pulled the hood over her head and it went in her face. She pushed it back along with her hair.

"You're a poopy-head man."

"Alright now you are just playing dirty." I said and picked her back up in my arms.

"I'm just better than you."

"You got that right." I kissed her cheek and she wrapped one of her arms around my neck as I brought her to the car. Bella wasn't paying attention to us because she was doing something on her phone. I knocked on her window gently so she wouldn't get too startled, but she still practically had a heart attack, but when she saw Alice, a beautiful smile spread on her face. I opened the door and Alice jumped out of my arms and into her lap.

"Bella! We get to spend time together!" Alice said excitedly.

"Really?" She asked, and glanced over at me. She looked like she really didn't want to look at me, which I could understand, but it was still nice to see a smile on her face.

"Yeah because Ecy wants to talk to mommy and daddy about boring grown up stuff. But you're a grownup, but I don't want you to leave me out in the car by myself so you can stay out here with me. OH! And then you both have to come see my room, my new ballet costume, and Cornelius!" She stopped to catch a breath and clap her hands together.

I smiled down at her and gave her a kiss on the forehead before stepping away from the truck. I really didn't know if we would be able to see all of that stuff, but I would try and make it happen and not rain on her parade.

"After, but I will be right back, alright?"

"Okay!" Alice said and gave Bella a hug. Bella held onto her tightly and kissed the top of her head. I pulled the keys out of my pocket and handed them to Bella.

"You can bring her for a drive if you want. Actually…" I pulled my wallet out of my pocket and took out a five dollar bill. "There's a ice cream place literally down the road."

"Yay! Chippy's Ice Cream! I love it there!" Alice said excitedly and snatched the money out of my hand. "Can I sit in the front, Bella?"

"Alice, you know better than that." I said to her sternly. "You can only sit in the front when you are…"

"Twelve years old, I know, I know." She said and rolled her eyes. "I am going to be seven in a couple weeks you know." She said as if that meant something substantial.

"Yeah and I'll be twenty-four. That doesn't mean I will file for retirement for the fun of it."

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

I laughed. "Never mind. Enjoy your ice cream, ladies."

"See you, snot-face!" Alice said and Bella laughed along with her.

I just shook my head and headed back into the house. I didn't like walking away from my girls, but I went there for a reason and I would get the answers I wanted no matter what. I went right into the house without even knocking and went back to the living room. My parents were both sitting on the couch and my dad had his arm around my mother who looked like she was getting sick.

"What is this about?" My dad asked sounding frustrated and pissed off_. Good. I hope he spends the rest of his life that miserable. _

"I need answers."

"About what? What do you want from us, Edward?"

I laughed. Yeah, I really did laugh right in their face. What a stupid question to ask. I always wanted sometime from them it seemed, and it was things that should have been given to me anyway. When I was younger, I wanted their attention, their love, and their time. When I was a teenager, I wanted them to get the fuck out of my life and stay in jail so I could keep my baby-sister. Not too long ago, I wanted them to give my sister back to me, that still was in effect, but right then I wanted to know why they lied to me my whole entire life.

"That's funny, dear old dad."

"I'm serious." He said.

"So am I."

"Edward could you sit down," My mom said with a shaking hand pointing to a chair that I was standing next to. "You're making me nervous."

"Isn't there a pill for that?" I asked.

"Edward! Stop! I will not tolerate you coming into my home uninvited and harassing your mother." My father said and he really looked pissed off, but not ready to pounce and hit me like he usually was.

I laughed again and ran my hand through my hair. "But she really isn't my mother is she?" I asked rhetorically looking at the both of them who looked dumbstruck. "You guys aren't really my parents if you really think about it. Yeah, I was born to you both, and we share the same blood, but that doesn't really matter to the both of you does it? That isn't enough for you to treat me like parents would treat their only son." They both gave each other a glance and my mother started crying. "Oh but wait a minute…" I said like I just had one of those light-bulb moments. "I'm not your only son. Silly me. How could I have forgotten?"

My father got stiff in his place, and my mother was sobbing against his chest.

"How do you know about that?" My father asked instantly. He sounded like it was completely preposterous that I would know such a thing.

"That's none of your fucking business." There was no way I would mention my uncle's name. There was no way I would give my father another reason to fuck him over.

"How do you know?" He asked again, actually looking like he would punch me in that moment. Oh I would love to see him try.

"You think I am obligated to tell you? How about the fact that you both kept this from me my whole entire life?"

"It wasn't something you needed to know." He said.

"The fact that I had a brother out there is not something I should know? Are you stupid?"

"It wouldn't have made a difference. He isn't a part of our lives."

"Ed, don't say that!" My mother said and took herself completely away from my father and stood up. She was angry looking at him. "He will always be a part of our lives!"

Something kind of hit me in that moment. Something that I think I always knew, but didn't really want to admit to myself.

They didn't give a shit about me.

I looked at my mother going against my father to defend her first born son who technically didn't need her defending since he hadn't met her. She looked ready to lash out on my father—someone she apparently loved—for him. They both fought to take Alice away from me. They fought for them, and just didn't give a damn about me. I tried to convince myself that it didn't matter because I didn't give a damn about them either; but it did matter. It's just hard to think that the people who were responsible for giving you life couldn't even bring themselves to love you.

That hurt.

"Lizzie, I know honey, but…"

"No buts! He is as much our son as Edward is!" She was livid and looked slightly crazy.

"I know, you're right. I'm sorry, sweetheart. Please just sit down." He pleaded with her, and then just like that, all her anger was gone, and she sat back down next to him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, not really knowing if I even wanted the answers anymore. It was just bullshit, and no matter what answers I would get, it would still be bullshit and Alice will still be with them. But I did get to see Alice.

"What difference would it make, Edward?" My mom asked, sounding defeated and like she would just give into whatever question I asked her.

"That is something I would like to know and maybe help me understand some things…"

"Like what?" My dad asked.

"Like…" Might as well just come out and say it. I didn't care if I sounded weak to them. I didn't care what they thought of me. "The reason you both hated me so much." I scratched the back of my neck and suddenly felt really uncomfortable.

"Oh Edward, we don't hate you! We love you it's just…" My mom started, but couldn't seem to find the words.

"You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not lying!" She said quickly in her defense. She got up from the couch and walked toward me. "I…I don't hate you."

"Yeah, you keep saying that, but you sure acted like it."

"Edward, it's hard for me to explain. I just…we just…we were so devastated to have lost your brother. We never, ever wanted to have another child. We couldn't live with the fact that we gave him away and then kept another child. I couldn't have done it." She was being brutally honest and it surprised me. She looked more confident. It looked like it was something she wanted to try and get off of her chest. I guess I appreciated the truth no matter how much it hurt to hear. "And then I got pregnant with you. I tried to get excited. We both tried, Edward. It has nothing to do with you, it was us. We were messed up. I could sit here and list all of our diagnosed mental illnesses, but you probably don't care."

"You're right. I don't care, but…" I guess I was sort of a masochist. I just wanted to know _why. _"Nothing changed when I was born? I mean, I am your son…"

She wiped away her tears and my father came to stand behind her.

"No." she said simply.

_Wow_. It was one thing to just assume something, but it was a different thing to hear straight from her mouth that she never really cared about me. My whole life, I was searching and reaching for something completely unreachable, but I never knew.

"It sounds terrible, I know this…I have to live with this every day, but I couldn't see loving you and giving you everything when I had my first child taken from us…it sounds so bad, and it is, but you don't deserve anymore lies. I know this. You said you wanted the truth, and I want to give that to you."

"Okay." I said, ready to just run out of there. I didn't expect the truth to hurt so much and I felt like I was in a painfully numb state if that made any sense.

"But don't think we hate you, Edward." My dad said. "We don't."

"Okay." I crossed my arms in front of me and tried to hold my emotions in order. "If you don't love me, but you don't hate me, how could you push the situation and take Alice away from me? That's really all that really matters to me at this point and something I don't understand."

"Alice is our only girl…she's still young. I couldn't live with the fact that I had three children and couldn't take care of at least one of them."

"So what you're telling me is that it was completely selfish?" They both didn't answer and I already knew my answer. "You know what, fuck this shit. I don't even know why I came here anymore."

"I'm so sorry, Edward." My mom said.

"No. Don't feel pity for me. You both are terrible, terrible people. Point blank. You know what the hell it feels like to have a child taken from you, and yet you do that shit to me?" I yelled. I had nothing left to lose really. I was already there, Bella was right, it would probably bite me in the ass; might as well get all of it out there. "You know what? Fuck the both of you. I promise you from the bottom of my heart that you will not raise my sister for very long. You don't deserve her and you don't deserve any redemption for the shit you pulled. You have fucking nerve bulldozing into my life and taking…ugh. I can't even talk about this shit anymore."

"Oh Edward please don't take Alice…she is so sweet…" My mother tried to beg me and reached out to me, crying again.

I stepped away before she could lay her hands on me. "She wants to be with me. I know you are both cowards and will probably tell your lawyer that I was here, and I will be fucked, but I will not stop until she is out of this house and away from you two. I don't care how well you treat her; you don't deserve to be around her."

"No…we can make a deal! Come on, Edward! We will let you see her more. Maybe we can try and reconnect…" My dad said, begging just like my mother.

"Reconnect what? There was no connection in the first place! You just told me yourself!"

"Edward…" My mom started, but there was a sound at the front door and Alice came running in…crying. My attention completely shifted to her because I hated seeing her cry and she meant more to me than my own feelings. Just another reminder that I could go through anything when I had her and Bella.

"Don't yell anymore, Ecy. Please no more." She begged me with her little voice.

I didn't know how she heard me. They must have brought their ice cream back, but I didn't think I was yelling that loud. Apparently I was wrong. I looked over Alice's shoulder and looked at a flustered Bella running her hands through her hair. She mouthed 'sorry' to me, but I just shook my head.

"I'm sorry, kid. I'll stop, I promise."

She sniffled and lifted her head. "Why are you so mean to him?" She asked to my parents with a finger pointed at them in anger. "Stop making him mad!"

"Alice, I'm fine." I said trying to calm her down.

"No you were yelling! Ecy never yells unless he is mad! You made him mad!"

"Alice, calm down, kid. Everything's alright. I'm going to leave so, come say goodbye." I said, trying to calm her a little.

"No!" She screamed and buried her face in her hands as she started crying again. "No don't leave me, Ecy…"

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and held her closer. "I'm sorry, I have to…"

"No you don't." My mother said all of a sudden and I looked right at her. _Did I hear what I thought I just heard? _"Edward, you can stay for a little while…if you want to, that is."

The end of that statement wasn't needed and she knew that. I would want to be wherever Alice was even if it was in the home of my parents who I didn't like and the parents who never loved me simply because I was born. I would never forgive my parents, but I could never completely hate them because they were the reason Alice was born. That fact will remain the same until the end of time and I needed to accept that.

"Really?" Alice asked hopefully.

"But first you need to help me finish cleaning the library, Alice." My father said seriously.

Alice sighed. "I can do it myself." She said begrudgingly and kissed me on the cheek before trying to get out of my arms. I let her go and she stomped out of the room and up the stairs.

"Just wait until she's finished cleaning, Edward." My dad said.

I just nodded and turned to Bella. I grabbed onto her hand, not really caring if she was mad at me because I needed her right then. She didn't oppose and I led her out of the house and on the front porch.

"What happened?" She asked instantly.

I took a slow, shaky breath to calm myself. "Nothing I didn't already know, I guess."

"Like what?" She asked sounding concerned.

I shrugged. "Just that they never really loved me, and didn't have any plans to even pretend they did." I cleared my throat as I sounded like a little bitch with my voice giving out on me from emotion and all of the yelling.

"Oh, babe," She placed her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me towards her. I rested my head on her shoulder and held her close. "You don't need them. I love you so much. Please don't let them get to you."

"I'm trying."

She pulled my head away from her and placed a kiss on my forehead before letting me go. "Here," She handed my sweater over to me. "Go inside and see Alice. She will make you feel better."

"You're not coming with me?" I asked as I put the sweater back on and zippered it up.

She shook her head. "No. I need to call my mom. She called me earlier. My dad's sick I guess and she is freaking out."

"Wait, is he alright?" Her dad had been getting sick a lot lately and it was starting to freak me out.

"Yeah, he's fine. I think it's just the flu, but I need to calm her down since she freaks out over the littlest things." She said with an eye roll, although I knew she was concerned about her dad.

"Alright, well I will be out soon I guess."

"How long do you think they will let you stay?"

"I don't know, but it's…" I took my phone out to look at the time. "Nine and she will be out cold in no time no matter if I am here or not." It was actually a miracle that she was still awake. She was always and early sleeper and I didn't think a home change would make a difference.

"Okay, well I'll just be out here."

I nodded and she headed down the stairs. "Wait, Bella…" I said to catch her attention and she turned to me mid step. "I know you are probably still mad at me, but I'm sorry for not listening to you. You were right once again."

She smirked. "Yes, I am still mad at you, but I will keep that apology in mind. Go have fun with your sister, baby."

I smiled and gave her a small wave before heading back inside the house. I just kind of stood awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs waiting for Alice to finish up cleaning the library. It didn't take long, because only about a minute later, she was running back to the top of the steps, and when she saw me, she waved me forward. I walked up the steps and she met me halfway, grabbing onto my hand with her little one and dragging me down the hall.

She opened the door to my old bedroom, and I wasn't really that shocked to see it all pink and Alice'd out. My room was the biggest in the house, so it was nice to know that Alice got to have it. It kind of masked the fact that they completely got rid of everything I left in there and they painted over the color I picked on my tenth birthday.

"Ecy do you like my room?"

"It's pretty cool. It's very pink." I said with a chuckle.

"Well you know pink is my favorite color, silly!"

I looked at the plethora of books on a large bookshelf in the corner. It was way bigger and better looking than the one I bought her. It also held more books. I tried not to let it bother me. "I do know that."

"Come on, sit down. I will go get Cornelius!"

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that creature. "Where is he?" I asked as I sat on the edge of her bed.

"Sleeping in the bathtub, probably. He is a weird cat. He finds a different place to sleep all the time and he sleeps there for a couple of days until he finds another place. So silly." She said with a chuckled and then skipped out of the room before I could say anything else.

I was left alone in the extravagant room that I didn't really want to look at because I knew it would hurt to see all of the things that they gave to her that I couldn't. Luckily Alice wasn't that long, and she came walking in holding a small grey cat in her arms.

She had a huge smile on her face as she shuffled over to me. The cat started stretching in her arms but she didn't even come close to dropping it. She had practice it seems. She placed the cat on the bed and I picked it up with one hand.

"Sup, cat?" I said to his face. The cat, like most cats, gave me a not so amused face and put its paw on my face, but it had no claws thankfully.

Alice slapped me on the arm once she was up on the bed. "Don't call him cat! His name is Cornelius!"

"Oops…my sincere apologies, Cornelius. I seemed to have forgotten my feline etiquette. Will you forgive me?"

Alice giggled and petted the cat's head making it purr in contentment and curl up to my chest. "Of course he forgives you…he loves you see?"

Alright, I had to admit, the cat was pretty fucking cute. It curled in a little ball against my chest as its body vibrated with purrs. "He's really cute, Alice."

"I know! But hey Ecy, what was that word you said before? Edibet? Edipiss?" She asked curiously.

I laughed and pulled her to my side. I missed that crazy and curious mind of hers. "I believe you are referring to _etiquette. _And that just is a fancy way of saying manners I guess. Being polite and stuff."

"Oh okay!" She moved away from me and crawled to the top of her bed. She started to pull her blankets down and patted the spot beside her. "Come sit over here." She said.

I really didn't feel like moving, but I listened to her anyway. I went to sit on the right side of the bed and she got up to get something from a desk in her room. When she walked back over to me. She placed a folder on the opposite side of me, then ran to my side to pull the blankets over my legs.

"You need to stay warm silly."

"Well I'm sorry, but I got my shoes on."

"Take them off. It's okay." She pulled the blanket back and started to untie my sneakers. "You don't need your shoes."

She sounded nervous and she took my shoes off as quickly as she could. "Kid, I'm going to have to leave soon."

She shook her head. "No, no, no…I'll make them let you stay for a while. It's alright."

"Alice…" She took my second sneaker off and covered her ears as she walked back to the other side of the bed and sat next to me.

"I have this for you." She said and handed me the folder.

I placed the cat in her lap and looked down at the simple blue folder. On the front, in her handwriting said, _'For Edward My Brother.'_

I smiled down at it, and it didn't matter what was inside. I already loved it and it warmed my heart that she still thought of me. I kind of knew she wouldn't forget about me, but you just never know anything for sure. I opened up the folder that was filled with papers. I felt like crying when I saw that it was simply a folder filled with tests that she took in school with wonderful grades on them. There were some pictures she drew in art class that the teacher wrote a nice comment on, and I couldn't have been given a better present.

"This is great, Alice." I said.

She reached over and pulled out a picture she drew of a landscape. It was really colorful and was filled with flowers all over the place.

"Mrs. Bennett, that's my teacher, wanted to hang this up at the art fair, but I said no."

"Oh Alice, why did you say that? This is phenomenal; you should want to show everyone how talented you are."

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around mine. The cat stayed in her lap half asleep it looked like. "I wanted you to see it first."

I sighed and pushed back on the bed with her and held her to my side. Cornelius tried to move out of her lap, but she just brought him up with us. I placed the folder on the floor by her bed and pulled the blankets over us. "Well I am honored, but you should have put it in the art gallery."

"It's next week."

"Oh so it's not too late?" I asked hopefully. She shook her head against my chest. "Then you have to do it. Bring it to your teacher tomorrow and tell her you want to have it there. I would really want you to do that for me, kid."

"Okay, I will." She said with a yawn.

"You should go to sleep. You have school tomorrow."

She shook her head. "Don't want to."

"You have to, sweetheart."

"No!" She said frustratingly. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I will wake up and you will be gone again." She said and gripped on tightly to my sweater. "I miss you."

I got down lower in the bed and pulled her completely to my chest and placed kisses on top of her head. "I miss you too, honey. But I'll be back to see you as soon as I can, alright?"

"I know, but still."

"Hey, our birthday is coming up, isn't it?"

"Mhm." She didn't sound as excited as I hoped she would. _Great_. Just another reminder of how unhappy she was. Well she wasn't completely unhappy. I mean she had her cat, she was obviously doing good in school, and she had this room that I was sure she enjoyed. But she still wanted to be with me or at least get to see me every once in a while.

"Well I will try to come and see you then. Maybe we can spend the day together."

"I don't want to just see you on my birthday. I want to see you every day."

"I'm trying, Alice…"

"Well try harder!" She yelled and hit me on the chest. "Try harder, try harder!"

"Alice, Alice, stop…" I said softly, trying to coax her away from hitting me anymore.

It didn't hurt really…the hitting part at least. The rest of me felt like I was close to death. She wanted me to try harder. She was getting impatient with my incompetence and it would be any time now before she completely just gave up on me.

She stopped hitting me and fell back to my side and I pulled her close to me and ran my hands through her hair to try and comfort her. "I'm sorry, Ecy. So sorry. I didn't mean it."

"It's okay, Alice. I will make everything better, alright? Just go to sleep. You're tired."

"Can you pretend with me?"

"Pretend?" _What was she talking about?_

She sniffled. "Whenever you get really mad and I am at Bev's house, I like to pretend that it isn't happening. I pretend you are at work and that you are coming home soon. So let's pretend that you will be here in the morning and you can take me home."

I didn't know if I wanted to pretend. This whole pretending thing was news to me and it broke my fucking heart in pieces. She was six years old. She shouldn't have to think of ways to escape from reality because it was too much for her to handle. I had no one to blame for that but myself. Maybe I wasn't the best person for her to be with after all. Maybe I just liked to let myself believe that.

"Okay, Ecy? Do you want to pretend with me?"

"I love you, Alice."

"I love you too, Ecy." She said and it was music to my ears.

"I love you more than anything, you know that right?"

"I know."

"I'm sorry, my sweet girl. I'm so so sorry."

"It's okay, Ecy." She said sweetly and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "What are you sorry for?"

_For fucking everything up…for making you feel like escaping reality is the better choice…for letting them take you from me…for failing you over and over again…for coming here only to have to leave you again…for not trying hard enough…_

"For everything. I'm just sorry for everything."

"Everything's not your fault. Don't be sad, Ecy. You're my favorite. Don't be sad."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" I held her impossibly close.

I was surprised I wasn't hurting her, but she didn't seem to mind. She just held me back and tried to comfort me. I was supposed to be the one comforting her. I stopped telling her sorry and started to hum to her. She looked exhausted, and she needed some sleep. I would have loved to stay with her all night so she could wake up and see me like she wanted to, but I knew that wouldn't get to happen. I would have to let go of her, tuck her into her bed, and then go home and live a life where she wasn't an active part of it. I thought about the only thing that made me leaving not hurt so much. I would at least have Bella. I wouldn't go home to a perfect life, but it was the life I had.

My life seemed kind of out of my hands and I didn't like it.

I would make sure Alice never felt that way. Everything I was deprived of as a child, she would have. She already had a set of parents who at least acted like they love her, so she was ahead of me there. And as much as I resented them for not even trying to love me, I couldn't completely hate them because they loved Alice. At least she didn't have to feel what I felt when I thought of the fact that I couldn't even be loved by my own parents.

But I had Alice, Bev, Bella, Leah, Alan, Claire…I had so many people who loved me, so why did I care what my parents think of me?

I didn't know.

And to be honest, I was ashamed to even find out. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't.

_But I did. _

I figured it would just have to be something I had to live with for the rest of my life. I would have to get used to it like I had to get used to the pain of living a life without Alice in it. I had to adapt to so many things, and they were all out of my control. When did I get to take control of my life? When did I make the decisions and not everyone else?

I think I knew the answer.

Whenever the hell I wanted.

And I could do _whatever _the hell I wanted. And there was one thing that was on the forefront of my mind. Something new to me, but something completely apparent. I knew what I wanted to do.

I wanted to meet my brother.

* * *

___We got no control,  
Of the state of our minds.  
_Now I see that,  
All I ever lived was a lie.  
We're all duped to believe,  
That there's no way around,  
There's no way around,  
There's no way around.  
My blood,  
My soul,  
Is my enemy.  
My love,  
My life,  
Is poison to me.  
I know it's not how it's supposed to be,  
Got no choice,  
No voice,

_**Dignity, by New Politics**_

* * *

**Hey! Sorry this one is a little later than usual, but life has been busy and stressful. But things are starting to cool down a bit, so hopefully the next update will be quicker. **

**Big thanks to Alexa for her contribution to this story, because without her, this story wouldn't be what it is! Love ya homeboy! **

**So I know a lot went on in this chapter, and I am curious as to what you all think! Like I said, I will try and update ASAP. **

**Review please! **


	45. Chapter 44: Haunting

**Chapter 44: Haunting**

**BPOV**

It was a beautiful day out.

Summer was slowly approaching and the cool air blew against my face but the hot sun beat down on me at the same time; they balanced each other out and the air was so fresh. You could smell the heat of the ground and hear the park alive with life. Little children were squealing in the delight and fretful parents were scolding them when they got too loud or were climbing up the slide instead of going down it.

I couldn't help but think how they should just let them do what they wanted. Maybe it was because I wasn't a parent or whatever, but I felt they should get to do what they enjoyed doing when they were at a park. It was all outside, so let them scream in delight. What was wrong with going up the slide instead of doing like everyone else does and going down it? Let them explore, let them be happy, let them discover things on their own, let them _live._

I wasn't being fair though. All parents are different, and they were probably really great and loving with their children. I just couldn't stand to see kids having to restrain themselves because it brought back realizations that I wished I never came to.

Edward was never allowed to just _live_ and be himself as a child.

It scarred him. It was because of his parents of course. They told him to his face that they didn't even want to try and love him. What kind of people did that? I hated them with everything I had inside of me. I hated them solely for the fact that if they did not exist…well no, I couldn't even say that. If they didn't exist, my Edward wouldn't so I couldn't even wish that on them. I just wish they weren't the ones to have raised Edward…if you could call what they did to him raising a child.

I wished—I would never tell Edward—that he had been the one born first and then put up for adoption. But then Alice wouldn't have existed.

I had come to a conclusion about life. It was pretty common, I bet many people had realized it way before I did, but I clung onto it because it was the only thing that gives me hope.

_Everything happens for a reason. _

For every bad thing, there seems to be a good thing that will balance it out. It happened over and over again, so I just had to hold out hope that something good would come from all of the shit making Edward and Alice's life so complicated. I knew something good would come out of it. I would make sure of it, because I couldn't stand seeing Edward so miserable every day.

It had been a little over a week since he went to his parent's house—which I was still a little mad about, but what happened, happened. I never really liked to be the one to say 'I told you so,' but I was right on when I told Edward it wasn't a good idea to go to his parent's house. He didn't get the answers he wanted, he only got angrier, and their lawyer obviously found out and Edward ended up getting more community service hours for it and had another court date in a couple of months for violating his probation. But two good things came out of it; we got to see Alice and Edward got his answers despite everything else.

See? Things always had a way of balancing out.

A whining noise snapped me out of my reverie and I looked down in the stroller that I was pushing to see a tired looking Claire rubbing her eyes as she woke up from her nap.

"Well good morning sleepy-head." I cooed to her and poked her nose.

She wasn't really in the mood for anything when she first woke up, so I didn't get her usual giggle. I just got a little whimper from her and a waving of her arms. She liked to cuddle when she woke up.

I stopped at a bench and put the lock on her new stroller. Leah saved up the money she made at her job at the grocery store, and bought it for her daughter. I thought it was really sweet that she would buy her a stroller when she could have bought herself some new clothes or something. I unbuckled her seat and lifted her from the chair. I kissed her little face and her head instantly went down on my shoulder and her little hands gripped on my shirt.

Leah was meeting me at the park in about a half an hour. I had been meeting her at the park for her to pick up Claire for a while now. It was easier for her to take her home from there and not have to pay for a cab or ask someone for a ride so I always had no problems. It was the main reason she bought the stroller. It was easier to walk with a baby when you didn't have to carry said baby for miles. So I always looked forward to little walks with Claire. Usually Edward would be with me, but not today.

Claire kept her head on my shoulder and put her fist in her mouth and started humming away. I smiled and rubbed her back. I had grown really attached to little Claire. I just truly enjoyed taking care of her whenever she came over. She was a sweet baby, and I liked that I got to help Leah out.

My phone started ringing in my pocket and caused Claire to jump, but instead of crying, she just giggled and lifted her head to look around at everything. I answered the phone and brought it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"_Hey, sweets. How are you doing?" _

It was Bev! I missed that woman so much it wasn't even funny. Whenever she ended up coming home, I had the biggest hug planned for her and I probably wouldn't let go for a really long time. Having her around brought such a comfort to me that I didn't even realize I had until she was gone for so long.

"Hey, Bev! I'm alright, how about you?"

"_Tired." _She said with a chuckled. "_But I'll be getting a break soon." _

"Oh really? Is the baby coming soon?"

"_No, still a couple of weeks, but I am getting a break." _

"Oh nice! So what are you going to do with this break of yours?"

"_I'm coming home. I'm at the airport right now." _

"Seriously?" I asked excitedly. I held the phone between my ear and my shoulder and held Claire on my lap so she could bounce. Right after the cuddling, she got a little hyper. "Bev that's beyond amazing!"

She chuckled. "_Well it's nice to hear I am missed, sweets!"_

I rolled my eyes. "You're crazy. Of course we miss you over here."

"_Ah, I miss you guys too. How's the boy? Please tell me he is in a better mood than he was last night?" _

Yeah last night hadn't been pretty. Edward had been really testy as of lately, and he was being a complete asshole last night. He started yelling at me for getting water on the floor when I got out of the shower. Ridiculous I know, but that was the way Edward had been for a couple of days. Everything pissed him off, and he had been really quiet.

But I kept him in line the best I could. He slept on the couch last night and I didn't even attempt to make him anything for lunch this afternoon when he got back from community service. He was crazy if he thought I would just accept his verbal abuse for useless reasons and then treat him like I usually would. It was hard to do, I had to admit. I hated being mad at him because it was something so unnatural and against everything I feel about him. I loved him to pieces, but man did he know how to push my buttons.

"I can't really tell you. He came home and just took a nap." I couldn't really blame him for that. His schedule sucked and I really wanted him to try and find another job. He wasn't getting paid nearly enough for what he did and for how early he woke up every morning. It was ridiculous in my opinion, but he was a stubborn man and he was comfortable doing that job.

"_Oh you wait until I get over there. I will set him straight, don't you worry about that." _

I laughed. "I don't doubt you will, Bev. When do you think you will be here?"

"_Hmm…probably around five or something." _

"Shoot, I won't be there at that time. Ugh."

"_Oh do you have plans?" _

"Yeah, I'm going out with my friend Amanda. I need an Edward break before I beat him up for being so blah these past couple of days."

Amanda actually said that Edward could go if he wanted to, but he probably wouldn't have wanted to, and I kind of just wanted a day with another girl and I could talk to her about what the hell to do. I hated how he was always in a bad mood, and it made me feel helpless because anything I did didn't really do anything for him. He would have his moments when he would be sweet with me and we could have a conversation without it turning into an argument, but that wasn't often. I tried to understand that he was going through a rough time, but sometimes it was just like UGH.

"_Oh is that the one that is pregnant?" _

"Yup, that's her. She's still singing though and there is an open mic at a bar that just opened, so she is probably going to leave me so she can go sing."

"_Oh but that will still be nice. Well I got to go, sweets. My plane is boarding now. I will see you later on, and don't tell the boy; I want to surprise him." _

I smiled so much it hurt. That should definitely get Edward in a better mood and if he was in a bad mood, Bev would undoubtedly change that. She was not afraid to put him in his place. I wasn't afraid either, but I just had a soft spot for him and had a hard time making him more upset or something. I didn't know.

"Alright, no problem. I won't say a word. See you soon."

"_Bye, Bella." _She said and hung up the phone.

Claire was squirming in my lap and I placed my phone back in my pocket before lifting her up and kissing her little face.

"You are a squirmy worm today, aren't you?"

She just started gabbing away in her little baby language and I just laughed and listened to her. I tried to engage in her little conversation, but it was kind of hard not knowing what the hell she was saying. Watching Edward speak with her was the cutest fucking thing I had ever seen. He would talk to her about politics and stuff like that and she would babble back, then he would act like she asked a question and he would answer it as intelligently as he could.

I missed him. Not just physically, but mentally. I was trying to help him with everything, but the whole Emmett thing was a touchy subject. The only problem was that he hadn't really talked to me about it. I guess I should try and get him to.

I just hoped he didn't flip out or anything.

* * *

When I got home, the house was still quiet.

Edward wasn't in the living room or in the kitchen and his bike was out in the hallway, so I knew he must have been home. I went to go look for him, and sure enough, he was still fast asleep sprawled out on our bed. There was always something so unarming about seeing him sleeping and it turned me into a puddle of goo. He just looked so adorable and he wasn't mad at me or with anyone else. He was just at complete peace for a little while and I just couldn't stay mad at him when he was like that.

I kicked my shoes off near the door and crawled into bed beside him. I thought I got on the bed softly enough, but I guess I was wrong. Edward jumped quickly out of sleep and lifted his head to look at me.

"Hey." He said groggily and dropped his head back on the pillow.

"Hey." I said back, trying to test out what his mood was like.

"What time is it?"

"Three. I just got back from the park with Claire."

He yawned loudly and then sighed. "That's nice."

"Mhm…Leah asked about you."

"Oh yeah?" He seemed so uninterested. That was so not like him.

"Yeah. She was worried about you."

He frowned. "There's an awful lot of worrying going on for someone who doesn't need to be worried for."

"Edward, that's mean. We are allowed to be worried about you, and you shouldn't admonish us for it. You sound ungrateful and rude." I was just being straight up with him. My intention was never to hurt his feelings, but if I did, I couldn't really feel too guilty about it because he hurt my feelings when he just kind of shrugged off my concern for him.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Bella."

"Whatever, Edward." I said in a mocking tone and rolled off the bed. "You know, I don't really know what has gotten into you, dude."

I went to the closet and started getting out my clothes for my planned night out. I needed to do my hair and stuff to. I was wearing my usual sweatpants, t-shirt, sweater, and hair in some sort of up-do. I guess I had to look presentable when going out.

"I'm fine." He said.

I rolled my eyes. "Yup. Sure you are."

"Fuck, Bella. I just woke up and you're already mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you, Edward. I'm frustrated with you. You won't even talk to me and I can tell you are stressed out."

He groaned and sat up in the bed. I looked over to him as I slipped a new shirt over my head and he was rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. I looked away because he looked too adorable like that and I was supposed to be frustrated with him.

"I'm sorry." He said. He sounded sincere, so I looked back at him and he was scratching the back of his neck. "I'm just trying to figure out what the hell to do about the whole Emmett thing."

I slipped my jeans on and sat on the edge of the bed next to him. "What do _you_ want to do, baby?"

He ran his hand through his hair. "I don't fucking know, I mean I want to meet him, but…"

I put my hand over his mouth and shook my head. "Enough. That is your answer right there. You want to see him, so you should go and see him."

"But what am I supposed to do, knock on his doorbell and say 'hey how're you doing, you don't know me but I'm actually your brother?' No that is too much awkwardness for me."

"Well no…you don't just have to come out and say it like that. Just introduce yourself, he will ask why the hell you are there, and then you can explain to him the story. Honestly, what's the worst that can happen?"

He gave me a sideways glance and all of a sudden hit me with a pillow. "Can you stop being right and fucking beautiful for two seconds?"

I laughed and pulled his face to mine for a kiss. His lips pressed onto mine quickly before I pushed him away and got back up again. "You're crazy."

He groaned and fell back on the bed. "Ugh, Bella, just tell me what the fuck to do. I hate making decisions for myself. I doubt everything that goes through my head and it takes me too long to make decisions. I hate it."

He was actually completely right. I thought he had some kind of disorder that made him incapable of making decisions. Even when it came to what he wore in the morning, I would catch him staring at the closet for at least ten minutes when he didn't even really have much of a variety. And when we went grocery shopping? Forget it. He would stare at the nutrition facts for about five minutes before putting them in the basket. That's why I did the grocery shopping from now on.

"Well I think you should do it, baby. Just think about what will happen if you don't; you will always wonder what would have happened if you didn't end up going there, you know? At least with doing this, and going to him, you will have some closure. At least you know going into it that you will come out with an answer."

"Yeah I guess you're right."

I smirked in his direction and threw my clothes in the hamper in the corner of the room. "Haven't we already established that I am the shit?" I asked jokingly.

"Alright, let's not get ahead of ourselves."

I laughed. Well at least playful Edward was back for a while and I knew it would only get better when Bev got a hold of him. It still sucked I wouldn't get to see her when she got home, but at least Edward could get his alone time with her and I would get her all to myself tomorrow.

"So what do you think of my outfit?" I asked and spun around for him.

I wasn't really dressed that extravagantly, but it was nicer than I had been dressing since I went on vacation from college. I was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, a teal colored shirt with a short black cardigan over it. It was a work in progress; my hair was still all a mess, I had no shoes on, and not a dash of makeup was on my face.

His eyes scanned my body and I felt myself blush. Just the way he looked at me got me all hot and bothered. I was stupid to think that having sex with him would help my situation; it only made it worse. If I wasn't due to leave in a half an hour's time, it was safe to say there would be no outfit on my body for him to inspect.

"Well I don't know shit about woman fashion trends, but you look beautiful, so does that count?"

"Thank you, baby, but not really. I am talking about the outfit."

"You don't look like a hobo or a clown so that must count for something right?"

I laughed. "Yes I guess so. Thanks for your professional opinion, baby. I am right above a hobo and a clown."

He shrugged. "Don't ask a dude for fashion advice, chick." I rolled my eyes and took the elastic out of my knotted hair. "Where are you going anyway?"

"I'm going out with Amanda for the night."

"Oh. Cool, well tell her I said hello." He said and got up from the bed and stretched his long arms above his head.

"I will." I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his middle and he dropped his arms around me and held me tightly.

"What are you guys going to do?" He asked and then kissed me on my forehead.

"Oh you know, strip club, going to meet up with our secret lovers and all that. Same old, same old." I said flippantly and he smiled.

"Well you girls have fun."

I laughed and brought his face back down to mine to kiss him more properly. I really kind of hated I had to leave him when he was actually in a good mood, and I wanted nothing more than to stay with him or take him with me, but I knew it would be good to get a break from each other. Plus, he would be getting some Bev time, so that was always a plus for him.

"I love you." I whispered and kissed him one last time before attempting to let go, but he pulled me back.

"I love you too. I'm sorry I've been the king of douche bags these past couple of days."

I shrugged. "Eh, it's alright. As long as you aren't like that all the time. It gets real old, real fast."

"I know, I know."

I kissed his chin and tried to get away again, but he pulled me back. I looked at the clock and I was going to be late meeting Amanda, but when I looked up into Edward's eyes, I couldn't say anything against it. He looked completely serious and vulnerable.

"Can I ask you something?" He said.

"Of course."

"When I go to see him, can you go with me?" He asked nervously and his fingers dug into my back tightly.

"Does a bear shit in the woods?" I asked him much like he did to me in the beginning of our relationship. My secret plan seemed to work, because his nervousness and seriousness went away and he laughed.

He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me on my nose. "Good, because I don't think I could do it without you with me. Hell, I probably can't do anything without you."

While I knew technically that wasn't necessarily true—he could do anything he wanted without me—I couldn't say that I didn't understand what he meant. I wanted him with me always because being around him gave me this sense of security and confidence that I never felt with anyone else. I knew he loved me just as much as I loved him, so I knew how he felt.

"I'll be there, baby."

"Okay, I'll try and figure out when I want to do this shit."

"Okay well take your time." I leaned up on my tip-toes to kiss him again and then he finally let me go. "I'll just be getting ready."

"What am I supposed to do for dinner? Just eat by myself?"

I stopped at the door and leaned on the frame of it. "You have an imaginary friend, don't you?" I was just messing with him. I knew he wasn't going to be eating dinner alone at all, but he didn't know that.

"Very funny, Bella."

I shrugged. "Call Alan. I'm sure he would be delighted."

He glared at me. "Be gone woman and stop being right and shit."

I chuckled and turned from the room to go finish getting ready. I felt bad leaving him alone, but he would forgive me once he saw Bev walk through the doors.

* * *

"So have you been to this place before?" I asked Amanda as I drove in the direction she told me to.

We were heading to the new bar in town that had just opened a couple of weeks ago. I was pretty relieved about this because it would have been really weird going back to the bar where everything went completely downhill. I didn't think I could have taken it. Plus, someone there would have probably remembered me since that was a pretty big deal and talked about quite a lot afterwards.

"Oh yeah, plenty of times. I was there opening night." She said as she popped another fry in her mouth.

We actually went to dinner at a really nice restaurant when I first picked her up, but then on the way to the bar, she got a sudden craving for McDonald's fries, so of course I had to be a good friend and pick up one of those for her. Pregnancy; it's a funny thing.

"Eric freaks out because I am there so often, but it's not like I'm drinking or anything. Just hanging out and singing."

I chuckled. "So do you think he will be one of those overprotective dads?" I asked.

"Oh I am so sure of it. If this little thing turns out to be a girl, she will be so sheltered and I am sure her daddy will drive her absolutely insane."

I laughed. "Well she will learn to appreciate it, hopefully."

"Well it's normal right? I mean, my dad walked out when I was three or something so I wouldn't really know, but do you think Edward would be the same way?" She sounded uncertain and a little scared.

It was only natural I guessed. Having a baby was a scary thing, and according to her, she didn't really have a lot of experience with children.

"It's really normal, so don't you worry. And as for Edward, I know he will be since he pretty much has a heart attack when Alice even says a boy's name."

She laughed louder and harder than I would have expected, but it was nice. It was probably a laugh of relief and I was glad I could give that to her.

"It's right at the end of this street." She said. I kept my eye out for the building, and it came up faster than I thought it would. "There it is!"

"You have a lot of energy for a pregnant chick." I said as I unbuckled my seat belt and she stuffed the rest of her fries in her mouth making me laugh.

"Quiet." She said with a mouth full.

I got out of the car and my phone started ringing. I looked over at Amanda on the other side of the car and she waved for me to answer it and held up her own phone. It was probably better to get the phone calls from the boyfriends out of the way before we actually got to having our fun.

I brought the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"_Bella, I love you, but how dare you keep such a secret from me." _Edward said in a playful way over the other end.

I laughed because I knew exactly what he meant. I squealed. "Ah she's there?" I knew before he even said anything because I heard her joyful laugh in the distance.

"_Yes. She was fucking creeping on our living room couch, and then I was in for a fucking surprise when I walked out of the bathroom from my shower and there was my creepy neighbor Beverly looking at one of your boring magazines." _

"_You should have seen his face, Bella!" _Bev called and I had a permanent smile on my face that was starting to hurt. Oh how I missed those two's banter.

"_Alright, I don't even know why I called you because I should have known I would be made fun of by you two. Have fun with your friend, chick." _

I chuckled. "Bye, I love you."

"_Love you too, don't drink too much. I don't feel like dealing with vomit tonight." _

"Fuck you."

"_Is that a promise?" _

I bit my lip and smiled. "Shut up."

He laughed. _"I guess we'll find out. Bye, hermosa." _

"Bye, baby."

I hung up the phone and went to the other side of the car where Amanda was leaning against the side of the car with the phone still to her ears. When she saw me, she rolled her eyes and pointed to the phone. I smiled and leaned on the car beside her while I listened to her assure Eric that she was fine and that she was being careful and all of that. She was pretty tough with him though because she got off the phone with him rather quickly.

She grabbed onto my hand and dragged me into the bar which already had a line outside the door. She walked right up to the bouncer and despite his large self, he gave her a sweet smile.

"Hey how's it going, darling?" He said.

"It's going great! I'm all pregnant and stuff, but I got my friend with me today."

"Hello, friend." He said and put his large hand out toward me.

I shook it the best I could considering it was about three times the size of mine. "Hello, bouncer who's name I don't know."

He laughed and it almost made me laugh because it was pretty high pitched and kind of girly for a guy that is supposed to be a tough guy. "Brett. It's Brett."

"Oh well nice to meet you, Brett. I'm Bella."

"Nice, well I am taking it you both want to get in there?"

"Why else would we be talking to you, Brett-Brett?" Amanda asked.

"Oh that burns. You're lucky I got orders from the boss to let the baby-mama in when she arrived." He said as he unlocked the little gate they had in the front. We walked through and Amanda patted Brett on his shoulder.

"Aw don't worry. You're my favorite bouncer, Brett-Brett."

"Yeah, yeah, you just use me." Amanda dragged me to through the front doors and called back at Brett.

"My favorite!" She said loudly and I laughed. She was crazy and so charismatic. I was blessed with a good friend. "They are such good people over here. It's actually the same owners of the other bar I used to go to."

"Wow, really?" I asked.

"Yeah. Come this way, Emmett-May should be in the back. He saves me a spot so I can…" I stopped dead in my tracks. She stopped as well and looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. "Bella, are you alright? You look sick."

I tried to compose myself because I was probably making a big deal out of nothing. There were a lot of Emmetts right? I mean it wasn't that much of an uncommon name. "Emmett…do you…"

"OH!" She said like she understood exactly what I meant. I didn't really think so. "Oh Bella, don't you worry. I know he knows you, and yes he was the owner of the other bar, but he doesn't really hold grudges. He told me to tell you to come here whenever you want. Don't feel uncomfortable."

I hadn't even really thought about that. But Emmett…yes we did meet him before. He was the one who caught us in the janitor's closet and the one who approached us at our table, and of course the one I called for and tried to pull Edward off of Jacob. No. It couldn't be him. I was freaking out for no reason.

"Oh, okay. Good. I was worried about that." It wasn't exactly a lie. It would probably be really awkward seeing him after everything that happened. I just felt stupid for overreacting because of a name. It was just that the name was always at the forefront of my mind and when she said it, something just clicked in my mind.

"Alright, well let's go. He's a good guy, you will see." She started to walk again and grabbed me by the hand to move along with her, but I pulled her back.

"Wait, just out of curiosity; what's Emmett's last name?"

She chuckled. "Masen. Hence the nickname, Emmett-May." No, no, no…it couldn't be. _Right?_ It was too much of a coincidence. There was no way Edward's biological brother was thrust into his life when he didn't even know it. Edward didn't fight someone violently in front of his brother and gave himself a bad first impression. No. Life couldn't be that cruel, right? I mean, would Emmett think differently of Edward because of what he had seen of him? No. Edward didn't deserve that. No.

Masen was a common last name. I came to the conclusion that it was not him. Everything was fine. "Okay."

"Why? You're acting weird, Bella."

I shrugged. "Just wondering, and I hang out with Edward too much. His weirdness rubs off on me."

She laughed. "Oh you jokester. Let's go before some other pregnant lady takes me spot."

She pulled me along, and I followed willingly. _Everything will be fine_. Once I looked at Emmett, I would know that he really wasn't Edward's brother, and I could go on with my night without any more worries. Everything would be fine.

"Emmett-May!" I looked in the direction where Amanda was yelling, and I looked at the tall and well-built man who turned around at hearing his name.

_Emmett Masen. _

_Fuck. _

It was him. With no doubt in my mind, I knew it was him, but I still couldn't really believe it fully. I could be mistaken, but holy hell he looked a lot like Edward.

Name aside, if he wasn't Edward's brother I would be very surprised. It was easy to lie to myself about a name, but I could not deny what was right in front of me. There was a man with Edward's father's hair color, a smile that was a spitting image of Alice's, and eyes that mirrored my beautiful Edward's. There were like an exact copy. How I couldn't have noticed it before was beyond me, but I guess no one looked at someone and expected them to be related to someone they knew. But this guy was related to Edward. It was Edward's brother right before my eyes…it had to be. _Holy fuck. _

"Baby-mama! How's it going?" He called out loudly. His lively personality around a room full of people contrasted Edward's personality in a room full of people, but he was raised by different parents. He owned at least two bars in town; he seemed to be doing good for himself.

"It's going great! Got my friend Bella here with me. You got my spot reserved, right?"

"No. I gave it to some other baby-mama with a prettier face."

"You better not have fucking done that."

He threw his head back and laughed. "Don't you think that swearing isn't very good for the baby?"

She slapped him on the arm and walked past him, pulling me with her. "Shut up. Swearing doesn't hurt the baby."

"It hurts its ears." He said in mock concern and I couldn't help but chuckle. I also couldn't help but notice the similarities in Emmett's and Edward's humor.

Amanda sat on a table towards the corner of the bar and close to the stage that they had set up. "I'll have a water." She said, completely deflecting his comment.

Emmett tapped me on the shoulder and I looked up to him. I had to look away because of those eyes. It stunned me how similar they were to Edwards. The shape and everything.

"You hang out with mean friends like this?"

I shrugged. "I just use her to get me into VIP seating in nice bars."

He laughed again and patted me on the back. "I like the way you work there, Bella."

Amanda smiled and got up from the table. "Fuck you both. I'm going to piss."

She walked away towards the bathroom leaving me alone with Emmett. I suddenly felt nervous and nothing was said and I picked a piece of thread from my jeans.

"Hey, Bella?" Emmett said seriously.

"Yeah?" I asked, looking up at him and into his eyes. It would have been rude for me to not look in his eyes when he was speaking to me. I had no excuse not to look at him now.

"Don't feel uncomfortable, alright? I want you to have fun in here. I know shit has happened in the past, but I know it wasn't your fault."

"Thank you." I said sincerely.

I guess niceness skipped a generation when it came to Edward, Alice, and Emmett. They were all so inviting and kind and everything that was good in the world. Actually, I shouldn't have judged Emmett too quickly. He could also be just like his parents and be a good liar. Now that just wasn't fair. I shouldn't have been making assumptions about him when I didn't really know him. I was being like all of those other people that I hated. All of those people who judged Edward.

But then again, maybe I shouldn't have been comparing Emmett to Edward's parents because I didn't really know 100% if he was actually Edward's brother. I would bet my life on it though.

"And please, I mean no ill will, but I don't want any trouble like that again. If I see your boyfriend around here, I will be watching him like a hawk." He said seriously and looked suddenly mad. Oh, no, no, no, no…now he was the one judging Edward. That made me incredibly pissed the hell off.

"He doesn't need a babysitter." I snapped.

He held his hands up in surrender, but the anger was still in his eyes. "Your boyfriend cost me an arm and a leg to pay for damages on my bar. I have a family to support."

I needed to step outside of myself for a while. If you would look at it from the outside, it looked really bad. I tried to look at the situation as Emmett did. All he saw was a guy who started a violent brawl in his bar and completely trashed the place. Emmett only spoke with Edward for five minutes tops, so he had no way of knowing what he was really like. So I guess I did get it. He had to pay for the damages when he had a family, and at least he was nice enough not to sue Edward because he very much could have.

"You don't understand. He's a good guy. He just had a tough life."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry to hear that, but we all have our own past troubles." He said this with a pain in his voice. Obviously Emmett had something troubling him as well, and it happened in his past.

That piqued my interest. I wanted to get any information I could out of him. I just wanted anything that would help me decide whether or not this Emmett Masen was Edward's brother or not. "Well I don't know your troubles well, but you seem to be doing okay, although I have only known your for a combined time of fifteen minutes, but you seem happy."

"Oh I am. I was just saying. Everyone has things that trouble them, and it doesn't meant they have to let it control their lives." Oh if he only knew the full story. "You tell Edward that there are more important things to worry about than your past tribulations. Take me for instance," He pulled up a chair and sat next to me. It surprised me how comfortable he was with just talking to me, but then again, that could have just been his personality. I have met many of the like. "I was adopted when I was baby. Now I have wonderful and perfect parents, but you still wonder about your blood related parents, you know?"

I didn't answer for a second because my brain was trying to catch up with the actions my body was supposed to take. He really just told me out of nowhere that he was adopted. If that wasn't a sign, I didn't know what was. That was too many coincidences at once.

"Well at least you have great parents." I said, trying to sound like someone who wasn't freaking out would say to that statement.

"Exactly, and I focus on that. Focusing on the past is pointless, and you should tell Edward that. I was surprised at what he did because he seemed like a great guy…funny too. I hate to see that go to waste because of stupid shit." I really wanted to talk to him more. There seemed to be something I was missing, something I wasn't picking up. _Why would he tell me these things? Why would he care what Edward felt if he barely knew him? _My head was all over the place. "Again, I'm not passing judgments. Please don't think I am. I want you to have a good time, alright?"

"Edward actually wants to meet with you." I blurted out. _What the ever living fuck did I just do?_

I was kicking myself on the inside and I wanted so bad to go back in time. How could I volunteer Edward for such a thing? I felt like such a terrible person. Edward would be so pissed off at me for taking matters into my own hands even though I didn't even do it willingly. It just came out.

Emmett looked bewildered. "What?"

I couldn't just act like I didn't say it. I guess I had to just go along with it. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad. If Edward knew I already set up the meeting, maybe he would be more willing to go. Maybe I was just making a big deal out of nothing. This had potential to be good for Edward. He had a hard time making decisions, but if I told him that I already set up the meeting, maybe he would be more willing to go. Worst comes to worst, he backs out, and then I would have to call Emmett to cancel. It's not like I made a meeting with strangers. I had a legitimate reason for Edward to meet with Emmett without Emmett being suspicious as to why. How else would have Edward set up the meeting? Just show up on his doorstep. I thought it could help.

"He wants to apologize."

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, even though he hair was pretty short. Shorter since the last time I saw him. "What's done is done; I don't need his apology."

"Please, Emmett. He really doesn't like what happened obviously, and I can't even tell you what terrible things stemmed from that night because it's a long story and you probably won't believe me." He looked at me quizzically, and I could see I was convincing him so I kept going. "So just please let him apologize."

"Okay."

"Really?" I got up from the seat quickly and pulled my phone out of my pocket. "What day is good for you? I can have him here soon…"

"No. I don't want to do it here." He said instantly with a shake of his head. "My bars are a place of business, not a place of personal matters. I live ten minutes out of town. How about next Wednesday?"

Today was Friday, so that was less than a week away. I didn't know why he had such a specific date picked out and everything. He was making it sound more formal than just an 'apology' from Edward. I suspected he was either very detail oriented and strict on schedules or he had something else planned for when he met with Edward. I was sure it wasn't as surprising as what Edward would hopefully tell him. If Edward would even go through with it. I couldn't believe I was setting up a meeting between two potential brothers who were unbeknownst to the fact that they were possibly brothers.

"What time?"

"One. I have meetings all morning, and at one, my kids are in school and my wife is at work. I don't do my own personal business around my family."

I nodded. "Okay." That was probably better anyway. Edward would only be more nervous if his whole family was around. I remember when we spoke to him earlier, he said he had three children.

"Do you want to give me your number and address?" I asked.

He nodded his head and gave me all of his information. I gave him my cell phone number as well, and then we were left once again in silence.

"I wonder where Amanda is…" I said just to start conversation.

He smiled and it lit up his whole face. "I think she is over there trying to show some people up with her card playing skills." He said, pointed over to the other end of the bar where she was indeed playing a game of cards with a few older looking men and charming the pants off of all of them. "Well I should really get going. It was nice speaking with you, and again, have a good time tonight, alright?"

"Okay, I will." I said and he turned away from me with a smile.

I was left thinking about what the hell just happened. I really just made plans for Edward to meet with Emmett without Edward knowing at all. Knowing Edward, it could of gone on of two ways; he could freak out on me and tell me hell no, or he could agree and think it was the best way.

There was really no way of knowing for sure until I told him.

_Oh joy._

* * *

When I got home a little after midnight, everything was dark and silent.

I kind of figured Edward would be sleeping considering he still had work at three in the morning. I really thought he should try and look for another job, but with all of the shit going on, that wasn't an argument I really wanted to start up because it would undoubtedly turn into just that; an argument.

I was exhausted myself. I had an amazing time with Amanda. We danced a little, talked a lot, and I listened to her sing for about a half an hour while she had the whole bar in the palm of her hands. Eric ended up showing up just because he was nervous about her being out while pregnant. She was really careful though and I kept an eye on her. I admired the way Eric didn't boss her around about it. Some guys would just forbid their girlfriends from even going out, but he was really cool about it, and it was sweet when he showed up a little after ten just because he knew she got tired around that time. He seemed perfect for her.

Although watching them cuddle and kiss various times in the night made me miss my man even more. I was tempted to call him to meet with me at the bar, but I didn't think that was such a good idea because of Emmett. That would just end awkwardly and just plain bad. But when I got home, I just wanted to see him. I really wanted to see Bev as well, but I guessed she was sleeping in her own bed, feeling comfort from being home and being exhausted from her non-stop work with her daughter and her long flight. I could see her in the morning.

I kicked my shoes off at the door and started to take my shirt off as I made my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I put my clothes in the hamper and brushed my teeth and wiped the makeup off of my face. I was putting my hair in a ponytail when I went into our bedroom and found Edward once again sprawled out on the bed. The covers were tangled all around him, and he was just sleeping in his boxers. I crawled into bed beside him, and didn't really mind if I woke him up. I needed to speak with him and kiss him of course.

I got close to him and pulled the covers up over us as best I could. He started to wake up a little and I kissed his forehead a couple times before he opened his eyes and smirked at me. He wrapped his arm around my silently and I curled up against his chest.

"Hello, my love." I said to him and kissed his chest.

"Hey, beautiful. Did you just get in?"

I nodded. "Yup. I'm sorry I woke you up. I just wanted to talk to you."

He yawned loudly and I smiled at his over exaggeration of the yawn. "It's okay. I slept a lot today anyway."

"So was it nice seeing Bev?"

"You have no idea." He said, and I could hear the smile in his face. I wanted badly to be able to see the smile as well, so I pulled away from him so we were both looking at each other and wrapped up in each other.

"I really wish I could have caught her before she went to sleep."

"She left around eight to go and rest. She could barely keep her eyes open."

I sighed. "Poor Bev. She works so hard to please everyone."

He nodded. "I know. So how was your night?"

As soon as he said that, I remembered the conversation I had with Emmett.

"Great. I had a lot of fun." I said, internally debating on whether I should tell him right then or not.

He quirked a tired eyebrow at me. "What is it?"

Damn, Edward. Of course he would notice my distress and I would be forced to tell him because I couldn't lie to him. It was probably better to tell him as soon as possible and when he was in a good mood rather than another time and prolonging the inevitable.

"I saw someone at the bar…" He instantly tensed up and a look of anger appeared on his face. It scared the hell out of me.

"Don't you fucking tell me it was Jacob…" He said through clenched teeth.

"Oh no! No it wasn't him, I promise." I actually didn't even think about seeing Jacob. I hadn't seen him since my last final and I was hoping I got the pleasure of never seeing him again. But I understood why Edward would be nervous about me seeing him. I still never fully understood what the hell was Jacob's problem and why he even did those things to me and Edward. A part of me wanted to know why, while another part of me didn't give a fuck as long as he left us alone.

He relaxed almost instantly. "Oh, alright. I just get nervous about shit like that. I hate that motherfucker."

"I know, but don't worry. He wasn't there."

He sighed and pushed my hair out of my face. "Fine. Then who was it?"

I grabbed his hand from my face and intertwined my fingers with his. "I don't think you will believe me."

"Unless you say you saw Tom Cruise, I would probably believe you."

"What is it with Tom Cruise and the men in my life?" My dad was pretty obsessed with Tom Cruise and I had no idea why. And Edward was also partial to his movies. He tried to hide it, but he watched Rain Man more times than I can count and I didn't even consider all of the years before he met me. What the hell.

"Who cares, just tell me who you saw."

Instead of just coming out and saying it, I figured easing into it would work better. "Well you have met him before." He nodded his head silently telling me to go on. "Remember that time in the janitor's closet?" I asked.

He pursed his lips adorably and stared off over my head. After a few seconds, recognition overtook his face and he looked at me with wide eyes. "Oh that guy who caught us?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, do you remember his name?"

He got that same look on his face and he sighed thinking about it. I waited impatiently and bit my lip waiting for his response. He gave up quite quickly though. "Nah, I don't remember. That seemed like so long ago."

"His name was Emmett." I saw he knew instantly why I was mentioning seeing him. It seemed to click in his mind and why wouldn't it? I am sure the name Emmett was at the forefront of his mind, and me mentioning him would only set off one certain thought; his brother. "Emmett Masen." I finished.

He let go of me and sat up on the bed looking like he had been burned. He looked at me with a skeptical and confused expression on his face. "You're fucking with me, aren't you?"

I gave him a blank expression. "Do you really think I would joke about something like this?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "No. No, it's not him."

I nodded my head. "It was him, Edward."

"How do you know that? There are many Emmett Masens I am sure."

He was in denial. He knew I wouldn't have brought this up unless I was almost certain. I never lied to him and he knew that. I think it was just the fear that was making him believe it wasn't real. I understood to a point. I would be afraid of the unknown, especially when it involved your own flesh and blood.

"He has your eyes, I…"

"No." He cut me off. "Don't fucking pull that shit. There are a million people out there who have green eyes."

"But you don't understand, Edward. He looks like your brother. I know what you look like. He has Alice's smile, your father's hair color…there's no mistaking it."

"He doesn't live in town. I know his address. I asked Bowman to find it for me."

"394 Pioneer Lane?" I asked, recalling the address Emmett gave me.

"How do you…" He didn't finish his question, but instead got off of the bed and began pacing. I didn't interrupt him. I knew it was a lot to take in. "How do you know that?" He asked.

At least I knew 100% that the Emmett Masen I spoke to in the bar was in fact Edward's brother. I prepared myself for the wrath of Edward. I had no idea how he would react. "I kind of set up a meeting for you two."

His eyes popped out of his head and his face turned red. "You what?"

"I set up a meeting so you could go to his house and see him."

"You told him who I was?"

"No! Of course I didn't!" Now that would have just been plain stupid. Edward needed to be the one who told him, not me. I just thought it would be helpful if I could jumpstart the meeting. He told me he wanted to see him.

"Then what did you say to him?"

"Well, he mentioned you because of…you know…that night at the bar." He growled under his breath and put his hands on his hips. "He seemed pretty upset with you about it, so I told him that you wanted to apologize."

"Fuck off, Bella. Why the hell would you do that?" He asked angrily, making me feel nervous as hell. I didn't mean to make him angry.

"I just thought…"

"You thought wrong!" He yelled. "What the hell makes you think you can just make that decision for me?" Now he was just being contradictory. If I remembered correctly, he was the one telling me to make the decision for him. He decided he wanted to see him, so why was me making the meeting for him so bad?

"Edward, it's not a big deal. I just thought it would be easier for you. I can call and cancel if you want."

"Yeah you better call and cancel." He snapped at me and I felt hurt and kind of stupid. I didn't think he would make such a big deal out of it.

"I was only trying to help." I said in my defense.

He was pissed off at me—more than ever before—and I barely did anything wrong. It's not like I told Emmett that they were related. He just thought that he was meeting with a man who wanted to apologize to him. At least he was nice enough to accept the fact that Edward was going to apologize instead of blowing him off.

"That is not helping, Bella. That is taking matters into your own fucking hands when I didn't need you to do that!"

"Edward, you are completely overreacting right now."

He chuckled a humorless chuckle and I got goosebumps from the sound. He was pissed off at me and it hurt my feelings a lot. I thought I was doing the right thing in helping him out, but I guess not. Maybe I deserved his anger.

"Whatever, Bella. Just cancel that fucking meeting. I'll be in the living room."

"You're really that mad at me that you are going to sleep on the couch?" I mean I got that he was mad at me, but I didn't think it was _that _big of a deal.

"Goodnight, Bella." He said with a wave of his hand.

He turned away from me and really left the room and shut the door behind him. I knew better than to go after him. That only made him more pissed off.

So I was left sitting up in our bed feeling like complete shit. I knew he would probably get mad at me, but it didn't help the pain. Tears formed unwillingly in my eyes and didn't take long to fall. I felt stupid and hurt that I hurt him. I just hated making him mad, but I still couldn't figure out what I did to make him _that_ mad at me. I mean all I had to do is cancel and I was sure Emmett would have forgotten the whole thing. Maybe he was just scared or nervous or both…who knew. All I knew was that I hoped he wouldn't stay mad at me for long, but that was probably wishful thinking.

He had never been that mad at me before.

* * *

"Bella…Bella…sweets come on. You have to wake up." I was slowly coming out of sleep to the sound of Bev's voice.

It was comforting, yet out of place because why would she be waking me up? It didn't even seem like it was light out yet.

I opened my eyes and groaned at the dull pain in my head. Fuck, I was going to have a headache all day. Between my little fight with Edward and not getting to sleep until about two-thirty in the morning, my head was taking a beating. I looked across from me out the window and saw that it was dark outside.

"Bev?" I asked groggily.

She rubbed my arm. "Hi, Bella. Boy did I miss this sweet face." She said lovingly and I smiled. I missed the hell out of her. "But come on, Bella. You need to wake up."

I got up and balanced myself on my elbow and put my other hand to my head. "Why? It's still dark out."

"That's because it is supposed to rain and it's five in the morning."

"Five in the morning?" I asked, looking at the clock on the bedside table near Edward's side of the bed, which was still empty.

She nodded and got up from the bed. She picked up a duffel bag that looked full of stuff and placed it on the bed. "Edward's on his way to pick you up."

"At five in the morning?" I asked incredulously.

I thought he was mad at me…where the hell would we be going at five in the morning? He was still supposed to be working. All of the confusion only made my head hurt even worse.

She picked up my sneakers from the ground and handed them to me. "It's your dad, hun." She said softly.

"My dad?" I asked, my voice cracking and my heart speeding up. _This can't be good._

"Your mom has been trying to call your phone, but I guess you weren't answering?"

I tried to think back to the night before and the last time I used my phone and what I did with it. "It died last night. It's in my sweater pocket by the door." I started to get up from the bed, but Bev pulled me back.

"It's alright, just get your shoes on, Edward is on his way."

She had already said that, but I was trying really hard not to panic or flip out on her. "What happened to my dad?"

"I'm not exactly sure of the details, but your mom called Edward, and he is in the hospital. They admitted him about an hour ago."

I felt my heart drop and I swallowed back the lump in my throat. I grabbed my sneakers from Bev and began to put them on. Thankfully I got changed into a pair of sweat pants, one of Edward's t-shirts, and socks before I actually fell asleep. I could get ready faster. I didn't really care what I looked like, as long as I got out of the house and to go see my father. At least that is where I thought Edward was bringing me.

"I have to go." I said and climbed out of the bed trying to look for my keys.

"Bella." Bev called for me and grabbed onto my arm. "What are you doing? Edward is going to drive you."

Tears were already falling from my eyes. My father was in the hospital. I knew he had been sick for a long time, but I never went to go see him. All I gave him were a few phone calls here and there. _Can I ever do anything right? _

"No. He doesn't have to. He has work and so many other things to worry about. I will just leave, and he can stay."

I walked out of the room and she followed me with the duffel bag in her hand. I found my keys on the coffee table, and grabbed the duffel bag from Bev. I placed it on the ground and hugged her tightly as I cried.

"Everything will be fine, sweets. Don't you worry."

"Tell Edward I love him, alright? And tell him I'm sorry."

"Bella, he is going to bring you…"

She was going to continue, but the door opened quickly, revealing a wet and panicked looking Edward.

"Are you ready, babe?" He asked me.

I still had tears falling from my eyes, and I felt my heart breaking knowing that my father was in the hospital. It killed me thinking that I didn't even really try to go visit him when I knew he was sick. What kind of daughter was I? I waited until he was in the hospital to act like I gave a damn? But I did give a damn. I gave a damn a lot.

"You don't have to go, Edward. I can just go by myself."

He gave me a sympathetic look and walked towards me. I crossed my arms, feeling so exposed for some reason. He pulled me to his chest and kissed the top of my head. "You're crazy if you think I would make you go alone."

"But you have work, community service, and so many other things to worry about. And I pissed you off last night…"

He sighed and pulled away. He placed his cold, wet hands on my face and lifted my head to make me look him in the eye. His hair was falling all over his forehead and his eyes shined in the dark room.

"You need me. That's all that matters. Whenever you need me, I will always be there for you no matter what. You have proved the same thing to me time and time again; let me show you now." He said intensely and his words only made me cry even more. "Oh Bella." He pulled me back to his chest and I held onto him tightly.

"Here you go, boy. I got your bag packed already."

Edward let go of me with one hand and grabbed the bag. "Thank you, Bev. I'm sorry we have to leave right when you got back."

"Oh no, no need to say sorry. I'll be here for the rest of the week. Hopefully you two will be back by then."

"Hopefully." Edward said and I didn't want to let go of him.

"Bye, you two." Bev said and kissed the top of my head and Edward's hand before she left the house.

I held onto Edward and never wanted to let him go. He made me feel secure. I knew right then that I would literally always have someone to back me up whenever I needed it. No matter what the hell was going on or how much we fought, we always had each other.

Knowing that really helped me keep a level head.

Little did I know, in that moment, how much we would really need each other's support.

* * *

_Where are you?  
And I'm so sorry,  
__I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight.  
__I need somebody and always.  
__This sick strange darkness,  
__Comes creeping on so haunting every time;  
__And as I stared I counted,  
__Webs from all the spiders,  
__Catching things and eating their insides.  
__Like indecision to call you  
__and hear your voice of treason  
__Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?  
__Stop this pain tonight._

_**I Miss You, by Blink 182**_

* * *

**Ok so a lot went on in this rather long chapter, and I am dying to hear what you all think about it! I love reading your predictions and am always surprised to find that at least one person hits the nail right on the head. **

**Big thanks to Alexa for pre-reading this rather large chapter so quickly and for dealing with me writing in present tense sometimes. I don't know, sometimes I just start writing and not thinking too much lol. **

**I have already started the next chapter so hopefully it will be out soon. You can find teasers on the thread or by following me on Twitter! (Blueking141) **

**Thanks for reading and please review! **


	46. Chapter 45: The Problem

**Chapter 45: The Problem**

**EPOV**

It was a little colder outside than I expected.

We only went a little bit up north, but the temperature was still substantially lower. I sat down on the ledge outside of the hospital and lit a cigarette. I hadn't had one in a while and I had been itching for one for hours. Stress did that to me. I liked my cigarettes, but I fucking loved them in stressful situations. And watching my girlfriend beat herself up and cry more often than not was stressful enough.

I hadn't even thought about the whole Emmett situation since I was told about Bella's dad. That was a separate entity in itself and was pushed to the back of my mind for a while because Bella needed me. I couldn't help but blame myself a little. Not for making Bella's father sick, but because I saw how much it killed Bella that she wasn't there with him. She had been so hung up on trying to help me and keep me happy, she didn't have enough time to pay attention to more important things. And I didn't mean just her parents; I mean she didn't get to do more things for herself. I hated that I held her back.

I felt someone sit beside me, and I looked over quickly to make sure it wasn't some crazy fucker trying to steal my wallet. There were people out there like that, I swear. But I was safe. It was just Renee. She looked exhausted. It was eight in the morning. I had been at the hospital with Bella for a whole day now, and we hadn't left. Bella slept in her father's room and I crashed in the waiting room. I was surprised they didn't kick me out. Renee had to leave because she had a work she had to take care of and she knew Charlie would be fine if Bella was with him.

"How's he doing this morning?" She asked.

I blew the smoke away from her before answering. "Pretty much the same as yesterday. He's sleeping a lot."

She sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. "Here's a little advice for you, Edward. Don't listen to your spouse when they tell you they are fine, especially if that spouse is my daughter."

I flicked my cigarette away and wrapped an arm around Renee's small frame. She wasn't as small as Bella, but I could tell where Bella got her petite-ness. "I will take that advice, but please don't blame yourself. Guys are just really stubborn sometimes." I said as lightheartedly as I could.

Charlie had been sick for weeks, and no matter how much Renee wanted to take him in to see a doctor, he refused to go and continued working. Something I probably would have done.

She scoffed. "Don't I know it," She patted my hand that was on her shoulder. "You should get Bella out of here." She pulled her purse up in her lap and pulled out her ring of keys and took one off of it. "Bring her home…well to our home. Make sure she gets some rest."

She placed the key in the palm of my hand and I placed it in my pocket. "I will try, but I don't think she will listen to me. She is pretty adamant about staying here."

"She'll listen to you. Your opinion means a lot to her." She said and patted my hand again before getting up off the ledge. I got up with her and she turned to look at me. "I just wanted to thank you, Edward."

I crossed my arms in front of me to protect myself from the cold. I was confused. "Thank me for what?"

"Well I know you got a lot going on, but thank you for being here with Bella. You bring her a comfort that neither Charlie nor I can bring her."

Her words struck me. _Why would she be thanking me?_ _Isn't being there for the one you love kind of a part of the deal? Was it that surprising that I would be there for her in a hard time for her?_ I guess I really was doing everything wrong.

"You don't have to thank me for loving your daughter. I do it willingly."

She smiled. "I know. And that is a part of the reason my husband hasn't killed you yet."

I rolled my eyes and she started laughing hysterically. I could see where Bella got her humor from. They both found pleasure in making fun of me. Although, it seemed that a lot of people liked doing that. Maybe I was just weak.

We headed up to Charlie's room and she laughed the whole way. I was glad I could make her laugh when she was in a hard place with her husband in the hospital; that made me feel a little better at least. Bella really was like her mother in a lot of ways, except for the overbearing part. Bella wasn't overbearing at all. Maybe I should get some tips from Charlie.

When we got into Charlie's room, Bella was awake in the chair near her father's bed reading a magazine about decorating or some shit. Something she was not interested in at all. She looked up at us when we walked in, she looked terrible. Well she looked beautiful, but she also looked exhausted and completely beat down. I wondered if she even slept the night before. Renee was right; I needed to take her home.

"Hey, honey." Renee said as she walked over to Bella. Bella got up and hugged her mom tightly. "You look like shit, Bella." Renee said as sweetly as she could. Yeah. Bella also got her honesty from her mom.

"Jeez. Thanks mom."

"Thank you for staying with him last night, but you should really get going. Edward doesn't look any better than you." Renee said with a point in my direction. Bella glanced up at me briefly and sighed.

"He looks fine. Has the doctor called you?"

"No. He hasn't, now why don't you go home. Go shower or something."

"I don't want to, mom." She said stubbornly.

"Come on, Bella. We will come back soon." I put in and she looked over to me at my words. She sighed and her shoulders slumped.

"But…"

"Go, Bella." Charlie said out of nowhere.

Renee and I both laughed and Bella glared at him. I wondered how long he had been listening because he was most definitely sleeping when I walked in.

"Dad, how are you feeling?" Bella said and walked over to him and hold his hand. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand.

"I'm okay, Bells. You should go. You know the doctor won't be here until late afternoon anyway." The man had a good point, and Bella was backed into a corner.

There was no saying no to any of us. I gave Renee and Charlie high fives in my head for our successful tag team; because the look on Bella's face showed me that we had won for the time being.

She sighed. "Fine. But if anything happens, please call me?"

"Yes, Bella." Charlie droned out and then had a fit of coughing.

Bella cringed and so did I. He sounded terrible. It kind of pissed me off that the doctors hadn't found out what was wrong with him. Sure he had only been there for the night, but he looked and obviously felt awful. Shouldn't they have been putting him on priority or something since he was an older guy with a serious illness. I guess I couldn't really do much about it. They must know what they are doing.

Bella gave her father a kiss on the forehead and her mother a hug. Renee hugged me as well and I shook Charlie's hand.

"See you later, sir." I said.

"It's Charlie, you fool." He said jokingly. I chuckled. Renee and Bella were speaking in the corner. "Take care of my girl. I don't like her worrying so much." He said in a hoarse voice.

"I will."

"And wash your hand. I'm infected."

I laughed. "Thanks a lot, Charlie."

He ended up laughing and coughing even more. I felt bad, but he kept the smile on his face. "You're welcome."

I turned away and caught Bella watching us with a small smile on her face. I walked over to her and she grabbed onto my hand and I interlaced her fingers with mine.

"Ready to go?" I asked.

She nodded and looked back at Charlie. "I love you, Daddy."

"Love you too, Bella. Go get some rest for me, alright?"

She nodded her head and we both walked out of the room silently. We stayed silent, just holding each other's hand until we got in the car. Even when in there, no words were said. I just figured she had a lot on her mind and didn't really feel like talking.

I was ready to do whatever the hell she wanted me to. I didn't feel like I had a right to say anything for the way I had been treating her. If her father knew how I was treating her, he would have killed me no matter how sick he was. I had been a complete douche bag and I didn't even know why. I needed some serious help on controlling myself and thinking before I spoke because I never did. If something bothered me even the slightest bit, I flipped out and most of the time it was on Bella when she didn't deserve my anger one bit.

Of course I realized all of this too late. I just got so wrapped up in myself and my thoughts and feelings that I didn't sit back and think about hers. While we were driving up to the hospital, she cried most of the time, but she never expressed anything to me about how she was feeling. I hated that shit. I would always be there for her if she needed me, I just guessed I had a funny way of showing her that. She meant the world to me and I adored her to pieces, but did she really _really _know that?

I wasn't so sure and that gave me the sickest feeling in my stomach it wasn't even funny.

I kept my mouth shut for the time being. I didn't know what the right thing to say would have been and I wasn't about to screw things up. I knew I had to suck it up and say something to her at least, but I didn't really feel like doing it in the car. I needed to focus on driving. Oh and I also had to think up what the hell to say to make her happy because that's all I really wanted for her.

We made it to her house in no time. It was only about five minutes away from the hospital and I still hadn't come up with anything to say. We both walked into the house silently and everything was just silent and wrong and I needed to fix it.

"Do you want something to eat? I can make some breakfast." I asked as we walked into the kitchen.

She shook her head. "No I'm fine."

"Come on, Bella. You haven't eaten and you should, it's not good…"

"I said I didn't want anything!" She snapped at me and I instantly went into defensive mode.

"Alright, no need to yell at me, Bella."

"Oh but it's okay for you to yell at me every damn day?" _Fuck she was right._

"No it's not okay, I'm sorry…" I took a step closer to her but she backed away from me like I was some kind of stranger. Like she didn't want me to touch her. _What the hell have I done?_

"Really, in the end, does the word sorry solve anything?" She shook her head.

"Well no, but…"

"There are no buts about it Edward." Tears were falling from her eyes and she swatted them away quickly. She pushed her hair out of her face with shaking hands. She was completely falling apart and it was partly, if not mostly my fault. The pain in my chest was a rude and excruciating awakening. "I come home everyday scared to find out what kind of mood you will be in. I come home everyday wanting so badly to see you, but also dreading it because I don't know what kind of thing you will be yelling at me about that day. It's tiring, Edward. I'm so tired of it."

"I don't mean to hurt you, Bella." I said weakly.

I knew anything I said wouldn't make it better. I needed to show her that I would change my ways for her. Looking back, I did flip out on her and she didn't deserve any of it. She never deserved getting yelled at, especially by me.

"But you do. You hurt me."

I ran a hand through my hair, feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't like how the conversation was going.

"How am I supposed to know if you don't tell me?" She never fought back. I just noticed that. She never yelled back or put me in my place like I deserved. She just took my yelling and irrational rants. That was how Bella was though. She probably was trying to spare my feelings. I wanted to just disappear. I didn't want to look at her so hurt anymore because of me.

"How am I supposed to tell you if you won't listen?"

"I would have listened."

"No you wouldn't because you are always mad at me for something!"

She was right. She usually was, but I was just stupid. I didn't know how to treat her the right way even though it should have been second nature. I loved her so much. I should show her that.

"Edward, I understand that you are going through a tough time right now. I see how much you still miss Alice and I know it's a lot to take in about the whole Emmett thing. I'm not saying you aren't justified in being stressed out, but you have no right to just take it out on me. I am not the one who took Alice from you and I am not the reason your parents kept things from you that you should have known. I'm not to blame here." Her little rant started off strong, but she pretty much fell apart at the end. Looking defeated. It was killing me.

"I know you aren't." I felt sick. I felt physically sick.

"Well think about the one person you have let your anger out on most?"

_Her._

It was undoubtedly her and I couldn't say it. I couldn't admit to myself that I was treating her like she meant nothing to me but a mental punching bag.

"I went out last night just so I didn't have to deal with you. I hate that I did something like that."

"I hate that I made you do that."

"You do realize that I don't have to deal with this shit, right?" She asked rhetorically and I was a coward and could barely look her in the eye. Just hearing her allude to leaving me made me want to…I didn't even know. I just felt like I was failing completely in life. I couldn't keep my sister with me and I couldn't keep my girlfriend that I loved so much happy because I couldn't control my anger. "I'm nineteen years old. I could be out every night if I wanted to, but I don't because I try to be there for you. I do everything for you because I love you, but I _can_ leave, Edward. And I will if things don't change. I don't deserve this. I don't."

"I know you don't."

I wanted so badly to hold her. I wanted so badly to kiss her and show her that I loved her and cherished her like she deserved despite what I had done to her. I couldn't find the right words to say to her to let her know that, so I wanted to show her. But I didn't think she would let me show her. She looked like she didn't want anything to do with me at the moment and I deserved that, I knew that, but I couldn't let her leave. She couldn't leave me. I wouldn't be able to take it.

She wiped away her tears and we both waited. _Waited for what?_ I didn't really know. I was waiting for something to hold onto that would make me feel like I wasn't going to lose her. Whether it was her words or just her that I could hold; either would have helped me breathe better.

She took a deep breath, and like always, she was braver than me and broke the silence. "I don't want to leave you."

Those words helped a little bit, but I felt like a coward. I was waiting for her words to comfort me yet I didn't make an effort to comfort her when she needed comfort as well. Not only did she have to deal with me, she also had a father she loved dearly in the hospital.

"I will never _want_ to. I love you. Probably too much, but I can't help it."

I had to anchor my feet to the ground to restrain myself from running to her and holding her as close as I could. That was what I wanted, but what she needed was to hear me tell her the truth.

"You shouldn't have to help it, Bella. I know you love me, and I guess I take advantage of that." I ran my hand through my hair, trying to hold myself together. "I don't mean to do it, but…I know there are no excuses." I couldn't form a full sentence and it was driving me crazy. She just kept on crying and made my thinking even more off balance.

"No, you don't have to give me excuses. I know exactly why you do it. You're angry and life throws you some pretty terrible shit, and holding that anger in is not healthy for you. But what's not healthy for _us _is you taking that anger out on me."

"I know, but what do you want me to do, Bella? I can only think of promising you that I will try and think before I speak. I will try and get my shit together, but that wouldn't be enough would it?"

She sat down at the stool by the island. She covered her face with both of her hands and her body shook as she cried. My hands were clenched by my side. The worst kind of torture was watching someone you love in pain but not being able to do anything about it.

She took her hands away from her face and looked over to me. "It's a good start I guess."

I took a few steps closer to her. "Well then I promise you that I will try in every way possible to fix this." I sat down in the stool right beside her. "But Bella, you need to fight back. Tell me when I am crossing the line or call me names…just fight back. You never really fight back, but you should."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I give you full permission to hurt me the worst way you know if I ever make you feel inadequate or like I don't love you as much as I do love you." I pushed my body closer to her and kissed the side of her forehead and her tears seemed to start all over again. "Because I will say it however many times it takes; I love you. I love you so much, beautiful, and I can't lose you."

She looked in my direction, our faces only inches apart, and we looked into each other's eyes. I thought she would have kissed me, but I was completely wrong. Instead, a sob escaped her throat and she seemed to have lost control of her body as she fell straight into me. My arms went around her instantly as she broke down in my arms.

"Edward…" She groaned as if in pain.

I got up from the stool and carried her in my arms to the living room. I wanted to bring her to her room, but she was shaking and crying so much I didn't want to risk dropping her or something. She held onto me tightly and we both fell back on the couch.

"Alright Bella, shhh…" She was going to cry to the point of making herself sick and I myself felt like I would throw up as well. Someone like Bella shouldn't be feeling pain like that. "Sweetheart everything will be alright."

She lifted her head from my shoulder and she looked right into my eyes. Her shaking hands were gripped onto either side of my face and the look in her eyes broke my heart to pieces. "What if my dad dies, Edward? What am I supposed to do if he dies?"

"Shh, you can't think like that, baby. You can't. He's not going to die."

She shook me. "How do you know that?" She lifted her hands and hit me on my chest. "How do you know?" Her fists were hurting my chest, but I didn't mind one bit. I grabbed her wrists in my hands and she stopped hitting me immediately. "Oh my God…I'm so sorry, Edward…I'm so…"

I pulled her back to me and smoothed her hair down. "Shhh…it's alright, Bella. It's okay. Your dad is okay. He's in the hospital, the doctors are keeping a good eye on him, they will find out what is wrong and do everything they can to help him. I promise."

"He's already been there a day! A whole day and they still don't have answers, all they have are little half guesses and nothing set in stone!"

"Yes, but they will get there. They will find out what's wrong and help him."

I had complete confidence in what I told Bella. I wasn't a doctor, obviously, but I saw Charlie. His worst problem was his really nasty cough and they had to adjust his oxygen to help him with his breathing. I didn't know, I just had a good feeling that he would be alright. It may have hurt him since he went in so late, but I knew he would be alright. Maybe that is just what I wanted to believe. Whatever; it was what Bella needed to hear and what she needed to believe. Any negativity would do no one any good.

"I hope you're right, baby."

"I'm always right, love." She laughed despite her tears and held onto me tightly.

It was a complete lie. I wasn't always right at all. Actually, I was wrong most of the time, but she at least looked past that for a minute and got to see the funny part of my statement.

I let her cry everything out. She was supposed to cry. She was supposed to let her anger and sadness out that way. Maybe I should let out a good cry. Maybe that will make me less of an asshole to Bella. I couldn't really find it in myself to cry though. Although, when Bella did, I felt it would be easier for me. I hated seeing her cry. I used to hate seeing Alice cry too, even if it was for something ridiculous like I wouldn't let her have four scoops of ice cream. It still hurt me to see her in tears.

After Bella started to calm down a bit, she let her head rest on my shoulder and I could feel her body relax against mine. I knew she was exhausted, and her crying like that must have taken a lot out of her.

"I'm tired, Edward." She whispered.

"Okay, come on." I shifted her on my lap so I could lift her up with me. I got on my feet and held her in my arms bridal style. She wrapped her arms around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder. Her face and eyes were all puffy from crying and her face was stained with tears, but she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

I brought her upstairs to her childhood bedroom and placed her on her queen sized bed. Her room was still pretty girly and stuff with pictures of random teen idols on the walls. Once in the bed, she curled up around one of the pillows and looked completely at home and comfortable. I slipped out of the room to go to the bathroom. I wet a facecloth with warm water and brought it back to the room. Bella was barely awake when I walked back in her room. I pulled the blanket up and got under with her.

"Bella." I whispered. She opened her droopy brown eyes and hummed in acknowledgement. "Here, just let me wipe your face. You'll wake up with gunk in your eyes if you go to sleep like this." I knew all about that feeling. Happened to me many times when I was in prison.

"Gunk is such a gross word." She said as she grabbed the facecloth from my hand and wiped her face with it.

"Do you have a better name for it?" I asked playfully and squeezed her side hoping for a laugh. I got one.

"No, but still." She finished wiping her face down and she looked a little bit better thankfully. She handed the cloth back to me. "Thank you."

I threw the facecloth on the bedside table on the other side and pulled her to my chest. I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. "Go to sleep."

"So bossy." She commented and I chuckled.

"I'm sorry. Go to sleep, please."

"Fine." I kept my hold on her and waited for her to fall asleep.

I felt like I could fall asleep as well, but I didn't really know if I wanted to. I had a lot to think about and I was sure my brain wouldn't shut off. I had to think about what I was going to do about work since I already missed a couple of days. I had to think about what the hell I was going to do about the whole Emmett situation. The day Bella set up for me to meet with him was in a couple of days. _Would we be back by then?_ I needed to call Leah too since her babysitter wasn't around. I was sure Bev would love to help out, but I needed to give them each other's numbers. I also had to call my probation officer. I had a family emergency so I couldn't get to the shelter, but I was sure Alan would put in a good word for me.

Fuck I had a lot of shit on my plate.

Once thoughts of Alice started getting into my mind, I decided maybe I should just sleep. Sleep was completely preferable to the pain I felt when I thought about Alice not being next to me and with _them._ She told me to try harder, so I needed to. But I didn't know what to do. I hated it. Absolutely hated it.

"Edward?" Bella whispered.

"Yeah?" It was funny how she pulled me out of my excruciating thoughts when she didn't even know I was thinking them.

"I think I should visit my parents more often."

I wasn't expecting her to say that. She must have been thinking about that as well. "That's nice, hermosa. You can, you know."

"I know. I should. I just…" She paused for a second. "I feel like I take them for granted I guess."

"Oh Bella, you shouldn't think like that. You love your parents and they know it."

"I know, but there are days when I don't even call them. They raised me my whole life and I can't even call them every day?" I didn't really know what to say…again. I couldn't really relate. I didn't know what it was like to be away from parents I loved and trying to find that balance.

I tried the best I could. "But Bella, I'm sure your parents understand. You are an adult now, you are moved away to college and starting your own life. They knew that was going to happen. I mean think about it; there are some kids that move across the country to go to school and leave their parents completely behind and I am sure their relationship with their parents is fine. Look at Bev and her kids. They live across the country but you never see Bev complaining and saying that her kids forgot about her or something. It's just a part of life."

"I guess you're right, but I don't know. When I found out my dad was in the hospital, all I could think of is that I didn't even call him that day to tell him I loved him. What if he would have died without hearing that from me?" I could feel her body tense and could hear her getting worked up again.

"Bella, Bella, please; calm down. Your father knows you love him and I am sure he wouldn't blame you if something like that happened. You don't have to tell someone you love them every day for them to know that you do." That was a fact I had to convince myself of when Alice was taken from me. I didn't get to tell her I loved her for over two months and that killed me, but I knew she knew I loved her more than anything. I hoped so anyway.

"But it's still good to hear."

"You're right, but don't get too worked up about it. If you are worried that your parents don't think you appreciate them, I want you to take that out of your mind right now. Put yourself in their shoes." I pulled away from her and looked in her eyes. "Think about one day, in the future, when you are officially my wifey." She rolled her eyes and I smiled. "And we see our first child off to college and he moves away to college in Maine or some shit."

"How do you know he will be a boy?"

"Oh he will be." I said confidently and she smiled. "Anyway, would you really be sitting home waiting for him to call, and if he doesn't have time, in his busy life that we helped provide for him, would you really blame him or think he didn't love us or appreciate all we had done for him?"

"No. I wouldn't."

"Me neither. You're doing enough for them by making a life for yourself."

"Shit dude; you should be a counselor or something." She said thoughtfully.

I laughed. "Fuck no. I would screw everyone's life up."

"No you wouldn't. You always know what to say to make me feel better."

"Yeah but that's because you're Bella."

She pulled my face to hers and placed a small kiss on my mouth. "And you're Edward, and I love you."

"And we're Edward and Bella and we are weird sometimes."

She laughed, but I wasn't kidding. We were fucking weird. "That's alright. It works."

"Yeah, you're right, but stop talking to me already. Go to sleep."

"Okay, but do you have your phone near you?" She asked.

"It's in my pocket, love."

"You'll wake me up if something happens?"

"Yes, Bella."

"Okay. Good." She pushed me back so I was lying on my back and she placed her head on my chest and her arm around my middle. "Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Please don't go. Just stay with me."

"Okay, but do I have permission to piss if I have to?"

She laughed. "No I want you to piss your pants." She said sarcastically and I chuckled.

"You can wash the sheets." I said.

"Fuck no. Your piss, your problem."

I laughed. "Oh shit, that would make a great bumper sticker; your piss, your problem."

"How would that be a good bumper sticker? That's not relatable at all."

"Stop raining on my parade and go to sleep. Fuck, Bella. You're like a child." I said in mock annoyance.

She chuckled and kissed my clothed shoulder. "Thank you, baby."

"Why the hell are you thanking me for? Go to sleep."

"Shut up. I am thanking you for making me feel better."

"It's my job. Sleep, Bella."

She chuckled. "I love you."

"I love you too."

And then the woman finally listened to me and fell asleep. I followed soon after.

* * *

_**~ Early Wednesday morning (2 days after) ~**_

"Bella! I'm leaving!" I called up the stairs to her room where she was brushing her teeth.

It was fucking early in the morning and I was exhausted. I needed to stop for a coffee or some shit or else I would be falling asleep at the wheel. It was four in the morning.

I put the duffel bag on the floor by the door while I waited for her to get downstairs to say bye to me. I was heading home on my own. I was heading to go see Emmett on my own. Bella and I talked about it a long time the night before and I decided that she actually made a good decision in setting up the meeting, no matter what the means were. So I should take the opportunity to talk to him without any added awkwardness. I was fucking nervous. I felt sick to my stomach and I still had a lot of time to go before I even seen him.

Bella was staying behind. She wanted to be with her parents and I didn't blame her. Turns out Charlie developed pneumonia. He was going to be in the hospital for at least a week according to the doctor and Bella didn't want to leave him right away at least. I completely understood and I assured her that I was a big boy, and I could go see Emmett on my own. I would be lying if I said I didn't want her with me, but her family came first and her wants came first. I could do it without her.

Or at least I could try to.

Alan said he would go with me. I called him every day to just check in to see what was happening at the shelter. I missed it there a little bit. It had only been a few days, but I was used to going there and seeing the people there every day, so when I didn't get to go, I had a longing to go there. He told me everything was fine and he sorted everything out with my probation officer for me so I was all good. He just let him know about all of those times I stayed there way later than I needed to.

Alan knew about the whole Emmett situation. I told him the next time I saw him after I found out about the whole thing. His advice to me was to do what I felt was right and he would help me in whatever way he could.

Typical Alan; being all supportive and saint-like and shit. So when I told him that I was going to go without Bella, he offered to go with me. He said he would just sit in the truck in case I needed him or something. I told him it would mean a whole fucking lot to me if he would. I knew I could have done it on my own, but I kind of wanted someone there. I didn't know how Emmett would have reacted or how I would have reacted. A million different things could happen and I wouldn't want to be the dumb ass to do something stupid that could further delay me getting Alice back.

"Bella! Come on, chick! I have to go!" I called back up the stairs.

I heard her come running down the stairs and she didn't stop until she ran right into my arms. I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her from the ground so I could continue holding her without breaking my back since she was so short…or I was too tall. _What-the-fuck-ever. _

"Call me every day?" She asked right away.

"Hell no. This is my vacation." She let go of my neck and slapped me on the shoulder. I kept her up in my arms and placed a kiss on her neck as a silent apology.

"You're a jerk." She mumbled and I kissed her neck and up to her cheeks and mouth and nose and forehead.

She giggled and I placed another kiss on her lips not letting her get away. I would miss her kisses every day so I wanted to get as much as I could in the small amount of time I had to say goodbye. I didn't know how long she was going to stay, it could have been a couple days or a couple of weeks for all I knew.

"Don't have an illicit affair while we are apart, my darling. My heart just could not take it." I said in what I thought sounded like a desperate, romantic-like, and pussy-like male lead in some corny romance film. It made sense in my head, trust me, and my Bella was right on the same wavelength.

"I wouldn't dream of such a thing, my love." She kissed my cheeks. "We both know I have my affairs on the weekends."

"That's right. My bad."

She laughed and hugged me. "Ugh I'm going to miss you, baby."

I kissed the side of her head. "I'll miss you too."

She pulled away and kissed me. "Oh and I'm telling my mom what we did last night."

_Fuck._ Right when I thought we would have a nice little goodbye, she had to go and ruin it. Well not exactly ruin it, but she just had to bring that up because she loved to yank my chain and would never let me live last night down even though I was freaking out about it. I would get her back. Oh she would feel the wrath of my revenge at the first opportunity that is presented to me.

"You won't say a word."

She shrugged. "I mean there is nothing stopping me…"

"Now who's the jerk?"

"Aww…" She patted my cheek. "Someone's blushing."

I swatted her hands away and pushed her away from me. "Bye, Bella. Keep your mouth shut."

She laughed. "I still can't believe how uncomfortable you get about it! We just had sex, it's what people do."

I groaned. She just had to bring it up. "If you tell your mother…" I couldn't think of an ample threat at that moment so I came up with the best I could do, although it would also be a punishment for me. "I won't kiss you for two months."

_Hah._ That got her. I could just tell by the look on her face. She knew I would go through with it. She knew I was stubborn and I would just do it to prove a point. She wasn't supposed to tell her mother that we had sex on Bella's bed in her parent's house last night. I was dead against it. We just started kissing and things progressed like they did most of the time did, and I soon realized where the hell we were. We were in Bella's childhood home and her parent's house and I stopped things right away. I was actually freaking the fuck out. There was something about doing it in her parent's house that made me uncomfortable.

Bella got frustrated and laughed at me, and then with her beautiful fuckery, she ended up convincing me that it would be alright. And I didn't regret it at the time because I was having fucking sex with my girlfriend so how could I ever think it was anything but amazing? It all changed when I woke up and realized what I had actually done. I would not get to look at her parents the same way again. I felt like that dumbass who climbs into his girl's window at night. Parents didn't approve of that shit.

"Fine. I won't say anything, but that look on your face when I told you I would was priceless and made it so worth it."

I rolled my eyes and opened the door. "Goodbye, Bella."

She laughed and gave me another kiss. I didn't know how the hell I would get out of there if she couldn't keep her hands off of me and vice versa. "Bye, baby. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"And everything will be alright. Emmett seems like a good guy. If you need me at all, just call me. I will have my phone on me at all times, I promise."

"Okay and the same goes for you. Call me if you need me."

"Okay, leave before I never let you." She said with a shove to my shoulder.

I chuckled. "Love you, wifey!" I called over my shoulder.

"I hate you, you delusional man." She called back with a laugh in her voice.

I smiled. I couldn't help it. I wasn't delusional at all and we both knew it.

* * *

"Edward!" Alan yelled and I jumped in the driver's seat, which is not a good fucking thing at all, but thankfully I didn't kill us.

"What the fuck, Alan? Why are you screaming at me?"

"Edward," He was all calm, yet a bit wary compared to him yelling at me before. "I have called your name numerous times and you don't hear me. You should pull over and let me drive."

I sighed. "No, I'm fine. I'm just thinking that's all."

"I know you are, man, but you need to be thinking about driving, not about your brother."

"No, I'm fine. We're almost there anyway." I memorized the way there. Bella printed out the directions from Google and one night while Bella was showering, I just studied it until I knew the exact route. I brought the paper with me in case I messed up, but I didn't think I would. I looked at that thing for a long time. _The way to my brother's house_. Fuck, I couldn't believe it was really happening.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on in your head?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Just wondering _why _I am doing this. There is nothing making me, but yet, I just want him to know, you know? But what if he doesn't want to know? Fuck I hadn't even thought of that!" _Shit._ Everything was so complicated and I just couldn't take it.

"Look," Alan said in that way that he does. He was going to give me the best advice as usual. "You need to think of yourself right now. This is a tough thing to have learned and there are a million different ways you can approach it; there is no _right _way to go about this, so you just have to go with what you have. You want to know your brother right?"

"Well yeah; I'm not exactly sure why, but I do."

"And you don't need a reason. Just go with your gut." I swear between him and Bella, I wouldn't need a therapist at all. "Now as for how he feels, if he didn't want to know about his birth family, the worst he could do is turn you away, and you will go on like you were before; without a brother around. It's tough, but that's the truth. It's not like it will affect your life that badly."

I swallowed. "Yeah, sure."

I didn't really know if I really believed that. One of the main reasons I was so afraid of was if he did turn me away. What if he didn't want anything to do with me? That would be yet another blood relative that turned their back to me. I didn't know if I could take it. I mean I would have to get used to it, but it would suck so fucking bad. I would hate it if that happened.

"You don't sound so sure." He said.

"That's because I have to piss and I don't feel like stopping so I am getting very uncomfortable." I said as a way of deflecting the question.

Alan laughed. "You could just pull over and pick a tree."

"You're disgusting." I said in mock seriousness and he started laughing.

"What? Urine is natural and so are trees."

"You're a freak." He knew I was just kidding with him. I didn't actually have to piss anyway. And I didn't see anything wrong with picking a tree or popping a squat. Bears and other animals do it; why can't we? Civilization was overrated.

"You've said that once or twice." He said and I smiled. I did call him a lot of names, but he knew I did it out of love. He patted me on the shoulder. "You'll be fine, Edward."

I sighed as I turned onto the street where Emmett was. I felt like I would be sick. My hands were shaking so I gripped onto the wheel tighter, my throat felt like it was closing up, and I felt so out of control of my body it was unnerving.

"Yeah." I said and I stopped outside of his house.

It was nice. Beautiful even. It was in a suburban area and there was a lot of land around it. I saw a little plaything in the back yard behind the white fence and I could only imagine what else was behind there. I wondered if all of the land surrounding belonged to him. He was a business owner so it was possible. There was a little pink Barbie car in the front driveway. _He has kids_. I had forgotten about that. I remembered he had said he had two girls and a boy. My nephew and nieces…if he wanted them to be that is. _Fuck_.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Alan asked.

I took a deep breath and shook my head. "No, it's alright. But here," I handed him my keys. "If you get bored sitting out here, you can go for a ride or something. I feel like shit leaving you out here to just sit in the truck."

"Nah, I'll be fine." He pulled out something from his pocket and I chuckled. "I brought Sudoku."

"You would, Alan. You would."

"It exercises the mind."

I chuckled and wiped my sweating hands on my jeans. Again, stalling. I did not want to go in there. That was a lie; I really did want to go in there I was just too nervous to do so right away.

"Okay."

"Edward, it's going to be alright."

Of course he would realize I was freaking the hell out. _Would Emmett notice it? Would it matter?_

Alan squeezed my shoulder and I looked over to him. "Listen, I don't know if this helps, but whatever happens in there, know that I think of you as a brother to me. I may not be blood related, and I may urinate in bushes," I laughed. Urinate. _Who says that shit anymore?_ "But I love you, man."

"Oh Alan, you sappy little shit." He started laughing hysterically, and put his hand over his stomach as he did so. "I love you too, you tree-pisser."

I gave him a minute to get the rest of his laugh out. He really did make me feel better. He was right, no matter what happened, I had him and all of the other people that loved me. Alan really seemed like a brother to me. Alice was my sister. Bev was like my mother_. _Leah was like a was like my niece. Bella was the love of my life and future wifey. In that moment, I realized something, and that something was what encouraged me to get out of that truck, and confront my blood brother.

I acquired my own family.

Sure I had no blood related family that really gave a damn about me (Besides Alice and my uncle of course), but I had a bunch of amazing people who loved me when they had no obligation to. They chose to love me. I was lucky in my own way.

So I got out of the truck, leaving Alan in the car doing his Sudoku, and walked up to Emmett's front door with determination in each of my steps. The nervousness was still there, but I knew I could do it. I knew I would leave with some answers and my mind would be at ease when I left that house and everything would be okay.

I rang the doorbell and waited for him to answer.

He answered within fifteen seconds.

When he opened up the door, everything completely clicked into place. I knew that he was my brother, but actually seeing him after I learned of that fact, really made the whole thing real to me. Bella was right. The similarities were uncanny. He didn't really look like me that much. He had a lot of my father in his features. From the build, the hair, the nose, the chin…_don't ask me how I noticed these things._ I just did.

Bella was right. He did have my eyes. He was probably an inch or two shorter than me, but he made up for it in how buff he looked. He wasn't a big meathead or anything, but he definitely had more muscle than me. I was pretty lanky.

The expression on his face was guarded, but not condescending or rude or judgmental. That put me at ease a bit.

"Uh…hi." I said awkwardly.

"Edward right?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, that's me. Uh…" Fuck could I act like an intelligent adult? I was fucking nervous. _How the hell do I start this off?_

"You can come in." He said and stepped out of the way of the door so I could step inside.

The house was just as beautiful on the inside as it was on the outside. He had a foyer. In front of me was a large wooden staircase. There were toys scattered in different places. It wasn't completely clean, but that's what made it seem like a home. There was life and love in that home.

"Come this way." He said and I followed after him. He led me into the living room where the TV was playing the local news. He turned it off and motioned for me to sit down. I did. "Do you want something to drink?" He asked.

"No, thank you." It surprised me how hospitable he was being. It was like he was trying to make me feel as comfortable as I could and I didn't quite understand it. I thought he would have hated me, and Bella said he was mad at me for what I did with good reason of course.

He sat down across from me on a chair. "I'm kind of surprised you came." He didn't say it rudely. It was more of a fleeing thought. "I mean not many guys that get into fights at my bars come by to just say sorry." He said lightheartedly and smiled.

I tried my best to smile as well, but I didn't really know if it worked, because I was too focused on what the hell to say. "Oh well…that's not the only reason I am here." _Best to just be honest._

Emmett's smile faded at the seriousness in my tone. "I'm very curious as to what the other reason would be, Edward, because…well I don't really know it's kind of weird I guess."

"What's weird?"

He chuckled nervously. Nice to know I wasn't the only one. "Just the fact that that night was one of the strangest nights for me." He wasn't looking at me. He was playing with the remote in his right hand and staring at the ground in front of him. "I was just...I have broken up a lot of fights in my time. I've been working in bars since I was eighteen, so a little over ten years, and I have never seen a fight quite like that. Most people who fight, are fighting over stupid shit and it's out of a drunken stupor, but you were completely sober and just determined. But it's not a good look on you. It doesn't suit you. I only met you for a little bit, but it shocked me to see you like that."

"I'm not usually like that…I have a…"I might as well just tell him. It wouldn't hurt anything. "I have an anger disorder and that night…that guy pissed me off and I snapped. I can't control it sometimes, but I am sorry for messing up your bar."

"I was pretty pissed off for a while. That cost me a lot of money, but hey, I teach my children to be forgiving and give people second chances, so I shouldn't be a hypocrite, right? You're forgiven."

Well now that that was over with…onto the next part of this meeting.

"Thanks. It means a lot."

"No problem. But I have to admit, this is a little strange for me. You could have just caught me at a bar. I'm surprised Bella would have made a house meeting between us."

"She was just trying to help me." I said. _More truths_. I would stick with the truth and be as straightforward with him as I could. That was how Bella was with pretty much every situation she was in, and it seemed to be working for her. She was amazing. "I had something to tell you."

He looked as confused as ever. I couldn't blame him. If a virtual stranger walked into my home and told me they had to tell me something, I would be a bit freaked out.

"Okay, you can tell me I guess, but is it bad?"

I shook my head. "I don't think it is, but maybe you will think differently…I don't know."

He ran his hand over his face in impatience. "Just tell me. Please."

I took a deep breath. "I know you were adopted."

He looked surprised and a little dumbfounded. "Okay. I guess…how the hell do you know that? The only way someone would know that is if you looked at my records. What the hell?"

"No, no!" I said loudly to get his attention back to me and not to the fact that he thought I was some creepy stalker or some shit. "I didn't look at your records."

"Then how…"

"It's kind of a long story, but I will shorten it for you." He looked pissed. One thing I learned about my brother; patience wasn't something he had acquired. I guess I could relate. I wasn't very patient myself. "I know your birth parents."

Stunned. He looked completely stunned and he got up from the chair like he had been burned. I saw sweat forming on his head. Something that also happened to me when I was in any kind of distress.

"My…" He stopped to regroup himself. He looked like he would have some kind of panic attack. "You know my birth parents?"

"I do."

"Are they alive? There was no record of them, I searched for them for years but it was an endless amount of dead ends, and I just figured they died when I was born…maybe they were homeless or something I don't know, but are they alive?"

I nodded. "They are." They had their life and they were slowly taking away mine.

"Holy shit. Fuck, dude…this is…I don't even know what to say." He sat back down on the chair. "How do you know they are my birth parents? This isn't a mix up is it?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't know for sure."

"Well how do you know them?"

There was my chance.

"I'm their son."

* * *

_I already told you that falling is easy  
It's getting back up that becomes the problem  
Becomes the problem  
If you don't believe you can find a way out  
You've become the problem  
Become the problem  
Falling is easy  
It's getting back up that becomes the problem  
Becomes the problem  
And if you believe you can find a way out  
Then you've solved the problem  
You've solved your problem__._

_**Falling, by Staind**_

* * *

**Sorry in advance for the cliffy lol. **

**I've already started the next chapter so I will get it out to all of you whenever it's finished. It has been tougher for me to update as often as I would like because I just started a new full time job, so it's kind of difficult, but I will try for at least one update every week! **

**Big thanks to Alexa for pre-reading this asap! She also has her own full time job and stuff so she deserves major props and a flood of Winston pictures lol **

**Well I hope you all liked the chapter! Let me know what you think! **

**Thanks for reading! Review please :)**


	47. Chapter 46: Feel My Love

**Chapter 46: Feel My Love**

**EPOV**

It was such a relief to say it.

Because since I had made up my mind and decided to face Emmett I had been thinking about the different ways I could tell him the truth. I thought about it over and over again until it just about drove me mad, so when I finally said the words to him - that would inadvertently turn into him knowing we were related - I felt the nerves lessen slightly.

I could feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders. It was already out there in the open. I didn't have to worry anymore about how the best way to tell him was. The only problem that remained was dealing with the details, but I knew I could do it. The hardest part was over and done with; saying it.

Emmett looked shocked. That was to be expected. He didn't say a word for a few seconds as he just stared at me with his mouth open in exasperation. I felt for the guy. It was one thing to be told you have a brother out there, but it must have been strange to hear that information straight from said brother.

"You're their…" He cleared his throat. "Son. You're their real son? Like by blood?" He asked.

"Yes." I had to restrict myself for adding on an unfortunately on there. I hated those people for what they did to me, Alice, and now Emmett.

"So you're like my…" He stopped, unable to say the word.

I understood how he felt, and I felt the need to help him out in any way I could. I didn't want to leave him feeling confused about anything. I needed to be honest. I was going to tell him the truth about me and my parents and all that they had done. I could see no other way. I didn't want to lie to him like I had been lied to.

"Brother. Yes."

"Holy shit." He got up from the chair in exasperation and began pacing.

I didn't probe him with any more information. I could only imagine how he was feeling. It was different for me I guess, maybe even a little bit easier. I knew some of my blood related family unfortunately, but he had no idea. My grandfather must have made sure it would remain a secret from everyone.

"Fuck, I can't believe this is happening." He said and continued pacing. His pacing made me feel nervous again.

"Look, I know it's a lot to take in. If you want I can leave…"

"No!" He said instantly, and stopped pacing immediately. "No, don't go." His voice a little calmer then. "I just need a couple minutes, alright? I would like to talk to you if you don't mind. Ask you a few things."

The look on his face made me panic in a way. It was weird seeing big tough Emmett—my big brother— look so lost and emotional. I barely knew the guy, but he looked so deeply affected by what I had told him. Even more deeply affected than I would have expected.

"Yeah it's fine. I'll stay; I just know it's a lot to take in."

He finally sat back down on the chair, looking like he just got back from a long run or some shit. "It is…I just…fuck…you have no idea how long I have been trying to look for them and then you just show up out of nowhere." He shook his head and covered his face with his hands. "Are you sure? This isn't some kind of joke, right?"

"Emmett, I know you don't know me much, but I wouldn't have told you unless I knew for sure. I had my lawyer check it out. There are records of this; they have just been hidden."

"Okay, I believe you." He leaned forward and crossed his hands in front of him. "But why tell me?"

Good question. "Well," I cleared my throat. Now I would have to put myself out there and hope he didn't think I sounded like a loser. "I just found out a few weeks ago. I was pissed off. I was pissed that they didn't tell me. I feel that it was something I should have known, you know? I don't know. Maybe I am just being irrational."

"No. It makes sense. I know how that feels. That feeling like a vital part of your life was kept hidden from you?" It was like he took the words right out of my mouth. I had a hard time putting my feelings into words, but he seemed to hit the nail right on the head. I nodded. "I felt that way for a while. I resented my parents for a while because they wouldn't tell me. I just wanted to know, you know? And they always told me they didn't know where they were. They gave me names, but I could never find them."

"What names did they give you?" I asked curiously.

"Helen and Roger Nicholson."

I shook my head. Of course they would give the adoptive parents the wrong names. Or maybe it was my grandfather. It seemed like he was even more evil than my parents were_. Fuck._

"That's not their names." I said.

"Are you serious?" I nodded my head. He scoffed. "Fucking bullshit. So my parents lied to me?"

"Which ones?" I regretted it right when I said it. I thought it came out a little rude, but he didn't seem mad or anything.

"My adoptive parents."

"Oh, no. No they most definitely didn't lie to you. It was our parents who were the liars." I kind of felt bad that Emmett would have to know how our parents really are.

As he asked me more questions, I began to feel bad. Maybe I shouldn't have told him. He shouldn't have to know the bad they have done, but I comforted myself with the fact that I shouldn't have kept it from him. He had obviously been looking for answers for years.

"Well what are their names?" He asked.

"Elizabeth and Edward Cullen."

"How old are you?"

"I'll be twenty-four in a couple weeks and our sister will be seven." I swallowed back the lump in my throat for even mentioning her. It was strange. I wanted her so much to be there when I told Emmett about or relations. He was her big brother too and she had a right to know and I couldn't wait to tell her; that is if Emmett wanted to get to know us.

"Our sister?" He asked in exasperation. Maybe I was telling him too much at once. The guy looked like he would keel over at any second. I couldn't blame him. "She's seven? That's how old my twins are; I can't believe this." He got up and started pacing again. I waited for him to ask the questions. I didn't want to just throw a bunch of information at him. "You said our father's name is Edward…that must mean they like you a lot, huh?"

There was a tinge of sadness in his voice. I knew how that felt to; to not feel accepted or loved by my birth parents. If he only knew how much they did care for him. If he only knew how much they didn't care for me.

"Not exactly. I think it was more of a feeble attempt at trying to feel a connection to me. We don't have a great relationship…if you could even call it a relationship."

He sat back down. "Look, Edward, I don't mean to pry, and if you don't feel like it, I would understand, but I am having a hard time understanding right now. Can you please just start from the beginning? I would like to know everything you can tell me."

"It's a long story. Maybe we can talk about it more another time. I don't want to overwhelm you."

He shook his head in the middle of my statement. "No. Don't worry about overwhelming me. I have been wanting to know my birth parent's story since as long as I remember. Even if they hate me or whatever the hell their story is; I want to know. It's just something I felt has been missing all this time. I love my parents and I love my life; I don't need them, but I just want to know. It changes nothing."

Those last words stung more than I would have expected. _It changes nothing. _I guess I expected too much. I mean, he did have a brother and sister that he never knew about. I guess that would change things, but maybe not to him. Maybe he didn't mean it that way and I was just overreacting or expecting the worst. I was going on about him being overwhelmed, but I was the one feeling like I would pass out; too many thoughts and options and just everything going on in my mind.

But I could be sympathetic. I was sure what was going through his mind was even more overwhelming, and I could at least explain a few things to him. I knew he could potentially shy away from anything that had to do with the monsters that were our parents—and that meant not wanting to see me or Alice—but at least he could know the truth; something that was kept from me a long time.

"Okay, well I can explain things to you, but could I just go outside to check with my friend? He's waiting in the car."

"Oh yes of course. Shit, I didn't even…hey well look, if he really doesn't want to sit out there, it's cool. Maybe we could just reschedule to another time soon?"

"Sure, but just let me check with him. Home is only about fifteen minutes away so maybe I could just let him go if he wants to. I will just check with him, alright?"

"Okay, thanks so much, Edward. I really appreciate this."

There goes that strange feeling I got. I felt like I was actually doing something right, and it meant even more that I was doing right by Emmett. Even though I barely knew the guy, he was my brother. No matter what, he would always be that, so it felt good that I was doing something for him. I had a lot of time to make up for…that is if he would give me time.

"It's no problem." I said and went outside to Alan.

He didn't look up at me when I walked out. He was on his phone looking very distressed. I began to panic a bit. All I knew was that if Alan somehow needed me, Emmett would have to wait. I was in debt to him more than I was to anyone else, at least I thought so. I knocked on the window and he rolled down the window without even looking at me.

"Yeah, just tell her to tell him that I will have to reschedule…" I tapped him on the shoulder and he finally looked over to me. "Hold on, Kathy." He looked over to me and covered the phone. "Is everything okay?" He asked in concern.

"Yeah, its fine…uh…I told him. He kind of just wants me to explain a few things and it might take a while so I wanted to see what you want to do?"

"What I want to do? This is your decision, Edward."

"No, I know that, but I don't want to make you stay out here. Who knows how long this could take."

"Uh…" He ran his hand through his long hair and looked a bit embarrassed? "Do you think I could head back to the shelter really quick? I shouldn't be long."

"Of course. I will be at least an hour or so I think. Why is something wrong?"

He rolled his eyes. "I had a follow up appointment with the auditor and I completely forgot. Those accountants just seem to slip my mind."

I snorted. Alan never forgot things. He must have had some kind of bad experience with an auditor before or something.

"Well that's fine if you want to go, and if I get done early, I can just call Bell…er…I mean Bev to pick me up." It still hadn't sunk in that Bella was far away from me. I suddenly really wanted her there. I would have loved to walk out of Emmett's home and see her face there, but I couldn't. She needed to be with her parents.

"Okay, are you sure?" I glared at him, silently reminding him that I hated that fucking game. The whole 'are you sure' game pissed me the hell off. If I said something, I meant it; there was no need to ask me to clarify. "Fine, fine…alright well call me or text me when you are ready and I will let you know."

I took my keys out of my hands and handed them to him. "If you fuck up my truck, I will fuck you up. Not kidding."

He saluted me. "Got it."

He got out of the truck to get to the driver's seat and I went back inside. I felt tempted to knock on the door because I felt like I was being rude, but I would probably look super lame if I did. He knew I was coming back. I didn't want to be thought of as lame and a nervous freak or anything, so I just walked back in and went to where I was last with him. He didn't move. He was sitting down in the chair with his elbows on his knees and his hands covering his face in deep thought. As I walked in closer, he looked up at me. I sat where I sat before; right in front of him.

"So uh…" I cleared my throat. "He'll be back to pick me up so…you want me to start from the beginning?"

He nodded. "Yes, please. I mean, all that you know that is. I know you weren't them but…I don't know. You're all I have right now."

"I know." _So are you, _I wanted to say.

It was true in a way. He was all I had left of my blood family that I could actually see and actually attempt to start a relationship with. I couldn't see Alice because my parents took her away from me. Maybe Emmett would be able to help me get her back when he heard the story. My main goal was to get her back. That was always my goal. I needed her back before I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Okay, well do you know why they put me up for adoption?" He asked with emotion in his voice.

That seemed like the thing he really wanted to know. And so it started off like that. I explained to him the whole story with our mother and her relationship with her father. I told him how they never really wanted to give him up, but they were kind of forced to. I noticed that he was starting to get emotional, but when I told him I could stop, he insisted I continue. That was the one thing I hated about telling him the story. They were both painted as these innocent, loving, and sweet parents with no voice in the place where their first born child was to be place. I knew where the story went though, and I hated having to be the one to tell Emmett.

"So yeah, they were pretty broken up about it." I said in conclusion with that section of the story.

He nodded, listening intently. "That's what doesn't make sense to me. You said that you don't have a good relationship with them?"

I shook my head. "That's an understatement."

"That doesn't make any sense! If they loved me so much—someone they pretty much never met—wouldn't you think they would praise you?"

"You would think that, but no." Then I went in to explain to him the relationship between me and my parents or lack thereof. He looked disgusted with some of the things I told him and he told me it was because he had children of his own—obviously—and he could never imagine treating them the way my parents treated me. I knew what he meant; I didn't have any children of my own, but I had Alice. That was enough for me.

I told him of some of the things they had done to me. A brief description on what my life was like growing up, and then the topic of Alice arose and that was something harder than I thought it would be to explain. He knew that I had custody of Alice at one point. He said he remembered me mentioning her when we met at the bar, so he picked that up right away. So then I needed to get into how I got custody of Alice and that story was never fully told without mentioning the fact that my own father stabbed me in the back multiple times.

He got angry.

"He really did that to you?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. He thought I was going to take Alice away from him, and he was right."

He got up from the chair for the first time and started pacing again. "You are acting so nonchalant about it. Your own father stabbed you; that doesn't bother you?"

Now that was a stupid question. "What the fuck?" I asked rhetorically and instantly regretted swearing at him in his own home. That was fucking rude. "Of course it bothers me, but that's in the past and such a minor kind of pain than all of the other shit I had to deal with."

"He went to jail for that didn't he?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Him and Elizabeth did, and I got custody of Alice the day after, when I turned eighteen."

"Well that's…that's very mature and brave of you, Edward." He said sincerely, speaking of me as if I were some kind of wonder. I didn't feel that special.

"I did what I had to do to protect my sister. That was it." It truly was as simple as that.

"I know, but I respect you for that, man. I was a mindless fool when I was eighteen."

That was how it was supposed to be. At eighteen, boys are usually reckless and carefree and still have a successful life. They were supposed to have a childhood. I didn't have one. I envied the fact that Emmett truly did get a great life just by being away from them. It got me thinking about Alice again. Her life was pretty good with me I thought, but now she was with them. I didn't want her to end up like me. I felt like I would throw up, but I held it back to finish things up with Emmett. I glanced over at the clock and saw we had been talking for a little over an hour. _Damn._

I shrugged. "I don't know. I don't feel like a huge hero. I just had to do it."

He nodded. "I get what you mean I guess but you should feel proud."

I shrugged and ran my hand through my hair feeling a bit uncomfortable. He seemed to notice that and moved on. I hoped that he didn't.

"So you still have Alice right?" He asked. He said it like it was just something to say in passing, like he knew the answer already, but the answer he was looking for was 'yes' because it made sense. Too bad my life didn't make sense most of the time.

"No. I don't." I said weakly. I tried to say it louder. I tried to say it without my voice cracking, but it was impossible. I hated saying it out loud.

There was silence in the room. Emmett looked at me with a dumbfounded expression on his face. He looked a bit uncomfortable…maybe embarrassed for asking the questions when the answer was one I would rather not speak about. It must have shown on my face or the sound of my voice. He kept opening his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I felt bad I was also making him uncomfortable, but I couldn't just lie. That was the truth. My sister was taken away from me. The sister I raised and love so much. There's no sugarcoating that shit.

"Do you mind if…if I ask why?" He asked nervously.

"I don't mind." A part of me did, but I would have to get over it. I didn't want him feeling sorry for me. I could worry about myself. "She was actually taken from me that night at your bar, when I fought that fu…guy."

"What?" He asked incredulously. "All because you got in some fight at the bar?"

I sighed. "Yes and no. I had other offenses, but they weren't my fault, I…" I stopped and took a deep breath. "I don't want you think I am making excuses; I know I'm not perfect, but I don't deserve to have her taken from me. I have this disorder called IED…have you heard of it?"

He mouth opened up in shock. "Yeah I have. My father is a doctor; he deals with those cases frequently."

I suddenly became very grateful to Emmett's father for being a doctor and sharing his knowledge with his son. I really didn't want to explain the mechanics of the whole thing. "Well yeah, I had an episode that night and many nights previous that involved the cops. I guess that night was their last straw and they took her from me."

"Where is she now?"

I laughed. I didn't know why, but I did. Probably because when I told him, he would have the same reaction that any other sane person would have. "Our parents have her."

"What?" He asked in shock. "How did that even happen? That is ridiculous!"

"They have had therapy, they take pills, they are 'normal' now…" And then I went to explain to him the whole process; how they were in jail, how they spent time in a mental institute, how they were all better now. I told him about our father also having IED. I told him about my scarce meetings with Alice. I told him about the fact that Alice wanted to live with me. I told him everything…just everything.

And it felt so fucking good.

Not only did he listen, he also looked like he cared. He said sorry to me a million times when he didn't have to. He agreed with me, he sided with me…he was on my side. Even after I told him all sides, he still thought Alice should have been with me or at least away from them. And then he said something that I would never forget. It was so simple, yet so powerful to me.

"I want to help you." He said.

I was stunned into silence for a while and I looked at my brother…really looked at him. He was being sincere. He really wanted to help me. I didn't know why, he barely knew me, but he did. He wanted to help me and I just couldn't believe it.

"That's not why I came here Emmett…" I said just to clarify.

"I know you didn't, but I want to help you. I mean after all, we are brothers aren't we?"

I smiled. "Yeah I guess we are."

He laughed. "You guess?" I shrugged and at the sound of a doorbell rang throughout the house. Emmett looked confused and then looked down at the watch on his wrist. "Shit! That's my kid."

He got up from the chair and started jogging toward the door. I started to get even more nervous. _His kid! My niece or nephew_. Shit why did that make me so nervous? Would he want me to be a part of their life as an uncle? Did I want to? Could I? It was all just too much as usual.

I heard the joyous outcry of 'daddy' and the laughing of my brother and his child. I heard another woman's voice. Could it have been Emmett's wife? I didn't think I could deal with that. I needed Bella with me when—or if—I met the whole gang. I couldn't do it on my own. I didn't know what the right thing would have been to do. I took out my phone and texted Alan to let him know I was ready. I didn't want to impose on his time with his kid.

Emmett talked with the woman at the door for a couple of minutes. It sounded like she was chastising him since he didn't answer his phone and she didn't know if he was home. He apologized and kept telling her she was the best nanny ever. Oh. So it was just the nanny. I wondered what his wife was like…she must be working if the kids had a nanny.

Alan texted me and said he was ten minutes away. He had already started to come back to get me…that's strange. I would ask him about it later.

Emmett walked back into the room, but this time he wasn't alone. He had a little girl in his arms. I didn't get a good look at her face at first since she had her head resting on her father's shoulder and her thumb in her mouth. Alice went through that faze. She lifted her head when she heard me get up and looked at me curiously.

She was beautiful to put it simply. She had a perfectly round and pale face with a bit of pink on her cheeks. Her hair was a really light blonde and curly hanging over her shoulders. She had a pair of big blue eyes. She didn't really look too much like Emmett. I think maybe she had his lips but that was about all I could see.

"Look, Edward, I'm sorry I just completely lost track of time." The little girl took her eyes away from me and looked at her father as he spoke. She was rather calm for a two or three year old—she looked to be about that age at least. "It's already two and my kids get out of school soon. She just got out of daycare." He said patting the back of his daughter. She placed her head back on his shoulder.

"No, it's alright, I don't mind…er…she's beautiful."

A huge smile spread across his face and he bounced her a bit causing her to giggle softly. "I know she is. Thank you."

She lifted her head again and this time without her thumb in her mouth. She was so cute. "Who you?" She asked with a finger pointed at me.

I never felt so intimidated in my life. Who was I to her? What do I say?

Emmett started laughing. "Honey! Don't say it so rudely!" He said, still laughing. He looked over at me. "Sorry. She gets her forwardness from her mother. She's a strict one."

I chuckled. "It's alright."

"Daddy who is dat man?" She asked again. She looked like she was getting frustrated and wanted to know the answer and fast.

Emmett smiled at her and kissed her head. "Stella, my pretty girl, this…" He walked closer to me and pointed my way. "Is your Uncle Edward."

I stopped breathing and she looked at me skeptically. "Unca Ewar?"

I probably would have laughed at her cute attempt at saying my name if I wasn't freaking the fuck out. I mean I knew technically I was her uncle, but what the hell does an uncle do? I didn't know how to do that shit. The only child I ever had interaction with was Alice and then Claire but I was just a friend…but an uncle? Being someone's brother I knew how to do, but someone's uncle? Not just someone! Three kids! Three kids that would now rely on me to be their uncle. _Fuck I need to talk to Bella_. She would know what an uncle does.

"Well yes, sweetheart. That is," He looked away from his daughter to look at me. "If he wants to be."

I looked from Stella to Emmett and back again before I got up the courage to nod. "Yeah…yeah I want to be." I said before really thinking about it. It was what I wanted to say. I wanted to be her uncle despite the fact that it scared the shit out of me. I saw Emmett asking me if I was willing to be his daughter's uncle as a way of asking me if I was willing to be a part of his and his family's life.

"High five, Unca Eward." Stella said with her little hand up waiting for me to comply.

I chuckled and hit her hand gently and she giggled and clapped her hands making me feel like I must have been doing something right if I could make her laugh.

"Don't mind her," Emmett started, looking at his little girl as if she was the most interesting person in the world. "She is a high five freak."

"You a fweak!" She said to Emmett and poked his cheek.

We both laughed. "I don't mind." I said.

"Well it drives her brother and sister crazy." Emmett said.

"Daddy can I go pway?" Stella asked.

"Of course, sweetie." He kissed her cheek and placed her on the floor. She started to dash away, but he called her back and she stopped dead in her tracks looking back at him. "Say bye to your Uncle. Don't be rude."

She didn't bat a lash and she ran right for me. She attacked my legs and held them tightly for a second. I was so caught off guard and completely touched. "Bye, Unca Ewar."

"Goodbye, Stella." I said and patted her little head awkwardly. She seemed to warm up to me quickly which I was so happy about but not exactly prepared for.

She ran off again and I heard my truck outside. "Well I guess I should be going." I said.

He nodded and stuck his hand out to me for a shake. I stared down at it and stuck my hands in my pockets nervously. Still had a little trouble with the whole shaking hands thing even though I knew it was ridiculous. Emmett seemed to get the point.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

I nodded. "I'm just a little…I don't really know." I ran my hand through my hair. "I kind of freak out when people touch my hands."

He had a look of pity on his face, but otherwise didn't probe me for details. He just accepted it.

He patted my shoulder instead in a manly fashion. "Don't be a stranger, alright?"

"I won't."

"And thank you. Thanks for telling me all of this. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders."

I nodded, heading to the door. "It was no problem."

"And I will see what I can do about Alice, alright? I can see how it is killing you."

_Slowly and painfully, yes. _

"Thank you. It really means a lot." I opened the door and he spoke again.

"Maybe you and Bella could come over for dinner soon. Just give me some time to talk to my wife. She'll be in for a surprise when she gets home." He said with a small chuckle.

I smiled. "I'll give you a call." I already had his number via Bella and he knew that.

He nodded. "See you later, Edward."

"Bye." I said and went to the truck.

Alan was about to get out of the car but I waved him back inside. I couldn't drive if I wanted to. I got into the passenger's seat and took a deep breath.

"Just drive." I said.

He did as I told him and kept quiet for a second. I took deep breaths and rubbed my sweating hands on my pants. _Holy fuck that really just happened._ I pretty much left that house with more than I had when I walked in. I had a brother, nieces, and a nephew…I had so much I thought I would never have. _Holy fuck._

"Are you okay, Edward?" Alan asked.

I laughed. I mean I really laughed. "I have no fucking idea."

"Well when you get yourself together, you might want to think about calling Bella. She called me at least ten times and she is getting anxious."

"Alan," I took my phone out of my pocket and started to dial Bella's number. "This shit is so fucking ridiculous and crazy…I can't believe that just happened."

"You sound like you're going crazy, man." Alan said warily.

"Maybe I am, but fuck it. I just officially met my brother and my niece."

"Niece? I didn't know he had a kid…"

"He has three and I'm related to them all. He seemed to have liked me…he wants to help me." I was marveling at my own words. I felt like I was on cloud nine. I didn't expect to be that happy, but I was. I had more family. A great brother, and adorable niece, and so much more.

I called Bella's phone and she answered on the first ring.

"_Edward? Are you okay, how did it go?" _She sounded worried and started to shoot off questions before I could comprehend them.

"Bella. I fucking love you so much." I said.

"_Okay, but what happened?" _She asked anxiously. I was driving her crazy and I knew it.

"Wow, I feel really loved right now, wifey."

She groaned. "_Ugh! You already know I love you, dude, so can you just cut the fluff and tell me what happened?"_

I laughed. "Alright, alright, but can I just say one more thing?"

She huffed. "_Make it quick, Edward_."

She made me so happy. I already missed her. "Thank you." I said.

"_For what, exactly? Yelling at you in my frustration?" _

I chuckled. "No you crazy chick. Thank you for making me do that. I will owe you forever for it."

* * *

_**~A week and a half later…Saturday morning~**_

**BPOV**

"Are you really waiting by the window for him?" My mom asked out of nowhere. She must have just gotten out of bed.

"Shut up." I grumbled and she laughed. It wasn't my fault. I hadn't seen him in what felt like forever.

"Oh young love…it's really cute."

"Mom, stop it! I just miss him, is that so bad?"

It was nice spending so much time with my parents, but it was really time get home. I had been going crazy with my mom's sometimes inappropriate comments and my father's subtle shots at Edward. I know they both did it jokingly just to push my buttons, but they got me every time. I was protective of him and our relationship what could I say?

She chuckled and sat down beside me on the couch. She leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "No, honey…it's not bad at all. It's sweet."

"You mean to tell me you don't miss dad when he goes away for work or something?"

"Oh of course I do. I miss him like crazy."

I rolled my eyes. "You're as bad as me then."

"I know, I'm just joking with you, honey."

I shook my head and looked back outside. I looked at my phone. He should be close. I really couldn't wait to see him. I remember thinking that I would be fine and that I wouldn't be going crazy missing him since it was only a little over a week—I had been away from him longer-, but I was completely wrong. Whenever I wasn't doing something, all I could do was think about him and what he was doing and how much I wanted to hold him and kiss him and feel his arms around me. It was crazy, really. I felt like a love sick freak show and Edward would be shaking his head at me if he knew how much I missed him.

Although he did tell me he missed me at various points throughout each day whether it was through a phone call or a sweet and simple text message. I guess we both had it pretty bad.

Another thing that had me anxious was our plans for the evening. We were going to dinner at his brother's house with his whole family. Edward had been talking to Emmett every day on the phone and he kept me up to date with everything. I guess Emmett's wife—Rosalie was her name—was a bit wary about the whole thing at first which I guess I could understand. Her biggest struggle was bringing in someone to her children's lives and not really knowing how they were. Edward didn't get mad and neither did I. It was understandable, but she did get over it and asked Emmett to ask us over for dinner and we of course agreed.

Along with Rosalie, Emmett's children would also be there. There was Stella who was two, and the twins, Zachariah and Zoe who were both seven. I remembered when I called Edward the day he met with Emmett and I asked him what the kid's names were and he only knew one of them. He started beating himself up and swearing about what a horrible uncle he was and he hung up with me to call Emmett for the names. He was such a paranoid person sometimes.

"Oh! It's the magazine!" My mom burst out suddenly and grabbed the magazine I had in my hands away from me. I gasped and scrambled to get it back. That was NOT something I really wanted my mother to see. I grabbed it back from her and held it to my chest. "Whoa…what was that about?"

"Nothing." I said, obviously blushing. "Why did you want this magazine?"

"I didn't want it, exactly. I just recognized it."

"From what?"

She laughed. "Edward stole it from the hospital waiting room."

"What?" I wasn't aware of that fact.

She chuckled. "Yes it was rather funny actually. He got caught by this little old lady who must have been a custodian or something and she tried to get it back from him, but he wouldn't budge. He even went to the gift store and bought a new one to replace it while cursing the whole time. I thought it was rather hilarious but he didn't think so and he gave me a lot of dirty looks."

I smiled. "Yeah that sounds like Edward."

"He's really funny." I nodded in agreement. I missed his corny jokes and our teasing. Wow I sounded like a pathetic and lost little puppy. I needed help. Actually, I just needed Edward and then I would be back to normal. "So why did he give the magazine to you?"

I sighed. I couldn't just no tell her. I didn't want to completely hide it because it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. I flipped through the pages to find a good example to show her. Once I found one, I held it out to her. "This is why." I said.

She read it over and then looked up at me with a huge smile on her face. "Aww! Sweetie that is so cute!"

I smiled and almost started crying. I was PMSing too, so don't judge me. I looked down at the magazine and really wanted to cry. Well I did. My mom dried my tears and looked like she would also cry. She knew about everything that had been going on. I told her about Alice, the whole Emmett situation, and the fights I've had with Edward. Thankfully she listened and didn't judge Edward too harshly. She said she would never judge a couple by the amount of fights they had because all couples fought, it was just what they got out of it afterwards that counts. She knew I got upset over it, but she assured me everything would be okay.

So she knew how much that magazine meant to me. I mean, Edward was not a romantic guy by a long shot and I was more than okay with that. So yeah, I know he's not romantic, but I didn't know of many guys who would take a sharpie, steal a magazine from a hospital waiting room, and write down the ways I was better than the women in the magazine. For example, on a picture of Angelina Jolie, he wrote 'your lips are better than hers.' And on a picture of Jessica Alba, he wrote 'she looks like shit next to you.' He wrote continuous sweet things in there until he commented on how much better I was than any person in that magazine and I was so completely touched.

Of course he had to add his own Edward spin in there. All of the guys in the magazine were either rocking a mustache or black eyes when Edward got a hold of them…except for Tom Cruise of course; on his picture he wrote 'he's a cool dude.' That made me laugh and the rest just made me cry. I knew it was corny, and when I called Edward the first time I saw it crying, he told me to stop and told me he even thought it was corny, but I fucking loved it for so many reasons. The main reason however was that he was making an effort. He knew he had been treating me badly for a while, and he was slowly trying to make it up to me even when he wasn't geographically next to me.

I just loved him a lot.

"Do you want to know the first thing I thought of when you introduced me to Edward?" My mom asked suddenly.

"Yeah sure."

"Promise you won't get mad?"

I hugged the magazine to my chest and looked outside. _Why wasn't he here yet? _"No I won't." I knew she liked him now so any other thoughts hopefully wouldn't mean anything.

She sighed. "Well, I remember my first thought being 'this is never going to last.'"

I looked up at her in surprise. _Wow._ I wasn't expecting that at all. I thought it would be the normal ones…_wow he's weird or why is his hair so crazy?_ Hearing her say she doubted me and Edward would last sounded like crazy talk. It sounded like something impossible.

"Really?" I asked.

She nodded. "I swear. I don't know. He just didn't seem like your type. All of the other boys you brought home were so outgoing and would be all touchy feely with you…you know, always kissing you or grabbing your hand or wrapping their arms around you and Edward isn't like that." I couldn't help but smile. She was right; he wasn't like that at all, and I loved it. "He was quiet, softly spoken, and pretty shy…he kind of looked like he was scared to death."

I chuckled. "He probably was. He is a paranoid person…he over-thinks things to the point of distraction. It's funny sometimes, but other times I just want to shake him."

She laughed. "Well, I'm sorry to say this, but there will be days like that. There are days when I can't stand your father, but I always love him."

"Yeah. I remember you and dad fighting every once in a while."

"And that's okay. Fighting is healthy. The way I look at it is, you both have to care a whole lot if you resort to fighting about it…it's actually a bit brave if you ask me." Oh there she goes with her crazy theories. Sometimes her theories were completely out there and ridiculous but some of them were dead on. I was interested to see what she meant by fighting with your boyfriend as being brave.

"How do you figure?"

"Well, think about it this way; is it really hard to love him? Is it really hard to just give him what he wants?" I shook my head. "Exactly; so turn that around. Is it easy to fight with him? Is it easy to tell him no or to tell him he is wrong about something?" I shook my head again. "Exactly. It's hard to call the one you love out on something, but it's brave to do so because you put yourself out there, but most of the time you just do it to protect them, you know? You will fight whatever it is that will harm his or your life whether it's something big or small."

I looked at her skeptically. "When did you get super smart?" She gasped and slapped me on my arm.

"Bella! You're mean!"

I laughed. "I'm sorry, mom. I am just used to you telling me that I can boil pasta in orange juice if I wanted to." Yeah. That really happened. A very long story.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just bring that up." She said with her arms crossed and looking away from me stubbornly. I flicked her nose and we both started laughing. Yeah, I would miss my parents too_. Why can't they just move closer? _

"Uh…I don't want to interrupt the chick fest…" A wary yet sexy voice said from the entrance of the living room.

At the sound of his voice, I got up from the couch as fast as I could and ran for him before I could even really get a good look at him. A girly squeal escaped my lips and my heart started beating faster and healthier. _Fuck I missed him. _

"Edward!" I jumped on him and our sweet little reunion was completely not so cute after Edward lost his footing and we both started falling to the ground. Oh but we didn't just fall; Edward's head hit the hardwood floor a little too hard for my liking and apparently his as well because of the grimace on his face and the swears coming out of his mouth. "Oh baby I'm so sorry!" I said in a panic and got up so I was straddling his stomach. I reached for his head but he swatted me away.

"Are you both okay?" My mom asked, but instead of panicking like I was, she looked like she was trying to hold in a laugh. _How can she be laughing when I just knocked my boyfriend down to the ground and he hit his head? What if he had a concussion?_

"Mom this isn't funny!" I said and looked back down at Edward who had his arm over his head. I looked over to the side and saw my dad jogging down the stairs with his pajamas on. He looked at me and Edward on the ground and he looked tired and confused with the right side of his hair sticking up.

"Do I even want to know what's going on right now?" He asked.

"Dad go get some ice!" I shouted and he hesitated a moment before grumbling on his way to the kitchen.

Then I heard that laugh that I missed so much and didn't sound the same over the phone. I looked down at Edward and instead of swearing or yelling at me for being responsible for his head slamming against the floor, he was laughing. He was laughing and it helped my nerves just a little bit.

"Edward this isn't funny! Your head!" He just kept laughing and didn't even listen to me. I looked at my mom and she was in the same position. "You guys are jerks."

"I'm sorry but you two are a mess." My mom said.

I started to get up but Edward pulled me down toward him so my face was right in front of his. "Well hello there." He said.

I sighed and lightly ran my hand through his hair. "Are you really okay?"

"No I'm going to die." He said seriously.

"Don't make me punch you in the head as well." I warned him and he chuckled. "Don't joke about shit like that."

My mom walked past us and into the kitchen giving us a couple of minutes. "Ugh…" He said overdramatically and I was ready for an Edward show. "I think only one thing can save me from my impending doom."

I smiled at his silliness and kissed his chin. "Oh yeah, and what would that be?"

"A certain someone named Bella Swan would have to accept my proposal for marriage."

I snorted. "Good try."

He pouted. "That's not very nice." I shrugged. "So is that a no?"

"That's a no. Sorry, dude." I guess someone could have called me a stupid bitch for saying that, but I knew better. He was just kidding around.

"Well this sucks."

"Hmm, well I can give you a kiss if you wanted. Would that help?"

He smirked and ran his hand through my hair. "Immensely."

Well how could I pass up an opportunity like that? I leaned my head down and pressed my lips to his. I hadn't felt as good as I did then when he was kissing me like that after all this time. The feel of his lips moving with mine and the taste of his tongue on mine made me go crazy with desire for him. If we weren't sprawled out on my parent's floor and he didn't have a head injury, I would have made sure I got to kiss him as long as we both could take it and even more. I wanted him.

"We are coming in there in two minutes! Make yourselves presentable to the parents!" My mom called from the kitchen. Edward laughed and I groaned. I rested my forehead against his and didn't want to move from my spot. He had his hands rubbing up and down my side and I just wanted to cuddle up with him all day long.

"Take me home? Please?" I whimpered.

He laughed and lifted his head to kiss my forehead. "I will, hermosa. But first, I have a head injury I am sure you mother will insist on treating."

"Yes and I insist on it to." I said and got up off of him. I reached for his hand to help him up. He got up and rubbed the back of his head with a wince. _Great. _Just what I needed, an injured Edward could quickly turn into a grumpy Edward. I wouldn't give him time to be grumpy though. I pulled him up from the ground and his arms were around me in no time and my feet were off the ground in the next second. I wrapped my arms around him without hesitation and was careful not to touch the back of his head.

"I missed you, beautiful." He whispered in my ear before placing a kiss on it.

"I missed you more."

"Well that is completely untrue considering the fact that the first two seconds I walked in the door you injured me. Couldn't have missed me that much."

I groaned. "Shut the hell up."

"Oh and let's not forget your rejection of my marriage proposal."

"I hate you." I said and squirmed out of his arms.

"Well joke's on you because it's national opposite day."

I smirked. The things this guy came up with. "Well then in that case I love you more than anything." I loved joking around with him every day. I didn't realize how much I depended on it to brighten up my day until I didn't get it every day.

He chuckled. "And I hate your guts and never want to see you again. Oh and you look terrible."

I never thought someone saying those words to me would make me smile, but anything was possible with Edward around I guess. Now let's just see if we could get through the dinner we had impending upon us.

This dinner was huge. This dinner meant a lot to Edward and it probably wouldn't be easy, but I was anxious. I wanted to see what Edward's new family was like. He told me a part of him was excited to, but the other part was scared shitless. He was afraid Emmett's wife and children might not like him.

My parents came in the room and my mom had a bag with ice for Edward's head and my dad was yawning and scratching the back of his head looking unimpressed.

"How are you feeling, Charlie?" Edward asked in concern as he held the bag of ice to his head. I made him sit down on the couch and I leaned into his side.

"I'm doing well. Just a little tired from everything." Edward nodded in understanding. "I'm looking in better shape than you are right now though." Edward chuckled at that.

"Yeah…Bella keeps me in line."

"Oh please, you act like I meant to hurt you. It's your fault you can't keep your balance."

"Well who just tackles someone?"

"I was giving you a hug!"

"Hugs aren't supposed to end in head injuries, Bella."

"Edward Cullen I swear to…"

"Alright, enough you two." My dad said. "I just woke up." My dad grumbled and fell back on the other couch with my mom who curled up to his side.

I looked over to Edward. "I win." I whispered.

He rolled his eyes. "Opposite day."

Oh he knew how to push my buttons but he was so completely charming and wonderful and fuck I loved him. How could anyone not love him? Everything should be fine when we go to Emmett's house for dinner.

Or so I thought.

* * *

_When the rain_  
_Is blowing in your face_  
_And the whole world_  
_Is on your case_  
_I could offer you_  
_A warm embrace_  
_To make you feel my love_  
_When the evening shadows_  
_And the stars appear_  
_And there is no one there_  
_To dry your tears_  
_I could hold you_  
_For a million years_  
_To make you feel my love._

_**Make You Feel My Love, by Adele**_

* * *

**Alright I have to be quick because I snuck away from a birthday party to update this for you all so I hope you like it and I hope you review! **

**Shout out to Alexa because she deserves a shout out and more for all she does for me…maybe a certain banjo player she should get…lol**

**Ah got to go! I really hope you all liked it, and what do you think Emmett will bring to the table? Hmm…**

**Thanks! Please review! **


	48. Chapter 47: My Best

**Chapter 47: My Best**

**BPOV**

Note to self; _don't ever trust your boyfriend to keep the house clean when you are gone._

I really had to learn that the hard way.

When I walked into our little apartment, I was so happy to be home, but then I got a little stressed out when I walked into the kitchen and saw the sink filled with dishes, a bag of chips open and getting stale on the counter, and the various drinks scattered around. You would think I wouldn't have to remind him to clean since he was perfectly capable of doing it, but I did.

When we got inside, all he wanted to do was take me to the bedroom because we had a lot of time to make up for, but I was having none of that. I made him clean the kitchen while I did the dishes, and then once we finished with that, I had no problem adhering to his requests. And between the cleaning and the sex, we really wore ourselves out. We took a shower together, ate a quick sandwich, and then both took a much needed nap before our dinner plans.

I woke up before Edward did, like usual. He could sleep for the rest of the night if I let him. He was always catching up on sleep since he had such a stupid schedule and he pretty much slept when he had the time. I climbed out of the bed, leaving him alone hugging a pillow to his chest and drooling on the pillow he was laying on. I gave him a kiss on the forehead before I left the room. I went straight to the living room and laid down on the couch. I missed that couch.

I reached over for the remote control and tried to find something on TV that would keep me distracted for a while. As I passed one of the news channel, the time at the bottom reminded me that we had only an hour and a half before we would have to go see Emmett and his family. It was scary. I was freaking out and I couldn't even imagine how Edward was feeling about it. Although maybe he was less nervous because he had already spoken with Emmett and had already met one of his children.

_Nah…who am I kidding? This is Edward. He is probably going to be just as nervous as I am. _

There was nothing on TV of course and I was already thinking about waking Edward up. I sat up on the couch and picked up one of the magazines off of the coffee table. The one I picked up looked like something had spilled on it. I rolled my eyes. That guy was a mess.

I got through the whole magazine before I heard Edward moving around in our room. His feet were shuffling on the floor because he was too lazy to pick up his feet when he just woke up. It was weird I knew things like that.

I heard him walking down the hallway, and I just waited for him because he would most likely come and sit on the couch with me.

He walked around the couch and in front of me so he was completely blocking my view of the TV. Instead of looking at the TV I was then looking at his bare chest and the waist line of his sweats. I wasn't complaining, that was for sure. But then he did something I wasn't expecting. He turned to his side, and slid his way over to me, and when I say to me, I mean on me.

"Edward what are you doing?" I asked in a strained voice.

The guy wasn't light. He was a six foot three man for goodness sake, and that sitting on my one hundred twenty pound, five foot four frame, was not very cool.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and rested his cheek atop my head. "I'm tired."

I wrapped my arms around his middle the best I could and tried not to act like my legs were falling asleep from his added weight.

"Then why aren't you sleeping?" It seemed like a logical question.

He lifted his head and yawned. I smiled at the indentations on the side of his face from the pillow and the way his hair was all mashed up on that side.

"Because I woke up, and then you weren't there and I was like 'What the fuck? Where did she go?' and then I couldn't go back to sleep until I knew where you were so I blame you. Good job, chick. You have deprived me of sleep."

I rolled my eyes. "So you sit on me as punishment?"

"You think this is punishment? What the fuck? You sit on me all the time."

"Yeah but I'm lighter than you…you're pretty heavy, dude."

"Stop being such a chick and hold me, woman."

I laughed and tightened my hold around him. Yeah I couldn't feel my legs, but who needed them? I had a rather good looking and needy man on my lap, so how could I turn him away? Oh that's right, I couldn't. Well I could have, I just secretly didn't want to.

"You're nice and warm." I said and snuggled close to his bare skin.

He started moving his ass on my legs so he was shaking in my lap_. Fucker._ "That's because you get me all hot, baby!" He said obnoxiously and I just laughed at him.

"Stop it…my legs."

He sighed in exasperation and got up from my lap. _Yup. Couldn't feel my legs_. He squished in on my side between me and the arm of the couch. Then he pulled me onto his lap and our positions were effectively reversed. I liked that way better even though my legs were full of pins and needles.

"Ow! My legs!" He said in a girly voice and I pinched his stomach. "Ow, my stomach." He said in his own sexy yet somewhat angry voice.

"Good. That's what you get for making fun of me." I said. I rested my head on his chest and held his hand. "Now this is better."

He snorted. "Yeah. For you."

"Shut up." I kissed his cheek. "So are you ready for tonight?"

He shrugged. "I don't exactly have a choice, do I?"

"Well sure you do. You have a right to be nervous, even though everything will be fine, baby."

He smiled and kissed my chin. "I know I will if you're there."

I smiled and gave him a kiss. "I'll be there the whole time and you will probably get sick of me."

"You're right. I probably will." He said with a yawn.

He had bags under his eyes and it always got me a little panicky when he was tired. He had lunch though so I thought he was okay. At least he was ok enough for me to slap him for that comment, making him chuckle.

He grabbed the hand I slapped him with and kissed my palm. "No but really, I am kind of freaking out. I really don't want to go."

"Why not?" I mean I expected him to be nervous obviously, but not going?

"I don't know."

"Well hey, what about this. If it gets too much for you, we can create a signal or something…something that either one of us can do when we feel stuck in a situation and then the other can go help out."

I didn't really think we would need it; we were only going to someone's house for dinner, but I knew it was way more than that to Edward and he was obviously freaking out.

He looked at me skeptically. "Okay…like what?"

"Hmm…" Yeah hadn't really thought it through. Thankfully I was really resourceful. "Well, if we are sitting next to each other, you can just take your hand," I lifted his hand and put it on my thigh. "And squeeze three times." He smiled and ran his hand along my thigh after I let his hand go. "And if we're not next to each other, just try and get my attention and just kind of pull on your ear." I said while pulling on his gently. "Problem solved."

"Thank you." He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my chest.

I sighed because I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what and I didn't know how to help him. I played with his hair with one hand and ran my other along his bare back.

"Talk to me, baby. What's wrong?"

"It just feels wrong." He mumbled sadly.

"Going to your brother's house for dinner?"

He shrugged. "Not exactly."

"Then what do you mean?"

"It feels wrong going without her. She should be here."

My heart broke and I didn't even have to ask who he meant. The name wasn't needed.

And no words were needed. Nothing I could say would have eased his mind because the fact still remained that Alice wasn't with us, and there was no way we could have brought her with us. Even though I knew I didn't have to say anything, I did anyway. I couldn't just let that eat him up all night. I wanted him to at least enjoy himself.

"She'll get to meet him, baby."

He sighed. "I need to get ready."

He gently pushed me off his lap and walked slowly out of the room. He didn't look mad. He didn't seem aggravated with me, he just seemed defeated. And when he was defeated, so was I.

I couldn't be though. I had to be the optimistic and think that he would at least have a good time, because he was allowed to.

Yes it sucked that Alice wouldn't be there, but there was literally nothing we could do to get her there. Edward knew that, so I would give him time to sort through it and then I would do whatever I could after that.

What exactly that was…I wasn't too sure.

"Are you sure I won't look like a douche wearing this?" Edward asked for probably the tenth time since we left the house.

He was over thinking everything once again because he is Edward and I was just there to reassure him every five minutes. He looked fine. He looked like himself. He was wearing a pair of jeans, a red shirt, and a new pair of black Vans that Bev bought him in Florida.

"Edward, you look fine." I said in exasperation.

He thought that he had to dress up or something. When he first came out, he was wearing black pants and a blue button up shirt. And while he looked very handsome in it and I would try my best to find an occasion where he would have to wear it for my own pleasure, it definitely wasn't needed for this dinner. I told him he should just be himself and not anyone else. And the Edward I knew would never wear black pants and button ups willingly. So at the end he had agreed with me and went to change.

"I'm sorry. I just don't like driving in silence especially considering where we are going." Edward sighed.

"Hmm…" I tried thinking of something we could talk about, and I just came up with the most random thing I could think of.

"Where would you want to get married?" I asked him. T

hat was actually perfect. When it came to talking about a wedding between the two of us, Edward was very interested. I glanced over at him and the big smile on his face was a dead giveaway that I was right.

"Are you trying to say something here, beautiful?"

I chuckled. "What do you mean? This is all hypothetical of course."

"Right, right. Hypothetical. Well let me think about this…" He tapped his chin with one hand and the other held the steering wheel as he drove down the highway. There was something about him driving that…gah. It drove me crazy. Plus he was wearing a pair of sunglasses, and while it sucked I couldn't see his eyes, he looked sexy. Plus he had that wonderful beanie on. I looked at the clock. _Fuck. No time for a pit stop_.

"I don't really know." He said thoughtfully.

"Really? I thought you would have already had an idea at least."

He shrugged. "Nah…it doesn't really matter where. All I know is that I don't want a big wedding at all. I would rather beat myself in the face with a hockey stick."

"Jeez Edward, that's a bit violent."

"It's the truth."

I laughed at the seriousness in his voice. There was just no one like him.

"I don't know. I just think if we were getting married, I wouldn't want a lot of people there because then I will just be freaking the fuck out and then I would probably throw up all over you and then you will hate me and then want a divorce before we even got married and then…"

"Alright!" It seemed like this was something he thought a lot about. If I didn't stop him, who knows how long he would have gone on. "I get the point. No big weddings."

"Right. Actually, you know, now that I think about it…I want to get married at the beach."

"Really?" Yeah I wasn't expecting that one.

"Fuck yes. It will be nice for pictures, you can't fit a lot of people in certain areas, and then we can jump into the ocean afterwards."

"Excuse me? I am not jumping in the ocean after our wedding."

"And why not? Too scared?"

"Fuck no. I just don't think jumping in the ocean with a white dress on would be a very good idea…unless you want people to see stuff that only you're supposed to see." I said, confident with me justification.

He was right. I was scared. I didn't want to just jump in the ocean! The water and I were never really great friends. Even as a little kid, I would opt for putting my feet in rather than going inside and playing with the other kids.

"You missed the part where we would be alone, so in that case, that's all the more reason to do it." He pointed out a-matter-of-factly_. Bastard._

"Perv." I mumbled and looked out the window.

"Bella, are you really scared of the ocean?" He asked in surprise.

"Not scared particularly…maybe just slightly frightened. Slightly." I knew this would open up a window for him to make fun of me, but there was no use lying. If we were going to be together for the rest of our lives like we planned, the truth would come out eventually.

"No shit." He didn't say it in a way to make me feel stupid; he just sounded disbelieving. "Babe, it's not really a big deal." He said simply.

I sighed. "I know, I just…I don't know. I've never been much of a fan."

"Can you swim at least?" He asked.

"I don't think so."

He started laughing, but again, it wasn't in a way that belittled me. He was just really surprised. "You know, I'm a fucking amazing swimmer. I actually joined the swim team in high school."

"What? Really?"

Well I guess you really did learn something new every day. Learning that Edward used to be on the swim team was not good for me though. Didn't swimmers wear small little shorts? I could just imagine him standing on the edge of the pool wearing practically nothing and some goggles getting ready to dive in. And then when he swam with his back muscles contracting…_holy fuck._

"Yeah, I mean my dad made me drop out, but I at least did one competition. I got the gold." He said with a proud smile.

I tried not to let the little fact about his father get to me, and I tried to act like he didn't even say it. I think that was what he wanted. "High five, dude." He smiled and held up his hand and I slapped it. "Well I guess you are more talented than me in that area."

"Maybe, but you should know how to swim." He said and scratched his head quickly. "I'll teach you. I taught Alice in a day."

Images of Edward teaching Alice how to swim then filled my mind. I could just picture him being so patient with her and encouraging her at every chance. I could imagine the determination on Alice's face when he would finally let her go on her own. And I could imagine the laughter and the celebration from the both of them when Alice finally swam a certain amount of space, even if it was only for a second. He was always picking up her spirits when they weren't even down. He always took care of her and made sure she was nothing but happy. I missed her. I missed _that _Edward. I missed watching him take care of her with such love and gentility.

I tried not to let that get to me either. "Well Alice is better at stuff like that. Remember Bocce? She kicked my ass."

He chuckled. "She kicks my ass too, so don't feel bad." I laughed and he started slowing down. "And we're here."

I followed his gaze and looked at the house in front of his truck.

"Wow." It was a big house, but rather simple. There was nothing flashy about it, but it was really nice looking. It looked like a classic family house right down to the things written with chalk in the driveway and the random outside toys in the front lawn. There were two vehicles in the driveway; a fancy looking black one and a red mini-van that was also very good looking for a mini-van. There was nothing scary about the house at all, yet Edward looked like he was going to be sick.

I took my attention away from my house and put it on Edward. I grabbed onto his sweaty hand and he looked over to me. I lifted the sunglasses from his face so I could see his eyes. They were just as scared as I thought.

"Baby, everything will be okay. Stop worrying, alright? If I see you are in an uncomfortable position, I will deflect the attention by doing a stupid dance or stubbing my toe."

He chuckled quickly and then took a deep breath. "I'll try to relax."

"Good. Now let's go." I went to let go of his hand, but he held on tighter. I looked back at him.

"Give me a kiss." He said.

I smiled and did as told because who would ever pass up such an opportunity as kissing that beautiful man? I pressed my lips against his quickly and he cupped my face in his hand. He pulled away and kissed me on my forehead.

"I love you." He said softly.

My heart did all kinds of crazy things and I felt the butterflies as usual. It wasn't often he was all sweet like this. I loved when he was though. "I love you, too. Come on, baby. Let's do this."

I let go of his hand and jumped out of the car. I could hear him sigh behind me as he got out as well. I reached for his hand once he rounded the car and we made our way to the front door. As we approached the house, we could hear the sounds of little children yelling and laughing coming from behind the house.

I pressed the button for the doorbell and looked over at Edward. He looked deep in thought and I just squeezed his hand. I wouldn't let go if that's what he wanted. The door opened not even a minute later and soon we were both looking at a sweaty looking Emmett with a jovial smile on his face.

"Hey guys, I would do the whole hugging thing, but I'm a bit nasty right now." He said immediately.

I laughed. "It's alright. It's the thought that counts."

"Exactly! Come on, come on in…well out. We're cooking on the grill and I'll introduce you both to the kids. They are really excited to meet you."

Edward and I walked into the house behind Emmett. I didn't really have much time to look around because we followed Emmett out to the back. We went through the kitchen, and there looked to be water boiling on the stove and a beautiful salad already sitting on the counter.

Emmett opened the sliding door to the backyard, and we walked onto the deck. There was a pool and a small play ground within the big yard. On the deck was a table, and on that table was a beautiful little girl with blonde ringlets and these ruby red lips. She had a cob of corn in her hands and she was trying to peel the green part off of it. Fuck if I knew what it was called. She looked up when she heard her father's feet hit the deck and she looked at us curiously. A smile soon appeared on her face and she lifted her little hand and waved.

"Hi, Unca Edwar!" She said with a giggle.

_Oh my goodness she is too cute for words. _

"Hello, Stella." Edward said. I didn't even have to look at him to hear the smile in his voice. He loosened his grip on my hand slightly and I loved that little girl instantly.

"Rose, they're here." Emmett said and a woman that I hadn't noticed because I was to entranced by the beautiful little girl, but she was sitting not too far away from Stella.

She was actually right on her side sitting on a chair also getting the corn ready. She turned to look at us, and of course, she was also beautiful. I could see where Stella got it from. She had her hair up in a high ponytail, and she was wearing a pair of jean shorts that went mid thigh and a fitted white t-shirt.

"Oh hi! I'm sorry, I'm a mess." She rubbed her hands together over the trash barrel to get the corn stuff off her hands and walked over to us with arms outstretched. She gave me a quick hug and we introduced ourselves and then she went to Edward. She pulled away from Edward and held him at arm's length. "Wow. You are definitely my husband's brother."

Emmett and I laughed, and Edward smirked. "I don't know what you're talking about; I'm just here for the steak." He said good-naturedly and my smile hurt my face. He was being himself. I loved it.

She laughed a rather manly sounding laugh if I was being honest, but it fit her in some way. "Oh you…you aren't helping your case, snark must run in the family."

He shrugged. "Maybe."

"Come on we'll go get the terrorizing twins." Emmett said. He scooped up Stella from the table and held her on his hip before going down the stairs of the deck. The three of us followed after him.

"Can I get you guys anything to drink or anything?" Rose asked as we walked down the steps.

"I'm fine, thank you." I said and Edward agreed.

She seemed really friendly and nice and I started to feel more comfortable and I could just tell Edward did as well.

"Zachariah! Zoe! Come on, you knew we had visitors so you have to greet them." Emmett said reproachfully.

I finally got a good look at the twins. I didn't know how Emmett factored into any of their creations, but they were all similar to Rosalie right to the blonde hair. Zachariah's was darker than Zoe's, but you could tell he was a really blonde kid at one point. They were both really cute. Zachariah had a blue ball in his hand and his face was red from running around. His sister however was an image of relaxation lying on a small sun chair and soaking in the sun. She looked adorable.

"Hold on, daddy! The sun is in the perfect position right now! I need to tan for my recital."

Edward chuckled next to me and I smiled. _Wouldn't expect that from a seven year old_.

Rosalie sighed. "Don't mind her. She's a really sweet girl, I just don't know where this high maintenance phase came from."

"It's pretty funny." I said.

Rosalie smiled at her daughter and her husband who was trying to coax her from the chair. "She made me douse her in 'tanning lotion'…little does she know its sun block. I have my ways."

Edward and I both laughed and then little Zachariah came over to us. "Hi. I'm Zachariah. You can call me Zach if you really want to, but I like Zachariah better, okay?"

"Well my name is Bella, you can call me Isabella if you want, but I really do like Bella better." I said to him and he laughed.

"I'm calling you Isabella."

I laughed. "Well then I'm calling you Zach!"

He laughed and looked at Edward. "And you're my Uncle Edward, right?"

"Uh yeah, but you can call me Edward if it makes you more comfortable…"

Zach shook his head adamantly. "No. You're my dad's brother and I need to have respect like my dad says." He said seriously.

"That's right, baby." Rosalie said and put both of her hands on his shoulders. "Zachariah's my little man." She said adoringly.

Zach looked at me. "Are you his wife?"

Edward snorted and I lightly slapped him_. He wishes._ "No. I'm not. I'm his girlfriend."

"Well shouldn't we call you Aunt Isabella? That's not fair…"

Suddenly I was the really nervous one. I knew what Edward meant when he didn't know what an uncle did. What did an aunt do? _Shit, Edward and I had the potential to be the worst aunt and uncle around. _

"Well would you want to, honey?" Rosalie asked him and he agreed. "It's up to you, Bella." Rosalie said.

"Sure. I would like that." I said sincerely. If this was Edward's family, then they were my family too, and Edward seemed to agree because he squeezed my hand that he didn't let go of once and kissed the top of my head.

There was a frustrated sigh coming from across the yard and we all looked up to see Emmett carrying both of his girls, one giggling and one with her arms crossed looking away from her father. _Oh she must be a handful that one._

"Zoe Rose, don't you start." Rosalie said to her daughter when Emmett placed her on the ground and she stomped her foot. Zoe just sighed and kept her position. "Now say hi to your Uncle Edward and Aunt Bella."

She gave us both a bored look. "Hi."

"I'm sorry we interrupted your tanning time but you aren't doing it right." Edward said, and that got her attention. She looked at him with rapt interest. "The best time to tan this time of the year is at 4:30…it's almost six now so the sun is about ready to set. The UV rays are low."

We all looked at him like he was crazy.

"How do you know?" She asked. I would like to know the same thing.

He shrugged. "I saw it on a TV show."

"Are you joking with me?"

"I joke you not." She kept a hard look at him, trying to see where he came from. "But I also know that tanning isn't healthy for you at all."

"That's what mommy and grandpa says."

"Well they are right."

She nodded. "Okay. I'll think that through."

"Excellent."

And that's where the conversation ended and Zoe walked off to gather her sun chair and towel. All five of us looking at Edward.

I always knew he was great with kids, but he just got through to her so easily and quickly. I was flabbergasted and so was everyone else.

"Are you a kid whisperer, bro?" Emmett asked and we all laughed.

Edward shrugged, looking a bit embarrassed. "I don't know, I've had a lot of practice with…well you know." And by the looks on Emmett and Rosalie's face, I knew they really did.

"Hey, Uncle Edward, do you want to play kickball with us?" Zach asked him and I loved that little boy instantly for breaking the awkward silence and breaking Edward out of his thoughts.

"Uh yeah sure. I'm not sure how good I'll be."

"Yes!" Zach said with a fist pump. He looked at Emmett. "You going to play again, dad?"

"Heck, yes."

"Okay, but you and Uncle Edward can't be on the same team because you're big and will win."

Emmett chuckled. "Alright, buddy. Well what should the teams be?"

"I call Uncle Edward's team!" Zach said quickly and loudly. I looked over at Edward and saw him smiling at the little boy looking so happy. It made me happy as well. They took to him so quickly. Zach looked behind him at Zoe who was neatly folding her towel to perfection. She was too funny. "Zoe! Come play kickball!"

"No, Zachy! I am busy right now! Gosh!"

Zach rolled his eyes. "When you're done?"

"Whatever, Zachy!" She said irritably. I couldn't quite figure her out, but she was funny to watch. She was seven going on seventeen it seemed.

Zach looked over at me. "Do you want to play Aunt Isabella?"

"Oh no, Zachariah." Rosalie said for me and held onto my arm. "Bella's going to come help me cook."

Edward snorted. "Good luck with that."

I gasped. "I resent that." I said to him. "I can cook."

"Well sure you can, there's just no knowing if it will turn out edible."

Rosalie laughed. "I'll give you a few pointers, Bella. We will have edible food, I promise."

"Yeah." I said and let go of his hand.

He smiled at me and I wanted to kiss him so bad but I knew he wouldn't really appreciate that when everyone was practically watching us. Rosalie and I started to walk back towards the deck, and we ran into Zoe who was running back from the house where she was putting her towel. I stopped her and she looked at me impatiently.

"Do me a favor, alright? Kick your Uncle's butt in kickball." I told her.

A mischievous smile appeared on her stunning face and she laughed evilly. "You got it."

I met Rosalie up in the house where she was rinsing off the corn.

"So what can I do?" I asked. But Edward was right, I couldn't cook for shit. I hoped she didn't ask me to do something too strenuous.

"Oh nothing really, I just figured we could have some girl talk. All I have to do is boil this corn."

"Oh, alright." I said and sat down at the kitchen table. She placed the corn in the pan and then joined me and passed a water bottle to me. "Thank you. You know, for inviting us today, your home is really beautiful."

"Oh thank you. I'm really proud of it. Emmett's mother and I went and renovated the whole thing just recently." She took a sip of her water. "A little difficult when you have three children, but we made it through." She said with a small laugh.

"They're really sweet." I said.

A big smile spread across her face and she looked like any other proud mother would look like. "Thank you. They can be sweet, but they can drive you crazy. Especially Zoe, I don't know what happened with that one."

I laughed. "I think she's funny."

"Yeah, it's funny sometimes, but I just don't get it! Stella is just like me personality wise and Zachariah is Emmett through and through, but Zoe…she's her own little entity. I swear if she didn't come out right after Zachariah, I would be worried she was switched at birth." I laughed again. It really just fascinated me. She was ranting about her daughter, and while I could tell she was frustrated, you also couldn't mistake the love in her voice. That was a special kind of love. "You know, I'm really happy they seem to like you guys. I will admit, I was a bit hesitant with this whole thing."

It made me a little uncomfortable that she was telling me that, but I had to respect her honestly. At least she wasn't trying to sugar coat it. She was saying it like it was, and I liked that about her.

"Can I ask why?"

She sighed. "Well, I don't know. I guess you wouldn't really understand it, but as a mother, I was just hesitant. I'm overly protective of my children, and I didn't know if I liked the idea of bringing new people in their lives." She rubbed her forehead. "I don't want their little hearts to be broken if someone they grow to love just leaves their lives, you know? It's just a little thing that I have. It frustrates Emmett to a point, but I guess I have a lame excuse; my father left me and my mother when I was ten. All I remember from that time was resenting my mother. I used to think, 'why would she be with him and make me love him if he was only going to leave?' I don't know. It's stupid."

"Oh no." I said to her. I was surprised she was even explaining the whole thing to me, but I liked that she was giving me all the details so I didn't think she was just some mean person who didn't want my Edward around her kids. "I understand as much as I can I guess."

She sighed in relief. "Thanks. I just have a phobia that my kids will have that feeling towards me if anyone they loved left them. Albeit, Edward isn't their father, but still. My kids are really lovable, and become attached easily. I just…I don't want to see them hurt in anyway…or Emmett for that matter."

"Look, I don't know much, but I do know Edward. It's hard to explain, but having a relationship with Emmett and your family is something that means the world to him, and he will try his hardest to prove himself to you all because that's the kind of person he is."

Rosalie smiled and shook her head. "Oh girl, you have it bad."

I laughed and I felt my face fire up. I dropped my head on the table and Rosalie laughed at me. "Stop it!" Everyone could easily tell I was madly in love with him. I guess I wasn't that hard to read.

She patted my shoulder. "It's okay. I think it's nice."

I lifted my head and rested my head on my hand. "He's a good man. I know some people think he's not, but he is."

She all of a sudden got serious and stared at her water bottle. "No, I believe you. Emmett, he told me about the IED." I sighed. _Here we go_. "Oh no, don't think I am going to be judging. I admit, at first I was a bit wary, but I know better than to judge people with those kinds of problems."

"You know someone with IED?" I asked, almost hopefully. It would be nice to speak to someone who had also dealt with a loved one with a problem like that. I of course had Bev to talk to, but I would take all the support I could get.

"No. No, not IED exactly. My little cousin Jasper, they just diagnosed him with bi-polar disorder." She said sadly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"Thanks. I mean it's hard. He's only just turned thirteen, but I used to babysit him all the time and saw him every day for the longest time. We are really close. It's tough for his parents and for him of course. They are still in limbo on what they should do for him. My aunt is terrified to start him on medication because of the side effects."

"Yeah, Edward had a bad experience with that."

"Exactly." She sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make this all emotional."

I smiled. "It's alright. Its life right?"

"Yes it is." She got up from the table to check on the corn. "Alright well this is finished. Now to cook the meat."

She went to the fridge and got out a plate of already seasoned steak. Damn she was prepared. I walked out with her to the deck, and she fired up the grill. I leaned over the railing on the deck and watched the kickball game going on in the backyard. Edward was standing at second base and Zach was at home-plate waiting for Zoe to roll the ball to him to kick. Emmett was only a couple steps behind Edward, and Stella was sitting behind Zachariah who was now yelling at Zoe to hurry up.

"You can go down if you want. I get pretty focused when I'm grilling so I might not be that entertaining."

"Okay, I think I will." I said with a smile.

I started heading down the stairs, and Zoe and Zachariah were arguing because she was taking too long to pitch the ball. Emmett was trying to calm them down, and I glanced at Edward who was already looking at me. He stuck his tongue out at me, and I did the same back causing him to laugh. I loved seeing him so happy.

I went over to Stella since she looked so lonely sitting by herself. I sat down next to her and she smiled up at me.

"Hi, Anny Bella."

It would take a while for me to get used to being called that, but I loved it. "Hi, pretty Stella. Why are you sitting over here alone?"

"Ima the frumpire. I needs to make sur dey don't cheat."

I was guessing she means umpire. She was too cute. "Well that sounds like a very important job."

"Mhm! It is!" She said in excitement. I laughed and ruffled her curls. I looked back at the game, and Zoe finally pitched the ball, and Zach kicked it right to Emmett who caught it, effectively getting him out. "Anny Bella, is dat an out?"

"Yes it is, sweetie."

She shot up on her feet. "Out! Dat's an out!"

Zoe and Emmett were doing a victory dance and Zach looked pissed to say the least. Edward walked over to him and patted him on the back. They were speaking quietly, so I didn't hear what they were saying, but I slowly saw Zach start to loosen up a bit.

"Daddy! I wanna kick da ball too!" Stella called from my side.

"Alright, baby. We'll give you a free kick, but you got to run the bases alright?"

"Okay but no one get me out. Dats not nice, daddy." She said with pouted lips and a shake of her head.

Emmett smiled and agreed no one would get her out. He brought her over to home plate, and Zach was already getting into position to pitch it to her. Zoe was dancing in the outfield and I laughed.

"Hey, chick." I heard from my side and I jumped.

"Shit, Edward. Why must you sneak up on me?"

He shrugged. "Oh well."

"You're a jerk."

He smiled and leaned over to kiss the side of my head. "Stella seems to like you."

I smiled. "They all seem to _love _you."

"The feeling's mutual." He said thoughtfully.

I grabbed his hand. "See? This isn't so bad, right?"

He shook his head. "No. You were right as usual. This is…great."

"Uncle Edward! Come on! We have one more inning!" Zach called from across the yard.

"Got to go, beautiful." He said quickly and got up but I didn't let go of his hand.

"Have fun, baby."

He smiled and sighed in relief. "I will."

And he did, and I couldn't have been happier then seeing him laugh and smile with his ever growing family.

* * *

"Edward, I swear if you don't smoke that cigarette right now, I will beat your ass." Emmett said in warning and me and Rosalie started laughing.

The sibling bickering had already begun and it was pretty funny.

Edward and Emmett got into a comfortable banter and their personalities complimented each other perfectly. While Edward was constantly on alert and second guessing himself, Emmett was completely laid back. It was funny because Emmett only got riled up when he saw Edward was holding back. I didn't know, it was hard to explain, but they balanced each other out in a way. Oh yeah and it was entertaining as hell.

"Emmett, I'm not smoking with your kids around." Edward said in defense.

"They are over twenty feet away from us! Come on, dude, just fucking smoke it."

"No." Yeah and they were both stubborn.

"I'll push your marshmallow into the fire. Don't say I won't." Emmett said threateningly.

That was a pretty legitimate threat considering Edward had a marshmallow on a stick over the fire him and Emmett started for the kids to have s'mores. It was getting late, so the kids were just playing for a bit longer before Rose said they had to go to bed.

"Hey! Don't do that, he is actually roasting my marshmallow right now." I said. Edward was a master at roasting marshmallows, I had found out. I didn't know how he did it, but he never burnt them, and they always came out perfectly roasted and delicious. "I'll smoke the damn cigarette if it means you spare my marshmallow."

"Ooohhh did you hear that, Edward? She's going to smoke a cigarette if you don't." Emmett said teasingly. "How do you feel about that? Would you want that smoke to go in her lungs?"

Oh he played dirty. Rosalie just shook her head.

Edward gave him a dirty look, looked at the kids who were otherwise occupied, and then flipped Emmett the bird. "Fuck you. I'll smoke after I roast her marshmallow."

Emmett laughed and patted Edward on the back in camaraderie. "Good man. I would have done the same thing."

"Aw thanks, honey." Rose said.

"Uh…you're welcome? I actually meant I would have listened to me too." He said and Rosalie gasped and threw her empty cup at him.

"You jerk!"

He laughed and leaned over to kiss her scowling face. "I'm just kidding! Damn, you all need to lighten up. I've only had one beer!"

"Maybe you should have more. Maybe being drunk makes you less annoying." Edward said as he took my marshmallow out of the fire to check on it.

"Do you hear this guy, Rosie? Are you going to let him talk to me like that?" He asked.

Edward laughed and shook his head. He found Emmett' s antics as entertaining as I did. Today had been a fun day, I kind of didn't want to leave.

"Stop being a baby. Your brother speaks the truth." She said and we all laughed…except Emmett of course who just crossed his arms and flipped all of us off.

"Here, ermosa." Edward said and put the marshmallow in front of my face. I took the stick from him and started eating it.

"Thanks, baby."

"Whoa, whoa! No running near the fire!" Emmett said loudly in a panic.

I noticed Rose wasn't sitting there anymore and I heard her footsteps on the steps. I looked up and saw Zoe running over to where we were sitting and she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Daddy! I forget!"

Emmett slunk back in his chair and put his hand over his heart. He took a calming breath. "It's okay, sweetheart, you just need to be careful. You almost gave me a heart attack."

Zoe tiptoed over to Emmett and held her arms out to him. He picked her up into his lap and she curled up there. He put his big arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm really sorry, daddy." This was like a different Zoe, just cuddling up with her father.

"It's okay, Zoe. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you. It would make me incredibly sad."

"I'm okay, dad."

"Yeah I know, but still. I can't lose you or see you hurt."

I heard Edward shift beside me and he was leaning forward with his head resting on his clasped hands. He was staring straight ahead and his whole body was tense. I had no idea what was wrong, but I knew it was something.

He had looked so relaxed earlier, and now…I didn't even know. I didn't want to just come out and ask him because his answer would have to be told to everyone and I knew he wouldn't want to do that. So I put the empty stick I had in my hand on the ground and reached my hand out to rub Edward's back. He was breathing heavy and his back was tense. I tried rubbing the tension out, but nothing worked, and he didn't move…didn't even acknowledge I was touching him.

_Please, please don't tell me he is having one of those random episodes. Please. _

"Ah! Daddy stop!" Zoe said between laughs.

I guess I was the only one to notice Edward tense at my side. Emmett was tickling Zoe and Zoe was laughing loudly causing the other children to come over and help their father tickle the little girl.

"Ah! You have been caught by your brother and sister! There's no escaping now!" Emmett said as he continued tickling his daughter. "Now you have to pick! Who's your favorite? Come on, who's your favorite!"

Zoe laughed and answered immediately like she knew the exact answer to get her out of that predicament. "You! You're my favorite!"

Edward shot up from his chair, causing it to fall behind him. As fast as he got up was as fast as he was gone. I didn't even see him move, I just felt his back move away from my hand and heard the chair fall on the grass and hit the fence. The laughter coming from the children and Emmett immediately stopped and they were all looking after where Edward just was.

Emmett looked at me with a worried expression on his face. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah is Uncle Edward alright?" Zach asked with a look similar to his father's.

"I don't know. I'm going to check on him." I sounded calmer than I felt. I was fucking freaking out.

_What happened? What did I miss? _All I knew for sure was that something was wrong. What it was, I didn't know. I got up from my chair and ran up the stairs and into the house. I ran into Rosalie on the way.

"Bella! Edward…he…I think he's sick!"

"Where is he?" I asked.

"He's in the bathroom…he's sick, I think."

I couldn't form words. I rushed past Rosalie and went to the bathroom. Once steps outside the door, I could hear the heartbreaking sound of Edward gagging and throwing up past the door. I felt the tears in my eyes. I felt helpless.

I opened the door and just seeing him like that killed me. I could see his back constrict through his shirt as he let his whole dinner reappear. I knelt down beside him and tried not to look at his face screwed up in pain and the tears coming out of his eyes from the force. He whimpered when he got one second to breathe before he started all over again.

"Shh…" I said and rubbed his back. "Just calm down, it's okay, baby."

"Bella…" He groaned. I wiped the tears from my eyes and pried his hand off the side of the toilet. I held his hand tight in mine.

"I'm right here, Edward. I'm right here."

He squeezed my hand as he heaved, but nothing came out now. He vomited himself dry and I had no idea what the hell happened. He didn't even seem sick. He rested his head on the side of the toilet and I pushed his hair off his pale and sweating face.

"Baby what happened? Were you feeling sick?"

He shook his head slightly. His eyes were closed. "They're happy."

"What? What do you mean?"

"It's stupid."

"No, no…don't you dare. What do you mean?"

"She's not. She's not happy and it's because of me." He wasn't completely there and I knew I needed to get some sugar in him. "What am I doing? Why…fuck." His body tensed. His back stiffened and he fell to the floor. I was able to catch his head before it hit the ground. "Bella." He grunted out in pain.

"Emmett! Someone!" I screamed, torn between getting up to get him something or leaving him.

Thankfully the door opened and Emmett appeared. "Oh shit."

"Emmett! Go get me some orange juice or just something!"

He was going into a diabetic shock. I knew the symptoms; the pale skin, the shaking, the pain, the delusion. _Fuck._ He was having no symptoms earlier. His body was trying to work with no food in his stomach. He needed sugar and fast. Emmett didn't hesitate and ran out of the room.

I brought my attention back to Edward. His eyes were open and the tears were falling down his face.

"What am I doing? What am I doing?" He kept repeating. He was starting to scare me.

"What do you mean, honey?" I asked him while running my hand through his hair.

"I shouldn't be here…I shouldn't be happy here…"

"Oh Edward, don't say that."

"They're so happy…their favorite…I was her favorite…was…I _was._"

"You're still her favorite, my love. Please, Edward."

"I miss her, Bella. I just miss her."

"I know you do." I said and kissed his forehead and wiped the tears from his eyes since he was too weak to do it himself. Emmett came back in with a large glass of orange juice and a few cookies. "Come on, baby, you have to have this." I said. He didn't respond to me and only kept mumbling. "Emmett, help me out, please?" I asked.

Emmett nodded and knelt down beside us. He grabbed Edward from under the arms and sat him up against the counter. I brought the cup to his lips and thankfully he was still coherent enough to sip it and swallow. I made him drink the whole cup and slowly but surely he started going back to normal, yet he could barely keep his eyes open. Emmett didn't move from his spot, and he kept his worried eyes on Edward.

I gave Edward the cookies, but he only ate a couple bites before he started pushing it away.

"I'm okay." He said tiredly and dropped his head on my shoulder.

"Do you need anything else?" Emmett asked anxiously.

"I'm sorry, man. I really am." Edward said quietly.

"No, no…it's alright, Edward I mean…it's not your fault."

Edward lifted his head and rubbed his hands over his eyes. "But it is."

"Edward, stop it." I said and Emmett looked between us with a confused expression on his face.

He looked like his mind was reeling and he just couldn't figure out what happened in the minutes it took for Edward's demeanor to change. I knew Edward better so I understood, but poor Emmett was still learning and he looked like he wanted to help so bad.

"Are the kids okay? I didn't mean to scare them if I did." Edward said.

Emmett nodded. "They're fine. They just thought you were sick."

"Tell Rosalie I said sorry."

"There's no need to say sorry…" Emmett said impatiently.

"Can you both just give me a minute?" Edward asked.

I looked over to Emmett and he looked pissed off and a bit in pain. I couldn't even imagine what he was feeling or what was going through his mind.

"Okay. Call me if you need me alright?" I said and patted his thigh.

He nodded without looking at me. "I will."

I kissed his head and got up from the ground. Emmett joined me and followed me out of the room. He walked past me and grabbed onto my arm to bring me with him back outside. He wasn't being rough, he was just simply guiding me outside and I went willingly because I was sure he was confused. He shut the deck door and I took a deep breath of fresh air.

"He's not sick. He was fine all day."

I nodded. "You're right. He isn't in the way you're thinking."

"So…what was that? He just stormed off and then…"

"It happens sometimes." I said, interrupting him before he confused himself even more. "Edward, he's tough, but sensitive at the same time. He feels everything so wholly. When he's happy, he's the happiest person you have ever encountered and when he is sad, you can't help but want to help him out." I sighed. "Unfortunately, the latter has been the case more often than not."

Emmett scratched his head. "Okay, but he was fine…he was laughing and joking…I just don't get it."

"This happens a lot when he's missing Alice." I said simply, hoping that answered some of his questions, and by the look on his face, I could tell he knew. "He was hesitant to come because he felt she should have been here to meet you, but we both know that can't happen right now. I got him to agree to come, but it must have still been bothering him and just caught up with him."

"But he gets like that? He makes himself sick like that because he's missing her?"

I nodded. "Frequently, yes." Emmett cursed under his breath and clasped his hands behind his head. "She was literally his world; that's the best I can explain it to you."

"No, you don't have to explain. I have kids. I would compare it to how I know I would feel if I lost them its….it's unexplainable."

I nodded and pulled my sweater around me tighter. "I worry about him all the time, because I am just waiting for that moment when he just snaps. I mean the episodes are enough, but I just fear the time when he just can't pretend anymore. He needs that little girl more than most people realize...hell maybe even more than_ I_ realize."

"What can we do for him? There must be something we can do to get her out of there."

"We've tried everything legally possible."

He sighed. "Well I guess I need to talk to him. I mean there is still so much I don't know, but I want to know. I want to help him. He's a good kid and I…well yeah, of course I love him. Despite everything, I know he's a good person and he's my brother. I've never had a brother or sister to protect and now I have both and…" He cleared his throat. "And I'm going to do my best to do just that. I know a few lawyers who owe me favors…"

I couldn't wrap my arms around him fast enough. He seemed surprised by my spontaneous hug, but I had never felt so grateful towards someone like that before in my whole life. Edward was lucky to have Emmett as a brother and vice versa. Emmett could have easily just blown Edward off and no one would have judged him for it, but he chose to help his brother just for the fact that he was his brother and he knew what a good person he was. He was just dealt horrible cards in his life.

"Thank you." I said.

"No problem, Bella. I'm going to talk to him…maybe tomorrow. I will see if we can come up with something or I don't know. We'll think of something."

"Thank you." I said again.

I felt stupid saying it again, but it was as simple as that. I was thankful that he was the person he was, and that he was giving Edward a chance. It still didn't make sense to me that three of the most amazing people came from two of the worst people I knew. It just didn't make any sense, but right then, I was also grateful to them for giving me those three.

"Bella…" I heard Edward say from the door. I looked over at him, and he had his arm crossed and looking nervous. "We should get going."

"Okay." I said and walked over to him. He reached out for my hand and I squeezed his clammy hand in mine.

Emmett walked over to Edward and patted him on the shoulder. "Feel better, alright? It was nice having you here. I hope we can do it more often."

Edward nodded. "I'd like that. Can you tell Rosalie and the kids we said bye? And tell Rosalie I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Just go home and get some rest." Emmett said.

Edward nodded and we both headed out of the house. Once at the car, I told Edward I would drive since I didn't know how he would be feeling. He agreed, but pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked. I looked up at him and traced the sides of his face. He looked tired and incredibly sad. It broke my heart. "I used mouth wash…"

I cut him off with my lips and kissed him hard. I wrapped my arms around his neck and made sure he knew that it would take a hell of a lot to stop me from ever kissing him. I loved him no matter what, and I would always want to kiss him.

We both pulled away after a while because we were both on the sidewalk making out like a couple of teenagers.

"Thank you." He said. "I've wanted to do that since we got here."

"Same here, baby."

"I need to talk to you about some things." I stiffened. You never wanted to hear your significant other say they want to talk to you about some things. "It's nothing bad it's…I just want to talk to you."

"Okay. Of course you can talk to me whenever you want."

He kissed me and wrapped his arms around me to hold me tightly. "Then let's go home, beautiful. Our bed missed you."

I chuckled. "Oh our bed got enough of me earlier, dude."

"I beg to differ." He said.

I laughed. "Oh fuck, I love you." I held his face and kissed him.

I didn't exactly know what he wanted to talk about when we got home, but it didn't matter. I knew it wasn't anything that would threaten us because I felt invincible with him.

"Let's go home." I said and he nodded in agreement.

Despite all the wrong, it was comforting to know that being together was completely _right_.

* * *

_I'm gonna stay right here by your side,  
Do my best to keep you satisfied,  
Nothin' in the world could drive me away.  
'Cause every day, you'll hear me say,  
Baby, I'm yours.  
And I'll be yours until two and two is three,  
Yours, until the mountains crumble to the sea  
In other words, until eternity. _

_**Baby I'm Yours, by Arctic Monkeys**_

* * *

**I will try and update again this weekend, but I'm going to Missouri this whole week. I am bringing a laptop but I don't know if I will have wi-fi so just bear with me! **

**Big thanks to Alexa for pre-reading this until late night/early morning, but she said she couldn't stop reading so I guess that's a good thing lol. **

**I actually just sat here and thought about it, and this story has about five chapters left and an epilogue and an outtake that I am pretty excited about. It's so freaking sad because I HATE ending stories, but it has to end somewhere right? I have already started a new story if you are interested though. **

**Thanks for reading! Review please! **


	49. Chapter 48: Help Me Out

**Chapter 48: Help Me Out**

**EPOV**

Idiots came in different forms.

There were idiots who were just legitimate idiots. _They don't know shit and they try and act like they do, but only make themselves seem like even bigger idiots._ There were idiots who just thought they were idiots, but they weren't, so therefore they were because they thought so.

Confusing shit, but that's why idiot is such a broad term. I couldn't really define my idiocy, because it was indefinable.

I was the idiot who threw up at his brother's house, effectively making a fool of himself and feeling like…well like an idiot.

But I wasn't an idiot. At least I didn't think so sometimes. What I felt in there was real. It was palpable and a feeling that never really left me. I just realized something that I didn't really want to realize, and when I really thought about it; it made me sick to my stomach. And then my adorable yet a bit pesky niece squealed the words that used to always make my day.

_You're my favorite. _

Those words were the most beautiful things to me. I used to tell her that all the time and then she started saying it to me as well. It was our own special way of telling each other we loved each other, and when I heard Zoe say that along with my sudden realization, I just couldn't physically take it.

Then I really made myself sick because of my fucking diabetes. I needed something tangible in my stomach if I wanted to function. Bella of course knew what to do. If she wasn't there, I probably would have died right there. If she wasn't with me, I would have probably already been dead a while ago.

Yet another realization.

Then my brother came in. He had been great all night and he really tried his best to make me and Bella feel comfortable in his home. He had three great kids, a really nice wife, and he treated me like…well like I was his brother. I appreciated that more than he probably knew. But he was there. He tried to make sure I was alright, he tried to help me, he looked like he cared. I knew he did.

Realization number there.

So I had all these epiphanies in one night, and then my idiot self couldn't figure out what the hell it actually meant. My brain was moving a million miles an hour and I couldn't figure out what the hell I was going to do. So I did the only thing I could think of that I knew that no matter what, I would get at least some piece of mind.

I went to Bella. I wanted to talk to her about it.

She always knew what to do. She always knew how to make me feel better. She was just amazing and I couldn't take her for granted. I knew she would help me whenever I needed it, and I needed her help.

She was tired though. I knew that just by how many times she yawned while driving us on our way back home and the small bags under her eyes were a dead giveaway. I didn't know how much she slept while she was at her parent's house. I knew I didn't really sleep much while she was gone.

I compare sleeping without Bella to sleeping without a pillow. Having the pillow was more comfortable, more familiar, and without it, sleeping just didn't seem the same, and in this case it wasn't just physical comfort, it was much more than that, it was a comfort to my being and shit. Bella did that and much more.

I told her once we got home that our little talk could wait until the next day, but she insisted she would be able to talk to me and not fall asleep while doing so. She also pointed out that the next day was Sunday, and we could sleep as late as we wanted. I seemed to have forgotten that fact. _See what I mean? The woman is amazing. _

She walked into our room where I was already waiting for her. She changed her clothes and was just wearing a tight red tank top and white shorts. She was trying to kill me and make it impossible to speak to her. She was putting her hair up in a ponytail and she brought the standup fan closer to our bed. It was pretty warm out, but I had been too lazy to go in the attic to get the air conditioner so we were stuck with the fan and open windows. I mean I wouldn't mind if we had to get rid of some layers as well.

Once she had the fan all situated, she climbed onto the bed and sat next to me. Our positions mirrored each other. We were both leaning back on the headboard with our arms crossed in front of us. We both looked at each other and smiled.

"It's fucking hot in here, dude." She said sweetly with the smile still on her face.

I laughed. "I know, but I don't want to go up there." I whined.

"I don't know how you slept in here the whole time I was gone without it. It's ridiculous in here." She said while wiping the sheen of sweat off her forehead.

I raised my eyebrows suggestively. "I slept naked. We can practice that if you want."

She rolled her eyes. "Is that your secret plan in all of this?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

She just shook her head and lightly kicked one of my feet. "Why do you have one sock on?"

I looked down at my feet and hey, she was right. I did have one sock on. "I don't really know."

She laughed. "Dude, you need sleep."

I reached my arm out and pulled her to my side. We would probably me more hot if we were holding each other, but I didn't give a fuck and she didn't seem to mind either. She relaxed against my chest and sighed.

"Do you still want to talk, baby?"

_Not really. _"Yeah I guess."

She got up and sat with her legs crossed looking at me inquisitively. "Well I'm all ears."

I sat up straighter. _Where do I begin?_ Fuck I hated talking about shit sometimes. It stressed me out to no end.

"Essentially what I want to talk to you about is how I keep things from you that I probably shouldn't." Her face fell and she went completely pale. Her eyes were bugging out of her head and I realized that probably I hadn't chosen my words carefully. "No! Don't freak out…it's not that big of a deal or anything. I'm not cheating on you or anything like that…" She gasped and I wanted to kick myself in the head. "Fuck I suck at this…don't think I cheated on you!" I blurted out.

"You better not be fucking cheating on me." She hissed at me.

_Damn. _She was fucking scary when she was mad and confused.

"I'm not! Bella please, you know I don't think that way about other girls. I swear whenever I look at a girl, I say 'ewwie' in my mind." Her angry face instantly melted away and a smile replaced it and then a laugh. She covered her face and laughed with her head cast down. I groaned. "Bella! You're making this more complicated than it has to be!"

She laughed and lifted her head from her hands. She leaned forward and kissed me the best she could while still laughing. "I'm sorry. Continue."

"Chick, would you really think I'd cheat on you?" That bothered me a little bit. I knew I wasn't the world's best boyfriend but I thought I at least let her know there was no one else and would never be anyone else but her.

She sighed. "No I guess not, but just thinking about it makes me sick."

"Well sorry for mentioning it. That is something you will never have to worry about, okay?"

She nodded and held my hands. "I know. I trust you, but I will have you know that if you ever cheat on me for whatever reason, I'll cut your balls off."

I let go of her hands, instinctively covered my junk, and winced. Fuck that shit would hurt. _What was I thinking dating a crazy person like that?_ "You scare me, chick."

"Good_." Yup. She is bat-shit crazy_. She grabbed my hands back. "Now can you please continue." She asked seriously.

I nodded. "Like I said, it's probably not a big deal, but I know you don't like when I keep things to myself, and I realized today that I was keeping stuff from you and I shouldn't…"

"Why today?" She asked.

_Good question, beautiful. I have no idea._

"Maybe…" I looked down at our hands while I thought about it. "Today has been a big day for me I guess, and I literally couldn't have done it without you. I wouldn't have gone there if you weren't there."

"You could have done it without me. I know you could, you just need to find your confidence."

I shook my head. "I couldn't have. You are my confidence right now." She bit her lip and kissed my knuckles. "And maybe that's wrong. Maybe I should be able to stand up on my own, but I can't. I need you…now more than ever, but that's part of what I wanted to talk to you about." I took a shaky breath and she held my right hand in one of hers and rubbed her other on the top of my hand. "I feel myself falling apart more often than not. When you were gone, and I was alone, I honestly didn't know how I would make it through the night." I groaned in frustration. "Fuck. I sound like a melodramatic pussy, but I am dying without her, Bella. It's…" My breath got caught in my throat. "...killing me."

I felt my hands begin to shake, but Bella held them tightly. "Oh Edward, I know it is. It kills _me _to see that look on your face every once in a while. I miss her too. We'll get her back."

"But _how?" _

Honestly, I didn't want to believe it, but I didn't see how I would ever get Alice back with me. No matter how many hours of probation I did, or how many times I proved to them that I was trying to get better for her, nothing really came from it. Bowman was trying his best, I knew he was, but I also knew he was just grasping at straws.

"I don't know, but we will find a way."

I shrugged. "We'll see."

"Baby…"

"Bella what else am I supposed to think? Maybe I'll get to have visitation with her in the future, but it will never be enough. I need to know she is okay all the time. I need to hear her voice every day and hear her laugh and hear her call my name. I can't even describe to you how much I miss all of those things and I just feel so helpless." I swallowed back the lump in my throat. _Fuck that shit hurts_. "And I'm dreading, absolutely dreading Monday."

"Your birthday."

"Our birthday." I corrected her. "And tomorrow too. Tomorrow will be tough as well."

She didn't say the reason why Monday would be tough. The words didn't have to be said. We both knew that was the day I got stabbed by my father six years ago. Mine and Alice's birthday was always the best days of my life. Not only was it the day we were born, but it was the day I got custody of her and the first time in my life when I thought, _'okay…everything will be okay.'_

And that worked for me for a while. I had Alice, so I had no complaints. But now our birthday is something I was dreading because I couldn't spend it with her. Maybe our parents would be sympathetic and at least let me call and talk to her, but I doubted it. Even a phone call wouldn't be enough. On past birthdays, I would always call out of work and spend the whole day with her and we would do whatever the hell we wanted to.

_I can't do that this year and it killed me. _

"I might not be a fun person to be around those days, beautiful. Now I'm not going to try and act like I will be fine or that I will be a perfect person, so that's why I am just warning you. If I cross the line somehow, just let me know, and if I am still being an ass, just leave me alone. I won't get hurt by it, although I'm sure I'll hate myself afterwards, but I know I will be messed up."

She nodded while biting her lip. "I understand."

I let go of her hand and pulled her onto my lap so she was straddling me. She placed her hands on my shoulders and I put mine on either side of her beautiful face. I wondered if other people realized how beautiful she was. I wondered if the rest of the world looked at her like the treasure she was. I doubted it, but I didn't think it was such a bad thing. _Less competition for me because I couldn't think of a more beautiful, funny, and caring person than that of my Bella_. I sounded like a fucking sap, but I couldn't help it. The chick did stuff to me.

"But please, please don't for one minute think that I am mad at you or blame you or don't want you around me because that will never be the truth. I love you." I wiped away a tear from her eye. "You really are the reason I have been able to function after Alice was taken from me, but Alice…she's just…she's my life and I mean that in the most literal sense." I stopped and tried to collect myself.

I hated getting so broken down about stuff. I knew it was okay and I knew Bella wouldn't judge me for fucking crying in front of her, but it bothered me. I could have just stopped and ended it all, but I had to tell Bella what I was feeling. I owe that to her.

"If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have met you and I wouldn't have gotten to feel this way about a person and I owe her so much for that."

She sniffled and wiped away her own tears. She pushed my hair back out of my face. "Baby, you don't owe her. You know she would never hold it against you. That's just crazy."

"But I need to do it for myself. She gives me everything and I am giving her nothing right now. She's stuck there with them and…fuck!" I grounded out in frustration.

Bella wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her shoulder. I tried to hold in the sobs and tears and… _you know that feeling right? That feeling when you are trying so hard to hold it back, but it bubbles up in your chest creeping its way up to your throat burning the whole path, but you will not let it free so it shakes your body. It hurts._

"Edward you are doing enough by still going on and not giving up on her. Everything is going to be fine, baby. I know it hurts, but I hate seeing you like this. Please just try and relax. Please."

How could I do anything but when she was asking me like that with tears in her eyes and her tight around me so tight? I tried to ground myself. I tried to get my shit together and stop being so damn emotional because I knew she didn't like that shit. She didn't like seeing me in pain and I knew how she felt. It didn't really take much to make Bella cry, but it didn't change the way I felt about it especially when she cried from pain or distress. She was literally too beautiful a person to cry.

She rubbed my back and once I started to calm down, I kissed her shoulder and up her neck and to her face. I kissed her lightly and pulled away so I could finish talking with her. "I think…this may make me sound like a real pussy, but bear with me…" She laughed and told me to stop. "But I think…I don't know much about why shit happens, but I think you were brought into my life when you did so we could fall in love and realize that we are fucking cool kids together, and so you can help me through this time because I really couldn't have done it without you. Now I'm not saying we wouldn't have worked if this shit didn't happen, but I know that all these tough times have made us closer, don't you think?"

She nodded and wiped away her tears. The woman never stopped crying. "I think so. We both know we will be there for each other no matter what."

"Exactly. I can only hope that I can be as amazing as you have been when you really need me."

"I am sure you will be and I will always need you baby."

I smiled and kissed her again. "I know, and that brings me to the next thing I wanted to tell you."

She looked a bit confused, and the expression on her face was nothing short of adorable. I kissed her forehead and started to push her off my lap. She got off and crossed her legs again on the bed while I went to the bedside table to grab what I wanted. I took a deep breath before opening the drawer and getting the little object out. I clutched it in my fist and turned back towards Bella. She was wiping her eyes with the end of her shirt so I could see her stomach, and she looked at me curiously.

"What is it?"

I sat down in front of her and opened my hand revealing the object in my palm. She gasped and stared down at it with a look of disbelief. I held it up to her and turned it around so she could see I wasn't kidding.

"My name is on it. It's legitimate."

She looked up to me and then back at the little bottle in my hand. "I didn't doubt it was, but when…what…are you serious, baby?"

I nodded. "I have been thinking about it a lot, and while you were gone I had a lot of time to think. Emmett, he called me while I was thinking about it, and I talked to him about what I was thinking, and you are going to think I'm kidding when I tell you this." I chuckled. I remember it took me a while to believe it as well. "Emmett's adoptive father is actually Dr. Masen. You know? Carlisle?"

She gasped. "No shit!"

I nodded. "Yeah. Crazy shit, but he actually talked to him about me and Carlisle…er Dr. Masen set me up an appointment, and we talked a while about my options, and he prescribed me with these." I shook the little orange bottle. "They are supposedly really safe. I just have to try them out, but if it doesn't work, I will try the next one, I promise."

She smiled and threw her arms around my neck. She pulled me towards her so I landed on top of her and she was laughing. "Edward that is amazing! I'm so proud of you!"

I didn't expect her to start laughing per say, but it was nice seeing it. She seemed genuinely happy and excited for me that I took that step. I actually thought she would be a bit upset with me since I did all of that without her. I didn't do it just because she wasn't around or anything though. I just figured it was something I had to do on my own. Put on my big boy pants if you would.

But seeing her so excited about it actually started making me feel like I made the right decision. I mean I knew it was what I should have done a long time ago, but I didn't want to do it with Alice around. It was bad enough she had to see me have episodes, and I didn't want her to see me drugged up on some medication if I had another reaction like I did to the other one. I just couldn't live with myself if that happened. But now I really didn't have anything holding me back. I mean I didn't want Bella seeing me drugged up if it came down to that, but at least she understands it more.

Bella pulled me down before I could say anything and kissed me ardently on the lips. I dropped the bottle of pills beside us and pushed her hair out of her face as we kissed. She wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me down so I was lying completely on top of her. She slipped her tongue past my lips and yeah I wasn't expecting this reaction out of her. Who would have known that getting a few pills would get me lucky. Or so I thought…she went from making out with me to crying in seconds flat.

_This woman…she is crazy and will in turn end up driving me crazy. We are quite the pair. _

I sighed. "Bella; why are you crying?"

She pushed me up with her hands and I pulled her up with me. I made her sit between my legs so her back was against my chest and I could wrap my arms around her. She shrugged. "I don't know. A lot of reasons I guess…you know me."

I chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "You're right, I do."

"So don't mind me. I'm just emotional today. It's been an emotional day for the both of us."

I nodded. "Right? I'm an uncle, and you're an aunt. That's some pretty serious shit."

"I know! And you are right, what do aunts and uncles do? I mean…I just don't get it."

"Maybe we can Google it or something."

She snorted. "We are the worst aunt and uncle ever. We have to Google what our role in the child's life should be. That's sad."

"Well what the hell do we know? Most aunts and uncles are more prepared for this fuckery. These kids just got thrown on our laps."

She laughed and ran her hands along my arms. "Yeah but they're sweet kids. We can't screw this up."

"Oh I don't plan on it." I picked up her hand and for some reason felt like looking at her hand. I chuckled at how small they were compared to mine. "You have small hands."

"You have abnormally large hands."

"They aren't abnormal!" _Were they? _I looked down at them and they looked pretty normal to me. They were very proportionate to my body size…she was crazy.

"To mine they are." She placed her palms on top of mine and sure enough, mine could break hers with a bit of force. It was actually a scary thing to think about. She seemed so strong to me, but she really was just a young woman and anyone could hurt her. I would never let it happen, but it still scared me a bit.

"Your hands just don't look right." I said.

She gasped. "What do you mean?"

"They are missing something." I said inquisitively. I found an opportunity to mess with her and I took it. I loved it as well because it would bring up something else that I really wanted to have going for us.

"Oh yeah? And what are my hands missing?" I think she knew what I was getting at but she didn't ruin my fun.

"A nice little ring right about here." I picked up her ring finger of her left hand and started swinging it around gently.

She chuckled. "Not anytime soon, buddy."

I groaned. "Why not? If I went out right now, got you a ring and proposed to you, would you really say no?"

She nodded her head. "Absolutely."

"That hurts, hermosa." It was only the half truth.

"Oh come on, Edward. You know it's not because I don't love you or anything. I just don't want to get married right now. I'm nineteen, I still have to finish school."

"So after you graduate then?"

She shrugged. "Depends."

I rolled my eyes. "On what?"

"How nice the ring is."

"You!" I let go of her hands and brought mine instantly to her sides. I squeezed her sides and tickled her and listened to her squeals and laugh. I flipped her around so I was on top of her once again but instead of kissing her, I was tickling her relentlessly. "You are going to like whatever ring I get you!"

"No! I want a nice one!" She screamed out between laughs. Her face was all red from laughing and she was trying to swat away my hands, but again, I was sort of bigger than her so I had the advantage. "Edward! I can't breathe! Stop!"

I shook my head. _Does she know who I am? _"What kind of ring do you want?" I asked.

"An expensive one!"

I growled and continued tickling her. "Wrong answer!" She screamed and before I knew it, I had two small yet powerful feet on mystomach and two hands that I should have restrained pulling my hair. "Fuck, Bella!"

She pushed me off of her and I fell back on the bed. She was up seconds later and she jumped on top of me. Oh she was good.

"Hah. Gotcha." She was breathing heavy trying to catch her breath from all of the laughing and fighting she was doing. I could have just flung her off of me, but I didn't want to hurt her now. I actually felt proud to have such a badass girlfriend/soon-wifey.

"Fine. You got me, but what ring do you want?"

She shook her head. "I don't want a ring."

I sighed in frustration. "Then what do you want, lady? A pony?"

She laughed. "I just want you, baby." She kissed my forehead and then got off of me so she could lay on my side. I turned over on my side and pulled her towards me so we were face to face.

"You already have me, beautiful." I pushed her hair down from her sweating face. The heat, plus our tickle fight, and us being so close was making both of us pretty sweaty but I couldn't say it wasn't worth it.

"I know." She said and yawned. "And that makes me incredibly happy."

I smiled and pulled her to my chest. "Tired, babe?" I asked.

She nodded. "Exhausted."

"Go to sleep."

"I want to talk more though. I missed you."

"I'll be right here when you wake up, beautiful. Just go to sleep."

She yawned again. "Kay. Love you."

I knew it wouldn't take much to get her to go to sleep. When Bella was tired, she went to sleep. End of story.

"I love you too." She mumbled and was out only minutes later. I soon followed.

I slept like a rock that night with Bella by my side.

It was a good thing, really. I needed the rest to deal with the day that I had ahead of me.

* * *

"Edward, come on, you have to have something." Bella said as we were waiting in line at the coffee shop.

I felt like shit. I wasn't ill, I was just…I didn't even know. I felt terrible. Tomorrow was the big day that was really supposed to mess me up, but Sunday was even worse. It was like waiting in line to get to hell or something because that is what my birthday would be like; _hell. _

"I'm not in the mood for anything, Bella."

She rolled her eyes. I knew she was getting pissed off at me and I knew I should have just loosened up a bit, but I couldn't. I felt terrible. That's the only word I could think of to describe it.

We got up to the counter and Bella ordered her usual coffee and muffin and of course a coffee for me. I wasn't going to drink it. I knew anything I digested would only make a reappearance since my stomach was all fucked up. It's the exact reason I had my insulin on me, some sugar tablets, and it was exactly why I waiting until these two dreaded days were over with before I started taking my meds.

Once we got our stuff, we went and sat at our table. Bella pushed my coffee towards me and I crossed my arms in front of me over the table. She sighed out in frustration. I didn't mean to make her mad. I just couldn't eat or drink anything without feeling sick.

Bella being the angel she was, decided to drop it at least for a bit and started a new conversation. "I can't wait for Bev to send the pictures!"

Ah yes. Bev's daughter finally had her baby. She was born around twelve midnight and Bev texted us with the exciting news of the birth of Kalene Aurora. She promised to send pictures once she got the chance. This of course made Bella very excited because for some reason whenever a woman finds out about a baby being born—whether it's theirs or not—get very excited. Strange.

"Yeah she must be cute." I said.

"Well all babies are cute."

I didn't like where the conversation was going at all. "I think I'm going to go to the shelter today."

Her whole demeanor changed and she didn't look so excited anymore. "I kind of figured." The look of sadness on her face bothered me completely.

"You can come too if you want."

She shrugged. "No. I don't want to be up your ass all day. You can have time to yourself."

I reached across the table and grabbed her free hand. "I want you to come with me." It was bad enough today had to even happen, but it would suck even more if I didn't have Bella by my side.

"Fine. On one condition."

I sighed. "What condition?"

"Drink that coffee. You need something in your stomach, baby. You'll be fine."

I just listened to her. I didn't see a point in fighting it. If I threw up, I would throw up and that would be the end of it. I didn't really mind. I prefer not to vomit all day, but at least it would put Bella's mind to rest. So I drank the coffee while she drank hers and ate her muffin. I always liked coming to the coffee shop. It will always be kind of special to me because of all that happened in it. I met Bella. That constitutes for pretty much everything happy in my life at the moment.

When we were done there, we just went straight to the shelter. Alan wasn't suspecting us, but he welcomed us in with open arms. He seemed to notice I wasn't feeling right because he pulled me aside to ask what was wrong as soon as we had a minute alone. I explained to him everything and he gave me a sympathetic smile and told me to go to him if I needed anything. There was only one thing I needed that I couldn't get, but I thanked him anyway.

Alan told me I didn't have to work, but I did anyway. I was there to guide everyone inside for lunch when the time came and then I cleaned up and talked with the people who stopped me to talk. Leah wasn't there. She didn't really go to the shelter too often anymore and when she did, it was only to come and visit with me and Alan. She was doing great. Her mother ended up breaking up with that dreadful boyfriend, so Leah was back at her mother's house with Claire, but according to her, she almost had enough money to get her own apartment which was amazing.

Bev had been watching Claire when Bella left, and then when Bev couldn't watch her, Leah's mother did. She had quite the support system and while I missed seeing her at the shelter every day, there was something comforting about the fact that she was getting her life together and making the right decisions for her and her daughter.

When I was done bringing the trash out, I went to go and find Bella. She usually wandered off on her own and did her own thing when she came by the shelter. She was really outgoing with the people in there and often some would ask me where she was when I was working. I couldn't find her in the main dining hall or foyer so that only left a couple more open rooms for people to be in.

I went into one of the lounges and sure enough, there she was. She was in her element and it made me smile. She was sitting in the front of the room with a book in her hand. There were ten or fifteen little kids sitting on the floor in front of her listening with full attention on her. She was reading with affection and even had her own voices for the different characters. The little ones were gasping and laughing and sitting in silence when it was necessary. She was amazing.

She was so enraptured with her little show, she didn't notice me standing in the doorway and I didn't want to interrupt her or the kids from their little escape from reality with Bella. I went out to the main foyer and Alan was out there talking with some of the people. I didn't really feel like socializing so I just slipped away before anyone noticed me. I went out in the back to the bench that was out there. I took out a cigarette and lit it.

"_Did you know cigarettes are made of rat poop?" _

Her voice rang in my head and instead of giving me the comfort her little voice usually did, it just gave me a headache. I hated that all of a sudden her voice in my head brought me pain instead of comfort that wasn't right.

But I did remember that day. We were at the park and we were doing what we usually did when she was done playing for a while. We just sat on a bench while she leaned on me and just sat there in silence enjoying each other's company. I took out a cigarette to smoke and she enlightened me with that little bit of information. Apparently she learned it from one of her friends—she was probably five at the time—and she thought that would magically make me quit smoking.

Now I didn't even know if what she said was true, but I should have noticed that she was trying to get me to stop something that was harming my health and I did nothing about it. I didn't remember what I said back to her, but I probably turned it into a joke. But was my health really something to joke about? She knew smoking was dangerous to me but I did it anyway. _What the hell was I thinking? _

I threw the cigarette on the ground and put it out with the heel of my shoe. I blew out the puff I took in like it was poison. I took a few deep breaths and felt myself breathing heavier and heavier. I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and my hands supporting my face as I tried to hold myself together. What if she was never taken from me and I continued smoking and something happened as a side effect from that and I died and left her alone? What if she didn't get to spend yet another birthday without me?

_What the hell was I thinking?_

I was not the worlds healthiest guy. I had a fucking mental problem, a kidney problem, a problem with my sugar levels, and a fucking addiction to something that in the long run could kill me.

_What was I doing with my life? _

I realized just then how fucking selfish I had been. It wasn't intentional of course. Anything I ever did was for the people I loved, but what I didn't realize was that by neglecting to take care of myself, I was putting their happiness in danger because for some crazy reason, I made them happy. The image of Bella's face when I refused the coffee this morning burned the vision behind my eyes and I felt like the most vile thing on earth. _How could I have been that rude to her? She was only trying to help me out! _

I heard the door behind me open and I didn't even bother looking up. I was too caught up in my own thoughts to worry about who saw me on the verge of tears. I fought them so fucking hard. _Why the fuck am I crying? _Words couldn't express how much I hated crying because I knew I was strong enough to get through whatever the hell was bothering me, but I didn't want to show weakness at the same time. I couldn't seem to control it though, but I tried like hell.

I knew it was her before she even sat down beside me. It was kind of weird how I could recognize her footfalls. Why? I didn't know. It just sounded like Bella walking and it was. She sat down beside me and silently placed her hand on my back and rubbed soothing circles there. We sat like that for a couple of minutes; her comforting me when I didn't tell her I needed comforting and me trying to hold myself together but it just wasn't quite working. It was always harder to act like nothing was wrong when someone tried to comfort you.

I dropped my arms and leaned back on the bench. Bella moved her hand from my back to my hand and squeezed it gently. "We can call Bowman if you want…see if there's something he can do." She said softly.

I shook my head. "He doesn't need me bothering him all the time. I know he has done what he can." I bit my lip and blinked my eyes to keep the tears from falling. I didn't want them to come, but they did. I wasn't sobbing or in any real physical pain, I was just crying…well trying not to, but I knew it would only last for so long.

"Leah's coming by."

I swallowed and tried to concentrate on getting the tears to stay in my eyes and not fall over. Bella wasn't looking at me so thankfully she hadn't noticed.

"Oh yeah?" I said in the most normal way possible.

"Yes. I called her. Told her I wanted to see Claire and she said she misses you so she is coming by any minute now."

"That's nice." I said.

_Shit. _My voice cracked on that last word and my little hidden dilemma was unveiled. Bella's head snapped to my direction and she put her hand on my cheek to pull my face to look at her. All it took was that soft touch of her hand to pull any restraint I had on myself. Tears that had been harboring over the rim of both of my eyes dropped and I felt the hot tears make a track down my face. I felt too stupid to even wipe them away or look her in the eye.

"Oh, Edward…" She said sadly.

She got up from the bench and went in front of me. She scooted over onto my lap and I held my arms out wanting her as close as possible to me. She sat on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling my head down on her shoulder. My tears were like a sieve. They just kept falling silently and I couldn't control them and I guess I didn't have to. Bella wiped them away as they came and kept on placing kisses at the top of my head or on my forehead or anywhere she could reach.

"I know it's tough right now, but I promise you everything will be okay."

I took in a breath through my nose and let it out through my mouth. "I know it's really just another day but…" My breath got caught in my throat and I coughed it away. "I guess it's just catching up with me."

"You have every right to feel this way, baby, so don't worry about it okay? Just let it out. I'm here for you."

I nodded. "I know you are."

"Do you want to go out for lunch later? It can be my treat…I mean I'm just a poor college kid, but I think I can afford some Subway for us or something and eat it in the bed of the truck."

I really, really didn't want to eat, but I thought back to what I was just thinking to myself; I need to take care of myself more, and Bella seemed to know how to do that.

"Sounds like fun."

Bella's phone buzzed in her pocket, and I reached over and took it out for her. I handed it to her and she opened up the message she had.

"Leah's here now. Do you want me to go first and meet me out there?" She asked.

I shook my head. "No. I'm good. I'll go right now."

"Okay." She got off of my lap and pulled me up along with her.

We walked to the main lobby hand in hand. I noticed Leah right away and I couldn't help but smile when I saw the changes in her. She was wearing clothes that fit her. She had a little bit more meat on her bones and her confidence was slowly growing. The little beauty she held in her arms was looking around innocently while Leah was talking animatedly to Alan. She noticed us—well mostly Bella—first and started squealing and kicking her little legs.

Bella kissed my hand before she let it go and ran over to Leah and scooped Claire of out her arms and held her close and placed kisses on her laughing face. I walked over to Leah who was walking toward me with her arms open for a hug and I gave her one happily.

"I've missed you, you weirdo."

I smiled. "I've miss you, you…even more weird person." I said as lightheartedly as I could. She just rolled her eyes and leaned on my side and I put my arm lightly around her as we watched the people we loved most interact. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yup! I actually love it. I've met a lot of new people and I am hoping to start school next fall."

I pulled her too my side and ruffled her hair. "I'm so proud of you, Leah."

She laughed and swatted my hand away. "Thank you. I couldn't have done it without you, you know."

"Nah…you had it in you the whole time." I truly believed that. She was a great young girl and she just had it in her to succeed.

"Yeah, but you brought it out. I figured if you could raise a child at your age, so can I." That made me feel even better than she probably would ever know. I was elated that I could have helped her out in any way possible. "And let's not mention the other reasons. I mean you did give me and Claire, Bella, and look at how happy she is to see her?"

I smiled over at Bella and Claire who were jabbering away at each other even though Claire couldn't really speak yet and Bella didn't know what the hell she was saying. It was interesting to watch. "Which one?"

"Both! That's the point!"

I nodded in agreement and we both sat down on the chairs closest to us and she filled me in on everything that was going on in her life. She was still working and apparently she was going to be promoted to cashier soon which she was excited about. She was able to go get Claire some new clothes and even a toy from the store which she was even more excited about. She had this twinkle in her eye the whole time she was speaking and it was nice to see her so happy with what she had and where her life was going.

"I have this guy I'm talking to, too." She said in passing.

I fake gagged. "That's disgusting."

She laughed and slapped my arm. "Stop it! He's really nice."

"So am I, but you wouldn't want to take me home to your mom would you?" She rolled her eyes and Bella walked over at that moment with Claire on her hip. "Right?" I asked her and she looked at me with a confused expression on her face.

"Right about what?"

I was about to say what I meant, but Leah interrupted me. "I am talking to this guy and Edward said he is bad for me because he's nice."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Oh don't listen to him." She handed Claire over to me and I started bouncing her on my leg making her giggle and her little curl bounce. Bella sat down next to Leah. "I'm sure he's a great guy, and if you like him, then go for it."

"Or not. That works too." I said.

"Shut up, Edward!" They both said at the same time and Claire started giggling and covering her face when they did.

Well there I go getting ganged up on by the woman around me.

There was just one little girl missing from that equation and I would give my left arm to have her make fun of me again.

* * *

I still couldn't grasp the concept of how technology worked.

It was a big mind fuck to me and I just decided I will never understand it, so I would stop trying.

Bella was sitting on my lap and we were sitting in front of the computer screen setting up some kind of webcam thing with Bev who wanted to show off the baby. Margaret had a home birth, so they were already at home and the baby was thriving. I really just wanted to see Bev.

Bella was expertly clicking away and set up the webcam to perfection. She must have been some kind of technology genius on her spare time. Or else I was just too stupid to make any conclusions about technology or anything related to it. Soon Bev appeared on the screen and her smile was vibrant and you really hadn't seen a happier grandmother. She didn't have the baby in her arms, but she said she would get her a bit later on when she woke up from her nap. Bella and Bev were talking the most and I was just kind of there listening to them while I was stuck listening to my own thoughts that were starting to give me a headache. It was already nine at night and thankfully the day was over with, but I knew the following one would mean even more headaches and heartache without Alice.

"Hey, boy…you're very quiet over there. What's wrong?" Bev asked all of a sudden.

I shrugged. "Life is what I like to call a piece of shit, Beverly."

She frowned and Bella sighed. Bella gripped onto my hand and I kissed it. "Oh yes…it's your birthday tomorrow isn't it."

"Our birthday." I corrected her.

It would never just be my birthday, it was hers too and nothing would ever change that. Her birth was way more important than mine, but there was no denying the day I was born.

"Ah well, don't you worry, boy. You will have that little girl in your arms before you know it. You just got to hang in there."

I knew that Bev was only trying to help, but I didn't really appreciate the false hope. I didn't really know what to say to her without hurting her feelings, and thankfully there was a knock at the door before I could say something I would surely regret.

Bella got off of my lap and I told her I would get it. It was probably my landlord coming to piss at me for something to just put the cherry on top of this terrible day.

I opened the door and no…it wasn't the landlord. "Bowman? What are you doing here?"

Bowman looked different. He didn't look stern, or serious, or like he was thinking very hard like he usually did. No. He was smiling and I mean really smiling.

"Edward. I need to talk to you."

"Okay…" I said confused as fuck. "Come in." He walked past me and said hello to Bella and she waved back looking at him with an even more confused expression. Bev and Bowman also exchanged greetings.

"What's going on?" Bella asked.

Bowman turned back to me. "Are you going to bed soon?"

"What? I don't know, probably not anytime soon…" I thought Bowman may had finally fell over the deep end, took some ecstasy or some shit, and then came to my house to ask me what time I was going to bed. I couldn't see any other reason why he would ask me such a question.

"Well I suggest you go to bed early."

The whole room was silent. Was he okay or… "Why?"

"Because tomorrow morning at seven o'clock, you will have a little one probably waiting for you at the door with her overnight bag."

Bella gasped and put her hands over her mouth, tears already forming in her eyes, and Bev started clapping her hands. Apparently the news kept up with them faster than it registered in my brain because I was in complete shock.

_I…this…what…this is unbelievable._ I may have been dreaming.

"W-what?" I asked.

Bowman laughed…yes he laughed. This must be a dream if my mostly serious lawyer was laughing right? _Right?_ Things couldn't actually be working in my favor, could they? "You get to spend the whole day with Alice tomorrow and then they will pick her up on Tuesday morning around nine thirty."

Bella walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist, but I was still too out of it to even hold her back, but I could feel her arms wrap around me and I could feel her tears through my shirt. I could see the smile on Bowman's face and hear the sincerity in his words so that must have meant one thing…

"You aren't kidding." I stated.

"Of course I'm not! She will be ready for seven."

"How…I…how? How did you pull this off?" I was in awe of him. How the hell did he get through my parents to agree to this?

"Unfortunately, I didn't have much to do with it, but I did get the phone call."

"What? If you didn't do it, then who did?"

"Your brother."

_Whoa. _I felt like crying once again. What did he do and he did it for me? Just to make me happy? "Okay, but how?"

"He went to your parents house personally and asked them to do it for you. They were so shocked to see their first born son, and so happy that he would visit them that they agreed to give him whatever he wanted. Apparently your mother was a mess, but they couldn't see refusing him when they gave him away all those years ago. It was hard on Emmett as well. I spoke to him not to long ago. He didn't sound very good."

My head was spinning. It was absolutely out of control. I would try and grasp one thing, but it would be pushed out of the way by another thought. But there were two things I was sure of; I get to spend more than twenty-four hours with Alice in less than twelve hours and my brother was hurting because he made that happen for me. I couldn't even imagine the type of courage he would have to conjure up to go see them after all her had learned about them and his mixed feelings with meeting his birth parents face-to-face. It must have been so hard for him, but he did it anyway…he did it for me and Alice.

"I have to go." I said. I pulled Bella to my side and kissed the top of her head before I tried to let her go, but she pulled me back.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go see Emmett. I'll be right back, just stay here alright? I'll be back soon."

Bella wiped her tears and looked a bit overwhelmed herself. I guess she could have come if she wanted to, but she didn't ask me to. "Okay. Call me if you need me."

I kissed her lips softly. "I will." I pulled away, got my shoes on quickly, and grabbed my keys. I walked up to Bowman and hugged him. "Thank you." I said.

"You're welcome, but it really wasn't me."

"But all of this wouldn't be possible without you." I said sincerely because it was true. He stuck with me through all these years and never once gave up on me or Alice. I pulled away and patted him on the shoulder. I looked over at the screen. "Bye Bev!" I felt like I could finally hear myself talk. It was so clear and so…me. I was going to see Alice in less than twelve hours.

"Goodbye, honey, I love you! Congratulations."

"I love you too, Bev." I called over my shoulder and I stopped in front of Bella and swung her in my arms as I kissed her. "And I love you too, beautiful. I'll be home soon."

"And I'll be waiting for you. I'm so happy for you, baby." I kissed her forehead one last time and then made my way out of the house. I made it to Emmett's house in less than the fifteen minutes it usually took me because I was just too anxious to get there. I stopped outside his house and nearly all the lights were off, but the one to the living room was on. I forgot he must have put the kids to bed already, but nothing was going to stop me from speaking to him.

I knocked on his door in a rapid motion and waited for him to answer it. It didn't take long, and he opened the door. When I looked at him then, I looked at him in a completely different way. He just seemed so superior to me in that moment. All the other times I looked at him, I looked at him like my brother. But now, I looked at him like the brother that I loved. A brother that I would give my life for because he proved that he would do anything, no matter how painful, for me and for Alice.

And the toll it took on him showed in his face. It didn't take a brain surgeon to realize he had been crying and I didn't miss the dullness in his eyes. I didn't know how the meeting went with our parents, but whatever happened, he still had to face them with whatever restraints or ill-will he felt toward them. That takes a toll on a person.

"You spoke to our parents." I said before he could say anything.

He nodded and looked down at the ground. "I thought it would be the only way…"

"It hurt you to see them."

He sighed. "Is it that obvious?"

"You didn't have to."

"Yes I did and not only for you and for Alice. I had to do it for myself. I have met them and now I can move on." His voice cracked and he ran his hands over his face streaking tears down with his hands.

It was like seeing Alice cry only he was much bigger and man-like, but that didn't stop me from reaching for him and hugging him tightly. He wrapped his arms around me and broke down. He completely broke down and I was there to hold him up and he held onto me because it started right then; our brotherly relationship.

I knew he would have my back no matter what and he knew I would do the same. That's what brothers do.

"Thank you." I said with my own tears in my eyes.

The tears didn't really bother me. It could have been because I had been doing it so much during the day that I got used to it, or maybe it's because I saw Emmett do it and I didn't for one minute think that he was weak. I just saw it as him dealing with his emotions in the only way he knew how, and that was perfectly okay. I wouldn't judge him and he knew he wouldn't judge me. The trust between us was instantaneous.

"It's the least I can do. You enjoy her tomorrow alright?" We both pulled away and Emmett wiped his tears away with his sleeve and I with mine.

"I'm bringing her here. I don't know at what time, but I will let you know."

"You don't have to, Edward, I'm sure you want to…"

"No." I interrupted him adamantly. "She is coming home to see her family, and you, Rose, and the kids are her family. She will be so happy to meet you, and I will not deprive her of any form of happiness tomorrow or any day for that matter."

He smiled and put his hands in his pockets. "Well I guess I can't argue with that."

I chuckled. "You can't and even if you did try to argue that, I would have won. I don't lose."

"Don't get too cocky, little bro. I'm pretty stubborn myself."

"Wait till you meet Alice…she has us both beat."

He sighed. "Oh boy…"

And then we both started laughing and I really couldn't have been happier.

My shitty day and the shitty day I thought I had coming had completely melted away and I was left laughing with my brother, knowing I had a beautiful and amazing girlfriend waiting for me at home, and I get to see my Alice tomorrow.

I felt things couldn't get any better.

* * *

_And when there's nowhere else to run  
Is there room for one more son  
These changes ain't changing me  
The gold-hearted boy I used to be  
Yeah, you know you got to help me out  
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner  
You know you got to help me out  
You're gonna bring yourself down  
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down  
Yeah, you're gonna bring yourself down__._

_**All These Things That I've Done, by The Killers**_

* * *

**Okay I tried to update this in the airport today but the internet there was terrible! I've been traveling back all day so now I just have now to update. I have to go though because I have a party to prepare for tomorrow! I can't catch a break! But I worked on this when I had free time on my trip (it was a trip for business, not pleasure) and Alexa got it back to me ASAP as usual because she's awesome and I am updating now so no big delays! **

**I hope you all liked it, and I have a feeling you will all like next chapter because you have to at least have an inkling on what two people will be reunited for at least a little while, right? Stay tuned! **

**Please review! **


	50. Chapter 49: How Long

**Chapter 49: How Long**

**EPOV**

"I really think you should come with me." I said to Bella while I put my shoes on as I was getting ready to go.

I had been ready for about an hour already and it was just six-thirty in the morning; all I had to do was put on my shoes and then I was out. I figured maybe if I got there a bit early, they would let her go with me earlier. Any second counted at this point.

Bella was unwillingly awake because I kind of woke her up a little after five, but I just felt like a little kid on Christmas morning.

I had been lying in bed, but I didn't feel tired at all. I would be lying in the bed and thinking _'what the fuck am I doing here?'_ I just couldn't sit still and I needed Bella to distract me for a while or else I would have gone crazy. Once I got her awake, I spent a little while making fun of her for being all groggy from sleep and then I complimented on how cute she was in the morning and she told me I was a pain in the ass at five in the morning, and that lead to a very long argument between us that ended in us laughing uncontrollably.

And then we talked about Alice and tried to figure out what I could do with her all day long. It was strange. I had been wanting her to stay with me for the longest time, and now that I would have her, I didn't know what to do with her. I wanted it to be special for her. I didn't want her coming home and being bored.

"No, dude." Bella said and dropped down so she was lying down on the couch. "We already agreed; you would go spend time alone with her for breakfast at least, I will go register for my classes, then you will come back and we will do something the three of us, then we will go to Emmett's, and then we come home and sleep and you get her alone once again. Did we not just spend twenty minutes going over this?"

"Women are so simple. You get straight to the point."

She nodded. "Yup. Now go. I need some sleep." I chuckled, laid down on top of her, and held her tight. "Urgh…Edward! Get off!"

"Nooo…it's my birthday. I can do what I want."

"Oh shit! I didn't even give you your present yet!" She said and rolled over and tipped me off the couch and onto the ground, almost missing my head on the coffee table.

She got up and nearly missed my balls with her foot and _jeez_…it seemed like she didn't want me to see another birthday. She jogged away and I got back on the couch. I looked down at my phone and there was still too much time before I could see Alice.

I wondered if she was awake yet. I knew she liked her sleep, but so did I, so if she was awake now it must have meant that she was excited to see me and couldn't sleep either?

I got fidgety once again and waited for Bella to come back with my gift even though I told her I didn't want her to get me anything. But I couldn't really blame her. I would have gotten her something even if she told me not to.

She came back in the room with a huge blue birthday bag that looked full of stuff. _Was she kidding? _She plopped the bag in front of me and it was literally filled with things. I looked over at her skeptically.

"Are you serious?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yup. Me and my mom went shopping."

I looked down, and there were a lot of clothes inside. Once I opened the gift I realized she had gotten me three pairs of jeans in different shades, five t-shirts in varying colors, a new sweatshirt, and a beanie that I just couldn't wait to wear…oh and a new pair of sunglasses.

"Bella, are you serious?" I asked again. That was just way more than I needed from her.

She laughed. "Yes of course! Unless you don't like it…" I gave her a stern look. "Okay, well my mom pitched in so don't think it was all just me. She said to make sure I told you that it was partly her gift as well."

I nodded, kissed her, and reached back into the bag that seemed to never end. I pulled out a frame and laughed when I saw the picture inside of it. Bella laughed too and I knew just who it was from.

"He didn't…" I said.

Bella chuckled and took the picture from me. She shook her head at the image and I was completely touched.

"Well you both bonded on your love for Tom Cruise, so I guess a framed picture of him was as sweet as he could get."

"I'm going to hug your father until he feels completely uncomfortable with the whole situation."

She laughed. "I think he would love that."

"This is going on our wall."

"It absolutely is not." She reached into the bag and pulled out a thin, rectangular object wrapped in blue paper, there was a smaller box on top of that, and an envelope. She handed all of them to me.

"And why not?"

"Because I don't want Tom Cruise staring at us with that creepy grin while we sleep."

"Or have sex." I added and she rolled her eyes.

"That too. Now this is mostly from me." I started to open the envelope but she stopped me. "Not yet."

"Why not?"

"Well, it goes with a bit of explaining and I don't know how you feel about it, but I thought it was pretty nice." She was looking down and looking nervous.

All I could think was _'please don't cry'_. If she cried and got all sappy with me, I would just have to drag her along with me.

"It's actually just a letter. I couldn't think of what to get you and I was doing nothing at my parent's house, so I just started writing to you I guess. I mean, it's a bit corny, but I think it would be nice if for each other's birthdays, we can just write a letter to each other, you know? We can just say whatever we want, but it will be nice, as the years go on, to look back on them and see the different stages of our relationships through the years." She shrugs. "I don't know."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her to my side. I kissed the top of her head and stuffed the envelope in my pocket. I knew she wouldn't want me to read it in front of her because she would probably end up crying.

"I think it's perfect, love."

She looked up at me and kissed me. "You're perfect…sometimes." I laughed and was really thinking about dragging her with me even if she had to register for classes…_that can wait right?_ "Open up the last two gifts, though. You have to go."

"Oh right."

I ripped the paper off of the bigger object and it was another picture frame, but this one held something a bit more special I guess. It was a picture of me with Trevor and Kevin. They were both in the trash can and I was pushing them. All three of us had smiles on our face and you could see people laughing in the background including Leah and Claire. And to top it all off, there was a white area surrounding the picture that was signed by the people I had met at the shelter. Some wrote a little note thanking me and some just wrote their names. I could even see scribbles and Claire's name next to it in Leah's handwriting. It was the most beautiful gift I had ever been given.

"Wow." I said with a smile.

"This is actually from me and Alan. We got this all together for you. We figured if you were ever feeling down, you can just look at this, and realize how much you put smiles on everyone's faces."

I couldn't take my eyes away from the picture in my hands, but I could hear Bella crying. I knew it was going to happen. I turned towards her, grabbed her chin between my fingers, and kissed her hard on the lips. Words really couldn't express how much I loved that woman so I gave up on trying to say the words. She knew I thought the world of her and that's all that mattered.

"Thank you so much." I said and kissed her one last time.

"You're very welcome, handsome. Now here. This one is from Alan. I told him to give it to you himself, but he insisted I did because there is further explanation that he will give you." She handed me the small box, and I unwrapped it quickly. I took the lid off, and inside there was a key ring with two keys on it. I looked at her curiously. "One is to the doors of the shelter and the other is for your new office."

"Wait…my own office at the shelter?" She nodded. "Why would I need one?"

She smiled and hugged my arm. "You'll find out. I would tell you but I got to let Alan give you his part of the gift. All I can say is that I think you will be very happy about it."

Truthfully, anything that meant I could stay at the shelter longer made me incredibly happy. I loved being there and I couldn't believe they put me there for community service. Did they think they were punishing me placing me there? Little did they know they gave me the biggest punishment of all when they took Alice away from me, but I couldn't let that bother me…I got to see her really soon.

"I'm sure I will." I gave her another kiss and got up from the couch so I could start heading out. "I'll call you when we are on our way."

"Okay. Have fun, Edward."

I smiled. "I will. I love you."

"Love you too."

I left the house and then I was off to go see my sister. It seemed like it took such a long time to get there, but it didn't take me any longer than usual, I was just too anxious to get there. I was always deathly afraid that every time I would see her, since they had her, she would have somehow changed. I was afraid that I would see signs of me as a child. I didn't want that for her at all. I didn't want her to be forced to go places and act like the golden child and be all perfectly behaved and proper. I wanted her to have fun, be herself, and not do anything she didn't want to…besides brushing her teeth and eating of course.

But I knew I couldn't really think about that. I just had to have faith that I at least did something right and she wouldn't give into their creepy ways. I liked to think that I taught her well enough to stand up for herself even if it was to them. Maybe that was disrespectful to her elders or whatever, but she was her own person too and even though she was six, no…seven years old—_damn_—she still was a human being and was awarded the rights that every other human being had. I didn't have that right, so I wanted her to have it.

As I drove down the street to the house, I felt my excitement rush up and I pressed on the gas a little bit harder. I looked down at the time on the dash and it was seven-twenty. _Close enough, right? _

I pulled up to the front of the car and got out. As I was turning the corner from the back of my truck, the door to the house swung open and yeah…she was happy to see me.

"Ecy, Ecy, Ecy!" She squealed as she ran down the lawn and I ran to meet her halfway. I was smiling so big it was fucking hurting me but who the fuck cared if my face broke in half…_she's in my arms. _

I squeezed her tightly against my chest and she was laughing and squeezing me right back.

"Happy birthday, kid." I said and kissed her cheek.

She pulled away and braced her hands on my chest. "Thanks! Happy birthday to you too! You already look like an old man."

I laughed. Oh how I missed being made fun of by her. That was the best thing anyone has said to me in I didn't even know how long.

"Thanks, Alice." I said sarcastically.

"Are you wearing big people diapers now?" Did she get wittier or has it just been that long?

"Hey, no more insulting the guy who is providing the ice cream for the day."

She gasped and put both hands over her mouth. "I'll be quiet." She mumbled through her fingers.

I laughed and she rested her head on my shoulder. She didn't say anything, and I just relaxed with her head on my shoulder and her arms around my neck. She sighed in contentment and I really couldn't believe I was holding her and I didn't have to let go for at least a day. It was a beautiful thing.

"Are you ready to go, kid?" I asked as I rubbed her back.

She pulled away and put both of her hands on my face. "You don't look like an old man. You look like Ecy."

"And you look like the beautiful Alice I have missed so much."

She pulled my face towards her and planted a wet kiss on my cheek. "I miss you more than that, silly Ecy."

"Now that is an argument we are not going to have. Do you have your stuff?" I asked her.

She didn't have anything for the night. Did they think I would have stuff for her? Did they not realize they took all of her things when they took her?

"I have to go get it inside and say bye to Cornelius. He will miss me."

"He can come if you want him to." I said. I would do anything to take that sad little expression on her face she got from thinking that she would have to leave her beloved cat behind.

She shook her head. "He can't. We don't have a kitty box for him and he gets scared in the car."

I placed her down on the ground and she grabbed onto my hand as we walked to the front door to get her bag.

"Well, can I say bye too?" I asked.

She looked up at me and smiled. "Of course! He misses you!"

The door was still open and my mother was standing around the corner already dressed for the day. She had her arms crossed in front of her and she looked like shit. I didn't mean that in a way as saying she looked ugly, because as much as I hated her, she wasn't ugly. She just looked tired and sick maybe. I didn't know.

"Hi, Edward." She said as Alice ran to go get her stuff.

I put my hands in my pocket and felt really uncomfortable. "Hi uh…thank you for letting her be with me today."

"So you told your brother, huh?" The venom in her voice caught me off guard. I was used to her being cold and what not, but I just told her thank you and then she flipped out. _Wow_.

I didn't want to start a fight though to make her change her mind or something. "Yes. I did."

"Why?"

"Because I can." Maybe that was starting shit…_oh well._

"That's not a good enough reason."

"Listen, I told him because he is my brother. He's not your son anymore, but he is my brother so if I want to get to know him, I can. I have more rights than you, that's for sure."

She glared at me and I regretted saying it because I could see her saying Alice couldn't go with me. _What was I thinking? _I really couldn't control it. I just snap sometimes.

Thankfully Alice came back before things could get out of hand. She had a backpack on her back and a cat in her hands. The cat was a little bit bigger, but not by much.

"Here, Ecy. Cornelius wants to say bye." I reached down and scooped the cat in my hand and brought it to my face.

"Bye, cat."

Alice gave our mother a hug, but was looking at me the whole time. "His name is not cat! It's Cornelius!"

I looked back at the cat and he really did not look too impressed with me, but cats were usually like that. They weren't impressed by much except maybe cat nip which I thought was the equivalent to drugs for felines. I saw a video of it on YouTube. It was disturbing really.

"Bye, Cornelius. Have a good day." I felt silly speaking to a cat, but Alice giggled so who the fuck cared if I looked like Dr. Dolittle.

Alice took the cat in her arms and hugged it and told him that she would be back to feed and play with him and to not miss her too much. When she was done saying bye to the cat, she grabbed my hand and waved at our mother.

"Bye, Mommy. I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Bye, Ali. Call me if you need me." _Oh she will not need you I promise. _

"Okay!"

I turned away with her and didn't even look at my mother. I didn't know where my father was and I didn't really care. I didn't have to see him, so I was pretty happy about that actually.

"Ecy, can I sit in the front seat?"

I snorted. "Absolutely not."

"But I'm seven years old now!"

"And…"

She looked at me like I was stupid for not seeing the logic behind it. "And I am older now so I can sit in the front seat like other older people do."

"Well guess what, kid." I lifted her up in my arms and kissed her cheek. "It's also my birthday today, and I am twenty-five which means I'm still older, which means I know what's best, so…" I opened the door to the back seat. "I say you sit in the back." I placed her in the seat in the back and she crossed her arms and pouted.

"That's not fair!" She wasn't being a brat. She was just playing along. I wrapped the seat belt around her and buckled it.

"That's not fair!" I said in a squeakier imitation of her voice and closed the door.

I heard her giggle and she was still laughing when I got into the driver's seat. I was eager to take her away from there.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked her. "We can go out to breakfast, we can go to the park, I can bring you to the museum…anything you want, kid." I said as I made my way to the highway.

I glanced back at her through the rear view mirror, and she was looking out the window with a small smile on her face. I missed seeing that face every day. Her smile faded and she looked down at her lap.

"Can we just go home, Ecy?" She asked softly. "We can go those places if you want to, but I really just want to go home."

_Home. _She still thought of our house as her home. I didn't know much, but I knew that really said something. She had been living with _them_ for a couple months now, and no one would blame her for thinking that was her new home, but she didn't. She knew in the back of her mind that her stay with our parents was only temporary. I guess even though I wasn't completely truthful with her when I told her we would never be apart, she still believed that I would always fight for her. It really blew my mind and made me feel proud that I could do that for her. She always knew she would have a home with me.

"Of course we can go home, kid."

"Is Bella there? And Bev?" She asked hopefully.

"Bella will be there a little later, and Bev isn't home right now. She's with Margaret…she just had her baby."

Alice squealed and clapped her hands. "Yay! Do you have pictures?"

"Yeah I have a few on the computer. I'll show you once we get home."

"Can we call Bev too?"

"Of course. It's a little early now, but we will later."

"Okay! Is Bella coming back soon? I brought my new nail polish and I want her to paint my fingers for me!"

"I'm sure she would love that."

"It's pink!"

"Super!" I said in the same excitement she had.

She was firing off questions and comments in the midst of her excitement and I was highly entertained. A hyper Alice was a fun Alice. I mean if I had a lot to get done and she was hyper, she could easily drive me crazy, but nothing she did would bother me today.

"Do you think Bella will let me paint hers?"

"I think so." I actually wanted to say 'fuck yeah' but even though she was seven years old now, that didn't mean I could start swearing at her. Although I was sure she would think otherwise.

"Can I paint yours?"

"Absolutely not."

"What about your toenails?"

"What about no?"

She sighed in exasperation. "You're a party pooper, Ecy!"

I laughed. "You're a crazy little girl, Alice."

She shook her head and we were silent for a while. I was so happy that we could just jump into things like nothing ever happened.

"Can you put on the radio, I want to siiinnggg." She was using such a high pitched voice, I thought my ear drums would blow or some shit, but I put on the radio anyway and listened to her belt out whatever song came on that she knew. I just listened along and laughed at her care free nature. I didn't know how her everyday life was like for her with them, but I knew then that no matter what happened, nothing would change my Alice.

We got home in no time, and she jumped out of the truck before I could even turn the car off and open the door. She was waiting at the bottom of the steps for me and grabbed my hand and dragged me up with her. It felt like any other day where we were walking up the steps together. Being with her at our home made is so easy to forget all the shit because when she was there, everything was right with the world.

She opened the door with a contented sigh, let go of my hand, kicked her shoes off, and ran to her room. Bella, as I expected, wasn't home and I was sure she would be happy to see us here when she walked in. I told her I probably wouldn't be home until lunch time.

"Ecy! Can you come in here, please?" Alice called.

"Yeah one second, kid." I took my beanie off, kicked my own shoes off and kicked both of ours out of the way so Bella didn't trip when she walked in the door. It may have been funny, but I didn't want to risk her getting hurt or else I would have a heart attack.

I walked down the hall to her room with the biggest smile on my face and if anyone had been looking at me at that second, they would have thought I was some crazy ass creeper guy. Well at least that's what I would think.

Her door was wide open, and she was under her covers, completely cuddled up in bed with one of her stuffed animals. She lifted the covers and patted the bed. "Can you come lay down with me, Ecy?" She asked.

"Not if you stink." I said on my way to the bed. I sat down on the edge and just watched her laugh at me comment. It was hard to believe there was anyone more beautiful than Alice.

"I smell like onions, skunks, and dirty socks!"

_That is fucking disgusting. _How can someone so pretty think of such nasty things? I loved the hell out of her.

"My favorite scent." I said and she laughed some more.

I got under the covers with her and pulled her to me. She cuddled up to me and I wanted to stop that moment forever. It was like I could breathe again and maybe that expression was used too much, but it was one-hundred percent accurate in that moment. It was like there had been a constriction in my chest that I had gotten used to, and I didn't realize I had it until it was gone and I could just breathe again. As much as I wanted to just take time to soak it all in, I didn't want to go that long without hearing her voice.

"So how have you been doing, kid?" I asked.

She took a second to answer. "I've been okay. I'm on summer vacation now because school is over. I want to go to dancing school, but I don't think daddy will let me."

My grip tightened on her. I was reeling but I tried to keep my voice even. "And why not?"

She shrugged. "Don't know. He's been grumpy lately and he left yesterday and didn't come back."

"Why did he leave?" I didn't know if I was pushing it, but that was just something I couldn't let go.

"I can't tell you."

After she said that, I felt like I couldn't breathe again. Alice used to tell me everything. I cleared my throat. "Why not?"

She shook her head. "I can't."

I got up on the bed and brought her with me. She wouldn't look at me. I gently grabbed onto her arms and tried to get her to look at me.

"Alice…" She looked over to the side. "Alice, look at me, kid." It took her a second, but she looked over at me. "Why can't you tell me?"

Her bottom lip began to quiver and I wished we weren't having this conversation if it was going to make her cry. She bit her lip and took a deep breath. "I don't want you to get in trouble, Ecy."

_What the fuck is going on? _"I won't get in trouble."

"You don't know that!" She yelled. "If you get in trouble they will make you stay away from me longer!"

"No, no, no…I promise you that won't happen. You have to trust me, sweetheart. You have to tell me what happened." I tried my best to calm her down because whatever the hell it was, I would be smart about it. I would never do something that would mean her being taken away from me longer.

"You promise you won't get in trouble?"

"I promise, and you won't either. I'll protect you."

"Okay." She said. I let go of her arms and pulled her on my lap. She gripped onto my t-shirt and began talking. "He left yesterday when him and mommy were fighting. I heard what they were talking about but I wasn't being a sneak Ecy, I promise. I just had a bad dream and couldn't sleep and then I heard the man talking to them and mommy was crying a lot and then the man was talking about you!"

_Emmett. _It had to have been Emmett she was talking about. "Do you know who he was?"

"Daddy was mad. He didn't like that he was there, but mommy kept telling him 'but that's our son, that's our son;' but I don't get it, Ecy!" She looked so defeated. "I thought you were their son…"

Well I guess then was a best time to tell her about Emmett, although I'm pretty sure she probably already figured it out in her head. "I am, but that man, he is also their son."

She looked even more confused. "You know him?"

I nodded. "He's our brother, Alice."

She looked at me with a blank expression on her face. There was no 'right' way for her to react I guessed and there was no way for me to determine what her reaction would be. She looked a bit shocked I guess. It was a lot for a little girl to take in.

"You didn't tell me?" She asked.

"No!" I said quickly. I wasn't expecting her to think I kept something like that from her. _Shit. _"I mean, no I didn't keep it from you, Alice. I didn't know until a couple weeks ago."

"But how…"

"Our mom and dad had a son before I was even born, and they put him up for adoption. Remember we talking about that once?" I had to explain to her that I adopted her when she was in pre-school and she asked me why I wasn't her dad when everyone else in her class had one. I guess I could have had her call me daddy to make it easier for her in school and what not, but I never felt right doing that. I may have raised her as my own, but she's my sister and to me that was special enough and more than enough for the both of us.

"Yeah you adopted me."

"Right. Well so was our brother…his name is Emmett. He was adopted when he was a little baby." She nodded her head in understanding. "And I found out, and now I talk with him. He is who helped me get you here today."

"Really?" She asked with a smile. Emmett already got on her good side with that one.

"Yes. We are going to see him later, and guess what?"

"What?" She asked excitedly.

"He has three kids. They are your nieces and nephew." Damn that sounded so weird. Alice had nieces and a nephew as well. Since they were so close in age, I didn't think they would call her aunty though…that just didn't seem right.

"Wow! How old are they?" She asked.

"Well there are twins, Zachariah and Zoe, who are both seven and then there is Stella who is two." She got off of my lap and started jumping on the bed.

"More friends, more friends…" She kept repeating as she was jumping. I guess her being excited was an understatement. "Can we go soon? I want to meet my new friends!"

"Whoa, hold it, kid. Don't you want to spend time with old me, first?"

She jumped onto my lap and hugged me around my neck tightly. "Of course I do! I missed you, Ecy!" She said and kissed my cheeks, alternating between each cheek.

I chuckled. "I missed you, too. Now can you sit still, crazy?"

She didn't stop moving. I should have expected that. She held my face in her hands once again and studied my face. I stuck my tongue out and crossed my eyes making her giggle. She kept looking at me, and I didn't really know what she was doing, but I didn't want to interrupt her. It didn't last too long however and she placed her head on my chest with a sigh.

"I'm tired, Ecy."

I kissed the top of her head. "Well why don't you lie down for a while, and I will go make us something for breakfast."

She held onto me tighter and shook her head. "No. Don't let me go."

She didn't have to tell me twice. I fell back on the bed taking her with me and she fell off to my side and snuggled close to me.

"I love you, kid." I whispered and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you too, Ecy." She said and I could tell by her voice she would fall asleep. I didn't really want her sleeping for too long because I wanted to talk with her and soak her in, but sleeping was what she wanted so that was what she would get.

So I wrapped my arms around her and did as I was told…I didn't let her go.

* * *

**BPOV **

I knew they were in there.

I saw Edward's truck outside when I got home, and even though it was only almost ten in the morning, they were already home. I seriously couldn't get up the stairs fast enough and I felt my heart beat fast against my chest in anticipation of seeing Alice again for the first time in what seemed like forever. And I also couldn't wait to see my Edward happy and whole again even if it was just for a day.

They weren't in the kitchen or in the living room. I put my new schedule down on the table and didn't want to look at that damn thing for a couple of months. Creating my schedule for each semester always stressed me out and I never really knew why. There were just so many choices and so many that I _had _to take and I had to have a schedule that worked with my job and with Edward and man…it was tough.

I went to Alice's room first because I figured they would probably be there. I was right. Edward was lying in the bed with Alice. He was awake, but she was sleeping. One of his hands was holding her close and the other was running through her hair. He looked over at me when I walked in and that smile on his face almost just about made me cry on the spot. I just loved seeing him so happy. I walked over to him and put one hand in his hair and he grabbed my other hand. I kissed him softly on the lips and I swear even kissing him felt better since I knew he was better.

"Hey, beautiful." He said lazily in a whisper.

"Hey, baby. Did you already wear her out?"

He chuckled and looked down at Alice. "No. She wanted to come home and sleep in her bed. I couldn't just say no."

I smiled down at Alice. "She looks so peaceful."

"And beautiful." Edward added, playing with her hair.

"As always." He nodded his head in agreement. "So what have you two done all day?"

He then explained to me what happened. He explained how he picked her up. He talking about how happy he was to see her and how she tried to use the 'I'm older now' card on him and tried to get in the front seat. He also told me about how she knew who Emmett was.

"Did she figure it out on her own?" I asked.

"Kind of. She knew of him and I just explained it further and told her his name." He let out a breath. "She seems excited about it."

"I figured she would be. She loves meeting new people and I bet she is elated at the fact that she has another brother." He smiled and I wanted that smile to never go away. "Her view on what a brother is, is pretty high because of you."

"I'm glad Emmett will be there for her."

"Me too."

"Can you do me a favor?" He asked suddenly.

"Sure."

"Can you please take my place for a second? I have to piss so bad right now." I chuckled and kissed him.

"Of course."

He got up from the bed and I slipped in right after him so Alice wasn't jostled around too much. The space was warm from him laying there and Alice herself was warm against my side. She looked like an angel.

Edward stood by the side of the bed and looked down at us. He had an adoring look on his face and I sort of wished he didn't have to piss so he could join us.

"Mein Leben." He whispered.

Him speaking in a different language kind of surprised me. He hadn't really spoken in a different language in a long time. He only really did when he was pissed off and mumbled it under his breath. Actually, the last time he spoke to me in a different language was before Alice left.

"Uh…help. I don't know what that means." I said. I should have really signed up for a language class this morning so I could catch up with him a bit.

He smiled, kissed Alice's head, and then kissed me softly on the lips. "It's German. It means 'my life.'" He kissed my nose. "And…" Then my forehead. "Ich liebe dich means I love you."

"Ich…er…just give me more time. But for now, I love you."

He chuckled and kissed me again. "I love you more."

"Now go piss. I swear if you piss your pants you're cleaning it up, dude."

"You really wouldn't clean it for me?" He asked all innocently.

"Hell to the no. Now go."

He laughed and left the room. I sighed and looked down at Alice who was surprisingly still sleeping through all of that. We weren't exactly being loud, but still. She had always been a heavy sleeper though. I ran my hands through her hair, not really wanting to wake her up but she started to stir soon so I stopped. Edward popped in to tell me he was calling Emmett and seeing if Alan would want to see Alice and that he would be right back.

Alice started waking up not long after that. She opened her eyes and looked up at me and a huge smile appeared on her face and she jumped on top if me before I could even comprehend that she was awake.

"Bella!" She said excitedly.

"Hi, Alice!" I said and hugged her really tight making her laugh. "I've missed you, sweetie, how have you been?"

"I'm good! Happy to be home now." The little girl knew just how to tug at the heart strings. She was just so intuitive, sweet, and essentially innocent. She had been through so much but she always kept her head held high and I knew that was because that's what Edward taught her to do. "Can we paint each other's fingernails? I got some new nail polish and it's so pretty!"

"Yes of course!" I was genuinely excited about this. "I haven't painted my nails in a long time. You're brother isn't exactly interested."

"Because my brother is a poopy head!" I threw my head back and laughed. "Painting nails is fun!"

"Who is a poopy head?" Edward asked when he walked in all casual.

There was just something about him saying poopy head like it was an everyday word seemed so humorous to me. One thing was for sure; when Alice and Edward got together, they were bound to make the people around them laugh their asses off because they just had such interesting banter and personalities.

"You are!" She said accusingly.

"Oh you are? Yeah I know you are." He sat down on the bed and Alice reached to slap his arm.

"Don't be mean!"

"You're the one who called me that name!" He said in his defense.

She rolled her eyes. "You're a silly person, Ecy."

He laughed. "Whatever, kid. So I was thinking I wanted to take you somewhere special today."

She relaxed into my side again while she spoke to him. It felt so natural and so right being there with the two of them. I always knew Edward was it for me, but I didn't know, right then it just kind of sealed the deal. It was hard to explain but all I kept thinking was 'this is my family.' And they were. If they're happy, then I was happy. That just didn't happen with just anyone.

"Where are we going?"

Then he explained to her about the shelter. He told her how he was working there—no need to explain community service—and he told her that he had a lot of friends there who would like to meet her. She seemed happy about that, but she seemed to continue getting bothered that most of the people there didn't have a home to live in.

"Alice, that's why there are places like that so when people don't have homes, they go there to get food, shelter, and make friends."

She looked at him incredulously and I was kind of surprised about her reaction. Edward had told me that they both had donated to homeless shelters a couple times and she knew about it, so why was she having this reaction now? It just didn't make sense to me I guess.

"Okay well when are we going?" She asked.

"Right after we have lunch." He said.

"What are we having?"

He smiled. "I got this really great deal on some delicious dog food. You'll love it."

Her little face scrunched up in disgust and looked at him like he was crazy. He really was in a way, but that's part of his charm…in my eyes anyway.

"You're so gross, Ecy."

"What?" He asked innocently but I could see he was close to laughing just by the light in his eyes. I already had my hand over my face trying to hold in my laugh. "I thought you liked dog food!"

Alice shook her head in disappointment and looked over at me with an expression that said _'is this fool serious?'_ I just laughed. She looked back at Edward and he was looking at her with a small smile on his face and looking all innocent and she said. "You're wrong, Ecy. I don't like dog food…I like cat food."

And then Edward and I both lost it. Edward's face scrunched up in a laugh and he placed his hand over his stomach and fell back on the bed.

I pulled Alice to my side and laughed right along with him. Alice was laughing too, but she wasn't as bad as us. I just noticed her looking at Edward the whole time as he laughed. His laughter seemed to bring on hers rather than the witty comeback she made. She looked at him adoringly and it made her happy to see him happy.

We shared that.

* * *

"I'll be right back, okay?" Edward said as we walked into the shelter.

There seemed to be a problem in the corner of the room and Alan looked distressed speaking with a few people. Edward obviously noticed and couldn't help but go help him. Alan was very passive and Edward was more aggressive so he often helped him out because where either of them lacked, the other made up for it.

I held onto Alice's hand and I looked down at her to gauge her reaction to the room filled with people. She looked overwhelmed to say the least and her hand gripped mine tightly. I squatted down to her level to try and see what was going through her mind.

"Are you okay, honey?" I asked.

She didn't respond for a second and she seemed in a trance looking about the room. I was beginning to think maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bring her because she really seemed bothered by it or at least it was affecting her in a negative way.

"All these people have no homes?" She asked in a squeaky voice. She was going to cry. I looked over to where Edward was and he wasn't there anymore. _Shit. She will probably need him. He's the only one who can talk her down. _

"They don't, honey, but that's why they come here. They like it here don't you see?" She looked around and I looked with her.

They all looked tired but were in good spirits at least. There were a few that looked rather pensive, but they were at least grateful to be at the shelter because it's the only place they felt safe and happy. I just needed to find a way for Alice to see that because the fact that the shelter was filled with people with no homes seemed to really truly bother her.

"I want Ecy." She said simply. She started looking around for him on her tip toes. "Where did he go?" She asked in a panic. I let go of her hand and lifted her up in my arms.

"We'll go find him." I said.

She nodded and placed her head on my shoulder and wrapped her legs around my middle as I walked with her in the back where I figured Edward would be. I went to Alan's office first, but they weren't there. I went to where I already knew Edward's new office would be and sure enough, they were in there talking. Edward looked at us as soon as we walked in and I saw the worry on his face when he saw Alice clinging to me so tight.

"Edward…" I said.

I didn't have to say anything else and he was already across the room right next to us. He put his hand on her back and she let go of me and reached for him. He took her in his arms willingly and wrapped her up in his arms.

"What's the matter, kid?"

"Ecy…all those peoples don't have homes!"

He sighed and sat down with her on one of the chairs. "I know they don't kid, but they're okay. You'll see once you start talking to some of them."

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "But I feel so bad!"

"I know, sweetheart, but that's just the way life is for some people, but you shouldn't be sad here, kid. This is a happy place because they help the people who need it." He motioned Alan to come over and he knelt down in front of them. Alice looked over at him with her head on Edward's chest. "Alice, this is my friend, Alan, and he owns this place. He's the one who gives those people food and a place to stay for a little while."

"You do that?" She asked of Alan.

"Yes I do." Alan said in that soft voice that I have only heard from Alan. I never knew a voice could be so strong yet so forceful at the same time. Edward and I talked about it once, and he swears Alan has been possessed by the angel of all goodness and his voice was a product of that. I knew that was completely ridiculous, but Edward had his own way of thinking with things so I just seem to roll with it at this point. I swore in thirty years we would probably be senile older people living in our own little world and I will blame him completely.

"But don't you get sad?"

Alan shrugged. "Yes sometimes, but then I just work harder. Everyone has their problems Alice, and you feel bad about it, but the best thing you can do is help them in any way you can, and that's why I decided to open up this shelter. I help them, and they leave here a little bit happier."

"But their mommy and daddy doesn't help them?" She wrapped her arm around Edward's neck. "Or an Ecy?" Edward sighed and put his head against hers with his eyes closed.

"Unfortunately no they don't." You could see the disappointment on Alice's face, but Alan was quick to take it away. "Well what about this, what about if you go out there, and I'll walk you around and maybe tell them a joke or something to get them happy. I'm sure that will make their day."

Alice looked skeptical. "Can I hug them instead? My teacher says everybody needs a hug sometimes." Alan looked to Edward for approval, and he looked a bit hesitant. I didn't blame him. Sure all those people were civil enough, but you never knew when there was that shady person and Edward was overly protective of Alice to begin with. Alice noticed Edward's hesitation. "Come on, Ecy. It's okay. I still love your hugs the best."

Edward smiled and kissed her head. "Okay."

Alan reached for her hand. "I'll go with you if you like."

"Okay!" She kissed Edward's cheek quickly and jumped off his lap to leave with Alan hand-in-hand. That little bond didn't take long to begin. But after I really thought about it, Alice and Alan were two of the kindest and sweetest people I knew so it would make sense that they would easily connect with each other.

Edward was going to get up from the chair, but I pushed him back and sat on his lap. He smiled and kissed me.

"Did I tell you that you looked beautiful today?" He asked randomly making me blush.

"No."

"Well you do."

"Did I tell you that you looked like shit today?" I asked.

He snorted and started laughing. "I fucking love you, chick."

"I love you too." I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed. "She's a good little girl, Edward. You did an amazing job with her."

"It still stuns me." He said in disbelief.

"It shouldn't. I'm not surprised, that's for sure."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah but you're practically insane to love a guy like me so you're opinion kind of doesn't count."

I nodded my head in agreement. "Yes that is very true. What was I thinking?"

He patted my head like I was a dog or something and I wanted to punch him and maybe kiss him as well just because I knew he was kidding. "It's okay. I still think you're cool."

"You would think since you're twenty-five now you would have grown out of your jerk-like tendencies." I said in wonder.

He kissed my cheek and got up taking me with him. He wrapped his arms around me impossibly tight and squeezed me in the most painful, bone-crushing hug.

"Edward! I can't…breathe." He loosened his grip on me and kissed me before I could yell at him for the sudden…I didn't know what the fuck that was.

He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me so sweetly. I was quickly melting in his arms. He never ceased to amaze me with his balance of playful and loving nature. I felt like the luckiest woman in the world. And plus the way he always kissed me…gah. I fucking loved him. He pulled away and kissed my face.

"My jerk-like tendencies are eternal like my love for you, darling."

I snorted. "You're so fucking corny."

"Corny in love."

I laughed. "Shut up!"

"I love you more than the moon and the stars." He was just being ridiculous now and I decided to play along.

"I wasn't aware you loved the moon and the stars at all."

"You had me at hello."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up, dude."

"My heart stops when you look at me."

"Then you'd be dead."

His face dropped. "You are a bitch, chick."

I laughed and he laughed with me. Sometimes after we had conversations like that, I was left thinking _'what the fuck were we thinking?'_ We did the most random shit sometimes and people would probably think we were crazy.

"Now put you're serious face on now, dude. Did Alan tell you what the office was for?"

He shook his head. "Not yet. I think he was getting to it and then you two walked in." He put his hands in the back pockets of my jeans and held me close to him. He really needed to stop or else we would christen his office before he even knew what it was for. It sucked knowing his birthday sex would have to wait, but having Alice there was way more important.

"Oh alright."

"Just tell me." He whined.

"No. Shut up. Let's go see your sister."

He kissed me on the lips quickly. "You don't have to tell me twice."

"I know that."

We untangled ourselves from each other and he grabbed my hand and led me out the main room where most of the people usually were. It didn't take long for us to spot Alice with her bright pink shirt on. She was speaking to one of the older woman that I had seen there many times, and the woman had her hands over her face like she was going to cry. I didn't know what Alice was saying to her, but when Alice saw the tears in her face, she patted her on the shoulder. Then she said something else and the woman opened her arms and Alice walked right into them and hugged her closely while the woman cried. It was the most beautiful scene I had ever seen.

I looked up to Edward and saw that he was close to tears himself. I hugged him from the side and he wrapped his arm around me.

"I don't know if I can let her go again, Bella." He said with a hitch in his words.

"Don't think about that right now, baby. Just look at her."

He nodded his head and nothing else had to be said. She was amazing. It was hard to think anything negative with Alice around.

* * *

**EPOV**

I felt my new beanie slip off my head and that hadn't happened in a couple months now. I loved it.

I looked behind me and Alice was giggling and putting it on her head. We had stopped at the gas station and Bella ended up bumping into one of her professors and was talking to him leaving me and Alice waiting in the car.

"Could you quit stealing my shit, kid?"

She pointed at me accusingly. "Eeee…you said a bad wooorrdd."

"Yeah but it rhymed with the sentence. That's literary genius right there."

"Whatever." She stood up in the back seat and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Today has been the best day ever, Ecy." She said to me making me feel pretty fucking good about myself.

"I'm glad you think so, kid. But there is still one more part."

"Yup! Going to see Emmett and my new friends!"

She didn't really want to call them her nieces and nephews. She just said they were her friends and that's it. I was sure once she got older she would use the 'I'm _your aunt you must listen to me'_ card, but for now, she was content to just be their friends.

She really ended up enjoying herself at the shelter. She must have hugged more than half of the room and made even more friends. The only part that sucked was when people would tell me to bring her around more often…I wish I could.

She met Claire and Leah. Leah thought she was the funniest little thing and Claire had fun playing that clapping game with her. Is it matty-cake? Shatty-cake? Shitty-cake? _Fuck if I know._

Now it was just after four in the afternoon and we were going to see Emmett. Rose was making dinner and I couldn't wait to get there. I missed my nieces and nephew and I couldn't wait to see them interacting with Alice. I would also be interested to see how Zoe and Alice were around each other since they were so different.

"You'll never guess what Emmett told me when I talked to him this morning."

"What? What did he tell you?" She asked anxiously.

"I'm not telling you."

She huffed. "Tell me or I'm going to paint your fingernails."

"No."

"Fine, then I will just tickle you."

"You can't tickle me…ow!" She yanked on my ear lobe and squeezed my nose. "Ah stop it, kid!" I was laughing but damn did that hurt.

"Tell me or I will take your nose!" She said with a giggle in her voice. I missed that kid so much it wasn't even funny.

"Never!" I ripped her small little hand off of my nose and pulled her over my shoulder.

She laughed and kicked her legs. She fell off of me in the middle of mine and Bella's seats and I took her moment of vulnerability to tickle her like crazy. I could turn the tables quickly. She was wriggling on the middle of the seats and my beanie was starting to fall off her head so I took it away completely.

"Hey!" I slipped it on my head quickly, but she snatched it away just as quickly. "Ha!" She yelled and jumped back in the back seat so I couldn't get to her. Well I could have but I was getting old and would probably hurt myself. "What did he tell you, Ecy?" She yelled. Someone was starting to get hyper. _Here we go._

I turned in my seat and she had my beanie back on looking all adorable I just caved and told her. "Well, his wife Rosalie bought stuff to make ice cream sundaes."

She gasped and started clapping her hands. "Yay!"

Bella got into the car and looked back at Alice bouncing in her seat. "What'd you give her? I want some."

I chuckled. "I gave her the news that there will be ice cream at Emmett's house."

She laughed and looked back at Alice. "Oh you are going to love it, Alice."

"I can't wait!" She said kicking her legs against Bella's seat.

"Alice, chill out. You're going to give Bella whiplash." Bella was too nice to say anything so I had to step up to the plate. Alice was in too much of a good mood to get mad at me for telling her not to do something.

"Sorry, Bella!"

"It's okay." Bella said looking out the window.

"Are we almost there, Ecy?"

"We'll be there in three…two…one." I stopped in front of Emmett's house and Alice started clapping. Bella was laughing and I just rolled my eyes. I loved seeing her so happy though. It was the best feeling in the world.

"He has a big house!" She said in amazement.

"Yeah I know." Bella and I got out of the car and I went to open the door for Alice and help her out since the truck was kind of high for her. But when I opened the door, her face was a bit different and she looked nervous. "What's wrong?" I asked feeling a bit panicked.

"I just hope my friends will like me."

I kissed her forehead. My sweet little Alice. "They will love you. Now come on. There is ice cream inside waiting for you. It's in the freezer screaming 'Alice, Alice, come get me.'"

She laughed as I pulled her from the truck. I held her in my arms. I didn't want to let her go and she didn't seem to want to be set down, so I walked with her to the door and Bella stood by our side.

"Ice cream doesn't talk, silly."

"How would you know? You eat it before it gets a chance to say a word."

She laughed. "But it's so good!"

As we were walking up the steps, the door swung open and Emmett was on the other side with a huge smile on his face. He looked like he was containing himself. His eyes went straight to Alice.

"Hi! You're my brother right?" Alice said before I could even tell what Emmett was feeling.

He chuckled and it was quite obvious. Alice had him wrapped around her little finger. "Yes that's right and you're my sister."

"Yes!" She said happily.

"Well. That was a quicker intro than I was expecting." I said and Bella snorted from my side.

My chick always got my jokes and was right on to laugh at them. It was one of the reasons I kept her around. No matter how corny the joke, she always found them funny. I needed a reminder every once in a while that I was not completely strange.

Alice wrapped her arm around my neck. "And this is our brother, Ecy. He's weird but you get used to it."

"He is pretty weird isn't he?" Emmett asked. Alice nodded her head fervently.

"Am not." I turned to Bella. "Right?" I asked her.

She patted my shoulder. "No comment_._"

_Fucking shit._ Guess she didn't have my back when I was being picked on. Was I an easy target or something? I just didn't get it. Bella walked past Emmett and went inside the house to seek out Rosalie I was sure. They had been talking via phone calls and texts about girly shit. I looked at her texts once and they were about the prices of groceries and planning a day to go get their nails done_. Ew. _

"So uh, Emmett…can we like come in or are we not cool enough for you?" I asked.

"Sure Alice can come in." He reached for her and she practically jumped out of my arms into his.

I waited for the pain to come. I had been thinking about it a lot even though I didn't want to, but I was afraid I would be jealous once she met Emmett. I mean there was nothing wrong with him and he was better than me in more ways than one. I had always been Alice's only brother and now there was Emmett…_what if she likes him better._ I knew my thinking was selfish and probably ridiculous, but it was always a possibility and I pondered anything that's possible.

But I was obviously wrong. When Emmett walked away with Alice in his arms, I just felt completely content. It wasn't a competition and it never would be. Emmett wasn't like that and he would never try and steal her away from me or anything. I worried for absolutely nothing because I realized having Emmett gave Alice even more family and people to love her. I watched as Emmett introduced her to his kids and his wife and the huge smile on her face. She kept looking back at me frequently to see if I was still there. She needed me around.

But she had more family. She had something that I never had and that was what I always wanted to give her; everything I didn't have. Again I began pondering all the possibilities, and if something were ever to happen to me, Alice would never be alone. The amount of people that would be there for her was practically endless. I felt that even though she wasn't living with me, I at least did what I could for her when I could and it definitely wasn't the end.

After all the introductions were made, Alice was playing outside with Zachariah and Zoe was watching them being the little princess as usual. Emmett was talking with Zoe trying to coax her to go play I was sure. I decided to just let them play. I went back in the kitchen to hang out with the chicks, but when I walked in, it was only Bella with Stella in her arms with her little head on Bella's shoulder. Bella was rocking and bouncing with her while rubbing her little back.

"Hey." I said.

Bella looked over at me with a small smile. "Hey, baby."

Stella smiled at me when I walked in, but didn't take her head off of Bella's shoulder. She looked quite comfortable there and Bella looked amazing with a baby in her arms. Which also made me think about the possibilities, but this one was actually a pretty fucking good one. Bella and I could have kids some day and that is even more family for me, Bella, and of course Alice. I was guaranteed a life worth living if Bella was a part of my future which I was sure she would be.

That night I actually took a step back and realized damn…_I'm one lucky bastard._

* * *

"I really liked it there, Ecy." Alice told me while we were in her bed about to go to sleep.

We were just waiting for Bella to get out of the shower so she could join us. Alice's bed wasn't exactly huge, but we could manage. Plus Alice was so small she barely counted as taking up any space on the bed.

"Where at Emmett's?" I asked for confirmation. I mean we went there and the shelter so she could be talking about either.

"Yeah. Emmett is really cool and Rosalie is really nice and me and Zachariah agreed to be best friends and Stella is so cute and Zoe…well she was cool I guess." I chuckled.

It took Zoe a while to warm up to Alice. I guess seeing Alice just kind of put her on guard and I guess I could understand that. I mean she was a kid, and Alice was playing with her brother and sister who obviously loved her, so I got it. I probably would have been the same way if I was Zoe.

"You and Zoe had a great time toward the end when she was teaching you her dance moves that she learned from dancing school."

Alice was actually really good at imitating the moves that Zoe showed her. And no, I was not only saying that because she's the shit and I love her to death, she actually impressed me and even Bella said so. My next mission would be to get her into dancing school because she would probably be the best fucking dancer anywhere.

She nodded. "Yeah she was cool then, but I thought she didn't like me before."

"Nah…that's just Zoe. She'll warm up to you I promise."

She sighed sadly. "If I ever get to see them again."

_Shit._ Being with her all day made it easier to forget that she wasn't always with me if that made any sense. The whole time I was at Emmett's house all I could think about was all of the things we could do together and maybe Zoe and Alice could both go to dancing school together and we could go over for Sunday breakfast or take all the kids to the park. I guess that was all wishful thinking for now…_shit sucks._

"You will see them again. Don't you worry about that." I rubbed her arm to sooth her a bit. I didn't want her sad at all. We had an absolute perfect day and I didn't want her to end it by crying or getting upset.

"I wish Bev was here." She said wistfully.

She got to talk on the phone with Bev when we got home from Emmett's. She was talking to her for an hour and a half before Bev had to leave and help her daughter. The first ten minutes of the phone call featured both of them crying their eyes out. I comforted Alice while I heard Bev also crying on the other end.

"I know, but you will see her soon. She misses you so much."

"I miss her too. I missed you Bev and Bella all the time and now I am going to miss Emmett, Alan, Rosalie, Zachariah…"

"Alright, alright, let's not think about that right now, honey. You will see us. I promise."

She sighed and we were silent again. It wasn't a tense silence thankfully. I looked over at the clock and it was nearly ten o'clock. I was beyond surprised she was still awake. Alice was usually out by seven and from what she has told me, that hasn't changed.

"I don't want to sleep, Ecy." She said softly. I knew it was only minutes before she fell asleep. I could feel her body relaxing under my arms.

"Why?"

"Because then it will be tomorrow." Yes, tomorrow. I tried not to even think about tomorrow when she would be taken from me yet again.

"It will eventually be tomorrow whether you sleep or not, kid. I don't want it to be tomorrow either, but let's worry about that tomorrow, okay?"

"You said tomorrow a lot."

I chuckled. "Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow," I said dramatically and she looked up at me like I was crazy. I put my fist over my heart and started reciting to her one of the greatest pieces ever written. "Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out…" She put her hand over my mouth and I was bummed I didn't get to do my big finish.

"What the heck are you talking about?"

I chuckled. "It's a famous Shakespeare speech."

She pursed her lips. "Is he the man who wrote Romeo and Juliet?" Oh I have taught her well. She hadn't read the play obviously, but she did know the basics…at least that's what I thought.

"Yes it is. That's from his other play, Macbeth."

"Oh okay." She said sounding bored. I guess I would have to wait for her to get a little older to be actually interested in Shakespeare.

"So I don't know about you, kid, but I think we had a pretty good birthday."

She yawned. "Yes. It was the best one ever."

I kissed the top of her head. "I agree. Now go to sleep, kid."

"Okay, I will."

I had to stop myself from changing my mind and waking her up. _We could have an all-nighter, right?_ I knew we actually could, but that would screw up her whole sleeping schedule and then my parents would probably accuse me of neglect or some shit. Well she could sleep, and that didn't mean that I had to and I probably wouldn't.

I kissed her head. "I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too, Ecy." She mumbled and rubbed my stomach.

I looked down at her and couldn't take my eyes off of her. In less than twelve hours, she would be taken from me again and who knew when I would see her again. It should have bothered me, and it would, but not then. No. I just sat there holding my sleeping little sister, while waiting for my love, and appreciating that everything was right with the world in that moment.

* * *

"It's almost ten-thirty…is this some fucking joke?" I said under my breath to myself.

Yeah I was talking to myself but I didn't give a fuck. My whole mind was a big cluster fuck in that moment. There was hope and desperation and doubt coming and going within me and I got two hours of sleep the night before…I just wanted to get fucking drunk or something.

I walked away from the window and went back into the living room where Alice, Bella, and Emmett were. When I walked in, they were all as I left them playing a game of go-fish. I played a couple rounds too, but then I got too antsy and had to go walk around and wait. It was an hour after my parents were supposed to pick up Alice. Now I didn't know if we got the times mixed up or I didn't even know what the fuck, but it was pissing me off.

_Are they trying to play games with me or something? Was this their way of telling me that they could come and get her whenever they wanted at any time? _

Alice looked at me when I walked in, and waved me over to sit with her. I looked at her sitting there trying so hard not to look nervous, with her little backpack on her back, waiting. I swear if they forgot about her…_fuck_. I didn't even want to think how that would make her feel. As much as I didn't want her with them at all, I would have no problem giving them a piece of my mind if they made her feel any kind of insecurity. I knew how that shit felt. I knew what it felt like to know your parents forgot about you, and it's not something I would ever wish on Alice…ever.

"Who's winning?" I asked as I sat down on the floor beside her.

"Emmett is, but he's a cheater." Alice said and fanned out her cards.

"I am not!" Emmett said in his defense.

They went off on a little argument and I looked over at Bella who had her eyes on me giving me a concerned look. I just shook my head and she sighed. She knew I was pissed and didn't want to talk about it. I mean I knew they would show up, but come on now…it's like they knew how bad the waiting would kill me. I'd been thinking she would have been gone an hour ago, and after that, it was practically any minute and I hated the feeling I had inside my stomach.

After two more games, the door bell rang. Alice looked panicked and jumped into my arms and locked herself around me. She felt what I was feeling…we would be apart soon. I got up with her in my arms trying so fucking hard not to scream or cry or just take her and run. I felt like I was going to be sick. I opened the door, and I was once again confused.

"Bowman?"

I couldn't read the expression on his face and that made me even more nervous. What kind of fucking games were they playing with me now.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Go ahead." He gave a pointed look to Alice who had a tight grip on me and I really wanted to fucking punch him for making me let her go. She was the only thing keeping me from flipping the fuck out. I felt feverish and like I was on the edge of a nasty episode and I knew I couldn't let it overtake me.

I'm sure all Bowman had to tell me was that they weren't coming to this disgusting neighborhood and they asked to have Alice taken to them. I would have bet my life on that's what they wanted. They wanted to make me feel even more inadequate by not taking a step into my apartment with their snobby asses. They made me sick.

"Alice, go back inside, alright?" I kissed her head to let her know everything would be fine. She shook her head and didn't let me go. "Bella…" I called to the living room. Bella came walking over seconds after I called her and Emmett followed after her. "Here Alice, go to Bella."

I tried to pry her arms away from me, but she wouldn't let go. _She's killing me. _Bella rubbed Alice's back and whispered soothing words to her—I don't even know what the fuck she said because my head was going I didn't even know where—and Alice let her grip loosen on my neck and Bella held her in hers. I kissed both of their heads, and I told Bella to go wait for me in the living room with her.

After they left, Emmett remained, and we both walked into the hallway with Bowman. I shut the door and turned to him.

"What the fuck is going on?" I asked.

Bowman stepped back from my outburst and I felt I was close. My hands were shaking and fuck this was not the time.

"Edward…calm down."

I took a deep breath—the best I could take anyway. "I'm calm. Now where the fuck are they, they were supposed to be here and hour ago."

"I know…"

"Then what the hell is going on, Bowman?"

Emmett put his hand on my shoulder. "Edward, stop yelling at him." I shrugged his hand off my shoulder. "Alice will hear you."

I knew he was right, but I couldn't seem to control myself and I wanted to punch something so fucking bad. If Bowman didn't tell me something that would ease my worries and stress, it would probably be him that I hit because I could feel my control slowly slip away.

_I should have fucking taken those pills right away…_

"When the hell are they going to get here?" I snapped.

"They aren't going to be here. They're not coming to get her, Edward."

* * *

_I'm scared of death  
And I'm scared of living.  
I gave up on the past cause it's unforgiving.  
I misplaced my trust,  
I watched my word begin to rust,  
I'm a balloon about to bust,  
I need a place for reliving.  
Still sometimes I feel like weeping  
Awake and when I'm sleeping  
Perfecting how to put a game face on.  
This puzzle I've been keeping  
Has been in hiding creeping out the closet door,  
Spilling out onto the floor.  
How long will I be picking up pieces?  
How long will I be picking up my heart?_

_**Picking Up the Pieces, by Blue October**_

* * *

**Hey! I'm so sorry this chapter is really late, but I have been so busy, I have barely had time to just sit and relax nevermind writing, but whenever I could sit and relax, I was writing haha. But this chapter is pretty long so it kind of makes up for it, right? Shoutout to the awesome Alexa who read this loonnngg chapter late at night but didn't stop till she was done! Haha Thanks!**

**So what do you think! Were you expecting the end of this chapter? Maybe it's not what you think…or maybe it is lol You'll have to wait to find out! **

**Again, I'm sorry for the wait, but thank you for sticking with the story.**

**Review please! **


	51. Chapter 50: Dead End Road

**Chapter 50: Dead End Road**

**EPOV **

"_Dear Edward, _

_You probably don't want to hear anything I have to say, but please listen to me now. I realize I haven't been very much of a mother to you and I am sorry for any distress it has caused you. I want you to know that it was nothing personal, and I promise you I was not always such a bad person. Whether you believe it or not, I am capable of love._

_I believe at a time I had the capability to love my children. In my way I do love all three of you, but I have begun to realize that I am incapable of showing it. I just don't know what to do. I sat up every night since your father and I have had Alice back, and I would cry and cry and cry. I tried so hard. I wanted that little girl to know what it was like to have a mother that loved her because I know all children deserve that…I just couldn't be that for her. _

_But I am capable of love. I don't want you to think I am some kind of monster although I know I have given you that impression since you were a tiny little baby. I would have never admitted it back then, but you were a beautiful child, Edward. The most beautiful baby I have ever seen to this day. But seeing you only made me angrier because I knew I wasn't capable of loving you the way you should have been loved, so I just didn't. _

_But I am capable of love. I love your father more than anything that has ever been. I love him more than my life. I would do absolutely anything for him because he is a really good man, Edward, but we have been through a lot. When I was younger, I went through unspeakable things, and your father was always so tender and wonderful with me, how could I not love him? _

_He is capable of love as well. He loves all three of you more than you will probably ever know. The only reason your father was the way he was to you was because of me. When you were a baby, he wouldn't let you go for longer than five minutes. He held you so long though; he began to think of Emmett. He loves him too. He loves Alice as well. _

_It is because of your father that I am writing this letter to you right now. You will probably throw this out as soon as you read it, and that is okay, but I just really hope that you at least read it so I can tell you why we are doing this. We are not going back for Alice. _

_We can't do it anymore. After your father and I saw Emmett the other day, we realized how well our children do without us. Emmett is a handsome young man and he looked well put together and the car he pulled up in says a lot about his success. We could have never given him that. Alice…well there is a lot to say about Alice. She is a really sweet little girl and wouldn't hurt a fly, and that is because of you, Edward. _

_We have no contribution in our children's lives other than creating you and bringing you into this world that all three of you have taken by storm…without us. We have talked about it, and we decided that the best gift we could ever give you would be to completely step away and let you all live your lives. Alice will never look at me or your father the way she looks at you. We have accepted that, and we want at least for you all to be happy. We did all we could. _

_We won't bother you again. Have a nice life and tell your brother and sister I said the same. _

_Goodbye, _

_Elizabeth Cullen" _

I placed the letter down with a shaking hand. Was this really happening? Was this _really _fucking happening? I felt like ripping the fucking thing to shreds. I wanted to demolish it and forever forget about them and go on with my life, but it wasn't as simple as that. Shit never was simple for me.

It seemed simple though didn't it? They left. They left Alice with me and the most logical thing that could happen was that I would get her back.

Apparently that wasn't for certain.

I took the pills. I took my first dosage after Bowman explained to me what happened and I felt myself falling closer and closer to the edge. I blew up at Bowman and said some horrible things but I didn't even remember what they were. I just remember Emmett holding me back, Alice screaming, and then Bella holding my face in her hands trying to talk me down. It worked. I calmed down long enough to realize that it just wasn't the fucking time and I needed to do something to help the situation, _my situation_.

The pills were my best bet.

Now they were working—whether it was all in my head or they were just really good pills, I at least felt docile. But one thing those pills didn't do was help my brain figure out shit. There were so many things going through my mind I couldn't keep up with it. I needed to talk with someone.

I was sitting in a holding room at Child Services. Alice was with her social worker and they wouldn't let me get to her until they figured out what the hell was going to happen. Yeah, they wouldn't just let me bring her home with me…apparently it wasn't that simple and possibly impossible.

I stepped out of the room and looked for someone I knew. I heard a child screaming and my heart jumped. I knew it wasn't Alice but no kid should ever have to scream like that. I turned the corner and saw a little boy screaming and crying and kicking and punching anyone who tried to touch him. His eye was swollen and he had blood all over his face. His eyes were completely wild and all I wanted to do was hug that poor child. He couldn't have been older than Alice. _What the fuck is this world we live in? _

They dragged the boy into a room and shut the door muffling his cries. I walked faster down the hall, and found Bella sitting inside one of the waiting rooms looking so worried. I shouldn't have just left her alone, but Bowman was bringing me to see someone, and they gave me the letter and they had me go in a holding room to read it…probably to make sure I didn't hurt anyone if I flipped the fuck out. Little did they know they could have just let Bella sit next to me and hold my hand and I would have been fine.

"Bella?" I said as I arrived in the doorway of the waiting room.

Her head snapped in my direction and she leapt up from her seat. I felt like shit because of the look on her face. I knew it must have been frustrating her to be so out of the loop, but she would never complain because it was Bella, and she was always trying to make things easier for everyone else.

"What's going on?" She asked with her arms crossed in front of her. I motioned her over to me, and when she got in front of me, I wrapped my arm around her and hugged her close.

"Come on. I'll explain everything in a second." I said.

She dropped her arms by her side and I grabbed her hand and led her back to the holding room. When we got in there, the letter was still sitting on the table. I picked it up, made Bella sit down, and handed it to her to read. She looked down at the letter and then up at me confused.

"Just read it."

She looked back down at the paper and I sat down next to her. I didn't even look at the paper because I didn't want to look at it. I didn't want to read it again because I knew what it said and probably would never forget. I waited for her to read it and it didn't take her that long before she threw the paper on the table.

"Do you think she's telling the truth?" Was the first thing Bella asked.

I shrugged. "I have no idea. A part of me says to not question it, but the other part is saying this is a crock of bullshit and they're playing games."

She nodded and sat all the way back on her chair. I was leaning forward with my forearms on my knees and my head between my hands. I was starting to get a headache and I couldn't figure out what to do next. I really just wanted to see Alice, but Bowman said they would bring her back when they were done speaking with her.

"You know," Bella said softly. "I don't think it really matters what happens, because this could only be good for you."

"How?"

"Edward, they pretty much abandoned Alice when they had custody of her. I don't care what anyone says, the courts won't overlook that if they for some reason come back."

She was right. Shit I hadn't even thought of that and it was so simple. I think I would have realized that if I had more time to sort shit out in my head, but damn she was fast. She was so smart. What would I do without her? I seriously, honestly, and completely think I would have gone crazy without her to help me through all of that. I'm not even kidding.

"That's true."

"I don't even get it. Her letter was all over the place, they need some serious help."

I snorted. "I could have told you that." She just shook her head while we waited. "You know what is really bothering me?" I asked.

She placed a hand on my back and rubbed soothing circles there. "What is it, baby?"

"Is that Alice probably feels abandoned right now," Bella sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. "I mean, I hate them and I am kind of happy they are gone, but she at least liked them and she lived with them and then all of a sudden they didn't come to pick her up…she's not going to like that and I don't want her to feel less wanted."

"You know she will probably feel like that, but she will be fine Edward because she has you. All she wants is to be able to see you."

I got up from the chair, and started pacing. "But she will feel unwanted by her parents. As much as I hate them, that shit still bothers me to this day. She is more sensitive than me. If she doesn't realize it now, it will catch up with her." I felt so evil even saying it, but it was the truth. I knew for a fact that this would hurt her. If not now, then it would hurt her in the future. I didn't want this for her.

"Yeah but Edward…"

"No." I put my hand out for her to stop. "Parents…they are the most powerful beings on this earth, Bella. They shape their children and they have the power to make or break them. The making part is easy and hard to mess up, but breaking a child is easier than they probably think. One word could break their heart and one action could change the way they behave for the rest of their lives. Children look up to their parents and that is true for _every _child." I ran my hand through my hair and pulled. "But parents sometimes don't realize that. They think as long as the child knows they are loved and they put food on the table, they will be fine, but that is completely wrong. Children need so many things and most of all they need their parent's attention and guidance. If they don't get it from them, they get it from somewhere else, and you never know who they will turn to." I put my hand over my stomach feeling sick. "I can do all I can, but Alice will always know that her parents didn't love her enough to stick around or give her attention or guidance and I don't know what that will do to her, but it scares the fucking shit out of me."

I literally felt sick. I had seen it all the time. I saw people that did stupid things just because of their parents. There's always that one girl without a father figure that went around to find love in other men. There were those boys who see their father hit their mother and think that is what is right to do. There were those boys and girls that turned to drugs and alcohol and other terrible things just to take the pain away. I was that kid…well I would have been that way if it wasn't for Alice. She was who I turned to. Alice would always have her family behind her, but sometimes that wasn't enough.

"Edward," Bella said, sounding so distant from the jumble of thoughts in my head. "Edward baby, you can't worry about that…she has so many people who will be there for her." I wanted to tell her that I did too, but it didn't stop me from thinking about not being wanted by my own parents. It shouldn't bother me, but I couldn't deny that it did. I knew that fighting with Bella about it will not be good. She would be completely optimistic, but I knew the truth.

"Yeah maybe you're right…" She wasn't.

She got up from her chair and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Everything will be okay, Edward."

"I just hope they let me take her home. That's all I really want right now."

"I don't see why they wouldn't…"

"Well I can't see why they would."

She lifted her head and looked at me confused. "What do you mean?"

Before I could answer her, the door to the holding room opened and in walked Bowman and Emmett. Emmett didn't go with us right away because he had to go pick up Stella from daycare and bring her to his parent's house, but he promised he would be right back, and he obviously kept his word. Bella let go of me, but I kept her arm around her.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Alice should be here soon." Bowman said.

I sighed in relief. I really wanted to see how she was doing and I hated having to leave her in the hands of those social workers. I never trusted those people.

"Good. And what about where she is going? I can take her home, right?"

Just the look on Bowman's face gave me my answer. "I don't know, Edward."

"What do you mean you don't know? Do you really think they would rather her go to foster care than with me?" I asked.

"You're still on probation, Edward. You are out a job, you visited her without permission, and you haven't taken any steps to right yourself until today and that will just look like a desperate attempt to get her back."

"At least I'm fucking fighting for her! Someone has to!" I snapped at him.

He really pissed me off sometimes. I knew he was only doing his job and giving me the facts, but still. It seemed he never told me what I wanted to hear.

"Edward…stop it." Bella said from my side.

I could see I hurt Bowman's feelings with that one and I felt bad and pissed off at myself.

I didn't have time to apologize however because the door opened, and Alice was on the other side with another woman. Her eyes scanned everyone in the room, and when her eyes fell on me, she was running at me. I picked her up and looked toward the social worker for answers that she better know I fucking wanted.

Instead of saying anything, she just stood there and stared at me.

"Well…" I said impatiently.

I heard Bella sigh in frustration behind me. I knew she hated when I was snappy with people, but I just couldn't help it. I wanted to get the hell out of there and fast.

"Ecy don't be mad." Alice mumbled against my neck.

"I'd rather speak to you alone, Mr. Cullen." Which in other words meant she didn't want Alice in the room because it would most likely upset her, and if it upset her, it would invariably upset me. Or the other way around. _Fuck off. _

"Alice, honey…" Bella said from behind me. "Why don't you come with me okay? So they can talk."

Alice nodded and reached for Bella. Bella held her while Alice clung to her like a monkey. Bella didn't even look at me before she left, and I knew she was probably pissed off that I wasn't being calm about shit. I couldn't blame her but I also couldn't really help it. At least she was still helping me out by bringing Alice out of the room so we could sort through what the hell would happen next.

"Okay, now can I bring her home?"

"The most the court can grant you at this point is temporary custody." She said straight and to the point.

"Temporary? Why can't I just have custody of her like I had from the beginning?"

"Look, this is all things that will have to be taken care of in court, but from what I have seen and from my own knowledge, you are on probation, you violated the custody agreement before, you are out a job, and you have taken no extra efforts to improve yourself."

I turned around and ran my hand through my hair trying to calm down. It was exactly how I feared. I really fucked up.

"But you should be able to bring her home tonight. The one thing you have going for you right now is that your parents left her in your care which implies that they wanted her there."

"What does what they want matter anyway? They're the ones who left her!"

"That doesn't matter right now. The only thing the courts will look at is that they filed for custody of Alice with a motive. There was a reason they wanted her away from you and just because they are out of the picture doesn't mean that you are the perfect contender for custody."

I had an official headache. It hurt so bad.

"There is going to be a hearing that we will schedule once a judge is available, and then we can find out from there. If you do get custody, well then congratulations, but if not, unless there is no other family, she will be put into foster care as an orphan."

I didn't know if I was just crazy, but the words that were coming out of her mouth sounded completely stupid to me. Everything she said didn't make sense. They would really take a child and place it in an orphanage rather than with a family member that has a few problems? _Fucking ridiculous. _

"I'm family." Emmett said. I almost forgot he was in the room and what he said didn't register with me right away. He cleared his throat. "I mean I can take her…"

"No!" I said sternly. "Absolutely not." _Was he fucking out of his mind?_

"But Edward, I already have a home, I have room in my house…Rose and I can take care of her."

"No." I said stubbornly.

Emmett sighed. "Do you two mind if I speak to my brother alone?"

"You can't just tell them to leave." I said. I

really just didn't know how I felt about the whole thing. I knew Emmett wasn't trying to be a douche bag, but I just got mad when he was talking about taking her from me. _Why the hell can't I just keep her? _

"It's fine." Bowman said and the other lady who's name escapes me was already heading out of the room.

I felt like I would break down. I didn't want them to leave because I would be forced to see what really had to be done in comparison to what I wanted more than anything in the world.

Emmett took steps toward me, but I just pushed back and didn't look in his eyes. "Edward, you have to see how this would work."

"How is this going to work, Emmett? I mean have you even asked Rosalie if she wants to have another child in her house?"

"She wants to. I called her when I went to pick up Stella. I knew this would be a possibility and I want to help you and Alice in any way that I can."

I shook my head and placed my hands over my ears. I didn't want to hear this. He continued talking and I heard every word despite my desperate attempt to shut him out.

"We already have a home set up for her, she will be around kids her age, she can go to school, we can give her what she needs, and you can live your life, Edward."

"She is my life, Emmett." I grounded out between clenched teeth.

"Edward, you need to think about this. You do absolutely everything for that little girl, but you need to start thinking about yourself."

"I'm fine if she's happy."

"And she can be happy with us."

I shook my head and breathed through my nose. It was the best way I could think of to keep myself from crying.

"We can give her a room of her own, we can definitely afford to take care of her, and she will always have the kids to play with."

"But she belongs with me…"

"We're not taking her from you! Would you really think we wouldn't let you see her?"

"That's not the point, Emmett." I snapped. I finally looked up at him. "Do you have any idea how much I fought for that kid? Do you have the slightest idea?"

He shook his head. "I could say that I do, but I'd be wrong."

At least he wasn't trying to be a know-it-all.

"Exactly. I have fought to have her with me since the day she was born, and do you people really expect me to just give up and have her live with someone else and not even fight a little bit?"

"No one will think worse of you for letting her live with us." I sat down on one of the chairs and held my head in my hands. "You deserve time to yourself too. I've already had that, bro. I went to college, I did stupid things, I got hired, I got fired, I worked and did whatever the hell I wanted. Half the time I didn't know what I wanted, but when I finally found out what that was, I settled down and had a family of my own. I'm set right now, Edward. You still have growing to do. I look at you, you're my little brother, but you have this maturity in your eyes that breaks my heart, man."

I squeezed my eyes shut. _Fucking make it stop. _"Everyone's different."

"Yes I know that but they are different because of the circumstances and the circumstances you have right now can allow you to live your life Edward. You've done your job, and you will always be a part of Alice's life no matter what."

"I don't know, Emmett…"

"Right now it may seem hard and like you're giving up, but that's not true. Think about the future okay? Think about how much this will help Alice in the long run. Our parents are gone now, but they could come back and you know that." I did know that and that is what scared me. "They will have no means to take her from us, Edward."

Fuck I wanted him to shut up and stop making sense. "I want her with me." I said finally.

"What about Bella?" He was evil. _Fucking evil for using her in this conversation._ "You can't tell me that you two had a lot of time to yourselves when Alice was living with you, can you?"

I just shook my head and thought about being a real coward and leaving the room.

"You're making seem like it's so terrible having Alice with me."

"No, I never said that." He said. "All I'm saying is I know it's difficult and if there was no other choice, I would be encouraging you to take her in again, but you have a choice now. She can stay with us. She will be happy and you can see her _whenever _you want and she can sleep over on weekends if you want."

"I don't know."

"Just think about it. You at least have however long this temporary custody lasts, and the offer will always stand." He patted me on the back. "I just think it will be best for Alice, Bella, and you. It's your choice."

If he only knew how much I hated making choices.

* * *

They were both sleeping.

I was supposed to be sleeping with them, but I just couldn't. We had a good day together despite our shitty morning. We just hung out at home and ate food and watched movies and played games and laughed. You would have never known what had happened to us that day, but it was easy for us to forget because we were with the ones we loved most.

I did a lot of thinking all day. I was really quiet throughout the day, and of course Bella noticed, but she let me be for the most part. I wasn't mad per say…I was just observing. I would look at Alice and think about what would be right for her.

I knew she was happy with me. I knew she loved me and I knew she liked her bed and her home, but was that the best I could give her? No. I had the power to give her a bigger room, with a bigger house, with kids her own age to interact with and play with whenever she wanted to. She would go to a great school, she would have a schedule, and she would be a first hand witness to what a real and normal family looked like and functioned. That could be beneficial.

I just didn't know if I could give her up. I fought so hard for so long, and could I really just give up? Was it _really _giving up?

And then there's Bella.

If Alice stayed, there would be limited time for us to be alone. We went through that before, and I saw that it bothered her, but she loved me too much to say anything. While she was amazing and I loved her for how understanding she was with everything, I knew that I couldn't expect her to be that way forever. She was nineteen years old. I sometimes forgot about that little fact, but it was actually a big one. She was young. She shouldn't have the responsibility of helping me raise a child.

She would never just come out and say no. She wouldn't leave me if I decided to keep Alice or anything, but since we were living together and plan on being with each other forever, it would be her responsibility too. It would be like she had a child of her own. There were so many angles I could look at it from, and it was driving me crazy.

I got up from the bed gently so I wouldn't wake the two of them. I gave them both a kiss on the head before I left the room and then left the house. I went down the stairs and to the front porch where I sat down. I needed fresh air, a place to smoke my cigarette and a place to talk to who I needed to talk to.

I took my phone out and it may have been fucking two in the morning, but I knew she would answer and I knew she would help me no matter what.

"_Boy? Is everything okay?"_ She asked groggily into the phone.

I sighed out in relief hearing her voice. It was as if I knew my worries would be lessened once I was done talking with her.

"I don't know, Bev." Bev was the best person to talk to. She loved me, but she had no problem calling me out if I was being stupid and she was always there to help me with whatever I need whenever I need it.

"_What did your parents do?"_ She asked in irritation. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry that she automatically knew it was them.

"They left."

"_Left?" _

"Yes, left as in they abandoned Alice and disappeared to who knows where."

"_Wow."_ She was silent for a minute. I was sure it was as shocking to her as it was to me. I wouldn't have guessed that they would completely give up…well I guess a part of me did but I thought they just wouldn't do it because that would be too nice towards me. _"But that's good right? Now you get to keep her?"_

"Apparently it's not that simple. There's a chance they won't let me have her."

"_Are you serious?"_ She asked.

I blew the smoke out of my mouth. "Yup. It's all a bunch of bullshit."

"_But there is still a chance you can get her right?" _

"Yeah."

"_Well then just fight for it, Edward. I'm sure you will win." _

I threw the cigarette over the porch when I hadn't even finished it. I really just didn't have that much interest in it. "I know that, but there is more."

"_What is it?" _

"Emmett offered to take her in."

She gasped. _"Really?"_

"Yes." It felt a little weird just coming out and saying it. It was the truth, but I didn't know, it just kind of became more real when I said it out loud like that. Emmett offered to take in our sister for me and for her.

"_And what did you say?" _

"I said I would have to think about it." I rubbed circles on my forehead with my fingers. "I don't fucking know what to do, Bev."

"_What's going through your mind?"_ She asked in concern.

"I mean I see where he's coming from because it will be better if my parents ever show up again or whatever and she will have a great and normal life with him, but I don't want it to seem like I am just dropping her or giving up because…" I stopped and swallowed down the lump in my throat. This shit was so fucking difficult. "I will never give up on her. I love her so much and I just want to make the right decision for her but I don't know what that is."

"_Do you trust your brother?" _

"Of course I do. That may sound stupid since I've literally just met him, but I trust him."

"_Then I think you should let him take custody of her." _

Her straightforward comment completely caught me off guard. She said it so quickly and with such confidence and surety. "You do?"

"_Yes. I do and I think that you know it's the right decision as well." _

"But is it?"

"_In my eyes, everyone wins."_ She was talking about it as if it were the most obvious answer. "_Emmett obviously doesn't mind it if he offered, his kids will have another little person to play with, and Alice will be happy to be with her new brother and being around those kids, and you're right; she will have a normal life over there." _

"She could have a normal life with me, though." I said half-heartedly. I knew that wasn't exactly true. I tried my best for her and it was normal enough at the time, but I could give her more now.

"_Can I tell you something, honey?" _

I hated when she gave me that tone of voice. She sounded like a caring mother and it just made me think about how much I really needed Bev. She really was like a mother to me. I wanted her to come home. "Of course."

"_I've known you a while, Edward. I love you, boy, and I don't mean to hurt your feelings, so promise me you won't get mad." _

"I won't." I doubted anything she could say would make me mad ever, but I would humor her.

"_I have seen you struggle a lot. It would kill me, especially in the beginning when she was still a baby, when you would come to me crying because you were frustrated or just had a bad day with her."_

I didn't really know if I wanted to hear any more. I remember those days as well. I was completely overwhelmed in the beginning and there were many days where I thought I would just give up because it was strange for me raising a little girl and it was tougher than I thought. I cried to Bev many times and I'm not ashamed to say it_. _

"_Even more recently, especially when you were getting in trouble because of your IED, I have wanted to step up and ask you if I could take custody of her myself." _

That was news to me. "Really?"

"_Yes. You really are just a boy. Raising children is something that you have to be prepared for and you weren't prepared in the beginning and you ended up doing an amazing job, but you lost those years." _

"See! I hate when people say that shit!" I got up from the chair and tried to calm myself down. I didn't mean to blow up at Bev. I took a deep breath and continued on a little calmer. "I didn't lose anything. I don't regret taking custody of her and raising her. Raising her was the best thing that ever happened to me and I don't feel deprived of anything." I was hoping I wasn't being too loud, because I swear if I had some snappy neighbor come out and yell at me for it, I would probably start a scene. That shouldn't be happening…did I really want Alice around that? I didn't fucking know. "I did nothing with my life, Bev. My life was pointless until the day I decided to raise her."

Bev sighed sadly on the other end and I just wanted to stop talking about it already, but I knew that wasn't possible. I felt sick with myself because I was freaking the fuck out. I was losing my mind over one decision that I had to make for Alice and wasn't that a part of raising her? If I was freaking out over that, how beneficial could I be to her in the future if I couldn't make the right decisions for her without driving myself insane? Maybe I just wasn't cut out for it.

"_It is true that raising her was your only choice then, but now you have a choice. You have other priorities in addition to Alice at this point in your life. You have community service, getting another job, and you have Bella." _

"But you make it sound like I'm replacing Alice with Bella."

"_Edward. No one is saying that. Your problems with this only lie within yourself. All I am saying is that you may not realize it now, but you have missed out on certain things and now you have the opportunity to get it back. I am saying if I wasn't so old, I would have offered to take custody of her myself, but now it's only a matter of time before I'm gone." _

My heart twisted at her words. "Don't say that, Bev."

"_But it's true. I just want to see you, Alice, and Bella happy. So do you want my advice?" _

"You already told me what you would do."

"_Yes, but it's not my decision to make, so I can only give you my advice." _

I sighed. "Okay. What is it?"

"_Talk to Alice and Bella. I know you, and me telling you to make this decision based on what you want is like telling a pig to stop rolling in mud,"_ I chuckled. _"So go talk to your girls, Edward, and the answer will come to you, boy. You're very smart and you love that little girl so your decision will be the right one I just know it."_

Damn Bev always making me all emotional. "Thank you, Bev."

"_No problem, boy. You know I'm here for you anytime." _

"I know." I don't know what it was about talking with Bev that made me feel better. It was probably because she was the only one with me through everything. She was smart and she loved me and Alice. I was lucky to have her around. "Thank you, again. I love you and please come home soon, okay?"

She laughed._ "I'll be home in a couple weeks, Edward. Let me know what you decide, okay? I'll be behind you no matter what." _

"I will. I'm sorry for the late call."

"_I don't know it seems kind of early to me…" _

I rolled my eyes. "Don't mess with me this _late, _woman."

She laughed. "_Go to bed. Get some rest and then talk with your girls tomorrow. Goodbye, Edward."_

"Bye, Bev." I hung up the phone, and all of a sudden felt dead tired.

My eyes were burning and felt heavy as fuck. I got up from the chair and felt every move my body made as if it were being made with a boulder on my back. I walked up the stairs slowly into my apartment, and just felt like faceplanting on my couch because I didn't think I'd make it to bed. I didn't get the chance to however unless I wanted to faceplant on top of my worried and beautiful looking girlfriend.

"What are you doing up?" I asked her.

She shrugged and pulled her legs to her chest. She was wearing a pair of shorts with a tank top. She looked so small when she curled up like that and she looked so sad. "I could ask you the same thing."

"You could if you wanted to. But since you didn't technically ask, I guess I can't answer or else it will be really awkward." I sat down on the couch beside her.

I thought I was going to lighten the mood, but she didn't even crack a smile and she looked up to me with those big brown eyes. "What are you doing awake?"

I knew she wasn't exactly happy with me. I could just tell. I realized quickly that I didn't even have to ask her why. I was keeping shit from her again. I promised her I would always tell her when something was bothering me, and I didn't_. Again_. I wouldn't bring it up though. I would just give her what she wanted and what she deserved.

"I don't know what I'm going to do about what Emmett offered me."

"What does your instincts tell you to do?" She asked right off the bat.

"I don't even know what my instincts are right now, Bella." I never act on my instincts. I need to think things over and make the right decision or no decision at all. But I knew I needed to make a decision.

She sighed and turned on the chair to look at me. "You do know. If Emmett walked through that door and asked you again and you had to make the decision right then and there with no hesitation, what would you say?"

"I don't know…"

She groaned. "Edward. Do you want to let Emmett take Alice in and have custody of her?" She asked seriously looking straight into my eyes.

"Well I…"

She put her hand over my mouth. "Baby, I only want to hear a yes or a no come from your mouth, okay?"

I was starting to get a little bit frustrated, but I knew she was only trying to help. She was usually right about things, so I figured I should just do what she says. She slowly took her hand off of my mouth. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Yes."

"Why?" She asked.

"Well I don't know…I just think it will be better for her there. I can give her all I can, but I'm not stupid; I know I'm not in the best place right now. I have a shitty job, with shitty hours, I have community service hours I have to finish, I just started taking pills for a fucking mental disorder I have, I have no education…she has the opportunity to have better than that, so why should I deprive her of it?"

Bella reached over and held my hand in hers when she saw me getting worked up. I brought her hand to my lips and kissed the back of her hand.

"And then there's you. You're living with me now, and I if I for some reason do get her, you will be raising her as well. You don't need that right now. You're in college. You should be going out and having fun and doing all that shit college kids do."

"Don't base this decision off of me, Edward. You know I will support you with whatever decision you make."

It didn't go past my attention that she didn't tell me I was wrong. She must have been freaking out herself because by me taking Alice back, she would have to become an automatic parent. I was not even going to try and act like it could be avoided.

"But you're involved, Bella. You are a part of my life so you need to be factored into my decisions and you will be for the rest of our lives." She squeezed my hand and rested her head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head. "I know I'm not the best at decisions, and I'm still not sure of what the hell I should do, but what's really important to me is that you and Alice are happy. That's all I really want."

"We just need you, baby. We are both happy if you are around."

I smiled. "Well that's something I can promise the both of you forever."

She looked up at me and the love in her eyes always stunned me. _Would I ever get used to seeing that?_ I didn't think so.

"Thank you." I leaned down and kissed her lips softly. "Just let me know when you make the decision, okay? Or if you need to talk."

"I will. I guess for now I am just going to talk to Alice and see what she wants."

"I think that's a good idea."

I thought it was as well. Once I got to talk to all three of my girls, I knew this decision would be an easier one to make.

* * *

-_**The following evening-**_

I knew I should have brought Bella with me. She should have been driving instead of me. My shaking hands and blinding headache wasn't the best things to drive with.

I talked to Alice.

I made my decision.

Instead of just calling Emmett, I felt like it was something I had to say to his face. I had to give him that respect because that offer he made me was the most unselfish thing anyone has done for me and Alice and I needed him to know how much I appreciated it despite how much turmoil it caused me. As much as I hated making decisions, they had to be made. I just hoped I made the right decision for Alice.

I told Bella and Bev my decision as well. They of course were still right behind me and would support me in whatever way. That at least made me feel a little better. It would be a struggle I thought, but I knew I would be fine because I would always have Alice, Bella, Bev, my family, and my friends.

My life changed a lot. I began to think about things differently. I hoped that just meant I got smarter.

I called Emmett and told him I was coming. When I pulled up to his house, he was already waiting on the steps of the porch. I got out of the truck. He got up from the stairs and placed his hands in his pockets. I felt like it was such a momentous moment in my life. I was about to make the decision I made for Alice's final. I was about to set one track for her future.

"Hi, Edward." Emmett said nervously.

He looked nervous…no not really nervous. More like worried and maybe a bit stressed. He loved Alice…he loved me…he wanted what was best for us too. _I hope when he hears my decision, he won't think less of me. I will fight against anyone who may look down on me for it. I am just doing what I think is right. _

"Hi, Emmett."

"You say you've decided what you want to do…"

I sighed. _Decisions. I hate them. _

"Yeah."

But they had to be made. I had to grow up, and make the decision.

"Well what is it?"

_I just hope it's the right one for Alice._

* * *

_Life ain't always beautiful  
Sometimes it's just plain hard  
Life can knock you down  
It can break your heart  
Life ain't always beautiful  
You think, you're on your way  
And it's just a dead end road  
At the end of the day  
But the struggles make you stronger  
And the changes make you wise  
And happiness has its own way  
Of takin' its sweet time_

_**Life Ain't Always Beautiful, by Gary Allan**_

* * *

**Ok so I know you all must be like WTF? Lol I'm sorry about the cliffies, but I think they are needed for some reason lol. There are sadly only 2 more chapters and an epilogue left so you won't have to worry about my cliffies for much longer. **

**Thanks to Alexa for getting this to me ASAP. She has been crazy busy yet she still pre-reads for me whenever I need her too so she deserves a huge round of applause and a Winnie hug hehe. **

**I'd love to hear what you all think. I will update again whenever the next chapter is written and ready! **

**Thanks so much for reading! Review please! **


	52. Chapter 51: We're Alright

**Chapter 51: We're Alright**

**EPOV**

"Are you sure the lawyer lady fed him?" Alice asked as she dragged me along the path leading to the front door of my childhood home and her past home.

"Yes, she told me she did."

She started running and held on tightly to my finger to make me run with her up the steps. "He must miss me so much!"

I took the key out of my pocket and put it in the slot. "Well duh he does; you're Alice."

She giggled and started jumping in her spot while I fumbled with the key. The lock had always been testy and I wondered why my parents never got it fixed.

"Come on, Ecy!" She said impatiently.

Right as she said it, I got the lock unlocked and opened the door for her. She ran in the house in a flash and all I saw was a little blue blur. She was wearing her new blue sundress that Bella bought her yesterday. When Bella came home with it, Alice was so touched that she thought of her and bought it for her. She tried it on right away and wanted to go to sleep with it, but I used ice cream as blackmail, so she didn't.

I heard her running through the house calling for her precious cat. I didn't really know what to do or where to go. The house seemed so foreign to me. I felt so outside of myself. It was kind of eerie. Nothing looked like it had been moved, yet I knew it had been abandoned, minus the cat, for nearly a week.

Alice and I had been unable to go into the house to even get Cornelius for a week since the lawyers were trying to get in touch with my parents to find out what they were doing about the house. They left and didn't even leave a key.

I felt weird just standing in the middle of the house. I walked up the steps where I heard Alice laughing and as I got closer to her door, I heard the sound of Cornelius purring loudly. I looked into her room and she was sitting on the floor with her little dress flowed out around her and the cat cuddled up in her arms as she rocked him from side to side. She looked up at me with a huge smile on her face.

"He missed me, Ecy!"

I chuckled and sat down on the floor beside her. I scratched the back of the cat's head. I didn't really know cats could be excited, but Cornelius looked fucking excited.

"See? I told you he would."

"He doesn't like car rides. I hope he doesn't get too scared."

I sighed. "He'll be fine." _He has to be. _"It's not that far away."

"Isn't he the best kitty?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes and kissed her forehead. "The bestest. Now let's go. We got some packing to do." I got up from the ground and she joined me, but didn't let go of the cat and didn't look like she was going to let go of him anytime soon. "Alice...you can't pack with your feet…you need some hands."

She sighed. "Fiiinnnee."

I chuckled. She placed the cat down on the floor and he kept rubbing against her leg and meowing. I hadn't been around animals very often, but I found it pretty fascinating that an animal could be that attached to a human. He definitely knew who she was and he really did miss her. It was strange to me.

"Okay, Ecy. What am I bringing?"

I looked around the room, and she really did have a lot of stuff. I sighed as I thought about it. There was a good chance she may want everything, but would I be able to fit it all in the truck? I looked down at her and she was looking up at me with big brown eyes and her hands behind her back. _Fuck it._

"You can bring whatever you want. It's for your room." _I'll make the shit fit._

"Okay, well can you pack my clothes for me and I will get everything else?"

"Sure, kid."

She just nodded her head and went over to her little bookshelf. I really wanted to know what she was thinking. She didn't seem sad or anything, but she wasn't excited either. It must just be strange for her to have to switch her bedrooms in such short amounts of time. She wouldn't have to do that anymore.

I went to her bureau and got one of the little suitcases in her room. She only had two of them, so I would need more. I had some in the truck along with a few boxes. Looking at the stuff in the room, I figured I should have brought more. Oh well. I would figure it out. I took all of her clothes out and just stuffed them in the suitcase. Bella would probably yell at me if she saw me doing that, but they were only going to be unpacked. Did they really have to look pretty just chilling in the suitcase? _I think not._

I was just about to start putting the rest of her clothes in the second suitcase when Alice tapped me on the back. I turned to look at her, and she had the cat back in her arms.

"I'm all done, Ecy." She said and rocked the cat in her arms.

I looked at the bookshelf that she was unloading things from, and it was empty. There was a bag on the floor that looked filled with her books. That was all fine and dandy, but I didn't know what else she packed. It looked like nothing from where I was standing.

"You're just bringing your books?"

"Yeah I think so."

"You think so?" Something just wasn't adding up here. "What about all of these toys…"

She looked at the corner of her room that was neatly filled with toys and what not. Shit, if I was her age, I'd be all over that.

"I don't want them."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't." She snapped at me and turned away with the cat.

I watched her walk out of the room and sighed. I threw more clothes in the suitcase until I was done packing all of it, and I sat down on her bed. I ran a hand through my hair and tried not to let her little outburst get to me. It was things like that that made me come to the decision of what would be best for her.

"_What do you like best about living with me?" _

"_You're my best friend." _

"_What do you least like about living with me?" _

"_When you get upset and I have to pretend." _

My decision was pretty much made when she mentioned the pretending. That shit gave me chills whenever I thought about it and it made me sick to my stomach. To me, that's stuff that you see in horror films. Well it was the scariest thing I know. I just picture her sitting in a closet trying to tell herself that the world around her wasn't real. Sure it may not have been every day, but that's not healthy for anyone never mind a little girl that mean the world to me.

So her living with Emmett seemed like the best choice.

It wasn't going to be as simple as that though. I didn't want to force her into something that she didn't want to do. When I asked her what she thought about living with Emmett, she was excited at first because she could be around the kids, but she quickly got upset that she wouldn't be living with me, so I spoke with Emmett, and we came up with a compromise.

Emmett will be granted temporary custody of Alice for the time being. There was no way I was going to just throw her in that house and make her deal with the big change either. I was going to stay with Emmett as well for however long it took for Alice to get comfortable there. I liked the idea of being there as well so I knew how their schedule was like and to make sure the kids accepted Alice living there and everything.

Bella wasn't going to stay there though which kind of sucked. She would be there whenever she could, but she was starting to get ready for school. She was constantly back and forth to the university preparing herself for what she had in store next year. She was volunteering for a lot of things and doing all these crazy college things that I never knew existed. She was also going job hunting. Oh yeah and she was in charge of packing our shit up because we were moving.

We were going to get a smaller apartment. Yeah ours was small, but we didn't need all of the space. It was just the two of us and she was a college kid and I was just a broke kid so we figured it would be better to rent out a cheaper apartment until we both had enough money to get a better one. Plus I wanted to be closer to Alice.

I was trying to get Bev to move as well. She was really attached to that apartment, but I planned on having a long talk with her once she got home. She lived away from her apartment for months when she went to help her daughter, so maybe that was proof that she could be away from there and still be happy. I wanted Bev close and I also wanted Bev safe. That area over there wasn't the best, and I felt like Bev would be completely alone over there without me and I hated thinking that she would have to live like that.

I picked up both of the suitcases and went downstairs. Alice was sitting in front of the door with the cat on her lap. She didn't look happy and I desperately wanted to figure out what was going on in that little head of hers, but I didn't want to push her.

I tried a different approach. "What do you think of my suitcases? Aren't they just the prettiest things you've ever seen?" I asked in an imitation of a little girl's voice. She looked up at me and laughed.

"You're a weirdo, Ecy." She said with a shake of her head.

"No but seriously, can't I rock these suitcases like a cool person?"

"Just put them in the truck." She said and I laughed.

I could just imagine all the ways I could embarrass her when she got a little older. I could act like the craziest fucker in town if I wanted to and I could get extra crazy for when boys started coming around. I'd make them run away shitting their pants. I would still get to do those things and I had to keep reminding myself of that. Just because she wouldn't be in my custody, it didn't mean that I will lose her. I would never lose her again.

I threw the suitcases in the back seat of the truck and took out the other one I had in there. If Alice was really only taking her books, I could have brought Bella's car. I shut the door and noticed another car pulling into the driveway behind me. It was my parent's lawyer.

She walked out in her suit with a pink purse looking all official and shit. I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt so I kind of felt like a scrub standing in front of her. She intimidated me, _what can I say? Well all lawyers intimidate me if I'm being honest. _

"This shouldn't take long." She said as she walked by me.

"Not one for greetings are we?" I asked sarcastically as I followed her into the house.

"I never really understood them to be honest. The word 'hi' has no meaning to me."

"Well what about, 'what's up, bro?'" I asked her.

She opened the door to the house and turned to look at me with a disapproving look on her face. "Let's just get this over with, shall we?" She asked impatiently.

"We shall."

She rolled her eyes and turned away from me. Alice was still in front of the door with the cat in her lap.

I placed the suitcase I took from the truck in front of her. "Here," I said. "Bring this upstairs, and put your books in here. I'll be up there in a minute."

She took one look at the lawyer, and then back at the suitcase. "Okay."

She got up from the ground and the car meowed in protest. She picked up the suitcase and went up the stairs with the cat in tow. I followed the lawyer into the kitchen and she slapped down some papers on the table.

"Like I said, we will make this quick." She took out a pen and started flipping through a bunch of papers. "I talked to your parents. Took me a while to get in touch with them, but that's my own drama." She ripped off a couple papers from their space within a staple and threw them out in the trash. She was working so rapidly I could barely keep up. "They left the house and all of their possessions within it, in your name."

She said it so nonchalantly. She said it like it was the most obvious thing that could have happened. She probably expected me to smile and jump up and down in excitement because I would probably have enough money now to live a pretty stable life. And I could if I sold the house and everything inside of it. It was tempting, I was not going to lie, but fuck no.

"So all I need you to do is sign here…" She slid the paper towards me, but I pushed it away.

"I'm not signing anything."

She glared at me. "Let's not be difficult, Edward."

"No, I'm not taking their shit. I'm not some charity case." Some may look at them giving me all of their possessions and what not as being kind of them, but I saw it in a completely different way and I didn't want it. I was doing fine on my own and I didn't need their pity money.

"Are you serious right now?" She asked in an aggravated manner.

I didn't give a fuck what she thought. I didn't care about anything other than not letting them hold something else over my head. I could see it now. They could have come back whenever they got bored and say 'give me back my kid' and I would say no and they would use this against me. I knew right then that it was a good decision, letting Alice stay with Emmett from now on. Their actions seem kind to others, but to me, it was a warning.

But I couldn't be stupid. "I'm not signing those papers. Give me whatever papers I have to sign to sign all of it over to Alice. I'll sell the house and everything inside it, and put it in an account for her."

I could give the account information to Emmett just in case he ever needed some money for her, and whatever was left, Alice could use when she graduated from high school. It sounded like the most plausible thing I could have done, and it would be one that benefited Alice the most.

She looked at me blankly and then started repacking all of her papers. "I guess this will take a bit longer than I wanted. I don't have those papers right now, so we will have to schedule another meeting." She stuffed the papers in the trash and looked very ticked off with me, but I didn't give a fuck.

"Fine. Sounds good."

She stomped with her high heels towards the door, and stopped right in the doorway. "They are only trying to help. There's no need to be such a stubborn brat." She spat.

"You obviously don't know your clients that well. Sorry to give you more work, but I'm not taking shit from them."

"Oh but you'll pass it on to your sister?"

"Yes because they can't use it against her and I will be there to protect her if they try to. I don't have…" I stopped right there. I didn't need to be spilling out my heart to some lawyer that was completely against me. "It's what I want. If you can't do it, then hand it over to Bowman."

She just shook her head and stomped out of the house. Why couldn't all lawyers be like Bowman? At least he was patient. I ran my hands over my face and decided to just let it go. I had other things to focus on. I jogged up the steps to Alice's room as she was zipping up the suitcase.

"Are you ready, kid?" I asked.

"Yeah just help me zipper this." She said.

I squatted down next to her and zipped up the suitcase. She was looking down at her suitcase sadly.

I put my finger under her chin and made her look up at me. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing."

"Alice, don't start that with me." I said impatiently. "What's the matter? You know you can tell me, right?"

She nodded her head and got up from the ground. She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. I fell back gently so I was sitting down and she held onto me. "I love you, Ecy."

I sighed. "I love you too, kid. Please just tell me what's wrong."

"I just wish they said goodbye. That's all."

I thought it was impossible for me to hate them even more than I did before, but boy was I wrong. I hated them. I had to accept the fact that Alice lived with them for a couple months, and she would invariably grow attached to them and even love them a little bit, and then they just up and leave her without saying goodbye. I _hated _them.

I pulled her away from me and looked at her sweet little face and wished I could take every ache, pain, and heartache that she would ever feel, but I knew I couldn't.

"Listen, I'm very sorry that this has happened, but there isn't much I can do for you, kid." She nodded and rested her head back on my chest and sighed. It killed me to have to say the next part. "But don't you worry. I'm sure there is a very good reason, and I'm sure they love you, and you shouldn't feel sad about it."

"I know." I squeezed her tightly in my arms and kissed the top of her head.

"Now let's go. We will go home and pack a little bit more, and then maybe go out for ice cream?"

She pulled away and kissed me on the cheek. "Yay!"

"And then tomorrow morning is the big day…are you excited?"

Her smile got bigger. "Yes! Is my room going to be ready?" She asked.

I couldn't help but smile. She was happy. She was okay with living with Emmett and getting to be with her friends all the time. I made it known to her that I would see her every day. She wasn't losing anything really. As long as I got to see that smile on her face at least once a day, I know that I had made the right choice for her.

"Yes it will and I already saw a little bit and you are going to love it."

Emmett was renovating one of his spare rooms for her and he helped me pick out the things she would like and he even let me pay for a little bit of it without complaining. He knew I didn't want to be left out and he knew I wanted to help, and he let me.

Alice started jumping around and I laughed when I looked over in the corner and Cornelius was backed up against the wall looking scared as shit. "Alright, alright…is that all you need?" I asked.

She stopped jumping and looked around the room with an inquisitive look on her face. "Hmm…" She looked around again, and her eyes stopped on the small table beside her bed. She skipped over to it and opened the little drawer. She pulled out what looked like a frame and hugged it to her chest. "Okay. I'm ready."

"What's that?" I asked.

She pulled it away from her chest and held the picture up for me. It was the picture of me, Bella, and Alice before shit turned to even more shit.

"It's my family." She said.

* * *

"Ugh, Edward get out. Don't you have somewhere to be?" Bella said and swatted my face away from hers.

I mean I was just trying to give her a kiss. I might have had a big glob of whipped cream on my mouth, but I was just being lovable.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her right on her cheek with my lips full of whipped cream…it was effectively transferred onto her face. To add extra effect, I even blew a raspberry on her cheek and couldn't help but laugh.

"Ecy! Stop making a mess!" Alice said wiping her own face, because she got the worst of it.

I also put frosting on her nose when I was done giving her the whipped cream kiss. I rested my head on Bella's shoulder and looked in Alice's direction.

"Quiet, little girl, or I will get you again."

Bella pulled my arms out from around her and pushed me back with her ass. "It's okay, Alice." She said while picking up a cloth to wipe her face. "He'll be gone for a little while, and we can plan our revenge."

I rolled me eyes and kissed Alice on the top of her head. "I really have to go. Bye, kid."

"Bye, Ecy. Can you get me a prize pleaseeee…" She wrapped her arm around my neck. "I love you, pleassseee."

I chuckled. "I'll see what I can do."

"Yay!" She said and placed a big wet kiss on my cheek.

I walked over to my other girl and held my arms out for her, but she had hers crossed in front of her looking at me disapprovingly.

"I love you." I said.

"Yeah, I know you do." She said stubbornly.

"Soooo…can I have a hug?"

"No."

"A kiss?"

"No."

"Oh come on! There's no whipped cream next to me…these lips are just full of lips and love. Come on."

She laughed. "Go. Alice and I have some packing and baking to do."

"Fine. I can catch a hint." I walked up to her and kissed her cheek. "Love you."

"I love you too, baby." She said sweetly and pushed me away. "Now go so you can get back faster." She made it so hard to leave her sometimes. She was definitely a keeper.

I left the house and made my way to the shelter. Alan said he wanted to meet with me and talk to me about why he gave me an office in the shelter. I didn't know if he was just giving me my own space to just chill or whatever the fuck. Whatever the reason, I was touched that he would even think of me like that. It was just a little bit after four, and I started to think about what we would do for dinner once I got home. I couldn't even think about the day as being Alice's last day home, because it really wasn't. She would be sleeping over again and I wouldn't give myself time to miss her. After months of being without her, I felt like I was being spoiled now. And to top it all off, I would know she would be happy and safe where she was staying.

Once I got to the shelter, it was completely empty. Alan would have already made them leave until dinner time and then some would sleep there. There were a few people cleaning and I could smell the food cooking. Usually Alan would be out in the main room helping out.

"Hey, Matt." I said to one of the guys cleaning. He was there for probation as well, but he had less time and he got in trouble for doing donuts on public property. He was just a silly kid if you ask me.

"Yeah, Ed?" He asked while pulling his ear phone things out of his ears.

"Where's Alan."

"Oh I don't know, man. He was out here but then he started coughing and shit. Guess he wasn't feeling too hot."

"Oh, alright. Thanks."

He saluted me and continued listening to his music and mopping the floor. I went to Alan's office, and he was in there with his head on his desk. He was starting to worry me. I was probably just overreacting, but I'd never seen Alan sick before and it was freaking me the fuck out. To me, Alan was like immortal and no germ could ever touch him because he was just too good all the time.

I knocked on the door frame lightly so I didn't completely catch him off guard. He looked up at me and pushed his hair out of his face. He smiled and leaned back on her chair with his arms crossed. He did look a little pale.

"Oh hi, Edward. Come on in."

I sat down in the chair in front of his desk and knocked over a beanie baby he had on his desk. He chuckled and put it back in place. I did it every time I walked in just to attempt to get him slightly aggravated about it, but he just laughed.

"I think we should have a secret handshake or something." I said randomly.

"Uh…why?"

"All the cool people do it."

"Well if you think of one, let me know." He said with a smile, and then it faded quickly. He took a deep breath. "Now, I know I've already showed you the office and everything, but I know I was a bit vague on my reasons and what the office will be used for uh…" He coughed lighting into the crook of his elbow. "Yeah." He ended awkwardly. It wasn't like Alan to be awkward. He was usually so gracious and poised and…_what the fuck was going on?_

"Yeah I've been trying to figure it out. Even Bella won't tell me."

He nodded. "But even Bella doesn't know the whole story uh…" He coughed once again. "I'm going to tell you something that I want to keep between the two of us, okay?" He sounded nervous and Alan was never this nervous. It was something bad I just knew it. "Wait, no…I can't ask you to do that, because you have Bella. You can tell Bella, but no one else, alright? You have to promise me."

"I promise you, Alan. Now what's going on?"

He took a deep breath. "I have cancer…lung cancer to be more specific." He pushed his hair behind his ears and covered his face with his hands. I just didn't know what was going on. I felt like someone stabbed me quite literally. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I walked thinking of how weird it was to see Alan with a cold never mind _cancer. _

Alan has cancer.

"Alan, I…" I literally couldn't think of the words to say to him. I wanted to say sorry, but no one likes pity…especially Alan. I wanted to tell him that I would be there for him, but he had to know that's a given, right? I wanted to tell him that I wished I could take it away from him but I knew I couldn't. The right words didn't seem to come to me and I didn't know what to do. I felt helpless, and that only got me thinking about how helpless he must have felt and that only made me feel worse and I felt I would be sick, but not as sick as my best friend was…_fuck._

"You don't have to say anything, Edward."

"How long have you known?"

"Only a couple of weeks. It was hard at first, but I've come to accept it."

That disturbed me more than anything. _Acceptance._ Did that mean he accepted that the disease would kill him? I couldn't even think of that. It just sounded so morbid and just wrong.

"But you don't even smoke how…"

He shook his head. "You don't have to smoke in order to get lung cancer, although I grew up around it so if that has anything to do with it, I don't know, but whatever. What's done is done." I stood in stunned silence and he was looking down at his hands looking so fragile. Even more fragile than I have ever seen him and it scared me half to death. "The reason I decided to give you the office, is because I don't know how long I will make it."

"Alan, don't say that, come on, man."

He looked up at me, and the tears that surrounded his eyes almost made me break. This just couldn't be happening. Alan, the strongest and kindest person I knew, could not be infected with such a nasty and violent disease. It just couldn't be happening, but the tears in his eyes revealed to me what was truly there. This was happening.

"It's true, Edward, and I don't mind dying. Everyone does it, right?" He said trying to add a little bit of humor, but with no avail. "What I do care about, is that this place is taken care of when I'm gone. I've been doing this on my own for so long and it's stressful sometimes, but I couldn't find anyone that fit quite right, but you…I think that you could do it. This isn't just a job for you. You care about those people like I do, and I know I won't be able to die in peace unless I know they are taken care of."

"So you want me to be co-owner? Is that what you're saying?" I asked.

"Yeah. It is. I mean it may seem like I'm trying to guilt you into it by giving you my sob story and everything, but…"

I held my hands up for him to stop. "No. You know I would love to help you out with this place even more, Alan. I'd be honored actually."

He let out a sigh of relief and placed his hand over his chest. "You don't know what that means to me." He let out a huge breath I didn't know he was holding in. "This place is my life as pathetic as it sounds."

"Nah, it's not pathetic. The world needs more Alans if you ask me."

"Thank you, Edward."

"So uh…when do I start?" I asked wanting to get to work as soon as I could to help Alan out and take the stress off of him and to actually do something that I'm passionate about. He needed to focus on himself and nothing else right now, and I could help him do that.

"Whenever you want, really. I would say within the next month, because next month I start radiation and I won't be here that much." I could just hear the nervousness in his tone, and I knew he didn't really want to talk about it. So I did what I usually did. I tried to make him laugh.

"Oh shit, dude!" I said.

"What?" He asked confused.

"What's going to happen to your sexy hair?"

He did what I expected and hoped for. He laughed. And then I laughed and then we were both laughing and just for a second, the cancer was forgotten and all of the rest of the shit was going. I lived for those moments with the people I cared about. I lived for the moments when I could just make one stupid joke, and we could laugh together and share that moment of completely freedom and peacefulness basically. I needed to stop thinking like that though because I was starting to sound like a fucking pussy and way too philosophical for my liking. I think I was losing my mind.

After he calmed down from laughing, he shrugged. "It's going away unfortunately."

"That sucks, dude. It really turned me on." I winked at him just to add to the fluff.

"Really? Well what should I tell Bella about that one?"

I shrugged. "She'd want to join."

He rolled his eyes. "You're crazy. Great. I'm hiring a crazy person to help me out."

I laughed. "Nah, you know I got your back man…hair or no hair…clothes or no clothes."

"Alright, that's enough of that." He said with a laugh and I laughed too. He got up from his chair and took a deep breath. "Thank you, Edward."

I got up as well. "Can I hug you? I promise I won't try to cop a feel. I can restrain myself." I didn't really give him a chance to answer because I went around the desk and wrapped my arms around him.

He chuckled. "Oh boy." He patted me on the back.

"Everything will be alright, okay?" I said and he nodded his head silently. I told him that, and I really believed it, but it didn't stop the nagging feeling in my chest. Cancer was a scary thing, and I can joke around to try and take Alan's mind off of it for a while, but that will forever keep me worried. I needed Alan. He was my friend. My brother. I needed to make sure he stayed as healthy as he could. The job was great, but knowing I could help Alan meant more.

"Same for you and Alice. You two will be alright." He said.

_See? _That's why I need him. A person like Alan is someone that everyone needs around. "I know."

* * *

"Edward." I heard Emmett say while shaking my arm gently.

It was strange being woken up by him, but considering it was my first night sleeping there with Alice, I guess I would just have to get used to it for a little while I guess. I opened the eyes, and my brother was right in front of me. I looked to my side, and Alice was still sleeping snuggled close in my arms in her new bed.

We moved her in. She played with the kids all day while Emmett, myself, and Alan moved in her things and got her room perfect for her. I wanted to keep it a secret from her until it was complete. When she saw her rather large room with pink walls and various colored flowers all around painted on the walls, she was on cloud nine. She squealed and jumped and explored her room and got happier with each new discovery. It was a great room and I swear if I was a seven year old girl, I would want it too.

I really just loved how happy it made her.

Her first night went as well as I hoped. Rosalie cooked an amazing chicken dinner that Alice loved and of course there was ice cream afterwards. I stayed with her the whole day, but mostly just observed. I didn't notice any hint of sadness and she seemed happy. I slowly started feeling better about my decision and I hoped things would stay as amazing as they were after all was said and done.

"You told me to wake you up at two-thirty. It's a little bit after that." He said with a yawn.

Yeah and Emmett was really awesome. I needed to get up to go to work, but I didn't want to set an alarm and wake Alice, so I asked him to wake me up, and he agreed.

"Alright, thanks. Go back to bed." I whispered.

He nodded. "I'll have her call you once she gets up."

"Thank you." I said sincerely.

Emmett knew how nervous I was about having her live with him. It wasn't that I didn't trust him or anything; I just worried for her since it's such a big transition. But I just had to keep telling myself that it was for the best and it was for many reasons. I could have time to get my shit together and she would be happy. I didn't really care about what happened to me, but if she was happy, then I was okay.

Emmett left the room, and I tried to move my arm out from under Alice without waking her up, but yeah…it didn't work.

"Ecy?" She asked groggily reaching for me.

"Yeah, kid?"

"Where're you going?" She asked with her eyes still closed and her little arms clutched on my arm.

"I have to go to work."

"Okay have fun." She let go of my arm and bunched the blanket close to her face getting comfortable.

"You okay here?" I asked nervously. She looked fine, but you never knew.

"Yeah. My bed is very comfy."

I chuckled and pushed the hair out of her face. "It is." I bent over and kissed her forehead. "I love you."

She opened her eyes tiredly. "I love you too, Ecy. Thank you for bringing me here. It's fun."

Now if that wasn't enough to ease my worries, I didn't know what would. I just hoped she always thought like that, and if for some reason she wanted to go back to living with me, I would take her back in a heartbeat, but for now, this was okay. This was what was good for her.

"I'll see you later, kid. Call me when you get up, alright?"

"Kay." She turned around to her other side and sighed softly.

I knew she would be sleeping within seconds so I grabbed my bag and left the room, but not before stopping to just look. I looked at the room and it was all things Alice loved and then I saw Alice sleeping peacefully in her new bed. Everything was okay.

Everything was just how I wanted it, sort of. I would always want her with me, but I could make that sacrifice for her.

She would wake up in the morning to her friends eager to play with her because they loved her so much…even Zoe was completely accepting of her. She would probably go eat a big breakfast in the morning with all of them because Rosalie was very motherly like that. She'd see our brother kiss his wife in the morning and see how a man should treat a woman and how a woman should be treated. She would see siblings fight and know that disagreements are normal, but they are solvable. She would interact with her friends all day. She'd have chores. She'd go to school eventually and she would have a schedule.

I couldn't give her that and that is what made the decision for me basically.

With me, Alice would wake up in the morning to Bev rushing her to get ready and eat a quick granola bar because that's all I ever really had in the kitchen for breakfast. If she was lucky, she could have had some cereal, but that wasn't often. Since Alice was away at school most of the day, she never really got to see Bella and I interact like a normal couple would. Whenever it was me, Alice, and Bella, Bella and I would put our attention completely on Alice mostly because I felt guilty for being away from her all day and then having to leave at night. Alice never really saw me fight with anyone, but when she did, she saw me completely lose control and destroy things and nothing was ever resolved. That wasn't healthy for her. Her life with me may have been 'okay' and it may have been acceptable, but it isn't the best she could have.

I was never able to give her more, so I did what I could with what I had, but now I could give her more without having to keep her away from me. So while it would still take some time for the both of us to get used to, I had a good feeling it would work out.

Once I was dressed and out the door, I sent Bella a text message for her to read when she woke up.

_**The little one is snuggled in bed and happy. I'm happy. I'm going to work. I miss you. Meet me at the coffee shop when you get up, chick. I love you. –E**_

Watching her walk in the coffee shop gave me some weird kind of nostalgic feeling maybe.

I didn't know, but it made me smile. Maybe it was just her…I didn't know. I was feeling weird though. I felt like I was having an out of body experience and seeing what really was. I was at the coffee shop, the same place I used to go every morning to wallow in how shitty my life seemed and how I always felt I was failing Alice in some aspect.

Now I was sitting in the same spot. Nothing has changed about it really. The table was still brown and the salt shakers and sugar were the same and I had my coffee and people were still staring at me weird, but I felt completely different. I wanted to smile at the people looking at me and ask them how their day was and tell them I hoped they have a good one and really mean it. _What was this feeling?_

And then I saw my beautiful girlfriend walking in. She looked tired and her bun was falling out and she tripped a little bit as she made her way to the table and I could see her curse under her breath. She smiled when she looked at me though. She smiled even more when she saw the muffin sitting right in front of where she was supposed to sit and it made me chuckle.

"What?" She asked as she sat down and started picking off a piece of the muffin.

"Oh nothing. Just thinking about how you would leave me in an instant if that muffin suddenly turned into a guy."

Se hummed as she took her first bite. "Or a girl. That would also be tempting."

"Have you been holding out on me?" I asked her with a crooked eyebrow.

She snorted. "No. Don't get any ideas."

"Whatever. Party pooper." I took a sip of my coffee and she continued humming about that fucking muffin.

"So how was she?" She asked.

"She was good." I said sincerely with a nod of my head. "I think she was doing better than I was." I said with a humorless laugh.

"It will take a while to get used to, but you said she was happy, so that's good."

"Yeah, I told her to call me when she woke up, so that should be soon, knowing Alice."

She chuckled. "Very true." We sat in silence and Bella took a sip of her coffee before almost choking on it. "Oh my gosh!" She said suddenly and in a rush. "I didn't even tell you!"

"What?"

"Okay so Amanda came over last night for a while to help me pack some things…"

"But she's pregnant…"

She looked frustrated that I interrupted her but why would a pregnant woman want to help pack things.

"Exactly, Edward. She's pregnant, not handicapped. I didn't make her lift boxes or anything but _anyway…" _She of course had to stuff some muffin in her mouth before she continued. "You'll never guess what I'm going to tell you." She said with a somewhat proud look on her face.

"Uh, no. I probably won't."

"Guess." She said. She was playing with me, I just knew it.

"You caught a chicken in the middle of the road and when you got it in the car, it turns out it wasn't a chicken. It was a mouse." I just came up with the most random shit that my brain could come up with, and it worked. She looked confused and annoyed as fuck with me. Sometimes—actually all the time—I was glad she knew I loved her. I was sure it saved me from many fights and occasional slaps.

"Very close, but no. What I was going to say was…" Again with these dramatic pauses. Maybe she should skip the whole teaching bit and try to become and actress…or just a game show announcer. They were always so dramatic and it pissed me off. _Just get to the fucking point; do they win or not? Like honestly, do they really think that that dramatic pause is going to make us even more excited? No. It just pisses everyone off. It pisses me off anyway I just_… "Tanya is pregnant with Jacob's baby."

_Whoa, whoa, whoa…_ "Pardon me?"

She laughed. "You heard me! And it's completely true. She has pictures of herself with a little belly on her Facebook and everything."

"You're kidding…"

"No! I'm not! She's not going back to school in the fall either. Dropped out and is moving with Jacob to Missouri I think Amanda said. She still talks with her frequently." She took another bite of the muffin which was almost gone. "I kind of feel bad though because apparently Jacob isn't exactly father or boyfriend material."

I snorted. "No shit. The guy's a complete douche bag." Not to mention a creeper, an asshole, a little bitch…shall I go on?

She sighed. "Yeah but I can't help but feel bad. I know Tanya isn't the best person, but she's really harmless and now she has to deal with this and I don't know. I hope that baby can change her for the better."

"Yeah I get what you mean." I never really had a problem with Tanya when she was acting like a normal human being, and there was no way I would ever wish for her to get pregnant with a dead-beat dad's kid. That's just terrible for the mother and the kid especially. "What about Angela?"

She shrugged. "Not exactly sure." She picked up the last piece of the muffin and pouted at the piece in her hand. She was really fucking adorable sometimes. "Can you go get me another one, baby?" _Oh wow. And she keeps the pout intact. Adorable and evil. What a catch._

"Well I don't know, Bella…that muffin might go straight to your ass…"

"Oh shut the hell up. You'd love if that muffin went to my ass. Go get me one pleeasseee…"

I laughed at her begging. She was never really one to ask me for anything and I wasn't going to say no in the first place, and I would have gotten it for her right away if it had been any other day. But looking at her made me think of things…

"Alright, I'll get it in a minute."

She sighed and brought her cup to her lips. "Alright. So what are we doing today?"

"Marry me."

She put her cup down, swallowed loudly, and gave me a 'what the fuck?' look. "Pardon me?" She mimicked my words from earlier.

I reached across the table and picked up her hands in mine. Looking down at them, I remembered faintly a time when I would be nervous to hold hands with her, and now I did it without thinking, like it was natural. It was natural. It was right. I kissed her knuckles.

"I'm being completely serious right now, Bella. Marry me."

She looked nervous. I could see it in her eyes. "Edwa…I…I mean I'm too…"

"Young, I know, and you are but I'm not saying marry me tomorrow. Fuck I don't even have a ring for you right now, and I'm sorry, but I don't think I could ever do this big old thing because I would probably have a heart attack planning it…" She laughed and she looked like she would cry. "But I love you, and I feel it right now. I feel like I need to make sure I am connected to you in every fucking way possible, and marriage is the only missing piece. I mean I love you, you love me, we've had sex…"

She put her hand over my mouth and laughed with tears falling down her face. "Shh…we don't need the whole place knowing all of the ways we've been connected, baby."

I shrugged. "They can fuck off then." She laughed and squeezed my hands. "Just promise me you'll marry me someday."

She let go of my hands and got up from the booth and slid in on my side right next to me. She held onto my left hand and pulled my face toward her with her left one. She kissed me softly and quickly on the lips because she knew I got uncomfortable doing that shit in front of a room of people. "I promise. I will marry you someday, dude."

I let out a sigh of relief and rested my forehead on hers. "Thank you."

She chuckled and kissed me again. "No need to thank me, baby."

"I love you." I reminded her. I didn't think I could remind her enough.

"I love you too, Edward. More than anything." I wrapped my arm around her and kissed the top of her head. "So does this mean we're engaged?"

I shrugged and looked down at her. "Well I would like to say yes, but I don't have a ring so I don't know how that shit works."

"Well, I think I know something that could be used as a replacement."

"Oh really? And what's that." I couldn't wait to hear what obscure thing her crazy mind would come up with.

"Well I do remember a conversation about a muffin…"

I laughed and kissed her forehead. "Move out, chick. I got to get my wifey her fucking engagement muffin that's she's only going to consume and still love more than me."

"Damn straight." She said as she got out of the booth to let me out to go get her damn muffin. While I was waiting in line for the thing, my phone rang.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, Ecy!"

I sighed in relief. "Hey, kid. How are you?"

"I'm great! Rosie is making pancakes and we are going to play a game together soon so I can't talk long!"

"Okay, sweetheart, I will just let you go then. You're happy there right?"

"Yup! It's the bestest, but are you coming over soon?"

I smiled. She still needed me and wanted me around. "Bella and I will be there in a little while. I'll talk to you later, kid. Have fun with your friends."

"I will! Bye, Ecy!"

"Bye, Alice." She hung up the phone and I looked down at the phone with a smile on my face. _Wow…wow…_

"Sir? Can I help you?" A guy's voice pulled me out of my reverie and I ordered my fiancé's muffin and waited for it so I could go back to.

Again I was feeling like I was having an out of body experience, but I realized I was wrong. This wasn't an out of body experience, it was just me feeling something that I never felt before.

I sat down in front of Bella and she reached for the muffin, but I pulled it away. "Wait a second." I said and pulled the thing out of the bag. I pulled her hand toward me and held it over her palm. "Isabella Swan, will you be a cool chick and marry me?"

She smiled. "Why of course, kind sir." I laughed and placed the muffin in her hands. "It's beautiful, Edward, really. The best engagement thing ever."

"Only the best for you, my darling."

She laughed and took a bite of the muffin. I watched her while she ate it, and she kept looking at me every now and then. "Dude, what are you looking at?"

"Nothing pretty." I said teasingly. That got me a napkin in the face.

"Jerk."

"I'm just kidding." I grabbed onto her free head. "I was just thinking about how completely right everything is right now."

She smiled. "You're happy. Completely happy." She said it as more of a statement, but I felt I had the need to clarify.

"Yeah…I guess I am…I mean, I am."

_Wow…wow…_life really wasn't a complete piece of shit. Things got bad mostly for me, but I think if those things didn't happen, I would be able to bask in what true happiness is.

And I felt that true happiness. I felt it without a doubt, and most importantly, I knew Bella felt it and I knew Alice felt it.

I never wanted the feeling to go away.

It felt strange, but it was right.

Everything was just _right._

* * *

_You and I know what it's like to be kicked down,  
Forced to fight.  
But tonight we're alright,  
So hold up your light,  
Let it shine.  
Cause this one's for you and me, living out our dreams.  
We're all right where we should be._

_**Lighters, by Eminem (Ft. Royce Da 5'9 & Bruno Mars)**_

* * *

**Ok well that's it for this chapter. What did you all think? Please let me know! (oh and check out the song for this chapter. It's amazing. Bruno Mars and Eminem? Amazing.) **

**Super huge thank you to Alexa for her pre-reading duties even though she completely disagrees with this scenario and wanted to let you all know that she did. Haha I'm sorry if it disappoints some of you as well, but I hope you all understand that I need to stick to the story that has been in my head for quite a while now. **

**The next chapter is the last official chapter and then there will be an epilogue! Thanks all for sticking around! **

**Review please! **


	53. Chapter 52: Forever

**Chapter 52: Forever**

**BPOV**

"Edward Cullen, if you don't wake your ass up, I am going to get the cold water." I said as I was putting my earrings on and trying to find my fucking shoes.

I swear I must have lost consciousness every time I took my shoes off because I never remembered where they were. And of course I was running late for my class.

"Stop yelling." He mumbled from the bed and rolled over to his right side. He tended to fall asleep faster when he was on his right side.

On my way out the door, I slapped his bare back and shook him. "Wake up."

He groaned but rolled back on his back and rubbed his tired eyes. "I'm up, I'm up." He mumbled.

He was lucky I was there to wake him up every morning or he would be late to work every day. It's not that Alan would reprimand him for it, but still. Ever since he quit his newspaper job and started getting a solid night's sleep, he had been terrible to wake up in the morning.

"Good." I left the room and continued on my massive search for my damn shoes.

There were only so many places they could have been. I mean, our new apartment wasn't that large at all, but I loved it. We lived on the first floor, and the people living upstairs, Harmony and Rain Gunderson, were an older and rather eccentric couple that Edward was strangely intimidated by. They were just very loving and greeted you with a hug and a kiss on the cheek which Edward was very uncomfortable with, but it was fucking hilarious. I always hoped we ran into them and I invited them to dinner often.

I groaned while still looking for my shoes.

"Bella?" Edward said from the door of our room.

"What, Edward?" I asked in irritation as I pulled the pillows from the couch. _Hey they could have been there right?_ I mean I lived with Edward so anything was possible.

"Am I everything you seek and ever wanted?" He asked in a strange voice that I guess was supposed to sound seductive but he just sounded like an eighty year old man who smoked his whole life.

"Have you been spending too much time with the Gunderson's and trying some of their herb or something?" I asked him as I got on the floor and looked under the couch.

"Ew, no." He said and sat down on the couch with his feet on my ass. "But weren't you seeking these?" He asked and waved my shoes in my face.

I squealed and snatched then from his hands. I turned over so I was still sitting on the floor and slipped on my sneakers onto my sock-clad feet. I kissed his knee because it was the closest part of him next to me and got up from the ground.

"Thank you, baby!" I called as I ran back into our room to grab my bag.

"Bella! Why are you in such a rush?" Edward called. I grabbed my bag and went back out to the living room.

"I have a class at nine."

"It's five past eight…"

"I know, but it takes me fifteen minutes to get there, and then I need to park my car somewhere since I don't have a parking space yet, and then who knows how long it will take me to walk to the building." He got up from the couch and walked over to me. He pushed the strap from my bag off of my shoulder and it almost fell to the ground before I caught it. "Edward. I…"

He shook his head and pushed the bag to the ground. "I'll bring you to your class." He said as he dragged me over to the couch.

"But you have work…"

He shook his head and dropped down on the couch. "No I don't. Alan gave me the day off since I had to work seven days a week for two weeks."

Yeah those days weren't that fun. It was the few weeks before I had to go back to school and he worked from seven in the morning to seven at night. When he came home, he ate showered, and was exhausted. The poor thing tried so hard to stay awake and talk with me and give me as much attention as he could, but he was exhausted.

He wasn't upset about it though. Edward loved his job dearly, and he liked being able to help Alan out since Alan wasn't there at all those two weeks because he was sick from the chemo they started him on. I went over to his house and helped him out as best I could. I had never seen someone so sick in my life and I thought he was going to die. It scared the hell out of me. But Alan was a fighter. He was back to work as soon as he could, and had high spirits.

"Oh well you didn't tell me that."

He chuckled and pulled me down on his lap. "I know. I forgot. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, baby." I said and snuggled up against his bare chest with a sigh. "I missed you."

"I've missed you too." He said with a yawn.

He grabbed onto my left hand and started running his finger along my ring. It was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen and I was elated to know I would wear it for the rest of my life as a symbol of my love for Edward. Because the past couple of months had been difficult. Very difficult, actually.

Alice was happy at Emmett's. She fit in perfectly with them, and everything was good with her, but Edward had a hard time.

At the beginning he went there every night to sleep there with Alice. After about two weeks, it was clear that Alice would be fine there. She got into her own routine, and she was as happy as ever. Edward however had more trouble then he thought letting go.

He would go there every night and slept with Alice in her room. Alice never turned him away, but every morning when she would call him and tell her that she had plans for the day without him, he had a hard time dealing with that. I wouldn't say it was jealousy per say, I just think he had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that she just wouldn't be living with him. It bothered him for a while. It killed me to see him like that too.

On one night, when he was working late at the shelter and he went to Emmett's to see Alice, he found her already asleep. Edward saw that as she didn't need him anymore, and he flipped out on Emmett, accusing him of stealing his sister and brainwashing her to think that Edward was useless to her. Of course Emmett was stunned. But that wasn't the worst part. That night Edward had an episode and Emmett had to lock him in the basement of his home so he wouldn't wake any of the children. After that he called me.

That night was tough. I picked up Bev before we went over to Emmett's house, because she was still the expert when it came to dealing with Edward when he was like that. He destroyed the basement. He was seething and crying and completely broken and I literally couldn't be in the same room as him that night. I felt such an intense pain I thought it could very well kill me. There was no worse pain than seeing the man you love look like he would rather be dead then where he was standing there and breathing and living.

He never woke up the kids, and he was better by morning, but he didn't leave until all the kids were out of the house. I was there early in the morning and I remember sitting at the table with Rosalie and Alice running down the stairs. When she saw me, she smiled, but she looked confused as well. She asked for Edward right away. She knew me being there that early meant something was amiss. I told her he was at work, but she wondered why he didn't call her. She said she waited up for him as long as she could, but he never came or called.

Edward heard that conversation from in the basement, and that seemed to change him for the better. He realized he overreacted and he apologized to a shooken Emmett. Emmett took Edward's outburst hard, because even though he had seen him like that before, it didn't compare to the feeling you got when you see someone you love acting like that.

From then on out, everything got better. Edward realized that Alice still loved and needed him. I think he knew it all along, but it was natural for him to think that I guess. It took some getting used to for him, but I think he's at peace now. He loved his job, especially, and that had helped a lot.

"Don't forget we have Stella's party to go to today."

He sighed. "Yeah I know."

Stella, that adorable little munchkin, turned three during the week and her party was today. I was actually looking forward to it because I got to spend the day with my family the whole day and we hadn't gotten to do that a lot since school started up again and everyone was working a lot. Edward didn't sound so excited and that was strange to me.

"Do you not want to go?" I asked.

"No, no, not that, I am just nervous about all of the people that will be there. I don't know anyone from Rose or Emmett's family."

I should have known. Edward was very wary of meeting new people, and especially since these people would probably be trying to figure out what kind of persons we were like. According to Emmett, all of them knew about Edward and Alice. A lot of them had already met Alice too, but Edward for one reason or another hadn't gotten to meet them.

"You'll be fine, you'll be with me. I can charm the pants off of all of them."

He snorted. "You better not be charming the pants off of anyone but this guy right here." He said pointing to himself.

I chuckled. "Well I don't know, Rain looks like he has a nice set of legs on him…ah!" He pinched my side with a growl and I started laughing. He was such a baby sometimes. I really didn't want to see Rain, or any other guy for that matter, with their pants off. It sounded cliché, but I really only had eyes for Edward…and a select few hot actors, but that's just petty details.

"He probably braids his leg hair." He said grudgingly.

I laughed and turned in his lap so I was straddling him and looking at his cute, tired, and a little aggravated face. "Oh stop being a baby."

"I just don't get it. I have lived in two apartments, and in the first one, I get Bev who is like the coolest person there ever was, and then we get these freak shows."

I gasped. "Edward stop it. They are good people. They really like you, you know."

We'd been living in the apartment for almost three months, and they never once said a bad word about him and treated him with the most kindness. He really appreciated it, I knew. He made fun of them like this right in front of them though, and they thought it was hilarious. I knew he was just kidding, but still.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

I rolled my eyes and ran my hands through his hair that he just got cut only a week ago. It was still long on top, but he had them clean up the sides a bit and he looked mighty fine with his new hair cut.

"Are you picking up Alice today?" I asked. Alice has been sleeping over our house every Saturday for the past month and a half. Edward would pick her up as soon as he got out of work, we'd spend the rest of the day together, and spend all Sunday together.

He shook his head. "Not until we leave the party tonight." He said sadly. "She has her first dance rehearsal today."

"Oh yeah, she told me about that. She must be so excited."

He smiled. "She is. She is supposed to call me before she goes."

"You can't go with her?"

He shrugged. "I guess I could, but Rose said the parents and such have to just sit in a waiting room the whole time and it's fucking long. She'll be there until two and she leaves at ten in the morning."

"Oh yeah, I could see you going crazy in that room…actually, please don't go."

He looked at me with a confused expression on his face. "Why?"

"Because, then you will be in that room filled with moms that will probably just ogle you the whole time and I don't like that." I shivered just thinking about it. "You would get hit on without a doubt."

He smiled. "Better to get hit on, then hit, which you do to me every day."

I slapped his chest. "No I don…oh." I rubbed where I hit him and kissed it quickly. "Sorry." I gave him my best innocent smile and he just laughed at me.

I stopped his laughing by kissing him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss with a slight tug on his hair causing him to moan. I couldn't be close enough to him. I missed him. Him working so much didn't really give us time for anything physical and it drove me insane. I needed him whenever I could get him. He was just so sexy and I loved him so much and ugh…

"Bella." He mumbled against my lips.

I held his face in my hands and tried to make the kiss last as long as I could because I knew we had to get going. He put his hands on my face and gave me a few more great kisses—which only drove me more crazy mind you—and pulled away completely.

"You'll be late."

I sighed. "I know, I know."

I got up from his lap and pulled him up with me. I held his hands behind my back as I walked to the front door and handed him his sneakers. He already had socks on so hopefully it wouldn't take him too long. I gave him a peck on the lips and went to grab my bag. The floor creaked in that same spot, and I cringed at the sound. It didn't exactly bother me though. The place wasn't perfect, but then again it was.

"Come on, chick, we don't have all day here."

"Shut up, Edward." I snapped at him as I put my bag over my shoulder and gave him a sweet smile. He smiled back just as mockingly.

"Come on, let's head out. We don't have all day here."

I crossed my arms deciding to play with him a little. "What if I don't want to,"

"Then I will go over there and throw you over my shoulder."

"I'll scream and cry." I challenged him.

He shrugged unaffected. "That's okay. You'll get over it."

I tried not to laugh. I loved having the weirdest conversations with him that if for some reason an outsider heard us, they would think we were crazy and probably call the cops. I loved it. That was just what we did.

"I'll punch you."

"Oh yeah baby I like it rough." He said with a little roll of his hips.

I snorted. "You're fucking weird."

"You're fucking crazy, but I still keep you around so you should be grateful."

I laughed. "I love you."

He laughed too. "I love you too, now get your ass over here and out this door please."

I dragged my feet over to the door and huffed. "I don't feel like walking."

He glared at me and sighed. "Get on you lazy ass." He said as he turned around.

I jumped up on his back and wrapped my arms and legs around him. It was his fault really. When we first moved in, he said he liked the apartment because it was on the first floor and he could carry me in the house when I was drunk easier. Weird, I knew, especially since I wasn't old enough to drink, but I told him it offended me, and as a sorry, he promised me he would give me piggy back rides in or out whenever I didn't feel like walking. I of course took full advantage of him losing and me being the victor.

I would probably take advantage of it for a while. I think that when we both start hitting our fifties or something, it may not be possible, but hey…we would just have something else that is entirely our own.

Life wasn't perfect, but it was easy to forget that fact sometimes.

If that's not completely happiness, then I didn't know what was.

* * *

**EPOV**

I walked into my apartment to a not so wonderful surprise.

"Good day, Edward!" Rain greeted me with that voice of his. _Great. _

Now I didn't have a problem with the two of them at all, but they could be a bit much. They were all about nature and nature makes all of the decisions in life and if it's raining then it's a bad omen and blah, blah, fucking blah.

"Oh boy." I said as I closed the door behind me and the two of them laughed; I heard Bev laugh too.

It didn't really surprise me that all of them were there to be honest. Bev came over just because I asked her too because I missed her all week, and Rain and Harmony were most likely over to use Bella and I's washer and dryer. Theirs had recently broken down for whatever reason, and Bella being the sometimes too nice person offered for them to use ours whenever we were home. We weren't home of course, but Bev must have let them in because she also liked them.

"Oh don't worry your pretty little face, Edward." Harmony said. She made comments like that all the time. She thought I was rather attractive and I found that slightly creepy considering she was old enough to be my mother but oh well. She had a very healthy relationship with her husband let me tell you…their bedroom was right above ours; nuff said. "We are almost done here."

I sat down at the table beside Bev and she put her hand over mine on the table and squeezed it. Bev ended up moving out of her apartment after a lot of convincing from Bella, myself, and Alice. It was hard for her to let go of the last thing she had that her and Leon shared, but she did well. She lived a couple apartments over from us and we were close to Emmett's house and everything was just great.

"No it's fine, Harmony. I am still so surprised that your people use electronics."

She laughed. "Oh Edward, you're very funny." She put down a shirt she was folding in a basket. "Isn't he funny Rain?" She asked her husband who was chomping on a cookie that was in a plate on the table. Bella made them last night.

"No he's not that funny. Bella is funnier."

Couldn't argue with him there. Rain and Harmony and everyone else that had the least bit of common sense liked Bella better. She was like the most genuine and best person to be around all the time while I wasn't.

I bumped Bev with my shoulder. "You like me better, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "Not all the time."

I shrugged. "Whatever."

"Honestly, Edward," Rain started. "How did you score someone like Bella?"

"I used some of that voo-doo shit that your people use. Have you tried it?"

They both just laughed. I was surrounded by fucking crazy people. I respect them for the fact that they could take a joke. There was no secret that they were what you would call a hippie and they knew that, and they understood my need to just make fun of them for it whenever I could. I didn't necessarily have a problem with hippies of course; that was just how our relationship was I guess.

"No, seriously. You just don't seem like a person that Bella would seek for."

I leaned back on the chair. How could he ask me to answer this question when I didn't know the answer myself? I asked myself frequently what I ever did to deserve her, and I could never think of an answer. I knew for a fact she could have gotten an even better person than me, but I would never let her go no matter what I thought. I needed her and if Bella wasn't a part of my life, I didn't know what the hell I would do with myself.

I mean I planned on marrying the woman. That's some pretty intense shit if you ask me. She had a ring on her finger to prove it. When I got it for her, I didn't do this big romantic thing to give it to her. I literally just slipped it on her finger when she fell asleep one night. I woke up the next morning to a crying Bella and I got a very nice dose of morning sex. See, most women would be pissed off about such a thing, but Bella understood that was the kind of person I was, and she loved it. She tells me she wouldn't have wanted me to do it any other way.

"She wasn't seeking for me. It just kind of happened I guess."

Harmony sat in front of me and sighed. "I'm sure it was like the stars aligned when you laid eyes on her right?"

I looked at her like she was crazy. "No. I met her in the day time."

She laughed. "Oh Edward." She said with a shake of her head.

Bev laughed beside me, but I wasn't kidding at all. How was the stars supposed to align if it was fucking daytime. Sometimes I wondered if maybe there was something wrong with me because things that seemed like common sense really weren't common sense at all. I needed a vacation from crazy people.

"What I mean is, didn't you feel complete when you saw her?"

I shook my head. "No. Actually the first time I noticed her, her tag was sticking out of her shirt and it was distracting to me."

Harmony rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright…I guess you aren't much of a romantic."

I shrugged. "Nope. Bella and I just love each other and it happened. No need really trying to figure out why it happened." I got up from the chair and stretched my arms up above my head while they started talking about something else.

I guess I was fibbing it a little bit. I would never admit it, especially to the hippie couple, that I thought Bella and I were brought together by fate or some shit along those lines. Maybe life was just filled with fateful events. _Who the fuck knows. _

My phone started ringing and I took it out of my pocket. It was Rosalie.

"Hey Rose, what's going on?" I asked as I answered the phone.

"Ecy come get me." Alice cried into the phone. My heart dropped.

"Alice, what's wrong?" I asked and all conversations within the room ceased as everyone looked at me while my hands were shaking. This was the shit I didn't like about not having her with me. If something was wrong, I couldn't diffuse it immediately. I comforted myself with the fact that she at least knew to call me if she needed me.

"I can't dance, Ecy. I can't do it." She cried.

I could hear the small sobs in her throat. I could also hear Rose's voice on the other end probably trying to comfort her.

"What do you mean, kid? Of course you can."

She started blubbering an answer that I couldn't really understand because she was crying so much and I really just wanted it to stop. Nothing hurt more than hearing her cry like that.

"Alice, give Rosalie the phone please. Everything will be alright."

She mumbled a response and then Rose answered. "Hey."

"Hey, what the fuck is going on?"

She sighed. "She's just nervous. She freaked out when she got in the room and she started asking for you." I could still hear Alice crying and I had a hard time concentrating when Rosalie was talking, but I got the gist of it.

"Where is this place?" She gave me the address to the dance studio and it wasn't even five minutes away thankfully. "I'll be right there."

"Okay." She said and hung up the phone. I shoved mine in my pocket.

"I got to go." I said to everyone.

"Want me to go with you, honey?" Bev asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, sure."

Bev had been very helpful in trying to get me to accept that Alice wasn't with me anymore, and she knew how much it killed me sometimes being so far away from her, so I would always want her to join me. Especially since Alice loved Bev so much, she may calm down faster. I knew Alice was just panicking about being with all those other kids, so I knew I could convince her that everything would be fine.

Bev and I got to the dance studio in less than five minutes because I was driving so fast. I didn't have to look for Alice for long because she was sitting in the front room with Rosalie and a lot of other parents that were staring and being fucking stupid. They all looked at me when I walked in, and Bella of course was right…they were ogling. I even saw one readjust her fun bags. _Fucking gross. _

Alice ran up to me and I brought her outside with me so those nosy ass people wouldn't be listening in and making her even more uncomfortable. I sat on the ground with my back against the wall of the building and pulled her away so she could look at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She looked adorable in her little dance outfit. She had on tights and a little leotard thing with ballet slippers and her hair up in a bun and a ribbon. She looked exactly like a little dancer and I knew it was something she wanted to do.

"I want to go home, Ecy. I can't do this."

I was really close to just taking her away from there and easing all her worries, but I knew dancing was something she wanted to do. I could just see her ten years from now hating me for taking her out of the dancing class.

"Just hold on, I thought you wanted to dance?"

"I do! But Ecy you don't understand! They have been dancing since they were babies!"

I chuckled. "Babies can't dance, Alice."

She glared at me. "You know what I mean."

I laughed and kissed her little face. "No I don't. Just because they've been dancing longer doesn't mean they are better than you."

"Yes it does."

I sighed. "Alice. Age doesn't mean anything. Look at me! I can't dance to save my life, do you want to see?" I really did not want to get up and dance for her because I wasn't a fan of embarrassing her or myself, but if it would ease her mind, I would do it. I would just have to make sure no one else was looking.

She smiled. "No. I've seen you dance. It's scary."

I poked her stomach and made her laugh. "See? It has nothing to do with age or experience or anything. If you want to dance, then dance…don't let other people take you away from that, okay?"

She nodded but still didn't look too convinced. "But what if they make fun of me?"

"Alice, I promise you that if any of those little girls make fun of you, it is because they are jealous of you. Just be nice to them and help them if you can. You'll be fine I promise." She still didn't look convinced and she looked like she would start crying again. I pulled her close to me and hugged her little body and kissed the top of her head. It felt like I hadn't seen her in forever and I missed the little bugger. "Just try it out today, and if you don't like it, then you won't have to come back again, but don't knock it before you try it, okay?"

She nodded against my shoulder. "Okay. If you say so."

"I do say so. You'll do great."

She pulled away and kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you, Ecy."

"Anytime, kid. So we'll go back in there, say hi to Bev real quick, and then go in there and dance your little butt off."

"But what would I do with no butt!"

I laughed. "How am I supposed to know?"

"You need to think about these things, Ecy!" She said with a giggle. She got these little snarky comments from Zoe I just knew it.

"Then dance your eyebrows off I don't know…stop being all technical, kid!" She laughed and hugged me.

I held onto her and got up with her in my arms. I sort of felt like I was on top of the world. It was little moments like that when Alice needed me to convince her of something that made me realize that everything was just how I wanted it. She had a good, happy, and safe life, she had a big family and she knew I would be there for her no matter what. I was engaged to the most beautiful woman in the world, I had a job I loved, and family and friends all around me.

It really couldn't get any better than that.

"Are you coming to Stella's party later?" Alice asked.

"Of course, and then sleepover time."

"Yay!" She said excitedly and I kissed the top of her head before we walked back in the studio.

Everyone was staring at us again but it really couldn't bother me in that moment. Alice jumped from my arms into Bev's who was talking to Rosalie and Rosalie looked relieved to see her not crying anymore.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I tried to get her to calm down but she wouldn't and…"

I placed my hand on her shoulder to get her to calm down herself. She loved Alice a lot and she treated her as if she were her own child and I loved her for that. She had an extreme devotion to my brother and her family and I respected that about her a lot. I loved that Alice got to witness her ways like that. She got to see what a true mother was supposed to be.

"It's really no problem at all. I _want _you to call me when things like this happen."

She sighed and looked over at Alice who was hugging Bev tightly. "She's an amazing child. You've done an amazing job with her."

I smiled. "She was just born amazing."

She laughed. "Yeah I guess that too."

"Alright, well I am going to get going. I need to pick Bella up from her class soon. We'll see you tonight."

"Great! See you later."

Alice ran back over to us and grabbed onto my hand. "Bye-bye, Ecy." She said looking up at me.

I bent down and kissed her forehead. "Bye, kid. I love you."

"I love you, too!" She let go of me and walked over to Rosalie, taking her hand. I waved at Rosalie and waved at her. She smiled and turned around with a skipping Alice bringing her back into the room where all the other kids were.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and it wasn't Bev. No, it was the woman before that was adjusting her fun bags when I walked in. _Oh here we go…_

"Your daughter is adorable." She said with her hands behind her back, making sure I could see her stuff even more. I wanted to puke all over myself.

"She's not my daughter. She's my sister." I said as politely as I could and walked past her as quickly as possible.

That was until I felt her fake nails practically dig into my skin when she grabbed onto my arm. _Oh no she didn't._ Fuck off. _Why can't people just leave me the hell alone?_ _I think I'm going to get a fucking face transplant or just gain about three-hundred more pounds. _

"Well you seem really close to her. You know my daughter is the same age as her. Maybe we could get together sometime and they could hang out together."

I tried to hold in my laugh. "No thank you."

She looked highly offended and I myself was highly amused. It took everything inside of me to refrain from messing with her.

"Wait so are you married or something?" She asked.

I felt someone's arm wrap around mine. "No, honey," Oh it was Bev. This could get interesting. "He is not married, but he has a very beautiful girlfriend and a brain so do you mind if we leave please?"

She looked like a fucking ten year old that just got told my one of her classmates that her shoes looked bad. "And who are you? His grandma?"

I laughed. "No. This is my girlfriend." I said and wrapped my arm around Bev's shoulders and kissed the top of her head. I had to restrain myself from saying bitch at the end of that statement just to add to the mental slap in the face I was giving this chick.

"Yeah, so you better stay away from man." Bev said with a little shake of her head.

Oh my fucking goodness why the hell was I surrounded by so many awesome people? It just didn't make sense to me. I looked over at Bev and she looked at me and I could tell she was having a hard time keeping a straight face as well.

"You ready to go, schnookums?" I asked her.

"Let's go, honey buns." She said back.

With one last glance at the flabbergasted girl in front of us, Bev and I turned around with our arms still around each other and walked out of the studio. Once the door shut behind us, we started cracking up laughing. I almost fell to the ground I was laughing so fucking hard and poor Bev was losing breath.

"We were such terrible people." I said when I finally got enough oxygen in my lungs to form a sentence.

"Maybe, but that was funny, boy."

I laughed. "I know, but still. Oh shit I'm going to piss my pants."

"Boy if you piss your pants I may just have to leave you here."

"Oh thanks. You're a real nice girlfriend."

She snorted. "Please. You know Bella would do the same exact thing." I laughed because it was so fucking true. Bev just rolled her eyes. "Come on. I think you promised me a lunch date."

I opened the door to my truck. "Yeah, let's go my lady."

* * *

"Edward! Have you seen my shoes?" Bella called from our room.

I rolled my eyes…that woman and her shoes. It was a little tidbit about Bella that I never knew until we started living together. She was neatest, most organized and responsible person I knew, but she could never find those fucking shoes of hers. It didn't help that it took her forever to get ready anyway. I'd been sitting on the couch watching the news for about twenty minutes already.

"Check the bathroom. You got changed in there."

"Oh yeah…" I heard her say and couldn't help but smile. If I had to deal with keeping track of her shoes for her for the rest of our lives, I wouldn't mind one bit at all.

I could hear her walking back with shoes on her feet and she leaned over the back of the couch with her arms around my neck and kissed the side of my head. "Now what would I do without you, baby?"

"Eh you would be fine. You just wouldn't walk around with any shoes on."

She laughed and walked to the other side of the couch and straddled my lap. "When do we have to leave again?" She asked before giving me a kiss. She was really just kind of evil. She straddled me looking all beautiful and ready to go out and kissed me and expected me to find the will to leave the house. Damn women these days.

"Well considering the party started five minutes ago, I'd say like right about now."

She got a mischievous look in her eye and smoothed down the collar of my button up shirt that I hated so much. I felt like I was trapped in the red choker and I wanted to just rip it off and get my t-shirt. But no. I had to dress up a little bit because I was trying to make a good first impression. I had the button up shirt on, a nice pair of jeans, and brand new sneakers. The only thing that may or may not have thrown it off was the beanie on my head, but I didn't really care. I wanted it on.

"Have I ever told you that I think you look very sexy with these shirts on?" She ran her hands up and down my chest and I smiled.

"No you haven't. You usually beat me and tell me I'm hideous." I said with a whimper.

Her expression completely changed from seductive to plain mad and I couldn't help but laugh at her even though she slapped me really fucking hard on the chest. "You're such an asshole!"

I laughed. "I'm sorry, beautiful."

"You know most guys would love if their girlfriend came onto them like that."

I smiled. Oh she had no idea. "Well most guys don't have another girlfriend either."

She just rolled her eyes. I couldn't help but laugh that she didn't even take me seriously when I said shit like that. She knew me too well.

"Oh yeah? And who's the other woman?"

"Her name starts with a 'B' and ends with an 'Ev.'"

She laughed. "Do I even want to ask?"

She didn't have to, because I told her the story anyway. She started laughing and didn't seem to upset that the chick hit on me. She tried to act like she was jealous sometimes but she knew I would never look at a woman the way I look at her and I would never leave her for anyone. I guess in a way I felt I was doing okay as a boyfriend if my girlfriend didn't have to doubt my love for her.

"Oh and I didn't even tell you who I was talking to today." She said.

"Who?"

"Angela. Turns out Tanya is coming back here. Jacob got shot…can you believe that?"

I really couldn't believe that. That was some crazy shit. I of course couldn't really find it in myself to feel bad which was probably terrible, but that guy single handedly ruined my life that night at the bar and it was for stupid reasons too. He was just crazy.

"How did that happen?"

"Apparently he started selling drugs when they got to Missouri to raise money for the baby and he didn't pay someone back and yeah…he's not dead, but he isn't doing so well."

"Well that sucks." I said. I really tried to care, but yeah…I couldn't find it within myself. Call me a terrible person or whatever but yeah…no.

"Yeah. Well anyway. Let's go."

She got up and pulled me up with her. Was it weird that I just wanted to snuggle with her? Yeah that was pretty fucking weird. I should get kicked in the balls for even thinking that. I needed to be reminded of my manhood whenever I was around her. It really wasn't healthy.

She let me go in front of her and then she climbed onto my back. I really dug myself a really shitty hole that day. Oh well. I wouldn't mind getting hit by her, find her shoes for her, and carry her in and out of the house for the rest of my life. That may sound like a shitty life to anyone else, but to me it was a life I really fucking wanted.

Any life with her would be more than sufficient.

It would be perfect.

When I walked into my brother's house, I expected anything but my brother greeting me at the door with arms wide open. He pulled me in for a hug. He looked amused so I knew nothing was wrong but what the hell_. Can't someone I know be normal or something? _

I looked around over his shoulder and didn't see anyone in sight. "Dude what the fuck is wrong with you?" I said to him and he started laughing.

"Just thought I'd let you know that I love you, and just making sure you won't hate me."

"Do I even want to know?"

Bella just shook her head and walked past the two of us further into the house where I heard a lot of people talking. I knew there were a lot of people by how many cars were outside, but it just made me even more nervous being inside and hearing all of them canoodling together. On top of being nervous about that, I had my brother fucking verifying my love for him for some reason that I didn't really want to know. I needed to get to bed. This day was just a bunch of weird shit going down.

"Well you see, Rosalie's family is here obviously, and her nephew is here."

"Woop-de-fucking-do. I'll take a wild guess and say her aunt is here too…"

He chuckled and patted me on the shoulder. "You'll see."

I heard footsteps running toward us. I didn't even have to think twice about who it was. Alice came running into the main room and jumped up in my arms.

"Hi, Ecy! Guess what!"

Someone was excited about something. "Chicken butt?"

She threw her head back and laughed. "No silly! I just met my husband!"

Well, if I didn't think a nap was completely necessary before, it just became really fucking necessary when those words came out of her mouth. I looked over at Emmett who looked like he would start cracking up laughing at any given moment and I swear if he did he would pay for it even more than I was already planning. I didn't know the details, but how the hell could he let this happen? How the hell could he have allowed such a thought and such words come out of Alice's mouth.

"No you didn't." I said simply and she shook her head.

"But Ecy you don't understand! He's so cuuttteeee…"

Weren't kids supposed to hate the opposite sex until they were like thirty or something, or was that just something I was hoping for? I knew deep down I was overreacting, but come on already…couldn't she just not think other boys were 'cute' as she puts it. I'm sure the kid really wasn't a big deal at all.

"No he's not." I said.

She gasped. "But you haven't even seen him yet!"

Her little face made it so hard for me to say another cocky comment. _She was only seven…it's just a little crush…she's only seven…_yeah I had to keep telling myself that.

"Whatever. I don't want to hear it though."

She rolled her eyes. "You are silly. Jasper is really nice and he's so tall and…" She ended off in a dreamy sigh and I wanted to fucking puke. Who was this kid and how did he make my little sister into a little sighing and love stunned mess? _Asshole._

"He's tall? How old is this kid?"

And at that question, Emmett walked out of the room and started laughing. I looked to Alice and she shrugged her shoulders as if she didn't know. Oh my fucking word…this could get interesting and possibly messy. I walked into the living room where most of the people were. They all stared, but not rudely, they were simply seeing who was coming in the room. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Dr. Masen. I didn't know him that well, but it was nice to see a familiar face. His wife Esme was right beside him. They were Emmett's real parents and they were great parents from what I heard and seen.

"How are you doing, Edward?" Dr. Masen asked.

"I'm okay. Just looking for my fiancé. She's always running off somewhere."

Dr. Cullen and Esme laughed. Alice reached out of my arms and into Esme's. She called her Grandma Esme just because the other kids did as well. I thought it was perfectly fine and there was no harm in it. She did not by any means call Rosalie and Emmett mom or dad or any variant of that. She asked me if she should call them that since she was living with them and for all intents and purposes they were like her parents, but I told her she didn't have to if she didn't want to. She couldn't really separate Emmett from being her brother and Rosalie being just her friend. I guess it was really just an Alice thing because even living with me for most of her life, she never once called me dad or anything which was okay with me.

Esme walked off with Alice and Dr. Cullen placed a firm hand on my shoulder. "Let me introduce you to everyone since my son is otherwise occupied."

I took a deep breath and nodded my head in agreement because I knew there was no escaping it and it was better to just get it over with. So he did just that. He brought me around to everyone and I didn't shake their hands or anything and they didn't seem to mind. They were all actually warm and welcoming and after every person I spoke to, I felt a little weight being lifted off of my shoulder. I was still scanning the rooms for Bella, but I had no idea where she was.

Then we turned the corner into the kitchen and I saw something I wished I didn't have to see. There was a boy. He was sitting at the table with this long blonde hair and blue eyes that made him seem all innocent and what not, but oh he wasn't. I just knew it. I knew it because he was sitting across from my sister and they were talking to each other like they were the only two people in the room. Oh but here's the catch; the kid looked like he was fucking seventeen years old.

I took a step towards them, but Dr. Cullen pulled me back. "Just wait a minute, Edward."

I growled and turned towards him, but looked at them over my shoulder just to make sure that kid wasn't being stupid. "How old is that kid?" I asked.

He sighed. "He's thirteen." _Oh my fucking word_… "But listen Edward, I get your reaction, but I promise you it's harmless. I mean come on, Jasper just sees her as a sweet little kid."

"She is a sweet little kid, but why the hell…"

"Edward." Dr. Cullen said. "I am asking you please not to ruin this. What you don't understand is Jasper has bi-polar disorder."

_Oh shit. _

You see, I thought maybe hearing that would only make me want to take Alice as far away from that kid as possible, but I just couldn't. I couldn't.

"He is very introverted. No one ever talks to him, and Alice just marched right on up to him and sparked a conversation. Look behind you. He's smiling. I can tell you he hasn't smiled that much in such a short time span in a long time. I've treated him for over five years now. He's not a bad kid, he's just troubled. I'm sure you know a lot about that."

I did and I did not in any way want to take Alice away from that kid anymore. It sounded strange. I mean I still didn't want her fucking dating the kid, but he needed a friend…I knew how that felt. I felt that way for many years until Bella gave me a chance in that coffee shop. Alice looked like she was giving that same feeling to this Jasper kid only way earlier. I felt bad for the kid. I knew what it felt like to feel trapped inside your mind and out of control of your own body at times. It made you want to close people off just to avoid hurting them, but Alice took that wall down somehow.

It was innocent, sure, but it would help that kid.

"Fine. I'll just keep an eye on them I guess."

"Thank you, Edward."

I looked back at the two of them and Jasper was laughing at something Alice said and Alice was laughing too. I never thought I would easily sit back and let Alice talk to another boy but I could relate to Jasper.

I would never wish the shit that happened to me on anyone ever.

* * *

We were sitting outside by the fire.

It reminded me of the first night we went to Emmett and Rosalie's house except this time Alice was playing with the kids in the yard and everything seemed right. The party was over. Everyone left about an hour ago, and Emmett and Rosalie offered to let us stay for a little while longer to just relax in front of the fire.

Bella and I were both sitting in the same chair. She was curled up on my side and I had an arm around her. She was being extra quiet and I caught her almost falling asleep on my chest a couple of times while Emmett and I were talking. Rosalie was playing with the kids, and it was starting to get late. I was surprised Alice was even awake.

"Daddy!" Little Stella yelled as she ran over to her father. He scooped her up in his arms and kissed her face.

"What's the matter little lady?" He asked playfully.

"I tired. Can I got to sleep now?"

He chuckled. "Sure, baby." He got up from his chair. "I'll be right back." He said to us and we both nodded for him to go.

I looked down at Bella and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. "I think we should get going, hermosa."

She sighed. "Five minutes. I'm really comfortable."

I chuckled. "You're kind of my best friend." I said to her and kissed her head again.

She looked up at me with a confused expression on her face. "And where did that come from?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just realized how much my life changed for the better because of you." I was being way to overly girly and shit but I couldn't find it within myself to stop or degrade myself for saying it. I was saying what was on my mind, and I needed to know that Bella knew these things.

She put her hand on my cheek and pulled my face down to kiss me. "Thank you, baby, but I don't think you're _completely _accurate in that statement." She said looking all smug and cute and fucking just perfect.

"Oh yeah? And how's that?"

"Well, I'm your best friend, sure, but I'm also your future-wifey."

I smiled. "And she finally fucking admits it!"

She laughed and pulled me down to kiss me again. "Well I guess I kind of can't when I have this beautiful ring on my finger staring at me every day." She said looking down on the ring I bought for her. Cost me an arm and a leg but it was worth it considering I got the best feeling whenever I saw her wearing it.

"I love you, my future wifey." I said.

"And I love _you, _my future hubby." She said while looking me in the eyes.

I leaned forward myself to steal a kiss from her and feeling her lips on mine never got old. I couldn't say kissing her was like I was kissing her for the first time every time, because it wasn't. Kissing her became more familiar to me and feeling more like home every time. She was meant for me I just knew it.

"No more smooching. I'm very tired." Bella and I pulled away with a chuckled and I looked up to see Alice standing in front of us like she was about to fall over from exhaustion.

I reached my free arm out to her and she climbed up on my lap and leaned into my other side.

"You ready to go to home number two?" I asked her.

She called my house home number two because well…she considered it her second home and that was perfectly fine with me and Emmett. She adjusted well. I couldn't have asked for her to adjust any more perfectly. She didn't resent me, she loved living with Emmett and all the benefits, and she was happy. She was undoubtedly happy and I couldn't help but think that I was a part of that. I was a part of the reason that Alice, an amazing little person, was as amazing as she was.

"Did you have fun today, honey?" Bella asked Alice while rubbing her back.

And I also couldn't have been more lucky then getting Bella. She loved Alice and would do anything for her. Plus she was so understanding…I was just lucky. That's all I could say.

"Yeah I did. Plus I made my new best friend today." She said with a smile.

"Jasper?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yup. He's really cool, Ecy."

"Yeah? Well who's cooler; me or him?"

"Him."

I gasped and poked her sides. "How dare you!" She giggled and wiggled her way up so she could wrap her arms around my neck and kiss my cheek.

"Don't worry, Ecy." She patted my cheek and looked at me with those eyes that screamed honesty, innocence, and the truth. "You're my favorite. You'll always be my favorite."

* * *

_They didn't have you where I come from  
Never knew the best was yet to come  
Life began when I saw your face  
And I hear your laugh like a serenade  
How long do you want to be loved?  
Is forever enough, is forever enough?  
How long do you want to be loved  
Is forever enough  
Cause I'm never, never giving you up._

_**Lullaby, by Dixie Chicks**_

* * *

**Okay well that's the last official chapter. I will be posting an epilogue soon and outtakes are a possibility. I will also be posting a new story after I post the epilogue for this story so be on the lookout for that if you're interested! **

**Special thanks to Alexa for sticking with me through these 52 chapters. Haha, she's the best pre-reader EVER! **

**Thanks so much everyone. It's been wonderful. Thanks for all you support and reviews and yeah just thanks. See you all when I post the epilogue, and maybe at my new story! **

**Review please! **

**-Monica**


	54. Epilogue: 12 Years Later

**Epilogue: 12 Years Later**

**BPOV**

_Dear Bella,_

_Well let me first start off by saying I am supposed to be doing a shitload of paperwork and grading right now it's not even funny, but this letter was long overdue. Your 32__nd__ birthday is now over a month behind us and I still haven't written this fucking letter. I have thirteen of these wonderful letters and you need the same amount…it's only fair. _

_Holy shit, Bella Cullen, we have been together for thirteen years. That's a long time. Maybe too long…just kidding! It's been the best thirteen years of my life I'll have you know. Yeah we went through some pretty shitty times, but the good times kind of cancel those out don't you think?_

_Okay so I am supposed to say what's been going on with our life. Well Alice started college so that's pretty fucking amazing if you ask me. We'll just try and forget the fact that she is also dating a 24 year old when she's only 19. I guess I kind of screwed myself over when I decided to sweep you off of your feet when we were both that age. I don't regret it though, beautiful. _

_And let's not forget our two little bundles of joy and stress. Nah I'm just kidding about the stress part. They are the most amazing little beings I have ever set my eyes on so any stress they cause you and I doesn't seem so bad. I'm still worried about our Lukas, but you already knew that. I think me worrying about him will always be there no matter how old we get. He just can't have IED. He can't. He's a smart, funny, determined, loyal, and loving five year old and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect son. I really couldn't. I am so proud of him and the little man he is becoming. I keep telling myself what you always tell me. He's perfect, he's fine, and if he isn't, we will help him through it. _

_And now Taryn. At this point, all I can say about that kid is she will be the death of me. I swear she will be. I knew she would be trouble the moment she threw up on me the first time I held her. Seriously though, where the fuck did that kid come from? She isn't like me and she isn't like you at all. She's loud, she's stubborn, she's full of energy, and she's outgoing. I mean I guess she gets her stubbornness from me, but where did the rest come from? I thought all of her shenanigans were supposed to be done and over with once the terrible twos went away…now she' s three and still driving me up a wall. I wouldn't trade it for anything and you know that. She's my little girl and she's stunningly beautiful and she has her moments of sweetness and what not but oh boy…she will be the reason I go grey. _

_Okay I was planning on making this thing really elaborate about what's been going on with our family and all that shit, but I really don't have time, chick, so I hope you understand. Our family is good right now. Our friends are good right now. Everything is just good. _

_But I can't just end this without making you aware of my feelings for you. I think I tell you enough, but I'm probably wrong. Being married to you has made me realize that I'm usually wrong, and if I'm not, I should just say I am anyway because you are one crazy and scary bitch when you're mad at me. But don't worry, I love you anyway. Actually, after being married to you for four years, I have come to realize that you can love and hate someone at the same time. I love you and I hate you. _

_I love that you have been the greatest mother to our children. They trust you, the worship you, they think you're funny, and they love you. They love you so much and I try to be the best father to them, but what makes it easier is knowing that you are right there with me, and if for some reason I fail as a father, they will always have you as their mother. I can't thank you for that enough. _

_I love that you still love me. I don't really know how to elaborate on that more, but I had to say it. The fact that you can love a guy like me—a guy that has given you more stress than you deserve and more fights than I would ever want you to fight—means the world to me. _

_I could go on and on for days, my wifey, but I'll limit it to three for now. If you want me to tell you others, come see me tonight…in our bed…door locked…naked. (wink, wink) Just kidding. You can ask me over dinner if you want or while I'm fixing the fucking faucet in the bathroom that decided to shit the bed. _

_I love how you were there for me and were my rock during the couple of months that I was really sick and when I got my surgery. I know I don't talk about it much with you because I hated those days that I was sick. Who would have known that a failing kidney could be so painful and so debilitating? I despised the fact that I was practically useless for a certain time and I couldn't even pick up my kids. You helped me through that. I loved when you would wake me up in the morning by having them crawl into our bed to wake me up. I loved that you rubbed my back when I was crying from physical or emotional pain. I love that you didn't leave the hospital that night after my kidney removal when I was freaking out and telling you I wanted you away from me. Thank you for staying then and staying now. _

_Oh shit I should have structured this fucking letter better but it's kind of late now. I realize I should have put the things I hate about you before the whole lovey dovey thing because now you will probably be pissed at me for reading this letter but oh well…you'll still love me right?_

_So here's the thing. I hate that you consistently forget to turn that fucking computer off every night. I mean come on, Bella. That shit costs us money and I don't need our electric bill through the wall every time because you always forget. What if that thing blows up? Those fucking things are unpredictable…it could come alive in the night time and torture us and our children. Think about the children, Bella. Think. About. The. Children. _

_Oh and I also hate the fact that you think its oh so funny to put fucking confetti in my lunch bag. Where the hell do you get this stuff anyway? I don't even know how you do it honestly. I make my lunch, I go to work, I open my bag, and bam! It's like a fucking fairy took a shit in my lunch bag. Not cool, Bella. Not. Cool. _

_Okay and last one. I hate that you made me write this fucking girly letter to you. I mean do you see the sappy shit in this thing? Oh my fucking word…I'm going to stop now because soon you won't have any man parts to pleasure you anymore and my hand fucking hurts from writing you this thing. I hate that you have made me write thirteen love letters. THIRTEEN. I can't believe I'll have to write about 100 more. Excuse me while I go take some extra shots of testosterone and maybe even some steroids. _

_I love you. _

_Love,_

_Your (very manly) hubby,  
Edward Cullen_

I wiped the tears from my eyes and covered my face as I laughed at my husband's sweet/manly love letter to me. It really wasn't supposed to be a love letter…it was only supposed to be a birthday letter, but as much as he will deny it, Edward was a romantic at heart. He covered it well, but yeah…I've known him long enough to know the truth.

"Bella?" I looked up at my doorway and saw Ms. Stanton at my door with her purse over her shoulder and her long coat on. "The guys want to know if they can lock up. You aren't staying here right?"

I shook my head. "Oh no. Sorry I was just reading something."

I wiped the tears from my eyes hoping she didn't see them, but of course she did. Jeana had become a good friend of mine since I started in the new school and even when I became principal. She had been a good help and she was a great secretary.

"And what were you reading?" She asked curiously and kind of nosily. She was a nosy person, but she meant no harm.

"Oh nothing…just a letter from my husband."

"Aww he writes you letters? The only form or word play I get from Ivan is some text messages asking me what's for dinner."

Jeana and Ivan had been married for longer than Edward and I have been married, and they were completely perfect for each other. They came over for dinner sometimes and Taryn was particularly fond of Ivan. It was probably because they were very similar.

"He doesn't do it often. It's just a thing we have. We write letters to each other on our birthdays."

"That is so flipping sweet. So sweet, I can't believe Edward would be a part of that."

I laughed and got all of my papers together in my bright pink folder. It was decorated by my beautiful daughter and it was a bit pink and extravagant for my tastes usually, but it was kind of the most perfect folder I had ever laid eyes on. My daughter was talented.

"Yeah well he has his moments."

She snorted. "I'm sure he does. Go home now, Bella. You've been working too hard."

I walked around my desk and followed her out the door. I really couldn't wait to get home and see my kids. I hated leaving them all day long, but I needed to do my job. I at least got the summers off and vacations with them so that was good.

They were at school and daycare most of the day anyway, so they barely had time to miss me but still. Edward picked them up from school and everything and I usually got home between four and four-thirty. It really wasn't that bad really, but I just really hated being away from them. People always explained the love they had for their child, but they weren't all completely accurate because it was really unexplainable. When Lukas was born, my life and Edward's life completely changed. It makes me laugh thinking of that because it seemed so cliché, but it's true.

I guess a part of it was that Lukas and Taryn were both a part of me and a part of Edward. I loved finding little things about them that reminds me of Edward or myself. Lukas purses his lips when he's really concentrating on something just like Edward does. He also _hates_ seafood just like I do. Edward says Taryn eats like I do…whatever that means. She was completely like Edward personality wise though. He likes to say she isn't, but she so is. She was a handful and so was Edward.

Things could get crazy in our house sometimes, but I really couldn't complain. I loved all three of them to death. They were my world.

It didn't take me long to get home. We moved into a small house right before Lukas was born…literally. On moving day, I was nine months pregnant and my ankles were swollen and I was in a pissy mood. I swear Edward was probably close to killing me that day since I was being picky about where everything would go and all that. But it was really funny, I was having mood swings and what not and I started crying because I wanted Edward (he was in the other room) and he came inside and brought me to bed and we both laid down and cuddled, and then I started having contractions.

Lukas Edward Cullen came into the world twenty hours—yes twenty fucking hours—later. Edward gave him his first name and I got to pick the middle name. I gave him the middle name of Edward for obvious reasons, but Edward's reasoning for my little boy's first name is not as obvious. Well maybe it is when I mention Star Wars. Yes, my husband named our son Lukas so he can one day say, 'Luke, I am your father.' At first I wanted to slap him for even thinking of such a ridiculous scenario, but I ended up loving the name. It was cute and strong and it fit my little man perfectly.

Taryn's story wasn't as carefree I guess you could say. I ended up having sever preeclampsia in my sixth month of pregnancy. It was really scary and painful and I thought I was going to lose her. I cried so much during that time. My doctor had me in the hospital on bed rest and they gave me a lot of medications to lower my blood pressure and make sure my little baby was okay. The worst part about it all was that I was away from Lukas. I remember he was all I could think about because he was only two years old and I wasn't home. I couldn't tuck him in at night or hear Edward read him his story. It was the first time I was worrying about both of my children at the same time and it was tough.

Taryn Beverly Cullen was born in the middle of the night when I was only thirty weeks pregnant. She was two pounds and four ounces. She was tiny. She ended up having to go on oxygen and get fed through a tube and she was in the hospital for over a month. That was hard as well. All I could remember though from the moment she was born, was that cry of hers. It was strong and it was loud and I always liked to think that it was her way of telling me and her father that she would fight through everything…and she did.

Despite everything, Edward and I ended up with two healthy and beautiful children and we decided to close the baby shop. I got my tubes tied after Taryn's caesarean. I honestly don't think I could go through another pregnancy after all the stress and pain I had during the time I was pregnant with Taryn. It was so worth it and if I had to, I would do it one hundred times over for my children, but I didn't want to put any of us through that. I had my boy, I had my girl, and I had my husband…I was happy.

I walked up to the front door of our house, and I could already hear Taryn screaming and crying about something on the other side. I took a deep breath to compose myself, because knowing Taryn, it was probably something that really didn't warrant that much screaming and crying.

As soon as I opened the door, I could hear her running over to me to just tell me what's been bothering her. She rounded the corner looking like a beautiful mess. I'm really not just saying this because she's my kid, but she was so absolutely beautiful that I thought twice on if she was really our daughter. I told that to Edward once, and he assured me she was since he checked her tag when she was born. He's such a goof.

Her curly reddish hair looked adorable in her little pig tails that Edward put on her. He was actually really good at doing her hair. She looked a lot like Edward it was kind of scary. She had the shape of his face and his hair, but only redder. She was born with light reddish looking hair, but it got darker as she got older. The only thing she had from me was her eyes. Everything about her was just gorgeous.

"Mommy! Daddy's mean!" She screamed and continued crying. They were definitely crocodile tears, but it didn't mean I could really stand watching her like that.

"What did he do, my baby?" I dropped my bag beside the door and took my jacket off.

"H-h-he won't give me sumfin like a s-snack!" I smiled at the way she asked for her snacks. She always said, 'can I have something like a snack,' and I had no idea why, but it was adorable.

I reached over and lifted her up in my arms. She was still really small for her age which was normal since she was born so early. I kissed her face, but she continued crying. "Well honey, it's almost dinner time so I'm sure Daddy is just making sure you don't spoil your dinner."

"No it's cuz Daddy doesn't wike me!"

I had to hold back my eye-roll. Here we go. I sighed. "Your father loves you so stop it with that."

I walked into the living room and the subject of our conversation was sitting at the desk in the corner of the room hunched over some papers. I was sure he was grading them. Since he became co-owner of the shelter, him and Alan decided that maybe expanding it a bit would be a good idea and they now have educational services there. It wasn't anything extravagant, but they had someone teaching basic reading, math, and Edward taught them different languages. He loved it. He loved working with the kids and most of them showed a lot of enthusiasm for it. It would be beneficial to them in the future because anyone hiring someone for a job likes to know they are bilingual.

"Nuh-uh! Watch." Taryn said to me with an expecting look on her face. "Daddy?"

"Yes, Taryn?" He asked.

"Do you wike me?"

"Nope. I already told you I'm not your friend anymore." He said without even looking away from his papers and Taryn started crying again and put her head on my shoulder. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh boy, you two are going to drive me crazy." I said lowly, but loud enough for them to hear.

Edward obviously liked our daughter. He loved her to death and she knew that. Their relationship was one that is hard to explain. I guess it could be boiled down to the fact that Edward teases her _a lot. _And she knows he's teasing with her, but she still reacts as if he were being serious. The funny part is I can hear them talking about their fights at night and they both just laugh about it. It really didn't make sense, but that was my everyday life with those two.

"See Mommy? You're my only fwend!" I laughed at the expression on her face and pulled her in for a hug. _My poor little girl._ She spent the whole day with Edward since he doesn't work on Mondays and Fridays and Lukas goes to school and then he has soccer practice right after that so it was a Taryn and Daddy day.

Edward turned around on his chair and placed his arm over the back of it. He made me nervous when he did that. It was really just a normal movement of his body, but after he had the surgery, I always got nervous when he even moved suddenly. It would be something I would have to grow out of I guess.

Edward had to have one of his kidneys removed and he was still recovering since it was so recent. He suffered from acute kidney failure and those couple months were terrible for all of us. Edward was in a lot of pain and could barely move half the time. He ended up in the hospital for a while and they tried to find a match for a transplant, but there was none. Finally, after he was on dialysis for about three weeks, the doctors decided that they would just remove the problem kidney, and wait until a transplant was available. Of course that surgery had to take place the day before my birthday.

Edward was really upset about it. He wanted to do something with me before he got the surgery done, but he really just couldn't because he was so sick. Instead, he just asked the doctor to at least go home the night before, and the four of us spent the day in bed. It was a bitter-sweet day of course.

The person most affected by Edward's surgery other than Edward, was Lukas. My poor boy was so worried for his father the whole time he was in the hospital. I remember I would pick him up from soccer practice and he would just want to go to the hospital to be with Edward. He would bring a different book from the library at his school every day and they would read it together.

"Well guess what little miss," Edward said to Taryn, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Your mother is my _best _friend."

"Noo! Now I have no fwends!" She yelled and started crying again. I really couldn't take that much crying right when I got home.

"Edward! Stop it!" I said as I kissed the top of my little girl's head, trying to get her to just stop crying. Knowing Edward, he probably didn't try and put her down for a nap all day and she was overtired and that usually led to her being overemotional. Edward didn't help with the situation.

He chuckled and got up from the chair and walked towards us. "Oh she's fine." He said all calm, cool, and collected.

I envied him really. He was an amazing father. I don't think I had ever seen Edward stressed out when it came to dealing with our children…maybe a little bit with Taryn, but that was just because she drove him crazy, but I mostly mean the decisions and dealing with them. He knows when they are just acting out to get attention and he knows when they are really hurt. I guess it was partly because he already had experience with raising Alice, plus I had to admit he got more patient as he got older, but I don't know. I felt jealous of his ease of parenting, but I also felt so lucky to have him by my side.

"You're hurting her feelings." I said as I bounced my baby and her crying began to slow down.

Edward just shook his head and chuckled. "Hey Taryn…Taryn look at Daddy, baby."

She lifted her head and looked at him. "What do you want meanie Daddy?"

"What if I give you three cookies instead of two after dinner…will you stop crying?" He asked her sweetly. I loved watching him speak to our children. I loved watching him play with them. I loved watching that look on his face when he looked at them. There was nothing more beautiful than watching him with them.

His words were like a cure to her worries and a bright smile lit up her beautiful face revealing her slightly crooked teeth that I thought made her look even more adorable than she already was.

"Yes! Thank you, Daddy!"

He laughed and reached for her. She fell over into his arms and Edward kissed her head. "See, Bella? You tell the little thing what she wants to hear, and then we get a little more meat on this tummy…" He said and tickled her stomach making her laugh loudly. "It's a win/win situation." He said looking back up at me with those green eyes that I fell in love with.

"Well excuse me, Taryn whisperer." I said with my arms crossed.

He kissed Taryn on the cheek and placed her on the ground and she ran away into her and Lukas' playroom. I turned to Edward and he wrapped his arms around me. I wrapped my arms around his middle and hugged him back. I loved being in his arms. It was hard to explain really. I mean I hugged a lot of people, but Edward's hugs just felt better. I hoped these feelings I had for him never went away because they haven't so far. It's been thirteen years and he still makes me smile when he walks in a room. He still makes me laugh every day. He still turns me on more than any man ever could. He still makes me feel loved every day and he is still the most amazing man I had ever met. I loved him. After all the fights, after all the times I kicked him out of our house, after all the tears and heartache, my love for him remained the same.

I felt completely lucky.

"Lukas should be home any minute." Edward said.

I nodded my head against his chest. "I know. I can't wait."

"Zachariah is picking him up today. Bev isn't feeling well."

I sighed. Bev was doing okay. She was obviously getting older and her energy levels have been really down lately, but she was okay. I could tell that being away from her grandkids and her kids had been taking its toll on her, but she still missed Leon. She says she doesn't want to be away from him…and by that, she means his grave. She has been visiting him more often and has brought me there as well a couple of times. It broke my heart seeing Bev cry, but she cried every time she went to see him.

She had her good days and bad days. She loved our kids of course. They call her Grandma just because we thought it was appropriate. Edward thought of Bev as his mother and Bev was honored to take the title.

"You think we should go by and see her?" I asked. Bev lived not too far from us, and we visited her a lot or else she visited us of course.

He shook his head. "Nah…she said she was tired and I already talked with Alice; she's going there later on."

Alice has really been Bev's caregiver if you will. Since Edward and I worked a lot and had the kids to keep up with, Alice willingly went to check on Bev and make sure she had whatever groceries she needed and that she was comfortable on her bad days.

"Oh. Okay."

He pulled away and looked down at me with a smile. "So did you like your letter?"

"Nope. I hated it. I ripped it up and fed it to a street dog."

He laughed and kissed me on my forehead. "You bitch."

I laughed and pulled him down to me to kiss him. "I love you."

"I love you too, wifey." I reached up to kiss him and right before my lips met his…

"Daddy! Daddy your phone is winging!" Taryn screamed from her play room.

Edward pecked my lips quickly and went running for his phone. It could have been a very important call from work and Edward took his work very seriously. As he exited, Taryn reappeared with one of her play dresses on and a crown on her head.

"Mommy wook it I'm a pwincess." She said and spun around.

I sat down on the couch and looked at my little princess. It was actually a part of the reason I named her Taryn. There were many meanings for the name, and little princess was one of them so I couldn't pass it up. Edward got to name our son and I got to name our daughter.

"I can see that baby…are you going to go look for your prince?"

She shook her head sadly. "Nope. Daddy says all da pwinces are weally monsters."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh don't believe your father."

"It's true Mommy!" She said so assuredly. "He told me a stowy! His fwend was a pwincess and her pwince ate her!"

I laughed and decided to just let it go. I could never beat an Edward story and Taryn believed every word that came out of his mouth, so there was no changing her mind.

"Come here baby…Mommy missed you today." I said with my arms open for my little girl.

She fixed the crooked tiara on her head and skipped over to me. I pulled her up in my arms and she cuddled up close to me. We sat in silence and I could hear the sound of Edward talking on the phone with someone. I could just hear the hum of his voice, but that with me sitting on the couch just relaxing with my baby made me feel more relaxed than I had in a long time. The only thing missing was my little man sitting on my other side.

"Ughhh!" I heard someone grunt towards the door. Oh. There was Lukas. I heard the door slam and his feet stomp up the steps. _Fuck. _

I heard Edward stop the call quickly and he reappeared in the living room with that look in his eyes. That look in his eyes that held so much fear. I hated seeing him that way, but it always appeared whenever Lukas threw a fit. Ever since he was a little baby, Edward would panic whenever he showed any signs of IED.

"Was that…" He asked and swallowed loudly. _My poor Edward._

I nodded. "Yeah it was."

He ran a hand through his hair and nodded before rushing out of the room and to Lukas' room. I kissed Taryn's hair.

"Do you want to go start dinner with me, honey?"

"I don't know how to cook!"

I chuckled. "That's okay. You can still help."

"Okay!"

I guess I should have gone upstairs to check on my son, but I knew Edward would take care of it. Plus Lukas really didn't like it when a lot of people saw him upset because it made him really uncomfortable. Like father, like son. Edward didn't like when I said that. He was terrified every day that Lukas would one day be diagnosed with IED. He's completely convinced that it will go down every generation of males since his father had it and then he had it. I didn't think it was that cut and dry, but I couldn't blame Edward for worrying about it. I worried about it to, but I was more optimistic about things.

Even if we found out that Lukas had IED, we would deal with it. Edward's medication seems to be working—with a few bumps along the way—and I'm sure if we get Lukas started on some young, he will be okay. I would never wish it on my child and it sucked to think he would have to deal with something like that, but we would help him through it. He's a strong little boy and he had a strong support system.

And he had Edward. Edward understands the disease more than anyone, and I knew he would do what he could to help our little boy through it if something like that were to happen.

I hoped it never had to happen.

**EPOV**

"Luke, come on buddy let me come in."

"I don't feel like talking, Dad." He yelled from inside his room.

There was about an inch separating myself from the inside of that room and it felt like miles. I needed to get to my son. I hated when he got angry because I was afraid he would lose it. Taryn gets angry frequently, but I could just tell that she was throwing a normal three year old tantrum. It's different for Lukas.

It's always been different.

"You can talk to me. I want to know what has you so upset."

"Just leave me alone, Dad!"

I knew how he felt. I knew what it felt like to want to be alone when you are upset about something because you didn't want to lash out on someone you loved and you didn't want them to see you vulnerable. I knew that feeling. I hated that he was feeling it, and if I was considerate enough, I would have just left him alone, but I couldn't. I tried every single time, but I couldn't. I needed to make sure my boy was okay.

I opened the door slowly and saw him on his bed with his knees to his chest and his arms around his legs. He was a really skinny kid. I guess with a lanky dad like me and a skinny mother like Bella, it was only to be expected, but Bella and I were worried he was _too _skinny for a while. The doctors assured us he was fine though and said he just had a fast metabolism.

He looked up at me when he heard me coming in. "Dad! What are you doing!"

I held my hands up in surrender. I knew he had IED. I felt it inside of me. I knew it from the moment he was born. At first I thought I was just thinking the worst, but my boy has the disease that I had and I couldn't explain how that made me feel. Technically, I'm the reason he will have to go through therapy and have to take medication. He hasn't had an episode yet. Those don't start until later on in life, but I would be ready when it did happen. I would make sure the disease didn't bring him down like it did me at one point.

"I'm only trying to help, son. Please just talk to me."

He glared at me for a second and I could tell that he was internally making his decision. I knew he knew he could talk to me. He just didn't want to. I got that, but that wasn't good enough for me. I wanted to gauge his reactions to things.

"It's Hunter. He's mean." He finally said.

I sighed. "Is that kid still messing with you?"

Hunter was a kid on his soccer team that was obviously jealous of Lukas. I'm honestly not saying this only because he's my son, but Lukas is the best player on his team. I remember I used to make fun of Bella when she was pregnant with him and he would kick and she'd say he would be a soccer player. Everybody said that, but it was true with Lukas. He was amazing. He already had high schools…_HIGH SCHOOLS_…looking to get him into their schools. He's five years old. That's what happens when the kid is averaging three goals a game.

"He tripped me three times today and he called me a girl."

"And did you tell your coach?"

"Yeah and he got in trouble, but when I left he called me a baby. I'm not a baby, Dad."

I sighed and sat on the end of his bed. "I know you're not, bud. I've told you millions of times to not listen to what people say about you."

He groaned and pulled at his long brown hair. "I know that, Dad, but it still gets me mad! I'm not mean to him, so why does he have to be mean to me?"

I shrugged. "That's just the way kids are, buddy. But like I tell you all the time, don't worry about them, only worry about yourself and be different from them. Ever heard the expression, 'kill 'em with kindness?'" I asked him.

He snorted like Bella does to me all the time. "No. What does that mean?"

"That means just be nice to everyone, even the people who are mean to you because if they're being mean and you're being nice, they really don't have any reason to be mean to you, so them they start feeling even stupider and then they will leave you alone."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Okay…but do I have to use that with Taryn?"

I laughed. "I guess you should, but you probably won't, huh?"

He chuckled. "Probably not. Gotta keep our sibling rivalry alive."

I through my head back and laughed. Whenever Lukas and Taryn would fight and Bella would be freaking out, I would hold her back and told her to make sure the sibling rivalry would stay alive. Lukas must have caught up on that and I couldn't wait for Bella to hear him saying that.

"That's my boy." I said and got up from his bed. I kissed the top of his head and ruffled his hair. "Doesn't it feel better when you talk about it?" I asked him.

He sighed. "Yeah I guess."

"Well you know you can talk to me whenever you want to."

"But what if you're in the bathroom?"

I smiled. The kid was too much like me sometimes. "Then you can call my cell phone."

"What if you don't have it?"

"Then you can go get it, and then slip it under the door and then I'll answer it and be like 'what's up, Lukas.'"

He giggled. "And then I'd be like, 'this is so gross, Dad, since you are either doing a number one or a number two on the toilet.'"

"Yeah that is pretty weird. Do you think you could just wait until I'm done?"

He pursed his lips thoughtfully. I smiled because Bella said I did the same exact thing when I was thinking. I have been living with myself for a bunch of years and I never noticed it, but I guess Bella was right.

"Yeah I guess I could wait."

"Good. I'm glad we got that cleared up, buddy. High five for compromise." I said with my hand up for a high five.

He got up on his knees and slapped my hand with his. The high five for compromise was something Bella and I used with our kids. Sometimes the petty little arguments got old, so we taught them to compromise. It worked sometimes and sometimes it didn't work, but at least we tried and at least they learned what compromise was.

"What's for dinner?" He asked.

"Um not sure. Why don't you come downstairs and say hi to your mom and sister." He nodded and followed me down the stairs still with his soccer outfit on.

I followed him down there and made sure I didn't miss any calls from Alice or Alan. I'd been worrying about Alice a lot, but whenever I texted her and asked her how she was, she said she was fine.

I walked into the kitchen and watched as my two children hugged Bella around her neck and she was laughing at them. My family was fucking beautiful.

Bella pulled away and kissed the both of them. "Okay, okay, enough momma lovin. You little boy need to go shower before dinner and you little girl need to help me finish dinner."

"Oh but Mom, I don't want to shower right now. Can't I just shower later?" Lukas whined.

"No. I'm not going to sit at the table with you smelling all sweaty."

"I'm not all sweaty."

"Maybe not now, but you smell like it. You sweat like your father."

"Hey!" I said in offense. "I sweat very nicely, thank you very much."

"Yeah me too!" Lukas said.

Yeah us guys got to stick together and shit. I couldn't wait till he was older and I could swear in front of him and stuff and do more guy stuff.

Bella rolled her eyes and Taryn yelled out, "Sweating is icky!"

"You're icky!" Lukas yelled back to her.

"Shut your trap, Wukas!"

Bella put her hand on her head in exasperation. Taryn and Lukas fought a lot. And by a lot I mean they fought A LOT. It was really over stupid little things and mostly innocent, but it was enough to drive Bella and I crazy. It was only in the daytime though. It was the strangest thing. At night after they had their baths and what not, Lukas would always go to Taryn's room and give her a kiss and a hug goodnight and tucks her in tight. They are both extra sweet with each other once the day begins to die down, but not really the time before that.

"Alright, alright both of you shut your trap before I chop my ears off." They both started laughing at that. I had the sweetest children, really. "Lukas, go shower because no one wants to be smelling your body odor while we eat," He sighed and nodded his head. I looked to Taryn. I kind of forgot what Bella wanted her to do. "And Taryn you just sit there looking pretty."

She smiled cheekily. "Okay Daddy how am I doing?"

I chuckled. "Wonderfully, baby girl. You're the prettiest thing I've ever seen."

"You don't get out much do you, Dad?" Lukas asked with a hidden agenda. The kid was too much like me. I loved it.

Taryn gasped. "Go take a shower stinky head!"

Lukas was about to say something but Bella butted in. "Okay! Enough! Lukas go. Taryn, go play for a little while."

Lukas snickered and shook his head while jogging to go take his shower. Taryn moved the hair off of her forehead.

"I'm pwetty, right Mommy?"

Bella's face softened. "Of course you're pretty, sweetheart. Your brother is just kidding around." She kissed the top of our daughter's head. It was amazing seeing her with our children. She turned into a completely different Bella and I loved it. She had a space in her heart especially for them and she gave that part of her to them completely.

Taryn smiled proudly and skipped out of the room to go play. Bella sighed loudly and rested her head on the top of the counter. I walked over to her and rubbed her back.

"What's wrong, hermosa?"

She looked up at me. "Our kids are nuts." I laughed and accidently spit in her face a little bit. "Ew! Edward!" She said loudly while wiping her face.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to my chest. I placed my hands on her ass and squeezed tightly making her squeal. "First of all, our kids are crazy because we are crazy and therefore we have crazy and perfect little spawns." I ducked my head and brought my face closer to hers. She had her arms around my neck and if it weren't for the children scattered around the house, we probably wouldn't be talking at all at that moment. After being sick and bed ridden for months, I was left without my wife for way too long. It made me desire her even more and I was pretty much in the mood all the fucking time. She's pretty fucking hot so I couldn't really blame myself. "And second of all, we have swapped spit before, so are you saying it grosses you out now?"

She swallowed and answered in a squeaky voice. "No."

I smiled at her obvious restraint from jumping me. Her grip on my t-shirt and the quickening of her breath were a clear indication of that. I couldn't leave my baby hanging like that so I gave her what I could and bent down more to press my lips against hers. She moaned softly and tightened her grip on my shirt and pulled me closer. I slipped my tongue past her lips and…

"Daddy!"

I groaned and loosened my grip on Bella. I gave her a final kiss on her perfect lips and lifted my head with my arms holding Bella against my chest while she caught her breath.

"Yes my daughter that I love oh so much?" I said between clenched teeth and Bella laughed at my obvious frustration.

"I don't want to watch this show but I don't know numbers yet I'm too wittle!"

I sighed and kissed the top of Bella's head before letting her go. "I'll be back. Got to use my number expertise."

"Tonight?" She asked hopefully.

"Absolutely, Mrs. Cullen." I said with a wink. She hated when I did that. She said it looked dorky, but I think secretly it just drove her crazy. "Now cook my food for me woman." I said teasingly as I left the room.

"You're lucky our kids are in ear-shot, Mr. Cullen!"

I chuckled because I knew she would let me have it later. She wasn't one to let things like that slide. I smiled looking at my daughter studying the remote. She looked frustrated and she was wearing a little tiara on her head. Bella and I made some pretty cute kids.

"Daddy this remote is so meaaannn!"

They were a bit crazy, but they were perfect.

* * *

"It's getting late, Bella." I whispered to her.

We were both outside of Taryn's door waiting for her and Lukas to finish talking and conclude their nightly ritual. They were actually really quiet which was strange for them, but they got really pissed off if Bella and I interrupted them.

"I know, but I don't want to mess up their bonding time!"

I thought about it a moment. Could I deal with this today? Yeah, why not.

"I'll deal with it." I said and opened the door.

I let out a breath when I saw them both sleeping. Taryn was curled up to Lukas' side and he had a protective arm around her. This was a rarity. I debated on if I should move them or not but that internal battle lasted all of two seconds. Who the hell would break up something as beautiful as that? I couldn't help but look at them and feel proud that I took part in their existence.

"Aww, Edward." Bella hugged my arm. "Look at our babies."

"Yeah I guess they're pretty fucking cute."

If I wasn't going to fucking explode if I didn't have sex with my wife as soon as possible, I would have just stayed in the room and watched them. I did that a lot with Alice. If there was a day when she was especially crazy, I would just watch her while she slept and that would make me forget about the stress she caused me. Kids just always looked so peaceful and completely perfect while they were sleeping. So innocent and just good. I didn't mind getting all sentimental about my kids. It was what was right. Their existence was magical in itself.

"You know what else I think is cute?"

I smirked and looked over to her. "What is that, wifey?"

"Meet me in our bedroom and I'll tell you just what I mean."

I laughed. "Alright, I'll meet you there. Let me just turn the lights off for them."

"Okay." She kissed my arm and walked over to our room down the hall.

I turned the lights off and kissed them both one more time before leaving the room with the door cracked open just a little bit. Taryn was still too short to reach the door knobs and if she had to go to the bathroom at night, it was easier for her.

I was halfway down the hall—or halfway to heaven if you wanted to get technical—before my cell phone rang. If it was work, I would have just ignored it, but I'd be damned if I ignored a call from Alice.

"Hello?"

I heard her sigh in relief. _"Ecy."_

Her nickname for me never wore off. She said she would stop calling me Ecy once she turned thirteen but it barely lasted a day. I loved it. She was the only one who called me that name and it made me feel special to her world.

"What's up, kid?"

She cleared her throat_. "Nothing uh…what are you doing?" _

I didn't like the tone of her voice. "Nothing. Bella and I just got the kids to bed."

"_Shit, I forgot to call them today."_

Alice loved my kids. She brought them out to do fun things and they slept over her house frequently. Not so much lately since circumstances in Alice's life have left her a little distant. She still called me every single day though…sometimes multiple times a day. I remember once she didn't call me and I drove to her house at midnight just to check on her. My need to protect Alice is something that never went away and never will.

"It's okay; don't beat yourself up over it. They'll live. They were distracted by making fun of each other at every opportunity."

They had actually asked about Alice during the day, but I wouldn't tell her that. It would only make her feel worse.

"_I'll bring them out for ice cream tomorrow." _

I snorted. "And who would benefit more from that?"

She laughed softly. Still not completely back to the old Alice, but she was getting there. _"We'd all appreciate it, I'm sure." _

I laughed and leaned against the wall of the hallway. I heard our door open and Bella was at the door with a robe around her. She saw me on the phone and looked at me with a questioning expression on her face. I mouthed, 'Alice,' to her and she nodded sympathetically.

"Are you okay, kid?" I asked finally. She was being particularly quiet.

She sighed. _"Yeah…well no. I just wanted to know you're there." _

"I'm always here, Alice. You know that."

She was silent again and I could hear her quicker breaths. She was going to cry_. _

"_I hate to do this, but can you come over?" _

"I'll be there in ten minutes." I said without hesitation.

If I didn't think that Bella wouldn't understand completely, I would have tried to calm her down over the phone, but Alice had been fragile and Bella knew that. She would have been pissed off at me if I would have said no for whatever reason.

I hung up with Alice and went to our bedroom to find Bella fully clothed in her pajamas curled up on the bed watching TV. She didn't move from her spot when I walked in and gave me a small smile when I walked in silently letting me know that she wasn't mad. She knew I was going to leave.

"I got to go. She needs me."

She nodded. "Okay, baby. Take care of her and hurry back to me."

I smiled and walked over to her kissing her forehead. "Always." I kissed her on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby." She said sweetly and turned around in bed and sighed.

She worked hard. She must be exhausted. As I walked out of the house and headed to Alice's house, I wondered if Bella knew how much I appreciated her. I mean I told her I loved her every day, but appreciation was something separate I guess.

It didn't take long for me to get to Alice's house at all. She moved into her own apartment close to both Emmett and I. She wasn't planning on living alone, but things changed. Life happened…actually death did.

I jogged up the steps to her apartment and knocked on the door. She didn't answer, but the door was already unlocked so I just walked right in.

Her apartment was dark. I sighed and walked throughout to find her, but I already knew where she was. I went to the second door on the right once I walked through her apartment, and she was there. She was sitting in a rocking chair in her pajamas. Her long and dark brown hair was pulled up in a bun on the top of her head. Her beautiful face was hiding from me because she had it resting on her knees that she had pulled to her chest. My little Alice was all grown up and it was hard to accept at times, but she had been through so much and grew so much in the last year or so.

I knocked my knuckles on the door gently to get her attention and she looked up with dry tear marks on her face. It was always terrible seeing her so broken. It wasn't all the time lately. She has been getting better but she says the nights are the worst. I couldn't even think about her pain. I couldn't imagine how much it would hurt. If I were her, I would have probably already been dead.

She's so much stronger than me and yet she leaned on me to hold her up. I would do it willingly.

She dropped her legs down so her bare feet were on the floor and she had her arms crossed in front of her. "Hi, Ecy."

"Hey, kid." I walked into the room and placed my hand on her shoulder and rubbed.

She closed her eyes and sighed. She was tired. I could tell. Alice was still an early bird after all these years. It was just a little after 8:30, and I knew she was sleepy…especially since she had a hard time sleeping through the night.

She grabbed onto my hand. "Thanks for coming. I always feel like such a ba…sissy."

I shook my head and squatted down beside her. "Don't ever feel like that. You know I'm here. Whenever you call, I'll come running."

"Or driving…" She said with a small smile on her face.

I chuckled. "Yeah that too. Or I may take my spaceship."

She smiled and nodded her head. "Yeah. That thing rides nice."

I squeezed her hand with a small smile on my face. I liked seeing her smiling and joking again. I knew she would go back to her old self…it would just take a while. Losing a child doesn't weigh lightly on the heart and soul.

"Where's Jasper?" I asked.

That name brought another smile upon her face. I couldn't deny the fact that the guy made my sister happy as much as I tried. He was there for her after everything and he was a reason why she was functioning.

"He will be gone the rest of the week. He has a conference in New York."

Jasper was an architect that worked for his own architectural business. He was doing well in his life…_just gave me another reason to have to accept the guy. _

"What do you need me to do?" I asked.

"I don't know. I just didn't like being alone. I just miss her a lot." She said with her eyes on me and a crack in her voice.

I got up and lifted her out of the rocking chair. She wrapped her arms around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder while I held her and brought her into her room just next door. She didn't need to be talking about it in that room.

The room where her daughter would have been.

It really wasn't something I liked talking about. Alice ended up being someone that Alice just wasn't. My worst fears came true and Alice began to question about our parents. She began to feel alone no matter how much our whole family tried to prove her wrong. This all happened when she was sixteen and it was a long couple of years making sure Alice was staying out of trouble.

But then she got pregnant. My little sister got pregnant when she was eighteen years old.

I am not going to lie and say I was fine with it because I was far from that. I was furious. I was livid and for the first time in my whole entire life, I was disappointed in her.

I didn't speak to her for over two weeks after she told me. I just couldn't believe that she would really get pregnant by some random guy. And it was a random guy. He didn't want anything to do with the baby of course. He was young and stupid and in a haze of alcohol and drugs. I even knew at the time me giving Alice the cold shoulder was hurting her, but I did it anyway. I just couldn't bring myself to accept the fact that Alice really got pregnant so young and that she probably wouldn't be able to go to college. It just wasn't right to me.

Alice was alone and it wasn't until I finally realized I was being a douche bag that I also realized Alice had changed…for the better.

She was back to her old self after she got pregnant, and she was excited for motherhood. She knew she was young and she knew it wasn't the best of circumstances, but she did the best with what she had, and at that point, she had a baby and a life to put back together.

Emmett, I and the rest of our family were happy to see her that way. Alice and I had our own little tiffs in between, but she and I both knew I could never really ever leave her or stop supporting her.

Somewhere in between it all, she started getting involved with Jasper. They were friends ever since they met each other, but never really close and never really romantically according to her. My respect for Jasper grew when I saw how much he adored her and how he was more than willing to help her out with the baby. There weren't many guys out there who would do such a thing, and I could tell that he was genuine…if he wasn't, I would have done something about it.

Everything went back to normal eventually besides the fact that Alice was pregnant. I accepted it eventually and I actually got excited for her. My kids were excited to have a new cousin (it was a girl) and everything was great until it went completely wrong.

Alice lost the baby. When she was seven months pregnant, she suffered a placental abruption, and the baby died before it was born. It wasn't a time I really liked thinking about or even speaking about. I was there when it happened. Jasper was out on a business trip, Emmett and Rose went on vacation with their kids before they left for college, Bev was in Florida with her family, and Bella was working. It was just me there and I had to be the one to tell her when she woke up from surgery. It was the worst moment of my life seeing her like that. She hit me and punched me and told me I was lying. The doctors had to sedate her.

I also held the baby. Actually, her name was Edith. Edith Rose Cullen and she was a beautiful, tiny baby. I held her and I told her that she was loved immensely and she had to keep an eye on her mother. I gave her three kisses on her forehead; one from Alice, one from me, and one for all of her family that loved her. And I did love her…a lot.

But again it isn't something I like to think about. That baby is a little angel and as much as it killed me knowing that little girl didn't get to experience life, I knew she would be waiting for her beautiful mother when the time came.

The hardest part has been helping Alice bounce back.

I really couldn't blame her. I had children and I had Alice; and the thought of losing any of them is enough to make me mad, never mind it actually happening. It was difficult making her realize that she can still live a life even though she wasn't in it, but she was slowly getting there.

I placed her on her bed and she just sat there wiping her eyes. I went over to her closet and took out a sweater and some shoes. I got up to the bed beside her and placed them on the bed. She looked over at them.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"We are having a sleepover!" I said in a giddy voice while clapping my hands together. She chuckled and covered her face in second hand embarrassment.

"Ecy, you really don't have to do that."

I held up two shirts. "Which one do you want to wear tomorrow?" I asked.

She smiled. "The red one."

She picked the brighter color. That could be interpreted as a good sign, right? Maybe I was just hoping it was, but I decided to go on that.

"Okay and it will be fun. I'll go get you some ice cream and we can watch TV or something. We haven't hung out in a while don't you think?"

She rolled her eyes. "I was over your house all day just two days ago."

I stuffed her clothes in a bag. "That's a whole forty-eight fucking hours. That's a long time."

She laughed. "Okay, Ecy. If you say so."

She picked up her sneakers and started to put them on her sock clad feet. I stuffed a bunch of random shit in her bag because I didn't know what she was going to need, but she had enough at my house anyway. She even had her own room. It was technically a guest room, but she was the most important guest.

"You know what I was thinking about today?" She asked.

I sat down on the bed beside her. "What?"

"I wondered if she would like ice cream as much as I did."

She didn't sound sad really. I mean there was always a hint of sadness when she talked of her, but she was a strong girl. She knew she had a life that she had to live for herself and for little Edith.

"I really think there is no doubt about it, kid. I think the better question would be who would have eaten more in one sitting."

She chuckled. "True."

I thought it was great that she was able to talk about the baby. She was progressing. She was past the point of blaming herself, so now she was just working to build her life back up. She was in college taking classes, but hasn't decided what she would major in. She was working with one of Rose's aunts at a grocery store and she was doing great.

"Come on. Let's get there before Bella falls asleep so she can join us."

"Okay." She said.

She got up from the bed and followed me out of the house after grabbing her phone from the table. I got into my shitty car and drove off. Poor Sacajawea recently shitted the bed and I had to get rid of her. I was not happy about it at all, but I had to learn to let go.

"You know what else I was thinking?" She said when we were halfway there.

"What?"

"Oh never mind." She said with a sigh.

"I will stick my head out the window and yell 'I'm a pretty princess' if you don't tell me. Now would you really want that embarrassment?" I was a master at blackmail, what can I say.

She laughed and covered her face. I guess she took my threat as more of a joke rather than an actually threat though because she just started cracking up laughing.

"I would pay lots of money to see that, Ecy."

"Just fucking tell me already, kid."

I pulled up to the front of my house and saw the light on in our room. I smiled thinking that Bella was still awake and I'd get to spend some quiet time with her and Alice. Life got so busy sometimes I don't get the opportunity to just sit back and admire all the good I have in my life. I felt life was zipping by and taking me along with it with no recollection of what goes on. I have a good life…a great life even.

I turned the car off and looked over at her, waiting.

She shook her head. "I know you don't like the sappy conversations though."

"I do today. Just tell me. If it's bothering you, I want you to tell me."

"It's not bothering me…maybe it is, I don't know."

"You know, these cryptic statements are hard to decipher. I'm not that smart."

She chuckled and shook her head. "You're the smartest person I know." She said seriously.

The intensity in her voice cautioned me to stop joking around and just hear what she had to say. I didn't know what it was, and it kind of scared me, but I didn't want her holding things from me. I was the last person she should have to do that too.

"Thank you." I said. I wanted to say something along the lines of she didn't get out much, but I couldn't find it in me to do it. Me cracking jokes would only defer her from saying anything.

"I guess that's what I'm trying to say…thank you." She looked over to me and shook her head. "No, I really want to say sorry…or both. I don't know, Ecy."

"You don't have to say anything…"

"No. I do." She said persistently and turned in the seat so she was facing me completely. She had her head down so I couldn't see what she was feeling, but when she finally looked up at me and I saw the tears in her eyes, I got worried. "I was so stupid. So, so stupid." She said finally and wiped her eyes.

"Alice," I grabbed onto her hand. "You are anything but stupid."

"I'm just so sorry for putting you through so much shit, Ecy. You've done everything for me and I treated you like shit and even after all of that, you are still here."

_Oh_. I knew what this was about. Alice and I hadn't really talked about her rebellious phase a lot. I didn't bring it up because I was scared she would just resent me and I guess she was embarrassed, plus with everything going on…

"You know, after I told you I was pregnant, and you didn't want to speak to me, I was kind of happy you did that." I tilted my head to the side in confusion. "I wasn't happy that you were upset with me necessarily, but I deserved that. I deserved your disappointment, because I know it wasn't just because I got pregnant so young and irresponsibly…it was a build up."

I nodded. "Yeah I guess it was." I said lowly. If Alice came to tell me she was pregnant when she had all her grades up and wasn't getting into trouble in school, I may have been a bit more understanding, but who knows. "That's in the past though."

"I know that. I'm just sorry. I'm sorry for the things I've said to you, I'm sorry for trying to look for them, I'm sorry for anything I did that made you ashamed of me or…"

"Whoa." I said interrupting her. "I was never once for a little tiny second ashamed of you, Alice. I am so proud of you, you have no idea." More tears fell from her eyes and she let go of my hand to wipe the tears from her face. "I know the kind of person you are, and I knew you were going through a tough time, but you're still my Alice. Nothing you could do would change that."

My words only made her cry more and she was breaking my heart quite literally.

"I don't want them, Ecy. I don't care what our parents did because I don't care about them, especially now. I mean after I lost Edith…I…I have never known a worse pain. They had their kids right in front of them and they just didn't care enough to do something! Why would I want to associate myself with those people?" It was nice to hear that she finally realized how terrible our parents were, but I hated the pain in her voice and the tears rolling down her cheeks. "You are the one person who kept me fighting, Ecy."

"What do you mean?"

She sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes with a new determination on her face. There was the Alice that I knew. She looked me straight in the eyes.

"I can't explain to you the things that went through my head when I lost my baby, Ecy. I really can't, but I can tell you some self destructing things have passed through my mind, but before I could even get too into it, I would think of you." She grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. "You fought for me when no one else did. You fought for me ever since I was born. I couldn't let you down and let this destroy me, because that would also mean destroying you."

I nodded and held let out the breath I was holding. I was going to cry I just knew it. It was moments when I realized I did something right with my life and for Alice's life that completely demolished any emotional barrier I had within me.

"I do it because I love you."

She smiled. "I know you do. I love you too, Ecy."

I reached forward and pulled her into a hug. It wasn't the best hug since it was over the middle console, but I felt her arms tighten around me and mine tightened around her.

"I just want to say thank you for saving my life." I held her and kissed the side of her head. A sob overtook her. "I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for you."

"Same here, kid."

Life wasn't some random thing. Everything happens for a reason and that was the truth and I would fight anyone who said otherwise.

There is a reason Alice came into my life when she did. She saved my life. There's a reason why Bev was in that shitty apartment when I moved there; she was meant to help us. There was a reason why I met Bella when I did because she made me realize what true love was and she changed me for the better. There was a reason my uncle was in jail (and still is in jail) he had to realize his wrong ways. There was a reason Alan got lung cancer; he met the love of his life while in chemotherapy and they were both in remission and completely happy. There's a reason my son was born with IED; he has me to help him through it. There's a reason why my daughter was born so early; she taught us what a fighter she is. There's a reason Alice lost baby Edith; she realizes what's really important in life and it led her into the loving arms of Jasper.

Life was full of shit, but that shit means something so don't just wipe away the shit of life.

I made that up one day and Bella questioned my sanity, but oh well. It was true.

Sometimes you just had to sit back and look around. Sometimes it would take something tragic to make you embrace the beautiful. I would say just live life to the fullest and hug your family. Hug your children especially because you are their hero.

Oh fuck there I go again getting all sappy and shit. I really needed to stop doing that before I force my wife into a sudden same sex marriage. I didn't feel like being a woman.

I like big trucks…I like sports…I like beer…I like woman…I'm manly…I'm a husband…I'm a father.

_There…that's better._

* * *

**And that's all folks. Thanks all for sticking with me through this story. I know there were many times some of you may have wanted to kill me or at least just strangle me a bit, but I sincerely hope you felt it was worth it in the end. Special thanks of course to Alexa because without her the story wouldn't be what it was. **

**There will be a future-take of Alice in the future, so look out for that. **

**I will be posting my new story (Fickle Beings) this Wednesday, so if you are interested, I will see you there, if not, this is the end. I hope you all enjoyed the story. I know I enjoyed writing it for you all. Thank you. **

**-Monica**


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